Lake Murray Fish Wrapper 8-20-15

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Thursday, August 20, 2015 | 1

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You supply the fish, we supply the wrapper.

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5 01 2 e , k 0 Ta t2 s ls y. u u ug io r A , Se ay d s ur Th

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Steal this paper — please!

"Official Newspaper of the Lexington County Blowwsh Baseball Team"

INSIDE THIS WEEK

What you’re missing in the Lexington County Chronicle & The Dispatch-News: Hospitality tax gets 1st approval SCE&G critics want state to fix utility laws Lawmakers oppose Carolina Water rate hike Bernie Sanders coming to Midlands Domestic violence law deemed unconstitutional

Subscribe for our print and online editions!

Only $45 a year!

Call 359-7633

The Lexington Dixie Youth Ozone National All-Stars retrieves its American Legion flag after getting eliminated from the 60th annual Dixie Youth World Series Wednesday. Lexington Ozone was defeated 11-6 by Florida.

Photo bY thomas grant

What’s behind your SCE&G rate hike?

Read the Chronicle’s new eBook “Power Brokers: Is a billion dollar utility taking advantage of its customers” free with a 12-month new or renewed subscription.

Offer good through August 31, 2015

Just call 359-7633

Power Brokers Is a billion-dollar utility taking advantage of its customers?

SCE&G’s nuclear plant in Fairfield County

A LEXINGTON COUNTY CHRONICLE PUBLIC SERVICE SERIES BY

EDITOR EMERITUS JERRY BELLUNE

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Thursday, August 20, 2015 | 1

E E

You supply the fish, we supply the wrapper.

e. on

5 01 2 e , k 0 Ta t2 s ls y. u u ug io r A , Se ay d s ur Th

FR

Steal this paper — please!

"Official Newspaper of the Lexington County Blowwsh Baseball Team"

INSIDE THIS WEEK

What you’re missing in the Lexington County Chronicle & The Dispatch-News: Hospitality tax gets 1st approval SCE&G critics want state to fix utility laws Lawmakers oppose Carolina Water rate hike Bernie Sanders coming to Midlands Domestic violence law deemed unconstitutional

Subscribe for our print and online editions!

Only $45 a year!

Call 359-7633

The Lexington Dixie Youth Ozone National All-Stars retrieves its American Legion flag after getting eliminated from the 60th annual Dixie Youth World Series Wednesday. Lexington Ozone was defeated 11-6 by Florida.

Photo bY thomas grant JR.

What’s behind your SCE&G rate hike?

Read the Chronicle’s new eBook “Power Brokers: Is a billion dollar utility taking advantage of its customers” free with a 12-month new or renewed subscription.

Offer good through August 31, 2015

Just call 359-7633

Power Brokers Is a billion-dollar utility taking advantage of its customers?

SCE&G’s nuclear plant in Fairfield County

A LEXINGTON COUNTY CHRONICLE PUBLIC SERVICE SERIES BY

EDITOR EMERITUS JERRY BELLUNE

2 | Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Fish Wrapper Fun Corner

ANSWERS

Free STEM Workshops for S.C. K–12 Teachers Energy and the Environment

A half-day session featuring lessons and activities aligned to state education standards and ready for use with your students.

2015 Fall Workshops: September 26

Mid-Carolina Electric Cooperative

Earn 4 credit renewal points

254 Longs Pond Rd., Lexington, SC

October 3

By acting now you can protect your family when they’ll need it most.

Aiken Electric Cooperative 2790 Wagener Rd., Aiken, SC

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Black River Electric Cooperative 1121 North Pike Rd., Sumter, SC

October 17

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Upstate Regional Workshop 11471 Hwy 221, Woodruff, SC Jointly hosted by Blue Ridge Electric, Broad River Electric, Laurens Electric, Little River Electric and York Electric Cooperatives

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Sponsored by South Carolina’s electric cooperatives

Caughman-Harman Funeral Home 503 N. Lake Drive • Lexington, SC 803-359-6118

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The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Thursday, August 20, 2015 | 3

Is your data going to China?

Ashley Steele 359-7633

Tech talk

|

_

A reader emailed me last week about the viruscausing flashlight app.

According to the email and video attached, all of the top 3 flashlight applications in the iPhone store had malware that downloaded with it.

When I went snooping,

I found the video was created in 2014, an eon ago.

A year in the app world is a lifetime. The apps that were on the top last year are not necessarily there now.

Next, I found the video references the fact that when you downloaded the app you gave it permission to track you.

Well, yes, a lot of apps these days ask permission to track you for various reasons. A big one is that permissions on a phone, whether iPhone or Android, are pretty

vague. A company may have to ask for permission to access the GPS when all it really wants to know is where the phone is when it downloaded.

If an app is free, the only way they are making money off that app is from advertising. To sell advertising, they need to know how many downloads you have and where those people are located.

Once we download an app and give it permissions, we allow it onto our phones to do whatev-

er damage it was intended to do.

Does that mean you should not download apps? No, of course not.

