IMPACTING LIVES ● DEVELOPING LEADERS
Session 2: Integrity: Character Dimension 1‐ “Establishing Trust”
SESSION 2 OBJECTIVES: • To understand the three essential elements of establishing trust: through connection, extending favor, and vulnerability. (THINK it) • To think critically about and discuss the fundamentals of establishing trust as described by chapters 4-6 of “Integrity”, by Dr. Henry Cloud. (MEAN it ) • To adjust behaviors and attitudes as they relate to the development of trust in our leadership abilities. (SHOW it) WHAT and SO WHAT?
Chapter 4: “Building Trust Through Connection” Key Ideas: o More than caring: being nice is not enough. “In the end trust is about the heart, and someone making an investment in you from his or her heart. And if you gain people’s trust, their heart, then you also have their desire and passion.” o Some leaders only get compliance, but can’t capture their people’s best efforts. Good leaders capture other people’s will, their true desire, through connecting with them first.
For discussion: Consider the account of the leader merging two health-care industry companies described in chapter 4: what did you see as the major flaw(s) involved with this leader’s approach to the two management teams? What would you have done differently and why? o
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Connection-Builder EMPATHY: The ability to enter into another person’s experience and connect with it in such a way that you actually experience to some degree what that other person is experiencing. The other person understands that YOU understand. Connection and Trust Killer INVALIDATION: This occurs when a person’s experience is all that exists for him or her. They then move to negate the other person’s experience, treating it as somehow not real or non-existent.
For discussion: When have you experienced either a connection building experience or its opposite, a connection killing experience? What elements at play in either situation would you want to emulate or avoid? How does this relate to your current management experience and responsibilities? o
The Cost of Not Having a Connecting Character “The human heart will seek to be known, understood, and connected with above all else. If you do not connect, the ones you care about will find someone who will.”
For discussion: Consider the example given about Michael Dell and Kevin Rollins, CEO and President respectively of Dell Computers: what do you think about how they reacted to an internal surveying of their employee’s perception of them? What does this mean to you personally as a leader?
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IMPACTING LIVES ● DEVELOPING LEADERS
Chapter 5: “Building Trust through Extending Favor” Key Ideas: o To trust means to be “careless”. It’s the kind of trust that looks out for your interests, as well as his or her own. In other words, you are not in it alone. o No representation existed on the other side, and yet their interests were still looked out for by the other party, not by themselves. o Incredible things happen when two parties “let down their guard” with each other. They get open, creative, take risks, learn from each other, and deliver in whatever their endeavor to a much more leveraged degree than if they were in the protected mode.
For discussion: As you consider the relationship described in the beginning of chapter 5 between the leader and his employees, what challenges you the most? What do you think about this concept of being “careless” with someone? What barriers do you see preventing this level of trust in your team relationships? o
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A Leader of “Grace”: If you want to leave the best wake possible, leave behind a trail of people who have experienced your being “for them”. Leaders of grace leave others better off than how they found them, even when they were getting nothing in return. Leaders without grace set the demand and do nothing to help people meet it. Integrity, the kind that meets the demands of reality, is character that can handle another person’s not being all someone needs that person to be. When troublesome realities come along, his or her character is able to meet those demands and be a redemptive force.
For discussion: What are the barriers to graceful leadership? What do you consider the “pitfalls” to leading this way? How do you avoid those pitfalls? What does it mean to have someone’s best interest in mind?
Chapter 6: “Building Trust through Vulnerability” Key Ideas: o Not enough power, and we can’t entrust things of value to the person. Too much power, and we can’t feel that they could ever understand or relate to our own vulnerability. o Research shows that leaders who are followed, which ultimately means trusted, are leaders who have the following characteristics: They possess strength. They possess “likeness” to the ones following them. They are warm vs. cold and aloof. They are imperfect and coping leaders, as opposed to perfect ones. o A powerful aspect of vulnerability that builds trust is the expression of need. When people feel needed, they perform at levels past the ones that come out of other requirements.
For discussion: Vulnerability is a tricky thing for a leader. What do you think about this perspective of achieving trust through your ability to be appropriately transparent? Do you agree or disagree? Why?
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IMPACTING LIVES ● DEVELOPING LEADERS
NOW WHAT: Take a moment to write down any “a-ha” moments you have had from this discussion. _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________
For next session: Read chapters 7-8: Character Dimension Two: Oriented Toward Truth
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