Boozepaper 2010 by The Newspaper

the boozepaper University of Torontoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Independent Weekly

All the booze thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fit to drink Our judges tasted 48 beers to bring you the boozepaper 2-4, Inside

Vol. XXXII N0. 25

March 25, 2010

the editorial

March 25, 2010

FOUR HUNDRED WORDS EACH

To serve smart or not to serve, that is the question If one were to look at the laws regulating the serving of alcohol in licensed establishments, one would think that, if properly enforced, they would be more than sufﬁcient to curb the undesirable effects of public intoxication. Anyone who has taken the SmartServe exam knows that a server is legally required to observe any behavioural signs of intoxication before serving (as well as during the patron’s stay), and upon serving, is supposed to keep track of how many drinks are consumed in any given time period and then relate that to the person’s sex and body weight. Servers , who are legally required to have their SmartServe in Ontario, should also know that they are just as liable as the establishment in the case that a patron’s intoxication causes harm to him/ herself or to others after leaving the restaurant. However, as much as servers should know these responsibilities, anyone who has ever gotten their buzz on in a Toronto bar or club knows that these rules are never followed. Why? I’m not sure. The police do not rigidly enforce these particular regulations. No bar, restaurant, or club is go-

ing to stop serving intoxicated guests. These rules are only really enforced by lawsuits, which don’t occur as often as is necessary to curb the effects of public intoxication in a meaningful way. I spent the summer employed at one of the greasy corporate restaurants at Yonge and Dundas Square. We had pukers, we had drunks, we had belligerent customers, but nobody was ever asked to leave until they started disturbing other guests. The tips were too good and the consequences were too slight. But really, would you want such strict laws to be properly enforced? They would be enough to ruin any good night on the town. You would never be able to get drunk in a bar in Ontario, and that is a prime experience of being a student, or even just a young person. Perhaps that’s why the rules aren’t enforced: even the cops know they’re too harsh. I think drinking and driving will never be reduced sufﬁciently until the laws recognize both a person’s right to get drunk (to a reasonable degree) and assign responsibility in a way that does not hamper a restaurant’s ability to serve alcohol to responsible patrons. But perhaps that’s just wishful thinking.

the newspaper Editor-in-Chief Helene Goderis

Arts Editor

News Editor

Sarah D’Angelo

Amy Stupavsky

Associate Arts Editors

Associate News Editors

Layout Editor

Illustrations Editor

Science Editor

Photo Editor

Cara Sabatini Cailin Smart Mnrupe Virk

Victoria Dobbs

Tomasz Bugajski Tejas Parasher

Melinda Mortillaro

Tim Ryan

Alex Nursall

Contributors

Aschille Clarke-Mendez, Jackie Katz, Alan Jones, Andrew Menneguzzi, Cara Sabatini, Veenay Sehdev, Amina Stella, Mnrupe Virk

the newspaper 1 Spadina Crescent, Suite 245 Toronto, ON M5S 1A1 Editorial: 416-593-1552 thenewspaper@gmail.com www.thenewspaper.ca ads@thenewspaper.ca the newspaper is U of T’s independent weekly paper, published by Planet Publications Inc., a non-proﬁt corporation. All U of T community members, including students, staff and faculty, are encouraged to contribute to the newspaper.

MARTHA WEINER

ALEX NURSALL

ALAN JONES

According to SmartServe Ontario, their aim is “to provide a standard method of delivering a responsible service training certificate program to all individuals in the province of Ontario who serve or work where alcohol beverages are sold and served.” Are the regulations too lenient or do they infringe on bar proprietors’ rights to turn a profit? Does SmartServe do enough to guard against unsafe activities caused by intoxication?

