The Norman Jewison Satire Hollywood Wouldn't Make

The Norman Jewison Satire Hollywood Wouldn't Make

by David Jablin, Producer • February 2019 PROLOGUE: It's June 2002, almost a year after the 9/11 attacks. I'm driving to my office down in sunny Santa Monica listening to the local news for traffic updates when a bulletin comes over the radio that terrorists are believed to have landed covertly by ship on idyllic Catalina Island just off the coast of L.A. According to “reports” Al Qaeda operatives were planning on using the tiny island as a staging area for a massive attack, possibly by an atomic "dirty-bomb," on the very heart of Western debauchery, Hollywood, CA. http://articles.latimes.com/2002/jun/19/local/me-threat19 I turned the volume up.

I remember them interviewing the poor, nervous mayor of this peaceful touristdependent island who was insisting (sounding a lot like Deputy Barney Fife) that there was absolutely no evidence whatsoever of any "terrorist activity” anywhere on beautiful Catalina Island. "The weather's gorgeous, the ocean is sparkling, the flowers are all in bloom -- so PLEASE don't be afraid to come on over and enjoy our abundant sunshine and great gourmet eateries."

The threat was soon debunked by the national networks but it certainly made for several hours of way over-the-top, sensationalized local news coverage in LA. and environs.

When I got to the office I called my good friends and frequent comedy collaborators, Michael Barrie & Jim Mulholland (of Johnny Carson and David Letterman fame). I asked if they've heard the news and they said, "we're watching it right now." I flip on the TV and some local news reporter is still attempting to ratchet things up based on pure conjecture.

I say, "You know what this is? It's a modern-day version of, "The Russians Are Coming... The Russians Are Coming!" They agreed wholeheartedly -- but "good luck trying to sell something like that in this environment."

As part of my first look deal with Showtime at the time I initially ran the idea by then head of programming, Jerry Offsay. Jerry was a big fan of the various satirical comedy specials and movies the three of us had done for the network over the years. He too saw the ripe potential for topical humor but quickly added that he thought it was, "way too soon to try to mix comedy and terrorism."

I explained that we didn't see it as a comedy about "terrorism" but rather, like Norman Jewison's classic 'Russians' a satire about how fear and paranoia can quickly crack the thin ice of civilized behavior when fueled by polarized politics and a rabid media on a feeding frenzy. Bottom line… no sale.

Original key art for, “The Russians Are Coming…The Russians are Coming!” by Jack Davis

Had I listened to Jerry, Michael and Jim it would have saved me years of frustration and ultimate heartbreak. But, like any good producer I was undeterred by rejection.

ACT I The offices I had at the time were at the Lantana Center in Santa Monica, a low key, very un-corporate campus-type complex where people brought their dogs to work. They had personalized parking spaces outside in front with signs that had a lot of famous people's names on them who didn’t want to make the drive into Hollywood or over the hill to “The Valley.”

My parking space just happened to be next to filmmaker extraordinaire, Norman Jewison whom I had never met. Lightbulb time. I called the building manager and got his office phone number.

I spoke to his son Michael, who ran his production company, Yorktown Films. I filled him in on our body of successful satire and told him we have an idea for a modern-day take on his father's satirical masterpiece which he found intriguing.

Norman, however was out of the country for several weeks finishing up his latest film, “The Statement” but Michael said if I'd like to drop off a treatment he'd show it to him when he got back.

I brainstormed with Barrie and Mulholland and we came up with a funny original storyline that was obviously influenced by 'Russians' yet different enough that it could not be considered a "remake.” We called it, “High Alert."

A couple a weeks later the phone rings and it's Norman Jewison. He said he had just read the treatment his son left on his desk and thought it was great! He asked if I would like to get together and talk about it. I said, “Absolutely! Just tell me where and when" -- he said since we’re in the same building, "how about here and now."

About ten minutes later we met at the very popular on-premises restaurant, LA Farm. It was late afternoon so we had the whole outdoor patio to ourselves.

Norman was 82 at the time but certainly not genetically. He was vigorous, charming and a great story teller. I was rapt as he shared behind-the-scenes stories about the making of one of my favorite comedy movies of all time. He recounted how nearly impossible it was to get financing for 'Russians' at the very height of the Cold War. No one would touch it.

He said to finally get it made it took an executive with balls of steel. The balls in this case belonged to famous producer, Walter Mirisch. After much machinations, he was able to lock down a financing deal with United Artists.

But casting also turned out to be a major challenge. Originally, he wanted Jack Lemmon for the part Carl Reiner played — but Jack had passed because of the controversial cold-war subject matter. Reiner was just considered a TV star.

The studio also fought him on using the then unknown Alan Arkin who would end up winning an Academy Award and a Golden Globe for the role.

