ISSUE 017 JUNE 2012 THEFIGHTMAG.COM
TRUE LOVE
The Next Step In Gay Liberation
BAD TRADITION
Using The Past To Veto The Future
PROUD RECOVERY
Overcoming The Demon Of Addiction
GRINDR FOUNDER
JOEL SIMKHAI ZERO FEET AWAY
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18 THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT 20 PERSONAL PRIDE 22 BEST PLACE IN EUROPE TO BE GAY 24 ZERO FEET AWAY 30 PROFILES IN COURAGE 33 IN & OUT 34 PRIDE AND RECOVERY 38 DISREGARDING TRADITION
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Celebs Respond to Obama’s Marriage Support
The Next Step In Gay Liberation
ILGA Rates 49 Countries
Grindr’s Founder & CEO Joel Simkhai
Stepping Forward For Marriage Equality
Queen Latifah Denies; Jim Parson Confirms
Jeremy Manning On Overcoming Addiction
ISSUE 017 JUNE 2012 THEFIGHTMAG.COM
TRUE LOVE
The Next Step In Gay Liberation
BAD TRADITION
Using The Past To Veto The Future
PROUD RECOVERY
Overcoming The Demon Of Addiction
GRINDR FOUNDER
JOEL SIMKHAI ZERO FEET AWAY
+
LA PRIDE GUIDE PARADE, FESTIVAL
GRAND MARSHALL
Using The Past To Veto The Future
1824333444
THE COLUMNS 14 16 28 32 36 40 42 44 45 46 THEFIGHT
THE STATE OC Says No To Harvey Milk Day THE CITY The Other Side, Flying Leap Closes THE ROSTOW REPORT Prison Camp, Anyone? THE MIND Dr. Philip Pierce THE FAMILY Same Sex Couples Resources THE EPIDEMIC Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy THE LAW Court Rules DOMA Unconstitutional THE CALENDAR Los Angeles Pride Guide THE RAINBOW WARRIOR Dave Davenport THE FINAL FIGHT With Friends Like These 8
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Editor-in-Chief STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Managing Editor MARK ARIEL Creative Direction POPTHEPIXEL.COM Marketing Consultants LISA RADAMAKER JOHN MICHAEL GAMBAN SCOTT VOGEL Webmaster JAMES MICHAEL GOMEZ Contributing Writers ANN ROSTOW PHILIP PIERCE, PH.D. THOMAS MONDRAGON, LMFT ZINNIA JONES MARCUS KNIGHT
“It’s not about being proud of the fact that you just so happen to be gay. It’s about being proud of living openly and without shame in a world that stands against you.”
F
or more than a few people, this month’s Pride celebration may “trigger feelings of profound sadness, of being an outsider, of not being part of the ‘scene,’” states Los Angeles based clinical psychologist DR. PHILIP PIERCE, in his column “The Mind” in this issue on page 32. “Perhaps,” states Pierce, “it’s because you’re not ‘partnered up,’ or don’t enjoy large social gatherings, or feel that you’re not, well... good enough.” “This separateness and sense of inferiority can feel depressingly familiar to what you may have experienced as a child, often hiding portions of your life,” says Pierce. “That hiding of identity, in either big or small ways, still affects the lives of the majority of gay people.” “There are some people out there who’d like it if we were ashamed of ourselves. They’d prefer that we keep this a secret for our entire lives, or better yet, that we didn’t exist at all,” states THE FIGHT contributor ZINNIA JONES. “To them, being gay should be seen as something unmentionable and not suitable for polite conversation. And they certainly don’t want us to be okay with who we are.” “Taking pride in being gay serves as a direct response to the people trying to
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shame us into silence,” says Jones. “It means rejecting the idea that it should be some kind of terrible secret for us to hide. So we don’t hide. We have a massive public celebration of our lives. If people are going to condemn us for who we are, this is our answer to that. It’s not about being proud of the fact that you just so happen to be gay. It’s about being proud of living openly and without shame in a world that stands against you. It’s a spirited declaration that we do exist, we’re okay with being gay, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
If you would like to offer The Fight at your location, please call 323-297-4001 PUBLISHER Third Step, Inc. DISTRIBUTION Pride in Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, Inc. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone 323-297-4001 Fax 213-281-9648 Email info@thefightmag.com
THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS
STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief
By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and soley responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents ©2011 Third Step, Inc., all rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine, and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion. www.thefightmag.com
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DAY
s cities and schools across California celebrated the 82nd birthday of slain gay rights activist HARVEY MILK last month, Orange County elected officials remained silent, reports The Los Angeles Times. Activists, for the second year, asked Orange County supervisors to recognize Milk’s birthday with a proclamation, but the board declined the opportunity, as it did last year. One of the supervisors, Janet Nguyen, walked from the board room shortly after the activists began their presentation. Last year, Nguyen also left the meeting as the activists spoke. The speakers, members of local gay rights groups, began a letter, postcard and phone campaign to the supervisors about two months ago to push for the proclamation. “We’ve been ignored,” Archer Altstaetter, the founder of the Orange County Equality Coalition, told The Los Angeles Times. California first officially marked May 22 as Harvey Milk Day in 2009. Last month San Diego named a street in his honor, while Long Beach broke ground on Harvey Milk Promenade Park.
California first officially marked May 22 as Harvey Milk Day in 2009. Last month San Diego named a street in his honor, while Long Beach broke ground on Harvey Milk Promenade Park. Getting the county to embrace the activism of the former San Francisco supervisor would be a meaningful step toward erasing what activists see as an ugly chapter in Orange County’s past. One of Milk’s final battles was to take on then-state Sen. John V. Briggs, a Fullerton resident who championed a state initiative that would have essentially given school boards the right to fire openly gay teachers. The discord between Milk and the Orange County legislator was depicted in scenes in “Milk,” the movie in which Sean Penn played the activist. At one point in the film, one of Milk’s colleagues asks how many signatures would be needed to put the Briggs initiative on the ballot. “Whatever it is,” someone says, “they’ll get it in two Sundays at church in Orange ... County.” The initiative was soundly defeated statewide in 1978. Voters in Orange County also rejected it, though by a narrower margin. Shawn Nelson was the lone supervisor to respond to the activists last month, pointing out that the county receives a “laundry list” of days to dedicate. But he said that if other days are set aside in someone’s honor, then Milk’s birthday should be too.
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THE OTHER SIDE, FLYING LEAP CLOSES The Other Side, one of the last gay bars in Silver Lake and one of the city’s last remaining piano bars, is closing on June 24, 2012 and will be replaced with a sports bar, reports The Eastsider LA at www. theeastsiderla.com. The new “Hyperion Public” will also be taking over the Flying Leap Cafe, which is next door on Hyperion Avenue and shares a common owner with The Other Side. Over the past few years gay shops and businesses in Silverlake have begun fading away. Cuffs Bar, for example, on Hyperion Avenue is now Hyperion Tavern and Detour on Sunset Boulevard is now 4100 Bar; the Black Cat Tavern was reshaped into Le Barcito, which held strong for many years as one of the longest running gay bars in the area before closing last fall.
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THE ABBEY BANS BACHLORETTE PARTIES West Hollywood’s The Abbey has banned bachelorette parties until marriage is legal for everyone. David Cooley, founder and president of The Abbey, said in a press release that he is flooded with requests for bachelorette parties but that many of the girls who come there to celebrate pending nuptials are “completely unaware” that the people around them aren’t allowed to get married. The bachleorette party ban comes on the heels of a ban on gay marriage in North Carolina. The Abbey hopes other gay bars will institute similar bans.
