THE FIGHT LGBT MAGAZINE FEBRUARY 2013 by MARK ARIEL

JUNE 2-8, 2 013

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THECONTENTS COVER STORIES AND FEATURES

16 SENECA FALLS, SELMA & STONEWALL The Mainstreaming Of Gay Equality

18 CHANGING HEARTS Family Equality Council’s Jennifer Chrisler 22 ALL IN THE FAMILY Musical Duo Jason & deMarco 28 LOVING YOURSELF Steps To Living Life More Fully

30 WHO’S YOUR DADDY? Daddy Don Tax Services 32 FAMILY TIES Friends, Lovers, And Teachers

34 THE DOCTOR IS (ALWAYS) IN Dr. Jeremy Fine On Concierge Medicine 36 HOME IMPROVEMENT Advice From The Experts

THE DEPARTMENTS

06 THE EDITOR The Fight Is Far From Over 08 THE CONTRIBUTORS Writers In This Issue

14 THE CITY WeHo City Council Elections

38 THE EVENT Premiere Party of RuPaul’s Drag Race

40 THE CALENDAR 26 THE LAW Leather Pride 2013 Risks For Serving Alcohol 29 THE EPIDEMIC Cells Resistant To HIV

12 THE STATE Prop 8 Defenders Short On Cash

33 THE PROFILE Dog Trainer Anthony Silva

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41 THE RESOURCES Support Groups, Workshops 42 THE FINAL FIGHT Zinnia Jones On Being Transgender

ON THE COVER PHOTO COURTESY OF PROJECT PUBLICITY

10 THE LETTERS Solo Brought It Home

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 5

THEEDITOR

ince THE FIGHT was established, two years ago, the LGBT community has witnessed many positive changes. Without doubt, President Obama’s pro-gay remarks in his inauguration speech last month, signals the beginning of a positive shift in our direction. However, the fight is far from over. In the upcoming months THE FIGHT will place special focus on the fight within, dealing with issues within our community that affect our growth. From internalized homophobia to age discrimination, health topics and raising children, THE FIGHT will feature topics sometimes overlooked by other gay media outlets. In this issue’s cover story, musical duo and life partners Jason Warner and Marco DeCiccio—professionally known as Jason & deMarco—talk about, among other topics, the effect their children have had on their lives (“All In The Family,” page 22). “Having kids has given us something other than ourselves to focus on,” says deMarco. “We felt like, after many years of touring, that something was missing—so having children has given us a deeper sense of purpose. We’ve also grown so much as well because children teach us so much about ourselves.” Also in the issue, on the eve of her departure from the Family Equality Council, Executive Director Jennifer Chrisler reveals how her involvement with the organization has changed her life (“Changing Hearts,” page 18). Perhaps one of the most memorable moments during her time with the organization, says Chrisler, was when “my then 7 year old son took my face in his hands and said ‘I’m proud of you mommy and what you do for families like ours’ on the eve of meeting with the President in the Oval Office.” Chrisler counts “making families relevant and visible in our battle for equality” as one of her main achievements within the organization. And—just in time for Valentine’s Day—THE FIGHT contributor James Guay, LMFT, in his feature “Loving Yourself,” (page 28) writes about deepening our understanding and connection with our authentic self. “Our ‘Inner Critic,’” states Guay, “is that part of ourselves that incessantly judges us no matter what. As LGBTQ people we often internalize messages we hear that devalue us and as a protective function, judge ourselves first to lessen the likelihood of others doing this to us. Unfortunately, it often gets in the way of enjoying our lives more fully because it’s difficult to feel a sense of satisfaction from our efforts and for just being without having to prove our worth. Instead, we need to learn to sift the truth of the Inner Critic from the judgments so that we can more clearly lead our lives from a more compassionate place.”

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stanford Altamirano MANAGING EDITOR Mark Ariel ART DIRECTOR Nadeen Torio MARKETING CONSULTANTS Lisa Radamaker John Michael Gamban Stephen Marquez SOCIAL MEDIA Tim Kreslake WEBMASTER Nadeen Torio

GET THE FIGHT AT HOME Sent Via First Class Mail 12 Issues: $36 6 Issues: $24 Mail check or money order to: Third Step, LLC 611 S. Catalina St. Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 PUBLISHER Third Step, Inc. DISTRIBUTION Pride In Media The Fight Magazine is published monthly by Third Step, Inc. 611 South Catalina Street, Suite 307 Los Angeles, CA 90005 Telephone (323) 297-4001 Fax (213) 281-9648 Email info@TheFightMag.com

THE FIGHT MAGAZINE LEGAL CAVEATS By listing in The Fight Magazine, advertisers acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products or services are fully and solely responsible for providing same as advertised. The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. Advertisers and their agencies assume responsibility and liability for the content of their advertisements in The Fight Magazine. Publisher assumes no liability for safe-keeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. The Fight Magazine reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents © 2013 Third Step Inc. All rights reserved. Content may be reproduced with permission.

STANFORD ALTAMIRANO Editor-In-Chief

The Fight Magazine assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publisher’s discretion.

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FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 7

THECONTRIBUTORS ZINNIA JONES

HENRY CAMPAGNA

Zinnia Jones is an atheist activist, writer, and video blogger focusing on the impact of religious belief, political follies, and LGBTQ rights. Since 2008 her videos have been viewed over 7 million times. You can reach her on Twitter @Zjemptv. Her YouTube channel is at www.zinniajones.com.

Henry Campagna recently received a M.A. in Clinical Psychology in the LGBT Specialization at Antioch University Los Angeles (AULA). He presently works as the Program Coordinator for both AULA’s LGBT Specialization and Colors.

PAULO MURILLO West Hollywood resident Paulo Murillo has been writing for gay media for over twelve years. He got his start writing a biweekly column called “Luv Ya, Mean It” for FAB! Newspaper. Visit his website at thehissfit.com, or friend him on Facebook.

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far received his law degree from Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego. While there, he made the Honor Roll and National Dean’s List. Currently David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC. He can be reached at: 1-888-789-PRIDE (7743).

ANN ROSTOW Ann Rostow writes news analysis columns for THE FIGHT and other gay publications across the country. For weekly LGBT News updates, visit her blog at: annrostow.blogspot. com. Ann can be reached at: arostow@aol.com. DAVID HAKIMFAR Los Angeles based Attorney David Hakim-

JAMES GUAY, LMFT James Guay is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (#mfc39252). He works primarily with individuals and couples interested in embracing their lives anew. For more details about James Guay’s background and specialties visit: www.jamestherapy.com or call 310-405-0840.

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THELETTERS

BROUGHT IT HOME Dear Editor, Kudos to Raph Solo for coming out about his ex-gay therapy (“Sexual Healing,” THE FIGHT, Issue 24). It was an interesting read, however the part that brought it home for me was his statement: “We are essentially human beings and we have a natural affinity to want to connect and solidify that connection with a partner at some point in life. If we are told that the essence of who we are is not acceptable, then how can we ever be in a position to give those unions our best shot?” Great point. Thanks for covering his story. John McMillian, via the internet

VERY HEARTWARMING Dear Editor, I have been following Paulo Murillo since his days writing that funny, but sometimes nasty, “Love Ya, Mean It” column in a different gay publication, years ago. I noticed him cropping up in THE FIGHT over the past few months and I have to say I am very impressed with the change he has gone through. Reading “Till Drink Do Us Part,” (THE FIGHT, Issue 24) was very heartwarming. It’s a pleasure to see a young man realize the errors of his ways, and clean up his act. Name Withheld, via the internet

SHEDS SOME LIGHT Dear Editor, I appreciated your coverage of Marsha Aizumi’s book on her transgender son (“Two Spirits, One Heart,” THE FIGHT, Issue 24). As a transgendered woman, I have felt, at times, alienated from my gay brothers and sisters. Especially gay men, who don’t understand, and ask me things like why don’t you just dress up in drag when you feel like it. To keep it short and simple: A drag queen is a male who cross-dresses for the purpose of entertaining others. Drag queens (and drag kings) may not be transgendered or homosexual and may identify as heterosexual. Transgender is a state of being, in which the biological gender does not match the person’s subjective gender, that is, the gender the person identifies as. I hope that sheds some light on the difference between the two. Name Withheld, via the internet

> WRITE TO THE EDITOR Email: editor@thefightmag.com Fax: (213) 281-9648. Letters may be shortened due to space requirements. 1 0 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

JANUAR Y 2013 | TH E F I GH T 11

THESTATE

ANTI-GAY CALIFORNIA PROP 8 DEFENDERS SHORT ON CASH

or the third year in a row, the antigay group defending California's Proposition 8 in court failed to raise more money than it spent, according to tax documents reviewed by Reuters, reports The Advocate. ProtectMarriage.com, which stepped in to defend the voter-approved ban on marriage equality in court after California's governor refused to do so, showed a $2 million deficit in its legal fund at the end of 2011, reports Reuters. The organization says it has since recovered the shortfall, but an attorney for the group told Reuters that ProtectMarriage. com is still $70,000 short on its fundraising for Supreme Court costs.

