OZ magazine, Sydney, no.7

SATIRICAL MONTHLY No. 7

PRICE

1 /6

, M ARCH

Hustraltan Caterfjtem Australia one may not IorNthink read about, write about about sex. In fact, one may only practice it in so far as it is necessary to keep the population figures respectable.

E should not mention O Nurination, criticise Royalty or the R .S.L . or god, or do anything else that might conceivably cause the least embarrassment to any single person.

LD IE R S have died for freedom. M a y StheirOsuch souls rest in peace.

(Sob Js>abe (Šueen Victoria!

PEN PALS’ PAGE Sir T h e follies a n d futilities o f fo rn ica tio n , vandalism a n d d rin k w ere p u t very deli­ cately by S h a rp in his W h ale B each p a rty story last m o n th .

A s M a rg h a n ita L aski said a b o u t F a n n y H ill, its first m e rit w as th a t it to ld a gay a n d enjoyable sto ry — b u t, o f course, th e im p o rta n t th in g w as th e sex.

T h e g re at m e rit a b o u t th e sex h e re w as th a t it ra n so tru e to type; th e style so refreshingly sim ple a n d th e id io m so a u ­ th e n tic — lik e a b re a th o f hey-nonnien onnie, hey-ding-a-ding-a-ding a n d things.

A n d yet, a lth o u g h it w as a ll a b o u t th e A ge o f In n o c en c e a n d Sydney’s ow n e n fa n ts de paradis, I c a n imagine^ few things m o re c alcu lated to fill P u ritan s, ostriches, censors, etc., w ith o n e m ighty p an ic a la rm : B u t w h a t w ill h a p p e n to o u r kid d ies if th ey re a d th a t?

H o w d o y o u tell th em th a t th ese are th e ir kiddies o r th o se n e x t d o o r o r th a t nice y o u th w h o m ow s th e fro n t law n on S atu rd ay s? T h a t th is is a ta le th ey h ave in fa c t h e a rd a th o u sa n d tim es before!

Ironically enough, th e o nly p eople w ithin a n ace o f being c o rru p te d are all the M um s a n d D a d s; a n d fo r ru n n in g th a t risk y o u w ill be lu ck y to get off w ith th ree m o n th s’ h a rd la b o u r — assum ing D ennis is still w ork in g fo r you.

T.P. Crows N est, NSW .

Sir, D av id D a le ’s suggestion to legalise p ro stitu tio n is w o rth consideration, especially a t th is tim e w h en o th e r offco u rse p ro c ed u re s m ay be legalised. H e w ill realise, o f course, th a t it is only the b o o k m ak e r w h o gets b o o k e d in this c o u n ­ try. T h e p u n te r a n d th e filly go free.

T h e catch is, o f course, th a t th e taxg a th e re r w ill see a n o p p o rtu n ity to tax all three, a n d a secretary w ill be re q u ire d to re c o rd a ll th e tran sactio n s. T o avoid tax a tio n th e filly w ill try to ta k e h e r c h arm s f u r th e r u n d e rg ro u n d . A s ta x col­ lections im p ro v e it w ill th e n b e only a sh o rt step to ta x a tio n o f th a t riv al insti­ tution, m arriag e. D ivorce c o u ld obviously be even m o re highly taxed.

L e t’s n o t stir u p th e h o rn e t’s nest.

I h a v e a p ossible alte rn a tiv e solution to one of his w orries, n am ely, v enereal disease. L e t’s a ll get im m unised fo r V D .

T h e C o m m o n w ea lth S eru m L ab o ra to rie s could cook u p th e vaccines if th ey trie d h a rd enough, a n d th e n w e c o u ld use the h o rrified m o ralists as th e gu in ea pigs, to m ak e su re th e new vaccines did n o h arm .

U ncle Jim. * * * The tim es are changing and som e of us find il disturbing.

G re a t a ir-co n d itio n ed cages spring u p o vernight, lac ed w ith lifts, glazed w ith glass. T h e little old relics o f V ic to rian Sydney cru m b le; th o se c o m fo rtab le dingy offices w ith th ic k le a th e r ch airs a n d heavy w ooden desks; th e tea shops w here one co u ld sit fo r h o u rs o ver a p o t o f tea —• aw ay th ey g o b e fo re th e gale o f c o n ­

struction. B arrack-like buildings m u sh ­ ro o m u n d e r th e d o u b tfu l guise o f L eagues clubs. R egional shopping centres litter th e landscape.

N o r is u n ifo rm ity re stric te d to b u ild ­ ings. U niversity students d a re n o t de­ v iate fro m the set co u rses fo r fe a r of p o o r essay m ark s a n d low e nd-of-the-year grades. In itiativ e a n d re sea rc h a re stifled; a n d th e re su lt is a gro u p o f technically qualified, b u t academ ically ig n o ran t, graduates, all o f w h o m h a v e re a d the sam e texts, studied fro m th e sam e ro n e o ed n o tes a n d re p e a t th e sam e view ­ points.

O ne o f th e m o st in dicative fields is p e rh a p s th a t o f th ea tre . T h e E liz ab e th a n T ru s t struggles on, season a fte r season, in cu rrin g gigantic losses. T h e big p r o ­ fessional th e a tre chains, like J.C .W . a n d G a rn e tt C aroll, m ay stage o n e o r tw o n o tew o rth y dram as, su c h as “S eason a t S a rsa p arilla ” , a n d be fo rce d to follow these u p w ith several seasons o f re ­ v am p ed m usical m elodies. O n ly th e tiny theatres, such as th e E nsem ble, T ote, a n d P ocket, can h o p e to ru n a t anyth in g a p p ro ac h in g a profit, a n d th e n only b e ­ cause th ey are su p p o rte d by a h a rd core o f in v ete ra te theatreg o ers, w ho c an be co u n ted u p o n to com e to every p ro d u c ­ tion, y e ar in a n d y e ar out.

T h ea tre , a rt a n d m usic fight a losing b attle. T h e g re at m ass o f Sydney p eople h ave lo st the ability to th in k analytically.

Stuffed w ith o u td ate d p o litica l truism s, g arn ish ed w ith th e co m m ercial largesse o f th e affluent society, th ey a re c o n te n t to live o u t th e m ea su re o f th e ir days in a chro m e-p lated coco o n o f illusion.

E n te rp risin g y oung m en used to w o n d er w h at th ey could co n trib u te to th is w orld; no w th ey ask o nly fo r th e c o m fo rt a tte n ­ d a n t to tw enty-five po u n d s a w eek and a n expense account.

A n d th e G eorge, L o ren z in i’s, P a d d o — indeed, th e p u sh itself— all th ese are, in th e ir ow n w ay, as p h o n y a n d pseu d o as th e ir social p a tro n s fro m th e E a ste rn S u b u rb s a n d th e N o r th S hore. A ll of th em a re try in g to ex tract som ething fro m th e arts; very few h ave th e drive neces­ sary to co n trib u te to Sydney life. Seek­ ing th e n o to rie ty o f u n conventionalism , they becom e, because o f th e ir sam eness, yet a n o th e r co nvention in th e process.

T a k e O Z itself. A m ag azin e w hose ed ito rial com m itm ent is “in d ep e n d en t and objective criticism o f th e A u stra lia n scene”, it is p e rh a p s th e h e alth ie st th in g th a t’s h a p p en e d a ro u n d tow n in a decade.

A n d w h a t a re ce p tio n O Z received!

S candalised m atro n s slurped in th e ir teacups, u n fu rled th e ir h u sb a n d s and m arc h ed to th e ir local m em bers. P o o n a like g entlem en fo rg o t th eir gout. A n d th e very sq u a re w heels o f th e law ground into action.

Sydney is dying o f ap ath y ; reeling u n ­ d e r th e ever-accelerating p a ce o f its ow n m erc en a ry existence. U n less som e new sp a rk o f individualism , som e inkling of c reativ ity takes p lace soon, Sydney will be ju st a n o th e r co ncrete c an y o n — a dead m o n o lith to h e r citizens’ gutlessness.

— IA N B O D E N .

All About OZ EDITORS: Richard Richard Walsh.

ART DIRECTOR: Sharp.

Neville, Martin

ARTISTS: G ary Shead, Mike Glasheen.

STAFF: Anou, Robyn Cooper, Winifred, A. G. Read. * OZ is p u b lis h e d b y OZ Pub­ lica tio n s Ink Lim ite d , 16 H unter Street, Sydney.

