Meet The Team Lindsey Kasprzak
PUBLISHER, ART & MEDIA DIRECTOR
Leslie Henderson MANAGING EDITOR
Robert Kasprzak EDITOR
Taylor Smith WIRTER
Welcome to Lone Star Local Guide! My name is Lindsey and I am so proud to not only call myself a Texan, but also a Houstonian. My family history is not only deep in the heart of Texas but deep in the heart of Houston since I’m a direct descendant of the Allen Brothers. I’m therefore very proud that my digital publication represents the area where I live and where my family is from. I am passionate about my community and the businesses that reside in it. Without a community, we have no place to call home and nothing to leave the next generation. I believe strongly in the power of the small business and what it represents. When you shop at a small business, you’re not only supporting your community, but you’re also supporting a family. I started Lone Star Local Guide to showcase these local businesses. I strive to fine unique small businesses, each offering something different. You may not have even known some of these companies were local to you and my hope is that I’ll be able to give them exposure and support for their businesses. Along with promoting these unique businesses, the Guide will also include informational, educational, and just plain interesting articles on various issues and topics that I hope you will enjoy. Again, I’m excited to launch this new venture and I hope you will enjoy our first issue. Here’s a helpful tip: every ad is linked directly to the advertiser’s website so no more having to write it down- just click and go! Thanks again for stopping by and I look forward to seeing you again in the next issue! Please help spread the word by liking and following us on Facebook and Instagram, where we’ll regularly post upcoming local events, news, and, of course, awesome local businesses!
Beth Waytt SALES
CONTRIBUTORS:
Meet Our Publisher
MAJOR ROBERT KASPRZAK LAURA C. LARREGUI CLAUDIA LAIRD W.F. STRONG RAIGAN MAYO CONROE/LAKE CONROE CHAMBER CONROE LIONS CLUB
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LONE STAR LOAL GUIDE © 2019, all rights reserved. All editorial and advertising copy belongs solely to LONE STAR LOAL GUIDE Reproduction in whole or part without express written permission is strictly prohibited. Articles are the opinions and experiences of other people and we do not necessarily approve, agree with, and/or condone those opinions.
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CONTENTS APRIL 2019
Business of the Month Unum Sumus Cross-Training And Fitness - Page 6 Features
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Conroe/Lake Conroe Chamber - Page 5 Learn From Lady Justice - Page 9 A Page From History - Page 11 Squeaky Pig Living Keto - Page 13 Spring Fire Department - Page 15
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Conroe Lions Club - Page 17 Come And Explore It - Page 19 Ranch Words In Urban Life - Page 23 Texas Language - Page 25 Out-Texas Me This! - Page 27
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Lone Star Local Savings - Page 30 Lone StarEdition Local Guide Dock Line Magazine - Atascocita AprilPage 20183 3
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UNUM SUMUS: WE ARE ONE Instructed class environment
Thursday open gym stretching
Encouraging friends to help you finish
Unum Sumus is translated from Latin to mean, “we are one.” We subscribe to that phrase in defining ourselves individually but also as a part of a collective whole. There truly is ‘strength in numbers.’ Our gym community is there for one another- to encourage each other through hard workouts, to pick them up when they are down, and to support one another in the gym and in life. The phrase also applies on a personal and introspective level as well- we are each one being comprised of a mind, spirit and body. True health is really nothing more than a harmonious balance amongst both those internal and external elements that comprise societal life. Unum Sumus, therefore,
is the embodiment of our goal to strive for, and achieve, the perfect balance that is true harmony and health.
ters, friends and co-workers. We are our community. As such, we believe a strong community is a core component in what we do. For many, peer support, teamwork and camaraderie are primary motivators. Positive competition helps push and drive individuals to meet their goals and set new ones. We believe that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, but the potential of the whole cannot be more than that of its parts. We want you to strive to be the best you that you can be. We expect you to push yourself to that same end and to encourage and support your community members to do the same.
