LILY Online Magazine Aug- Sept '13

fashion - interior design - life - career - family - business - motivation - food 2013

Life & Style OD

LILY BROWSE COMPARE PRICES & SHOP

aug sept

ANNE LEWIS TEXTILE IMAGERY HOME STAGING WITH KATERINA KAPELLAKI

&

THE CYBER GYPSY STYLES OUR LOOK

MELINDA DASS CREATES BEAUTIFUL ROOMS TO INSPIRE FASHION STYLIST AMALIA SIMPSON SHOWS US HOW TO DRESS FOR OUR SHAPE

&

A LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE WITH A DIFFERENCE

STYLE, LIFE & BUSINESS FOR REAL W0MEN

BUSINESS TIPS FOOD & HEALTH PLUS: ELIMINATE SELF DOUBT WITH MASTER PERSONAL GROWTH COACH LEE BROGDEN SELF LOVE WITH AUTHOR IZABELLA SIODMAK IS CHIVALRY ALIVE IN THE MODERN MAN? WITH MADONNA BARR

02

LILY Life & Style OD

SHOP THE ENTIRE MAG

LILYOnline lifeandstyleonadime.com

LILY Life & Style OD

LILYOnline GO TO

SHOP

03

SHOP THE ENTIRE MAG

www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

Lily has a complete Online SHOPPING portal where you can browse and shop all the gorgeous designs in our magazine.

WELCOMECONTENTS

04

LILY Life & Style OD

WELCOME/ CONTENTS

AUG-SEPT ’13

fashion 14 28 40 68

Cyber Gypsy Style Dress for your shape with Amalia Simpson The Editors Picks LILY’s Bridal Feast

interior design 08 20 50 84

Cyber Gypsy Style Staging Sells Homes with Katerina Kapellaki Anne Lewis Imaging

08

Cyber Gypsy Style

94

Is chivalry alive in the modern man?

Home styling with Melinda Dass

family, food, health 66

I’ll take one cheating husband, a friendship, betrayal and a newborn baby please

82 98 101 102

The Yin and the Yang of Yoga Make the most of your organic dollar Sorrel Soup Baked long peppers couscous and currants

business 24 36

Leadership, What’s your style?

Jorge Rodriguez New York fashion entrepreneur

self development 50 62 80 94

Self Love with IzaBella Siodmak Eliminate Self Doubt with Lee Brogden Mary Mummert - A True Survivor

50 Cover: Anne Lewis Imagery

Is chivalry alive? With Madonna Barr

All Content in Lily Online Magazine is intended as a guide only and should not replace seeking professional advice.

LILY Life & Style OD

05

MESSAGE FROM

THE EDITOR

EDITOR: Priscilla-Anne Green

WEBSITE: www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

Who is Lily? She is the person we all aspire to be.

Successful career, beautiful family, motivated, ethical, healthy, loving her lifestyle... on a Dime of course.

Lily is our online magazine located at our website www.lifeandstyleonadime.com. Our contributors have outdone themselves with fantastic stories to make you laugh, cry and get up and get on with your life.

In this issue we have a feature on the stunning range

by Anne Lewis plus Home Staging with Katerina Kapellaki, Room Styling with Melinda Dass and Gypsy Style with the Cyber Gypsy herself Jamie Diamond.

For the Fashion obsessed in this issue Stylist Amalia Simpson shows us how to dress for our shape. I bring you the Editors Picks from some of our

Fashion stockists and a gorgeous Bridal feature with Mata Hari’s Daughter’s headpieces and photos by Flora + Fauna.

As part of our commitment to our Community Partner ‘Empowered and Beautiful’ in raising awareness of Domestic Violence we have an honest and brave account of abuse and survival by Mary Mummert. In Business we have an inspiring young New York Entrepreneur and I bring you a story on Leadership - What’s your style? On Self Development we have stories on Self Love, Eliminating Self Doubt and Chivalry in the modern man. Plus healthy food and Yoga.

So sit back relax and ENJOY! Priscilla

magazine contact Published by www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

editor

advertising

Priscilla-Anne Green e. priscilla @lifeandstyleonadime.com

Featured products provided by Stockists and Affiliate Merchants. All products individually selected by LILY for inclusion. Adverts banners provided by Affiliate Merchants.

writers Articles written by various contributiors, guest writers and via open copyright.

Articles adapted for LILY.

For information on advertising in LILY contact the editor.

Prospective Guest Writers should contact the editor at the above email address.

LILY is located at www.lifeandstyleonadime. com and various digital media outlets online.

images

website & blogs

COVER FASHION COVER Image purchased by Lily INTERIORS COVER Anne Lewis Imagery www.annelewis.com.au Publication Copyright Priscilla Green.

Images provided by Affiliates, CC and copyright purchased. At the time of publishing all images copyright available for use.

distribution

www.lifeandstyleonadime.com www.lifeandstyleonadime.blogspot.com www.coach4smallbusiness.blogspot.com www.theenhancedme.blogspot.com Special thanks to Nola Jackson and Jacqueline Lumley for editing.

06

LILY Life & Style OD

LILY’S CONTRIBUTORS

KATERINA KAPELLAKI

LEE BROGDEN

MELINDA DASS

Katerina is an internationally experienced Interior Designer and speaker specialising in property makeovers, staging, renovation projects, decluttering, design and colour consultation. www.designerpropertymakeovers. com.au

Master Personal Growth Coach and Author of the Life Mastery Book. With a background in corporate marketing and professional and personal development Lee will share information to inspire and enlighten us. www.thelifemasterybook.com

Interior Decorator from Decorate My Room provides us with inspiration for styling the rooms of our homes. This highly experienced decorator provides complete room concepts to her clients, with over 25 years experience Melinda helps you to create a home that refects you. www.decoratemyroom.org

IZABELLA SIODMAK

JAMIE DIAMOND

Author emPower Faciliator, Wellness Retreat Founder.

Inspires and Uplifts us with her wisdom. www.izabellasiodmak. com See Isabella’s latest book http://www.izabellasiodmak.com/ page/you-the-confident-empowered-woman-book/

This social media guru and creator of ‘The Cyber Gypsy’ and ‘Those Things That Catch My Eye’ shares some of her romantic and whimsical gypsyesque fashion and interior design style. www.facebook.com/ RockinCyberGypsy. and Those Things That Catch My Eye.

ELISE TOOMEYBROWN Elise is an experienced educator with majors in psychology and education. Elise brings her multi-faceted wit, style and experience to a range of topics in the coming issues of LILY. This issue she shares with us her personal journey to motherhood.

LILY Life & Style OD

07

SAM TABIT

MADONNA BARR

LEONIE LOCKWOOD

Sam will be joining us in the next issue. A certified Financial Planner with over 10 years advising in wealth and retirement planning. A Financial Planning educator, life coach, executive coach, trainer, lecturer, curriculum developer and mentor with extensive financial planning engagement at a senior level representing clients at various corporate and private registered training organisation and associations. www.myadvisercoach.com.au

Life and Business Coach and speaker. Madonna is the founder of Change Central. This issue Ms Passion talks chivalry in the modern man. Madonna facilitates her clients path to achieving success and abundance in various aspects of their lives such as career, relationships, happiness and fulfillment. www.changecentral.com.au

Leonie is an experienced massage therapist and yoga instructor. Her massage, yoga and meditation are all skills which utilise the concept of flow. ‘Flowing Life’ works with people and organisations who are seeking to enhance their health and general wellbeing and recognise that the body and mind must be integrated and functioning in harmony. www.flowinglife.com.au

AMALIA SIMPSON

STEPHANIE KENNAR

PRISCILLA GREEN

Personal Stylist and Shopper.

Transforming you from the Outside In. Amalia knows all the secrets to fashion styling and shares them with us. Visit Style By Amalia at www.stylebyamalia.com.au and www.melbournefashionstylist. com.au or contact her at info@ stylebyamalia.com.au

Stephanie is a passionate cook with a focus on local and seasonal produce. Her website Foodies Kitchen www. foodieskitchen.com.au/ blog/ is a hub for inspiration, connection and learning about food. Watch out for her new Foodie Business coming soon.

Editor of LILY Online Magazine.

Priscilla contributes to the business and coaching articles, drawing upon her background as a dedicated Education Manager at RMIT University with 15 years experience in business training, research, coaching and performance management.

08

LILY Life & Style OD

Cyber spaces most stylish Gypsy give us tips on capturing the Gypsyesque look. Creator of The Cyber Gypsy shows us her impecable, unique and romantic looks and how to bring a little gypsy magic into your home.

QUILT COVER See the White Quilt Cover options at Izzz.

CLICK FOR STOCKIST

CYBER GYPSY

STYLE

LILY Life & Style OD

09

1. A huge range of cushions available from Izzz. 2.

Glitz Photo Frame $39.99 Living Exclusive 3. Layla Jewellery Box, Bevelled Large $64.99. Living Exclusive. 4. Queen’s Black Dress Crystal Chandelier. $329.00 Oriental Furniture.

1.

2.

8.

4.

3.

7.

CYBER GYPSY

STYLE

5.

6.

5. Isla Antique Black Linen French Country Masculine Settee $1,795. Kathy Kuo Home. 6. A huge range of cushions available from Izzz. 7. Lily Trinket Box. $18.99 Living Exclusive. 8. Diva Table Lamp, Pink. $64.99. Living Exclusive. SHOP THIS LOOK

(Prices are a guide only)

010

LILY Life & Style OD

Fine Dining Cyber Gypsy Style Jamie the Creator of ‘The Cyber Gypsy’ and ‘Those Things that Catch My Eye’ can be found online. She daily shares her style with her facebook, pinterest and blogger community.

DINING TABLE Opera Dining Table $1,399.00 High Fashion Home CLICK FOR STOCKIST

CYBER GYPSY

STYLELE

LILY Life & Style OD

1.

011

2.

3.

6.

CYBER STYLE GYPSY 5.

4.

4

1. Rosanna Vintage Glass Tumbler Purple Set of 4 $38.00.

Layla Grayce & Zinc Door. 2. Chinese Rose Khaki Bowl Set of 2 $60.00. Layla Grayce & Zinc Door. 3. Opera Dining Table $1,399.00. High fashion Home. 4. Botanical Natural Linen Pillow, Purple Rose. $146.00. High Fashion Home. 5.

Rosanna La Vie Boho Dessert Plates Set of 6 $50.00. Layla Grayce & Zinc Door. 6. Orleon Armchair $569.00. High Fashion Home.

SHOP THIS LOOK (Prices are a guide only)

012

LILY Life & Style OD

Relax in Cyber Gypsy Style Here Jamie selects an elegant yet comfortable look for your living room. A whimsical yet sophisticated Gypsy haven.

1.

Create this look with High Fashion Home

CLICK FOR STOCKIST

CYBER GYPSY

STYLELE

LILY Life & Style OD

013

3.

2.

4.

CYBER STYLE GYPSY

5.

7.

6.