BW 4197: X M 1448. * O Z is n o t sponsored b y an y in s titu tio n , o rg a n is a tio n or pres­ sure g ro u p — it is the o n ly g e n u in e ly in d e p e n d e n t m a g a ­ zine in A u s tra lia . * OZ needs co n trib u to rs . Please send m a n u scrip ts o r a rtw o rk to the a b o v e address. * O Z w ill n o w a p p e a r on the firs t o f every m o n th . It is a v a il­ a b le fro m street-corner vend ors, c ity ra ilw a y b ookshops an d la rg e r city ne w sa ge n ts. C ollins Book D epot d is trib u te s O Z in M e lb o u rn e ; M a ry M a rtin 's B ook­ shop sells O Z in A d e la id e . * The price fo r a s u b scrip tio n has not a lte re d .

C o m p le te th e coupon in th is issue. * Back copies o f O Z are a v a il­ a b le fo r a s h illin g each — issues 2 to 6. * C ircu la tio n has n o w reached 10,000.

A d v e rtis in g rates are cheap, a n d in fu tu re O Z w ill p u b lis h a cla ssifie d colum n — 1 5 /- , b u t keep it b rie f.

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### T m o n th w e received a c harm ing LA Slittle n o te fro m o u r M e lb o u rn e dis­ trib u to rs “ re g re ttin g to advise” th a t the V ictorian C ustom s D e p artm en t as w ell as th e V ice S quad of V ic to ria P olice had advised “to w ith d raw th is issue fro m sale”. “ V ic to rian custom s” w e h a d alw ays u n d ersto o d to m ean “th e m ode o f b e ­ h a v io u r ch ara cte ristic of th e e n d o f the last c e n tu ry ” a n d h e re obviously w as a d e p a rtm e n t th a t w as p re p a re d to live rig h t u p to its definition. T h is is th e th ird tim e in a s m a n y m o n th s th a t p u b lic a tio n s a v ailab le in o th e r S tates h a v e been b a n n ed in V ictoria.

T o A u stra lia n s an y w h ere a n d V ic­ to ria n s in p a rtic u la r, this is a n insult.

W h a t is m o re, it is subversive. W hile A u stra lia is elsew here attem p tin g to ex­ p o rt the im age o f a rugged, virile race, th e C ustom s D e p a rtm e n t is a p p are n tly busying itself giving aw ay th e fa c t th a t we are a lo t o f half-w its, so feeble th a t th e sight o f th ree m en a t a u rin a l is e n ough to p lu m m e t us to th e depths of d epravity. O r is it th a t w e a re so dam ned ru g g ed th a t to see g irly shots o r re ad a b o u t sex is sufficient to p re cip ita te us in to m ass carn a g e a n d ra p e — a k ind of d irty ra g to th e b ull?

A ll this m u st seem very stra n g e to o u r E u ro p e a n im m igrants, o f w hom M el­ b o u rn e has a larg e (b u t d epleting) p o p u ­ lation. A fte r all, in E u ro p e — w ith the n o ta b le exception o f Ire la n d — n au g h ty boo k s a re so free ly av ailab le th a t th ey a re really re g ard e d as q u ite a bore. It m u st com e as a su rp rise to th e fellow c o u n try m en o f C h au cer, R a b elais or B occaccio th a t in 1964 u rin a tio n should be deem ed a n ind ecen t subject.

Since v irtu a lly all A u stra lia n s a re descendents fro m th a t lib ertin e continent, E u ro p e, o n e m u st assum e th a t in tran sit to th e G re a t S outh L a n d a softening-up process occurred. A p p a ren tly , w hile p a ss­ ing over th e E q u a to r, o u r n a tu ra l resist­ ance to th e influence o f w h a t w e read suddenly b ro k e so th a t w e a ll becam e te rrib ly a n d irretrie v a b ly susceptible to th e effects o f p o rn a n d sm ut.

T h e u p sh o t o f it all is th a t w e u n d e r­ stan d th e C ustom s D e p a rtm e n t is now m an n in g th e V icto rian b o rd e r in to b o th N e w S o u th W ales a n d South A u stralia, w h ere O Z N o. 6 w as freely a v ailable, in a last-d itch stan d to m ain tain V ictoria as a sm ut-free, tam e-life sanctuary.

In terv iew ed a t his A lb u ry sentry-box, one o f th e officials told a re p o rte r: “ T o hell w ith th e aphis and fruit-fly, I h a v en 't got a copy o f O Z f o r m yself y et.”

in fo rm e d m e th a t this T HmEo nedthitoisrs hOave Z ’s first big a tte m p t to tak e th e V ic to rian m agazine m a rk e t by

FEBRUARY

storm , the C ustom s D e p t and M e lb o u rn e V ice S quad perm itting.

O f course, som ehow it has h a p p en e d th a t alm o st every m a jo r p u b lic a tio n in A u stra lia has its h e a d q u a rte rs in Sydney.

But, a fra id o f lousing u p th e lucrative S o u th e rn m ark et, th ey th ro w in a “ M el­ b o u rn e le tte r” so p — B a tm a n o r M e l­ b ourne S p y — to soften th e blow a n d m ake V icto ria feel a s th o u g h w e ’re a ll terrib ly in terested in th e ir M o o m b a s a n d K ing s Bridges a n d things. A n d so th e editors h ave h u m b ly re q u este d : C ould 1 d o a sm all piece on Victoria, please, ju st so ’s th ey ’ll fe e l wanted?

W ell, fran k ly , m y g eo g rap h y is not w hat it m ig h t be and, a b it confused a b o u t th e re a d e rsh ip I w as aim ing at, I decided to look “ V ic to ria ” u p in th e big O xfo rd D ictionary. Y o u can im agine m y confusion a t finding th e follow ing defi­ nitions : 1. T h e w ord e m p lo ye d as a sh o u t o f triu m p h . T h a t rem in d ed m e o f one of those terrib le M e lb o u rn e bores— a S o u th ­ e rn jingoist w ith one h a n d b ra n d ish in g a m iddy of the V icto rian b rew eries’ best a n d the o th er pro p p in g h im u p again st his hobby-horse.

2. A light, low, fo u r-w h e eled carriage having a collapsible hood, w ith seats ( usu a lly ) f o r tw o persons and an ele­ vated seat in fro n t fo r the driver. S o u n d ­ ed like a fan tastic tab le au re p resen tatin g th e bicam eral system w ith M r B olte at the helm .

3. A gigantic species o f w ater-lily. M r B olte ag ain ?— to p lily in th e sm allest pond.

4. A variety o f p lu m characterised by its luscious fla vo u r a n d rich re d colour.

O bviously a sly re fe re n ce to th a t plum m y G ra m m a r School accent.

5. A variety o f dom estic pigeon. M r B olte, his chest o u t a t fu ll puff.

6. O ne o f the m in o r planets. N o co m ­ m ent.

H O W A T T IT U D E S C H A N G E . A lm ost a y e ar ago now o u r first issue caused so m u ch offence th a t w e w ere b ro u g h t b efo re th e c o u rts a n d fined. A m ongst the “offensive” articles w as a n interview w ith tw o abo rtio n ees a n d a n abortionist.

T h is m o n th N A T IO N ’S “ M elb o u rn e Spy” (surely the coyest spy in captivity) e n co u n tere d an a b o rtio n ist a n d the State H e a lth M inisters’ c onference in M el­ bo u rn e was c o n fro n te d w ith a m otion “T o allow any girl w ho is preg n an t, but fo rb id d en to m a rry on acc o u n t o f age, to have h e r p reg n an cy term in a te d a t her o n re q u est by a qualified m edical p ra c ­ titio n er.”

A b o rtio n will never be legalised in this c o u n try b u t — w ho know s? — som e day it m ay a ctually be legal to discuss this im p o rta n t question openly.

A T T IT U D E S C H A N G E B U T C E N S O R ­ S H IP JU S T G O E S O N A N D O N . M onth by m onth we a tte m p t to docu m en t the ap p allin g extent of A u stra lia n censor­ ship and a tte m p t to draw a tte n tio n to o u r c o u n try ’s n o to rie ty overseas fo r su p ­ pression.

B ut nev er im agine th a t this n otoriety is new ly found. W ay back in Ja n u a ry , 1939, H . G . W ells addressed a n audience a t Sydney’s W en tw o rth H o te l and had this to say: “ I h e a r d re ad fu l stories o f illiterate people w ho in te rfere w ith y o u r radio talks here. I h e a r d re ad fu l stories of h alf-educated p olicem en w ho decide w hat is indecent in y o u r b o o k s and w ho in­ tercep t books, sp eak ers and w riters at yo u r ports. T h a t kind o f thing is an o u trag e against freedom . Y ou a re a halfF ascist c o untry until you get rid of every form o f cen so rsh ip .”

B U R N IN G Q U E S T IO N OF THE M O N T H : C an Ja c k R u b y c o u n ter the upstaging o f Ju d g e B. B row n?

So fa r R uby has d o n e a fa ir job dis­ playing a com m endable em o tio n al range.