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OUR GOALS Unum Sumus is a performance center for life. We strive to present pure, straightforward functional fitness programming, excellent coaching, and personal attention in a comfortable, enjoyable and relaxed environment. We aim to positively affect lives. We are all athletes. We are doctors, lawyers, teachers, accountants, police officers, firemen, students and home makers. We are moms, dads, grandparents, great-grandparents, sons and daugh-
OUR PRIORITIES Our first priority is your overall health. Health is generally defined as the absence of disease. We don’t subscribe to that definition. We like the definition of health that uses quantifiable terms of increased work capacity across broad time, modal, and age domains. Put simply, health is one’s ability to optimize his or her potential - whether physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically or sociologically. We believe fitness and nutrition are the foundations to health. We subscribe to the definition of fitness propounded by Greg Glassman as one’s ability to move large loads, long distances, quickly, in the broadest variety of domains. The ability to sustain that fitness throughout your life is the single most defining measure of health. We have found that fitness is directly correlative to healththat the fitter a person is, the healthier that person is, again not just physically, but in his/her life in general. Nutrition and diet are keys to fueling the body towards fitness. Nothing is more important to your well-being, health, and body composition than good nutrition. Eating the right foods helps you lose body fat, build and maintain muscle, and reach your athletic potential. Good nutrition is a critical part of any fitness routine. Because of this, and unlike many other gyms, we provide a nutritional review to all of our new members and have an open door policy for all of our members to discuss proper diet and nutrition with us at any time.
Saturday fun in the sun! Don’t worry, we have sunblock!
(2) unsafe loading. You are not sustaining fitness if you are injured. As part of helping you achieve your fitness goals, we consider it our duty to keep you safe and injury-free. We therefore teach to safely and effectively perform movements with proper mechanics. We’re strict- on form, movement, standards, and safety. You will be coached here. Guided and led by individuals who have studied these methodologies, made it their major, and continue to learn as practitioners and coaches. This is not to say that you won’t get injured- injuries OUR TRAINING PHILOSOPHY happen all the time in all manners of lifeMaximum output cannot be but we are committed o minimizing your achieved without good technique and risk of injury and never lose focus on domechanics. The main sources of injury in ing so. training are (1) incorrect technique and There is a proper balance between technique and intensity. We will push you in load and intensity until we see your mechanics start to degrade, at which point we will scale both back to refocus you on the mechanics of the movement and continue that back and forth tweaking until we find your optimal levels of each. Done properly, we believe that St. Patrick’s Day Beer Mile
this practice leads to improved mechanics at higher and higher levels of intensity, which in turn increases fitness and health. We believe that our style of training is beneficial to everyone and anyone. Your needs and those of the professional athlete differ by degree not by kind. Increased power, speed, strength, cardiovascular and respiratory endurance, flexibility, stamina, coordination, agility, balance, and coordination are each important to everyone- they are the cornerstones of functionality. The amazing truth is that the very same methods that elicit optimal response in the professional athlete will optimize the same response in any other human. We want all of our athletes to enjoy and maximize their experience here and we are determined to make that a reality. So whether you are young or old, male or female, athlete or couch potato, we invite you to try us out. Who knows, we may change your life forever.u
Coach Bobby is the best babysitter! Lone Star Local Guide Page 7
justice
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Do You Have A Will? The good news is writing a will is much easier than you think. In Texas there are two types of wills: a formal will (executed with formalities including two witnesses) and a hol-ographic will. Both types of wills are equally valid. A holographic will has only two requirements. First, it must be entirely in the testator’s handwriting, and second, it must be signed by the testator. Who is the testator? Very simply put, it’s the dead guy. So, if you write a will to dispose of your things after you pass away then you are the testator. Just hand write a will and sign it. It’s that easy. There are some other things you can include in your will, that are not required, but are helpful to those of us who are involved with the process that takes place after death. It is helpful if you date your will. It is helpful if state in your will that, “this will revokes all prior wills.” If you
