December Issue-2021

STATESMAN

ISSUE NO. 3 : 2021

18

BATTLE OF THE BLACK BEARDS

24

COLORFUL PERSONALITIES

35

SHOP ‘TIL YOU DROP

40

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CHILD

thompson wakefield

ella grimm

margaret ann mickelberg

olivia brost

MAGAZINE

THE DECEMBER ISSUE

CONTENTS THE DECEMBER ISSUE

25

30

35

2021 IN REVIEW

DECEMBER: SAFE TOYS AND GIFTS MONTH

margaret ann mickelberg

mara tiede

emma southwick

SPORTS

26 THE HARDEST AP CLASSES AT LHS clare heupel

lydia sarbacker

A SEMESTER TEST SURVIVAL GUIDE adrienne revier

NEWS 4 WHY ARE WE LIVING IN AN OVERPRICED WORLD? anna engels

FEATURES

16 12

20 ENTERTAINMENT

LINCOLN TRADITIONS ACROSS CULTURES vanessa timat

15 GLOW UPS AND GROWN UPS joy bilal and elana bishop

20 A COLLECTION OF TALENT

32 COMPETITIVE COMPANIONS

27

15

PERSPECTIVES 33

28 STATESBUDS: FRIED PICKLE EDITION veronica iseminger

DEIFICATION OF THE FOUNDERS daniel bethke

34

29 THE MARVEL DILEMMA reese duncan

HOSPITALIZATIONS AND COVID-19 VACCINATIONS delaney gramlick

ashleigh ericson

GET INVOLVED

6 TENHAKEN TIDBITS brooks houwman and raina marty

8 ALL HAIL HAL henry haft

10 A STUDENT'S MISSING PIECE laura heckenlaible

16 LHS BEST BUDDIES hannah cisar

17

23 LHS LOWERS THE LACK IN LITERACY leighton feltman

TEACHER SUPERLATIVES bella engebretson

18 BATTLE OF THE BLACK BEARDS thompson wakefield

24 COLORFUL PERSONALITIES ella grimm

36 CHRISTMAS THROUGH THE AGES morgan sandness

38 WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE SUCKS fisher meyerink

39 ARE SCALPERS REALLY SCUMBAGS? paige gordon

40 CURIOSITY KILLED THE CHILD olivia brost

43

21 baily plourde

SHOP ‘TIL YOU DROP

Statesman

CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS THAT NEED TO GO rachel blackman

PAPER EDITORS-IN-CHIEF- Anna Engels, Chloe Houwman & Adyson Sand ONLINE EDITORS-IN CHIEF- Daniel Bethke & Kate McCartney FEATURE EDITORS- Hannah Cisar & Jada Sandvall ENTERTAINMENT EDITORS- Baily Plourde & Taylor Schmitz PERSPECTIVES EDITORS- Olivia Brost, Margaret Ann Mickelberg & Veronica Iseminger SPORTS EDITORS- Gage Gohl, Caleb Hiatt & Morgan Sandness NEWS EDITORS- Emma Forster & Thompson Wakefield SATIRE EDITOR- Henry Haft STAFF WRITERS- Anna Anderson, Joy Bilal, Elana Bishop, Rachel Blackman, Sarah Bomhoff, Claire Brown, Haleigh Caaway,

Reese Duncan, Bella Engebretson, Carter Ericson, Ashleigh Ericson, Leighton Feltman, Paige Gordon, Delaney Gramlick, Ella Grimm, Laura Heckenlaible, Clare Heupel, Brooks Houwman, Allison Kolling, Raina Marty, Gabie McConnell, Fisher Meyerink, Avery Nelson, Lydia Nelson, Adrienne Revier, Lydia Sarbacker, Emma Southwick, Mara Tiede, Vanessa Timat, Kate Tollinger, Ariahna Wells

ADVISER- Katie Kroeze

2

3

BREAKING BREAKINGNEWS: NEWS:

BY BY ANNA ANNA ENGELS ENGELS , E,DITOR EDITOR -IN--C INHIEF -CHIEF

TT

pricey gasgas cannot cannot be limited be limited he murmurs he murmurs flooding flooding pricey to one cause cause or even or even a few. a few. grocery grocery store store aisles, aisles, to one According to Forbes, to Forbes, in in gasgas station station pumps pumps According January 2021, 2021, Biden Biden signed signed andand clothing clothing stores stores January executive executive order order to stop to stop are are maturing maturing to the to the highest highest the the production production of oil of in oil in degree. degree.

It isItno is longer no longer a rumor a rumor the the America America in hopes in hopes of aiding of aiding causing causing faintfaint white white noise noise fight fight against against climate climate when when oneone enters enters a building; a building; the the change.

Despite Despite his his efforts, efforts, people people are are utterly utterly distressed distressed change.

America America is now is now forced forced to to by the by the increased increased prices prices of of on other on other countries countries for for merchandise merchandise andand essentials essentials in in relyrely pushing pushing America America under under today’s today’s world. world.

TheThe frequently frequently oil, oil, foreign foreign influence influence andand terms. terms. asked asked questions, questions, “why “why are are This This hashas caused caused America America to to items items so expensive?” so expensive?” andand acquire acquire oil at oilaatmuch a much slower slower “when “when willwill it end?” it end?” thatthat are are pace, notwithstanding notwithstanding Biden’s Biden’s circling circling ourour world world willwill finally finally pace, attempt attempt to ask to ask for for an increase an increase be satisfied. be satisfied. in the in the production production rate.rate.

Americans Americans havehave alsoalso been been Most Most commonly commonly in high in high demand demand for for diesel diesel mentioned mentioned in today’s in today’s routine routine gasgas everever since since the the COVID-19 COVID-19 conversations conversations is the is the surge surge pandemic pandemic started started to fade to fade out.out. of gas of gas prices prices throughout throughout People People are are hitting hitting the the roads roads ourour nation. nation.

TheThe numbers numbers again again to see to see andand connect connect withwith were were crunched, crunched, andand overover thisthis friends friends andand family family thatthat theythey pastpast year, year, the the costcost of gas of gas formerly formerly could could notnot visit. visit.

This This hashas increased increased by 42% by 42% from from tiesties in with in with the the well-known well-known its previous its previous yearly yearly average average word word inflation, inflation, which which is ais a of $2.10 of $2.10 per per gallon. gallon.

This This leading leading factor factor in the in the general general displeasing displeasing occurrence occurrence of of public’s public’s questions. questions.

According According

GAS: GAS:

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the the U.S.U.S. government government maymay to Investopedia, to Investopedia, “Inflation “Inflation is is extract extract in order in order to “cope to “cope withwith the the raterate at which at which the the value value unexpected unexpected disruption disruption in in of aofcurrency a currency is falling is falling and,and, anyany the the crude crude supply,” supply,” stated stated the the consequently, consequently, the the general general National Public Public Radio.

Radio.

Because Because level level of prices of prices for for goods goods andand National the the SPRSPR is not is not unlimited, unlimited, nornor services services is rising.” is rising.”

A major A major it commonly usedused in these in these cause cause of the of the currently currently highhigh is itiscommonly circumstances, releasing releasing oil oil inflation inflation is the is the rising rising energy energy circumstances, from thisthis source source willwill notnot be an be an costs. costs.

DueDue to “domestic to “domestic supply supply from end-all solution solution to this to this crisis. crisis. interruptions interruptions andand trouble trouble in in end-all This being being said,said, as itasisitone is one energy energy markets markets overseas,” overseas,” saidsaid This of the fewfew findings findings for for thisthis Business Business Insider, Insider, the the nation nation hashas of the been been hit hit hard hard withwith inflation, inflation, complication, complication, it can it can helphelp offset offset putting putting tremendous tremendous stress stress on on the the farefare of gas of gas temporarily. temporarily. the the Biden Biden administration. administration.

President President Biden Biden hashas Unfortunately, Unfortunately, gasgas is not is not commented commented on his on his highlyhighlythe the only only crucial crucial component component priced priced economy economy overover the the a comfortable lifestyle lifestyle thatthat pastpast fewfew months, months, stating stating thatthat to atocomfortable has has escalated escalated in expense. in expense.

The The inflation inflation “is a“istop a top priority priority for for New New York York Times Times revealed revealed that that me.”me.”

Trying Trying to take to take action action intointo supplies, supplies, too, too, are are on the on the climb climb his his ownown hands, hands, Biden Biden andand his his a costly record, record, suchsuch as as cabinet cabinet considered considered alternatives alternatives to atocostly meat meat increasing increasing by more by more thanthan to help to help reduce reduce the the costcost of of 13% 13% in the in the last last year. year.

Many Many gas.gas.

OneOne option option thatthat theythey of the products products experiencing experiencing composed composed waswas to release to release oil oil of the this this spiral spiral are are caused caused by the by the from from the the Strategic Strategic Petroleum Petroleum previously previously mentioned mentioned factor: factor: Reserve, Reserve, or the or the SPR. SPR. TheThe SPRSPR inflation. inflation.

However, However, there there is is is an is underground an underground stockpile stockpile more more to the to the high high price price than than of raw of raw andand natural natural oil that oil that

SUPPLIES: SUPPLIES:

This process process is not is not oneone “that “that oneone maymay see see on aonproduct. a product.

TheThe This happens happens immediately,” immediately,” stated stated hundreds hundreds of thousands of thousands of of National National Public Public Radio.

Radio.

“A “A supply supply containers containers stuck stuck at sea at sea the the longer-term solution solution is for is for havehave “become “become both both a symptom a symptom longer-term shipping companies companies to consider to consider of and of and a contributor a contributor to global to global shipping alternate ports.” ports.” supply supply chain chain problems,” problems,” thusthus alternate TheThe much-talked-about, much-talked-about, affecting affecting the the merchandise merchandise inflated economy, economy, is ais a prices prices duedue to supply to supply shortages. shortages. inflated large large concern concern for for civilians civilians Because Because the the ports ports are are notnot throughout the the nation; nation; being being unloaded unloaded fastfast enough, enough, throughout however, however, the the factors factors causing causing duedue to over-buying, to over-buying, the the it cannot be confined be confined to only to only containers containers are are notnot being being sentsent it cannot aspect. aspect.

Releasing Releasing crude crude oil oil backback to Asia to Asia in enough in enough timetime to to oneone meet meet the the consumer consumer demand. demand. to the to the public public andand demanding demanding a a 24-hour work work service service in order in order TheThe price price for for a 10a or 10 20-foot or 20-foot 24-hour container container hashas doubled doubled andand in in to open to open the the ports ports is innovative is innovative though impermanent. impermanent.

There There some some cases cases tripled tripled from from a year a year though ago,ago, thusthus forcing forcing companies companies is no is direct no direct answer answer to the to the to increase to increase the the costcost of their of their widespread widespread questions questions thatthat flutter flutter in and in and outout of peoples’ of peoples’ product. product.

Biden Biden hashas made made heads. heads.

With With thisthis in mind, in mind, the the efforts efforts to unclog to unclog the the ports; ports; government hashas recognized recognized however, however, asking asking them them to stay to stay government open open for for 24 hours 24 hours comes comes the the tolltoll the the economy economy is having is having on Americans andand is doing is doing withwith problems. problems.

Urging Urging them them on Americans to remain to remain open open for for longer longer what what is deemed is deemed necessary necessary in in order to get to get a life a life of normalcy of normalcy periods periods of time of time affects affects truck truck order drivers’ drivers’ hours hours andand stores, stores, as as backback on track. on track. theythey need need to be to willing be willing to to DESIGN DESIGN

BY ANNA

BY AE NNA NGELS ENGELS staystay open open as well as well to unload to unload ARTWORK ARTWORK

BY ANNA

BY AE NNA NGELS ENGELS andand restock restock the the products. products.

OnOn Nov. Nov. 23,23, Biden Biden andand hishis advisors advisors officially officially tapped tapped into into thethe government’s government’s underground underground crude crude oil oil supply. supply.

The The 50 50 million million barrels barrels released released from from thethe Strategic Strategic Petroleum Petroleum Reserve Reserve willwill be be taken taken outout of of four four different different sites sites throughout throughout Louisiana Louisiana andand Texas.

Texas.

According According to to Energy.gov, Energy.gov, thethe oil oil willwill be be available available andand delivered delivered from from January January through through April April of of 2022, 2022, with with some some early early distribution distribution in late in late December December 2021.

2021.

The The SPR SPR willwill be be replenished replenished with with crude crude oil oil throughout throughout 2022, 2022, 2023 2023 andand 2024 2024 from from thethe companies companies that that received received thethe oil oil from from an an exchange. exchange.

Companies Companies that that hold hold thethe oil oil forfor an an extended extended period period of of time, time, willwill need need to return to return an an additional additional amount amount back back to the to the SPR. SPR.

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homeless,” said TenHaken.

TenHaken’s day can end anywhere from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., although he does not mind because he truly feels like he is making a dif erence. While having a moment of realization before deciding to run for mayor, TenHaken had felt as though he stil needed to find his

BY BROOKS HOUWMAN & RAINA MARTY purpose in life; he wanted to make a A signed Michael Jackson album, TenHaken has been the mayor of years of life experience and traveling erence. Even afterspeakileavingnwigtfhoother r colmayors, lege ” said organ art and a claw machine. These Sioux Falls for three and a haldiff years ction studyi in ng abroad,TenHaken. objects seem random, but they all have and wil be running for reeleand been in other cities a he realiz“Iedhavethere something in common. Paul TenHaken, April. He is 44 years old, married and lot and through that I know how special was no city that could compare to Sioux the mayor of Sioux Falls, S.D., keeps a father to three children. Before being Sioux Falls is.”