SHOP THIS LOOK (Prices are a guide only) 1. Farrell Sectional, Vance Grey $2,699.00 High Fashion Home. 2. A La Mode III $139.00 (Prints On Canvas) High Fashion Home. 3. Shadow Box End Table $599.00. High Fashion Home. 4. Building Embroidered Pillow, Charcoal $159.00. High Fashion Home. 5. Betty Swivel Chair, View Oyster $999.00. High Fashion Home. 6. Voluspa Santiago Huckleberry Diffuser $20.00. High Fashion Home. 7. Mercury Candle Holder $39.00 High Fashion Home.

014

LILY Life & Style OD

The Cyper Gypsy

Classic Style

Jamie Diamond creator of The Cyber Gypsy shows us how anyone can add a little ‘gypsy’ to their look.

Elegant Serpentine Printed silk Midi Dress. $160.00. Oasap

LILY Life & Style OD

015

1.

2.

3.

4.

7.

Elegant Romantic

The Cyper Gypsy

PRICES A GUIDE ONLY CLICK ON DETAILS FOR STOCKIST LINKS

5.

6.

SHOP THIS LOOK 1. Wonderland Charm Necklace. $158.00. Stella & Dot 2. Sweet Pleated Chiffon Dress. $85.90. Oasap. 3.

Wonderland Charm Bracelet. $73.50 Stella & Dot . 4. Queen Bee Charm. $26.00. Stella & Dot. 5. Mesh Lace Platform Stiletto Heels. $35.99. Maykool. 6. Skull studded hardbox clutch. $59.00. Coco Kitten.

016

LILY Life & Style OD

The Cyper Gypsy

1.

2.

3.

SHOP THIS LOOK 1. Asymmetrical Ikat Scarf. $48.00. Free People. 2. Leather Clog. $128.00. Free People. 3.

Free People Jeans, Century Denim Bali Flare $171.60. Bloomingdales Aust Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

Image: Designer Rugs & Catherine Martin Home

LILY Life & Style OD

017

2.

1.

The Cyper Gypsy SHOP THIS LOOK

3.

1. Cardi, Sunblock Yarn, Free People cardigan with vintage inspirations. $158.50.

Bloomingdales Aust. 2. Chain and suede wrap watch. $225.00.

Free People. 3. Vintage Belt Tote. $898.00. Free People.

018

LILY Life & Style OD

The Cyper Gypsy

The Maxi Dress SHOP THIS LOOK 1. Etched Eternity Pendant $184.18. Free People. 2.Tropical Hard Bangle Set $28.97. Free People. 3. Emma Too Fer Dress $88.00. Fee People. 4. Tropaz Crossbody. $68.00. Free People.

5. Calcutta Wrap Sandal. $68.00.

Free People.

Image: Freepeople

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

3.

LILY Life & Style OD

019

4.

2.

The Cyper Gypsy 5.

1.

020

LILY Life & Style OD

STAGING SELLS HOMES...

WRITTEN BY

KATERINA KAPELLAKI

KATERINA KAPELLAKI Katerina is an internationally experienced Interior Designer and speaker who holds exclusive events specialising in property makeovers, staging, renovation projects, decluttering, design and colour consultation.

W: www.designerpropertymakeovers.com.au E: katerina@katerinakapellaki.com

LILY Life & Style OD

STAGING SELLS HOMES...

Statistics show a well-staged home spends 50% less time on the market and sells for at least 7% more than a non-staged home.

With a median sale price in Melbourne of $561,500 – that could mean an extra $39,305,00!! Straight into your back pocket!!

When was the last time you made $39,305?

THE FACTS: Sell quicker and for top dollar. In today’s realestate market you can’t afford to have a ‘sell as it is’ mentality. People shop with logic, but they buy on emotion.

Prospective buyers are making decisions within 10 seconds of pulling up at your curb. You may not need to spend money! You can rearrange, reuse and maybe remove existing furniture to create a more saleable home. It’s hard to understand how large a room is when there is nothing in it as a reference point.

021

When a room is empty prospective buyers focus on negative details instead of falling in love with the overall space.

When buyers have time and selection on their side, they know they are in control of the situation and can be very picky. The only way to motivate them to take action and make an offer NOW is to make the home so desirable that they don’t want to risk losing it.

Buyers make the buying decision when they make an emotional connection with a house.

Why not make that choice easier for them!

Even in a hot real estate market, not everything sells quickly. Two things sell a property: Price and Presentation. If the presentation is up to scratch, buyers often increase their price.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR REQUIRE FURTHER INFORMATION PLEASE SEND AN EMAIL AND I’LL BE HAPPY TO HELP. Happy Staging..

Katerina Kapellaki

022

LILY Life & Style OD

INTERIOR DESIGN FULL DAY SEMINAR HOW TO GET MORE ‘BANG FOR YOUR BUCK’ Learn to implement the ‘knowhow’ secrets of the Design World.

Ever wanted to know how to maximise return on your property?

You can with the expertise of Katerina Kapellaki-Interior Design Expert who has a passion for assisting you get more ‘bang for your buck’.

It’s time to stop wasting time and money on your projects and start getting more value for your dollar.

You will walk out of this seminar with the confidence, contacts and know how to tackle any project without the headaches and getting more bang for your buck...thanks to KK and her team of experts…

Who is Katerina Kapellaki, also known as KK has been designing for over 15 years and her sole passion is geared to help the investor, home owner, developer and builder to gain a huge result from their properties with the best possible solutions.

KK believes that it’s okay to change your mindset and not go with the traditional beliefs of Interior Design and replace them with new and innovative ideas.

Spend time with the experience of KK and her Guest Speakers, experts in their field and you will discover a wealth of knowledge which goes beyond the norm of natural fashion sense. Interested? Then you need to book now – early bird – what are you waiting for. You cannot afford not to book!

LILY Life & Style OD KK an international speaker in Europe and the US, has helped hundreds of clients from all over the globe creating wealth and financial freedom.

Including:  How to stage your property and maximise the return on the sale Simple, step-by-step process on how to select the best paint colours, flooring and finishes to suit your space How to find the highest quality interior design products and finishes at the most affordable prices How to transform your dwelling from a dull and uninspiring space into a gorgeous and aesthetically pleasing property, without having to burn a hole in your wallet. The lowdown on different styles, layouts and finishes. (Don’t even think about starting a makeover without mastering this!) Discover the art of making rooms appear smaller or larger by implementing the super effective Furniture Placement Formula. How to carry out your home makeover from start to finish – the quick and easy way.  How to take limited resources and turn them into eye-catching masterpieces that will literally force people to stop and admire them. (You don’t want to miss this!) How to maximise your rental return on your investment properties.

And much more …

023

This is an exclusive closed door event with limited seats...

KK is touring with her team to share their knowledge and contacts in the following major cities:

MELBOURNE BRISBANE

SYDNEY PERTH

See experts talk about products, ideas, the knowhow and the where to find all products to enhance your property, all of this while you are saving money at the same time. You would be silly not to invest in a full day seminar which will enable you to get maximum dollar return from your property.

Want to know more?

Book Now! Event Link: http://www.stickytickets.com. au/12190

Early Bird - buy one ticket and get to bring a colleague for free – Keeps getting better!

BONUS....

Every attendee on the day will also receive a Designer Goodie Bag worth over $1000...

A Passion For Property Fashion!

Interior Design Expert, International Speaker and presenter Katerina Kapellaki has a very strong passion for Interior Design helping clients from all over the globe in all aspects of Interior Design and is here to help you create your perfect space and create wealth through properties.

Don’t miss Katerina’s Radio Show 

024

LILY Life & Style OD

Priscilla Green www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

LEADERSHIP – WHAT’S YOUR STYLE? DEVELOPMENT OF LEADERSHIP SKILLS IS CRITICAL TO SUSTAINING A BUSINESS, OR MANAGING A HOUSEHOLD FOR THAT MATTER. HAVEN’T WE ALL BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END OF AT LEAST ONE SO CALLED ‘LEADER’ THAT CLEARLY LACKED THE KNOWLEDGE ABILITY, COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND CHARISMA REQUIRED TO FULFILL THE ROLE. So it’s important we understand a little about ‘leadership’ itself in order to determine what sort of leader we aspire to be. So much has been written about leadership: rules, theories, styles and biographies of inspiring leaders throughout world history. However there are certain leadership ideas that we ourselves fail to recognise in the course of reading books or attending workshops. Here is a short list of things any entrepreneur needs to know about leadership.

1. Leaders come in different flavours.

There are different types of leaders and you will probably encounter more than one type in your lifetime.

- Formal leaders are those we elect into positions or offices such as the Senators, Prime Ministers and even Presidents of the local clubs.

- Informal leaders or those we look up to by virtue of their wisdom and experience such as in the case of the elders of a tribe, or our grandparents; or by virtue of their expertise and contribution in a given field such as Albert Einstein in the field of Theoretical Physics and Leonardo da Vinci in the field of the Arts.

Both formal and informal leaders practice a

combination of leadership styles. For example.

Lewin’s three leadership styles:

Authoritative or autocratic leadership generally provides clear expectations on what, when, where and how. They define a clear distinction between the leader and the followers. They act and decide independently with little input. Negative outcomes of this style is said to be less creative decision making and sometimes a controlling, bossy, and dictatorial perception.

Participative or democratic leadership is perceived as the most effective leadership style. They offer guidance to group members and they also participate in the group and allow input from other group members.

Interestingly, Lewin’s study of children in this group deemed they were less productive than the members of the authoritarian group, but their contributions were of a much higher quality. (Haven’t we all seen something like this with our team). With this style members are encouraged to participate and have a final say in the decision-making process thus members feel engaged in the process and motivated and creative.

LILY Life & Style OD

‘PARTICIPATIVE LEADERSHIP IS TEAM ORIENTED, COMMUNICATIVE AND COOPERATIVE.’ Delegative leaders offer little or no guidance to group members and leave decision-making up to group members. This style can be effective where group members are highly qualified and experienced but it may lead to poorly defined roles and a lack of motivation.

For parents or those working with younger people a fascinating outcome of Lewin’s research was that minors under delegative leadership, also known as laissez-fair leadership were the least productive of all three groups making more demands, showing little cooperation and inability to work independently.

Likert’s four leadership styles: Exploitive or authoritative leadership (or as I like to refer to them as the Bully Boss) they use fear and threats; communication is top down.

Responsibility lies in the hands of the people at the upper levels of the hierarchy and the superior has no trust and confidence in subordinates. Decisions are imposed on subordinates and there is a lack of freedom to discuss issues. There is a lack of teamwork, communication and the motivation is based on threats. (Don’t we all know someone working in that sort of environment).

Benevolent leaders use rewards to control but communication upward is censored or restricted. This leader demonstrates a rather condescending confidence and trust in subordinates. Again the subordinates cannot discuss things about the job with their superior. The teamwork or communication is minimal and motivation is based on a system of rewards.

