OZ magazine, Sydney, no.15

J fo r -^ D E C .

No. 15. Oite^

ix

DUN I CUMMII

SOCIAL SU |C |0E f

H a n g in g a ro u n d in the rig h t circles . . . m eans h an g in g a ro u n d in the correct form al a ttire . . .

so jo in th e sm art set

w ho go to FO R M A L W EA R. For yo u r next sw inging form al fun ctio n (C hristm as

PLEASE IN D IC A T E T H E T Y PE OF FO R M A L W EA R YOU W ISH , AN D EN CLO SE A C H E Q U E , MONEY O R D E R O R P O ST A L N O T E T O CO V ER T H E D E P O S IT AN D H IR IN G COST (D E PO SIT W IL L BE R E T U R N E D ).

T U X E D O : H irin g cost £2; D eposit £5; Postage 6/-; T O T A L £7/6/-.

D IN N E R S U IT : H irin g cost £3; D eposit £5; Postage 6/-; T O T A L £8/ 6/-.

D IN N E R S U IT AN D T U X E D O ACCESSORIES: S hirt 10/- extra; T ie 5 /- extra; Gloves 5 /- extra; Dress Jew ellery 5 /- extra.

(Please state collar size).

DRESS SU IT : H irin g cost £ 5 /5 /-; D eposit £5; Postage 6/- ; T O T A L £10/11/-.

H irin g cost includes: Dress S hirt a n d C ollar, W hite Vest, Studs a n d Cuff L inks, W h ite Gloves a n d W hite T ie. (Please state co llar size of shirt).

L O U N G E S U IT : H irin g cost £3; D eposit £5; Postage 6/-; T O T A L , £8/ 6/-.

A nd for th e F air Sex: D e b u tan te Gown from £8—£5 Dep. W edding Gown from £10—£5 Dep. B all Gown from £5—£5 Dep. F u r Stoles from £ 2 / 2 / —£5 D ep

cocktail parties, evenings a t C hevon, Menzies , . .)

L et FO R M A L W EA R dress you u p to k ill (or be killed).

Com e, h ire a tu x , dinner-suit, dress su it . . . G irls h ire the gow n of yo u r dream s for only a sm all h irin g fee. Some valued a t over 100 gns.

• ( Follow these directions] WAIST

CHEST

LENGTH

Round chest hig h u n d e r arm s and over shoul­ d e r b la d e s .

L e n g th of jack et fr o m unde r back

to

Measure over the

s k ir t e d g e of j a c k e t.

w a is tb a n d w i t h o u t bel t.

collar

LENGTH

Shirt Size

D o w n i n s id e seam fro m

crutch

to

Neck

b o tto m of c u f f (i n s id e t r o u s e r leg ).

POST BACK OR RUSH IN TO

147a KING STREET, SYDNEY ( at rear of lift ) near Castlereagh St.

F

O

K

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PHONE 28-0537

PRESS GANG C ongratu latio n s to the a rm ch air generals of the A u stralian Press for p u sh in g the P rim e M inister in to a “get to u g h ” stance to Indonesia. A nd in to conscription, despite the advice of the m ilitary generals.

T h e press boys really know w hat th ey ’re talking about.

• FIELD -M A R SH A LL “ RAG S” H E N D E R ­ SON sp en t W W I1 in Sydney cam paigning against th e A ustralian g overnm ent’s w artim e censorship. Steeped in this b a ttlin g trad itio n , he is in a good position to tell us:

Wise Decision In these circumstances the decision to introduce selective compulsory ser­ vice was not only wise and courageous; it was inescapable • L IE U T E N A N T FRA N K PA CKER was a p p a re n tly n o t sufficiently engrossed in the Second W orld W ar to be u nable to m ake fairly freq u en t visits to M oorefield races and R o m an o ’s. From this w ealth of experience he is able to say:

This country has no other choice.

■ LIE U T . FR A N K PA C K E R , of th e T a n k C orps, a n d “ Daily T e le g ra p h ” chief, sn a p p ed a t M oorefield y esterd ay . H e was fo rm erly sta tio n e d a t F a c k a p n n y al a n d is a fre q o e n t visitor to th e w eek-end ra c e m eetings in Sydney. A ngus, in w hich he h a s a th ir d in te re st, w on th e flr&t division o f the M alden

Sydney's "Sunday Truth" August 214,19111 p. 3

• T h e re is even some d o u b t a b o u t SIR R O B E R T ’S ow n w artim e (W W I) experiences, d u rin g w hich he is alleged to have resigned his Com mission.

If the jo u rn alists really w a n t a bit of A ustralian confro n tatio n h e re is a suggestion: W hy n o t draw the first b a tta lio n of con­ scripts from the belligerent ranks of the A ustralian Jo u rn a lists’ Association u n d e r the strategic com m and of those O ld Battlers, the new spaper p ro p rieto rs. T h e Packer G ang on the R ig h t W ing; “T h e A ustralian” boys on the L eft a n d G ranny H erald p lu m in the m iddle. P erhaps Perc G alea could head a sm all cavalry division.

N o t m erely d ream in g u p news, boys, b u t o u t th ere M A K IN G IT .

T h e p e n m ay be m ig h tie r th a n the sword b u t here is th e big chance for the A ustralian Press to prove it is the m aster of b o th arts.

COCKTA PARTIES

* PRIVATE ANt> s i/ s m s s

FUNCTION0wmm- Ft/NCT im > a l l b x f e r tiy cm u cp CORNER OF A’EM SOUTH HOW “'&■ n

Rt>. 3 2 .1 Z Z 6

SYDNEY FOLK CONCERT ’ 6 4 UNION THEATRE

,

Dec. 18th 19th, 21st at 8.00 p.m.

BETH SCHURR (18th, 19th)

The appeal in the OZ case is to he heard on December 14. Therefore, there will he no OZ until the "beginning of January next year.

Due to the success of the OZ Legal Appeal Fund, we have heen able to obtain senior counsel to conduct our case. We wish to thank all those who contributed to the Fund. In particular, those who organised the successful Charity Concert on Dec 15: John Finlayson, Garry Shearston and the Tinas Dete and Kaufman.

A Blessed Nativity to all our readers and a wholly happy New Year.

MARIAN HENDERSON (21 st) ROBERT IRVING JEAN LEWIS DECLAN AFFLEY PAUL MARKS JAN DE ZWAAN MARTIN JAMES 6/-

& 87-

Bookings: Nicholson's, Palings Union Theatre

OZ

PASS 3 .

■ Just

C8. l l

me . Darling

I t ’s all a question of discipline, not politics, just a m atter of discipline.

These m en are wild, im petuous, controversial you m ight say, unless th at’s too harsh and I w ouldn’t wish to appear harsh. B etter delete that. Make it topical. These m en are topical.

Now to talk of political pressure is absurd and quite unrealistic. I will adm it th at the W est A ustralian prem ier objected about that hanging film th at wasn’t m ade (and won’t be shown either if I have a say in it).

A nd Sir R obert and Sneddon had a definite point of view on the peace affair. And the RSL has said a few words in the past and they are one of the few organisations w ith direct access to the governm ent, as I believe Mr. Schwartz has said. And he should know.

B ut th at wasn’t why we disapproved, no indeed. It was not political expediency th at made us do it. I t was a m uch larger point, an issue of p rin ­ ciple and th at principle was discipline (principally).

It was like a . . . well a headm aster disciplining his wayward charges.

I t ’s som ething that happens all the tim e and no one objects—except when it’s one of those public mass-caning affairs—and the ABC never does these things in public. Dr. D arling is an old headm aster himself and has a lot of experience in canings and such like. H e doesn’t like it and I can assure you that it hurts him m ore than it . . . well, it’s not a pleasant thing for anyone. I hope you don’t im agine we take pleasure in this.