Falls.ng all these objects on display in his office. mayor, TenHaken started a marketi Every great city has its problems, The claw machine is for the kids, the technology company in 2008. “This is a great citbuty, aTenHaken great prides himself on taking organ art because he thought it was “I had a company that built apps and action in finding solutions. This starts community. I say that [after] having 44

‘TEN’HAKEN ‘TEN’HAKEN

figure out how we can solve them,” said “Men who are 21-22 TenHaken. college and wanting t Situations like these do not only because I’ve started a challenge adults. There are children and I’d like to pass do throughout Sioux Falls who need more knowledge onto them assistance than most people may see. TenHaken’s bigges TenHaken sees what is sometimes his mark in Sioux Fal missed by others. way possible. He wan “Some of the hardest criminals in legacy and make peop to be harder on kids who are criminals, let’s askSitheouxquestiFalonlofs are why between a 16-year- ages of 15 and community.

TenHaken was born old is carryi n g a gun and thi n ks that 22, and we’re zeroing in on that [by] “I want people to s in Iowa but grew up is a good thing to do. What happened trying to figure out why that is. Is it inthiMinnnesota. gs done. We built when they were 10 or 11 that is causing them tothei potentir parents? al y ruin theiIsr lifiet,”thei said r lifestyle that parks, all this stuff, bu TenHaken.they have chosen to adopt that’s causing loves people,’” said Te Since TenHaken wanted to be more all that? Rather than saying we need

TIDBIT TIDBIT

TenHaken does TenHaken does triathlons and would triathlons and would like to do another like to do another half Iron Man. half Iron Man. TenHaken drinks drinks aTenHaken white Monster a white Monster Energy every day Energyofevery day instead coffee. instead of coffee.

TenHaken attended TenHaken attended Dordt College as Dordt College as a aGraphic Design Graphic Design major. major.

TenHaken was the mascot of the Sioux Falls Skyforce.

TenHaken does triathlons and would

unique and Michael Jackson signed album well, because who would not want everyone to see that?

TenHaken has been the mayor of Sioux Falls for a half of years TenHaken hasthree been and the mayor and will befor running for areelection Sioux Falls three and half yearsin April.

44 years marriedinand and willHe be is running forold, reelection a father children.

Beforeand being April.

Heto is three 44 years old, married TenHaken startedBefore a marketing amayor, father to three children. being technology company in 2008. mayor, TenHaken started a marketing technology company in 2008.

“I had a company that built apps and “I had a company that built apps andsaid social media marketing campaigns,” social media marketing TenHaken.

“I did that campaigns,” for 10 years said then TenHaken.

“I did that years then sold that company tofor run10for mayor.” soldAthat to run for verycompany busy schedule hasmayor.” been one very busyimpacts schedulefrom has been one ofAthe many TenHaken ofwinning the many TenHaken theimpacts electionfrom in 2018.

After winning election in 2018.

After his waking the up at 4:30 a.m., he begins waking up at 4:30 a.m.,working he beginsout hisand daily routine by first daily routine by first working out doing his devotions. By the time and he gets doing devotions.kids By the timetohewake gets done,his TenHaken’s begin done, TenHaken’s kids begin to wake up. His kids are nine, 13 and 16, who all up.

His kids areFalls nine,Christian.

13 and 16, who all attend Sioux attend Sioux Falls Christian.

“My oldest drives, but the younger “My oldest drives, but the younger two, even though they could ride with two, even though they could ride with my oldest, ride with me so we can stop, my oldest, ride with me so we can stop, get donuts and talk in the car,” said get donuts and talk in the car,” said TenHaken. “I like that time with them.”

TenHaken. “I like that time with them.”

Once the kids have been dropped off Once the kids have been dropped off at school, TenHaken’schaotic chaoticday day really at school, TenHaken’s really begins.

As soon as he arrives at City begins. As soon as he arrives at City Hall,calls callsare aremade madeand andmeetings meetings Hall, areare held.

There is a very wide variety held. There is a very wide variety ofof mayoralduties dutiesTenHaken TenHakenmust mustattend attend mayoral to. to. couldbebedoing doinganything anythingfrom from “I“Icould meetingwith withstudents studentstotogoing goingtoto meeting BishopDudley Dudleytototalk talk[with] [with]the the Bishop homeless,”said saidTenHaken.

TenHaken. homeless,” TenHaken’sday daycan canend endanywhere anywhere TenHaken’s from55p.m. p.m.toto9 9p.m., p.m.,although althoughhehe does from does notmind mindbecause becausehehetruly trulyfeels feelslike like not hehe makinga adifference. difference.While Whilehaving having isismaking aa moment momentofofrealization realizationbefore beforedeciding deciding totorun felt runfor formayor, mayor,TenHaken TenHakenhad had felt asasthough he still needed to find his though he still needed to find his purpose aa purposeininlife; life;hehewanted wantedtotomake make difference.

Even after leaving for college difference. Even after leaving for college and there andstudying studyingabroad, abroad,heherealized realized there was no city that could compare to Sioux was no city that could compare to Sioux Falls.

Falls.

“This “Thisisisa agreat greatcity, city,a agreat great community.

4444 community.I Isay saythat that[after] [after]having having

social media marketing campaigns,” said TenHaken. “I did that for 10 years then sold that company to run for mayor.”

years of life experience and traveling to be harder on kids who are criminals, speaking other mayors,” said ask the question of criminals, why a 16-yearyears of life with experience and traveling to belet’s harder on kids who are TenHaken. havemayors,” been insaid other cities alet’sold carrying a gun andathinks that speaking with “I other askisthe question of why 16-yearlot and through that Iinknow a good thing do.thinks What that happened TenHaken.

“I have been otherhow citiesspecial a old is carrying a guntoand Falls is.” whenthing they were or 11 that is causing lotSioux and through that I know how special is a good to do.10 What happened great city has its problems, when them potentially life,” said SiouxEvery Falls is.” theytowere 10 or 11ruin thattheir is causing but TenHaken on takingthemTenHaken.

Every great cityprides has itshimself problems, to potentially ruin their life,” said butaction TenHaken pridessolutions. himself on taking in finding This starts TenHaken.

Since TenHaken wanted to be more action in finding solutions.

This starts TenHaken wanted more Falls, with people in the community who need Since involved with the youthtoofbeSioux with people in the community who with the youth of Sioux Falls, help, to hearing out students andneed their involved he started Sioux Falls’ first organized help, to hearing outthe students he started Sioux Falls’ first organized voices to better city. and their Mayor’s Youth Council.

The main focus voices“Homelessness to better the city.

Mayor’s Thefrom mainthe focus is a challenging is to Youth start toCouncil. get input youth “Homelessness is a challenging is toby start to get input from thewould youth like to issue. A lot of times there’s a lot of asking them what they issue.

A lot of things times there’s a lot of what they would like to underlying that people don’t see by asking see in them the city. underlying thingshomelessness. that people don’t see see in the that’s causing There’s “If city. we had an idea of putting in a that’s causing homelessness.

There’s “Ifskate we had putting in a say, we maybe addiction challenges, broken parkanonidea theofeast side, let’s maybe addiction challenges, broken skate park on the east side, let’s say, families, felonies that make it hard for propose this to our parks boardwe which families, felonies that make it hard for propose this of to our parks board which them to find a place to live or loss of consists people 30-60-years-olds, them to find a place to live or loss of identification,” said TenHaken.

“We areconsists thenof wepeople bring 30-60-years-olds, it to our city council identification,” said TenHaken.

“We are then we bring it to our city constantly trying to find the root causes which consists of 40 tocouncil 60-year-old constantly trying to find the root causes which consists of 40 to 60-year-old of homelessness in our community and people. Then they all vote on it and of homelessness in our community and people. Then they all vote on it and determine how we can help it.” say, ‘yeah go ahead and do it’ nowhere determine how we can help it.” say, ‘yeah go ahead and do it’ nowhere TenHaken tries his hardest to in that process did we include someone TenHaken tries his hardest to in that process did we include someone make Sioux Falls a better and more who was 15 years old or 20 years old,” make Sioux Falls a better and more who was 15 years old or 20 years old,” welcoming city. TenHaken notices said TenHaken. welcoming city. TenHaken notices said TenHaken. things that other people do not usually Followed by that, TenHaken created things that other people do not usually Followed by that, TenHaken created see.

He does not just look and decide, a mentorship program Sioux52, see. He does not just look and decide, a mentorship program calledcalled Sioux52, he takes the time to really uncover the which focuses on giving the youth he takes the time to really uncover the which focuses on giving the youth roots issues. someone to look to.even He even roots of of thethe issues. someone to look up to.upHe helpshelps “Some people say we need more with young adults getting a “Some people say we need more with young adults getting a boostboost in in shelters when shelters are only a their new lives ahead of them, making shelters when shelters are only a their new lives ahead of them, making symptom of a deeper problem.

Why sure they are off to a good start. symptom of a deeper problem. Why sure they are off to a good start. would need bigger shelters?

Why “I like to mentor specifically young would wewe need bigger shelters?

Why “I like to mentor specifically young would there be more homeless people? menmen are starting businesses. would there be more homeless people? whowho are starting businesses.

It’s It’s must look at the deeper issues of sweet my sweet said TenHaken.

WeWe must look at the deeper issues andand kindkind of my spot,”spot,” said TenHaken. figure how solve them,” “Men are 21-22 coming figure outout how we we cancan solve them,” saidsaid“Men whowho are 21-22 coming out ofout of TenHaken. college wanting to start a company, TenHaken. college and and wanting to start a company, Situations these do not because started a couple companies Situations likelike these do not onlyonly because I’ve I’ve started a couple companies challenge adults.

There children and and I’d to likepass to pass challenge adults.

There are are children I’d like downdown somesome hard hard throughout Sioux Falls more knowledge knowledge them.” throughout Sioux Falls whowho needneed more ontoonto them.” assistance than most people maymay see.see.

TenHaken’s biggest goal goal is to is make assistance than most people TenHaken’s biggest to make TenHaken sees what is sometimes his mark in Sioux Falls in the best TenHaken sees what is sometimes his mark in Sioux Falls in the best missed by by others. wayway possible.

He wants to live missed others. possible.

He wants toout liveaout a “Some of the hardest criminals in legacy and make people feel safe thein the “Some of the hardest criminals in legacy and make people feel in safe Sioux Falls are between ages of 15 and community.

Sioux Falls are between ages of 15 and community.

22,22, andand we’re zeroing in on [by] “I want people to say, we’re zeroing in that on that [by] “I want people to ‘yes say, we ‘yesgot we got trying to figure out why that is.

Is it things done.

We built roads and trying to figure out why that is. Is it things done. We built roads skate and skate their parents?

Is itIstheir lifestyle thatthat parks, all this stuff,stuff, but that their parents? it their lifestyle parks, all this but guy that just guy just they have chosen to adopt that’s causing people,’” said said TenHaken. they have chosen to adopt that’s causinglovesloves people,’” TenHaken. all all that?

Rather than saying we need that?

Rather than saying we need

TenHaken was born in Iowa grew up TenHaken wasbut born in Minnesota. in Iowa but grew up in Minnesota.

S S

TenHaken was the mascot of thewas Sioux TenHaken the Falls Skyforce. mascot of the Sioux Falls Skyforce.

organ art and a clawJackson machine.

These A signed Michael album, objects seem but theyThese all have organ art andrandom, a claw machine. something in random, common.but Paul TenHaken, objects seem they all have the mayor of Sioux Falls, S.D., keeps something in common.

Paul TenHaken, all objects on display in his office. thethese mayor of Sioux Falls, S.D., keeps The clawobjects machine for theinkids, the all these onisdisplay his office.

The claw machine is for the kids, the organ art because he thought it was organ art heJackson thoughtsigned it was unique andbecause Michael uniquewell, and Michael signed album because Jackson who would not albumeveryone well, because would not want to seewho that? want everyone to see that?

SSSS

‘TEN’HAKEN TIDBIT BROOKS HOUWMAN & RAINA MARTY Jackson album, BYABsigned ROOKS Michael HOUWMAN & RAINA MARTY

BY

with people in the community who need involved with the youth of Sioux Falls, help, to hearing out students and their he started Sioux Falls’ first organized voices to better the city.

Mayor’s Youth Council. The main focus

TenHaken is an avid TenHaken an Minnesota avid fan of isthe fan of the Minnesota Vikings.

Vikings.

TenHaken goes to TenHaken to year Haitigoes every Haiti every year for a mission trip. for a mission trip.

TenHaken keeps a TenHaken keeps a sign called streetstreet sign called ‘Jack Nicklaus’ ‘Jack Nicklaus’ in his in his from when office office from when the the famous famous golfergolfer stayedstayed in Sioux in Sioux Falls. Falls.

TenHaken a TenHaken spent spent a semester in college semester in college in Amsterdam. livingliving in Amsterdam.

TenHaken loves loves TenHaken jeeps, jeeps, has had has had multiple Jeeps multiple and Jeeps and all around is a Jeep all around is a Jeep Guy. Guy.

TenHaken is an avid

DESIGN BY BROOKS HOUWMAN DESIGN BY BROOKS HOUWMAN ARTWORK BY RAINA MARTY ARTWORK BY RAINA MARTY

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HAL’S MOVIE

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SCAN TO WATCH

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Spontaneous and clever are words used by LHS senior Hal Lamb to describe his personality. You might have seen him and his voluptuous flowing black hair whiz past you in the hallway. Maybe you saw him at his family’s Vietnamese restaurant ¨Lambs¨. Perhaps you saw him filming at a volleyball or basketball game. Lamb can be seen everywhere as he has invested himself deeply in the school, community and the activities that he loves. At school, he is involved in Orchestra, bird club, math club, origami club, umbrella syndicate, Patriot Pride, Murphy’s Mentors and is the secretary of NHS. Lam moved from California to South Dakota when he was three years old. Him and his family have lived here ever since. He started his education at the Challenge Center and from there went on to the EMS honors program. Lamb then went onto LHS where he has become a beloved student by many classmates and teachers.

