Parent Magazine St Johns - December 2021 by Graphic Design by Leslie

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THE HOLIDAY ISSUE

DECEMBER 2021

EIGHT THINGS MINDFUL PARENTS DO DIFFERENTLY HOW TO MAKE HOLIDAYS BETTER FOR KIDS

HOLIDAY 911 FOR PARENTS: REKINDLE YOUR SPIRIT IN TEN MINUTES FLAT

18 BUDGET-FRIENDLY HOLIDAY TRADITIONS This issue of

is provided courtesy of

Wolfson Children’s Hospital has one vision: HOPE

Wolfson Children’s Hospital in Jacksonville provides care to all children, regardless of their

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ability to pay. As a not-for-profit organization ranked among the top children’s hospitals in the nation, we can provide life-saving care to children because of the generosity of people like you. Give now at HopeStartsHere.com or call 904.202.2919.

Opening in early 2022, our new Children’s Critical Care Tower — home to higher-capacity, state-of-the-art Neonatal and Pediatric Intensive Care Units — will provide hope for our region’s most critically ill infants and children. Help us make sure that hope will always start here at Wolfson Children’s Hospital. ©2021 Baptist Health

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D E C E M B E R 2 0 21

CONTENT features

8 in each issue

HOLIDAY 911 FOR PARENTS: REKINDLE YOUR SPIRIT IN TEN MINUTES FLAT

AROUND THE WORLD, A HOLIDAY TOUR

GREAT FINDS FOR CHRISTMAS AT LOCAL BUSINESSES

LIGHT UP YOUR LIFE: CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS AT A LIGHT DISPLAY

FROM THE EDITOR

ST JOHNS COUNTY SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT’S LETTER

HOW TO MAKE HOLIDAYS BETTER FOR KIDS

SEVEN EXPERIENCE GIFTS TO GIVE KIDS THIS SEASON

BOOK NOOK

HEALTH CORNER

EIGHT THINGS MINDFUL PARENTS DO DIFFERENTLY

20 26

TRY A LITTLE GENTLENESS

18 BUDGET-FRIENDLY HOLIDAY TRADITIONS

“

As parents we should check in with ourselves over what our own expectations are and not extend them to our kids” Page 6 2

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THE FAMILY GATHERING: A SURVIVAL GUIDE

FROM THE EDITOR

he Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

We all know that song, and I feel it every year about this time - the excitement of seeing family and friends, feeling the joy of the season and preparing for a new year, a fresh start. Last year many of us celebrated in a smaller setting than usual, and now that things have opened up, we have the opportunity to see and spend time with more loved ones. We are looking forward to that. But, as we go back to normal, don’t be in a hurry to shed off the simplicity of what we did last year. It was nice to let our expectations be tempered and, as parents, do a little less of what was expected and a little more of what was truly important to our families. I hope looking forward, you keep only the best traditions that allow you peace during this season. We have assembled some great articles for you to continue to keep this in mind. Articles to help you keep your children calm and in control at family gatherings, alternative gifts that stray from the catalogs we all receive, a compilation of area holiday events and light displays and more. Don’t forget to take a look at our book nook for suggestions on what to curl up and read with your children. They are never too old to sit and read with you. As we close 2021 and look toward 2022, we wish you peace, love and prosperity.

PUBLISHER Howard M. Holley Sr. EDITOR Dr. Barbara C. Holley MANAGING EDITOR Jeanne Coates ART DIRECTOR Leslie Proctor SALES AND MARKETING DIRECTOR Jeanne Coates EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Susan Conner • Parent Danielle Taylor • St Johns School District Christina Langston • St. Johns School District Vikki Mioduszewski • Wolfson Children’s Hospital INTERESTED IN ADVERTISING? If you would like to advertise in Parent Magazine, please call 386.449.8353 or email us at jeanne@touchpointis.com IDEAS FOR ARTICLES? Send your article ideas or provide feedback to barbara@touchpointis.com

PO Box 350682 Palm Coast, FL 32135

DR. BARBARA C. HOLLEY EDITOR, PARENT MAGAZINES

Parent Magazine is published by TouchPoint Innovative Solutions.

@ ParentMagazinesFlorida

All rights reserved. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without the express written consent of the publisher. TouchPoint Innovative Solutions assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. © 2021 TouchPoint Innovative Solutions. All rights reserved. Information contained in these materials are neither sponsored or endorsed by the School Board of St. Johns County, its agents or its employees.

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St. Johns County School District

n behalf of the St. Johns County School District School Board and staff, I want to wish you all a wonderful and joyful holiday season. This is an inspiring time of year in our schools with students, teachers and staff putting in every effort to finish the semester strong while eagerly anticipating a well-deserved break. I am filled with hope as we approach the holidays and start off the new year leaving behind some of the most challenging times in recent history. I encourage all of you to take this winter break to rest, relax, enjoy time spent with loved ones and renew your spirit. May you be able to unplug, engage in healthy activities and rejoice in the warmth and happiness of the holiday season.

As I visit schools this time of the year, I am witness to the spirit of giving across the district. Our schools have continued to provide opportunities to teach the importance of citizenship and helping others in need. I am always humbled by the compassion and empathy our students have toward others. Our faculty, staff and families have worked so hard to stir a passion of generosity among the next generation and it is evident in the activities taking place in our schools. Over the last month, I have seen schools collaborating with one another through toy and clothing drives, supporting local pet shelters, giving to children’s hospitals, donating to local food pantries and taking time to plan ways to give back to some of our most disadvantaged students and families. I am grateful to our community partners and faith-based organizations that support the school district throughout the season. Each year, Somebody Cares St. Augustine collects and distributes winter coats for students through a program called “Coats 4 Kids.” Hugs St. Johns partnered with our schools to serve over 1,000 students with “No Hungry Holiday” bags. St. Johns CARES giving tree collected and donated over $15,000 in wish list items last year for students and community members with needs that were vast and varied. Our ASSIST program has more than 650 homeless students identified to date and is currently working with the St. Johns Fire Rescue Department and the “Firefighters for Families” program which collects and distributes toys, clothing, sports equipment, etc. to local families. Many schools have clubs and community organizations that are supporting families directly. If you have interest in supporting a family during the holidays with gifts, food or other items, please contact our student services department at (904) 547-7797. May the blessings of the season fill you and your loved ones with joy during this special season. I continue to be humbled and honored to serve as your superintendent and look forward to continuing our learning and achievement in the new semester.

Tim Forson Superintendent of Schools

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Holiday 911 for Parents:

Rekindle Your Spirit in Ten Minutes Flat By Christina Katz

ere come the holidays barreling down the calendar track. Are you frozen like a snowman in the headlights? Or are you frantic, checking an endless litany of musts off your overloaded holiday to-do list each day? Even if you feel great about the approaching holidays and are mostly on top of all of the extra tasks that come with them, you can still hit your limit now and then. Once your holly-jollies start running on fumes, these steps will remind you how to hit the reset button so you can make a quick comeback.

Stop it. The frenetic pace is undeniable at this time of year—planning, shopping, parties, travel. However, all 6 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

day, every day, you get to choose whether to act, react, respond or detach. If you are often not feeling like you can invoke your power of choice, and if you find yourself reacting to situations you would prefer to detach from, then maybe you need a break. You’ll know you need a break if you feel consistently grumpy and stressed out. When this happens, take 10 minutes to re-evaluate your day. No matter how much you still have to do, anyone can spare a few minutes.