Just be careful and make sure it is a reputable company you are downloading from. Chances are, the more downloads it has and higher rating, the better the app is.

The video attached was from Fox News and showed a security analyst who said flashlight apps steal your personal information and send it to China, India and/or Rus-

FISHING REPORT LAKE MURRAY:

sia. What he doesn’t say is that his company found no proof that these apps were malware or stole any personal data. It only showed that when you downloaded the applications, it asked for questionable permissions.

This in no way proves that these companies are stealing data.

The analyst also advises us to download a “privacy flashlight.” Those are the words he used, “privacy flashlight.”

Well, how interesting is it that in the Google Play

store is an app, by the same company called Privacy Flashlight.

So a company gets 5 minutes on a major news station to tell the public that they shouldn’t trust any application that is on the market right now but then drops the hint that there is one you can trust so go download it.

I would be more worried about what that app is hiding.

Worried about any apps? Let me know at AshleySWard58@gmail.com

Lunch Hours: Thurs & Sunday 11am-2pm Friday & Saturday 11am-3pm Dinner Fri+Sat 4pm-8pm Breakfast Buffet: Saturday 7 a.m. - 10 a.m.

Preventing Sh

Catfish: Good. While Lake Murray may be better known for its striper fishing than its catfish fishery, Captain Chris Simpson reports that anglers on his boat have been filling up coolers with channel catfish this summer. The key has been anchoring on points and humps and fancasting out dip (stink) baits, cut herring, and shrimp in 5-25 feet of water. Channels are voracious feeders in the warmer months and they can be found all over the lake, and solid numbers of 2-12 pound channel cats are being caught.

Robert S. Perry Pharmacist

ingles Shingles is a very painful blistering skin condition caused by the same virus that causes chickenpo x. Early symptom s may include numb ness, burning, itc hing and tingling.

This is followed by a red rash that usua lly starts as a sin gle line of small bump s, which then bliste r.

Shingles usually affects adults old er than 50. There is a shingles vaccine available that ma y help prevent the disease or reduce the severity if you do get it. Talk with your pharmacist or he alth care provider rega rding your need for the vaccine.

Catering is available...

Call Today!

359-2587

1207 W. Main St. Lexington Mon-Fri 8:30-6 Sat 8:30-2

SINCE 1924

Serving the community for good health prescriptions • medical equipment • compounding

408 Ervin Price Rd. Gilbert, S.C. 803-892-2502 803-351-2851

These houses of worship invite you to attend this week.

LEXINGTON 308 East Main Street, Lexington www.lexingtonbaptist.org Sundays

9:00 & 10:30 am - Blended Services Wednesday Evening Activities for all ages Senior Pastor Mike Turner

United Methodist Church

Traditional Service 8:30am, 11:00am & Tuesdays at 6:30 pm Contemporary Service 11:00am on Sunday Pastor - Ken Owens Assoc. Pastor - Weston Pendergrass 309 East Main Street • Lexington 359-6838 • www.lexumcsc.com

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Worship - 10:30am Sunday School - 9:30am Communion Every Sunday stdavid@alltel.net

www.fblex.org Sunday: 9am Blended Service 10:30am Contemporary Service Wed: 5pm Dinner 6:30pm Service

Great advertising rates!

Wednesday Bible Study 7:00 p.m.

HOLY TRINITY EVANGELICAL LUTHERAN CHURCH

Let newcomers know about your church and fellowship. Advertise for just a few dollars a week right here.

Call 359-7633.

2920 Pella Ave. – West Columbia, SC 29170 • • •

We still believe and teach: Jesus Christ is the only Savior of mankind; baptizing and teaching “all things whatsoever” His Word teaches. (Mt. 28)

Come grow with us in the knowledge of your Savior and His peace.

SS. & Bible Class: 10a.m. • Sunday worship: 11a.m.

Pastor Vance Fossum • 803-796-0005 • www.LexingtonLutheran.org

Call us!

359-7633

Classified

4 | Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

LEXINGTON COUNTY

10,000 readers

Chronicle and The Dispatch-News—since 1870

16,000 readers

Classifieds on the internet at www.lexingtonchronicle.com

www.lexingtonchronicle.com

8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m.

FOR SALE

101 Auctions 102 Garage/Yard Sales 103 Furniture 104 Appliances/TV 105 Computers 106 Spa/Pool 107 Misc. for Sale 108 Wanted to Buy

ANNOUNCEMENTS 201 Card of Thanks 202 In Memoriam 203 Misc. Announcements 204 Cemeteries 205 Lost & Found 206 Travel/Cruise 207 Business Notices 208 Instruction/Training

SERVICES

301 Misc. Services 302 Building/Contracting 303 Heating/AC

FOR SALE 101

Auctions

Abandoned Vehicle The below listed vehicles have been abandoned in Lexington County and are currently housed with the company listed below. Pursuant to applicable South Carolina law, the owner and or lien holder has the right to claim the motor vehicle within thirty (30) days after the date of this notice upon payment of all towing, preservation, and storage charges resulting from placing the vehicle in custody. The failure of the owner and or lien holder to exercise their right to reclaim the vehicle with the time provided it is deemed as a waiver by the owner and or the lien holder of all rights,title,interest,in the vehicle and consent to the sale of the vehicle at public auction. If not reclaimed within the time period outlined above the vehicle may be disposed of according to state law.

