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“ M o r n i n g. To d a y w e w i l l t a k e a l l t h e p r a c t i c a l s k i l l s t h a t yo u s t u d i e d i n yo u r e - c o u r s e a n d p u t t h e m t o p r a c t i c e. ” - B e n j i ’s e ye s a r e p i e r c i n g. O u r i n s t r u c t o r c a n n o t b e o l d e r t h a n 3 0 - s o m e t h i n g, b u t h i s p r e s e n c e i s v e r y s t r o n g. Po w e r f u l . “ Yo u d i d c o m p l e t e t h e c o u r s e, d i d n’ t yo u ? ” “ We s u r e d i d ! ” - B o b by ’s v i c t o r i o u s t o n e i s h e r e t o s t a y. “ S h e g o t a 1 0 0 % o n t h e e x a m a n d I g o t 9 8 % ” “ 1 0 0 a n d 9 8 ? T h a t s o u n d s s k e t c hy ! A r e yo u s u r e ? C a n I t a k e a l o o k a t yo u r t r a n s c r i p t s ? ” - B e n j i ’s suspicion eases off the tension in my mind and b o d y. F i n g e r s q u i c k l y f i n d t w o s av e s f i l e s . B e n j i ’s e ye s w i d e n a l i t t l e a s h e r e a d s t h r o u g h r e ports. “ We l l , o k t h e n ! I g u e s s yo u r e a l l y d i d . L e t ’s g e t t o i t t h e n . A t f i r s t I a m g o i n g t o t e a c h yo u h o w t o s e t u p yo u r g e a r ” , - t h e “ i n s t r u c t o r t o n e ” o f B e n j i ’s v o i c e s o m e h o w f e e l s s o o t h i n g. T i m e t o c o n c e n t r a t e. …. ” I j u s t c a n’ t s e e m t o s t o p hy p e r v e n t i l a t i n g. I t ’s a s i f I c a n’ t i n h a l e e n o u g h . N o t e n o u g h o x y g e n ” , B o b by ’s e ye s m a k e a q u i c k c o n n e c t i o n w i t h m i n e a n d m ov e o n t o B e n j i . “ I c a n’ t b e l i e v e t h a t t h i s c l a u s t r o p h o b i a t h i n g i s t h i s b a d . I ’ m s t a n d i n g i n t h e p o o l . I h av e o x y g e n t a n k O N m e. I c a n c o m e u p a t a n y t i m e. W hy c a n’ t I breathe?”, - the frustration replaces the victorio u s t o n e f r o m j u s t a f e w h o u r s a g o . B o b by s o u n d s borderline defeated. B e n j i ’s f i n g e r s a r e p l a y i n g w i t h h i s m a s k . I s t h i s it for us then? No certification? My heart sinks a l i t t l e. Somehow it feels so freeing and liberating to be u n d e r t h e w a t e r. M y b r a i n q u i c k l y s h u t s t h a t n e w f e e l i n g o f f . I d o n’ t w a n t t o d o t h i s a l o n e. We e i t h e r d o i t t o g e t h e r, o r n o t a t a l l . T h e d e c i s i o n i s firm. “ M a y b e … yo u r w e t s u i t i s t o o t i g h t ” , - B e n j i ’s distant words catch my attention and a lightening-fast realization hits. Of course it is! I could b a r e l y p u l l i t u p B o b by ’s s h o u l d e r s .
M y a n d B o b by ’s e ye s c o n n e c t . D e t e r m i n a t i o n t o succeed and desire to find the solution merge in o n e. “ B o b by, yo u n e e d t o t a k e yo u r w e t s u i t o f f ” . … “A n o t h e r c a n c e l l a t i o n . B a d w e a t h e r ” , - t h e s c r e e n of my phone f lashes once more before tur ning off. B o b by ’s s i g h i s h e av y. “ I w i s h i t w a s j u s t ov e r a l r e a d y ” , - h i s t o n e o f t h e voice sounds anxious. Claustrophobia is a big deal on its own. Claustrophobia when diving takes the issue to a whole new l e v e l . Yo u a r e u n d e r w a t e r. A l o t o f w a t e r. Yo u c a n’ t j u s t e a s i l y c o m e u p. A s c e n d i n g t a k e s t i m e t o e n s u r e t h a t t h e b o d y c a n a d j u s t a n d t o av o i d the decompression sickness (which is a big deal of its own). When claustrophobia kicks in… there i s n o c o n t r o l . I t t a k e s ov e r yo u . I t c o n s u m e s yo u . S m a l l e s t t h i n g s c a n b e a t r i g g e r. Yo u j u s t d o n’ t k n o w. “I am just going to tell Benji that I cannot go for l o n g e r t h a n 1 0 - 2 0 m i n u t e s , ” - B o b by ’s f i n g e r s a r e p l a y i n g w i t h h i s h a i r. “ I t h i n k I c a n d o 2 0 . I t ’s j u s t … ” , - B o b by ’s g a z e i s focused on something I cannot see: “40 minutes is s o l o n g. C a n yo u i m a g i n e ? Ju s t t h i n k a b o u t i t . 4 0 m i n u t e s u n d e r t h e w a t e r. I N t h e w a t e r. Wi t h 4 0 - 6 0 f e e t o f w a t e r a b ov e yo u . ” B o b by ’s v o i c e f a d e s . I t I S a l o t o f t i m e. The small shadow of a fear suddenly tur ns into b o n e c h i l l i n g, a l l - c o n s u m i n g d a r k n e s s . I t ’s h e av y. I t ’s c r i p p l i n g. T h e r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t I w i l l h av e t o b e i n t h e o p e n w a t e r, s o m e o n e e l s e ’s t e r r i t o r y, where my power is negligent, hits hard. My brain t r i e s t o c l i n g t o s o m e t h i n g g o o d , h a p py, b u t f a i l s . E ye c l o s e a s i f i n d e f e a t . T h e d a r k n e s s c o n s u m e s m y e n t i r e b e i n g. How am I going to do this thing tomorrow?