have a prior will, this lets us know that you are replacing that will. Even if you don’t have a prior will, someone may produce some writing (maybe a letter or something they made up) that they claim is your will. It is helpful if you put what we attorneys call a residuary clause in your will. A residuary clause tells us what to do with “the rest of your belongings” as the case may be. If you have a very simple will that says something like, “I give everything to my wife, Jane Doe” then a residuary clause is not necessary. Lots of folks like to give different items to different people, though. A will may indicate that a piece of jewelry goes to someone, the guns go to someone else and the house to yet anoth-er individual. In this situation, oftentimes, something is missed. Maybe more jewelry, guns or property was bought after the will was made. Maybe the testator sim-
ply forgot to mention a vehi-cle or bank account. The residuary clause would state, “The remainder of my estate goes to [per-son’s name].” This makes sure the probate judge knows what happens to ALL of your property, not just things you noted specifically. Fill in the blank forms that can be found on-line do not qualify as holographic wills, because they are partially typed and partially in the testator’s handwriting. Remember, the holographic will must be entirely in the testator’s handwriting (no typing). Typed forms can qualify as a formal will, if they are signed and witnessed under circumstances that exceed the scope of information in this article. This author always suggests seeking out legal advice when a will is desired.u
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Monument to World War I U.S. Airmen By: Major Robert Kasprzak
Monument to World War I Airmen • Memorial Park National Museum of the United States Air Force Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Ohio Sponsored by: The League of World War I Aviation Historians
As we approach the conclusion of the Centennial of World War I, here is a story about a monument to the U.S. Airmen who served at the Front. These early military aviators and the associate ground crews fought the “War to End all Wars” and established many of the traditions the United States Air Force continues to this day. In the fall of 2016, the Military Heritage Chapter (Dayton/Cincinnati/Columbus) of the League of World War I Aviation Historians conducted a tour of the National Museum of the United States Air Force (NMUSAF) Memorial Park. During the tour, the Chapter noted there is no monument to the U.S. Airmen who served at the Front during World War I. Given the fact we are commemorating the Centennial of WW I, the League wanted to establish a monument at the NMUSAF in memory of the Airmen who formed the foundation for today’s United States Air Force. The monument would inspire and motivate current and future generations to study the evolution of military airpower during the Great War. After engaging with representatives from the NMUSAF and a local monument company, the Chapter approached the
League’s Board of Directors in October 2016 with a proposal for the monument. The Board enthusiastically accepted the proposal. Based on technical advice from the monument company (Dodds Monuments of Xenia, Ohio) and feedback from the NMUSAF, the Project Manager’s initial monument design was slightly modified and subsequently approved by the Air Force Historical Research Agency and the NMUSAF on 7 June 2017. The next step had the Chapter and Board reaching out to various sponsors (both the individual 300+ League members and potential business/patriotic organizations) for financial support of this memorable project. The 21 September 2018 monument dedication date was chosen because the NMUSAF will conduct their biennial Dawn Patrol during that weekend. The Dawn Patrol features a number of events including flybys by replica WWI aircraft. Literally, thousands of people attend the weekend event and it’s a wonderful opportunity to commemorate the conclusion of the Centennial. We believe the monument will be a lasting cultural testament to the early pioneers of military
