Departed By Christopher Zhu

Departed

By Christopher Zhu

“Departed” is taken near Polulū Beach on the northern part of Hawaii’s Big Island a few hours after I receive a lackluster first board exam score, causing me to self-question whether I am ready for my career and the life I have laid out for myself. I describe what ensues as a “hike of hopelessness” with the primary purpose of letting the beauty of the landscape juxtapose itself to my neuroticism and worries—a yin and yang—a visceral attempt to balance the world within my mind and the world from my eyes.

My wandering mind soon evolves into wandering legs, and as I trudge through freshly rained-on mud, my newfound anger and turmoil from my board score fuel me on mindlessly. When I arrive at the ostensibly picturesque destination—one I had no aim to reach or even an idea of its existence—it honestly feels very cold, blustery, and mildly depressing to be so alone in a place of such objective beauty. I rest on the bench prepared to wallow in my misery but not ten minutes pass when a motley family—at least 3 generations in tow shouts “We made it baby! This is it!” One of the women begins pointing out features in the landscape, estimating the distance to neighboring islands beyond the misty horizon. The two youngest in their crew pay no heed but rather attempt to play hide-and-seek with a bench that clearly has neither hide nor seek potential. Despite the quotidian nature of these interactions, I feel a little liberated—and a lot lightened. I have grown to think of “Departed” as a reference to the things we have lost—others, opportunities, ourselves—the “what if’s” in life. But I also think about “Departed” as the willing departures of parts of ourselves—our guilts, our regrets, our traumas—in exchange for stoicism, for solace—to look back on life and not say “This is it…a bench?” but rather “This is it, baby!” This, a wooden bench, can be nothing or everything—dependent upon how you, the explorer and artist, choose to view it.

Christopher Zhu is a student at the UT Health San Antonio Long School of Medicine, Class of 2023.