In late March, the Supreme Court will hear arguments on the Prop. 8 case, known as Hollingsworth v. Perry. The defendantintervenors, ProtectMarriage.com, hope to reconcile their funding shortfall before that date, and sent an email to supporters asking for increased donations. "Unless the pace of donations starts to

pick up right away, we could soon be forced over a financial cliff," said the email, sent earlier this month. ProtectMarriage. com's financial woes are symptomatic of a larger decrease in funding for antigay groups, reports Reuters. In last November's elections, marriage equality opponents were "vastly outspent in four state ballot campaigns," and lost each of those contests, notes Reuters. The U.S. public now favors gay marriage 48-43 percent, according to a recent poll. Fred Sainz, a spokesman for the Human Rights Campaign, told Reuters that there is "zero doubt" that the fundraising problems reflect a lack of momentum for gay marriage foes. n

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THECITY

WEHO CITY COUNCIL ELECTIONS

STEVE MARTIN

THE MARCH 2013 BALLOT INCLUDES NINE CANDIDATES FOR TWO SEATS ON THE WEST HOLLYWOOD CITY COUNCIL.

BY VICTOR MELAMED

he next General Municipal Election for the City of West Hollywood will be March 5, 2013. There will be two seats up for re-election for a four year term on the City Council. There will also be a Measure on the ballot relating to establishing limits on the number of terms and partial terms that a person may serve as a member of the West Hollywood City Council. The March 2013 ballot includes nine candidates for two seats on the West Hollywood City Council. The candidates are: • Sam Borelli, a communications consultant and West Hollywood Public Safety commissioner. For more info on this candidate visit: www.samborelli.com • Tom Demille, a community activist. For more info on this candidate visit: www.facebook.com/ElectTomDemille • Incumbent John Duran, a lawyer who has served on the council since 2001. For more info on this candidate visit: www.JohnDuran2013.com • Nick Garzilli, executive vice president for global development at ET3, an alternative transportation company. For more info on this candidate visit: www.NickGarzilli.com. • Christopher T. Landavazo, a deputy sheriff. For more info on this candidate visit: www.landavazo.com • Steve Martin, a lawyer and former council member. For more info on this candidate visit: www. stevemartinweho.org • Incumbent Jeffrey Prang, mayor of West Hollywood and a 15-year council member. For more info on this candidate visit: www.jeffreyprang.com • Tristan Schukraft, founder and chief executive officer of ID90 Technologies. which markets an airline travel scheduling system. For more info on this candidate visit: www.tristan2013.com • Rusty Wiggs, executive director of Cognitive Behavior Associates, a psychology clinic in Beverly Hills. For more info on this candidate visit: Rusty Wiggs for West Hollywood City Council on Facebook.

The last day to register to vote for the March 5, 2013 election is February 19, 2013. Visit: registertovote.ca.gov. n 1 4 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

TOM DEMILLE

SAM BORELLI

JOHN DURAN

JEFFREY PRANG

CHRISTOPHER LANDAVZO TRISTAN SCHUKRAFT

TRISTAN SCHUKRAFT

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 15

SENECA FALLS, SELMA AND STONEWALL

THE MAIN-STREAMING OF GAY EQUALITY AS THE DEFAULT POSTURE OF MIDDLE AMERICA. BY ANN ROSTOW

had so many things to write about before I listened to the President’s inaugural speech. But then, Obama stole my lead with his reference to “Stonewall,” and “our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.” Oh, it’s not just the symbolism of a President using the word “gay” in such a context for the first time. It’s not just his support for marriage equality, which was already a given. It is something that we saw during the Democratic national convention, to wit: the mainstreaming of gay equality as

1 6 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

the default posture of Middle America. But for Obama to take this phenomenon a step further, for him to wrench it out of partisan politics where it has emerged as a signature divide, and to infuse it into a speech about America’s most sacred values—that’s different. If you are John Roberts or Anthony Kennedy, standing close to each side of the GLBT fence and wondering whether to hop over, stay put, or perhaps jump up and balance precariously on its posts, how does this speech

Without directly inserting himself into pending High Court litigation, Barack Obama has thrown the weight of the Presidency and, by extension, the American public, onto our side.

inform your decision? Answer: it cannot help but propel you towards justice. We know that Justice Kennedy leans towards us. Indeed he has authored the two most significant gay rights decisions of the last 20 years, Romer and Lawrence. But does that mean he will hang his legacy on the hook of furthering GLBT equality? Or does that mean he has given himself cover for a step backwards to some sort of middle ground, perhaps in the name of states’ rights?

We know that Roberts is a conservative. But he is also a pragmatist and a relatively young man who once worked as a consultant for the gay side of the Romer case. He has surprised us in the past, and he seems something of a cypher. But where is he headed in his mind as we approach the critical High Court showdowns on the federal Defense of Marriage Act and on state laws like Prop 8? Will he keep future historians in mind as “The Roberts Court” takes up these weighty issues? Or will he envision himself as the last champion of tradition and the status quo, a biased plate umpire with a subconscious preference for a veteran pitcher who can no longer throw a strike. Obama has changed the equation here. He could have limited his reference to gays with the beautiful inclusion of “Stonewall” into the trio of civil rights landmarks. That one line alone put gays and lesbians on the continuum of our country’s most revered freedom fighters. But he went further, asking

almost incredulously how anyone could deny the love of two people of the same gender. A few years ago his comments would have triggered howls of outrage, yet of all the complaints coming from the right wing a day after this speech, I have not heard any gay bashing, only objections to a “progressive agenda” and bleats about deficits. The march of history, the drumbeat of history—we are on a sprint to the sound of rolling tympani. Make no mistake about it, Justices Thomas, Alito and Scalia are beyond any argument. But we don’t need any of them. We need either Kennedy, Roberts, or both men, to vote us into full equality as American citizens. Without directly inserting himself into pending High Court litigation, Barack Obama has thrown the weight of the Presidency and, by extension, the American public, onto our side. And as a constitutional law professor I can’t believe he was not aware of exactly what he was doing. n

of protest that followed have come to be known as the Stonewall Riots. Prior to that summer there was little public expression of the lives and experiences of gays and lesbians. The Stonewall Riots marked the beginning of the gay liberation movement that has transformed the oppression of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community into calls for pride and action.

TO PUT ALL OF THIS INTO PERSPECTIVE, HERE IS WHAT YOU COULD EXPECT AS AN LGBT PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES, IN 1969:

HOW IT ALL BEGAN THE STONEWALL RIOTS MARKED THE BEGINNING OF THE GAY LIBERATION MOVEMENT THAT HAS TRANSFORMED THE OPPRESSION OF THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL AND TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY INTO CALLS FOR PRIDE AND ACTION.

n Friday evening, June 27, 1969, the New York City tactical police force raided a popular Greenwich Village gay bar, the Stonewall Inn. Raids were not unusual in 1969; in fact, they were conducted regularly without much resistance. However, that night the street erupted into violent protest as the crowds in the bar fought back. The backlash and several nights

l Your name (along with all of your friends and family members) would be put on a list by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, because as a homosexual you were “prone” to blackmail and “overt acts of perversion.” l The United States Post Office also kept your name on a list to monitor any homosexual “paraphernalia” you were receiving so they could tip off the police and have you arrested. l You would be dishonorably discharged from the military, fired from your government job or job as a teacher or professor at a college if you were suspected of being gay with no legal recourse. l Your neighborhood would be “swept” periodically to arrest you and anyone else who was a presumed homosexual or wore clothes not “for” their gender. l The American Psychiatric Association classified homosexuality as a sociopath personality disturbance and you were considered mentally infirm (this did not change until 1973). l You could be arrested for holding hands in public with your partner.

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 17

CHANGING

HEARTS

ON THE EVE OF HER DEPARTURE FROM THE FAMILY EQUALITY COUNCIL, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR JENNIFER CHRISLER REVEALS HOW HER INVOLVEMENT WITH THE ORGANIZATION HAS “CHANGED MY LIFE IN ALMOST EVERY WAY.” BY MARK ARIEL

amily Equality Council connects, supports, and represents one million LGBT parents and their two million children. Because of their work, LGBT men and women can find information on starting a family, adopting, or becoming foster parents -and children can find forever families. For the past eight years Jennifer Chrisler has been the Executive Director of Family Equality Council. Under her leadership,

the Alumnae Association) she reveals, in an interview with THE FIGHT, that her involvement with the Family Equality Council has “changed my life in almost every way.” “My children have grown up being a part of this organization,” explains Chrisler. “They have made life long friends through my work... I’ve come to know so many wonderful incredible parents who are leading our work forward. I learned so

Chrisler counts “making families relevant and visible in our battle for equality” as one of her main achievements within the organization. the organization has grown into the leading policy advocate on federal and state issues that impact today’s modern families, including foster care and adoption, safe schools, family medical leave, parenting protections, domestic partnership and marriage. On the eve of her departure (Chrisler is joining Smith College as Vice President for Alumnae Relations and Executive Director of 1 8 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

much from my staff and board and donors and volunteers. I have felt the power that comes from walking the halls of congress as a citizen lobbyist and knowing that my voice was educating our elected officials about the importance of treating families equally, of opening up or foster and adoption processes and protecting children in school from bullying and harassment.”