T h in k what would happen if we d id n ’t discipline them. T h e Board of Education (to continue the m etaphor) would have to step in and they’d probably discipline the head and senior masters as well as the children.

You see, this principle of discpline applies all along the line—from the head down to the tinies.

If you think of the ABC as a school you can appreciate the position m uch better than if you conceive of it as a . . . well, som ething else. You can think up your own examples.

T hose fellows were bringing discredit to the ABC and giving it such a bad name th at parents w ouldn’t w ant to send their boys to us. You can’t have bad conduct from the individuals that go to m ake up an ABC and expect people to be generous, can you? You don’t realise that every year we have to go to the governm ent and ask for a certain sum for those extras like equipm ent, overseas air fares, wages and suchlike.

And what did these fellows do, these senior boys who should have known better? T hey unthinkingly besmirched the honour of our ABC and threatened o u r exchequer. You can’t tell me they showed any ABC spirit.

These chaps don’t care about the h o nour of the ABC. W ell, there’s nothing for it. T h e re ’s a principle here. T hey m ust be disciplined. O r even ex­ pelled if it comes to that.

W e’ve no patience w ith th eir type of slow learner around here! W e tried all the corrective measures—rem edial news reading, friendly chat with the Head, a fortnight’s gating and stopping th eir pocket money bu t nothing changed. If they don’t own up to their misbehaviours and they don’t m ake the grade, why they’ll just have to drop out.

W e’re p roud of our nam e and not every ABC can quote a list of old boys as distinguished as ours. T ake the C harlton lad, for instance. Look­ ing back, h e’s a real credit to us, what w ith th at Rhodes’ scholarship or whatever it is. Looking at him from this disance, we feel . . . frankly we feel pride. H e’s gone a long way and we started him on the road. Even if he doesn’t work for us now, every film he sends back is a fine trib u te to us which we are proud to show, after editing. T h en there’s all the Project 64 team and a couple on Seven Days. Got their early schooling here and do you think they aren’t grateful? May have outgrow n us in little ways bu t you can see th eir initials carved on the desks here and we left o u r m ark on them, too.

Yes, the ABC is perform ing a w onderful jo b —as a P rep School for the big boys of Commercial TV . W hat a pity the bright boys always leave us.

I w onder why! f e l# . j

You know th e old T V gam e of “T ell the T ru th ? " T h is has ju st been revived (off ' cam era) by th e ABC. O A lthough the gam e has always involved IV telling lies— in th e C hannel 9 version a panel is req u ire d to select the a u th e n tic iffl M r. "X ” from a batch of p re te n d in g parf*\ ticipants— the ABC has now w idened the 5| rules to include th e general public. ^ W e have to guess w h e th er the ABC \> officials o r th e ir em ployees are telling the ’> tru th w hen they offer contradictory replies ® to th e sam e question.

Actually, th e first tim e they played this «v. gam e was before the A rb itratio n Commissioner, Mr. B irkett, d u rin g a salary disp u te betw een th e Com m ission and th e Staff Association in 1958.

Sir C harles Moses a n d M r. T a lb o t Duckm an to n . on behalf of the ABC, sub m itted a d o cum ent p u rp o rtin g to describe the d u ties and responsibilities of its senior , officers.

B ut M r. B irk ett was ra th e r a spoilt sport a n d told Sir C harles he h a d "exceedingly grave doubts of the consistency of some , 'j of th e facts.” H e also found th a t there were inconsistencies betw een it a n d o th e r ^ evidence h e h a d h eard .

- ^ T h e m ost recent clash was betw een * C lem ent Sem m ler and A lan A shbolt. In ^ this case the public h a d an ab u n d an ce of clues a n d it was relatively easy to decide -vNg who was really telling th e tru th . u \.

O th e r instatices are m ore subtle and xA re q u ire some research. W hen (he Chairm an of "A ny Q uestions” was fired some tim e ago, the official reason was th at he (Sf'l had failed to apply for a p erm an en t posi* <\ ^ tion and his contract had elapsed. But th e C hairm an, C harles Stokes, was qu o ted in the student paper, “ H oni Soit," as „ ^ saying th a t he had in fact a pplied for a p erm a n en t position on several occasions.

C oincidentally, th e sacking occurred d u rin g a tim e w hen pressure groups h a d been «r com plaining th a t “ Any Q uestions” was far too "un-C hristian.”

A nother tim e, an ABC official was con , tradicted not by the statem en t of an em ployee b u t by a fact of life. C hannel 2 had acquired a BBC p rin t of an inter- ~ Vj view w ith French politician M. B idault but declined to show it because, they said, it iO was technically unsatisfactory.

How ever, s i C hannel 7 screened th e sam e interview . It V 'l later becam e know n th a t the G overnm ent '- 4 had asked the ABC n o t to show the film , because B idault was critical of D e G aulle. \* ^ T h e re are m any o th e r trivial instances of in tern al disagreem ents over facts. I t ’s x i fun to w atch the press and m atch your ' wits against th e fibs of the ABC officials.

The Bible legend tells us that the absence of labour — idleness — was a condition of the first man’s blessed­ ness before the Fall. Fallen man has retained a lo ve of idleness, but the curse weighs on the race not only because w e have to seek our bread in the sweat of our brows, but because our moral nature is such that we cannot be both idle and at ease. An inner voice tells us w e are in the wrong if w e a re idle. I f man could find a state in which he felt that though idle he was fulfilling his duty, he would have found one of the conditions o f man’s prim itive blessedness. And such a state of obligatory and I r r e proachable idleness I* the lot of a whole class — the military. The chief attractiim of military service con­ sisted and will consist in this compulsory and irreproach­ able idleness.

I ’v t My

VKiJh

THE OZ AUSTRALIAN HISTORY BOOK Do you ever get the idea you've heard it all before? Conscription, immorality and unenlightened government seem to be topical at present but when Frank Moorhouse went scuttling back to the history books he discovered Three Lessons for Political Beginners . . .

Lesson I. Good M orning C hildren, In th e last lesson on the first settlem ent in A ustralia we learn ed th a t the m ain p roblem faced by the new colony was the finding of sufficient food.

T oday we will study the second m ajor problem faced by th e au th o ritie s in the new colony—how to enforce conventional sexual m orality.

T h e situ atio n was m ildly described as “o u t of h a n d ” w hen the G overnm ent sent G overnor Bligh to th e colony in 1804. O ne of B ligh’s comm ission's was to enforce m arriage a n d church-going in the colony.

B ut h e was not p articu larly successful, having o th er problem s, b o th personal and public, to w orry about. H e was probably still w ondering why the crew of th e B ounty h a d tossed him out.

L ater the colony of N.S.W, rebelled against him , too— or at least p a rt of it.

G overnor M acquarie follow ed B ligh and h a d little success w ith the m orals of the colony— people still showed no interest in m arriage.

T h e B ritish G overnm ent becam e w orried ab o u t this, and o th er m atters, and sent o u t a special investigator, C om m issioner Bigge. „ «£© H e rep o rted to the G overnm ent o n the state of the colony and a large section of the re p o rt d ealt w ith the appallingm orals of N.S.W, and T asm ania.

H e said th at, "alth o u g h th e free p o p u ­ lation has gradually, a n d w ith in th e last three years, rapidly increased . . . the num bers of an n u al m arriages h a d not borne any pro p o rtio n to th a t increase.”

G overnor M acquarie sadly sup p o rted C om m issioner Bigge saying, “ th e m orals of the great mass of the p o p u latio n is in the lowest of debasem ent a n d religion alm ost totally neglected.”

M acquarie noted, “ the scandalous and pernicious custom so generally and sham e­ lessly adopted th ro u g h this country of p e r­ sons of different sex coh ab itatin g a n d living together unsanctioned by the legal ties of m atrim ony . . . ” I t was estim ated th a t tw o-thirds of the children in the colony were n o t baptised —and therefore illegitim ate.

