cosmk8w 4u6

earl T usı

*Adds fierce black bodysuit to cart*

r

Netf x O g a e es W hy i t ’s time to

cancel

W a g di

d s

(that actually do wonders)

bridesmaids

Blue balls aren’t real You’re

Fangirl fashion A r e yo u E l eve n, Elektra or Ve r o ni c a L o d g e?

welcome

www.cosmopolitan.co.za

march

cover stories Th

e fa ce

of

27

Fashion for fangirls

38

Pearl Thusi is on top of

98 el

pla

Blue balls aren’t real, you’re welcome!

ns.

124

Why the whole bridesmaid thing needs to die

inside

4

From the editor

7

You

19

Beauty

27

Style

38

Features

87

Body

95

Love

103

Work

115

Life

119

Stockists

127

Horoscopes

128

In my nightstand

PHOTOGRAPHY ELLIOTT WILCOX

nc

ca

How to upgrade your jeans and a nice top

Ask Zipho

the world

n’t

72

id who d

RE-CREATE HER LOOK WITH MAC COSMETICS Her face Studio Fix Fluid SPF15 (R515) NC44 and Studio Fix Conceal And Correct Palette (R575) Medium Deep with Bronzing Powder (R465) Matte Bronze Her eyes Shape + Shade Brow Tint (R325) Spiked and Girls/Mischief Minx 8 Shade Palette (R805) with Brushstroke 24Hour Liner (R300) Brushblack and In Extreme Dimension 3D Black Lash Mascara (R340) Her lips Lip Pencil (R240) Cork and Retro Matte Liquid Lipcolour (R330) Topped With Brandy Her bodysuit Gert-Johan Coetzee Her earrings Lovisa

someone

Our cover star Pearl Thusi Photography Legae Sehlako Creative direction Juan Geel Fashion Cleo Marcopoulos Beauty Zipho Ntloko Post-production Ad2graph Studio

23

Tanqueray No. TEN Grapefruit Julep 50ml Tanqueray No. TEN is the highlight!

Add a few mint leaves and a slice of grapefruit.

Pour 20ml sugar syrup into the glass and muddle until the leaves break down.

SCAN IT

Add crushed ice, and top up with more mint leaves and a slice of grapefruit.

Pour 50ml pink-grapefruit juice.

Garnish with a mint sprig and enjoy!

WATCH IT

P H O T O G R A P H Y VA L E N T I N A N I C O L F O O D S T Y L I N G A N N A C A R O L I N A A L B E R T S NOT FOR SALE TO PERSONS UNDER THE AGE OF 18

ASSOCIATED MEDIA PUBLISHING CHAIRMAN Jane Raphaely CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Julia Raphaely MANAGING DIRECTOR Leigh Kinross HEAD OF DIGITAL OPERATIONS Katerina Smith SENIOR DIGITAL CAMPAIGN MANAGER Kareesha Naidoo GROUP TRAFFIC MANAGER Cherryl Kidd TRAFFIC MANAGER Jorika Moore GROUP COMMERCIAL PROJECT DIRECTOR Julia Pretorius OPERATIONS DIRECTOR: SPECIAL PROJECTS Kim Van Der Linden SPECIAL/ALTERNATIVE PROJECT MANAGER Tlaleng Lesemela BRAND ACTIVATION/EVENT COORDINATOR Laurianna Carelse PRODUCTION MANAGER Paul Livingstone REPRO MANAGER André Reinders HEAD OF DISTRIBUTION/SUPPLY CHAIN Marcus Newkirk HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER Catherine Matthews HEAD OF FINANCE Bianca de Jongh COST ACCOUNTANT Michelle Borchjes ACCOUNTANT Lee-Ancher Strauss DEBTORS CONTROLLER Meagan Dowman CEO AND CHAIRMAN’S PA/OFFICE MANAGER Valecia Beukes CLERICAL ASSISTANT/DRIVER Trevor Goodall RECEPTIONIST Carol Geduld OFFICE ASSISTANT Shahiema Molokwane

EDITOR Holly Meadows holly@assocmedia.co.za EDITORIAL/ONLINE DEPUTY EDITOR Noxolo Mafu nox@assocmedia.co.za MANAGING EDITOR Masechaba Mkefa-Hausen masechaba@assocmedia.co.za CREATIVE DIRECTOR Juan Geel juan@assocmedia.co.za ART DIRECTOR Shirley Padi CHIEF COPY EDITOR Candice Cook DIGITAL DIRECTOR Jaime Waddington CONTENT PRODUCER Caryn Welby-Solomon SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Ashleigh Engel MULTIMEDIA PRODUCER Lufuno Ramadwa FASHION DIRECTOR Cleo Marcopoulos cleo@assocmedia.co.za FASHION EDITOR Clare Robertson STYLE ASSISTANT Amber Barker SENIOR BEAUTY EDITOR Zipho Ntloko BEAUTY AND LIFESTYLE WRITER Helen Wallace COMMERCIAL GROUP ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Carmen Clegg carmen@assocmedia.co.za ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Alyson Brown alyson@assocmedia.co.za GROUP AD CONTROL MANAGER Shantel Peskin PROJECT MANAGER Sloane Poggenpoel SENIOR COMMERCIAL COPYWRITER Muneeba Boltman FREELANCE SENIOR COMMERCIAL DESIGNER Michelle Cory COSMOPOLITAN WEBSITE Cosmopolitan.co.za

HEARST MAGAZINES INTERNATIONAL Senior vice president/Managing director Asia Pacific and Russia Simon Horne Director of international licensing and business development Richard Bean Senior vice president/Editorial and brand director Kim St Clair Bodden Deputy brands director Chloe O’Brien Editor-in-chief, COSMOPOLITAN (1965-1997) Helen Gurley Brown Editors of international editions Bulgaria: Savina Petrova. China: Yvonne Liu. Croatia: Aleksandra Orli. Czech Republic: Sabrina Karasová. Finland: Johanna Latti. France: Marie la Fonta. Germany: Lara Gonschorowski. Hong Kong: Ruqiyah Law Kam Ying. Hungary: Johanna Sabján. India: Nandini Bhalla. Indonesia: Filisya Thunggawan. Italy: Francesca Delogu. Kazakhstan: Anel Abdualiyeva. Korea: Hye Soo Park. Latin America: Lucía Sotelo Santos. Lithuania: Violeta Kalikauskiene. Malaysia: Nisa Halid. Middle East: Milli Midwood.

Netherlands: Josephine Kay. Romania: Diana Colcer. Russia: Ekaterina Velikina. Serbia: Nasja Veljkovic. Slovenia: Ajda Hovnik Plešej. Spain: Cecilia Múzquiz Herrero. Sri Lanka: Shihaam Hassanali. Turkey: Özge Zeki. UK: Claire Hodgson. Ukraine: Oleksandra Burynska. US: Jessica Pels.

Re a d y t o s h a ke t hi n g s u p?

The f resh cit rus f ruit in Tanquera y N o. TEN is what makes t his co ck t ail iconic.

Wit h just five ingre dient s, you’ll b e sipping on t he b est in no time.

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The proprietor and publisher of COSMOPOLITAN is Associated Hearst, Eighth Floor, 80 Strand Street, Cape Town 8001. Published and distributed by Associated Media (Pty) Ltd, by permission of Hearst Communications Inc, New York, New York, United States of America. Reproduction: Associated Media Repro

ED’S LET TER

I c a n’t t e l l y o u t h e n u m b e r o f t i m e s I ’ve threatened to cancel my streaming ser vices – I have four of them.

And yes, I have a premium satellite television subscription too. I keep telling myself I need to cut down on unnecessary expenses, but somehow the glaringly obvious indulgences stay put.

I really ought to read a book, listen to an educational podcast, learn how to cook something other than a baked potato… But instead, I binge-watch Love Island Every. Single. Evening. Sound familiar? Well, you know what, sod it (because, TBH, life is way too short to berate yourself for watching trash TV).

I love television; I find it comforting, it relieves stress and it’s the ultimate form of escapism. And I’m obsessed with reality shows.

Love Island will give you an insight into all the things you ever wanted to know about guys, but are too embarrassed to ask, served with a megadose of really useful relationship counselling. And what’s even more exciting about this season is that it’s filmed in Cape Town.

South Africa is getting a lot of limelight lately when it comes to the television industry.

And in this edition, our Netflix Issue, COSMO cover star Pearl Thusi talks to us about

www.rcs.co.za

2020 COSMO Hustle Summit,

in partnership with Bernini

Join us on 4 April in Jo’burg for a day of talks, celebrity panels and workshops.

Learn how to make money moves and boss up your career. Visit Cosmopolitan.co.za for more info.

Psst! We get that living your best life and balancing your bank account can be difficult. That’s why we’ve teamed up with RCS – a personal finance company not only offering South Africans a range of credit solutions to achieve their goals, but also giving clever tips so that they can become more financially savvy and still look like money, honey (see page 113).

(meet emerging screen queens Kuhle, Mamarumo, Ama and Shonisani on page 38).

Want Netflix, Showmax, Amazon Prime and Apple TV, but can’t afford it? We have your perfectly legal, pay-for-nothing hacks on page 7. Fangirling hard over Alice from The Politician’s fancy-ass fashion, or Elektra from Pose’s disco-ball dresses? We’ve got all the stylish goodies inspired by your best series on page 27. And if you, like me, finished Euphoria wondering how you’re going to recreate all those neon eye looks, put the black eye shadow down and look no further than Hunter Schafer on page 80. Oh, and don’t forget to flip to page 48 to spot the difference between some of our fave influencers and their Netflix lookalikes. I can’t, can you?

I hope you enjoy this issue as much as we did putting it together.

Holly Meadows Editor holly@assocmedia.co.za

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P H O T O G R A P H Y VA L E N T I N A N I C O L S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

playing the lead role in Africa’s first-ever Netflix Original series, Queen Sono. And because it’s a production that was, in part, generated to uplift our exceptional local talent, Pearl decided she wanted to shine the spotlight on four rising stars she dubs as the next big things

big

ger remo

te

.

W

e ’r

e gonna ne e

d

a

H ow to b e t h e u l t im a t e st r e am q u e e n Here’s your hack

By EMMA BATY and C ARYN WE LBY-SO LOMO N

APPLE T V+

our love affair with binge-watching might have started simply enough, with a borrowed Netflix password back in the day, but these days, it looks more like mainlining Netflix … and Showmax and Amazon Prime – every single day.

(Hey, it’s the golden age of TV, right?)

And just when you thought you had this whole streaming thing figured out, new ones crop up, each duking it out for your rands and your eyeballs. So, what, are you supposed to shell out your entire paycheque just to keep up?

Nah. ‘Selective streaming’ is the name of your game. Start with this primer on the fate of your favourite shows, which services you actually need, and what the hell this means for the future of TV.

NETFLIX

SHOWMAX

rp ay -

hin

cks are in g ha ye llo

w,

‘I got access to my brother’s Netflix account (he stupidly uses the same password for ever y thing) but didn’t want him to know, so I named my profile “+Add New Profile”.’

I.

Yo u

r-

t no

FY

fo

AMAZON PRIME

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

7

Your guide to the best options

O u r t a ke

The damage

Must-watch content

Yo u r f a v e s

The basics

A p p l e T V+

Netflix

‘I logged on to my boyfriend’s e-mail to reset his Netflix password af ter I forgot it.’

Showmax

The Multichoiceowned Showmax is the only South African streaming service, bringing you the best in SA reality shows, soaps and dramas – and they’ve even started streaming sports matches.

B E H O L D, YOU R BU N D LE

An extension of the popular e-commerce site, Amazon Prime is an interesting alternative. It offers viewers their own original content, as well as some older faves.

This service lives within the Apple TV app you probs already have on your phone, so it’ll be easy to access while you’re, like, stuck at the airport during yet another delay. (But you’ll pay an extra fee for the Plus content.)

The OG of streaming services has been available in South Africa for years, and has brought us shows such as House Of Cards, The Crown and Stranger Things.

Plus is all about originals, so expect to be clued-up on all the latest buzzy shows.

Netflix SA has a huge range of popular movies and series, from Friends to Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Showmax is licensed to stream many of HBO’s dramas such as Game Of Thrones and Succession.

The awardwinning Fleabag is exclusively on Prime, as well as old series like The Nanny and The Office.

Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon’s The Morning Show, Hailee Steinfeld’s Dickinson, plus content from Jason Momoa and even Oprah.

It’s constantly releasing new and buzz-worthy content, including the first-ever African Netflix Original series, Queen Sono, starring Pearl Thusi.

The latest and greatest is on this local streaming service, including award-winning series like Ramy and reality show Love Island.

It keeps expanding, so expect many new series and movies. There are also new seasons of their originals, like The Marvelous Mrs Maisel.

R84,99 per month.

YOUR NEEDS

Amazon Prime

You must have all the TV shows. TV is everything.

SUBSCRIBE TO

Apple TV+ and Netflix, because they have the buzziest new stuff and the best oldies.

BALLPARK BILL

R190/month.

YOUR NEEDS

R99 per month.

Classic movies. Your number-one priority is reliving your youth.

SUBSCRIBE TO

Amazon Prime, because the movie archive is extensive.

BALLPARK BILL

R90/month.

YOUR NEEDS

You’re a reruns-only kinda girl. The new stuff isn’t for you.

SUBSCRIBE TO

R99 per month or free if you have DStv Premium.

Showmax and Amazon Prime, because The Office and Game Of

$6 a month, which is about R80 to R90.

Thrones both require yearly rewatches.

BALLPARK BILL

There’s talk that Prince Harry and Oprah have teamed up for a mental-health docuseries – this alone has us sold.

TBH, it’s hard to keep up with your friends without being up-to-date with the latest Netflix series/movies.

You can bingewatch all your fave SA shows, and you’re supporting local talent.

R190/month.

Prime is worth it for their excellent original content, plus they have a large collection of popular movies.

YOUR NEEDS

Reality TV is your life.

You’re an amateur Reality Steve.

WE CAN SEE THE FUTURE, AND...

W h a t ’ s t h e f a t e o f l i v e T V ? Dan Rayburn, a streaming video expert and analyst at Frost & Sullivan, broke it down for us. Basically, live TV is not going away, thanks to one major thing: sports. Sports companies have contracts with broadcasters that are worth big bucks.

W h a t i s a V P N a n d i s i t l e g a l ? A virtual private network (VPN) allows you to surf the Internet without restrictions. It encrypts all data flowing to and from your device and allows you to remain anonymous online. If you’re travelling abroad, you can use a VPN to connect to your fave streaming services. It’s currently legal in South Africa, as long as you’re not using it for criminal activities, and there are many options that you can buy online. 

Showmax and Netflix, because you can bingewatch Being Bonang and RuPaul’s Drag Race.

BALLPARK BILL

R200/month.

‘I used my ex’s Netflix account for t wo years af ter we broke up – I just watched ever y thing using his sister’s profile.’

PHOTOGRAPHY ALAMY

SUBSCRIBE TO

‘I convinced my brother to ask my parents for Amazon Prime as a birthday gif t so I could use it.’

CELEB SLEEPER BAE

W h o is t his h a n ds o m e p e r s o n a n d w h e r e h as h e name is M anish Dayal, b e e n a l l o u r l i ves? His he’s low -key starred on tons of shows, and he’ll be your new fave rom- com dreamboat af ter watching Net flix’s Holidate AYS TH LW E A ET ON I E U Q

By EM I LY TAN N E N BAUM

S

YOU EVE N D O HERE? G O

So, you’re in Holidate. What ’s your fave rom-com?

‘I’d say my favourite rom com is Holidate!’ ‘ I ’v e b e e n t o l d my Southern accent is a t t r a c t i v e.’

(I t is.)

Absolut ely not.

You can’t name your own movie.

‘One movie I dug was Late Night.

I thought it was terrific.’

Still not really a rom-com, but fine, we’ll let it slide.

MANCE RO RLOA VE D O ‘My wife is a lover of Bollywood. I reenacted a scene from her favourite movie, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, and that’s how I proposed. In the scene, there’s this gazebo and it’s raining. I had my cousin hiding in a bush filming it. He put rose petals around and really hooked it up. It was a very memorable and very corny experience.’ 

PHOTOGRAPHY YONI GOLDBERG

‘People who trust themselves are simpler, and I’m drawn to that...

People who don’t try too hard or overdo things.

There’s something really appealing to me in what’s clean, simple and present.’

YO U

T A R ST H E R E

This ver y impor tant message brought to you by future you

By SAM FEHER

1

Okay, so whose at tention do you want?

The lady who loves quality time but is too busy for her spawn.

Greg. I met him at a dive bar and we maybe made out.

Does the potential double text pertain to your first text?

My BFF, whose phone is an extension of her hand.

Follow-up questions are essential for my sanity.

Well, it’s basically just shade for not answering.

This is fresh content (aka a pic of the Leo look-alike I spotted).

3

2

Are you double-tapping your last text to add a ‘?’ (Or, like, actually t yping a ‘?’)

Nope.

I have an Android.

Follow up on your unacknowledged note. Maybe they (ahem, Mom) saw it, started to respond, and suddenly realised they were next in line at Bootlegger and needed time to rehearse their order.

You won’t regret this nudge.

2

I haven’t blinked yet.

Enough time to build my Fantasy Bachelor team.

3

I sent it from a flip phone.

That’s how long it’s been.

2

But really … how urgent is this Q? The mixers for our pregame are on the line here!

1

Oh, it’s not.

But this dog video deserves attention.

3

I me an, you could.

If they love you unconditionally (your bestie, your dog, the cute waiter who gave you extra guac ‘on the house’ that one time), it’s worth the risk. But the dude you met at a club, whom you’re messaging on Snap because you don’t have his number, isn’t worth the stress.

3

D o n ’t .

Just

in an

ex i-s e n d -t i a l c r

is

er here.

1

Nah, it’s a new message.

I have thoughts.

ov

Yes, it’d be but a wee punctuation notation.

Be honest: how long has it been since the first text?

is

PHOTOGRAPHY MARCO GOVEL/STOCKSY

1

D o i t, d o i t, do it!

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

11

Give them some time.

Take a deep breath.

You are very busy and important. 

What your favourite Net flix series says about you Is this streaming ser vice the new astrology?

I F

There is never a bad time to snuggle up and watch some TV. Chilling on the couch is a top tip in the COSMO selfcare handbook.

The joy of Netflix is that you can watch and re-watch your faves, while still enjoying all the new content that they have to offer. There are plenty of new additions this year, including the first-ever African Netflix Original series, Queen Sono. Let’s see what your goto series (and genres) reveal about you.

YO U

C A N ’ T

G E T

E N O U G H

Epic fantasy and sci-fi shows that take you on a journey You love adventure and dream of escaping your ordinary life for something new and exciting. You’re also willing to do whatever it takes for what you believe in.

The Witcher

By C ARYN WE LBY-SO LOMO N

O F...

Animated comedy series that make you cr y with laughter Your friends think you’re hilarious. You may be a little twisted but, TBH, that’s what makes you interesting, so embrace your weirdness.

Stranger Things

Big Mouth

Guilt y-pleasure dramas that make you hungr y for the next episode

Feel - good realit y series that warm your hear t

There is more to you than meets the eye, and you tend to hide your secrets well. You’re also addicted to drama, and can’t wait to get your next fix on the latest goss. Bring the tea, sis!

Elite

BoJack Horseman

You’re optimistic and brighten up every room that you enter – you enjoy making those around you happy.

Yo u

Queer Eye

Nailed It!

LUCIFER The devil has had enough of Hell and decides to head to LA to (surprisingly) assist in solving crimes. His witty retorts and the sexy cast members keep us coming back for more.

S E X E D U C ATI O N Socially awkward Otis lives with his sextherapist mom, and gives his classmates a private sex-ed class that proves to have entertaining results.

It’s raw, relatable and hilarious.

THE POLITICIAN Payton Hobart dreams of one day becoming President of the United States – but first he has to navigate high school. The series is full of tongue-incheek commentary, dark humour and satire.

THE CIRCLE Contestants all stay in the same building, but have never met. They communicate through a social-media network and the least-popular profile gets ‘blocked’ each week. It’s saucy AF.

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

12

CHEER This docuseries follows a cheerleading squad as they prepare for a competition.

If you’re a fan of Bring It On and Sugar & Spice, you’ll probs binge-watch the entire season in one sitting (we’re not judging). 

PHOTOGRAPHY NETFLIX

OTHER NETFLIX SERIES WE’RE OBSESSED WITH

CELEB

skinny- dip in a stranger’s pool?

