Heaven

Heaven Ginny Brooks


Heaven Ginny Brooks


Heaven Ginny Brooks The Literary Arts Department Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12, A Creative and Preforming Arts Magnet 

CopyrightŠ 2019 Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12, A Creative and Preforming Arts Magnet Pittsburgh, PA The copyright to the individual pieces remains the property of each individual.

Reproduction in any form by any means without specific written permission from the individual is prohibited.

For copies or inquiries: Pittsburgh CAPA 6-12 Literary Arts Department Mara Cregan 111 Ninth Street Pittsburgh, PA 15222 mcregan1@pghschools.org Ms. Melissa A. Pearlman, Principal 

Dedicated to Greyson for giving me the strength to come to this class. 

Table of Contents 1.

Scorpio Season

2.

Communion

3.

Impressionist

4.

Left Side of the Sock Drawer

5.

7 Day Schedule

6.

Informational Essay on Adam’s Grades

7.

She Is In Heaven

8.

The College Experience

9.

Things You Never Knew

Scorpio Season

My earliest memory is me and my twin brother Adam’s third birthday. We’re October babies, so our house was decorated with cobwebs and plastic spiders. Our parents bought us each tiny vanilla cakes. I remember smearing icing in my hair, on the walls, and on my mother’s new blouse. Mother was happier back then. Instead of yelling, she scraped the icing off of her shirt and flung it at Dad. There wasn’t any yelling when we were kids. Adam and I could barely form our own opinions— all we wanted was to follow our parents around. Mom and Dad were still in the honeymoon stage of their marriage. Their rings were shiny and new and they always slept in the same bed.

It stayed like that for a few years—at least, Adam and I didn’t notice any differences. The first time Dad slept on the couch, we were eight. We still shared a room at the time. We sat on the top of our bunk beds; Adam tried to figure out what was wrong. Are they getting a divorce, Theo? Who goes with who? I want mom. I wondered how our parents were going to sleep in the dark by theirselves. That night, after Adam had fallen asleep, I snuck downstairs to sleep on the couch with my dad.

He was still awake when I crept into the living room. I told him I didn’t want him to be alone. Instead of telling me to go back to bed, he took me to our backyard. We sat in the grass looking up at the stars. Did you know that there’s more stars in the sky than people on earth? he asked. God created the all of the stars so that man would never truly be alone at night, Theodore. There’s a man named Orion up there, he said pointing

to the sky. You can spot him by the three stars that make up his belt. We laid out there together, my Dad pointing out different constellations until I fell asleep. 

Communion Every year in early spring, as the cherry blossom trees begin to bloom, a group of children dressed in pure white devour an ancient god. The community gathers together in a large building. Colored sunlight falls down upon the crowns of their heads as they bow them in worship. To begin the ceremony, the children walk down the aisle one by one as the rest of the community sings in union. They are taken up onto the altar, a tall black haired girl leading the way.

A priest stands before them facing the crowd. He tells a tale from a very old book that this religion has based itself upon. He talks of a young man named Jesus feeding a crowd much like the one gathered at the church. From just five loaves of bread and two fish, the young man fed five thousand people. The children stand still on the altar behind him until the priest has finished his sermon. When he is finished talking, they walk off of the altar into the pews that have been reserved for them.

As the children sit, the priest’s attendant brings the bread and wine to a table in the center of the altar. The priest walks towards it and says a prayer, turning the bread into the body of the ancient god and the wine into his blood. The community reaches out and holds each other’s hands. They recite a prayer as the priest and three others distribute the body of the god into golden chalices. They stand in front of the aisles before the church. The black haired girl is the first to rise from the pew. She confidently walks up to the priest and bows her head as she accepts the body of christ. She puts the white circle in her mouth.

As she turns away from the priest, she spits the ancient god out. He falls onto the marble floor covered in her saliva. The black haired girl doesn’t move. Her mother

gasps. No one moves. No one has ever disrespected their god like this in their community. The priest meets the eyes’ of the children’s teacher.

The teacher prods the back of the next girl in the pew. She gets up moving awkwardly stumbling upon the simple heels she is wearing. She bows her head and accepts the body of christ like the black haired girl before. She doesn’t spit him out but instead places her hand on the back of the girl who spit the ancient god out and guides her back to the pew.