The Fight 11
THANK YOU MR. PRESIDENT CELEBS RESPOND TO OBAMA’S SUPPORT OF GAY MARRIAGE
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Obama gets it right on gay marriage. Bravo.
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No wo r joy wit ds can expr e standin h Obama an ss my d Bide g f o r n every in the rig be tre dividual to mhts of ated w ith eq arry and f you uality. proud o es, yes, o s m a Y I bama. O t n e id . ime Pres about t yes, it is
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PERSONALPRIDE THE NEXT STEP IN GAY LIBERATION IS ABOUT THE CONSCIOUS REVOLUTIONARY RELATIONSHIP TO VISIONARY GAY LOVE THAT COMES THROUGH A FELT EXPERIENCE WITHIN THE GAY MIND AND HEART
BY
THOMAS MONDRAGON
W
ith the summer months upon us, when we look back to 1970 and the beginning of the LGBT rights movement, on the one hand we have much to celebrate in the many important gains made regarding our civil rights. And, we can also see how much more there is to go when we see so many examples of outright bias and violence towards LGBT people in this country. Celebrating Pride is very understandable reference to a self-esteem that has developed around being able to claim an open identity as LGBT. Yet, how many times have you heard that Pride has become too commercialized? Not connected enough to its history and meaning? As if something has been lost from the earlier days of the Gay Liberation Movement? This speaks to a time and place where there was much less pride, healthy self-esteem or safety in being openly and visible gay - both to ourselves and to others. A time and place where shame and self-hatred ruled the psyche of most gay, lesbian, sexual and transgender individuals. And, in this season of pride, perhaps it is also important to remember how much work still needs to be done. I’m speaking not only of LGBT societal and cultural activism, but also in an ongoing activistic relationship to our inner worlds of feelings as LGBT. One of the hallmarks of healthy mental functioning is having the ability to live a life of balance. There are many balances to strive
THEFIGHT
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for - the balance between eating nutritious food and having a great dessert now and then. The balance between getting enough physically supportive exercise versus overdoing it or not getting enough. The balance between celebrating the progress we have made as LGBT people and addressing the reality of the heterosexism and homophobia that still permeates the culture. And a too often overlooked balance is the one between the extroverted lives we lead and a healthy relationship each person needs to have to an inner life in the mind and heart of each individual. What are the signs of an imbalance between the inner and outer experience in your life? One of the glaring signs are feelings of insecurity, shame, fear, anger that are often unrecognized, undealt with and maybe not even felt in a direct noticeable way. Feelings that you started having about yourself as a young gay, bisexual or transgender kid. Feelings don’t go away just because we don’t want to feel or express them, so they do a really creative thing - feelings come out in other ways and forms. If you are a gay man, you might experience depression, anxiety, compulsive sex and substance abuse, unsafe sex, eating disorders, an obsession with you body and looks, or a numbness and dissatisfaction with where you are in life - all these can be signposts of an inner life out of balance. In a way, these types of behaviors and states are signals in the extroverted realm of our conscious experience that something on the inner realm is crying for attention, calling us to stop and to ask - what’s going on with my
feelings that I need to feel into and examine? Imagine working with your feelings as a regular part of your conscious waking life, as a regular part of experiencing the magical soulful journey of being gay. “What am I feeling?” - a simple little question that can transform how you feel in your body, how you relate to others, and how you have the most valuable and important relationship you can have with anyone - your self. Imagine that feelings are like persons in your psyche, wanting to be heard and related with, just as you wanted to be seen and heard as a young gay boy. Imagine that your psyche is speaking to you through your erotic longings of homosexual libido when you find yourself turned on by another man. Imagine that besides the literal experience you could also feel into an inner hot man that symbolizes our inherent drive towards greater psychological integration of all the parts of ourselves and the sense of aliveness this could bring. The Stone-
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The Stonewall Rebellion and the early Gay Liberation Movement were the opening up of the possibility of gay self-realization
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wall Rebellion and the early Gay Liberation Movement were the opening up of the possibility of gay self-realization. Forty-three years later, imagine that the next step in gay liberation is about the conscious revolutionary relationship to visionary gay love that comes through a felt experience within the gay mind and heart. MENTION THIS AD FOR FREE INSPECTION
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BEST PLACE IN EUROPE
TO BE GAY BRITAIN IS NOW THE EUROPEAN CAPITAL OF GAY RIGHTS BY
VICTOR MELAMED
THE FIVE HIGHEST SCORING COUNTRIES - OUT OF THE MAXIMUM OF 30 POINTS - ARE: UNITED KINGDOM GERMANY AND SPAIN SWEDEN BELGIUM
(21 points) (20 points each) (18 points) (17 points)
10 COUNTRIES ARE IN THE NEGATIVE ZONE AND DO NOT MEET THE BASIC REQUIREMENTS OF HUMAN RIGHTS STANDARDS: MOLDOVA AND RUSSIA (-4.5 points each) ARMENIA, AZERBAIJAN, MACEDONIA, UKRAINE (-4 points each) MONACO, SAN MARINO AND TURKEY (-3 points each) BELARUS AND LIECHTENSTEIN (-1 point each) A simple fact remains: on average, the level of legal equality continues to be very low in most countries.
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B
ritain’s recognition of civil partnerships and its antidiscrimination laws have propelled it to the top of the European International Lesbian and Gay Association Europe (ILGA-Europe) index, which rates 49 countries on more than 40 categories. Scotland played a “leading role” in the UK’s success, said an ILGA-Europe spokesperson, who pointed out that hate crimes “aggravated” by gender identity are explicitly recognized by Scottish law. “The UK is among the countries where LGBTI people feel much safer and more secure,” he said, adding that social and cultural attitudes were not considered in the report. ILGA-Europe’s Annual Review and the Rainbow Map give an overall picture of the current state of play of the human rights of LGBTI people in Europe. From a legal perspective, the ILGA-Europe Rainbow Map shows that none of the countries in Europe can claim to provide full legal equality for LGBTI people.
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ZERO FEET AWAY GRINDR’S FOUNDER AND CEO JOEL SIMKHAI ON COMING OUT, LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, AND THE MOMENT HE REALIZED HIS APP HAD BECOME A GLOBAL PHENOMENON BY
MARK ARIEL J. HORTON
PHOTOS
GROOMING
ISRAEL GARCIA
STYLIST REGINALD MICHAEL
W
ithin three short years Grindr has exploded into the largest allmale location-based social network in the world. Amazingly, with more than 3.5 million guys in 192 countries around the world -- and approximately 10,000 more new users downloading the app every day - Grindr’s founder and CEO Joel Simkhai, 35, says he never really intended to build a business. “I went into this with no business model, no plan, no expectations,” Simkhai stated in a recent interview. “I’ve never been driven by the exit or the business part of it. I’m driven by the part that does amazing things.” Born in Israel, Simkhai moved with his family to Westchester, just outside of New York City, when he was three years old. He currently resides in Los Angles. In an interview with THE FIGHT Simkhai talks about coming out, his two gay brothers and how “Grindr for Equality” just might change the world.
THEFIGHT
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AT WHAT AGE DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE GAY? HOW WERE YOU WITH THAT SELF-REALIZATION? I was teased from a young age for being effeminate. But I always defended myself. Once, when I was probably 14 or 15, somebody called me a fag, and I immediately said, “No, I’m not.” And I remember thinking to myself, “Wait, what if I am? Maybe I am.” My true realization and acceptance of being gay didn’t come until late in college, though, when I was in my early 20s.
WHEN DID YOU COME OUT TO YOUR FAMILY, AND FRIENDS? HOW DID THEY RESPOND? There are three boys in my family, and we’re all gay. I’m the middle child. We all came out at different times. We didn’t really confide in each other, unfortunately, but we now have a strong bond. Coming out for my older brother and me wasn’t supereasy. My mom struggled with it and my dad, not as much. But now they’re all good with it. As far as my friends, I think they all knew. They were all surprised it took me so long to admit I was gay. They were understanding and great about it.