Consultative leadership is something many of us have experienced or at least in a University I certainly have. It offers rewards and sometimes punishments; broad communication streams downwards, however upward is more cautious. Responsibility is spread widely through the organisational hierarchy. The superior has substantial but not complete confidence in subordinates and moderate discussion takes place between the superior and subordinates. There is a fair amount of

025

teamwork, and communication takes place vertically and horizontally. The motivation is based on rewards and involvement in the job.

Participative leadership is team oriented, communicative and cooperative. Responsibility for achieving the organisational goals is widespread throughout the organisational hierarchy. There is a high level of confidence that the superior has in his subordinates. There is a high level of teamwork, communication, and participation. (A participative leader in my experience requires an organisation to adopt a philosophy supportive of this leadership style and when it does it may be successful).

Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence) Six emotional leadership styles: Visionary leadership provides long-term goals and vision. This leader communicates the company’s direction gains input but retains control. Performance goals and management is paramount and measured against the goals of the organisation. This can be integral to the success and achievement of company goals and success. This leadership style can be effective with start-up companies or turnaround and realignment situations for explaining the new direction or vision to employees and gaining support.

Coaching leadership focuses’ on the development of employees. Again performance management assessment techniques can be useful to establish staff strengths and what they could improve or do differently. Staff develop long-term goals, identify strengths and weaknesses and the leader and even peers provide feedback and motivate them to improve. This style is appropriate when your team is well established, consists of experienced and motivated employees who understand the company’s goals.

Affiliative leadership is appropriate when your employee’s are experiencing conflict and you need to promote a harmonious environment. A primary focus is to meet your employee’s needs, affirming activities that keep them happy and avoid confrontations, providing positive feedback and rewarding employees based on the personal characteristics as much as on performance.

026

LILY Life & Style OD

LEADERSHIP WHAT’S YOUR STYLE? CONTINUED

‘ALTHOUGH CERTAIN PEOPLE SEEM TO BE BORN WITH INNATE LEADERSHIP QUALITIES, WITHOUT THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT AND EXPOSURE, THEY MAY FAIL TO DEVELOP THEIR FULL POTENTIAL’.

Democratic leadership as it sounds promotes reaching a consensus. It requires employees making the decisions impacting their work, trust their abilities to make those decisions, which sometimes may involve rewarding a group rather than individual performance, creating a group commitment to the goal. This style could be appropriate when you are not clear about the path forward and you need to leverage the knowledge of your employees.

Pacesetting leadership is useful when you need to execute tasks fast and with high quality. (Whist this isn’t my favourite leadership style, often it’s a necessity with repetitive deadlines and standards to meet).

When you use this style you would emphasise excellence and improvement in performance and set challenging goals. You might describe the attitude as “If you can’t keep up, you shouldn’t be on my team”, but it can be useful if you are trying to create a team with a sense of ‘Excellence’.

This style is appropriate if your employees are highly motivated and do not require manager feedback for further growth. When managing a multi discipline University Department this leadership style was often appropriate as the team were highly skilled and qualified and not only were capable of excellence but wanted to achieve it. Interestingly enough editing a magazine with a team of expert guest writers and contributors is not too dissimilar.

Commanding leadership is appropriate in a crisis, urgent situations and instances where non-compliance will have serious consequences, such as safety. You may also apply it with unmotivated employees where you tried everything you could, but do not see follow-through. It is sometimes suitable for straightforward tasks, where no creativity or innovation are required.

Affiliative Leadership Style. The main objective of this style is creation of harmony.

You are using this style if your primary focus is to meet your employees’ needs, emphasising things that keep them happy and avoid confrontations. You would instead try to provide positive feedback and reward employees based on the personal characteristics as much as on performance.

This style is appropriate when your employee base is conflicting and you need to promote a harmonious environment, when you need to repair broken trust in your organisation or when employees are experiencing personal difficulties. Relying on this style excessively, however, may result in loss of motivation of employees who are better performers as group praise may send a message that poor performance is tolerated. Make sure the performance of employees is adequate.

2. Leadership is a process of becoming.

Although certain people seem to be born with innate leadership qualities, without the right environment and exposure, they may fail to develop their full potential. So like learning how to ride a bicycle, you can also learn how to become a leader and hone your leadership abilities. Knowledge on leadership theories and skills may be formally gained by enrolling in leadership seminars, workshops, courses and conferences. Daily interactions with people provide the opportunity to observe and practice leadership theories. Together, formal and informal learning will help you gain leadership attitudes, gain leadership insights, and thus furthering the cycle of learning. You do not become a leader in one day. Life-long learning is important in becoming a good leader for each day brings new experiences that put your knowledge, skills, and attitude to a test.

LILY Life & Style OD

027

LEADERSHIP WHAT’S YOUR STYLE? CONTINUED

image: Linda Sanchez

‘DAILY INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE PROVIDE THE OPPORTUNITY TO OBSERVE AND PRACTICE LEADERSHIP THEORIES’.

3. Leadership starts with you.

The best way to develop leadership qualities is to apply it to your own life. As the old adage goes ‘action speaks louder than words.’ Leaders are always in the limelight.

Keep in mind that your credibility as a leader depends much on your actions: your interaction with your family, friends, and co-workers; your way of managing your personal and organisational responsibilities; and even the way you talk with the newspaper vendor across the street. Repeated actions become habits. Habits in turn form a person’s character. Steven Covey’s book entitled 7 Habits of Highly Effective People provides good insights on how you can achieve personal leadership.

4. Leadership is shared.

Leadership is not the sole responsibility of one person, but rather a shared responsibility among members of an emerging team. A leader belongs to a group. Each member has responsibilities to fulfil. Formal leadership positions are merely added responsibilities aside from their responsibilities as members of the team. Effective leadership requires members to do their share of work. Starting as a mere group of individuals, members and leaders work towards the formation of an effective team. In this light, social interaction plays a major role in leadership. To learn how to work together requires a great deal of trust between and among leaders and

members of an emerging team. Trust is built upon actions and not merely on words. When mutual respect exists, trust is fostered and confidence is built.

5. Leadership styles depend on the situation.

How come dictatorship ‘works’ for some countries and not others? Or so it seems.

Aside from culture, beliefs, value system, and the form of government, the current situation of a nation also affects the leadership styles used by its formal leaders. There is no rule that only one style can be used. Most of the time, leaders employ a combination of leadership styles depending on the situation. In emergency situations such as periods of war and calamity, decision-making is a matter of life and death. Thus, a nation’s leader cannot afford to consult with all departments to arrive at crucial decisions. Another case in point is in leading organisations. When the staff are highly motivated and competent, a combination of high delegative and moderate participative styles of leadership is most appropriate. But if the staff have low competence and low commitment, a combination of high coaching, high supporting, and high directing behaviour from organisational leaders is required.

Keep in mind that there are always theories and ideas that we think we already know but often it’s the concepts we take for granted that are actually the most useful insights on leadership and combining and creating a style that is fluid and works with your business, family, team and of course your goals.

028

LILY Life & Style OD

DRESS FOR YOUR SHAPE AMALIA SIMPSON FROM ‘MELBOURNE FASHION STYLIST’ SHOWS US HOW

Visit Amalia at www.stylebyamalia.com.au or www.melbournefashionstylist.com.au

LILY Life & Style OD

WIDER SHOULDERS THAN HIPS OR MODEL’S SHOULDERS?

029

No problem in this ss. shoulder slitting dress.

2.

1.

3.

4.

Earrings that dangle and longer hair help to break up your upper body

SHOP THIS LOOK

romantic antique WHITE 5.

NOBODY DOES IT BETTER THAN WHITEPORT

1. Fiona Earrings $39.00 Stella & Dot 2. The Chase Cuff (Gold) $28.00 Molten Store 3. Charlize Clutch – Fuschia $59.00 Coco Kitten 4. Bea Dress by Pia Gladys Perey $ $239.00 Gosh Celebrity Fashion 5. Giuseppe Zanotti Peep Toe Platform Pumps Liza High Heel $2,327.70 Bloomingdales

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

030

LILY Life & Style OD

DRESS FOR YOUR SHAPE with AMALIA SIMPSON

1.

Visit Amalia at www.stylebyamalia.com.au or www.melbournefashionstylist.com.au

DD breasts or bigger?

Separate them, elongate your neck, show o your small waist in this classic wrap top.

HOURGLASS? GOT SOFIA VEGARA’S CURVES?

LILY Life & Style OD

031

2.

Pencil skirts are mming great for trimming tummies.

3.

4.

5.

SHOP THIS LOOK

6.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

1. DIANE von FURSTENBERG Top, Bentley $273.30 Bloomingdales 2. Ainsley Bracelet $98.00 Stella & Dot 3. Lafayette 148 New York Modern Slim Silk Skirt $274.60 Bloomingdales 4. Silver tone rhinestone tassel lariat necklace set $32.00 INPINK 5. MICHAEL Michael Kors Clutch $135.30 Bloomingdales 6. SIREN Tyrah Black Kid Suede $38.90 Style Tread

032

LILY Life & Style OD

Visit Amalia at www.stylebyamalia.com.au or www.melbournefashionstylist.com.au

DRESS FOR YOUR SHAPE with AMALIA SIMPSON

ROUNDED TUMMY AND FULLER WAIST?

033

LILY Life & Style OD

Create extra fullness on top, show o your shoulders and legs, and skim over any tummy issues.

2.

1.

3.

5.

1. DIANE von FURSTENBERG Dress, Lainey Print $503.70 Bloomingdales 2. Soiree Trio Ring $49.00 Stella & Dot 3. Geneve Lace Earrings $44.00 Stella & Dot 4. Negarin London Guggenheim Large Tote from Rtister 5. Windsor Smith Milan Bone $99.95 Style Tread

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

4.

034

LILY Life & Style OD

2.

SHOULDERS NARROWER THAN HIPS: CURVY HIPS LIKE KATIE HOLMES?

Show o your trim upper body and skim over hips and thighs

1.

Make your top half the focus

3.

Let the moving fringe do the talking as you walk

5.

4.

SHOP THIS LOOK 1. Crepe Stretch Doll Dress - Joseph 2. Rows Chain Necklace with Fringe and Diamante Embellished Link - Chicnova 3. Barbara Boner Ginger Fringe Big Tote - Rtister 4. Burnt Copper and Gold Mesh bracelet - INPINK 5. Deandra by Scene $45.95 - Shoe Dazzle Prices are a guide only.

DRESS FOR YOUR SHAPE with AMALIA SIMPSON Visit Amalia at www.stylebyamalia.com.au or www.melbournefashionstylist.com.au

LILY Life & Style OD

LILYOnline GO TO

SHOP

035

SHOP THE ENTIRE MAG

www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

Lily has a complete Online SHOPPING portal where you can browse and shop all the gorgeous designs in our magazine.

