Kerry Katona on

‘I tried so hard to reassure Caroline but I couldn’t save her’

Caroline reached out to Kerry Katona just weeks before she died, asking for help. Here, Kerry recalls how she tried to reassure her and the pain she feels at not being able to save her

Like everyone, I am truly heartbroken that Caroline Flack has passed away at just 40 years old. And what made her sudden death even more gut-wrenching for me was the fact that she contacted me in December, just six weeks before she took her life, asking for my advice about the disgusting online bullying she was experiencing.

I totally understand why Caroline came to me – I’ve been where she was, feeling so down and so lost that suicide felt like the only option. And despite me trying so very hard to reassure her of how strong she was and how the awful trolls were nothing but bullies, I couldn’t save her.

When she contacted me that day in December, saying the trolling she’d experienced at the hands of Fathers4Justice had made her “sink so deep”, my stomach dropped. I read her messages with a heavy

heart and reassured her all I could. I told her she would get

through it, to stay strong and begged her not to let them win. She was distraught that they had publicly lambasted her and called her an “abuser”, and I know how she felt in that moment. When I was being trolled following the death of my husband George Kay, who had been abusive to me, I felt worthless. I told my mum that my kids would be better off without me because the words of the bullies had got to me. I was lucky enough to come through it – Caroline was not.

I tried, I really, really did. And I was very careful with what I replied to her in those messages. I wanted to tell her Kerry was in tears as she spoke out

Caroline messaged Kerry asking her for advice coping with bullies

I had felt suicidal, but I know that can be triggering, so I used the phrase “nervous breakdown” instead.

I knew it must have been serious for her to reach out to me because we were in a different league showbiz-wise. She’s up there, I’m down here. I may be a household name, but I’m nowhere near the calibre of star she was. So now I ask myself, why didn’t I push more? Why didn’t I follow up the conversation after those initial few messages? Why was I so scared of looking like a cling-on that I didn’t ask her to meet up so we could talk some more?

I was always very fond of Caroline. By no means am I pretending to be one of her best friends, but we were in the industry at the same time and I’d see her around on the circuit. She’d always come over at events and say hi and was always so bubbly and lovely. So much so that you’d never have looked at her and thought she had mental health problems, which goes to show a smile can disguise so much pain.

What happened between Caroline and her boyfriend that fateful night may well have been a tragic mistake or, as she said herself in her previously unseen Insta post, an accident. And yet she was judged so harshly for it.

You couldn’t turn on Twitter without seeing horrible remarks about her – it reminded me of the backlash I received after that infamous This Morning incident. I was filmed slurring my words, thanks to my bipolar medication, and as a result I was labelled an alcoholic and a “car crash”. Facebook was big back then and so many people were sharing horrible posts about me on there.

Nobody knew, but because of that I felt so low I wanted to die. My psychiatrist told me, “Be honest with

the public about your previous drink problems, be open about your past drug issues – but do not let anyone know you have mental health issues. What they can’t see, they can’t understand.” And in a way he was right, because no one took it seriously when I said it was my condition that caused me to react that way on TV. And mud sticks.

And that’s 100 per cent what happened to Caroline. Nobody allowed her to explain herself or talk about her mistake, they just said she’d beaten up her boyfriend. It’s no wonder she felt so helpless.

We live in a society where people like watching others crumble because it makes them feel better about their own lives. It makes them realise their lives aren’t so shit after all. We all need to practise what we preach and be kinder to one another. Be aware of mental health issues and don’t dismiss them. People are struggling. It really is very simple: just be kind.

People ask me if I could have saved Caroline, but I can’t put that on myself. That wouldn’t be fair on me. I’m just a small person in a much bigger story. I imagine she’d be mortified by the outpouring of grief and anger in the wake of her death, simply because she seemed so private. But at the same time I’m sure she’d be proud that her name has opened up a huge conversation about mental health and bullying.

I know how I’ll remember her – as that bubbly, gorgeous girl walking in slow motion into the Love Island villa. She will be so missed. y d.” y e to tal s nd.

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