A t one stage he is m o re w o rried a bout his receding h a irlin e (w hich he im agines m akes him look like L ee O sw ald) than the tria l o r is conducting a running Press conference in co u rt; a t o th ers he is clenching his h ands nerv o u sly o r b re a k ­ ing in to beads o f persp iratio n . H e has gone to the B ible f o r consolation (tim eproven gim m ick) and expressed him self “ex trem ely flattere d ” by th e huge Press coverage, w hich he said gives his trial “class” .

B ut at this m o m en t the Judge a p p ears to have all th e h o n o u rs a n d m u st be tipped to win, so long as he c a n retain ju risdiction of th e trial, w hich sh o u ld n ’t be too h a rd seeing th a t decision rests w ith him . O n the first day he “ sauntered into the c o u rt chew ing gum a n d sm o k ­ ing a p ip e ” saying he felt “ lousy over the w eekend”. Previously, we a re told, he earned fam e a t the tria l o f a strip teaser w hen he left the bench to snap a picture o f her. so he obviously has a lot of gim m icks still in reserve.

I m ust say th a t I had felt a bit casehardened to judicial in fo rm ality by the Perry M ason series and a life-long love fo r G & S’s “ T rial by J u ry ” , b u t even I felt a bit shocked w hen Ju d g e B row n an n o u n ced “ if so m eb o d y ’s going to run this C ourt, it’s going to be m e” . It w as th a t “ if” th a t tro u b le d m e.

Incidentally, B row n a n d R u b y — w hen th ey finish off th eir m em oirs -— m ust jo in M rs T ip p itt a n d M rs O sw ald as the fo u r m ost lik ely to m ak e p e rso n al fo r­ tunes o u t o f the K en n ed y assassination.

/''k N C E u p o n a tim e th e Y anks used to co m p la in th a t th ey w ere th e only ones w ho said w h a t th ey w ere going to do, th e R ussians being satisfied to say w h at th ey h a d done a n d to leave u n ­ said w h at th ey h a d n ’t.

T h is m o n th the A m erican s ag ain failed to tak e th e m u ch -w an ted close-ups o f th e m o o n ’s su rfa ce w ith R a n g er V I bu t, lack ­ ing a n y th in g else to c o n g ratu la te th em ­ selves on, th e ir scientists w ere excited by “ th e fa c t o f m a rk m a n sh ip ” o f being “ 20 m iles fro m its p lan n e d ta rg e t” . N ow th e p o in t h e re seem s to b e th a t w e only le a rn t w h a t th e ta rg e t was afterw ard s a n d — w ell — th e re ’s ju st th e faintest suspicion . . .

1 sh o t I t fe ll W ait!

TH AT

a ro cket in th e air, to gro u n d I k n o w n o t where.

U p o n the. m o o n it’s co m e to m o o r m u s t be w here I was aim ing for. * » «A Y C A S T L E recently revealed th a t L o rd M a y o r H a rry Jen sen has a financial in terest in th e firm now im p o rt­ ing Ja p a n ese stom p-sneakers. A h a rm ­ less re v elatio n rem inding th a t m o st al­ d erm en o n th e city o r local councils d o have vested interests.

W h ich raises the p e rtin en t question: ho w m u c h w ould an a ld e rm a n e arn in h a rd cash each y e ar fro m ten u re of office due to p e rso n al contacts and favours, how ever innocent, in cu rre d ? N o d o u b t if H a rry did n o th in g m o re th a n go into P u b lic R e la tio n s w o rk w hen his term

R

'e! Hear ©e!

UmbPNt Y'tcUifrs’ Sssorintion O w ing to th e tr e m e n d o u s p op u la rity ol Sp ec­ tator S p orts, and S p ecta to rsh ip , in g e n e r a l, in this co u n try , A u stralia, th e land o i th e S p ectator . . . we o f th e T ran sp ort D ep a rtm en t, in c lo se c o n ju n c tio n w ith th e D ep a rtm en t o f M ain K oads, h ave d ecid ed to fo r m th e A .V .A .

AVING observed the unbridled enthusiasm with which Aus­ H tralians rush to the scene of car smashes, drownings and such similar occurrences, and also having observed the unruly ranks crowding round the dead and maimed and also having^ observed the disappointment of those spectators not obtaining a satisfactory view, it has become apparent to us the urgent need for the organisation of these above-mentioned spectators into an efficient association to enable them to gain full enjoyment and satisfaction from their stimulating Pastime.

E N C E the formation of A.V.A., to promote and cater for the superior viewing of accidents. For a small subscription A.V.A. will provide the following services:

H 1.

Special buses to rush A sso cia tio n m em bers to th e BEST A N D BLOODIEST accidents.

The speedy erection o f F lo o d lig h ts a n d G ra n d sta n d s to g u a ra n te e c o m fo rta b le a n d u n im p a ire d v ie w in g .

P rovision by o u r caterers o f Lig h t R efreshm ents a t the scene.

2.

3.

4 .

5 6

•

To ensure e xce lle n t v ie w in g c o n d itio n s , the D e p a rtm e n t o f M a in Roads w ill erect m is le a d in g signs, mazes o f ro a d w o rk s a n d c o n s ta n tly change the d ire ctio n o f O ne W a y streets.

As a special o ffe r to o u r S e a fa rin g M em bers the A ssociation w ill h o ld cruises, to fo llo w a t a sa fe dista n ce o u r Royal A u s ­ tra lia n N a v y w h e n on practice m anoeuvres.

ALSO For those m em bers a t tim es u n a b le to jo in the a b o v e -m e n tio n e d a c tiv itie s , special seats w ill be reserved in th e w a itin g -ro o m s o f the ca s u a lty w a rd s o f a ll the m a jo r h o sp ita ls.

Don’t forget to bring your Colour Cameras!

Yours in Accident Anticipation, Phillip Prang, President.

expires, his L o rd M a y o ralty w ould have p ro v e n a very so u n d financial perk.

A t p re sen t five B ankstow n ald erm en are stan d in g tria l fo r the alleged e x to r­ tio n o f £500 apiece fro m a d evelopm ent com pany. W hile, o n th e face o f it, th ere is th e w o rld o f difference betw een stra ig h t-o u t e x to rtio n a n d th e subtleties of P u b lic R elations w ork, basically the fa c t re m a in s th a t h o lding p u b lic office is a very pro fitab le business, w hatever y o u r m ethods. # * * T J O W long can th e orgasm last? Press, I * ra d io a n d television a re p ushing the B eatles ju st as fa r as th ey can go but the publicity w agon m ay h ave m a d e its dash too soon.

T h e B eatles w ill n o t b e h e re u n til late Ju n e. By th a t tim e the new spapers m ay h ave ru n o u t o f things to say, the psy­ ch iatrists m ay h ave exh au sted th eir F re u d ia n in te rp reta tio n s, v irility m ay have been revived as a v irtu e — a n d even th e B eatles’ O b iter dicta ru n dry.

B ut w hile th e su n still shines, B ritain is c o n g ratu la tin g herself o n th is sudden d o lla r-ea rn in g extravaganza. T h e P rim e M in ister a n n o u n ce d th a t this y e a r th ere w ould be n o d o lla r crisis, th an k s to “ a g ro u p o f y o u n g m en using techniques w hich M r B u tler a n d I m ight h ave fo u n d it difficult to e m p lo y ” . (I th in k Sir A lec sh o u ld a t least h ave given it a try.) H e w ent o n to say th a t “y o u th c o u ld d o som e things b e tte r th a n age a n d vice” (Syd. “ T e le g ra p h ” , F eb. 17), w hich is very true.

O f course, th e d ra in o n A m e ric an re ­ sources goes fu rth e r th a n th e dollars w hich the B eatles a re earn in g fro m a p ­ pe ara n ce s and re c o rd sales. W hile they w ere in A m e ric a it m u st h ave cost the security b oys a fo rtu n e to keep th em safe. A t M iam i th ere w ere guards on every floor o f th e h o tel in w hich they stayed, including th e basem ent.

T h e basem ent m an seem ed happiest: “ I can alw ays use th e ex tra m oney — a n d it’s good tra in in g ,” he said.

“W e got th e L iston-C lay fight next w eek a n d th e n th e P resid en t com es on F e b ru a ry 27. W e should know h o w to p ro te c t a n y o n e b y th e n ” .

L e t’s h o p e so, anyw ay.

— N elso n

SUBSCRIBE Som etim es OZ is h a rd to b u y , so w hy n ot m ake sure of your m o n th ly la u g h — subscribe n o w !

N A M E ...........

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A Short Round of the Camps / VN’H re aso n fo r th e B eatles’ am azing ” success is th a t th ey a re cam p. By c am p I d o n ’t m ea n th a t th ey a re pooves; I am restrictin g th e term to describe m annerism s a n d dress h a b its ra th e r th an sexual activity.