Drop it. You may be attempting to accomplish too much most days because of holiday pressure coming from inside and out. But your holidays are more likely to be imperfect rather than perfect. Ironically, the more we try to jam into our waking hours, the less we feel like we are in the flow.

If we are pushing all day, using will to power through a series of tasks, it may feel as though each task grows larger and more daunting than the last. The key is to stop pushing. Striving is tiring and constant striving turns quickly into exhaustion. So drop the willpower and try to relax yourself back into a more natural flow of tasks instead.

Sit down. Find a chair or sit on the floor against a wall. Breathe in and breathe out. Just sit for a few moments, relax, and do nothing except breathe. What you are doing is using breath to slow down time. Of course, you can’t really control the clock, but you can change how time feels to you by getting back in touch with your senses. Breathing slowly and deeply is a shortcut back to sanity when you feel stressed. If something of tragic proportions happens, like forgetting to put the turkey out to thaw or neglecting to mail a package early enough to arrive on time, just keep breathing. When you panic and start berating yourself, it’s game-over for your holiday spirit. So, when inevitable stresses strike and mistakes happen: simply sit, breathe and take a few moments to collect yourself.

Tune in. Once you can maintain a feeling of calm, pay attention to what is going on inside you. There may be a swirl of Black Friday competitive shopping going on all around you, but you can transcend any amount of external static by getting a grip on what’s happening within. What you are looking for is your inner compass. Some folks call their intuition the still, small voice and others may rely on their inner Jiminy Cricket. Some people have a spiritual attitude towards their intuition, whereas others may prefer a more religious approach. It really doesn’t matter what you call your intuition, as long as you can tune in to it. Practice staying tuned in whether in calm or busy environments. If you can stay tuned in and trust your gut no matter what else is going on, you’ll be the happiest person around.

Appreciate something. Now that you are calm, cool and collected, take a moment to appreciate one thing. Consider something simple: notice a pretty wreath or feel the magic of watching falling snow or the warmth of your coat on a brisk day. Once you get a grip on one thing you can enjoy thinking about, why not go ahead and think about it as long as you appreciatively can. When you feel done, move on to the next natural thing to appreciate. You may feel grateful for something right in front of you or for something more abstract.

Whatever you genuinely feel positive about counts. Take a couple of moments to appreciate little things until you feel a smile spread across your face.

Let go. No doubt, once you stop thinking about good things, a few stressful things that have been lined up waiting for your attention will pop into your mind and start jumping up and down and waving their arms. But here’s the thing. You just got yourself into a pretty good place. Do you really want to go back to square one all over again? I’m sure you don’t. And don’t feel badly about wanting to milk feeling good as long as possible. It’s good for you. So keep it up. Don’t revert right back into a stress monster. If nagging worry keeps dogging you, just acknowledge the concern and gently wave it to the side as though clearing a butterfly from your path.

Act thoughtfully. Ease back into your day, moving forward mindfully. Drop the list for now. What is the single next most important thing to do next? Intersperse actions with self-care. Do a task then put on some cheerful tunes. Do another then light a wood wick candle. Do another then put the water on for tea. Take short breaks after completing a series of tasks. Have small snacks throughout the day so you don’t overeat at mealtime. Maybe put your list away for a little while. Later, pull your list back out and check a few more things off of it. But don’t become a slave to your to-dos. Remember, you set the tone for your holiday. And you can stay in charge by taking excellent care of yourself.

10 Steps To A More Joyful Holiday Season 1. Go to bed by 10 pm each night 2. Get up an hour earlier and have some daily you-time 3. Watch all your favorite holidays movies 4. Take a long winter’s nap 5. Put a stack of inspirational books on your nightstand 6. Write down your blessings 7. Make a list of gifts you want and distribute it 8. Take a long, hot bath with music and bath salts 9. Listen to inspirational talks, podcasts or books on tape 10. Say kind things to yourself all day long

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Christmas on Paulista Avenue, São Paulo, Brazil.

Around the World, a Holiday Tour By Brianna Carter, mamaknowsnada.com

t’s brandy and a mince pie for Santa in Britain, while some families leave carrots for reindeer. Australians leave out beer with cookies for the man in the red suit, while other countries leave nothing at all.

Pine trees are put up on New Year’s Eve. Santa Claus comes on New Year’s Eve and puts presents under the tree. These are opened after midnight. Trees are decorated and candles lit. The New Year’s party continues all night long.

In Europe, many countries recognize St. Nicholas Day as a major celebration, while New Year’s is a bigger observance in other parts of the world. With Florida’s population exploding, many people are incorporating unique perspectives into a most festive season. Here’s some expat insight from residents in the surrounding counties explaining the nuances that allow their cultures to shine during the holidays.

Christmas is strictly a religious observance on January 6, known as the epiphany, to acknowledge the birth of Jesus Christ. Over 80% of Ukrainians are Christians, with the majority practicing the Eastern Orthodox religion. Santa is not part of this celebration; people attend church services.

Ukraine Menu and Traditions: A traditional menu in Ukraine includes a full feast with caviar, mashed potatoes, cabbage salads, beet salad with pickled herring, potato salad, baked pork or any meat, fish and champagne.

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As for Santa: Santa travels differently in Ukraine; with three white horses and a long, warm coat. Sometimes he is alone, other times he has a young woman companion who is his granddaughter. There are no sweet cookies or luscious milk to drink. Instead, Saint Nicholas is showered with shots of vodka during his travels to help warm him up and keep his nose from turning red or blue from the frosty air. -Viktoriya, Ukraine native in Florida.

Mexico Menu and Traditions: Though ham and turkey are staples for the Christmas holiday in Mexico, this country leaves the gravy behind, taking the bird to a different level with a mole; a sauce that has unique nuances depending on the region in which it’s prepared. Tamales, atole and ponche are also traditional food items popular for the holidays and are found during the posadas as well. Atole, a thick drink like hot chocolate, is made with masa harina, a cornmeal that is also used to make tortillas. Ponche is a hot fruity punch made with fruits like prunes, guava, apples and pears as well as hibiscus, cane sugar and spices. It can be served with or without alcohol.

favorite is turkey, [which] for me tastes like Christmas,” says Gisele of her native country’s tradition. Nearly 90% of Brazilians identify as Christians. It’s summer in Brazil during the holiday season, making beach trips a staple event. Houses are decorated inside and out, complete with trees, lights and festive wreaths. Decorations are put up in the beginning of December and left up until January 6. Nativity scenes are immensely popular, known as Presepio, and are set up in churches starting at the beginning of December. Santa Claus is known as Papai Noel or Bom Velhinho, which translates to “Good Old Man.” Children often leave a sock in hopes Papai Noel will exchange it for a present. Amigo secreto, or secret friends, are immensely popular in social circles and work groups.

While trees are up for Christmas, a bigger focus is the nativity display. Many Mexicans are Christians with over 75% distinguishing as Catholics. Gifts are exchanged on Christmas Eve, which is when families get together to celebrate. Children leave milk and cookies for Santa. On Three Kings Day, January 5, children leave their shoes hoping for gifts and money.

Families get together and celebrate on Christmas Eve. At midnight, gifts are exchanged. Santa makes an appearance for all to see, but no treats are left for Father Christmas.