DO YOU FEEL CLOSER TO YOUR BROTHERS BECAUSE OF THE GAY CONNECTION? We get along well. My older brother is in Tel Aviv, and my younger brother lives in New York. I do think the gay bond makes us closer. We understand each other really well.
WHAT WAS THE “GAY SCENE” LIKE FOR YOU GROWING UP? HOW EASY OR DIFFICULT WAS IT FOR YOU TO CONNECT WITH OTHER GUYS? In high school, I’d use CompuServe and AOL to get online, and that’s where I had my first interactions with other gay guys. It basically amounted to a lot of chatting and not meeting because meeting wasn’t easy; I’d often be talking to guys who were really far away. In college, AOL chat rooms were my big outlet to meet other guys. One time, while I was at Tufts University in Boston, I met a guy in a chat room who happened to go to my school - and I remember how thrilling that was. It was also comforting to know there was someone nearby who was also gay. It was so much more comfortable than having to trek on the train to meet someone who was completely removed from my life. This guy at Tufts was just another guy at Tufts. But in any case, I wasn’t really out, so I didn’t go to bars, and I was too young to get in anyway. I didn’t go out much while I was in Boston, but I did go out in New York City when I was on summer break, so I had a bit of a gay nightlife there. I truly came out and embraced my gay life after college, when I moved to Manhattan.
WHAT DID YOU STUDY? WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE GROWING UP? As I mentioned, I attended Tufts University, and I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in a double major of International Relations and Economics. I worked in finance for a few years and had my own marketing company before starting Grindr. Coming from a family of entrepreneurs - each of my parents and both of my brothers have their own businesses - my parents always encouraged me to go out on my own. So I always intended to start my own business.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOMENT THE IDEA FOR GRINDR CAME TO YOU? WHAT WAS THAT “AHA MOMENT?” Like every other gay man out there, I was curious to know who
else was gay around me. It’s a simple problem - you just don’t know whether or not the men around you in everyday life are gay. The only way to know for sure is to go to specific gay clubs or gay bars. Ever since I realized I was gay, I thought there had to be a better way to meet guys. I wanted a more spontaneous and exciting way to meet guys and to help guys meet one another. The idea stuck around as a concept in the back of my mind for a long time, but it wasn’t until the second-generation iPhone launched - with GPS - that all the pieces finally came together. If there was any specific moment, it must have been when Steve Jobs made that announcement. Since smartphones took off, I knew I could use this location-aware technology to connect with other people around me in real time by using the device. The idea was a natural fit, and Grindr was born.
I was teased from a young age for being effeminate. But I always defended myself. Once, when I was probably 14 or 15, somebody called me a fag, and I immediately said, “No, I’m not.” And I remember thinking to myself, “Wait, what if I am? Maybe I am.” HOW DID YOU GO ABOUT PUTTING TOGETHER THE GRINDR TEAM? After coming up with the idea, I got together with my friend Scott Lewallen, and we worked on Grindr. Scott’s now Grindr’s Senior VP of Product and Design, and he helped with the app design, logo and many other things. Today he focuses on product development and leads a team of product managers and designers who are constantly working to make Grindr the best app for gay men. Scott was - and remains - instrumental in making Grindr possible. I also reached out to Morten Bek Ditlevsen, who developed software that allowed users to see where they were on a map using their iPhones. What I really loved about Morten was the fact that he had a passion for location-based technology and that he was also a problem-solver. So when the second-generation iPhone debuted with its internal GPS, I realized the idea of Grindr could take off using the technology that was already built into the device. Scott, Morten and I worked on developing the app for six months. We launched Grindr on March 25, 2009, and within three short years, the app has grown to become the biggest gay geo-social network, bringing together a global community approaching 3.5 million users in 192 countries.
AT WHAT POINT DID YOU REALIZE - “I THINK WE’RE ON TO SOMETHING HERE?” When we first launched Grindr, we had no idea that it would become such a global phenomenon. We really owe it to our users; they’re the ones who have made the app into an international sensation in just three short years. I’ll never forget the first time I went to London several months after launching Grindr. I stepped off the plane and walked into Heathrow Airport. I noticed some guys in the airport looking intently at their phones - I glanced over their shoulders, and they were on Grindr! I couldn’t believe it. I turned on Grindr and saw guys pop- Continued on next page.
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In college, AOL chat rooms were my big outlet to meet other guys. One time, while I was at Tufts University in Boston, I met a guy in a chat room who happened to go to my school - and I remember how thrilling that was. It was also comforting to know there was someone nearby who was also gay.
ping up all over the place. Later, I saw guys at a coffee shop and at a restaurant on Grindr as well. That’s when I realized we had created something amazing. It’s still hard for me to comprehend.
WHAT ASPECTS OF BEING THE CEO DO YOU ENJOY AND WHAT ASPECTS DO YOU LESS ENJOY - AND WHY? I think it’s great what Grindr does: We’re helping people meet people. You’re finding the gay guys around you and meeting them. That’s fantastic. And so many people have found meaningful friendships and relationships, and that’s great too. And I would say I really enjoy the Grindr team. Here in our LA office, we have close to 50 full-time employees who all do an amazing job, and it’s an honor to lead such a great group of folks. There are so many things we want to do and so many places we want to be, and unfortunately it’s impossible to do everything. So I least enjoy not being able to do everything at once.
ARE YOU CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP? I’m not currently in a relationship, but I have been in long-term relationships. In fact, my last long-term relationship was with a guy I met on Grindr. I wanted an app like Grindr because I wanted it for myself. I wanted an easier way for me to meet someone. I’m on Grindr Xtra all the time because it has helped me meet so many great guys - hopefully one day I’ll meet my husband on Grindr, and I’ll be able to legally marry him here in California.
WHAT IS “GRINDR FOR EQUALITY?” Grindr for Equality (Grindr.com/G4E) was established to raise awareness and support for GLBT issues and spur action across the globe. How it works is pretty simple: We do research and gather user-provided submissions (sort of like tips) on various rallies, petitions and demonstrations for gay rights across the globe. Then,
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we send out targeted broadcast messages to Grindr users in those specific geographic areas, inform them of what’s going on and encourage them to take action. For example, St. Petersburg, Russia, tried to ban “gay propaganda,” which would have effectively silenced the community of Russia’s second most populated city. We used Grindr for Equality to mobilize our users, and we had more than 57,000 clicks to a petition denouncing the ban. Last year here in the U.S., Grindr for Equality sent a message celebrating the repeal of the Military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy with a link to donate to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Fund. Almost 6,000 users clicked that link.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT POLITICAL/SOCIAL ISSUES FACING THE GAY COMMUNITY TODAY HERE, AND IN OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD? The most important issue is that we don’t have true equality in this country. Marriage discrimination and workplace discrimination are allowed - or even written into the letter of the law - in many states. However, what’s even more troubling is what goes on in the rest of the world. For gays abroad, in a lot of cases it’s a matter of life or death. With Grindr for Equality, we’re trying to leverage our massive reach and do our part in taking action against such homophobia and injustice.
IS THERE ANYTHING WE HAVEN’T ASKED THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH OUR READERS? I want to thank each of our 3.5 million users. As a consumer company, we realize that it’s all about our customers. So we make sure to listen, to stay connected and to not stop working at it. We’ve got a lot of things we can’t wait to do.