aviation...including ground support personnel as well as those who actually flew operational missions. In addition, the monument will help rekindle the memory of these Airmen to the millions of people who will visit the NMUSAF in the future. Finally, the monument’s dedication will end our Centennial events in a truly moving fashion and provide a vehicle for promoting continued educational and research interest in America’s early military aviation legacy. Since the Museum’s Memorial Park lacks a memorial to the US Airmen of WWI, this monument would bridge the cultural gap between WWI and the USAF Memorials of later conflicts. The US Air Service of WW1 was the forerunner of today’s US Air Force. We believe constructing this monument at the NMUSAF will properly recognize and memorialize our WWI Airmen who had the call, sacrifice, and dedication to serve in a hostile conflict for what was right. Thanks to a number of grants and the generosity of historical groups, military organizations, and personal contributions, we’ve reached our financial goal of $28,000. The black granite monument is currently in the final stages of having the images laser etched. Once the etching is complete, the monument will be transported and constructed at the Memorial Park of the NMUSAF in August. A wonderful dedication ceremony is being planned for 21 September which includes representatives from a number of nations, guest speakers, flybys by a B-1 bomber and an aerial tribute by up to 18 bi-planes, WWI re-enactors, and a 21 gun salute. Ultimately, honoring our Airmen of WWI and recognizing today’s Airmen who share the heritage established by these early aviators will be a fitting way to end the Centennial of World War I. For more information about this monument go to Overthefront.com. Robert A. Kasprzak, Major, USAF (Retired) Monument Project Manageru Lone Star Local Guide Page 11
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By: Raigan Mayo Food Blogger
Chicken Jalapeno Taquitos Today is leftover chicken day! Nothing quite like utilizing leftovers to make something new and exciting. At our house we always enjoy being able to eat something that feels like we are cheating on keto. So I whipped up some Chicken Jalapeno Taquitos using our leftover rotisserie chicken threw in some bacon, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, and jalapenos, rolled and fried. Before we get to the recipe just a few quick notes that you might find helpful when making this recipe. Tips: 1. I use Cutdacarb flatbread which can be found online at www.cutdacarb.com 2. For spicier taquitos leave in the seeds for the jalapenos. 3. When rolling the flatbread be sure to use the longer side to prevent tearing. 4. Do not allow the flatbread to sit out while mixing the other ingredients, it will dry out and tear more easily
Ingredients: 2 1/2 Cutdacarb(each whole sheet cut into fours) 2 cups of leftover rotisserie chicken diced 3 strips of bacon, diced, cooked 2 jalapenos, deseeded, diced 1 tsp garlic granulated 1 tsp onion granulated 4 oz of cream cheese 1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese(shredded or I use a food processor to chop up my block of cheese) Salt to taste Avocado oil for frying 1 egg for sealing edges Ranch dressing for dipping(we use Simply Dressed by Marzetti) Add chicken, bacon, jalapenos, cream cheese, cheddar cheese, garlic, onion, and salt into a large bowl and mix until well incorporated. I wear some gloves and mix by hand. Next, cut each cutdacarb sheet into 4 individual squares. Fill each piece with about 2 tablespoons of mixture and roll along the long side of the cutdacarb flatbread. Seal each taquito with an egg wash. Once all taquitos are rolled, heat up 1/2 inch of preferred frying oil, we use avocado oil. Add taquitos seal down first in oil, flip once browned on once side. Once they are evenly brown remove from oil and set on cooling rack. Cool and Enjoy!
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Spring Firefighters Challenge Each Other in Inaugural Competition By: Laura C. Larregui
The winning crew from Engine 72 consisted of Blake Thompson, Thomas Moriarty & Daniel Atkinson (pictured left to right with the first ever Spring Firefighter Challenge Trophy).
Spring Fire Department Firefighters joined forces in February, and the challenge was for fun, comradery and bragging rights. Spring Fire Station 78 hosted the first annual Spring Firefighter Challenge, which was an open competition of all nine Spring fire stations. Preliminaries started on February 6 with 18 of 70 firefighters competing chosen to compete in the final. “The inspiration for putting on this event was enhance the comradery
and spark a little competition within the fire department,” said firefighter Ryan Rebarcak. “It is also a good way to keep firefighters in Spring FD active by using job functional skills for exercise.” The final that took place Saturday, February 23 consisted on three-person teams, competing in three timed events -- all based on firefighting skills. The events included a 135-pound equipment carry, a five-story tower climb lugging a 200-foot hose bundle, and a 120-pound sandbag drag across the bay.