Some people seem to think that Smart Serve does not do enough to prevent people from getting intoxicated, or driving drunk. Regulate more, they say. Make the bar owners pay for the sins of their customers! Whatever happened to individual freedom and individual responsibility? If one is old enough to drink, one is old enough to know that excessive alcohol consumption can be detrimental to both oneself and to others. Proprietors must deal with the commercial realities of running a bar. Smart Serve is technically used to prevent customers from getting “intoxicated.” If that rule were strictly observed, it would be tantamount to running a brothel where you had to prevent customers from reaching orgasm. Intoxication is why you’re there. Right off the bat, bar owners (and more importantly, harried frontline staff like waiters and bartenders) have to awkwardly balance customer service and legal responsibility. Now, bar owners and staff profit from drinking, so I concede that they should bear a higher burden then say, someone hosting a house party. As it is now, staff are required to watch for the signs of

(severe) intoxication, taught how to calculate and predict how many drinks the customer will take to get there, and required to stop serving alcohol to that customer. SmartServe is a quick and simple way to get this information to new staff, and make sure that people have at least looked it over before they start work in the industry. You have to make this sort of regulation accessible and affordable if you want it to become the standard. Yes, some employers and staff will continue to bend and break the rules, just as they do in every regulated industry. However, that is neither the fault nor the purpose of SmartServe. Liquor inspectors, police and the courts (civil and criminal) have the job of catching and determining the appropriate punishment for those bars or restaurants that skirt the rules. Unfortunately, people will ﬁnd ways of getting intoxicated regardless of the regulations, and there will always be drunk driving and other stupid and dangerous behaviour. Dumping more responsibility on the bar and restaurant industry is pointing the ﬁnger at the wrong place! You know your limit, you should know when you’ve hit it, and you have no excuse for your behaviour as a result.

the letter to the editor

the booze

March 25, 2010

Beer pong: you lose when you booze U of T experts weigh in on the risks of binge drinking

HELENE GODERIS

What do you get when you cross an alcohol enthusiast with UofT’s top table tennis player, Mahdi Hajiaghahyi? A beer pong champion; no, you get a university binge drinker. Binge drinking is defined by Dr. Dzung Anh Le, an expert in the pharmacology of alcohol abuse at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, as having 5 drinks or 4 drinks for women, in a period of 2 hours. In other words, drinking a lot very fast. If this sounds like you, don’t be surprised. Dr. Le states that 30% of Canadians between 15-19 and 41% between 20-24 binges 12 or more times a year. The reasons for doing it are even less shocking: young people

lack knowledge about the consequences, are impulsive and susceptible to peer-pressure. For those who wear your drinking ability like a badge and wish to be a beer pong king, beware. U of T Associate Professor Dr. Karen Leslie specializes in adolescent substance abuse at Sick Kids. She cautions that “alcohol is a central nervous system depressant” and can lead to slow breathing and alcohol poisoning. She also stresses behavioural risks like unprotected sex and violence. Worse, binge drinkers have a higher probability of becoming alcoholics. There’s a cost to being the beer pong boss. For more information on binge drinking visit http:// www.camh.net/About_Addiction_Mental_Health/ U of T table tennis pro Mahdi Hajiaghahyi plays a game of beer pong at the newspaper office.

Drinking and riding Why beer and bikes don’t mix Aschille clarke-mendez

POKEY BUTTERSHAFT

VEENAY SEHDEV

Riding down Toronto’s alleys at this time of year can be very refreshing. Imagine cool, city air blowing your hair wildly about as snowflakes float onto your face. The experience is even more riveting when you’re inebriated. Fun as it maybe, this provides for haphazard, and often dangerous, confrontation with other road-users. Downtown Toronto cyclists cause enough mayhem as it stands. The frustration directed toward this brand of vehicle is only heightened when the cyclist is recklessly smashed. How lethal is a drunken cyclist to others on the road? According to Transport Canada, Canada’s alcohol-related accidents’ statistics for 2000 are 210 deaths for drivers of “Off-road vehicles,” which includes bicycles, snowmobiles, all-terrain vehicles, etc. Out of this number, 180 of the people involved were drunk. This figure accounts for 7.7 per cent of all fatal, alcohol-related crashes for that year. Isolating the death toll of cyclists is difficult because

this group encompasses multiple types of vehicles. Odds are stacked unfavourably for cyclists. Unless there are ranks of spears protruding from your bicycle like a medieval chariot, it’s highly unlikely that you’ve injured too many people, or totalled many cars. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I saw a motor vehicle in the morgue. While fatalities caused by bicycles are relatively low, appropriate legislature guarding against reckless cycling should exist, at least for the unlucky hiker’s sake. The British Columbia Motor Vehicle’s Act, Section 183 (1) states, “. . . a person operating a cycle on a highway has the same rights and duties as a driver of a vehicle.” This seems to close the case on the pedestrian-vehicle ambiguity. nevertheless, the severity of cycling drunk cannot bear the same weight as driving hammered. One can’t imagine the incentive for an officer to track down every cyclist who looks unsteady on the road. They don’t pose the same threat as two metric tonnes of Toyota. And they don’t make for good highway chases.