Ju st look a t a description o f the B eatles: T h e y are pretty boys w ith long hair, and w ear tig h t bla ck tailored clothes . . . th ey display a je w m a n n erism s which seem a sh a d e on the fe m in in e side, such as the tossing o f their long m a n e s o f hair . . . R in g o w ears fo u r rings o n one. hand a n d a g o ld m esh bracelet on each wrist . . . the others flash rings on a lm o st every finger.

T h e p o p u la rity o f th e B eatles is just a n o th e r exam ple o f th e fa sh io n ab ility of cam p b e h av io u r these days. In Sydney a lo n e this has had p ro n o u n c ed effects.

T ro u se rs a re all tap e red and cuffless. and th e co lo u rs o f m e n ’s c lo th in g have long gone beyond th e d o u r brow n-bluegrey o f the p o st-w ar p erio d . R ings a re fash io n ab le fo r m en, and w ho w ould have th o u g h t ten y ears ago th a t it w ould becom e fash io n ab le fo r m en to bleach th e ir h a ir? N ow adays, gentle­ w om en p re fe r blonds.

A n o th e r incredible aspect o f th e fa sh ­ io n ability o f cam p b e h av io u r is th e u p ­ surge in cam p revues a ro u n d Sydney.

T h ere is little satire, wit, o r anything else; the sole e n te rta in m e n t is in the fact th a t the pe rfo rm e rs a re m en in drag.

T his is a sad co m m en t o n Sydney show business b u t d ra g n u m b ers h a v e been the m ainstay o f show business fo r centuries.

I need n o t re fe r to S h ak esp eare’s boys in drag o r the p o p u larity o f C h a rley’s A u n t ; but rem em b er the K iw is o f th e early post-w ar p e rio d ? H e re w as th e first really successful d rag show . R e tu rn e d service­ m en w h o h a d b e en p u ttin g on d rag show s in Ja p a n ese w a r prisons got together, put o n a full-scale show in w hich p e r­ form ers did solo drag n u m b ers a n d sang duets in w hich one m an serenaded a n ­ o th er (in d ra g ).

My m o th e r to o k m e to see this show and this sta rte d m e off o n a th e a tre kick

w hich I ’m still trying to sh a k e off. I d o n ’t th in k it w as th e c am p n a tu re of the show th a t tu rn ed m e on, b u t I started going to see all th e T ivoli v a rie ty show s until th ey died o u t recently. A p a rt fro m all th e tits-&-ass w hich I enjoyed im ­ m ensely, a fe a tu re o f all these show s was alw ays som eone like G e o rg e W allace o r R o y R en e in drag. T hese old com ics w ould d ress u p a n d tizz a b o u t the stage, goosing each o th e r a n d having th e tim e o f th eir lives w ith all sorts o f dildoes m asq u erad in g as h a n d props. T h is old fo rm o f d ra g act is still p e rp etu ate d in p a n to m im e fo r children.

It has no w becom e obvious to m e th a t d rag n u m b e rs a re necessary fo r success in th eatre. I p ro d u c ed a show n o t so long a g o called W aiting fo r G o d o t, ab o u t a c o u p le o f old ponces w ho tizz a bout on stage f o r a c o u p le o f ho u rs w ith n o thing to do. T w ice a young boy com es along a n d th ey try to g et off w ith him , but b o th tim es h e ru n s aw ay. O therw ise the show is a long bore.

N ow it h a s o ccurred to m e th a t this show re ally does h a v e audien ce-attractin g potential. I f the tw o tra m p s w ere in drag instead o f the old rags th ey w ear, th en the play w ould be a sm ash a t b o x offices, instead o f the u n g lam o ro u s old b o re th a t it is. O r p e rh ap s if th e tw o old ponces w ere p lay ed by young cam ps in B eatle wigs things w ould b e im proved.

E ffem inacy is in these days. N o one w ants h a iry old w harfies en tertaining them — b o y s in d rag h av e m u ch m o re appeal. T h is is the p o st-w ar generation, and a lo t h a p p en e d in the w a r th a t changed o u r c u ltu re. C u t off from wom en in A rm y a n d P O W cam ps, soldiers w ent hom osexual a n d w ere e n te rta in ed by m en in drag. A fashion w as established w hich to d ay h a s becom e th e n orm . S oon all e n te rta in m e n t w ill be pushing th e cam p line. A lre ad y w h a t used to be called p o o fterish clo th in g is no w w o rn b y ev ery ­ body in th e e n te rta in m e n t business, and soon shou ld er-len g th h a ir a n d dresses will be th e o rd e r o f th e day.

— A L B IE .

THIS MONTH • February 12. P ro fesso r L y le B lair, of M ichigan State U niversity, w ritin g in the “ H e ra ld ” , com p lain ed th a t th e C ustom s D e p artm en t h a d not notified him o f the intercep tio n o f books, even tho u g h the sen d er’s nam e w as clearly m ark e d on the parcel: This sm all incident is on ly part o f a larger whole which should he of great concern to all Australians. P oliti­ cians, businessmen and university ad­ ministrators are everlastingly bemoaning the “brain drai.a" from Australia, while failing to realise that the remedy is in their own hands. U ntil they create an atm osphere o f intellectual liberty and en­ lightenment the “brain drain” will c o n ­ tinue.

• O n th e sam e day, alm o st as if to u n ­ derline P ro fe sso r B lair’s com m ents about the lack o f en lightenm ent, SM F e a th e r-

D earest M r. H en ty, H u m b e rt te lls m e a fte r a ll th is tim e ya m ig h t le t m e com e a n see y o u . But he says ya g o tta e x a m in e me re al c lo se ly in case I'm a b a d influ e n ce or s o m e th in g . H on e stly, H ent, I’ m just d y in g to m e et y a cause Fanny H ill to ld m e yo u a n d th e fe lla s a t Custom s House w e re crazy a n d h a d th e cutest little b lu e p e n c ils . A n d I c a n 't w a it to g e t d o w n u n d e r w ith y o u , cuuse th e kid s a t c o lle g e say th a t n o rm a l h e a lth y A u s tra lia n s c o u ld n 't care less a b o u t lite ra tu re o r a n y th in g s tu ffy so w e c o u ld p la y B eatle records a n d ch a s ­ ing s, a n d cause y o u ’re a S e n ator y o u p r o b ­ a b ly g o t Roman g e a r a n d o rg ie s a n a ll th a t.

Bye n o w , H ent, D a rlin g ,

IN CENSORSHIP

stone a t C off’s H a rb o u r ruled th a t the w ord “b lo o d y ” was in decent a n d fined a m an accordingly. T h is action im m edi­ ately raised overseas com m ent. O ne of the greatest a u th o ritie s on the E nglish language described th e decision as “u n ­ believable” .

• February 13. It w as announced th at D r Brissenden, o f the A u stra lia n N a t­ ional U niversity, had decided to set Lolita as a reading text fo r his A m erican lite ratu re students.

• February 19. Ken Buckley, o f the C ouncil fo r Civil L iberties, also w riting to the “ H e ra ld ”, explained th a t th e C u s­ tom s R eg u latio n s p ro v id e fo r the p ro ­ hibition o f Literature which, by words or pictures, or partly by words and partly by pictures, in the opinion o f tile Minister (a) unduly em phasises matters

of sex, horror, violence or crime; or (b) is likely to encourage depravity.

H e explained th a t the C ouncil had set up a com m ittee o f one Q u een ’s C ounsel and one b a rriste r to investigate th e p o s­ sibility o f testing in c o u rt th e C ustom s M inister’s decision to ban Jam es B ald­ w in’s Another Country. H ow ever, it w as found th a t no testing co u ld be m ad e of the M inister’s decision as the d e p artm e n t had only to p ro v e th a t th e M inister had fo rm ed the o p in io n req u ire d by th e re g u ­ lations. ' • February 22. M artin S h a rp ’s satirical c arto o n in T h a ru n k a pro v o k ed a violent re ac tio n fro m E a ste rn S u b u rb ho u se­ wives, E ric B a u m e a n d M r D a rb y M .L.A .

Vice S quad officials a re now investigat­ ing to decide w ho sh o u ld be prosecuted.

HELP SAVE AR]

AUGUSTUS CALW ELL is now 67 and many think at the end A RofT HhisU Rpolitical career. If he, veteran of twenty years’ rough-and-tumble Labor politics, is to be dragged down in another caucus coup, it will be a fitting climax to a career of reversed fortunes in which he has seen his former spiritual hero (M annix) condemn him to electoral failure and his life-long bitter enemy ( “ The Sydney Morning H erald” ) carry him almost to electoral victory.

The irony and the man are typical of the party, a weird mixture of humble self-service and arrogant bluntness.

It is in th e d a rk w a r y e ars o f 1944 th a t A rth u r first rose to public prom inence.

A t th a t tim e h e w as M in ister fo r I n ­ fo rm atio n in the C u rtin g overnm ent and th e “e n fa n t te rrib le ” th a t w o u ld n ’t stop ro cking th e L a b o u r boat.