The firefighters competed in full gear and air packs. Many spectators were surprised when the competition ended in a tie. The crews from Engine 72 and Tower 70 both set an 11: 15 minute record for completing all three tasks. “The last couple of weeks leading up to the challenge, as the field had narrowed down, the times were becoming very close between the crews,” said Rebarcak. “I definitely thought that a tie would be a possibility, which is why we had a tiebreaker in place. We wanted one legitimate winner, not a co-winner situation.” For the tiebreaker, both teams faced off on the Keiser sled. Engine 72 crew won by just half a second. After looking forward to the challenge for a couple of months, the Spring firefighters who participated were glad the event was a success. “Overall I’m pleased with the results,” added Rebarcak. “I think everyone had fun and it was pretty entertaining to watch. The talk around the stations lately is that everyone wants to challenge the other local fire departments in the area. I definitely feel the same way. I will put our firefighters against anyone!” Laura Larregui is a senior computer science major at the University of St. Thomas. Laura is spending the semester as a volunteer intern for Spring Fire Community News.u
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Conroe Noon Lions Club - More than a Desire
Senior Scholarships
I often have people ask me why I am a Lion. My response is simply that I look forward to every Wednesday afternoon when I can stop what I am doing and make the short trip to the Lone Star Convention Center to have lunch and socialize with fellow Lions. The comrade, the fun, the sense of belonging…even the weekly pro-
gram is something I enjoy. But this is not what makes me a Lion. As much as I enjoy each Wednesday as part of my weekly routine, club meetings do not “involve” me in my community; It’s what I actually do in and for my community that makes me a servant, and the Conroe Noon Lions Club provides me with ample opportunity. My experience is that it goes beyond the desire to do something…It takes actually doing something. If you are a go-getter looking for a way to use your time and talent, there’s no better time than now to join “the Greatest Lions Club in the World”! Take a look at just of the few of the “difference making”, “community service”, and “Lion Making” opportunities YOU could be part of in just the next couple of months: Recruiting children with special physical needs, diabetes and Down Syndrome to attend a cost-free week at Texas Lions Camp in Kerrville Texas; Reading at Reaves program; awarding over $22,000.00 in scholarships to deserving seniors from Conroe, Covenant Christian and Lifestyle Christian High Schools; working the famous Lions Club fair concessions at the Montgomery
Eye Glass Recylcing
County Fair and Rodeo; Fair Buyers Group; Work Weekend at Texas Lions Camp; annual golf tournament at April Sound; Kids on the Lake Fishing Derby at the Conroe Family YMCA; Service Saturday projects; and finally, the ongoing work in the eye glass recycling center. There is a lot to get done, and Conroe Noon Lions are doing it! Do you have the desire? Help us make it happen! The Conroe Noon Lions Club meets every Wednesday at noon at the Lone Star Convention Center. For more information, please visit our website, www.conroenoonlions.org, or call the local club office at 936760-1666. You may also call 936-7601666 for additional information on any area Lions Club.u
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ak ey Kasprz By: Linds
If you’re a proud Texan and history lover like myself, then you need to check out the Heritage Museum of Montgomery.
