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A deeper calling Acceptance – the power to transform Heal your spiritual disconnect and remove your ‘wants’ Healing the wounds of love The nest of peace
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A deeper calling What happens ‘over there’ is not ‘over there’ any more. It ripples out and affects us all. It’s not, “Oh my God, did you hear what happened in Japan?” It’s, “Oh my God, look what is happening to us” – as a species, as a whole, as one connected to another and to everything. There is no separation. Words and painting by Leslie Caplan
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arthquake kills 23,000 people, twister splinters an entire town, fires blaze through thousands of acres of forest, flash flood drowns a community, record heat wave leaves crops barren… This is the world we live in. Every day there is threat of some devastation that slices through the illusion of certainty we have grown so accustom to, reminding us how fragile life is. And with this dawning of fragility comes a surge in me to sit and breathe in the depth of life I witness every moment of every day trembling inside my heart. A hurricane of fear, a tsunami of grief, a volcanic eruption of passion for a life that I must let go of, and detach from while simultaneously living it with all my might. The inclination to hold on tightly to what inevitably slips right through my fingers strikes a lightning bolt through the centre of my humanity, a thunderous roar echoing deep in the chambers of my love born from both sides of light and dark.
Accept loss forever… says Jack Kerouac. A halting screech of resistance screams inside of me. And yet, it’s true. Loss is inevitable. To be human is to experience loss. There is a deep calling to accept this. To live full and fearless, I must accept this. There is an invitation to cultivate a depth of being that breathes awareness into every given moment. To be authentic, to love strong, to live a life that has some level of impact and purpose, to be inspired, to live courageously, to make the ordinary extraordinary. What happens ‘over there’ is not ‘over there’ any more. It ripples out and affects us all. It’s not, “Oh my God, did you hear what happened in Japan?” It’s, “Oh my God, look what is happening to us”– as a species, as a whole, as one connected to another and to everything. There is no separation. The woman who lost her son to the recklessness of war is me. The man who lost his family in the flood is me. The earthquake that killed 23,000 people
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is ME – my community, my humanity, my family. It is not THEM any more, and it never was. What is happening is happening to all of us. The poverty, the disease, the natural disasters wiping out thousands, is all personal to me. It is my self, my child, my lover, my sister, my best friend. It is the pulse of the main vein in body that leads to the heart of everything. And it is alive in me, demanding me to wake up and breathe like it’s the last breath, dance as though it’s the last song, make love like the earth is splitting open to swallow everything we know to be true. Last month I was caregiving on a hospice team. An 80 year old man breathing his last breath. I held his hand as he struggled to let go of his life. I leaned in close, whispered in his ear, “You can let go. You are safe, you are loved, you are free.” Within minutes, his eyes popped open, he looked at me, took one long deep inhalation as one single tear rolled down his weathered face, closed his eyes, and left the body that had been his companion
for 80 years. When I came home, I received a call from a friend of mine. He was mesmerised by my story and asked me, Leslie, did you see angels around him? Did you feel them? What did they look like? My answer to him was: Maybe it’s not about seeing angels, feeling them, or sensing them. Maybe, it’s about BEING the angel. And knowing there is no separation – not between me and this man who so bravely took his last breath in front of me, and not between me and the angels that were there to guide him safely home. With life so tenuous, so fragile, so fleeting, the invitation is to become an angel in human form and somehow, amidst it all, ease this very human journey with waterfalls of love. And by accepting loss forever… Leslie Caplan is a writer and artist living in Ashland, Oregon, USA. She is inspired to share her writing with the world in hopes of inviting deep and courageous living in all of us.
the Transformation FREE INFORMATION EVENING Tuesday 20 September 7.00PM Call now to register your interest and receive an Information Pack Book your free place for the Information Evening Phone: (03) 9510 4264 Email info@phoenixinstitute.com.au www.phoenixinstitute.com.au
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uly, 2011: I write this a day after my beautiful place of birth was bombed by three separate attacks by terrorists killing and maiming its citizens randomly – only in order to uphold the twisted idea of patriotism and brotherhood espoused by its perpetrators. It is the perfect time for me to question the idea of ‘acceptance’. Am I to accept what happened to my city? Am I to accept it as a non-violent follower of Gandhi and his teachings of peace that brought my country to freedom from colonialism? I know the mind is screaming at the top of its voice to avenge this attack. An eye for an eye – the argument veering towards righteousness using morality and justice as its excuse. They were wrong; they need to be punished. Your city was attacked and it is your moral duty to fight back and ‘correct’ the equation. And then, I received an email about a young Indian techie who started a helpline using Twitter in the spur of the moment which grew from a list of five people willing to help victims to 500 in a few hours. It made me remember the power of acceptance just when I was on the brink of forgetting.