036

LILY Life & Style OD

GOOSNYC

jorge Rodriguez a new york based young entrepreneur shares his passion for fashion and business

Image: GOOSNYC

LILY Life & Style OD

037

COMBINING A HEAD FOR BUSINESS AND AN EYE FOR STYLE THIS NEW YORK ENTREPRENEUR IS PROVING DETERMINATION AND A PHILOSOPHICAL ETHOS CAN CREATE A WINNING BRAND.

How did GOOSNYC start?

GOOS has a special meaning, tell us about it?

GOOSNYC started in my economics class at Adelphi University located here in New York City.

I was inspired by other young clothing brands in Brooklyn, NY and Manhattan that were getting exposure and celebrity views. I started brainstorming ideas with a close friend of mine and after two months of research, hard work, and determination GOOSNYC was established and released in January 2013. I truly wanted to express my art and visions through fashion, enter the business world at a young age, and give back to others that are less fortunate such as children dealing with cancer in St. Jude’s Children Hospital.

GOOS is many things. GOOS is faith, GOOS is leadership, GOOS is character, GOOS is ambition, GOOS is love, GOOS is determination, GOOS is humility. At first GOOS stood for “God On Our Side” with the idea that God favours all of our undertakings...(however) it was limiting my market, therefore now the clothing still has a touch of “God On Our Side,” but I mostly represent the egyptian Goose. The egyptian goose represents every aspect of the image of the clothing. The egyptian goose is extremely territorial and often fights with others for breeding ground. This characteristic symbolises the ambition my talent possesses to compete for a spot in the clothing industry spotlight. The goose will push further than what is required to achieve it’s goals. The egyptian geese offspring, even after they are grown, have a relationship with their mother and father. Hence, even after fortune and success I will never forget where I came from; always remembering my roots, being humble, and giving back. This is what I apply to the business, brand and to my life.

What is your background?

I am a New York City born American with a Dominican nationality. My parents are both from the Dominican Republic and both were raised on the island. They migrated to New York, in hope of new beginnings and opportunities. I have a very hardworking father who has strived and worked hard ever since he arrived in New York. I believe the hard work he has endured will one day be rewarded as he watches me succeed.

038

LILY Life & Style OD

Images: GOOSNYC

LILY Life & Style OD

039

THE WHITEPORT LOOK

GOOSNYC has a very unique look, how would you describe it?

GOOSNYC has a very unique look along with many misinterpretations. Many people view my clothes to be “Illuminati”, “Evil”, or “Against God.” But in reality it is the opposite. I am not influenced by a secret society such as the Illuminati nor is my clothing against God. I love irony. I love when people say my clothing is “Illuminati” because it shows me how brainwashed society is in believing something they have no idea is real. In my clothing I look to depict secret symbolism of history, religion, and art. All at the same time. I would describe my clothing designs as historic symbolic ingenuity.

You talk about giving back, how does your company do that?

One of my favourite parts of what I do. Giving back to the children of St. Jude’s Hospital is a blessing. After I release a design and completely sell out, instead of heading to the mall and getting a new outfit, I take a portion of the profit, log onto my account on the St.

Jude’s Children Hospital website and give the donation. It is truly one of the best feelings when I sacrifice my profit for those who are less fortunate and are battling cancer at such a young age.

What advice would you give to other young fashion and design entrepreneurs starting out?

My first piece of advice is Perseverance. Do what you love no matter what obstacles are in your way. Overcoming a difficult obstacle will display the leadership and character you have within you. If you have the vision, the help, the love and determination to make a statement in the business world, go for it! If it doesn’t work out, it was worth a try. You never lose by trying. Also, there are many ways you can enter the fashion world such as being a designer or manufacturer; if you love what you do, you will do what it takes to be part of it. My second piece of advice would be to have a vision set. Know what you want to design, know who your target market is, and know how it will benefit you in the long run. Overall, just be prepared with a strong motivated business and artist mindset.

040

LILY Life & Style OD

THE EDITORS PICKS BLOOMINGDALES

SHOP THIS LOOK

Bloomingdales

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

1.

1. Theory Blazer $382.30, Pants $193.60.

2. Corso Como Pumps - Del Leopard High Heel. $178.30. 3. MICHAEL Michael Kors Tote - East West Signature. $273.70. 3. 4. ABS by Allen Schwartz Drama Coil Bracelet $207.40. 5. B Brian Atwood Platform Pumps - Fontanne $293.80. 6. Milly Clutch - Nikki Fringe Facile $338.70. 7. Salvatore Ferragamo Maggio Silk Scarf $483.90

041

LILY Life & Style OD

FROM THE OFFICE TO A WORK FUNCTION

2.

A QUICK CHANGE OF SOME ACCESSORIES AND YOU CAN RACE OFF

4.

3.

5.

6.

7.

CLASSIC LEOPARD MID HEIGHT PUMPS AND TOTE FOR THE OFFICE

SWITCH FOR SOME HEELS, A CLUTCH AND A METALLIC CUFF

042

LILY Life & Style OD

THE EDITORS PICKS RTISTER

JUSTICIA RUANO Silk Lace Sleeveless Top RTISTER

LILY Life & Style OD

1.

043

SEXY FEMININE GO ANYWHERE IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO HAVE AN OUTFIT THAT WORKS ALMOST ANYWHERE

2.

3.

4.

5.

SHOP THIS LOOK

RTISTER

1. BARBARA BONER Lilith Fringes Bag in Black 2. JUSTICIA RUANO Silk Lace Sleeveless Top 3. ALTEWAI SAOME Obsession Sunglasses 4. A PEACE TREATY Engraved Ring With White Agate Stone 5. VIC MATIÉ Black Wedges Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

044

LILY Life & Style OD

THE EDITORS PICKS SHEINSIDE COCO KITTEN STYLE TREAD INPINK LUX DESIGNER HANDBAGS

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

045

LILY Life & Style OD

LITTLE BLACK DRESS

1.

THE ULTIMATE LITTLE BLACK DRESS MAKES YOU FEEL SEXY, COMFORTABLE AND RELAXED ENOUGH TO HAVE FUN!

2.

4.

3.

5.

SHOP THIS LOOK

1. Arty Ring Black $13.00 Coco Kitten 2. Black leather and rhinestone cross wrap bracelet $32.00 INPINK 3. Siren Tyson Black Heel $139.95 Style Tread 4. Black Girld Cut Out Shift ChiямАon Mini Dress $38.38 SheInside 5. Chanel fringe Vintage bag (preowner) Lux Designer Handbags

046

LILY Life & Style OD

THE EDITORS PICKS RTISTER

ALICE MCCALL Wheel Clocking Top RTISTER

LILY Life & Style OD

047

SOMETHING CHEEKY WHEN YOU LET YOUR HAIR DOWN WHY NOT WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT CHEEKY?

1.

2.

3.

SHOP THIS LOOK

RTISTER

1. JOHN AND PEARL Juliette Necklace 2. ALICE MCCALL Wheel Clocking Top 3. APERLAI Rondine Bronze Metallic Sandals 4. JOHN AND PEARL Polly Bracelet

4.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

048

LILY Life & Style OD

THE EDITORS PICKS RTISTER

ALICE MCCALL BluямГn Tee RTISTER

LILY Life & Style OD

1.

049

BLACK & WHITE BAROQUE CASUAL STYLE WITH TRADITIONAL DETAILS CREATES A CRISP COMFORTABLE LOOK

2.

3.

4.

5.

SHOP THIS LOOK

RTISTER

1. LUISE KELLER Mesh Chain Wrap Around Bracelet 2. ALICE MCCALL BluямГn Tee 3. ANGEL JACKSON Stripe Leather Luxe Fold-Over Clutch 4. LUISE KELLER Swarovski Pendant With Spikes 5. APERLAI Amourette Black Sandals Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

050

LILY Life & Style OD

SELF LOVE You can spend a lot of energy doing things on the outside in order to give you a temporary burst of feeling good. Or you can access an alignment with love, joy and liberty from within; an alignment you can tap into anywhere, anytime and regardless of what is going on in your external reality.

You’re So full of it... LOVE What would you do for Love? Would you give so much, would you compromise yourself, would you settle for a relationship that isn’t right? What would you do to feel such beautiful heart-opening bliss? What would you do to keep feeling your true nature? Would you take drugs, would you eat certain foods, would you drink alcohol, would you have copious amounts of sex?

The good news is that you don’t have to do anything. Love is who you truly are and it can pour through from within you. You can feel so abundant with Love from within that you don’t

need a single damn thing to change around you.

You can feel so amazingly filled up with your essence that you don’t need to search for what you can get and something to fill you up. You can simply flow at one with it all. You can bring your loving, joyful, ecstatic self to wherever you go, knowing you leave the imprint of a state of being that everyone else can tap into as well from within themselves.

How can I feel this love right now?

You can spend a lot of energy doing things on the outside in order to give you a temporary burst of feeling good.

LILY Life & Style OD Or you can access an alignment with love, joy and liberty from within; an alignment you can tap into anywhere, anytime and regardless of what is going on in your external reality. This inner alignment transforms your entire perspective and therefore how you experience your world.

When you love yourself you emit a vibration at the frequency of love. In this, you attract a reflection of love from others. In your fullness of love, however, you are the centre of your own love and the external reality is but a reflected confirmation of what you already know and live. When your heart is not open and flowing with love, you are much more likely to attempt to do this in reverse, that is, turn to the outside for a boost to how you feel, yet this is never truly sustainable.

So, I’m about to give you the question to ask yourself that will line you up with the reality of love flowing from within. When you ask yourself this question, please let go of any mind ideas about the answer, be still in the moment and allow the answer to arise. When you get the answer, whatever it is in the moment afresh, let the answer percolate all the way through your body. In short, feel the answer. Feel the impact of the answer, notice your breath. This powerful question moves your focus in the direction of who you really are. You just have to ask and then allow the answer to come. Once you feel the answer you can ask this question from this place again and it will take you even higher and fuller into the experience of yourself. Keep going in asking from each place until you feel yourself as love. Now surrender and ask: What’s the best feeling-thought I can access right now?

Let yourself be taken over by the love you are.

It doesn’t matter what the answer is, it’s the movement toward the full reconnection of you that will grab you by the hair and coax you right on into it. It’s you with you and no other.

Give yourself to the Love that courses deep within your veins... runs wild and free, pulses purely, fresh like the river. Pounding, resounding, eternally, turning, tumbling, burning, flooding me with ecstasy.

Self-Love... there truly is no other way.

051

You cannot feel in the experience of another. You may be having an experience with another and you are feeling love and they are feeling something else. Or you are feeling upset and they are feeling love. That is all you have, the openness of your own heart, the peacefulness of your own relaxed body whenever you come into full alignment with Love from within. Here, it simply flows through you infinitely and fully, anytime you open the channel of what is always available.

Izabella Siodmak is Miss Gift of UPlift and she can totally support you to feel that love, joy and liberty from within in your 1-on-1 emPower session. One session and you’ll know how to do this for yourself. As an inspirational speaker, author, emPower coach and mental and emotional wellness retreat founder she’s got all the bases covered to ensure you get connected and uplifted, thriving in the yumminess of you.