Located right next to Candy Cane Park in Conroe on the I-45 feeder road, you’ll spot a white house that was built in the 1920’s. The house was once the home of the Grogan-Co-
chran family- two families that owned and operated 25 sawmills back in the early 1900’s. When I first walked in, I was greeted and escorted to all the different
galleries. Gallery One, “Glimpses of Montgomery County,” explains the history of Montgomery County, including the sawmills, oil fields, the birth of our Texas flag, and the founders of the area. Walking across the hall to Gallery Two, I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful wood floors and original wooden 1920’s door frames. My tour guide (shout-out to Ms. Crystal) informed me that everything in the house was in its original state from when the house was built. It is obvious that this house is loved and cared for! Gallery Two, “Towns, People & Events,” demonstrates how Montgomery County has grown in the last 100+ years and who were the people who have most influenced its growth. Continue on page 21 u
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I know what you’re thinking, “I can’t take my kids here! It’s a museum and they’ll get bored!” Oh, think again, my friend! Not only is the Heritage Museum full of history for all ages, but Gallery Three, the “Discovery Room,” is a whole room just for the kids (and the kid in you) to touch things. In the Discovery Room, kids of all ages can explore a log cabin
and a turn of the century general store. There is “old-timey” clothing to try on, a period general store for pretend shopping, and the opportunity to be a mercantile shop keeper with a working antique cash register. The log cabin provides insight into the past and the much simpler, though not necessarily easier, life in the typical pioneer home. The items on display in the home and store awaken a whole new world of the history of the times, clothing, and conveniences and offers a brief escape from the modern-day technology of today. Now you may be thinking “that has to be it, what else could you possibly fit into a 1920’s house?” How about an art gallery? Gallery Four houses the Mark C. Clapham Art Gallery. This exhibit consists of a comprehensive collection of paintings, drawings, and sculptures that’s were the life work of the renowned Texas painter and Sculptor, Mark Clapham. He loved the area so much that, upon his death in 2012, he
wanted the contents of his studio and much of his remaining artwork to be available at the Heritage Museum of Montgomery County for the enjoyment of the community. Honoring his distant Chickasaw Indian heritage, Mark devoted his many talents to the heritage and culture of Native Americans. The winner of many prestigious awards, you may recognize Mark’s work on the mural that spans SH 105 in downtown Conroe, TX, between the courthouse buildings. After checking out the amazing artwork, I headed over to the giftshop and picked up some Texas souvenirs that every true Texan has to have. I the hallway towards the exit, there is even more beautiful frame work on the walls. Finally, the museum offers an area in the hallway where anyone is welcome to come a do research on the county history or their own family history. I actually found myself and my family in the historical book that they have for sale. The museum offers a Pioneer Camp during the summer for kids. For more information please visit: www. heritagemuseum.us/pioneer-camp. It is “first-come, first-serve,” so don’t wait because spots fill up fast! For more information about the Heritage Museum of Montgomery County visit: www.heritagemuseum. us Some information in this article was sited from heritagemuseum.us Lone Star Local Guide Page 21
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By: W.F. Strong
The other day I was trying to pull out on U.S. Route 281, and the traffic was so steady that I had to wait about three minutes for an opening. As I was waiting, my father’s voice came into my head and said, “Somebody left the gate open down there.” Dad’s been gone 30 years now, but those sorts of metaphors still live in my head, as they do for a lot of us Texans. We may have mostly moved from farms and ranches to cities, but our language is still peppered with these expressions of pastoral life. As T. K. Whipple, the literary historian pointed out, we live in a world our forefathers created, “but within us the wilderness still lingers. What they dreamed, we live, what they lived, we dream.” You cannot have the influences of the frontier or country life disappear in just a generation or two. It hangs on in interesting ways, in our myths and in our language. One place that we can witness it with some vibrancy is in the farm and ranch expressions or metaphors that survive in our digital age. Here are twelve I’ve rounded up for you. “I wouldn’t bet the ranch on it.” It’s used to infer the poor likelihood that a given investment or prediction will come true. “Well, yes, Congress might decide to work together for the greater good, but I wouldn’t bet the ranch on it.” “To mend fences.” It means to make peace. “You might want to mend fences with Jayden. You’re likely to need his friendship one day.” “Dig in your heels.” When cowboys were branding calves and roped one, they had to pull hard against them and were told to dig in their heels. Now, the phrase is used for any act of taking a tough stance. “We’re diggin’ in our heels on this contract.” Similar to “sticking to our guns.” “Take the bull by the horns” is a good one. Face your troubles head on. Yet a similar saying warns against careless assertiveness: “Mess with the bull and you get the horns.” That expression was made particularly popular in classic films like The Breakfast Club and Some Kind of Wonderful.