Any owner, lien holder, or other interested party should contact: Carolina Fleet

(803) 359-7633 Monday - Friday FARM/PETS

304 Income Tax Service 305 Insurance 306 Landscaping 308 Pest Control 309 Plumbing 310 Painting 311 Healthcare 312 Clerical

CHILD/ELDER CARE 501 Child Care 502 Elder Care

Abandoned Vehicle The below listed vehicles have been abandoned in Lexington County and are currently housed with the company listed below. Pursuant to applicable South Carolina law, the owner and or lien holder has the right to claim the motor vehicle within thirty (30) days after the date of this notice upon payment of all towing, preservation, and storage charges resulting from placing the vehicle in custody. The failure of the owner and or lien holder to exercise their right to reclaim the vehicle with the time provided it is deemed as a waiver by the owner and or the lien holder of

all rights,title,interest,in the vehicle and consent to the sale of the vehicle at public auction. If not reclaimed within the time period outlined above the vehicle may be disposed of according to state law.

Any owner, lien holder, or other interested party should contact the County Towing and Recovery, LLC 3085 Princeton Road West Columbia, South Carolina 29170 or 6072 St. Andrews Road Columbia, South Carolina 29212 Phone 803-955-3003 or 803-708-6017.

1996 Chevy B l a z e r V I N : 1 G N D T13W4T2061565 1996 Ford Explorer VIN: 1FMDU32X1TU051184 2012 Dodge Ram VIN: 1C6RD6FT9CS131475 1999 Ford Escort VIN: 3FAKP1132XR172615 2001 Honda Accord VIN: 1HGCG32551028358 2005 Ford Explorer VIN: 1FMZU67K85UB69619 2005 Pontiac G6 VIN: 1G2ZG558464133123 8-20

Notice of Public Sale The following vehicle(s) are declared abandoned at Aamco 2428

801 Boats 802 Campers/RVs

851 Automobiles 852 Trucks 853 Motorcycles 854 Commercial

601 Business Opportunities 602 Business Loans 603 Personal Loans 604 Investments/Stocks 701 Home Rentals 702 Apt Rentals 703 Vacation Rentals 704 Manufactured Homes 705 Commercial 706 Homes for Sale 707 Apt. for Sale 708 Mobile Home Lots 709 Lots & Acreage 710 Commercial for Sale 711 Wanted to Buy 712 Misc. Rentals

Abandoned Vehicle The below listed vehicles have been abandoned in Lexington County and are currently housed

Deadlines:

855 Statewide Classifieds PUBLIC NOTICES

REAL ESTATE

Broad River Rd. Columbia, SC 29210. Pursuant to SC Law Sections 56-5-5810, 56-5-5830 and 29-15-10.

1996 Cadillac Devi l l e V I N : 1 G 6 K D 5 2 Y5TU202300 Registered to Shaynae Law at 1420 Farrington Way Apt A, Columbia SC 29210-6088 2000 Isuzu Rodeo VIN: 4S2CK58W1Y4309093 registered to Jessica Yarborough at 110 Candar Ct Chapin SC 29036-9237 The owner(s) may reclaim the vehicle(s) within 15 days of this notice by paying the custodian all charges authorized by law.

The failure of the owner(s) to exercise their right to reclaim the vehicle(s) within the time provided may be deemed the waiver of all rights, title and interest in the vehicle(s) and their consent to sale of the vehicle(s) at public auction. Sales will take place the first Monday of the month following the expiration of 30 days from the date of this notice.

8-20

20 words or less for $20 25¢ for each additional word Ads appear in the Lexington County Chronicle, Lake Murray Fish Wrapper and on www.LexingtonChronicle.com.

TRANSPORTATION

FINANCIAL

401 Help Wanted - Misc.

402 Help Wanted - Drivers 403 Help Wanted - Labor 404 Help Wanted - Skilled 405 Help Wanted - Sales 406 Help Wanted - Office 407 Help Wanted - Management 408 Help Wanted - Medical 409 Help Wanted - Professional 450 Employment Wanted

Special Rates for Special People!

BOATS/CAMPERS

551 Dogs/Cats/Pets 552 Livestock 553 Farm Products

EMPLOYMENT

(803) 796-5073 2003 Ford Ranger VIN: 1FTYR44E83PA99829 1989 Ford Mustang VIN: 1FABP42E8KF268935 2002 Ford Explorer VIN: 1FMZU67E42UC76026 2 0 11 To y o t a Ta coma VIN: 5TFTU4CN7BX001219 2000 Mercury Sable VIN: 1MEFM55S0YA621944 8-20

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Legals: 5 p.m. Friday for following Thursday publication.

Line Classifieds: Noon Monday for Thursday publication. Holidays are an exception. Call for details.

