B Beyond Christmas 2011 highlights by terry joul

B BEYOND

B BEYOND B BEYOND MAGAZINE : 2011/3

2011/3 Art by Justin Forbes

The Fairy Tale

‘And only when E.L. receives a truly outstanding Austin Powers-style, multiple-orgasmic shag can the magic spell be lifted...’

The Kingdom of Twoface and the Social-lights IT BEGINS In a land far, far away – the fairytale land of reddish trees and purple-rocked mountains – lies an island: Twoface. In Twoface, a group of social delinquents and participants known as the Social-lights run a School of Morals and dish out rewards to those who obey - and penalties to those who rebel. There are various rules for men and rules for women; rules for the powerful and for the popular; and rules for the average pedestrian in the cobbled streets.

By Pearl Lam illustrated by Justin Forbes

The School of Morals has flexible rules. They can be bent to suit the individual and the situation. For instance, casual fornication is a means to success and this rule applies to all men, however, it only applies to successful women. Being labelled a ‘slut’ is by no means derogatory, depending on who you are and whether you can work it. ‘Slutty’ has been redefined as the moral of the 21st century – it’s hip! The Social-lights of the Kingdom of Twoface are the social elite together with their wives or girlfriends, sons and daughters, and the kept women, ex-girlfriends or mistresses of social, political and business figureheads. These powerful figures integrate and interact in the court of this little kingdom

TWOFACE’S SOCIAL PHILOSOPHY Social rules of Twoface decree that wives, mistresses and kept women should jeer and sneer at, and even boycott, women who sleep with others women’s husbands. These women are branded slags. But please note: a confident and discreet professional woman, or one from an elite family, is free to sleep around as much as she wishes. She is considered to be modern and liberated - alive and kicking vengeance upon the male chauvinism of thirty years ago. Also exempt are those who have become fully ‘qualified’ official girlfriends or mistresses, or are likely to be ‘promoted’ to replace the man’s wife. Women with the ability to gain official titles will be consistently honoured – worshipped even – by the School of Morals. And of course, history dictates that wayward husbands must always be forgiven. In any love affair the woman shall be scorned and punished for her happiness.

Every morning, every islander gathers in the King’s court to dance, sing and be entertained by the court jester who tells all the gossip, scandal and slander of the day. As the night goes on, conversation will progress to the dark secrets of the courtiers’ peers, and the ‘dilapidated’ morals of their neighbours. This is the only hobby and entertainment in which the inhabitants of Twoface take pleasure. THE KINGDOM OF TWOFACE The Social-lights work very hard every day. They dig up dirt, they exaggerate petty gossip and they deliver judgments on the morals and behaviour of their friends. ‘Average Joes’ might describe their behaviour as offensive – betraying the confidences of their family and friends in order to chase

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BB Publications would like to credit Justin Forbes for creating an entire oil painting based on Pearl Lam’s allegorical tale. The full work is wrapped round the magazine cover.

scandal – but the Social-lights do it for the love of their people. Their aim in life is to serve, amuse and delight the subjects of the little Kingdom of Twoface.

Happiness is not authorised without the endorsement of the Committee of the School of Morals. No citizen of Twoface should promote such a frivolous act as happiness. Being happy is an impossible dream; it only sets an incredibly high standard, which causes devastation and disappointment throughout the kingdom when happiness fails to materialise. And the Social-lights do not have the heart to inflict this degree of pain and disillusionment upon their subjects... The School of Morals, therefore, bans dreams and happiness.

Head of the School of Morals Committee, she is obsessed with the love of her family. Seeking to protect the family from all evil, every morning she delivers the memorandum of the day to the court jester – news and dirt on people who have sinned against her or against them.

The School of Morals is a progressive organisation which constantly updates all rules and ethics – especially those that apply to their committee members.

But to keep the court’s laughter at its peak, the court jester inflates her news with juicy details and exaggerations through the Tabloid Courier.

the chastity of her peers and cavorting with her best friend’s husband. She must also be punished for her jealousy that leads her to make up fictitious and outrageous stories, causing great pain and harm to others.

To protect the family honour and dignity, she has to win the attention and laughter of the crowd. She has to exact vengeance against those who would do her harm. Occasionally, she has to make proud and painful sacrifices. ‘St Joan of Arc,’ the people call her!

E.L., the Fairy Godmother decrees, shall be stripped of all the praise that was once heaped upon her. She is to be castigated as the head of the School of Morals Committee, whose ethics have been corrupted.

She is the source of all the amusement and entertainment that beguiles the people of Twoface.

THE FAIRY GODMOTHER THE STAR OF THE FAIRY TALE E.L. is the sister of E.T. and feeder of laughter in this kingdom. She is the saccharine-sweetest subject in the land of Twoface. She proudly lives as a (manhungry) unmarried woman. Although she is limited in both height and horizon, she is attractive and possesses all the artificial enhancements.

The local Fairy Godmother has long heard about this mysterious little island where people laugh their life away and one sunny morning, she pays a visit to Twoface.

THE MAGIC SPELL

She listens as the court jester relates all the maliciously distorted stories about the celebrities and the Social-lights. She hears all about the positive encouragement of bedswapping, the kiss and tell, the money-for-honey philosophy, the banishment of happiness which can’t be bought... all that is evil and crooked in the land of Twoface. She’s surrounded by people who are laughing, cheering and wanting more.

Magic, Magic, I thee cast A Twoface spell that is set to last!

She marvels at the absurdity of this kingdom, and decides that all these loose morals must be straightened out in order to set an example for the rest of Fairytale Land. There can be no forgiveness - all inhabitants must be punished and punishment of quadruple magnitude must be inflicted on E.L., the wickedest and most embittered of them all. E.L. will be punished for her most evil crimes: perverting the honour of her family, threatening

The following day, when the first ray of sunshine appears, all subjects of Twoface will find themselves wearing their second faces: the reflections of their true, immoral and corrupted inner selves. The Fairy Godmother is unrelenting in E.L.’s punishment. Just as with Twoface’s other subjects, she dictates that the ugliness inside E.L. will now be reflected in her face for all the world to see. All of E.L.’s ‘high-maintenance’ beauty treatments collapse. Her cosmetically-enhanced face melts as her features contort into a hideous collection of wrinkles and swelling, and hairy warts. Silicone boobs burst, shrivel and shrink to the size of cashew nuts. E.L.’s oh-so-anal, colour-coordinated wardrobe becomes a set of smelly rags. ‘Even a beggar wouldn’t be seen dead in this,’ moans E.L. , now the true image of her ugly, vicious inner self. ‘There is only one way to break this spell,’ the Fairy

In other words, Twoface must prove that tabloid gossip is the food of life. That the nation thrives on it, needs it and enjoys it. In addition, it must show that casual ‘slutty’ sex is of no consequence; that it is, in fact, very hip and trendy. Once E.L. and the Kingdom of Twoface manage to prove these points, the Fairy Godmother’s magic spell would become null and void. Until then, the Kingdom of Twoface would be encircled by a crystal sphere that could only be broken by those who share the kingdom’s convictions. Additionally, E.L. would need to be given a truly outstanding Austin Powers-style, multiple-orgasmic shag for the magic spell to be lifted – but, with her new face, body and clothes, E.L. is left wondering: who would want to shag this ugly hag? LIFE AFTER THE SPELL E.L. shrieks her innocence, proclaiming herself the victim of modern times. A great cry goes out as the inhabitants of Fairytale Land beat their breasts in grief. They want to save the Kingdom of Twoface. They want to rescue this new squat and ugly E.L. from this poisonous spell – because by doing this, they can be brought into the 21st century.

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And so the Fairy Godmother huffs and puffs as these tabloid articles of disgrace are read out.

So the Fairy Godmother casts a spell with her magic wand:

Godmother tells her. ‘Only when you can demonstrate that the scurrilous treachery and lascivious morals of the court of Twoface should be gleefully embraced as part of modern life – only when you can prove that this is what makes the world go round – will the spell be lifted!’

Cinderella’s tired of her pumpkin carriage: she wants to ride in a Ferrari, in a miniskirt. Meanwhile her Prince Charming’s got his eye on an Aston Martin to replace his old white horse. With one of those he could shag his way through the kingdom. Snow White’s slavering for an organic apple and her evil stepmother wants a face-lift. All the Fairytale characters start to dream of rollicking around in the best modern fashions and of enjoying the convenience and comforts of modern science.

he goes berserk at this new Barbie Doll vision. He misses his real E.L., warts, wounds and all. He leaves his besotted conquest without a word, never to return. Darth Sexy knows that he must keep on searching for his real one true love. He may never find her; but she is real in his imagination. His love will never die.

THE RESCUERS

In modern fairy tales, even after the breaking of the spell, not everyone can live happily ever after. E.L., looking even better than before, finds that her reputation as a ‘kiss-and-tell’ princess repels men. Who wants to cavort with the head of the School of Morals Committee? Who can mess with the source of tabloid gossip? And which man would dare to pit his sexual powers against Darth Sexy’s ‘mojo’?

Humpty Dumpty, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Red Riding Hood, Prince Charming and all the characters in Fairytale Land join forces to try breaking the spell by getting E.L. a man. But these old-fashioned characters are at a serious disadvantage. Sleeping Beauty is a ‘kissing-only’ kind of girl; Red Riding Hood knows her way around wolves but is completely naive about men; Prince Charming isn’t quite sure what an erection is and Humpty Dumpty.… well, the less said about him, the better. THE SEXY BLACK KNIGHT

‘Behold, our rescuer!’ screams E.L, who has long been waiting for an almighty saviour. Darth Sexy regards the unearthly sight that is this enchanted courtier, and is neither disgusted nor revolted. Instead, his pulse quickens and his loins stir. He’s never seen such a curiously attractive creature in his life – and falls totally in lust with E.L. She must belong to him. He must have her now.

THE ‘AUSTIN POWERS’ SHAG AT LAST Darth Sexy draws his enormous Light Sabre and smashes his way through the crystal sphere. The sphere shatters into a million pieces. Darth Sexy rides fiercely through the crystal debris to his ‘be-lusted’, kneels in front of E.L. and asks for her hand. But before she can reply, he throws her passionately to the floor. Fire… Red… Blue… Orgasm… Orange… Climax! The spells cast on Twoface and on E.L. are broken, all in one sizzling moment. THE MORNING AFTER All the people weep for joy. E.L. stares intent at her reflection in the glass, unable to believe her own eyes. She’s more beautiful than before and now she has Darth Sexy too… Finally, they can all live happily ever after. When Darth Sexy wakes up, exhausted from his endeavours, his bride is missing. ‘E.L., E.L., my love!’, he calls, and the newly beautified E.L. appears at his side. But when Darth Sexy sees her,

As for Darth Sexy, he’s never been conventional: he is a modern-day macho knight. How could we expect him to pine for E.L. for the rest of his fairytale life? At first he seems soft and romantic, keeping his sorrow for this lost love deep in his soul. He is single and sad for as long as he can stand it – that is, in Fairytale land time, about 48 hours. Then Darth Sexy finds a new soul mate in a very sexy ‘robot doll,’ a high-tech development of the popular 20th-century rubber blow-up doll. With a few adaptations, the robot doll becomes a disfigured ‘evil E. L.’ look-alike. Who says money can’t buy true love? After her unforgettable experience, E.L. faces life boldly, positively and practically. Always a pragmatic woman, she’s learnt that having money makes her the happiest of all. Now she charges the court jester in Euros (a good investment opportunity) for every snippet of information she provides, true or not.

E.L. must endure her terrible loneliness, worse than ever after her night of passion with Darth Sexy. But even though she is desperate for his return, she knows she can never give up looking so beautiful!

After all, a lot of time is invested in imagining and inventing all that dirt. She’s got beauty now and money is her new game. Love? Well, E.L. has never been the romantic type. Who needs the real Darth Sexy? To get her kicks, she now pays boys to dress up in Darth uniforms and black masks. Her current motto is ‘Money is better than honey.’

At the end of this fairy tale, the characters don’t ‘live happily ever after.’ Instead, they will all ‘live beautifully ever after!’

And who can say that such a tale doesn’t happen in the modern world? ❤

EPILOGUE It doesn’t take long for the Fairytale Land inhabitants to move into the 21st century. And our dear Fairy Godmother is the first to adapt. Soon she’s charging for her magic spells in US dollars (after asking ‘Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, what is the most stable currency of all?’) Recognising a business opportunity

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On a dark and stormy night, a vision of manhood on a black horse appears on the horizon. ‘Darth. Darth Sexy,’ he introduces himself, ‘From a galaxy far, far away.’ Yes, it is the grandson of the famous Darth Vader, perusing the inhabitants of Twoface from beyond the enchanted glass sphere, oblivious to the horrors and ugliness. He finds beauty in all the subjects of the kingdom.

THE END

when she sees one, she’s the first to grab the domain name www.magicspell.com. No, no, no, today nothing is free: neither magic nor spells can be practised without charge. Except, of course, the occasional contribution to a fashionable charity...