Before approving they made him do a screen test which appears on the special edition DVD. In fact, the biggest movie "name" in the film at that time was Eva Marie Saint.

When complete, the film would garner two Golden Globes and four Academy Award nominations, including "best picture." It also made worldwide headlines and had considerable impact on both Washington and Moscow.

Norman told me a remarkable story about the nerve-wracking night it was actually screened at the Kremlin. After the film, there was silence and then suddenly, thunderous foot stomping. Norman didn’t know at the time that this was their version of a standing ovation – a sitting foot stomp. It nearly scared him to death.

Also, how Bobby Kennedy encouraged him to continue the uphill fight to get the film made because, "In life, Norman..." (Norman said doing a pretty decent RFK impression), "timing is everything -- and the timing is perfect for your cold-war-

comedy.” I was ecstatic when Norman Jewison told me that in his gut he felt the timing was also right for “High Alert.”

Now honestly, I'm more than a little bit in awe here. Trying not to have my voice break I asked, "So what's our next step?” Norman said, "Tomorrow I have a meeting up at MGM and I'd like to pitch them "High Alert." Can you make it?"

Can I make it?!!

The next day as we were being escorted to a conference room down the long hallways at MGM Century City offices I notice that a number of the large threesheet movie posters they have beautifully displayed there are from Norman's movies, "Fiddler On The Roof," "Jesus Christ Superstar” and "Moonstruck."

This has got to be a good sign I thought...

With the all the top brass assembled, (Chris McGurk was the big cheese at the time) and after respects to are paid to Norman's incredible oeuvre, he gets right down to business. Full of energy and enthusiasm he was in complete command of the room. I chimed in on occasion with a particular plot point I was confident would get a laugh. They roared! No doubt I was now a part of Norman Jewison’s version of Steve Jobs’ "reality distortion field."

Bottom line is we "sold it in the room." Hands were shook, backs were slapped, their people would be contacting our people to work out details. It's was a "done deal” to commission a screenplay. Less than 24 hours after meeting Norman he got a commitment from a studio on the project. Friggin' amazing!

A quick and generous deal is made for writers Barrie & Mulholland and the boys jump right on it.

I don't want to minimize their challenge here. They had huge shoes to fill.

William Rose, who wrote ‘Russians' won the Academy Award for its screenplay.

He also won an Oscar for his screenplay of "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner,” and a British "best screenplay" BAFTA for the Ealing Studio's classic, "The Ladykillers.” He also happened to write our other favorite comedy movie of that era, Stanley Kramer’s “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” So, no pressure...

A few months later Mike and Jim emerge, unshaven and looking a little worse for wear. They hand me what turned out to be a fantastic first draft. They had masterfully captured Rose’s madcap farcical style with a fast-paced story that takes place over a nervous July 4th, summer weekend with all of New York on high alert. But our focus is on a tony Hamptons-like island, accessible only by ferry and filled with celebrity and rock-star types.

The tiny island’s fiercely private populace began to believe that terrorists have landed there to attack New York after a hyperventilating homeowner sees a small craft with suspicious looking foreigners make landfall right in front her seaside mansion carry a mysterious device. They are actually a troupe of Moroccan acrobats hired by an obnoxious, Donald Trump-type to entertain at his annual lavish 4th of July bash.

They missed the last ferry to the island and rented a motor boat to get to their gig.

They're carrying a decorated steamer trunk with all their props and costumes that she assumes must be the "dirty bomb" that they've be ranting about all week on the news. Also, their mustachioed “leader” looked uncomfortably similar to the terrorist mastermind whose face had been plastered non-stop on the screen.

She’s absolutely convinced they’re the real deal when she eavesdrops on “their leader” talking to his “agent” on the phone. In a thick accent, but using typical Hollywood-speak, he talks casually about "shooting a pilot,” “bombing” in Boston and “killing & slaying" their audiences. Panic ensues and spreads like wildfire...

One of my favorite parts of the script and some of its sharpest satire is when the boys brilliantly weave in a Paddy Chayefsky-esque comic layer that really took on the histrionics of the ratings-driven-non-stop 24-7 news.

The screenplay was smart, very funny, and had a lot to say. We felt they nailed it.

The studio responded enthusiastically. They particularly loved the idea of spoofing self-important celebrity types who consider themselves the center of the universe and therefore felt they were the obvious targets for the supposed terrorists in their midst.

They had a few very minor notes on the first draft which the guys were able to address posthaste. Everyone was excited and the project was approved for budgeting.

Internal MGM studio memo on High Alert screenplay

So far so perfect -- right? Okay, but here starts a dizzying ride on the "Hollywood Roller-Coaster" and the first curve was a doozy.

