THE NIELSEN RATINGS sul77rner

Edition

TheNielsenllatia,:sare to be a weeklycriticalassessmentof whateverthe authorhappens ed an illegal "Pigs Night Out" party and then used his connections to stay out of legal trouto be thinkingaboutn,ht now. TheyrepresentChrisNielsensopinionand his alone.Mail all ble. My early write-in vote for the upcoming presidential election complaintsto 0- 6Z1. Thankyou. Loud Hawaii lounge shirts-boy am I glad that these are back in style

Ricky Madia "'LivinLa Vida Loca" -the anthem of the summer of '99 Pete's Wicked Strawberry Blonde-damn that's good stuff!

Len "StealMy Sunshine"- should have been the anthem of the summer of '99 Slobodan Milosevic, evil dictator-Why haven't we killed him yet?

Joe C. and Mini-Me-the sidekicks of Kid Rock and Dr. Evil, respectively, made this J.D. Drew, evil baseball player-see above summer a big ooe for the little people Warren Beatty-ifDiGregorio can't get the democratic nomination, then I want this guy Woodstock99- the mud and the facilities have stayed the same, but all other remain-for president. dcrsoftbcoriginal-spiritofWoodstockliteral.lywentupinflamesbytheendoftheweek- ~~~~~jl)atnextrweek eJJd

COlVIMENTARY ... CHRIS NIELSEN

I hQpe you all had a good time during the summer orientations and got something of a feel for the college. The orientation counselors are all good at that. But they can't tell you everything. I more or less can.

The following is advice that your orientation counselors chose not to give you:

No RA believes that those are books clanking in your schoolbag on Thursday night. At least try to keep that noise down. They might fake ignorance, but they know.

Don't bother trying to sneak a guy in through the basement window after hours at Woodcrest. That idea worked a couple of years ago, but it doesn't anymore.

Keystone Light is not a diet food. Neither are Coors Light or Miller Lite. You can and will get a beer gut drinking light beer.