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Anthony Noel Kellyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s art in his own words Anthony Noel Kelly, whose artistic career met with a great deal of controversy in the late 80s, is interviewed by the Chairman of the Sovereign Art Foundation, Howard Bilton

Q: Are you the only artist in your family? A. Yes, I am. We used to have an art room at home and although we were all frequent users I seem to have been the only one to have carried on. Q: So you went to art school? A. Yes, I studied art having left Worth Abbey, in Sussex. Worth was both a preparatory and secondary school run by monks and I was quite happy there. As much as possible I left the classrooms to escape to the art department. Then I left for art school. Q: In that order? A. Yes, but actually I was a mature student when I enrolled at art school. After Worth I practised five years of restoration of paintings, suggested by my father who is a collector himself.

Q: So then you went to art school? A. Yes, but it was a gradual transaction. After two years as an independent restorer in Fulham I started meeting other artists, notably from Chelsea School

Q: Why did you choose it? A. Simply because I got rejected by St Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s School of Art. This was my number two choice. The City and Guilds was run by Roger de Grey who knew Brinsley Ford a trustee who happened to be a friend of mine. I was fortunate to get a late place. Q: Sometimes artists get rejected on subjective grounds, which are the wrong reasons. Looking back on it, do you think this was the case with you? A Well no, I don't blame the Saint Martin's panel really. When I went for the interview I must have been quite a sight. I was a 30 year old returning from eight months painting in hermit-like conditions in Ireland and too confident for sure, probably also out of touch with reality, certainly short of any formal training. There were plenty of younger more malleable students to choose from. Q: Describe the art you did in Ireland. A. I painted a self-portrait, but it was landscapes that I was really interested in. The Wexford coast with its sand-dunes and gorse-covered mountains never lacked inspiration for me. It wasn't long before the rocks, vegetation, and the sea near my

'Above: Good News from the Stars' 2008 Facing page: 'Five Tarts' 2008 Below: Abate' 2004, A Royal Gala' 2003, 'Le Petit Pannier' 2007

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Q: What kind of training did this involve? A. Instead of enrolling in a university I worked as one of many apprentices to an American restorer. We worked on Old Masters, notably the Dutch 17th century, but having graduated I became restless and wanted to paint for myself.

of Art. Becoming more involved with contemporary art I then moved to the countryside and worked in a slaughter house, and then returned back to London to paint and work part-time as a stained glass apprentice. Finally, after a trip to Ireland I enrolled finally at the City and Guilds of London art school. Although I enjoyed the course there after I left I realised that perhaps it hadn't really been in tune with contemporary art and I had to do some catching up. I just mention that.

Q. So Central St Martinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s declined you and you went to City & Guilds instead? A. Yes, I had to start from scratch again, my tutors uninterested in these mannerisms of mine. As I mentioned earlier the school was conventional encouraging figure drawing and studies from life. After two years of laws of depth of field, composition, and colours relationships etc. I grew restless and managed to change course, passing into the sculpture department. I felt much more involved with the physicality of solid form. Q: But presumably the function of art school is to teach you the skills rather than to help you develop your own style of art? A. Yes, but one cannot go without the other. Tools need to be learnt to feed the talent but you know it's never so cut and dry.

Facing page: 'Crises in America' 2011 Head 1996 Members 1996

Q: Did you remain in contact with the artists you went to college with? A: No I didn't but as the years passed met quite a few socially. Q: So you chose to leave Clapham? A. Yes, after I married in 2000 we left for County Cork, realising that as my work was becoming more involved with animals I needed to move to the countryside. I had been visiting farms dissecting for painting and photographic projects and I felt that London was less relevant. Moving to Ireland

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Q: And then art became a full time career

for you after art school? A. Well it always had been before but I suppose I felt it had a future now. I moved to Shepherdâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bush, to an old factory that had manufactured paintbrushes. The height of the ceilings and layout of the premises was amazing and I really enjoyed the five years that I was there. I shared the premises with three other artists but then decided to move south of the river, to an empty engineering works in Clapham. It had been a dairy beforehand. I worked there for four years before leaving the country for Ireland and then eventually France.

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cottage encouraged me to produce work expressionistic and gestural in content, similar to the early Cobra movement in Scandinavia. Quite unsuitable for Saint Martin's conceptual approach...

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'Venimus, Vidimus, Vicimus' 2010

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do with my pieces – you see myself and a technician started taking them home - , but the more I accumulated the more confidence I had. For example a head by itself didn’t mean anything but once I had, say a couple of torsos and ten legs you could start to think creatively. Q: How did you preserve the bodies? A. The parts had already been preserved in formaldehyde and so all they needed really were to be kept wrapped in bags. Over two years I gradually took moulds of them, both in Shepherds Bush and Clapham, and then after I sensed questions were being asked. I then decided I would transport them to the family house in Kent and bury them behind a wood. Perhaps I was rather naive but I thought that what I was doing was perfectly natural. Perhaps admittedly a little in the grey area, morally speaking I mean. Q: How did the trouble start? A. Well it began when the Jibby Bean gallery agreed to show the torso I took of a gentleman at the Islington Art Fair 2007. It was of his front side and back, and which I had gilded in silver. I really didn’t think much would happen at the time.

was quite a revelatory experience and before I knew it I realised that I had amassed a Noah's Ark community of animals. Goats, peacocks, pigs, sheep, llamas, donkeys and so all roamed freely around the property. There was two of each. We there for about three years and then decided to move somewhere warmer and perhaps more Latin in character. We ended up near Toulouse and although I was worried that I would have a 'writer's block' I soon found subject matter in the local produce. There were fields of sunflowers, melons and maize and I soon realised that we were in the centre of the foie gras region, of the farming of ducks. Q: Tell me about the ground-breaking case against you ? The Court decided that body parts were actually stolen property which is an interesting interpretation...

Tell me how this all happened? A. The reason why the judge decided that the parts were stolen property was that they had been worked upon by medics for medical research by the Royal Institute of Surgeons. It was because these technicians and students had actually dissected the bodies that the judge deemed the college the rightful owner. Q: ...So what were you doing (with them?), why did you find them of interest? A. Well if somehow somebody came to you in the pub and said ‘I’ve got a head in my bag, do you want it?’ Wouldn’t you have said yes ? I can think of nothing more intriguing than the study of the human form, especially opened to be looked at. My interest began having worked at the

Basingstoke Hospital operating theatres. From there I was introduced to the Royal College of Surgeons in London where I was allowed to sketch and model in the display rooms. It was only when I decided to get more involved with the bodies, actually visiting the basement where they were stored, that I crossed the line. It was in the basement that I started taking moulds and so-on, developing my interest with little to stop me. Q: Why make casts of a dead person rather than a living person? A. Well, quite simply they don't look the same, do they ? Once they have been soto-speak opened, as I have just mentioned, do you realise you're in another world. Like diving beneath the surface of the sea. At first I wasn’t sure what I was going to

Q: As the work was just a torso, how would anyone know you had used an actual body part? A. The piece was obviously taken from a cadaver. It couldn’t have been anything else and certainly not modelled. The dissections were perfect, skilfully displaying muscle tissue, arteries and veins, together with the organs. Q: So how did they know the person whose body parts you used? A. The police made enquiries with various organisations throughout England, starting with medical schools. However they came up with a blank. On being asked the Royal College of Surgeons even had the audacity of replying that they had nothing missing. I think they hoped it would all blow over and their lapse of security not shown. I suppose then that because the origins of my body parts couldn't be traced the police decided to raid my studio in Clapham. I remember I had taken my dog out for an early walk on the Common and on my return I found them about to ram my front door with one of those bars with handles. They must have had a field day discovering work made from

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'Degustation' 2009

'Birthdays' 1998

art Eyes (Female)

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Eyes (male)

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Q: Looking at the map of America work (behind me). Why America? A. Oh, this was part of my recent insect, flower and fruit fascination. America ? Well the country is globally involved in issues and so I used the map of the country as a backdrop for my work, crushing the patisseries, cakes, insects etc. on the image. It's called 'Crises in America' and although humorous the image carries undertones of a darker nature. Q: So far have the public agreed with you? A. Not as much as I was hoping. Exhibiting has been difficult but I'm confident that one way or another I'll find an avenue to show this recent work. Clockwise from above: A Horse Leg 1995 'The Block' -left side 1996 'The Block' - right side 1996

moulds but quite disappointed not find any body parts. As I said earlier, they had been buried in Kent but in fact quite a few had actually been stored in a friend's basement in Brixton. It was when I was brought to the police station that I explained that all the bodies had in fact come from the Royal College of Surgeons.

Q: Where are all these works now? A. The judge ruled that all my confiscated work should be given to the Royal College of Surgeons. That was four years of work and it saddens me now. Q: You are not the only artist working with actual bodies, of course. There is Gunther von Hagens*. A: Yes, very much so. But whilst he's working 'on' his bodies soto-speak for display, I am working 'with' them for my art. He's a surgeon wanting to share the marvel of the body through dissection with the public, whist I'm perhaps more interested in using them in a more abstract and subjective way. Rather ironic to hear that

Q: How are the bills being paid if you are not selling so well. A. in France I started up a tree surgery business which is paying some bills. My wife Clare is a civil servant and teaches. We get by. Q: And you’re determined to continue with your artistic endeavours? A. Yes, but recently no. I'm more and more disillusioned but I seem to carry on nonetheless. There are periods now that I feel negative and stay away from the studio, but then it's not long before I'm drawn back in, once again on the road to something new and exciting. n Ed.* Gunther von Hagens is known for his displays of preserved human corpses stripped of skin and dissected.

Right: Skate below: A John Dory

he's now dying of cancer and preparing to donate his own body to science. Q. So your fascination with bodies continues to this day? A: At the moment not with the human body really. My exhibition called 'Birthdays' in 1999, a photographic portrait of the human body naked, was a mammoth but enjoyable project and it was the last time that I used the body. People of all ages came to my studio to be photographed, the children as well as adults, and after two years of serious searching I managed to find all the required males and females. The final last sought after age was predictably a 14 year old girl, a sensitive period in their life. I had to advertise widely and visited old people’s homes, nature resorts, women's institutes, public swimming pools and countless other organisations. It wasn’t so much about nakedness or beauty, which is entirely subjective anyway, but more about a visual survey of the human lifespan. Q: So that was one project, what else did you do? A. Well in Ireland as I mentioned earlier I worked with animals, dissecting them and using their bodies as material for my work, and I also worked with nature around me. In France I became involved with insects, flowers and fruit, using them as palettes for paintings, sculpture, and photography. As I said the area where we are living in France has a thriving foie gras industry and so I became interested with that side of agriculture, using ducks as subject

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Q: It’s quite a morbid subject – death and bodies...where did this interest come from? A. I've always been interested in the body. As a child my mother used to leave me the task of carving the chicken when preparing family meals. To me a body, be it human or animal, is more about an object without life than about the implications of death itself. They're simply carcasses and not to be taken sentimentally.

Q: How do you sell your art? Are you represented by a gallery? A. In Ireland and France, but no, coming back to England hasn't proved to be so easy.

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matter. I know this sound odd but the environment strongly influences me. Although we are not at close proximity to the sea I managed to work for a period with fishes, making a visit to Dieppe in the north. I also did a series of unusual photographic portraits of local people and visiting friends. The joke is that whenever people visit I use them!

Text and Photography by

Charles Conway

travel diary

ow many islands are there in the Caribbeans? A difficult question to which the globetrotter might retort: how many of them matter? It was the latter question that motivated the first explorers of the region, the southern Amerindians. Contrary to popular belief they came across not in migrationary waves set to cover the Caribbean in its totality, but in small groups that moved selectively from one island to another. In essence they were proto-island hoppers, cruising in canoes instead of yachts, taking the leisurely pace of generations to become isle-connoisseurs. Yet in the 20th and 21st centuries Anglo-American literature, films, music and general culture have vacillated between painting ‘the Caribbean’ as a tropical Arcadia, or tarring it as a gaudy mockery of the western paradisiacal dream. The irony is that, while both are merely two extremes on the range of the traveller’s experiences, it is taken for granted that this entire region can be described as a single entity - or in a single sentence.

The Caribbeans in 70 Days

Having spent seventy days exploring different islands, I inform my editor-inchief with a degree of hopeful anticipation that it would take innumerable such trips to truly experience the Caribbeans. I can sympathise with my late ‘colleague’ Christopher who, expecting the illusionary Cathay instead revealed an unknown universe of islands full of myriad surprises which he spent an entire lifetime exploring. Nevertheless, if one of our readers finds themselves in Las Americas airport, Dominican Republic, on a July morning with a return flight via Barbados in late September, this travelogue might have a lot of helpful tips. From the most rough-cut of road trips and eco-lodge lifestyles to the dazzling sparkle of five-star resorts, and all the other facets of luxury travel in between, this writer has experienced it all in the Caribbean chain. It only takes a willingness to follow the inviting eddy of the currents and the soft nudging of the trade winds; after all, if one has never been there, who knows what lies on the next island over?