When she reaches the pew, the black haired girl sits down while the others who have made their communion kneel. For the rest of the mass she remains motionless and stares blankly ahead.

The other members of the church don’t acknowledge the black haired girl’s decision. They simply accept the communion and carefully step around the ancient god lying on the floor.

When everyone else in the church has received the white cracker, the priest’s attendant puts the spit out god into a plastic bag that he then puts in the back of the church. The priest finishes the mass and brings it to an end without mentioning what has happened.

The children’s families form a line at the altar; they all want pictures of their child and the priest. The black haired girl stays in the pew. Her mother comes up to her and leads her out of the church. Although she doesn’t know it yet, next Sunday, the black haired girl will make her first communion. She’ll be restored in the church’s eyes, her choice written off as a childish mistake. Her mother will think maybe they will live a very happy life after all.

Impressionist After T. M. De Vos’ “The Wrong Sort of Woman” I had one lifespan to make an impression. I wanted people to remember my name after I died and if that was going to happen, I didn’t have time for trivial things like sports or friends.

I made this decision in sixth grade. It wasn’t a hard one. I didn’t get along with kids my age that well, my French teacher had said I was just mature. It didn’t bother me that much especially since I had just started high school. Everyone wanted to go shop and party. I didn’t see the point, sure they were having fun, but they wouldn’t remember all the Fridays they had spent wasting time. They’d regret not focusing more on their academics. That’s what my parents raised me to believe, anyways.

They were the first ones to tell me I wasn't like other girls. They meant it condescendingly at first, I was a tomboy growing up, but when I reached the sixth grade, they started saying it seriously. I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up since I was seven. While the other kids wanted to be singers and princesses, I wanted to be a famous scientist. Adam used to say that famous scientists weren't real but I proved him wrong, after all, everyone knows who Albert Einstein is.

That’s the sort of impression I wanted to leave. I wanted my name in textbooks. I wanted to leave more than just a skeleton and a bloodline when I died.

Left Side of the Sock Drawer My Dad kept a photo of his ex girlfriend tucked into the left side of his sock drawer.

I found it at age five because I was nosy. My Mom found it three years after me. She said she found it putting away his laundry but I think she was really just being nosy as well. The first thing she did was ask my brother and I if we had ever seen the girl. My brother said no, although I had shown him the photo when I found it. I told my mom that yes, I had seen that exact photo of the girl three years ago in Dad’s sock drawer. This made my Mom madder, she clutched the photograph so tightly creases began to form.

When Dad came home, she was waiting for him in the doorway, photograph in hand.

He didn’t see the photograph at first. He tried to hug our Mom as he was walking into the house but she pushed him right back out of the door. Then he saw the photograph.

He didn’t try to explain just apologized and asked if they could have this conversation without the kids present.

When our Mom sent us to our rooms, as nosy as I was, I didn’t linger around to hear their argument. Only things I knew were, Dad slept on the couch that night and our kitchen smelled like something, presumably the photograph was burnt and our smoke detector sat on the kitchen table instead of on the ceiling. Everyone acted as though the fight had never happened and after a few days Dad stopped sleeping on the couch and the smoke detector was magically repaired while Adam and I were at school.

Our parents never argued when Adam and I were in the room. They’d exchange dirty looks and say things that were secretly meant to hurt each other, but they never fought when they were with us. We could always tell when they were fighting though; Dad would be sleeping on the couch.

Once, Adam asked our Dad why he was always the one sleeping on the couch. Why Mom was never the one curled up in our living room. Dad said it was because sleeping on the couch made Mom’s back sore, but I always thought it was because Dad loved Mom more than Mom loved Dad. 

Left Side of the Sock Drawer My Dad kept a photo of his ex girlfriend tucked into the left side of his sock drawer. My Mom said she found it putting away his laundry, but I think she was just being nosy. The first thing she did was ask my brother and I if we had ever seen the girl. I told my mom that I had seen that exact photo three years ago in dad’s sock drawer. She clutched the photograph so tightly creases began to form.

