Living in a State of Transformation

I could feel it like a sweater that was too tight, and there were no more threads left to pull. I couldn’t fight it anymore.

As I left one meeting in particular, grief that I’d suppressed all evening was especially heavy, like a weight in my chest. I made it into my car and cranked the music, trying to drown out the emotion. But it was no use. What I’d sensed growing inside of me for months, even years, finally made itself fully known. In the dark of the night as I drove my way home, waves of grief crashed over me, one after the other, and I cried as if someone I loved intensely had just died. This was the ugly, can’t-breathe kind of cry. I felt like I was being ripped in two, the pain was so deep. When it was over, I felt exhausted but cleansed. Something had shifted and I knew change was about to follow.

I still had a lot of processing to do, and the adjustments that I ended up making as a result came gradually. But that was a defining moment where I knew without a doubt that I could not go back and try to pretend. I no longer fit in the world of my past, and it was time for me to find where I actually belonged in the present. I was meant to move in a new direction, and for me this meant shifting away from the religion I had been raised in and moving toward my own authentic form of spirituality that was wrapped in the use of my intuitive abilities.

These types of shifts can lead you to a newfound place of true beauty that you might not have even been able to imagine for yourself before. Once you’ve made your way through the struggle of discovering your own potential and aligning your life with who you authentically are, looking back you’ll be amazed by how far you’ve come. But even knowing up front that the end result might be magnificent doesn’t mean that standing at the start (or right in the middle) of so much change won’t be a painful or scary thing. Just look to the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. It takes time inside the chrysalis for this transformation to manifest. Within that safe secret space, the caterpillar’s tissue is digested and liquefied. Just imagine that! Knowing it’s finally ready, the seeds of potential that have been

held within it from the beginning are finally activated and a new state of being is slowly fed and rebuilt.

You might recognize that you’re in a similar state. Maybe, like I did, you feel as though you’re being torn completely apart. Or, as with the caterpillar, you might identify with the thought that life is eating you up and you’re losing grasp of who you’ve been up to now. Within your own chrysalis state, you might have no idea what you’ll find left of yourself once this transformation is complete. But neither, I imagine, does the butterfly. It follows the natural direction in which it’s called anyway, and what a magnificent thing it becomes.

Breaking free of the safe space and leaving the old behind is also part of this struggle, but it’s a necessary one. Before the butterfly lets go of the remnants of the past that brought it to that point, its transition isn’t complete until it takes time to pause with the world upside down. During this time spent hanging in one spot, fluid from the butterfly’s body moves into its wings. Eventually the wings are allowed to expand completely, dry, and harden. Only after this pause is the transformation complete.

You might be left feeling as though your life is being flipped upside down, but if you open up to the possibilities and allow your own transformation to naturally unfold, on the other side of that difficult transition you might emerge flying higher than ever before.

PRACTICE Moving Through Transformation with Intention

If you find yourself in that upside-down place as you let go of your old self on the verge of spiritual transformation, take a moment here to pause. Even if you’re at the very beginning of your transformation, we’re going to envision the end point here and now.

Take a moment to settle comfortably into your space. You can practice this meditation sitting or lying down. If you fall asleep, that’s okay. Transformation is hard work, and if extra rest is what you need, allow for it.

You can come back to complete the practice again another day when you feel more rested.

Take some deep breaths now and consciously relax.

Relax your feet, your calves, your upper legs. Moving up, now relax your hips. Take another deep breath and feel it filling your belly. Relax your abdomen. Relax your chest. Continue to move up, feeling the tension release from your neck. This relaxing sensation trickles down through your arms and into your hands. It spreads into your face now, and you feel your jaw, your lips, and the muscles around your eyes and in your forehead all relaxing. Take another deep breath now and feel your body melting even more into the surface that’s gently supporting you.

Sit in this relaxed state for a moment.

When you’re ready, in your mind’s eye see yourself standing at the top of a set of stone stairs. With your bare feet, take a step down, then another, and another. The stones are rough underfoot and the air that was initially warm starts to feel damp and cool. You run your hand along the mossy stone walls as you continue making your way down. With each step, it’s as if you’re removing the weight of the day from your shoulders. Down wind the stairs, until the sunlight from above is almost entirely out of sight. Finally you reach the bottom, feeling light and free.

There you find a door, and looking at it you know there is something fantastic waiting for you on the other side. You wipe your hand across a film of dust that has settled over the front of the door and see that it reads “Set your intention for metamorphosis.” You understand now that on the other side of this door are details about the transformation you’re going through and where it’s leading you. But before you can open the door, you have to offer it your intention.

Think about the reason you’re here. Define what brought you to this point and why you picked up this particular book. Focus in on what you feel is calling you and clarify what your intention is for this journey. What is it that you desire to realize from this calling? If you feel at a loss for what your intention is, here are a few ideas:

• “I intend to realize my full potential and true self.” • “I intend to connect more deeply with Spirit.” • “I intend to realize the purpose of why I’m feeling pulled in new directions.”

State your intention out loud. As soon as you do this, light shimmers around the edges of the door and it opens. You step through the doorway and see moments from your past all around you. As you walk among them, allow these memories to reveal themselves to you, rising up like bubbles in your mind, one by one. Take a moment to absorb what you find. Pay attention to what you see, what you hear, and what feelings come to you.

As you arrive at the edge of the space and move beyond those past memories, you see your future self standing before you. You look into each other’s eyes for a moment, and the intense love that your future self holds for your present self washes over you. Your future self gives you a nod, letting you know they welcome your inquiry.

Take some time now to ask your future self any questions you have about the journey that they’ve completed and that is currently unfolding for you.

When you’ve run out of questions, it’s your future self’s turn. Listen now as they share any additional messages they have for you.

When they’re done sharing their messages, your future self gives you a hug and steps back from you. From their cupped hands they present a butterfly that flutters over to you and lands on your shoulder. It rests there for a moment and you study its colors, the gentle flap of its wings, and the shimmer of light that reflects off its delicate structure. The butterfly flies off and your future self laughs. “A token of things to come,” they say with a smile.

It’s now time to go. You step away and move back through the doorway. Without looking back, you sense the door close behind you. You move up, up, up and back into the daylight ahead.

Take a moment now to get yourself back into the present moment. Feel your body. Wiggle your fingers and toes and take a good stretch. Drink a glass of water. If you’d like, jot down the details of the messages you