OZ magazine, Sydney, no.18

Australian International

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Off to a barn dance in Bourke? A wedding in Walgett? A dinner date at Dapto? . . . You’ve got nothing to wear? Quick, clip out this coupon and send us your measurements. Be firs t to take advantage of this unique service to OZ readers— and be second (since Cinderella) to enjoy the luxury of being the best-dressed belle (or boy) at the ball with so little effort.

Besides, we guarantee not to change you into a pumpkin.

PLEASE INDICATE THE TYPE OF FORMAL WEAR YOU WISH, mND ENCLOSE A CHEQUE, MONEY ORDER OR POSTAL NOTE TO COVER THE DEPOSIT AND HIRING COST (DEPOSIT WILL BE RETURNED) TUXEDO: Hiring cost, £2; Deposit, £5; Postage, 6 /- ; TOTAL, £ 7 /6 /DUfNER SUIT: H iring cost, £3; Deposit, £5; Postage, 6 /- ; TOTAL, £ 8 /6 /- .

DINNER SUIT AND TUXEDO ACCESSORIES: Shirt, 1 0 / extra; Tie, 5 /- extra; Gloves, 5 / - extra; Dress Jewellery, 5 /- extra.

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DRESS SUIT: H iring cost, £ 5 / 5 / - ; Deposit, £5; Postage, 6 /-; TOTAL, £ 1 0 /1 1 /-.

H iring cost includes: Dress Shirt and Collar, white Vest, Studs and Cuff links, white Gloves and white Tie. (Please state collar size of shirt.)

LOUNGE SUIT: Hiring cost, £3; Deposit, £5; Postage, 6 /-; TOTAL, £ 8 /6 /- .

And for the Fair Sex: Debutante Gown from £8— £10 dep.

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Fur Stoles from £ 2 / 2 / - — £5 dep.

(Follow these directions , CHEST Round chest high under a rm s and over sho ul­ der blades.

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26-28 MARKET LANE, MELBOURNE (o ff B ourke Street, o p p .

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Goldwaters Run Deep Some tim e in the m id d le o f A p r il a n e w m agazine w ill app ear on the new s-stands, "A u s tra lia n In te rn a tio n a l NEWS REVIEW," p rice d at 2 /- . A lre a d y a d u m m y copy has been sent o u t to a d v e rtis in g agencies, consisting o f a "S ta te m e n t o f P o licy" and sam ple s to ry headings. In th is scoop p re v ie w , OZ reproduces b e lo w the cover, Statem ent o f P olicy and h e a dings contained in the p ilo t issue o f "N e w s R e vie w ".

The first issue will be 40,000 but an ultimate circulation o f 60,000 is expected.

The M anaging D irector is Mr. H. J. Fisher, w ho is connected with the Rotary and Lions Club.

Backwards, Christian Soldiers N ew to n ’s T h ird L aw tells us th a t fo r every action th eir is an equal a n d o p p o ­ site reaction. T h a t w as Isaac N ew to n , o f course, n o t M ax N ew ton (ex -ed ito r o f “T h e A u stra lia n ”), w h o m ight have ru e ­ fully ad d e d th a t in A u stralia every action is m et full face by a rea c tio n o f d o u b le strength.

“T h e A u stra lia n ” began p u b licatio n as the only big circu latio n n ew sp ap er in this c o u n try w ith even vaguely L eftish tendencies. A p p aren tly , as is now k now n, the ad v ertisers w ere ab le to ex ert enough pressure ag ain st such a p olicy to have M ax ax ed a n d replaced as e d ito r by a gentlem an o f m o re su b d u ed views. T h e policy has subseq uen tly m oved, a c c o m ­ m o d atin g ly enough , several degrees to the R ight.

A nd now , w hen th ere is som e stirrin g o f the forces p ro p o sin g such basic civil liberties as less severe cen so rsh ip and racial eq u ality , we a re a b o u t to have th e “ N atio n al R eview ” .

O f course, the pity is th a t, w ith the decline in q u ality o f “T h e B ulletin” , th ere is a crying need in A u stra lia fo r a g o o d q u ality new s R eview m agazine a n d if “ N .R .” can supply th is it will do very brisk business, w h atev er people th in k o f its policies.

T h e exerpts rep ro d u c e d here fro m th eir d u m m y issue ind icate clearly w hat these policies are. T h e w ords “ F ascist” a n d “ N a z i” a re sm ear-w o rd s m o re often ab u sed th an co rrectly d irected these days; but if a n y policy d eserved such a d e ­ scription this is it, w ith its carefu l blend o f n a tio n al jingoism a n d A nglo-S axon racialism .

W ill it sell? N o n e in his rig h t m in d w ould join the A u stra lia n N azi P a rty b u t we m ay well fin d th a t N azism as a w ay o f th in k in g is fast becom ing a p o p u la r A u stralian Dastime.

The follow in g is an extract from a letter by the Editor, T. M . Ulyatt: “N ew s R eview ” is designed to give private enterprise a “voice” that can be heard and understood by every thinking Australian — M an and w om an.

A s you know , a constant demand for higher wages in our already inflated econom y and intim idation o f Labour

by C om m unist controlled organisations has now reached an extrem ely danger­ ous state. A s witness, M t Isa. W ho is to blame? In my view , pri­ vate enterprise generally must bear m ost o f the blame. In the face o f an organised and consorted attack upon us we have done absolutely nothing to defend ourselves, so now we must make a stand or watch our econom y erode aw ay.

I am asking you to back us in the com m on fight; to give us your adver­ tising support so that we can speak up for our free enterprise system and the inalienable rights o f the Australian people.

STATEMENT OF POLICY A u stra lia n In te rn a tio n a l NEWS RE­ VIEW is an e n tire ly n e w and in d e ­ p e n d e n t new s m agazine d e sig n e d to appeal to the greatest n u m b e r o f readers in e v e ry section o f th e com-

GOOD READING:

Strict Censorship ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ N e e d e d

THE COMMONWEALTH:

Let Us Be Exclusive The British are as much a distinct race as the French and Germans. They are spread everywhere, but mostly in the U.K., Australia, Canada and New ___ ________ Zealand as a family.

FAM ILY AND HOME:

By John Brown

Xime to Attack Moral Decay I PAPUA/NEW GUINEA:

Danger of Little Dictators Untrained power-hungry Guineans could pave the way for Indonesian takeover.

We must protect this investment._________ _ _ ____________

m u n ity , w ith p a rtic u la r em phasis on the fa m ily .

N e w s R e vie w is a m agazine o f ou r tim es, sp e a kin g o p e n ly , p la in ly , and to the p o in t on e v e ry v ita l m atter a ffe c tin g the w e lfa re o f o u r N ation and people. Bold, liv e ly and im a g in a tive it presents the new s b e h in d the news — s iftin g fa ct fro m fic tio n to reach the tru th , th a t A u stra lians m ay p ro ­ p e rly assess the p a tte rn o f events that are n o w sh aping th e ir destiny.

N e w s R e vie w is not c o n fin e d to new s analysis. The firs t and fo rth c o m ­ ing e d itio n s cover m any topics such as a g ric u ltu re , e ducation, re lig io n , fa m ily and hom e, business, m edicine, science, art, e n te rta in m e n t, music, books, ra d io , TV, sport, n e w cars, m o to r racing, and a host o f o th e r fe a ­ tures o f w id e re ader appeal.

Jo u rn a lists and w rite rs w ith names w e ll k n o w n to the p u b lic are am ong N e w s R e vie w co n trib u to rs.

The P ublishers, in co m m ending this n e w m edia to th e a tte n tio n o f advertisers, agencies and account e x­ ecutives, desire to m ake e d ito ria l p o lic y o f N e w s R eview q u ite clear.

N e w s R eview , a lth o ugh w h o lly in ­ d e p e n d e n t, fu lly supports the policies o f the present Federal G o vernm ent, and is d e d ica te d to th e p rin c ip le that o n ly w ith in the present system o f fre e e n te rp ris e can A u stra lia d e v e lo p her massive p o te n tia l to ensure p ro sp e rity fo r all.

N e w s R eview supports responsible trades u n io n ism , b u t rejects the use o f b la ckm a il and in tim id a tio n as a w e a p o n w ith w h ic h to circum ven t a rb itra tio n .

N e w s R eview is o p e n ly hostile to C o m m u n ism , subversion and extrem eism o f any kin d .

N e w s R eview supports severely re­ stricte d im m ig ra tio n to p re v e n t the d e v e lo p m e n t o f a co lo u r p ro b le m and its consequent d a n g e r to A ustralia.