Chrisler, who describes herself as “a mom, a wife, an activist and a lesbian,” has, with her spouse, twin 10 year olds and a new 6-month old baby. “I pride my self on running a tight ship at home, but it’s gotten harder since our third child was born,” reveals Chrisler. And while she loves to cook, read and play board games with her kids, she is obsessed with politics. “I never get tired of hearing what’s happening across the country.” One of her main goals, says Chrisler, since becoming Executive Director of the organization was “to re-position the organization as the national advocate for LGBT families.” The idea, states Chrisler, was “to help the movement and it’s leaders realize the power of LGBT families in changing the hearts and minds of millions of Americans... to build and sustain a robust organization that had at its central mission the health, protection and celebration of parents who are LGBT and the children they are raising.” Chrisler counts “making families relevant and visible in our battle for equality” as one of her main achievements within the organization. Other milestones during her 8-year tenure at the Family Equality Council include, says Chrisler, “the moment the president stated his support for marriage equality and he cited knowing and connecting with parents who are LGBT as the reason; the launch of our outspoken generation and pearls of wisdom programs that highlight the voices of youth raised by LGBT parents and grandparents (respectively) in helping change hearts and minds; and the time I witnessed a young girl celebrate her birthday with a party where other kids actually attended during family week knowing that in the five years previous everyone she had invited didn’t come because she had two moms.” But perhaps one of the most memorable moments during her time with the organization was when “my then 7 year old son took my face in his hands and said ‘I’m proud of you mommy and what you do for families like ours’ on the eve of meeting with the President in the Oval Office.” “There so many moments - I could never even begin to capture them all,” reveals Chrisler, “but hopefully this gives you a flavor for what has been so wonderful these last eight years in doing this work.” For more information on the Family Equality Council visit: www.familyequality.org.

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 19

THEROSTOWREPORT

STANDING ON PRINCIPLE

t's briefing time at the Supreme Court, a lovely stretch of many weeks during which time we will be inundated with dense pdf files full of sound and fury, signifying something. Will we read every one of these written arguments? Well, no. A truckload of antigay legal screeds have already been issued by our adversaries and their pals in both the Perry case (Prop 8) and the Windsor case (DOMA). And as someone who has already read several container ships full of like-minded bombast over the last 20 years, I feel that I have earned the right to ignore them. By contrast, I read with interest the comparatively short argument advanced at the request of the justices by Harvard law professor Vicki Jackson in the Windsor case. Jackson was asked to take the position that neither the GOP House committee, nor the federal government, have the right to petition the Court under Article III of the Constitution. The House committee, a five-member group of three antigay Republicans and two friendly Democrats, is preposterously called the Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group (BLAG). As Jackson notes, this flimsy ad hoc club has no authority to speak for the House. Second, she writes, even if Congress had a legitimate claim to participate in the defense of DOMA, they would require the consent of both the full House and the full Senate. But third, Jackson argues that Congress itself has suffered no injury in the challenge to DOMA and does not meet the requirements for standing under any circumstances. Hey, she convinced me! As for the federal government, it's possible that the Justice Department also fails the standing test simply because the United States argued against DOMA and won their case in the Second Circuit. The victor is not allowed to appeal, and the Supreme Court does not give advisory opinions. You can't appeal just because you want the Court to illuminate a legal issue. That said, as long as the U.S. is obliged to enforce the law, there's a case to be made that the government continues to have an active controversy. The IRS is still holding Edith Windsor's $360,000 estate tax check even though the Second Circuit ruled that she should be treated as a spouse under federal law. What's the government 2 0 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

BY ANN ROSTOW

to do? And how can we possibly maintain a country where gay spouses are recognized in the Second Circuit, but ignored in the rest of the jurisdictions? We have yet to see the briefs arguing the other side of this issue, and of course the Court will also be questioning whether the Prop 8 proponents have standing to continue their litigation. Federal procedure has never been so much fun! Finally, gay activists are calling on the Justice Department to file a friend of the court brief in the Prop 8 case. The U.S. is not a party to this challenge to California law, so they don't have to weigh in at all if they don't want to. But it would sure be nice. They have until the end of February to make a move.

PASS THE BROWN COW

hat now, brown cow? I just checked that phrase. It's actually "how now brown cow," and was used as an elocution exercise back in the day. A "brown cow" was a Scottish term for a beer barrel. Another fun fact to know and tell. Let's start with Rhode Island, where the state house overwhelmingly passed a marriage equality bill in late January. The state senate is a heavier lift, but Senate President Teresa Paiva Weed has agreed to let the measure come up for debate in the upper house (someday), even though she dislikes the prospect. And after failing to ram marriage through the lame duck Illinois legislature, activists are working on bringing equality through the new legislature starting early February. We're also working on a civil union bill in Colorado (again), a domestic partner scheme in Wyoming, and marriage bills in New Mexico and Hawaii. Outside our borders, the fight continues in France, in Great Britain, in Ireland, in New Zealand and probably in some other locales that have not leapt to my attention. Let's just say that the wheels of progress are turning as I write. Yay!

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE

id any of you follow Jodie Foster's rambling speech at the Golden Globes? I recall much speculation

about her sexual orientation back in the 20th Century when speaking out might have made a difference. Now, not so much. Plus, what is her deal with Mel Gibson? And what ever happened with her love life? Didn't she dump her long-time partner for a disk jockey or something a few years back? I could look it up for you, but on second thought, you can look it up yourselves. And what do you make of Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend? I'm talking to college football fans here, but for those of you who have never heard of the Heisman Trophy runnerup, Manti Te'o is a phenomenal linebacker who should be an NFL star before long. Last month, we learned that his girlfriend, who tragically "died" last season, never existed. Now the question is, did Manti invent his true love, or was he the victim of a complex internet hoax? Te'o admits he never met the woman, even though they talked on the phone for hours and exchanged numerous tweets and emails. And he claims he was as surprised as anyone to learn that one of his good buddies invented the persona. But really? And if Te'o was in on the scam, what was the motivation? There you have the hop, skip and jump that led some of us, including yours truly, to wonder whether Te'o was gay and hiding his sexual orientation. Maybe, maybe not. But all I'll say is this: If he was not hiding his sexual orientation, the actual story behind the story must be incredibly bizarre. Occam's razor suggests to me that Te'o was riding a horse, not a zebra. But of course, zebras do exist and I suppose you can saddle them up if you try.

NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE

aving spent a chaotic, fun and snowy two weeks in Kansas last month, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you about the poor sperm donor who has been tapped for child support, not by his lesbian friends who parented the child, but by the state of Kansas itself. The two mothers have ended their relationship, and the birth mother qualifies for state assistance. But even though the sperm donor was assured that he would have no paternal status or responsibilities, the state has ferreted him out and decided to stick him with some of the bills. Both mothers object, but Kansan

Did any of you follow Jodie Fosterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rambling speech at the Golden Globes? I recall much speculation about her sexual orientation back in the 20th Century when speaking out might have made a difference. Now, not so much. Plus, what is her deal with Mel Gibson? officials insist that since conception was not supervised by a physician, their private contract is irrelevant. Of course, the burden of child support should fall on the other mother, and if Kansas were to recognize gay unions, they could indeed withhold her portion of support from the sum total of state assistance. But they don't. In theory, the other mother could be a millionaire and the birth mother would still qualify for state assistance. But that's the penalty these states pay for making legal strangers out of same-sex couples. They shouldn't be able to circumvent the price of prejudice at the expense of a man who truly is a stranger to a child.

CHECK PLEASE

et's run down a couple of cases of rank discrimination, beginning with the lesbian diners at the Sting Ray CafĂŠ in Bern, North Carolina, who finished their meal, paid their tab, and were then presented with a letter from the owner denouncing homosexuality. Nice of him to wait until their cash was in his pocket, don't you think? The man's restaurant has since been ripped to shreds on Yelp. Over at Ft. Bragg meanwhile, a lesbian military spouse applied for membership with the local military spouse group (it has an official name) but was told that she needed a special ID card and could not join. After some hoopla,

the group decided to award the woman a temporary pass of some sort, which she rejected, again demanding full membership. Ashley Broadway is married to (Army) Lt. Col. Heather Mack, and is the Director of Family Affairs for the American Military Partner Association, a group that advocates for, well, partners and spouses of gay service members. To its credit, the Marine Corps promptly issued a directive that requires such clubs to recognize gay spouses on an equal basis with their straight counterparts. But the issue of spousal recognition goes far beyond membership in some club. Gay spouses are treated as legal strangers throughout the military infrastructure, a problem Chuck Hagel has pledged to rectify. n FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 21

ALL IN THE FAMILY

2 2 T H E F IGH T | D E CE MBER 2012

MUSICAL DUO JASON & DEMARCO, CURRENTLY ON THEIR “CELEBRATING FAMILIES OF DIVERSITY” TOUR, OPEN UP ABOUT SPIRITUALITY, FALLING IN LOVE AND RAISING HEALTHY AND WELL-ADJUSTED CHILDREN.

ason Warner and Marco DeCiccio— professionally known as Jason & deMarco—are a gay Christian musical duo. They are also life partners. They are also the proud parents of one-year old twin sons, Mason and Noah. This month, in celebration of their ten year anniversary as a singing duo, they are embarking on their “Celebrating Families of Diversity” tour: “It will be an opportunity for our fans and friends to learn about surrogacy and the adoption process. We will share our personal story and experience during the concert and tie it all together with our music. We will also have the boys with us for everyone to meet face to face.” In an interview with THE FIGHT, Jason & deMarco expound upon coming out, spirituality, falling in love and raising healthy and well-adjusted children. CAN YOU TELL US A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELVES? WHERE DID YOU GROW UP? HOW WAS THE COMING OUT PROCESS FOR BOTH OF YOU? Jason: I was born in Baltimore, Maryland and as a teenager my folks moved to the Eastern Shore to a 40-acre farm. We went to a Pentecostal church so obviously coming out was very difficult. I was pretty much the golden boy and ended up graduating high school and went to a private Christian college in Cleveland, TN called Lee University. I was being groomed to be the next male Christian solo artist and the entire time I was trying to suppress my sexuality. I always laugh because growing up my favorite movie was Xanadu and I’d roller skate for hours to Olivia Newton John up in the loft of a barn on our farm. My parents thought I was in love with her, they didn’t realize I wanted to BE her. When I finally came out it was very difficult. My friends basically disowned me. My parents kept thinking a girl would come along who would ‘understand’ and that this was just a phase. I ended up couch surfing and basically homeless for almost 2 months and going through this really inspired me to begin a non-profit, which we