T H E

By NOXOLO MAFU

C O N T E N D E R S

Most likely to forget their lines on set: Pearl

‘Everyone’s gonna say it’s me, but it’s really Pearl.’ - LOY I S O ‘Wow! What a shadyass game! I vote Vuyo or Loyiso!’ - C H I CHI MHENDE

K AT E L I Q U O R I S H

MIRI

E K AT E R I N A

S e cond in command at the SO G.

A we althy Russian heiress.

‘LOL, it’s Pearl.’

- K H AT H U

Most likely to skinnydip in a s t r a n g e r ’s p o o l :

Most likely to give the best hugs: Undecided

‘Pearl. We might fight on screen, but every morning when we’re on set together, she’d give me the biggest, best “hello” hugs.’ - K AT E ‘Me... It’s a gift and a curse.’ - LOY I SO ‘Rob. Period!’

- CHI

Chi

‘Chi. She’s got this really strong and mature demeanour, but she also has a wonderful naughty streak that I love!‘ - K AT E ‘Chi... Definitely Chi.’ K H AT H U R A M A B U L A N A

FRED

WILLIAM

Q u e en’s right - hand man and spy f o r t he SO G.

Q u e en’s chil dho o d f riend.

Most likely to be in charge of your WhatsApp group: Kate

- LOY I S O

‘Rob.’

Loyiso

- K H AT H U

‘Pearl and Loyiso! I’m laughing right now just thinking about it!’ - C H I

Most likely to dine and then dash:

human, so a ping from her won’t go unnoticed!’ - C H I ‘I’d say Kate. She looks like she keeps it together.’

Khathu

- K H AT H U

‘Pearl... She’s so dodgy.’

‘Rob van Vuuren?’

- LOY I S O

- LOY I S O

‘Khathu, ‘coz he can!’

‘Kate! She just seems to really have it together.

She’s also the dopest

‘Ya, me.’

- K H AT H U

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

14

- CHI

‘Rob. I’ve acted with him a few times, and he’s just so much fun. You’re guaranteed to cry with laughter with him at some point.’ - K AT E ‘Me. But in my defence, I can’t help it.’ - LOY I SO 

PHOTOGRAPHY NETFLIX

LOY I S O M A D I N GA

Most likely t o ‘c o r p s e ’ (suddenly start laughing) while acting:

CELEB TH

The what-nott o -wa t c h g ui d e t o

E FEAR

TH

E FEAR

Children THE REACTION:

Love ‘em or not so much, kids are just scary. What are they thinking?! So when you pair wee ones with dead eyes or floaty nightgowns, they’re like little bombs about to explode (or projectilevomit) on you.

Based on your deepest, darkest fears

By LAURA HANRAHAN

THE REASON:

‘This trope is especially bad for people with rosy views of kids,’ says Clasen. ‘A sweet-looking child who is equipped with disturbing traits, like homicidal motives, sets off two contradictory responses.’

H i, m i n d if I steal you for a sec?

THE DIAGNOSIS:

Basically, you love bbs a lot. Aww.

Amputation THE REACTION:

What if you got a paper cut, which is ouch-y, but instead of a little slice across your finger, it was YOUR ENTIRE ARM? Make it stop.

THE REASON:

‘People high on sensitivity and empathy can feel as though their own limbs are getting torn off,’ says Clasen (!!!).

THE DIAGNOSIS:

You’re extra compassionate, which: good for you.

AVO I D :

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hostel, Saw

A V O I D : Village Of The

Damned, The Ring, The Shining TH

TH

E FEAR

E FEAR

Shower stuff

m

THE REACTION:

THE REACTION:

y ridiculous BFF refuses to see scary movies with me. Like, she won’t even watch Dead To Me on Netflix, which is basically a comedy, just because of the title.

That episode of Friends where Monica wears a turkey on her head? Too gruesome for this chick. I, on the other hand, will watch it all. Give me pools of blood, vaginas with teeth, and human centipedes all the livelong day. Except for just one teensy, hyper-specific little thing: needles. I’ve heard that somewhere in the Saw movies, there’s a scene with a pit full of syringes and, TBH, even writing this sentence has me deceased.

K, I’m back. So after Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark – which is superdemocratic in that it has every possible trigger packed into one horrifying moviegoing experience – hit theatres last year, I had to ask horror specialist Mathias Clasen, associate professor at Aarhus University in Denmark, WTF these very particular triggers mean.

When bae comes home wasted and annoying, at least you know they’ll sleep it off. Unless, of course, bae can suddenly rotate his head 360 degrees and wants to consume your soul.

THE REASON:

‘This resonates strongly with people who think that evil forces exist in the world,’ explains Clasen, ‘and it taps into the fear of losing control of one’s body and mind.’

THE DIAGNOSIS:

You legit believe in ghosts, aka we wanna be your friend.

A V O I D : The Exorcist, The

Conjuring, Insidious

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

16

THE REASON:

‘This hits folks who have a keen sense of physical vulnerability,’ says Clasen.

‘It exploits the facts that you’re naked, the floor is slippery, and visibility is poor because of steam and the water in your eyes.’

THE DIAGNOSIS:

Frankly? You’re just a rational human being.

Get a see-through shower curtain, though.

A V O I D : Psycho, The Grudge, A Nightmare On Elm Street 5 

P H O T O G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S A N D G E O R G E K R AY C H Y K

Possession

So fresh, so clean, but also so vulnerable, so unable to hear anything, and so unable to see because of stubborn waterproof mascara mixed with soap.

CELEB

These guys are supposed to be gross ... so why are they ... hot?

By HANNAH CHAMBERS

3

1 1

YO U R C R U S H :

YO U R C R U S H :

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THE JOKER

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Clown makeup, greasy green hair, and a rusty threepiece suit are what nightmares are made of. Yet those dimples magically cancel it all out.

YO U R C R U S H :

W H A T I T S AY S A B O U T YO U :

4 5

You don’t stay sad for long, which is great – and a little unnerving. You can go from crying in the club to screaming Rihanna lyrics into your front camera in a minute flat.

BANE Does the ‘B’ in ‘BDSM’ stand for ‘Bane’?

(Actually, we probs shouldn’t joke about the mask. This villain’s backstory is brutal.)

W H A T I T S AY S

You (loudly) announce every time your phone battery hits 69%. There’s legit nothing you can’t turn into a sexual innuendo.

A B O U T YO U :

THE INCREDIBLE HULK He’s a meathead but also the sort of guy who’d suggest watching The Goldfinch instead of It Chapter Two because he’d rather feel stuff than jump out of his seat.

W H A T I T S AY S A B O U T YO U :

As cliché as it sounds, your affection for The Hulk means that you always look for the good in people (and/or in mutants).

5 YO U R C R U S H :

4 YO U R C R U S H :

LUCIUS M ALFOY

P H O T O G R A P H Y M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R E S

6

iny sunglasses. Embarrassing Bodies.

Shoes with separated toes. We are into some extremely questionable stuff. We can probably chalk a lot of this up to strange personal taste, but our collective infatuation with kinda yucky but sorta hunky fictional guys is worth more than an eyebrow raise. Honestly, we *know* we shouldn’t lust over them. And if we stopped thirsting and started thinking about why they’re so messed up, we’d probably (maybe) be turned off. But that wouldn’t be any fun, and besides, most of these nasties have at least one redeeming quality, right? Right???

He’s basically Lori Loughlin in that he bought his son’s way onto the Quidditch team.

But, okay, that magic stick he’s always handling is pretty sexy.

W H A T I T S AY S A B O U T YO U :

Honestly, anyone who’s into Lucius is just confused.

It’s his hair you want, not his heart.

Do some soulsearching and get back to us. s lea At

Like a SoundCloud rapper, he has basically formed an entire personality around being very into flashy jewellery and death.

W H A T I T S AY S A B O U T YO U :

You definitely went through a significant emo phase in high school and probably still have a few My Chemical Romance graphic tees at your parents’ house.

t t h e y ’r e n o t h o ldi

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THANOS

ng

6 YO U R C R U S H :

GOMEZ ADDAMS He’s an attorney who loves losing cases and bragging about being voted Least Likely to Succeed. He’s also a famously passionate lover...

W H A T I T S AY S A B O U T YO U :

You’re the friend people text when they want advice but secretly want permission to do The Bad Thing. You’ll always suggest happy hour over saving money.

fish i n t h e i r Ti n

pi der

cs

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b e a u t y

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D r G l o d e r m G lit t e r E ye M as k Night ( R 70 a t Phil o s o p hyg l ow.c o.za )

M e e t yo u r m a t c h Is there any thing that says ‘Net flix and chill (the ef f out)’ more than a face mask? Here are six to use when binge -watching your fave show.

Loads of enter tainment – and even more glowing results!

By HELEN WALL ACE Beauty ZIPHO NTLOKO

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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BEAUT Y 2

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1 Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina + WISH FORMULA The Bat Eye Mask (R65 at Philosophyglow.co.za) Sh*t is about to get spooky! Get into the spirit by putting on this bat-shaped mask that calms tired eyes (so you can binge-watch even more).

4 Z Nation + KLAIRS Midnight Blue Calming Sheet Mask (R50 at Glowtheory.co.za) Does this zombie-filled show leave you on the edge of your seat?

Don’t worry, this healing mask will calm you – and your skin – right TF down.

4

5

SCAN IT

3 RuPaul’s Drag Race + MASQUEOLOGY Collagen Hydro Gel Gold Mask (R85 at Philosophyglow.co.za) Yaaas, queen! Nothing says glitz and glamazon quite like a boujee gold mask, so start your engines and get ready to glow.

SHOP IT

6

5 Big Mouth + SKIN REPUBLIC Spots + Blemish Face Mask Sheet (R45 at Clicks) This show is full of growing pains and pesky pimples, and this acne-busting sheet mask can keep at least one of those things at bay.

6 Chef’s Table + QURET Beauty Recipe Mask (R25 at Dis-Chem) Broccoli Hey, foodies – did you know that fruit and veg can be just as beneficial for your skin as it is for the inside of your body?

Now you do. 

P H O T O G R A P H Y VA L E N T I N A N I C O L A N D C O L L E E N C O P P E N H A L L / D I S M O D E L G E E N A H P H I L A N D E R S T Y L I N G A M B E R B A R K E R S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

2 Queer Eye + MIZON Collagen Eye Gel Patch (R450 at Luxeloft.co.za) This show is one feelgood cry fest, so once you’re done with the tissues, pop on a couple of these to soothe those under-eye bags.

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K- B E AUT Y

S h*t we st o l e f r o m t h e b e a u t y c l os e t t his m o nt h IN-PERFE C SK SING W N A

IN R

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Created by a celebrity makeup artist to use on models who need their skin to be perfect, this miracle-worker can give you catwalk-worthy skin. It acts as a makeup remover, a cleanser and a mild exfoliant.

It’s suitable for all skin types, and has garnered an enormous following – not only in Korea but all over the world.

L an eig e Lip Sleeping Mask (R365 at Glowtheor y.co.za) Berr y SCAN IT

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S o n & Par k Beaut y Water (R455 at Glowtheor y.co.za)

E

Ugh, as if this *gorgeous* bottle isn’t fancy enough to warrant a space on your beauty shelf, you’ll be happy to know that the contents of the bottle won’t disappoint you either.

The oil inside is packed full of antioxidants that help to balance out your skin.

IS

SHOP IT

P y unkan g Yul Oil (R320 at Glowtheor y.co.za)

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E

TH

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GRA M STA IN ET M A M E S H

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PHOTOGRAPHY COLLEEN COPPENHALL/DIS COMPILED B Y H E L E N WA L L A C E S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

SHOP IT

K

Unpa Bubi Bubi Lip Scrub (R200 at Yourbeaut ybox.co.za)

LUXURIO IS U CIAL OI A L F

A

You know what’s not a vibe?

Flaky, dry lips. Whether you want the ideal canvas for your favourite shade of lipstick or if you are going au naturel with just a slick of balm, you need a smooth surface if you want the perfect pout. This lip scrub – which is an AHA- and enzymeloaded gel that bubbles on contact to become an exfoliator – is really effective and also fun to use.

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T

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T

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FUN-TOU IS H P SCRUB LI

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This little pot of goodness is the ride-or-die of many a skincare aficionado. There’s a good reason for this: it can transform even the driest of lips overnight, so you wake up with the perfect pout every damn day. Heck, I’m slathering it on right now.

A

TH IS CL E

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P-SMOOT LI H VIOUR S SA

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Our beaut y team tests all products, but these are the ones we’re sneaking home

IN

I

EDITION

Containing fermented green-tea leaves, this face wash comes in an easy-to-use pump bottle, and expertly removes dirt and build-up.

Aloe helps to soothe irritation, making it ideal for all skin types.

N e o g e n Real Fresh Foam Cleanser (R310 at Yourbeaut ybox.co.za) 

BEAUT Y

t

CONCEALER

r T k li

Get a flawless b e a t l i ke Q u e e n S o n o.

‘This is one of the best budget-friendly concealers out there.

I really love how it gives both medium and full coverage without caking.’

i t or

Faith Seuoe (@madame_picasso) loves these affordable beaut y-bag staples – and you should too ROSE WATER

BROW GEL 1x Heimish Bulgarian Rose Water Mist Seru m (at Glowtheory. co.za)

R385

1x L’Oréal Infallible Mattifying Pri mer (at Clicks)

R230

1x Dr Paw paw Multipurpose Soothing Balm (at Dis-Chem)

R109

1x LA Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer (at Dis-Chem)

R64,95

1x Rim mel Brow This Way Brow Styling Gel (at Clicks) Clear

R99,95

1x Eylure Lashes (at Dis-Chem)

R82,95

PRIMER ‘I love using this mattifying primer. It’s non-greasy, making it an ideal choice for those with oily skin types, and it keeps your foundation in place all day.’

1x W.Beauty Make-up Setting Spray (at Woolworths) BALM ‘Dr Pawpaw’s is a multipurpose balm that provides moisture to lips, which is essential when wearing mattifying lipsticks.’

SCAN IT

01/03/2020 14.35p m

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CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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FALSE L ASHES ‘I love Eylure, as they offer both natural and dramatic strip or individual lashes to help finish off your beauty look.’

R150

R1 121,85

Total

‘A brow mascara will help hold your hairs in an upward direction, giving the illusion of fuller brows.’

SETTING S PR AY ‘This is a key step in your makeup routine, as it locks your makeup in place.

This one contains chamomile and cucumber to help calm and refresh skin.’ 

PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES AND ISTOCKPHOTO.COM C O M P I L E D B Y Z I P H O N T L O K O S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

‘It’s a natural, soothing and refreshing product that you can use as a first step in your makeup-application process. I always apply it when prepping my clients’ skin.’

BEAUT Y

On our radar

YO U G L O W, G I R L

If you’re looking for a physical exfoliator that isn’t too abrasive, this is it. With grapefruit extract, kaolin, shea butter and jojoba, this gentle mask succeeds in softening your skin without any irritation.

COSMO’s senior beaut y editor Zipho Ntloko breaks down this month’s most-hyped K-beaut y products and trends What unusual but genius AF K-beauty ingredient have you come across that actually does wonders?

Definitely snail mucin – yes, bbz, secretion filtrate from actual snails. This ingredient really is the secret to attaining your glowiest skin ever. Key benefits of this skin-rejuvenating slime include treating acne scars, fine lines and pigmentation, all while providing next-level hydration that plumps and smoothes skin. This is due to glycolic acid in snail mucin, which is a quality exfoliant that sheds dead skin cells, while stimulating the production of collagen.

TRY

K l airs Yo u t hf ul G l ow S u g ar M as k ( R410 a t G l ow t h e o r y.c o.za )

P H O T O G R A P H Y G E T T Y I M A G E S S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

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‘BENJAMIN BUTTON’ YO U R FAC E

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This serum helps to deliver active ingredients to the deeper layers of your skin. If you sense a tingly feeling after application, don’t freak out – it just means it’s doing its job.

TRY

Eco Yo ur S k in M e s o A mp o ul e S e r um ( R1 875 a t Luxe l o f t.c o.za )

SCAN IT

Is there one ingredient that you’re dying to try?

SHOP IT

T his nif t y t o o l f ir ms up f a cial mus c l e s,

unique, A-grade K-beauty staples M izo n Eg g Whit e B ub b l e Cl e ans e r ( R350 a t Luxe l o f t. c o.za )

S k in Fo o d G o l d Ca viar Co ll a g e n To n e r ( R30 0 a t Luxe l o f t.c o.za )

w hil e h e lpin g yo u smil e m o re f re qu e nt l y an d ‘ b e au t if ull y ’ (dra g m e).

I’ve seen talk about ‘gold caviar’ in K-beauty. What’s all the fuss?

It’s a blend of caviar extract and real gold particles. Caviar is known for its antiageing abilities as it protects skin from UV rays, preventing the breakdown of collagen and elastin.

Gold, an antioxidant, fights free radicals while brightening and firming your skin.

Four of the best:

H A PPY FAC E O M G, I f in all y f o un d t h e s o lu t io n t o my Re st in g B*t c h Fa c e!

Donkey milk. It’s said to contain antiinflammatory and antibacterial properties so it’s great to whip out when your skin’s having a bit of a freakout. Often used as a natural remedy for acne, eczema and psoriasis, donkey-milk baths were even part of Queen Cleopatra’s daily beauty routine.

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M as qu e o l o g y Co ll a g e n H ydro g e l G o l d M as k ( R85 a t Phil o s o p hyg l ow. c o.za )

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CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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E liza ve cca Silk y Cre amy D o nkey S t e am M oist ure M ilk y Cre am ( R 26 0 a t S eve nb l o s s o ms. c o.za )

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BEAUT Y

O N

D US T

SOM E S H I M M E R

US E

A

BROW

‘For extra sheen, swirl powder highlighter over your dry lips with a fluffy eye-shadow brush, then layer on a coat of your gloss.’

PE N C I L

‘The glossier the lip, the more it’s going to smudge, so first, outline your lips with a clear wax eyebrow pencil to create an invisible barrier for your gloss.’

-LINDSEY WILLIAMS (@c r a z y p r e t t y )

-MOISES RAMIREZ (@m o i s e s a r t n y c )

DAB TH E

A

LI L

CO NTO U R

‘Grab a lipliner one shade darker than your gloss and fill in the sideways Vs in the corners of your mouth and along the edge of your lower lip for instant dimension and fullness before you apply the gloss.’

- L O T T I E (@l o t s t a r )

STA RT

WITH

M AT TE

‘Use a matching shinefree liquid lipstick under your gloss. The drier formula helps everything last longer, and when the gloss eventually fades, you’ll still have a pretty stain of colour.’

M I D D L E

‘Apply gloss only to the centre of your bottom lip, then press your lips together and blend the edges with a finger. This will stop gloss from getting all gummy in the corners of your mouth.’

-ROBIN BLACK (@b e a u t y i s b o r i n g )

- DA N I E L AV I L Á N (@d a n a v i l a n )

A n i n s i d e r ’s g u i d e t o g e t t i n g …

the glossiest lips of all damn time

They’re more high-maintenance than dating a Leo. But since when has that stopped you?

By CHLOE METZGER

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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O N



COP THIS PERFECT PINK E lizab e t h A r d e n B e au t if ul Co l o r Liquid Lip G l os s ( R 29 9 a t Fo s c hinif o r b e a u t y. c o.za ) Ch e e k y

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PHOTOGRAPHY ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

D O

IT

FIRSTTIMER

O RE BE F

s e me or h a r Star ting a GoFundMe for my new extensions habit

A F T E R

PHOTOGRAPHY RUBEN CHAMORRO

By LALA LIBAN

True story: I used to vent to my group chat all the time that no matter how many hair-growth gummies I took, my hair would just not grow past my collarbone.

IDK if she felt bad for me or couldn’t listen to me complain swore it’d be worth Based on the it and then pulled a for another second, texture of my hair total boss move and but my friend and what I wanted – connected me with Ama finally said, volume, length and Ursula Stephen, ‘Enough!’ What an overall natural I should do, she said, the stylist who slays look – Stephen and Zendaya’s hair on were extensions.

I decided on sew-in the reg. NBD! That always human hair. We also Stephen has a seemed reeeal highdecided to go long. salon in New York, maintenance to Between that and but homegirl was me. And I worried her time, my new they’d look look would fake (not cost well over ‘Would I do it going to $1 000 (about @ any of the again? Absolutely.’ R14 000).

Housewives, Lucky for me booked and busy but...) or feel (because, hi, I don’t with things like, um, too heavy. Plus, have a trust fund), the Emmys. It took I know you can only Ama hooked me a few months and keep them in for up in the name a million scheduling about three months of ‘beauty e-mails, but I finally without doing some research’. (Bless got an appointment. damage. But Ama you, bb angel!)