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The average person, anticipating their long-dreamt-of vacation imagines white beaches, subservient locals, friendly floral-shirted tourists and the ubiquitous waiter approaching with sir and madam’s rum punch. To those who crave excitement and variety I pose another question: have you ever considered the rugged mountains and plains of Puerto Plata, the primordial jungles of the Morne Trois Pitons, the tranquil getaway at Anse Marcel, the effervescent life of Oranjestad, or the opulent chic of St Barth’s? Well, perhaps the latter is one already familiar to our readers.

Santo Domingo

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The Alcazar Colon, Columbus’s palace during his last stay in the Caribbeans

View of the Calle Las Damas

Santo Domingo is the oldest inhabited settlement in the Caribbeans and provides an interesting contrast to Old San Juan – while both are important Spanish colonial sites, Old San Juan has had more investment and tourist attraction over the years than Santo Domingo. The latter is a boiling pot of different architectures and cultures, past and present, ranging from the late Spanish colonial to the modern Spanish-influenced Caribbean style of buildings shared with the other islands. The Casa Reales from which the Spanish temporarily ran their empire

The main reason to see this city is the colonial quarter. This area is a marvel for its Mediterranean character and tranquillity during the day – have a coffee liqueur at a cafe under the fruit trees or overlooking the river and you will see what I mean. At night, the entire district lights up with bars, restaurants and people dancing to a blast of Latin music.

Santo Domingo is definitely not a traditional tourist destination – it lacks beaches (over massive boulders and high sea walls), it can lack luxuries even by the standards of the average westerner, and it isn’t always pretty – but it is one of the most colourful places I have visited and highly recommended as a starting point for any Caribbeans adventurer.  Statue of Christopher Columbus outside the first cathedral in the New World

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Exploring buildings and streets, such as the first New World Cathedral or the Calle Las Damas (named for the wives and ladies of the conquistadors), where the early decisions and actions that shaped world history were made, is a thrill for anyone with a sense of the past.

From Santo Domingo I take a coach with Caribe Tours SA, the main operator on the island, to the Puerto Plata Province. Driving along the highway itself is a panoramic feast for the eyes and you can see even in the Dominicans themselves a continued sense of wonder at the dramatic landscape. Just past Santo Domingo the mountains surge out from the earth without any warning. The huge rice paddies stretch outwards from the roadside in a vast plain that shimmers under the strong sunlight, counterpoised to the misty and cloud-covered crags jutting out of the horizon. The highway drives onwards into the highlands, rapidly rising (although never to an altitude that might cause discomfort) and becoming increasingly cramped between high walls of rock and forest. Occasionally there is a break in the rock, massive scars that can only be the result of glaciations and all the eroding influences of time.

I get off the coach at Imbert, a large town scrambling up the hills that serves as one of the urban centres for the province. The relatively high proportion of people here who can communicate in English is due to the presence of a Manchester Unity Oddfellows outpost. If, however, one continues into the rural areas, the percentage of Anglophones (or multilinguals, for that matter) immediately drops to an effective zero percent. One of the attractions of Puerto Plata is precisely that it is still underdeveloped and only accessible to the Dominicans themselves. The dirt roads that cut through the highlands are pockmarked and uneven, and travellers must be prepared for a few knocks and bumps. Behind the hills surrounding Imbert I find myself in Punta Rucia, the name for both the bay and the fishing village lying alongside it. If one can brave the bad roads and Spartan living conditions, Puerto Plata offers an uncommon glimpse of the Caribbean largely uninfluenced by recent Anglo-

American culture. The local people have a measure of that stereotypical Spanish warmth, friendliness but cultural pride above all. They enjoy good music (an Afro-Caribbean fusion called merengue, lively and well suited to the similarly popular activity of dancing), a wholesome if uncomplicated cuisine and the enjoyment of a good conversation, interspersed with plenty of jokes and humour. Punta Rucia, just before the mountains on the western border with Haiti, has some of the most spectacular sunsets) and nightscapes I have seen across the Caribbean so far: such as the thunderstorms, over the mountains in the far distance, sparking down through the night sky in bursts of deep purple and conch-shell pink. The beauty of the Puerto Plata region is in an insularity which is fading, both here and elsewhere in the world. The best English you will hear, a spontaneous stock phrase, are the words ‘do you like rice and beans?’ 

Shop Shop in in village village ofof Punta Punta Rucia Rucia

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Punta Rucia

Street in town of Estero Hondo Street in town of Estero Hondo The bay of Punta Rucuia

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Mangrove on western coast of Puerto Plata province Mangrove on western coast of Puerto Plata province

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Old San Juan, Puerto Rico On a high spur of rock that stands out from the island, extending forth into the sea, this colonial sea fort continues to thrive as an up market district called Old San Juan. During the day buses and coaches shuttle in American and European tourists, mainly here on what must be one of the more pleasant pilgrimages that you could imagine. The Castillo de San Cristobal, an imposing complex of walls and ramparts winding upwards, stands sentinel over Old San Juan’s land bridge. Bridging this with the northwest is a long trail of sea walls with turrets jutting out onto the sea below; strolling along this route provides a fantastic set of visual contrasts. At sunset, the affluent Puerto Ricans descend on the restaurants, bars and nightclubs for an evening of pleasure. Walking down from the crest of the north side, Old San Juan’s nightlife has awakened along the southern waterfront.

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The Fort San Felipe del Morro

Cafe La Princesa, a bar-restaurant with a garden setting, is a definite recommend for its relative seclusion on the busy waterfront and the live jazz to accompany your meal. With a commanding view of San Juan’s skyline glittering upon the bay, one can wine and dine with a pretty panorama, a cool breeze and a cheerful atmosphere - what else does one need?

Inevitably, a comparison between Old San Juan and Santo Domingo - in particular the colonial quarter - needs to be made; both were, and retain an essence of Spanish colonial settlements. The atmosphere here, both during the day and at night, is more suited to middle class family groups or to youths affirming their adulthood at bars and nightclubs than to the lone traveller. Food is adequate but not spectacular, and lacks any especial character of its own. Old San Juan offers a much cleaner, if somewhat bleached, fabric of the Spanish Caribbean. 

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The bay of Old San Juan

Upon arrival at Princess Juliana Airport I head straight for Anse Marcel, located in the northern French side and almost opposite to the airport on the southern coast of the island. The name, Anse Marcel, is a mystery that plays softly on the tip of your tongue. My taxi driver, a Dutch resident who swore by the apparently all-encompassing Simpson Bay, asked me why I was going ‘into the bush’ - to hide perhaps? The first step in unveiling the riddle of Anse Marcel is the discovery that you access it not from the lonely, winding road but from the marina complex; a cove within a cove for private yachts and cruisers that have made this their hub. Around this focal point is convocation of luxury hotels and villas, all built within the enfolding wings of the bay. With such a layout, the encircling band of natural walls and an absolute distancing from the island, Anse Marcel has developed something that normally can only be found on a few private islands - a total commitment to modern luxury without the intrusions of Modernity.

I dined at the Calypso, a bar-restaurant tucked away in the corner of the shopping block. Even though the food is simple in its design, the quality is superb. The pizzas especially would be the envy of any Italian pizzeria, not least for their wafer-thin crusts; the house variety, made with smoked duck and honey, is a perfect balance of flavours and textures and thoroughly recommended. Anse Marcel, nestled within a cool bay with a smooth beach, is truly a Caribbean haven.

View of Anse Marcel

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Whereas the people of Puerto Plata are disconnected in time and space from the world out of blissful ignorance, the visitors and inhabitants of Anse Marcel are disconnected because they know precisely who they are, where they are and how they can use that to their advantage.

Walking through the ‘streets’ - or rather, the roads used to navigate between residences and the walkways within the hotels’ grounds - can only be described as an ethereal experience. Despite the multitude of cars, it is rare to hear the hum of an engine. Although there are many activities going on in the immediate vicinity of Anse Marcel, within the bay there is tranquillity in the pace of life stroll down to the beach bar for a Mojito, have a quick dip, enjoy the full view of the natural harbour before you, and afterwards amble back to your hotel room for further refreshment.

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Anse Marcel, Saint-Martin

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Hotel Marquis

It is the same situation with lunch, although there is the option of drinks at the poolside bar too. Here, one can either enjoy the cool breeze under the shade or bathe in the sunlit waters of the small pool, more an aquatic relaxation than exercise. In fact, after a few heady cocktails it is the perfect place to philosophise about Anse Marcel or resolve one’s existential questions. For getting around (and for dinner) one has the near-private use of the hotel shuttle; however, the only time you’ll want to leave this pampering is for the evening meal at the Calypso. Whether it is lazing at the pool, a friendly game of tennis at the hotel courts or simply enjoying where one is with a good meal and fine drinks, Hotel Marquis is a state of mind as much as it is a place. 

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The Hotel Marquis is enthroned on one of the terraced slopes of Anse Marcel, overlooking the bay below as an Olympian pondering from the mount. It is named for the owner, the Marquis de Gaillon, who fell in love with the Caribbean and decided to stay. He too realised the hidden

The rooms are decorated in an intriguing fusion of rustic France, traditional Caribbean and modern luxury, with some cool art by native artist Francis Eck to complete this tasteful layout – each room, of course, has its individual colours and motifs. Despite the finery, or rather because of the way it is arranged, the room feels homely – as if one were a guest rather than a ‘guest’ – an attitude fostered no doubt by the friendly but unobtrusive style of hosting. The full continental breakfast, customisable with a variety of options from an additional breakfast menu, is served to your private veranda overlooking the sea.

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qualities of Anse Marcel, and has brought them out in the form of a charming property with one of the best views you can have. Every aspect of the hotel, run in a very hands-off manner, is designed for your own personal pleasure.

View of the western seaboard View of Oranjestad

View of the Old Gin House bar

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Battery de Windt, overlooking St Kitts

Descent into the Quill

St. Eustatius St Eustatius, a small volcanic island just to the south of St Martin, was once the economic centre of the Caribbean for almost a century. By the early nineteenth century, however, the ‘Golden Rock’ had fallen into poverty - and perhaps even worse, obscurity - which lasted up to the present day. While the turn of the new millennium may have been little more than an excuse to party for most of the world, this symbol of change has bought the tides of fortune back to Statia’s (admittedly rocky) shores.

Oranjestaad’s centre has a charming Dutch atmosphere, and it is a delight to wander around simply to admire the historical architecture. Take the Slave Trail, a stone walkway that zig-zags along the stone perch of Oranjestaad,

This serves as the midday watering hole of the island’s Dutch residents and tourists, simply for the location and jovial atmosphere. It is no secret in these parts that the best Piña Colada in the Caribbeans is served at the Old Gin House bar.

The bottom tier of Oranjestaad is the former docks and warehouse district. In a similar vein to Heston’s dreadful discovery of the Statue of Liberty, these beaches offer the surreal sight of lampposts rising out of the water. Adventurous visitors would be well advised to contact the island archaeologist at this point. The current holder of that post possesses an intimate knowledge of where to find the island’s sites - many of which are overgrown and/ or difficult to access. For everyone else, the old commercial district of Oranjestaad is still much more than a semiaquatic sepulchre of antiquity. The small black-sand beaches are as yet only frequented by a few families and tourists. Even then, the visitors tend to stay in the south-westerly beaches, those closest to the shops and restaurants.

Unfortunately, while the drinks on Statia flow like the rivers of Babylon, dining options are more limited. For any extended stay on Statia, BB recommends either adjusting one’s stomach to less refined nourishment or acquiring a personal chef. St Eustatius is, generally speaking, an island from which high culture and the high life disappeared long ago. This in itself presents many new opportunities - not least of which the possibility for newcomers to make their own mark. On the north-eastern coast of Statia lies Corre Corre Bay, an inlet ringed by coral reefs. On a calm day, Corre Corre offers the best snorkelling on the island schools of sky blue fish, Eagle Rays (a rare, spotted sting ray); giant lobsters abound in a teeming seascape.

Just a minute’s stroll down the beach is the Old Gin House, Statia’s upmarket hotel with a waterfront bar-restaurant.

As if that was not enough, there is always the Quill, the volcano which dominates the landscape of St Eustatius by its centrality and height in an otherwise gentle geography.

Reaching the rim is a tough upwards trek - but it is the descent inside the volcano that is the most difficult part of the travail. The ‘path’ downwards is often no more than an attempt to take advantage of the natural breaks in the drop downwards. A strong rope here acts both as a guide and a lifeline. Those brave enough to take the trip downwards will be rewarded with a fascinating walk within the crater. My mind jumped to Jules Verne as I observed an ecology totally isolated from the island proper. Giant boulders are strewn like a child’s forgotten marbles all around and in between the massive trees which reach above the forest canopy. Out of this near-dead volcano a forest is shooting up, and atop the ruins of an abandoned city the population swells. For an island that is used to trading on past glories in colonial times, this humbler rise of Statia in contemporary times promises an exciting future holiday destination. 