GRINDR UNDERCOVER LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT THE MOST KNOWN GAY APP Joel S Why does Grindr show only local guys and not guys from around the world? Is there a set max distance when you “Load More Guys?” We created Grindr to help you connect with the guys closest to you, to get out from behind the computer screen and start interacting with other guys in real-time. One of the cornerstones of Grindr is the fact that it shows you guys in close proximity, guys you can strike up a conversation with and meet - today. What’s a surefire way to get deleted from Grindr? Any community needs to have guidelines, and Grindr’s no exception. Our guidelines are our terms of service (Grindr.com/terms-ofservice). If youviolate the terms of service, you risk getting banned from Grindr.
DR. SAUM YERMIAN Psy. D.
Why does Grindr seem more sensitive regarding photos/written content in profiles than other gay meeting apps? We interpret Apple App Store and Google Play’s guidelines in a very specific way. Others may choose to interpret them differently, and our competitiv apps have interpreted them in a way that sometimes has caused them to get kicked out of the store. We believe our interpretation is correct, and the fact that Grindr’s still standing proves that it is correct. Why doesn’t Grindr have more filter options, other than age? We wanted to make Grindr as easy as possible to use to help you connect with guys quicker. And we found that people love the ease of it. So while we liketo keep it simple, we’re always paying attention to user feedback and trying to make the app better. We’re always listening and innovating.
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How many “Favorites” are you allowed? On Grindr Xtra, there’s no limit. Are conversations or stored private photos monitored on Grindr? No. We do not monitor private conversations or photos shared between users. When profile photos are “Under Review,” who’s reviewing them and what are they looking for? And, why does it sometimes take so long to review them? We have a team of actual people working around the clock to review profile pictures - at any given time we have 11 people reviewing photos and profile text. So when a photo is “under review,” that just means it’s in line for approval or moderation. With 3.5 million users around the world and tens o thousands of photos reviewed daily, checking all of these photos is a daunting task and could account for the long review time. Our team is looking for content that violates our profile guidelines.
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Why does Grindr Xtra allow pop-ups? Grindr Xtra allows popups, or what we call broadcast messages, only when we feel that the info is relevant to our users. For instance, we might send a broadcast message to Xtra users letting them know about an available update, a Grindr-sponsored event with a deal that would offer some benefit to them, or a Grindr for Equality item. But Xtra users will almost never see any sort of advertising from a third-party. And compared to the free version of Grindr, Grindr Xtra users will see far fewer broadcast messages. Really, it’s relatively rare that we send broadcast messages to Xtra users, and that’s one of the benefits of subscribing to Xtra.
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WHAT AM I? OKRA? This year seems to be racing along for some reason. At any rate, legislative sessions are coming to an end in many states including Colorado, where Republicans managed to kill a civil unions bill that would have won had it been given a vote. Thanks for nothing, you Bullwinkles. Meanwhile, in Rhode Island, GOVERNOR LINCOLN CHAFEE invited marriage equality into the Yacht Club State through the back door by signing an executive order recognizing samesex marriages. Our favorite subject! In 2007, Rhode Island ATTORNEY GENERAL PATRICK LYNCH issued an opinion (much like Eliot Spitzer did in New York back in the day) interpreting state law to mandate marriage recognition for gay couples. You may not be able to marry in Rhode Island. But hop over the border to Massachusetts or Connecticut and presto! You’re married in Rhode Island. Sort of. Now, Governor Chaffee’s order means that state agencies have a clear directive to treat married gay couples the same as straight ones. It’s not as satisfying as legalizing marriage, but it’s not chopped liver. What’s wrong with chopped liver anyway? A bit of research suggests that the dish became a pejorative a) because people don’t like it, or b) because it’s a side dish. Well it can’t be the second option, otherwise we’d be able to say things like: “What am I? Cole slaw?” And the first option doesn’t make much sense either, does it? I mean “chopped liver” isn’t universally disliked. Why not: “What am I? Okra?” That would work on both counts, a slimy, tasteless and generally disgusting side dish. I also learned that “schmaltz” actually means “fat,” usually duck fat or chicken fat (used for preparing chopped liver). Hmmm. We’ll have to think about that one-- on several levels.
SATAN & CO I assume you noticed that last month we lost the antigay campaign in North Carolina, where the 22 point victory margin for Satan & Co. looked to be between five and ten points higher than pre-election surveys suggested. As usual, a certain percentage of antigay voters lied to pollsters, presumably out of some kind of shame, so keep that in mind this November when predicting the outcome of marriage votes in Minnesota, Maine and (we assume) Maryland and Washington. But honestly, this was not a surprise. I’ve read some talk in the press about how Gay Inc. dropped the ball by not pouring more cash and effort into the North Carolina fight. Then again, with limited resources, perhaps it’s strategically wiser to focus on states where we have a better chance to win. In theory, I agree with the Courage Campaign that we should “leave no state behind.” Thinking pragmatically, however, we have to pick our battles. Because of the scope of the amendment, North Carolina’s municipal governments and state institutions will likely face the choice of dropping all forms of gay couples recognition or going to court.
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Even though it was expected, it was depressing nonetheless. I have higher hopes for our fight against a marriage amendment in Minnesota, where we have until Election Day this fall to push a majority of voters to our side. One article indicated that the amendment’s chances are evenly split within the margin of error, a turn of phrase that leads me to assume that we are down by three or four points. As in North Carolina, we have more money. And we also appear to have more enthusiastic grass roots support. We also have a bit of a rogue gay marriage lawsuit, now back at the state trial court level in Hennepin County. This is not a Gay Law-Approved suit, which traditionally means that it doesn’t have much of chance of success. But you know what? Our legal progress of late is such that even the rogue cases may eventually prove winnable. I’m guessing that gay strategists feel it unwise to be pursuing a freedom-to-marry case during an anti-marriage campaign. After all, you can’t argue that a marriage amendment is “unnecessary,” when pending litigation is there for all to see just exactly how “necessary” an amendment might be. It goes without saying that anti-marriage amendments aren’t “unnecessary,” they are wrong. But I’m saying it anyway.
PRISON CAMP, ANYONE? A Baptist minister in North Carolina, the Rev. Charles Worley, told his flock last month that gay men and lesbians should be rounded up and separately quarantined behind electric fences. Food should be dropped into the pens, and in due time, all the gay people will die out because they can’t reproduce. By the way, does this man believe that all the gay people in the world were conceived by gay men impregnating gay women? Now there’s a scenario that would truly kill us off in a generation. Worley has not commented since his Mother’s Day sermon, but one of his parishioners, Joe Heafner, told the local press that Worley “takes a strong stand on the Bible and what it says, but he loves people. I’ve never seen a man who cared more for his people, cares for all people, whether they were members here or not.” Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on Heaven’s Gate when some of these fools come strolling up to St. Peter’s lectern? But let’s be honest. Would it really be so bad to live for free on a massive lesbian compound? Build a nice cocktail lounge, parachute in a case or two of vintage Champagne every few days, install a few pools and hot tubs, and it would work for me.
SWANS’ WAY
RUTGERS MEAN BOY
Oh. Here’s something nice. Two lesbian swans have returned to Boston’s Public Garden this week after spending the winter at a zoo. I gather, from reading more than the headline, that all the local swans spend the winter at a local zoo so this is not actually “gay” news. But still. The swans, Romeo and Juliet, were outed back in 2005 when park officials investigated why their eggs weren’t hatching. Turned out the nesting swans were both female, and since we all know that swans mate for life, the pair have become icons of the lesbian animal world. Park officials said it’s hard to tell if a swan can really be called a “lesbian.” That said, the couple was observed at a local Home Depot having what appeared to be a squawking dispute near the bean straw display. They also took an unapproved trip to Chestnut Hill for the first round of the ACC Women’s basketball tournament in early March and were picked up at Fran’s Place on the Northshore after zookeepers received an anonymous tip. A zoo assistant reported that both swans smelled of alcohol and cigarettes on their return.