Stephen started by braiding most of my hair into cornrows, and then, using a needle and thread, she literally sewed the extensions onto them. She kept a little of my own hair out around the front, sides and back – this is called ‘leaveout’ – so I could wear my hair in a snatched Ariana-esque pony without the cornrows showing.

Before you ask, no, it didn’t hurt.

I’d heard horror stories about too-

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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tight braids that resulted in major hair breakage, but with Stephen, I felt zero tugs.

My new hair didn’t feel heavy or uncomfortable at all. And the entire process only took two hours! I almost didn’t recognise myself in the mirror afterwards (hey, Rapunzel).

Before I left, Stephen told me to use a hydrating cream and to wash once a week, then sit under a hooded dryer to make sure the braids underneath dried completely. (If I airdried, they could get gross and smelly.) Only three little rules for the hair of my dreams = easy.

Would I do it again? Absolutely.

Maybe not back-toback (reminder: still not rich) but defs a couple of times a year. Hair gummies, it’s been real, but I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways. 

OGILVY SA 24834/E

REGA PROTECT THE POWER OF

e Fashion for fangirls Get ready to shop all these goodies that are inspired by your fave Net flix shows

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STYLE EDIT R 2 120, To mmy H il f ig e r R4 50, Et s y

R19 9, Take al ot

R149, Fr uu g o

A mix of fierce and fab – like the town’s vixens R872, Vans

Fro m R4 023, G u cci a t My t h e re s a

R3 4 49, To mmy H il f ig e r

R69, Sup erbalist

R159 f o r t wo, Take al ot

R 75,9 9, MRP SCAN IT

SHOP IT

R 29 9, Fa c t o ri e

R19 9, Ty p o a t Sup erb alist R1 325, Cast e l o R5 9 9 9, M ic h a e l Ko rs

R 220, L ov is a

Get yourself a Bet t y Cooper basic or s o m e Ve r o n i c a Lo d ge - inspire d b ling.

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R6 59, Zar a

R1 318, D ip p e d I n B lu e Bik inis SCAN IT

R 29 9, Zar a

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R39 9, Zar a

R39 9, Fos c hini R 79 9, Prin gl e O f S cot l an d

R39,9 9, MRP

St rike a p os e (he e - he e) we aring a c c e s s o rie s fit f o r a qu e en.

R1 39 9, Zar a

R39,9 9, MRP

R129, Fa c t o ri e

R 79 9, S iss y B oy

Heading to a ball (or just a night out with the girls)?

These House of Xtravaganza-esque pieces are all you need

R 2 80 0, D o r ot hy Pe r k ins a t My t h e re s a

R 29 9, Ty p o a t Sup erb alist

R30 0, Ty p o

STYLE EDIT

R811, S cot c h & Soda R89 9, Zar a

Hello, ’80s style from the Starcourt Mall (not the Upside Down)

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R 29 9, Sup erbalist

R59,9 9, Ty p o R10 0, MRP

R3 0 9 9, S cot c h & Soda

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R 79 9, Casio a t Sup erb alist

R19 9, Sup erbalist

R127, Rar u a t Take al o t

R80, Ty p o R549, Fr uu g o

Instax Mini 9 R1 19 9, Fuji f ilm a t S up e r b alist

R1 110, Vans R129, Sup erbalist SCAN IT

SHOP IT

R49 9, S cot c h & Soda

SCAN IT

R120, Wo ol wor t hs

R3 9 9 9, S cot c h & Soda

R579, Zar a R 2 39 9, S cot c h & Soda

R 2 49 0, Eur o p a A r t

Preppy- chic?

Ye s, p l e a s e !

R3 343, Ra d a

R1 9 9 9, N i xo n a t Sup erb alist

R 2 850, Cast e l o

‘From now on, I only want fancy things in my life.’ Yes, Infinity, we couldn’t agree more!

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R5 810, A nn a Rosh o l t

SCAN IT

R1 914, To mmy H il f ig e r SHOP IT

R16 4, Za f ul

Comf y campaign g e a r.

R 2 4 49, To mmy H il f ig e r

R4 19 9, K l ot o

R5 0 49, To mmy H il f ig e r

R629, Aldo

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R 20 0, Ty p o

R 2 017, To mmy H il f ig e r

R 29 9, Fa c t o rie SCAN IT

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R9 9,95 f o r t wo, Woolwor ths

R30 0, Ty p o

R350, A m azo n

Could this throwback Fr i e n d s f r a m e be any cuter?

R169, MRP

Get comfy in these ’90s-style basics and accessories R 249, Sup erbalist

R 2 749, To mmy H il f ig e r

R49, Cot t o n On

R50 0, Vans

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P H O T O G R A P H Y M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R E S , N E T F L I X A N D C O L L E E N C O P P E N H A L L / D I S F A S H I O N C L A R E R O B E R T S O N A N D A M B E R B A R K E R S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

R 249, Cot t o n O n

STYLE

But t cracks ever y where A plate of delicious pasta sits in front of you at a fancy restaurant. You twirl your fork, loading up on those sweet carbs. Just as you’re about to take a bite, you look up, absorbing the general ambience. That’s when you notice ’em all around, pressed between the seat bars. You put your fork down.

THEN

Low-rise jeans a r e b a c k a n d i t ’s

Gird your (lit eral) loins Road trip! You finish a cold drink, but oh, no. A stretch with no rest stops, and that waistband’s digging into your bladder. Think you can hold it? Looks like a bush on the side of the road for you.  FIIINE... IF YOU MUST, THESE NEWBIES ARE PRETTY CUTE

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R679, Zar a

In the ’90s and ’00s, we were all salamanders.

By which I mean we had little arms and legs but were mostly just torsos. The more torso, the better. Now that hip-huggers are an It Girl staple again, let’s review what life is like as a fashion amphibian, shall we?

The ‘hike-up’ is basically your job

WHY. DO. I. NEED. TO. REM IND. YOU. GUYS. HOW. NOT. FUN. THIS. PERI OD. OF. TI M E. WAS?!

By RACHEL TORGERSON

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Suppor t? Who ne e ds it Every now and then, you faintly remember a time when extra supportive centimetres circled your core in a nice denim hug that helped you face realities of daily life. At least you have the memories.

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R89 9, Tr e n e r y a t Wo o l wo r t hs

Grabbing your belt loops with your index fingers, you heave upward. Ah, your pants are in the right place.

You sit. What’s showing?

You stand up. Perform the move again. Will they stay?

The cycle repeats forever, because – didn’t you notice?

– you’re in hell.

R 79 9, S iss y B oy a t Ed g ars

terrif ying

NOW

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PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES

Tops as you know them cease to exist. They’re replaced with extremely long alternatives that accentuate your salamander vibe, duh. The old shirt length becomes a crop top.

These are your only options.

R550, S up e r dr y

Tunics, all t he time

HOW THE EFF DO I WEAR THAT?

y ves Yes, like the ones your mom wore in her ’80s wedding photos…

S H M A N C Y A F FA I R

PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES COMPILED BY AMBER BARKER

Long dresses – like a prairie-style maxi – look great with OTT sleeves.

DATE N I G HT

Serve looks in an all-black ensemble with statement sleeves and a whole lotta leg.

F O R T H E ’G R A M

When there’s a lot going on up top, balance out your outfit with slim-fit black trousers.

H A PPY H O U R

Denim is always a good idea ... but offthe-shoulder puffy sleeves in denim?

F*cking fabulous. 

CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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ALWAYS READY.

SPARKLE ON.

Not for Sale to Persons

Under the Age of 18.

PEARL THUSI

on top IS

OF THE WORLD

The 31-year- old is owning her power as the lead in Africa’s first - ever Net flix Original series. Here she talks to COSMO deput y editor Noxolo Mafu about creating a ground - breaking and inclusive enter tainment industr y. Photography LEGAE SEHLAKO Creative direction JUAN GEEL Fashion CLEO MARCOPOULOS Beauty ZIPHO NTLOKO

p

D re s s R 27 0 0 0, Keys Fashio n.

S kir t (wo r n un d e r dre s s) f ro m R3 961, Taib o B a car. Ear rin gs R16 0, L ov is a

C O V E R S TA R

.

Twelve coffees steam the car windows as we navigate our way to the venue for Pearl’s COSMO cover shoot. Vibey music is emanating from a minimalist studio hidden in the heart of Jo’burg’s gritty CBD – think Afro beats, a touch of soothing gospel and some Spanish tracks.

We draw closer to the door, juggling flat-whites as racks of stylish, local designer outfits blaze the room.

The crew members, who are all female, are prepping their stations for a day of shooting.

Suddenly, a bold, infectious laugh from the woman of the moment floods the studio.

It’s Pearl Thusi. Actress, TV host, mother, philanthropist and Mzansi’s own Mama Pantha. She is a ball of energy, chatting away to a friend on FaceTime while hair and makeup buzz around her like

bees to a honeypot. She can’t wait to take a sip of the coffee heading in her direction. She ends the call. ‘Girl! Thank you!’ she says with a wink, as she grabs the cup and steals a moment to find just the right song from her playlist. Her vibrant, can-do energy makes the early call time a distant memory for all on set.

With her own haircare range, back-to-back endorsement deals and a dynamic showreel boasting only the most coveted film and television roles – both local and international – Pearl is no stranger to breaking boundaries. She has graced the global stage in lauded series such as ABC’s Quantico (starring alongside Priyanka Chopra) and, more

recently, appeared in Netflix’s Catching Feelings. Now, Pearl owns the cover of COSMO to celebrate yet another first in her dynamic career.

The African Khaleesi, as fans affectionately call her, plays the lead role in the first-ever African Netflix Original series, Queen Sono. From script to screen, this production celebrates our continent’s talents and skills to tell the story of an unconventional spy working for an undercover South African agency devoted to protecting the people of Africa. Queen takes on her most dangerous mission yet and that is when the D.R.A.M.A. unfolds.

Directed by the talented Kagiso Lediga and Tebogo Malope, and starring Vuyo Dabula, Sechaba Morojele, Chi Mhende and comedians Loyiso Madinga and Rob van Vuuren, the story unfolds in the heart of Johannesburg, making it the perfect location for Pearl’s COSMO cover shoot.

‘What drew me to the role was the character’s strength,’ Pearl says. ‘Queen represents the strength that is evident in all women. I want every woman to believe that she is a hero, even if she is the anti-hero. For me, the most important thing is for young women to find their inner queen.’ The inception of the series came about during a conversation over drinks between Pearl and Kagiso. In the meeting, Pearl shared her desire to see more complex

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and unconventional actionhero roles for black women.

In trying to convince her Catching Feelings co-star, she pulled out video footage from her previous stunt training, and just like that she sold the idea to him. He then facilitated the buy-in from Netflix and got the green light for a script to be written.

‘I felt empowered and both directors showed me so much support,’ Pearl says. ‘Most importantly, my ideas were all considered and sometimes added to the final edit, which was rewarding for me.’

Although the role was crafted with her in mind, Pearl reflects on how tiring it was to play the character of Queen Sono. Krav Maga, Brazilian Jiujitsu, boxing lessons and tactical knife training all helped her to pull off her killer moves in the series. ‘The biggest part of my preparation was the physical training,’ she says.

Pearl worked closely with COSMO to ensure the feature is a true representation of what she stands for. The photographer, Legae Sehlako (@blackmilk_ ZA), is a twenty-something visual creator who has never before shot a magazine cover, the crew on set is an all-female power team, and the garments used are predominantly sourced from local, female African designers. In true Mama Pantha style, the Queen Sono star insisted that the pages of

Kuhle Adams, 23 @kuhleadams Presenter on S A B C 3 ’s E x p r e s s o ‘ We n e e d t o e x p a n d the oppor tunities for people to enter the i n d u s t r y. I w e n t through t wo presenter searches because I knew it was my only hope. If we open up t h e p o i n t s o f e n t r y, w e could enjoy so much t a l e n t i n t h e i n d u s t r y.’

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Mamarumo Marokane, 23 @mamarumo_m S t a r r e d i n M T V ’s Shuga and Shadow ‘If there was more s t r u c t u r e a n d l e gi s l a t i o n regarding the terms o f o u r e m p l o y m e n t, perhaps we could openly support each other when contracts a r e n o t f a i r, w i t h o u t f e a r o f b u r ni n g b r i d g e s i n t h e i n d u s t r y.’

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Ama Qamata, 21 @amaqamata Lead role in Netflix S o u t h A f r i c a ’s B l o o d & Wa t e r ‘There is a culture of underpaying young talent because oppor tunities are so l i m i t e d . We, a s t h e n e w actors and act resses, ne ed to take a stand against this to create a sustainable and fair industr y – even for the people who are going t o f o l l o w a f t e r u s .’

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Shonisani Masutha, 27 @shonisani_m First African actress to act in a Bolly wood series (Mehek) ‘ We n e e d t o s p e n d more time developing the skills of our writers, actresses and directors way before p ro du c tion. O f t e n, production can feel ver y rushed. Having time to further develop your craf t i s i m p o r t a n t .’

C O V E R S TA R

the magazine feature rising stars in the local entertainment industry. ‘I am in a different stage of my career,’ she says as she changes into her next outfit. ‘I want to use historic moments like this to pay it forward.’

The angle for Pearl’s cover shoot – which aims to give exposure to new talent – echoes the popular #OpenUpTheIndustry conversation that surfaced in 2018. Twitter users came together to call out the entertainment industry for not being inclusive enough. The criticism suggested that the same seasoned actors and actresses were getting all the big roles or jobs, leaving very little room for young talent to emerge. The debate was met with mixed emotions at the time, as well-known actors felt like they were getting the middle finger, while Twitter users felt unheard, frustrated and in need of fundamental change in the industry. Actors such as Thapelo Mokoena and DJ Shimza hosted workshops for aspiring actors and DJs on how best to prep for the entertainment world.

‘It’s important for me to have a healthy conversation focused on creating an industry that flourishes financially – for everyone from actors to technical agents. It’s hard to share what we are doing to create a more sustainable industry because if we shout out about it, we are not being authentic,’ Pearl says as she kicks off a roundtable

conversation with her shoot co-stars, South Africa’s finest up-and-coming screen queens.

Shonisani Masutha is the first African actress to act in a Bollywood series, Mehek, and she has starred in SABC 2’s Muvhango, Mzansi Magic’s Ring Of Lies and the US series Royal Pains.

Mamarumo Marokane, 23, is a firecracker actress who featured in MTV’s Shuga and Shadow. Twenty-three-year-

‘

’ old Kuhle Adams, who was crowned SABC 3’s Presenter Search winner in 2019, is now a presenter on Expresso.

And 21-year-old Ama Qamata, who plays the lead role in Netflix’s South Africanproduced Blood & Water (expected to be released this year), has also starred in local drama series Rhythm City and My Perfect Family.

It’s lunchtime and the conversation is flowing as the girls share stories of learning, joy, fear, survival and the pursuit for equal pay and standardised conditions for all. It is clear that there is a real hunger for support and

guidance in the entertainment industry. ‘We need to create a sustainable and attractive space – not just for ourselves but for the young people coming up after us,’ says Ama. There are tears and laughter as each actress shares her journey and hustle to pursue her dreams. ‘I am getting so emotional – for the first time I feel like someone understands the difficulties in this industry,’ says Shonisani.

‘It is so easy to feel alone.’

Pearl listens attentively, slipping into the older-sister role as she shares her own experiences of growth during the last decade. ‘I want to evolve, inspire, teach and grow,’ she says. ‘I find that younger people are often undermined, and I do not want to be a part of that.’ The girls reflect on the lives of artists such as Miriam Makeba, who led the way and made sacrifices so that future artists could enjoy the freedom to create and perform.

When asked what an inclusive entertainment industry would look like for each actress, the overarching themes are the request for unity, standardised employment structures and equal pay.

‘I have been where they are now – when you are young and trying to find yourself,’ Pearl says. ‘I don’t feel older, but I have a lot of experience and it’s my duty to share. I am embracing that.’

The Queen Sono star reflects on the unwavering support and girl-gang

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love she got from industry heavyweights such as Basetsana Kumalo and Terry Pheto at the beginning of her career. ‘These women wanted me to win, and I was lucky to have that kind of support,’ she says. She also remembers the troubles she had at the beginning – some people saw her success as a ‘problem’. ‘Admittedly, I have had concerns that I may reach “has-been” status, but you just have to be comfortable with where you are. There are always going to be fresh people coming in. The most important thing is to offer support and remember, “Indlela ibuzwa kwabaphambili [the journey ahead is guided by those who have travelled it before].”’

A real disappointment for Pearl occurred just after her return from the US. ‘It saddens me that the only time I truly became valued as an actor in SA was after I got an international gig,’ she says.

But this only accelerated her drive to build a dynamic African entertainment industry.

Pearl is called to change into one of her final looks. As the energy on set ebbs and flows, our cover star somehow finds a way to drop it low (sis, her twerk game is unmatched) and liven things up. She is the life of the party and the older sister you didn’t know you needed. The bond created between the rising stars is clearly visible. They cheer each other on in front of the camera as if they have been besties forever.

The new decade marks a change in Pearl’s intentions.

Her focus is now on building a sense of community within the industry, and creating a culture of support and unity. Her views now are quite different to those she had a few years ago. Her commanding Twitter fingers have, at times, presented a very tough and unapproachable persona.

‘We need to create a complete picture of what African people look like, how they talk and how they feel to highlight that we experience things other than poverty and

‘

brokenness,’ she says. Her interest in telling the stories of Africans has encouraged Pearl to consider other roles in television and film such as directing. ‘The game is shown, not told, so I would rather keep things to myself until I am ready to share.’ The glint in her eyes suggests she may be ready to announce something sooner than expected, and we cannot wait to see what lies ahead.  Queen Sono will be released on Netflix on 28 February.

F A S H I O N A S S I S T A N T N O N D I FAT Y E L A F A S H I O N I N T E R N M P H O M A D I S A H A I R B O M Z I L E K G O R O / L A M P O S T M A K E U P FA I T H S E U O E A N D K H O S I M T H E M B U P O S T - P R O D U C T I O N A D 2 G R A P H S T U D I O S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

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Luke Diva (@lukediva_ ) as Elektra in Pose What are you current ly binge-wat ching on N et flix?

AJ And The Queen.

Favourit e show on N et flix?

I’ve got five (it is so hard to nail it down to one only): RuPaul’s Drag Race, Pose, Sex Education, Elite and Friends From College.

What do you love most about your charact er?

This character is basically me. We are cut from the same cloth and honey; they don’t make that material any more. What attracts me to her character is her strong and bold personality. She embodies confidence and she says what she means. When she walks into a room, she owns it – and girl knows how to serve face… Like me .

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a s o me s

e Netflix e ition We asked four badass influencers to play their favourite fictional characters. Secure your wigs for these fire looks Photography JACQUES WEYERS/HERO CREATIVE MANAGEMENT Fashion CLARE ROBERTSON Art direction SHIRLEY PADI

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Jade Rober tson (@justjadeblog) as Veronica in Riverdale What are you current ly bingewat ching on N et flix?

I’ve recently watched so many shows on Netflix – I literally have categories.

Some of my faves include Don’t F#ck With Cats: Hunting An Internet Killer, Killer Inside: The Mind Of Aaron Hernandez, You, The Witcher, Riverdale, Sex Education, AJ And The Queen and The End Of The F#cking World.

I could go on forever!

What do you love most about your charact er?

I love that Veronica is fierce – she knows what she wants and she goes for it. She’s highly opinionated and says whatever comes to mind.

She’s also a professional shopper, and has amazing taste in shoes and clothing. Guess we have that in common .

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Monica Kant ani (@monicakant ani) is Samantha Whit e in Dear White People What are you current ly bingewat ching on N et flix?

I have so many faves, but right now I am feasting on Greenleaf, Workin’ Moms, You, Family Reunion, Good Girls, Raising Dion, The Bletchley Circle, Kim’s Convenience and The Umbrella Academy.

What do you love most about your charact er?

She is strong, unapologetic and goaldriven. She’s trying to do and be her best, but she’s only human – I love how they showcase all of that.

I can relate.

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M egan Farmer (@megfarmer) as Alice in The Politician What are you current ly binge-wat ching on N et flix?

Sex Education and Riverdale.

A D D I T I O N A L P H O T O G R A P H Y M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R E S A N D N E T F L I X S T Y L E A S S I S T A N T A M B E R B A R K E R F A S H I O N I N T E R N S M A R I A S M A L L - S M I T H A N D L AY L A A E D R O S S H A I R M A R G E L I N D E R O T H M A K E U P V U V U M A S E T I S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

What do you love most about your charact er?