N e w s R e vie w is u tte rly opposed to the present mass e x p lo ita tio n o f the sex th e m e and the im petus it gives to increasing m o ra l d e lin q u e n cy th ro u g h o u t the C o m m on w ealth .

In b rie f, N e w s R e view holds firm to the h ig h e st tra d itio n s o f tru th and m o ra lity ; in the in a lie n a b le rig h ts and p riv ile g e s o f the in d iv id u a l and in the a u th o rity o f g o v e rn m e n t elected b y the p eople.

is p ro b a b ly th e pick o f th e 5 ’o'clock show s.

1 tu rn th e set off strictly a t 6.30 a n d read until it's tim e fo r “Q u iet T im e ” at 10.30 w ith B ishop G o o d w in H udson.

C o m in g a ttra c tio n s include: Eric B utler's stim ulatin g an d , needless to say, factu al lo o k a t T he Jewish Problem; N o rm a n B anks looks a t South Africa (yes, a g ain ); Bill W e n tw o rth ’s interesting reg u lar fe atu re W hat went wrong in Australia this m onth and how the C om ­ munists caused it.

N ew s R eview 's Australian o f the Year: the R IN SO M A N IN W HITE.

AH About OZ EDITO RS: Richard Richard Walsh.

N eville,

ASSISTANT EDITOR: Dean Letcher.

SECRETARY: Marsha Rowe.

A s the p olicy o f ‘N e w s R e view ' is o ffe n siv e ly backw a rd , its s ta ff o f c o n ­ trib u to rs w ith na m es “w ell k n o w n to the p u b lic ” m u s t consist o f those fa tu o u s A u s ­ tralian reactionaries w ho are a lw a ys w illing to ta ke pen a n d p reju d ice in h a n d to aid a G o o d C ause.

F o r exam ple, w e can fo re se e such scin tilla tin g g e m s as: M O T O R IN G

by H u g h {H o t-ro d ) G o u g h T h e N ew H olden: A H o ly A ustralian vehicle.

T h e g o o d d istrib u to rs allow ed My G ra c e to test th eir d elig h tfu l new c o n v ey ­ an ce in the spacious g ro u n d s o f Bishopsco u rt. First blessing: H olden is a m odel o f cleanliness, n ext it’s A u stralian . D uring m y test I discovered th a t the high speed indicated on the sp eed o m eter w as q u ite fast but the c a r could be b ro u g h t to a halt, G o d willing. *

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F O R E IG N A F F A IR S by o u r guest, the M a y o r o f M o ree A labam a: L e t’s d ro p th e w hite m an 's burden.

A llright Jo h n so n . N o m ore bucknigger passing. H ow com e y o u 're alw ays sending c o m m y rat tro o p s dow n south to w et-nurse the blacks w hen, M r. P resident.

Y O U R O W N H O U S E IS W H I T E ? ? ?

A nyw ay, N ew s R eview ’s read ers (ain 't this m ag long overdue?) Bull C o n n e r cab le d m e an d to ld m e th a t if Jo h n so n ever pokes his sn o tty noes into A la b a m a 's segregated m ain street then h e'd get his h ead blow n off like we all know w ho . . . *

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G O O D R E A D IN G b y E. L . D earne (P resident N a tio n a l L eague o f D ecen cy) Sydney T elephone Directory: Dial P. fo r P o rn o g rap h y .

A t first suspicious glance th e D irecto ry seem s harm less enough. But look at page 403! A M r M. Furkert, G re e n k n o w e Ave.

P o tts P oint, raises his ugly telephone n u m b e r right in th ere am o ng st a F uoco (W en tw o rth v ille) an d five Fuchs (p. 402).

A nd if th a t’s n o t en ough to ensu re a successful p ro secu tio n ag ain st the P .M .G . (even in this d ecad en t Post L evinian age) look a t these o th e r sm ut-nam es: Page 865, Shituhin o f K ogerah: 3 co lu m n s o f C o x ' (p. 269), page 866, Pricket (R o se ­ ville) an d th e re ’s a Prikulis right on to p o f Prime M inister’s Department! Last b u t n o t least a re tw o T ite’s (O yster Bay. C oogee) an d a Bugeya lurk in g at M aro u b ra.

N e x t w eek ‘N e w s R ev iew ' lo o ks at the P ink ( D ic tio n a r y : “Pale re d ” ) Pages . . . are y o u listening w harfies a n d U n i­ versities ? ? ? ? ? *

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O F F -B E A T b y a to p S ecret S ta f f R ep o rter All this poppycock a b o u t academ ic freed o m a n d w eak willed to leran ce fo r U niversity students! R em em b er lecturer in so-called E conom ics, Ken Buckley, w ho p erp etrated th a t co m m u n ist, h o m o ­ sexual fro n t "Civil L iberties"? W ell, listen to this: H e w as just picked up fo r O F F E N S IV E B E H A V IO U R . T h e case isn 't o v er yet so I w o n 't p reju d ice it. But I can tell you som e yarns a b o u t th a t c o rd u ro y , long h a ire d , in tellectu al, A sianfo n d lin g . . . *

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T EL E V ISIO N Keep the tubes clean N o t m uch to rep o rt these days, folks.

I still th in k th e A B C 's C h ild ren Session

A R T D IR EC TO R : M a r t i n Sharp.

ARTISTS: Gary Shead, Peter Kingston. Mike Glasheen.

• OZ is an independent magazine. I t is p u b lish ed by OZ P ublications In k L im ite d , 16 H u n te r Street, Sydney.

B W 4 1 9 7 , X M 1448 (after hours).

• OZ is an in d ep en d en t magazine. It is p u b lish ed by OZ P ublications In k L im ite d , 16 H u n te r Street, Sydney.

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• OZ should appear on the first of every m o n th , b u t is usually late. In Sydney, OZ is available fro m streetcorner vendors and larger city news­ agents.

Collins Book D epot dis­ tributes OZ in M elbourne; Cheshire's sells OZ in Canberra. In A delaide, OZ available fro m M ary M a rtin ’s B ookshop or fro m John W aters, St. M ark’s College. Jack’s Central Newsagency, T h e R ecord M arket and larger newsagents handle OZ in Brisbane.

OZ paid a total of £85 for original contributions to the last issue.

Why don’t YOU write for OZ?

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MTTFI W Y S U 1 38 W A2U6 TDW D A R W I N A U S T R A L I A 20 12 955P

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PRESIDENT SUKARNO THE PEOPLES PALACE DJAKARTA INDO NESIA SPORT AFTERNOON EVERY WED STOP NO ONE WATCHES RADAR SEE YOU CAROLINE

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U 7 CAROL

A Sydney doctor answers the seven most frequently asked questions on this vital subject.

1. Who needs it?

D e s p ite all th e p r o p a g a n d a , th e P ill is p r o b a b ly c o m p le te ly u se le ss fo r m a r rie d w o m e n , w h o a re u s u a lly b a tt­ lin g to c o n c e iv e a n y w a y . I t is fo r th e s p in s te r w h o h a p p e n s to b e a n o p ti­ m ist; f o r th e y o u n g s te r w h o is e x ­ p e c ta n t b u t d o e s n ’t w a n t to b e e x p e c t­ in g . S ta r t a c o u rs e to d a y — y o u n e v e r k n o w w h e n y o u ’ll b e lu c k y e n o u g h to n e e d it.

M e n , d o y o u h a v e a s e c re t d e sire to b e h ir s u te ? T h e P ill c a n ta k e th a t w o rry rig h t o ff y o u r c h e st.

2. Where do I put it?

W o m e n , se le c t th e a p e r tu r e o f y o u r c h o ic e a n d in s e rt.

M e n , y o u r c h o ic e is n o t so w id e b u t m a k e th e m o s t o f it.

3. How do I take them?

D o n ’t b e u n im a g in a tiv e a b o u t th is: • s p r in k le th e m o n y o u r b re a k f a s t c e re a ls (re g u la rity is a b y w o rd in th e Pill b iz).

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THE PILL AND YOU • c ru s h th e m u p a n d s p r e a d th e m o v e r y o u r p e a n u t b u tte r sa n d w ic h e s . © d is so lv e th e m in B o n o x . T h e r e ’s n o th in g lik e a h o t th e r m o s o f o ra ls to g iv e y o u th a t m id d a y lift.

How many should I take?

The

C h u rc h

a d v is e s

you

to

have

p a in te r ’s e lb o w , w a s h e rw o m a n ’s knee, w rite r's c ra m p , ric k e tts , th e jim jam s a n d th e b e n d s , all o f w h ic h , in c id e n t­ a lly , th e y c a u se .