-Laura, from Mexico City, Mexico

Poland

Brazil

Menu and Traditions:

Menu and Traditions: Brazil’s Christmas menu is similar to a Thanksgiving meal in the U.S. It’s a delicious spread of turkey, gravy, ham, stuffing, etc. However, the country is home to diverse groups of people, who also have entwined their heritage with Brazil’s customs. “My

Wigilia, a traditional Christmas Eve vigil and supper, is observed in Poland. Many attribute the entire 24th of December as Wigilia, encompassing the tradition of midnight Mass in the predominately Roman Catholic country. Many fast before serving 12 dishes during dinner. These items represent the 12 Apostles.

Christmas market in Lviv,, Ukraine

-Gisele, Brazil native in Florida https://www.whychristmas.com/cultures/brazil.shtml

Historically, Saint Nicholas would bring gifts on December 6. However, in different families and communities, he sometimes appears on both December 6 and 25. Pierogis are dumplings made from farmer’s cheese, onions and potatoes. Families make a light beet soup called borscht. A main signature dish is golumpki, which are stuffed cabbage rolls. Meat is left out of the evening meal, though fish may be served. Before dinner, a wafer is shared, giving each other best wishes.

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celebrating the birth of Jesus. Santa is honored as a saint. As such, it is customary for a family member to dress up as Santa, giving out gifts after dinner and before mass.

Christmas market in Wroclaw, Poland

A traditional menu consists of several courses: • Cold mezza: tabouli, fattoush (bread salad), kibbi naye (raw meat), hummus, baba ghanouj (eggplant dip with garlic, lemon and tahini) and grape leaves. • Hot mezza: fried cheese rolls, fried kibbi, sambousek (meat pies), makanek (Lebanese style sausages), soujok (spicey lamb and beef sausage) and fries. “Our Polish relatives send the sacrament from Poland and as we go around the table breaking off a piece of the Host (a wafer blessed by a priest thought to have undergone transubstantiation). We tell of what we are thankful for and our prayers for the next year. It’s a great time. Then some of us try to make it to midnight Mass,” says Kim, a Polish American with family in Krakow, Poland.

Lebanon Menu and Traditions: Though a majority of Lebanese practice Islam, nearly 40% of Lebanese distinguish themselves as Christian. Lebanese Catholics decorate Christmas trees and set up nativity scenes on December 5, right after St. Barbara’s Day. Catholic families also attend midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Visits to family and friends begin Christmas Day and continue through the New Year. Streets throughout towns and cities are decorated with festive designs, beginning in midNovember. The holiday is focused on family, food, religion and

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•

Main Meal: either chicken or lamb with rice and a plethora of nuts.

•

Dessert: Buche de Noel, or Yule Log cake and Mighli, a rice pudding spiced with cinnamon and caraway, with optional toppings like coconut, pistachios and almonds. It is a traditional dessert to celebrate a new baby or Christmas.

There are also Christmas chocolates, sugar-coated almonds, and liquor shots as well as Lebanese coffee. It is

Christmas tree at Byblos in Lebanon

Christmas tree lined road in San Juan, Puerto RIco

courteous and essential to present a gift to the household you are visiting. An older tradition was for the younger siblings to journey first to visit their parents, then the eldest sibling. Courtesy of Sherine Akl and Helen Attieh, owners of A Taste of Lebanon, a catering company honoring their heritage and designed to bring authentic Lebanese cuisine to Northeast Florida

Colombia Menu and Traditions: Holiday celebrations begin on December 7, the day of the Immaculate Conception, continuing until January 6, Three Kings Day. Although gifts are usually exchanged on Christmas Eve, it is Niño Dios who distributes gifts to children. New Year’s Eve is also an incredible celebration in Colombia. According to Viviana, “They go all out. It’s even bigger than Christmas.” In the U.S., most people get together with friends on New Year’s. However, in Colombia, it’s customary to spend this evening exclusively with family, usually at home with a lot of music and dancing. Unique to Colombians, on New Year’s Eve, many eat 12 grapes at midnight to bring good luck. Some also walk around the block with a suitcase to entice a productive year of travel. Pork roast, ajiaco (chicken and potato soup) or tamales are popular for mealtime. Many Colombian families make a brothy-type soup called “consome” to have ready for the evening to help with the hangover, especially for New Year’s festivities. -Courtesy of Viviana, Colombian-America

Puerto Rico Menu and Traditions: On the island of Puerto Pico, the holiday season begins right after Thanksgiving, making it one of the longest celebrations in the world. Decorations are put up at this time and left until mid-January for all to enjoy. Parrandas are a popular occurrence. Friends and families gather quietly outside a house late in the evening with instruments to sing traditional carols. The intention is to burst into lively song surprising, and potentially waking, the household with merriment. As Puerto Rican native Mayredlis explains, “Parrandas are Christmas carols on steroids.” On Three King’s Day (January 6), children leave shoeboxes with grass for the camels as well as milk or water for the kings. Traditionally, a jubilant, music-filled festival called las Fiestas de la Calle San Sebastian signifies the end of the holiday season. A signature celebratory menu consists of rice with pigeon peas (arroz con gandules), pork roast (lechon asado), potato salad, boiled pig stomach (cuajito) with boiled green banana and morcilla (blood sausages with rice). Flan and tres leches are classic options for dessert. -Courtesy of Mayredlis, Puerto Rican native Kindly note, although these topics were researched, they ultimately represent the experiences of Florida residents either native to the respective region or with family in the respective country. We understand traditions, values and faiths within each area vary. The insights provided are specific to individuals and their knowledge of the respective region.

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Great Finds for Christmas at Local Businesses By Brei Larmoyeux

o, you want to support local businesses but Target is your go-to, one-stop shop. Big box shopping is without a doubt convenient, but you want gifts that are unique and support local businesses. So how do you know where to start? We know it can be daunting and time-consuming to try and find the best places for making this a “Local Christmas” so Parent Magazines Florida has nine local finds you will want to hit this holiday season.

The Muse Book Shop 112 S. Woodland Blvd, Deland

This family-owned iconic shop is known for its extensive book collection old and new, but the toy-seeking shopper will also find a fresh collection of toys for all ages! Melissa and Doug fans will not be disappointed with the variety of offerings. Our very favorite find at this store was the build your own movie projector. Don’t forget to shop for kid books and used books for sale in the backroom. The bonus is this backroom leads to our next pick...Outsiders.

Outsiders 112 S. Woodland Blvd, Deland

Do you have an outdoor enthusiast on your list? Outsiders will not disappoint. Water Bottle stickers, hammocks, unique ukuleles, sunglasses, simple jewelry and more will have you finding gifts in every nook and cranny of this cozy retail space. Want to give an experience? Outsiders is a hub for paddleboard tours to local springs. Purchase your tickets and tuck them into a box with a locally inspired sticker for a family experience they will not soon forget. 12 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

The Table 100 E. New York Ave, Deland

Not sure what to get teen girls and still shop local? The Table is a must-stop for any foodie teen or any other foodie in your life. Candles with cute hand shapes, ramen bowls with chopstick rest, artisan chapsticks and tongue-in-cheek cards, cozy coffee and tea accessories and so much more are sure to impress your mostly unimpressed teen. Don’t forget to grab coffee and a bottle of wine for any entertaining gifts. The dessert case will tempt you with a little treat for yourself while you shop, we recommend indulging.