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the science

March 25, 2010

Cheers to your health! The benefits of drinking in moderation ANDREW MENNEGUZZI In monastic culture, historic information refers to Trappist communities that drank beer for sustenance during the ritual period of fasting. Dubbed “liquid bread,” beer provided the order with a nutrient-rich supplement. Continuing on this historic tradition, newscientific evidence points to the health benefits of consuming beer in moderation. According to an article published by the Brewers Association of Canada, beer contains a range of nutrients, including vitamins A, C and B6, folate thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, zinc, iron, calcium, protein, and carbohydrates. “Beer, which is made from malt, hops, yeast and filtered water, can make a positive contribution to a healthy diet,” explained Lois Ferguson, a Canadian nutrition professional. Other evidence suggests beer has a high antioxidant lev-

el, which can help to lower one’s cancer risk. Beer’s alcohol content is also beneficial to the circulatory system. Alcohol thins the composition of blood and enables greater dilation of the blood vessels. This relieves tension and physical stress in the body. A note to the wise: in order to benefit optimally from beer’s disease-preventing traits, it must be consumed in moderation. Excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages does cause adverse effects on the body. The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) affirm that “one drink of beer, wine or liquor every other day is enough. For most people, more than two drinks a day does harm.” CAMH does urge “epople who don’t drink now shouldn’t start drinking to try to get health benefits. They are better off eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding smoking.”

BUSTED FOR MARIJUANA? The police were wrong to arrest you, because

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416-964-8849 www.mteverestrestaurant.ca

Get in touch with U of T Philosophy Professor Hutchinson to find out how you (or your lawyer) should defend you from this vexatious charge. Did U of T officials act against you? Let Prof. H. show you how they can be sued for punitive damages: doughutchinson@gmail.com.

March 25, 2010

the science

Black and brewsed

The science behind alcohol-induced blackouts

Ugh, sooo much pain. (Laughing) I know, we drank a lot. The Maddy was absolutely packed, eh? Yeah, it was gross in there. I think I left my jacket there. Oh no. (Pause) Tim, you left your jacket at the Brunny. Tim...we went to the Brunny. Tim: NOOOOOOO, we went to the Brunny??! (Mutual laughing in shame) Joe: You don’t remember going there? Tim: No. Ugh, did anybody see us? Actually, I have to go…I need a shower.

Our Photo Editor learned a thing or two about blackouts at our annual booze tasting. TIM RYAN Alcohol related amnesia, or blacking out, is a phenomenon that occurs after the consumption of high amounts of alcohol inhibits the production of mem-

ories in the brain. While much isn’t known about how the brain creates memories at a molecular level, and how alcohol affects this process, current research has quantiﬁed that an increased total mean number of beverages

consumed, a higher blood alcohol content, and a higher incidence of gulping drinks (rather than sipping) are present in alcohol related amnesia sufferers versus control groups. There exist two types of

blackouts. “En Bloc” blackouts are classiﬁed by the inability to recall past events, even when reminded about them. The subject literally can’t remember vomiting all over themselves at the bar. Fragmentary blackouts,

or “greyouts,” are those in which the subject can remember past events after being prompted. This type of blackout is much more common than the former and generally leads to much higher embarrassment levels.

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Nomination forms available at:

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Students Helping Students Income tax clinics run on weekdays from March 29th to April 30th, 2010 between 10:00 and 4:00. Volunteers must commit to 10 hours minimum over the course of the program. Send resume and covering letter by January 22, 2010 to terri@utsu.ca