Did I mention that the nasty piece of work who spied on his gay Rutgers roommate was handed a 30-day-sentence, plus fines and community service? DHARUN RAVI was facing up to ten years behind bars for his abuse of Tyler Clementi, a gay student who committed suicide after Ravi used a web cam to spy on him while he was alone in the room with another man. But despicable as this Ravi guy appears, his behavior does not merit a decade in prison and he cannot be directly blamed for Clementi’s decision to jump off the George Washington Bridge. Ravi was an immature jerk. Clementi, an insecure loner only recently out of the closet. Both were college freshmen however, a fragile status and a time in our lives when tragedy can lurk just around the corner for any one of us.
DON’T SAY GOAT You may remember that the Tennessee legislature was once considering a “Don’t Say Gay” type law that would have ordered public schools to steer clear of any mention of sexual orientation. After months of headlines, all of which I ignored, the bill was shelved and killed at the last minute. This confirmed my general policy of not covering pending state legislation until the final word on the subject is spoken. However, the same insidious concept made its way to Missouri legislature, where one supporter said something about how kids should be learning about math and reading, not about how Billy is in love with a goat. I kid you not. It was 64-year-old Dwight Scharnhorst (R-St. Louis), who made the sophomoric remark: “There’s no need to talk about Billy wanting to marry a goat.” I couldn’t help noticing that Rep. Scharnhorst never graduated from college, so perhaps it’s a compliment to describe his observations as “sophomoric,” a niveau that appears to represent the pinnacle of his educational achievement. Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. Rostow can be reached at: arostow@aol.com
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PROFILES
IN COURAGE
FORMER HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI ON OBAMA’S SAMESEX MARRIAGE SUPPORT: “WHAT HE DID WAS TO ADVANCE THE CAUSE OF CIVIL RIGHTS. IT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY POLITICAL CONSEQUENCES.” BY
ANN ROSTOW
F
or weeks and months, gay activists had been calling for President Obama to drop the waffling and come out in favor of marriage equality. Everyone knew that his ambiguous position on the subject - civil unions yes, marriage, um we’ll see - was a political calculation. After all, he had most of our votes in his pocket. Why jeopardize the subset of independent voters who opposed same-sex marriage when he arguably didn’t have to do so? As for me, I thought his pragmatic seat on the fence was fine for the time being. This is a President who has not simply decided “not to defend” the Defense of Marriage Act. He has ordered his Justice Department to treat sexual orientation discrimination as presumptively unconstitutional. Far from “not defending” DOMA, Obama and
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company have condemned the antigay statute in several federal court briefs. Moreover, his legal position on gay rights effectively puts the Justice Department on the side of gay plaintiffs in any discrimination case filed against the United States in federal court. Surely the LGBT community could give the guy a break on what was essentially a matter of style over substance. But when Obama did indeed go public, in part because of the pressure from gay activists, I was surprised by how happy I was. Much as I didn’t think I cared whether or not we actually caught Osama Bin Laden, it turned out that I did care. It gave me a profound sense of satisfaction and displayed a macho American competence that I hadn’t realized I was missing. Also, I hated the sick son of a bitch on a subconscious level that hadn’t penetrated my frontal lobe. On the morning of May 9, I was writing a column about how the LGBT community should stop nagging the President, when I had to delete the whole thing and start from scratch. Once again, my elation was unexpected. As we all know, there really is no middle ground on marriage equality. Yet many of us watch patiently as our allies equivocate on their plodding trek through the swamps of civil unions and “equal rights” without the “m” word. How incredible it was to see the President take off his waders and leap to the high ground in a single bound. It may turn out, in both these cases, that the power of a symbolic victory can be as far reaching as a substantive policy change. And in fact, both these victories may turn out to be more than symbolic. While I assumed Bin Laden was isolated and impotent, he apparently was still scheming and still dangerous. While I assumed Obama’s forthright commitment to equality was just a talking point, it may well transpire that his leadership moves the ball. Set aside the national polls that show increasing support for marriage equality and just look at the Democratic Party. Democrats, representing about a third of the electorate, support marriage equality by a two-to-one margin, according to a Gallup poll conducted in early May. After Obama’s interview, Senator Harry Reid and House Whip Steny Hoyer agreed that marriage should be legal for same-sex couples, bringing all top Democratic leaders to the equality party. It’s now likely that the Democrats will have a marriage equality plank in the party platform this summer. Marriage equality is no longer a fight between the LGBT community and the Christian conservative right. It’s a partisan issue between Democrats and Republicans. That shift could not have happened without Obama’s decision to take a pre-election stand. And take a look at the Republican response. In a post-announcement memo to GOP candidates, former GW Bush pollster, Jan van Lohuizen, warned that public opinion on gay couples’ rights is moving quickly and inexorably in one direction. When asked about marriage on the campaign trail, don’t go crazy, he recommended. Instead, make clear that you believe in equality and respect for same-sex relationships. Indeed we saw Mitt Romney take what you might call a measured stand, reminding the public that he’s all in favor of “hospital visitation” and the like. At least on first glance,
it looks as if Republicans, not Democrats, will be left stammering in the wake of Obama’s new clarity. But what about down the road? The GOP may have been caught off guard, but surely we can look forward to nasty antigay fliers from vague sounding political action groups, right? Right. And yet, let me give you a couple more poll numbers. Independents, representing another third of the electorate, support marriage equality by 57 percent to 40 percent according to that same Gallop poll. That means that marriage opposition is heavily concentrated in the last third of the electorate, the Republican Party, where voters would be expected to back Romney with or without the seedy campaign materials that we know and love. Second, I don’t have the exact numbers, but voters of all stripes tell pollsters that same-sex marriage is one of their lowest national priorities. Obama’s position on our unions will likely have little impact when all is said and done.
Marriage equality is no longer a fight between the LGBT community and the Christian conservative right. It’s a partisan issue between Democrats and Republicans. That shift could not have happened without Obama’s decision to take a pre-election stand.
Finally, here’s a new trend in public opinion that might wind up being the most important statistic of them all. For years, even as support for marriage equality was building, there was always a big gap between those who “strongly opposed” gay unions and those who “strongly supported” marriage equality. Over on the far right, those 20 percent or so were true believers. On our side, our allies were willing to say yes to equality, but only our community and our families were “strongly” in favor. Now we have a tie between “strongly oppose” and “strongly support.” We always talk about our demographic advantage. Well, those kids are pouring into the electorate and they’re not just “sort of” in favor of marriage equality. They see it as the civil rights issue of their generation. At the same time, the opposition is mellowing. The hard edges of hostility are eroding in the tide. What this means is that the far right has lost the vaunted “enthusiasm gap” that once propelled them to the polls while our side lazed around on the couch watching CSI reruns--- or whatever it is one does while ignoring one’s civil obligation to vote. It may be overly optimistic to underestimate the political downside of Obama’s public support. We’ll see. But here’s what former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi had to say about that a few days after Obama’s interview: “We come here to do a job for the American people, not to hold a job... What he did was to advance the cause of civil rights. It’s more important than any political consequences.” Hey, Obama and Pelosi. Thanks for the lesson in political courage.
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I
THE CELEBRATION CAN SOMETIMES TRIGGER FEELINGS OF PROFOUND SADNESS BY PHILIP PIERCE, PH.D. n this month of Gay Pride, many exult and celebrate their gay identity with wild parties, free-wheeling sex and romantic interludes. Yet for more than a few people, the celebration can also trigger feelings of profound sadness, of being an outsider, of not being part of the “scene.” Perhaps it’s because you’re not “partnered up,” or don’t enjoy large social gatherings, or feel that you’re not, well... good enough.