It w as th e tim e o f th e N atio n alisatio n Scare. C u rtin h a d gained victory w ith his p ro m ise of u n ity in th e face o f a M enzies-C ountry P a rty split a n d w ith th e pledge o f n o t c arry in g o u t n a tio n a lisa ­ tion. H o w ev er, A rth u r a n d E ddie W a rd a p p ea red to h e ad a g ro u p th a t w anted to use th e w a r as a n excuse fo r n a tio n a li­ sation.

H a rd ly a m o n th w ent by th a t th e Press

did n o t find som e indiscretio n to slam A rth u r w ith. M r F o rd e , the A cting P rim e M inister du rin g C u rtin ’s absence overseas, seem s to have expended a good deal o f his w a r effort on his fe et a p o lo ­ gising fo r w h a t th e P ress called “his very ju n io r M in ister” .

T h e m o re he w as criticised, th e fiercer becam e A r th u r’s d e te rm in a tio n to sm ash back a t th e Press. B ut th is w as d oom ed to failure. In A p ril th e H ig h C o u rt q uashed his a tte m p t a t repressive c en ­ sorship.

D u rin g all this tu rm o il A rth u r nev er lost the love o r re sp ec t o f staunch L a b o r su p p o rte rs and, in p a rtic u la r, his

ow n M e lb o u rn e electorate, w hich he once described a s “ one o f th e p o o re st in A u stra lia ” . T hese p eople no d o u b t felt, a s he ho n estly did, th a t th e P ress w ere abusing th e ir p o w er a n d they rallied ro u n d th e ir h ero .

O n Ju n e 20, 1944, m o re th a n 1,500 m en and w om en a tte n d ed a “ com pli­ m en ta ry social” a t M elb o u rn e T ow n H a ll in his h o n o u r. T h e c h airm a n explained th a t the social w as ten d e red “ as a tri-

Great moments in Arthur’s career “A D V A N C E A U ST R A L IA F A IR ” CO UP In 1943, A rth u r m an ag ed to p ersuade the re p re se n tativ es o f m o tio n p ictu re in ­ terests to h a v e “A dvance A u stra lia F a ir ” , “ G o d S ave th e K in g ” a n d “ T h e StarS pangled B a n n e r” all p layed a t th e end o f each p e rfo rm a n ce . H e e xplained: “It w ill h e lp d ev elo p an A u stra lia n natio n al sp irit.”

O n D e cem b er 4, th e “H e ra ld ” gleefully re p o rte d : “A lth o u g h ‘A dvance A u stra lia F a ir’ has been p lay e d b y th e A B C a t least fo u r tim es a d a y fo r m o re th a n th re e years, th e re a re a p p a re n tly m a n y p eo p le in Syd­ ney w ho do n o t kn o w th e tune.

“A t th e P la z a T h e a tre , a t th e e n d of th e p e rfo rm a n c e last night, a p ictu re of T h e K in g w as th ro w n on th e screen and “G o d Save th e K in g ” w as played. T he a udience sto o d still. “ A t th e e n d o f th e N a tio n a l A nthem , ‘A d v an ce A u s tra lia F a ir ’ w as p lay ed on a W u rlitze r organ, a n d the p eo p le w ho stood d u rin g th e N a tio n a l A n th em im ­ m ediately p u t on th e ir h a ts a n d began m oving fro m th e th e a tre .”

A fte r a general h u lla b a lo o , th e A cting

P rim e M inister, M r F o rd e , ex p lain ed th a t th ere w as n o com p u lsio n o n th e th ea tre p ro p rieto rs. A rth u r c o m m e n te d : “I did n o t suggest ‘A d v an ce A u s tra lia ’ w as fine p o e try , b u t its sentim ents, a t a n y rate, a re excellent.”

T H E 2 N D A .I.F . F A U X PA S A ddressing a n O ld B oys’ luncheon, A rth u r w as incautious e n ough to say th a t m any young, and even m iddle-aged, m en jo in ed th e 2nd A .I.F . to b e p laced o n a p a y ro ll. H e w ent on to say th a t w hen th e w ar w as over th ey w o u ld n o t w ait to be to ld w hen th ey could go hom e.

T h ey w ould p ro b a b ly find th e ir ow n w ay hom e.

T h e “H e ra ld ” com m ented: “I t fits ill w ith a C abinet M in ister’s a u th o rity to e n ­ courage, even obliquely, in discipline in the A rm y .” T h e R S L P resid en t, M r H o l­ land, w as even harsh er, co m p lain in g of “a slu r on th e m otives o f m en w ho volunteered. I f this is th e k ind o f in­ fo rm atio n the M inister p u ts o u t it is a p ity he can n o t be censored h im self” .

TH E H IG H C O U R T IN D ISC R E T IO N In 1944, w hen a H ig h C o u rt decision w as m ad e against A r th u r a n d in fa v o u r o f th e P ress w hich he h a d trie d to censor, h e claim ed “ th e case w as p rejudiced fro m th e sta rt” and th a t tw o o f th e justices “ th rew aw ay th e ir wigs w hen th ey to o k their seats on th e H ig h C o u rt B ench and o penly b a rra c k ed fo r th e P ress” .

M r F o rd e , speaking on a censure m o tio n against A rth u r’s fo lly p u t this dow n to “lack o f p a rlia m e n ta ry e x p eri­ ence” a n d explained th a t a t lea st A rth u r h a d h a d the decency to p ra ise th e C h ief Justice: “ W ith all h e said in pra ise of the u n d o u b ted im p a rtia lity o f o u r dis­

tinguished C h ief Justice I w h oleheartedly agree, b u t M r C alw ell th en pro ceed ed to m ake som e com parisons in his c h ara c ­ teristic style w hich I will n o t repeat h e re.”

(N o v e m b er 29, ’44.)

ATTA CK O N C A R D IN A L G ILR O Y W hen, in D ecem ber, 1945, C ardinal G ilro y ’s elevation w as a n nounced, A rth u r, w ith his b y no w cu sto m a ry sense o f .icacy, p ro claim ed th a t th e app o in tm en t “w ill be received w ith very m ixed feelings

by C ath o lics in A u stra lia . W hile th ere w ill be c o n g ratu la tio n s fo r th e new card in al, w id esp read c o n stern a tio n and b itte r re sen tm en t w ill b e fe lt th a t th e h o n o u r, w hich rig h tly belonged to th e g re at A rch b ish o p o f M elb o u rn e, D r M a n ­ nix, shall h a v e gone elsew here a n d to a com paratively ju n io r m em b e r o f th e A u s­ tralian h ie ra rc h y .”

In reply, M r Ju stice B rennan, o f the Q ueensland S u p rem e C o u rt, said: “ M r C alw ell’s criticism o f the im p en d in g ele­ vation o f D r G ilro y to th e C ouncil of C ard in als is a rro g a n t a n d im pertinent.

M r C alw ell’s assu m p tio n to sp eak on b e ­ h a lf o f the R o m an C ath o lics o f A u stra lia is u n w a rra n te d and exaggerated van ity .”

THE M A N OF LEAST D IST IN C T IO N FO R 1949 D u rin g his last w eeks as M inister fo r Im m ig ratio n a fte r a series o f ra th e r v iru ­ lent a tta ck s on A siatics th e “H o n g K o n g S ta n d ard ” saw fit to aw ard o u r A rth u r “ the m an o f least d istinction fo r 1949” .

T h e c ita tio n : “W h a t w e p a rticu la rly adm ire is th e w ho le-h earted m a n n e r in w hich he has d efended his p o licy of A siatic exclusion, giving little re g ard to such insignificant m atters a s logic, h u ­ m anity o r even com m onsense.”

[HUR b u te fo r th e w o n d e rfu l w ork M r C alw ell h a s p e rfo rm e d a n d fo r th e fight h e p u t u p to m a in ta in th e lib e rty o f th e P ress”.

H e re in essence w as th e tru e A rth u r C alw ell, th e m an o f th e p e o p le am ongst his p eo p le: “F o r a n y th in g I h ave d o n e in recen t tim es I m ak e n o apologies. N o th in g th a t I h ave said do I w ithdraw , because all th e tim e I h ave been a ctu ate d by only one m otive — serving th e c om m on good o f th e p e o p le o f A u stra lia . I a m no different fro m a n y o f m y colleagues.

O th e r m em bers o f th e F e d e ra l P a rlia ­ m ent o n th e p la tfo rm w o u ld also have tak e n th e sam e b ro a d p a trio tic a ttitu d e th a t I did.”