HELENE GODERIS

Tim: Joe: Tim: Joe: Tim: Joe:

the inside

March 25, 2010

Welcome to the 2010 boozepaper! It is safe to assume that most university beer drinkers pay little attention to the beer they consume. Thankfully, the boozepaper has arrived to educate members of the U of T beer drinking community about what they should look for in a beer. As a participant in the evaluation process featured in this issue, I would like to impart some of the beer sommelier skills I obtained after an enjoyable evening of sampling. First – if possible – it is beneﬁcial to try and sample blindly, to eliminate personal bias. Second, before sipping the beer, take time to note the appearance and smell. Too often, beer drinkers fail to recognize the many subtleties in the look and smell of a

beer that will undoubtedly influence the flavour of the beer upon first sip. Finally, when you take the first sip, notice how (and whether or not) everything ties together. Take a moment to examine the first notes, the carbonation, and the aftertaste. While beer-tasting skills are fairly universal, beer preferences will always be personal. My fellow judges on the boozepaper panel varied widely in their tastes: some preferred lighter beers, some opted for fruity or complex, others preferred dark, heavy stouts. Not surprisingly then, there is no standout winner or loser in the overall rankings – you will have to use the above skills to find your personal favourite. - Melinda Mortillaro

Introducing our beer sommeliers! Here’s why they said they’d make good judges: Helene Goderis As editor of this rag, I’ve boosted my beer drinking tolerance more than I care to admit.

Victoria Dobbs I’m looking forward to trying new beers and expanding my palette.

Melinda Mortillaro I live in a crawl space of a major brewery. But no one knows, so ssshhh…

Jack Daniels. I ate my morning cereal with Guiness instead of milk.

Noah Gataveckas In my second year of running the newspaper’s annual beer gauntlet, I have twice the experience, twice the spare time and twice the bladder. Viva Beer Vegas!

Chris Nash I love sharing beer with friends and trying something new.

karaoke singers.

Amanda Smallwood I’m an impressionable young lass, open to the wooing of many a beer.

Alex Nursall I’m a bear coniss.. connisomthing… - Whatever, I’m very, very good looking.

Amy Stupavsky I have really great taste buds!

Cara Sabatini

Sarah D’Angelo

Brian Jackson

My tongue is a beer-soaking sponge that tastes hops, yeast and alcohol instead of sweet, bitter and salty.

I could beat Judge Judy in a beauty contest.

My mother was a speak-easy prostitute and my father was

I’m Irish, and not in the way that everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. As proof – I once got kicked out of Molly Bloom’s for heckling

Government scientists performed a rare procedure on my mother’s womb while I was in gestation. They replaced the amniotic ﬂuid with a rich stout, assuring that I’d be born into the world with excellent beer tasting abilities - and drunk.

Skill up with Smart Serve

Get a bartending licence

Become a beermaster

smartserve.org This is where all aspiring beer barons start their journey to barley-based beverage bodaciousness. Also required for every server at a licenced establishment in Ontario, this licence can be earned online and proves you have drink-serving chops.

Google it, nimrod. If you aspire to transcend the simple recipe lists of mixology, there’s a plethora of schools that will certify you with a veriﬁable bartender’s licence. If all that book-larnin’ seems like too much work, many Toronto-area schools also offer group workshops for fun and uh, “teambuilding.”

www.hw.ac.uk – Heriot Watt University at Edinburgh Yup, in Scotland you can actually get a degree for brewing beer – Bachelor’s or Master’s credentials. Just enroll at the International Centre for Brewing and Distilling, the ivy league of sudsy drinks.

Find an open Beer Store

Get beer brought to you

Visit the newspaper website

beerhunter.ca Google Maps mash-up shows every possible place you can buy beer in Ontario and is currently open. Hundreds of boozebuying possibilities include The Beer Store, Wine Rack, Vineyard Estate, LCBO, and microbreweries.

dialabottle-toronto.com So you don’t want to do all that work, and you just want a drink already? If you’re too lazy to drag yourself to the local saloon, you can just ﬁll out a form online and have it delivered to you for a charge. If you’re really desperate, rumour has it some cabbies could hook you up.

thenewspaper.ca So you’ve tasted our top 24 beers and you’re thirsting for more? Fear not, my inebriated companion, you can read reviews for all 48 beers we reviewed online, and download the beautiful PDF version of our boozepaper.

Siana Trailson

Alan Jones

March 25, 2010

THE NEW NAME IN CRAFT BEER

Look for us at the LCBO and ямБne pubs and restaurants

NICKELBROOK.CA

K E G S & C A S E S AVA I L A B L E F O R D E L I V E R Y

( 9 0 5 ) 6 8 1- B R E W

the brews

8 3.8

Rickard’s White

March 25, 2010

3.7

Molson Canadian

“Looks like starlight and tastes like a bouquet.”

“Light golden colour, an inviting beer that’s very easy to drink; perfect for a summer patio.”