It was to take 20 years of pressure from the adm inistration a n d th e C hurch of E ngland to brin g the wayward colony back to respectability.

T rib u te was paid to the good exam ple set by the arrival of some respectable m arried B ritish m iddle-class families.

Q uestion one: If religion represents a strong n a tu ra l craving in m an for a spiritual life why did so m any people in the colony of N.S.W, ignore it for so long?

Question two: Do you think that the im po­ sition of legal marriage made the lives of the colonists happier? If so, how?

Lesson 2.

Good M orning C hildren, You will have read th a t the L iberal Party led by th e P rim e M inister, Sir R o b e rt Menzies, has in tro d u ced conscrip­ tion for 20-year-old boys.

T oday we w ill study the first conscrip­ tion legislation in troduced in A u s tr a lia way back in 1910.

C om pulsory m ilitary train in g was in tro ­ duced for boys betw een 14 a n d 18 years.

T h e in te n tio n was to m ake “every m an a soldier”—w h e th er he liked it or riot. M any people d id n ’t like it.

In the tw o-and-half years th a t followed th e legislation th e governm ent prosecuted 27,749 p a ren ts for failing to register th e ir boys for train in g .

In 1912, ab o u t 17,000 boys were registered o u t of a possible 40,000.

T h e governm ent th en decided th a t the c hildren had to register them selves— they felt th a t th e p a re n ts m ight be h o ld in g them back.

B ut the boys a p p eared to be as equally unw illing to register as the p a ren ts had

Lesson 3.

G ood M orning C hildren, T oday we study th e life a n d tim es of W illiam M orris H ughes, affectionately know n by m any A ustralians as “ the little digger.”

Now th a t he is dead his h a t is placed on a chair in M a rtin Place on AnzaC Day so th a t the m en and w om en who are m arching to m ark th e two w orld wars foiigflt for freedom can observe it w ith

You may, as today’s lesson unfolds, find this link betw een freedom a n d “ the little digger" difficult to understan d . " T h e little d igger” was A u stralia’s m ost successful tyrant.

He gaoled and d e p o rte d m en for th e ir opinions, lie censored and b a n n ed news­ papers and organisations, h e censored the official records of p a rliam e n t, he censored the m ail of parliam en tarian s, h e created a special police force, he expelled a m em ber of parliam en t for disloyalty and h e opposed racial equality in the League of N ations.

D uring the first world war, H ughes, as P rim e M inister, was the leading advocate of overseas conscription.

"Conscription; children, is the m ethod governm ents use to force m en to fight in Wars when they are not necessarily interested in fighting.

O u r story begins in 1915 w ith H ughes T h e governm ent began to prosecute the as a labour p arty Prim e M inister. Against boys for failing to register and d u rin g the wishes o f m any in the la b o u r p arty 1912-13, averaged 262 cases a week. and against the sp irit of th e la b o u r party, From 1913 to 1914, th e courts im prisoned H ughes decided to in troduce overseas 5,732 boys for failing to a tte n d m ilitary conscription. H e held a re ferendum and train in g . g was dc feated.

B roken H ill was an o u tstan d in g c en tre fjfBfihe lab o u r p arty split on th e issue and of resistance. B ritish historian, D r. L. C. H ughes to gether w ith some rebels (known Jauncey, said th a t “B roken H ill d id not by the labour p a rty as “ra ts ”) form ed a take kindly to conscription and fo r m any new governm ent w ith the opposition. m o n th s the law was practically a dead I'm pleased to see some c hildren n oting letter th ere .” the fact th a t H ughes was able to switch T h e courts m ade an exam ple of a boy, Sides so easily.

Alfred Frederick Giles, was was sentenced U n d er H ughes’ leadership the Crim es to a fo rtn ig h t's bread a n d w ater.

Act, the U nlaw ful Associations Act, the In New Z ealand a t ab o u t the sam e tim e W ar Precautions Act were passed. T h e sim ilar legislation was passed and the boys three Acts gave th e governm ent wide form ed a Passive Resisters U nion. T h e powers to censor, to supress organisations au th o ritie s arrested the leaders of this and to m ake political arrests. m ovem ent and gaoled them .

T h ey were directed against pacifists, antiT h e New Zealand Socialist P arty sup­ conscriptionists, and others who in some ported the cause and each week published way opposed the w ar effort and in p a rticu ­ a R oll of H o n o u r of the boys w ho were lar against an organisation known as the im prisoned. T h e re were “ Peace R allies” “ Ind u strial W orkers of the W o rld ” o r the a n d “ Peace Congress” th en , too. “wobblies.”

D u rin g the w ar tw o referenda w ere held The I.W .W . saw th e first w orld w ar as in A ustralia in an a tte m p t to have over­ two thieves (B ritain and France) fighting a seas conscription in troduced and in b oth th ird (G erm any). T o a tte n d a m eeting to cases the vote was "n o .” h e ar w hat the I.W .W . had to say became B ut there was plenty of su p p o rt for the an offence. war—volunteers were p le n tifu l— and all Tn I91fi, twelve HW.W. leaders were parties su p p o rted A u stralia’s p a rticip a tio n arrested and received sentences of betw een in the war. five and 15 years u n d e r the Acts.

It seems th a t w hat people resented was In 1920, a n o th e r governm ent ordered a th e a u th o rita ria n n a tu re of conscription— retrial and 11 of the m en were released. it was a " d o n 't shove” reaction.

L ater, d u rin g a strike, m ore th an 70 I.W .W . m en were arrested and gaoled. T w o Q uestion one: Do you th in k A ustralians were deported. are m ore docile now th a n in 1910?

H ughes held a second referendum on Q uestion two: D o you th in k th a t th e real overseas conscription (using a loaded qu es­ test of a n atio n is th e n u m b e r of people tion) and was again beaten. D u rin g the w ho w ill fight for it voluntarily? cam paign H ughes used the various Acts Q uestion three: Do you th in k th a t people References: C om m issioner Bigge, T h e sh o u ld be forced to fight for freedom ? he had passed to harass the anti-conscrip State and Character of She Population of tion advocates.

References: L. C. Jauncey, T h e Story of N.S.W, and Van Diemans Land. A. P. C onscription in A ustralia. G. G reenw ood, He censored p a rliam en tary reports and E lkin, Marriage and th e Family in Aus­ A ustralia, a P o litical a n d Social H istory. the m ail of p arliam entarians. M any antitralia.

conscription new spapers were censored.

An anti-conscription speech m ade in the Q ueensland p a rliam e n t was p rin te d in H ansard (No. 37) and H ughes h a d its transm ission th ro u g h the m ails stopped and then sent m ilita ry officials to th e G overn­ m en t P rin tin g Officer and h a d all copies seized.

D u rin g th e conscription cam paign H ughes was speaking in th e Q ueensland tow n of W arw ick a n d a m an threw an egg a t him .

T h e Q ueensland policem an a t th e m eeting refused to arrest the m an and a t the next sittin g of p a rlia m e n t H ughes created his ow n C om m onw ealth Police Force.

In 1920, H ughes, a fte r an hysterical speech, was able to have the m em ber for Kalgoolie, H u g h M ahon, expelled from p a rliam e n t. M ahon had m ade a speech in su p p o rt of the Irish rebels w hich H ughes condem ned as disloyal to th e Crown.

D u rin g th e form ation of the League of N ations a fte r the first w orld w ar, H ughes opposed a racial eq u ality clause in the covenant a n d was successful in having it deleted.

If accepted, th e clause w ould have m eant recognising the Japanese as o u r equals and w ould have w eakened the W h ite A ustralia Policy.

You should note, children, th a t Ja p a n was o u r ally in the first w orld w ar, o u r enem y in th e second a n d is now o u r ally again.