Alice is an extremely intense, yet passionate and driven individual. I love how she knows what she wants and will do anything to make sure she gets it. She’s strong and independent, with a fierce sass that I fell in love with. 

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r e b o s e e r v olut h io n Alcohol has fading appeal for younger generations, and the sober- curious movement is gaining momentum. Gen Zers are drinking over 20% less per capita than Millennials — who drank less than baby boomers and Gen Xers — did at the same age. Zanele Kumalo investigates.

‘

uch like Twitter when it first arrived, I thought an alcohol-free G&T was the dumbest thing I had ever heard of. Now I can’t get enough of either,’ says 27-year-old Modupe Oloruntoba, who’s clocked more than 70K ed in July 2010. But the fashion writer doesn’t exactly knock back her drinks at the same pace.

There are numerous reasons why, such as being raised in a ‘strict but loving Nigerian Pentecostal household, as well as fear and anger about things that [have] happened to women when they drink in the presence of men.’

She’s had the odd glass here and there because of curiosity and pressure (which is why a lot of people start and continue drinking), but she’s put the bottle down now entirely because she simply doesn’t want to drink. ‘I believe I put more into – and get more out of – the time I spend with people, old and new, in a sober state,’ she says. ‘I seriously struggle with discipline, and alcohol is one less thing to worry about in that regard. I have more energy, clarity and focus.’ She’s not the only Millennial embracing going dry, and she’s not ashamed to say it with her chest.

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Perhaps it’s helped that younger generations seem to be reclaiming the word ‘drink’. Why should it centre on alcohol? While Gen Xers notoriously lived according to the ‘work hard, play hard’ motto, the ever-questioning Gen Yers (Millennials) and Gen Zers want it all – and they know they’re not gonna get it all when they have to deal with hangovers and less brain productivity.

Janet Gourand, founder of World Without Wine (WWW), says, ‘I think alcohol is finally having a “cigarette moment” – meaning that the significant health risks are now in the public domain.’ That’s the knowledge the teens and people in their twenties have grown up with.

Janet herself had a problematic relationship with alcohol, but when she looked for help she found Alcoholics Anonymous didn’t cater well for women, so she built a community whose approach is based on enabling people to

change their ‘mind-set’ rather than relying on ‘willpower’.

WWW describes itself as a ‘safe, no-judgement space for anyone trying to moderate or quit drinking’, and it has a physical footprint that’s touched people through workshops in Cape Town, Durban, Jo’burg and London.

We know that South Africa, in particular, has a big drinking culture, with a dark history that another Gen Yer, 33-year-old artist Lady Skollie, explored in Papsak Propaganda. These recent works formed part of an exhibition that zoomed in on the dop system of paying farm labourers in the Western Cape with alcohol. It’s a legacy that still persists today and permeates townships and suburbs, fuelled by the deep injustices of apartheid.

Drinking weighs heavy in young people’s minds. ‘I think that alcohol has become an over-normalised coping mechanism because of our history,’ Lady Skollie says.

H E L P F U L B O O K S, PODCASTS AND APPS • The Sober Revolution: Calling Time On Wine O’Clock by Lucy Rocca and Sarah Turner • The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober by Catherine Gray • Mindful Drinking: How Cutting Down Can Change Your Life by Rosamund Dean • Therapy For Black Girls is a podcast that offers a directory of mental-health professionals in the US that specifically serve black women and girls • Loosid is a community and dating app for sober people

‘Alcohol seems to have lost its sheen for youth’

‘I can’t speak for anyone else, but I find that when I try to take breaks from drinking, the peer pressure to drink is still immense. But I really don’t think hangovers and alcoholrelated bad behaviour are cute any more.’

Clinical psychologist Bebee Makuwa, who counsels many young black women, says while we’ve been using it as a ‘self-medicating substance to numb and self-soothe emotional, socio-economical

L OW-A L C O H O L A N D A L C O H O L- F R E E D R I N K S

SUPPORT GROUPS AND BLOGS

(alcohol by volume: ABV)

World Without Wine: Worldwithoutwine.com

Martini Dolce 0.0 Alcohol Free Italian Sparkling Wine, R89 (0% ABV) Lautus De-Alcoholised Sparkling Wine, R120 (less than 1.5% ABV) Ginifer Sober Non-Alcoholic Distilled Hibiscus Gin, R299 (0% ABV) Van Loveren Almost Zero De-Alcoholised Ravishing Rosé, R70 (0.4% ABV) Heineken 0.0 Beer, R69 for a six-pack (0.05% ABV) Devils Peak Zero to Hero Alcohol-Free Beer, R75 for a six-pack (0.5% ABV) Savanna Non-Alcoholic Lemon, R85 for a six-pack (0.3% ABV)

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Sober Black Girls Club: Soberblackgirlsclub.com Hip Sobriety: Hipsobriety.com Sad Girls Club: Sadgirlsclub.org Club Soda: Clubsoda.nyc Tempest Sobriety School: Jointempest.com One Year No Beer: Oneyearnobeer.com

PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES

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and financial difficulties,’ as we’re waking up to mentalhealth issues, the spotlight has been cast on the negative mental effects alcohol consumption can have.

These can include ‘impaired judgment, mood changes, increasing aggression, decreased inhibitions, difficulty remembering what you say and do when highly intoxicated, and so on,’ she says. We’ve seen it recently in movies like A Star Is Born and TV shows such as Euphoria, where the main characters struggle to maintain control over their lives because of alcohol and drug dependency.

Makuwa adds that it can also lead to other mental illnesses, ‘such as alcoholinduced depressive disorder, alcohol-induced bipolar disorder, alcohol-induced sleep disorder, alcoholinduced psychotic disorder and more.’ Physical effects can include liver disease, cancer, lung infections, ulcers, pancreatitis, brain atrophy, infertility and diabetes.

Janet says, ’Older people worry about the damage that decades of drinking may have done and they want to make a change, [while] the younger generation is asking themselves what their lives would look like without alcohol.’ Dafydd Jones, a market researcher, sums it up perfectly in an article he wrote on the topic: ‘Self-care and wellness are far greater priorities than the “buzz” that alcohol gives’ for Gen Y and Gen Z. This makes sense as booze-free gins are becoming more popular, and there’s

a heightened appreciation for self-care – which has seen the rise in popularity of wellness brands like Goop and Poosh.

Sober-curiosity is already changing the liquor industry, from vineyard, to brewer and distiller, to bar. There are now more de-alcoholised wines and spirits, alcohol-free beers and extensive mocktail menus than ever before.

Hayley Read, head of Martini in Asia, Africa and the Middle East, says the trend has overtaken all other food and beverage category narratives in terms of health and wellbeing. ‘Consumers are more conscious of their wellbeing, but are looking for elevated experiences and are open to new tastes,’ she says. ‘Alcohol brands are widening their offerings to meet the needs of this growing population of health- and selfie-conscious consumers.’

David Cope, owner of Publik (which has wine bars in Cape Town and Jo’burg), explains the shift in what he currently offers. He says, ‘The current generation that is coming into drinking age has far more choice: decriminalised marijuana, a burgeoning CBD industry, vapes, etc, along with a much wider selection of nonalcoholic drinks. Not drinking alcohol has also become far more socially acceptable.’

Modupe agrees. ‘Alcohol seems to have lost its sheen for youth,’ she says. ‘It’s that meme about realising that water is actually the most adult drink there is.’

In a Business Day article, Stephen Hickmore of So-Bar, an alcohol-free mobile bar,

says, ‘I think Generation Zers and Millennials are naturally interested in anything new and alternative from a lifestyle perspective.’ So much so that according to Time, stats show that ‘those aged 16 to 24 years in the UK are less likely to drink than any other age group and teetotalism is on the rise’, and ‘Millennials, born roughly between 1980 and 1995, are sneeringly described by the British media as Generation Sensible.’

Teetotalling seems to create enough curiosity to have inspired its own movement, including festivals – Mindful Drinking, which was held in Cape Town last year, allowed visitors to sample the ‘widest variety of alcoholfree drinks ever assembled in the country.’ There are now alcohol-free mobile bars, teetotal travel companies, juice crawls and, of course, sober influencers.

While many caution that you should seek medical attention for alcohol addiction instead of turning to socialmedia accounts you follow for help, catalysts that interrogate any bad habits are surely a good thing?

Just over a year ago, the World Health Organization shared a new study published

by Lancet, which confirms that ‘there is no safe level of alcohol’. And as the wellness trend spreads, ‘less alcohol’ should soon join the popular ranks of ‘less fat’ and ‘less sugar’ labels. And if we all want it all, what’s not to like if you still get to drink your alcohol-free G&T but skip increasing sin taxes and the hangover too? 

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CELEBRITIES AND INFLUENCERS WHO DON’T DRINK • Nina Hastie overcame addiction and no longer drinks.

• Zendaya is a teetotaller.

• Natalie Portman experimented with drinking when she went to varsity, but no longer indulges.

• Rumer Willis chose sobriety after a successful sober January.

• Tyra Banks had a taste of alcohol when she was 12 and hasn’t drunk since.

• Jada Pinkett Smith hasn’t had a drink since the ’90s.

• Naomi Campbell gave up alcohol years ago.

• Kim Kardashian West has never been into alcohol.

• Jennifer Hudson has never had a drink in her life.

• Africa Brooke is a mind-set coach who is a fierce sobriety advocate.

• Holly Whitaker is known as a sobriety evangelist.

• Jocellyn Harvey opened up in Sharing My Sobriety.

• Ruby Warrington is an author who started an event series for the sober and those debating abstinence.

• Actress Jennifer Gimenez calls herself an addiction specialist.

• Abigail Lalumandier is a recovery and lifestyle blogger.

• Kate Bee says she helps women to stop drinking and create a happy, alcohol-free life.

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I t ’s b e e n ‘10 y e a r s a w a y ’ f o r t h e p a s t 5 0 y e a r s .

Are we just get ting conned?

By HANNAH SMOTHERS

The scene: Alex (or maybe his name is Andile or Jesse) brought y o u b a c k t o h i s p l a c e a n d t h i n g s a r e t o t a l l y o n . H i s a r m s ? B e e f y.

His kissing skills? Clutch. His hair? Like Zeus himself blow- dried it.

Clothes are coming of f and then, right at the crucial moment, h e l o o ks a t yo u wit h eye s a c o l o ur yo u’ve o nl y eve r s e e n b e f o re o n t r o p i c a l p o s t c a r d s a n d w h i s p e r s s l o w l y i n t o y o u r e a r, ‘ D o n ’ t w o r r y, b a b e . I ’m o n t h e P i l l .’

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It ’s not that it ’s not possible

As women know, all birth-control methods have to be three things: effective, reversible and safe. And it’s taken scientists a very long while to achieve all these for men (for a play-by-play, see the timeline below).

After all, it’s no small feat to prevent the 800 million sperm in a single ejaculation from doing their thing, says Diana Blithe, programme chief with the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development’s Contraceptive Development Program in the US. In 1974, Dr Elsimar Coutinho thought he’d hit the trifecta with gossypol, an oral contraceptive for men that used a chemical from cotton plants to reduce sperm count. But it was kiboshed before it ever hit the market when studies found that it wasn’t so reversible after all. Since then, researchers have focused on hormonal methods, including weekly testosterone shots, that have been proven to be both effective and possible to undo. But products keep hitting the same snag: the third requirement, safety – or what women who’ve been taking birth control forever know as side effects.

Issues like weight gain, acne and mood swings – yes, the stuff we deal with daily – have, at one point or another, shut down an otherwise successful male contraceptive drug trial. In 1996, the new potential It Drug for men was shots of testosterone, but after testers complained of weight gain, decreased testicular volume, and the weekly shot schedule, it was killed. Ten years later, another clinical trial of testosterone and progesterone shots fell apart when men started dropping out after experiencing muscle pain, acne, depression and changes in sex drive.

Wo m e n ’s B C

could be a reality has been looming for what feels like forever. Headlines have promised that longterm, reversible male birth control is *this close*.

Then ... nothing. How can women have dozens of contraceptive options and men only have two: onetime-use condoms and permanent vasectomies?

As our investigation found, it depends on who you ask. Some scientists say killing millions of sperm is harder than dealing with one egg. Pharmaceutical companies tend to think it’s too risky to fund the development of something men won’t use. Independent experts blame systemic sexism. Reproduction, they say, is still seen as strictly a ‘women’s issue’.

We also found something else: many of these hang-ups are lies. Researchers have discovered methods that work, and men want their own birthcontrol options. And according to an exclusive COSMO survey, women want men to have them too.

‘But wanting male birth control is different than us being able to get it approved,’ says Dr John Amory, a medical professor at the University of Washington School of Medicine at the forefront of the latest male BC trials. Here’s why it’s still out of reach.

16 0 0 B C E

1827

18 32

19 0 9

19 6 0

Egyptian women soak cotton in a mixture of fruit, honey and dates and put it in their vaginas as a DIY spermicide.

Scientists discover the female egg, unlocking the mystery of human reproduction.

Dr Charles Knowlton recommends women pump an acidic solution into their vaginas to kill semen.

Dr Richard Richter publishes a paper about early insertions of IUDs made from silkworm gut.

Enovid is approved in the US, the first hormonal birth-control pill for women.

M e n ’s B C

A little history lesson in birth control 10 0 0 BC E

182 3

1855

195 4

19 6 0 S

19 74

The first recorded use of primitive condoms made from silk paper, linen and horn.

The first vasectomy is performed, although not for birth control but to shrink a man’s prostate.

Rubber is introduced into condom production and men are told they’re reusable.

Doctors start performing vasectomies for actual sterilisation.

A trial of Win 18,446 – a sperm-reducing pill – fails after one guy drinks on the med and gets sick.

Dr Elsimar Coutinho presents gossypol, a plant-based pill, at a UN Population Conference.

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MILLENNIAL

US government funds allocated to all contraceptive research, including more options for women.) Plus, the thinking has gone, if some new male contraceptive option went haywire after a few years, men might sue for big bucks.

So yes, you are correct: this is pure sexism at play, confirms Lisa Campo-Engelstein, an associate professor of bioethics at Albany Medical College. ‘No-one blinked an eye when women experienced diminished sex drive on the Pill,’ she says. ‘But when that’s happened for male contraceptives? People say, “No way, that’s part of what it means to be a man.”’

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At the same time as all this testing and retesting and dead-ending has been going on, dozens of types of female birth control have been approved, like the now-ubiquitous birth-control pill. ‘Women had a huge demand for this product,’ says journalist Jonathan Eig, author of The Birth Of The Pill. But meeting that demand came with a double standard that’s allowed men to stay off the hook, he adds, sometimes even at serious risk to women.

Take Enovid, approved in 1960, which contained literally 10 000 times the amount of oestrogen in today’s low-dose pills.

Women had been taking it for several years before anyone realised it had serious side effects like blood clots and stroke. In 1974, the Dalkon Shield, an early IUD with an alien-sounding name, had to be pulled from shelves because, after three years on the market, it was causing issues like severe pelvic inflammatory infections, pregnancy complications, and even death.

So, yeah, women have been through a lot – yet a few guys complaining of side effects we consider normal in a trial is enough to kill a potentially viable male BC option. Experts say this all stems from a stuck-in-the-’60s mentality when women were willing to stomach just about anything to be able to have sex

be ill

lie

‘Men just aren’t going to tolerate anything that messes with their libido or is associated with weight gain,’ says Amory with a sigh. And major pharma companies with the funding to field drug trials are obviously not going to be motivated to put money or marketing behind a product that might not even interest their clientele. (Case in point: Amory says he doesn’t consider pharmaceutical funding an option for male birth control these days. His current research – a clinical trial of a hormonal gel that reduces sperm – is being bankrolled by a small pile of

19 74

19 8 0 S

19 9 8

The Dalkon Shield, an IUD, is pulled three years after its release because of complications.

Modern versions of the low-dose birth-control pill become available.

The first emergency contraceptive is approved in the US.

19 8 6 The World Health Organization declares gossypol ‘not acceptable’ because it’s not totally reversible.

2000 TO 2002 BC products like the patch, NuvaRing and the Mirena IUD (all available in South Africa) are approved.

2 016 The FDA in the US approves another IUD, Kyleena, which has fewer hormones than some previous options and lasts five years.

19 9 6

2006

2 010

2 016

2 018

Weekly shots of testosterone fail to launch after men complain about weight gain.

Trials on a hormonal implant are abandoned when drug companies fear guys won’t use it.

Vasalgel, an injectable gel that blocks sperm, gets a projected availability of 2018 (still waiting).

A trial of testosterone and progesterone injections is promising until guys drop out due to side effects.

Clinical trials of NES/T, a hormonal, topical gel that stops sperm production, begin in nine sites all over the world.

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MILLENNIAL

as freely as men did. ‘Back then, women had a lot of incentive to put up with side effects or at least see how bad the side effects were going to be,’ explains Eig. (In fact, when Coutinho presented his male BC at a UN Population Conference, he was booed off the stage by an audience of mostly women. They had just been given control over their reproductive health a few years prior – and they weren’t about to give it up to men.) ‘One of the unintended results was that men became passive and developed the attitude that they didn’t have to take any responsibility,’ adds Eig. ‘So by the time we got around to actually contemplating birth control for men, they had checked out.’

before sex or one they take every day.

And get this: only one-third of men who are on the fence about male birth control said they were concerned about possible side effects. One-third!

In interviews with COSMO, guys said they’d be happy to deal with reasonable side effects of taking birth control if it meant they’d have more of a say in contraception. ‘If you’re in any sort of relationship, you agree to share any burdens, and birth control is unequally distributed on women,’ Jeff Fitzgerald, 27, told us.

Harris Bransch, 25, agrees. ‘Birth control shouldn’t be one person’s responsibility. There are two people who are trying not to get pregnant.’

It’s about effing time, according to you: a staggering 98% of COSMO readers believe there should be a birth-control option for men beyond condoms and vasectomies. And while most of the women we talked to wouldn’t necessarily trust a random hook-up to accurately use or take it (totally fair for both sides, TBH), in the context of a relationship, nearly 100% of women told us they’d ask a partner to use long-term male BC if it existed – and that they hope it does soon.

In interviews with C O S M O, g u y s s a i d t h e y ’d be happy to deal with side effects if it meant t h e y ’d h a v e m o r e o f a say in contraception.

Today ’s guys aren’t actually checked out, though It’s not surprising that drug-makers might believe the juice isn’t worth the squeeze on male BC. But it is – or at least it could be: ‘Men today are much more interested than they used to be,’ says CampoEngelstein, ‘even though there’s still the perception that they’re not.’

The honest, modern, up-to-date truth: today’s guys really, really want their own contraception beyond condoms. A whopping 77% of men between the ages of 18 and 44 who have sex at least once a month are ‘very or somewhat’ interested in taking birth control, according to a recent survey by the Male Contraceptive Initiative, an organisation that helps fund and facilitate research on male contraceptives.

When asked what kind of method they’d use, most men said they’d want either a pill they pop right

Okay, so give it to us?!

Men want it. Women want it. So the science doesn’t need to be held back any more by outdated, sexist beliefs. As a solve, Amory and others in his field are appealing to the health boards by trying to change the way governments thinks about reproductive responsibility and risk. They’re going to show them the same receipts we just laid out for you, in the hope that the major decision-makers wake up to the idea that men and women should carry equal (or at least more equitable) weight when it comes to BC – and that men need to finally take a more active role in preventing pregnancy.

And then there you’ll be, hopefully not too far from now, picking up your BF’s BC gel at the pharmacy or going with him to get his baby-blocking implant put in. Wait ... what are we even saying? He can handle picking up his birth-control prescription himself. It’s been half a century. You deserve a break. 

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The re al numb ers CO S M O a s ke d m o re t h a n 8 0 0 wo m e n

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b e t we e n t h e a g e s o f 18 a n d 38 h ow t h e y f e e l a b o u t t h e d a n g lin g c a r ro t o f m a l e

of women believe there should be a b i r t h - c o n t ro l option for men beyond condoms and v a s e c t o mi e s.

B C . G u e s s w h a t ? E ve r yo n e’s in.

94% of women would ask their par tner to use male contraception i f i t e x is t e d.

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81%

P H O T O G R A P H Y H A N N A H W H I TA K E R

of women say t h e y w o u l d n’t rely on a male method as their one and only form of c o n t r a c e p t i o n.

42% of women believe male BC will actually become a r e a l i t y.