- Helene Goderis

- Melinda Mortillaro

“Golden colour; smells almost fruity; subtle banana hints. Very smooth and balanced.” -Victoria Dobbs

5.4%

Molson Coors Canada . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

“Flaunts quite the ﬁzz, which makes it a great refresher for any hot summer day by the pool or horse and sprinkler.”

alc./vol.

$12.50 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

Wellington S-P-A Special Pale Ale

3.6

- Cara Sabatini

Molson Coors Canada . Toronto, ON

alc./vol.

Get it at:

$3.95 per 1 (730 mL) can

3.5

Lakeport Honey Lager

“Think, lingering head; orange notes; as complex as cobblestones.”

“Very bubbly; deep golden yellow colour. Will get “the job done.”

- Siana Trailson

- Melinda Mortillaro

“A textured brew ﬂavoured with ancient spices and carrying an aroma of scenic pine.” - Noah Gataveckas

4.5%

Wellington Brewery . Guelph, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.3

Nickel Brook Maple Porter

“Whoaaa! This tastes like an adverb adjective noun.” - Noah Gataveckas

5% Labatt Brewing Co. . London, ON

alc./vol.

Get it at:

$1.90 per 1 (473 mL) can

3.3

Labatt 50

“A nice, dark beer that’s not too strong and has ﬂavour.”

“I think I funneled this in high school.”

- Chris Nash

- Sarah D’Angelo

“Tastes like something I might actually drink on a Monday. Or a Tuesday.”

“This bark has bite.” - Helene Goderis

- Alan Jones

6% Better Bitters Brewing Company . Burlington, ON

alc./vol.

Coming soon to LCBO this fall!

5% Labatt Brewing Co. . London, ON

Get it at:

Flying Monkeys Hoptical Illusion Almost Pale Ale

3.2

alc./vol.

$13.50 per 6 (355 mL) cans

3.2

Wind & Sail Dark Ale

“A promising, leafy aroma; inviting colour; blooms into a ﬂoral aftertaste. Tastes like kickingu p leaves on a November eve.” - Siana Trailson

“A strong winter wind has nothing on this beer.” - Helene Goderis

“Crisp, lake water. Like when you dive off the dock with your brother and you get some really fresh water in your mouth.”

“An amber-ﬂavoured beer-fall that is both daring and heroic.” - Noah Gataveckos

- Sarah D’Angelo

5% Flying Monkeys Craft Brewery . Barrie, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 6 (355 mL) bottles

3.2

Amsterdam Framboise

Georgian Bay Dipper

$2.45 per 1 (437 mL) bottle

3.2

- Sarah D’Angelo

“I love this beer, and I don’t care what that says about my sexuality.”

Get it at:

6.5%

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 4 (341 mL) bottles

2.9

“A crisp, golden nectar which drips from the cup. Too bad it doesn’t taste like beer. The Sprite factor is huge!” - Noah Gataveckos

Labatt Brewing Co. . London, ON

alc./vol.

Get it at:

$9.95 per 6 (355 mL) cans

2.9

Big Wheel

“Tastes like it’s been trailed behind a canoe for a few hours. Love it.” - Helene Goderis

“A ﬁne draught with wheat providing its foundations. It emanates the staunch compassion of an elderly war hero.” - Noah Gataveckos

“Fizzy like pop rocks. Hops-ﬂavoured pop rocks.”

“Balanced brew with swirly foam.”

- Amanda Smallwood

- Helene Goderis

5% Hockley Valley Brewing Co. . Orangeville, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

“Flava’ Flav’s got nothing on this beer. It tastes like a garden party and all the weird are invited.”

“Beer for when you’ve ﬁnished the cherry cordial at the afternoon social. Starts fruitily, ends bitterly.” - Siana Trailson

Amsterdam Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

Bud Light Lime

“Looks like pretty rabbit fur.” - Helene Goderis

- Alan Jones

5% Barley Days Brewery . Prince Edward County, ON

alc./vol.

$2.45 per 1 (473 mL) can

5% Amsterdam Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 6 (355 mL) bottles

the brews

March 25, 2010

Nickel Brook Green Apple Pilsener

3.7

Mill St. Original Organic Lager

“This martini-meets-beer looks like ginger ale, smells like jolly rancher.” - Victoria Dobbs

“Golden orange colour - clear and soft like old pines. Scent like home. Bubbly bite and delicate taste.” - Alex Nursall

“It’s like bobbing for apples in a cold lake, has a placid ﬁnish.”