W ell, th a t ends the lesson on “the little d igger” a n d I w ould like you to answer th e follow ing questions: Question one: H ughes did not serve in the war but is now known as “the little dig­ ger.” Why? Question two: W ould you say that our present Prime Minister, Sir Robert Gordon Menzies, in strengthening the Crimes Act, attem pting to ban the Communist Party, m aintaining censorship, refusing to oppose apartheid and introducing conscription shows similar characteristics to “the little digger?” If so, would you say they both respected freedom? W hich part of his clothing should become a symbol in Anzac Day observances?

References: L. C. Jauncey, T h e Story of Conscription in Australia. G. Sawer, Aus­ tralian Federal Politics and Law.

H O N G K O NG H ong K ong is a tow n, very smelly.

W here P rivation crawls on its belly.

W here Poverty grovels.

In thousands of hovels, W ith o u t any c arp e t o r telly.

U N IT E D STA TES "Com e Crow -shooting w ith the Ku Klux, M en, get o u t y our rifles and trucks.

If niggers a in 't nippy, In old Mississippi, T h ey end u p as dead sittin g ducks.”

H A W A II T h e tourists are d an cin g the h u la.

T h e islanders sit (so m uch cooler).

T h ey rem em ber a tim e, W hen the tribe in its prim e, H ad K am eham eha as ru ler.

Grant Nichol T h e old saying “ th e h a n d th a t rocks the cradle rules the w orld” is, we feel, ju st as tru e today as it ever was. T h is could well be one reason wom en th in k every m an in a position of responsibility should be m arried.

Anyhow, here are a few conversations picked u p over the past few weeks betw een well-known wives and h usbands (and if you c an ’t identify them you’ll ju st have to ask th e character sittin g next to you in the bus):

But, Warwick, you can't still toe mad at him atoout that.

I suppose Sir Robert’s doing his toest, dear.

But I do think it’s time he made you Sir Reginald.

Phil, I do wish Charles wouldn’t toe so controv­ ersial.

Prank, he must toe a Communist.

PERILS OF THE D A N C E is for the most part attended with many amorous smiles, wanton compliments, unchaste kisses, scurrilous songs and sonnets, effeminate music, lust-provoking attire,' ridiculous love-pranks; all which savour only o f sensuality, o f raging fleshly lusts. Therefore it is wholly to be abandoned o f all good Christians. Dancing serves no necessary use, no profitable, laudable, or pious end at all; it issues only from the inbred pravity, vanity, wantonness, incontinency, pride, profaneness, or madness o f men’s depraved natures. There­ fore it must needs be unlawful unto Christians. The way to heaven is too steep, too narrow, for men to dance in and keep revel-rout: N o way is large or smooth enough for capering roisters, for jumping, skipping, dancing dames, but that broad, beaten, pleasant road that leads to helL If D a n c in g

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Both the shove advertisements appeared simultaneously in 'THE AUSTRALIAN" (left) and the 'Sydney Morning Herald' (right). Some newspaper executives have 'Bloomerphohia'o September OZ featured a cover showing how the word '‘bloomer' had "been censored from a cartoon in the Melbourne 'Sun. This time Sydney 'Herald' executives panicked when confronted with a row of realistic French "bottoms and applied a coat of whitewash. Thus OZ was hardly surprised when the 'Herald' refused to accept an ad for OZ in the Magazine Section of their Saturday edition. They would consider placing the ad elsewhere if we deleted the word 'naughty*. The OZ ad appeared untouched in 'THE A U S T R A L I A N ' . _________________ T h e A ustralian Federal C abinet was b u ilt in 1901. I t is a solid w ooden one capable o f being m odified. Its original style was q u a in tly Victorian (Full Length) (an a fter-thought really). T h e C abinet is rather battered now , probably due to three laborious a ttem p ts to re­ m odel it. O f late, a regency style has show n through its m usty exterior, and a fter the big 1963 clean-up, ‘M ade in B rita in ’ was discovered N o v el D e sig n a llo w s lo c a liz e d stam ped on the base. m a ssag e in n ee d ed areas!

Its drawers were last replaced fif­ teen years ago, and now the T o p L a c k of p ro p e r m assag e ca n b rin g o n su c h m s as p y o rrh e a , so ft ir r ita te d g u m s; D rawer has becom e stuck because it’s itp rocab le n re s u lt in lo o se n in g of te e th a n d b ad never been cleaned-out. T h e other b re a th . S end to d a y f o r y o u r p e rso n a l h y g ie n ic drawers are replaced, interchanged or V IB R A -F IN G E R . S a tisfa c tio n g u a r a n te e d o r cleaned every three years, b u t often r e tu r n w ith in 5 d ay s. O nly $9.95 p o sta g e p a id o r $3.00 d e p o sit a n d b a la n c e C.O.D. th e cleaning is very superficial. O ne of th e m ore u n u su a l features is the austere-looking M o n ey D raw er — it red Layoe, 5< p o p s open every A u g u st, ju st like died today as the result clockw ork) b u t u n fo rtu n a tely in re­ of a fire in his wooden cent years it’s only contained sm all leg. change.

The fire destroyed the T h e C abinet is only open fo r p u blic next door bouse and damaged his flat when inspection at certain tim es of the year, flames jumped from his fo r th e rem ainder it is stored a n d blazing clothes to furn­ inspected fo r Borers an d dry ~rot. ishings.

D espite all m odifications, the Cabi­ Pol'ce said it was not known how Layne’s k g n e t’s o u tlo o k has rem ained square.

i br a F i n g e r

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—AGGY-BUILT

Hie Endless Summer

On any day of the year it’s summer somewhere in the world. Bruce Brown’s latest color film highlights the adventures of two young American surfers, Robert August and Mike Hynson who follow this everlasting summer around the world. Their unique expedition takes them to Senegal, Ghana, Nigeria, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Tahiti, Hawaii and Cali­ searcn jh me woria for ror that mdi per­ peifornia. Share their experiences5 as tney theyjearch e world fect wave which may be form- - — ing just over the next Horizon.

BRUCE BROWN FILMS

KNITTED ORLON M M T 06S

SIDNEY i UNION THEATRE Parramatta Rd. Exclusive season commencing Nov*2 J rd , Bookings at Surf Dive n* Ski. 411 George St*. Phone 2$-7t>80..........

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Scene: A nightclub. Three figures occupy the centre foreground. Figure 1 is a dark lady. Figure 2 is a composite square-built square man with a square jaw and square head. If you peer deeply into his eyes you can see that his brain cavity is occupied by a large wooden shoe. Figure 3 is an Aus­ tralian. H e is drunk.

Fig. 1: Good evening, ladies and gentlem en, I ’m M iriatn M akeba.

Fig. 2: A n d I am Johannes H e n d riku s Pretorius O om paulus van S ku m m , the voice oj die Vaderland in A ustralia!

Fig. 3: ’A ve a gin, ya gin! I ’m drunk!

Fig. 1: I ’d like to sing for you . . .

Fig. 2, S hut up, K affir!

Fig. 3: Go ’om e, ya black cannibal!

Fig. 1: For m y first song— Fig. 2: T alk w hite, K affir!

Fig. 3: Yer uncivilised!

Fig. 1: Please . . ■ Fig. 1 turns appealingly towards a hitherto unnoticed figure standing silently in the shadows.

Fig. 2: W ho are you, m an?

T h e figure bows deeply and replies in a whisper: I am the m anagem ent of Chequers. T h e custom er is always right.

I am the m anagem ent of Chequers. T h e custom er is always right.

I am the m anagem ent of Chequers . . .

— K.B.

C O N S T A B L E ....

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You AFFORP TO

im YOl/R BACK OH this M /m iFK M .o vft

E D ITO R S: R ichard Neville, R ichard Walsh.

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& A S the c u rre n t th e a tre season in Sydney has fallen into a sta g n an t slum p it is tim e to review some of the lo ng-running “offbroadw ay” style productions, w hich seem to be a ttrac tin g large attendances.

