Welcome Freshmen!

If you don't already listen to hip-hop and/or the Dave Matthews Band, start. You'll be hearing a lot of them while you are here.

Just because you met a junior or senior and they said to stop by their apartment does not give you the right to bring five of your friends to an already loud and overcrowded party.

The ab machine in the Dixon Center does nothing for you. Sit ups are much better.

Avoid the shrimpos in the cafeteria if you have anything important to do later that day.

Don't poop in the staircase in House 2. We had a problem with that last year.

Take care so that your laundry doesn't catch on fire. Same goes for your vacuum cleaner and your trash can. Again, we had problems with that last year.

Don't wish that the administration would just go away. As we learned this past summer, you never know, they just might.

Speaking of the administration, I want to clarify one thing. That big guy Paul who lives in apartments isn't just an RD, he is the acting dean of students. So come on, show a little respect.

An out of state fake ID will work at some places around here, but even then they are suspicious. If you go anywhere nice with it, forget about getting in.

Just because you see some of the administrators speeding around in their cars on campus doesn't mean that you can.

If you burn incense in your room, others will always assume the worst. If you don't know what I mean, I'm not going to be the one to tell you.

The happiest day of the year at Cabrini is the Spring Fling, which is usually the Saturday before finals. Plan ahead.

Whatever you do, don't go out the fire exits at Xavier Hall. When they go off, it is the most annoying noise on campus.

Don't rely on the printer in the computer lab, it screws up at least once a week.

Now I know most of this advice is pretty trite and insignificant, but it is all true, at least the way I see it. I'm still here, so I must be doing something right.

Chris Nielsen is the perspectives editor of Loquitur, for the moment.

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