“There is no one like Hal Lamb,” said LHS English teacher Shawn Bogart. “I got to know him as a freshman pretty well. He would do things like pull an all-nighter to make an animated video project, and then as an extra bonus, he would make a second video project just to ‘Rickroll’ the whole class. That’s Hal. He really is his own person.”

One of Lamb’s many pastimes is movie making.

“I made one movie,” said Lam. “I don’t know if I’m gonna make a second one, but I have been recording myself playing games, and I edit the videos myself.”

Linked below is the full-length movie titled “Changing Fate” made by Lamb. Although Lamb loves recording, editing and directing, his true passion is game making.

“I want to be a videogame designer,” said Lamb. “The classes I am taking are all just general computer science, but the specific one I am most interested in is game design.”

Lamb can be seen in his free time playing and making games. When Lamb graduates from LHS, he plans on going to college to pursue a career in game design; a unique major that he hopes to thrive in. I then asked Lamb what two words he would use to describe himself.

“Spontaneous; is one, because I can do whatever I want basically,” said Lamb. “And clever because I can solve riddles, puzzles, all that stuff. I have ingenuity and great ideas.”

A well-respected individual of the LHS community, Lamb sets sail for life and is expected to do nothing but the best in the future. His creative mind and friendly soul will take him as far as he wants to go.

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design by Henry Haft photos by Henry Haft

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BYAURA LAURA HECKENLAIBLE

BY L HECKENLAIBLE

LAURA HECKENLAIBLE

Involvement is Involvement is especially important “Froma afreshman freshmanacademy administration is hopeful that not only especially academystandpoint, standpoint,important for Involvement is especially important for for thethe “From administration is hopeful that not only high school students.

It opens up multiple high school students.

It opens up multiple all-freshman, but students of all ages will we want all 9th graders to become high school students. It opens up multiple all-freshman, but students of all ages will we want all 9th graders to become opportunities and catalyzes relationships opportunities and catalyzes relationships get involved and try something new. sophomores, then go on to be juniors, then opportunities and catalyzes relationships get involved and try something new. sophomores, then go on to be juniors, then and experiences would never encounter experiences would never encounter The mere thought joining a club is seniorswho who areable abletotograduate graduateon ontime,” time,” and and experiences oneone would never encounter The mere thought of ofjoining a club is one seniors are without getting involved.

Many students are without getting involved.

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Through clubs, smaller groups of and stress.

It’s important to remember and become more involved.

Students who created.

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They allall know and through discussion, playing games, having what it is like to walk in for the first time engaged and grounded in the atmosphere through having through discussion, playing games, having what it isdiscussion, like to walk in for the first time engagedplaying and grounded in the atmospheregames, atat difficult conversations and even knitting as a bundle of nerves.

What is so amazing LHS. difficult conversations and even knitting as a bundle of nerves. What is so amazing LHS. difficult conversations and even knitting exercising together.

Clubs allow the about clubs LHS is the community. youhave have[those [those relationships and and and exercising together.

Clubs allow the about all all thethe clubs at at LHS is the community.

“If“Ifyou and and exercising together .relationships Clubs allow the fostering of relationships and exposure to NoNo matter if one islong-time a long-time member connections]then thenyou youare aremore morelikely likelytotobe be fostering of relationships and exposure to matter if one is a member connections] fostering of relationships and exposure to viewpoints opportunities. their first time, anyone welcome a partofofLincoln, Lincoln,see seethe thebenefits benefitsofofit,it,and and newnew viewpoints andand opportunities. or or it’sit’s their first time, anyone is is welcome a part new viewpoints and opportunities.

At LHS for the 2021-2022 school year, and encouraged to come to any of the actually enjoy it,” said Smith.

At LHS for the 2021-2022 school year, and encouraged to come to any ofthe the actually enjoy it,” said Smith.

At LHS for 2021-2022 school year, involvement in clubs become a major multiple clubs ranging from FROG club Thecommunity communityofofLHS LHSisisa apopulation population involvement in clubs hashas become a major multiple clubs ranging from FROG club toto The involvement in clubs has become a major focus. administration made it their Young Young Progressives club.

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LHS administration has made it their to have every freshman involved a clubs clubs may scary, long-term benefits eachother. other.Without Withoutspecific specificties, ties,something something goalgoal to have every freshman involved in ain may be be scary, thethe long-term benefits each goal to have every freshman involved in a extracurricular or co-curricular outweigh anxiety and awkwardness that is ismissing. missing.People Peopleneed needrelationships relationshipsjust just club,club, extracurricular or co-curricular by by thethe outweigh thethe anxiety and awkwardness that club, extracurricular or co-curricular by the of the school year. of this initiative may may come at the start. likethey theyneed needwater watertotodrink drinkand andfood foodtoto end end of the school year.

PartPart of this initiative come at the start. like end of the school year . Part of this initiative is the new club meetings that take place The benefits of clubs include finding eat.

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“I“Ithink a alot every third Friday of each month during AD room.

Through these quality connections and alone or they cannot find that group that AD room.

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It It is much easier toto this to a club before or after school.

Since AD build those encouraging bonds when you are those relationships,” said Smith. everyone has the time or ability to make it to a club before or after school. Since AD build those encouraging bonds when you are those relationships,” said Smith. room happens four times a month, teachers around people who share similar interests.

Though at the beginning the involvement to a club before or after school.

Since AD room happens four times a month, teachers around people who share similar interests.

Though at the beginning the involvement and administrators alike wanted to give Clubs not only allow one to get to know in clubs, extracurriculars and co-curriculars room happens four times a month, teachers and administrators alike wanted to give Clubs not only allow one to get to know in clubs, extracurriculars and co-curriculars students during school to join others others around their age, they also maybe beintimidating, intimidating,once onceinvolved, involved,lasting lasting and alike wanted to give students timetime during the the school dayday toadministrators join around their age, butbut they also may a club, make connections spend time allow teachers school itself seen bonds bondsare arecreated created andthe thetrue true benefitsare are students time during the school day to join a club, make connections andand spend time allow teachers andand school itself to to bebe seen and benefits like-minded people.

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Every third Friday room. room teachers show being taught is needed, Joshua Smith Studentshave have theability abilitytotoget getout outofofwill their AD AD room.

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LINCOLN LIN

with her because I don’t really see her that much because she lives in Pakistan, so it’s good to see her and spend time with family,” said Shah.

For junior Ethan Eller, however, Hanukkah, a Jewish holiday, iswhichpracticed around the same is when we fast from sun-up until sun-down, and it is when we time as Christmas, which makes are able to gather with family and eat. We usually dress nicely and buy itneweasier for him to celebrate clothes and gifts for others and then go to the Mosques and we pray.” when the school gives time off.

Shah uses the time off to spend time with his family and get closer “I am originally from New Jersey, with them. He enjoys the bonds that are strengthened and having and during the holidays we go out the opportunity to see his extended family that he does not see as often. there.

It’s a family tradition since “[My favorite memory was when] my grandma came about two years we have moved out here to go out ago, and she spent the holidays with us. That was nice spending time there and spend the seven days at my with her because I don’t really see her that much because she lives in grandma’s house,” said Eller. “Usually Pakistan, so it’s good to see her and spend time with family,” said Shah. weForwilljunior open gifts, play dreidel, make Ethan Eller, however, Hanukkah, latkes and spenda timeJewish as a family.holiday, For us is practiced around the same as Christmas, which makes astime Jews, it’s more about spending time it easier for him to celebrate the school gives time off. aswhen a“I family and practicing the Jewish am originally from New Jersey,

“We don’t have [a holiday] near Christmas but there is one after Ramadan which happens in different days during the year. So, this year it will probably be in the middle of spring near the middle of May this time,” said Barakat. “It’s called ‘Eid al-Fitr.’ It is basically where we would celebrate the end of Ramadan,

and during the holidays we go out there. It’s a family tradition since we have moved out here to go out there and spend the seven days at my grandma’s house,” said Eller. “Usually we will open gifts, play dreidel, make latkes and spend time as a family. For us as Jews, it’s more about spending time as a family and practicing the Jewish

TRADITIONS BY

ANESSA

DESIGN BY VANESSA TIMAT ARTWORK BY VANESSA TIMAT DESIGN BY

VANESSA TIMAT VANESSA TIMAT

ARTWORK BY

IMAT

am Jewish, my aunts and uncles had a tradition where it is an ‘honor’ to put the star on the top of the tree, so they had me do it.”

Senior Ayush Patel celebrates Diwali, which is the Hindu Festival of Lights. His customs traditions than receiving gifts.”

Although Eller is fully Jewish, are very bright and colorful as he has some extended family such as his aunts and uncles that are there are a lot of specific elements partially Catholic. They sometimes incorporate their traditions with and routines he has to follow. the ones they practice as Jews.

“Half of my family is Jewish; “For this festival itself what half my family is Catholic and Christian, but my immediate family each family does is that they have is fully Jewish. But when we are with [the Catholic side] we do dinner hosted at their house, and practice Christmas because they practice Christmas sometimes,” said then for us, we have to decorate Eller. “Like one year, I remember for the fun of it even though I the house and we put [up] special am Jewish, my aunts and uncles had a tradition where it is an decorations.

There is art all over ‘honor’ to put the star on the top of the tree, so they had me do it.” the ground and everywhere around Senior Ayush Patel celebrates Diwali, which is the Hindu the house,” said Patel. “We all get Festival of Lights. His customs are very bright and colorful as together, eat and then we pray. Then there are a lot of specific elements

our parents usually give us presents in the morning of Christmas just so that we can have that tradition.

We used to watch all of the Christmas movies just because they were fun,” said Barakat.

Shah also does a gift exchange while praying, we sing some songs, traditional [songs]. Then we feed every once in a while with his family the gods foods while we praise them, showing that we are feeding them for fun along with his other traditions. and then blessing our food, and then we eat again like that. That’s called “[We do not] really [celebrate ‘Prasada’ which is what the gods eat.”

Just as many people who celebrate Christmas traditions,] but I mean Christmas have some understanding of these other religions, there are sometimes we do like a white elephant many customs that the other students know about Christmas. In fact, thing, and I’ll hop in or something, sometimes they even partake in nonreligious practices for the fun of it. but nothing scheduled,” said Shah.

“My mom got us a tiny Christmas tree just to put up with lights and These traditions from various our parents usually give us presents in the morning of Christmas just LHS students help the community so that we can have that tradition.

We used to watch all of the understand different cultures Christmas movies just because they were fun,” said Barakat. and increase appreciation of Shah also does a gift exchange every once in a while with his family diversity around the school. for fun along with his other traditions.

and routines he has to follow.

“For this festival itself what each family does is that they have dinner hosted at their house, and then for us, we have to decorate the house and we put [up] special decorations. There is art all over the ground and everywhere around the house,” said Patel. “We all get together, eat and then we pray. Then

“[We do not] really [celebrate Christmas traditions,] but I mean sometimes we do like a white elephant thing, and I’ll hop in or something, but nothing scheduled,” said Shah.

These traditions from various LHS students help the community understand different cultures and increase appreciation of diversity around the school.

ACROSS

URES CULTURES

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in particular make up that 7%.

In December, there is obviously a long break to celebrate Christmas with friends and family; however, for senior Saif Shah and junior Reem Barakat, thisTis more like bonus timeV offOftentimes, since the Muslim religion does many people get so caught up in their own normal not celebrate Christmas. Instead, traditions that they forget there is more than just what their family does, they have two major holidays at especially around the holidays. As of 2019, 93% of the U.S. population different times of the year where celebrates Christmas, but does anyone really stop to think about they celebrate their cultural customs. all the religions, traditions and holidays that the other 7% celebrate?

“We don’t have [a holiday] near Here at LHS, there are many students who do not celebrate Christmas but there is one after Christmas. There is a variety of different holidays correlated Ramadan which happens in different with religions like Hinduism, Judaism and Islam. Four students days during the year. So, this year in particular make up that 7%.

In December, there is obviously ita long will probably be in the middle of break to celebrate Christmas with friends and family; however, for spring near the middle of May this senior Saif Shah and junior Reem Barakat, this is more like bonus timetime,” said Barakat. “It’s called ‘Eid off since the Muslim religion does not celebrate Christmas. Instead, al-Fitr.’

It is basically where we they have two major holidays at different times of the year where would celebrate the end of Ramadan, they celebrate their cultural customs.

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As people continue to grow into wonderful, mature human beings, so does the enhancement of their physical appearance. That is what a “glow-up” is all about. Here are a few seniors from LHS that experienced the “glow-up” phase along with some staff that have all grown up.

BY JOY

BILAL & ELANA BISHOP

EMILY KEGLEY

RUBY METZGER

SCOTT EMBRY TORIANNO KIRBY

KAAREN HUBER CHASE JOHNSON

JEFFERY HALSETH

KAIA JENSEN

DESIGN BY JOY PHOTOS PROVIDED BY

BILAL & ELANA BISHOP LHS STUDENTS & TEACHERS

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LHS BEST BUDDIES by

HannaH Cisar

Best Buddies is an international organization that strives to end the physical and social isolation of those with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Many Sioux Falls public high schools have incorporated Best Buddies into their school as an extra club in which students can participate.

Every student that has joined will then get paired up with someone who has a disability. This creates a one-on-one friendship that benefits both students in their social interaction, creating excitement and someone to count on.

This year, 65 students have joined Best Buddies at LHS so far: 65 students that want to make a difference in today’s world and build friendships that can change so many lives. LHS Best Buddies President, Joe Osmundson has been paired up with Yonni Pena, who is a senior here at LHS. Osmundson and Pena have been buddies for the past three years, since Osmundson’s freshman year.

“I have been involved in Best Buddies since my freshman year. My sister was in it and she kind of motivated me to join it,” said Osmundson. “I would say [Best Buddies] has just motivated me to welcome everyone regardless of who you are and make the world a better place. I just think seeing their smiles every day, they’re always super positive and just making an impact on their lives is a great thing.”