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The island’s fascinating history has shaped it into a truly unique place to visit, and its primary attraction is its cultural heritage. This currently lies in the hands of the island’s sole archaeological presence, SECAR, a private company which has made extraordinary efforts of time, money and labour.

downwards and you will be rewarded with an amazing view of the eastern bay of St Eustatius. In the lazy afternoons, just before sunset, Statia’s occidental landscape is suffused with a yellow tint and its sea transformed into an argent scale.

St Barth’s: the summer home of the rich and famous. Extravagantly wealthy; gloriously alive; effortlessly chic. The diamond in the Caribbean corona. Saint Barthélemy is a globally famous luxury destination and trying to write something new about it will simply result in rehashing the same old words. Rather than describe the island as if the reader has never been (as I have been doing so far), instead I will make a few comments.

intuitively recognised. Either one sees it or one doesn’t - the sea surrounding the island is the best shade of blue; the natural shapes and rock formations of the island are exactly right and the trees and vegetation grow in a way that is always picturesque. Even the weather is that desired combination of a hot sun and a chill wind (although, for the one whole day I was on the island, the sky was overcast and liable to pour rain down in an absolute downturn of fortune for me).

Firstly as to why it is the ultimate destination in the Caribbean, and, for some, the world.

Much as the compression of tons of carbon will produce a small but flawless diamond, somehow this tiny island possesses within it all the beauty of nature that it could possibly contain. It is small wonder that the government has a strict building policy that effectively prohibits new construction, and that there are three natural reserves in an area smaller than many towns. Nor is it surprising that the island is a French territory - demonstrating once again that impeccable Gallic sense of style.

St Barth’s is a tiny island with no natural resources of its own. Its largest harbour in the main (small) town of Gustavia is relatively shallow and can only admit small yachts. Roman Abramovich, hosting a party a few years ago, flew all of his guests in from St Marten by helicopter. Gustavia itself has a convivial atmosphere, but that is not unique for the Caribbean. The island itself has no obvious advantages over any other - indeed, compared to most it is at a disadvantage - except for one particular characteristic, that one special quality that has given it an Elysian status over all the rest of the West Indies. St Barthélemy is an expression of beauty in the form of 8.1 square miles of rock, sand and sun. Somehow, by some improbable chance, St Barth’s is the perfect St Barth’s - that is to say, it is the most perfect incarnation of itself that could exist. Not only are words inadequate, any attempt to use them would destroy one’s appreciation of a beauty that should be

My second, and final, comment is on the atmosphere of the island. From September onwards all the hotels shut in preparation for the Christmas party. That is not to say that St Barth’s is dead, or even muted, at this time of year - merely that one gets to see an aspect which is normally missed by those too star-struck to notice. Life on St Barth’s - especially at Gustavia but true of the entire island - has a very strong communal sense to it, and one that is involving and eclectic. Inhabitants and tourists, the wealthy and the less-so, even the French and other nationals, can be found partying and dining in Gustavia on a Friday night, in a way that the cosmopolitan cities wish they had but rarely do. From around 5 or 6 pm, at Select, a particularly popular ex-

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Saint Barthélemy

hardware store turned bar in Gustavia, one can witness millionaires and billionaires chatting amiably with local fishermen over a couple of planteurs. The highlight of the one evening I have on the island is a reggae concert, part of an ongoing music festival, which

draws almost the entire night time population of Gustavia into a small area to dance and sway without a care in the world. On St Barth’s there are no paparazzi, no red carpets, none of the antics and trappings of Hollywood or any other celebrity display case - just an opportunity for pure, simple fun. 

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The Harbour of Gustavia

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Hotel Christopher Hotel Christopher is a new development for the island, an ongoing project that is the opus of the Langlades, a couple whose experience as hoteliers spans the Caribbeans (including a stint at Sandy Lane) and South America. As has happened to this writer over the space of a sunny afternoon, Sandrine and Christian fell in love with St Barthélemy and seized upon a renovation opportunity presented to them. The pre-existing building, an Italian squat which was by all accounts a veritable eyesore (the one place on St Barth’s that did employ a red carpet in its driveway), had fallen into disrepair. Whatever nightmare the former establishment was, they have restored Hotel Christopher to the happy realms of light. With an open purview, what they have crafted is a new kind of hospitality, a foray into the future of luxury hotels. The Langlades will doubtless be unnerved by my use of ‘luxury’ - ‘we are tired of writers using these generic words and phrases to describe the hotel’, Christian tells me during our first meeting. B Beyond is all about the search for that which is ‘beyond luxury’ – a quality that is not about ostentation, extravagance or even the wealthy lifestyle but about having, in the immediate moment, the highest form of experience humanly possible. In this sense the Hotel Christopher offers the very best of St Barth’s.

The Mango Restaurant/Bar

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Nothing at Hotel Christopher is simply there to say ‘look at me, this is luxury’ – rather, everything has a purpose in creating that B Beyond experience. Just the rooms themselves, in their minimalist style and contrast of black and white, exude from every line and feature an aesthetic power above the functional and the surface decor.

Both the interiors and exteriors are ingeniously designed to reflect on the sense of flow present in St Barth’s landscapes and seascapes. In effect, one is conveyed towards the hotel’s spectacular waterfront with its view of this perfect island’s coastline. It is here that one can enjoin in the synergistic physical experience, whether that is a massage by the swelling curves of the infinity pool or a delectable meal at the Mango Bar. There, I would recommend the Mango Lobster wrap, a surprisingly bittersweet interplay for the true sophisticate, and a glass of the smooth, amber tinted Rosé wine (unrivalled in this writer’s opinion). 

Baie Longue, Saint-Martin My encore in Saint-Martin was rather more muted than my last appearance, due to the near-encounter with Hurricane Irene which brought heavy rains and violent winds, and put the island on red alert for the duration of my stay. You will doubtless be highly grateful that this writer escaped a more serious threat to either his life or his travelogue. In truth, the most threatening thing about a red alert (as long as the tropical storm doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make landfall) is the chance of monotony, due to the curfew on leaving any building while the sky and sea rage.

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Thus, my only glimpse of Baie Longue, an area razed by a previous hurricane but now in the process of being redeveloped as a spot for the fabulously wealthy, was during the drive to my hotel. Fortunately for me, this storm was an opportunity to relax and fully enjoy staying at one of the best hotels on the island, and the only place where riding out the storm is just another day of luxury. As a final note on the island generally, SaintMartin (both the French and Dutch sides) is renowned in the Caribbean as a place to party, in the very modern sense of that word. With nightclubs and restaurants galore, whatever kind of drink you want from wherever in the world, Saint-Martin is all about the hanging out with other people who know how to have a good time.

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Two of the villas at La Samanna

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(whether temporarily or otherwise) with grilled Mahi-Mahi. Dinner is a lovely affair, the candle bravely shining out onto the dark sky before you, and an excellent French-inspired cuisine. While there you must take the opportunity of visiting the wine cellar – with 12,000 bottles and over 1,250 labels, it is simply mind-boggling and fit for the true connoisseur.

La Samanna is an expansive resort with extensive grounds - the tall hotel building itself and a set of equally impressive rental villas. The hotel, whose aim seems to be nothing less than the total fulfillment of their guests’ wants and satisfactions, hosted me in their premier Happy Baie Suite.

I also had a tour of one of the new rental villas, the rising stars of the La Samanna estate. They all have a similar floorplan of 4,600 square feet which makes them larger than some hotels. Everything in the Happy Baie suite is represented in the villas but on a much larger scale. A huge kitchen, enough to cook for the couple of hundred people that have been fitted in one of these villas (an evening the manager describes as the busiest they have experienced so far)…Whether you want to cook for yourself (a surprisingly common choice) or have your own private dinner service, these kitchens have every kind of appliance and tool that you could need to create a unique, personalised dining experience.

La Samanna have taken the view that guests want, above all, to have the comforts of home, and from that basis have created the most opulent, most spacious of rooms. Just the Happy Baie Suite is as large as many central London apartments, and could easily function as one too – with its own kitchenette, semi-partitioned dining and lounging areas, a bathroom and dressing room complex, even a long hallway just for that authentic touch. Of course, it is a rare London apartment that would have the marble surfaces and floorings, the sprawling king-sized bed, outdoor Jacuzzi and porch, and regal furniture positioned in every corner and along every wall space. It is the kind of luxury where sitting (or lying down, or reclining) and absorbing one’s surroundings is enough to appreciate the great vision going on at La Samanna.

The main restaurant overlooks the sea and beach with every manner of nautical sports on offer and that I would have

En-suite bedrooms on every floor with cavernous built-in wardrobes (which are apparently never enough, as the occasional La Samanna guest has been known to bring up to 37 suitcases); a wide view overlooking the coastline of Saint-Martin, where one can sometimes see the curvature of the earth on the horizon; a private pool that skirts around one side of the villa like a small crystal sea, all of one’s own… These are just a few of the features in the villas that offer an experience beyond a typical notion of luxury. liked to sample, were it not for the strong winds and somewhat unusually powerful waves crashing into the sand. Breakfast is an American-style buffet, with my favourite twist of all – for the one morning I was here, the bacon was replaced

Come to La Samanna, the most fabulous of hotels on the island of Saint-Martin, to do and to have almost anything you desire. 

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The Happy Baie suite is on the first floor, just one of a number of specialty suites, in a huge building of 83 guestrooms. To say that La Samanna is far larger than you will probably ever explore is an understatement. Sadly, the most I got to see was the ground floor of La Samanna, housing the bar and restaurant. The Baie Longue Bar is an arresting watering hole with a strong Moroccan and North African style, a drinking den that already has an atmosphere of its own even without any guests in it.

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La Samanna

From St Vincent I retrace my steps along the West Indian chain, decamping from urban Kingstown and Calliaqua to the nature island of Dominica. Pronounced with the stress on the last syllable, Dominica is an oddity for the Caribbean in that it is virtually unknown to most tourists. Its apparent anonymity is fortunate for those seeking the vast swathes of untouched rainforest and jungle that are fast disappearing across the world. While the people are universally friendly and eager to help the helpless tourist, the urban areas lively and the dining excellent, it is Dominica’s bursting ecologies and environments that make this essential to the island-hopper’s tour. There are a plethora of nature-based activities in this land of perennial spring – as many, perhaps, as the number of untouched rainforests, waterfalls, mountain lakes and volcanic phenomena. Whether one chooses to climb the high mountains and valleys or dive to the depths, Dominica has it all; except for a zoo, due in part to a scarcity of large and dangerous critters. The Trafalgar Falls, for example, is a twin cascade that spews out from the mountain tops and seems to fall from the clouds that float across the pale peaks. Descending the narrow path to the daughter fall is a rewarding but risky venture. There are the orange hot pools to bathe in, or if you feel daring enough, there are the torrents and hidden plunges of the daughter waterfall itself.

The hike takes you down to the floor of the jungle valleys, over river crossings and up to the ceiling of the sky. At the start of the hike, the mountains are still high above; by the end of the second leg one is looking down at those same mountains from the apex of a slightly taller mountain. The view reaches as far as Roseau on the coast and includes an ominous view of smoke floating out from the Boiling Lake (still hidden below), at times

Once you enter this noxious plain you are less likely to laugh at the name. The Valley looks like an impossible landscape of red rocks and yellow earth, charcoal and milky rivers, blackened vines and, finally, a barrage of hot steam, the last of which emerges from the vent-holes blasted out from the hell somewhere below. The rotten-egg smell of sulphur will increasingly inundate your lungs throughout the hike until it seems that you are breathing and living it. It takes on a less disgusting yet somehow more terrifying odour as you near the fumaroles, but it is the vision of the Boiling Lake itself that fills this writer with the greatest degree of despair. Inside a large crater, supplied by a relatively inconspicuous waterfall, lies a vat of steam and sulphur stench. A small, flat area high above for safe viewing reminds one of our smallness when set against the raw power of the earth: were you to fall in, you would not only boil to death in mere moments but you would melt away into vapour. The return journey is another gruelling two-and-a-half hour journey retracing one’s initial steps to the Lake. The Titou Gorge, just at the entrance of the trail, is something I would definitely recommend leaving until after the hike. It can be a kind of temporary salve for the exhausted adventurer; floating along Titou’s belly and gazing up the moulded walls and at the trees and sky is a blissful respite from the scorched Earth perils closer to the Lake itself. Dominica is truly an underdeveloped garden of delights and wonders, waiting (with geological patience) for you to take the walk and discover them. Just as this writer feels that one’s enjoyment of Dominica has to be a personalised undertaking, so too do the best places to stay offer an bespoke, exclusive experience. All three of BB’s features were built and are run by private individuals, couples and families. As such, their luxury-class service is offered with a near-intimate level of charisma and flair for a very select number of guests. On that note, let me introduce...

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Finally, for the masochists and/or self styled explorers among our readers, there is the Boiling Lake Hike. This is a five hour hike at minimum and a good level of physical fitness is essential. Considering one’s distance from the trail entrance, how long one stays at the various places of interest along the way and the recuperation time afterwards, it is more accurate to call it a day trip.

enshrouding everything in thick sulphuric clouds. From there, you move carefully down the penultimate set of steps into a crimson valley, totally stained with iron sulphide. This slice of Mars on Earth is the only entrance – more aptly a scrabble over some smooth rocks and what (at a distance) looks like a river of blood - into the Valley of Desolation.