This separateness and sense of inferiority can feel depressingly familiar to what you may have experienced as a child often hiding portions of your life. That hiding of identity in either big or small ways still affects the lives of the majority of gay people. It has been estimated that one out of three gay youths has been verbally abused by a family member and one out of four has been victimized and bullied in the school system. The troubling effects of such experiences can remain unresolved and develop into post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, substance abuse or sexual addiction. To deal with these problems, gay therapy (also called gay affirmative therapy) evolved as an approach that acknowledges and validates the gay orientation and the special circumstances involved in growing up homosexual in a heterosexual society. Sexual orientation is an integral part of one’s identity and even well-meaning parents have an understandable bias to see the world from their own heterosexist perspective. This can trigger shame for their children as well as difficulty in forming and sustaining intimate relationships.
GAY THERAPY
An honest open investigation of identity and upbringing issues is one of the most important ways that we can battle drug abuse, stigma and shame in the LGBT community. Gay affirmative therapy as well as a positive life-affirming attitude can help each individual build on his or her personal strengths and take pride in the talents, accomplishments and sensibility that make each of us a unique special being.
AND PRIDE
Dr. Philip Pierce is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Beverly Hills and a Lecturer at UCLA. He can be reached at (310) 248-2335 or drphilippierce@gmail. com. For more information, go to: DrPhilipPierce.com
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BAD CREDIT OKAY
HAGGLE FREE NO PRESSURE!!!
IN & OUT QUEEN LATIFAH SAYS SHE DID NOT COME OUT DURING HER LONG BEACH PRIDE CONCERT; BIG BANG THEORY’S JIM PARSONS REVEALS HE’S GAY IN NY TIMES PROFILE BY
Q
UEEN LATIFAH denies speculation she came out during a May 19 concert at Long Beach Pride and says she will never discuss her personal life in public, during an interview with Entertainment Weekly. While performing at the Long Beach pride festival, Latifah referred to the enthusiastic crowd as “her people,” which some websites interpreted as the talented 42-year-old entertainer coming out as lesbian. “That definitely wasn’t the case,” she says. “I’ve never dealt with the question of my personal life in public. It’s just not gonna happen,” reports The Advocate at www.advocate.com Latifah tells EW that she enjoyed performing for the LGBT audience. “To me, doing a gay pride show is one of the most fun things,” she says. “My first show that paid more than $10,000 was in a gay club on New Year’s Eve in San Francisco. Tupac happened to be in town, so he came to kick it with me. This was the early ‘90s. And the boys were like, ‘Take your shirt off, Tupac!’ He wasn’t doing that. But we had a blast in there.” The singer-actress also acknowledges the reciprocal love between her and her LGBT fan base. “I know that the most important thing and the only thing I have to give is love,” she says. “When
VICTOR MELAMED
people are going through hatred and bullying, the biggest thing to fight that is love. So that’s all I encouraged my audience to do that night: to share their light and share their love. Period.” On the other side of the spectrum, award-winning actor JIM PARSONS reveals he’s gay and in a 10-year relationship, according to a New York Times profile, reports Out Magazine at www.out.com. Parsons, best-known as Sheldon Cooper on the CBS sitcom
Queen Latifah: “I’ve never dealt with the question of my personal life in public. It’s just not gonna happen.” The Big Bang Theory, discusses his work in last year’s production of The Normal Heart, Larry Kramer’s searing chronicle of the AIDS epidemic in New York City during the early 1980s. The Times’ Patrick Healy writes, “The Normal Heart resonated with him on a few levels: Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship...” The 39-year-old actor publicly thanked his partner Todd Spiewak from the podium of the Golden Globe awards ceremony while accepting the trophy for best actor in a comedy series. Parsons, who will recreate his role in Normal Heart in director Ryan Murphy’s forthcoming film adaptation, is currently headlining the revival of the classic comedy Harvey as Elwood P. Dowd which will open June 14 at New York’s Studio 54 theatre.
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PRIDE & RECOVERY THERE WERE A LOT OF TIMES WHEN I LOST MYSELF IN MY ADDICTIONS AND FORGOT WHERE I WAS MEANT TO BE. I’VE LEARNED THAT EVERY EXPERIENCE IS A LESSON BY JEREMY MANNING
PHOTO J. HORTON
STYLIST REGINALD MICHAEL
I
woke up to sunshine on the hardwood floors of my new apartment. Birds were chirping outside and the air inside was cool and fresh from the cross breeze and I smiled at my puppy as he ran playfully towards the front door. It’s our first morning in the new apartment and I can’t help but take in all the subtle pleasures of my life in recovery. It’s a far cry from the Civic Center Hotel where I lived when I first arrived in San Francisco in 1998. It was the only place I could afford, working at a diner three days a week and using most of my tips to support a two hundred dollar a week drug habit.
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I’m grateful for my life, past and present because I can appreciate the simple things like clean clothes and neighbors that smile and screen doors on a summer night There are doors on either end of a long hallway in my new place and I open them just because I can. The screen doors and red wood porches make me laugh a little from a childlike joy I haven’t felt in decades. Anyone who lives in a city as dense as LA knows how rare these things can be. For me, having my own home for the first time in over ten years is a pretty big deal. No co-signer on my lease and no crazy roommate to deal with. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m growing up and embracing my independence. For the first time in my recovery, I’m filled with a growing sense of pride. The illusion of self is the belief in a façade. That we have to hide our true selves in order to establish and maintain respect from others. But I’ve learned it’s not about what others think or how others act around me. It’s about how I feel about myself and for the first time I’ve reentered the rooms because I know it’s a place where I can find peace. Because it’s no longer about how many plastic chips I collect or saving my toxic relationship or appeasing two faced bitches who are probably talking shit while they read my words. It’s about treating myself right and being so fucking honest it hurts. I’ve never been to prison, but it feels like I just got out. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is about progress, not perfection and I needed to try all the easier, softer ways before admitting to myself that there aren’t any. I sold my car so I could afford this apartment and I’m not ashamed to admit that. I no longer feel the need to identify with the objects I think I possess. I’ve become reacquainted with the simple pleasures like birds by my window.
RELENTLESS DESIRE Next week is my 36th birthday and since I was 10 years old there were three things I never stopped talking about: moving to California, writing my book and surfing. I don’t remember why these things became so important to me. I used to refer to it as the calling. Such a cliché to think of it that way, but it’s the best way to make sense of this relentless desire. There were a lot of times when I lost myself in my addictions and forgot where I was meant to be. I’ve learned that every experience is a lesson and once you’ve made enough mistakes all you have to do is the opposite. Still, it surprises me sometimes when I accomplish something I never thought I would. Like getting my mug on the cover of a magazine or being published. I’m grateful for my life, past and present because I can appreciate the simple things like clean clothes and neighbors that smile and screen doors on a summer night. I get to make my bed in the morning because it’s my first exercise in self-respect and I get to see it for what it is. I get to have clarity for the life that I am blessed with and graciously accept all the gifts sobriety has given me. Recovery isn’t an exact science and I can admit that I still have my moments like the night when I was followed by a disgruntled forty something skateboarder who apparently owned the entire sidewalk. He followed me, circled like an angry, toothless shark
and snapped random insults my way, trying to bait me into a fight. Everyone seems to think if you start a fist fight with someone it’s self-defense if the other person swings first. Since I know better how the law works and I’m doing my best to act like a mature adult might if I were a mature adult, I restrained myself. I couldn’t help but reply to the majority of his rants with comments like, “You aint gonna do shit fool! IF you’re feelin froggy, then hop!.” I always seem to turn into a black diva when I’m nervous, forgetting the fact that I am walking down street during rush hour screaming like a crazy person. Not cute.