The Best Buddies treasurer this year is LHS senior Reese Decker. Decker has been a part of Best Buddies since her junior year. However, because of COVID-19, Decker was not

able to be paired up with anyone.

Nevertheless, this has not stopped her from forming friendships with others.

“COVID-19 complications made us not really have Best Buddies groups last year; however, two buddies who I have gotten the chance to know better lately are Valeria [Hernandez Diaz] and Jack [Severson],” said Decker.

Being the treasurer means that

Joe Osmundson and Yonni Pena have been buddies in the Best Buddies program for the past three years.

Decker is in charge of all of the money from the fundraisers held by Best Buddies. One of the biggest studentheld fundraisers at LHS this year was the Best Buddies Bake Sale, where the students raised over $1,200. With this money, Best Buddies was able to buy t-shirts for all of the students and also use the money towards Halloween, Christmas and end-of-the-year parties.

“For the bake sale, I baked multiple different treats and helped out with the sale during fourth and fifth period,” said Decker. “My favorite part of being on Best Buddies is being able to plan and participate in activities with the buddies. It is really eye opening and nice to have their cheerful faces and attitudes around.”

Isaac Jarovski is a sophomore at LHS, and this is his first year involved in Best Buddies. However, with the school year only being a few months in, Jarovski has already been paired up with another student. Door Awoak is a freshman this year at LHS. One positive trait that is so great about this organization is how much it brings the students together. Whether it is through the Best Buddies bake sales or seasonal parties, there are always activities going on that foster interaction between the students.

“My favorite part is just like interacting with everyone and making the day better,” said Jarovski.

“I just joined this year, so I have only been paired up with Door a couple months. [One of my favorite activities while being involved in Best Buddies] is playing basketball with everyone during the parties.”

This year, Best Buddies is off to a great start for the 2021-2022 school year. With more than 65 students in the club, friendships at LHS are growing stronger and lives are being changed day by day in our own hallways. If you are interested in Best Buddies, contact Joe Osmundson, Chase DuBois, Reese Decker or Ella Westaby to get involved.

design by HannaH Cisar pHoto by HannaH Cisar

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BY BY

BELLA ENGEBRETSON BELLA ENGEBRETSON

The LHS student body on teacher Thevoted LHS student superlatives, and these are body voted on teacher the teachers who received superlatives, and these are most votes in their the teachers who received respective category. the most votes in their respective category.

Ken Doyle Best Hair Ken Doyle Best Hair

Slicked back with someback fancy Slicked hair products, with some fancy Doyle’s hair hair products, shines from Doyle’s hair across the hall.

Many shines from across teachers may the hall. Manybe jealous, includingteachers Pastranomay andbe Kocer. including Pastrano and jealous, Kocer.

Shawn Bogart Best Personality Shawn Bogart Best Personality

It is hard to notItget alongto is hard withget thisalong guy. He not seemsthis to know with guy. He trivia about seems to know anything under trivia about the sun.

Just test anything under him. He can talk tothe anyone and is sun. Just test the best up and with.is him.

He person can talktotocatch anyone theBYbest DESIGN LHS Sperson TATESMAN Sto TAFFcatch up with.

PHOTOS BY BELLA ENGEBRETSON DESIGN BY LHS STATESMAN STAFF PHOTOS BY

BELLA ENGEBRETSON

Tara Paclik

Most to Be Famous TaraLikely Paclik Most Likely to Be Famous Paclik was a blackjack Paclik was and has adealer blackjack been known dealer and has for her spunky been known personality. for her spunky Students may see her some day at personality. a book signing, orher possibly Students may see some on daya at show? areality book TV signing, or possibly on a reality TV show?

Aubrey Windish

Most Likely Windish to Help Someone in Need Aubrey Most Likely to Help Someone in Need Mondays canMondays be tough without can be tough being fully without caffeinated. being fully If you do not have caffeinated.

If time for coffee, you do not have stop by Windish’s room time for an coffee, uplifting smile. room for an stop

by Windish’s uplifting smile.

Xavier Pastrano Most Unique Xavier Pastrano Most Unique

Heavy metal, poetry, Heavy art, tattoos, metal, poetry, piercings, all art, tattoos, while being piercings, all a dad. being What while doesn’t this a dad. What guy do? He is THE super rad dad. doesn’t this guy do? He is THE super rad dad.

James “Jaws” Jarovski

Most Competitive James “Jaws” Jarovski Most Competitive After being voted “LHS After being Coach“LHS of the voted Year” in Coach of2021, the Jaws would be the Year” in 2021, obvious choice as Jaws would be the most competitive.obvious He is often seen choice as pushing his athletes limits most competitive.

Hetoisthe often seen and winning state championships. pushing his athletes to the limits and winning state championships.

Monica Conover Best Sense of Conover Humor Monica Best Sense of Humor

sense of humor. sense of humor.

This choice is obvious.

This choice Students is obvious.from present and past Students from can attest topast present and Conover’s happy can attest to go lucky, silly Conover’s happy go lucky, silly

Jordan Strand

Most Athletic Jordan Strand Most Athletic Strand keeps up Strand his workout keeps up routine, his workout including routine, running and including lifting. Despite running and his athletisicm, he may eat aDespite donut lifting. from time to time. his athletisicm, he may eat a donut from time to time.

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BY

THOMPSON WAKEFIELD

Climate change, gun control, healthcare and COVID-19. These are the issues that ignorant Americans discuss in the face of true discourse - a debate so profound, so crucial to our understanding of the world that four of the greatest mathematicians, poets, psychologists and philosophers of our time ponder it on a daily basis. The argument in question is, of course, which teacher at LHS boasts the greatest, darkest facial hair, and the previously noted experts are none other than our very own Taylor Stacey, Travis Aukerman, Xavier Pastrano and Anthony Welter.

In the first corner, with the shortest yet debatably most complimenting beard, we have Taylor Stacey. A math teacher at LHS, Stacey is no stranger to geometry, allowing him to meticulously groom his stubble in such a way that Pythagoras would grow green with envy. We at LHS, however, are not the only students to notice his accomplishments in the art form.

“My junior year at Augustana I won the best No Shave November beard, which was not as impressive as it sounds,” said Stacey.

With Augustana amassing a total

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enrollment of over 1,800 students in 2011, “not as impressive as it sounds” is quite the opposite from the truth. Despite his award-winning beard, Stacey remains incredibly humble.

“It is by far the most underwhelming of LHS’ black beards,” said Stacey.

“Perhaps the unattachment of the mustache to the rest of the facial hair sets it apart.”

Our second candidate for the 2021 Facial Hair Election is Travis Aukerman, a regular and AP psychology teacher known for his stoic resting face and room decorated with children’s toys. Praised intellectuals such as Sigmund Freud, William James and Wilhelm Wundt could only dream of becoming the greatest bearded psychologist in history, thanks to Aukerman. To fuel his drive for hairy eminence, Aukerman relies on the seven deadly sins.

“Sloth [motivates me],” said Aukerman. “Shaving takes time and I’d rather do other things.”

Although not specifically mentioned, it is clear that gluttony, anger and greed also play a role in his Lucifer-esque beard growing. Unlike the LHS students who have nothing but admiration for his facial

hair, Aukerman maintains a love-hate relationship with it after causing him an array of mishaps.

“I was doing power cleans this summer and got it caught in the bar,” said Aukerman. “It was time to trim.”

Xavier Pastrano, our third contestant in the battle and a fan favorite at LHS, employs a Homeric beard to complete his mighty and revered physique. As a (former) college-level educator, bassist in a heavy metal band and published poet, it is no wonder as to why Pastrano possesses this uttermost distinguished beard. His facial hair began its journey, however, as a symbol of freedom and defiance upon completing high school.

“I attended O’Gorman as a high school student, and one of the dress code requirements was that males couldn’t have facial hair and sideburns could not extend below the earlobe,” said Pastrano.

“After enduring four years of being told that I couldn’t have a beard, I immediately started growing one upon graduation.”

Pastrano notes that this rule is rather peculiar, considering that the most famous bearded man of all time is at the core of O’Gorman’s syllabus. To bring confidence and inspiration towards his

appearance, Pastrano carefully chooses a set of whiskered role models to whom he looks up to. “[I admire] Kyp Malone from ‘TV on the Radio,’ Daniel Day-Lewis, Oscar Issac, Jake Gellyenhall [and] James Harden,” said Pastrano.

Of course, most students at LHS are far too young to know who most of these people are, but if not for his old age Pastrano would not have the glamorous beard that he has today. Although competing with them in this fierce battle, Pastrano is able to relate to Stacey’s achievements in former competitions and Aukerman’s beard-related setbacks.

“I once won a beard competition here in Sioux Falls,” said Pastrano. “[Additionally,] my son threw up in my beard when he was an infant.”

While disturbing, it appears that even Pastrano’s own son cannot handle the awe-inspiring nature of his father’s beard.

Coming in at last, and possibly least, we have Anthony Welter, LHS’s debate coach and a man who sports a beard that would rival his philosophical peers. Like many of the great thinkers of history, Welter focuses more on pondering (less) great questions surrounding the nature of humanity rather than facial hair aesthetics, such as what the meaning of life is or whether Schopenhauer was right after all, hence the lack of comment on his whiskers.

Despite playing his cards close to his chest and frequently wearing a mask, it is no secret to the students of LHS that Welter takes great pride in his Abe Lincoln. The real question is, what astonishing potential does his beard provide him with? Do his hairs formulate the impenetrable arguments that allow him to not only be the greatest debate coach in South Dakota, but also guide its greatest team? Do his bristles give him the strength he needs to hold the world record for “Quickest ‘Undertale’ Speedrun?” Or the confidence that grants him the ability to run his class with an iron fist? Perhaps Welter nourishes his beard with an elixir he keeps in a Dasani bottle, as everyone knows no one actually likes Dasani water. These are the questions we may never have answers to, but there is no doubt that Welter possesses an incredible beard simply based on tastefulness alone.

To definitively decide which Blackbeard will be crowned king, we

cannot only look to the bearded warlords themselves. The students at LHS together, surprisingly, hold more power than each of these educators individually (LHS is a democracy, after all, and the students’ desires are always met by majority rule). Thus, a schoolwide vote has been cast to determine who shall win this pivotal battle. With 42 responses, the competition is over, at least for now.

Pastrano, with 17 votes, declares victory over his co-workers. Taking home nearly double the number of votes as second place, Pastrano’s dark, wellgroomed and powerful beard faced little competition and was able to finish the race with few bruises.

“He looks like [an] edgy, cool teacher,” one student said as to his reason for choosing Pastrano. “He pulls the beard together.” Another student responded with “cuz Mr. P [is] the GOAT,” meaning greatest-of-all-time. For many, the decision was rather simple. Pastrano is arguably the most well-known and wellliked Blackbeard at LHS, not to mention the way his beard fits his aesthetic perfectly (tattooed arms, septum piercing, black denim jacket, etc.).

Aukerman and Welter tied for second place with nine votes each. Arguments in the Aukerman camp include “because I get to look at it every day in AP Psych and it truly makes me enthusiastic about coming to school” and “no reason at all besides him telling me to vote for him.”

Welter fans also provided their rationale, such as “debate teacher superiority, [plus] his beard is built different” and “cuz it’s [Mr. Welter] so it [is] nice.” Coming in at last is the dejected Stacey, who may never recover from his wounds. Despite losing the battle, Stacey won seven honest votes. “I don’t know two of them, but Mr. Stacey, and he barely has a beard,” said one die-hard supporter.

Oxford dictionary defines beard as “the only source of a teacher’s manhood,” and it’s clear that the LHS student body agrees. Can someone really be declared as the best Blackbeard after only winning 17 votes? Do beards truly determine the character, strength and importance of a teacher? Do most of these teachers actually have a beard because they value it as a charming accessory rather than being too lazy to shave? The answer to all these questions is, undoubtedly, yes.

XAVIER PASTRANO

TAYLOR STACEY

TRAVIS AUKERMAN

DESIGN BY ADYSON SAND ARTWORK BY ADYSON SAND PHOTOS BY THOMPSON WAKEFIELD

19

A collection A A collection collection of talent: The of of talent: talent: The The Goodnight Goodnight Goodnight Theatre Theatre Theatre Collective Collective Collective A e A e

GET INVOLVED:

A A A

new form of entertainment has emerged in the Sioux Falls community new form of entertainment has emerged in the Sioux Falls community over the new past form few years. of entertainment has emerged in the Sioux Falls community over the past few years.

LHS Martha over theteacher past few years. Winklepleck began The Goodnight Theatre Collective LHS teacher Martha Winklepleck began The Goodnight Theatre Collective along a fewMartha of her Winklepleck friends as a way to get involved in the theatre LHSwith teacher began Themore Goodnight Theatre Collective along with a few of her friends as a way to get more involved in the theatre community. startedasthe collective fall involved of 2016, in and was an along with aWinklepleck few of her friends a way to get in more theit theatre community. Winklepleck started the collective in fall of 2016, and it was an instant success. community.

Winklepleck started the collective in fall of 2016, and it was an instant success.

Winklepleck instant success. began thinking about starting a show when she was acting in Winklepleck began thinking about starting a show when she was acting in theWinklepleck Mary Poppins theatre production.

She and aher friends began thinking about starting show whenwere she discussing was acting how in the Mary Poppins theatre production. She and her friends were discussing how amazing would be to castproduction. their own musical productions. the MaryitPoppins theatre She and theatre her friends were discussing how amazing it would be to cast their own musical theatre productions.

“We immediately the theatre ways that we could realistically amazing it would bestarted to cast brainstorming their own musical productions.

“We immediately started brainstorming the ways that we could realistically bring dream to life,” saidbrainstorming Winklepleck. the “Five months later, we were putting “Weour immediately started ways that we could realistically bring our dream to life,” said Winklepleck. “Five months later, we were putting by shleigh ricson on ourour firstdream cabaret at Icon Lounge in downtown Sioux Falls, had bring to life,” said Winklepleck.