900 Legals 901 Master In Equity Foreclosures Rates: $20 a week for 1 week $18 a week for 2 weeks $16 a week for 3 weeks $14 a week for 4 weeks

By Mail: Enclose payment with ad copy and mail to Lexington County Chronicle, PO Box 9, Lexington SC 29071

By Phone: Call 803-359-7633 to charge to your VISA or MC account.

All classified advertising is prepaid.

58W0Y4319436 2003 Chevrolet Impala VIN: 2G1WF52E139301183 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee VIN: 1J4EZ78Y2TC103805 1987 Chev Custom pkp VIN: 1GCDR14H9HF311934 2001 Saturn L300 VIN: 1G8ZF52811Z281626 2009 Chrysler PT Cruiser VIN: 3A8FY48939T607063 2011 Ford Edge VIN: 2FMDK4GC8BBB04350 2003 Ford Taurus VIN: 1FAFP55S93G244891 2 0 0 4 N i s san Frontier VIN: 1N6DD26T24C461933 2007 Honda Accord VIN: 1HGCM82607A006517 1999 Acura TL 3.2 VIN: 19UUA5645XA022393 2000 Mazda MPV VIN: JM3LW28G7Y0151414 2001 Volvo C70 VIN: YV1NK53D51J025512 1998 Nissan Sentra VIN: 1N4AB41D4WC738601 2 0 0 5 To y o ta Camry VIN: 4T1BE32K75U516006 2008 Dodge 2500 VIN: 3D7KS28A28G117426 2014 Mitsubishi Outlander VIN: 4A4AP3AU5EE007449 2 0 0 0 C h e v r o -

with the company listed below. Pursuant to applicable South Carolina law, the owner and or lien holder has the right to claim the motor vehicle within thirty (30) days after the date of this notice upon payment of all towing, preservation, and storage charges resulting from placing the vehicle in custody. The failure of the owner and or lien holder to exercise their right to reclaim the vehicle with the time provided it is deemed as a waiver by the owner and or the lien holder of all rights,title,interest,in the vehicle and consent to the sale of the vehicle at public auction. If not reclaimed within the time period outlined above the vehicle may be disposed of according to state law.

Any owner, lien holder, or other interested party should contact: W i n g a r d To w i n g Service at 1809 Augusta Rd., West Columbia, S.C. 29169.

1993 Buick Skylark VIN: 1G4NV14N8PC292827 2001 Oldsmobile Intrigue VIN: 1G3WX52H91F165730 2000 Isuzu Rodeo VIN: 4S2CK-

let Cavalier VIN: 1G1JC124317230800 1 9 9 8 C h e v rolet Lumina VIN: 2G1WL52M5W9122746 8-20

102

garage/yard sales

Yard Sale 202 Augusta St. W Columbia Friday & Saturday 7amuntil. Rods & reels, lots of misc great deals.

Bargins galore.

8-20

Customer Appreciation Sale 8-22-15 Oak St. Vintage Mall, 141 N. Oak St. Batesburg (803)317-6033 20 Dealers - Come Join Us. 8-20

by mail.

8-27

402

help wanted drivers

USC Carolina Shuttle now hiring parttime CDL Bus Drivers.

Apply a@ http://hr.sc. edu and search Requistion #002390. Call 803-777-3821 8-20

Drivers: SE DEDICATED RUN NC,SC, FL, GA, TN, MS, AL Areas Home Weekly/ Full Benefit Pkg. 100% No Touch/75% Drop & Hook CDL A with 1 yr. experience 888406-9046

help wanted misc.

Red Bank Baptist Church in Lexington, SC is seeking a part time Minister to Children.

Resumes can be submitted to the Personnel Committee via email at finance@rbbcsc.org or

UFN

408

help wanted medical

CNA/Caregivers In home care for the elderly with flexible schedule. Positions in Cola, Lex, Irmo, NE, Camden and local areas. Hiring all shifts.

Apply online today at www.retireease.com 9-3

real estate

8-27

405

employment help wanted sales 401

have a minimum two years sales experience, please contact Linda Sauls at lindasauls11@ yahoo.com

Sales job of your DRE A M S Frustrated with cold calling?

Tired of prospects telling you that advertising doesn’t work?

We can teach you the inside secrets of selling by referral and direct response advertising that generates sales.

If you love sales and

709

lots & acreage

waterfront lot on lake Murray/ 8/10acre w/150+ feet on lake approved for private dock. $120,000.

Call 803-732-2411.

2015

statewide

classifieds ANNOUNCEMENTS Struggling with

DRUGS or ALCOHOL? Addicted to PILLS? Talk to someone who cares.

Call The Addiction Hope & Help Line for a free assessment. 866-6046857 8-20

Tuesday, August 25, 2015 is the last day to redeem winning tickets in the following South Carolina Education Lottery Instant Games: (SC712) Money on the Spot; (SC731) Stacks of Green; (SC694) BIG DEAL; (SC707) DOUBLE YOUR MONEY; (SC716) MUSTACHE CASH; (SC722) THE REINDEER GAME; (SC729) DIAMONDS AND PEARLS 8-20

CPAP/BIPAP supplies at little or no cost from Allied Medical Supply Network! Fresh supplies delivered right to your door. Insurance may cover all costs. 800764-8051 8-20

Got Knee Pain?