W ith th e conclusion o f th e w ar A r ­ th u r re -c h a n n elled his energies in to th e Im m ig ra tio n p o rtfo lio . I t w as a ticklish task. T h e sh o rta g e o f tra n s p o rt available m ea n t th a t h e h a d th e u n p o p u la r job, fo r exam ple, o f restrictin g th e tra v e l of A u stra lia n sp o rtsm en a n d th e existence o f th e W h ite A u stra lia P olicy in his P a rty creed gave h im th e responsibility o f budging m an y A siatics w h o h a d m a n ­ aged to p u t dow n fa irly stro n g ro o ts h e re d u rin g th e w a r years.

H e w ent a b o u t th e task o f rem oving ex p atria tes w ith a relish th a t alm o st m ade him a m a rk e d m a n in som e countries.

H e described Sydney’s C h in ese as a pack o f d eserters c o nsorting w ith p rostitutes.

H e antag o n ised A sia w ith such rem ark s as “ Y o u can have a W h ite A u stra lia o r a B lack A u stra lia , b u t a m o n g rel A u s­ tra lia is im possible” a n d H o lla n d w ith his observ atio n th a t “ D u tc h officials in this co u n try h av e been p lay in g a tric k y gam e a b o u t the re p a tria tio n o f th e ir citizens a n d th e p a y m e n t o f th e ir d ebts. T hey ow e us th o u sa n d s o f p o u n d s fo r re p a t­ ria tio n o f these citizens, b u t th ey claim th is is a so rt o f lend-lease.”

T h e “H o n g K o n g S ta n d a rd ” chose him as “th e m a n of least d istinction for 1949”. A fte r th e G a m b o a case, w hen the ippines accused him o f ra c ia l p re ju ­ dice, th e ir C on su l in A u stra lia decided to call his b a b y g ran d so n A rth u r: “W e a re callin g him A rth u r in affec­ tio n a te rem e m b ra n c e o f M r C alw ell,” he add ed w ith a lau g h th a t seem ed to be tinged w ith irony. “ M r C alw ell does not know a b o u t it y et.” (SM H , Ju ly 21/49).

In 1949 h e h a n d ed over his p o rtfo lio to H a ro ld H o lt w ith th e fall o f the L abor governm ent. T h e an ti-co m m u n ist issue — fa n n e d b y his fo rm e r idol, D r M annix — has k e p t him a n d h is p a rty on th e o p p o sitio n b en ch es ever since.

O ccasionally we o b tain glim pses o f A rth u r’s fam ily. A t a 1955 P o rt M el­ b o u rn e rally, a fte r a speaker h a d claim ed A rth u r w as on th e side o f the C o m ­ m unists, his b ro th e r G e o rg e sh o u ted at the slan d erer: I w ish y o u r b ro th e r Bert w as alive, h e w ould choke y o u .” In 1948 his 11 -year-old son died o f a ra re blo o d disease a fte r fifteen w eeks’ illness.

H is w ife, c o n stan tly a t his side, is the solid k ind o f w o m a n y o u w o u ld expect.

In th e b o so m o f his fam ily, A rth u r C alw ell is all th a t a fo rm e r age strove

for. A self-m ade m an, yet n o t grow n too p ro u d to sever his h u m b le connections; a fluent and gifted o ra to r, never a fra id to speak his m ind; a trie r, in d u strio u s and cunning. I f his v irtu e s a re those o f his party, so to o a re his fau lts— h is in su ­ larity a n d jingoism ; his lack o f sophisti­

cation, sense o f tim in g o r social grace; his o u t-d ated p o litica l vision.

A p o litica l p a rty m u st find th e leader th a t characterises best its strengths and w eaknesses. W h ere could the A u stra lia n L ab o r P a rty find a n o th e r A rth u r C a l­ w ell?

ARTHUR VERSUS THE PRESS

N o o n e in re ce n t politics— w ith the possible exception o f th e late E d d ie W a rd — has ever c a rrie d to such extrem es and w ith such perso n al acrim o n y his h o stility to the A u stra lia n Press as o u r A rth u r during his ten u re o f th e M in istry o f In fo rm atio n during the last tw o years o f W o rld W a r II. O n D e ce m b er 15. ’43, A rth u r lau n ch ed stra in e d th e C e n so r fro m p reventing p u b ­ licatio n o f articles a n d editorials relating his first g re at d iatrib e a g ain st th e P ress: W ith so m e notable exceptions, the A u s ­ to th e prev io u s censorship. tralian Press has p la ye d an inglorious The C a lw e ll-H e n d e rs o n M a r ria g e part in this w a r . . . Ill-m a n n ered c o m ­ p la in ts against practically every M inister A t th e elections o f D ecem ber, 1961, and every w ar d e p a rtm e n t appear alm ost the “Sydney M orn in g H e ra ld ” and d aily in so m e new spapers. E ve ry effort Sydney “S u n ” , b o th u n d e r th e co n tro l of “ th a t Q uilp-like c reatu re, H e n d e r­ o f every d e p a rtm e n t w hich organises the nation fo r w ar is p rejudiced at its birth son” , decided to reverse a policy of by deliberate new spaper a tte m p ts to im ­ alm o st tw enty y e ars’ standing a n d su p ­ plant doubt' a n d suspicion in the m in d s p o rt the L ab o r P a rty a t th e F e d e ra l o f the public. hustings.

M’enzies delivered his policy speech G rea t Sydney N e w s p a p e r Seizure on a W ednesday. T h e T h u rsd a y “S u n ” T h e c rux o f the w hole business w as a n d “H e ra ld ” described it as “ a policy th e qu estio n of censorship, w hich was speech w ith o u t a policy” . T h ey fo und supposed o n ly to cover m a te ria l o f p o s­ his “lofty p a te rn alism ” a n d “ un sh ak en com placency” n o t only “ shocking” but “ frig h te n in g ” .

On th e sam e day A rth u r delivered his very first policy speech as F e d e ra l L ea d er a n d o n F r i­ day th e F a irfa x G ro u p h a d discovered “a genuine and possible a lte rn a tiv e ’ . “ T o a g re at m an y A u stra lia n s, indeed, Mr C alw ell’s lively and positive a p p ro a c h w ill com e as a b re a th of

fresh a ir a fte r a long stagnation of G o v ern m en t thin k in g ” .

T w o days la te r th e “ S unday M irro r” p ublished p ro b a b ly th e m o st fam o u s piece of satirical jo u rn alism in Sydney’s history. U n d e r th e h eading BR O A D ­ W A Y M ELO D Y 1%1 it printed the C alw ell-H enderson W edding N otice and under M R M EN ZIES JILTE D a p ic­ tu re o f A rth u r’s C om m onw ealth car a t the S u n -H erald Building.

O n page th ree w e h a d G R A N N Y D Y E S H E R H A IR — P IN K and She’ll W alk Beside Him. T he “ M 'irror” com m ented: “T he C alw ell-H enderson p o litica l w edding a ttra c te d w ide a tte n tio n o n F rid a y as the strangest and possibly least g lam o r­ o u s o f th e season. “ T h e P rim e M inister, M r R. G. M enzies, w as a t W agga a n d could n o t atten d . In fact, h e w as n o t asked.

“T h e term s o f the m arriag e settle­ m en t a re n o t disclosed. G ra n n y H erald , how ever, is know n to have been u n ­ usually generous.”

T he "B roadw ay M elody” failed to linger long. A rth u r lost this election by a sh o rt head but could not retain G ra n n y 's sym pathies long enough for su p p o rt in 1963.

His greatest speech

sible use to th e enem y. U n d e r A rth u r’s direction, c ensorship becam e p a rticu la rly severe a n d th e new spapers w ere fo rb id ­ den e ith e r to m en tio n th a t censorship w as being c arrie d o u t o r to leave b lanks to show its extent.

F in ally , o n A p ril 16, ’44, th e w hole business blew open. In an interch an g e o f statem en ts by C alw ell a n d H e n d erso n ( a t th a t tim e P re sid e n t o f th e A u stra lia n N e w sp ap e r P ro p rie to rs’ A ssociation) in th e “S un d ay T e le g ra p h ”, H e n d e rs o n ’s sta te m en t w as m au le d by th e censors a n d an ed itorial deleted. T h e issue w as su b ­ sequently seized w hen the ed ito r refused to fill u p th e sizeable gaps left o n the first and th ird pages.

O n the M onday, all fo u r Sydney new s­ papers w ere suppressed fo r attem p tin g to relate w h a t h a d tak e n place the previous day. A t th e n ew sp ap er prem ises th ere w ere am azing scenes as P eace Officers d etained lo rry drivers at gun-point.

In the a fte rn o o n , the H igh C o u rt, on a p p lic atio n fro m th e new spapers, re ­

A rth u r’s “Y oizuki speech" is co n sid ­ e red b y m an y his finest.