S O U R C E: C O S M O POLL

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ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHY COLLEEN COPPENHALL/DIS COMPILED BY CARMEN M A R T Í N E Z P I TA H A I R E R N E S T O M O N T E N U O V O M A K E U P S E R G I O A LVA R E Z C O L L A B O R A T I O N I L E N A C I R O N E / C H A R L O T T E L I N D S AY S T O C K I S T S O N PA G E 1 1 9

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How to upgrade

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Meet queen booty-sculptor Megan Roup, creator of the crazy-tough dance, cardio and strength class The Sculpt Society in New York. Steal her tips for your most bodacious bottom ever ... without even standing up (because who wants to do that?).

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PHOTOGRAPHY BEN RITTER

Start on all fours, with your palms under your shoulders and your knees directly below your hips.

Keeping a 90-degree bend in your knee, flex your right foot and lift your right thigh to hip height. Return your leg to the starting position.

That’s one rep. Do two sets of 25 reps on each side.

I F YO U R L E G G I N GS WO R K H A R D E R AT BUILDING A BUTT T H A N YO U D O...

Instead of keeping your raised leg bent, straighten it out before lifting it back and up to hip height, then move it back down to the starting position.

I F YO U ’ V E AT T E M P T E D T O M A K E I T C L A P. . .

I F YO U C A L L YO U R T U S H Y O U R ‘ G L U T E S ’. . .

We see you’re thirsty for more. This time, hold your leg at the top of the OG move, keeping that knee at 90 degrees.

Then pulse it up and up and up ... until you die (or hit 25 reps).

Raise your bent knee, but instead of moving it up and down, go side to side. Then bring it back to the starting position before extending it to hip height again.

You’re welcome. 

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MIND

gui o

(b e c a us e it is a t hin g yo u c a n d o) Think it might be time to talk to someone, but aren’t sure who – or how? We got you. Here’s the lowdown on what is available

h

By JENNIFER SAVIN AND MIA ARDERNE

ealthcare is expensive in South Africa, and mental healthcare is no exception.

According to Africa Check, approximately 30% of adults will suffer from some form of mental disorder in their lifetime. But how do you know what the right treatment for you looks like, especially when you’re in the midst of a dark cloud? There’s an abundance of choice out there, from group meetings to mental-health apps, so we’ve decoded all that’s on offer before you make the leap.

Remember, no matter what route you take, that therapists don’t have a magic wand and it’s important to approach the process with a willingness to work if you want to see the best results. Timing and motivation are also crucial.

Go because you want to, not because someone else has told you that you should.

How do you know if you even need therapy? That is a valid question, and one many people ask themselves all the time. ‘Everybody experiences challenges, and it may benefit you to work with a therapist,’ says Cape Town-based psychoanalyst and group therapist Vincenzo Sinisi. Basically, the world

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would be a better place if everyone had a therapist on call. Sinisi continues: ‘That’s not to say that we should all be in therapy all the time, but I do want to stress that working with a therapist is often meaningful and helpful, even if you aren’t mentally ill.’

Just like you’d go to the doctor for a physical check-up, do the same for your mind. We’ve been socialised into taking care of our physical health. Even though most of us hate going to the doctor, we do it because we’ve been taught to do it. Let’s pay our mental health the same respect.

The ideal therapist for many is simply an affordable one.

Here’s what’s available to help you look after your mental health, no matter what your budget is.

1

COUNSELLING What is it? Counselling is one of the more common solutions offered by the government. It’s a branch of talking therapy that involves finding ways to cope with emotional issues and better decipher your feelings, by working with a trained therapist. Counselling is seen as short-term, for current situations. Clinical social workers and registered counsellors often work with families and communities, and they are trained to provide guidance and support regarding personal and mental-health matters.

Who should get it? Anyone going through a difficult life event, such as grief or loss, trauma, abuse, divorce, family conflict, work-related stress, retrenchment, sexual-identity struggles and upsetting physical-health conditions.

To find a counsellor, go to Tears.co.za.

Best for? Tackling challenging life events as they occur, without breaking the bank.

‘Clinical social workers are more likely than psychologists to work with the state, therefore they’re often a great resource to help people with limited means gain access to services like child protection, healthcare, housing and employment,’ says Sinisi.

Any downsides? Depending on where you’re based, the waiting lists and queues can be extremely long. Chemistry

with your counsellor is important too and if you don’t gel, you’re well within your rights to raise your concerns with them during a session or look for another.

‘It is not always easy to access these services as they’re under pressure and under-resourced, but many clinics are staffed by professionals who are eager to help,’ says Sinisi.

How much and how many?

‘Many organisations in South Africa, such as LifeLine, FAMSA and SADAG, offer access to counsellors who charge very low fees. Community clinics and hospitals offer mental-health services to the people who live in their catchment areas,’ says Sinisi.

Remember that hospitals don’t offer walk-in mentalhealth services, so you need to call your local community clinic or university clinic (it’s what they’re there for). They will refer you to a hospital if they don’t have an in-house psychologist or psychiatrist.

You may have to wait in a queue, so be patient.

To find low-fee services, you can also go to Therapyroute.com – click on ‘non-profit’ above the search results.

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GROUP THERAPY What is it? An umbrella term for working with a therapist in a group of other people who are experiencing similar issues. While you’ll be encouraged to talk, there’s no requirement to.

Who should get it? Find the idea of a one-on-one session a bit intense? This could be the right route for you. Plus, there’s the added bonus of potentially bonding with others facing parallel difficulties. There’s also less of a commitment factor. Your involvement can be long-term or totally casual.

Best for? Group therapy ranges from Alcoholics Anonymous to groups dealing with panic attacks or cancer.

Group therapy can be especially good for people with quite specific problems, such as addiction. It may also be cheaper than individual private sessions. For more info, call the Department of Social Development Substance Abuse Helpline:  0800 121 314.

Any downsides? The idea of sharing your problems with a host of unfamiliar faces might feel a bit daunting and intimidating at first, but the majority of participants open up after the first few sessions.

How much and how many?

Costs vary depending on the group you’re joining (Alcoholics Anonymous, for example, is free. They pass a collection pot around during meetings to cover running fees, but nobody is expected to donate if they’re unable to). Call SADAG’s Helpline to find a support group for depression and anxiety in your area:  0800 212 223.

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MENTALHEALTH APPS What are they? There are multiple new apps that claim

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to help with everything from learning breathing techniques to mindfulness (the practice of bringing awareness to the present and not allowing your thoughts to take over or spiral).

Who should get them?

Those short on time or who live in remote areas, making it difficult to access face-to-face treatments. Apps are also a good way of dipping your toe into therapy before committing to paid sessions.

Best for? Many apps focus on managing panic attacks (Beat Panic), the urge to self-harm (Calm Harm) or unhelpful thoughts (Chill Panda).

Any downsides? ‘I think the jury is still out on whether these services are as effective as they claim to be,’ says Sinisi. ‘More research is required before they can be recommended.’

How much and how many?

Most of the aforementioned apps are free (including Thrive, which uses games to track your mood and to teach methods of dealing with stress and anxiety), but some have in-app purchases or require a GP referral.

For immediate support, call SADAG’s Suicide Crisis Line:  0800 567 567.

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PSYCHOTHERAPY What is it? This is where they delve deep. Psychotherapists look at the conscious and the unconscious (the pain, the motives and the fantasies we may not even be aware of within ourselves). As a patient, you’re encouraged to be open and honest. The psychotherapist will slowly

I L L U S T R AT I O N S M A R T I N I X E R D E S I G N A D D I T I O N A L R E P O R T I N G J E S S I C A P O W E L L , J E N N Y E V E R E T T A N D F L O R E N C E M I T C H E L L A P P I N F O R M AT I O N C O R R E C T AT T I M E O F G O I N G T O P R E S S

MIND

Some questions you can ask your therapist Yes, you can (and should) ask questions too.

Psychoanalyst Vincenzo Sinisi suggests asking the following: ‘Do you have experience with these kinds of concerns?’

This is particularly important in specialist areas, like OCD, addiction, eating disorders, schizophrenia, postnatal depression, sexual abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder.

‘What’s your style of therapy?’

How will they approach you and what do they aim to achieve?

‘How long have you been working?’

While this can be an important question, also remember that new therapists bring fresh enthusiasm, tend to be more hopeful, and often work harder. Sometimes the decision is just a gut thing, you know?

‘How much do you charge and how do you expect to be paid?’

Ask about medical aid. Are they willing to accommodate your financial circumstances to help make therapy sustainable?

‘What’s your mode?’

Individual therapy, family therapy, couple’s therapy, group therapy, longterm, short-term...

‘What are the boundaries?’

Can you call between sessions?

Do you feel comfortable with this person?

‘How often will we meet?’

How long do you need to wait for an appointment? What is the expected length of therapy, and why?

How often will you meet up?

start to unpack and detangle how you became who you are, and what you’re struggling with.

Who should get it?

Anybody who is dealing with long-lasting problems.

Psychotherapists do intensive work with you (preferably several times a week), over many years. The solutions they provide are often

collaborative, nuanced and tailored specifically to you and your lived experiences. This, obviously, takes time.

Best for? Those willing to commit to the long-term.

Any downsides?

Psychotherapists have a lot of experience. This does, however, tend to make private psychotherapy one of the

more expensive options.

How much and how many?

The numbers vary from person to person in the private sector, but you’re looking at about R800 for an hour-long session. You should see a psychotherapist once a week. For advice and to find a reputable psychotherapist in your area, go to Therapyroute.com.

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PSYCHIATRY What is it? Psychiatrists can prescribe you meds.

The process involves a medical diagnosis and treatment of a mental illness. Unlike psychologists, they are qualified to treat mental illness with drugs rather than talk therapy only.

Who should get it?

Anyone who is referred to a psychiatrist by a GP or psychologist.

Best for? People who require medication, often in addition to therapy.

Any downsides? A psychiatrist is a medical doctor with specialist training, so they tend to be the most expensive of the bunch in private practice. ‘As a rule, psychiatrists are the most expensive, followed by psychologists, then social workers and registered counsellors,’ says Sinisi.

How much and how many?

R1 500 to R2 000 for an initial consultation – and that’s excluding the meds.

Rates can drop for follow-up consultations. If you have medical aid, you can give them a call to find out whether they offer support for counselling and how to access it.

If you already have a diagnosed mental-health condition, then visit your doctor to find out if that condition is covered as part of your medical aid’s prescribed minimum benefits.

To find a psychiatrist, call the LifeLine Counselling Line:  0861 322 322. 

WELLNESS

t n a l P power

c

What’s the deal with all these CBD products we keep seeing ever y where? Here’s what they are, what they do, and how to *safely* incorporate them into your life

By HELEN WALL ACE

annabis was once (and probably still is, according to the more conservative among us) referred to as ‘devil’s lettuce’ – a gateway drug that could cause serious harm with absolutely no benefits whatsoever. But boy, have things changed! In 2018 the Constitutional Court of South Africa decriminalised the use of marijuana and its derivatives in private spaces, which set the wheels in motion for this oncecontroversial plant to break free from the stigma that has haunted it for years. The CBD movement has been the most successful at bringing Mary Jane into the limelight ... and into our medicine boxes, beauty and self-care routines, and even the occasional meal.

It doesn’t matter where you go – CBD is everywhere. But what exactly is it? I’m glad you asked.

According to home-grown (see what I did there?) CBD store Goodleaf, these three letters stand for cannabidiol, which is a compound that is extracted

from the cannabis sativa plant.

It is this compound that comes with an impressive repertoire of health benefits. Unlike the other well-known compound loved by stoners, tetrahydrocannabinol (or THC), CBD is non-psychoactive and not addictive, which means that consuming it won’t make you ‘high’, nor will you experience withdrawals or dependency issues. This is because CBD works in conjunction with – or gives a much-needed boost to – the endocannabinoid system we all have that helps to keep our bodies in balance. The cannabinoid lurking inside us is called anandamide, aka the ‘bliss molecule’, and using CBD oil is a way to keep your bliss reserves sufficiently stocked so that your body can reach a state of Zen. Let’s break down these benefits, shall we:

Mind One of the main reasons that people turn to CBD oil is for relief from mental-health issues, ranging from anxiety to posttraumatic stress disorder. It CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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P H O T O G R A P H Y I S T O C K P H O T O . C O M S O U R C E S B Y R D I E . C O M A N D H E A LT H L I N E . C O M

GET YOUR FIX has also been shown to help regulate sleep and treat potentially debilitating neurological conditions, such as Parkinson’s disease and epilepsy. One study conducted in 2018 revealed that CBD could offer sustained antidepressant-like relief.

Amazing, right? And while this shouldn’t be a replacement for in-patient treatment or sessions with a shrink, it can be a great remedy when used in mild cases or under the supervision of a trained professional.

At the moment, it all boils down to evidence, and according to the majority of healthcare professionals, there simply isn’t enough of it yet. ‘Cannabinoids may have some beneficial potential for treatment and therefore should be studied,’ says Dr Elina Drits, associate chair of psychiatry at Staten Island University Hospital. Want to use it anyway? Fair enough.

But it is recommended that you do so under the watchful eye of a psychiatrist.

‘I recommend people work with a mental-health provider they feel comfortable with to monitor them for improvement in their symptoms and for any potential adverse effects.’

Body Some of the things CBD oil is most commonly used for are treating chronic pain and migraines, reducing blood pressure and cholesterol levels, suppressing the growth of cancer cells, and easing inflammation of the pancreas in people who suffer from type 1 diabetes.

And it’s not just the inside of your body that can flourish when incorporating this molecule into your life. Beauty brands are also creating CBD products, as this compound has been effective in treating everything from acne and redness to autoimmune diseases such as eczema and psoriasis.

Regarding the benefits for your skin, experts agree that more research still needs to be done. ‘I’m asked about CBD in skincare often because it is the en vogue active,’ dermatologist Rita Linkner says. ‘To date, there aren’t any known side effects. The use of CBD in skincare is new. I can’t wait to see what the future holds with further research.’

Another area of your *ahem* physical life that CBD has been shown to improve is sex. Yup, there are now a whole host of CBDinfused massage oils and lubricants that can heighten the sensations in your nether regions by increasing blood flow to the area. It has also been suggested that it boosts libido as well as the body’s serotonin levels, which can make orgasms even more intense. Yes, please!

Good to know So your homie has a homie who has a side hustle producing CBD ingestibles and topicals in their garage and can hook you up cheapcheap? Don’t do it. ‘Knowing where and how the hemp from which the CBD was cultivated will help you understand what’s inside

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the product,’ says Goodleaf community manager Amy Paterson. ‘All products sold in South Africa should be in line with legislation and contain less than 0,001% THC. Also, reputable CBD products should have a Certificate of Analysis by a third-party lab, which is how you can tell if the product is legit.’

So your product is the real deal, but how do you take it? ‘When it comes to finding the perfect CBD dosage, there’s no such thing as a onesize-fits-all approach,’ says Paterson. ‘What works for you personally might be a completely different dosage for someone else, because every individual’s biochemistry is different and everyone responds slightly differently to CBD. The legal recommended daily dose of CBD is 20mg, but beginners should start low so that you can gauge how your body reacts and adjust accordingly. It’s all about what works best for you.’

The future of cannabis in South Africa is constantly evolving, with more and more influential people, from celebs to local cabinet ministers (we see you, Tito Mboweni!) wanting this ageold medicinal plant to be legalised, not just because of the touted health benefits but because it could be a major source of revenue for the nation as it is proving to be across the pond.

After all these years of being treated like the bad guy, this powerful plant is finally getting the recognition it deserves. And that is pretty dope. 

PROMOTION

B u y in g a car can b e p r e t t y e as y...

Yeah, we shop for cute dresses and cars online. Hear us out

You’re probably juggling a full-time job, a side hustle, your skincare routine and your social life. And like us, you don’t have the time for complicated experiences at a car dealership.

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Car Finance safety checks and DEKRA vetting process.

friendly team once you’ve found the car you want.

Provisional approval is easier than you think Online provisional approval can be done at any time.

RCS Car Finance will give you an indication of what you can afford to spend upfront. Then you can complete your application with their

RCS handles all the admin Forget having to meet the buyer at a ‘safe location’ or doing any of the admin. RCS Car Finance liaises with the seller, and you, to take care of every aspect during your carbuying process.

Ts and Cs apply. RCS is a registered Credit and Financial Ser vices Provider NCRCP 38 / FSP 44481

They’ll even deliver your new ride to your door Once your finance is approved and the admin has been taken care of

by RCS Car Finance (this includes the licensing and registration – how amazing?), your new car can be delivered straight to you! 

PHOTOGRAPHY ISTOCKPHOTO.COM

You’ve got nothing but time It’s 2020 and the new way to shop for your ride is from the comfort of your couch with a sheet mask on.

There’s no need to head to the dealership, because buying a car with the help of RCS Car Finance is the easiest, safest way to finance it at the right price with minimal admin.

l o v e Why do guys

get over break-ups so much faster than the rest of us?! *Me: goes on post - break- up journey of self- discover y* *Dude: downloads Tinder that night*

By CARINA HSIEH

Lucif e

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r, t ha

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hid

to the next so fast that no-one notices they’ve been burned.

On the flip side, women are usually urged to let it all out.

Society has reinforced that expressing our feelings is our forte.

‘We’re given the

ing

his sa dnes

s.

them get over you.’

And (attention: men) it probably won’t.

Another 2015 study by Binghamton University and University College London found that while women report higher levels of emotional pain after a break-up, they actually have an overall easier time recovering.

‘Men, on the other hand, never fully do –

QQ: Guys, do you honestly think you move on too fast?

‘After a break-up, I want to be distracted immediately and validate my ego by going on dates. That being said, my first major girlfriend still crosses my mind every couple of months – and that was almost 10 years ago.’

- HUNTER, 29

to take heartbreak hard, explains Jordan Madison, a marriage therapist. Sure, some may talk about it while shooting hoops with their friends or sulk alone on their couches, but most tend to follow the ‘man up’ advice they’ve been fed since childhood. To preserve their egos, they move on

‘The dude couldn’t even wait a full business day to get back out there?!’

time to mourn and process our emotions,’ explains Madison.

So wait, should we feel kind of ... sorry for guys? Their surfacelevel fix defs isn’t doing them any favours, says Jeannie Assimos, chief of advice at eHarmony.

‘Men are more likely to rebound with another woman, but it’s not because they didn’t love you. It’s because they think it will help

they simply move on,’ wrote the study authors.

(And guess who gets to deal with that baggage? Yep, their rebounds!)

I’m still stewing over my ex replacing me so easily. But if science says it’s better to admit that than suppress it, my pizza and I are gonna be just fine. 

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‘I definitely didn’t process the break-up faster than my last female ex. It took me about a year or so to get over it. To me, there’s a part of me that never truly lets go of a break-up.’

-JULIAN, 28

‘As an extrovert, I’ll rebound pretty quickly.

That said, it’s taken me a lot of work in therapy to actually feel like I’ve “gotten over” serious break-ups, learned from them, and moved on healthily.’

- DAVID, 33

PHOTOGRAPHY HEX/STOCKSY

ot even 24 hours after our tearful break-up, my ex had a fresh profile up on OkCupid.

‘Um, isn’t this your guy?’ my friend texted, sending me a screenshot of the evidence. The dude couldn’t even wait a full business day to get back out there?! Ugh, it totally wrecked me.

After our final goodbye convo, I pictured myself spending time self-reflecting. I’d dip into two or three emotional pizzas, sign up for my first yoga class, and slowly realise some truths that would make the memories of my ex fade and my single, confident vibes grow. It would be so tragic, so emo, so beautiful!

But cool, my ex would be spending this time drinking with hot dates. I immediately felt like kindred spirits with

Ariana Grande, Anna Faris, Miranda Lambert and all the other women who have watched their exes move on to new relationships faster than they could sign them out of their Netflix accounts.

Like, why??? Why do half of all women take up to three months to get over a break-up, while men just … seem fine right away?

Because guys have been socialised not

nt his a ics are

p u d’

He’ll send you the most hilarious cat meme ... but he actually doesn’t like cats (he’s allergic).

He’s a gentleman on your screen, but a dick in the streets.

Aka the dude you adore don’t recognise IRL

PHOTOGRAPHY RUBEN CHAMORRO *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

DREWS

ric* barely spoke . He couldn’t stop picking at his beer-bottle wrapper – the only thing he looked at all night (yes, I was jealous of an adult beverage). ‘Um,’ I thought, ‘do I smell or something?’ When I got up to go to the bathroom and grazed the back of his arm, he tensed up as if I’d showered him with a billion ice cubes.

I had been beyond excited to meet Eric in person. We’d matched on an app and he’d had me glued to my phone ever since. He was the perfect texter, sending cute memes and ‘Hey, beautiful’ messages. Then we met face-toface and I realised: ‘Shit. I’m dealing with a toyfriend.’

You know the type.