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Dominica

Perched in a bright valley inside the Morne Trois Pitons national park, Crescent Moon Cabins is the ultimate realisation of people living in symbiotic harmony with the world around them. It is a working proof of the vitality that can be gleaned from Nature - if one knows what to look for. Life at Crescent Moon is run by a family team of four – Ron and Jean, their daughter Tiana and her husband David. Through their own efforts and ingenuity they have created a retreat that would make most ‘luxury’ hotels and self-styled eco-resorts ‘go green’ (if you will excuse the pun) with envy. In this overgrown area of Dominica, physically

remote to the point of a near isolation, they have trusted to their own skills and expertise to reap a superior eco-experience for the benefit of their guests. The cost of such an intimate relationship, both with our hosts and with the Dominican environment, is the kind of exclusivity that is oblivious to names or prestige. Just four cabins share a near-pristine view of the jungle valley, practically untouched save for the Crescent Moon site and a few neighbouring houses. Indeed, the artificial line between ‘Man’ and ‘Nature’, both an outcome and a necessity of Modernity, has become overgrown with entangling vines and forgotten in the blooming of a rainbow assortment of flowers. The cabins’ structures use only locally

sourced hard woods, and are sparing in furnishings and ornaments in a way that evokes a rustic elegance. Guests are submerged in the natural world that grows above, below and all around. On my first day I am treated to the sight of a flight of four humingbirds (not the small ones that you find in one’s garden, but the huge, tropical species) on a survey of the flowers hanging down from the rock face. Just a few metres from my door these fantastic birds fan by me, wings throbbing in my ears, to mesmerising effect. One night a tropical storm hit the island; suddenly the valley below lit up, as clear as day in a pale white flash, and the thunderous shockwaves reverberated all around in an awe-inspiring roar. The fogged night

glowed as a river of light streamed out from and into the darkness - usually across the horizon but occasionally from higher to lower clouds like luminescent tendrils. Throughout this magnificent yet violent display of natural power the nocturnal birds continued nonplussed, as unnerving (given the circumstances) birdcalls came out from the left and right, above and below. The Crescent Moon Cabins is ideally located near some of Domica’s best sites. It is truly an eco-lodge in that the entire experience - whether it is from the site itself or taking advantage of the trails in the National Park - is completely organic. Between each of the Viveralli family members, Crescent Moon is managed so that it is almost entirely self-sufficient and environmentally sustainable: only the staple crops are from outside the Morne Trois Piton region, with the vegetables being produced – and animals raised – organically on-site or being traded in from local farmers. Even the soaps are made from cinnamon and plant oils distilled on-site (and they are much better for it).

I could go on forever about the organic cuisine at Crescent Moon – from the daily roasted coffee to the freshly squeezed starfruit juice that is a must-try for its sweet and unfamiliar flavour. But it would be simpler to say that it is an experience of discovery, unique at least to the wider world if not also to the cuisine of Dominica.

Living at Crescent Moon Cabins (even if it is a lifespan of just two, fulfilling days) is not about appeasing one’s guilty conscience over the extravagant waste or polluting power of the developed world, nor is it about returning to some idealistic (but ultimately imaginary) era of humanity living ‘at one’ with nature. It is more that there is no clash of technology and nature. These days, Jeanie even has an e-book to read from while she waters in the greenhouse. Overall, the lifestyle is one which advocates relinquishing the toys and ornaments which might have materialistic significance but (as one quickly realises here) only serves to detract from the magic that is Dominica’s environment - on display and ready to sample. It is precisely by being able to forgo the tricks and feints of the urbane that one sees that Luxury can also come from the deep soil, the wandering sky and chance happenings of the flora and fauna just as much as it does from the workings of marble and chrome.

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Ron is the consummate chef who can cook a three course meal with far greater finesse than many metropolitan chefs and their lackey-armies can achieve with a single plate. It is not just that he has a superior supply, or that he is using produce and spices that are native to the region, it is very much down to his own flair and training too. The results of his endeavours manifest themselves during expectant evenings while one greedily awaits the next plate - always a surprise in the absence of a menu. The sautéed pineapple cheesecake has to have been one of the best desserts I have had in a very long time – despite the fact that, under normal circumstances, cooked pineapple is one of my pet hates – for the cinnamon-infused flavour that explodes and drips from the pineapple slices like golden nectar. The goat’s cheese risotto with Portabello mushrooms (and a glass of smooth red wine) spirits me away to the Ligurian coast, or wherever one imagines the pinnacle of Italian dining to be, while the night songs of the birds and the rustle of the palms remind me that I am somewhere far more special.

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Crescent Moon Cabins

In Roseau Valley, just ten minutes’ drive above the city proper, there is a small guest house, a work of artistry and the artisanal by a tremendously dedicated and creative individual called Iris. Walk down the driveway, to the open kitchen just around the corner, and if you’re lucky you might find Iris making one of her tasty concoctions. Cocoa Cottage is an amazing project, the renovation having been completed this year, but always undergoing changes and improvements, and anyone who loves the quirky places frequented by other seasoned and discerning travellers will want to stay here. At first sight of various objects lying around and on display, you might think that the place is a bit of a jumble - which would be somewhat correct. Among her various works about the place, Iris will collect the flotsam and jetsam along the beach and piece it together. Whether it is the mosaic lining a mirror, the ceramic shard facade on the low walls, or the deadwood swinging seat, one can see that the creation of the Cocoa Cottage is an organic process in itself, relying on the whims of the beach as much as it does on the particular direction its artist wants to take.

The rooms themselves are sensible and comfortable; the honeymoon suite (located in a separate building and the best room) with its private porch has the best view of the jungle valley just behind Cocoa Cottage. With slats along the whole of its curving wall, one can open up the room at night to get the cool breezes that penetrate up here. During the day, the river below bubbles along and the palms reaching up almost into your room are bright green; after dark, the ubiquitous birdcalls and insect chatter come out all around you, and you realise that in Dominica, being on the very edge of the jungle is near enough to being in it. Iris, a pilot in another life, like most people wanted to escape from the humdrum banality of ordinary life; unlike most people, she has determined to stick with it for more than eight years and is an inspiring person to chat to over your morning coffee. At Cocoa Cottage the only rule is to be yourself (although it helps if being yourself involves being sociable). You get a sense of Dominican life and of the Dominican people as

Iris’ friends and colleagues wander in and out, at any time of the day, always cheery and eager to converse. One’s experience here is almost entirely freeform.

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Cocoa Cottage

Chat or don’t chat, try your hand at the piano in the lounge, sit by the brook below or anything else – who said that luxury had to have boundaries and limits? You can even go to the kitchen, raid the fridge and cook for yourself, although if Iris offers to make you a meal you should readily accept and get a taste of what she can whip seemingly from just a few things here and there. One thing I get to try is her tahini, a sesame seed spread, with a pita sandwich. I ask whether she consciously prepares food in a Mediterranean style: ‘not particularly’, she replies, ‘it’s just that it’s a classically great combination of flavours’. Iris is not just limited to tahini, of course, but has an inspired touch to everything that she prepares: roasted coconut (meant to be eaten with bread, but so delicious I end up eating the oat-like clusters on their own), and homemade guava and star fruit jellies are just some of the things I had for breakfast, probably the best meals at Cocoa Cottage. As well as these condiments and warm bread to have them with, I am consistently undone by a deluge of fresh fruits, eggs cooked however you like them and avocado. The latter, carved into thick slices, is so sweet and flavoursome compared to the soft mush at home that you can eat it as fruit itself (in fact any of the usual balsamic vinegar and olive oil would destroy its juicy flavour). Eating such a bountiful meal, all the while listening to Iris’s favourite Miles Davis tracks, is very close to achieving a sort of heaven on earth.

Cocoa Cottage is also the home of Extreme Dominica, a group that organises canyoning around the Morne Trois Pitons national park. It is a combination of ziplining, climbing and swimming along the gorges, and while I missed an opportunity to take part in one of the tours, it is a definite recommend for anyone who wants a bit of excitement in such a rare opportunity.

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Other things to do here, when it is the right season, is try Iris’ homemade chocolate; if Iris’ culinary skills and the freshness of the fruits and avocadoes is anything to go by, sampling her cocoa will be a veritable, existential revelation.

Away from the waterfalls, volcanoes and mountain lakes of the Morne Trois Pitons jungle, along the dryer north coast, you will find Secret Bay. Be careful to watch for it, as it is set back from the road and relatively easy to miss despite the sign. Once you enter in and drive down the small road to the central, grass covered square you will discover the first of many surprises here. If the idea of a secret is that the majority of people don’t know about it, then by logical extension the secret is shared among just a select few; and Secret Bay has taken the art of hospitality to a whole new level with this kind of thinking.

Sitting at one of the tables, outside or in, at your fastness of Greenwood and gorgeous Dominican Redwood timbers, overlooking the emerald life below and the blue seas on the horizon, there is a sense of true tranquility all around you, ready to fill you will the feeling of well-being should you let it. Another of the ‘features’ around Secret Bay are the meditation platforms, easily connected through a tangle of walkways to the guesthouses and featuring nothing more than a wooden platform with sofas and chairs. Even if one does not engage in formalised meditation, or meditation in any sense at all, these secluded areas are great for a wistful afternoon, talking and reflecting on the beauty of the world around. How often do we forget that one of the greatest luxuries in the modern world is to sit still, without repercussions or the mobile phone blaring away, and soak in the vibrancy of life?

A meditation point

There are only two buildings on-site that aren’t guesthouses, the first being the security house by the gate, and a small hut selling snacks to customers after a hot day out in the water. Otherwise, the housing units each occupy a different part of the estate, a lonely tower along the walkways that silently cut through the thickets all around. This decentralised service (for there is the entire team of cleaning staff, managers and even the option of a personal chef for all three meals) is part of Secret Bay’s philosophy to provide a seamless experience of intimacy between the guests at each of their rentals.

And of course there is the eponymous bay, one of the best (and only) beaches that this writer saw on the west coast of Dominica. The only access to it is from the next beach over, either swimming or kayaking. I would recommend the latter in the late afternoons for the opportunity to sit in the craft and admire from the water both the bay and the breathtaking sunsets which spontaneously occur here too (in this case it was a rare lavender and regal purple splashes across the waning daylight). The white sand beach is a welcome comfort from the harder, less forgiving rocky coastline elsewhere. While here, take the opportunity to snorkel, the corals reaching almost all the way up to the shore itself and just as rich as any deeper locales (although there is a greater risk of contact with the massive spikes of the sea urchins).

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a kind of sanctuary, easily felt in the atmosphere as well as in the suggestions of the physical form and managerial style.

Secret Bay

Do take a guide with you to the cave... did I mention the secret cave? Just as we will leave out images of the secret bay so that it remains a surprise rounding the cliff for the first time, the secret cave is best explored rather than described. 

It is similarly reflected in the construction and maintenance process that will please any eco-lodge and environmental enthusiast. In their large, forested site only four trees were chopped down (co-owner Sandra recounts to me the reason for each individual, mainly disease or age-related) and the policy of clearing as little as necessary continues to this day. All the timber and building materials, save for the greenwood (noted for its extreme resilience) imported from French Guyana, are Dominican. Even the impact on the local community

was monitored, with the hotel offering training and financial support for one of the nearby villages and a continued investment in community projects. Secret Bay’s policy of low environmental impact, both man-made and natural, is as interesting as the hotel itself and has aided the creation of the estate as

A relaxing deckpool

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This hands-off, on call but distanced approach is reflected in every aspect of the hotel. The limit-structure architecture, using the minimal amount of structural support for the building above, creates the dreamlike effect of these wooden longhouses supported by slim, curvaceous stems of concrete and the air in between. Indeed, the spaces below several of the houses are tall and open enough to create an additional floor for open air dining, relaxation and bathing in your own private swimming pool.

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The Pitons, St Lucia Arriving at St Lucia truly marks one’s entrance into the tropics - the other Caribbean islands have a sort of tropical atmosphere and humidity to them, but it is on St Lucia that the rainforests and somewhat alien landscape appear. This volcanic island has only a 40% ratio of flat, useable land; but just from looking out of the window, this seems a bit generous. Towns such as Castries lie along the coastline; sometimes a massive valley allows an inland outpost where you will find massive banana plantations, a forest of palms and fronds and houses that can shelter below the lips of the basin.

Away from the hairpin bends you will see breath-taking coasts of cliffs and bays on a massive scale quite unlike anywhere else in the Caribbean. The Pitons themselves are beyond description – any words would simply diminish their stunning, dramatic power. Just behind the town of Soufriere, on a luscious hillside all of its own, stands a twinresort, the visions of a man come to life in titanic fashion.