MORE TIPS? Visit www. izabellasiodmak. com

052

LILY Life & Style OD

ANNE LEWIS

IMAGE: WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU

LILY Life & Style OD

053

ANNE LEWIS IMAGERY When successful Melbourne Fashion Designer Anne Lewis retired she wanted to use her skills and experience to do something creative, something a little bit eccentric, without the pressures of constant deadlines. Anne started to collage images of her favourite things, then digitally printed them onto quality Belgian Linen. The result is 16 designs over four themes. Anne explains “Everything I am passionate about is there, fashion, art, mother nature, architecture! They are lighthearted , full of fun and whimsy. You might even find Mr Giraffe peeking out and smiling at you!”

You’ll find Mr. Giraffe , Anne’s childhood friend in every image.

054

LILY Life & Style OD

ANNE LEWIS

IMAGE: WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU

LILY Life & Style OD

055

THE CAROUSEL COLLECTION ANNE LEWIS

056

LILY Life & Style OD

ANNE LEWIS

IMAGE: WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU

LILY Life & Style OD

057

THE TAXIDERMY COLLECTION ANNE LEWIS

058

LILY Life & Style OD

ANNE LEWIS

IMAGE: WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU

LILY Life & Style OD

059

THE ROMANTICS COLLECTION

ANNE LEWIS

060

LILY Life & Style OD

NO SMOKING COLLECTION

ANNE LEWIS

IMAGE: WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU

LILY Life & Style OD

061

ANNE LEWIS IMAGERY MAY BE PURCHASED ONLINE VIA WWW.ANNELEWIS.COM.AU Designs come in two sized cushion covers or fabric panels suitable for framing.

062

LILY Life & Style OD

HOW TO ELIMINATE SELF DOUBT “The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom is courage.”

Thucydides (471 - 400 BC).

When I was younger, I was very shy and self conscious. For whatever reasons, I had begun to believe the conversation I was having with myself that I was “not worthy”. In the company of people who I saw as being somehow “better than me”, I would be shy and a little awkward.

I believe this belief was adopted by me as a result of going to a very strict and hierarchical school, where authority was not questioned.

Teachers had the power to make your life hell, including getting strapped, caned and receiving detentions without consultation with your parents. Just as the teachers were bullies, so were some of the children.

As I matured, and did a lot of personal development, I came to resonate at higher and higher levels until I saw no great difference between myself and other people in what I previously would have considered to be high positions: like surgeons, CEOs, politicians, famous people and so on.

LILY Life & Style OD They had not changed, but I had changed.

I had realised that I had both a light and dark side to myself that were both of equal value.

When I saw the light in others, I realised that I had that light too. When I couldn’t see the dark in them (that knew I had in me), I realised that they had that dark too, but they were not showing it in the same form as me.

For example, I saw them as being honest in a situation where I might find myself being dishonest. But then I saw they were dishonest in another situation where I would be honest.

Consequently, I stopped putting people up on such a high pedestal and myself in such a deep pit. I stopped being infatuated with others and resenting myself. And vice versa.

When I disliked people, I realised that I just saw in them my dark side. I might have denied it, but there it was - an honest reflection of me. It required courage and humility to admit it. So I stopped putting these people in such a deep pit, and myself on such a high pedestal.

With this change in perceptions, I had a more balanced view. I could see how I was judging others, and in doing so, judging myself. You see, everyone and everything was always a reflection of me. When I realised this, I was able to relate to more people in a more equal way. That formed new relationships with others and (more importantly) with myself. My learning and growth had taken a quantum leap.

063

part of our learning and growth. Knowing this, you can choose the challenges that will help you overcome your self doubt, or wait for your challenges to choose you. (I recommend the former!)

As you choose your challenges, look for those that lead you to more of what you want from life.

That may be great relationships, a strong spiritual life, a powerful social network, a stronger financial position, a career that you love, good health and a clear, knowledgeable mind….or some combination of all these things.

As you achieve these things, you are very well equipped to handle whatever new challenges might come your way. And as you have less self doubt, and a more solid foundation, you will choose greater challenges. This begins an upward spiral of overcoming greater challenges, increasing your self confidence, choosing and overcoming greater challenges and so on... as the challenges come, you are like a kite, rising against the wind. No matter what, there will always be another level of learning so expect the learning to keep coming and when it doesn’t, know that you are dead!

MORE INFO? www. thelifemasterybook. com

I doubted myself far less as I began to relate to people who I had perceived as being far higher up the food chain. These very powerful people began to see me as a valuable ally, colleague, mentor, coach and teacher. As these people didn’t doubt me, I doubted myself less. I felt I finally found the courage to simply be me, and with that, an unimaginable freedom followed by the joy of being valued for who I was.

I also related to people who I had perceived as being lower down the ‘food chain’. As I helped them, I helped myself immeasurably, and doubted myself far less. I am telling you this not to impress you, just to impress upon you what is possible - to show that we can get out of our own way as quickly or as slowly as we like.

You see, everyone will face the challenge of self doubt. Overcoming this doubt is a necessary

An extract from the book “Life Mastery” written by Lee Brogden, Master Personal Growth Coach.

064

LILY Life & Style OD How to eliminate self doubt ...cont...

Whatever transpires, understand this: when the voice and the vision on the inside are greater than the influences on the outside, then you have become the captain of your own ship and a master of your destiny.

Even when you doubt yourself, and others doubt you, you can still draw up a vision of what you want from life. No matter what it is, it’s a start. As you move towards it, the rest will become clearer - as long as you take the time to reflect and allow yourself to dream the biggest most exciting dream you can imagine.

For example, Arnold Schwartzeneggar was born in Austria after the war. His father was a policeman who wanted him to do the same thing. But one day, he saw a movie about America, and he loved everything he saw and so determined that is where he wanted to live. At that time, it was a very unlikely dream, and everyone said it was never going to happen. Then he read a book about a British man who had done body building and got into movies in Hollywood and decided he would follow this path too.

Again, everyone said he was dreaming. Even after his enormous success as a body builder and as an actor, when he decided to go into politics, everyone said he was dreaming… at least until he became Governor of California.

Any time you take action and act on your highest priorities, in line with your vision, you move from being one of the many who are ‘oppressed’ into one of the few who are ‘dominant’ in society. This is a possibility for anyone, no matter what their background or natural abilities.

An extract from the book

‘Life Mastery’ written by Lee Brogden, Master Personal Growth Coach.

www.thelifemasterybook.com

To remove self doubt, begin with an inspired vision, and take actions (no matter how small or large) that benefit yourself and others, in line with bringing this vision into reality. As you travel this path, see the reflections of yourself in others, and you will remove, then eventually eliminate self doubt.

065

www.etsy.com/shop

Image: Flora + Fauna

066

LILY Life & Style OD

Baby Kaiden

Elise Toomey-Brown

“I’LL TAKE ONE CHEATING HUSBAND, A FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL AND A NEWBORN BABY PLEASE.” If I had of been given the option of my husband cheating on me with my best friend whilst I was about to give birth to our first born, or my mother being diagnosed with terminal cancer, I’d take the cheating husband.

Anger promotes motivation, but grief is completely debilitating. People think this concept is strange, why would anyone wish their husband to cheat on them? Given the choice of my mother’s health or my husband’s fidelity when I give birth to my first child, my husband’s fidelity wins hands down. When you consider all the things that can go wrong in your life, all the things that will completely change you or define you, both of these stand out for me. In my wildest, most horrific dreams, I could never imagine my mum not being here for me when I became a mum myself, not being able to see her enjoy my baby as her

grandchild, was a thought too painful to ever have.

My husband and I were married in the 10th month of 2010, a date said to be ‘lucky’. Soon after our perfect wedding we conceived our first child. I had been warned that getting pregnant may be a challenge because of a strange and unusual autoimmune disease and my history of harsh medication used to treat it, but we managed to conceive the very month we tried. Conception was never our problem, maintaining a pregnancy was the real issue. I had been pregnant for the better half of two years, and I have just the one perfect little baby, Kiaden Tait.

My mum had a miscarriage sometime between my older sister and I, countless times I recall her

LILY Life & Style OD recollecting the grief associated with losing her baby. My entire life I thought she was being melodramatic and pathetic, until May of 2011 when I lost my first baby. She never told me of the physical pain associated, the graphic reality of seeing your baby and its heartbeat in a scan and then a few days later seeing your body pass the foetus and then having to take it into hospital with you in an old make up bag for further examination, with the hope of discovering why it is you couldn’t carry this love to full term.

Life is full of grief and happiness, that’s how it’s fuelled, but the concentration of my grief and happiness somehow turned out to be greater and denser than I ever expected. Three weeks after I became redundant, the very date I had requested maternity leave from a job that enriched me with passion and purpose, my mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I had looked forward to my maternity leave not only for the joy of my baby but also for having more free time to spend with my mum, to plan for my baby, decorate, shop and get excited with my mum, the one person who clearly

067

understood my thrill for this little person I had not met yet. But none of that excitement was to be fulfilled.

Being a mum was my one true thing, the one thing I knew for certain. My mum and dad had told me I had to complete school and go to University, get a degree, get an education, get a career but at the same time they always managed to pass on the joy of being a parent.

Not being a mum was never an option for me and now I realise this is because my own mum carried out the role with such thrill and excitement my entire life that it always appeared so attractive. Mum used to say to me, ‘you never truly appreciate your mother until you become a mother yourself’. I always appreciated my mum, she was my best friend but now I realise, the truth to this saying is really that you never truly appreciate how loved you are by your mother, how much she really would do for you, that she really would walk on hot coals or to the end of the earth for you, until you have your own child. You just cannot possibly fathom that kind of love until you give birth and see your own little baby.

GIVEN THE OPTION OF MY HUSBAND CHEATING ON ME WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHILST I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH OR MY MOTHER BEING DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL CANCER, I’D TAKE THE CHEATING HUSBAND. Proud Nanny Kay

Elise, Luke and baby Kaiden

Not long after my mother’s funeral, a friend said to me that you can never be certain about your future, that my husband could walk out on me for another woman. Arguably not the most supportive thing to tell a new mother, possibly her choice of timing was also in bad taste, but nevertheless, true, we never know what is around the corner. Those things you think of happening that you expect would absolutely destroy you, apparently, are possible to get through. In my case, a little tiny bundle of gorgeous, no bigger than 72cm in length has been the greatest counsellor and source of support I could ever ask for. Never be surprised by what the human heart and mind can cope with, I’ve seen grief and heartbreak so much in my last few years, but I’m still here and I still manage to laugh and smile.

Written by Elise Toomey-Brown

068

LILY Life & Style OD

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

LILY’S BRIDAL FEAST

LILY Life & Style OD

069

There is no better occasion to reinvent the 1920’s Gatsby glamour than a wedding party. We show you some of our favourite ways to bring a little glam to your special day.