Back Pain? Shoulder Pain? Get a pain-relieving brace -little or NO cost to you. Medicare Patients Call Health Hotline Now! 1- 800815-6016 8-20

Wonder Woman wanted to fill these shoes!

Call Linda for the job of your dreams, today.

803-359-7633

À V i Ê 8 /" Ê " 1 / 9

/ iÊ Ã«>ÌV iÜà - Ê£nÇä

Business Directory Lexington County Chronicle AND The Dispatch-News—SINCE 1870

Holly

Linda

To place your ad, call Linda or Holly at 803-359-7633.

FOR FIRST-CLASS PROFESSIONAL SERVICES AND PRODUCTS

Your Hometown Realtor!

803-206-7025

adamrepa@yahoo.com see all area listings at: www.adambedenbaugh.com

9-24

9-3

Call us, today!

803-359-7633

Why is she smiling?

Because her business is growing twice as fast as her competitor’s. She markets through the Chronicle.

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Thursday, August 20, 2015 | 5

Genealogy Studies

Grab some friends and family and head out to a blowfish game!

For tickets and more information www.goblowfishbaseball.com

Open to the Public West Columbia, SC, August 29, 2015: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is opening a Family History Center at the Church’s Stake Center located at 1330 Whippoorwill Drive, West Columbia, South Carolina, August 29, 2015 from 10:00 am to 2:00 pm for the benefit of those who are interested in doing their genealogy or learning how to start this most favorite hobby. We will also be celebrating a Family Discovery Day Event. Light refreshments will be available. Family History Consultants will be on hand to assist you in your research. A variety of research programs will be available free of charge to those doing their research in this new Family History Center.

Contact: Doris W Simmons cell 803-530-0617 or church 803-791-5366.

Sew, you want to do more?

Monograms Custom Embroidery Services Fabrics & Precuts Sewing/Quilting Classes & Supplies Embroidery Machines

20% OFF $30 or more 120 Ellis Avenue, Suite A, Lexington, SC 29072

www.sewsuitestudio.c om

Grey hair no more Adorn Salon Studio

120 Ellis Ave. Suite D Lexington SC 29072 (803) 358-8112

Coye Jones, Owner, Stylist Aly Garcia, Stylist Brittany Smith, Stylist Dawn Lundeen, Stylist

(803) 736-3110 Online at

www.AllSouth.org 701 North Lake Drive or Hwy 6 at Platt Springs Rd. Walmart *Approval is based on credit worthiness; existing AllSouth auto loans are not eligible for this promotion; minimum loan amount of $5,000; interest will continue to accrue during the 90 days with no payment; $100 will be deposited into your account when the loan is established. Federally Insured by the NCUA.

6 | Thursday, August 20, 2015

Funeral Plans As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements.

His son says, “We’ll make a real big thing out of it.

We’ll have five hundred people. We’ll order fifty limos.”

His daughter retorts, “Why do you want to waste money like that? We’ll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us.”

They proceed. His grandson says, “We’ll have lots of flowers. We’ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies, dozens and dozens.”

His daughter again responds, “What a waste!

We’ll have one little bouquet, that’s enough.”

Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, “Why don’t you get me my pants? I’ll just walk to the cemetery.”

Cat Quotes “There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.”

“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.”

“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.”

“In a cat’s eye, all things belong to cats.”

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.”

“One cat just leads to another.” - Ernest Hemingway “Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”

“Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.”

“People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.”

“Cats aren’t clean, they’re covered with cat spit.”

Taxes Tax his land, tax his wage, Tax his bed in which he lays.

Tax his tractor, tax his mule, Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat, Tax his pants, tax his coat.

Tax his ties, tax his shirts, Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke, Teach him taxes are no joke.

Tax his car, tax his gravel, Tax the roads he must travel.

Tax his tobacco, tax his drink, Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his booze, tax his beers, If he cries, tax his tears.

Tax his bills, tax his gas, Tax his notes, tax his cash.

Tax him good and let him know That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, tax him more, Tax him until he’s good and sore.

Tax his coffin, tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he lays.

Put these words upon his tomb, “Taxes drove me to my doom!”

And when he’s gone, we won’t relax, We’ll then collect the inheritance TAX. Ways to Tell You’re a

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

It’s a Dog’s Life

By Scoop Bellune New Father Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.

The sentence, “Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?” sounds normal.

You are used to doing everything one-handed.

The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.

The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.

Your idea of romance is hand-holding.

You answer the question “How are you?” with “We’re fine.”

You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt’s main color.

Fatherly Knowledge A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”

The father thought for a moment, then replied, “I don’t really know, son.”

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, “How do fish breath underwater?”

Once again the father replied, “Don’t really know, son.”

A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”

Again, the father replied.

“Don’t really know, son.”

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, “Dad, do you mind me asking you all of these questions?”