N o w o n d e r th e y ’re so g o o d __ y o u ’re so b u sy w o rry in g a b o u t the sid e -e ffe c ts, h o w could y o u con ceiv e?

7. What about my conscience?

If y o u ’ve g o t a c o n s c ie n c e , th e r e ’s o n ly o n e c u re : tr y a little sex. If y o u ’re h a v in g a little sex , y o u ’d b e tte r ta k e th e Pill.

D am n your c o n sc ie n c e !

Your v ic io u s c irc le NEEDS th e P ill.

sc ru p le s . S o d o e s y o u r d o c to r .

O n e h e a p e d s c ru p le -fu l o f o ra ls is e x a c tly w h a t th e d o c to r (D .D . and M .D .) o rd e r e d .

5. Has it any side-effects?

T h e C h u rc h c la im s th e P ill le a d s to s p o n ta n e o u s a b o rtio n . T h is is a m is ­ c o n c e p tio n .

I f y o u s u s p e c t sid e -e ffe c ts, try to d e c id e which sid e is e ffe c te d a n d ta k e re m e d ia l a c tio n .

6. Do orals have any other use?

T h e y m a k e v e ry u se fu l p o k e r c h ip s and c o n v e rs a tio n a l p ie c e s.

S m a ll c h ild re n c a n c h o k e o n th e m .

T hey a re a ls o e ffe c tiv e a g a in s t

j The Sydney H ening Herald. Wed., March 10. 1965

THE

U'L ABNER—

By Al Capp

AUSTRALIAN

W EDNESDAY

MARCH

10 1965

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T H E L IT T L E B U G G E R ,'T

C aption C ook as seen overlooking College Street from

H yde Park,

S ydney

A ccording to a recent “N A T IO N ” (M arch 6) no less than four out o f seven issues o f the new Am erican magazine “ F A C T ” have been banned by the Customs D ept. N o t be­ cause they are sexy or naughty but because they hit at sacred institutions. T he latest issue to receive the censorious axe features an article on “ C oca-C ola”. Although not agreeing with the author’s rather over-stated case, we publish below a condensed version to give readers som e idea o f what they are missing out on.

Coca-Cola is the best-known and most widely distributed commercial product in the world. Just in the United States alone.

40.000,000 drinks are consumed every day.

A broad, the Big Daddy of soda pop is made in 129 countries at 1,900 licenced bottling plants — understandably, many foreigners honestly believe that the object held aloft by the Statue of Liberty is a Coca-Cola bottle. But even though every­ one from Adolf Hitler to Richard Nixon has tasted and enjoyed Coca-Cola, even though records show that one baby imbibed Coke before milk and survived and one woman lived into her late 9 0 s after having drunk a Coke a day to r 60 years, there is nonetheless a massive dossier of medical evidence indicating Coca-Cola as one of the most poisonous beverages ever found in a bottle that doesn't bear a skull and crossbones.

Most people probably know that the dental profession has long damned Coke.

Pepsi-Cola, and the hundreds of other cola drinks together, like cigarettes and cancer.

But how many Americans know that an American Medical Association commitee has urged our public schools to ban the sale of Coke and kindred cola drinks? How many Americans know that the leading association of nutritionists, the American Dietetic Association, refuses to run Coke ads in its official journal and forbids CocaCola exhibits at its conventions? O r that Coca-Cola contains caffeine — and because the caffeine is cold, it may be more harmful than the caffeine in coffee? O r that CocaCola has been implicated as a cause of palpitation, insomnia, nausea, vomiting, headache, dizziness, restlessness, anxiety, high blood pressure, delirium, acne, neph ritis. emotional disturbances, and juvenile delinquency? The answer, of course, is very few. but for that m atter very few Americans even know w hat the ingredients of Coke are.

A long time ago. a governm ent chemist.

D r Charles A. Cram pton, testified: “In 1902. while connected with the federal governm ent. I analyzed samples of Coca-

Cola syrup and detected the presence of cocaine ". Later analyses of Coke also dis­ closed that it contained alcohol. An official governm ent study reported that Coke syrup consisted of: Sugar (5 0 % ); phosphoric acid (0.26-0.30%); caffeine (0.92-1.30%); alcohol (0.90-1.27%); caram el, glycerin, lime juice, essential oils and plant extract­ ive; water.

Alcohol has dropped out along with co­ caine, but otherwise the composition has remained the same, and it is the first three ingredients — sugar, phosphoric acid, and particularly caffeine — th at do all the damage. * * * First off among the ingredients is refined sugar. One tenth of every bottle is refined sugar, whch is fine for quick energy and just godawful for your teeth.

T he Coca-Cola Company, as public spirited today as when it fed unsuspecting Americans cocaine and alcohol, even boasts about the refined sugar in its beverage.

But Coke’s ability to rot your teeth doesn’t rest solely on its sugar content. The drink also conains phosphoric acid (0.55% according to the latest studies), which does wonders in helping the job along. Two research teams at Bethesda Naval Medical Research Institute, M aryland, in 1945 and 1949, found that coja beverages “can decal­ cify teeth because of their acidity". Experi­ menting with teeth extracted by dentists, they discovered that when these were immersed in a cola beverage for two days, the enamel surface lost much of its calcium. * » » The Coca-Cola Company is understand­ ably coy about adm itting that its product contains caffeine. A letter from a Fact researcher to M r H arold L. Austin at the com pany's A tlanta headquarters drew the reluctant reply that Coca-Cola does in fact contain caffeine, but “scarcely one-third the caffeine (as) the same volume of tea; or one-fourth that of coffee”.

True, coffee and tea do contain more caffeine than Coca-Cola. But — and it's one o f four im portant buts — everybody knows coffee and tea have caffeine in them; not everybody knows that Coca-Cola con­ tains caffeine because it's not listed on the bottle.

A second im portant but is that whereas people may deliberately limit their con­ sum ption of coffee, knowing it contains caffeine, with Coca-Cola they may let out all stops. Six bottles on a hot day is par for many of today's teenagers, and not only because Coke quenches thirst but because Coca-Cola is habit-forming. When heavy drinkers don't get enough, they lapse into w hat might be called a Coca-Coma. The late John W itherspoon, M.D., professor of medicine at V anderbilt University and a one-time president of the American Medical Association, once said:

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“Young people soon form the habit of taking Coca Cola and take som etimes 8.

10. 15. or 20 drinks a day . . . They really look like m orphine habitues, so far as their efforts to control it are concerned. “/ have treated thirty or forty patients afflicted with the Coca-Cola habit during the lust four or five years. / have had three cases in the hospital that I tried to break off the habit. A s they gave up the habit heir health im proved . . . I regard CocaCola as habit forming; one glass creat'es a dem and fo r another because it stimulates the user and m akes him feel better; then, when its effect wears off, the reaction is one o f depression, and he gets very nervous and seemingly cannot do without it . . .”

A third im portant but is the fact that, as Dr K ildander asserts “D rinking caffeinecontaining beverages on an empty stomach has more effect on a person than if they are taken on a full stom ach”. And people usually drink Coke not with meals but between meals, a practice assiduously encouraged by Coca-Cola advertising ( “The Pause that R efreshes").

The final but is the most im portant of all. It is that there is scientific evidence that the caffeine in Coca-Cola is more potent than the caffeine in either tea or coffee. *

*

and Coca-Cola agreed to make certaifi m inor changes in its m anufacturing pro­ cess — but did not have to eliminate the caffeine.

O ther countries have been no more suc­ cessful in clamping down on Coke. In Europe, the drink has virtually been forced down the throats of its customers. In 1950, the French Parliam ent, convinced that drinking Coke was a health hazard, passed a law banning the sale of Coca-Cola. At the time Coke was also unwelcome in Italy.

T he Belgians, then and now. had a law requiring Coke bottles to carry, in letters larger than the brand name, the warning “contient de la caffeine". Denm ark quietly avoided the' provocation of a legislative ban by taxing cola drinks o u t of existence. In the face of all this resistance to Coca-colonialism, if France had succeeded in out­ lawing the drink the whole European m ar­ ket might have been closed by anti-Coke laws. In France our form er am bassador, David Bruce, donned his striped trousers

*

This is because the action of caffeine is opposed by milk and by adenine (one of the contents of tea). Also the colder the beverage, the greater the effect of caffeine. * * * Le's review some of the medical findings about caffeine itself.

Caffeine is a stim ulant that, in m oderate doses, increases mental alertness, reduces fatigue, and sustains intellectual effort. In larger doses caffeine really goes to work.

Just four grains of caffeine can produce headaches, a feeling of numbness, indiges­ tion, and constipation and diarrhea (“ HandBook of H um an Engineering D ata for Design Engineers”, Tufts Institute for A pplied Experim ental Psychology, 1949).