O ne of Sydney's oldest established long-run theatres is St. M ary’s (or th e "O ld T ill” as theatre-lovers refer to it), p icturesquely seat­ ed betw een P a rlia m en t H ouse a n d the M useum it is c u rren tly as p o p u la r e n te rta in ­ m en t fare as the m ore G .P-aim ed Jew el Box o r the Music H all.

T h e cu rre n t G ilroy p ro d u ctio n , re putedly reproduced from the o riginal P eter III, has m any changes from the original—so m uch so th a t the sp irit of the orig in al seems to have been lost. B ut as a lovable pensioner rem ark ­ ed on the steps "A fter th e sp irit is dead, the latin lingers o n ”—w hich brings u p th e h e a t­ ed argum ents by p a tro n s in the foyer of w hether th e w ork should be perform ed in the original language.

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As a weekly event (curiously evading th e C hief Secretary’s D ept, by having donation instead of adm ission) Sunday a t St. M ary's gets packed houses, w ith in term ed iate sessesions in troduced so as not to stop a tte n d ­ ance on a day already packed w ith exciting and diverse entertainm ents.

T h e pro d u ctio n itself has the benefit of m odern three-sided staging (probably based on the experim ents of T y ro n e G u th rie, or vice versa).

It is u n fo rtu n a te th a t a fte r the excellent staging of the first act, w ith off-stage choruses a n d a brisk pace, th a t th e m ain sta r should let dow n the generally high stan d ard by an u n fo rtu n a te ly insincere smile. Perhaps this goes to prove th a t the producer can never be objective enough a bout his own acting to fulfil b o th jobs.

A udience p a rticip a tio n is disjo in ted and could be cut w ith o u t any effect on th e w ork as a whole.

Sets a n d costum es a re on a g rand scale b u t the p ro d u c er’s obvious insistence on trad itio n has in h ib ite d th e designer—a Des­ m ond Digby is re q u ire d here.

A nother annoying p o in t is th e obvious lightw eight constructon of props (crosses, etc).

A dm ission prices dep en d on your activities d u rin g th e week b u t an expensive, extensive range of program m e m ate ria l is available in the foyer.

T h e re are two points com ­ m ercial m anagem ents could take up.

F irst are the cu te little dressing rooms ' aro u n d the th e a tre p e rim ete r w hich allows patro n s to m eet individual m em bers of the cast and discuss th e ir problem s w ith them .

T h e second is the a b olition of interval and instead allow ing p a tro n s to pa rta k e bread and w ine (no liq u o r licence needed) a t the conclusion of the perform ance.

—JAMES SHARMAN.

Changing the Avant-Garde At Buckingham Palace In response to recent demands that the Royal Family modernise itself and become more in touch with the com m on folk, we are privileged this m onth, instead of the old-fashioned Christmas Day message to the Commonwealth, to print the text of a letter from our radiant Queen to one of her loyal subjects: “D ear Mrs. L ennon, Y our h u sb a n d a n d I . . . no, th a t can’t be rig h t . . . my h u sb a n d a n d you . . . no, th a t’s a State secret betw een m yself and M r. H ogg . . . er, m y h u sb a n d a n d I w ould like to th a n k you a n d your hus­ b an d and his three young friends for m ak­ ing B rita in G reat again w ith th e ir songs.

T h e C hancellor of th e E xchequer (a very nice m an) w rote to m e last week a n d said th a t he w ould n o t be c u ttin g m y free allow ance o f £400,000 p e r a n n u m off after all, because of all the m oney y our h u sb a n d and his three young friends have m ade for us.

All of us here a t the Palace like your songs very m uch. O nly th e o th e r day I caught P h ilip beating tim e to ‘A H a rd D ay’s N ig h t’ w ith his Polo stick.

I am w ritin g to you today p rim a rily as a m o th e r to a m other. I was w ondering if my C harles and m y A nne m ig h t come ro u n d a n d play w ith your baby. T hey are b oth keen on m usic. T h ey are b oth well behaved and q u ite nicely spoken, tho u g h they h av en ’t h a d th e advantages of a b a d education like you and your husband.

O f course, I have a fairly new baby, too, called Louis. I w anted to call h im R ingo,

by Baldwin b u t my M inister for Colonial Affairs said it w ould be nice if we called him after th a t black m an in A m erica w ho plays the tru m p e t q u ite a lot. So we did, b u t I was sorry. I th in k I shall change my M inisters tom orrow . I m ean, black m en are q u ite nice in th e ir place, playing cricket and such like, b u t I did draw the line at th a t M r. Cassius Clay w anting to m arry m y A nne. As my sister M argaret said, "I d o n ’t m ind having the black m an as my b ro th er, b u t I do m in d having him for my brother-in-law .” W asn't th a t a clever th in g to say? N ot th a t she’s p re ju ­ diced, m ind. A fter all, h e r T o n y does q u ite a lot of Black and W hite w ork in his profession.

Of course, you could come ro u n d to o u r house som etim es. W e have a big place in London, you know. T h e guards will let you in. W e have a new frien d who comes ro u n d to see us every week. Uncle H arold from Yorkshire. Such an am using m an, w ith all sorts of funny ideas. H e m ight be able to find a good job for your husband, Jo h n . I have a p enpal overseas in a place called A ustralia. H e's called R o b e rt some­ body . . . a Scots nam e I th in k . W ell, he w ants a new G overnor-G eneral.

Perhaps your Jo h n w ould like th at. R o b e rt will do any­ th in g I tell him to.

M ust close now as it is tim e to practise my sm ile. W e’ve got th a t tiresom e old m an C hurchill com ing to d in n e r again. T h a t m eans the house will positively stink of cigars for weeks!

Bye for now, E lizabeth.”

N atu rally , it was easy enough for Sir R o b ert and Sir Alec to arrive at th a t mystic e ntente so beloved of conservative politicians, the Special R elationship. T h is consisted of Sir R o b ert doing w hat Sir Alec and his axe­ T V 7H IL E still quiv erin g u n d e r the shock of m an, Mr. D uncan Sandys, told him to; in ” w inning a gold-plated m edal o r tw o at re tu rn he was given th e best seat (the one T okyo (very nice, very cheap) B ritons lea rn t w ith a view of the garden) a n d not sh u t w ith a yawn th a t they h a d a barely lab o u r u p except w hen he was com pletely inco­ governm ent. A ustralians aro u n d tow n were herent. still less agog, b u t perked u p a b it a t the Sir R o b e rt m ade an excellent yes m an th o u g h t of the first m eeting betw een Mr. d u rin g the diplom atic strong-arm ing of the H aro ld W ilson (econom ist, th in k er, socialist black nations over S outhern R hodesia, a p ro ­ and P u ritan ) and Sir R o b ert of the T h istle. cess m ade the easier by his ra th e r b lu rred O n the face of it the two have a t least accent and fondness for latinisations, som ething in com m on: they b oth know a especially w hen talking a t people to w hom lo t a b o u t cricket.

But it seems unlikely E nglish was a second language. In d eed as th a t this by itself will be enough to revive the conference ram bled on, it was only this th e w hisky-laden days of th e last C om m on­ a bility to say n o th in g convincingly th a t w ealth P rim e M inisters C onference, w hen counteracted his increasingly boorish b e ­ Sir R o b e rt arrived as a fa th e r figure to haviour. lecture to a gro u p of to le ran t friends and How ever, M r. W ilson will be som ething d eferential pupils. else entirely. H e may even a dopt th e re ­ Sir R obert and Sir Alec D ouglas-H om e, v olutionary innovation of taking a line over the late u n lam en ted Prim e M inister of C om m onw ealth and colonial questions, and B ritain, had so m uch in com m on th a t it if th a t h ap p en s Sir R o b e rt’s days of p re ­ looked like nepotism .