Power flows within when we accept what is and has happened and focus on what’s possible. Were we to give ourselves the gift of accepting what is more often, we would be enormously grateful for the hidden power that lies beneath, the power to transform ourselves from feeling helpless and angry to feeling hopeful and calm. There is never a good reason to avenge anything or anyone. We live in a time when the slogan ‘war on terror’ seems comic-tragic, if not highly misguided. What does it say when  one nation can declare war as its primary intention to bring about peace? With what higher moral authority can that nation then simultaneously denounce the act of terror by another? I pray that we all are reminded of the blessing that acceptance brings into our lives – acceptance as the magical treasure trove within us which can light the way through our darkest hour if we are willing to believe in its promise of total transformation.
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Evening with the Mystic Saturday October 8th 2011 Melbourne Convention Centre
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Heal your spiritual disconnect and remove your ‘wants’ ‘Wants’ are symptoms and subsets of our spiritual disconnect which, if healed, resolve everything else. They are symptoms of the hole that exists in our souls. The illusion of separation is the only disorder that needs to be addressed. By Rob Williams
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hen asked, most people want things like more money, better relationships, goodhealth, less grief and to be accepted. This is self-evident. However the questions we need to ask ourselves are, ‘What do these things amount to and are we shooting too low? What subconscious beliefs are worth changing? What is really worth wanting? Helping people understand the true answer to these question is my highest order of purpose. I firmly believe that this understanding is the key to ensuring our own survival as a race and the survival of our planet. I believe that all problems amount to a source cause, which is something I call the ‘illusion of separation disorder’, or the IS disorder – and I believe that this IS disorder is ultimately the only disorder that needs to be addressed in people. If I think that I’m separate from you, then I’m alone and disassociated from you. If I think I’m separate from nature I feel no responsibility for our environment. On a global level we kill people in wars in other countries because we see them as separate from ourselves. This is how most of us think at a subconscious level, and this is a huge mistake. Einstein said that our optical sense or sensory apparatus gives us the illusion of
being separate, when in fact we are not separate at all. The quantum physics and quantum entanglement experts of today have already proved that our energetic fields extend way outside our bodies. They show our energy combining and intermingling with other people as one interconnected entity. A great quote is from Erwin Schrodinger, one of the founders of quantum physics and an internationally recognised physicist, is “the total number of minds in the universe is one”. The great mystics of the world have also been saying exactly the same thing from the beginning of time. I personally believe that we are all individualised expressions of divine potential. The belief that ‘all is one’, although discussed at an intellectual level, is the polar opposite to the belief of ‘separateness’ that almost all of us carry at a subconscious level. If you realise that you have the potential for complete divine incarnation while in this body, then surely that ought to give you the incentive to raise the bar of what is worth wanting in life. This is the most exciting part of personal development. Once you get to that place and realise that you’re a part of a divine whole, you can construct supporting belief statements.
If we’re connected in that way and our subconscious minds recognise who we are, who everyone else is, what every other thing is, that it is all sacred and that it is all individual expressions of one divine whole, then a lot of bad things in the world will stop happening. The key to remember is that all our problems involving money, relationships, health, self-esteem, grief and personal power are symptoms and subsets of our spiritual disconnect which, if healed, resolves everything else. When your soul and spirit are your guidance system you can’t go wrong. There is no scarcity at that level – only abundance. If you are filled with spiritual abundance then you already have what everyone wants and is looking for. At that point it doesn’t matter whether your bank account is filled with money or not. I’m not a biblical scholar, however the Bible states, “First enter the kingdom of heaven and then all will be given unto you”. That sums it up. Translated into modern terms that means “First enter the reality of your divinity, then everything else that is needed will be provided for you along the way.” This is the statement that I run my life by. `If you missed recognising your divinity you have missed the whole
picture. Your greatness and gifts are only truly revealed to you once you have a divine experience. Your reward for embracing life is peace, which is what everyone is searching for. Peace is what everyone wants. It includes being loved, being comfortable in your own skin, having a life filled with purpose and joy. Unfortunately we all run around trying to get this, have that, arrange this job, be famous, have a lot of money, or be with the right person. These are all symptoms of the hole that exists in our souls. That said, I don’t know who I am until I know that I am a divine being having a human experience. The great thing is that everyone else is too. They just don’t know it yet. Rob Williams, the originator of a modality known as PSYCH-K says, that he has spent his life searching for the answers to the biggest questions. Following graduation from Philosophy at UCLA, he spent 20 years immersing himself in the dual worlds of the metaphysical and furthering his understanding of real world psychology. He says that PSYCH-K is a simple, extremely effective tool to change subconscious beliefs. These are the beliefs that we call the source of habits and which most people find difficult to change, but which, with PSYCH-K, is very easy. The next workshops are to be held in Sydney and Melbourne in October.