BY MARK ARIEL

Jason: “I was being groomed to be the next male Christian solo artist and the entire time I was trying to suppress my sexuality. I always laugh because growing up my favorite movie was Xanadu and I’d roller skate for hours to Olivia Newton John up in the loft of a barn on our farm. My parents thought I was in love with her, they didn’t realize I wanted to BE her.” did in 2010 called S.A.F.E. (Safe, Affirming, Family Environment) that works with GLBTQ foster and homeless youth. deMarco: My story isn’t quite as dramatic as Jason’s. I moved to Los Angeles in 1999 from Toronto. I was raised Catholic, in an Italian community outside of Toronto. We went to church on holidays. When I came out to my parents it wasn’t a religious issue, but a social issue. “What would people think?” At first when I talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned Jason, she would cry and have to hang up. But, as soon as they met him, she came around quickly. He’s hard not to love. My friends were amazing from the get go, but I think the whole gay marriage thing in Canada is way ahead of the United States, so they were already used to the concept. WHERE DID YOU BOTH MEET? HOW DID THE RELATIONSHIP DEVELOP? deMarco: We met at a restaurant in Los Angeles. I was his waiter. I had heard about him

before meeting him. He was traveling as a soloist and when he came through Los Angeles, the friends he stayed with took him to the restaurant where I was working part-time as I got my career off the ground. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight. He was actually on a date. But, the next time he came in we connected and from that point we were inseparable. WHEN AND HOW DID YOU DECIDE TO PAIR UP PROFESSIONALLY? WHAT DOES THE TERM “GAY CHRISTIAN ARTISTS” MEAN TO BOTH OF YOU? Jason: The whole “gay Christian” thing has served us well and I think we’ve been able to really reach a lot of people with the message of reconciliation. However, I think we are so past the issue, or a better way to say it is that the conversation is over for us. We are spiritual. We are gay. Period. I also think labels box people in and although we have always identified as gay and as Christian, the word “Christian” comes along with so many connotations and to be honest, we don’t believe 75% of what most Christians believe, so we consider ourselves more spiritual than Christian. Religion divides while spirituality unites. I believe our music speaks to a much larger audience. We have written a lot of our own original material and we sing a lot of secular cover songs. In 2006 our hit single “This Is Love” really introduced us to mainstream America and I think we felt we were breaking free from this little box so many had tried to place us in. I think music is a spiritual experience, regardless. Even at the heart of heavy metal music I think it’s spiritual. It makes people ‘feel’ something, and to me that is what spirituality is all about. In those moments of hearing that one certain song, your soul opens and you have an experience. They say music is the window to the soul. deMarco: When Jason and I met we had both just moved to LA to pursue a mainstream pop career. It just so happened that Jason had a really strong following in the community of faith within the affirming and reconciling FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 23

PHOTO BY DALTON DEHART.

JASON & DEMARCO, WITH MASON AND NOAH.

deMarco: “We had no intention of becoming the poster boys for ‘gay Christian’ singers. I was Catholic and didn’t even know what the Christian music industry was. I think we’ll always sing inspirational music and we will always visit churches, but this ‘Celebrating Families of Diversity’ tour is not about religion. This tour is about a much larger issue. church community around the U.S. We had no intention of becoming the poster boys for “gay Christian” singers. I was Catholic and didn’t even know what the Christian music industry was. I think we’ll always sing inspirational music and we will always visit churches, but this “Celebrating Families of Diversity” tour is not about religion. This tour is about a much larger issue. It’s about gay marriage. It’s about gay parenting. It’s about celebrating families of diversity, whether inter-racial, same-sex, adop2 4 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

tive, foster, single parents, co-parents, and the list goes on and on. The new normal is not a traditional family. The songs we’ll be performing will be our original mainstream material and most of our concerts are held in theaters. We know there are a lot of people who still aren’t comfortable stepping foot in a church, gay friendly or not, so we want everyone to feel comfortable coming out to support these events. We’re all part of one human diverse family, and that’s what this tour is all about. AT WHAT POINT DID YOU DECIDE TO START A FAMILY? WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO MAKE THAT DECISION? deMarco: After being together for a few years, Jason and I talked about what was next. We had dedicated our life to music and felt it was now time to do something really meaningful for ourselves and our future, other than our career. We talked about the possibility of having kids and after specific key experiences and chance encounters with other people, we began the process of our greatest endeavor together; the most ordinary and extra-ordinary thing we’ve ever done; bring two biological babies into this world. I say “ordinary” because everyone does it, and I say “extra-ordinary” because it is such a “big” thing to do, not to mention, for two men that cannot make a baby together in the conventional way... but not

for lack of trying. For the full story, you will just have to attend one of our concerts or read about it in Jason’s book due out in the fall “The Journey of Same Sex Surrogacy.” CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT YOUR FERTILITY PROCESS? deMarco: Shortly after Jason & I started dating, I also reconnected with a girl who broke my heart in college. After we moved past that whole mess, Jason & I actually became very good friends with her and her husband and family of three kids. One time we were visiting New York and we were all in the hot tub together in their back yard and they said that they thought we’d make great parents and that if they could help us in any way to have a family, that they would consider it. We were drinking so I don’t think anyone took anything seriously that night but obviously the conversation wasn’t forgotten. A few months later, we attended an event in Florida and Jason & I arrived late to a banquet and were seated at a table with the two other late-arrivals , a fertility lawyer on our left and fertility doctor on our right, who also just happened to be renowned in their field. We asked many questions about how we could take up our friends on their generous offer and have biological children, and we got lots of answers. That ended up being the fertility doctor and lawyer that we worked with to make our family.

Jason: We were originally going to adopt, but deMarco really had his heart set on having a biological child and surrogacy was the only option available to make that happen. When we looked at the costs involved between a private adoption agency vs. doing surrogacy with a known donor and surrogate, they were very similar. So, we harvested and ended up with 12 eggs. We split them and each ended up with 6 embryos. All fertilized. Two years later, after moving to Houston from LA, we met a lady that became very close to us. She became the sister I never had. She offered to be our surrogate and we agreed. We thawed our frozen embryos and ended up with one viable embryo each to transfer. Both took on the first try. So, we are each the biological father of one son, and they are blood brothers through our donor. Technically, they are fraternal half brothers. HOW DID HAVING KIDS CHANGE YOUR LIVES? deMarco: Everything changes but once you experience it, we can’t imagine it being any other way. Having kids has given us something other than ourselves to focus on. We felt like, after many years of touring, that something was missing - so having children has given us a deeper sense of purpose.

We’ve also grown so much as well because children teach us so much about ourselves. HOW DID THE IDEA FOR THE “CELEBRATING FAMILIES OF DIVERSITY” TOUR COME ABOUT? Jason: The timing seemed perfect. Obama just gave his blessing on gay marriage. Prop 8 is going before the Supreme Court. What we’ve found is that many people out their that don’t approve of us (our “lifestyle,” our relationship, our faith, our family) could benefit greatly from meeting our family and realizing that same-sex and non-traditional couples are already out there in our communities and raising healthy and well-adjusted children. It also gives them an opportunity to see that we are not the monsters that they have created us to be. We also realized leaving on weekends to go on gigs wasn’t healthy for us or the boys, so this will allow us to tour and have the boys with us, on a 35-day adventure living out of our tour bus! deMarco: It’s our 10 -year anniversary as a singing duo so we thought it would be timely to do something like this to celebrate 10 years of music. And... I believe that same

sex couples around the globe are out there wondering what the likelihood is that they too might be able to experience being parents and raising children, like we did. This will be a great opportunity for our friends in the audience to not only learn more about this process since we will be sharing about our experience during the concert and tying it all together with music, but we will also have the boys with us. HOW HAVE PEOPLE RESPONDED TO THE TOUR? Jason: Amazing. We’ve really been overwhelmed. Again, this is so much bigger than “Jason & deMarco.” As a community and a nation this is an opportunity for us to come out and celebrate our families. It’s really powerful. Our hope is that as we continue to tour and hold more of these events and concerts, that it grows larger and larger and these events turn in to something more of a festival where families and all people can come and share in the beauty of diversity. But, one step, or one mile at a time. For more info on Jason & deMarco, and tour dates, please visit: www.jasonanddemarco.com.

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 25

THELAW

RISKS FOR SERVING ALCOHOL AT MY HOME?