“Five months later,and we we were putting by shleigh ricson on our first cabaret at Icon Lounge in downtown Sioux Falls, and we had

by Ashleigh ericson nearly audience.” on our 100 firstpeople cabaretinatthe Icon Lounge in downtown Sioux Falls, and we had nearly 100 people in the audience.”

In order to be a in part a production, one has to audition, which includes a nearly 100 people theofaudience.”

In order to be a part of a production, one has to audition, which includes a series of steps.

In order to be a part of a production, one has to audition, which includes a series of steps.

“Weofhost auditions every summer for our entire season,” said Winklepleck. “We usually ask that auditioners perform series steps.

“We host auditions every summer for our entire season,” said Winklepleck. “We usually ask that auditioners perform two songs contrasting styles for the fill outsaid a questionnaire their and comfort “We hostofauditions every summer fordirectors our entireand season,” Winklepleck.regarding “We usually askavailability that auditioners perform two songs of contrasting styles for the directors and fill out a questionnaire regarding their availability and comfort levelssongs with of each of the shows.” two contrasting styles for the directors and fill out a questionnaire regarding their availability and comfort levels with each of the shows.”

To be in the do not need to have experience in theatre, however, they do need a few accomplishments. levels with eachshows of thethey shows.”

To be in the shows they do not need to have experience in theatre, however, they do need a few accomplishments.

“Experience in theatre notnot a prerequisite being castinintheatre, one of however, our shows, butdoweneed are alooking for people who can To be in the shows theyisdo need to havefor experience they few accomplishments.

“Experience in theatre is not a prerequisite for being cast in one of our shows, but we are looking for people who can sing and perform comfortably stage,” said Winklepleck.

“Experience in theatre is noton a prerequisite for being cast in one of our shows, but we are looking for people who can sing and perform comfortably on stage,” said Winklepleck.

The collections have been changing quite few times since they first started. Winklepleck and her friend, Bob sing and perform comfortably on stage,” saidaWinklepleck.

The collections have been changing quite a few times since they first started. Winklepleck and her friend, Bob Wendland, have been the shows beginning of itfirst all. started.

They have also had many newfriend, peopleBob join the The collections haveproducing been changing quitesince a fewthe times since they Winklepleck and her Wendland, have been producing the shows since the beginning of it all. They have also had many new people join the cast.

Wendland, have been producing the shows since the beginning of it all. They have also had many new people join the cast.

“Luke Tatge has joined us as our resident original musical composer, marketing strategist and director. The three of cast.

“Luke Tatge has joined us as our resident original musical composer, marketing strategist and director. The three of us “Luke work really together market, directmusical and perform in the shows that we always weThe could bring Tatge well has joined us as we ourcast, resident original composer, marketing strategist anddreamt director. three of us work really well together as we cast, market, direct and perform in the shows that we always dreamt we could bring to Sioux Falls,”well saidtogether Winklepleck. us work really as we cast, market, direct and perform in the shows that we always dreamt we could bring to Sioux Falls,” said Winklepleck. shesaid is working on their Yuletide Cabaret, which will take a lot of practice and preparation. to Currently, Sioux Falls,” Winklepleck.

Currently, she is working on their Yuletide Cabaret, which will take a lot of practice and preparation.

“For a typical we aim for about six weeks of which rehearsals.

Cabarets arepractice basicallyand a choreographed Currently, shecabaret, is working on their Yuletide Cabaret, will take a lot of preparation. musical “For a typical cabaret, we aim for about six weeks of rehearsals. Cabarets are basically a choreographed musical concert singers and we a live A musical theatre may require to eight weeks of rehearsals,” “For awith typical cabaret, aimband. for about six weeks of production rehearsals. Cabarets are six basically a choreographed musicalsaid concert with singers and a live band. A musical theatre production may require six to eight weeks of rehearsals,” said Winklepleck. concert with singers and a live band. A musical theatre production may require six to eight weeks of rehearsals,” said Winklepleck.

The Goodnight Theatre Collective first started out as a dream, but through an abundance of hard work and Winklepleck.

The Goodnight Theatre Collective first started out as a dream, but through an abundance of hard work and collaboration it hasTheatre been able to successfully bring out newasand exciting to the Sioux Falls work Washington The Goodnight Collective first started a dream, butentertainment through an abundance of hard and collaboration it has been able to successfully bring new and exciting entertainment to the Sioux Falls Washington Pavilion. collaboration it has been able to successfully bring new and exciting entertainment to the Sioux Falls Washington Pavilion.

Pavilion.

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photos photos photos provided provided provided by by rAchel by rAchel rAchel WW inters W inters inters photogrAphy photogrAphy photogrAphy

The show “Yuletide Cabaret,” which LHS teacher Martha Winklepleck The show “Yuletide Cabaret,” which LHS teacher Martha Winklepleck is directing this month, involves LHSLHS students in the live band, junior The show “Yuletide Cabaret,” which teacher Martha Winklepleck is directing this month, involves LHS students in the live band, junior Michael Pagone and senior Maia Morrison. is directing this month, involves students in the live band, junior Michael Pagone and senior MaiaLHS Morrison.

Michael Pagone and senior Maia Morrison.

design design design by by Ashleigh by Ashleigh Ashleigh ericson ericson ericson

“A Fa-La-La Cabaret” (December 2019), directed by Martha “A Fa-La-La Cabaret” (December 2019), directed by Martha Winklepleck.

“A Fa-La-La Cabaret” (December 2019), directed by Martha Winklepleck.

Winklepleck.

BY BY

What What your your favorite favorite teachers teachers did did with with their their four four years years

BAILY PLOURDE BAILY PLOURDE

High school is portrayed in several High school is portrayed severaland different ways by movies, TVinshows different ways by movies, TV shows and media. Most of the time, these portrayals media.

Most of the time, these portrayals are shown from multiple points of view are shown from one’s multiple points which can alter overall ideaofofview what which can alter one’s overall of like. what the high school experience is idea really the high school experience is really like.

The truth is it is different for everyone.

The truthyou is itare is different Whether confidentfor in everyone. your Whether you are confident insick yourat the high school endeavors or get high school or get at the thought of itendeavors all, the best waysick to have thought it all, the best to have a positiveofexperience is to way get involved. aGetting positiveinvolved experience to gettoinvolved. has is shown help kids Getting involved has shown helpcreate kids make friends, learn new skillstoand make friends, learn new andclub create memories.

Whether it is skills a sport, or memories.

Whether is a sport,are club or co-curricular activity,itactivities great co-curricular activity, activities are great ways to make your high school years ones ways to make For yourmany high LHS school years ones to remember. teachers, to remember.

For many LHS teachers, they did just that. they did just that.

Meghan Anderson Finch- drama, choir Anderson Finch- drama, choir andMeghan swing choir andShannon swing choir Rook- volleyball, basketball, Shannon Rook-golf, volleyball, basketball, Student Council, band, choir, show Student Council, golf, band, choir, show choir, choir accompanist, peer helper and choir, choir accompanist, peer helper and football statistician football Scott statistician Amundson- football, basketball, Scott football, basketball, track andAmundsongolf track and Aukermangolf Travis Student Council, Travis AukermanStudent Council, improv, theater, wrestling, track, cross improv, track, cross country,theater, football,wrestling, DECA and FBLA country, DECA and FBLA Becca football, Mager- marching band and Becca Mager- marching band and gymnastics gymnastics Jessica Koskovich- soccer, basketball, JessicaTae-Kwon-Do, Koskovich- soccer, basketball, softball, marching softball, Tae-Kwon-Do, marching band, fall musical, D.A.R.E., Student band, fallProm musical, D.A.R.E.,Homecoming Student Council, Committee, Council, Prom Committee, Homecoming Committee, orchestra, Dollars for Committee, orchestra, Dollars for

DESIGN BY DESIGN BY

BAILY PLOURDE BAILY PLOURDE

Scholars and National Honors Society Scholars National Society Shawnand Bogartband,Honors jazz band, Shawn Bogartband, jazz band, pep band, basketball, baseball, drama, pep baseball, drama, oral band, interp,basketball, Future Homemakers of oral interp, Future Homemakers of Team, America, Parliamentary Procedure America, Parliamentary Procedure Team, Knowledge Bowl and Lifesmarts Knowledge Bowl and Lifesmarts Kim Tollingerband, basketball, Kim Tollingerband,cheer, basketball, Student Council, FHA, track, Student Council, FHA, cheer, track, student manager, NHS and plays student NHS andchoir, plays Janetmanager, Fleming-MartinJanet Fleming-MartinGirls Glee, president of thechoir, pep club, Girls Glee, president the pepband, club, class treasurer, band, of marching class treasurer, band, marching band, basketball, track and softball basketball, track and softball Natalie Tuftediving, synchronized Natalie Tuftediving, synchronized swimming, Christian Club and musicals swimming, Christian Club and chorus, musicals Charnelle Wooledge- band, Charnelle Wooledgeband, chorus, cheer, drama and track cheer, drama and oral trackinterp, band, Brian HardieBrian Hardieoral interp, band, marching band and drama marching band and drama Xavier Pastrono- theater, oral interp, Xavier Pastronotheater, oral interp, concert choir and Student Activities concert choir and Student Activities Committee Committee Katie Kroeze- marching band (drum Katiejazz Kroeze(drum major), band,marching choir, oralband interp, senior major), jazz band, choir, oral interp, senior class president, newspaper and yearbook class president, newspaper and yearbook These activities not only helped These activities not onlyschool helped make these teachers’ high years make these teachers’ high school years enjoyable, but they also learned many enjoyable, but they also learned many lessons along the way. The four years of lessons alongalong the way. four years of high school, withThe many years after high school, along with many years after that, are some of the most important that, some about of theyourself. most important yearsare to learn These years to learn about yourself.

These crucial lessons take time and experience crucial lessons take time and experience to learn. to learn.

“BEING INVOLVED IN ALL “BEING INVOLVED IN ALL MY ACTIVITIES SHOWED MY ACTIVITIES SHOWED ME THAT I DID MY BEST ME THAT I DID MY BEST WORK WHEN I WORKED WORK WHEN I WORKED TOGETHER WITH OTHERS. TOGETHER WITH OTHERS. I NEEDED TO FIND A JOB/ I NEEDED TO FIND A JOB/ CAREER WHERE I WOULD CAREER WHERE I WOULD BE WORKING COLLECTIVELY BE WORKING COLLECTIVELY WITH OTHERS WHILE WITH OTHERS WHILE BEING ABLE TO HELP EACH BEING ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER IMPROVE,” SAID OTHER IMPROVE,” SAID KOSKOVICH. KOSKOVICH. Here at LHS, involvement from Here atand LHS, students staffinvolvement has provenfrom to grow the students and staff has proven to grow Patriot spirit and drive the school to bethe Patriot the school be the bestspirit it canand be. drive Throughout theto past the it Dr. can Laura be. Throughout the past few best years, Raeder, principal few years, Laura principal at LHS, hasDr. been veryRaeder, adamant about at LHS, has been very adamant getting students and staff even about more getting and staff more involvedstudents in the culture andeven community. involved in the culture and community.

Going as far as to have LHS’s projected Going as tosingle have LHS’s projected goal toas getfarevery freshman to be goal to get every single freshman participating in a sport, club or co-to be participating curricular. in a sport, club or cocurricular.

21 21

3

BY

LEIGHTON FELTMAN

South Dakota has the fifth-highest literacy rate in the U.S., but that does not mean there is no room for improvement. The literacy rate in South Dakota is 93%, with Vermont, North Dakota, Minnesota and New Hampshire topping out the nation with literacy rates of 93.4, 93.7, 94 and 94.2% (in respective order). As great as that sounds, Sioux Falls is lowering that percentage noticeably with 1.8% of illiterate South Dakotans as residents. But LHS teachers are currently at work behind the scenes to help build more literature opportunities for Sioux Falls residents.

Here at LHS, Woods teacher, Christian Swenson is hard at work building miniature libraries, known as Little Free Libraries, to place around Sioux Falls to help educate those in need.

“Mrs. Cleveringa brought up the idea last spring,” said Swenson. “Over the course of the summer, I contemplated how it would fit into my class. As fall came around, I started planning out the specifics and realized the cost would be significant.”

The first obstacle with any project is funding, but luckily for Swenson that did not end up being a pressing issue. Through local grants, the project slowly came into place.

“I actually got multiple grants,” said Swenson. “I didn’t know if I would be awarded any at the beginning, so I cast a wide net. I reached out to the Home Builders Association and was awarded some funds from them. The Sioux Falls School District shared the information for the grant through Architecture Incorporated. The third grant award was from the Sioux Falls Area Community Foundation; my mom actually came across this one and shared the opportunity with me.”

Now, with funds in hand, the project could commence.

“The grants varied in amount, but the biggest was $1,775,” said Swenson. “The total grant monies will fully fund all 18 libraries the students in my Home Maintenance classes are constructing.”

The Sioux Falls metro area already has six public libraries scattered across town so it is important to make sure that these little libraries are placed in areas that do not have quite as high access to the public, city-owned locations.

“The benefit to the school is twofold,” said Swenson.

“First, my students are gaining great knowledge and handson experience constructing the libraries. The second aspect benefits more than just Lincoln High School. When Cleveringa brought the idea to me to get the libraries posted primarily in low-income neighborhoods, which have statistically lower literacy rates. So, by making books easily accessible, the hope is children in these neighborhoods will be read to more frequently - boosting their literacy rates now and in the future.”

These Little Free Libraries will be stocked with hundreds of books donated by LHS teachers once they have been completed.

1 3 2

4 1. Christian Swenson’s Home Maintenance class installs siding on their Free Little Libraries. 2. Amadu Konneh (10) and Tate Schafer (10) are fastening the roof sheathing on their project. 3. Chauncey Clark (12) measures for the sheathing on the peak of his library. 4. Landon Kienow (11), Riley Odegaard (12) and Merlande Roney (9) are working together to clean up their projects at the end of class.