“Don’t have a cow!” Bart Simpson made it world-famous. Of course, he added “man” at the end. It is about anti-empathy. I can’t validate your overreaction. The earliest known printed use of “don’t have a cow,” according to the Oxford English Dictionary, was found in the Denton Record-Chronicle in 1959. The phrase appeared in quoting someone who said, “He’d ‘have a cow’ if he knew I watched 77 Sunset Strip.” Proud it showed up first in Texas. “Till the cows come home.” That means a long time, long time. It’s almost as bad as waiting for “pigs to fly.” “Until the cows come home,” perhaps originated in the Scottish highlands. They let cows out to wander lush pastures in the spring and it would be a long time before they would make their way home. It also refers to cows coming home to be milked in the early morning hours. “Maverick” is well-known. It is used to brand someone as a non-conformist. It is named after Samuel Maverick, a Texan who allegedly didn’t brand his cattle. That isn’t the entire truth, but that is what many have come to believe, and so that version of the story has stuck. “All hat and no cattle” is one of my all-time favorites. I used it recently in a conversation with a teenager and he said he had never heard it before and didn’t know what it meant. I explained that it was similar to “all bark and no bite.” He didn’t get that one either. I guess trying to teach ranch metaphors to a teenager is
like “herding cats.” In fairness, I didn’t understand his saying that I seemed “salty” either. “Riding shotgun.” This started as means of naming the guy who rode on the stagecoach next to the driver, generally holding the shotgun to ward off bandits. It’s still being used 150 years later. Even modern teenagers still yell “I got shotgun!” as they run to the truck. “Hold your horses.” Just wait a minute. Let’s think about this calmly before we jump right in and regret it. “Hold your horses, Jim. I can’t buy your truck until I talk to my wife, first.” I also like that we still measure engine power in “horses” – 400 horsepower. “I’m on the fence about it.” Taking that new job in the oil patch in Odessa? Not sure. Still on the fence about that. I guess the most popular metaphor of all from ranch culture is “BS,” meaning “nonsense.” It’s difficult to accurately trace its origins and attempting to do so leads us into a thicket of art form itself. I used the word recently while giving a talk in the state Capitol building. I was asked afterward if I thought that was an appropriate term to use in such august surroundings. I said, “I imagine the expression has been used more than a few times here in the legislature, and probably, even more often, impressively illustrated.” This article was edited for broadcast by Texas Standard producers for the Texas Standard radio program on Apple podcast
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By: W.F. Strong
Texans Have A Funny Relationship With The Letter ‘R’. Texas Monthly once described the joke I’m about to tell you as THE TEXAS JOKE because of its staying power over many decades: A married couple from out of state were driving across Texas and saw a sign that said “Mexia 22 miles.” They got into a bit of an argument over how to say the name of the town. He said it was likely “Mex-ee-ah” and she thought it was pronounced more like the country “Meh-eeco” and would thus be “Meh-hee-ah.” The argument persisted and he said, “We can’t settle this. Tell you what. First place we come to in town we’ll pull over and ask them.” So they did. They pulled in at the first place and went up the girl at the counter and he said, “Can you tell us how to say the name of this place? And say it slow so we can hear it clearly.” The girl thought the request was crazy but she leaned forward and said, “Dayree-queeeen.” That’s an old joke, I know, but I use it as a segue to get to where I’m going. Of course nobody says “Meh-heeah” or “Mex-ee-ah.” “Muh-hay-ah” is common but so is “Muh-hair.” That’s right, many people around those parts call it “Muh-hair.” Don’t know why. There’s no “r” in the word, but in Texas there’s something about an “r” that we adore. We do this to Refugio, too. Again, there is no second “R” in Refugio. It’s a Spanish word, Refugio, meaning refuge, but we find it dialectically comfortable to exchange the “g” for an “r.” There’s a well known and much traveled street in Houston that everyone pronounces as “Kirk-in-doll.” There is no “r” in the word at all. We could send in crack troops on a search and rescue mis-