WHAT IS, IF ANY, THE CIVIL LIABILITY OF A SOCIAL HOST FOR SERVING ALCOHOL WHEN A GUEST HURTS THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS WHILE INTOXICATED? BY DAVID HAKIMFAR

erriam-Webster dictionary defines “gay” as being “keenly alive and exuberant: having or inducing high spirits.” The community proudly lives up to 2 6 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

that with the profusion of social gatherings throughout the world. Time after time, friends and clients have inquired to my office regarding the risks and

potential liability of serving alcohol at social gatherings in their home. And that is what I am here to answer: What is, if any, the civil liability of a social host for serving alcohol when a guest hurts themselves and/or others while intoxicated? Generally, California Law provides civil immunity to social hosts who serve alcohol. This means that one may not be compelled to pay damages if an intoxicated guest leaves and causes an accident. HOWEVER, California law recently removed some previously afforded immunity to social hosts after a Redding, California couple spearheaded California Assembly Bill (AB) Number 2486 (The Teen Alcohol Safety Act) upon the death of their daughter which resulted from alcohol poisoning at a friend’s house. Prior to AB 2486, which was being enacted on January 1, 2011, a social host who furnished alcoholic beverages to any person could not have been held civilly liable for damages suffered or caused by that person. And now, California Law allows civil claims against adults who: (1) knowingly furnish alcoholic beverages at their residence to a person under 21 years of age, and (2) the resulting damages to the person who was served the alcohol or to other persons is caused by the furnishing of such alcoholic beverages. So now that you can enjoy your party and your guests while being educated on the issue of “social host liability,” always remember to make the following right moves: • Never condone or allow minors to be served alcohol; • Encourage guests to designate a sober driver, use public transportation, or drink responsibly; • Instruct hired professional bartenders to refuse service of alcohol to those too intoxicated; and • Take keys away from those who are intoxicated and let them stay in your home overnight. As a trial attorney concerned about the safety of all people and roadways, I am optimistic that AB 2486 will prevent at least some of the tragic and unnecessary deaths related to alcohol consumption. David Hakimfar is a Trial Attorney and Senior Partner of Hakimfar Law, PLC, located in West Hollywood. He can be reached at (213) 265-9252.

LOVING YOURSELF FIVE STEPS FOR LGBTQ INDIVIDUALS TO LIVE LIFE MORE FULLY—WITH OR WITHOUT THERAPY. BY JAMES GUAY, LMFT

ne of the most frequent questions I get as a psychotherapist working predominantly with the LGBTQ community since 1997 is, “How does psychotherapy work?” Often what is underlying that question for LGBTQ people is, “How can I enjoy my life more, without the support of my biological family and/or society-at-large?” As oppressed minorities we have particular challenges to face in the midst of societal oppression of our basic human rights. With all the recent national conversations regarding marriage and family equality, banning sexual orientation conversion therapy with minors, and multiple other inequalities faced by LGBTQ people, it’s virtually impossible not to be affected by this in one way or another. I have dedicated my private practice to helping LGBTQ people mitigate these various oppressions by deepening our understanding and connection with our authentic self - including our personal values, talents, and passion - to clarify who we truly are at our core and not just what others expect us to be.

1. MINDFULNESS Research has shown how effective the tool of mindfulness can be in our lives. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental objective curiosity about internal thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. When we meet each moment through this approach we dip into the fullness of the present moment. This can be a scary venture for many as often what we find are things we’ve long avoided and things we’d rather not admit to. However, when done with this sense of curiosity we can better learn about our internal landscape and how we operate. This gives us the ability to respond better to situations instead of reacting from the mercy of our unconscious. 2 8 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

2. SELF-COMPASSION Mindfulness with compassion toward ourselves are like two wings of a bird that help propel us to live life more fully. Self-compassion is unconditional warmth, love and support for ourselves. It involves radical self-acceptance for whatever we see in the present moment. Sometimes people confuse self-compassion with complacency or disowning responsibility for our actions. To the contrary, it’s actually about caring for whatever naturally arises in us enough to act in better alignment with our core values. If instead we deny or beat ourselves up for what we see internally then this often perpetuates the very thing we don’t like about ourselves.

3. SELF-CARE Taking good care of ourselves through more consistent nutrition, adequate sleep and exercise is essential to creating a strong foundation with which to live life more fully. This isn’t about perfectionism but instead it’s about caring for our LGBTQ-selves in ways that hasn’t always been given by our external world. It’s valuing ourselves despite the messages we receive to the contrary. By more consistently caring for ourselves we model to the world how to create confidence in the midst of adversity so that there is more love in the world and less violence.

4. BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH INNER CRITIC Our Inner Critic is that part of ourselves that incessantly judges us no matter what. As LGBTQ people we often internalize messages we hear that devalue us and as a protective function, judge ourselves first to lessen the likelihood of others doing this to us. Unfortunately, it often gets in the way of enjoying our lives more fully because it’s difficult to feel a sense of satisfaction from our efforts and for just being without having to prove our worth. Instead, we need to learn to sift the truth of the Inner Critic from the judgments so that we can more clearly lead our lives from a more compassionate place.

5. INTEGRITY & AUTHENTICITY Taking better care of our LGBTQ-selves through the above steps can make it easier to discern what our core values and life’s mission is. Our core values can include important principles that resonate with us and help guide our life like: social justice, loyalty, commitment, openness, and kindness. Our life’s mission needs to be grounded in our values to be most effective and rewarding. When we are in better integrity with our core values and life’s work, we feel more engaged with our lives. There’s a renewing sense of aliveness and rightness with our lives, even in the midst of challenges. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, whether you’re suffering from depression or anxiety, whether you have behavioral or substance addictions, this step by step process is what I specialize in guiding clients to discover about themselves and take action based on. Therapy is one of many ways to do this kind of internal work and can also include a meditation or yoga practice, conversations with likeminded supportive friends/family, assistance from other holistic health care providers, and exploring this material in workshops and books. n James Guay is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (#mfc39252), a psychotherapist for individuals, couples and groups at his West Hollywood office specializing in affirmative LGBTQ health and well being. www.LivingMoreFully.com, www.Facebook.com/JamesTherapy, 310-405-0840.

THEEPIDEMIC

HIV-RESISTANT T-CELLS

SCIENTISTS HAVE GENETICALLY ENGINEERED CELLS THAT ARE RESISTANT TO HIV

esearchers at Stanford University have developed a process which could lead to an alternative therapy for people on heavy drug treatment plans, reports hivplusmag.com.

According to a Stanford press release, the procedure uses molecular scissors to cut into T-cells, and then insert a series of HIV-resistant genes. The virus was therefore blocked from entering the cells, which is typically how it invades and then destroys the immune system. Scientists also anticipated the ever-mutating forms of HIV by engineering the cell on multiple fronts to become resistant to the virus. Matthew Porteus MD, an associate professor at Stanford explained that by also inactivating the receptors that the virus typically uses to enter cells, the cell becomes even further protected.

This tailored gene therapy could reduce or replace an HIVer’s daily drug regimen, but clinical trials would still have to take place before the approach can be administered on humans. "We can use this strategy to make cells that are resistant to both major types of HIV," he said. This tailored gene therapy could reduce or replace an HIVer's daily drug regimen, but clinical trials would still have to take place before the approach can be administered on humans. "Providing an infected person with resistant T-cells would not cure their viral infection," assistant professor Sara Sawyer, PhD, added. "However, it would provide them with a protected set of T-cells that would ward off the immune collapse that typically gives rise to AIDS." There are other issues that must be worked out with the genetically altered cells. Porteus cautions that the cells may rupture, causing a break elsewhere, leading to cancer or other cell aberration. He said it's also possible the cells may not tolerate the genetic change. FEB FEBR RUAR UARYY 2013 2013 || TTH HE E FFIIGH GHTT 29 29

WHO’S YOUR

DADDY?

DADDY DON SPECIALIZES IN FILLING ALL INDIVIDUAL, CORPORATE, LLC, AND PARTNERSHIP TAX, AS WELL AS COVERING ALL INCOME TAX RETURNS WITH A FOCUS ON THE REDUCTION OF INCOME TAXES, INCREASING CASH FLOW, AND FINANCIAL ADVICE ON BUILDING WEALTH. BY PAULO MURILLO

t’s the dreaded time of the year when we have to slip into our grownup pants and get our finances in order. It’s tax season. Where most of us excel at shopping, finding the right personal trainer or hairstylist, finding someone that we trust to walk us through steps of a tax form can be challenging. This is why most people in the community turn to Daddy Don’s Tax Services Inc. for professional tax services that specializes in many areas of taxation, business entity formation, as well as bookkeeping services. The man who answers to the name Daddy Don is Mr. Leather 2002, Donald J Anspauch Jr.-an Enrolled Agent #93702 who is licensed to practice and represent clients before the IRS. Daddy Don specializes in filling all individual, Corporate, LLC, and Partnership tax, as well as covering all income tax returns with a focus on the reduction of income taxes, increasing cash flow, and financial advice on building wealth. Daddy Don has been in the financial business for 22 years. The birth of the Daddy Don moniker came way before he did any leather events. “I was at a meeting in full leather.” He tells THE FIGHT. “There were several Dons in the room. My friend Terri Sue introduced me as Daddy Don. I thought, ‘that pretty much fits’ and today if you dial 411 and ask for Daddy Don, you will get me at my office.” Located at 8235 Santa Monica Blvd, Suite 210 in the heart of West Hollywood, the Daddy Don office is not what one would find at a stiff H&R Block facility. The walls are splashed with colorful eclectic and 3 0 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

erotic leather inspired art by Tom of Finland. “It’s just art,” states Loretta Masi who also works at the office. Daddy Don recognizes the unique challenges for the gay community. “We face a perplexity in regard to the federal government not recognizing domestic partnerships, or same sex couples,” he says. “In essence we have to do four tax returns. We have to separate all community property income and split those expenses, which can be a very tedious process. California recognizes domestic partners and those individuals that were married before Prop 8 was challenged. Those tax returns are actually filed as a single individual. The right to marry makes it a lot easier.” Daddy Don also gives back to the recovery community through The Van Ness Recovery house and he supports the arts through The Tom of Finland Foundation. “I have ties to the Van Ness Recovery House because they do good work.” He says. “And as part of the leather fetish community, I find the Tom of Finland Foundations supports and encourages up and coming erotic artists.” Unlike other tax branches that close shop after tax season is over, the Daddy Don Tax Services is open all year long, “We teach you how to be financially responsible. We assist in financial planning and deal with financial insecurities. We do bookkeeping all year-round for our clients.” n To schedule an appointment, visit daddydon.com, or call (323) 6567532 for more information.