“Of course not son. How else are you ever going to learn anything?” replied his father Supermarket Hysteria In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that contained a screaming, bellowing baby.

The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream,

Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.”

A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert.”

The man looked at her and said, “Lady, I’m Albert.”

mechanical engineering.

That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to

be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”

Dr. Leroy nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”

The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”

Big Mouth Two guys are driving down the highway when they get pulled over by a state trooper.

The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, “Why’d you do that?

The trooper says, “In this State, son, when I pull you over, you’ll have your license ready.”

Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”

The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”

The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true.”

The passenger says, “Huh?” The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road, big mouth, you’re gonna say, “I wish that sucker would’ve tried that with me!’”

Being a Teapot Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.

“So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”

The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for

Lexington Medical Center Presents a Free

Physician

Lecture Series Lexington Medical Center is pleased to present a monthly lecture series featuring physicians speaking about medical topics that are important to our community.

Monday, August 24th @ 6:00 p.m.

What’s in a name?

If you find yourself trying to decide between a brand medication or generic, we can help. The medication in both is the same. What’s different are the fillers, tablet coatings and price. When it comes to understanding medications, we’re always glad to help.

Breathe Easy: Coping with Acute Sinusitis Neal W. Burkhalter, MD Lexington ENT & Allergy

Lexington Medical Park 1 Auditorium Light Refreshments

FREE to the public

LexMed.com

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Thursday, August 20, 2015 | 7

COUCH THEATER -- DVD PREVIEWS

By Sam Struckhoff Danner explores every part of her character. The movie as a whole has a great sense of pacing and balance between heavy and light moments, making it a strong film that’s easy to watch.

Blythe Danner in “I’ll See You in My Dreams”

EDITOR’S NOTE: DVDs reviewed in this column are available in stores the week of August 31, 2015.

PICKS OF THE WEEK “I’ll See You in My Dreams” (PG-13) -- Carol (Blythe Danner, making an excellent turn as the lead of a film) is a retired teach-

er and vocalist, whose been living alone since her husband passed 20 years ago.

She’s trying to find her way without moving into the retirement community with her gal pals. She learns how to enjoy this new phase in her life through an unlikely friendship with her pool cleaner, Lloyd (Martin Starr). While that friend-

ship helps her connect with a lost part of herself, Carol also is drawn into a romance with the handsome and age-appropriate Bill (Sam Elliot, whom you may recognize as the stoic cowboy from every movie ever).

The script cleverly dodges cliches endemic to retirement-age dramas and lets

“Mad Max: Fury Road” (R) -- The Road Warrior rides again in this glorious spectacle of roaring machines and suicidal stunts.

Tom Hardy stars as the titular lunatic hero, who starts the film caught in a white-knuckle chase with an army of crazed marauders hot on his dust-trail.

Max’s life is in the makeshift mechanical hand of the movie’s real hero, Imperator Furiosa (an almost unrecognizable Charlize Theron, ruling the screen with a steel grip).

Instead of going the usual reboot-route of giving us another origin story for an already-loved protagonist, this movie has the respect to start us off in the thick of the action and let the pieces of the story jostle into place along the ride -and it works. If we’re going to get a glut of franchise films every year, may there be more like this one: True to what was great about the original, and more than able to rock in their own right.

“Boulevard” (R) -- Nolan (Robin Williams) is a quiet man dealing with the passing of his parents and a gap between him and his wife (Kathy Baker). On late-night drives from the nursing home, Nolan is

drawn to a young male prostitute. Williams gives a nuanced and restrained performance in this dower drama that’s unfortunately weighed down with some cheesy dialog. While this is his last dramatic feature, Williams’ final appearance is set to release in a sci-fi comedy with an ensemble of British comedians who can operate at his comic velocity.

“Good Kill” (R) -- Thomas Egan (Ethan Hawke) is a veteran Air Force pilot, whose latest mission has him blowing up Taliban from an air-conditioned drone-control base in Las Vegas. As his targets erupt on video monitors, the sea-

soned soldier struggles to make sense of his role in this new kind of war. This struggle pushes him ever further from his vexed wife, Molly (January Jones of TV’s “Mad Men”), and forces him to question his core beliefs about war.

TV RELEASES “Star Wars Rebels: Complete Season 1” “Texas Rising” “Vampire Diaries: Season 6” “The Originals: Season 2” “Scorpion: Season 1” (c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.

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For women with dense breast tissue or those at high risk of developing breast cancer, 3-D mammograms can provide a clearer, more detailed view of breast tissue, and can lead to easier and earlier breast cancer detection.

As the first in the Midlands to offer this state-of-the-art technology, Lexington Medical Center is fighting breast cancer one millimeter at a time.

Call (803) 791-2486 to schedule an appointment or visit LexMed.com to learn more.