When Dad came home, she was waiting for him in the doorway, photograph in hand.

He tried walking into the house, she pushed him back out the door. Then he saw the photograph. He didn’t try to explain just apologized and asked if they could have this conversation without the kids present.

When Mom sent us to our rooms, I didn’t linger to hear their argument. Dad slept on the couch that night. Our kitchen smelled like something was burnt, and our smoke detector sat on the kitchen table.

After a few days, dad stopped sleeping on the couch and the smoke detecter was repaired while Adam and I were at school.

Our parents never argued when Adam and I were in the room. They’d exchange dirty looks and say things that were secretly meant to hurt each other, but they never fought.

We could tell when they were fighting, though; Dad slept on the couch.

Adam asked our Dad why he was always the one sleeping on the couch. Why Mom was never the one curled up in our living room. Dad said it was because sleeping on the couch made Mom’s back sore, but I always thought it was because Dad loved Mom more than Mom loved Dad.

Left Side of the Sock Drawer Dad kept a photo of his ex girlfriend tucked into the left side of his sock drawer. Mom said she found it putting away laundry, but I think she was just being nosy. The first thing she did was ask my brother and I if we had seen the girl. I told Mom that I had seen that exact photo three years ago in Dad’s sock drawer. She clutched the photograph so tightly creases began to form.

When Dad came home, she was waiting for him in the doorway. He tried walking into the house but she pushed him out the door. Then he saw the photograph. He didn’t try to explain, just apologized and asked if they could have this conversation without the kids.

Dad slept on the couch that night. Our kitchen smelled like something was burnt, and our smoke detector sat on the kitchen table.

Our parents never argued when Adam and I were in the room. They’d exchange dirty looks and say things that were secretly meant to hurt each other, but they never fought.

We could tell when they were fighting though; Dad slept on the couch.

Adam asked our Dad why he was always the one sleeping on the couch. Why Mom was never the one curled up in our living room. Dad said it was because sleeping on the couch made Mom’s back sore, but I thought it was because Dad loved Mom more than Mom loved Dad.

7 Day Schedule After Jamaica Kincaid, “Girl” Monday; go to school; dress appropriately; do not give anyone a reason to look at you; do not talk to other students; do not mind them if they call you rude or snobby; listen to your teachers; make sure you are paying attention in every class; always bring gel pens and mechanical pencils, your books and notebooks; remember: if you do not come to class prepared, you are not prepared to learn; take notes in every class; make sure your handwriting is legible; never pass up extra credit; when you get home from school sit down at the kitchen table; do any homework that needs done; never allow yourself to fall behind; when you are done with your homework; eat, shower, sleep in that order; repeat until Saturday morning; sleep in until nine; if you have upcoming tests study for them; in your free time research colleges; research scholarships; remind yourself that this is your way out; when you hear your parents car pull in to the driveway quietly retreat upstairs to your room; if you hear yelling you may: read, shower, write, draw, whatever you do, do not go downstairs; if you hear laughter it is safe to come out (though you may want to count to 180 to be sure); say hello to your parents; ask them about their day; tell them about your day; when they ask if that’s all you did today do not let them start to think does she ever leave the house; shut down their questions by asking your own questions; if they persist on to ask you about your lack of social life, remind them that you can only put one thing first; your grades or your social life; eat, shower, sleep; your mother or father will wake you up Sunday morning; when you get dressed, indulge in some tinted lipgloss and mascara; if you get dressed fast enough eat a bowl of Cheerios in the kitchen; if not, grab a granola bar on your way out of your

house and into your parents silver minivan; watch whoever is driving like they are a teacher, memorize the way they switch lanes and flip the windshield wipers on; when you get to church step out of the car with as much grace you can muster; take small steps as you walk from the parking lot to the doors; do not trip; when you enter the church, let your eyes wonder around looking for her straight black hair; when you find it, smile at her even if she is not looking at you (although, normally, she is), take your seat in the pew next to the old lady with the scratchy voice, smile at her too (just not as big), sing along to the church’s choir, when the priest is giving his sermon, relax; allow your eyes to wander back to the girl with the straight black hair; if you make eye contact with her, when you think about excusing yourself to the bathroom just to see if she would follow you; stay in your pew; remind yourself that you will be leaving soon; you are in the last month of junior year; you do not have time for anything but school; when church is over, follow your parents back to the car; get in as gracefully as you got out; return to your house and watch football with your family; when it is time eat, shower, sleep; repeat until school is finished for the year. 

