LivingLBI Gazette
Nourishing Thoughts From time to time, I return to Bergen County. My husband and best friend moved here when I retired from public school, so that we could be close to the sea and Bob could bicycle to his brother’s house. Typically, I visit my hairdresser--my friend--whom I continue to trust to help me grow older beautifully and share women’s truths as we both let our hair down. Her salon has felt like home for nearly four decades. Typically, I visit with my sister-friend, too. We met in 1976, when “sister” Susan would care about my teeth at the dentist’s office in Hackensack. Dental appointments were merely a doorway to a friendship made stronger by passage of time and the growing history we confide in one another in a diner where waiters know the wrap or panini we order is not our major concern. And, always sandwiched between these two visits, is my brief visit with the man, the teacher, my mentor on the Boulevard who, in his cozy office, would help me find my way home to myself once upon a time--when life felt like a detour on a dark path. Home is anywhere we find meaning and hope in our day. Home is everywhere we are surrounded by safety and peace. Home is anyplace we are in the company of those who accept us as we are now--and respect our ongoing efforts to evolve into our own best self while they do the same. Home is everywhere we sit down quietly and see beauty--not clutter. Home is wherever we stand up for our principles and bravely walk the high road and never slither along any path of least resistance. Home is where we need not utter a single word, yet we are understood. Accepted. Believed. Where noise and nonsense do not reside. Before I return home, I enjoy a moment of silent listening--to one sound I miss, terribly: the train announcing its arrival to a town that is no longer my address. Home will never be a pair of matching lamps and silverware that shines in the light. Home will always be matching thoughts and behaviors and a soul that shines in the dark. “Where Thou art--that--is Home.”--Emily Dickinson
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Judy horowitz www.senoraonline.com
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Can I park my camper at your motel? My sister and I have both been divorced forever. We decided a long time ago that our kids weren't going to miss out on anything even if we had to be both mother and father. I purchased my first pop-up camper for $100. It was a wreck, but the kids loved it and every summer we'd drag that old camper to the Poconos. As the kids grew, we no longer fit in the tiny camper so I sold it an bought a huge pop-up with a kitchen and two tables that folded down into beds. It was supposed to sleep eight, but we were still cramped with just two adults and three kids. Anyway, we all packed into the station wagon, me, my sister, three boys and two dogs. We were on our way to Florida! We left early in the morning on our carefully planned trip. We figured if we left at 5:00 AM we'd be in Orlando by 8:00 PM. We pictured pulling into the campground and setting up the site before the sun went down. We reached Washington, DC around 2:00 PM, yet we still hit traffic. We thought we'd sail through before rush hour but never thought there could be construction work. And, who knew that you can't take a camper that has gas tanks through the tunnel? It took us hours to take the alternate route, but still we were optimistic that we would stay on our schedule. Around 6:00 PM we were starved. Luckily, we were at the famous South of the Border and the half-way mark between New Jersey and Orlando. Boy were our calculations off. It took us thirteen hours to get half way. We were still optimistic, though. We kept saying, "It should go a lot quicker now that there is less traffic." It never crossed our minds that the huge camper was slowing us down. Back and forth we discussed stopping for the night. "Should we stop?" My sister was for it but, I wanted to keep going. We finally decided to drive until 9:00 PM. Somewhere in South Carolina, the sky opened and buckets of rain fell on us. Thunder and frightening lightening terrified us, but we just kept going. "Maybe we should stop," my sister asked. My nerves were rattled by the storm and I just wanted to get there. I agreed that we would stop, when we reached Georgia. We reached Georgia around 9:00 PM, but the kids were sleeping--so we decided to keep going. The rain had stopped and the car was quiet and if we could just get to Florida we'd be happy. Although we were tired, we enjoyed the peace and quiet. Even the dogs were sound asleep. Time flew by and before we knew it, we were in Florida. "It's kind of late to pull into a campground," I said to my sister. We agreed that maybe we should just stop