BRING A LITTLE ROMANCE AND DECADENCE INTO YOUR WEDDING DAY

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

070

LILY Life & Style OD

Image: lacunha.com Headpiece Mata Hari’s Daughter

Gatsby classic glamour

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

1.

1. Headpiece by Mata Hari’s Daughter, styling by LoveFloraFauna. 2. Sue Wong Gown, V-Neck Spaghetti Strap. Bloomingdales. $840.90. 3. Swant Earrings, $222.00. Neha Jewellery, Nimli. 4. Chantilly Lace Cuff. $98.00. Stella & Dot.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

LILY Life & Style OD

071

3.

4.

Gatsby classic glamour 2.

072

LILY Life & Style OD

beaded beauty Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

1.

LLILY ILY Life Life & Style OD

2.

073

beaded beauty

3..

3

4.

5.

1. Headpiece by Mata Hari’s Daughter, styling by LoveFloraFauna. 2. Deco Drop Earrings $44.00. Stella & Dot. 3. Windsor Tassel Necklace. $89.00. Stelle & Dot. 4. Abundant Elegance Bracelet. $49.99. ModCloth. 5. Aidan Mattox Beaded Gown, Sleeveless Cinched Prices are a guide only.

Waist. $795.30. Bloomingdales.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

074

LILY Life & Style OD

bridal gatsby style 1. Aidan Mattox Gown, Cap Sleeve Beaded Blouson. $726.10. Bloomingdales.

2. Loren Crystal Chandeliers. $48.00. Humble Chic.

3. Lucia Bracelet. $69.00.

Stella & Dot. 4. Badgley Mischka Peep Toe Platform Evening Pumps. Humbie II. $275.80. Bloomingdales.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

Headpieces hand made by Mata Hari’s Daughter

LILY Life L & Style OD

075

2.

3.

4..

4 1.

076

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

077

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

078

LILY Life & Style OD

GATSBY simple elegance

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

1.

LILY Life & Style OD

079

simple elegance 3.

3.

4..

4

2..

2

1. Headpiece by Mata Hari’s Daughter. 2. Sue Wong Gown Long Strapless. $896.30. Bloomingdales. 3. Diane von Furstenberg clutch, Sutra Metallic Canvas. $448.20.

Bloomingdales. 4. Karina Necklace. $58.00. Humble Chic.

5. Maxime by Evelyn Miles. $218.00. Shoesales.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

5..

5

080

LILY Life & Style OD

GATSBY simple elegance

1.

1. Headpiece by Mata Hari’s Daughter. 2. Sue Wong Gown, Beaded Ruffle Skirt. $730.30. Bloomingdales.

3. Ainsley Bracelet. $98.00. Stella & Dot. 4. Triple chain pendant necklace and earring $40.00. INPINK. 5. Tyrah Rose Gold Metallic Kid. $38.90. Style Tread.

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

Image: Flora + Fauna for Mata Hari’s Daughter

LILY Life & Style OD

081

3.

1.

1.

4.

simple elegance

5.

2.

082

LILY Life & Style OD

THE YIN AND THE YANG OF YOGA Leonie Lockwood Flowing Life Massage and Yoga www.flowinglife.com.au

Yoga invites us to look within ourselves to harmonise mind, body and spirit and more frequently in the West we are seeking these opportunities. Yoga classes and yoga teachers are popping up all over Melbourne and the rest of the world, embracing differing styles of yoga with a passion.

We are mostly familiar with yang style yoga practices such as Ashtanga, Dynamic Hatha, Vinyasa flow, Bikram and Power yoga. These practices are essentially dynamic, uplifting practices which energise our inner fire. For us to implement and persevere with change in our lives we need the dynamism, creativity and flow these practices offer. A yang practice gives us the vigour to rise once more when we stumble.

To maintain inner equilibrium we also need times in our lives for stillness and inner

contemplation, which in turn allows a space to explore our reactions and responses. A yin practice cultivates these qualities. Both yin and yang yoga practices should be practiced for lifestyle balance.

One cannot exist without the other, much like the sun and moon.

The lesser known yin yoga practice focuses on creating an opening to allow the cultivation and transference of a deeper mindfulness to both our inner and outer selves – the yin and the yang of our personalities.

LILY Life & Style OD

The yin practice can take us deep within our lesser known aspects, sometimes called the Shadow side in Jungian psychology, and may provide illumination as we sit in a mindful, comfortable discomfort in these aspects. It is in the observation of our responses to both physical and mental discomfort that we can learn most about ourselves.

Leonie can also be found teaching Yin Yoga at Breathe Wellbeing breathewellbeing.com.au.

A retreat combining yin with the yang is scheduled for 20/9 22/9/13 at Hepburn Springs, Victoria, Australia. Contact www.breathewellbeing.com.au

In a physical sense a yin practice focuses on a stressing and subsequent softening of the deep connective tissue* that weaves throughout our body as we surrender in the poses, whereas a yang practice will stress and strengthen our musculature. Strength and suppleness are created in mind, body and spirit when these practices are in balance. A key characteristic which sets yin yoga apart from other styles is the predominant use of seated or lying postures to target key areas of connective tissue. Props are used in a yin class to support the body as it resides in the pose.

With the weight of our lives tipped towards increasingly yang lifestyles, a simple, profound and enlightening yin practice can tip the scales back into balance.

*connective tissue – bones, ligaments, tendons, joints, fascia

083

Leonie Lockwood Owner of Flowing Life Massage and Yoga www.flowinglife.com.au

084

LILY Life & Style OD

FRENCH RIVIERA CREATE THE LOOK OF A FRENCH GETAWAY IN YOUR HOME MELINDA DASS FROM DECORATE MY ROOM SHOWS US HOW WITH JOSS & MAIN

1.

2.

3.

5.

4.

7.

www.decoratemyroom.org

6.

Joss & Main showcases themed shopping events. Visit our stockist page for Joss & Main details.

1. Canant Sleeper Sofa with Pillows. 2. Dash & Albert Indoor/ Outdoor Diamante Rug in Khaki. 3. Sorrento Vase. 4. Silk Peony Arrangement. 5. Varaluz Tangiers Pendant. 6. Cote D’Azur Canvas Wall Art. 7. Laurel Console Table. CLICK to go to Joss & Mains ever changing range

LILYLife Life&&Style StyleOD OD LILY

085

COCOCOZY

MELINDA LAYERS COCOCOZY’S COLLECTION TO CREATE THE BACHELOR PAD LOOK

1.

2.

3.

5.

Images: www.cococozy.com

Prices are a guide only.

CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

4.

1. COCOCOZY Logo Throw. $333.00. 2. Oxford Pillow Cover Linen Pillow Cover. $163.00.

COCOCOZY. 3. Arch Linen Pillow Linen Pillow. $299.00 COCOCOZY. 4. Lacquered box and Lucile tray. COCOCOZY. 5. Oxford Rug. $5,748.00

086

LILY Life & Style OD

JOSS & MAIN OASIS by

OASIS

LIVING

www.decoratemyroom.org

IMAGE: WWW.JOSSANDMAIN.COM

1.

2.

Joss & Main showcases themed shopping events. Visit our stockist page for Joss & Main details. 1. Navina pillow. 2. CLICK to go to Joss & Mains ever changing range Tapestry wall mirror. 3. Trellis room divider.

3.

LILY Life & Style OD

087

RELAX IN YOUR OWN OASIS 4.

MELINDA DASS CREATES A PLACE TO UNWIND WITH JOSS & MAIN

5.

6.

7.

10.

9.

CLICK to go to Joss & Mains ever changing range

8.

4. Hampshire media console. 5. Island bay sofa. 6. Hyannis round coffee table. 7. Dina rug. 8. Aleisha storage bench. 9. Chainlink table lamp. 10. Coronado china cabinet. CLICK ON DETAILS TO SHOP

088

LILY Life & Style OD

OASIS

BEDROOM

1.

Joss & Main showcase themed shopping events. Visit our stockist page for Joss & Main details.

JOSS & MAIN OASIS by

www.decoratemyroom.org

4.

5.

2.

3.

1. Bridgeport Storage Cabinet. 2. Embrace storage Bench yellow.

3. Rug DREA. 4. Kewala wall mirror. 5. Marlina Arm Chair. (Availability changes daily) CLICK to go to Joss & Mains ever changing range

089

LILY Life & Style OD

TURN YOUR BOUDOIR INTO AN OASIS MELINDA DASS CREATES A BEDROOM HAVEN WITH JOSS & MAIN

6.

8.

9.

10.

CLICK to go to Joss & Mains ever changing range

11.

Joss & Main showcases themed shopping events. Visit our stockist page for Joss & Main details. 6. Amelia accent chair. 7. Hyannis lamp Table 8. Savanna Table Lamp 9. West Indies Bed 10. Faux Calla lily Arrangement 11. Barbados Chest . 12. Hyannis rectangular coffee table

12.

090

LILY Life & Style OD

MARY A TRUE SURVIVOR Mary Mummert, an inspiring paraplegic mum and abuse survivor shares her story of how starting life with childhood and sexual abuse can spiral a life out of control. But with a strong will, faith, determination and the support of family and friends even the mostextreme experiences can be overcome.

This is Mary’s story...

My abuse started when I was only 4 years

old. My mother would beat me with belt buckles, switches, metal fly swatter handles and wouldn’t think twice about it. She married a man that worked hard, but was a nasty drunk.

He and my mother would get into horrible fights and sometimes the cops were called. I can remember one night my then stepfather fought with them on the front porch and I was told later he had tried to grab one of their guns.

On that morning I can remember being taken to my grandmother’s house. Her house was my safe place and I enjoyed quiet time there with her and her roommate. Happily playing and watching the trains pass through her front yard, waving to the conductors as they passed by.

LILY Life & Style OD The day came for me to come home and I knew that I’d be beaten more. Bloody cuts and bruises were often the results from my mother’s so called discipline.

Fast forward 3 years to age of seven...more abuse from my mother, only this year she allowed what should have never happen. Her brother who was 11 years older than me came to stay with us from Georgia. I figured cool, another family member that wasn’t abusive... was I ever wrong.

He abused me sexually and it happened 3 times.

My mother at the time was taking classes at the local college and had a lady down the street watching me. I liked the neighbour and enjoyed time with her. One day while she was watching me I got up the courage to tell her what my Uncle had done to me. I asked her not to tell my mother because I was scared of what she might do. Well, she told my mother anyway.

My mother questioned me as to what happened and I told her. She called her husband at work and told him. My Uncle was made to leave the house and the police were called. I can remember 2 officers coming to talk to me and I being so afraid to open up to strangers.

Sometime after that, the weather was sunny out, I had come home from the neighbours after playing and we had hot dogs and French fries for dinner. As I was eating police showed up with a social worker and took me to a group/foster home. I was so scared, but in the morning my father came down from Virginia and took me back home to be with him. It was a bitter battle and eventually 2 years later my father was awarded full custody. My saving grace! However, the actions of my mother and uncle affected me for the next several years.

