Up-leveling Likes
Words By Elisabeth Hower
A stran ger s en t me a di r e ct me ssa g e t o suggest I find a “real nice photographer” because the images on my Instagram wall didn’t do me “justice.” Before I go on, clock your initial reaction to this comment. Got it? I had a few in rapid succession, but my very first was fascinating: I felt guilty. I had let him down. What photos was he looking at? And were they disappointing? Was I? My mind reeled as I scrambled to see what was so offensive he decided to take the time to tell me that I’m not as pretty as he thought I was.
that’s taught him women are most valued for their beauty; a woman that isn’t showcasing that always is actually doing self- harm. His intention was to encourage me to display my physical appearance with confidence, to, “share it with the world,” when he’s actually saying I’ve fallen short of the standards he has for me. Which is a shame because if o nl y I m e t t h e m I m ig h t h a v e mor e … attention? money? career heights? Where was my gratitude for him saving me from myself?
“Haven’t we yet learned that it’s ridiculous to suggest the most important attribute a woman holds is her beauty?”
Frustratingly for my inner feminist, upon first glance at my recent posts, I agreed with him. This stranger had enjoyed my performance on a television show in which I wore lingerie in a few scenes, and in which I had a professional hair, make-up, and lighting team working for my benefit. As I recall, one of the wardrobe assistants was on “nipple duty” due to the silicone cutlets placed strategically beneath my breasts, pushing them up more than Victoria ever thought possible. Because I had presented that way once or twice, did that mean I had to… always? It reminded me of a documentary I watched that followed two women pursuing plastic surgery to, quite literally, look like their FaceTuned selves. They didn’t want to meet those they’d met online in person until they were “corrected,” for fear of not being accepted. One of them opted for a non-surgical route using fillers that will absorb and need to be replaced every 4-6 months… at anywhere from $500-1000 a pop. It’s clear the man that wrote me did not understand the implications of his words, nor does he understand the culture 72 M. CITIZEN MAGAZINE | ISSUE 03
Until recently, I might have swallowed my reaction. Kept silent. Absorbed it and the accompanying shame. Thankfully, the increasing volume of women’s voices the last few years have made it abundantly clear how out of date these kinds of comments are. We’re no longer letting things slide. We’re finally, consistently, saying, “F%&#! ENOUGH.” I didn’t need to explain anything to my female friends, I simply relayed the message. Some of my “woke” male friends, however, still labeled it “innocuous.” So many of us still, including myself to a large degree, are completely unaware of the culture of consumption that creates these types of thoughts in the first place, let alone the sense of entitlement to share them with a complete stranger. Haven’t we yet learned that it’s ridiculous to suggest the most important attribute a woman holds is her beauty? And that it’s equally egregious to submit that if she doesn’t highlight that to the fullest extent, she’s missing an opportunity to be VALUED? According to his comment, to do myself “justice” — in other words, according to Google, “to perform as well as one is able to” (in life? as an actress? a