“The colour of a sunworn cottage room. I could really ease into life with a 2-4 of this beside me.”

- Helene Goderis

4% Better Bitters Brewing Company . Burlington, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.3

Millennium Buzz Hemp Beer

-Helene Goderis

4.2%

Mill St. Brewery . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$12.95 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.3

Golden Horseshoe Blonde Lager

“Loose, collapsed foam; nutty ﬂavour with a forest ﬂoor aesthetic. Unchallenging tase but pleasant nonetheless.”

“Nice - full-bodied and tasty, like my favourite girls.” - Alan Jones

- Siana Trailson

“This beer lacks vital pizazz, but steers the ship into the harbour safe and steady.” - Noah Gataveckos

“It tastes like the champagne of beers.” - Amy Stupavsky

Cool Beer Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

alc./vol.

Get it at:

$5.50 per 4 (341 mL) bottles

Hockley Dark Traditional English Ale

3.3

“A well-balanced and pleasing experience that evokes images of an English tavern, ﬁlled with cigar smoke. Then for a ﬁnish, a trip to the corner candy shoppe for some toffee.” - Brian Jackson

5% Get it at:

alc./vol.

$2.65 per 1 (473 mL) can

3.2

Red Leaf Smooth Red Lager

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.95 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.2

Nickel Brook Ale

“This beer sort of feels like you were already drinking it when you’ve just begun. Reasonable but unexciting.” - Siana Trailson

Hockley Valley Brewing Co. . Orangeville, ON

5% Great Lakes Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

“Woody and penetrative, pushes the limits of ﬂavour and my soul.” - Tomasz Bugajski

“Fulsome, mossy ﬂavour. Excellent companion while you’re looking for the pot of gold.” - Siana Trailson

Better Bitters Brewing Company . Burlington, ON

Get it at:

$11.50 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.2

Cool Beer

“This is the thickest head yet. A nice beer for the back nine, like you bought it off the trolly.”

alc./vol.

“Now THIS is a beer. Give me a cottage, bacon, motorboat, and this.” - Helene Goderis

- Siana Trailson

“Right! This beer reaches out the olive branch to the drinker, establishing a truce with the tastebuds that is nothing short of historic.” - Noah Gataveckos

Great Lakes Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$11.50 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

3.1

Creemore Springs Premium Lager

“When I get buried, place a 2-4 of this in my tomb for me to enjoy in the afterlife.” - Noah Gataveckos

Creemore Springs Brewery . Creemore, ON

Orange Peel Ale

5% Cool Beer Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$8.40 per 6 (341 mL) bottles

Stone Hammer Premium Light Beer

“Promising. A zippy toboggan ride of taste - slipper, cold, fast, cheerful, and icy white.”- Siana Trailson

Get it at:

“Nice warm, yellow colour. Nothing too unique, but a good clean beer for a summer’s day.”- Melinda Mortillaro

alc./vol.

$2.65 per 1 (473 mL) can

2.8

2.9

“The beer of choice if you’re cruising for a brewsing.” - Helene Goderis

“Sunﬂower yellow, ﬁnishes mild with very pleasant aftertaste. I would choose this at a bar.” - Melinda Mortillaro

F&M Brewery . Guelph, ON

alc./vol.

Coming soon!

2.6

Devil’s Pale Ale 666

“Natural orange ﬂavour. Better than a weekend in Florida.”

“A pint-sized shot of espresso. The darkness is closing in.”

- Sarah D’Angelo

“Like a meadow at dusk. OMG! Mead-ow! Get it? Makes other beers look bad. A real go getter.” - Siana Trailson

Great Lakes Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

5.3%

alc./vol.

$4.95 per 1 (650 mL) bottle

“A strong, bitter stout which stands guard against the forces of wussy beer everywhere. A knight of the drunk table.” - Noah Gataveckos

Great Lakes Brewing Co. . Toronto, ON

Get it at:

alc./vol.

$2.60 per 1 (473 mL) can

the inside

March 25, 2010

“ the campus comment ” the newspaper asks: Have you ever been to class drunk or hungover?