While we are actively in detailed discussions about the budget and schedule with MGM’s production dept. we get the word that the studio itself is being sold. Also, all the execs involved in our project are planning on leaving for other gigs. Smash cut -- it's over. "If you want the project back make us an offer.”

ACT II: The Studio Waltz or “Too Soon?”

Norman was undeterred, to him it was just show-business-as-usual. And so, begun a series of top level studio meetings for us all over town. In every case, there was a lot of enthusiasm and genuflecting upon meeting Norman.

In every case the meetings went very well. By then Norman and I had a solid and entertaining pitch down. He would always end by with his Bobby Kennedy "timing is everything" story, everyone would agree wholeheartedly and we'd leave feeling hopeful.

Unfortunately, despite all the initial enthusiasm that everyone expressed "in the room” — in every case the word ultimately came back that it was a pass.

Unanimously the questions, concerns and rationale for passing on the project were basically the same. It all boiled down to…

• “It’s a great idea BUT It’s just TOO SOON to do something like this."

• "What if there was another attack? We'd have an un-releasable picture on our hands."

• "I think it's absolutely brilliant, BUT our marketing dept. thinks it'll be a suicide mission to sell it."

Norman remained determined. It was just time for another approach…

The Quest For Independent Financing As many a producer has experienced, the world of independent movie financing is not a pretty one. It's a game of hedged bets by a lot of shady self-appointed players who say they have the money but usually they just know a guy who knows a guy who may have access to a guy with the actual money. Foreign pre-sales, bigname cast attachments and producer credits for sale are par for the course. The

old "sausage factory” analogy works here -- you really don't want to see or know how it's done.

There were no concerns whatsoever about our storyline. We understood going in that this was going to be sold purely as a new Norman Jewison comedy with him revisiting the "important themes" of one of his most classic films.

We agreed that attaching talent to some of the key roles in the ensemble with some known names would be helpful. Although Norman hated the idea of asking someone to read a script without an offer he reluctantly recognized that this was part of the indie financing game.

So Norman personally contacted; • Annette Benning for our ratings-challenged, aging ingenue newscaster who is trapped on the island but sees the story as her return to the big-time. Annette loved it.

• Bette Midler as the panicked mansion owner who spotted “the landing” and spreads the word around the island. Bette loved it too.

• His fellow Canadians, Dan Ackroyd, and Eugene Levy as a best-selling, rightwing Tom Clancy-type island resident and it’s pro-development mayor respectively. The guys said they’re in.

• Bob Balaban, had been a show-biz buddy of mine since I helped him edit his first short film back in the early 80’s. The part of the calm, cool as a cucumber Homeland Security official fit him like a glove. We could count him in.

One of the most important roles was the character of the lead Moroccan acrobat who is mistaken for a notorious terrorist mastermind. I pitched Norman the idea of approaching one of my favorite actors, Tony Shaloub.

Tony reminded me of Alan Arkin and even Peter Sellers in his ability to so completely inhabit the characters he plays.

Norman and I had lunch with Tony who was particularly passionate about the project. Being of Lebanese decent he felt the anti-xenophobic message of the movie was an important one.

We even got in touch with the late, great Jonathan Winters for a role that was actually written specifically for him. He was no doubt one of the best parts of 'Russians' and we made a point of creating something for him in this one.

Jonathan loved the idea of playing a seen-it-all 86 year old lobster fisherman from New England. One of my favorite memories from this time was speaking briefly on the phone with Jonathan who was already completely in character.

All I really got in was “Hi Jonath—” before he launched into some little-known facts about lobsters. With a perfect Maine accent he told me that lobsters have teeth in their stomachs, kidneys in their heads and very poor vision. He literally had me cracking up the entire time until he gave the phone back to his son.

He ended with “Why don’t you come ovah later for some boiled bugs? My traps will be full of some jumbo snappers and shredders.”

Norman had a great idea for our sleazy character, Spellman Prentiss, the very Donald Trump-like land developer who wants to build an ostentatious gated community of mansions on the pristine island. His efforts are being frustrated by a “protected” Arroyo Toad on the land. Norman immediately wanted, Alec Baldwin. Good casting idea, huh?

It truly was wonderful getting such a positive reaction to the script from such talented people. It really helped the movie start to come alive to us.

But as we all know, “attaching talent” in the indie world is not a real commitment on anyone’s part. It’s a good-faith understanding between actors and filmmakers they would like to do the part, if we get financing, if they are available at the time of production and if a satisfactory financial deal can be made. Three very big "ifs."

To our great disappointment, all the wonderful actors we assembled, who would have been perfect in their roles, really didn’t mean a whole lot to the foreign presales agents we encountered. We were told by several of them that what we needed is "one really big star” to put us over the top. A particularly well known international distributor shared with us his "secret list” that rated actors “value” to obtaining foreign financing. It was like and old Chinese restaurant menu — one name from column A and two from B would “green-light a picture."