MY MASCULINITY Progress not perfection is something I hear every day in meetings and I thank Bill W. for creating such a concept. Because I am never close to perfect. Far from it and I get to work a little harder every day to do a little better than I did the day before. I get to own my mistakes with the common sensibility that we all make mistakes and we’ll never live up to the expectation of being perfect because humanity is flawed. Who made all the fucking rules anyway? I’ve spent enough time beating myself down and fucking everything up over fear of judgment. I mean, who said we have to dress a certain way or like a certain color or define the core of who we are by some irrelevant concept like gender or sexual orientation? My masculinity is not defined by the size of the burger I eat or the piss water beer I drink (or don’t drink) or the skills that I practice. The simple mind needs simple things to measure.
NOT ASHAMED It’s Tuesday night and I can’t sleep and I’m finishing up this article so I make the deadline. Thursday is the photo shoot for this piece and I’ve worked my ass off for four months to get into the best shape of my life. After that I’ll finish the first draft of chapter two of my book and Sunday I get to meet Tyra Banks and be on the set of the first episode of Top Model, maybe even air on the show. One week from tonight is my birthday and I get to take my first surfing lesson after twenty years of wanting and wishing. Twenty six years ago I was filled with the absolute need and desire to get to Los Angeles, write my book and surf. I don’t know why, but I knew then as I’ve known my entire life that these were the most important things in my existence. That the journey I would need to take to get there would be the story I would have to tell and because of my recovery, I get to. I am not ashamed of where I’ve come from or what I’ve done because I’m proud of who I’ve become. JEREMY MANNING is a partner at West Hollywood’s Elevation Fitness and the founder of UpLift Project, a non-profit organization providing affordable, attainable and sustainable personal training services for survivors of various types of abuse, and those living with HIV/AIDS. For more information visit: elevation-fitness.com, upliftprojectla.com
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THE CENTER FOR SURROGATE PARENTING, INC. (CSP)
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DISREGARDING
TRADITION USING THE PAST TO VETO THE FUTURE IS OFTEN THE HALLMARK OF THOSE WHO JUST DON’T HAVE A BETTER ARGUMENT BY
ZINNIA JONES
P
erhaps the most irritating thing about the Palin family is their followers: the fanbase of sycophants who endlessly praise their “bravery” whenever one of them is rightfully criticized for being ignorant, prejudiced and wrong. They serve to refocus the media’s narrative onto the Palins themselves and the controversy surrounding their personal lives, with copious opportunities to portray them as the victims of liberal “attacks” when anyone disagrees with them. Nowhere is this more evident than in Bristol Palin’s vacuous critique of President Obama for supporting marriage equality, which apparently warrants attention simply because she is Bristol Palin. Now that she’s set the standard for intellectual depth, we’ll be forced to endure endless coverage of Twitter replies from celebrities and unoriginal jokes about her own family structure. But if Palin really wants to talk about marriage, then let’s talk about marriage. She opens with the observation that conservative Christian women running for office are sometimes asked if they would be subservient to their husbands, whereas liberal women usually aren’t. (You might be wondering what this has to do with same-sex marriage, but we’re getting there.) While it’s absolutely inappropriate to question someone’s ability to lead just because they’re a woman, there’s a reason why conservative women in particular face such inquiries: Republicans are more likely to take the Bible literally, and it has plenty to say about women’s obligation to be silent, obey their husbands, and never hold authority over men. If nothing else, this offers them an opportunity to reject these parts of the Bible and repudiate outdated
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beliefs about women’s roles. So how does this relate to Obama? Palin clumsily parallels this with his statement that Sasha and Malia have friends with samesex parents, and they see no reason for their friends’ parents to be treated differently. She proceeds to make this the centerpiece of her argument, seemingly under the impression that Obama’s daughters’ attitudes are the centerpiece of his. (Had she read a few sentences earlier in the very paragraph she quoted, she could just as well have chastised him for being influenced by college Republicans.) As Palin sees it, the president “made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters.” Such a claim is so ignorant of context it can only be a deliberate misrepresentation. Never mind that Obama also mentioned his personal support for equal rights, his experiences with gay staff in the White House, and his insistence that all servicemembers should be treated fairly. Palin would rather portray his principled stand as a capitulation to the whims of teenagers. That alone is dishonest enough, but then things take a turn for the truly ugly. Realizing her argument can’t rest solely on a brazen distortion we all know to be false, she suggests that Obama should “explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. Or that - as great as her friends may be - we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.”
For all of the undeserved deification of the past, as though it could somehow hold the answers to every issue we’ll ever face, we’ve often managed to admit that tradition has actually been wrong. No longer do we resist the idea of treating women equally in marriage, or allowing people of different races to marry - and this progress has been made at the expense of tradition.
Hiding behind “thousands of years” is certainly easy, but let’s not forget that disregarding tradition is the longest tradition of all. For all of the undeserved deification of the past, as though it could somehow hold the answers to every issue we’ll ever face, we’ve often managed to admit that tradition has actually been wrong. No longer do we resist the idea of treating women equally in marriage, or allowing people of different races to marry - and this progress has been made at the expense of tradition. Our society’s conventions are surely not eternal; they once had to be justified like any other idea. If there are good reasons for a tradition, these reasons can stand on their own merits, with no need to appeal to longevity. Using the past to veto the future is often the hallmark of those who just don’t have a better argument. However, Palin’s contention that the children of same-sex parents are worse off than those with a mother and father is a decidedly empirical matter. This is an active area of research, and the results are not in her favor. Though the sample sizes have often been small, existing studies show no significant differences in the children of same-sex couples. They’re just as healthy, psychologically well-adjusted and academically successful. (The study most commonly cited by anti-gay conservatives to show that “kids do better growing up in a mother/father home” didn’t even include any same-sex parents.) The evidence-free expectation that gay couples must be inferior parents has no possible basis outside of simple prejudice. But this argument isn’t just incorrect - it’s also completely irrelevant. Even if it were demonstrated that same-sex parents tend to
be worse for children than opposite-sex parents, this still shouldn’t matter, because proficiency at raising children has never been used to define who has the right to get married. The institution of marriage isn’t limited to whichever demographic groups have shown optimal parenting ability. Children of families in poverty are more likely to have adverse outcomes, but there’s no income qualification for marriage. Even prisoners and convicted child molesters retain their right to marry - as long as it’s to someone of the opposite sex. This is a standard that no one else is subject to, and Palin’s demand that same-sex couples alone must meet this requirement is purely an artifact of homophobia. Most disturbing of all are the implications of her attitudes: she’s actually blaming the president for not seeing happy, loving, normal same-sex parents as unqualified deviants who are irreparably harming their children. And she expects him to teach his own daughters to view these innocent people with doubt, suspicion and fear - the same distrust and disrespect Palin has often faced as an unwed teen mother. Our families deserve better than this. I believe our children do best in a world where my partner and I aren’t seen as a threat to them just because we love each other. I believe they should get to grow up in a country where the other kids don’t think they’ve been damaged by having two caring and devoted parents. And I believe they deserve to say with pride that their moms are happily married. Read more commentary by Zinnia Jones at: www.zinniajones.com/blog
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The HIV/AIDS division at Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy consists of a professional staff which has over 45 years of combined HIV/AIDS experience. Their clinical Pharmacist, Marva Brannum, Pharm.D., is an HIV Specialist with over 25 years experience in both clinical and outpatient settings. Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy, located in Valley Village, employs qualified Treatment Advocates, trained and certified to perform HIV testing, consultation and education for Los Angeles County. “Together,” says clinical Pharmacist, Marva Brannum, “our entire team strives to develop a comprehensive understanding of the needs of our clients, and to work with you and your physician to develop a program of medication adherence and delivery that will ensure optimal outcomes.” Edwin’s is not a walk-in pharmacy. Whereas the average drugstore devotes only a small fraction of its staff and floor space to prescription medication services, 100% of their staff and facilities are committed to comprehensive customer service in meeting the
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medication needs of their clients. “As a long-term care provider, we are an integral part of our clients’ health care team, and customize our programs based on the needs of the population we serve. We are committed to effective communication among team members, increased compliance and adherence, and the best possible patient outcomes,” says Brannum. Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy does not employ sales staff. Their personnel are selected on the basis of experience, atten- Marva Brannum, Pharm.D. tion to detail, and ability to meet the needs of their clients with speed, efficiency, and accuracy. It takes more than providing medication to be an effective member of the patient’s healthcare team.