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Beyond and between these settlements are the mountains, hills and enormous spikes of rock that thrust upwards from the cataclysmic powers deep in the crust, uplifting St Lucia like a sea urchin that finds itself on dry sand. Getting along the western coastline means driving through roads that snake around the narrow gaps in the long faces of rock and claw their way up mountains only to fall down along the other side. The bright sun becomes a white stream of light as it is quickly cropped by the jungle that creeps up and down the rock - giant fern trees, hanging vines and unfamiliar trees, looming inwards as if the entire slope has been frozen in that split second between losing its hold on the mountain sides and being in a state of free-fall.

aking your way through Soufriere, away from the Pitons, your taxi (automatically arranged for your arrival at the airport) will find its way along a slightly beaten, quieter path and up a series of hills to reach the secluded Anse Chastanet. The first sight one has is of the open timber frames, nothing more than a roof and the barebones structure, eagerly welcoming you into this Eden. Be greeted by all the staff as you wander in, settle down and take a welcome drink which, after the early morning flight, seems like the elixir of life to me. Then, after receiving the personal and total attention to detail that one quickly realises as a hallmark of Anse Chastanet/Jade Mountain, take a shuttle up to your room. On behalf of B Beyond this fortunate writer stayed at the very best that Anse Chastanet has to offer - one of the premium hillside suites. From here, with the fourth wall left open to the air, one has a near-perfect view of the Pitons at daybreak, a picturesque image that turns one to thoughts about the beauty of life on St Lucia. Jeff Morgan, the general manager for both Anse Chastanet and Jade Mountain, sits down with me for dinner and reveals much about the spirit in which the resort project was started and has continued throughout its lifespan. For example, both Anse Chastanet and Jade Mountain were built by St Lucians, and almost completely by hand. They still remember the top man with a wheelbarrow, living nearby on the island. This commitment to low impact sustainability is also evident at the Emeralds Estate, an organic farm which supplies many of its ingredients around the two estates.

Anse Chastanet’s main restaurant is named the Treehouse, so called because it is nestled among the high-rise trees, marking the beginning of the forest right in front of you. The morning breakfast, already a rich and wholesome beginning to the day, is made all the more sweet by the songs of the birds and hum of their wings as they wheel and swirl around you. If the carved wooden totem in the middle of the restaurant and the arboreal architecture are any indication, Anse Chastanet draws from traditional spiritualism to emphasise the role and importance of nature. The Treehouse has a traditional, fine-dining format but with truly tropical creations and in a candlelit, natural setting free of any distractions. Everything here has that fuller, more intense flavour that comes from the organic method, adding that little something to an already special evening. The main bar has a great variety of freshly made daiquiris, the mango competing very closely with the classic strawberry flavour; and on certain evenings is the scene for a band, usually country (experiencing a popular revival, especially amongst the younger generation), playing everything from the jumping and tumbling classics of Cash and Garth Brooks to the slow, sensitive serenades. From my voyeur’s smoking seat at the bar, it is the warm scene for each of the partners to show off their twirls. Even the staff find it impossible to not respond to the electric rhythm and practically dance their way to and fro across the floor; and even the most wooden of guests (read: this writer) shows off

their own moves, and is tempted to join in with a little American whooping and hollering.

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Anse Chastanet

Trou-Au-Diable, the beach restaurant has a lighter lunching menu, although even here one can get the catch of the day in a hotpot and other Creole specialities. The Trou-Au-Diable remains the best place to sample the resort’s imaginative cocktails. Anse Chastanet also has the Emeralds restaurant, strictly vegetarian (although considering the high quality of produce here, that is hardly detraction) and the Apsara for Caribbean-Indian cusine – once you learn that there has been a long-established Indian presence on the island, you will no longer think it strange here. 

Much of Anse Chastanet’s life is centered on the beach, an intimate little cove that basks in sunlight through most of the day. From here one can scuba and snorkel at the marine preserve, small but immediately recognisable from the shore by its vibrant colour. Sail and kayak along St Lucia’s inspiring coastline, or take a mountain bicycle through the hallowed forest of the estate, along ruddy earthen paths among the sun-dappled shrubbery and past babbling streams and eddies. Or, if one is of the more sedate persuasion, sunbathe in one of the palm-covered huts (made for two), whiling away in paradise and occasionally ordering drinks to your lounger.

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Another aspect of the authentic St Lucia that has also been preserved is the islanders’ warmth and hospitality, which has been fostered among the staff. There is a sense of camaraderie among the staff and their hospitality, to the point that there is a genuine level of caring and attention, can be a little disarming for those used to a more formal style. Anse Chastanet as a whole is a departure from the typical, strongly influenced by tradition Caribbean culture and reinterpreted through a modern hotel.

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The Jade Mountain resort is an experience designed primarily for couples, although anyone can feel and understand the absolute magnificence that abounds

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Jade Mountain – the name itself has a certain totemic awe. It is a kind of enigma that fills me with curiosity while staying at Anse Chastanet yet, at the same time, prevents me from investigating further until the very last minute for the ultimate dénouement. If staying at Anse Chastanet is akin to an enlightening experience, then the iconic Jade Mountain is the high temple - and to stay at its top suites is a higher state of being altogether. After ascending from the ebon-wood reception, Jade Mountain first looms in front of you like a sun-gold monolith, a gigantic carvedstone structure that, one might imagine, stands testament to humanity’s fervour and passion. As you rise up on this

grand stairway to heaven, you recognise it for what it really is: an imperial complex of terraces and tiers, floating walkways and etheric spires. Walk among the cloud-seeking columns in the grandeur of a mandarin and spot the undulating pools of koi-carp among the carefully positioned trees and ferns. Jade Mountain is an extraordinary achievement of Nick Troubetzkoy’s, its architect and owner. The inspiration for the resort was the carved jade mountains of Chinese traditional sculpture; and the resort itself epitomises this synthesis of natural and man-made beauty.

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Jade Mountain

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Looking outwards, one has the visual effect of the pool’s waters sliding over the sides, while the more distant seas themselves slide into the infinite horizon. As with any truly luxury hotel of today, the pool uses an ozone filtration system so that one can enjoy an unadulterated, pure bathing experience. At night, when the water finally become a little too chilly for comfort, step back onto the coral, stone and hardwood floor – a marriage of design - and slip under your bed covers, drifting off to the soothing medley of open space...

The Jade Mountain Resort is already luxury beyond your wildest expectations, but as per B Beyond’s search for quality beyond luxury this writer is hosted in the Galaxy Suite, one of a pair of ‘rooms’ on the penultimate floor of the complex. And the highminded name is fully deserved. Half open to the elements (with the zephyr sent to chill the rooms as welcome – if not more so - than the sun’s rays), one only has to look over the edge of the Suite’s peerless parapet to realise this. Opposite the hotel, beyond the nowinvisible town of Soufriere, are the volcanic Pitons overlooking a sapphire bay; it is a stunning sight even for just a few seconds, yet a perennial one for the near-gods atop Jade Mountain. Below and all around are the lands and forests of St Lucia, a viridian sea lapping at the

oceans around the bays of the Pitons and the Anse Chastanet beach. At sundown, when the shadowy volcanoes loom out of the distant darkness and the sky is made of diamonds, one can feel the world – the galaxy – pulsating all around; and one realises that, despite the pessimism of ‘our lonely planet’, at this moment one really is the centre of it all, in this time and in this space of glorious mysticism. All this is, of course, coming from hours of lounging and floating on

Waking up in the morning means a pleasant breakfast of light and airy touches. The mélange-like cocoa tea, despite its initially strange flavour, is an easily acquired taste and instills in one a heavenly sense of well-being that lasts throughout the day (I am later told that the drink is used locally as an aphrodisiac). Dining at Jade Mountain is also a truly B Beyond experience – beyond luxury, beyond the Caribbeans, beyond any mundane conception of ‘haute cuisine’ that you might hold. Aided by one of the most famous New World chefs, Allen Susser, the Jade Mountain kitchen is a paragon of tropical and Far- Eastern styles, both of which are fused to create some of the most exciting, one-of-a kind dishes I have ever tasted. Over the course of a few days, you might well experience most of the world through your taste-buds; and over the course of a single meal you will definitely discover a multitude of totally new flavours and sensations that you have never felt before. It is a testament to the staff at Jade Mountain that they have adapted to the fickle supply from the resort’s organic farm, the Emer-

The setting is cool: coral stone floor and pillars, the small moonlit pool in the centre and the potted palm fronds transport you to a world of exotic divinity. The sea breeze caresses the warm candle on the table. The staff, in sable uniforms, are courteous but quick to fade from your presence.

romantic setting that you could possibly find in the Caribbean, if not on Earth). The Troubetzkoys and I were also particularly interested to hear of Peter’s new project: sky photography in and around human environments and using a fisheye lens (Metropoly); and also to see one of the initial photographs taken from the Celestial Terrace using a large, vintage 270 degree lens (this essentially allows the shot to curve a little behind the camera). Inevitably Nick, the luminary behind the two resorts, leads the night with gusto. His laid back, joie-de-vivre approach belies a formidable intellect and wit that, with a single piece of particularly insightful commentary or a solitary turn of phrase, can send the entire table into fits of laughter. Karolin is no less adroit, and indeed

much of the night is carried by the back-and- forth between these two great characters. There are innumerable other superlatives that exist at Jade Mountain, about which I have not fully elaborated: the majordomo assigned to each room with a pager system for immediate contact; the efficiency of the staff as a whole (irreproachable in their quality of service); music at the Jade Mountain restaurant, involving local virtuosos who create a thrilling atmosphere; the Celestial Terrace at the very top of Jade Mountain which holds the very best, most majestic views of all. These are, however, just the tip of the iceberg - the best way to understand that is to go to Jade Mountain and experience the romance for yourself. 

Each of the couples dining here impeccably dressed and as dreamily perfect as the hotel itself, shine in their own, intimate limelight. This, the fairytale love story, is the power of Jade Mountain, the effortless grace to bring two people together; after all, how many of the best stories end with the lovers in each others’ arms? It was on one of these evenings at the Jade Mountain restaurant, somewhat livelier with the addition of a local saxophonist, that I had the opportunity to sit down with Nick and Karolin Troubetzkoy themselves. In addition, there was also renowned British artist Peter Newman, known for his Skystation sculptures. The most interesting topics of discussion focused on the possibility of a Skystation installation on the Celestial Terrace (a roof terrace with similar views as the Galaxy suite, only on an all-encompassing 360 degree field of vision and an even greater height from which to marvel at; the most

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here. It is a place that arrests you with sheer wonderment at the power of the universe and of the people in it. Simply put, Jade Mountain provides the perfect setting for the sort of emotional response that is said to be a form of enlightenment in itself.

ald Estate (despite all the associated logistical problems), and have used its superlative produce to create a worldclass gastronomy which will surprise you every single day and night. Personal highlights include the succulent sashimi (prepared on-site by the hotel’s sushi-chefs of course); the unsurpassable blue marlin steak, impossibly full of flavour and the melt-in-your-mouth wagyu flat-iron steak. But whether it is the main course or the intermezzo, expect the superb.

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the signature infinity pool that covers up to a third of one’s (still very, very large) suite. The whirlpool bath, while a delightful possibility in itself, seemed to me to pale in comparison next to this sunspeckled pool of iridescent glass tiles.

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Calliaqua Bay and Kingstown, St Vincent After the sharp landscape of St Lucia, the southern coast of St Vincent seems positively English in its gentler hills and valleys. Along the cheery, green coast the sun shines warmly down on the pretty houses and azure waters of the bays and inlets; one the surface, it could very well be that image of the Caribbean that everyone carries around with them, minus the coconut trees.

Kingstown boasts an architectural style that favours large, low-rise rectangular buildings. It still feels like an English colony, despite the process of modernisation. Indeed, in some ways life has continued as it might have done before.

Another attractive oddity of Kingstown can be best seen in the Catholic and Anglican churches that stand directly opposite each other, the former having been built by the English and the latter by the French. While there, BB recommends a quick visit to the Botanical Gardens, the first of its kind in the Americas, for the wide variety of exotic plants (such as the Mimosa Pudica, the fastest plant this writer has seen yet, or the shaggy ‘Cannonball Tree’ with a daily fall of flowers), the menagerie of Vincentian animals (including the supposedly common but rarely seen Agouti rodents), and the fascinating tour of the medicinal and culinary uses for nearly all the vegetation that you walk around and upon (yes, even the particular grasses have their purposes). Kingstown is only the starting point for the attractions of St Vincent: there is also Fort Charlotte overlooking the entire southern coast, the Owia salt ponds, and the Amerindian rock art, among others. In a chain of so many distinctive islands, the fair St Vincent has a few surprises of its own.

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However, St Vincent has a depth to it - if one knows where to look. The first is Calliaqua, the location of both of B Beyond’s features. The second is the capital. Kingstown is one of the smallest capital cities I have visited on my trip, but it is no less distinctive for it. It is easiest to describe Kingstown as a typical (or perhaps typically imagined, hence its use as a shooting location for the Pirates of the Caribbean movie) English Renaissance town, frozen in time and upon which the modern town has developed. Pavements of thick stone abound alongside deep rain gutters, stone arches and arcades connecting entire blocks under the shade and buildings that are seemingly as old and weathered as those in Santo Domingo’s colonial quarter.