DESIGN BY LEIGHTON FELTMAN PHOTOS PROVIDED BY CHRISTIAN

SWENSON

23

stabil ty, it is easy for you to bal nce priorit es. You are one of the most faithful people out of your circle of riends and hold high expecta ions for the ones you care about. Being a trustworthy person others admire your self-worth and rive. Your col r is blue.

If you answered D to the majority of the questions, you are considered a so thing natural person who values tructure in your life. Liv ng a simplistic life is crucialtoyoubecauseof howmuchyouenjoythesmal things.Youadmire the nvironment andwant oke pitpreserved. Ke ping your activ ties eco-friendly provides a sense of joy and hap ines to your everyday life. Your col r is gre n.

BY

ELLA GRIMM

Have you ever met someone whose distinct personality radiated a color? Whether it was due to their outgoing personality, the types of friends they enjoy spending time with or the ways they make their priorities, sometimes it is helpful to dive into an individual’s true color. Follow the questions below while keeping track of your answers to discover which color represents your personality the greatest.

Where are you most likely to travel?

A. B. C. D.

Walt Disney World The Eiffel Tower Relaxing resort and spa The mountains in California

What movie represents you the most?

A. “High School Musical” B. “The Proposal” C. “Inception” D. A National Geographic documentary

24

Which interests you the most?

A. B. C. D.

Exploring visual arts Creative writing Algebra Environmental science

Which characteristic describes you?

A. Optimistic B. Sympathetic C. Trustworthy D. Authentic

What is your favorite way to spend a day off ?

A. B. C. D.

Volunteering at your local homeless shelter Hanging out with your friends Hammocking while reading a book Attending a yoga class

What makes you happy?

A. B. C. D.

Giving a gift to a special someone Helping animals Hiking or exploring Tending to plants or greenery

What would bother you the most?

A. B. C. D.

Missing an event or get together Getting rejected Failing a test or missing a deadline Having a messy room

If you answered A to the majority of the questions, you are considered a bubbly, optimistic, warm type of person. With your clever and witty sense of humor, making friends is not difficult for you. You enjoy the little things in life that make other people happy. On the other hand, you have a way of seeking attention more than the average person not only with the ways you express yourself but with the ways you challenge others. Your color is yellow.

If you answered B to the majority of the questions, you are considered a sensitive and caring person. With the ways you strive to love others and the emotions you express, staying connected to a small group of people is what makes you feel most at home. Your sympathetic nature makes you a great listener and encourager. You value love and romance more than the average person having the desire to feel affection in return. Your color is pink.

DESIGN BY EL A GRIMM

If you answered C to the majority of the questions, you are considered a powerful but calm individual. With your strong intelligence and natural stability, it is easy for you to balance priorities. You are one of the most faithful people out of your circle of friends and hold high expectations for the ones you care about. Being a trustworthy person others admire your self-worth and drive. Your color is blue.

If you answered D to the majority of the questions, you are considered a soothing natural person who values structure in your life. Living a simplistic life is crucial to you because of how much you enjoy the small things. You admire the environment and want to keep it preserved. Keeping your activities eco-friendly provides a sense of joy and happiness to your everyday life. Your color is green.

24

DESIGN BY

ELLA GRIMM

BY BY

MARA TIEDE MARA TIEDE

As we wrap up this past whirlwind of a year and take a trip down memory lane, it is difficult to believe all that has As we wrap up this past whirlwind of a year and take a trip down memory lane, it is difficult to believe all that has happened in 2021. The past year was filled with many firsts and lasts, moments that left the world shocked and other happened in 2021. The past year was filled with many firsts and lasts, moments that left the world shocked and other moments that no one could see coming. Without a doubt as we enter the new year, we can only hope that we can reach a moments that no one could see coming. Without a doubt as we enter the new year, we can only hope that we can reach a sense of normalcy (something 2021 lacked), and that 2022 is not as crazy as 2021 was. sense of normalcy (something 2021 lacked), and that 2022 is not as crazy as 2021 was.

BY MARA TIEDE On Jan. 1, 2021, COVID-19 cases in the U.S.

On Jan. 1, 2021, COVID-19 cases in the U.S. had peaked and officially surpassed 20 million. had peaked and officially surpassed 20 million.

Hospitalizations were also at a record high, with 125,000 Hospitalizations were also at a record high, with 125,000 people in the hospital and the numbers continuing to people in the hospital and the numbers continuing to increase. Now, as of Nov. 15, COVID-19 cases have increase. Now, as of Nov. 15, COVID-19 cases have more than doubled in the U.S. with the current count more than doubled in the U.S. with the current count at 47 million, and 762,000 people having lost their lives at 47 million, and 762,000 people having lost their lives due to the virus at this point. due to the virus at this point.

After not hearing her voice for more than six years, After not hearing her voice for more than six years, Adele made her return to the music industry by Adele made her return to the music industry by dropping her new studio album ‘30’ on Nov. 19. The first dropping her new studio album ‘30’ on Nov. 19. The first single released back on Oct. 15, “Easy on Me,” was a single released back on Oct. 15, “Easy on Me,” was a huge hit, and there is no doubt that her album won’t do huge hit, and there is no doubt that her album won’t do the same. the same.

As we wrap up this past whirlwind of a year and take a trip down memory lane, it is difficult to believe all that has happened in 2021. The past year was filled with many firsts and lasts, moments that left the world shocked and other moments that no one could see coming. Without a doubt as we enter the new year, we can only hope that we can reach a With the premiere of Netflix’s “Squid Game” back on Withasthe premiere of Netflix’s “Squid Game” back on sense of normalcy (something 2021 lacked), and that 2022 is not asSept. crazy 2021 was.became 17, it quickly a worldwide phenomenon.

Sept. 17, it quickly became a worldwide phenomenon.

Following the 2020 U.S. presidential election, Following the 2020 U.S. presidential election, president Donald Trump was impeached on Jan 8. president Donald Trump was impeached on Jan 8. on accusations of abusing his power and obstruction on accusations of abusing his power and obstruction of Congress. However, only 12 days later on Jan. 20, of Congress. However, only 12 days later on Jan. 20, Joe Biden was inaugurated into the role, and new vice Joe Biden was inaugurated into the role, and new vice president Kamala Harris made history as the first female president Kamala Harris made history as the first female vice president. vice president.

On Jan. 1, 2021, COVID-19 cases in the U.S. The case of Gabby Petito brought on national The case of Gabby Petito brought on national attention the officially young, 22-year-old, seemed to be had peakedasasand surpassed 20who million. attention the young, 22-year-old, who seemed to be living the perfect life, vanished into thin air on a van-life living the perfect life, vanished into thin air on a van-life round trip with her Laundrie. midst Hospitalizations werefiance, also atBrian a record high,InInwiththe round trip with her fiance, Brian Laundrie. the125,000 midst of all of this chaos, Laundrie himself went missing as of all of this chaos, Laundrie himself went missing as many speculated he played in her continuing disappearance, people in the hospital and theaa role numbers to many speculated he played role in her disappearance, and unfortunately her body was recovered on Sept. 19. and unfortunately her body was recovered on Sept. 19.

Soon there wasasa of nationwide in the increase.

Now, Nov. 15, manhunt COVID-19going caseson Soon there was a nationwide manhunt going onhave in the search for Laundrie, and his body was recovered on Oct. search for Laundrie, and his body was recovered on Oct. 20.

Although it is not proven, to more than doubled in the U.S. many with thespeculate currentthat countdue 20. Although it is not proven, many speculate that due to Laundrie being found perished, we will never truly know Laundrie being found perished, we will never truly know what that van. atwhat47 went million,down andinin762,000 people having lost their lives went down that van. due to the virus at this point.

With 87 million people finishing the entire season, it is With 87 million people finishing the entire season, it is now known as Netflix’s biggest original-series release now known as Netflix’s biggest original-series release ever. ever.

Beloved “Friends” actor James Michael Tyler Beloved “Friends” actor James Michael Tyler (Gunther) sadly died on Oct. 24 at the age of 59 years (Gunther) sadly died on Oct. 24 at the age of 59 years old after fighting a long battle with cancer. Any fan of old after fighting a long battle with cancer. Any fan of the show knows the famous sitcom would not have been the show knows the famous sitcom would not have been the same without him and he will be deeply missed. the same without him and he will be deeply missed.

After not hearing her voice for more than six years, Adele made her return to the music industry by Most recently, the Astroworld tragedy has left many Most recently, the Astroworld tragedy has left many people beside themselves as this‘30’ is something onefirst dropping her new studio album on Nov. 19.no people beside themselves as this is something noThe one could have expected. During the 2-day Travis Scott could have expected. During the 2-day Travis Scott concert event (Astroworld) startedononMe,” Nov. 5, a single back on Oct.that 15, “Easy concertreleased event (Astroworld) that started on Nov.was 5, 50,000 people were packed in a tight space with the 50,000 people were packed in a tight space with the crowd surging closer stage Scott’swon’t request. huge and there is totonothe doubt thatunder her album do crowdhit, surging closer the stage under Scott’s request.

This created a mob mentality in the audience as people This created a mob mentality in the audience as people followed orders, and unfortunately in the process the same.Scott’s followed Scott’s orders, and unfortunately in the process many people were injured and at least 10 people have many people were injured and at least 10 people have died. This has everyone stunned, as this is something no died. This has everyone stunned, as this is something no one could have imagined. one could have imagined.

With the premiere of Netflix’s “Squid Game” back on Record holder professional golfer Tiger Woods suffered an unfortunate on Feb. 23 that left both of his legs Sept. 17, itaccident quickly became a worldwide phenomenon.

Record holder professional golfer Tiger Woods suffered an unfortunate accident on Feb. 23 that left both of his legs injured. He suffered more extensive surgeries on his right side and has undergone surgery to correct it. Although he has injured. He suffered more extensive surgeries on his right side and has undergone surgery to correct it. Although he has kept quiet about lot ofU.S. his recovery, there is no doubt that he plans his people return to the course soon. season, it is Withtoto87make million the entire Following the aa2020 election, kept quiet about lot of hispresidential recovery, there is no doubt that he plans make his return finishing to the course soon.

On JulyDonald 27 at the postponed 2020 Tokyo gymnast abruptly stepped down from release nowSimone known Biles as Netflix’s biggest original-series president Trump was impeached onOlympics, Jan 8. U.S. On July 27 at the postponed 2020 Tokyo Olympics, U.S. gymnast Simone Biles abruptly stepped down from competing in the team final and only returned for the balance beam final. This was very unexpected, as she is known as competing in the team final and only returned for the balance beam final. This was very unexpected, as she is known as the GOAT of gymnastics, butpower her withdrawal showed her bravery ever.as it was due to a mental health related issue. on accusations of abusing his and obstruction the GOAT of gymnastics, but her withdrawal showed her bravery as it was due to a mental health related issue. of Congress. However, only 12 days later on Jan. 20, 25 Beloved “Friends” actor James Michael Tyler 25 Joe Biden was inaugurated into the role, and new vice president Kamala Harris made history as the first female (Gunther) sadly died on Oct. 24 at the age of 59 years DESIGN BY DESIGN BY

MARA TIEDE MARA TIEDE

by

Clare Heupel

Knowing which AP classes are considered the most difficult may be helpful to high school students who are considering registering for them. Here is your guide on what to expect.

A field of science that is heavily centered on mathematical Also being a science class that is heavily based on math, AP operations, AP Physics I and II are considered the most difficult Chemistry is known to push students to new limits. The class AP classes by LHS students. Both classes are known to be covers a large amount of content at a very fast pace and may very time consuming, as they have lots of homework and require extra practice outside of class for especially difficult many lengthy labs. LHS Physics teachers Jordan Strand and concepts. Students have expressed that the labs themselves are Bradley Newitt both agree that students who want to succeed very time consuming, which also contributes to the amount of in AP Physics must be able to problem solve using an indedication that is needed to be successful in the class. LHS AP depth understanding of Physics that can be applied to various Chemistry teacher Jim Jarovski, most commonly referred to as unique situations on the AP test. While the class is definitely Jaws, is aware of how challenging his class is for students and ast, it is impor tant

BY ADRIENNE REVIER challenging, Newitt believes that taking an AP class such as makes it his goal to push his students in order to prepare them Now that students have their set goals for what It is time to get serious because life organized, they can dive Physics is a great way to prepare for college, and that many of for the AP test.

He believes that perseverance and hard work are mplished during a semester tests are just around the his past students have attributed a lot of their success in college what is needed in order to be a successful Chemistry student. straight into studying. Good his will allow them corner. It is imperative students time management is the key to to his class. and be productive

are prepared so, here is a complete survival guide fitted with top-tier nting these helpful study and organization tips that Due to it being the most advanced math class available ents will be able will guarantee an “A.” to take in high school, it cannot be hard to guess that LHS p forward in the Before students can even students believe that AP Calculus is a very difficult AP class. r ning a rewarding begin reviewing, they need to be To take AP Calculus, students must have completed Algebra emester e xams. organized.

So A clear space will allow I and II, as well as Geometry and Precalculus. The content ny more time and for a clear mind. A clear mind itself is only math based, and students who have maintained will allow students to store away because time is all that necessary information an adequate understanding of math throughout their previous needed for the big tests. Being math classes should not struggle too much in this class. This organized starts outside of the can be confirmed by LHS AP Calculus teacher Tara Paclik, classroom. This means getting who asserts that a strong foundation in Algebra, as well as keen into a solid routine. According to attention to detail are both necessary in order to be successful in Wilbraham & Monson Academy, AP Calculus. Taking such an advanced math class may seem like “Creating a routine can help torture to some, but it may be a class that is better to get out of you stay consistent day-to-day the way in high school. and week-to-week.” It is not uncommon for students to have loads and loads of assignments on top of extracurricular activities.

