Manners, “Girl” Imitation 1

Always wipe front to back. Wash your hands before you touch anything in the kitchen. Pick up this bedroom before anyone sees it! It’s a mess! Brush your teeth. You need to do something with that hair. It’s so frizzy and out of control! You look like a mess. Rinse the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher.

Always wear good clean underwear in case we are in a car accident and you have to go to the hospital. You don’t want them to think we are nasty. Always say please and thank you. You should eat what is served to you, even if you don’t like it. Disagree with your eyes, not with your mouth. It doesn’t matter if you think Uncle Christopher is creepy, give him a hug anyways. He doesn’t mean anything by it. Yes you have to talk to them, they’re family. Go meet your cousins. Go play cheerleading with the other girls. You should always play nice with your cousins. You don’t want them to think you’re sour. You are NOT wearing pants to church. We’d be the talk of the town if you wore pants to church, Annessa. Be early, that’s really being on time. If we’re not the first ones there, they’ll think we forgot about em’. You know that you should always offer to help clean up the kitchen after a Sunday homecoming dinner. We don’t want them to think we’re lazy. Only eat Mama’s potato salad at the Homecoming at church. “Mom gets her feelins’ hurt if you eat someone else’s tater salad over hers, Nessa. Always pick your Mama’s.” This is how you use a dry spaghetti noodle to light a candle when your match keeps going out. This is how you plan a vacation. This is how you bake cupcakes for the bake sale. Always…, ALWAYS, participate in the bake sale. What will the others say if we don’t send something? This is how to shave your legs. Only girls who are having sex shave above the knee. Friday nights are for football games. Friday nights are not for partying all night on a strip job after the football game. Always stand up when you say the Pledge of Allegiance. Bow your head and take your hat off when prayer is being said. Memorize the 23rd Psalms. You should never let the flag touch the ground. Men have died for that flag. You should only ever use Duke’s mayonnaise. Sometimes men cheat, but that’s okay because men should always get what they want. You should always obey your husband. Men are the head of the household. If you lay with dogs, you’re gonna get fleas. You can’t really blame him, she shouldn’t have been wearing that. You need to do a little work on your arm fat if you think you’re going to show them off in that prom dress. You look like a hooker in that red. You shouldn’t drink malt liquor in the bathroom at the prom. It’s okay to dance with boys, but don’t give them the wrong impression. What did you expect? You looked like a hooker in that red dress.

My father would always tell me you were supposed to be a boy. You were to clean the house. You were to mow the lawn. You were to feed me dinner. You were to make straight A’s. You were to take care of the dogs. You were to take care of your sister. You were to obey my rules. You were meant to choose me. You were meant to go to school for law. You were meant to be my lawyer. You were to clean the dishes. You were to clean the cars. You were meant to help me with school. You were to take care of your brother. You are to parent your brother and sisters. You were to work. You were to make all the money. You were to stay quiet about what happened. You were to not have friends. You were to eat everything you don’t like. You were meant to tend to the needs of guests. You were to bring me an opened beer bottle. You were to be punished for not doing what you were asked. You were to change the channel when I needed it changed. You were to stay hidden when I had friends over. You were to keep quiet about me cheating. You were to stay away from boys. You were to never get a boyfriend. You were to never keep your phone overnight. You were to eat what was given to you. You were to never eat too much. You were to be skinny. You were to go with me everywhere. You were to keep your mouth shut. You were to be supportive of me. You were to accept you stepmother. You were to not have games. You were not allowed to play games. You were not allowed to have friends. You were not allowed to leave the house without me. You were not allowed the choice of weather you could go. You were to get me sick. You were to accept I was not paying for your college. You were to accept not having straight teeth. You were to accept the glassed given to you. You were to tell your mother lies. You were to accept new siblings. You were to come live with me. You were to listen to your stepmother. You were to go to school. You were to be given a punishment for not having straight A’s. You were to come home every day. You were to never run away. You were to stay with me and me only. You were meant to keep secrets. You were meant to not go to court. You were meant to keep me safe. You were meant to pay for my car. You were meant to pay for my place. You were meant to pay for your brother. You were meant to pay for your medical bills. You were a failsafe. You were meant to stay where no one could see you. You were meant to be humiliated by me. You were meant to be punished by me. You were meant to stay.