somewhere and take a nap in the car. The closer we got to Florida, the more excited we became. Catching a second wind, we just kept driving. By 2:00 PM we started seeing signs for Orlando. Turning off Interstate 95, we thought we were heading towards Orlando. Our first indication that we had taken a wrong turn was the narrow road. "Look, that sign says Wildlife Refuge" my sister said. "Where are we"? It turned out that we had taken a wrong turn. It was a wildlife refuge and the area was pitch black. We had to turn around but the road was too narrow to turn with the camper trailing behind us. Driving in terror for what seemed like hours, we spotted a patch of dirt and turned around. Still shaking from the ordeal we drove in silence. Like characters in our own horror movie, just when you think it's safe...... we ran out of gas. The car stopped right on a little wooden bridge. Fear swept through us. We were trapped because it was pitch black out and we didn't dare open the door because we feared there may be alligators under the bridge below us. We looked at each other, shaking, and decided to wait until morning to figure out what to do. As if we weren't scared enough, approaching headlights sent chills up our spines. The car stopped and a man walked to my window, "Did you break down?" I was scared to death as I told him I had run out of gas. He told me that he was an off-duty police officer and he offered to take me to get gas. I asked him if he would go and get it for us but he said that I would have to go with him. He had some excuse about renting a gas container and couldn't take my money. Reluctantly, I got into his car. My poor sister was terrified that I would be killed and the man would come back for her. At the gas station, the attendant and the man chatted like old friends. It turned out that he really was an officer. My imagination had painted a horribly different reality. He filled my tank and gave us advice, "You shouldn't let your tank go below a quarter of a tank." As if I needed to hear that. I started the car and as I put it in gear, my sister turned to me and said, "Take me to a motel. NOW!" All I could say was that it was a good idea. It is amazing how four hours of sleep and a shower can revive you. The kids woke up never knowing the nightmare we experienced. It's been twenty years since we ran out of gas; my sister still can not talk about the incident. My kids love to hear the story and I always start off with, "Getting there is half the fun, right"?
Lisa Ball
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An
Unapologetic
Voice
My mother and my son Bryan shared two undeniable things: their birthday and their red hair. Could these two seemingly random connections be what helped my mother and me find our way back home to loving and respecting one another before it was too late? Commonality might be as powerful a force as the single thread that keeps a dangling button from getting lost. As vital as one more breath that we muster which keeps us alive one moment longer. One second more of bated breath while a radiologist does her work. That final effort we make that helps us complete any task that was at first, impossible. Another exhausted step--or
PHG
mile marker--that brings us closer to home. What one shares with anyone may be the secret to rekindling the connection between those who seem hopelessly adrift in a hostile sea of differences. It was my father that reminded me often during those stormy decades when I could do and say nothing right and my mother could do and say nothing wrong that we see our fundamental connection to everyone when we lie in a hospital room, stripped of our history and adorned in a cotton gown with its opening in the back. Mother's Day is not a day to go through empty motions, devoid of emotion. Neither is it a day to feign affection or deny affliction. It may be another opportunity--or our final chance--to find the thread that once held together a warm tapestry of a multicolored, yet potentially beautifully unique cardigan. Go back into your closet and put it on! Remember what you once loved about it. Not again. Anew! “We carve out the world with words; we sculpt our world with deeds.” Judy Horowitz www.senoraonline.com
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Dear Darla, Every May, I wish that my elderly mom and I could really enjoy Mother’s Day together. I have been wanting to share a secret with her that has kept her from really knowing me completely. I am afraid to tell her about something that happened to me a long time ago, but I want to. How do I find the courage before it is too late? A nervous daughter Dear Nervous, One of the greatest feelings anyone can enjoy is being fully accepted for who we are by whom we love the most. To share a “deep, dark” secret with who matters is scary. It is a risk. Before we take that risk, it is always wise to try to balance what we enjoy with the person who does not know our secret with what we imagine we could lose by sharing it. Wish you luck, Darla
Aries ~ March 21 - April 19 Let spring fever fuel your energies in a positive way; your effort need not begin big; remember, a peach tree starts with a pit someone discarded Taurus ~ April 20 May 20 Stay close to your long term goal; not a good moment to fall prey to distraction.