Dorothy’s Flower Shop 101 S. Woodland Blvd, Deland

Stepping into a flower shop may not be your first thought for a Christmas toy hotspot, but if you venture in, you are in for quite a surprise. There, you will find a hidden treasure trove of retro-style toys waiting for nostalgic shoppers. Our advice is to hit this shop soon. Once found, this stash will go fast! Balloon animal kits, pop guns, play handcuffs, magic kits, toy buzzers and bow and arrows are just a few of the dozens of items that will awaken memories from your childhood. There are stocking stuffers for every age not to mention the mind-boggling amount of inventory in this tiny retail location.

Museum of Art 600 N. Woodland Blvd, Deland

Every artist on your list would be happy with a little something from the Museum of Art gift shop. The most delightful finds included multiple origami

how-to kits, a book on cardboard box engineering, the Buddha board, beautiful, unique books and art supplies, games and crafts not found in any big box store. You may also walk away with a collection of trendy one-of-a-kind ornaments.

Pat and Toni’s Sweet Things 124 N. Woodland Ave, Deland

It would not be Christmas without candy! Whether you are after everyday favorites or something just a little special, this is the spot for you. Truffles and fudge are made in-house, lollipops in all shapes and sizes and candy kits by the decade will satisfy every sweet tooth.

Florida Workshop 209 S. 2nd St, Flagler Beach

Just a short drive down the road in the quiet beach town of Flagler Beach, you will find a little space dedicated to all things Florida. Their tag line “Local Goods Made by Local Folks,” speaks to the heart of this small champion of the handcrafted movement. A local toymaker supplies the store with handmade toys alongside their lines of locally made jewelry, locally inspired stickers and handmade goods. If you love all things local, it is worth the drive and tell them that Parent Magazine Florida sent you.

The Alligator Farm 999 Anastasia Blvd, St Augustine

Animal lovers in your life will love something from the Alligator Farm in St. Augustine. Plush toys, trendy socks, pencil topper stocking stuffers, aprons and so much more are on display in the gift shop. As a bonus stop and grab tickets to the alligator farm for a fun holiday excursion.

Declaration & Co 63 San Marco Ave #3257, St. Augustine

Declaration is your stop for boutique basics for the moms and babies on your list, with locally inspired swaddling clothes, candles, jewelry and BPA-free teethers. Don’t forget a cute hat and cozy sweatshirt for the busy new mom. On your way out grab a candle or local stickers to add a thoughtful detail to your loved one’s stocking. When you step off the beaten path of big box store shopping you will find satisfaction knowing you are supporting small business owners with stake in their own community. Many of these local stores also support local philanthropic efforts during the holidays and beyond. This means, when you choose to make this a “Local Christmas,” you will serendipitously find more than just the perfect gift but a satisfying experience of keeping dollars circulated in the local economy and that is something to feel good about.

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Light up Your Life:

Celebrate the Holidays at a Light Display Compiled by Rebecca Heath Grab your family and some cookies and cocoa and head out to see a light display! Drive through events even let you head out with the kids in their pajamas! Here are some options for you: Starry Nights Light Show December 3 105 S. 2nd Street, Flagler Beach, FL

Zoo Lights-Jacksonville Zoo December 7-9 & December 14-January 5370 Zoo Parkway, Jacksonville, FL

Starry Nights Drive Thru December 4 - January 31 105 S. 2nd Street, Flagler Beach, FL

Orange Park Light the Park December 5 3349 Doctors Lake Dr., Orange Park, FL

Fantasy Lights November 27- December 30 Central Park Town Center, Palm Coast, FL

Green Cove Springs Christmas Displays December 11-December 31 117 Wesley Rd, Green Cove Springs, FL

Tree Lighting Ceremony November 27 975 Central Avenue, Palm Coast, FL

Atlantic Beach Christmas Displays December 1-January 1 402 Snapping Turtle Court East, Atlantic Beach, FL

Nights of Lights November 20 – January 31 St. Augustine, FL

Ponte Vedra Christmas Displays December 1-December 23 899 Palm Valley Road, Ponte Vedra Beach, FL

Surf Illumination December 4 350 A1A Beach Blvd, St. Augustine, FL

St Augustine Christmas Displays November 20-February 3 10660 Old Dixie Highway, Ponte Vedra, FL

Regatta of Lights December 11 St. Augustine, FL

Merry & Bright Christmas Festival December 3 The Grand Ol’ Barn, 721 Palmetto Street, New Smyrna Beach, FL

Luminary Night December 1 81 Lighthouse Ave, St. Augustine, FL Jax Illuminations November 16-December 30 3800 St Johns Bluff Rd S, Jacksonville, FL

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The DeLand Christmas Light Show December 5-December 30 Stetson Baptist Church, 1025 West Minnesota Ave, Deland, FL Magic of Lights November 19 - January 1 1801 W International Speedway Blvd, Daytona Beach, FL

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nov 19 - Jan 1

6pm-10pm nightly

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How To Make Holidays Better for Kids Tips for keeping kids happy and able to enjoy the fun By Rachel Ehmke, Child Mind Institute

t’s easy for children to be smitten with the magic of the holidays. Fun presents. Extra sweets. A vacation from school—there’s a lot to like. But with the freedom and excess of the season, sometimes kids can get a little carried away. For most families, there will be a point when the kids get overtired and cranky, become greedy about presents or would rather play a video game than talk to Grandma. Here are some tips to keep kids happy and ready to enjoy whatever the season brings.

1. Gifts, gifts, gifts: Getting presents is a high

point of the holidays for any kid, but they shouldn’t be the only focus. As adults we know that giving presents can be just as rewarding as getting them, and we shouldn’t wait to teach that lesson to our children Even when kids are too young to buy a present, they can still make one or help you pick out something. Some of my best holiday memories are of helping my father look for the perfect gift for Mom or combing the mall to look for presents with my siblings as we got older. Volunteering, participating in a local toy drive or giving each of your kids a little money to give to a charity of their choice are all great ideas for getting children in a more generous mood. Also, remember that the best gifts that you give your children probably won’t be the material ones. Taking time for the whole family to get together to play a game, watch a movie or decorate sugar cookies—these are the things that kids remember as they get older.

2. Let them help out: There’s a lot of extra

work to do around the holidays — putting up decorations, cooking big dinners, throwing parties. The Martha Stewart in all of us can take over, but it’s important to take a step back and make sure our kids are included, too. Children can help set the table, decorate the house and wrap presents. If they’re too young to wrap, they can help by holding down the paper or getting the tape ready — there’s always something kids can do. And at holiday time, the preparations are often as

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fun and as meaningful as the end product. Plus, this way kids won’t feel left out — or be glued to the iPad for hours.

3. Keep routines: We love the holidays because

they give us a break from the everyday, but that can also make them stressful, especially for kids who find routine comforting. Try to keep some things constant. Kids still need snack time, they still need special attention from you and they still need a chance to unwind before bedtime. At family gatherings when they notice the kids are “getting antsy,” psychologist Rachel Busman says she and her sister give them their baths, get them into pajamas and turn on a movie. “We know when they need to wind down, and no one judges us for excusing ourselves from the table to do these things,” she says. “In fact, my sister and I enjoy some great conversations during this time.”

4. Remember they’re kids: Some holiday traditions

depend on kids being on their best behavior: lengthy services, parties with lots of strangers, elaborate meals that may not appeal to picky eaters. Try to keep those to a minimum and customize festivities for your kids’ frustration level. Don’t schedule more than one demanding event in a day, and make sure to include physical activity and plenty of downtime. Your kids will be grateful — and so will you.