B oth were w hite ferential trea tm e n t are num bered: n o t only K nights, confident of th eir ability to o u t­ m ight he be unw illing to follow th e E nglish m anoeuvre the black paw ns; b o th th o u g h t lead, b u t he probably w o u ld n ’t even u n d e r­ o f them selves as g u id in g a com placent coun­ stand it. A nd if Sir R o b e rt is left to find his try to m ore a n d m ore prosperity, i.e., h ire own way th ro u g h the com plexities of Com­ purchase. Sir R o b e rt’s disastrous incom pe­ m onw ealth politics, h e is likely to sink tence in foreign affairs was neatly offset by w ith o u t trace.

For his sake we can only Sir Alec’s in economics. A nd finally, even if hope Mr. W ilson’s interest in cricket will Sir R o b e rt could drin k Sir Alec u n d e r the outw eigh b oth his leftish views a n d his table, he was friendly enough to do the abstem iousness; because Sir R o b ert certainly same for him self as often as possible. Sir h a sn ’t m ade m any friends in the rest of the R obert was a sort of p oor m a n ’s Sir Alec, C om m onw ealth. only fatter.

—AUS.

iUnboitHetter

IS DOROTHY DIX REALLY HAPPY? N the oiled T ea k desk, w ith its black section fram e, sat his Sm ith Corona, the w o rld ’s first typew riter-cigar.

As he typed w ith the tip of his seventeen guinea T a n Bali shoes, he glanced quickly in to the five gold-fram ed m irrors set a ro u n d his room , and decided th a t the ru m o u rs were all unfo u n d ed . If he were an egotist, as the ru m o u rs h a d it, th en his m irrors were to blam e.

H e reached for his correspondence. G lanc­ ing a t the address on the first letter, Black­ b u rn V ictoria, he broke the heavy w ax seal and w ithdrew the blue pastel tin te d paper.

Dear Narcissus, I am an attractive boy of fiftee n and live in Victoria. In w in te r I am called a Jazzer, and in su m m e r a Surfie, w hile m y seventeen year old brother is a strict Rocker, b u t we get along ju st fine.

M y brother brings hom e all his rocker friends and I bring hom e all m y friends (w ho are jazzers or surfies depending on the w eather). M ost of our evenings are taken u p w ith heavy bantering abo u t w hat we wear and how we wear it, w ith only an occasional broken bottle deciding the fashion trends for young m oderns.

Please d o n ’t get m e wrong. I am not a R o cker and I never could be. B u t I feel I understand R ockers and like them a lot, b u t I still keep m y beliefs and they still keep theirs, and I know that I w ill never have a serious fig h t w ith one (a rocker) through not being able to tolerate his beliefs and ideas.

I am a very good living Surfie / Jazzer (c.f. w eather m ap) and go to m y Jazz Dance every Sabbath, and I have only ever used hair oil once.

T h e p o in t I am trying to m ake is; if I play Dave B rubeck R ecording, b u t secretly like J o h n n y Chester, am I living a lie?

Fifteen and very attractive, BLACKBURN Scratching the tip of his ear w ith his F lorentine L eath er H andled P aper Knife, he searched for a m eaning to it all.

H e hastily recalled his own experiences w ith this problem , w hen on a hot sum m er’s day in ’62. he had been confronted by an acned youth of twelve w hile rid in g a “ dodgem c a r” in an e n te rta in m e n t park in one of the southern suburbs. “Jazz down, Rock Forever,” th e youth had cried, before kicking him heavily in the groin. As he d o u b led over in pain, tearin g the knees of his bone linen swags, he had a quick m ental of C hristians being torn a p art by lions in a stone and toga a m p h ith ea tre . But this was only the first of m any experiences to follow.

Fie sighed heavily, stub b in g o u t .his M ahaba C igarillo in his H erm ia Boyd te rra ­ cotta ashtray.

H e moved swiftly to a free-standing easel, m ou n ted a fresh canvas and deftly m ixed a sm all a m o u n t of turquoise pigm ent w ith a dash of Sepia, and started.

D ear F ifteen and Very A ttractive, In reply to your letter o f the first, inst. / w ould advise you to fill out the enclosed m ail order fo rm and return same w ith the sum. of fo u r guineas (postal n o te / m oney order/ c h eq u e / L an Choo Tea Packet Tops) to the above address.

In return you w ill receive post-free one seven inch disc, ‘‘J o h n n y ’s C.rentest H its", and one twelve inch I. P., “R ondo A La T u r k e ”. / w ould suggest on receipt o f these that both recordings be played sim ultaneously, at a volum e o f no less than ten decibles. R e ­ peat the process every two hours, and at the end of the third day you w ill have your answer.

Yours, T he next letter lie opened contained a n o th e r b in n in g problem . He looked at the signature.

It had been w ritten by a B uddhist Monk.

—GEOFF FITZPATRICK.

O f tube

Heroism at the one remove

T ON CE w rote a poem . W h e th e r it was any good or not, I don t * know — n o t th a t the critics w o u ld n ’t tell me. B ut th e ir views were confused. Besides, I really preferred those critics w ho h a d been fond of th e ir fathers, and such critics were h a rd to find. My poem was in praise of rockets, of those brave m en w ho circum scribe the e arth in satellites. Surprisingly, since I h a d used no religious reference, my poem was q u ite a success. Fam e was m ine. So m uch so, th a t I received a le tte r from a well-know n governm ent. T h ey w ished to h o n o u r me, and invited m e to ride in the n e x t satellite to be launched.

N orm ally, w ith a proposition of this n a tu re , it w ould have pleased me to have quietly refused, o r to act as tho u g h I h a d n o t received it. How ever, m ost u n fo rtu n ately , this g overnm ent’s offer was featured in the newspapers; I was expected to back u p my poem . As ever, the expectations of the p u b lic were on the side of action. Privately, I foresaw myself, sitting in the satellite. A t th e crucial m om ent, I pulled the w rong lever by m istake. I b u rn t to d e ath , flaring across the h e ad ­ lines. A lternatively, I veered o u t in to space — to a lonely and hu n g ry oblivion. O f course, there was a chance th a t I m ight re tu rn . B ut th en I did not consider this seriously.

Supposing 1 did reach solid gro u n d again? T h e p u b lic w ould expect me to w rite m ore poem s a b o u t Space. B ut frankly, I d id n 't th in k I had it in me. My original poem was a b o u t flies on a w ater-w heel.

I altered things a little because I knew very well th a t rockets were m ore acceptable. T h e re are still flies and even a few water-w heels, b u t no one is interested in such things now. I could, of course, have escaped in to illness. Poets have justified th e ir lives, a n d even m ade themselves endearing, by the rig h t a m o u n t of physical excuse.

B ut the in vitation rem ained. I accepted. Inevitably, th ere were delays. I t was h in te d th a t the technical e q u ip m e n t of this p a rticu la r governm ent was not very reliable. Several craft, of th e type th a t was to carry m e, had proved dangerous. B ut im provem ents were being m ade. In the m eantim e, m y fam e was grow ing. So m uch so, th a t I was elected to the panel of judges of a beauty-contest.

It was d u rin g this contest th a t ray constant anxiety ab o u t the forth-com ing flight was tem porarily allayed by a curious incident. I became in fatu ate d w ith one of th e contestants. I passed strange nights w ith h eated dream s. A lternately, th e stream ing red h a ir of this b e au tifu l a p p aritio n tu rn ed in to flames, a n d back again. T h e re were rivers of flowers, showers of sparks. I clasped h e r in m y arm s, and d rifte d th ro u g h the stars, gasping for air.

E ventually, the w hole th in g cam e to e arth . B ehind closed doors,

a com m ittee of my fellow judges urged me to re strain t. I t appeared th a t various leagues, com posed of m others, idealists a n d o th er vicarious people, were w atching m e inten tly . My im p en d in g flight, and possible sacrifice, m ig h t n o t be p u re . Besides, several of m y fellow judges were, in relatio n to th e contestants, also verging on personal problem s. C aution was strongly urged all ro u n d .