Literally: 81% of you have been out with

He’ll sext you like he’s already made you O, then sit one metre away on your first date.

someone who’s guilty of this Fyre Festival level of fraud, according to a COSMO poll.

Toyfriends play you via text like they’re keepers, but IRL, they’re so different.

Here’s the thing, though: it’s not totally their fault. Our imaginations are also kind of to blame.

‘It’s called projective identification,’ says psychotherapist Jaime Gleicher. ‘You want this person to complete a fantasy, so you project what you want onto them.’

When you feel textual vibes with a match, you likely start to personify how they act, speak,

He’ll be upfront about his high salary via text, then make you pick up every tab.

He’ll send you a feminist tweet, then call all his ex-girlfriends crazy.

even joke. And while there’s nothing wrong with wishing fantasies would come true, remember that you’re only getting a fraction of who a person is from texting with them.

The rest, you might be making up in your head.

Think of it like reading a great book,

then seeing the movie adaptation cast with all the wrong celebs. You end up mourning both what could have been and the sudden loss of what was.

There’s only one way to avoid a toyfriend sitch, says Gleicher. Cut down on the messaging (after confirming they

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are who they say they are) and build chemistry in the same room or over the phone.

When my date with Eric ended, I took it for what it was: bad.

Then on my way home, he started sending me heart-eyes emoji – and I knew I had to break up with my toyfriend too. 

r e n’t r e a l, yo u’r e we l c o m H onestly, they’re not a thing, they never have b e en, so don’t fall for this ‘you owe me an orgasm’ BS, b e cause you don’t. The end.

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…

oh

, ait

By CANDICE JALILI

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LOVE

Let’s put an end to this, mmmkay?

kay, not really the end, because even in the era of constantly Googling every possible ‘can coffee kill you?’-type query that crosses the mind (it can!), guys are still out here believing and hawking the ‘blue ball’ myth – when a man gets aroused, but for some reason (ahem, you not being interested in going that far perhaps?) is prevented from ejaculating and he’s in physical pain until he does. A level of pain that means he needs relief – fast.

And which men have been using since the dawn of time as a way to convince women that we have to ‘follow ’.

7

percent of COSMO readers have been with a guy who’s claimed the ‘blue balls’ affliction.

SO U RCE: COS M O P O

H e r e ’s w h a t actually happens You know how right before you sneeze, your body reflexively tenses up? And when you let it rip, you feel a sense of relief? A similar scenario happens in a guy’s genitals when he gets turned on and then orgasms. ‘Ejaculation is like that sneeze,’ says urologist Paul Turek.

The build-up is called the emission

walk around in heels for crying out loud.

‘It’s temporary and certainly not anything dangerous,’ says Turek.

‘As he relaxes, the discomfort goes away. It doesn’t become worse.’

Compare the feeling to the very tolerable annoyance of needing to blow your nose but being temporarily tissue-less.

For the record, women’s bodies experience a similar chain of events when we’re turned on. ‘We go through something called engorgement, when blood flows into

Compare the feeling to the ver y tolerable annoyance of needing to blow your nose but being temporarily tissue-less. phase, during which semen collects in the ejaculatory ducts within his prostate. If foreplay (or whatever else is arousing him) suddenly stops and he can no longer release the built-up semen, there is – and let me be superclear here – momentary mild discomfort. Repeat after me: Momentary.

Mild. Discomfort. You

our vulvas,’ says Carol Queen, the resident sexologist at Good Vibrations. Pausing during engorgement ‘can certainly create a sense of pressure or tightness in some women,’ she explains.

Again, pressure, not pain. And men certainly don’t hear us using that as a guilt trip.

A LIST OF MEN WHO HAD ‘BLUE BALLS’ AND SURVIVED yo u r ex yo u r o t h e r ex t h a t Tin d e r dude the guy yo u m e t in M exic o yo u r TA yo u r H all owe e n o n e - night st an d yo u r B FF’s o l d e r b ro t h e r the guy to yo u r l e f t the guy to yo u r right

T h e n a g a i n , i t ’s n o t *a l l * h i s f a u l t Remember that part in The Wolf Of Wall Street when Leonardo

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DiCaprio falls to his knees after being denied sex by Margot Robbie? That shit is everywhere, a basically impossible-to-avoid trope, which contributes to the fallacy of blue balls and everyone’s assumption that they’re real.

The average guy could legitimately think he’s on the brink of being carried out of your place on a stretcher, clutching his crotch in agony, because it’s likely that no-one – not Leo, not pop culture, not sex education in school – has taught him that blue balls are a physical impossibility.

‘Some men definitely believe this is a legit thing, because no-one is telling them otherwise,’ says Emily Morse, a sex and relationship expert and podcast host of Sex With Emily.

(Also, testes can’t turn blue. Facts.)

And now: happily ever after!

Go ahead and tear out these pages and give them over to the next dude who claims he’s gonna combust if he doesn’t get off.

Congrats: you never have to do a damn thing to ease his ‘pain’ again. 

LOVE

S ex e d from the c ast of N e t f li x ’s S ex Education

By NOXOLO MAFU

Vaginismus THE LOWDOWN The weird and wonderful Lily (played

by Tanya Reynolds) introduces us to the condition in the first season. She is determined to start having sex, but her body has other ideas. Her ‘Venus flytrap’ aka vagina is just not ready for penetration and we find out why.

OKAY, SO WHAT IS IT? ‘Vaginismus is a spasm or contraction of the muscles around

the vagina. This can happen during sexual intercourse, when you try to insert a tampon into the vagina, or during a Pap test,’ according to the Cleveland Clinic.

Causes can include anxiety or a fear of sex.

Ghost fetishes aka spectrophilia THE LOWDOWN Olivia (played by Simone Ashley) is one of three fab and fierce members of The Untouchables squad. In Season 2,

Olivia and Malek (Armin Karima) get hot and heavy, but her habit of covering his face during sex begins to worry him. He starts seeing Jean (a sex therapist) to get the answers and it turns out his girl may have a ghost fetish...

OKAY, SO WHAT IS IT? According to research, spectrophilia refers to a fetish where an individual is attracted to spirits, and fantasises about having sex with them.

They may also become aroused when they see objects in mirrors.

Freaky much?

Anal douche THE LOWDOWN Leader of The Untouchables and gay student Anwar (played by Chaneil Kular) loses his cool

when his boyfriend asks him if he has had time to douche before they have sex. Anwar finds a not-so-discreet way to leave because he doesn’t know what to do.

OKAY, SO WHAT IS IT? The Cambridge English Dictionary defines douching as ‘putting a liquid, usually water, into the [genitals] in order to wash it or treat it medically.’ Very NB: don’t try this without consulting your doc first.

Asexuality THE LOWDOWN Florence (Mirren Mack) is cast to play Juliet in the school play.

In a place filled with ‘horny teenagers’, her attitude towards sex is very different to that of her peers. She simply

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has no desire to have sex and feels bad about it. So she seeks advice from Jean, who explains what asexuality is.

OKAY, SO WHAT IS IT? According to The Asexual Visibility & Education Network, an asexual person ‘does not experience sexual attraction’.

Psychologist Anthony Bogaert adds, ‘It [does] not necessarily mean that these individuals have no desire for sexual stimulation (for example, do not masturbate), although, most of these individuals would, of course, likely have a very low interest in any kind of sexual stimulation.’ 

Sex Education Season 2 is now streaming on Netflix.

PHOTOGRAPHY NETFLIX

This charming series about British teens who run an underground sex clinic is at the top of ever ybody’s binge list. Season 2 is here, so this is the per fect oppor tunit y to give you the Sex Education glossar y you need to read.

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Ca n I a d mit t h a t I hate b e in g sin g l e n ow?

PHOTOGRAPHY ALAMY

What if I want chips *and* guys to share them with?

on’t get me wrong: I’ll proudly rock an oversized tee while listening to Lizzo ‘put the sing in single’ and Ariana Grande vow that she ‘ain’t gon’ be no

By DANA GERBER

Mrs’. I love that our culture is now fully on the #SingleLife bandwagon, championing the badass army of unattached women that’s only gaining strength in numbers.

My friends and fam

always tell me that I’m killing it soulmate-free – because, hi, I am.

I never have to share my popcorn at the movies, I live for chill nights vegging on my couch, and the only aisle I’m excited to walk down any time soon is

the one at Pick n Pay packing all the ice cream.

But yeah, I also really, really want a relationship. And why is this so wrong??? Why does it make me seem like a traitor to single people everywhere?

Or like I can’t say this out loud without being labelled an antifeminist who has failed to flaunt her fabulous free-agent status? How is it that admitting I might be even happier with a plus-one makes me seem both too thirsty and not fierce enough?

Look, I know how privileged I am to even exist at a time when women aren’t socially obligated to be coupled up. I mean, if this were pre-1970, I wouldn’t even be able to sign up for a credit card without a husband’s signature.

(Seriously.) Now, there are entire movements dedicated to raising women up. We don’t need to be girlfriends or wives to thrive, and that’s definitely worthy of cheering.

It doesn’t mean, though, that some women (read: me) don’t still want a partner to take latenight drives with. And send LOL memes to

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on the reg. And tag in romantic ‘Grams from awesome weekends spent together.

I’m sick of doing stuff alone. I crave the intimacy of having a ride-or-die. A few weeks ago, I was so starved for touch that I found myself hugging people for way longer than is socially acceptable (I am not proud of this, and also, if that was you, I’m sorry?).

I then got caught in a vicious Tinderswiping cycle of feeling miserable for not finding anyone I liked – and then feeling extra miz for wanting to so badly.

The worst was coming to terms with the fact that I don’t actually love standing on my own.

Lately, though, I‘ve been asking myself: isn’t the entire value of independence that you can do what you want?

And I’m pretty sure being a feminist doesn’t mean I have to stay single to prove my power as a woman, right?

So here’s my new MO: lean in to what I know will make me happy. And never apologise for slaying as a solo queen while also looking for someone to share my throne. 

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w o r k

The sm ar t gir l ’s g ui d e t o m o n ey

r

emember that day in school where the teacher sat you down and took you through all the basics about how money works – like when you’re supposed to file a tax return, and what the heck the stock market actually is? Yeah, me neither. It’s no wonder that so many of us feel like money’s a mystery. But never fear: we’ve gotchu, boo. According to the Old Mutual Savings and Investment Monitor 2019, 90% of South Africans who earn between R20k and R40k per month don’t have R10k saved for a financial emergency. While 9,7-million South Africans have an impaired credit record.

Sam Beckbessinger, entrepreneur and author of Manage Your Money Like A F*cking Adult, is here to help with a three-step plan for whipping your finances into shape, once and for all.

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STEP 1

Make a plan

Money management is hard because it feels like there are a million competing priorities. So break it down and try to focus on one money goal at a time.

1 Get your sp ending under cont rol. You’ve reached this goal when you know exactly where all your money goes every month, you can make it all the way to payday without subsisting on 2 Minute Noodles, and you’ve freed up some cash for your next goal.

2 S ave one mont h’s wor t h of exp enses as an emergenc y fund. Put this in a savings account that earns you a little bit of interest.

TymeBank, Capitec and the Old Mutual Money Account are good options.

3 St ar t your retirement fund. Commit to saving a sensible percentage of your income every month so that you can afford to stop working one day and take up bingo competitively (psst: check the box on page 106).

4 Pay of f all highint erest debt. Stuff like credit cards and store loans, where you’re not paying off the balance in full every month. You can’t start building for the future if you’re still

paying off the past. If you’ve got lots of debt, Google the ‘snowball method’ for a plan to tackle it.

5 Build up your emergenc y savings t o t hre e mont hs’ wor t h of exp enses, so that you can sleep easy at night knowing you can flip a table and walk out of your job/relationship/ city when you really need to.

6 Start building up an investment portfolio to pay for your biggest, boldest dreams. Here’s where the fun really begins.

If your employer offers to match your retirement savings (lucky you!), then make it your top priority to contribute the maximum they’ll match, otherwise you’re just walking away from free money. If you’ve got dependents, the steps above still apply, but you should also make sure you’ve prioritised a good life insurance policy.

STEP 2

Wrangle your spending

Are you one of those people who crumples up your ATM slip the second it comes out the machine so you don’t have to look at your bank balance?

(No shade, we’ve all done it). Once you’ve figured out what goal you’re working on,

the next step is to put on your Big Girl Panties and really confront your spending.

Most of us actually have no idea where our money goes every month, so your first job is to find out. Install an app like 22seven or Moneysmart that will automatically track and categorise your spending.

Try not to judge yourself: this is a picture of your past; it doesn’t have to be a picture of your future.

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If you aren’t making ends meet, you have two options: earn more, or spend less.

Earning more could mean starting a side hustle or asking for a raise. But earning more is probably not enough on its own, because even rich people still manage to outspend their incomes (Mike Tyson, Nicolas Cage and 50 Cent all declared bankruptcy after earning millions).

MONEY

The key to cutting back your spending is to ask yourself whether how you spend your money is in line with what you value. If what you want most in your life is to spend time with your family, then it doesn’t make sense to spend money on a fancy car. No-one can tell you whether you’re spending too much on something, because you’re the only person who can decide what matters most to you. If you want to find easy places to cut back on your spending, look for waste and lifestyle creep.

Waste refers to spending money on stuff we don’t use.

You may also not realise that you can get the same value for a cheaper price on things such as: a gym contract you’re not using (and running is free!) a pay-TV package when you only watch the same three channels (streaming TV packages are much cheaper) an uncapped Internet connection (are you really downloading the whole Internet every month?) bank fees that give you a fancy platinum card and not much else a cellphone contract (pay-asyou-go is usually cheaper, and getting a Rain SIM can save a lot of money on data) insurance for stuff that you could rather just pay for out of your new emergency fund (you definitely need some insurance, but many South Africans have more insurance than they’re ever likely to use, at the expense of their savings)

Lifestyle creep occurs when you start getting used to more expensive things, just because you can afford them (even though you might not actually value them). Often, laziness is the real culprit here, like when you find yourself buying lunch more often than you pack a lunchbox. But lifestyle creep is most harmful to us when it’s about our two biggest expenses: housing and transport. Spending less than you can afford to on those two expenses is the easiest way to free up money for your most ambitious dreams.

Wrangling your spending doesn’t mean giving up fun; it means putting every cent you earn into what actually matters to you.

STEP 3

Put your money to work

What differentiates the money-savvy and the moneystressed is this: money-savvy people accumulate assets, and money-stressed people accumulate expenses. Assets are things that earn you money while you’re asleep.

Expenses are things that tie you to your job and make it impossible for you to ever stop working. Assets, my friend,

are the key to freedom.

There are (at least) four factors to consider when choosing an asset: 1 Diversification: Keeping your money safe by spreading it across a lot of different types of assets. You don’t want to put all your money eggs in one basket.

2 Cost: All assets cost money to invest in. You want an investment that doesn’t eat up all of your growth in fees.

3 Risk: You should invest most of your money in triedand-tested types of assets that have a proven track record over many decades. Don’t invest more than five percent of your money in speculative investments (whatever the hot new investing trend of the moment might be) unless you really know what you’re doing. That said, you do have to take some risk, unless you want to work until you die.

4 Value: Assets should add value to the world, and you should only invest in something if you understand how that value is being created.

Taking all of these factors into consideration, my favourite type of asset for a beginner to start investing in is something called a global ETF. This is a type of asset that’s traded on the stock market (an asset class with over 100 years of history), and it’s a product that lets you own a tiny piece of hundreds of the world’s most successful businesses (like Apple, Coca-Cola and Volkswagen). It’s highly

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ESSENTIAL APPS FOR MONEY FUNDIS

22seven The best moneymanagement app in South Africa, and it’s free.

EasyEquities A website where you can invest in all of the world’s most successful businesses.

Fr a n c: A new investing app for those who feel intimidated by all the options on EasyEquities.

C l e a r S c o r e: It lets you keep track of your credit score and helps you understand how to improve it.

O PR TI P

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’RE READY TO BUY A HOUSE?

WHAT A GREAT CREDIT HISTORY LOOKS LIKE

You have a large credit limit available to you, but you’re only using a small amount of it.

You’re never late on a payment, and never miss a payment.

You haven’t applied for a lot of new credit recently.

You’ve had at least one of your credit accounts for a long time.

You’ve never had a court order against you that’s connected to your debt.

My favourite tactic for building a credit history is to accept the biggest credit-card limit your bank will offer you. Load that card onto Uber/Mr Delivery/Snapscan or something similar that you use frequently-ish (pick whichever one you’re least likely to overspend on). Hide the card somewhere safe (don’t keep it in your wallet so you’re never tempted), set up an instruction to pay off the balance in full every payday, and then never close that credit-card account.

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU NEED TO SAVE FOR RETIREMENT? The maths on how much money you should save to be able to support yourself after retirement is complicated enough that you should speak to a financial advisor about it. But here’s a rough rule of thumb: as a percentage of your salary, save half as much as the age you start saving. So, if you start saving for retirement when you’re 20, you should be saving 10% of your salary every month. If you only start saving when you’re 40, you’ll need to save 20%. The earlier you start, the less you need to save, because of the sweet benefits of compound interest. If you work for a company that matches your contributions to a pension fund, you should pay out the maximum they’ll match. If your company doesn’t offer pension matching, look for a retirement annuity: these are tax-optimised investments that you can open by yourself or with the help of an advisor. Google ‘Stealthy Wealth + best RA in South Africa’ for a great roundup of the best options.

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The house you live in isn’t really an asset (unless you manage to sell it for a huge profit, then downscale and live somewhere much cheaper). But it’s a great way to save costs on your housing over time.

Usually, when you first buy a house, the costs of owning that house every month are higher than if you were renting the same place.

But the costs tend to stay the same, while the costs of renting rise every year. And eventually, having owned the house works out cheaper than having rented it. The thing is, the average person needs to live in one house for at least nine years before that happens. If you sell your house sooner than that, you usually lose money, because buying and selling houses is really expensive. So don’t start thinking about it until: 1 you’re pretty sure you won’t want to move for the next decade (you’re ready to settle in one place) 2 you’ve built up a good credit score 3 you’ve saved at least a 10% deposit Buying a house in South Africa has actually been a pretty terrible investment for most people, for many years. Data from the FNB Property Barometer shows that the average house in South Africa has actually lost value against inflation for most of the past decade.

PHOTOGRAPHY BEN RITTER

diversified and has low fees.

You can start investing in a global ETF with as little as R50. Satrix, CoreShares and Ashburton all offer affordable global ETFs (my personal faves are the Satrix MSCI World Index and the Ashburton Global 1200, but do your own research).

Part of your risk decision should be figuring out when you’ll need the money.

Generally, the further away you need the money, the more you want to put it into the type of asset where the price wobbles a lot, but is likely to earn more money in the long run (stuff like ETFs and stocks). The sooner you need the money, the more you want to put your cash into stable assets that probably won’t grow as much but also won’t cause you heart failure (think money market funds or balanced funds).

Every South African is allowed to invest R33 000 every year into a tax-free investment (often called a TFSA). This allowance is the perfect home for your longterm investments.

Choosing the right investment can be complicated. Talk to a financial planner if you need help. But try to find someone who works independently (so they’re not just a salesperson for one company) and on a fee basis, not off commissions, so you get unbiased advice.

You’ll be choosing assets throughout your whole life, so don’t get paralysed trying to choose the Perfect Unicorn Asset. The most important thing is to just start. 

One of the most surefire ways to improve your retirement savings is to try to lower your investment fees.

WORK

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COSMO’s ve y o ca boss ct ona y

Annoying term

Literal definition

How to sound ~corporate~

COB

Close of business, aka when the workday ends. Similar to EOD except that could mean … midnight.

Leave this one to e-mail or chat message, à la, ‘I’ll get that to you before COB!’ (Because, TBH, you might sound silly saying it out loud.)

KPI

Key performance indicator – a metric (like sales or new followers) that determines a project’s success.

Whip this out when you want your supervisor to know you’re on top of shit: ‘Based on the KPIs, we’re overperforming this quarter.’

Net-net

A fancy way of saying ‘bottom line’ or the total amount you either gained or lost.

When she asks you if you’re burning through the budget, throw her the ol’ ‘Net-net, we’re actually in the black.’

One-sheet

A single sheet of paper summarising a product, your biz or basically whatever else you’re working on.

If someone asks you to send them info on straight-up anything, just say, ‘I’ll write up a one-sheet so you can have it on file.’ Promotion, please!

RFP

Request for proposal.

This is a doc you give a potential business partner that asks them to show you can work together.

If the higher-ups want an update on a dream collab, tell them, ‘I’ve sent out the RFP and I’ll let you know when they respond!’

ROI

Return on investment, aka how much you get back from how much you put in.