Seven Experience Gifts To Give Kids This Season By Sarah Lyons

oes it feel like your kids already have more toys than they could ever want? I love the holidays and the spirit of gift-giving, but every year I wonder what toys my kids could possibly want and where they will go in our already crowded home? Experience gifts are a great gift option that has benefits for kids, parents and other gift-givers. With an experience gift, your child will create great memories while enjoying something they may not have had the opportunity to try otherwise. An added bonus is that there is no need to store the item after the child has grown tired of playing with it. Here are some great experience gift ideas for every child on your list.

Season pass One of my family’s favorite gifts is season family passes to local attractions. This not only saves us money but it also encourages us to get out, enjoy our city and make memories along the way. Some attractions to consider are zoo admission, a local museum (consider a children’s museum if your children are of the right ages), amusement park tickets or swimming season passes to the area pool.

Subscription box A subscription box is a great gift idea, especially for tweens and teens who are hard to buy for. They are now available for any age, interest and price range. If your child loves science, reading, art, games or sports; chances are there is a subscription box that will fit their interests.

Classes and camps Consider giving the gift of prepaid classes or camps that fit your child’s interest. Some ideas include dance, gymnastics, sports, cooking, art or music. Classes and

camps can be really expensive but are worth the money and give kids the opportunity to try something new.

Travel Consider combining your holiday and vacation budget to take a family trip. Whether it’s an overnight to a nearby indoor water park or a cross-country trip, traveling is a great way to expose your child to different places and build family memories at the same time.

Tickets Tickets to a favorite sporting event, concert or show are a great idea for a gift for the whole family. Combine the gift with a t-shirt to wear to the event or a backstage tour to make the day more memorable.

Box it up If your budget is a little smaller, try putting together several things in a box for your child to enjoy. Create a movie box with a movie or video rental gift card, candy, popcorn and a warm blanket so the family can enjoy a movie night at home. Combine art supplies, a sketch book, paints and other craft items for an art box. You could also put together a cooking box, ingredients for homemade playdough with cookie cutters or a gardening box with seeds, gardening gloves and tools. Get creative and combine your child’s interests to put together a customized box.

Adventure gifts For the adventurous child, look for experience gifts that give them a chance to try something they wouldn’t normally get to do. Some ideas could include horseback riding, fishing, camping, rock climbing, indoor skydiving or a day at a gym with an obstacle course or trampolines. S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 17

Eight Things Mindful Parents Do Differently By Christa Melnyk Hines

tress or frustration in the midst of parenting can sometimes lead to hurtful, or unhelpful, remarks directed at our kids like: “There’s no reason to cry.” “Why can’t you be more like your sister?!” or “Hurry up!!” Fortunately, as Maya Angelou once quipped, “When you know better, you do better”—and that’s the gentle place where mindful parenting begins.

What is mindful parenting? “Being a mindful parent doesn’t mean being a perfect parent,” says Amy Zoe Schonhoff, a mindfulness trainer, educator and founder of Mindfulness in the Heartland. “It means bringing awareness to the relationship we’re having with ourselves and with our child. We’re trying to bring more nonjudgmental acceptance to this process of parenting, both in terms of how we’re relating to ourselves and how we’re relating to our child.” How do parents leaning into mindfulness parent differently?

They care for themselves. Recognize when your tank is running low. When we’re hungry, tired, cranky, stressed

from work or not feeling well, we’re more likely to say things we wish we hadn’t. “It’s natural for parents to say things they regret,” says parent coach Julia Harkleroad, MS, LCMFT and facilitator of the project ON Parenting: Powerful Conversations to Raise Successful Kids. “It’s excellent practice to understand the catalyst behind these statements and set up an environment that is more conducive to mindful, intentional responses.” Create daily self-care rituals, like meditation, exercise or connecting with friends, which can help you better manage day-to-day stress.

They pause before reacting. We’re more likely to say something hurtful when emotions take the wheel. “Step one is to give yourself a time out when you feel like you are about to unload on your child— even if that means delaying needed correction of the child,” says Mindy Hart, a divorce coach specializing in communication strategies and child-centered parenting. “Better to delay and come back at a rational point than to cause emotional scars and disengagement of the child altogether.” When you tell your child you need a break, you model healthy emotional regulation skills. “It’s good for our kids to see us doing this because we are modeling to them that they can do that too— that they can recognize when they’re getting dis-regulated and then hopefully take action,” Schonhoff says.

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They learn about brain development. Our kids often

They focus on desired behavior. Getting kids to comply

behave in ways that seem neither reasonable nor logical from our adult vantage point. But usually their behavior directly correlates to their brain development.

through hurtful labels or judgmental comparisons can create confusion and insecurity. Among divorced couples, Hart recommends avoiding remarks like: “You are just like your father (or mother)!” or “I can’t wait for you to go to your mom/dad so I can have peace.”

“Our children’s capacity to self-regulate is not fully developed until they’re in their early 20s,” Schonhoff says. “Things are happening in the brain that oftentimes explain the behaviors that parents see that make them absolutely batty.” To better understand why your child acts out or pushes your buttons, learn if their actions are developmentally appropriate. Then, strategize ways to best address the specific behavior.

They get curious. If your child frequently runs late in the morning or makes poor choices in school, instead of getting frustrated or angry, get curious. Harkleroad recommends asking questions/statements that start with “how,” “tell me about,” “I wonder if” and “I made up in my head that you….” “This leaves room for the child’s experience to inform the parent and help the entire situation to resolve itself more effectively,” Harkleroad says. “Repeating what you have heard your child say back to them is also very helpful. Then you can ask ‘Did I get that right?’” Schonhoff realized the value of curiosity when her daughter was in preschool. “We were always running late. One morning I found her hiding in the closet. She looked like a terrified wild animal. I recognized in that moment something was wrong. This was not just about not wanting to go to school,” Schonhoff says. She soon learned that her youngster had sensory processing issues. Putting clothing on was uncomfortable and time-consuming. By getting curious, rather than labeling her daughter as “always running late, never on time,” Schonhoff was able to better understand the issue and modify their morning routine.

“Address the behavior without likening it to the other parent—‘Johnny, remember we don’t throw things when we are upset. How about we take a walk?’” Hart says. Otherwise, children may worry: “What if I am a little like the parent my other parent ‘hates.’ Will they stop loving me too?” Establishing structure and a plan of action can help you proactively coach desired behaviors (when everyone is calm) while still giving kids a sense of control. “I believe in using warnings, scales, providing choices and most especially having an evaluation process together with the child after an event or experience,” Harkleroad says.

They reflect. Take time to consider how your values can guide you as a parent. “These could be principles such as patience, compassion, hard work, education, responsibility,” Harkleroad says. “When a parent is modeling these values and guiding the child towards these values with their parental words, I believe the process flows much more smoothly.”

They apologize. For many of us, apologizing when we make a mistake or hurt someone is an essential part of our value system. “The most transformative interaction a parent can have with a child is to repair together after a misunderstanding or conflict,” Harkleroad says. “Done well, this helps a child learn how to be accountable for themselves by watching their parents do this very thing.”

They acknowledge feelings. Repeatedly dismissing a

Additional resources:

child’s feelings (i.e., “You need to toughen up.” or “Quit acting like a baby.”) can be detrimental as they grow into adulthood.

•

ON Parenting: Powerful Conversations to Raise Successful Kids (includes events, podcast, group support). Learn more at https://onparenting. community/

•

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, MD

•

Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself by Susan M. Pollack, Ed.D.

