THE MAN IN SEAT 1A A DIFFERENT TAKE ON THE WORLD NABEEL SHARIFF Etiquette. It’s a very British trait, although some may
Now, I personally don’t mind. It’s not the passengers’
argue it has been wavering the past couple of years.
fault that Mr Boeing put this stupid little button that
However, if there is one place where etiquette crosses
collapses the back of your seat into an already
cultures, nations and languages; it’s in the air. On a
uncompromising space. Does that 25 degrees of
flight right now, there is a diaspora of people all
recline really turn your journey from a tormentous
heading in different directions, and in a strange way all
nine hours to a pod of bliss? No. It just hacks off a
speaking the same language. It’s quite amazing that
whole load of people who are already stressed
wherever you’re from, you just know what to do at an
having to endure hours in cattle class. The folks at
airport. Check in, drop your bags, go through security,
the front of the plane have 'first class problems' of
do a bit of duty free shopping and head to the gate. It’s
course, like their cutlery isn’t quite silver enough or
a processing of humans like no other place on earth,
the bread selection is missing the ciabatta. At the
honed down to a tee. When you get on the aircraft
back of the plane though, once Barry in front of you
though, something in the air changes. Firstly, there is
decides to push that seat back shunting your dinner
the loss of hearing when the gate opens to board. The
tray into you chest, you wouldn’t mind settling for a
frenzied rush to confine oneself on a plane for however
focaccia as your primary worry. So what do I do?
many hours is an odd craving. Once onboard, there are
Well, I don’t want to be Barry, as I like to think I’m
the passengers in seat 82F, who will be gazing
fairly considerate. So I switch on my stealth mode.
aimlessly hoping their seat is at the front of the
I’ll recline my seat by 5 degrees, wait five minutes
aircraft. Then you have the supersized hand luggage
and recline it some more. I’ll get up, walk past my
folks. How they get on the aircraft with three cabin
victim to gauge an approximate height. Great, she’s
bags, a giant box of Toblerone plus their limit of
5”2’, I can recline even more. Before she knows it, I’m
cigarettes is beyond me. Oh, and then they need to
at full recline and Barry isn’t reducing the value of
shove them in the overhead lockers, with the aid of the
the seat I’ve paid for. If the person behind me is tall,
air stewardesses trying to remain patient whilst
wait for the inevitable toilet run and swiftly recline
helping them. It’s twenty minutes of mindless chaos.
and play dead; it’s just not polite to wake up a
You take off, and all goes back to a sense of calm. The
sleeping passenger is it? And so we go, until the end
sultry tones of the captain tell us we’re flying at a
of the flight everyone in my line have reclined to the
speed we can’t feel and reminds us that we are quite
full position. Of course, the person at the back of the
high up in the sky. The lights dim, the headphones go
cabin could be the unlucky one and unable to
on and the first of what may be many movies begin.
recline. Never mind, better luck next time.
Then, it happens. if there is one thing though that will wind you up beyond breaking point, is the act that goes beyond borders. Some of us may just suck it up, some may place a subtle knee in the back of our intruder and in rare cases, some will just lose the plot completely and begin yelling random insults. It’s the seat reclining passenger.