To Normans’ great chagrin, these interested parties were constantly suggesting every A-list name that were in any of his past great films.

We'd hear things like "I think Al Pacino would be a GREAT as a Moroccan acrobat" or, "Yes it's a cameo, but I bet Bruce Willis or Nick Cage would do it if you asked them..." Jonathan Winters is great...but you know who'd be better...Sidney Poitier! Better yet... DENZEL!" You get the picture.

Norman sarcastically said on more than one occasion, “If I had Denzel I wouldn’t need you!” At one point the idea was seriously floated that perhaps we should retitle the film, "The Muslims Are Coming... The Muslims Are Coming…” even though Norman always made it very clear up front that for legal reasons this picture was NOT intended to be a remake of ‘Russians.’

Worse yet were the completely unrealistic production budget negotiations.

Originally budgeted at $10 million by MGM (which we felt was tight but realistic) we'd hear stuff like "if you can do it for 5 million and shoot it in Yugoslavia this winter, we can green light this right away…" We were low-balled at every turn.

We did do our part to try to lower the budget with edits to the script. We dropped characters and entire storyline threads. We consolidated locations, changed night shoots to day scenes etc. We cut about twenty pages to reduce the schedule — but every cut was painful and the script suffered for it.

To cut to the chase here… after several tries with several companies over several years we finally accepted that this partnering approach just wasn’t going work.

Each scenario required too many creative compromises and we would not end up with anything close to the picture we envisioned.

Norman decided it was time again to move on. True to his “never say die” spirit, he felt it was still worth one last shot. https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/jewison-s-high-alert-woes-1.1716328 ACT III - Oh, Canada...

Norman wanted take the project to Canada for financing. But Canadian financing comes with very strict Canadian content parameters that would require major story revisions that had to be done by a Canadian writer. Canada-centric lead casting choices were also a priority. Norman investigated if by adding a Clouseauish Canadian Mountie lead character who is hunting down the terrorist mastermind would help. It didn't. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/norman-jewison-high-alert-86207 Our piece worked best as it was originally intended. A timely, cautionary comedy that (like 'Russians') was a scary snapshot of a particular paranoid time in America. Forcing cumbersome Canadian content into it just didn’t work.

Other films were already coming out, such as Albert Brooks’ "Looking for Comedy In The Muslim World,” “Borat," "Four Lions" and even the latest ‘Harold & Kumar’ film all danced comedically around similar themes. Sadly, “High Alert” just slowly withered away on the vine. Search as we might, we never found our contemporary counterpart to Walter Mirisch’s titanium testicles.

EPILOGUE Thanks to Donald Trump, fear, paranoia and xenophobia are once again at a fever pitch and the fuse is lit and counting. Over the last year, I have heard from several parties that it actually might be time to give “High Alert” another try.

Oy! As Robert F. Kennedy told Norman F. Jewison a long time ago, “timing is everything” and unfortunately the perfect timing for our particular project had passed. Norman Jewison, satirically reprising the important themes of, ‘The Russians…’ almost 40 years later would have spoken volumes.

We had a smart, gem of a screenplay on our hands with substantial talent attached that we still believe would have resonated loudly with an audience already on the edge of their seats. It would’ve been a VERY funny and meaningful movie. I’m truly sorry that we never got a chance to make it.

No doubt as a society we are back in that all too frightening place again. Though ironically, now the timing seems perfect for Norman to actually do another movie called "The Russians Are Coming..." but this time about the disastrous and dangerous Trump administration. This one’s not a comedy.

Storyboards for Spellman Prentiss’ attempted escape from Boggs Island

David Jablin is an award-winning producer and director who is one of the pioneers of original programming for PayTV. His seminal HBO/Cinemax comedy anthology series, “Likely Stories” featured the directing debuts of, Rob Reiner, Danny DeVito, Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest and Harry Shearer. He produced Showtime’s first original movie, “The Ratings Game,” which starred and was directed by Danny DeVito as well as the critically acclaimed TV adaptation of Larry Gelbart’s Broadway play, “Mastergate.”

The Showtime satirical comedy, “Public Enemy #2” which he both produced and directed was the only Pay-TV show to make that year’s, Time Magazine “Best of Television” list.

POST-CREDITS SCENE I ran into Norman recently in Toronto at the taping of the Netflix SCTV reunion special that Martin Scorsese is directing. Norman’s now 92, moves a bit slower, but looks great and is sharp as ever. We chatted briefly and expressed our mutual regret about “the one that got away.” But us being surrounded in the room by all those fabulously funny and talented people, I recognized that certain fire in Norman’s eyes that usually meant he may just have another really big idea on what out next move should be...