This “produces a highly insecure child that either only knows how to do what other people want them to do, who can’t make decisions independently or who doesn’t listen to anyone ever anymore and can’t tolerate constructive criticism,” Harkleroad says. Instead, empathize. For example, if your child is upset about leaving a playdate, you might say: “I know it’s hard to leave. You and James have fun together.”

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 19

Try a Little Gentleness By Brianna Carter

n the wake of the holidays, with schedules switching and excitement bubbling, have you tried a little gentleness?

While the holidays have a way of bringing out the best in many of us, they also seem to reveal the worst. We all need some grace. With visitors coming and going, parties and gatherings to attend, meals to plan and family and friends to meet, the juggle struggle is real. It’s incredibly overstimulating for parents and potentially more inflaming for our children. When routines fall to the wayside and we’re all out of our element to some degree, many times children are struggling more than we realize in these temporary circumstances. When this happens, have you tried a little gentleness?

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Say what? Gentleness goes a long way with kids. Although the term “gentle parenting” may seem super soft on the surface, it’s rooted in mental health practices and age-appropriate behavioral strategies. Children are still novices when it comes to comprehending and navigating emotions. Oftentimes, they look to parents for direction and support that can be expressed in the form of tantrums. Outbursts and meltdowns generally stem from the way they are feeling and being unable to come to terms with that emotion. It’s also an attention grab, but more as a grab for reassurance and comfort than attention. The style has four basic principles: empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. Parents who

regularly practice gentle parenting use connection, communication and consistency to have success.

But what about discipline? It’s a misconception that gentle parenting does not utilize discipline, however, it’s the style and way discipline is implemented. Gentle parenting emphasizes redirection rather than punishment. It also separates the behavior from the emotions. A child might feel scared, angry, shy, etc., but hitting, screaming and throwing because of this feeling is not acceptable: the feeling is warranted, the action is not acceptable. According to the toddler experts behind Big Little Feelings, toddlers’ brains are still developing. At this stage, the capacity for self-regulation has yet to emerge. By modeling behavior through your own responses, you’re demonstrating the appropriate and measured actions to your child.

Ok, how do I try this? Say your kids are opening gifts. One is playing with a new toy and the other wants a turn, so they hit the other child to take it. Big Little Feelings recommends following these four steps: ཞ See them (empathy) ཞ Validate feeling (respect) ཞ Set boundaries (understanding) ཞ Act on the boundary (boundary) Here’s a scenario breakdown following those steps:

See them (empathy)  “I see that you’re upset because you want to play with your sister’s new toy.”

2. Validate Feeling (respect)  “It wasn’t kind of her. It’s OK to feel upset, but I can’t allow you to hit her.”

3. Set boundaries (understanding)  “It’s not ok to hit someone.”

4. Act on the boundary (boundary)  “I’m going to hold your hand to keep everyone safe.”

It may take some adjusting and concerted effort, but over time, the difference is abundantly clear. While punishment-based (authoritative) options may seem to

work, ultimately, they are fear-based and encourage negative self-feelings. Also, they force the brain into fight or flight, restricting the brain’s ability to think effectively. Bottom line: Kids cannot learn in this frame of mind. It restricts their ability to connect the dots for next time. So, when it all hits the fan on your holiday escapades, remember to breathe deep and try a little gentleness. Not only are you creating mentally healthy kids, but you’re also cultivating positive habits for the whole family. Want more? Check out these accounts for insights, tips and tricks: @thegentlemamma @biglittlefeelings @ourmamavillage @lizzy.gentleparenting @thegentlemama • What Is Gentle Parenting? (2021, September 4). Verywell Family. Retrieved October 21, 2021, from www.verywellfamily.com/what-is-gentleparenting-5189566 • Parental gentle encouragement promotes shy toddlers’ regulation in social contexts. (2019, October 1). ScienceDirect. Retrieved October 21, 2021, from www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/ abs/pii/S0022096518304764 • Augustine, M. E. (2015, May 1). Temperament, Parenting, and Moral Development: Specificity of Behavior and Context. Wiley Online Library. Retrieved October 21, 2021, from www. onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/sode.12092 • Malik, F. (2021, June 10). Developmental Stages of Social Emotional Development In Children. PubMed. Retrieved October 21, 2021, from www.pubmed. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30521240/ • @biglittlefeelings. (2021, October 4). MANTRA TIME! ALL FEELINGS ARE OK, ALL BEHAVIORS ARE NOT. Anger and sadness? They get a bad rap. But [Instagram post]. Instagram. www.instagram.com/p/ CUnDeDrg1D7/ • @littlebigfeelings. (2021, August 16). Spanking, threats, yelling, timeouts. They can work in the moment. They can stop that bad behavior in its tracks [Instagram post]. Instagram. www.instagram. com/p/CSo7PRqrUY0/

S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 21

Welcome to the

Book Nook! By Debbie Trask

Toddlers

My Big Wimmelbook Christmas Village Illustrated by Monika Parciak

Two Lists for Christmas

by Lisa Pieterse-Carson, Illustrated by Ethan Roffler

Ages 1-9 Christmas is an exciting time of year filled with wonder and enchantment and Two Lists for Christmas does a fantastic job of demonstrating the thrill of the holiday. Six friends are gathered to celebrate and to create lists for Christmas when the unthinkable happens: Santa crashes! Setting aside their lists, the friends work together to get Santa and his reindeer back in the air. Along the way they each learn about their own personal strengths and a valuable lesson about the joy of helping others. Lisa Pieterse-Carson has done a wonderful job of creating a diverse cast of characters in her story. From a slow sloth named Sammy to a resourceful monkey named Millie each character learns about their strengths when they help Santa and his crew get back into the skies. In addition to learning to work together, the characters learn about the gift of giving and how doing something nice for others makes them “feel good and happy inside.” Review courtesy of https://www.thechildrensbookreview. com/

5 More Sleeps ‘til Christmas

Written by Jimmy Fallon, Illustrated by Rich Deas Ages 3-6 Just 5 more sleeps ’til Christmas! Can you believe it’s here? I know that Santa’s coming soon ’cause I’ve been good all year. Everyone who grew up celebrating Christmas remembers the excitement that built up to the most magical day of the year. But why not make the last week until Christmas more fun by counting how many sleeps until the arrival of Santa and his reindeer? 22 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Ages 3-7 In these one-of-a-kind picture books, every page is bursting with life—and tons to discover! Children as young as age 2 have a blast pointing out recognizable things—a blue tricycle, a hungry dog, a piggyback ride—while older kids can follow the star characters from page to page, telling their stories along the way. In this special holiday-themed Wimmelbook, it’s Christmas time! Christmas Eve, to be exact. From the outdoor ice rink to the bustling holiday market, a busy cast of characters is having a great time as they celebrate by skating, sledding, shopping and singing away. But will the little boy get the tractor he wants for Christmas? And where is Santa? Kids follow along and find out in My Big Wimmelbook—Christmas Village

Shmelf the Hanukkah Elf

by Greg Wolfe, Illustrated by Howard McWilliam

Ages 3-6 In this delightfully inventive holiday tale, an elf named Shmelf takes a journey from the North Pole . . . and discovers all the joys of Hanukkah. Shmelf is one of Santa’s most important elves. He’s part of the List Checking department, and he makes sure all the good boys and girls get their presents! But when Shmelf finds out that some children are missing from Santa’s list, he goes to investigate. What Shmelf uncovers is Hanukkah, a wondrous and joyful holiday that Jewish families celebrate each year. As Shmelf observes a family lighting the menorah, playing dreidel and hearing the Hanukkah story, he sees how special the traditions of the holiday truly are--and he wants to be a part of it! Luckily, Santa just might have a special role in mind for Shmelf . . . The rich traditions of Hanukkah come to life in this whimsical and magical story that’s perfect for the holiday season.

