Notts Goss with Jenny Joss I’m not one for wicked whispers, but I’m starting to fret that if I don’t serve you up a slice of the action, you’ll all be starving for scandal. While other local publications are busy scouring Aldi’s middle aisles for kitchen equipment they deem ‘newsworthy’, or creating ghastly graphics encouraging you to post a picture of your pooch, some of us have been out searching for the real scoop. As temperatures in our town soared higher than a Caribbean island, it became clear to this darling that you scoundrels are determined to rebel against government guidelines, no matter the consequence. If the sight of a packed out Clumber Street wasn’t enough to permanently curl my upper lip in disgust, some of you went as far as turning a road in Radford into a rave, with over 100 revellers and a DJ to provide entertainment. The audacity of these urchins seems as crazy to me as the group of fathers spotted floating down the River Trent on a giant inflatable flamingo – remember the importance of setting a good example, fellas. If you can’t tell, I for one think it’s safer to lounge around in our boudoir for the time
Nottingham’s most opinionated grocers on...
Football is back We’re not bothered about the Premier League at all. All we want to see is Notts County get promoted back into the Football League, and it looks like that could happen – they just need to win two games. We did watch England’s Euro ‘96 game against Scotland when they replayed it on TV though. Gazza’s goal in that match is probably our favourite ever.
being, and according to intel from a certain city-centre store, there’s still a portion of you who agree. Barry Maltby, owner of The Private Store on Upper Parliament Street has reported a huge boom in sales since lockdown, claiming the shop’s been busier in recent months than it was after the release of Fifty Shades of Grey. Offft. These cheeks do blush.
Pubs are back We’re not planning to rush back just yet – we’ll probably wait for a month or so. We ordered ten cases of Adnams Best Bitter and a case of gin during lockdown and we’re still getting through those. We’ve also had a couple of those mini kegs from local breweries, which are very nice, but we always make a mess of opening them. We’ve got some from Shipstones for sale in the shop, too.
My little dickie bird has been working in overdrive for me this month, and brought back some information so exciting that it caused this lovely lady to spill her hot chocolate all over the carpet. The glorious film director, Jeanie Finlay, perhaps shared a hint towards her upcoming project, claiming to have laid eyes on footage of a local man having to be cut from a children’s swing after indulging in a few too many tipples. Please, television gods, let this grace our boxes soon.
Holidays are back We’re planning our annual retreat to Southwold on August Bank Holiday weekend. It’s paradise. There’s nothing to do but enjoy the sandy beach, the pier and the pubs. We stay in the same trying-to-be-trendy hotel each year and try to do as little as possible. It’s very relaxing.
Anyways, this girl needs to get on the phone with Mr Muscle pronto after that last titbit. Remember lovers – keep your lips loose, your ears to the ground and your eyes on the goss.
JJ x
illustration: Carmel Ward
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