That might be either for convenience or perhaps more for the strong connection felt by the Vincentians for their history and colonial cultural background. Many old ruins have been used as foundations for new constructions, or - as with the surreal sight of a colonial building with KFC facings - the entire buildings have been incorporated into contemporary life.

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Young Island As I step out of the cab and onto the pontoon where the ferry lies, I suddenly notice in front of me there is a very large rock covering the greater part of the horizon. The rock is so large, in fact, that it was named Young Island and is now the location for a gem of a hotel. Young Island is not at all remote – one of the nice things about being here is that the complimentary ferry only takes about three minutes from embarking to stepping off onto St Vincent’s shore – but that the hotel has the exclusive use of the islands and thus tends to only see their guests land on its warm beach. The island is in the near centre of Calliaqua Bay, notable for the many outcrops of rocks and islands very close to the shore and the subsequent shallows that continue far beyond its beaches and waterfront properties.

Young Island is perfectly situated to take advantage of this unique situation – snorkel around the island itself and see the great profusion of coral and aquatic life that lives within the calm waters of Calliaqua. This is also a great opportunity for kayaking, again because of the calm waters that let you glide through. Tucked away in the back of the island is a sheer boulder, once used as a fort (Fort Duvernette). Due to its instability it is prohibited to climb the steps up, but circling around it allows you to see some dramatic rock faces and the nests of the local seabirds. Kayaking or sailing - Young Island provides for all the traditional watersports - allow you to explore Calliaqua (check out the long wall of rock which looks remarkably like a diminutive, sunnier version of the one seen in Jackson’s King Kong) and the next bay over, a fishing village and harbour with some amazing beachside homes.

The ocean view cottages (all are self-contained units) are like homes away from home, each a comfort in its pure whiteness and homely setting. Wandering around the property is like taking a peek into someone’s private, lovingly tended garden of young trees and shrubs, butterflies on a gander and birds chirping sweetly. See if you can find the lagoon pool, a brilliant piece of landscaping and design that recreates the romantic vision of jungle rivers and lakes. In the hot afternoons either the lagoon pool (or your own pool if you prefer a less enclosed view) is the best way to soak in the Caribbean good life. Or take a stroll along the beach, which enjoys direct sunshine throughout most of the day. During the day you can have a permanent survey of the Vincentian coastline, with hills and mountains in the far backdrop like an artist’s landscape; and at night, as you dine underneath the straw gazebos, you can watch the reflected

lights in the water, each like a string of glowing beads, swaying back and forth in the gentle current. Even on this beach setting you can expect a premier class of dining service. Or you could sit at the bar, a lively open air place and full of comfortable wicker chairs, and sample their signature cocktails (my favourite being a tamarind juice and vodka based one). Young Island is the Caribbean dream that everyone wishes that they have when they come to the islands, but a dream that most never find. Like the friendly people of Young Island it awaits you with a cheery heart and a smile upon its face.

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Of course, none of these can compare with Young Island itself, which at first glance seems to be one of those undiscovered, idyllic islands that one sees in adventure films and literature. And it truly is idyllic, its nearness yet physical separation from St Vincent proper making one feel as if one has found a sort of haven.

Built in 1870, the Grand View Beach Hotel is a beautiful villa on one of the bluffs overlooking Calliaqua Bay. Walking around the colonnade that houses the reception and the bar, with a garden courtyard off to the left, feet slapping on the tiles, one almost forgets that this is the Caribbean. The style is rooted in the grand Italian palazzos but on smaller, less overawing scale and with a few Caribbean elements of its own (looking at the brickwork, it appears to contain Dutch Yellow and other European colonial salvage of the kind that you can find in the extant houses of places such as central Oranjestad). The effect is grand without being pretentious; indeed, everything about the Grand View is tastefully done. The number of local contemporary paintings and artworks along the corridors and room walls are very cool, never contrasting harshly with the more traditional rooms of the old house, and the guest rooms have a cozy vintage feel to them. Outside, after one strolls along the stone columned balustrade, one will find the pool overlooking the eponymous view of Calliaqua.

page in all, and mostly beverages that you will have never heard of; cocktails for pre-drinks, for main courses, desserts, social drinking, cocktails for the pleasure of tasting them... Sadly this writer never got the chance to try most of them. On my first evening there just the ‘rum and coke’, using a local white rhum agricole (made of fresh cane juice and much better for it), made me lose my head entirely. The food is largely simple grill food, with such things as pizza and burgers as well. The steak is cooked exactly the way you want it, as rare as you like, as superior of quality as in any fancy restaurant – but, what this writer notes with great pleasure, larger and thicker than the ‘steaks’ you will find at any other. With at least two portion-sized accompaniments the nourishment here is substantial. This is dining for its own sake – no frills, no rules of engagement (except for those between you and your friends), as casual as you like in the winking, vaguely festive lights.

And afterwards, you can let it all settle by the veranda, a little alcove on the adjacent side of the bar with a view of Calliaqua and some of its sea-breeze. Have another cocktail too – the path back to the hotel proper is white, so that even the most addled can easily stagger back to their room.

A nice room and aesthetic surroundings; a good meal with a good crowd, a deep swimming pool overlooking the sea; being in the Caribbean – the Grand View Beach Hotel is about the finer things in life. Once you’ve established those things, sure, you can go looking for the rest – but when your belly is full and your vision a little too hazy, do you really need to? 

travel diary

Grand View Beach Hotel

However, this writer would definitely recommend the Grand View Beach Grill, just below the main building and almost on the beach. The orange facade immediately suggests its lively and casual atmosphere, and it was always packed with guests and groups of friends out for the night. What struck me while sitting at my place was how well the owners must understand their diners here, for the seating area has been squeezed directly between the food and the drinks. To the right (as you enter), the grill can be seen through the small hatch for orders and a fleeting sight as a waitress walks in, so that you can almost hear the chatter of the chefs and the sizzle of the cooking without the smoke. To your left (or right in front of you, in this writer’s case) is a bar with as many seats as there are tables and all of the bottles on bright display; it’s clear what the priorities of the Vincentians are around here. Yet it is no wonder really, for the number of house cocktails will leave you incapable of choosing something to drink – enough to fill a double-sided

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Seeing Young Island and all the other outcrops of rock from here, you realise how the shallow water gives it a very strange, one-of-a-kind appearance. The pool, in a wonderful location with sight of this and the villa itself, has been set up as a bit of a social area; with seating both inside and outside the pool (the latter is shaded), this is the exact place to enjoy either conversation or contemplation, always under the sun and as wet and chilled as you want to be. For evening meals there are two options. One is fine dining at the main hotel restaurant, with a nice little bar up here as well.

Not a little weary (and still on the mend from the Boiling Lake hike), somewhat stressed about his senior editor’s reaction to the expenses on the company credit card, and content to be returning to his on/off affair with London, this writer is psychologically ready to fly back home. But to miss out Barbados, probably the best known island in the Caribbeans would be criminal.

Saint James is certainly no Bridgetown but is certainly a close cousin to the populous, historic city. The sun shines down on the long stretches of smooth, golden beaches and well tended lawns and parks. Mansions would be the more accurate way of describing much of the architecture here, considering many of the big hotels along the coastal stretch. So what unites these halves together, with Bridgetown and the island? Firstly, there is a very strong English connection that lends itself to a kind of romanticism about the sceptered isle – Bathsheba reminds one of the southern/ south-eastern coast, while the buildings of the urban west and general culture have a definite influence, to the point that the local name for Saint James is ‘little England’. Secondly it is the Bajan people who universally seem to have an innate sense of how to have fun and see the brighter side of life – I was told that there is nothing the Bajans love more than an excuse to laugh, something which was very evident throughout my trip. Without wanting to denigrate all the wonderful and welcoming people I have had the fortune of meeting throughout this trip, the Bajan people are probably the happiest of all. For its scenic routes, homes and grasslands and its charming people Barbados, the most recognised of all the islands, definitely deserves its fame.

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The east coast, where Bathsheba lies, and the west coast of Saint James are completely opposite environments. The former, weathering the Atlantic Ocean, is a hard place (still by Caribbean standards of course), the shoreline broken up by cliffs and rock debris. The colours here tend more towards paler pastels: the skies are of a touch colder shade of blue, the sands an off-white and the large banana plantations a lighter strain of green. The weather is not necessarily poorer, but certainly more even with the strong breeze and the tendency for greater cloud cover. Bathsheba is a pretty country town defined by the large wooden houses and their gardens or ample estates, and the whitewash homes that are distinctively Caribbean in style. Bathsheba is also noted for its surfing, both by the islanders and by international athletes alike. The subject of surfing lessons seems to be an impromptu thing in the low season, having to find some local contacts rather than finding a school or shop, but on the other hand this only means that you will be training with the experts on surfing the Bathsheba crests. Dining is less limited, but again restaurants can be closed during the entire low season for renovations. If you get the chance, check out the High Rock Cafe, whose owner and his Birmingham girlfriend will probably offer you a meal even if the establishment is supposedly closed for flood repairs.

travel diary

Bathsheba & Saint James, Barbados

The Sea-U guesthouse is the perfect little hideaway in Barbados, a hilltop residence found just after the turn into a little country lane somewhere near the Bathsheba beaches. And as I lie in the quintessential hammock strung between two palms, with the forest and pounding waves sloping below and the white patio over a small rise above, I am treated to one last summation of the very best that the Caribbeans has to offer. Staying at this colonialstyle house of just nine rooms, away from telephones, televisions and computers it seems as if the spirit of the calmer, more placid past has been captured and renewed here. In fact, listening to the decade-length history of the guesthouse, that is precisely what happened.

In the low season, when I mainly share the guesthouse with bright young couples, it is surprising to hear Ushci recreate the spring season atmosphere, when all the guests will gather at a communal table for the mirth of meals in the company of friends. She relates to me the lives and habits of her staff, at least one of whom

The pleasure of staying here is to simply enjoy being here for its own sake – to lie in that low lying hammock amidst the palms and bathe in the soft light descending through the clouds and into the clearings between the trees; relax on the bench overlooking the descending forest and the waves rallying back and forth in the beyond; sit at the bar (currently being laid with a new mahogany surface) and sip on a freshly cut coconut. Or lie on one’s soft bed in the spacious, dark hued rooms which contrast so neatly with the exterior. Each room is outfitted with its own basic kitchenette of fridge (when deciding on what to put in the rooms, Uschi reasoned that she ‘would want somewhere to put my melon and my white wine’) and has a warmth of atmosphere despite (or rather because) of the lack of gadgets and the period style. The breakfast, seemingly catering for the explorer and the active, is quite light and simple; however, in the evenings you will be treated to some traditional Caribbean food, prepared in large earthenware pots. Staying at the Sea-U guesthouse is a wonderful experience, and perhaps among one of the most truly authentic Caribbean experiences that you are likely to find both on Barbados and in the entire region.

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Uschi Wetzels, a former travel writer much like myself, after deciding to live on Barbados discovered by a happy accident the overgrown ruins of a plantation house; she was inspired, as anyone would be, to purchase the property and start a small hotel while sitting in a mildewed chair on its back porch. Having cleared away enough of the forest growth to demolish the skeletal edifice, it was rebuilt upon the lines of some early sketches she made (Uschi draws inspiration from, among other places, Santa Barbara and Florida). Uschi, a pragmatic woman whose only regret is the German coffee she left behind in her homeland, loves to have an easy laugh over breakfast while relating all the little anecdotes of running Sea-U and life in Bathsheba that really brings everything to life in a way that you might not have noticed before.

helped to build the house, and over the years have been forged into a tight-knit group as much a family in itself. The Bajan jolliness has been intensified so that it is really a kind of amicable relationship that you will find with each. Uschi is essentially the worldly adventurer who has found that one, special place that makes one settle down permanently, away from the hectic grayness of modern life, and has poured all of her spirit (and her own fine-tuned understanding of what travellers and guests want from a guesthouse) into this treasure.

travel diary

Sea-U Guesthouse

In 1961 former British politician Ronald Tee, who was particularly partial to the island of Barbados, decided to create a five-star luxury hotel with a golf course; and he settled on the site of an old sugar plantation called Sandy Lane... In any traveller’s island-hopping career, Sandy Lane is both physically and symbolically the ultimate destination, for it represents the quintessential Caribbean in terms of both history and splendour. Doubtless many of our readers are familiar with its palatial facade and parklands - part of Sandy Lane’s enduring fame. Perhaps they are familiar with its relatively recent renovations that synergise the traditional munificence of grandeur with the most modern of cutting edge technologies (all the latest gadgets and whatnot that complete our modern demands and expectations) and all the

Penthouse Lounge

amenities which redefine luxury on a whole new, extraordinary level. After all, Sandy Lane boasts of a returning guest rate of more than 50%, which speaks volumes about its perennial seductiveness despite a famously exclusive price-tag. There is more to it, however, than the prerequisite 5 star luxuries of grand hotels the world over. There is, for starters, the unquestionable pedigree that comes from decades of hosting many of the world’s most discerning travellers, as well as the original St James’ villa owners. Le beau monde – a mixture of blue-blooded Brits, Jockey Club members, industrialists and sundry wealthy business people – has traditionally wintered at Sandy Lane and the hotel has long maintained a club-like atmosphere.