There is some evidence, besides, that caf­ feine may cause heart trouble — D r Oglesby Paul and his associates at the University of Illinois discovered that men w ho drink coffee to excess are m ore apt to have heart disease. And it has also been shown that caffeine can cause mutations in laboratory animals (see “The Lancet” , 3/10/63).

G iven all this evidence and inference that Coca-Cola is a menace to health, it may seem odd th at so little gets published on the subject. But it is not so surprising if one knows how much advertising Coke and the other cola companies do — Coke spends upw ard of 40,000,000 dollars a year on advertising. Publishers, along with radio and TV executives, are not inclined to slap the hand that signs the cheques.

D r H arvey W ashington, formerly of the U.S. D epartm ent of Agriculture, succeeded in prodding the governm ent many years ago into seizing a shipment of Coke syrup and prosecuting the company on charges of adulteration and misbranding. The suit (know n as “U nited States vs. Forty Barrels and Twenty Kegs of Coca-Cola”) dragged through the courts for 7 years. The Supreme C ourt finally ruled against the company,

C O N S E R V A T IV E S OF T H E W O R LD O ne o f th e m o re interesting d evelop­ m ents o f last y ear w as the use by R ightw ing an d a-political p ressure groups of techniques tra d itio n a lly em ployed by the L eft. T h e best exam ples w ere the p ro ­ posed “ sit-in ” o f N .S.W . S tate P arliam ent by resolute m em b ers o f the L an d lo rd s' a n d P ro p erty O w n ers' R ights A ssocia­ tion d u rin g a d e b a te on rents, an d the “ p a rk -in ” org an ised by m o to r scooter o w n ers to establish th eir legal rights to use a w hole p ark in g space.

T h e use o f this tech n iq u e could be exten d ed . T h e re c o u ld be a " ru n -in ” o f ath letes w ho object, say, to W en tw o rth P ark being used as a dog track . O r they m ight try a "d riv e -in " o f m otorists p ro ­ testing ag ain st the closing o f parking statio n s at night. M ost likely o f all, no d o u b t, is a "fa ll-in " by m em bers o f the Police C liff R escue S quad protesting ag ain st the w orking co nditions. * * « If an y g ro u p needs to be protected these days, it is the M iddle C lass Satirical Y o u n g er Set. H ere they are, desperately satirisin g m iddle class society by sm ash ­ ing up buses, w aking up the com placent bourgeoisie w ith L ukey m ufflers, tu r n ­ ing staid N o rth S h o re parties into really gas tu rn s, an d w hat does a u th o rity do b u t lock them up? P erhaps a "w rite-in " to n ew spap ers, m ag istrates, and an y b o d y eNe b o red enough to listen w ould help.

F o r those w ho, like G a n d h i, p refer direct a c tio n , a “c ra sh -in ” o f the Police C lub d in n e r m ight bring results.

— CLEM G O R M A N .

1 G re a t H o ly o a k e s fro m |

and went calling on key governm ent officials on behalf of Coke. Public opinion in the United States was aroused. The com pany’s publicity machine cleverly began picturing the French resistance as a Comm unist plot, Coke spokesman James A. Farley, form er U.S. Postmaster G eneral, paid a no-non­ sense call on France's am bassador to the United States, Henri Bonnet. In the com ­ pany's home state, G eorgia, Congressman Eugene Cox went so far as to announce that he and his friends were boycotting French dressing for the duration.

In the end, the French senate vetoed the prohibitive law. Today the Coca-Cola empire virtually embraces the world.

h o ly a c o rn s g r o w - - | a specia l|

|fo r o u r N e w

Z e a la n d readers.

W hatever happened to M alcolm

The leader of one of the lesser sects?

X was axed; his cause is lost — In fact, ex-M alcolm X was double-crossed.

E n ter B U S H to m ed ita te (in a cassock) B U SH : A lack! I am by all a b h o rre st, H ere in low er-class F re n c h ’s F o rest.

T h e y ’ve h e a rd m y voice g ro w thin an d reed ier.

W ith o u t result. So, m ass m edia!

W h ere a rt th o u w ith thy fees so fa t, A cclaim a n d fam e a n d all o f th at?

E n ter M e p h isto p h e le s in the guise o f a M a ts M e d iu m M EPH : Incom e? I com e, oh b u rn in g Bush.

I’ll p ay you to co n d em n th e Push, R o am the beaches, follo w th e “S u n ".

T a p e -re c o rd a n d m ake a to n .

H e p ro d u ces a con tra ct ( g en e ro u s) B U S H : ( su rp rised ) A nd h ere I see a con tra ct! S irrah , I’ll sign right now w ith “ S u n d ay M irro r” A nd tap e-reco rd the su rfie gangs A d m id st m onosyllabic bangs.

L ike P aul I ’ve seen a flash o f light A n d I ’ll p ause n o t in sw iftest flight F ro m m y p o o r p arish in th e sticks (L ik e P aul I long to kick th e p ric k s).

B U S H signs.

M E P H : (aside, to m ass a u d ie n ce .)

B ut now the c leric’s fate is H ell, T his c o n tra c t sells his soul to Zell!

A n d now w e’ll cru sh him on th e rack.

M ak e him talk to C ilia B la c k ; He’ll reveal th e teenage cults A n d a n sw er letters fro m th e dolts.

Bush will cry: “ N o a b e rra tio n s!”

P ro scrib e illegal o p eratio n s, In 96 p o in ts h e ’ll be m o ral O u r sales will so ar; we’ll get th e laurel.

B ecause a p riest c a n ’t be obscene, W e ’ll shove in sex a n d still be clean.

E x it w ith contract, chortling.

V-:V‘v A MY SQM, m i ote i mwmz X

m

fc

(A w eek la ter) B U S H sea ted a t parsonage d esk.

B U S H : (w ritin g w eekly c o lu m n .)

G a s fa b teeners! H o w d y d o o , I ’m th e cleric m a d e fo r you.

I c a n say I h a te R eg in a D escrib e th e p erfe c t teen v ag in a, T ell y o u all a b o u t th e b ust — B ecause, y o u see, I ’m free fro m lu st — E n ter A P R IC O T , solus A P R IC O T :

O h B ush, I ’m fro m th e A .B .C .

W e n eed a ta m e p rie st ( f o r a fee) T o g lo a t u p o n th e su rfie m en ace.

A d v o cates co ld b ath s a n d tennis.

B ring Y o u th to G o d , d e a r R ev., I beg (A n d tak e o u r ratin g s u p a p e g ).

B U S H : (still w ritin g ) H an g five, king b ird a n d h av e a ro rt.

Susie d e a r, p lease d o n ’t a b o rt, Book o f Jo h n , it stokes m e rav e W ax y o u r fin a n d G o d will save.

I'll d o th e show , m y A p ric o t A n d G o d a n d I will m a k e it hot.

A P R IC O T .

N etw o rk T w o will really swing!

BUSH : W ax it grem m ie, gas fa b king!

E x it A p ric o t, solus.

(15 radio show s, 32 c o lu m n s, 8 T V g u est sp o ts a n d 2 co u rt appearances later.)

E n ter B U S H b e fo re his b o o kin gagent's o ffic e .

BUSH : A h sw eet success a n d w h o ’ll dem ur?

B etter th a n fra n k in cen se a n d m y rrh Is k n ow ing th a t I ’m fig h tin g sin By g etting all th e y o u n g fo lk in.

I m ak e relig io n ju st so sim ple, I t ’s o b v io u s as a te e n e r’s p im ple.

Jesus su rfs a n d G o d is love. ( I b et I ’m w ow ing D a d a b o v e ) E n ter M E P H : M EPH : H o ld it, B ush, y o u r c o n tra c t’s ending.

In th e tim e th a t y o u ’ve g o t p ending, R e a d y o u r c o n tra c t, n o te clau se (8 ) A n d see th e re w h at w ill b e y o u r fate. ( B ush reads a n d g ro a n s in d espair) O u r law y ers say th e re ’ll be n o f i g h ts ; W e ow n y o u r so u l — exclusive rights!

Y o u r soul m u st co m e w ith m e below A n d th ere b e lit by H a d e s’ glow .

BUSH : B ut w ait, d e a r M ep h , to life I cling I m u st a p p e a r o n “ S ing, S ing, S in g ” L et m e talk o n E ric B aum e B efore we go to M u rd o c h ’s h om e.

O h M eph! p lease give m e ju st a few M in u tes o n “ I t C o u ld Be Y o u ” .

