154
LivingNotes
THE
V I C TO RY
G e n t l e r o c k i n g f r o m t h e b o a t f e e l s s o o t h i n g a n d r e l a x i n g. E v e r yo n e ’s t i r e d . S w i m m i n g a n d d i v i n g i s e x h i l a r a t i n g a n d e x h a u s t i n g a t t h e s a m e t i m e. “ I d i d n’ t k n o w i f I c o u l d d o i t ” , - B o b by ’s v o i c e i s q u i e t , b u t t h e t o n e i s c o nv e r s a t i o n a l . M y m i n d shuts all the surrounding noise out and is ready to soak in every word. This was a big deal. Claust r o p h o b i a . H o w d i d h e d e a l w i t h i t ? I d i d n’ t t h i n k h e w o u l d b e a b l e t o . I d i d n’ t t h i n k I w o u l d b e a b l e t o . B u t w e j u s t f i n i s h e d t h e l a s t c e r t i f i c a t i o n d i v e. T h o u g h t s , r u s h i n g a h e a d o f e a c h o t h e r t a k e my mind off the track. B o b by ’s v o i c e b r i n g s m e b a c k : “ Re m e m b e r t h e p o o l ? W h e n I w e n t d o w n f o r t h e f i r s t t i m e, a n d s a w t h e a i r b u b b l e s c o m i n g o u t … i t f e l t l i k e I w a s d y i n g ” . B o b by ’s v o i c e b r o k e. “ I k n o w i t ’s s o s t u p i d ! I w a s i n t h e p o o l , u n d e r 5 f e e t o f w a t e r, I c o u l d s t a n d u p a t a n y t i m e A N D I h a d o x y g e n f l o w i n g i n t o m y m o u t h , b u t s o m e h o w i t s t i l l f e l t l i k e d y i n g. Fe l t s o d a r k . H e av y. I t c o n s u m e d m e. I t ’s l i k e … a s i f i t w a s n’ t m e a n y m o r e. I d i d n’ t k n o w t h a t p e r s o n . I c o u l d n’ t r a t i o n a l i z e. I c o u l d n’ t t h i n k . I j u s t … w a n t e d o u t ” . B o b by ’s v o i c e b r e a k s a g a i n . A p a u s e s p e a k s m o r e t h a n w o r d s c a n e x p r e s s . I k n o w h o w h e av y i t f e l t . I w a s t h e r e. “A n d t h e n … w h e n t h e s u i t e w a s o f f , i t w a s e a s i e r. A n d I k n e w t h a t I w o u l d a b s o l u t e l y h a t e m y s e l f i f I d i d n’ t g i v e i t a n o t h e r t r y. I t w a s h a r d . S o h a r d . I j u s t w a n t e d t o p r ov e t o m y s e l f t h a t I c o u l d . W h e n yo u l e f t t o c h a n g e, I s t a ye d w i t h B e n j i a n d w a n t e d t o t r y a l l t h e s k i l l s ov e r a n d ov e r a g a i n . Something clicked. It worked.” B o b by ’s e ye s a r e f o c u s e d o n s o m e t h i n g m y e ye s c a n’ t s e e. “ T h e n t h e f i r s t d i v e. I a c t u a l l y w a s s u r p r i s e d h o w e a s y i t w a s t o d e s c e n d ! M a y b e i t w a s b e c a u s e I w a s m e n t a l l y p r e p a r i n g s o m u c h ? D o n’ t k n o w. B u t I w a s c o o l u n t i l B e n j i ’s r e g m a l f u n c t i o n e d a n d w e h a d t o g o u p. T h e s e c o n d d e s c e n t k i l l e d m y e a r s ” . That memory is as clear as a day in my mind. B o b by t r y i n g t o d e s c e n d , t h e p a i n , h i m p u s h i n g t h r o u g h i t ov e r a n d ov e r a g a i n . Pa i n i s s o s t r o n g that even Benji steps in and tells him to take a break. The deter mination though. The quality this g u y h a s t h a t l e av e s m e i n a w e e v e r y t i m e. Never gives up until he gets to the goal. H i s v i c t o r i o u s f a c e a f t e r h e c o m p l e t e d a l l t h e s k i l l r e q u i r e m e n t s o n t h e s e c o n d d i v e t h a t d a y, d e spite of the pain, the claustrophobia, discomfort - all of it. “ I g u e s s t h e p a i n h a d i t s p u r p o s e. I t d e f i n i t e l y w a s a d i s t r a c t i o n f r o m t h e a n x i e t y ” , - B o b by ’s w o r d s b r i n g m e b a c k t o t h e r o c k i n g, m ov i n g b o a t a g a i n . “ B u t t h i s l a s t d i v e ? Yo u k n o w, I d i d n’ t k n o w i f I ’d b e a b l e t o d o i t a t a l l . D e f i n i t e l y w a s n o t r e a d y f o r i t ye s t e r d a y. I a m g l a d I d i d i t t h o u g h ” , - B o b by ’s a n d m y e ye s m e e t . “ I ’ m t e l l i n g yo u , t h i n g s h a p p e n f o r a g o o d r e a s o n . I w a s s o d e p l e t e d , b o t h , p hy s i c a l l y a n d m e n t a l l y f r o m t h e t r a i n i n g, t h e s k i l l t e s t s , t h e l e a r n i n g … I p u s h e d t h r o u g h i t , b e c a u s e I h a d t o , b u t I d i d n’ t w a n t t o d i v e a g a i n . Fe l t s t r e s s f u l . H e av y. To o k m e t o a d a r k p l a c e I d i d n’ t w a n t t o b e i n . T h i s d i v e t h o u g h … i t w a s d i f f e r e n t . S o m e t h i n g s h i f t e d . W h e n I g o t u n d e r w a t e r, t h a t w o r l d j u s t p u l l e d m e i n . A l l I w a n t e d w a s t o k e e p s w i m m i n g a n d f i l m i n g. I w a s s o m a d I r a n o u t o f a i r. A n d s o g l a d B e n j i l e t m e b o r r o w h i s a n d d i v e a g a i n f o r a l i t t l e b i t . T h a t u n d e r w a t e r w o r l d … i t ’s m a g i c a l ” . B o b by ’s v o i c e f a d e s a w a y. T h e s i l e n c e t a k e s ov e r. N o w o r d s a r e n e e d e d . I k n o w e x a c t l y w h a t h e feels. T h a t n e w w o r l d . I t c a n’ t b e e x p l a i n e d . It must be experienced. “ We e n d e d o n a r e a l l y g o o d n o t e ” , - a s m i l e o n B o b by ’s f a c e i s c o n t a g i o u s . “ I c a n’ t w a i t t o d i v e a n d e x p l o r e w h a t e l s e i s o u t t h e r e. Ju s t f o r f u n ” .
