Forget calm and rational and let's get nasty

Maybe it's because I'm paranoid and misanthropic by nature, but I really have issues with the fact that authority figures have the power to enter your room for no reason. I also have a problem with the fact that they can invite themselves into your party and partake in your snacks and beverages.

During my summer break. one of the things lingering in the back of my mind was what my first P,erspectives column of the year would be about? I thought maybe I would do a column about the Democratic and Republican conventions. Maybe I would write one about the whole record companies vs. Napster trial. Hell, I even thought about doing a column about America's obsession with watching sixteen people stranded on an island week after week only to see that the winner was the pudgy dancing naked guy who everyone bated. In the end, I waited until I got back to Cabrini before I decided on what to write. That is when I heard about the new decrees issued by our administration. Bingo, baby!

My collegue Chris Nielsen has already shown you on the previous page how callous and ridiculous our administration bas become, but I would like to bring up something that be did not touch: Registering parties.

I responded to bearing about this registering of parties rule probably the same way all of you did, but with more uses of the Fword. But that is not what bas me riled. It is the rule saying that RA's and Public Safety can come to any registered party and hang out for as long as they want. Now that awakens the angry, vengeful god in me.

So until we as a student body find a way to overturn this rule, I have created a way to make its enforcement undesirable. I present to all the residents of Cabrini College "The Open Warning to RA's, and Public Safety."

"We the residents of this room/apartment feel that it is our civic duty to issue this warning to RA's and Public Safety entering our room just because we are having a registered party. We mean you no harm, but it's just how we live. No rules in the Residence Life Handbook are being broken by these policies.

l. On occasion, we like to have nude parties. Do not be surpirsed if we talk to you with our manhood/womanhood in full view. You invaded OUR apartment, remember?

2. During our parties, we sometimes have religious ceremonies that include the smearing of animal blood on people's faces. This is within our first amendment rights for freedom of religion.

3. As long as you are in our room, we have the right to try and charm you into our beds for threesomes with our boyfriends/girlfriends. If you object to this, you may leave our room and return to the world where people find you unattractive and homely.

4. In keeping with the rule that snacks must be served at registered parties, uninvited RA's and Public Safety officers will be served urine-soaked Doritos. Bet you can't eat just one!

5. At anytime during the party, a resident of the room can declare 'naked time.' This means that all people at the party must disrobe and be naked. Those who do not comply will be asked to leave the party as they are disrupting the natural harmony of the room, a spiritual state that is protected by freedom of religion.

6. We reserve the right to stop all party activity and stare at you until you leave. We also reserve the right to chant at you. What those chants are will be dealt with on a case-by-case basis.

7. We reserve the right to suddenly change the party into "Uncomfortable Poetry Night" where party patrons will read original poems about child abuse, deviant sexual activity, and the ever popular menstrual cycle.

8. The residents of this room/apartment have the right to revise these rules and create new rules as we see fit at a moment's notice with no warning (just like the administration did). If you disagree with these revised rules, you will be asked to leave."

I would like to say at this time that I do not dislike RA's or Public Safety and I have no grudges against any of them. They are merely following orders from the administration which has lost touch with its student body. The new rules passed by the administration have only made Cabrini a place full of angry, disgruntled people. We do not have to like the administration, but we should respect them and there is nothing about this administration to respect. In their attempts to be respected, they have only bred hostility and anger in their students. And when those angry, hostile students graduate from this instituion, do you think they will want to donate money back to Cabrini College? Of course not! Who wants to donate money to something that made them so _lividand enraged? As a student body, we must work together to make the administration care about us instead of our just our parents' money. We must work intelligently and with great resolve. I stress the intelligence part of that last statement. Stupidity only hurts our cause. In the words of Gil Scott Herron, "The revolution will not be televised. The revolution will be live."