M EPH : U n h a p p y Bush! Y o u ’ll b u rn to d ay , F o r e rra n t p riests m u st alw ay s pay.

M ass m ed ia need relig io u s tools P erv ertin g d o g m a , gulling fools.

T o o late to ch an g e, to o late to learn , F ie ry B ush, b e d a m n e d a n d b u rn!

(E x e u n t)

T THE

DAY S

BEGINNING

P o YOU K N E E L A N D P R A 1 , |^ e e p m e . L o r d , f r o m s i n n i n g ) p i V E ME h e l p t h i s d a y ? ” y

of <t GXJts man

by Joseph M athew son B efore the lights com e up on stage, a sound is heard as of a k n ife being slipped betw een the third and fourth vetebrae (counting up from the bottom ) and into the kidneys.

A n open grave dom inates the set, Old G lory fluttering away above and behind it. T he flag has been hung upside down, but its effect, as usual, is stirringly patriotic. Columbia, the C IA m an’s wife, stands beside the grave w ith Cheerful, her son, and M cCohen, a very old friend of the fam ily.

M cC O H EN I t ’s getting dark, Columbia CO LU M BIA I can t understand it. H ere —for the first tim e in tw enty years we were nearly out of debt, and he had to go and do som ething like this.

A year or two and we could have retired, gone back to Sicily. So why?

M cC O H EN It was his calling.

C O LU M BIA Yes, I know. B ut always before it was - different. Like getting to be a comm unist. All his friends from work belonged to the P arty; and he had the best tim e a t cell meetings. Oh, sure, som etim es he’d com­ plain. Too m any F B I m en joining up, he said. B ut he was happy then.

M cC O H EN Som etim es you have to travel.

CH EERFU L Pop was always a travelin’ man. You knew that, M am a.

CO LU M BIA Of course I did. And th a t was all right too —for awhile. O ut in the

The CIA m elodram a and cartoon on this page ate from MONOCLE -'th e ironical chronicle’ of New York. ("In the land o f the blind the one-eyed i s ..................") It appears quarterly, costs a buck and owes the printer $26, 000.

The in itials CIA stand for Central Intelligence Agency - the espionage and counter-espionage force o f the USA. The three arm ed forces have no control over its policy or actions. ''M onocle'' im plies th at neither does the President and that in fact the CIA is the largest p ara-m ilitary force of incom ­ petent m ercenaries the world has ever seen.

M iddle East, pitching in to help some revolution. But, like he used to say, you always knew w here you stood in the M iddle East. I tell you —give th a t m an a clear-cut issue and there wasn’t anybody loved his work better. So why did he do it?

M cC O H EN H is calling, Columbia.

CO LU M BIA Calling? W ho called him to V iet Nam ?

M cC O H EN T h e dream —th a t’s who —the dream th a t goes w ith th a t calling. H e was a CIA man, and when you’re a CIA m an there’s no rock bot­ tom to life. Y ou’re way out there in the blue, riding on a bom b and a cyanide pill. And when th a t bom b stops going off the way you m eant it to —th a t’s an earthquake. T hen you sta rt to leave your code book around in check rooms. And you’re finished. B ut still, a CIA m an has got to dream . It comes w ith the territory. You see?

CO LU M BIA I guess. B ut I always thought, if he did go, it would be som ething — som ething noble.

M cC O H EN I t was, Columbia. I t was. Someone has to sta rt those fires. Someone

we trust. And if he should go on the road to Saigon, his sam ple case filled w ith saffron robes —who’s to say he’s not doing his p art in his way? And if he should sit in the m iddle of the square —ah, his head shaved, wearing one of his samples, seemingly lighting one of those dear cigars and should slip and light himself in the process, who’s to say there hasn’t been some good done? Those photographs—th ey were spectacular. A ttention, attention was paid.

C H EERFU L H e’s right, M am a.

M cC O H EN Indeed. And though these ashes m ay belong to —well, to any one of a num ber of people, .the m oniim ent we’re giving him will be your hus­ band’s, all your husband’s. B ut come now. It’s getting dark.

A s the funeral party m oves away, the m assive stone figure of a fem ale bald eagle is lowered onto the top of the grave. T h e eagle, while clinging tightly to an olive branch and a sheaf of thirteen arrows, is also nesting. She seems to have laid at least one egg, though there m a y be more. It becom es impossible to tell as the flickering lights fade out and universal darkness covers all.

We h a v e rec e iv ed th e following le tte r from our so licitors: "W e co n firm th a t in th e C ourt o f Q uarter Sessions Appeals on th e 26th February, His Honour Judge Levine in a reserved ju d g m e n t, said th a t h e would uphold th e a p p e al and quash th e c o n v ic ­ tions. In order to allow th e Crown an o pportunity o f asking His Honour to state a c a se under th e provisions o f th e C rim ­ in a l A ppeal A ct, th e m a tte r has been ad journed u n til th e 12th M arch at 9 .3 0 a .m ."

In view o f th e first p aragraph and a ll its le g a l ra m ific a tio n s, we w ere unable to bring o u t a M arch issue. How ever, we hav e tak en th e o p portunity to bring OZ o u t at th e beginning o f this m onth and in ten d to m ain ta in this p rocedure in th e future. N atu rally a ll subscriptions w ill b e ad ju sted .

D ue to in creased printing costs and o v erh ead ex p en d itu re we h av e raised the p ric e to 2 / - .

Subscriptions hav e been ad justed to 2 5 / - p. a.

B

SIM PSON'S DONKEYS T o c e le b r a te th e 5 0 th an n iv ersary o f th e la n d in g a t G a llip o li, (A p ril 25, 1915) a c o n tin g e n t o f e x -W o rld W ar O ne d iggers is re tu rn in g to th e h is to ric b a tt le ­ g ro u n d .

A sp o k esm an for th e R. S. L. sta te d th a t "th is tim e th e m e n w ould b e arm ed w ith A ussie b e e r, w o o lle n g a rm e n ts, b o o m eran g s and stu ffed K oalas as a g e s­ tu re o f g o o d w ill".

STOP P R E S S : (A A P-R euters) A 'g o o d w ill' c o n tin g e n t o f A u stralian 'A N Z A C S ' was tioday am b u sh ed a t G a llip o li b y a b and o f T urkish v e te ra n s and sla u g h te re d to th e la s t m a n .

Richard N e v ille & Richard Walsh C o -ed ito rs

OZ MARCH/APRIL 1965 Page 10

P rin te d By T ru -T ra c ts P ty. Ltd.

N O R TH SYDNEY, N.S.W.

LE COMMISSAIRE CHENNEVIER :

<Les policiers sont trop intelligents»

S a tiric a l m ag azin es are pub lished in m an y c o u n tries, but only a few are d istrib u ted in A ustralia.

Everyone knows "P riv ate Eye" "S im plissim us", "Le C a n a r d E n ch ain e", "Panic Button" a n d "K rokodil" are not so w ell known.

T he m ag azin es differ g re a tly in fo rm at and outlo o k .

M O N O C L E is m o r e d is g r u n tl e d an d c y n ic a l th a n a n g ry .

On the o th e r h and, the " S i n e M a s s a c r e " c a r t o o n s on t h i s p a g e sh o w w e ll th e b i t t e r n e s s a n d the ra w a n g e r th a t th e w hole m a g ­ azine e x p r e s s e s .

T h i s F r e n c h m a g a z i n e is v i ­ olently a n t i - c l e r i c a l , a n t i- A m e r ic a n , and L e ft W ing.

"Sine M a s s a c r e " h e r e c o m m e n t s on th e F r e n c h - G e r m a n r a p p r o c h e m e n t , th e r o le of the c h u r c h in t h e U S - C u b a c r i s i s , a n d p o l i c e i m ­ b e c ility (a u n i v e r s a l A unt S ally). « L E J O U R L E P L U S L O N G ». Souvenir... souvenir...

KO-KI ALPIN E LODGE 213A George S treet, Sydney. Tel. 27 7582/Falls Creek, Victoria.

Tel. 27.

T o sk i aI K o - K i said the Yeti, as he sw itch ed o f f his ski-free, is' a gas T-bars, chair lift. A u stria n S k i S c h o o l — d o w n h ill typ e slopes — all w eather roads — p a rkin g at Village R ustic-scream s o f the na tives as they h u rtle o ver C o m p o u n d F racture L edge h ea d in g fo r R e d L ig h t C ornice — h idden local sto n e on the S k i H o m e Trail. E xp lo d in g pink stretch pa n ts as the S n o w Birds go fo r a B u rto n d o w n R u in -M e R acew ay — then light u p a leather tip p ed Sla lo m at H a ro ld s C o ffe e H o u se F alls ( o p tio n a l) C reek via A lb u r y — per Plane, T rain or S tea m C ar ( loaded w ith ste a m ) E ven in g braw ls ( sin g -sin g ), F riendly F o n d u and C o ffe e C og n a c C lub.