My grades in school would go up and down and my behaviour was off the wall. I eventually ended up in a behaviour modification program.

There were no visits from my mother, only letters and phone calls. She was always so negative towards me. As the years rolled by I acted out, threatening family and my siblings.

I was in and out of numerous psych hospitals, group homes and juvenile hall. After a couple years my father gave up custody of me completely, because I was out of control and he probably feared for the rest of my immediate family. I was evil, or so I thought.

091

As far as the sexual abuse went, yes it did impact my relationships, but I didn’t give myself to a guy until I was almost 20. I wanted to try and save myself for marriage. Guys seem to understand that and usually didn’t pressure me, which was good.

Fast forward to the age of 19... I was in a relationship with a man who I thought loved me.

He worked hard, but he was a nasty drunk. As the months rolled on I lost both my volunteer and paid job, my house was falling down around me, I never knew where my next meal would come from, had no friends that I could turn to and my family barely spoke to me. I tried desperately to get help. One night with nothing to lose (or so I thought at the time) I pointed a loaded rifle at myself because I couldn’t deal with the situation anymore. My now ex husband tried to take it from me. He didn’t know, that it was rigged, a near fatal mistake. The gun went off and I became partially paralysed as a result. I spent nearly 6 weeks in the hospital, had 2 surgeries and then 2 months in rehab to learn how to function as a paraplegic.

This was in 2001.

Between 2001 and 2004 I lived wherever I could, putting up with physical and mental abuse and eventually ended up in jail (conspiracy to commit arson when my ex husband burned down a abandoned house to keep a vagrant from breaking into our basement I had given my ex the stuff therefore was deemed to have conspired. A lesson learned and I haven’t been in any trouble since). It was rough. I parted ways with my husband because I realised that he was my down fall.

After I did my 4 months jail time I was released to the local shelter. During that time I met my son’s father. We ended up getting a place together.

Within weeks I became pregnant with my son.

When I was 5 months pregnant his father got drunk and chased me with a metal police baton. I feared for our lives, I wasn’t going to lose my baby because of him. I had nowhere to go and he was the main supporter for our income.

After my son was born I figured things were going good and stayed with him. However, when he drank things got out of control. I wanted to leave with our son, but the local police told me it would be kidnapping if I did. So I stayed. This was July of 2007.

092

LILY Life & Style OD

MARY A TRUE SURVIVOR cont..

‘I don’t have the physical scars that many abuse survivors have, but I have the emotional and mental scars. I used to think I wasn’t worthy of life, or that I wasn’t beautiful. But I realise now that I am beautiful, I am a SURVIVOR, and I am empowered to defend myself, my son and any of those close to me from abuse of any form!’

In August of 2008 my mother passed away and I wasn’t allowed by my sons father to go and say goodbye to her. Soon after he lost his job and was being picky about where he wanted to work. I spent my savings trying to keep a roof over our heads. After a few months I had to leave. It was either I leave or I commit suicide. I left and couldn’t take our son with me. I had to leave him behind and that was the worst decision I have ever made. But I made sure our son was provided for. A month after I left I got a phone call from the neighbours telling me that my sons father took off with him to Maryland.

I spent months not knowing how my son was doing. I suffered depression and sad nights, not knowing how my son was doing. I weighed about 110 pounds when I went to the shelter and 5 and a half months later I only weighed 84 pounds. Eventually I found the State Law that said I had custody of our son because his father and I were never married. By God’s grace I managed to convince him to come back across the state line. I had my son back, I didn’t cut his father out of his life but I wish I had.

Three and a half months later I received a strange phone call. It was from the FBI. They asked where my son was and they explained that they had arrested his father and that they needed to come to my home and speak with me.

‘Ok fine’, or so I thought. When they came to my home, my world collapsed. He had been arrested for sending child porn across state lines. I was in shock. I later found out that he took pictures of our son. He was never convicted of

possession, even the Commonwealth didn’t pick up the case. As a mother I was furious! But eventually he was convicted and received almost 20 years in a federal prison.

Eventually I met another man, I did marry a 2nd time, and left him because again he was an abusive, controlling drunk. It has been 3 years since I’ve had a man in my life. I’m now on my own with my son and loving life. My son is smart and amazing and I’ve never felt better. What I didn’t mention in this story is that yes, I was the aggressor some of the time, but I was also naive and scared. I was hit, controlled and at times did turn to alcohol. All of my life I’ve put up with various forms of abuse, had several suicide attempts and made some very poor decisions at times. But there were lessons learned, and I learned some the hard way. I am now free from alcohol for 2 and a half years and prescription pain pills that I was taking as a result of the pain from my injury and I never touched illegal drugs the whole time the abuse happened.

I don’t have the physical scars that many abuse survivors have, but I have the emotional and mental scars. I used to think I wasn’t worthy of life, or that I wasn’t beautiful. But I realise now that I am beautiful, I am a SURVIVOR, and I am empowered to defend myself, my son and any of those close to me from abuse of any form!

We can overcome, even though we are scared, and WE CAN better ourselves! The first thing you have to do is believe in yourself and believe that you can overcome. Only then can you make better decisions for yourself and possibly your children. Know your state laws and know local resources to get help. If the police won’t help you, then there are toll free numbers that can.

(Go to the Empowered and Beautiful website for info).

‘A person who commits battery isnt known as a habitual offender until he/she is charged a 3rd time. ‘

LILY Life & Style OD Marys experience highlights the complexities and inadequacies of the laws and support services that are meant to protect victims of abuse. Mary explains...

093

www.empoweredandbeautiful.com

In the Commonwealth of Virginia a person who commits battery isn’t known as a habitual offender until he/she is charged a 3rd time. We have protective orders here, but they are limited. The 1st protective order is good for 72 hours and bans a person from coming in contact with the abused. It can be issued by a magistrate, an extension on the order can be obtained for 2 weeks. After that the judge has to extend the order and it can last up to 2 years. (Ref. Section 18.2-57.2 of the Code of Virginia).

If a person is found guilty of assault or assault and battery then the person is usually released on the 1st conviction and serves no jail time and usually isn’t put on supervised probation. A 2nd and 3rd offense could mean jail time and probation. Anger management, counseling and restitution could also be ordered by the judge based on the severity of the crime.

In my state a lot of women who are unmarried aren’t aware that they can leave a domestic situation WITH their children if they aren’t married to their father. I learned that too late. The frightening thing is that up until the 3rd offense the convicted can still legally own weapons such as handguns and rifles.

There are shelters here in Virginia but not enough bed space for those who are abused.

Usually after a few days the abused have to leave even if they have nowhere to go.

And more often than not they have to go back to their abuser as they have nowhere else to go and they see the abuser as a provider and they are scared that they will be hurt more. Resources are limited for those abused and going through local agencies only goes so far. A lot of people who are abused have no transportation and are on a low income. Funding for counseling or mental health centres comes from the government and the Commonwealth.

EMPOWERED AND BEAUTIFUL LILY Online Magazine is a Community Partner with ‘Empowered and Beautiful’ a network for domestic violence survivors. Join their Facebook community at www.facebook. com/EmpoweredAndBeautiful and support them and each other.

If you are in danger, call 911, (Australia 000) your local domestic violence hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

For all international numbers including Australia visit: http://www.hotpeachpages.net/ www.hotpeachpages.net has a world map of every Domestic Violence Centre Internationally.

NEED

SUPPORT?

094

LILY Life & Style OD

IS CHIVALRY ALIVE IN THE MODERN MAN?

Written by Ms Passion herself Madonna Barr from Change Central

HAVE YOUR SAY @

www. changecentral. com.au

I have had the pleasure of surveying 50 successful entrepreneurial men on how they feel about the role of Chivalry in modern day relationships. I personally found the answers to portray an astonishing picture and with great joy and a sense of relief, the unequivocal answer is YES…it sure is!

The survey was based on 6 key questions, so buckle up and let’s take a journey through the modern chivalrous male mind…

Q1.

Do you truly believe in equality of the sexes…especially in relationships?

Yes: 75% No: 25% The common threads as to why not…  Women like men to take the lead, especially in the bedroom!  We are designed differently and perform different roles so to be treated equally in every aspect would be a disservice to our unique qualities.  Equality is hard to measure. On what basis are we defining equality? The vast majority of Yes’s let the literal interpretation prevail and based their answers on basic human rights.  Behind all answers was an underlying questioning of whether equality actually happens… if it’s a comforting myth.

Q2.

So how about in the natural dance of attraction does equality exist then? Do you believe in Chivalry?

Yes: 95% No: 5% It is refreshing to see the survey results reflecting a high degree of emotional intelligence and rational behind the answers to this question. The main threads reveal:  Most responses worked on the premise that Chivalry meant bravery, courtesy, good manners, honour and gallantry. Defining the meaning of Chivalry seemed to be important and makes a difference in the practice and teaching of it to the younger generation.  Chivalry is primarily expressed in actions like picking up the tab for dinner, holding open the door, pulling out chairs, helping the elderly and protecting family/ children.  Men are motivated to be chivalrous not from a place of inequality, but rather quite adamantly from a place of deep respect, appreciation, care and concern. Being chivalrous isn’t always associated with actions within a romantic relationship. Many felt it was important for the male to take the lead in the attraction game as the balance of power changes like the tides during this time with each measuring each other against wants, desires, expectations and past experience. Whilst it doesn’t appear common in this modern age, it is something that men need to seek out and learn.

LILY Life & Style OD

095

Q3.

Principally, how does equality exist in a Chivalry-centric relationship?

Yes: 75% No: 25%

Q4.

Could you date a partner who did not either agree with or accept your chivalrous nature? Yes: 30% No: 70%

The first thing I noticed was consistency in the answers. The very men who felt that equality did not exist stuck to their beliefs and carried them through to this question. It was sheer pleasure to read some of the “Yes” answer threads:  Mutual respect and love are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Acts of chivalry (like offering your jacket to your date on a cold night) has nothing to do with them not being capable. It is a courtesy and offering without expectation of reward.  Being a gentleman does not detract from a partnership.  Modern chivalry means being courteous and kind. It doesn’t mean what it meant a hundred years ago where the man had a dominant relationship over the woman. Striving to be equal to your partner is not the goal of romantic chivalry. It relates to behaviour rather than reward.  It mainly depends on a person’s upbringing as to the extent of their chivalrous behaviour. Both men and women can be chivalrous.

It’s not surprising, now knowing more about where their motivation comes from, that they are not tolerant of dating a person who does not value their efforts.

Even the men, who said yes, appeared to cautiously answer yes.

They conditioned their answer heavily with it depending on where their partners’ motivation for not accepting their gestures originated. Some of the resounding no comments were:  No I couldn’t be with a partner who didn’t appreciate my efforts. It wouldn’t last very long and we’d be having an early night.  I remember being dumped at high school for taking a girl out on a date and paying for their dinner.