AP Biology is one of the few advanced science classes that Like most advanced history classes, AP U.S. History is known With this being said, it may be is not as reliant on mathematical skills. This may be good for to be extremely overwhelming with the amount of content hard for students to keep track those students that are not as confident in their math skills, but that it covers, as well as the amount of reading that must be of everything that needs to get it may also pose a challenge to those that have succeeded in their done for homework outside of class. Time management skills done. One tip is to use a planner. other advanced science classes because of their mathematical are definitely a necessity for this class, as well as the ability to A planner is a fantastic place to jot down that routine and list capabilities. Students have found that the concepts can be retain a large amount of content. LHS AP US History teacher of assignments. In addition to difficult to grasp, and the class requires a lot of memorization Roxanne Harte says that the AP test is especially difficult using a planner, students should skills. It is also necessary to have decent reading comprehension because it requires students to be able to contextualize, compare, also be using separate folders and skills and the ability to analyze graphs and other forms of data. make connections and develop arguments within the frame notebooks for each class. If all Though the class may be a challenge in high school, it would be of the history of the U.S. Despite this, she also assures that assignments are jammed together very helpful for students who want to continue with this field of students at LHS often surpass the global pass rate for the class. in one miscellaneous folder, this study into college. makes it easy for things to get design by Clare Heupel lost.

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Tips:

successful studying. If someone struggles with managing their time, they might want to give the Pomodoro technique a try.

Todoist said, “millions of people swear by the life-changing power to the Pomodoro Technique.”

Simply put, the Pomodoro technique is studious work time alternated with frequent breaks.

Begin by selecting a class to study, set a 25-minute timer, study for the full duration of time, when the timer goes off, take a fiveminute break. This five-minute break is intended to be taken away from screens, so go get a drink of water or talk to a friend/family member. A longer break of 15-30 minutes is recommended every four pomodoros. An additional way to have productive studying time is through active recall. This technique can be used in place of note-taking. Active recall allows students to retrieve previously learned information that has already been stored away in their brains. Aliabdaal said that active recall “not only strengthens our ability to retain information but also improves connections in our brains between different concepts.” A few examples of active recall would be quizzing,

doing practice tests, covering up notes (which forces the mind to retrieve the information) and even teaching a fellow classmate or family member the topic that will appear on the test.

After the student has selected their preferred method of studying, it can be helpful to remember these tips. Make it a priority to keep studying challenging.

This means not continuously reviewing information that is easily understood but rather reviewing the more challenging sections. Students should also be studying the topics the same way they will be presented on the actual test. If students have trouble memorizing facts, then here are a few memorization strategies. Try connecting what you want to remember with something that is already wellknown. If this is unsuccessful, another strategy is to use the memory palace. “The memory palace technique is about changing your memories into images placed in a familiar mental location,” said Joshua Foer, author of “Moonwalking with Einstein,” a book that looks deep into the memory. Simply imagine walking through a familiar location and viewing the information that will be presented on the test. Last, but

solid routine anner and separate tebooks study technique active recall or both) studying challenging pics as they will be

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strategies REVIER

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certainly not least, it is important for students to set goals for what should be accomplished during a study period. This will allow them to stay on task and be productive with their time.

By implementing these helpful study tips, students will be able to take one step forward in the direction of earning a rewarding score on their semester exams. So do not waste any more time and get to studying because time is ticking away.

Top Tips:

1. Create a solid routine 2. Use a planner and separate folders/notebooks 3. Select a study technique (Pomodoro, active recall or both) 4. Keeping studying challenging 5. Study topics as they will be presented 6. Use memory strategies 7. Set goals DESIGN BY

ADRIENNE REVIER

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money-madness, meticulously arranging the next phase of films and series to crank out.

All of this built up to the conclusion of “The Avengers” four-film series,

BY REESE DUNCAN “Avengers: Earning over Since its Endgame.” start in 2008, the Marvel Universe (MCU) has ruled the $2Cinematic billion, the filmoffice momentarily profits of the box and the hearts of millions of fans. With 26 films - the most grazed the spot of the - the MCU has recent being “Eternals” proved to be the most profitable franchise highest-grossing in the rich historyfilm of cinema. Yet, it seems as if the most recent additions to ever, eventually the MCU are a simple cash-grab and an attempt to add onto an already elaborate falling into This raises the question: is the multiverse. modern MCU becoming too much of a second place to good thing?

“Iron Man” took box offices by storm 2009’s in 2008,“Avatar.” raking in over $585 million globally. A couple of films and superhero The worldwide debuts later, “The Avengers” came out in 2012, which grossed over $1.5 billion phenomenon and finally introduced the much-beloved

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titular crew of superheroes. Once Marvel saw these colossal profits, it seemed as if their executives were put under a spell of money-madness, meticulously arranging the next phase of films and series to crank out.

All of this built up to the conclusion of “The Avengers” four-film series, “Avengers: Endgame.” Earning over $2 billion, the film momentarily grazed the spot of the highest-grossing film ever, eventually falling into second place to 2009’s “Avatar.”

The worldwide phenomenon

many homogenous projects are released, audiences will grow tired. Some may end up abandoning the franchise altogether, which would be the end of the world in the eyes of a profit-hungry business diluted its original uniqueness with executive. the endless lists of new projects and repetitive2021 storylines thatout have will close withgrown 27 monotonous with time. The initial sense of the spirit oftotal theMCU franchise become films,haswith much more difficult to locate as of late, causing many to question how the “Spider-man: NoMCU Way will continue as film after film, series after series is forced out to swiftly Home” releasedsatisfy to audiences just enough to push Marvel even further into the spotlight. audiences on Dec. This is not to say that every Marvel project is bad, for it has revolutionized 17. media history by revitalizing the usage

DILEMMA brought together die-hard fans and newbies alike, enhancing the well-known community of Marvel fanatics.

On one hand, Marvel has developed such a grip on the global culture that the recent inclusion of far more diverse characters has filled audiences around the world with more kind and inclusive ideals. On the other hand, Marvel has

of streaming platform systems, releasing highly rated series like “WandaVision,” “Loki” and “The Falcon and the Winter DESIGN BY LHS Soldier” exclusively on Disney+.

OnSTATESMAN top STAFF of that, the MCU has filled the hearts of countless fans with a priceless amount of joy. It is to say that Marvel must plan their next steps carefully to keep a firm grasp on its devoted fanbase. If too many homogenous projects are released, audiences will grow tired. Some may end up abandoning the franchise altogether, which would be the end of the world in the eyes of a profit-hungry business executive.

2021 will close out with 27 total MCU films, with “Spider-man: No Way Home” released to audiences on Dec. 17.

DESIGN BY

LHS STATESMAN STAFF

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Emma Southwick

With the holiday season right around the corner, people around the world are beginning to go gift shopping for their loved ones, especially the children in their lives.

While giving gifts that the kids in your life will love is important, it is just as crucial to pick out gifts that are safe and appropriate for them based on their age and needs.

Celebrated every December, Safe Toys and Gifts month was created

by Prevent Blindness America with the goal to raise awareness about the unexpected harm that toys can do to kids if they are not appropriately suited for the specific child according to their necessities.

Options for children’s toys these days are endless and come in all shapes and sizes. The problem with this wide variety is that if certain age groups of kids get ahold of a toy that is not made for their age, it could put them at risk of incidents such as choking or cutting off their circulation. According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, in 2019 there were about 162,700 toy-related emergency room visits in children 14 years of age or younger, and almost half of those were kids aged four or younger.

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Most of the injuries that occurred in toddlers involved either toy vehicles or building sets, due to the small, removable parts that are very easy for kids to choke on.

Instances like those, and situations where toys cause injuries are almost always preventable and prove the importance of taking the proper precautions when gifting children presents this holiday season. The first step to ensuring safety for kids when buying gifts is making sure that the toy is recommended for their age group. For example, pediatrician Dr. Nkeiruka Orajiaka highly suggests that children under the age of three should not be given toys that have parts that can fit through a toilet paper roll due to the choking hazards that such small parts can cause. The Consumer Product Safety Commission highly recommends that toy manufacturers test and label their products by age so that families know if the item is appropriate for their child before purchasing.

Labeling toys increases safety for kids and prevents parents and guardians from giving their kids toys that are not appropriate for their age. In addition to checking the age labels, looking over the toys you have purchased before giving

them to your kids also serves a very important purpose. While a toy may be recommended for a certain age group, if the item has a faulty or loose piece, it can be just as dangerous for kids as a toy that is not made for their age. Children’s toys should always be checked for sharp pieces and edges, loose parts and anything that could get stuck around their fingers, arms or legs and cut off circulation.

While it may seem tedious and unnecessary, assuring that kids receive the appropriate gifts is critical for their safety, especially with the gift-giving season approaching.

Taking the extra step to verify that the toys given to kids is worth people’s time, as it helps guarantee their protection from the unexpected dangers that toys can bring them.

Nobody ever thinks it will happen to their children or their family, but toy-related accidents happen more than one would expect. Luckily, it is very simple to take preventative steps to help ensure your children’s wellbeing. During holiday shopping this winter and every gift-giving season to come, do research and take the time to review the labels on toys before purchasing them for kids.

dESign by

Emma Southwick

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Together, Together, Together, the the girlsgirls the girlstry try harder skills and thenthen the the most of their situation, Becca Becca Mager, Becca Mager, Mager, head head WHS head WHS WHSpractice. coming together together to continue to continue learned have learned learned to work to work totogether, work together, together, actually actually master master them instead them insteadcoming actually master them instead coming together to continue Coach Coach and Coach and assistant and assistant assistant (JV)(JV)(JV) havehave participating in gymnastics. in gymnastics. of up giving on upthem,” on said them,” uniting uniting as one as one for as one for practice practice for practice of giving of giving up them,” on saidsaid participating participating in gymnastics.

LHS LHS Coach, LHS Coach, Coach, hashas taken has taken ontaken on on uniting Mager.

“Although “Although theythey arethey all all are all “It’s“It’s definitely “It’s definitely hardhard ashard we as we purposes, purposes, purposes, all for all for their all their for shared their shared sharedMager.

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“Although are definitely as we thisthis addition this addition addition withwith open with open arms, open arms, arms, havehave a bunch have aof bunch kids of who kids quit who lovelove of love gymnastics. of gymnastics. of gymnastics. veryvery supportive very supportive of each ofother, each other, supportive of each other, a bunch of kids who quitquit valuing valuing valuing all that all that all thethat the WHS WHS thegirls WHS girlsgirls from Washington from Washington because because theytheythey gymnastics gymnastics is kind of is kind aofweird a weird “I think “Iitthink works it works itpretty works pretty well. pretty well.well. gymnastics is kind aofweird from Washington because bring bring tobring the to the team. to team. theThis team.

This is This her is her is her “I think sport where sport you where are you mostly are mostly have to have drive. to It’s drive. been It’s tricky been tricky We We have We have kind have kind of kind separated of separated of separated out out out sport where you are mostly have to drive.

It’s been tricky second second second yearyear coaching year coaching coaching co- co- cofigure toout figure practice out practice times, times, by grouping by grouping by grouping for for scheduling scheduling for scheduling competing competing against against yourself yourself andandto and competing against yourself to figure out practice times, teamed teamed teamed practices; practices; practices; however, however, however, as as as schedules andand work and around work around thatthatthat last your bestlast score, best soscore, they so allthey all schedules purposes, purposes, purposes, but but ourour but JV and our JV and JV theand the theyouryour last best score, so they all schedules work around most most could most could imagine, could imagine, imagine, supporting supporting supporting cheer for cheer eacheach for other each allother year.” all year.” withwith traffic with and traffic such and too, such buttoo, I Ibut I Washington Washington kiddos kiddos get kiddos get along along get along cheer for other all year.” traffic and such too, but twotwo teams two teams inteams one in one practice in one practice practice Washington overall think overall it has been it has a really been a really which well which iswhich great. is great. isVarsity great.

Varsity Varsity With two With strong two teams, strong teams, think With two strong teams, think overall it has been a really proves proves to proves be to challenging betochallenging be challenging at at at wellwell good experience good experience for the girls. for the girls.

Mager has Mager high has hopes high for hopes her for her does does just does just as well. just as well. as They well.

They are They are are Mager has high hopes for her good experience for the girls. times. times. times. notjust not matched not matched matched as often as often asinoften in inteam forteam thisthis for coming this coming 2022 Lincoln The Lincoln girlsgirls have girls learned have learned team for coming 20222022 TheThe Lincoln have learned “Last “Last year, “Last year, they year, they could they could not could not notjustjust arethey lucky arethey lucky don’t they have don’t practice,” practice,” saidsaid Mager. said Mager.

Mager. gymnastics gymnastics season where season where theythey gymnastics season where are lucky they don’t havehave get get a coach aget coach afor coach for Washington, Washington, for Washington,practice,” to move, toand move, theand Washington the Washington she she seesshe both sees LHS both and LHS WHS and WHS DueDue to Due the to the inclusion to inclusion the inclusion of the of the of the sees both LHS and WHS to move, and the Washington andand I was and I was the I was the coach coach thewith coach withwith WHS team, WHS team, Mager team, Mager has Mager has seenhas seenseenparticipating participating in State. in State. kidskids have kids learned have learned to appreciate to appreciate participating in State. have learned to appreciate the the most most theexperience, most experience, experience, so they so they so theyWHS still getting still getting to participate to participate in in in much much improvement much improvement improvement from from her from her her “I would “I like would for like Lincoln for Lincoln “I would like for Lincoln still getting to participate hadhad me had me as the as methe head as head the coach head coach ofcoach of of their sport,” their sport,” said Mager. said Mager. to make to it make to State. it to For State.

For girls girls based girls based on based the on the co-practices on co-practices the co-practices to make it to State.

For their sport,” said Mager.