8 | Thursday, August 20, 2015

The Lake Murray Fish Wrapper | www.lexingtonchronicle.com

Your weekly guide to area events

new or cleaned, gently used backpacks. Dona-

events FOLKFABULOUS: Free and open to the public music festival Aug. 22, 11 a.m.-5 p.m., in front of the McKissick Museum on USC’s historic Horseshoe in Columbia. Folk artists include the great Drink Small, Mill Billy Blues, Minister Jarell Smalls, Palmetto Blue, John Thomas Fowler, El-Shaddai Ambassador’s Choir, and Grupo Frenesi Digital. Instrument makers will demonstrate. Food Truck Rodeo. Info: artsandsciences.sc. edu/mckissickmuseum.

Martha’s Market​: Sept. 12, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Union United Methodist Church Family Ministry Center, 7582 Woodrow St., Irmo. 70+ vendors selling crafts, jewelry, art, homemade goods, soaps, boutique clothes, scarfs, etc. Free event! Free kids Activities!!

Bring granola bars, individually packaged fruit cups, individually packaged pudding, or monetary donation and receive a FREE shopping bag to help benefit the Snack Pack program. Breakfast and lunch may be purchased to benefit church missions. ​Info: www.facebook. com/marthasmarketuumcirmo or email us.

BBQ & BAZAAR: Sept. 16, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., Pisgah Lutheran Church, 1350 Pisgah Church Rd., Lexington. One-of-a-kind crafts plus branded merchandise on sale. Purchase BBQ tickets in advance at church or call 803-359-2223 M-F 8 a.m.3 p.m. Grilled whole Boston butts $40, whole chicken $10, BBQ plate $8 with 1/2 chicken, baked beans, cole slaw, pickles and roll), pound of pork BBQ $8. Pick up BBQ noon to 3 p.m.

BACKPACK PROJECT: The Woman’s Society of Batesburg-Leesville is preparing for its annual Operation Backpack Project collecting school supplies for needy children in Lexington County District Three Grade K-5 through 8. Need backpacks, also. Accepting

tion boxes are at Black’s Tire Service, Inc., 104 North Pine St., Economy Furniture Company, 120 Main Street, First Citizens Bank 129 North Pine Street, and Shear Pleasure Styling Salon 112 West Church Street, Batesburg. Info: e-mail loisblack@sc.rr.com or call 803532-5469 or 803-604-9382.

HISTORIC CEMETERY TOURS: Historic Columbia is offering two Elmwood Cemetery tours. Secrets From The Grave will be offered the 2nd Thursday of each month at 7:30 p.m.

Moonlight Cemetery Tours are offered the 2nd Thursday of each month through September at 8 and 8:30 p.m. Bring a flashlight. Tickets for adults $12, youth $6; member tickets $8 and $4. Purchase tickets at historiccolumbia.org or email reservations@historiccolumbia.com or cal 803-252-1770, ext. 23.

Tours last about an hour.

ST. ALBAN’S YARD SALE: St. Alban’s Episcopal Church, 403 Park Road, Lexington, will hold its Indoor Yard Sale August 22, 8 a.m.–1 p.m. Proceeds benefit Missions in Ecuador. Info: Church Office 3592444.

LAKE MURRAY STAND UP PADDLEBOARD CLASSIC: September 26, 8 a.m.-4 p.m. on Lake Murray with more than 25 participants. Proceeds benefit Special Olympics..

Spectators free. SCE&G Public beach and park, Lexington side of the dam. After party at the British Bulldog, 1220 Bower Pkwy, Columbia. Contact Rick or Grace for race registration information (903) 994-9535.

Haunted History Halloween Program Tours: start at 7 pm and 8 pm Oct. 29-30 at Lexington County Museum Complex Free admission for members of the Friends of the Museum This family-friendly event focuses on some of the spookier aspects of Lexington County history.

Lessons/seminars

ADULT COMPUTER COURSES: Lexington One Adult Education offers free courses for those 18 and older at Rosenwald Community Center, 420 Hendrix St., Lexington, Thursdays, 6-9 p.m. Courses include: August 20 – Computer Basics​; ​August 27 – Microsoft Word​; ​September 3 – Microsoft Excel​; ​September 10 – Microsoft PowerPoint​; October 1 – Computer Basics​; ​October 8 – Microsoft Word​; ​October 15 – Microsoft Excel; ​October 22 – Microsoft PowerPoint​; ​November 12 – Computer Basics​; ​November 19 – Microsoft Word​; ​ December 3 – Microsoft Excel​; ​ December 10 – Microsoft PowerPoint​. Call to register, (803) 821-2950​.​ ​Info: http://www.lexington1.net/schools/adult-ed​.

SQ. DANCE/LINE DANCE LESSONS: Sundays, 2-4 p.m., Hugh Dimmery Memorial Center, 680 Cherokee Ln., West Columbia. $5 per class.

Sponsored by The Columbia Twirlers, 803-7720546 or http://www.scsquaredance.com/ or http://www.thebarnsc. com/ HELP FOR COUNTY VETERANS: Veterans’ Affairs Officer Ed Lundeen meets Veterans, surviv-

ing spouses, dependents and beneficiaries at area Gaston Library first Thursday each month – 10 a.m.-12 p.m.; Chapin Library, first Friday of each month – 9 a.m.-11 a.m.; and BatesburgLeesville Library, second Friday of each month – 10 a.m.-noon. The office provides education, advice and assistance in filing VA claims and information regarding VA programs. Appointments encouraged, call 803785-8400 Monday-Friday 8am-5pm.

meetings Lexington county community mental health: Board of Directors will meet at 5:30p.m.