H o n e y m o o n e rs £28 per w eek / per person / tw in singles / ir­ respective P easantry £24 (all in to g eth er) fo r vitam ins, bed & red T h e M o u n ta in also boasts p o w d er sn o w , b lin d in g sn o w sto rm s, co lo u red view s a n d a variety o f slopes to loose y o u r ­ s e lf or u n w a n te d frien d s E ven M t. K o sc iu s k o pales — tem p , stea d y at 22 degrees — locally brew ed G lu w in e to c o m b a t fro stb ite a n d em o tio n a l fa tig u e A re y o u in a little ru t — w e’ll fix th a t — b eco m e sn o w b o u n d a n d be glad to c o m e o u t a live W e love the A lp s — 'cos G o d A lp s those w ho alp th em selves H a ve a fa ll ( 0 0 ps — ball) — sk i a t K o - K i Be m iserable a n d stiff, thats " U ” fo r y o u .

Just w ear a sm ile and an OZ B ra n d new s u b s c rip tio n rates! 2 5 / - one year, 4 5 / - tw o years, £ 1 0 fo r life. S end coupon to O Z , 16 H u n te r S tre e t, S ydney.

N a m e :..........................................................................

A d d r e s s :.................................................................... .................. ,.......... ....... S ta te ......................................

BIB THIS inrkcM i presents; IM Z IB U IE S

H O L ID A Y IN V IE T N A M " its

g a s ,

d a d ! "

GO C 3 0 3

81YORK St 2nd Flr.H

Child victim of napalm bombs on Vietnam.

1. Sings to Tenterfield emus, inspired by boundary-rider father.

Accom panies ow n childish piping voice on ukelele strung with fishing-line.

2. W ins Junior Song (self-accom p.) at Tenterfield Eisteddfod acquires first pr. riding boots, plyw ood guitar.

3. First 2T E broadcast taped by Bush Record Club Records talent scout, who pays his rail fare to Sydney. W ild applause at Eureka Youth League dance and Ironw orkers’ H all talent quest.

4 . M oves to Paddington. H onest, open country boy sings o f wide brown land. ( C ritics : “H onest! W ide! O pen!” ) M ention in “N a tio n ”. Discovered 3 times in 2 weeks.

5. Troubadour! C om bs hayseeds ou t o f hair. Show s ‘social con­ science’ — hence abused by “Bulletin”. Passport revoked. Own TV show! Com bs hayseeds into hair. Snu b s Digger Revell.

6. Records ‘Sydney T o w n ’ — smash chart hit pop! T V show now sponsored, peak slot. Craig M cG regor ghosts autobiography, A B C T V half-hour “F o lk Vision o f G ary Shearston” 7. Snubbed by Edgar Waters, noticed by Ward A ustin, felt by G rantly Dee, “In M elbourne T o n ig h t” guest spot. Records “Shearston Sings Sylvester”, signs contract with M uzak; wears bow-tie to Troubadour, also Old Spice.

8. Tow n H all concert {‘G A R Y ! A F o lk Great! ) a disastrous suc­ cess, fan rips faded denim work-shirt — reveals ’Balenciaga label.

W est answer to M oscow Circus”, raves Bulletin cover-story.

H olden Special, marries.

9. Stadium Show ; “S yd n ey T o w n ” is no. 1 in U.S., U.K. and Lebanon. Best Dressed M an o f Year, Logie fo r show now c o sp o n ­ sored by BH P -G M H , rescues child in surf, forced ou t of Paddo after residents’ protest meeting. Offered position as manager of C BS Records.

10. Accepts. Jaycee, Lions, Lifeline counsellor, Father o f Year. Ex­ plores new tonal extensions o f ‘m odified guitar’ at Pt Piper home unit. Electrocutes self on am plifier lead-in plug. State funeral. Chris­ tian burial.

M oral: A profit is w ithout honour in his ow:z land. D.L.

Sirs, How about som ething on rural idiocy? e live in the original pilot area it seems and most of your satire being Sydneyorientated just doesn't touch the rich folk­ lore and abysmal ignorance of our pioneer­ ing types. Round here they still wear red flannel underw ear, treat kids with bromide for all ills and shove a penny down a dog’s throat for distemper, worms, or mange.

The Festival of the Falling Leaf is T um ut's local annual thing. In 1963 an ode was composed to comm emorate this event.

It en d ed : “Come, see our grande demesne O ur perfect habitat O ur ideal home, O ur haven of retreat: Then stay awhile or live a lifetime here.

Come all the world and welcome.

This is T um ut.”

This sparked off a Poetry W ar which lasted alm ost a year, ranging over the local unfiltered pool. P.P. Board, and every other sacred cow around the place. Fun while

it lasted. Anyway, hereto appended is my A ttem pt, for which I would appreciate a purple heart certificate in return.

“Oh, G olden Tumut! C ulture's Nest!

Renowned throughout the F ar South West!

W here struggling artists reach fruition By hanging in our Exhibition And wear the heady Olympian Crown Thrice blessed, and opened by Carter Brown.

T U M U T ! ! ! ! ! ! The very word's a song, From either end it’s just as long, From either end it reads as such.

Oh, two-faced town we love so much, Beloved Town, which, like its name, Can up itself and stay the sam e.”

C arter Brown was chosen by the Festival Com m ittee to open the 1963 Festival. One objection was raised: a committee member questioned the suitability of a “literary prostitute."

—SAPPHO OF ADELONG, Tumut, N.S.W.

ing off target practice on, the 8.10 as she steamed through a bit late. Ahead of us were five hours of non-stop fun. frolic and fiesta. Mrs Sean M urphy led off the first waltz in a dazzling anklelength sharkskin sarong. Covered with shells. Relics of the I.R.A. days. Good to see songbird Molly M alone on the piano again after her accident. The rest got stuck into the keg and tripped a very light fantastic. Sergeant M urphy had his hands full most of the time but she quietened down a lot when the generator failed and the Church showed up. Block and tackle recovered the nem­ atodes man from the Ag. D epartm ent and most of the sawdust sent back to ‘K nuckles’ M urphy, the family butcher. A fter the hop some daring spirits had the urge to take on Big Bertha. Bertha is not to be had cheaply at any time, let me tell you. A celebrated landm ark near the siding she rises a sheer 70 feet before her first branch. O ur Bush N urse K athleen did a very good job again. Thanks, Kath. Cheers to all still hospitalised.

All in all it’s been a week to remember.

N o need to add we are already drawing up plans for another. To quote the famous local saying, Sir. a man who is tired of G an G an is tired of life.

Patrick Murphy, for the Social Committee.

N GAN 6 AN The big news in the shire this month, cobbers, was the centenary celebrations held at G an G an and voted the best yet. G ood­ will messages poured in from the Milk Board, the Apple and Pear Board, the Egg Board, the Prem ier’s D epartm ent. From G an G an’s namesake in U pper Uzbekistan came traternal greetings and an autographed copy of Das Kapital in Uzbeki. The vol­ umes are on display on the Shire Clerk’s shelf with the rest of our free library until the M echanics Institute is fumigated.

G an Gan, as you know, dates from the late gold rushes. Built on seven hills like Rome it once had 8,000 people and twentyeight pubs but now is much smaller. C on­ siderably smaller in fact. The National T rust plans to turn it into a reserve.

The weather man was kind to us so that pretty well everything went off as planned. There were dem onstrations of those ancient crafts — chaffcutting, sundial read­ ing and rainm aking. To bring us up to date we had a syndicate over from the big smoke showing how the council's machine could be cracked using the safe period or rhythm m ethod. It has since been overhauled. At the showground we had a tattoo, supervised by Sailor Joe him self on leave from the Voyager. Spike M urphy showed us some of the skill that has made him local ringbark champion. The Joyspreaders Concert Party had quite an inter­ national flavour with three countries repre­ sented. M oira, who was once a child artiste with the Killarney Clog Dancers put on her usual turn and you-know-who contrib­ uted you-know-what. Two naturalisation certificates were issued afterwards. The joy was good to see. Then there were organized tours of the various beauty spots, the stockyards, the saw mill, the swy plot behind the C hink’s. Paddy’s Curse, the ancestral home of the M urphy fam ily was thrown open and paying visitors were given a rare chance to see a fabulous collection of buggy lamps and black billies At a special dawn service an everlasting wreath was laid on the town shrine, a pool of rem em brance installed by grateful rate­ payers in honour of Lusty who pulled the cart through those dark hours 1914-1918.