Also, on the follow ing day, w hen th e contestants h a d to speak for

a short story by Noel Macainsh

the first tim e, I discovered th a t this celestial creatu re of m y dream s was a shrew. Several propositions th a t I p u t to h e r were p rom ptly rejected. Obviously, she saw no fu tu re in m e. I was disappointed.

Yet, on descending from these clouds, I fo u n d th a t, in the h e ig h t of my passion, I h a d w ritten a poem to her. N ot bad a t all! I altered it a little, to ap p ear as a celebration of m y fu tu re ascent in the rocket. X w ould use it later, w hen I reached e arth again, o r p erhaps broadcast it to the w orld, from orb it. I t was called, "U p! U p!" r P H E day of laun ch in g drew near. I now h a d an office to h andle advertising propositions. T hese were grow ing m ore every day.

Practically all industries were represented. My face em erged from am ong the celebrities featu red on bottles a n d packages in th e su p er­ m arkets. How ever, this constant p h o to g rap h in g in various poses weighed upon me. I was forced to em ploy a stand-in. T h e flash-lights affected my eyes. So m uch so, th a t the occulist prescribed glasses, w hich detracted from m y public im age. T h e m yth of the hero did n o t allow for glasses.

My stand-in was a god send. H e looked exactly like m e, a n d was perfectly w illing to pose in every a ttitu d e . H e h a d n o lite rary fame, such as I had, and was p athetically anxious to shine. A t the same tim e, h e was pathologically self-conscious. H is fear of failu re was so g reat th a t he w ould risk no action on his own behalf. O nly if a p p ea rin g to the w orld as me w ere his in to le rab le in h ib itio n s removed. H is repressed and exhibitionistic self th en shone w ith the force of several suns. A t breakfast, he w ould pose w ith dozens of p ro p rietary foods in tu rn , su rro u n d ed by p h o to g rap h e rs, a n d changing his clothes continuously. H e w ould smoke a n d d rin k w ith o u t end, new b ran d s all the tim e. H is day was a w hirl — sw im m ing, bow ling driving, dancing, leaning over b eau tifu l w om en. A m ost varied intercourse! H is life was perfect.

A t the same tim e, som ething came over m e as well. Somehow, my own life h a d im proved. M ost m ornings, I w ould lie h a p p ily in bed till m idday, reading lite rary reviews in w hich very perceptive people were constantly discovering new d ep th s in m y poem on Space.

I lea rn t a good deal from these reviews. I assem bled the p oints they m ade in to a list. I th en arranged the sentences in to the shape of the nose-cone of a rocket. A t this stage, I passed the w hole th in g over to a dying scholar w ho translated the vertical sentences in to Japanese and Chinese (Form osan). T h e rest of the words w ere tran slated or otherw ise, in to various w orld-languages, on the basis of p o p u latio n .

It was a universal poem . I t m ig h t seem m eaningless a t first. B ut subsequent scholarship w ould u n d o u b ted ly p robe to the pro fo u n d observations it contained. In the literary stock-m arket m y shares were b o und to rise. T h e bear w ould yield to the bull.

I m ig h t add th a t o u t of g ra titu d e I b o u g h t an expensive car for this old scholar. I t was secondhand b u t indistin g u ish ab le from new.

It was a g reat com fort to him in his last days to be d riven through the town, w ith som ething of the prestige to w hich he h a d always felt entitled.

C o n ten tm en t grew. My stand-in was happy, living to th e full his role as me. I was happy, living a full life w ith o u t g e ttin g tired. O nly one problem rem ained. Even th at, I felt, was n o t insuperable.

Several tim es, the d ate for m y lau n ch in g was deferred. T echnical failures. I t was on one of these occasions th a t m y stand-in broke dow n. T o him , the prospective end of his u n in h ib ite d life as me

was m ore th an he could face. H e begged m e to let o u r arran g em en t continue, to let him rid e in the rocket, even a t th e peril of his life— w hich he felt was m y life, anyhow. It was h eart-ren d in g . I felt th a t to refuse him m ig h t be fatal or, a t a m inim um , provoke a severe m ental disorder. I certainly d id n o t w ant to d o this.

W e drew u p a business-like arrangem ent. In the event of his re tu rn to e a rth , he w ould need m y poems. So I sold him "U p! U p!’’, to gether w ith the second one, w hich I h a d called “H om o Celestia” Also, I sold him the advertising-business. A ll-in-all, these transactions came to a very tidy am ount. H e was very fo rtu n ate in this, since he was able to liq u id a te large h e red ita ry assets. A pparently, w ealth h a d been a c o n trib u tin g factor to his p ecu liar inhibitions.

For my p a rt, o u r arran g em en t m eant rem oval. T h is, how ever, was no h a rd sh ip as I now fo und th a t m y lite rary interests h a d changed.

W ith the aid of geographical and to u rist info rm atio n , a n d a worldsurvey of incom e-tax, I located a very pleasant area in South Am erica.

It really app eared th a t everyone th ere was contented. Progress was a long way off. N or d id they believe in extrad itio n .

W e shook hands, a n d looked each o th e r in the eyes. It was a strange look. P erhaps each was n o t certain w here his life lay. O ver­ come w ith em otion, I p u t m y arm s ab o u t h im and wished him everything well. H e th an k ed me deeply.

C E V E R A L m onths elapsed since th a t partin g . T h e final launching was again delayed. B ut technical im provem ents were in han d .

In the m eantim e, I was by no m eans idle. O u t of a q u ite n a tu ra j a n d very pow erful curiosity a b o u t the fu tu re, I felt constrained to revive m y studies on planetary-influences. A fter the m an n e r of R egiom ontanus, I set u p a H o rary Figure. Previously, I h a d let these studies lapse, on m oral grounds, since I was told th a t those who practise d ivination to excess (and the im pulse is difficult to restrain) are grad u ally deprived of all self-reliance. M orally, it is a p p are n tly better to travel blindly — even tho u g h a large p a r t of o u r life m ust involve divination. W ho of us, be it from his broker o r the w eather, has n o t suffered from a forecast?

How ever, I was tem pted — a n d astounded to find th a t for one of the announced dates, the M oon and Venus were in square to H erschel, lord of the n in th . Also, M ars was h astening to th e opposition, and a very tem pestuous voyage was indicated. N ot only th a t, b u t according to Ptolem y (A shm and's translation, 67th a n d 68th A phorism s) it was p lain th a t the years of the native were dim inished by the im becility of th e receiver, i.e., a m atu tin e malefic clearly signified an accident.

H orrified, I re tu rn e d to m y studies of Spanish. Vide, que voy a hacer! Q ue voy a hacer! Yet, u n d e rn ea th , I was w orried. I t was the problem of identity. W ould I be affected if he should die? I rem em ­ bered from my childhood studies in B uddhism th a t u n d e rn e a th the surface of o u r ephem eral personalities we are all identical. T h e differences are not real. I h a d been very affected by this doctrine, since so m any people believed it.

B ut I w anted to experim ent, so I sat still and w aited for the feelings of my d istan t friend to come th ro u g h to me, from u n d e rn ea th , o r behind, o r from w hatever indefinable source. A t bottom , we are all the same. At bottom . I felt a slight pressure b u t n o th in g definite.

Besides, I realised th a t this p rocedure involved a very naive in te r­ p re ta tio n o n m y p a rt.

How w ould I sort o u t his influence from the rest of m ankind?

D id I really w ant to be connected w ith the various personal experiences th at, doubtless, were occurring a ro u n d the globe a t th a t very instant?

T h e orgasms, yes. B ut, the pious aspirations, the tensions, feuds ravings, vom itings, itchings? I becam e discreet again - ju st in tim e to read th ro u g h the veil of a Spanish new spaper th a t the rocket h a d gone u p and landed safely. Vida, que voy a hacer!