Washington Washington Washington andand theand the same same the same Washington, I would I really would really as most as most asare most are pushed pushed are pushed to try to try to try Washington, Washington, I would really thing thing happened thing happened happened thisthis year,” this year,” said year,” saidsaid harder working harder working working withwith their with theirtheir hope tohope get atocouple a of couple my of my design hope to get aget couple of my design bydesign LHS

by LHS Statesman byStatesman LHS Statesman StaffStaffStaff Mager.

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35

BY

MORGAN SANDNESS

The Thanksgiving dinner was finally all shoved in the stomachs of the family from near and far. After the dishes were done and the pie was cut, thoughts of bright lights and pine scent went through everyone’s head as grandparents went around asking for what was wanted.

The Christmas elf arrives tomorrow, the joy of waking up to find what trouble he got into, reporting it back to mom and dad as if they do not already know. Presents start to pile underneath the tree. Quiet steps to the tree to try and figure out what it is every time a new gift is added. Corners of cut paper lay on the ground from the homemade snowflakes that hang upon the window.

Grandma’s house filled with presents you begged to open before dinner. Pieces of wrapping paper surround the pile of presents that you and your siblings sorted ever so carefully. Christmas Eve arrives in time for your new pajamas splattered with Santas to be put on in time to say goodbye to Santa’s elf that was sent to watch over you.

The leftover cookies from dinner that night lay with a cold glass of milk and orange carrots for when Santa arrives.

Excitement runs through your body as you lay upon your pillow, you cannot fall asleep because you have to catch Santa when he arrives. The first sign of brightness in the morning wakes you up. You rise to go around and wake everyone up to see what Santa so willingly brought you. Your face is filled with joy when mom says to smile for the camera. Christmas is by far your favorite holiday.

Grandparents text to ask what is on your Christmas list, and mom asks for help to carry up the tree, while ornament hooks poke the tip of your finger when hanging them up. Christmas time has finally rolled around. The Christmas pillow is set on your bed along with the lights hung up in your room. Little decor pieces get pulled out of your holiday decorations bin to be set around your room.

The Christmas list is more clothes than Barbies, more money than Nerf guns. Gift exchanges set up with friends, excited to get new fuzzy socks and a warm blanket. Family arrives at the house on Christmas Day, and you greet grandma and grandpa at the door to help them carry in the basket of presents. You discreetly take notes on whose present is whose and who has the most. You are an “adult” now, so you have to pretend it is not all about presents. Snapchat pulled up with “Merry Christmas” texts drafted for your friends, mom comes over to grab your phone and says “be more present” with a small laugh as she walks away.

When gift time has arrived, your younger siblings are the first to go because it has always been youngest to oldest. When your turn arrives, you open your gift fast but slow enough to make it seem like you just do not care. Awaits is the new trend that everyone has, so excited to use for the next three months until the next trendy thing comes out.

Christmas with the whole family seems like more of a task as you mature but it never fails to give a good laugh and make the long dinners worth it.

A holiday based on how much money you can spend. Every kid, every parent, every cousin, all in need of a present that reads “from the…”. Papers stacked from the kids with 20 plus things that are written in crayons that include things like “unicorn” and “dinosaur.” Months of preparation, online shopping and discreetly buying gifts without your kids finding out. The tree needed to be replaced with new decorations, and the red and blue bulbs get rearranged after your kids put them all in one clump. Decorations are set out just to be put back away in less than a month. Everyone’s favorite time of year is just a price tag to you. Black Friday is your favorite day because you will love the “buy one get one half off ” discount. Wake up at six in the morning for every store that could carry what your youngest daughter wants. Stockings are stuffed late at night after kids are in bed. Cookies are eaten with purposeful crumbs left on the plate.

Milk is quickly drunk but little drops stay at the bottom of the glass. Carrots are half-eaten to keep their dream alive. Late night and earlier morning but all worth it for the joy on your kids’ faces. The camera app opened with hundreds of pictures of each kid with each gift. You have to force everyone to get ready for family to come over instead of playing with their gifts.

It finally comes to an end, and you are drained of festive spirit. Now you count down the days until next November when you start playing Christmas music again.

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ARTWORK BY

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FISHER MEYERINK

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The English language is a mess.

It’s a disorganized mixture of various romantic languages with absolutely no rhyme or reason. Despite this, it’s the third most spoken language in the world and the most common second language.

This means that more than 1.5 billion people have to suffer through learning how this uncorrelated jumble of sounds and letters operates. Suffer through a language where a word as simple as “run” has 645 different definitions.

Suffer through a language riddled with homophones, silent letters and rules seemingly made to be broken.

English is the daylight savings of languages. It’s nonsensical and lacks any foundation yet is still incredibly common for some godforsaken reason.

This may seem a bit harsh; comparing anything to the pure evil that is daylight savings is dramatic, but I swear that it’s justified.

Growing up I was always useless in terms of grammar and spelling. I always assumed this was something wrong with me, until I realized, no, the problem was that I grew up learning in an actual well-structured and thought-out language alongside English. I learned to read and write in Spanish before English, and it was great. The grammatical rules were consistent, and every letter made one sound, so I could easily piece together what any given word should sound like. You could throw the word “hipopotomonstrosesquipedaliofobia” at me and by going letter by letter I could put together how it’s pronounced. Now,

contrast that with English words like “Colonel” or “Bologna.” How is anyone supposed to figure out that those words are pronounced “Ker-nel” and “Ba-lon-ey?”

I think that Spanish is the perfect foil to use in order to expose all the flaws in English. Spanish has consistent grammar rules with few exceptions and, more importantly, an alphabet where each letter has its own sound. For example, there is one silent letter in Spanish: H. In English, on the other hand, every single letter in the alphabet can be silent with the exception of J, Q and Y. This naturally begs the question: how is anyone without a degree supposed to consistently spell or pronounce any given word without being specifically told how to beforehand?

It’s generally accepted that there are 44 different sounds used in the English language. This wouldn’t be a problem if there were 44 letters in our alphabet, or at the very least some level of consistency to what letters make one sound, but because there are 26 letters with redundant uses and sounds, things are a bit more complicated. There are 16 letters in our alphabet that do make just one sound, other than the times that they decide to be silent. Those letters are B D F H J K L M N P Q R T V X Z. I like to call these the good letters.

You can hear what sound each of these letters make once and move on with your life. Notably, no vowels are on the list, and that’s because vowels

*@$% 38

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BY

have a total of 20 different sounds across five letters. And bear in mind that these 20 sounds can be spelled in a variety of ways. Er, ir and ur, ie, and igh, f and ph all make the same sound, and so do ie and igh, for example. And to add the cherry to this spilled sundae, there are the letters that fail to even make unique sounds like Q and X (kw, ks) and technically the letters F, S and K as well.

So, what would I do about it? If the English alphabet is so awful, why hasn’t anyone fixed it? Well, the truth is, someone already did. Benjamin Franklin’s phonetic alphabet is an alternative to our current system designed to represent the sounds actually present more appropriately in our complex language. This alphabet omitted the letters C, J, Q, W, X and Y while adding six new letters to replace the soft o, sh, ng, th and uhn sounds. Franklin firmly believed that implementing these changes would make the language significantly easier to learn and would drastically decrease the amount of spelling errors that have always been commonplace in our language due to the fact that in his system, every letter only made one sound with other sounds simply being created by repeating letters or mixing them with others.

Obviously we are past the point of reasonably being able to change our language, but I don’t care. Our generation couldn’t make reasonable changes, but our founding fathers definitely could, and their time was only three old people away. You may say, “You writing this takedown on the English language of all things is just a way that you can justify your failure to comprehend the language you’ve grown up speaking,” and, “You deflecting the cause of your ineptitude to anyone but yourself is just a coping mechanism, and a rather childish one at that,” but you know what? Shut up.

Screw English, screw the founding fathers and screw the letter C. I’m done.

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PAIGE GORDON

The holiday season is here and tis the season for shopping and unethical business.

Scalping, for those unaware, is the act of buying up highdemand items in bulk at regular prices in order to hoard them and resell them at marked-up prices when supply is low.

Lately, the discussion of scalping has revolved around console scalping. Take, for instance, the coveted PS5 and Xbox Series X. Though both consoles have been out for nearly a year, the majority of the target demographic hasn’t been able to get their hands on it.

According to Tech Times, resellers make console restocks more difficult by using bots to buy up as many units as possible, then reselling them online for inflated prices. Some of these console scalpers end up joining scalping groups; lowerlevel scalpers get paid to buy up stock by other members, which are sold for around $1,000 each. Groups like the Cashout Kings, according to PCMag, receive and sell roughly 400 units each day, and have since been branching out to buying up cell phones and Nintendo Switches. Luckily, reselling prices have been falling over the last few months. But bulk purchasing has created scarcity in the market already suffering, ranging from supply shortages and delayed production due to the current worldwide silicone chip shortage.

Of course, scalping isn’t just limited to consoles, and it isn’t a new strategy for folks trying to make a quick buck. If there is something the public desires, scalpers are on the prowl to get it before anyone else; toys, concert tickets, phones, designer clothes, shoes, the list goes on and on. It’s not just luxury items either, as anyone who remembers the great toilet paper shortage during the spring of 2020. Alongside the hoarding and panic buying, retail scalpers started hogging all sorts of cleaning supplies just to sell them to panicked people.

The oldest form of scalping, of course, is concert ticket “reselling.” Ticket scalping has plagued the entertainment industry for decades and has since become its own thriving business. Though it has been marketed as simply “reselling” unwanted event tickets, companies TicketMaster and Stub Hub have been accused of using ticket bot software to outbuy fans.

DESIGN BY

PAIGE GORDON

According to The New York Times, the ticket brokers of Just in Time Tickets, Concert Specials and Cartisim Corp., all of Long Island were accused of violating the Better Online Ticket Sales Act along with an assortment of other charges.

So, it seems the scalper’s shady dealings are catching up to them, but not enough to slow it down. This begs the question; is this really a big deal? Well, yes. Scalping is a different kind of malicious activity and comes with many unintended side effects. Oftentimes, it creates product scarcity, which can lead to inflation. Then, of course, the price increases can make these coveted items hard to find, reserving them for exclusive customers who have the means to purchase.

The people who “resell’’ know that these items will bring some form of joy to the consumer, so they prey on that joy.

You could make the case that we should simply stop buying from scalpers to discourage them, but resistance is much more difficult than it appears. This is why so many of us fall into scalper traps; if something has the potential to bring us joy in our mundane reality, we will do anything to reach it. It’s almost a sick joke. We work hard to stay alive, and nowadays the little things that bring us some type of happiness are being ruined by greed. God forbid you like trading cards or card games, because shortages will jack up the price. Like to Thrift? Too bad! Depop reselling snagging all the rare finds and selling them for twice as much. Want to see your favorite artist live? Chances are you’ll never get the opportunity. Scalping turns our hobbies and passions into a lucrative market, taking away the little things that bring us an ounce of comfort.

Additionally, these scalpers rely on our feelings of inferiority and fear of missing out. Advertising has practically conditioned us to be avid consumers, and we tend to associate material things with happiness, and even our worth as a person. Especially here in the states, where everyone is obsessed with turning their lives into enviable spectacles. This business uses the envy and elitism perpetuated by the free market to guilt us into spending.

So, no, this isn’t a harmless side hustle. It’s an exploitative business that puts a high price on the few things that we can enjoy in our miserable existence.

39

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BY

RACHEL BLACKMAN

There is a lot to love about the holiday season, from cuddling up by the fireplace to spending time with family and friends. Even so, many of our beloved traditions are better off in Christmas past and need to be skipped this holiday season.

Why waste your money on a scratchy sweater that you only wear once a year when you could spend it on the perfect gift for a loved one? It is time to get creative and find a new, low-effort uniform for holiday parties to replace the tacky Christmas sweater. Sweaters you can already find in your closet are still able to fit a festive theme and replace the purchase of a sweater that is intentionally ugly.

Something about an old man with a fake beard inviting little kids to sit on his lap raises many alarms. Waiting in line with a bunch of screaming children is just not worth the photo on a fake Santa’s lap to stick on your fridge.

Instead of bringing your kids to tell a random guy what they want for Christmas, encourage them to simply write a letter and avoid the trauma that accompanies a forced photo with Santa.

The only holiday decoration worse than rainbow Christmas lights is brightly colored fake trees. Although fake Christmas trees can be a useful solution for those who are not willing to deal with the hassle of a real tree, there is a fine line between functional and tacky. Swapping out a brightly colored tree for rainbow ornaments is a perfectly acceptable solution to this dilemma. Stick to the classics and limit your tree to the classic green color and avoid the possibility of your tree looking like it came straight out of a Dr. Seuss book.

Santa is supposed to be a jolly man that encourages childlike wonder, the opposite of someone who watches us while we are sleeping and sends an elf to spy on us. Elf on the Shelf is nothing short of terrifying and a tradition that needs to be retired as soon as possible. The last way you should want your children to feel is as if they are constantly being watched, even if it means they’ll be on their best behavior.

Teaching your children that they must behave so that the creepy stuffed elf will tell Santa to bring them presents is sure to traumatize them and kill their Christmas spirit for good.

It is simply pointless to spend $15 on a useless gift that nobody wants so that you can exchange it for another unwanted and cheap gift.

The unnecessary tradition of White Elephant is the epitome of American consumerism and only contributes to the growing issue of unnecessary purchasing. The game of White Elephant has proven to only lead to hurt feelings and disappointment, leaving all players feeling as if the one gift they actually wanted was stolen from them.

No one wants to have their house bombarded by a family of Christmas carolers who feel the need to spread holiday joy through their offkey singing. “Jingle Bells” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” are extremely overplayed, leaving no need for carolers to recite them in front of an unwilling audience. These days carolers are few and far between, but those remaining need to stick to the stage and not their neighbors’ doorstep.

DESIGN BY ARTWORK BY

RACHEL BLACKMAN RACHEL BLACKMAN

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