Next time your boss suggests a project you’re iffy about, hit ’em with: ‘I’m just concerned we’re not going to see enough ROI.’ 

KPIs? Child’s play

P H O T O G R A P H Y M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R E S A N D G E T T Y I M A G E S

By SARAH WELDON

How fun is it when your manager starts speaking a different language full of corporate jargon and BS-sounding abbreviations?

Sooo fun. Honestly, no-one would ever *actually* use this lingo in normal conversation ... yet it’s everywhere, used by bosses to make themselves seem important and impressive. Or, you know, to actually get work stuff done. Translations here!

BAD ASS BOSS

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WORK

What I wish I’d known as an intern...

While it might seem that all you’re doing is graf ting your arse of f, the first years of work are pret t y valuable when it comes to shaping your career. Here, five high - flyers recall the lessons they learnt…

A s t o l d t o C YA N T U R A N

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WORK

CHARLOTTE KNIGHT, 40

Founder and CEO of beauty brand Ciaté As a PA at the London office of a Hong Kong property company, aged 19, I would try to run before I could walk. I strived to use my own initiative, which is a blessing and a curse when you don’t have much experience, and at times I should have taken a step back. I was naive about cultural differences and my enthusiasm led to blunders. Once, I had to organise lunch for a meeting. Without checking dietary requirements, I ordered some sandwich platters.

I thought I’d done a wonderful job until I discovered the meeting was for a group of Asian men who traditionally don’t eat sandwiches for lunch. Everything went untouched and my boss asked why I’d done it. In my haste to be organised, ‘ Fi n d a I’d not thought it through. Now I’m fastidious about researching etiquette. connection to I’d also tell myself to be more aware of my surroundings. I once attended a board meeting to take notes and was yo u r n a t u r a l told to help myself to food, so I took a sandwich and filled it with crisps. i n t e r e s t s’ As I pushed the bread down, the room hushed and the crunch of my crisps was all anyone could hear. I was mortified and learnt to tailor my behaviour to the environment – really, it’s surprising how many of my lessons involve sandwiches!

I’d always been entrepreneurial, waking up at 4am aged 15 to run car-boot sales, so working in a corporate environment was hard, but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. The company built hotels, so I worked with interior designers and discovered my creativity helping them. Find a connection to your natural interests and you’ll be more motivated to learn.

At 21, I decided to set up a nail bar, which soon grew into a chain. In 2009, I launched Ciaté. Now I learn so much from my junior staff; they’re our target market. When you’re starting out, you often don’t appreciate your value, but there are businesses with whole departments dedicated to understanding women like you, so express your opinions. I want my staff to be sponges: soak up everything – not just in beauty, but also on issues like sustainability. If you constantly think of the bigger picture, you’ll be one step ahead. CO S M O P O L I TA N .CO. Z A | M A RC H 20 20

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SHARMAINE LOVEGROVE, 38

Publisher at inclusivityfocused imprint Dialogue Books I left home at 16 and went to work in a bookshop, spending my days understanding readers’ tastes. It taught me to listen – the best tool for learning to think outside yourself. It didn’t matter whether I approved of my customers’ choices or not.

I never worked for free. At 16 I was already paying my own rent, so the idea felt preposterous. Knowing that people were prepared to pay for my work helped me understand my value. I became a TV runner and then a press officer at FMcM, an agency focusing on books. The founder, Fiona McMorrough, taught me to pick up the phone and call people. Sometimes people are scared of it, but it gives you an instant connection. Have the conversation – you’ll always find a way forward.

In the mid-2000s, I was finding it hard to climb up in publishing, so I moved to Berlin and opened a shop, Dialogue Books. I stayed for seven years, only returning to become a publisher and set up my own inclusivityfocused imprint of the same name. My career has been unpredictable. When I was younger, some of my friends had milestones of what they wanted to achieve and by when, but I kept it simple. I wanted to work with books, writers and readers, so everything I’ve done has been about fulfilling my vision. That clarity has been key to my success.

If I were to speak to my ‘Listening is the younger self now, I’d tell her to trust her gut because, in best tool for the end, that’s all you have.

Certainly don’t worry about thinking outside what anyone else is doing; focus on your own path. yo u r s e l f ’ I’m proud of younger me: she’s a bolshier version of who I am now. I have mellowed, but she never compromised. And do you know what? She was right.

TULIP SIDDIQ, 37

Politician and Labour MP for Hampstead and Kilburn in the UK Fresh out of university, I experienced working in a toxic environment with a bullying atmosphere, where I was put down and made to feel worthless. I was told, ‘You’ll never make it with a name like Tulip,’ and that being less than 1,5 metres tall would hold me back. Even though I was so unhappy that I would nearly throw up as I approached the office, I worried about leaving because I thought I might never get another opportunity. There’s a sense that we must stick things out, but your happiness and mental health are more important. Eventually I left, being careful not to burn bridges, and I’m so glad I did. The lesson? If you’re unhappy, take action. If I could speak to twenty-something me again, I’d tell her to leave sooner – and not listen to the haters!

I then worked for human-rights organisations and in financial PR. I learnt so much, but ultimately realised I craved politics.

Timing is everything, though. In 2010 I stood successfully to be a local councillor, and someone asked if I wanted to be an MP. Initially, I’d considered it, but I told them I wasn’t ready. I cut my teeth at the council and stood to be an MP in 2015 – and won.

Enthusiasm is good, but so is realism. I wouldn’t have been a good MP in 2010 because I wouldn’t have understood how the machinery of government works.

There’s always a reason not to do something. My wedding was the same week as the candidate selections for the 2015 election.

A legitimate reason? Perhaps. But if I had missed that opportunity, I’d have had to wait four more years. You might be having a crisis, but think carefully about whether that’s a good enough reason not to go for it. In the end, my sister planned my wedding.

If I’d held back, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

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WORK

HAENI

CARA

KIM,

ELLISON,

32

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P H O T O G R A P H Y M A G A Z I N E F E AT U R E S , J E N N Y L E W I S / C O N T O U R A N D G E T T Y I M A G E S

Founder and CEO of fashion brand Kitri My first job was as a marketing intern at a fashion brand in London, where I did everything from merchandising to admin.

I was 22 and terrified, but I was also serious, goal-oriented and put my fear aside to be the first to raise my hand. Assisting at a night shoot for a VIP client, I was asked to bring her an espresso at 2am. I found an open restaurant, but they wouldn’t give me a cup, so I ran back to the studio, found a takeaway cup, and returned to the restaurant where they poured me a single shot of coffee. It felt like life or death, but my diligence got me noticed.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was to not suffer in silence. Mistakes will always be uncovered, and if you hide them, your boss won’t have a chance to rectify it. It’s much better to ’fess up! One year, I was put in charge of the seating plan for a London Fashion Week show. I’d never done it before but had help from a PR firm and thought I’d be fine. But at the last minute, the seating structure changed. I tried to move everyone but the letters and numbers didn’t match, so I had to ask guests to shuffle up one row. Net-A-Porter founder Natalie Massenet arrived last-minute with her baby.

I didn’t know whether to sit her on the side or ask her to keep her daughter on her lap. I panicked and hid in a corner, convinced my career was over. In the end, someone found me, we moved people around and it was fine. The lesson? Ask for help.

I got promoted at the fashion brand, then worked in manufacturing and sourcing in Shanghai and Hong Kong. I gained enough knowledge to start my own business and in 2017, Kitri was born. Now, when I hire juniors, I look for positivity, ambition and work ethic – the only things you can’t teach.

Games designer and writer for Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines 2 I’ve played video games since I was a toddler, but it wasn’t until I was eight that I realised someone, somewhere was making them.

I studied English at the University of Edinburgh, the city where a division of Rockstar Games, which makes Grand Theft Auto, is based. After graduating, I applied for a role as a tester, and got it. It sounds like a dream job, but the reality was spending eight hours a day making characters run into walls to check they were solid!

Working at Rockstar, I learnt to tell people what I was interested in. And making friends as a junior is key – my mutually supportive female friendships in the maledominated gaming ‘Lean in to the industry are critical to me. Cementing w e i r d o i n yo u, those allies early will help you further down and pursue it ’ the line. Now, if I’m not available for a particular job, I recommend two or three other women who could knock it out of the park. I also try not to turn down speaking gigs; 13-year-old me needed to see prominent female role models doing my job.

Later, I worked in radio and began writing about games on the side. I learned they could broach issues like consent and LGBTQ+ rights, and I became interested in writing for games.

I started creating my own and when The New York Times covered my game Sacrilege, games companies recruited me to write their products.

In my twenties, I had an underlying assumption that men were mad, creative geniuses, and that women were there to support them. I didn’t think writing or creating was something I could do, and I even dated men I admired. Now, I realise I was more talented than them and I wish I’d listened to my instincts earlier. Lean in to the weirdo in you, and pursue it – it’ll be the reason someone hires you one day. 

RECEIPT Description Rent Groceries & to Cleaning se iletries rvice Cellphone Gym/exercis e Streaming se contracts rvice Medical aid and insuranc e Petrol Entertainmen t Clothing Savings Travel saving s Hair appoin tments Blood tests A A Road Ass is Gynaecolog tance ist Tax consulta nt

H ow I sp l ash my c ash

Meet Michelle Cory (@michelle_cory), a 32-yearold freelance senior designer and model from Cape Town.

She took her finances into her own hands two years ago, and she’s here to share her sneaky tricks on how to stay within your budget.

Rent: R5 500 My partner and I share an apartment in Tamboerskloof.

Collectively, we pay a total rent of R11 000. This is the cheapest rent I’ve paid since 2017, when I moved from Jo’burg to Cape Town. Before moving in with my partner, I was paying R8 000. Now I’m planning on putting the R2 500 into a tax-free savings fund each month. I need to open this ASAP before I get used to having the extra cash!

Groceries & toiletries: R4 000

Total

R23 305

Average monthly earning: R20 000 to R40 000*

Cleaning service: R1 300 Water, electricity and data (that is used at home) bills are paid by my partner (R1 200), and I pay R1 300 to our cleaner who works once a week.

Cellphone: R300 I finished my 24-month iPhone contract (yaaas!) and now only have to pay for data.

Gym/exercise contracts: R464 to R1 000

I pay R2 234 for medical aid, R260 for gap cover and R526 for car insurance. In January, I added gap cover to my budget. Does that mean I’m finally an adult?

Tip: Specialists in South Africa can charge up to 500% more than medical-aid rates (yikes). If you have gap cover in place, and depending on your medical-aid scheme, it can help you to pay your bills in full.

I pay R464 for my Virgin Active membership, but will often get a yoga bundle as a treat.

Petrol: R1 000

Streaming services: R180

I’ve budgeted for: • Eating breakfast out 1/week (R120x52/12): R520 • Dinner 2/month: R760 • Book club 1/month: R100 • Coffee 3/week: R325

If I manage to save R300, I’ll treat myself to a pedi.

I have an Audible account, as I love listening to books while I get ready in the morning or when I’m driving.

Tip: I now budget for yearly expenses and divide by 12 to ensure I stay on track.

Medical aid, gap cover and insurance: medical (R2 234 + R260) and car (R526) = R3 020

Clothing: R750 Entertainment: R2 355

Savings: R1 500 This is probably not enough, but I’m working on it.

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Sneaky splurges: Travel: R15 000 per year I usually go on a holiday every year, depending on how much money I made the previous year.

In 2020, I’m hoping to meet up with a friend in Vietnam for 10 days.

My financial goal for 2020: Save more – even if it’s only R500 a month. I’ve started to save more for the following ad-hoc expenses: • Hair appointments (four times a year:) R6 000 • Blood tests and other medical costs not covered by my medical aid (I have Graves’ disease, and blood tests can be pricey): R3 500 • AA Road Assistance: R1 250 • Gynaecologist: R1 800 • Tax consultant: R1 250 

P H O T O G R A P H Y L U F U N O R A M A D WA C O M P I L E D B Y N O X O L O M A F U * D E P E N D I N G O N W H A T M O D E L J O B S M I C H E L L E B O O K S E A C H M O N T H

We hate to talk about it, but love to spend it. We’re asking boss babes how they use their hard - earned money.

Price R5 50 0 R4 0 0 0 R1 30 0 R30 0 R1 0 0 0 R180 R3 020 R1 0 0 0 R2 355 R750 R1 50 0 R1 250 R50 0 R290 R105 R150 R105

PROMOTION

U m, hi, we’r e flourishing w it h t h es e m o n ey- c o ns ci o us t ips 1

MAKE THE COMMITMENT Being financially savvy takes time and some practice before you can make those big money moves. Plus, transfer your current credit card balance to an RCS Credit Card and get 0% interest for six months on that balance!

2

MANAGE SOCIAL EXPECTATIONS

Ever feel like you have to choose bet ween enjoying life and making responsible financial decisions?

With the RCS Credit Card, you don’t have to choose

If you’re trying to save or cut back on spending, make it known to your family and friends. There’s no shame in letting your people know that you’re trying to switch things up.

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Decide how often you want to eat out and where so you can stay within budget. Try The Entertainer app to find amazing foodie spots, and bill splitting apps like Splid or Splitwise the next time you’re out with your girls.

We love local author Mapalo Makhu’s best-selling book, You’re Not Broke, You’re Pre-Rich! It’s packed with tips to help you live your best financial life.

A long-weekend adventure is totally possible with a little planning. Figure out your budget and choose an affordable road-trip destination. You can use your RCS Credit Card to fill your tank and pay for accommodation. You’ll enjoy up to 55 days interest-free on your purchases.

Social butterflies can stay home too. Games night, movie night and just hanging out with your favourite people doesn’t have to come with a hefty bill.

Make your favourite snacks and invite a few friends over! 

Scan to apply for an RCS Credit Card now.

Ts and Cs apply. RCS is a registered Credit and Financial Ser vices Provider NCRCP 38 / FSP 44481

TO APPLY

l i f e S o, M a l l o r c a n e e ds t o b e o n yo u r b u c ke t l ist S TAT COSMO digital director Jaime Waddington spent four days exploring Mallorca with Google, discovering the island’s must - see spots, eating cured meats and drinking buckets of good wine.

Cause of death: leaving Mallorca.

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T R AV E L

NGL, at the end of last year, girlfriend had had ~enough~. E-mails, WhatsApps, bank notifications: be gone, forever! So when the opportunity arose to jet off to Spain’s largest Balearic Island, Mallorca, and be hosted by Google, I was all in. If you’re like me, and think you know all there is to know about Google travel apps, prepare thyself. Here’s how Google has made travelling super-easy.

You’ll never vacay the same way again.

Exploring the cobbled streets of Pa l m a’s O l d To w n

Shop (and eat!) your heart out i n P a l m a ’s O l d Tow n Walk down the G o o g l e t i p: u s e tiny alleyways Google Maps to download m a p s w h i l e y o u’r e o n of Palma’s Old W i - Fi. T h i s m e a n s Town and you’ll y o u’ l l b e a b l e t o find everything navigate without using data. from bookstores and art galleries to Take a rid e in an vintage shops and cute old-school Spanish cafés. If you’re after some car and visit delish Mallorcan products or souvenirs to bring back Va l l d e m o s s a Valldemossa is a historic home, ask Google to direct town in Mallorca, situated in you to La Montaña. Here a picturesque valley of olive you’ll find the best selection and almond trees under the of Mallorcan cheese, olive Tramuntana mountains. The oil, wine and cured meats quaint streets are home to (look at the pic and cue the pastry shops, sidewalk cafés salivation!). If you’re after a and boutiques. Ask Google trendy take-home accessory, where to go for a slice of head to Mimbrería Vidal cake, and it’ll lead you to for a selection of the most Ca’n Molinas. According gorge basket bags that’ll to many locals, they make pair perfectly with your ‘I’m the best coca de patata in Mallorca!’ dress. Shopped (a delicious traditional potato out? Stop at La Rosa bun) in Valldemossa. For Vermutería & Colmado a sugar overload, grab a cup and order yourself a chilled of their delicious hot chocolate glass of vermouth and some to accompany it. patatas bravas.

Set ting of f to explore Va l l d e m o s s a i n a vintage Spanish car

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Head to Son Marroig for the best views of the island It is one of Mallorca’s most popular wedding venues, with its beautiful white temple and insane backdrop of the sea and mountains. It was also the spot for Laura and Paul’s date in Season 4 of Love Island. #Obsessed.

Take t he S óll e r Tram t o Por t de Sóller The temple at Son Marroig

View of the Cathedral of Mallorca by night

G o o g l e t i p: w a n t t o communicate with your Spanish driver? Use G o o g l e Tr a n s l a t e a n d h o l d t h e s p e a ke r b u t t o n to converse back a n d f o r t h.

The tram takes you through the narrow streets of Sóller, where you can take in sights of locals dining at sidewalk restaurants and traditional Mallorcan townhouses with their famous green shutters, and witness the ‘golden valley’ of citrus groves. Hop off in Port de Sóller and head to Ses Oliveres for lunch. Indulge in the freshest seafood at this cosy and unassuming restaurant, which has beautiful views of the bay. Must-try: their steamed mussels, grilled Mallorcan rock octopus and seafood casserole.

Now I’m hungry.

Take a b o at trip and see the Cathedral of Mallorca at night G o o g l e t i p: u s e the camera function i n G o o g l e Tr a n s l a t e to translate writ ten t e x t ( l i ke s t r e e t s i g n s a n d m e n u s ).

If you want to feel far away from home, hop on a yacht at sunset and take in the breath-taking sight that is the Cathedral of Mallorca. Board at Palma’s port, pack some sundowners and enjoy panoramic views of the city and lit-up cathedral from the sea.

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H e y, Google, where should I stay?

Hotel El Llorenç Parc de la Mar El Llorenç is situated right in front of the sea in La Calatrava. On arrival, I was greeted with a glass of champers and shown to my beautifully furnished room that overlooked the courtyard. If you’re keen to take a break from walking around and feasting on meat and cheese (it me!), El Llorenç has an incredible spa for some much-needed R and R. It also has an Insta-worthy pool deck, with an infinity pool looking over the Bay of Palma.

Hotel Sant Francesc This boutique hotel is in the heart of Palma.

Contemporary art, photographs and mirrors adorn the walls, so prepare yourself for loads of ‘Grammable opportunities.

Their private rooftop terrace boasts a swimming pool that looks over the beautiful cathedrals and historic ceramictopped buildings of Palma’s Old Town.

G o o g l e t i p: a s k G o o g l e what the oldest pastr y shop is in Mallorca and i t ’ l l l e a d y o u t o C a’n J o a n D e s’A i g o. T h e i r ensaïmades are l i g h t e r t h a n a i r.

The bar at F e r a Re s t a u r a n t & Bar

The terrace a t D e To k i o a Lima El Camino

Ensaïmada

Start your day off like a true Mallorquín with Mallorca’s famous sugar-dusted pastry (ensaïmada) and a coffee.

This light, flaky delicacy has been proudly produced on the island since the 17th century.

In Catalan (the co-official language of the Balearic Islands), the word ‘saïm’ is translated as ‘pork lard’, and it’s this key ingredient that gives the treat its distinctive taste and texture. Some are also filled with cream, pumpkin jam and almond paste. Drool.

Sobrasada – a cured pork sausage spiced with paprika that pairs well with bread, cheese, wine, olives and happiness – is a celeb in Mallorca. Pair this delicious, soft and salty sausage with a cold beer

and you’ll become one with pure bliss. Was anyone else obsessed with trying ratatouille after watching the movie? Well, in Spain, you can try the Mallorcan version, called tumbet. It’s a roastedvegetable dish layered with slices of aubergines, potatoes and bell peppers, and topped with a tomato sauce spiced with oregano and thyme.

Tomato bread (pa amb tomàquet). Sounds weird, right? Thought the same.

But it’s a far stretch from the soggy mess you’re imagining.

Think plump, ripe smashed tomatoes, decorated with sea salt, piled on top of slices of crunchy grilled bread, rubbed with garlic and soaked in olive oil. It’s crunchy, salty and sweet all at the same time.