How ever, n o t till late r, alongside the soda bottle, did I p e n etrate fu rth e r and find th a t th e rocket h a d m ade a h a lf-o rb it only. I t h a d landed in the sea, off the coast of Russia, a n d was now im pounded.

B ut th e R ussians were very decent. Patronisingly, they w ere m aking a great fuss of the short-flighted hero. As a gesture of in te rn atio n al co-existence, they proposed to e x p o rt a R ussian poet in the same way.

All this m ust have been too m uch for my friend. A pparently, he wa® seduced by the acclam ation of speeches he could n o t understan d , and d elighted to find th a t his p ictu re was now a p p ea rin g in a w hole new series of superm arkets, n o t to m ention the countless R ussian literary jo u rn als th a t were devoting e n tire issues to his h o n o u r T hese jo u rn als were unanim ous, as if the num erous editors w ere b u t one m an.

A m bitious poets were m oving in swiftly, w ritin g poem s to him The a u th o ris e s h a d exam ined the rocket a n d found n o th in g offensive.

N ihil obstatl Except th a t my poem s, "H om o Celestia” a n d “U p 1 U p" were now in the h an d s of th e linguists. "U p! U p!’’ was soon translated and hailed as a g reat success. I h a d long ago lost the original copy and was very pleased to fill in a m orn in g a t the Consulado adm iring the Spanish version of the R ussian. R eally, it was beginning to show the anonym ous perfection of collective creation. I felt a new respect for the a u th o r w ho h a d started it all — he too was becom ing a collective creation. A nd from the first h esitan t tran slatio n s of "H om o Celestia , from the scholarly hypotheses, th e deep en in g im p o rt of each successive revelation, I knew th a t I h a d started, like Snorri Sturluson, a new bran ch of lite rary enquiry. H ere was a fresh field

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whrom a i y h L diSSerttf 0n V, My ^ a n d C0 urUe,Pa rt ^ Russia, from w hom I have not heard to this day, was, on these m atters a n d as suited the scholars, agreeably dum b. , A11. w hich, as you m ay well u n d e rstan d , has given m e m uch to th in k a b o u t O n the one h a n d , I am a successful a n d busy personality in Russia. O n the o th er, I lead a very leisurely life of retirem ent. I have fam e, yet my friends like m e for myself. T h is is a state n o t often attained.

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Seen trees. W atch th e ir eyes, the Kneesdon C hem ical Co. glow w hen you p lu g it in and 1 Consists: plastic hose tru n k , 1 it springs in to shape. W a tc h ' branches of plastic foam w ound < them glow if they stan d too W e crept a ro u n d th e steel on coat-hanger w ire, sprayed i n e ar it. w ith shredded plastic lu n c h j foundry a n d gath ered u p all Glows in the dark. Glows in ‘ bags and sprinkled w ith g ro u n d ­ •the spun road m etal. T h e n we th e day-tim e. Plug all o f the H sihconised it, electrified it, and u p W eeties packet toys. household appliances in to it. 1 C o u ld n ’t be m ore plastic.^ sprayed it o nto a tin tem plate Good for h anging plastic pre- H snaped like a tall triangle. D o n ’t 4t T ak e colour-slides by th e lig h t, of it. sents on. G ood for erecting in i ;be satisfied w ith the real thing H elp save the green-belt. A skl plastic houses. In ju st thirty- Accept only im itations. W ill for genuine imitations today. d e lig h t fibre-glass kiddies. six years i t ’lf pay for itself.

C W E P T before F ebruary’s dry W esterlies, the grass fire raced ^ dow n th e H u n te r Valley. T h e heavy sm oke p a ll carried over N ewcastle, m ingling w ith the su lp h u ro u s sm og, and gently the thousands in h a b itin g the industrial city gave them selves u p to history’s greatest narcotic orgy . . .

A d elightful fantasy. W ith m edical and Social a u th o ritie s the w orld over speculating th a t m ariju an a could be a m uch m ore pleasing a n d less d am aging social d ru g th an alcohol comes the news th a t a forty m ile fro n t of ra n k grow th of the p la n t is m arching relentlessly dow n th e banks of the H u n te r. F or th e first tim e the w ild grow th of th e p la n t in A ustralia has received extensive p u b li­ city. P erhaps th is is the big b reak th ro u g h . C ertainly it w ill be very h a rd to suppress th e use of “p o t” in New South W ales after this, tho u g h no d o u b t some savage sentences w ill be han d ed out to a few takers of the d ru g before any change in the legal position comes about.

A lthough alm ost unknow n in E urope u n til the m iddle of the nin ete en th century, th e history of th e d ru g is very long in Asia.

Dr. R. S. de R opp, in his book “D rugs and the M in d ” says th is of the background: "N o rm an T aylor, in a vivid account of the p la n t’s rom antic story, describes it as being well know n to the Chinese E m p ero r Shen Neng, whose work on p h arm acy was w ritte n in th e year 2737 B.C. A n a u ra of suspicion h u n g even th en a b o u t th e p la n t, for th a t w hich gave easy happiness was, th en as now, an objest o r d isap ­ proval. T h e active p re p ara tio n from the p la n t was therefore labelled L iberator of Sin. L ater a m ore in d u lg e n t generation of Chinese sages called it T h e D elig h t Giver, w hile the to le ran t H in d u s term ed it T h e H eavenly G uide and T h e Soother o f Grief.

T h e tak in g of " b h a n g ”, “h asheesh" o r "m a riju a n a ” has con­ tin u ed th ro u g h th e centuries d espite the disapproval of m any priesthoods and governm ents. It has in various places in various

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tim es been legal a n d illegal, encouraged a n d suppressed. Dogooders w ith m ore regard for social o rd e r th a n for tru th have spread th e id ea th a t it is addicting (it is not) th a t it is an a p h ro ­ disiac (it is not), th a t taking it is some m ysterious way to a p re lu d e to taking cocaine and opium , drugs in com pletely d iffere n t classes to each o th e r as well as to m ariju an a itself, th a t it is in ju rio u s to the h e a lth (it is less so th a n alcohol) a n d to th e "c h ara cte r”. T h e p u rita n always believes th a t happiness is in ju rio u s to the character.

B u t th e p la n t is h a rd y a n d a d ap tab le , and th e p re p a ra tio n of the active d ru g is easy, so the custom has proved im possible to stam p out.

T h e sim plest way in w hich m ariju an a is p re p are d and taken is m erely by drying the- flow ering tops of th e fem ale bloom s (which rip en aro u n d F ebruary in th e A ustralian clim ate) a n d sm oking them preferably on an em pty stom ach to get th e full effect. M ore colourful and exotic ways include th e m a n n e r in w hich the “ charas” of C entral Asia is gath ered by lab o u re rs w earing lea th e r ap ro n s ru n n in g th ro u g h fields of the bloom ing p la n t. T h e reSinous m aterial con tain in g th e active d ru g collects on th e ap ro n , a n d is scraped off a n d pressed in to green cakes w hich are one of the m ost concentrated form s of the d ru g known.

W e can well w onder in w h at form th e H u n te r ’s newest crop could best be offered to th e dom estic a n d ex p o rt m arkets. P erhaps it could be scraped off the uniform s of th e arm ed police rep o rted to be p a tro llin g the fields; a n d th u s be associated w ith th a t stern figure w ho every day comes closer to rep resen tin g th e A ustralian im age a t hom e a n d a broad. B ut a t this p o in t th e w ould-be in h aler, o r in te n d in g “v ip e r” should be cautioned n o t to expect too m uch.

A considerable body of m edical o p inion h a s it th a t the “d ru g ” has n o effect w hatever, th e tak er m erely experiencing w h at h e e x p e a s to feel.

— D E R M O T T H . FORD.

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