Dining Jonathon Wright and Dominic Teague, executive chef and executive sous-chef respectively, manage Sandy Lane’s four

The terrace

restaurants that sprawl over the estate. Both Jonathon and Dominic have worked extensively in London’s top establishments in the past, and are intimately familiar with their British-based suppliers of produce. Bajan Blue and L’Acajou are Sandy Lane’s flagship restaurants; the former offers an eclectic fare from the grill – as well as the sashimi bar and pizza ovens – and is described as the more standard option catering to the British traditional taste. Of course, having sampled the exquisite Miso Blackened Cod and supreme sashimi, it is difficult to see how Bajan Blue can be described in any possible way as ‘standard’ - unless one assumes that this is the standard for Sandy Lane. The pink elegance of L’Acajou, on the first tier of Sandy Lane and overlooking the sea, serves both the buffet breakfast and fine dining. Dominic informs me that in fact Sandy Lane can make almost anything that a guest requests, even if it isn’t on the menu. It is under the candlelight and on the plush armchairs of L’Acajou that I have a little conversation with a couple, property developers in London, off from a cruise to spend a few days at Barbados’ legendary hotel. Quickly the conversation turns to Dominic, who has presided over the kitchens of a number of restaurants the couple has frequented during the great London parties in the hedonistic nineties. It is fascinating to hear, on this Caribbean evening, tales of London during one of its most extravagant decades in recent memory.

The Spa The Spa is a complex in its own right, boasting a massive range of spa treatments both on cultural and methodological lines. Treatments usually last just an hour but can go as far as taking up a good portion of the day all within the exclusivity of each guest’s own spa room. Each of these rooms, with their own gardens and hydrotherapy pools, is a preserve of calm and quiet dignity.

Green Monkey hole

Country Club restaurant

Golf Anyone who has been to Sandy Lane will know that Golf is synonymous with the hotel. The owners have historically been avid golfers and its present owners have

The Country Club course, designed by the renowned Tom Fazio, is scenery of rolling grasslands and gentle hills, beautifully balanced by crystal ponds and fountains. The Old Nine, the original course of Sandy Lane, despite its smaller size, has its own awe of an old school elegance and class. For the truly privileged, and the dedicated golfers, the Green Monkey course is without a doubt one of the most prized, most exclusive courses in the world. The personal course of Sandy Lane’s owners and crafted (again by Fazio) with all the passion that one finds in the sport, has just one hour of open playing slots each day and guarantees that you will have much of the course to yourself. Which is just as well, for its vast size and powerful landscaping – recovered from an old limestone quarry, itself currently the site of a lake sheltering below a cliff-range – simultaneously make a round of golf here an exploration of a paradisiacal garden. For the select few that tread upon these grounds Sandy Lane has produced a unique range of Green Monkey golf-wear, unavailable even to other Sandy Lane guests, to proclaim to the world over their privilege. The Country Club is also host to its own restaurant, with food as excellent as anywhere else in Sandy Lane. Here, one can sit after some light sporting activity and have an excellent lunch (I would recommend the grilled Mahi Mahi, tender and rich in flavor), while overlooking the wideranging Country Club course, extending almost all the way to the sea on the horizon. Sandy Lane is my last great splash in a Caribbean voyage that has taken me from the remotest of places to the very pinnacle of high living. Starting from the pale, untouched beaches of Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic, I have come to end my feature on the pearly shores of Sandy Lane. I would like to thank all the people at Sandy Lane who helped me appreciate the atmosphere of the hotel at its very best. I would also like to credit my parents for narrating to me many a wonderful story from their own recollections of Sandy Lane and Barbados - the kind of stories that belong to another, golden era irretrievably lost to the past. Yet if my brief experience at Sandy Lane is anything to go by, the only things to have changed are the the vintages on the Champagne bottles. 

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Cohabiting with the spa are the gymnasium, with all the equipment and electronic gadgets that one can dream of in their ideal work-out session, and the restaurant (although there is the option of dining in one’s private spa room). Check out the meditation room, a surreal experience that almost hypnotises one with its Zen appearance.

determined to create a Sandy Lane golfing class of its own, marrying the hotel’s long burning love affair with the sport to their own passion.

travel diary

Sandy Lane

Waterfall at the Sandy Lane Spa

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Glamour and enterprise in boomtown Macau

PROFILE

Patricia Cheong

rom the immaculately coiffed cascading black curls to the designer outfit revealing a pair of killer legs on stiletto heels, Patricia Cheong looks like a woman who has stepped straight off the catwalks of Milan or Paris. Start talking with this stunningly glamorous lady, though, and you soon realise she combines brains with beauty - any aspiring match to this super-polished former Miss Macau should probably take a degree in economics first, just so that they can keep up with her tempo. This lady is sharp! Based in Macau, but regularly operating between Hong Kong, Beijing, and Milan, Patricia was a guest at a recent B Beyond Inner Circle dinner. Our informal conversation started with an obvious question: Are looks helpful in the business world? ‘I wouldn’t deny they help opening doors. But if you don’t know what to do once you are inside, looks won’t get you far’.

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Winning the coveted title didn’t just present the young woman with countless opportunities – it gave her a different perspective on life. But identifying opportunities and making them work for you are a whole different game and one that Patricia seems to have mastered from the word go.

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Patricia Cheong is the oldest and most driven child of a traditionally Chinese/Indonesian family. Her mother encouraged her to enter a beauty contest when she was in her teens, something she cites as a transformational experience.

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Her company is now a fully-fledged consultancy and investment group, and a lobbying agency for the gaming and tobacco industries, with Cheong helping to structure complex projects that involve international brands eyeing the lucrative Asian market, and Macau’s gaming market in particular. She introduces investors, facilitates joint ventures and franchise partnerships, advises on brand positioning and is sought by anyone who is serious about setting up shop in that part of the world. ‘Being able to understand how China’s leaders consider issues and how to work with Chinese officials and business people is crucial if you want to be successful in that part of the world, but this requires patience and a deep understanding of the Chinese mindset’, offers Cheong who is also a graduate of the top ranking Executive MBA program, jointly organised by the Kellogg School of Management and the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology.

Being based in Macau, a city that has experienced a phenomenal economic boom in the past decade has also been advantageous. ‘As Macau became the gaming industry leader worldwide, it has provided an outstanding platform for me to further develop my business in this area’, she admits. ‘Becoming involved in the booming luxury brands business is also something that I feel very proud of as we were in the right place and the right time’.

PROFILE

After completing her university studies and working a few years for an International PR firm and a property development group, she started her own PR company, MM Marketing, in 1994. From judiciously cultivated links with government agencies grew a corporate model that now spans the full gamut of business in Macau, mainland China and Hong Kong.

Patricia definitely has a unique perspective on bringing Western brands and corporate entities to mainland China, Macau and Hong Kong and an equally unique set of connections to help build companies’ existing market share. In recognition of her success, she was included in the list of The 100 Distinguished Women of the Year 2009 in China, and was also honored with The Most Prominent Entrepreneur Award by Tatler. I reflect on the fact that she must know everyone worth knowing. How did she get to that enviable position given looks and streets smarts are not quite enough? Clearly, Cheong is poised, confident and comfortable in any social situation, anywhere in the world. She says attitude and state of mind are the other vital ingredients in being hugely successful. ‘Think big but be detail oriented. Love challenges and love what you do. Be open-minded and be ready to learn everyday’, she comments. Focusing on the positive in life is something that she has cultivated with the steely determination she seems to apply to everything she does. For her latest project, Patricia has recently teamed with Privus UK to give regular talks to CEO level executives in Europe and to act for them on an advisory capacity.

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Patricia Cheong is a founding member and shareholder of Privus, a discreet, by invitation only lifestyle club for the ultra successful international woman.

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‘I am at a point in my life when I can do anything I want and feel very comfortable about myself’. n

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Stepping out of the shadows:

Art, history and cultural heritage come alive at

the Shichahai Shadow Art Hotel

an area where local heritage often seems more resuscitated for the benefit of tourism than truly alive, the Schichahai Art Hotel creates a unique environment in which contemporary luxury and artistic tradition exist simultaneously. The hotel is designed with an opera-house structure, with all rooms facing a theatre in the hutong buildings’ traditional central courtyard. The concept is to provide guests with an interactive experience rather than just a place to stay. With shadow puppetry performances every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, guests are enveloped in the traditions of Beijing. Post-cultural revolution, the popularity of traditional Chinese shadow puppetry has

The hotel itself is located in the middle of the traditional Beijing hutongs and ideally positioned (we’re told) for optimum feng shui due to its proximity to Schichahai’s beautifully tranquil lakes. Although near-impossible to

find without a map, that slight inconvenience provides possibly the greatest charm of the hotel. Artfully designed to fuse contemporary minimalist style with the traditional courtyard building, the hotel is hidden away in the midst of the most ‘authentic’ part of Beijing. Expect to see winding alleyways replete with bicycles, rosy-cheeked diners drinking Tingstaos outside street barbecues and throngs of late night dancers in dimly lit public squares. Neither overly ‘traditionalised’ nor excessively contemporary in style, it is a cultural sanctuary with all the benefits that you would expect from a luxury establishment. The Shadow Art Performance Hotel is not just one of the best boutique hotels in Beijing, it is also one of the best places to visit for a taste of true Chinese culture. n

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waned. The Shadow Art Hotel in Schichahai has rejuvenated the tradition in a manner which evokes much more than any one art form. The pictures of shadow art on the walls are all from the Shaanxi province, home of Wang Tianwen, probably the most distinguished puppet-cutter in China. Each piece of artwork, including the puppets themselves, are specially commissioned from the grandmaster cutter. Each piece is painstakingly hand made to the specifications of the traditional art form and re-creates the four characters of Chinese opera: Sheng (male), Dan (female), Jing (warrior) and Chou (clown). In turn, each of the hotel’s twenty-five rooms reflects a variation on one of these characters.

Tom Harrow's

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A crisp, dry Champagne with the smoked salmon to start, a supple red Burgundy with your Turkey, a fragrant, honeyed Muscat with Christmas Pud and what Yuletide feast would be complete without a maturing Port to accompany the Stilton? How traditional, how obvious, how M&S advert, how dull. Like the Bond film, which invariably follows the festive lunchtime bloating, the Christmas meal wheels out the same cliches year on year, its just a re-run of Thanksgiving without sports and saccharine sincerity. This year however I am encouraging you to be bolder in your fare, to experiment, to risk the confusion of elderly relatives and shrieks of dissatisfied traditionalists: Seafood (Estuary Oysters and Moscato Passito/Sweet Muscat) A counter-intuitive but surprisingly effective combination from Puglia for starters. No region in Italy can boast such quality of edible sea creature and although we know you should prefer a zippy Muscadet or Ultra Brut Champagne with shellfish, the Pugliese enjoy an unlikely alternative. The saltiness of the oyster water, like maritime Roquefort, is a good foil for the sweetness of the wine and the rich, creamy texture of both marries up well. Turkey If it is true that these giant fowl cannot be left in the rain for fear they will keep looking up and drown, then good riddance. Oversized, tasteless and dried out, like a menopausal Catford housewife abroad, an exotic stuffing is the best they can look forward to. Try pairing with a Junmai

Daiginjo Sake, or Honjozo for something a touch richer. It might work. It will certainly make it taste of something and provoke the inevitable family dispute a little earlier. Figgy bloody Pudding. Starting back in April, you have been marinating the thirsty dough weekly in cheap Sherry, Napoleon Brandy, and other household cleaning fluids so that now this dark, glutinous, virulently alcoholic mess resembles the sticky bombs thrown at Panzers, and is more explosive. Pair it with: Water. Thats right, H2O. It already contains sufficient booze to rival a Keith Waterhouse lunch. Better still throw the horrid gelatinous thing away, like the sweet dog food it is and enjoy a more palatable dessert of light winter berry tart and Rose Champagne which will lift up rather than condemn the palate. Cheese, in this case goat For a start you should have had this before dessert, its ridiculous to launch back in to savouries after pudding and offends the palate and narrative arc of the meal. Anyway, try a Chevre or Crottin de Chauvignol with a slightly older Sancerre or Pouilly Fume. They grow up together in the Loire and the smoky tang and chalky, lightly acrid bite common to both the cheese and wine make them easy companions. Finally - give Santa a break There is only so much sweet Amontillado the old guy can swill back in a night before losing control of his sleigh and falling prey to the same seasonal drink driving initiatives as us all. Instead, why not leave a Berocca and some paracetamol on the mantelpiece. Its probably what you'd prefer after 40 gallons of Tio Pepe and Bristol Cream. ❆

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Christmas fare

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