FINDING YOUR CALM

Living Peacefully In A Crazy World

by Holly Davis, CPCI, ABD

I am no stranger to ducking at life coming at me full speed ahead with my hands over my head, crouching in a ball and my eyes sealed shut! Life is awfully gritty. Living on this vast whirling planet can, at any given time, bring me to the place of being deluged in trauma, grief, heartbreak, financial ruin, hopelessness and, oh yeah, let’s throw in a pandemic.

This is not the time when a person should become apathetic, or learn to “just get over it,” or practice avoidance. “Stuffing it” does not work out well either. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like I was not going to make it. In tumultuous times, I asked for help. It is not good to be alone. There are times when a human must surrender to good, old fashioned mercy. This is one of those times. I have spoken to so many people who feel that asking for help is not their strong point, nor is it mine. It means letting down the proverbial mask, being vulnerable and trusting. If there has ever been a time in history to have counsel, this is it.

Consider this: How different would your life be if you had a person to talk to every week for one hour? What if you had a counselor to talk to about anything you needed to process? How differently would you be going through the COVID-19 ordeal with some support? I will be vulnerable and just come from my own perspective in answering I would probably have more peace if I had a regular counselor.

I certainly do have my own story about counseling and why it’s one of my biggest passions. I not only sought out counseling, but also later studied it, because I am interested in change. I love the idea of alchemy and get so passionate with the concept that people can change their circumstances, as they change their minds every day. I am riveted by the way we think and do the things we do as humans— that is why I study behavior. We are fascinating! Try people watching when you can get out and about safely. But hear me now: The most startling people watching is looking at yourself. No, really… look at you. Analyze what is and is not working. Drop in, and sit for a while with your emotions, values, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses. This is a crucial time in history to clean, sort, rid, rest and take your home back. Do some life inventory as well and get a handle on your emotional well-being. You will probably notice that you haven’t been acknowledged much, by yourself or by others. Yeah, sure you may receive attention in the form of a heart, or thumbs up if you're braggadocious, fake or if you achieve something great on social media. Those numbers are a farce.

There are times when a human must surrender to good, old fashioned mercy.

In real life, when was the last time you checked in with yourself? When was the last time someone asked you face to face, looking in your eyes, “How are you?” “No, really, how are you?” There are obvious benefits from being heard, supported and validated. During the pandemic, when I called my clients, they sounded fine considering we are amidst a world crisis. I didn’t see signs of panic, confusion, trauma or lack of direction. I cannot say that was the situation for some of my friends I had been checking in on. I concluded that my clients were doing so well because they are used to being listened to. It is the magic sauce: Listening.

My biggest hope is in transformation, and changing thoughts, words and deeds. This concept can change the world from the inside out, and we are desperate for change. We need to look at our own lives and advocate for ourselves. It’s not good enough for you to simply be alive; you have the right to really live and live well.

Here’s your homework assignment: What does well-being really mean for your own life? This is not an issue that should be left to the professionals alone. It is a deeply personal issue of ultimate responsibility. Listening to your own needs, and meeting them is your job and the key to ultimate health.

The highest form of well-being is acknowledging feelings. When I am lovingly honest with myself, I can overcome the cycle of being unwell with sober awareness. Most of the rubbish that comes up for me has been inherited, and then when I think I’m all clear, more trauma comes sweeping through. Of my own wellness journey, I can’t allow anything to be more important than my health, especially my mental health. I have lived most of my life finding a way to break the chains of mental illness because suffering is not the only option and I do not want to pass on the illness. This work requires compassion and a life goal of happiness.

On a final note, when I seek out help from another, it is the need to be heard. I don’t expect anyone but me to fix me.

The amazing dynamic of using your voice to free your mind of the chatter is that you get to audibly hear your story, and perhaps change the outcomes. I already know deep down what I need to be healthy, so do you. In this crazy world, let’s be a part of the calm.

Holly Davis is a private practice counselor in Las Vegas, mother of five, and Ph.D. candidate in Human and Social Services. Holly is a yoga teacher, author and host of the show, “Good Medicine,” aired weekly on hwwdbtv.com/good-medicine. html. Learn more about Holly by visiting her website at hollydaviscounseling. com. You may contact her directly at info@hollydaviscounseling.com or 702.626.9400.