Happy Llamakkah!

Written by Laura Gehl, Illustrated by Lydia Nichols

How to Catch an Elf

by Adam Wallace, Illustrated by Andy Elkerto

Ages 4-10

Ages 3-5 Celebrate Hanukkah with the Llama family in this joyful, rhyming picture book. Follow along with the Llama family’s Hanukkah traditions as they light their menorah, spin the dreidel, fry latkes and more. Laura Gehl’s lively rhyming text and Lydia Nichols’s vibrant illustrations make for a festive read. The book also features kid-friendly back matter, with expanded information on the holiday’s history and traditions.

Elementary Age:

From the New York Times bestselling How to Catch series comes a hilarious Christmas adventure, perfect for stocking stuffers! It’s Christmas Eve and an elf is on the loose... in YOUR house! Do you have what it takes to catch him? Follow along in this fun holiday story as a mischievous elf causes chaos Christmas Eve! Filled with zany traps, vibrant illustrations, STEAM concepts and even Santa Claus himself, this Christmas picture book for kids is guaranteed to become a new holiday tradition!

The Worst Christmas Book in the Whole Entire World

Little Red Sleigh

Written by Erin Guendelsberger, Illustrated by Elizavita Tretyakova

by Joey Acker

Ages 3-9 Jingle bells...this book smells... After being in the worst AND the scariest book in the whole entire world, Nameless just can’t catch a break! Now he’s in the WORST CHRISTMAS book! Will his Christmas be ruined? Will your Christmas be ruined?? How can a book about the most magical time of the year possibly be so terrible??? The Worst Christmas Book in the Whole Entire World is a humorous and witty tale for young and seasoned readers. Deck the halls this season and get into the holiday spirit with a book so bad it might actually be good... The humor in The Worst Book in the Whole Entire World will resonate and connect with readers who are fans of The Book With No Pictures, Elephant and Piggie, and the Pigeon books. Be prepared for smiles, silliness and laughter!

There Was a Cold Lady Who Swallowed Some Snow! by Lucille Colandro , Illustrated by Jared Lee

There was a cold lady who swallowed some snow. I don’t know why she swallowed some snow. Perhaps you know. This time, the old lady is swallowing everything from snow to a pipe, some coal, a hat and more! With rollicking, rhyming text and funny illustrations, this lively version will appeal to young readers with every turn of the page. And this time, there’s a surprise at the end no reader will be able to guess!

Ages 4-8 The Little Red Sleigh has one big dream — to one day become Santa’s big red sleigh! But all her life, she’s been told she’s too small, she’s too young, she can’t fly and she certainly can’t meet Santa. Well, this Christmas, with the help of some friends, she’s determined to do the impossible. Little Red Sleigh is a heartwarming children’s Christmas book you’ll want to read again and again. Full of winter joy and Christmas magic, this Christmas book for kids will remind you that no dream is out of reach if you believe.

The Christmas Pig by J.K. Rowling

One boy and his toy are about to change everything... Jack loves his childhood toy, Dur Pig. DP has always been there for him, through good and bad. Until one Christmas Eve something terrible happens -- DP is lost. But Christmas Eve is a night for miracles and lost causes, a night when all things can come to life... even toys. And Jack’s newest toy -- the Christmas Pig (DP’s replacement) -- has a daring plan: Together they’ll embark on a magical journey to seek something lost and to save the best friend Jack has ever known. S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 23

Limited Access

6 tips for teaching children social media safety By Kristen Galloway, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Baptist Behavioral Health.

ocial media can be a great resource for kids to connect to the world around them.

It can increase their creativity by allowing them to make music and podcasts, share art, improve their health and find and converse with like-minded people and groups. But social media has its downside. Without the proper privacy settings, restrictions and parental monitoring, children can access whoever and whatever they want. They also can leave behind a permanent record of their whereabouts, photos, posts and more that potential employers or universities can find. Online shaming and bullying take many forms on the internet, and children and teens can feel the effects very strongly. In some cases, cyber harassment and excessive use can lead to stress-related disorders like anxiety and depression. So, how are parents supposed to keep their kids safe in a world where nearly everything is online? Try to think about it like teaching teens how to drive responsibly. Since social media doesn’t come with a standard user’s guide and its so-called “rules” are complicated (to say the least), here are some helpful tips for parents when deciding to integrate social media into their child’s life: 1. Learn the language. Educate yourself on the terms being used frequently by your children and their peers. If you know what the words and abbreviations mean (“DMing,” for example, is sending someone a private message on social media), you’re better equipped to know what exactly your child is doing online. 2. Issue a learner’s permit. You wouldn’t allow your child to start driving without any experience or knowledge of the rules of the road, right? Social media should be approached in the same fashion. There should be certain restrictions in the beginning, including limits on screen time and access to certain sites/devices and passwords. When they prove they’re responsible, they earn more freedom, access and independence. 24 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

3. Teach safety. Remind your children that online friends can still be strangers. Children, especially younger ones, should never be allowed to meet an internet “friend” for the first time in person, alone. If your child begins talking about an online friend, it may be beneficial to follow along to make sure the relationship is appropriate and your child isn’t in danger. 4. Read the fine print. There are numerous apps, devices and privacy settings. Not all will be appropriate for your child. It’s important to read the information provided by the app store and service provider, monitor use and slowly add more access, when appropriate. 5. Do it together. Communicate with your children about how they are using social media. Ask questions about games they enjoy, people they talk to, sites they frequent or channels they follow. Better yet, sit down with them and visit these sites together. 6. Be a good role model. How often are you on your phone/tablet? Do you check Facebook at the dinner table or in the middle of a conversation? Children take cues from their parents, even when it comes to social media practices. Model how to use social media appropriately. Let’s face it. Children will slip up while using social media. A parent’s normal reaction would be to remove access completely. However, this limits a child’s ability to learn from his or her mistakes. If you find yourself having to consistently set social media limits with your child, it may be time to close his or her accounts for a while. In some cases, professional behavioral health intervention may be needed. It’s in a parent’s best interest to help their children navigate all aspects of social media, including the good, the bad and the ugly. When in doubt, trust your parenting skills and remember it’s all about communication, supervision, consistency and consequences. First published in Juice.

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S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 25

The Family Gathering: A Survival Guide

How to help your kids be at their best and have fun, too By Rachel Ehmke

e know from the songs and movies that holidays are supposed to be an exciting, meaningful time for families to reunite and celebrate the things we cherish. We set aside time to practice both religious rituals and family traditions, we give thanks, and, of course, later on, we give presents. But sometimes holiday gatherings are less magical and more, well, stressful.

behavior can be a casualty. Always have a conversation before leaving your house about how you expect your children to behave, and don’t shy away from specifics.

The vacation from school and work means a break from routine, something kids and parents alike depend on. Many families travel, facing traffic and long airplane rides, to attend one or more family get-togethers with rarely seen relatives who expect kisses and catching up. And most of these occasions will involve unfamiliar vegetable dishes.

“They know that you behave differently in church or synagogue than you do on the basketball court; they need to know what the rules are at grandma’s house.” If you have any questions about the house rules, don’t be afraid to ask.