Monday, August 24, 2015 at 301 Palmetto Park Boulevard. Residents of Lexington County are invited.

PINE RIDGE WOMEN’S CLUB: Meets 3rd Thursday each month September through May at Pine Ridge Town Hall. Info: Hazel Kanipe, 803-755-9995.

CAREGIVER RELIEF: Babcock Center is launching WOW! Seniors Program, made possible through a grant from the United Way of the Midlands, to provide

caregiver relief opportunities on the weekends for those caring for people with intellectual disabilities, autism and related disabilities age 55 and older within their home. Program runs 8 a.m.–4 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays at sites located in Richland and Lexington counties. Free to individuals who are not currently receiving supports through the Department of Disabilities and Special Needs. Information, call Marcus Smith, 799-1970.

museums EDVENTURE CHILDREN’S MUSEUM: A learning experience especially for children 12 and under, MondaySaturday 9 a.m.-5 p.m. and Sundays noon to 5 p.m. 211 Gervais Street, Columbia, Children and Adults: $11.50; Seniors (62+): $10.50; Military (with ID): $10.50; Members: Free; Children under one: Free. Info: 803 779 3100 LEXINGTON COUNTY MUSEUM: Collection of antebellum buildings and artifacts. Tues.-Sat 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Sunday 1-4 p.m. Closed Mondays and holidays. 231 Fox Street at U.S. 378 (Columbia Ave.) Adults $5, children $2. Info: 3598369.

SC ARCHIVES & HISTORY CENTER: Open MonFri, 8:45 a.m. - 4:45 p.m., at 8301 Parklane Road, Columbia.

COLUMBIA MUSEUM OF ART: Corner Main and Hampton, Columbia. Tu. Fri. 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Sat-

If you have numbness or tingling in your feet, read this. Ask yourself, “Have I ever been diagnosed with a condition called neuropathy? Do I suffer from Diabetes? Do I take a statin drug? Do I really WANT relief with my neuropathy symptoms?”

If so…

What Are Your Symptoms?

If you‟ve ever had symptoms like: - leg cramps, - swelling, - sharp pains from you back, - shooting, electric-like pains, - pain when walking, - muscle weakness, - poor balance, or - open sores or ulcers on your feet, you have to take this seriously.

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reunions WEED: Weed family reunion is Aug. 23, 1:30 p.m., Salem Methodist Church on Salem Methodist Church Rd., Ballentine.​ MTC RADIOLOGY REUNION: Midlands Technical College will have a radiology reunion and a celebration of the retirement of Dr. Bill Mulkey Nov. 6, 6:30 p.m., at DoubleTree Hotel on Bush River Road. Contact mulkeyradreunion@gmail.com​ for details and reservations.

RAWL: Descendants of Phillip I. and Martha Adrian Harman Rawl will meet August 23, 1 p.m., at St. John’s Lutheran church parish building,213 St. John’s Road (7 miles west of Lexington, S.C. off U.S. Highway 378.). Family members and friends invited. Please bring a picnic lunch and tea.

Want Fast Relief From Your Neuropathy Symptoms?

I am a practicing doctor in Lexington, SC and I‟ve developed an exclusive neuropathy system that is completely SAFE, has been proven to work, and is non-invasive. It‟s based on „scientific principles‟ that cause internal changes so your body heals. You‟ll finally start to get some relief and it‟s strictly administered along common-sense protocols by my staff and myself.

17.95

urday 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun. 12 p.m.-5 p.m.

Closed Mondays. Adults $10, Students $5. Every Sunday is free. Info 7992810. Free admission to all active duty military personnel and their families.

S.C. STATE MUSEUM: 301 Gervais St., 8984921. Adults $7, seniors $6, children 3-12 $5, under 3 free, Military discount.

When you have neuropathy, you lose your strength, your vitality, and you will suffer needlessly. And on top of all of that, you AGE prematurely because you‟re either always sitting, or you hobble around like a disabled person. That will change after you start receiving this amazing technology. You may be suffering now, but within a few

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I don‟t know if you qualify, without examining you. Most people that come to the office admit they have a fear of failure, but surprisingly, instead of having their hopes smashed again, they get RELIEF. And all neuropathy patients go through a thorough screening to find out if they qualify. That way I know whether or not I can help you. If I do an evaluation and it does not appear that you will be a good candidate, you will NOT be accepted.

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1926 South Lake Dr.

Lexington, SC 29073 Fish Wrapper storm team forecast friday Saturday pm partly cloudy t-storms HI 92|LO 72 Prec chance: 50%

HI 91|LO 71

Prec chance: 0%

sunday mostly sunny HI 92|LO 72 Prec chance: 20%

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MONday mostly sunny HI 94|LO 69 Prec chance: 20%

803.359.0793

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