sion and they’d never find an “r”. We just throw one in there for the hell of it, I guess. And if we are not adding an “r” we simply move it to where it’s more convenient for us. In the Hill Country, it is a river named the Pedernales River. Again a Spanish word, Pedernales. It means flints. We could just anglicize it to Pedernales but we find that “r’’ to be inconveniently located so we move it up front where we can keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t get away from us. We say, “Perdenales.” Go on down south of Refugio about 100 miles you will come to Riviera. Well, that’s the way it ought to be pronounced because it is spelled just like the Riviera in France, for which it was named — perhaps just an attempt at good marketing. True, it has a few million less people, no rivers, no film festival and no world class beaches. But it’s not pronounced the same either. It is pronounced “Ra-veer-ah.” So the “r” is still there but we get rid of that annoying detour caused by the unwanted “i” and replace it with an “e” to compliment that other “e” – to streamline our way to the “r.” Much better. Otherwise we might sound French. It’s a confusing adjustment because mostly we Texans have never met a diphthong we didn’t like, but in this case we
seem in a hurry to get to the “r” so we straighten out the approach. Though not a place, we do something similar with “Brahmer.” It’s Brahman, of course, technically, but we like the aesthetics of the word better if we exchange the “n” for an “r”: “That’s a beautiful Brahmer bull you got there.” And we must include “Whataburger,” too, often pronounced “Water-burger.” Gotta get in the extra “r”. And many of us do it with prostate, saying prostrate cancer instead of prostate cancer. Extra “r” slipped in. I think that “r” is borrowed from the notion of lying prostrate. Yes, something about an “r.” We put ‘em where they’re not. We move them within the word. We streamline our way to them and make exchanges that better suit our Texas style, irregardless (there’s another one) of what may be thought of as formally proper. This article was edited for broadcast by Texas Standard producers for the Texas Standard radio program on Apple podcast
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About a month ago, my son went off to college with my Jeep, and I needed to get another vehicle. I had been truckless for a few years – a rare condition in my life – and I decided I wanted to fix that right away. For a long time, I had wanted a King Ranch Edition Ford pickup, with those fine leather seats, carrying the classic brand of the ranch I hunted on as boy. So now, I had the chance – and the reason – to buy one. With two kids in college, it was no time to splurge on a new one, but I thought I might find a previously-owned truck that would satisfy my longing. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I was able to search for just what I wanted: a one-owner vehicle in near-mint condition being sold by an owner who had elaborate maintenance records and
a pristine Carfax report. I found what I was looking for in San Antonio, 300 miles from where I live down in the Valley. So I contacted the owner and we made a gentleman’s agreement as to price over the phone, and I headed up to look at it. I loved it – beautiful truck, dark brown with tan trim. Meticulously maintained. I said, “Let’s do it.” So, he pulled out the title to begin the paperwork and I was surprised to see that his name was William B. Travis. I said, “I guess you know, you’re kind of famous.” He said, “Yes, I do have a famous name. And I have the whole name, too. I’m William Barrett Travis and I’m also a descendant.” I was astounded by the coincidence. I thought, “Here I am, a specialist in Texas lore and legend, about to buy a King Ranch pickup from a descendant of the commander of the Alamo, and he still lives in San Antonio. How cool is that?” In the favorite word of my teenage son, “Awesome!” We finished up the paperwork and
payment, and he walked me out and gave me a detailed tour of all the unique features of the truck and directions on how to get back to the expressway to head home. I could tell he was a little sad to let go of the pickup. They’d had many good years together. I said, “I promise I’ll take good care of her.” So, I drove my new truck (new to me, anyway) back to the Valley. It was good to be riding high in the saddle once more, driving into a blustery coastal wind without breaking a sweat. In fact, I drove my King Ranch Edition pickup with its Alamo lineage, back through the actual King Ranch, while eating a Whataburger and listening to Willie Nelson’s “On The Road Again.” I have just have one thing to say: “Out-Texas Me That!” The only thing that would have made it better is if a Southwest Airlines jet had done a flyby at 200 feet and given me a wing salute. This article was edited for broadcast by Texas Standard producers for the Texas Standard radio program on Apple podcast
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