Several male groups spent time in silent

meditation round the trough. Some posed for the dickybird set fill at infinity, which with any luck ought to come out bonzer in Ihe Clarion.

M aster of Ceremonies for the week was that tireless self-effacing worker, Dave “ Spud” M urphy who carried things off with his usual flair. His, incidentally, is a typical meteoric success story. Came out steerage with nothing, started work as a humble clerk in the ticket office and by sheer drive and hard work got to be Shire Clerk.

Intensely interested in the arts it was he who gave the special prize for the poetry comp. We don’t deserve you. Spud.

Listen to this. A surprise visitor on his way through was the Chief Scout Viccount de Lisle nicelv turned out in allwool pants and top who was bearing good tidings in English from the G reat Scout herself. W ithout more ado a guard of honour was improvised by the brownies and some lady bowlers while the ablebodied helped haul the Rolls out of the bog. He was given, of course, a big hand and in the Oiher the silver kangaroo, one of the most cherished of scouting awards. In a simple but moving ceremony M'ayor Feargus M urphy standing by the power point in a new blazer read his speech into a stiff westerly, and little Colleen tripped forward with a bouquet of gladdis. The salute of 21 shotguns, more or less together, provoked favourable comment.

The election by the tradesmen, fettlers and others of Delia as the G an Gan Princess came as no surprise to anyone with eyes in his head. She is the district’s raving beauty. She will go far that girl now that she has her Intermediate, w on’t you Delia? In that simple bleached calico, laced with w aratah things, you did us all proud. Delia, cobbers, graciouslv donated her poetry prize to the Hopelessly Insane.

A fter a tubercular-tested barbecue there were not too many starters for the wind­ up jolly-oh down at the woolshed owing to the hand of friendship by genial host Bren­ dan Murphy and his better half, Brenda.

Not a bad drop of wonga donga you brewed. Bren. A party got back in the truck from Sodom and G om orrah at the Roxy and numbers swelled with those finish­

Sir, P erhaps the m o st d e ­ pressing thing a b o u t the c o u n try is the fact th a t so I m any people seem c o n te n t | | to live there. F o r con- f vivial co m p an io n s, in te l - 1 lectual co n v ersatio n s a n d i p ro x im ity to S ydney give m e G o u lb u rn Jail an y I day. S om e in h a b ita n ts o f I G o u lb u rn p ro b a b ly agree. 1 T h e best rem ed y fo r th e i c o u n try ills o f d ro u g h t, n o n -d ecen tralisatio n , et al, | is p ro b a b ly a d a m stre tc h ­ ing fro m B roken H ill across to the G re a t D ivide [ an d dow n to A lb u ry .

T hen they could plug up j_ th e M u rray an d flo o d th e js w hole inland to a depth o f 600 feet. T h is is the only conceivable use f o r i any land on the w in d w a rd ! side o f K ato o m b a . Even include K ato o m b a if the yf level c o u ld be raised high j J enough. B agong, incidentally, is a S tate school o f ( I 12 u n teach ab les being [ tau g h t a t a p p ro x im a te cost o f £500 ea. p.a. by m y | B.A. h u sb an d .

If you ? know o f an y o n e th a t f w ants a ch ea p priv ate | school, this is it.

(M rs.) M . M cG ., The Schoolhouse. j ___________ ltauong. N .S.W . I

/ lo ve the W ild W est C ircuit, T h a t sw in g s a ro u n d A ustralia, W ith hr o n es a n d h u lls th a t buck be•cause T h e y 'v e cin ch e d -u p genitalia.

B u t is it really sp o rt to let the riders W h y n o t b in d u p all the co w b o y s — T h e w ide b row n belt fo r m e.

C lique g o th e shears boys, clique, clique.

H o w doe.v the sq u a tto cra cy get so rich so W h y, b y p u ttin g in a M an a g er w h o ’s g o t \d n d ia m a rin e d o w n to S y d n e y to have. I pr h . w hat snail we d o with o u r eldest loone \Send h im to S y d n e y to fa il at U ni.

LA n d if his vo ice brea ks fa r to o soon, he L a n a lw a ys be a crutcher.________ ______ D h d e P icnic K aces are d o in de rounds. d o o -d a h , Joo-daH , % [So I ’m h ea d in ' fo r d e m u lg a in m e D ior G o w n s, oh do o -d a h d a y I 'G w in e to grog all night, gw ine to sleep all d a y.

I A n d I ’ll co m p ro m ise a sq u a tter fr o m the B ack o ’ B o u rk e ^Q ^M ^dao-dah fro m D o u b le B u y . ____S F"* ■».

■ S iliS

(4 diller-a-dollar.

A G .P .S. scholar.

H o w can y o u 1 pay the fe e s 'C os D a d o v ersto cks A n d rigs his tax KAnd his sh eep h ave Ph.L

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REQUIEM FOR A SATIRIST One of the articles in the notorious OZ No. 6 which caused a great deal of trouble was a piece called “T a Ra Ra Boom-de-ay” by the American entertainer and satirist, Lenny Bruce. Last D ecember Lenny died. In his last days he was involved in legal p ro ­ ceedings with prosecutions launched in both Chicago and New Y ork against him. We reprint below an obituary to Bruce published in the current issue o f “The Realist,” an American magazine unavailable in A ustralia because of a Customs Dept. Ban.

undeigo a psychiatric exam ination before they passed sentence. “W atch,” Lenny told me, chuckling — but also with genuine terror — “T hey’re gonna say I have a per­ secution complex.”

The first issue o f the “ R ealist” quoted Malcolm Muggeridge, form er editor of “ Punch” : “As I see it, the only pleasure of living is that every joke should be made, every thought expressed, every line of in­ vestigation, irrespective of its direction, pursued to the utterm ost limits that human ingenuity, courage and understanding can take it. The mom ent that lim its are set . . . then the flavour is gone.”

More than anyone else I ’ve ever known, Lenny Bruce lived up to that ideal; but now the flavour will never be the same, for he is gone.

When the newspapers called me at 3 o ’clock that cold D ecember morning fo r a statem ent, I simply said: “It was G od’s will.”

Paul Krassncr.

"SEVEN YEARS TO Lenny Bruce and John F. Kennedy had som ething in common. They were both great cocksmen. I couldn’t help thinking, among the other thoughts one has at the death of a friend, that there must have been a special throb of m ourning among all the ladies who had been limited p art­ ners in the countless less-than-one-night stands of com edian and President alike.

Lenny once told me that the role of a comedian was to make the audience laugh “at a minim um of, on the average, once every 15 seconds — or let’s be liberal to escape the hue and cry of the injured, and say one laugh every 25 seconds . . . ” More and more, though, he began to get so serious during perform ances that it was obvious that he wasn’t even hoping to get a laugh every 15-25 seconds It was in Milwaukee that three plainclothed policemen went into his dressing room, kicked a musician out. and told Bruce that he was not to talk about politics or religion or sex. or they’d yank him right off the stage. The night before, a group of 28 Catholics had signed a com plaint about his act. w hich they’d gone to see volun­ tarily. Lenny was scared. He toned down his act slightly. One of the cops was even smiling at some of the stuff.

I asked him why he didn't take any legal action.

“N ah, they’d just say I was trying to get publicity. You know: ‘Say anything you want about me, but be sure to spell my name right’.”

They spelled his nam e right in Phila­ delphia. He was arrested on a phony n ar­ cotics charge. The case was dismissed, but a prom inent attorney had attem pted a 10,000 dollar shakedown, and Bruce’s Spen­ cer Tracy image was shattered.

T hat was the start of his legal career.

There was a time when 'Lenny read a lot, from Jean-Paul Sartre's study of anti-

Semitism to the latest girlie magazine. He carried in his suitcase from city to city a double-volume unabridged dictionary. But in his dying days, he carried around law books instead. And he wasn’t as much fun to be with any more.

A few years before, I had overheard the following conversation in a Milwaukee night club: “ Nobody knows where Lenny Bruce is staying." “ H e’s staying at the Y " “ What does he do there?”

"They say he reads a lot." “ He's gonna read himself right out of a jo b .”

And in a way this was an accurate pre­ diction. Because Lenny found that the nov­ elists didn't have to say “frig” anymore. He began to want the same privilege o f non­ restriction. His point of view was the same on stage and off, and he wanted to talk to his friends in the night club with the same freedom o f vocabulary he could exercise in som eone’s living room.

But Lenny wasn’t exactly like a book.

He finally realised that.

If 1 ever end up in court on anything.