Needless to say, after that, I knew I was better off without her.  What type of person would not want another to demonstrate the best of how a person should be treated!  I think secretly all women like chivalry, but fear they’re submitting/losing ground by accepting it.  There have been serious difficulties when my partner construed my kind actions as negative.

‘What type of person would not want another to demonstrate the best of how a person should be treated!’

096

LILY Life & Style OD

Continued..

IS CHIVALRY ALIVE IN THE MODERN MAN? Even the yes answers still needed to express and feel a sense of giving.  Yes I could because I accept people for their individual inner beauties and traits and I would focus on other ways of giving.  Yes as long as it was mutually respectful.  Yes I have done so many times.

I find the more a woman matures, the more she appreciates the gestures

Q5. So thinking about your chivalrous nature, is there a particular action that you do for your partner that never fails to add a touch of romantic sparkle to the relationship?

Well…after reading the responses…I am sitting here blushing and feeling the love…. here’s the lovely list! Having a door held open for them and standing aside allowing them to walk through first.  Running around to open the car door and holding their hand as they get out of the car. Waiting to close the car door when they are safely in.  Offering to help with things they might need doing.  Always giving flowers on the first date.  Pulling the chair out.  Offering to pay for dinner / the night out / cook a nice meal with candlelight at home.  Holding out my arm so they may wrap their arm in mine while we’re walking. Not just holding hands, but the arm is a sweet touch. Sticking up for them and their honour. Just generally being considerate, empathetic and supportive.

Listening, not just hearing, puts my partner at ease and naturally adds a sparkle.  Putting my jacket around their shoulders if it’s a cold night always makes them smile.

Q6. So what could your partner do on a date to add a touch of romantic sparkle?

Listen up to these ideas… they could make the difference between getting a second date or not!  Flirt and ignore every other person in the vicinity  Sometimes it’s the simple acts like suddenly stopping and leaning in for a kiss. Little things done consistently yet with an element of surprise.

 Dress well, wear nice perfume /aftershave, comment on my tie/ jacket, compliment my eyes and positive attributes. Touch my hand, neck or arm,  Be receptive, responsive, interested, enthusiastic, appreciative and contribute to the stimulating conversation.  Go with the flow, relax and let your partner do the romantic chivalrous things for you and comment on how much you appreciate it.  Be soft, sexy and feminine  Don’t try and impress on the first date, just be yourself.  Have a great sense of humour and a happy nature.

LILY Life & Style OD

097

For the most part, men believe in equality and strongly responded that it has no bearing on whether they are chivalrous or not…and nor should it.

In conclusion: So the message that is loud and clear is graciously allow the space for Chivalry to happen. It’s one of the greatest gifts you will give yourself and your partner. It’s a big green light signal that silently and powerfully expresses appreciation, care, concern and respect for each other. The fundamental motivation for being chivalrous has nothing to do with equality.

As women, we raise our sons to believe this is the right way to treat others. And yet, as sensual singles, how is it that a high percentage of women allow their fears of inequality and the projection of their fierce independence to inadvertently stop them from receiving the very kindness, love and respect that we attentively instil in our sons?

The majority of men felt being chivalrous is the right thing to do and when it’s rejected it reflects a lack of appreciation and kindness. For the most part, men believe in equality, and strongly responded that it has no bearing on whether they are chivalrous or not…and nor should it.

Does the concept of equality really need to be a considered factor as to whether chivalry is an acceptable way to interact with each other? In short, no it doesn’t. Equality and Chivalry can coexist in a healthy balanced romantic relationship. So enjoy it, embrace it, flirt with it and luxuriate in it. Next time, just say a graceful and sincere “Thank You”, that is the kindest thing you can do in return.

LILY EXCLUSIVE OFFER www.Change

Central.com.au

RECEIVE 25% off all full priced services by quoting Lily and receive a FREE

‘Lifes Essential Questions’ checklist when you make your booking!

Holistically creating life balance

CLICK HERE TO

BOOK NOW offer ends 30/9/2013

“When balancing life’s demands, it’s important to have someone who supports you emotionally, guides you to manage your state and has strategies that work.

Someone who completely believes in the possibilities of your potential and keeps your faith ahead of your fears”.

Madonna Barr

Founder/Life + Business Coach/Speaker

madonna_barr@bigpond.com www.changecentral.com.au www.facebook.com/changecentral www.twitter.com/MadonnaBarr 0424 656 321

098

LILY Life & Style OD

Stephanie Kennar www.foodieskitchen.com.au/blog/

Switching to organic produce a number of years ago made so much sense to me. Initially it was all about flavour; tomatoes that tasted like the home growns I knew growing up, corn bursting with sweetness and heady smelling greens.

Recipients of my meals would comment about the best tart, soup or sauce they had ever tasted. I discovered an ease and joy of cooking that I never knew before. I began to understand and feel the direct connection of good quality fuel for my body. The fruit and vegetables, local, just picked and without chemicals gave me a feeling of vibrant health.

Purer food became a sort of health insurance.

The only downside initially was the expense buying from organic greengrocers or supermarket aisles. I’m fortunate where I live now that there are Farmers Markets I can visit weekly at reasonable prices, but I still look for ways to maximise every organic fruit and vegetable dollar spent by putting my scraps and pulp to work.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR ORGANIC DOLLAR The leftover scraps, skins and pulp from organic fruit and vegetables are packed with flavour and vitamins, and most often have enough punch to create another meal or snack. Here are some ways to re-purpose them.

LILY Life & Style OD

099

micro plane or zester these and remove the outer layer only, either freeze in an airtight container, or dry, spread the zest on a towel until dried, then store in a clean jar.

Bake a cake or muffin: Fruit pulp such as apple and orange add great flavour and moisture.

Vegetables too, like beetroot work great in a chocolate recipe and carrot pulp can create a whole cake (Up to equal parts of flour and pulp work well).

Add a fruity kick to breakfast: Fruit pulp is a great addition to yoghurt, smoothies and bircher muesli. Keep small bags frozen, it’s quick and easy, all the prep is done.

Get creative with frozen fruit pops: Add leftover fruit pulp to fruit and puree them together. Make layers with other fruit purees and add whole fruit pieces into Popsicle moulds, or place into ice cube trays for your next cocktail.

Vegetables Add green goodness to your juice or smoothie: Keep the stems from coriander, parsley, spinach and watercress as well as celery and beetroot leaves in a bag to go into your next drink.

Roast your pumpkin seeds: When prepping pumpkin, keep the seeds. Remove the membrane but do not rinse the flavour away.

Roast on baking paper in the oven for about 15 minutes. Great as a snack or garnish on stir fry or salads.

Make potato crisps: When peeling potatoes save the skins, they freeze well to use later. When ready to use, add a small amount of olive oil and lemon juice to coat. Spread them out on baking paper, bake at 200 Deg for about 10 minutes or until golden and season to taste.

Flavour and fibre for soups, muffins and burgers: Use the vegetable pulp from juicing – carrot, celery and kale are perfect for this. Chop up skins and ends from zucchini, sprouts, and parsnips.

Cabbage ends can be sliced and added to a savoury pancake.

Fruit Make Citrus zest: After juicing lemons, limes, oranges or grapefruit, make zest for future use – it’s great added to cakes, tagines and pesto or

Stephanie Kennar, Foodies Kitchen www.foodieskitchen. com.au/blog/

0100

LILY Life & Style OD baked long peppers couscous and currants

Stephanie from Foodies Kitchen shows us how to make an impressive exotic dish that’s much eaiser than you think.

Preheat oven to 190 Celsius Prepare the couscous to the packet directions and set aside. Trim the tops off the peppers, only 1-2 cm from the top and set the tops aside. Insert a small knife inside the pepper and cut out the seeds and membrane. Turn upside down and shake or gently tap to remove the seeds.

Add the remaining

ingredients to the couscous and mix thoroughly. Carefully spoon the mixture into the peppers, compacting it with your finger, then place the top on. Place in a small oven proof baking dish and bake for 30-35 minutes or until peppers are soft and browned. Remove from the oven and serve with a simple green salad and it’s great with something spicy, such as a tomato kasundi or relish.

INGREDIENTS 110g couscous 6 long peppers 1 tbsp pumpkin seeds (pepitas) 1-2 tbsp pine nuts 1-2 tbsp chopped almonds 2 tbsp currants 1 tbsp mint leaves chopped 1 tbsp flat leaf parsley chopped 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil, plus extra for drizzling 60g Haloumi, cut into small dice Salt and freshly ground black Recipe by Stephanie Kennar, Foodies Kitchen www.foodieskitchen.com.au/blog/

sorrel soup

LILY Life & Style OD

0101

INGREDIENTS 45g butter 1 onion or leek, chopped 340 gm. sorrel, rinsed and coarsely chopped 1 small round lettuce or a bunch of watercress A small handful of parsley 900 ml boiling stock (vegetable or chicken) Salt and freshly ground pepper 1-2 free range egg yolks - optional A little butter or 4 tbsp. of cream

A great way to get a refreshing injection of greens, sorrel provides a number of vitamins and minerals. It has high levels of vitamins A, B9 and C and has a slight lemon tang flavour.

Melt the butter in a large saucepan and sweat the onion or leek until soft and translucent. Add the sorrel, parsley and lettuce or watercress and allow to wilt briefly. Pour on the boiling stock and add seasoning to taste. Simmer, uncovered until vegetables are cooked through, about 8 minutes. Puree in a food processor or blender, and then pass through a wire sieve to remove the fine fibres.

into a special meal, serve it in a shallow bowl and top with a poached egg and kale crisps. It also works as a lovely ‘soup sip’ served in small glasses and garnished for a stand up party.

Kale chips Preheat an oven to 175 degrees C. Line a cookie sheet with baking paper.

With a knife or kitchen shears carefully remove the leaves from the thick stems and tear into bite Return to the pan and heat size pieces. Wash and through without boiling. thoroughly dry kale with Beat the yolks in a small a salad spinner and place bowl with a small amount on paper towels. Ensure of the soup, then add back all water has evaporated. into the soup and stir over Drizzle kale with a small very low heat without boil- amount of olive oil and ing until slightly thickened. sprinkle with seasoning The egg yolk adds a velvety salt. texture.

Bake until the edges brown Stir in a knob of butter or but are not burnt, about 10 cream. To make this soup to 15 minutes.

“As the sorrel loses its vibrant green colour when cooking, I prefer the addition of watercress to lettuce when preparing this dish for friends.

Although traditionally available in spring, markets have Sorrel most months of the year.”

Stephanie Kennar, Foodies Kitchen www.foodieskitchen.com.au/blog/

0102 LILY Life & Style OD

LILYOnline GO TO

SHOP

SHOP THE ENTIRE MAG

www.lifeandstyleonadime.com

Lily has a complete Online SHOPPING portal where you can browse and shop all the gorgeous designs in our magazine.

LILY Life & Style OD

Life & Style on a Dime

VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT

WWW.LIFEANDSTYLEONADIME.COM

0103