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 31

My friends, lovers, and teachers showed me the meaning of love, and I used this love to stand up and confront members of my family who shunned me early on for my difference and gay identity.

FAMILY

TIES THROUGH SUPPORT AND LOVE, I FOUND MY VOICE AND POWER TO SCREAM, CRY, AND ULTIMATELY ADDRESS THE WAYS MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY HURT ME EARLY ON IN MY DEVELOPMENT.

BY HENRY CAMPAGNA

hat happens to those who are not accepted by their family of origin? How does one learn about life and who they are as LGBT people when they have no place to belong? Where do you learn about your history, who can you connect to, which role models can you turn to? For many queer people, especially in communities of color, simply owning an

3 2 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

LGBT identity may come at the cost of your cultural identity and even your family of origin. For this reason, many LGBT people disconnect from their family of origin and create their own family of choice. This new family usually consists of people who accept them for who they are and affirm their LGBTQ identities, instead of shunning or rejecting them for it.

Early on, my own personal negative sense of self was tied to the poor connections I formed with members of my family of origin. Although I grew up surrounded by many people from my huge Italian and Mexican family, I never felt connected to any of them, especially to the men in my family. I was the only gender variant, effeminate boy my family knew. I often found refuge hanging out with my female cousins, but often felt shame for wanting to be with the girls. From a young age, I learned that my difference from the men in my family was something very bad. “Stop acting like a girl and man up” was a common phrase I would hear from the older men in my family. I often stayed quiet and alone by myself so I wouldn’t have to endure ridicule from my family of origin. As I grew older, I met open-minded individuals outside of my family of origin who introduced me to new ideas as we formed close relationships. I was able to push through the loneliness I endured in my early years with the help of my new family of choice. My new family consisted of friends, peers, and even members of my family of origin (my awesome cousins), who all helped me come out and celebrate my uniqueness as a gay man. My friends, lovers, and teachers showed me the meaning of love, and I used this love to stand up and confront members of my family who shunned me early on for my difference and gay identity. Through support and love, I found my voice and power to scream, cry, and ultimately address the ways members of my family hurt me early on in my development. After years of crazy arguments and rage-full encounters, I’ve been fortunate to have my parents and the members of my family of origin embrace me fully. My aunt who once voted “Yes on Prop 8” now displays issues of THE FIGHT Magazine on her coffee table because she has learned about the LGBT community and is proud of her nephew, instead of ashamed of him. n

THEPROFILE

Psychotherapy & Consultation • Create more fulfilling relationships • Feel confident about who you are • Enhance your sense of aliveness • Learn how to be more effective • Reduce your stress

A DOG’S LIFE

JAMES GUAY, LMFT

LOCAL DOG TRAINER ANTHONY SILVA ON HELPING PEOPLE QUICKLY MOLD THE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THEIR DOG CRAVES.

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (#mfc39252) Beverly Hills

310-405-0840

www.LivingMoreFully.com

est Hollywood based expert, certified dog trainer Anthony Silva has loved animals, especially dogs, since he can remember. “If given the choice to be put in a room full of people or a room full of dogs, hands down, I’d pick the room full of dogs,” reveals Silva. “Dogs are just so honest, loyal and live life so in the moment I can’t imagine anyone not choosing the room full of dogs!” His decision to pursue a career in dog training came about 15 years, after he rescued two Smooth Fox Terriers that had a myriad of behavioral issues. “I hired a personal dog trainer who became a dear friend and mentor; she encouraged me to pursue dog training as a profession. Taking her advice was the best professional decision I have ever made,” says Silva. The most common mistake people make when trying to train their dog on their own, reveals Silva, is not establishing and maintaining a relationship based on benevolent, fair leadership. “I know this sounds nebulous and overwhelming, perhaps unattainable to many people. That’s why I developed easy to remember principles: consistency, once, rewards, and exercise, which form an acronym and my company’s name C.O.R.E. These principles help people quickly mold the healthy relationship their dog craves.” “Ideally,” says Silva, “training occurs with the dog and owner. It’s important for me to see the owner/ dog dynamic to figure out the best plan of action, which is discussed at the free initial evaluation. I essentially become a puppy parent coach, teaching people how to become a benevolent leader. However, I realize that some people’s schedules make it impossible to attend group or private lessons so I offer board and train services with the understanding that the owner must maintain what the dog has learned while being in my home.” For more information, or to schedule a free consultation with Anthony, call 323-898-5445 or visit www.coredog.com. FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 33

THE DOCTOR IS (ALWAYS) IN 3 4 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

IN ADDITION TO PROVIDING HIS PATIENTS ACCESS TO HIS PERSONAL CELL PHONE, AND OFFERING HOUSE CALLS, DR. JEREMY FINE, CHOSEN BY LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE AS ONE OF THE “BEST DOCTORS IN LOS ANGELES” IN 2012, ALSO CREATES A CUSTOMIZED MEDICAL HEALTH PLAN SPECIFIC FOR EACH OF HIS PATIENTS. BY MARK ARIEL

eveloped as an alternative to the constraints of traditional practice, "concierge medicine" allows doctors to offer more personalized care that in turn increase patient and professional satisfaction. By decreasing the total number of patients seen in an office from several thousand to a few hundred, doctors can offer longer visits, increased and immediate accessibility, personalized coordination of hospital care, house calls and accompanied visits to specialists. In return for these services, patients pay yearly retainer fees.

“The extra time and attention patients receive from my concierge service allows me to give them unparalleled, personalized care.” For anyone who has ever waited days or weeks to see the doctor, concierge medicine sounds appealing: patients typically enjoy same-day appointments and 24-hour access, more face time with the doctor and extra preventative care. Doctors who offer concierge medicine say the practice frees them from the constraints imposed by insurance providers and allows them time to give patients the individualized attention they need.

MODERN TWIST According to Century City-based Internist Dr. Jeremy Fine, this kind of personalized ser-

vice has been drawing massive appeal. "In a way, it's kind of like going back to the old fashioned style of medical practice," says Dr. Fine in an interview with THE FIGHT. "It's a modern twist on an old fashion style. For me it has been the best approach to taking care of my patients in the way they want to be cared for - and allowing me to practice the way I want - it truly is a win-win situation." In addition to providing his patients access to his personal cell phone, and offering house calls, Dr. Fine, chosen by Los Angeles Magazine as one of the 'Best Doctors in Los Angeles' in 2012, also creates a customized medical health plan specific for each of his patients. His new concierge model urges members to invest in their own preventative health with everything from gym memberships and nutritional counseling to spa treatments, massages and yoga classes, all with the aim of creating both a healthy mind and body, thus fending off potential diseases.

PREVENTATIVE CARE Prevention is one of concierge medicine's most important benefits, states Dr. Fine, who says he often catches disease in early stages because his practice focuses on cutting-edge preventative care. "Many of the diseases that happen to both men and women, from heart disease to osteoporosis, are completely preventable," says Dr. Fine. "If we only thought about these things earlier in life, we could prevent them from ever happening." "I tend to divide my patients into three

different age groups - under the age of 30, 30 to 60 years old, and 60 to 90 years old," explains Dr. Fine. For the most part, says Dr. Fine, the under 30 group are "living in the moment," not always thinking about their health. With patients in the 60 to 90 age group, "we are very often treating the diseases that were brought about due to their unhealthy lifestyle in the first sixty years of their lives." "My largest target group are the 30-60 year olds - because whatever they do now is going to affect them for the rest of their lives," explains Dr. Fine. "If you're in your 30s and you're already thinking about heart disease, cancer, osteoporosis, and cancer prevention - and you're eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep - the risks of disease in your 60s and onwards will be much lower. In a nutshell - the 30-60 age is when you plan for the 60-90 age." Then, of course, there is the 90+ age group. "The folks in that category," says Dr. Fine, "most likely got to where they are due to good doctors but also due to good genes and good luck!"