Gemini ~ May 21 - June 20 Spontaneous, yes! Impulsive, no! Let’ en see how dependable you are, but don’t let’em take you for granted. Too much to do now. Cancer ~ June 21 - July 22 Do spring breezes excite you? Be blown away by your own energy; the world will see the result and smile. Leo ~ July 23 - Aug 22
As days grow longer, your stamina helps you prove you can do it!!
Virgo ~ Aug 23 - Sept 22
Some plants just don’t make it. That’s why we start again. You can!
Libra ~ Sept 23 - Oct 22 Add a dash of daring to your doing! Taking a healthy risk now might lead you towards more respect at the workplace. Scorpio ~ Oct 23 - Nov 21 A friendly greeting or smile can only help you navigate your seas. It will also help you relax as you stay on course. Sagittarius ~ Nov 22 - Dec 21
You know you wanted that to happen. Enjoy it. You deserve that.
Be Happy
If the days go by and you feel that you are missing out, you may be depressed. Happy people feel full. Waking up refreshed, hopping into the shower and thinking about the day ahead with excitement is way more fun then dreading the day. Sometimes, depression seeps in slowly. You can be sure though, that other people notice! If your friends are telling you that you may be depressed, BELIEVE THEM. If your friends tell you that you are depressed, go to see your doctor. You may need medication or therapy. Get more exercise, find a hobby, learn something new and do something that can be completed before your mood changes. Completing a project is very rewarding. There is hope for depression. Feel better! Lisa
Motivation
OH NO--not another rainy day. When will spring get here! I’m trying really hard to stay motivated. I keep hoping that spring will eventually get here. I’ve been planning what I will do on the next sunny day. I need to work on my garden, paint the picnic table, fix all the little things that have been bugging me. But most of all, I want to take an outside shower. I called the plumber to turn on the outdoor water. He needs to crawl under the house but with all this rain, how can I ask him to do that? This spring is so wet and nasty. It is so hard to feel energetic. Yet, I know that once the weather changes to traditional spring weather, then there are only a few weeks before it’s summer. I think it is best that I forget the calendar and focus on things that I can control! There is plenty to do inside the house. I’ll start there. Lisa Ball
Capricorn ~ Dec 22 - Jan 19 Never confuse movement for action; stay focused on one task at a time. Too many started projects leads to nothing finished.
Aquarius ~ Jan 20 - Feb 18
Woo them with the results of your warmth. Practice politeness and paint your nails the color of fun! It’s spring! Pisces ~ Feb 19 - March 20 Making one small change can really surprise you with a big change somewhere else. Careful.... small.
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LivingLBI
Kids Float Your Boat! If it’s too cold to swim, set up a children’s pool and sail a boat. Make your own sailboats with old egg cartons, milk cartons, plastic bottles. Use your creativity with receivable containers.
What do you care
What People Think of You? Sometimes, with the divorce rate so high, I wonder if couples would do better in their new life journey together if people who loved them just let them “find their way” themselves. Meddling in a new couple’s life adds
additional stress to the already complex task of joining lives. Loyalty to “outsiders”, including parents, in-laws, adult siblings, and friends can interfere with the newly forming bonds and loyalties that only the new couple can figure out. As newlyweds celebrate the beginning of a new life together, let’s all wish them well and, well, get out of their way....together!
vision, just seeing it
is not enough; you need to ManciniRealty.com
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see it through. --ljg
Corner
Quotation
If you have a
Pet Tips
Pet parents, take care—fertilizers, insecticides and herbicides keep our plants and lawns healthy and green, but their ingredients aren’t meant for four-legged consumption and can be fatal if your pet ingests them. Always store these poisonous products in out-of-the-way places and follow label instructions carefully.
LivingLBI Books
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Poisonous Plants
Time to let your garden grow! But beware, many popular springtime plants—including Easter lilies, rhododendron and azaleas—are highly toxic to pets and can easily prove fatal if eaten.
Ah-Ah-Achoo!
Like their sneezy human counterparts, pets can be allergic to foods, dust, plants and pollens. Allergic reactions in dogs and cats can cause minor sniffling and sneezing as well as life-threatening anaphylactic shock. If you suspect your pet has a springtime allergy, please visit your veterinarian as soon as possible.
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