A t th e end o f th e w ar, th e Japanese a n d C hinese w ho h a d been d eta in ed in c am p s in this c o u n try h a d to b e re tu rn e d to th e ir hom elands. T h e “Y o iz u k i” was o n e o f th e ships so em ployed. I t w as a ra th e r d e la p id ated old tu b into w hich had b een squeezed 1,005 P O W s a n d internees.

O ne h u n d re d w ere F o rm o sa n w om en and 112 w ere children. O f th e w om en, fifteen w ere stre tc h er cases a n d tw o w ere p re g ­ nant.

T h e Press stage-m anaged a public o u t­ c ry ag ain st th e ap p allingly overcrow ded a n d u n sa n ita ry c o n d itio n s on b o ard .

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T h is is a “H e ra ld ” stu n t fr o m begin­ ning to end. I h ave n o t the slightest d o u b t, o n the, display o f “T h e S y d n ey M o rn in g H e ra ld ” a n d the S y d n e y “S u n ”, th a t if the Japanese h a d la n d ed in A u s ­ tralia— as I h ave n o t th e slig h test d o u b t th ey w o u ld h ave done if M r M e n zie s had rem ained P rim e M inister— the first to throw their greasy hands u p to the J a p ­ a nese a n d surrender w o u ld h ave been the editorial boards o f these tw o papers.

1 k n o w th a t Q uilp-like creature H e n d e r­ son.

“T h e S y d n ey M o rn in g H erald" w ould n o t h a ve ceased publication. It w o u ld h ave com e o u t n e x t day as “T h e S y d n e y M orning S h im b u n ”.

(L ean in g across the tab le to p o in t to M r M enzies) Y o u are th e w orst pro-

Japanese agent in this co u n try. W e d o n ’t fo rg e t the B risbane L in e and the scrap iron to Japan. Y o u are a m o n g rel and a cur.

(A sked by S peaker to apologise) / w ithdraw but I re m in d y o u th a t M r M en zies has called m e a piece o f scum .

I d o n ’t ask him to w ithdraw because / treat him w ith absolute c o n tem p t. (C o n ­ tin u in g ) W e saw in th e S y d n ey “S u n ” th a t the “Y o izu k i" way sailing into a cyclone, a n d “T h e S y d n e y M o rn in g H e ra ld ” had it in heavy seas. It never was.

T h a t was n o thing else but an editorial fabrication.

M r A n th o n y w en t to a ch ea p picture sh o w a n d said th a t w hat he saw m ade h im fe e l sick. N o one believes that. If th e honourable, m e m b e r w as sick / will tell y o u w hat m a d e h im — M r. A N T H O N Y : Y o u did.

A R T H U R : M r. A n th o n y was sickened by the sight o f so m u ch chea p labour leaving A ustralia and his banana planta-

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/" 'A T b u rg lary a n d big business differ ^ only in com plexity: th e task o f both is to get bloke A ’s possessions into bloke B’s fa m ily vault.

1 m y self p re fe r c at b u rg lary . I t has all the directness o f hon esty , w ithout, happily, a n y o f th e co n co m ita n t m iseries.

F o r w hereas honest p eople starve, catbu rg lars die young and a re sp ared th eir lot. In m y m any years as an a m a teu r c at-b u rg la r (strictly kids’ stuff — like burgling o n e ’s ow n hom e because y o u ’re too d ru n k to find the door-key) I have observed several interesting facts. G a th e r round.

F irs t o f all, n o b o d y believes y o u ’re really th ere. S pend an evening scuttling a ro u n d a ro o f som e full-m oon night and see w hat I m ean. W itnesses in m u l­ titudes will p e er u p a t y o u and then look aw ay em barrassed , w alking on. I have w alked in the b ro a d day lig h t of a sober S un d ay a lo n g a w indow ledge w ith h a lf a dozen gu ard sm en w atching m e: sw ooped inside to d rin k a fridge o f lem o n ad e a n d cheese, a n d com e out w ith a bulging shirt to p ass q u iet w ords w ith them a n d d rift off unm olested. T h e wisest b u rg lars burgle in th e nude.

Maxim One: Invisibility is three parts nonchalance.

Secondly: T h e surest w ay to conceal a th e ft is to blab a b o u t it. W hen the

Round the World on a Limerick Grant N ichol FRANCE A long hau g h ty F renchm an, D e G aulle, H a d a telegram se n t by P ope Paul: “I really c a n ’t sta n d y o u r D elusions o f grandeur, N o w s h u t u p a n d try a n d play ball.”

IN D O N E S IA Sw ore a d esp o t w h o lived in D jakarta (W e ll k n o w n as an anti-D utch m artyr) “I ’ll wipe all M alaysia F rom m a p s o f E ast A sia W ith tactics I b orrow ed fr o m Sparta.”

GHANA A M essiah called K w a m e N k ru m a h W as blessed w ith a keen sense o f h u m o u r H e said, w ith a nod, “Y e s, it’s true th a t I ’m G od, T h a t I ’m Jesus is o n ly w ild ru m o u r.”

EG YPT Spa^e a tear fo r the L a n d o f the S p h in x W here politics ten d to the pinks A b d el-N a sser has v ow ed He, w ill q u ick ly enshroud T h o se w h o tell h im h is policy stinks.

R U S S IA A bald-headed R ussian, N ikita , W e n t d o w n on h is kn'ees to St. Peter, “I hate B eatlem ania, R e d China, A lbania, R ut I ’d trade the U kraine fo r L olita."

to catch a thief praw n behind the c o u n te r says “ C an 1 help y ou, sir? ” tell him “N o, thanks, just d o in g a bit o f sho p liftin g ” a n d h e ’ll grin a n d leave you q u ietly alone.

D u rin g u niversity exam s tw o years ago I w as bro k e a n d m u ch in need of books. So I used to ta k e a lau n d ry bag into th e university library, fill it u p w ith texts a n d d ro p it o u t th e w indow . (T he lib rary is on the first floor.) O ne day I m et a p ro m in e n t lib ra ria n a t the bus sto p a n d a num bskull w alking w ith m e told th e b e ak th a t th e lau n d ry bag I was carry in g w as full o f lib ra ry books. W h ere­ upon this official blushed a n d w ent aw ay.

N o m o re w as h e a rd o f him .

T his set m e thinking. P re tty soon 1 w rote fo r th e u niversity p a p e r a p laylet a b o u t th e w oes o f a n average library thief. T h e h e ro ’s n am e w as E llis, so no one in his rig h t m in d co u ld m istake th e referen ce. By these m eans I diverted suspicion aw ay fro m m yself a n d w as able to tak e m y lau n d ry bag in a n d out o f the lib ra ry fo r ever a fte r w ith o u t so m uch as a peep o f disap p ro v al.

Thus M axim Tw o: T o divert suspicion, confess the theft and do it loud and often.

A lso I fo u n d th a t if y o u w an t to go a b o u t y o u r business relatively unheckled, it is best to first establish y o u rse lf in the p u b lic m ind as a dashing young catbu rg lar-a b o u t-to w n . Be seen struggling in y o u r kitchen w indow as o ften as possible o r scram bling u p y o u r girl­ frien d ’s d ra in p ip e on a social call. E n te r via y o u r V ic a r’s chim ney to ask him ab o u t th e theological derivations of

S anta C laus. Be fo u n d sitting in y our n e ig h b o u r’s p a n try shelf w hen borrow ing a cup o f sugar. It will th u s fa ll o u t that, w hen you are, in fact, o u t looting, people w ho know y o u w ill observe you, saying: "O h th a t’s just Ellis. Q uite a ch aracter, isn’t h e ? ” Thus Maxim Three: I,oof for fun in public, for gain in private and people forgiving the lesser, will forgive the greater sin.

Be a d v en tu ro u s as possible. T h e m ore perilous y o u r straits, th e likelier y o u r escape. O ne nig h t w h en I w as o u t b u rg ­ ling (trysting w ith a w om an, actually) I h a d th e b a d ta ste to b rin g m y b rie f­ case along. Since I figured a c h ap w ould look a m ug com ing th ro u g h a secondstorey w indow carry in g a briefcase, I d u m p ed it over a neig h b o u rin g fence but it w as fanged. T h e d a m n th in g h a d m y initials o n it to o , as w ell as bein g gorged w ith p e rso n al docum ents.

T h e situ atio n sm elled o f te n y ears in the jug. B ut tak in g h e a rt in fist, I to t­ tered dow n a m o d era te slope to the fro n t d o o r o f th e house. I p lan n e d to knock a n d b rave it out. B ut, so glorious w as m y fo rtu n e th a t I espied m y briefcase sm ack b ehind the p o rtal. T h e la tte r w as ajar.

So I n ip p ed it a n d w ent o n m y w ay — yodelling, if I rem em ber.