I'll get a haircut, and wear a white shirt and tie, and swear on the Bible, because 1 don't have the guts to be as consistent as Lenny was — in faded blue denims and long side-burns, calling the oath a farce — he always wanted to win purely on the basis of the law, and so he was willing to risk losing purely on the basis o f pre­ judice by judge or jury.

As more and m ore night-club owners became more and m ore afraid to hire him. he devoted more and more of his time and energy to the law. When he finally did get a weekend booking in Monterey, he re­ marked: “I feel like it’s taking me away from my w ork.’’

In New York, the judges ordered him to

ACCEPT ARMY n TROUSER BUTTON LONDON.—A member of the House of Commons said it would take seven years to s e t a button ap­ proved for a pair of Brit­ ish Army pants, Associated Press reported.

Addressing the House last night Mr. David Walder, Conservative, said there was a committee w hich ex­ am ines the general prin­ ciple of army trousers.

W hen a general principal was accepted the design of a button was th en consid­ ered.

Eventually a prototype trouser button was produc­ ed, h e said.

T hen trials of the button by one regim ent took place.

T hen the button was ac­ cepted and the average tim e lapse w as seven years.

He said:— Something must be done.

C>06 0 O t o O Q O Q O Q e & O n n r ^ n A n n ' ™

Q O O O O OOP o o t D o Q O O Q O Q

The Top People go to Toggery (W ell, almost the top.)

Here’s a man who’s where he is now only be­ cause he chose Toggery gear exclusively. Note his flattering non-wrinkle lambswool sweater.

It’s guaranteed to impress the most dubious bird or presidium. And get with his fleecy pleatless cuftlesses! You too can have a crutchfit like Nikki — with inbuilt popular support.

Collectively, he’s a wow so nick ofT with Nikki to the shop where the Top (almost) stop. And ask the commissar for our newest — the N K V D style button-down collar (as modelled at right).

Stop the tractor at Double Bay and shop with the Top (almost) at K E N M O R R IS O N 'S

ew s o u t l ^ i e a ^ r o a d ^ o u b l ^ b a 5 ^ - ^ 3 6 - 4 4 ^ J

10 HINTS

FOR THE CONSTIPATED

OZ MARCH/APRIL 1965

T h e la zy b o w el o fte n n eed s ju st a little regular training to stir it back to n o rm a l a c tiv ity .

G iv e the m a tte r y o u r a tte n tio n fir s t th in g in the m o rn in g .

A D V E R T IS E M E N T

Page 18

T o d o th is y o u w ill n eed a little m o re tim e, so try to g e t u p ten m in u te s earlier.

B y sa crificin g these fe w m in u te s y o u w ill im p ro ve y o u r h ea lth a n d fe e l b etter fo r the rest o f the day.

E at the right so rt o f fo o d . R ougha g e-p ro d u cin g fo o d s help very m u ch to restore n o rm a l bo w el fu n c tio n .

F or this purpose all fo r m s o f w h o lem ea l bread are re c o m m en d ed , also vegetables, lettuce, fresh salad a n d fr u it.

It is also im p o rta n t th a t y o u sh o u ld train y o u r s e lf to ta ke y o u r m eals slo w ly a n d at regular tim es.

A n o th e r im p o rta n t p o in t is th a t y o u r b o d y requires regular p hysical a ctivity. G o fo r w alks, especially w hen y o u have a sed en ta ry occu p a tio n .

B u t it isn ’t enoug h m erely fo r y o u to g e t up.

Y o u r b o w el m u s t rouse itse lf too!

A glass o f co ld w a ter w ill h elp.

B u t d o n ’t d rin k it in o n e gu lp . S ip it slo w ly.

N e v e r neglect th e n o rm a l p h ysiological d e m a n d to e m p ty y o u r b o w e l — even if y o u are busy o r th e tim e or place is n o t very co n ven ien t.

Y o u n o w h a ve an e xtra 10 m in u te s a t y o u r disposal a n d can ta ke y o u r b re a k fa st in c o m fo r t.

D o n ’t rush. E at y o u r fo o d slo w ly a n d relax.

D o n 't keep lo o k in g at th e clo c k !

R e st a n d relaxation are very im p o rta n t.

A lw a y s try to have at least 8 h o u rs sleep.

E ven if y o u h a ve to w o rk at high pressure m o s t o f th e day, y o u sh o u ld try to fin d tim e to rela x o ccasionally fo r a fe w m in u tes.

In spite o f all these n a tu ra l corrective m easures, recourse to a la xa tive is so m e tim e s u n a vo id a b le. A laxative is certain in its action a n d is co m p le te ly sa fe fo r use b y persons o f all ages because it is n o t abso rb ed into the system W h en taken in the evening b efo re retiring the enteric c o a ted tablets bring a b o u t an effo rtle ss evacuation on the fo llo w in g m o rn in g .

T h e su p p o sito ries act very q u ickly, usually w ithin 10-60 m in u tes. F re q u e n tly tw o m o tio n s a p p ro xim a tely 20 m in u tes apart result fr o m the use o f o n e su p p o sito ry.

A fte r b rea kfa st, even if y o u h a ve n o inclination, T ry to e m p ty y o u r b o w el. T a k e the m o rn in g pa p er w ith y o u .

O r s m o k e a cigarette. A gentle pressure on y o u r a b d o m e n m a y h elp . I f there is n o m o v e m e n t w ith in 5 m in u tes, d o n ’t be discouraged.

T h e results w ill p ro b a b ly be b etter to m o rro w .

F o llo w y o u r D o c to r’s directio n s and you w ill so o n en jo y h ea lth y regularity.

N .S.W . D ept, o f Health

(being a conversation between a would-be script-writer and M r M ichael Plant, Executive Producer o f the M avis Bram ston Sho w)

"HELLO MAVIS" “C hannel 7? . . . M r Plant, please . . . hello . . . Michael . . . M ichael, got a fantastic script here for the Show. Y ou’ll love it boy, a natural. Is it FU N N Y ? M an, it’s a riot, it’s got a trem endous sexy bit and the greatest gag about the Pill and . . . Sure, yep, y e p ....................well, I’ve got troubles w e’ve all got troubles. Now M ike . . . M ichael, wait m an and it SW INGS. Now look, five m inutes, th a t’s all . . . five lousy little . . . two? O K, fine . . . right, understood.

O pens on a long shot M ike, M ichael— office of a bloated controller of the international oil cartel. H ow ’s it for IM PA C T , boy, an im m ediate visual hit huh? A nd it’s T O P IC A L because ju st then we have R. W. M iller (C hater’s a natural, a gas bit for C harlie) . . . well, R.W . comes in, about the oil ships and . . .

A nd he’s looking well, kinda satirical m an, ironical, biting, a touch of IR R E V E R E N C E maybe if the lighting boys can . . . right, sure, yep, yup.

T hen th ere’s this really Bram stonish, anti-sacred-cow bit with the office boy rushing on but in W OM EN’S CLOTHES — great new twist, huh! A nd he FA L L S O V E R flat on his bum, turns to cam era one — a big close up-here — and he says it. Y ep, he says: “SHIT!” A nd while the laughs are still coming he rubs his bum and when that laugh and the applause die down he turns his head away and you hear V O M IT IN G sounds. So M iller m akes a funny face and SPITS at him and they all sing . . . O K , in falsetto voices. See, hits at A L L the conventions!

Knew you’d love it and . . . well, d o n ’t decide right now.

I ’ll ju st rough it out Mike M ichael real quick yep yup . . . just the ID EA S, the satiric positives. It’s a big SEN D -U P, M ike, a child can see the point, the double entendres are fantastic. It fits the form at just so terrifically and you even get a crack at the ABC. Well, then it sends up the big oil com panies just rotten, shows up all this public spirit, cultural jazz for the SHAM , the lousy IM AGE-GRABBING facade it really is. It all com es over in three H A R D m inutes M ike, M ichael m an. The whole F A R C E , the repressive undertones to all those big shows they sponsors; and to bleed the little m en who d o n ’t know better, the very people who are Bram ston regulars!

Ju st reeks of social conscience and the way they CENSOR yup yep uh huh the stuff . . . that s true, but against their own octopus interests and . . . and M ichael? . . . Mike . . . M ike M ichael . . . M ichael . . . ?

—D.L.

N o w le t s t r y it j u s t o n c e m o r e ..... I r a n a w a y , a n d y o u s h o t m e ...? '

OZ MARCH / APRIL 1965 Paae 19

binkie's drive-in restaurant 210 elizabeth St., opp. the tivoli open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week OZ MARCH/APRIL 1965 Page 20