Informational Essay on Adam’s Grades “When you say you’re good at something it makes you try harder to be better,” -Jesse Eisenberg “TCBY” When you say you’re good at something it makes you try harder to be better, that’s what I said to Adam when he asked me how I get such good grades. Adam said I was just saying that to make myself feel better about bragging all the time. I didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure that if he had good grades, he’d brag about them too. The truth is that I get good grades because it’s the only thing I focus on. I can’t remember the last day of school I missed. I stay up until all my homework is finished even if that means I'm falling asleep in class the next day. I don’t talk to anyone during class, not that I have anyone to talk to. You can either have a social life or good grades. I’d rather have good grades.

That’s the real reason why Adam has bad grades; he doesn’t focus in school. He talks to his friends in classes. He plays basketball after school instead of doing homework. He hasn’t studied for a test without his “study buddy” since our freshman year. I tried to help him out at first but the last time I suggested he do homework with me, he said he’d only do it if I would go to a party with him the following Friday. He always does that, always makes some attempt to get me to hang out with him and his friends. Our parents used to try and push me into going out but they stopped eventually; Adam hasn't quite given up yet.

she is in heaven After Heather Sage’s “Recovering” When I confessed my love for the black haired girl from church to my mother she said she was going to pray for me and locked herself in her room. I could hear her soft sobs as I pressed my ear against the door. The following day, she took me confession and demanded Father Ben give me penance for my sin. I spent two hours reciting Hail Mary’s.

My mother stopped asking me about my love life after that. The only other time she acknowledged my crush was New Years Night after downing five margaritas. Even after you die you will never be with her. You will be in hell and her, well she’ll be in heaven. My father escorted her to bed after her outburst leaving me alone with my brother.

So you’re gay then?

No. I’m not mad like Mom. I don’t even believe in God, Theo. If you ever need advice on how to pick up a girl, I got you.

Thank you, Adam.

I think it would’ve been easier to accept my sexuality if I didn’t believe in God like Adam. He decided he didn’t believe once he reached the seventh grade. He refused to make his confirmation, instead allowing our mother to ground him for three months.

When we talked about it, all he had to say was that he didn’t see the point of committing to something he had no proof of.

Still, religion was different for me than it was for my mother. I had faith in forgiveness. Despite my mother’s belief that God would have me burning in hell for my sexuality, I believed God would save me from hell. That my sin would be forgiven.  

The College Experience After Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness’ song Maps For the Getaway

The day I moved out was the happiest day of my life. I was eighteen and ready to start my new life. My mom and dad cried as they helped me move clothes and furniture into my dorm room. I rubbed my eyes so they’d turn red when they weren’t looking and pretended to wipe away tears when they were. I almost felt jealous of my brother who, two days from now, would be moving himself into college. My parents hugged me tightly before getting into their silver minivan and driving away.

I walked back to my room to lay down on my freshly made bed. When I got there, I found my parent’s map of their way home set down on my sheets. I quickly ripped it in half before throwing it away. I felt more free laying down on my twin sized in my cramped dorm room than I ever had in my parent’s home.

My roommate arrived a day after I did. I took a walk around the campus while her parents helped her unpack. When I got back she was sprawled out on the floor in between our beds. She looked up at me, Are you my roommate? The website said your name’s Theodore. Her name was Bianca. Bianca had light brown hair, brown eyes, and introduced herself as extroverted and an Aries.

Bianca and I quickly grew inseparable. She claimed it was because of our compatible zodiac signs, but I think we were just both scared of looking like lonely freshman. We quickly developed a schedule; on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays we study together. Even if we weren’t in the same classes, it was nice to have someone to

keep me on track with my school work. I started to regret all the times I turned down my former classmate’s invitations to study.

On the weekends, we’d go out. Letting go and focusing on something other than school felt good. We went to the mall, out to eat at fast food restaurants, to parties. I learned that with the right person even something as mundane as grocery shopping could feel like an adventure.