“Our entire team strives to develop a comprehensive understanding of the needs of our clients, and to work with you and your physician to develop a program of medication adherence and delivery that will ensure optimal outcomes.” “Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy adheres to a case management approach in which each member of our staff is trained to look at the entire person in addressing their healthcare needs,” states Brannum. “We set up a detailed file on each of our clients, and collaborate with social workers, parole agents, psychologists, and physicians in order to achieve the most positive client outcome possible.” For more information call Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy at 888.619.6196 or visit: www.edwinsrxpharmacy.com Edwin’s Prescription Pharmacy is located at 12500 Burbank Boulevard in Valley Village.
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FEDERAL APPEALS COURT RULES DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT UNCONSTITUTIONAL
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n Thursday, May 31, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the First Circuit struck the main section of the Defense of Marriage Act in a unanimous three-judge decision. Ruling in two related cases, the panel said that the federal government’s refusal to recognize legal gay marriages from Massachusetts and elsewhere violated the equal protection rights of those married couples, and represented an impermissible intrusion into state affairs by Congress. At the heart of the opinion, drafted by Bush One appointee Michael Boudin, was the lack of a common sense rationale for the statute. Boudin was sympathetic to lawmakers’ desire to preserve long standing tradition. But in the context of the last 50 years of legal precedents, he wrote, tradition alone was not enough to justify a law that strips hundreds of rights and benefits from a vulnerable class.
Boudin declined to analyze the statute with heightened legal scrutiny, noting that First Circuit precedent mandates that courts in the region evaluate gay rights claims under the lowest standard of legal review. That said, Boudin employed a more searching version of the low legal test (“rational basis plus” if you will) that falls somewhere in between the low and intermediate level of review. The decision was stayed, pending appeal by the House Republicans who are defending the 1996 law. The Obama Justice Department decided last year that sexual orientation discrimination was presumptively unconstitutional, and declined to support DOMA in court, passing the buck tithe House. The House Republicans will have the choice of appealing to the full appellate court, or directly to the U.S. Supreme Court.
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And now for the speculation. Striking Section Thereof DOMA does not mandate national legalization of marriage. It merely requires the government to treat all legal marriages equally. Many Supreme Court observers think the nine justices could easily agree with Bourdon’s panel and other federal judges who have ruled that government marriage discrimination is unconstitutional. But take a look at the other federal case en route to the High Court. The Prop 8 case, which could indeed jeopardize the marriage laws of all fifty states, is now pending in the Ninth Circuit, where judges are deciding whether or not to accept a full court appeal. If you were the lawyer for the House Republicans, which case would you want to see reach the Court first? Clearly, it would be the Prop 8 case,
where marriage opponents have a much better chance of success. With that in mind, one would expect the House to appeal last month’s decision to the full First Circuit as a delaying tactic. Such a move would also give the House two bites at the reversal apple, rather than one.
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PARADE GRAND MARSHAL: MOLLY RINGWALD Christopher Street West, proud producers of La Pride, have chosen 80’s teen-queen, and current star of ABC Family’s The Secret Life Of The American Teenager, Molly Ringwald, as the 2012 La Pride Parade Grand Marshal. She has been selected for her long and unwavering support of the LGBT community. Past Parade Grand Marshals include Johnny Weir, Sharon & Kelly Osbourne and Chelsea Handler.
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WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE PARENTS AND FRIENDS OF EX-GAYS AND GAYS (PFOX) IS THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT’S HATEFUL COUNTERPART TO PARENTS, FAMILIES AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS (PFLAG). SPOT THE DIFFERENCES BY ZINNIA JONES
T
he organization Parents and Friends of ExGays and Gays (PFOX) is one of the more bizarre and contradictory elements of the antigay Christian right. Intended as a counterpart to Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), PFOX claims to conduct “public education and outreach to further individual self-determination and respect for all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation.” They also say that they’re “supporting parents in loving their homosexual children unconditionally.” In keeping with these principles, PFOX has shown their friendship and respect toward gays by publishing flyers stating that “The homosexual lifestyle, especially for males, carries grave health risks,” that “Declaring and validating a student’s same-sex attraction during the adolescent years is premature and may be personally harmful,” that “For many youth, homosexual attraction develops due to negative or traumatic experiences, such as sexual abuse,” and that Maryland’s Marriage Protection Act is needed “to protect marriage as the union of one man and one woman.” PFOX has repeatedly distributed these flyers at public high schools. They’ve also cited various articles saying that gay people have a “reduced life expectancy” of “45 vs. 75 years” compared to straight people, that “as homosexuals gain more civil rights, heterosexuals are losing theirs,” that “A genuine, conspicuous display of Christian love quickly and decisively eclipses the counterfeit love found in homosexuality,” that “America’s black gay and lesbian community needs to come home to God,” and even “I’ll donate $100 to their favorite charity if anyone can show me a scientific study that proves condoms prevent the transmission of HIV.” PFOX has also consistently opposed the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act, suggesting that it would “hurt children” and complaining that it “includes transvestites, but not ex-gays” and would “force - under penalty of law - Christian, Jewish or Muslim business owners to adopt a secular-humanist viewpoint, ignoring all matters surrounding sexual morality.” They especially focus on invalidating transgender identities, falsely claiming that
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the medically accepted standards of care for transitioning are ineffective and that psychotherapy alone is sufficient to treat gender identity disorder. As an “ex-gay” organization, you might think they would fully support transgender people, given that plenty of them could be considered “ex-gay.” If someone who’s attracted to men was assigned male at birth, and later transitioned, she would have previously been considered gay - but not anymore. Are they not ex-gay enough for PFOX? These might be the only actual exgay people they’ll ever find - their same-sex attractions really have become opposite-sex attractions! Yet PFOX seems to have very little respect for their “individual self-determination.”
PFOX have cited various “articles” claiming that gay people have a “reduced life expectancy” of “45 vs. 75 years” compared to straight people, that “as homosexuals gain more civil rights, heterosexuals are losing theirs,” and that “a genuine, conspicuous display of Christian love quickly and decisively eclipses the counterfeit love found in homosexuality” So here’s my challenge to PFOX: If you’re so concerned about discrimination against ex-gays, will you support sexual orientation and gender identity non-discrimination laws covering employment, housing, public accommodations, and military service? If you’re truly ex-gay, and even if you’re not, these laws would still apply to you. So will you stand up for these crucial protections for ex-gays, including transgender ex-gays? Or is it unacceptable to you that this would also protect current-gays? If you’re serious about “individual self-determination and respect for all Americans, regardless of their sexual orientation,” then this is what your stance requires: ensuring that equal participation in society is possible for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. That is what you’re looking for - isn’t it? Read more commentary by Zinnia Jones at: www.zinniajones.com/blog
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