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“People try to create an outwardly perfect life but quality of life is based on the inward”
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– Sadhguru
Evening with the Mystic Saturday October 8th 2011 Melbourne Convention Centre
Email Isha Australia: Australia@ishafoundation.org
www.ishafoundation.org Download our other free ebook titles at www.livingnow.com.au
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Healing the wounds of love The ancient Greeks observed a proverb widely in regard to healing: “The god that wounds heals.” To heal, we must return to the source of our wounds. If we have been wounded in the province of love, then the healing must come through love. by Jeremiah Abrams The conclusion is always the same: Love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy in the world. –Teilhard de Chardin e are many-storied creatures. Every morning, we wake up and tell ourselves into our story. When you study a life, as I have many times as a therapist, you realise that how we tell ourselves into our story generally determines how things will go for us. As American Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield says, “We can tell stories that lead us to greater suffering and desperation, blame and fear, or we can use stories to open the heart of compassion. We can use stories to support the generous impulse that is there in us. We can use stories to connect us to one another.” The problem is that much of our personal story is unconscious to us, a jumble of scripts generated by the imprints of our experiences, often running and ruling us from underneath. The places where we typically run into trouble and suffer in life are the places where our stories have gone awry, where things have gone badly and where we have chosen inappropriate responses or just avoided the powerful emotions and effects attending such events. Some of our most affecting experiences have occurred when we were too young, too immature
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or too distracted to comprehend the full import of what was happening. So we are left with distortions in our story about how life actually works, and significantly, we still may carry painfully charged emotions that were not fully experienced. These distorted elements of our story severely limit our range of choices and behaviour. The still emotionally-charged memories and associated fantasies from different periods of our lives can inhibit us and become barriers to the life we want to or were meant to live.
Love, the great mystery Love, the great mystery of love––romantic love, interpersonal intimacy with family, friends, and lovers, passion and sexuality, eros, affection, acceptance, human kindness and compassion, agape, the miraculousness and the magic of love, love in its 10,000 ways––is a calling of the soul. Love is a province of life in which we all participate in various shades. We have come into life in need of love, in a dependent state. From the very first breath, we have a need to be cherished, valued and cared for; only later do we learn how to give that love to others. If someone hadn’t loved us an awful lot during our first years we would never have made it into life, but when we are young we are like sponges and we don’t have filters or discernment; so we often experience love in distorted ways and draw conclusions about
such experiences that may or may not be true. The emotional atmosphere in our family, where love and affection abide in varying degrees, has strongly determined the path of love in our adult lives. Nevertheless, we all emerge from our origins with a longing to be loved and be met in mutuality. As adults we experience a healthy instinctual drive toward coupling, a compelling desire to share affection, pleasure and intimacy and to connect and be understood by others. Just like the mirroring our mothers gave us, we long for the mirror of the other and the give and take of loving relationship. As we grow, the mirroring of all those we have contact with helps us develop a sense of self, and that development continues throughout life. Yet love and relationship difficulties are the leading reasons that people seek out psychotherapeutic help. Of course, that makes perfect sense. Our important love relationships are where we have the most at stake, where we are most vulnerable and closest to our truest stories, where we will encounter essential problems and suffer wounds, and where we often find ourselves most troubled and wounded deeply. C.G. Jung, the eminent Swiss psychologist, said that “The love problem is part of mankind’s heavy toll of suffering, and nobody should be ashamed of having to pay his or her tribute.” But the wounds of love are not what you would necessarily think. Love wounds are not restricted to broken-hearted adults suffering from love gone wrong. There are the traumas big and small, starting with birth, that preoccupy us and remain essential woundings to heart and soul. Alienation, neglect, abandonment, betrayals and the myriad of heartaches are prominent in the hidden landscape of love. When we are vulnerable, the survival instinct is very active, even to the point of dissociating from unpleasant experiences. Our capacity to deny-and-protect-inorder-to-survive has left many of us with unresolved heart pain and self-deceits from all portions of our lives. The wounds of love can hijack our stories with false beliefs that take us off course from healthy
heart and soul connection with others. These invisible wounds are often grown over with scars, psychological armour and defences that constrict our aliveness and our willingness to fully risk ourselves, heart-and-soul, to the promises of love. The dilemma is that love requires us to be present and vulnerable; otherwise we are just going through the motions. The original intent of that word ‘vulnerable’, its definition and roots in our language, means ‘willing to be wounded’. We must find our way back to being vulnerable.
Healing the love wounds Love remains a mystery, and so too, healing is a mystery. But we do know how to create the conditions in which healing can occur. Certainly, beginning with psychoanalysis, psychotherapy has tried its hand at healing the wounds of love with reasonable success, but the theories and methodology have produced inconsistent results, often yielding palliative measures of understanding and emotional release, but not always getting to the simple restorative element of healing. To heal your love wounds requires a tenderness and forgiveness, but most of all, a desire to feel better. Psychological or psychospiritual healing implies integration. The word origins of healing mean just that, ‘to be made whole again’. If we are wounded in love we are disconnected from the part of our story where it is safe to risk being open and vulnerable. We need to edit our story to restore our longing. Our invisible, interior wounds can be self-imposed impediments, storylines that impede love. According to the Sufi master Rumi, our task in healing the love wounds, “is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” The ancient Greeks observed a proverb widely in regard to healing: “The god that wounds heals.” To heal, we must return to the source of our wounds. If we have been wounded in the province of love, then the healing must come through love. This makes intuitive sense.
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re-reading it and allow yourself to have feeling responses to the dream narrative. This is the first line of interpretation, connecting to the feelings in the dream and to the feelings the dream arouses in you. Carry the images and the storyline of the dream around with you for a few days; something will come of it. You might also try drawing or painting the central image in the dream, the one most charged for you. In the act of depicting the dream you will find an opportunity to develop your feeling responses and your understanding of the dreaming. What you are dreaming is what you need to pay attention to now. In your dreams you can find inner guidance to find your way back to love. From my therapeutic work with love wounds, I have found it invaluable to help my clients develop their capacity to be active witnesses in their interactions with others. I teach some basic skills to create a bystander awareness, what they call ‘witness consciousness’ in Taoism. I would encourage you to use reflection, meditation, and selfobservation to see how it goes between you and others. I also employ some easy-to-learn framework, like the language of C.G. Jung’s psychological types, or the Enneagram types, as a tool to observe my loving nature in the relational field with others, and to strengthen confidence for the vexing complexities of new situations and people. Adding new language to your storytelling gives you the power to understand and feel your way through the intricacies of loving, to avoid bad bets and repetitive tragic stories, and to tell yourself into the right story, without the barriers.
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JEREMIAH ABRAMS is a Jungian therapist and author based in the San Francisco. A popular teacher, Jeremiah is considered a leading expert on the human shadow. His books include the best-selling Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature; The Shadow in America; and Reclaiming the Inner Child. His 3-CD audio program, The Dreamtime Journey: The Path of Direct Experience is a shamanic journey in a box. He will be co-presenting several events on love in Australia and Bali from September to December, 2011.
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Over the years I have come to respect that healing, like love, is a mystery. Though we can create the conditions for healing to occur, we cannot understand what actually happens. This is true of a broken bone and a broken heart. What happens is a mystery. I have learned how to create conditions of deep empathy and safety in which one can retrieve the memories, emotions and associations of a wounding. In a safe set and setting, we can give reality to the wounds through witnessing and validating. This seems to be the transformative requirement with love wounds: they must be seen, felt and accepted. Some wounds are deep traumas and require skilful hands to midwife the healing. When Freud called his psychoanalysis a “cure through love�, he understood the principle that acceptance facilitates healing. If you are ready to let love come more fully into your life, there are some things you can do immediately. The psyche is very suggestible and cooperative in such circumstances and it will yield its secrets if you are sincere. You can start by paying attention to your dreams: you can engage your dreams for self-knowledge and inner guidance. Dreams educate us about the inner workings of the psyche, how the soul speaks to us every night through our dreaming in the symbolic language of images and stories. Your core concerns will appear in your dreams, and if you are making relationship and love important in your life then the psyche will definitely chime in with useful information. For dream recall, keep a journal or tape recorder by your bed, it will serve as a strong suggestion that you want to remember your dreams. Record your dreams immediately upon waking. Try not to move your body when you first wake up, lie still and notice where you have been. Ask, “What was I just dreaming?� Reach for your journal instead of reaching for your cell phone or thinking about the day’s concerns. Once you have brought your dreams across the threshold of wakefulness and recorded them in the present tense, then re-enter the dream by
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7
The nest of peace Peace does not mean the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. Joyce imparts her secret to finding and maintaining peace – the ten minute challenge. By Joyce Vissell
F
inding peace in your lives and relationships, especially if you feel stressed with financial, health, or relationship challenges, can sometimes seem almost impossible. And yet finding that peace is essential. There is a story of a king who offered a prize to the artist who could paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried, and the king finally chose two of the best. From these two, he had to choose one to receive the prize. The first picture was of a perfectly calm lake, with majestic mountains around it. The sky was pure blue with soft fluffy clouds. All who saw that picture thought that surely it
would win the prize. It appeared to be the essence of peace. The second picture was very different. It also held a lake, but the wind was creating high waves. The mountains around the lake were bare and rugged. Above was a turbulent sky with rain and lightning. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a raging waterfall. This painting did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked closer, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush, a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water and noise, sat the mother bird on her nest….in perfect peace.
Which picture won the prize? The king chose the second picture. “Because”, explained the king, “peace does not mean the absence of noise, trouble or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.” When we do couples retreats, we always challenge the couples to create in their lives ten minutes to connect in a peaceful, spiritual and loving way with one another. There are many different ways to do this. Barry and I say a prayer of gratitude and trust each morning while we hold hands. Saying this prayer together allows us to connect in our hearts and feel our spiritual connection with each other. We create our own nest of peace and safety to which we can return again and again when life challenges us. Nineteen years ago we were experiencing a great financial challenge. We had lived the first 23 years of our married life without financial stress. We lived in very inexpensive rental homes, drove old cars, and bought our clothes and our children’s clothes from second-hand stores. We kept cash on hand and only bought something if we had the cash for it. We didn’t have a credit card and had never been in debt. All that changed in 1989 when the earthquake destroyed our small rental home. We had been paying only $270/month rent and suddenly were forced out into the real world of high rents. We decided to follow our dream and were able to purchase 16 acres right next to the rental home at a very good price. We were very naïve about mortgages and decided at the same time to build the house of our dreams, a home in which we could raise our three children and, at the same time, hold some of our workshops. Then we got the first mortgage bill and realised how very high it was. How could we ever come up with so much money each month? Our children were happy to have a home once again, after camping for six months in order to save money. We did not want to leave our new home, but the mortgage was so high that we wondered if we might go into foreclosure before we even had a
chance to really live there. We were scared and started taking it out on each other. The picture of the turbulent sky and waves on the lake might describe our situation. Each day got harder and harder for us. Finally we realised we must create a place of peace for this challenge and it was at that point that we began saying a prayer every single day. We sat for ten minutes each day and asked for help and guidance from a loving power greater than our own minds. Our financial situation did not immediately change, but these ten minutes of peace every day brought a trust into our lives that calmed the turbulence. Every month we somehow made that payment, sometimes by just a few dollars. When we would pray together it felt as if we were sitting in that nest of peace behind the rushing waterfall. We still return to that nest day after day as other challenges and situations come into our lives. I feel very grateful for this ‘nest’ and the peace that comes from sitting in it each day. For the people who have taken us up on our ‘ten minute challenge’, their lives change in a special way. We will forever encourage couples and singles to create this nest of peace. Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/ therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counsellors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are widely regarded as among the world’s top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant To Be, and just released, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family.
Call Toll-Free 1-800-766-0629 (locally 831-684-2299) or write to the Shared Heart Foundation, P.O. Box 2140, Aptos, CA 95001, for free newsletter from Barry and Joyce, further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at http://sharedheart.org/ for their free monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.
93318i142
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Saturday, 8 October 2 011 - 5 pm to 8 pm Melbourne Convention Centre - Seats are limited
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“
I have no teachings at all. If you are willing then I can deliver you into a space and a situation within yourself that you have never imagined possible in human life.
”
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