THE RIGHT TOOLS As a strong proponent of disease prevention, Dr. Fine invests time and research into understanding each and every one of his patient's medical concerns, consults with the top specialists around the country on their behalf and only then, tailors their health plan to fit their medical, health and lifestyle needs. In general, says Dr. Fine, whether you become his patient or go to a different medical care provider, one should have a good and open relationship with their doctor. "Find a doctor who is always there for you and has your best interests in mind. Get a yearly checkup and make sure your doctor knows about health issues in your family... find a doctor you feel comfortable with, good communication is key to better, one on one health care." "The extra time and attention patients receive from my concierge service allows me to give them unparalleled, personalized care," states Dr. Fine. "It not only includes working together to create a wellness plan, but also comes with a number of lifestyle amenities to help improve my patient's overall health and longevity. My goal is to help my patients enjoy better health by giving them the right tools to achieve it." For more information on concierge medicine and Dr. Jeremy Fine, please visit: www.jeremyfinemd.com. FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 35

HOME IMPROVEMENT REMODELING YOUR HOME DOES NOT HAVE TO TURN INTO AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER. ADVICE FROM THE EXPERTS. BY VICTOR MELAMD

ne of the most common mistakes people make when deciding to renovate or remodel their homes is not having all of the design, materials, colors and ideas decided on and visible throughout the process, says Tom Turner of T&T Construction. Additionally, says Turner, your relationship with your contractor us key to making sure the process goes smoothly. “You need to choose someone you connect with. It’s a relationship you are going to be involved in—sort of like

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a marriage...all playing out in your home! So your instinct is key,” advises Turner. According to Giuseppe Consolida of LA's Premiere Construction building relationships with clients is of the utmost importance. “My clients want to know that I am accountable and reliable, because I am going to be a part of my client’s lives. I’m going to be in their home and in their private space. It’s important that my client feels comfortable with me and my team,” explains Consolida.

“Follow your gut instinct,” states Consolida. “If your first impression when meeting with contractor is not good, then follow that instinct.” In terms of building equity, kitchens and master baths are huge selling points, says T&T Construction’s Tom Turner. “This is where people really enjoy the comforts of home and living their everyday lives.” In addition to kitchens and baths, backyard space, patio, and landscaping are important as well, says LA’s Premiere Construction’s Giuseppe Consolida. “It is also important to create an open floor plan to attach everything together,” states Consolida. “Start with the outside and work your way in,” advises Consolida. “Start with replacing your roof and windows because if there is rain, it won’t damage interiors.” While remodeling one’s home can turn into an emotional roller coaster for some, “you have to be able to visualize the end result and focus on that,” says T&T Construction's Tom Turner. “It is a process and takes time, but in the end it is worth it!” Regarding the various choices in flooring, people usually choose carpet for bedrooms due to comfort and coziness, states Trini Alday of Dura Flooring. “Today, carpet is available with soil, stain, odor, and staticresistant features, and manufacturing techniques have increased its durability and cleanability,” reveals Alday. “Hardwood floors are usually a luxury for homes and commercial buildings,” says Alday. “Your home may be considered more valuable with hardwood floors if being evaluated by a bank. There are now many hardwood floors that are low maintenance because they already include self-protection. They also give a cleaner feel to a household due to the fact of easy cleaning, allergies and stain protection,” Alday explains. Before installing new floors in your home, make sure your painting is done, advises Alday. “It’s also important to schedule an estimate appointment,” says Alday. “Sometimes clients believe they know how to measure correctly and things end up turning badly.” Contacts for more information or to schedule appointments with the experts quoted in this feature. • Tom Turner of T&T Construction can be reached at 323-550-8999. • Giuseppe Consolida of LA’s Premiere Construction can be reached at 626-991-8891. • Trini Alday of Dura Flooring can be reached at 323-262-4550. www.duracarpet.com.

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 37

THEEVENT

PHOTOS BY GOGAYTODAY.COM

LIFE’S A DRAG

he Premiere Party of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5 was held at The Abbey in West Hollywood last month. Celebrities at the event included Chaz Bono, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Camille Grammer, Downtown Julie Brown, “America’s Next Drag Superstar” Sharon Needles, Drag Race Season 3 winner Raja, World of Wonder’s Randy Barbato, as well as contestants from the upcoming season. The new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race premiered last month on Logo TV.

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FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 39

THECALENDAR WHITE PARTY. SEE FRIDAY, MARCH 29.

GROUPS ASIAN/PACIFIC GAYS AND FRIENDS www.apgf.org GAY ASIAN PACIFIC SUPPORT NETWORK www.gapsn.org LOS ANGELES GAY AVIATION CLUB Pilots, Flights Attendants, Mechanics. www.unusualattitudes.info CLUB NUR Gay Middle Eastern. www.clubnur.com GAY MEN’S CHORUS OF LOS ANGELES www.gmcla.org THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY STANDUP COMEDY Every Friday, 8:30 p.m. MJ’s Bar, 2810 Hyperion Avenue, Los Angeles. (323) 650-1503 GAY & LESBIAN SALSA Every Monday, 8 p.m. Little Temple Bar, 4519 Santa Monica Blvd., Silverlake, 90029. gaysalsanight@yahoo. com or www.facebook.com/gaysalsanight

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12

CELEBRATING FAMILIES OF DIVERSITY The NoHo Arts Center, 11136 Magnolia Boulevard, North Hollywood, for more info visit: www.jasonanddemarco.com. Pop singing duo and real-life partners, Jason & deMarco, together with their oneyear old twin sons, Mason and Noah, and Jason’s parents, Bob and Karen, share their story during a time of inspiring music, presentations and Q&A. All kids 17 and under are admitted free. A portion of the evening’s proceeds benefit S.A.F.E., Jason & deMarco’s non-profit charity for GLBTQ foster children. SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16

CHINESE NEW YEAR FESTIVAL PAMC Lot, 715 N. Hill Street, Los Angeles, for more info visit: www.chinatownla.com. Commencing at Hill and Ord Streets and concluding at Broadway and Cesar Chavez. The Grand Marshals are LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and LAPD Chief Charlie Beck. Honorary Grand Marshals are Councilman Ed Reyes, Sheriff Lee Baca and Bibiana Yung. FREE to the public. FRIDAY, MARCH 8

ALTAMED ANNUAL GALA The Beverly Hilton, 9876 Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills, for more info visit: www. altamed.org. AltaMed’s Annual Gala celebrates the work that AltaMed and its partners have achieved over the last year. This year’s theme is We, the People. THROUGH MARCH 17

QUEERS PRINT ONE Archives Gallery & Museum, 626 North Robertson Boulevard, West Hollywood, for more info visit: www.onearchives.org. 4 0 T H E F IGH T | F E B R UA RY 2013

ONE National Gay & Lesbian Archives Gallery and Museum presents Queers Print, an eclectic and inventive exhibition exploring LGBTQ publishing and activism in Los Angeles. The exhibition will run until March 17. SATURDAY, MARCH 16

LEATHER PRIDE 2013 Various venues throughout Los Angeles, March 16-24, for more info visit: www.laleatherpride.com. This week long event celebrates the rich history, diversity and brotherhood in the Southern California Leather Community. The celebration culminates with the selection of Mr. Los Angeles Leather 2013, and concludes with a Victory Brunch & the 10th Annual Southland Honors Awards. THROUGH MARCH 24, 2013

IN FOCUS: ROBERT MAPPLETHORPE Exhibition at The Getty Center, 200 Getty Center Drive, Los Angeles. For more info visit: www.getty.edu Considered one of the great photographers of the second half of the twentieth century, Robert Mapplethorpe’s highly stylized explorations of gender, race, and sexuality became hallmarks of the period and exerted a powerful influence on his contemporaries. FRIDAY, MARCH 29

WHITE PARTY PALM SPRINGS Various venues throughout Palm Springs, March 29-31, for more info visit: www. jeffreysanker.com. Get ready for the heat as thousands of men gather from every corner of the globe for a weekend that can only be titled “Xtreme!” For the latest information on event schedules, DJs, performers and to purchase passes, accommodations and book travel visit: www.jeffreysanker.com.

GAY TRAFFIC SCHOOL Third Tuesday and Wednesday of every month, 6-10 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N. McCadden Place, Los Angeles 90038. 1-800-Gay-4-You or www.laglc.org POP LUCK CLUB Second Sunday of every month, 11 a.m. Locations vary. Los Angeles based organization for Gay Dads, Prospective Dads, and their families. www.popluckclub.org PROSTATE CANCER SUPPORT GROUP 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, at the Gay & Lesbian Center. RSVP to Dennis@malecare.org or call (323) 860-7340. GREAT AUTOS OF YESTERYEAR The largest LGBT classic car club on the West Coast. www.greatautos.org LOS ANGELES PRIME TIMERS Social group for older mature gay men and admirers. www.laprimetimers.org LOS ANGELES GAY BRIDGE CLUB www.communityvisions.org/IAGLBC LOS ANGELES GAY/LESBIAN SCIENTISTS www.lagls.org LOS ANGELES GAY FOR GOOD Gays making a commitment to volunteer for social welfare and environmental service projects. www.gayforgood.org LOS ANGELES GAY NATURISM California Men Enjoying Naturism. cmen.info BI-OSPHERE P.O.V. Every 2nd Wednesday, 8-9:30 p.m., The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Topic-driven discussion for women and men who identify as, or are exploring bisexuality. MEN’S SPEAKEASY Every Tuesday at 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. Fun, alternative space for gay and bisexual men to meet and make new friends. LGBT BOOK CLUB First Wednesday of each month, 7:30-9:30 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302, M-F between 6-9 p.m. USC LAMBDA LGBT ALUMNI ASSOCIATION alumnigroups.usc.edu/lambda/ LOS ANGELES BLACK PRIDE www.myblackpridela.com GREATER PASADENA AID FUND www.greaterpasadenaaidfund.org POSITIVE IMAGES WORKSHOP Every Monday, from 7-9 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza,