I f y o u w an t a p h ilo so p h ical ra tio n ale o f b u rg lary , it goes like this. A ll a r t is tra n sp la n ta tio n o f p ro p e rty fro m h ith e r to yon. T h e p o et, p a in te r, w riter, does it th ro u g h the filter o f his personality, p ro d u cin g rep re se n tatio n s o f it o n c a n ­ vas, p a rch m en t, stone. T h e b u rg la r does it w hole, em ploys n o filter. H ence, the b u rg lar is th e p e rfe c t artist, fo r his art is to tal. T ry th a t o n e a t the cookie ja r next tim e.

— BOB ELLIS

what ever happened to

SSSSSSSY r l 1R A V E L L E R S like to tell each other.

“Y o u c a n ’t re ally k n o w a place until y o u live in it.” I lived in Sydney m o st o f m y life and considered it p re tty , p ro ­ vincial a n d passe.

W riters a re fo rev e r telling people, “ O ne c an 't really tell w hat a place is like till one leaves it.” So I left Sydney.

D epending o n m y w h ereab o u ts and circum stances, I rem em b ered Sydney as: a d ra b rat-race (w allow ing in S utras and shocking-pink silk in In d ia); crass and callow (on the ancien t m o n u m e n t circuit in Italy a n d Spain); a w o rk e r’s paradise, a lo a fe r’s U to p ia stocked w ith b eautiful, w itty hedonists a n d good, cheap re s­ ta u ra n ts (dow n-and-out in L o n d o n and H ig h W ycom be); a s good a place as any to die (stricken w ith a su rfeit o f O uzo and p a ra n o ia in the U n ited A ra b R e ­ public).

So I cam e back th ree years late r. A nd let m e tell you— w e’ve all been w rong.

A city revisited is seen w ith th e u n ­ fa m ilia r clarity o f a p ain tin g held to a m irro r.

I saw Sydney as being m o re A sian in feeling th a n E u ro p e a n (try telling th a t to the M in ister fo r Im m ig ratio n ), fashionw iser th a n Paris, m o re cosm opolitan than L ondon, w ith b e tte r train s th an Spain, less p e ak -h o u r p an ic th a n C airo.

A n d th a t’s n o t all I noticed a b o u t Syd­ ney. Ju st w hat has been going on lately?

A p a rt fro m th e obvious new buildings, C hevron H ilto n ’s sw im m ing pool and

U tz o n ’s R evenge (is it tru e he w as once jilted by a diva?), Sydney show s evidence o f having been got at!

Ite m : W h a tev er ha p p en ed to Th'e Sign o f the Cross? T h e drive dow n W illiam Street is ju st n o t the sam e w ith th e sym ­ bolic D u n lo p ad. im m obilised. A possible ex p lan atio n is th a t it is overaw ed by the om inously sh ro u d ed th in g directly b e ­ neath it.

A nd fro m w hat overw ro u g h t im ag in a­ tion blossom ed the W illiam S treet daisychains? A few V enus F ly tra p s o r c a r­ nivorous orchids w ould be a m arv ello u s to u rist attractio n .

Ite m : W ine, D ine or M a k e a N ig h t o f it D epartm ent. T h e K a sh m ir just isn't the sam e any m ore. T h ey seem to have h a d a tiff w ith R osaleen N o rto n , re ­ m oved her m u rals (w ith Q uick Strip and holy w ater, no d oubt) a n d in stalled plenty o f chrom e a n d a cover charge. A s if th a t w asn’t enough they w ent a n d becam e a m em ber of the D in e r’s C lub. Alas! the end of a n era!

T h e G eorge, too, has been a t it. T hey h ave d o n e thin g s w ith th e ir lights (O h, joy, you can even see w ith w hom you a re drinking!) a n d opened u p th eir o u b ­ liette fo r business. T h e d eco r is a clever m ix tu re o f drain ag e pipes and old L ib e r­ tarians. I b et Leslie W alfo rd w ishes he h a d th o u g h t o f th a t first.

A n d som ething n asty has h a p p en e d to the P u sh ’s fav o u rite eating house. A p a rt fro m m aking the m istake o f puttin g old w aiters into new jackets, they h ave u pped th e m inim um by a couple o f bob and taken to spicing th e ir A ttic specialities w ith foam ing detergent. A t this ra te one will be u n ab le to live on U n e m p lo y ­ m en t Benefits.

K ings C ross is disenchanting. O nce u p o n a tim e it h a d a secure, h om etow nish kind o f a u ra. A seething, restless kind o f hom etow n; but hom e all th e sam e.

C offee-shop acq u ain tan ces w ere easily

form ed. O ne could alw ays find som eone w ho w anted to talk Life, com pare troubles, m odel fo r a life class, give the address o f a p a rty , jo in o n e in a flat or suicide p act. T h e only d eviation w as on N ew Y e a r’s E ve w hen every F red , A lf an d Shirl cam e to “look a t the b e atn ik s” and d efecate in doorw ays. T h e natives stocked u p on g rog a n d b a tte n ed d o w n th e h atches till everyone w ent aw ay.

N ow nearly every night is like N ew Y e a r’s E ve. M aybe the surfie-rockie stom p p a rlo u rs have succeeded in taking Y oung A u stralia off the su b u rb an streets.

1 can n o t tell.

O ne little backw ash o f non co n fo rm ity has p o pped up a t th e C ross. I t ’s a stripand-not-m uch-tease place th a t defiantly advertises an “A ll G irl S how ” . I t ’s m y bet th a t they a re playing it sm art. T hey know th a t soon they w ill cash in on their novelty value as the only n o n -d rag show this side o f the ra b b it-p ro o f fence. T h e y ’ll change th eir sign to “ R eal G irl Show ” a n d slap huge cover charges on Sydney’s new est m in o rity g roup — th e confirm ed heterosexual!

A nd drag d o e sn ’t stay behind fo o t­ lights either. I can rem em b er w hen drag q u een s’ only public a p p ea ran c e w ere at M ovie and A rtists’ Balls. N ow th e only way to tell the sex o f the M au v e Bouffa n t-and-P ink-T hai-S ilk in th e S u p e r­ m ark e t queue is to look at the legs. If they a re hairy, it’s fem ale.

O bviously it is all a cruel plot to re n d er w om en re d u n d an t! E v en th e Syd­ ney C ouncil is aiding a n d ab ettin g the plot. W hy else th e gesture o f tea rin g u p the su rro u n d s o f th e A rch ib ald F o u n ta in (subtly indicating th a t tro llin g is no longer necessary) and p lan tin g b anks of pansies.

By the tim e Sydney S quare is finished it should be the only one left in town.

— S.H.

OVERLAND Temper democratic, bias Australian C en sors and C e n so rsh ip (c u rre n t issu e ) T h e V incent R ep o rt (n e x t issu e ) S tim u la tin g a rtic le s, p ro v o cativ e com m en t.

1 6 /- p e r year su b sc rip tio n —

B o x 9 8 A , G .P .O ., M elbo u rn e

These are the hooks that Hitler burned

Keystone Press Agency photograph of th* burning of th* books, Berlin, May 10, 1933.

“ Som e books," said B acon, “a re to b e taste d , o th ers to be sw allow ed, a n d som e few to be chew ed and d igested.” “ A g reed ,” re p lied A d o lf, “b u t th ey m u st first be cooked.” A nd, w hooosh, h e held a barb ecu e.

A b o o k barbecue. P ro b a b ly th e m ost c eleb ra ted social event o f all tim e. (Stom ping guests p ictu red above.)

E ven B acon sizzled o n H itle r’s spit. P lato, C o p ern icu s, V oltaire, F re u d (rath e r overdone), D a rw in a n d m an y o th er ra re delicacies w ere b a rb ecu ed by th is fa m o u s h ost. M u c h th o u g h t fo r fo o d indeed! A n d n o w H itle r’s very ow n p rized recip e can b e y o u rs . . . T h ese G re a t B ooks c ontain th e sam e ingredients th a t m ad e h is su p p er

tmi

t Y H T O P ir n M

THE SYNTOPiCOri

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G R E A T B O O K S O F T H E W E S T E R N W O R L D G.B. A C astle re agh Street, Syd n e y , N.S.W. P lease send m e, fre e a n d w ith o u t oblig a tio n , y o u r c o lo u rfu l P je v iew B oo k le t w hich pictu re s and d esc rib es th e la te s t ed itio n o f G R E A T B O O K S O F T H E W E S T E R N W O R L D — and also co m p lete in fo rm a tio n on how I m ay o b ta in this m agnificent set, d irect fr o m th e publisher, N a m e _________________________ _______ -.................... (please p rin t) A d d r e s s _________________________________________

W O R LD

C ity ....._________________________ ____ Z o n e __________ ____ S ta te ...

In N ew Z ea lan d , w rite E.B ., P o s t Office Box 464, W ellington.

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hinkieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s drive-in restaurant 210 elizabeth St., opp. the tivoli open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week The Tiroes Press, 3-13 Queen Street,

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