How can anxious or easily frustrated children hope to survive all that? We’ve compiled a list of seasonal tips to help all kids-and parents-enjoy the party. Minimize conflict over behavior Your kids know the rules at your house, but in the excitement and novelty of a relative’s home, good

26 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

“Knowing what the rules are at someone else’s house is always helpful for kids,” says Steven Dickstein, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

Talk to your hosts early Besides preparing your children, sometimes it’s necessary to prepare your relatives so they know what to expect. “A

child who has behavior difficulties at school is going to have them at grandma’s house,” warns Dr. Dickstein, “so make sure their expectations are realistic. As a parent you never want to put your children in a situation where they’re set up to fail.” Dr. Dickstein also recommends putting a moratorium on criticizing. “Warn family members about sensitive topics in the same way you’d warn people in advance that your child has a nut allergy,” advises Dr. Dickstein. If you have a body-conscious teen, no one should chide her for taking seconds on mashed potatoes. If your brother doesn’t believe ADHD is real, now isn’t the time to discuss it. Plan ahead for some peace and quiet For kids who are easily overstimulated or sensitive to things like noise and crowds, Rachel Busman, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, recommends arranging for another room they can use when they need a break. “During family gatherings we want to achieve a balance between being social with relatives while also knowing that, if things get too overwhelming and intense, there’s a place to take a break and just be quiet.” Keep kids occupied Kids like structured activities, and they’ll probably be missing them while school is out. Fortunately, the holidays lend themselves to art projects and familyfriendly movies that kids enjoy. You can even start new family traditions like cutting out and decorating sugar cookies or throwing a ball around outside. If you are traveling with a child who will need to sit in a car for any length of time, Dr. Busman advises packing a bag with multiple activities, particularly if the child has a lot of energy. “Don’t just think four or five activities will be enough because you could be through those things before you even get on the highway,” she says. When traveling, Dr. Busman also recommends planning for breaks, even if it’s not that long of a trip. “Kids who get restless or have difficulty managing their impulsive behavior might really benefit from getting out of the car and running around for a few minutes.” Discuss social expectations Parents should have different social expectations for different kids, and if necessary, communicate them to your extended family. “You want to avoid those mandatory hugs and kisses or cheek-pinching for kids that don’t do that or like it,” says Dr. Dickstein. Kids with selective mutism should not be pressured to talk during family gatherings (and relatives shouldn’t expect them to talk either). If you have an autistic child who has been working on his social skills, maybe you

can agree that he will sit at the table next to you and talk to familiar people-others should be expected to understand. Getting along with cousins and other kids they don’t see often can be a challenge. Just because kids are approximately the same age doesn’t mean they’ll be natural friends, but they should still try to get along-with adult support if needed. If your daughter gets easily frustrated when she doesn’t get her way, encourage her to share and be polite with her cousins-and let her know she should find you if conflict arises that they can’t settle amicably. Dr. Dickstein says family gatherings can be a teachable moment. “Let kids know that family is important and sometimes you have to deal with people you don’t really like, but you should work it out, if you can. As parents you are probably doing that with your relatives too, so you can model good social behavior.” Think about the menu Family gatherings centered on a meal can put a lot of pressure on kids who are picky eaters or who have sensory issues that limit their diet. If you are going to someone else’s house for dinner and you know the menu will be a problem, Dr. Busman suggests packing something your child will eat and bringing it with you. Have a conversation with your child ahead of time to reassure them, explaining, “I know we’re going over to your aunt’s house and there’s going to be some different foods there, but we’ll make sure that we bring some things that you like. It would be great if you could try something else, too.” Exploring new foods is good for kids, but it shouldn’t be the most important thing. Manage your expectations Both Dr. Busman and Dr. Dickstein agree that managing your own expectations of what the holidays “should” be like is the most essential step to any holiday gathering. “As parents we should check in with ourselves over what our own expectations are and not extend them to our kids,” says Dr. Busman. “It would be great if the kids could sit at the table and eat a nice holiday meal with us, but they’re probably not going to want to sit still for a long time. It’s important to appreciate that kids might find the fun in other things, like watching a movie with their cousins or running around outside. And that’s ok.” Dr. Dickstein advises identifying one or two things you would like your kids to get out of the holidays-an idea, a value, a memory of doing something special together as a family-and work on achieving that. “But above all, give yourself a break,” he says. “You can’t make everyone happy, and perfect holidays are nonexistent. Think of all those Hollywood comedies about disastrous family gatherings. There’s a reason why they’re funny.” S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E | 27

18 Budget-Friendly Holiday Traditions By Sarah Lyons

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is the season for shopping for presents, cooking ‘ fancy meals, decorating our homes for the holidays and celebrating with friends and family. The holidays are a fun and exciting time but all of that fun can start to stretch the pocketbook. No matter your budget, families can still enjoy meaningful holiday traditions.

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Make cookies for Santa (and for others) - Bake some special cookies for Santa but set aside a few dozen for local firefighters or police officers and deliver them with your kids. Have a Christmas movie marathon - Watch your favorite Christmas movies as a family while enjoying some popcorn, hot cocoa and candy canes. Make an ornament - Make a new ornament, as a family, each year. When the kids move out they will have a box full of decorations for their own tree. Easy ideas could be salt dough ornaments or filling a plastic ball with photos, ticket stubs or glitter and adding the date. Christmas countdown - Create a homemade advent countdown with construction or scrapbook paper.

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Go on a sleigh ride - A sleigh ride is a great way to get in the holiday cheer. Don’t forget the hot cocoa. Caroling - Gather friends and family together and go caroling in your neighborhood or at a local nursing home. Holiday hunt - Fill Easter eggs with Christmas candy or hide candy canes around the house and let the children find them. Make reindeer food - Mix rolled oats with red and green sugar sprinkles. Have the kids sprinkle it on the lawn before bed for the reindeer to snack on while Santa is visiting your home. Christmas reads - Collect Christmas books, wrap them in festive paper and have the kids open and read one each day leading up until Christmas. Consider adding one new book each year. Campout - After trimming the tree, get out the sleeping bags and “campout” under it for the night. Christmas breakfast - Make a big breakfast Christmas morning. Make a breakfast casserole that can be prepared the night before lets you enjoy the morning with your family.

Holiday tunes - Play Christmas music each morning as you are getting ready for your day. Lights tour - Load up the family car and go on a tour of Christmas light displays in the area. Provide a meal - Check the needs of a local food pantry and help them stock up on items that can be used for holiday dinners. Family pajamas - Pick out matching pajamas for the whole family to wear on Christmas morning. For a low-cost option, use plain colored t-shirts and basic flannel pants. Bless others - Have the kids pick out a new toy to donate to a local charity that provides gifts to children in need. Also consider sorting through old toys and clothing to donate to charity before any new gifts arrive. Visit Santa - Take the kids to visit Santa, or write him a letter and mail it. Coat drive - Start a coat drive by going through your coat closet and donating items no longer needed to those less fortunate. Collect new socks, hats and gloves in your community to donate as well.

28 | S T J O H N S PARENT M A G A Z I N E

Holiday Movies for the Family Polar Express It’s a Wonderful Life The Santa Clause MIracle on 34th Street The Christmas Story Elf How the Grinch Stole Christmas A Charlie Brown Christmas Mickey’s Christmas Carol Home Alone & Home Alone 2 A Christmas Carol Prancer The Nightmare Before Christmas Frosty the Snowman Babes in Toyland Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer The Muppet Christmas Carol

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