Tu m b e t

Pa a m b tomàquet Catching snaps for the ‘Gram at D e To k i o a L i m a

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COMPETITION TERMS & CONDITIONS

Enjoying a glass of rosé i n t h e h e a r t o f Pa l m a

P H O T O G R A P H Y J A I M E WA D D I N G T O N A N D G E T T Y I M A G E S

MUST-TRY RESTAU R ANTS Fera Restaurant & Bar In the heart of Palma, hidden on a cobbled street in Jaime III, in a spectacularly restored Old Town palace, is Fera. This minimalist, gallery like restaurant offers anything but a minimal experience. Chef Simon Petutschnig takes inspiration from Mediterranean and Asian flavours to create innovative works of art that will make you literally say ‘mmm’ out loud and inappropriately. It’s also exquisite. Think classy after work (or beach!) drinks or the ideal setting for a romantic date. Try the bluefin tuna, the crispy nori roll with wagyu steak tartare (so good), and the yuzu mousse (lemon, cream and thyme crumble disguised as a whole lemon) for dessert. *Chef’s kiss* De Tokio a Lima Located in the Boutique Hotel Can Alomar, De Tokio a Lima is the perfect lunch spot to dine alfresco. Overlooking the tree lined Paseo del Borne, the

restaurant has two idyllic terraces, and offers a fusion of Japanese, Peruvian and Mediterranean cuisine. Try their glazed Iberian pork with sweetand sour sauce and a mango salad, and their creamy pie of Sóller lemons, meringue and sorbet for dessert. Pro tip: be sure to take snaps on one of the terraces for the dopest pictures.

El Camino El Camino is a Mediterranean tapas restaurant in the centre of Palma. Although tapas restaurants are nothing new or special in Mallorca, El Camino is certainly an experience. You are invited to eat with a view of the kitchen on a long marble table, and can choose your dishes from menus that also serve as placemats. You can’t reserve a spot, but the wait is 100% worth it. Their dishes are simple yet absolutely delicious. I’ve had three dreams about their tomato bread since then. 

The following rules shall apply to all competitions, unless other rules are specifically provided in relation to a competition: 1 Competitions are not open to: 1.1 a director, member, partner, employee or agent of, or consultant to Associated Media Publishing (Pty) Ltd (hereinafter referred to as ‘AMP’ or ‘us’) or the promoter (any person who directly or indirectly promotes, sponsors, organises or conducts a competition, or for whose benefit the competition is promoted, sponsored, organised or conducted); or 1.2 any supplier of goods or services in connection with a competition; or 1.3 the spouse, life partner, business partner or associate, or the natural or adopted parent, child or sibling, of any of the persons specified above. 2 You may not participate in or be eligible to win a competition if you have won a competition promoted by us within the past three months. You will be eligible to participate in a competition promoted by us after the expiry of three months after the date on which you won the last competition. 3 Unless otherwise stated, only one entry per person is allowed. Where more than one entry is received by the same person or e-mail address, only the first entry received will be deemed valid. 4 No cash alternative to the prizes will be offered. The prizes are not transferable. 5 Entrants must be South African citizens. 6 It is your responsibility to ensure that any information you provide to us is accurate, complete and up to date. 7 If you use a mobile phone for entry into a competition, the telephone calls/text messages you make will be charged at the prevailing rates, which may vary from time to time. ‘Free’ minutes under a cellphone contract do not apply. 8 You must possess whatever documents and permissions may be required in order to accept and use a prize, including, as regards to international travel, a valid passport and all necessary visa and travel documentation, which documents and permissions it is your responsibility to obtain at your own cost, and which documents and permissions must remain valid in such minimum form and for such minimum period after the prize date as may be required by the relevant authorities. Any and all airport taxes are not included in the prize and will be for the winner’s account unless otherwise stipulated. 9 Prize allocation is to be determined in accordance with the allocated project budget.

If any advertiser/affiliate/supplier/promoter with whom AMP works in relation to a prize fails or neglects to provide the prize, then it shall not be exchanged for cash, but a suitable replacement prize, to be determined at the sole discretion of AMP, shall be provided. 10 Entrants must be 18 years or older at the time of entering the competition. 11 The winner(s) consents to his/her/their name/s, biographical details and involvement in the competition being made available to the sponsors, for publicity and prize-delivery purposes. 12 AMP accepts no liability for any entries that may be lost. 13 Winners use the prize at their own risk. AMP and the promoter shall not be liable for any loss, damage, personal injury or death that is suffered or sustained (including but not limited to that arising from any person’s negligence, including gross negligence) in connection with a competition or accepting or using the prize. 14 Entrants will be deemed to have accepted these rules and agreed to be bound by them when entering. These rules are legal and binding upon entrants. 15 AMP reserves the right to cancel, modify or amend any competition at any time, if deemed necessary in its opinion and if circumstances arise outside of its control. 16 The winners will be notified by means of the contact details provided to us. If we are, or a third-party supplier is, unable to contact a winner within seven working days of first notification from AMP or its representative, the winner will forfeit the prize, and AMP reserves the right to re-draw a new winner under the same conditions. 17 In the event that you win a prize, you agree to the publication of your name and to appear in person in the electronic media and the print media, and you agree, within reason, to endorse, promote or advertise our goods or services, for which no fee will be payable.

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Prices correct at time of going to press, subject to availability Prices are recommended retail prices

With self-appointed beauty influencers coming and going, magazine brands have never looked so good.

MAGAZINE MEDIA Better. Believe It.

Magazine media’s expert, authoritative content is more inspiring, trusted and motivating than any other. No wonder its print, online, mobile and video audience has grown to 1.8 billion.

Advice you can feel confident about is a beautiful thing. #BelieveMagMedia | BelieveMagMedia.com

Sources: Simmons Research, Multi-Media Engagement Study, Spring 2016; Total (Duplicated) Magazine Media 360° Audience, Jan-May YTD 2017, Brand Audience Report.

CAN SHARING BEAUTY TIPS GET UGLY?

LEVEL UP

The ultimate hack for drinking tequila without burning your throat How haven’t we all been doing this forever?!

I was recently in Jalisco, Mexico, the tequila capital of the world, and I picked up an amazing secret that makes a shot go down literally like water: hold the tequila in your mouth and take a deep breath in through

By HANNAH SMOTHERS

your nose, then swallow while you exhale through your mouth. Random, yes, but it’s some weird science about nerve endings and just trust me – it works! 

PHOTOGRAPHY STOCKSY

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By DEVIN TOMB

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I stopped giving so m a n y f *c k s and it changed my life

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PHOTOGRAPHY CHELSEA KYLE FOOD STYLING REBECCA JURKEVICH

’s s o lt she It ’s n o t h e r f a u

You know the cycle: eating all of the things, followed by feeling bad about eating all of the things, followed by vowing to get your shit together with the help of a hard-to-pronounce ‘lifestyle’ – because body positivity may be brightening our feeds, but diet culture is still here to tell us we suck at food.

Starting a new diet isn’t entirely about getting clearer skin or improving your gut health (although if those are your true goals, then, obvs, fine).

Most people attempt super-restrictive diets to become smaller versions of themselves.

And honestly, ‘I’m going keto’ is now a more socially acceptable phrase than ‘I’m trying to lose weight’.

Eating according to a specific plan is stressful and makes you miss things like noodles, wine and fruit. Fruit!

So then when you inevitably cave and eat a bag of chips, you hate yourself, and swear that on Monday you’ll start ‘being good’ again.

Can we all just ... not any more? Even science is over it – hard-core dieting for anything but medical necessity ‘negatively

Body positivit y may be brightening our feeds, but diet culture is still here to tell us we suck at food.

impacts people’s mental health,’ says clinical psychologist Sari Chait.

Here, more reasons to sit out the restrictive food crazes this year.

Whole30 This elimination diet, which puts a 30-day ban on added sugar, soy, beans, peanuts, sweeteners, grains, dairy, almost all processed foods, and booze. (If you consume one of said substances, even on day 25, you have to start all over.)

The theory is that these things cause inflammation in your body, and

skipping them will curb cravings and boost your metabolism.

But while slashing processed foods and alcohol is definitely not not good for you, there’s no evidence that following this plan will spike the amount of kilojoules you burn, says dietitian Jessica Cording. As for the suggestion that this diet can ‘reset’ your body ... well, take that claim with a big grain of salt, says Cording.

G o in g p e g a n Created in 2014 by Dr Mark Hyman, this bb is a mashup of paleo (no processed foods, dairy, alcohol, added sugar or grains) and veganism (no animal products). Yet some sustainably raised, grass-fed animal protein and fish and eggs are allowed, as are gluten-free grains and beans. So...? ‘It’s just a more restrictive

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BY C A RO L I N E D O O N E R, AU TH O R O F TH E F*C K IT D I ET

I’ve done Atkins and South Beach.

I once dabbled in kilojoule counting before going raw vegan. When that left me exhausted, I tried paleo. For 10 years, I micromanaged everything I ate to the point of obsession. But no matter how diligent I was, all I thought about were cookies.

I started dreaming of being a food writer because I was so passionate about boujee food – but turns out, I was just hungry.

My new lifestyle: less effs, more carbs. Now, my appetite issues are healed.

I sleep better, have more energy, and no longer obsess over pasta – I just eat it. And I finally feel like a human again.

version of the Mediterranean diet,’ says dietitian Scott Keatley. ‘It’s heavy on fish and healthy fat, but it demonises dairy and gluten, which are fine for most people.’

FWIW, telling the average person that nutrient-rich foods are bad for them just encourages a shame-y relationship with eating.

I nt e r mit t e nt f ast in g Okay, so this emotional roller-coaster of a diet involves eating whatever you want – but only during certain hours or on certain days of the week. Then you go long periods (like, up to 16 hours) without ingesting anything. Google searches for this fad hit an all-time high last January and show no signs of stopping. But science is way less enthusiastic. Studies suggest that kilojoule restriction can increase life span in animals – but not, so far, in humans. And fasting does definitely cause some people to go HAM when they do eat. ‘We’re wired to consume more after restricting,’ says Cording. So to repeat: This. Is. Pointless. 

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Why the whole bridesmaid thing needs to die Being able to actually par t y > being in the wedding par t y

By CAROLINE MOSS

G o h o m e, d r e s s, y o u’r e drunk.

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PHOTOGRAPHY EVERETT COLLECTION AND ADOBE STOCK

s a teenager, I had this fantasy: me + my gradenine Spanish partner, Thomas + our wedding = best day ever. There was a big white dress, an all-night dance party and midnight fireworks (clearly, my daydreams weren’t on a budget). But no bridesmaids. Ever.

My actual big day – February 16, 2019 – also didn’t include any bridesmaids (or Thomas; sorry, Thomas!). And I don’t regret it. In fact, that’s probably the best decision I made (don’t tell my husband).

Some cold, hard facts: a lot of bridesmaids are having to shell out thousands of rands. In the US, the average cost of being in a wedding is $1 200 (about R17 000). One bride recently went viral for having 34 ride-or-dies by her side. I’ll do the maths for you: that’s $40 800 (about R600 000) spent on gifts, party swag (penis straws cost money, guys), travel and clothes.

And then there’s the added burden of all your free time being wrapped up in someone else’s big day or dealing with the bride’s

Know what you c a n’t d o w h e n y o u’r e a ‘m a i d?

C o c k t a il h o u r.

random friend who just won’t pay for their share of the bachelorette – or maybe worse, forces you to drop hundos because she ordered 10 000 drinks when everyone else had two and you know you’re all gonna have to split the bill evenly.

(Hi, that should be a crime.)

I’m also aware of how terrible the whole situation can be because I co-run the Instagram account @heyladiesbook, where we post nightmarish wedding stories, many of the bridesmaid variety. Like, did you know someone recently asked their ‘maids to wear dresses that look like vulvas? It’s true, look it up!

After watching so many friends go through this for other couples, I knew I’d rather do the whole thing solo than ask them to do the same for me.

Luckily, my people were lowkey thrilled. My friend Karyne literally laughed in my face when I asked if she was sad she wasn’t a bridesmaid. ‘It’s way more fun to celebrate from the cheap seats,’ she said. And TBH, who’s able to chow down at cocktail hour when they’re given random tasks like ‘entertain my great aunt’ or ‘set up all 152 place cards, please.’ Not the women in matching dresses, that’s for sure.

Brides, listen: you can still ask your friends to do all the prewedding things. I had my friend Christine take me thrifting for the candlesticks we used at my ceremony, and we spent an evening making dance-floor decor.

Another friend, Lora, didn’t have bridesmaids but invited her BFFs to stop by her bridal suite for lunch the day of. A casual dream for everyone involved – no extra R17 000 required. 

Bridesmaid horror stories ‘My aunt passed away right before my (former) best friend’s bachelorette party. I went, but she told me she didn’t like how quiet I was.’

- B R O O K E , 31

‘I was the MOH in a friend’s wedding, and when we got to the dance floor, we found out that the bride’s dress had a bustle that didn’t work.

I borrowed scissors from the caterers and cut off her tulle train! Brilliant or sabotage?’

‘My friend, the bride, was so stressed that she snapped at a bridesmaid who said she was uncomfortable wearing so much makeup. The bridesmaid cried.

Then the bride cried. I wanted to cry ... for myself.’

‘I was in a wedding where the bride assigned us dresses “by body type”...

I ended up in a shift dress that looked like a box.’

- K AT H E R I N E , 31

‘I was a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding.

During my speech, I backed up into a row of candles and nearly lit myself on fire.

I don’t think anyone remembers a word I said.’

-J ES S, 27

-IRIS, 29

-LIZ, 32

‘I was getting ready to walk down the aisle for my friend and joked about where to hold the bouquet. ‘Over the vaginas!’ I said, in a stage whisper (I’d had some champs, okay?).

The groom’s conservative parents were appalled.’

-LAUREN, 29

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‘I was a maid of honour at a wedding with a cash bar, which was fine because the bride didn’t want anyone in her bridal party to drink! She actually told the bartenders not to serve us.

All in all, it was an expensive and joyless event.’

-ANNA, 34

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Bring out your inner Mat t Damon astronaut

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

Aries

Capricorn

You don’t have a problem starting projects ... or stirring the pot. Innovation and confidence are your brand, and you make crushing it look easy.

But maybe don’t take up all the limelight.

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

Cancer

Libra

You’re sort of like fellow Mars-in- Cancer Keanu Reeves, who has starred in a million movies yet is still totally mysterious.

Related: your emotional IQ is off the charts and you rock A+ listening skills.

You’re a peaceful kind of warrior who finds success when surrounded by pretty things, some bling and a harmonious vibe.

Light a candle and centre yourself before hitting your inbox.

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

A q u a r i us

Ta u r us You refuse to be rushed. You’re on your own schedule, taking your sweet, sweet time to actually live your life between sprints of working your ass off.

Be sure to pick up the pace if there are big deadlines, though.

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

Leo Your office is your stage – mostly because you’re a natural leader and ridiculously magnetic, and your fuel is anything creative, energetic or playful. Just try not to step on too many toes along your way.

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

Scorpio You’re basically Oprah (her Mars is in Scorpio too). Both of y’all like to dive straight into life’s biggest challenges.

Use this fuel to catapult into your passions, and everyone will pay attention.

S a g i t t a r ius

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

Virgo Your Martian superpower?

Efficiency. And you have at least four to-do lists going RN to prove it. As the detail master of the zodiac, you’re productive, orderly and adaptable. Go easy on the rest of us mere mortals.

You’re the visionary of the sky and your rocket fuel is adventure.

Know how J.Lo has had, like, 12 different careers? That’s prime Mars-in-Sag energy – big picture and big achievement. Please don’t be too critical of those who can’t keep up.

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You’re all about looking to the future and helping others blast to your level.

Warning: some people (read: haters) may think you’re an oddball revolutionary, but own your truth!

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

IF YOUR MARS IS IN...

G e mi ni You’re the OG multitasker. Case in point: Meryl Streep’s Mars is in Gemini, and she has a lot on her plate. Avoid burning out by forcing yourself to commit to one thing at a time (I know that’s hard, bb, but try!).

You are persistent and have high standards.

Everyone else looks to you and wonders how the eff you get it all done. But it can be tough to enjoy not hustling, so you’ve gotta work to relax!

Pis c e s You rarely take action without considering your impact on others.

A word of advice: set some energy boundaries so you can achieve your chillest but also most creative potential. 

PHOTOGRAPHY ALAMY

t

hink of Mars as the Scorpio of your crew: in-f*ckin’tense. It is, after all, the planet of vitality, sex and war. But you shouldn’t fear our fiery space neighbour.

Embrace the hell out of it instead.

Because Mars and its placement on your birth chart (aka where it was hanging out in the sky on the day, time and place you were born) are the key to understanding how you take action to achieve your dreams.

Basically, your Mars sign is what guides you to work harder, better and faster to get what you want. Find yours (go online) and keep reading for the deets on how you’re gonna win at life.

By EMMALEA RUSSO

PISCES 19/0 2-20/0 3

Unfortunately, Mercury Retrograde is making life feel crap, but once the planet re-enters your sign on the 16th, things get exciting. Venus in Taurus and Mars in Capricorn are helping expand your social circle times, like, a billion. Live it up!

21/0 4 - 21/0 5

Venus enters your sign on March 4th. You’re looking and feeling hawt – all month long.

Expect huge surprises in your love life (maybe as a result?) on the 8th. It’s gonna be pretty wild until Aries season gives you time to chill.

CANCER

LEO

2 2/0 5 - 2 0/0 6

21/0 6 - 2 2/07

23/07- 2 2/0 8

Feeling kind of weird in the bedroom? Hi, it’s Mercury Retrograde. Don’t stress – it ends on March 9th, when your social life becomes your biggest focus. You’ll be feeling super-confident and attracting hotties.

Mercury Retrograde is f*cking with your relationship, your job is stressing you TF out, and you’re basically always busy.

So. Yeah. Do your best to hang on tight ... knowing that the end of the month could bring a bonus or promotion.

VIRGO

LIBRA

SCORPIO

23/0 8 - 2 2/0 9

23/0 9 - 2 2/10

23/10 - 21/11

Brace yourself for 24/7 bickering and all the angst until March 9th, when Mercury Retrograde ends. Venus in Taurus means you’ll be feeling sexy (also: fire hook-ups).

Then Aries season, starting on March 19th, is all about ’ships.

Fam stressing you out? Yup, it’s Mercury Retrograde. After the drama dies down on March 9th, your love life will get a glow-up that’ll make you (almost) forget all about it.

You’ll have serious chemistry with someone new.

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

2 2/11- 21/12

AQUARIUS

2 2/12-19/01

So, March brings tons of potential for your love life.

Especially after fiery Aries season starts on the 19th and you’re feeling more hot and bothered than ever. You’re pretty much guaranteed to get lots of action.

PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES TEXT JAKE REGISTER

21/0 3 - 2 0/0 4

GEMINI Okay, first the bad: since you’re feeling feisty, you’re looking at big arguments in early March. But things simmer by the time Aries season starts on March 19th, and before the month ends, you can expect extra cash to come your way!

L u p i t a N y o n g ’o 01/0 3

TAURUS

You’ve got major drama with your squad, but Venus in Taurus on March 4th makes it so you’re too busy making money to GAF. And as Mercury Retrograde ends on March 9th, so will the beef with your friends.

YOUR MONTH

PISCES GAL

ARIES

You’re feeling unusually introverted at the start of the month. That’s okay: you need to rest up, because once Aries season starts on March 19th, your chart’s love/sex/fun zone gets lit up. Expect tons of right swipes.

Venus is warming up your chart’s zone of sex and romance RN. This is perfect astro weather for going on dates, and having hotter-thanhot hook-ups. All that and a major upgrade to your love life is coming at the end of March.

2 0/01-18/0 2

March starts off with Mercury Retrograde in your sign, but DW, it ends on the 9th.

That said, don’t feel bad for becoming BFFs with your Uber Eats delivery driver and bingeing all seasons of Grey’s.

This is the R & R you need. 

Wa i t, w i l l t his w h o l e l e a p ye a r t h i n g a f f e c t my h o r os c o p e? No! Astrology has been around for at least two millennia, shorter years and all, and it hasn’t ever (nor *will* it ever) GAF about a leap year. You’re safe, babe. Carry on.

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I n my ni g ht st a n d

Al

exa

: order p ers o

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l wi nd

machin

e.

We don’t recommend breaking into YouTube queen Liza Koshy’s bedroom.

She’s READY

By EM I LY TAN N E N BAUM

IN THE SNACK D E PA RTM E N T

72% dark chocolate and a jar of almond butter.

WHAT’S ON TOP

Four cups of water, a freshly burned palo santo stick, and my phone playing deepsleep frequencies or thunderstorm sounds.

WHAT I STEAL FROM MY PA RT N E R ’S S I D E

I’ll buy him a nightstand when I find him!

BOOKS BY THE BED

They make great coasters. The coaster I’m currently reading is I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert.

FAV E P RO D U C T S

C’est Moi makeupremover wipes to de-crustify the face and their Vanilla Vibes body lotion to nourish the body.

There’s one set every five minutes over the course of an hour. You do the maths. 

A LWAYS IN THERE

A flashlight. I want to look my burglar in the eyes.

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PHOTOGRAPHY RUBEN CHAMORRO

MY AL ARM SITCH

120557L

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