> EMAIL YOUR EVENT OR GROUP TO 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. If you’re looking for ways to deal with HIV, the Live Life Better Workshop can help you learn coping skills, build a support system, and work toward your health goals. An RSVP is required. For more information or to reserve your place, call (323) 860-7321. The e-mail contact is positiveimages@ lagaycenter.org. TRANSGENDER PERCEPTIONS Every Friday, 8 p.m. The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302. M-F between 6-9 p.m. Social networking group offers a safe and welcoming opportunity for people of any age and gender identity to learn from others and to share experiences. GET CENTERED Meditation Class. Every Saturday, 10-11 a.m., $10. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd. Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7300. SENIORS SERVICES Ongoing, The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7359. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT Ongoing, L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center, 1625 N Schrader Blvd., Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-5806. MPOWERMENT WEEKLY WORKSHOPS Tuesdays and fridays, 6 p.m. APLA, 3550 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 300, Los Angeles. More info: Donta Morrison, tel: (213) 2011561. For young gay men of color—ages 18 thru 24—looking for a safe place to hang out. “Each week offers a great opportunity to vent, laugh, make friends, and simply celebrate who you are.” SUPPORT FOR HIV-POSITIVE WOMEN Second and fourth wednesdays, 7 p.m. The David Geffen Center, 611 south Kingsley Dr., Los Angeles. More info: call Women At Risk at (310) 204-1046. SOCAL SOCIAL CLUB For more info: www.Socalsocialclub.com. Southern California’s social & business network for lgbt professionals. 12 STEP GROUPS All groups meet at The Village at Ed Gould Plaza, 1125 N McCadden Place, Los Angeles. For more information, call (323) 860-7302 M-F between 6-9 p.m.

editor@thefightmag.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Mondays, 6:10-7:10 p.m. CRYSTAL METH ANONYMOUS Saturdays, 9:10-10:10 a.m. DEBTORS ANONYMOUS Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 8:15-9:45 p.m. Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS Wednesdays, 7-8 p.m. SEXUAL COMPULSIVES ANONYMOUS Mondays, 8-9 p.m. Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Wednesdays, 8-9 p.m. Thursdays, 8:15-9:15 p.m. Saturdays, 12:15-1:45 p.m. WOMEN’S NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Saturdays, Noon-1 p.m. SPORTS LOS ANGELES LESBIAN SOFTBALL www.lagaysoftball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN TACKLE FOOTBALL www.californiaquakefootball.com LOS ANGELES LESBIAN RUGBY www.eaglerockrugby.com WOMEN’S SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA GOLF www.womensgolf.org/wscga LOS ANGELES LESBIAN POKER www.lalpg.com LOS ANGELES WOMEN ON A ROLL Luncheons, Comedy Nights, and Conversation Groups. www.womenonaroll.com

SAGA LA Gay Ski & Snowboard Club. www.sagala.org V.O.I.L.A. Volleyball. www.lagayvolleyball.com GREAT OUTDOORS The largest gay outdoor recreational organization in Southern California. www. greatoutdoorsla.org GAY AND LESBIAN SIERRANS Camping, Outdoors, Hiking Angeles. www.sierraclub.org CHEER LA Cheerleading. www.cheerla.org

HOLY SPIRIT holyspirit-la.org, 4201 West Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029 UNITED UNIVERSITY CHURCH uniteduniversitychurch.org, 817 West 34th St., Los Angeles, CA 90089 DIGNITY CENTER dignitylosangeles.org, 126 South Avenue 64, Los Angeles, CA 90042

DIFFERENT SPOKES Cycling www.differentspokes.com Rides start in various locations in the greater Los Angeles area.

HOPE LUTHERAN CHURCH-HLYWD hopelutheranchurch.net, 6720 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90038

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA BLADES Ice Hockey. www.bladeshockey.com LOS ANGELES FRONTRUNNERS Running and walking club. www.lafrontrunners.com WEST HOLLYWOOD SOCCER CLUB Comfortable, supportive environment for learning and playing the world’s most popular game. www.gaysoccer.com LOS ANGELES GAY SCUBA CLUB www.barnaclebusters.org LOS ANGELES GAY ROCK CLIMBING www.lalgbtclimbing.com WEST HOLLYWOOD AQUATICS Swim and Water Polo Teams. www.wh2o.org

WORSHIP

LOS ANGELES GAY FLAG FOOTBALL www.laflagfootball.com There’s also lesbian tackle football.

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH mccla.org, 4953 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027

WEST HOLLYWOOD GAY RUGBY www.larebellion.org

BETH CHAYIM CHADASHIM SYNAGOGUE bcc-la.org, 6090 West Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035

GAY & LESBIAN BOWLING LEAGUE www.tavernguildleague.com

HOLLYWOOD UNITED METHODIST CHURCH hollywoodumc.org, 6817 Franklin Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028

LA ROWING www.larowing.org

LOS ANGELES GAY RODEO CLUB www.gsgra.org

LOS ANGELES POOL LEAGUE Friendly Billiard teams. www.lapl8ball.com

FIRST CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH OF LOS ANGELES fccla.org 540, South Commonwealth Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90020

KOL AMI REFORM SYNAGOGUE kol-ami.org, 1200 North La Brea Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90038

WEST HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN wehopres.org, 7350 W Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90046 MOUNT HOLLYWOOD CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH mthollywood.org, 4607 Prospect Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90027 IMMANUEL PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH immanuelpres.org, 3300 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90010 ST. MATTHEW’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stmatthewsnoho.org, 11031 Camarillo St., North Hollywood, CA 91602 CHRIST CHAPEL OF THE VALLEY christchapel.com, 11050 Hartsook St., North Hollywood, CA 91601 ST. PAUL’S LUTHERAN CHURCH stpaulssm.org, 958 Lincoln Blvd., Santa Monica, CA 90403 ST. MONICA CATHOLIC COMMUNITY stmonica.net, 725 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA 90403 WEHO CHURCH wehochurch.com, 916 N. Formosa Ave., West Hollywood, CA 90046 ST. VICTOR’S CATHOLIC CHURCH saintvictor.org, 8634 Holloway Dr. West Hollywood, CA 90069 ST. LUKE LUTHERAN stlukelutheran.com, 5312 Comercio Way, Woodland Hills, CA 91364

For Breaking Daily LGBT News Visit

www.thefightmag.com

FEB R UAR Y 2013 | T H E F I GH T 41

THEFINALFIGHT

BEING TRANSGENDER HOWEVER INCONVENIENT AND UNCOMFORTABLE THE DIFFERENT SOCIAL NORMS APPLIED TO EACH GENDER MAY BE, THIS STILL DOESN’T DRIVE PEOPLE TO IDENTIFY AS ANOTHER SEX. THEIR GENDER IDENTITY IS SIMPLY A PART OF WHO THEY ARE, FOR BETTER OR WORSE. BY ZINNIA JONES

“W

hat if someone thinks they’re a cat?” “Suppose some guy wants to be a tree.” “What about people who think they’re actually dolphins?” “How is this any different from someone who believes they’re Napoleon?” Does any of this sound familiar? If so, you probably know what’s going on here. These are just some of the hypotheticals that people have compared with being transgender, in order to portray trans people as similarly absurd or delusional. This argument shows up all over the place, arising independently

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among people who apparently come up with it on the spot. For some reason, this is one of the biggest go-to tactics of people who think being trans isn’t a real thing. Even bioethics experts like Alice Dreger have joined the party. In an article for The Stranger, Dreger criticizes people who supposedly rush gender-nonconforming children into a path of medical transition that may not be right for them. She points out that most of these kids will grow out of identifying as another sex, and compares this to children who like to pretend they’re train engines.

However easy it may be to dismiss kids and their wild imaginations, most of the adult world is not quite so casual about gender. Indeed, it’s common for people to regard gender identity with the utmost seriousness. In their words and in their actions, most people will agree: it does matter what gender someone is. For most people, gender is a criterion for their intimate relationships, and it’s usually a pretty strict one. It’s unlikely that a heterosexual man would be convinced to date outside of his preferred sex on the grounds that, hey, gender isn’t that important. After all, some people think they’re Napoleon! In contrast to the dismissive arguments that are wielded against trans people, most of the world does recognize that gender is pretty significant. It’s a central feature of people’s identities: To men, it’s important that they’re men, and to women, it’s important that they’re women. However inconvenient and uncomfortable the different social norms applied to each gender may be, this still doesn’t drive people to identify as another sex. Their gender identity is simply a part of who they are, for better or worse. So just how convincing does it sound when we try to use these arguments on men and women who value their identities as men and women? Does it seem at all appropriate to treat their genders as no more meaningful than people who want to be dolphins? Should we see their genders as nothing but a phase that they’ll probably grow out of? Is it possible that wanting to be a man or a woman is really just some kind of sexual fetish or mental illness they’re suffering from? Deciding to live as a man or a woman is a pretty serious choice to make, you know. Are they really sure about this? Some people have regretted it, after all. And yet most people are content to continue identifying as the gender they’re most comfortable with. They know who they are, they know who they want to fall in love with, and they know that this isn’t anything like wanting to be a cat. Even Alice Dreger acknowledges that children whose crossgender identification dissipates usually grow up to be gay. Acting like this is just as irrelevant to the development of their identities as wanting to be a train is ridiculous. Read more commentary by Zinnia Jones at: