22 Chapter 1
I could feel it like a sweater that was too tight, and there were no more threads left to pull. I couldn’t fight it anymore. As I left one meeting in particular, grief that I’d suppressed all evening was especially heavy, like a weight in my chest. I made it into my car and cranked the music, trying to drown out the emotion. But it was no use. What I’d sensed growing inside of me for months, even years, finally made itself fully known. In the dark of the night as I drove my way home, waves of grief crashed over me, one after the other, and I cried as if someone I loved intensely had just died. This was the ugly, can’t-breathe kind of cry. I felt like I was being ripped in two, the pain was so deep. When it was over, I felt exhausted but cleansed. Something had shifted and I knew change was about to follow. I still had a lot of processing to do, and the adjustments that I ended up making as a result came gradually. But that was a defining moment where I knew without a doubt that I could not go back and try to pretend. I no longer fit in the world of my past, and it was time for me to find where I actually belonged in the present. I was meant to move in a new direction, and for me this meant shifting away from the religion I had been raised in and moving toward my own authentic form of spirituality that was wrapped in the use of my intuitive abilities.
Living in a State of Transformation
These types of shifts can lead you to a newfound place of true beauty that you might not have even been able to imagine for yourself before. Once you’ve made your way through the struggle of discovering your own potential and aligning your life with who you authentically are, looking back you’ll be amazed by how far you’ve come. But even knowing up front that the end result might be magnificent doesn’t mean that standing at the start (or right in the middle) of so much change won’t be a painful or scary thing. Just look to the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. It takes time inside the chrysalis for this transformation to manifest. Within that safe secret space, the caterpillar’s tissue is digested and liquefied. Just imagine that! Knowing it’s finally ready, the seeds of potential that have been