I felt like Hannah Montana’s best of both worlds song briefly, before realizing that this balancing act was how my brother got through high school (although I still had better grades than he did). I called him to tell him about this; it wasn't like I had anybody else who knew me from high school. He didn’t answer my call or return it. I was disappointed at first, but my school work and budding social life were more distracting than missed calls.

I still put my school work first, of course. Unlike my brother, I didn’t have an issue with missing a night out. I knew that my schooling would get me farther in life than my social life ever would.

Things You Never Knew After Matthew Burnside, “Oblivions Fugue: 38 things you’ll never know 1. The old lady you sit next to at church thinks of you as her granddaughter despite the few words you two have exchanged. Every Sunday she tells newcomers the pew is reserved until you and your family arrive. If you talked to her more, you would find she has excellent advice she could give you in terms of coming out.

2. If the christian religion was not against divorce, your parents would have been divorced before you were conceived.

3. Your mom was never allergic to cats. Your parents didn’t have the money to take care of one. Secretly, your mother wished for one as well so that she could have company during the nights your father slept on the couch.

4. The boy three doors down buried his pet fish in your backyard. The fish was still alive swimming around in its plastic container as he covered it up.

5. Constructions workers will find the decaying fish years after your family has moved out of the house. They will think it was a beloved pet.

6. The black haired girl still remembers what you did for her during your first communion. She isn’t grateful as you think she should be; she’s angry her decision to decline communion was pushed off as a clumsy mistake.

7. If you had become friends with the black haired girl you would have learned that her hair is not naturally straight, that she prefers hot chocolate over tea and coffee, and that winter is her favorite season.

8. Since you never became friends with her, she will forget your face and you hers.

Years from now, when you visit your childhood church with your wife and child, her

hair will be dyed blonde and curly. You will not recognize her but she will recognize you.

9. In college you will try to date boys to appease your mother. She will call you greedy, viewing it as an act of defiance. She will not realize all you want is her approval.

10. Your father does not care who you love. He just wants to walk you down the aisle.

11. Your mother is sorry for what she said on New Years. She still believes she is right, but she is sorry for the hurt her words have caused you.

12. She was wrong. After you have both died, you and your wife will be happy together in heaven.

13. Even after you have moved two states away from your mother you will still search for her face in crowded rooms before you kiss your girlfriend.

14. You will be thirty when she starts forgetting details due to her early onset Alzheimers; the doctors will not catch it until you are thirty-four.

15. Your mother will die before you get engaged. You will feel grateful then guilty.

16. Your name will be the first she forgets but your face will be the last one she remembers. She will die holding your hand.

17. The boy who buried the fish will go on to be arrested for multiple hit and runs. You will see his face on the nightly news and won’t even recognize him. In your head he will stay a sweet, stuttering teen.

18. The priest at your church will be charged for illegally giving alcohol to minors. Your brother will never tell you that he was one of the minors your priest gave liquor to.

19. Your peers might not remember every Friday night they spent together, but they will remember the love they had for each other. You will not remember the Fridays you

spent studying, but you will remember the jealousy and loneliness you felt sitting alone at your desk.

20. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls. Your dislike of the color pink and of short skirts and of boys does not make you superior.

21. Your perfect grades will get you out of your house and into college and then into your career of choice as an engineer. Your brother’s poor grades will do the same for him.

22. His study buddy is actually his tutor, not one of his friends.

23. When your brother stops calling you he is not ignoring you. He just wants to see how long is takes before you notice his calls have stopped.

24. It takes three months of no contact before you will attempt to call him. He won’t pick up.

25. When you get married, you and your wife will agree to never go to bed angry.

Neither of you will be cast out to sleep on the couch.

26. When you get your own house the walls will be green and you will get a cat. It will be gray and fat and will lay next to you during the winter.

27. Your wife’s sperm donor will have unfound cancer. Your wife will be six months pregnant when she receives the informing phone call. She cries for two weeks before telling you.

28. Your son will be healthy. Despite his genetics, he will not have cancer. You will die still afraid of an illness that will never touch him.