“I’m not sure what to say, I wish I could think of something clever, I judge everyone else so much on these things.” - Jeff

“I haven’t ever gone to class drunk or hungover, and probably wouldn’t, but I have seen drunk people in class and it looks like they are having a good time.” - Michael

“I once went to class after drinking a lot of tequila and the person sitting next to me said that I smelled like it.” - Adam

“I haven’t, and I’ve barely been caffeinated in class.” - Jenna

“I once did a whole bunch of shots before a contemporary poetry class, and it made it all make sense for once.” - Vanilla

ALEX NURSALL

“I went to class hungover in France because of wine, and the professor found out.” - Katherine

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570 Bloor St. W. just West of Bathurst

647-348-0409

Tucked away in a non-descript corner of the university, the Graduate Students’ Union (GSU) Pub is found on the first floor of the GSU building. The building, an old house, survived the construction of the Earth Sciences complex in the 1990s, and retains its original character. The pub itself is the old front parlour of the house, dominated by the bar on the north wall and a large, decorative fire place on the west wall. It’s not the biggest space and it looks somewhat worn but it is homey and not without its charms. The bar is stocked with five different beers on tap, including a house lager, Red Leaf Lager, Creemore, Granite Bitter, and Mill Street Organic. The last two are premium choices, but the Creemore is the most expensive. The house lager is everything you might want in a draft beer on a warm day: clear, refreshing, and it goes down easy. There is also a good selection of more exotic beers in cans and bottles, including several imports. The GSU pub is open from noon to midnight, Monday to Friday. Be warned: it is not open on the weekends (although it is available to rent for private parties). It’s not a great place to get something to eat, but the bar is stocked with chips and peanuts, and offers some hot food (pizza, roti, etc.) at very reasonable prices. You might want to check out the cafe on the second floor if hunger strikes. The best thing about the GSU Pub is that it is out of the way, and, especially during the day, a great place to have a conversation and debrief after a gruelling seminar. There is also a pool table, and the bar offers patrons free pool at selected times. With a very pleasant atmosphere and relatively inexpensive prices (good for a professional student’s budget), the GSU Pub is both well worth the effort to find and, as it is open to the whole U of T community, a wonderful asset to campus life.

Arbor Room Mnrup Virk Looking for a cozier, classier atmosphere to get your boozin’ on? Then the Arbor Room at Hart House is just the place for you. Located in the basement of the historic Hart House building, the Arbor Room features plenty of seating, a full service bar, and some of the best food you can find on campus. Sammy’s Student Exchange offers great internationally-themed meals,

Suds gord brown The Friday afternoon beer bash has a long and storied tradition in the world of professional engineering. It is very much within this tradition that every Friday, EngSoc hosts its own beer bash, fittingly called Suds. Suds is found deep in the bowels of the Sandford Fleming Building, in an area quaintly referred to as the Atrium. During the week, it is a central (and generally crowded) public space where students hang out between classes and visit or do homework. Fridays, it is the place where Engineering students hang out for the pre-pub pub experience with inexpensive drinks, both beer and mixed drinks. Food, that is pizza, is also available. And, it is rumoured that non-engineering students and engineering alumni are also known to show up on occasion. Suds is open 3 p.m. to approximately 8 p.m., as noted on Fridays but also special occasions such as F!rosh week, Godiva week and the last day of classes in each term. Despite the reputation of engineering students for rowdiness (why is it that Filmore’s bans hard hats again?), Suds’ location in the middle of an academic building and its relatively early hours actually makes it somewhat sedate, more a gentlemen’s club than a night club. On the other hand, it’s a great place to see and be seen and engineering students swear it’s also a great place to meet people and make new friends.

Blind Duck Pub any stupavsky The Blind Duck Pub occupies a huge block of The Student Centre at UTM. Given its massive size (there’s even a stage!), it lacks the coziness and slight shabbiness you’d expect from a collegial watering hole. With long tables, high ceilings, and an expansive patio area, it looks more like a modern beer hall than a quaint university pub. Nevertheless, the low-key space attracts crowds of students who come for a quiet drink or a chat with friends. “It’s turned into a place that’s sort of chill and where people can hang out between classes,” said Drish Bajaj, the pub’s supervisor. The Blind Duck also plays venue to pub nights every Thursday, which feature live bands. Sometimes, clubs rent out the space for dances. Bajaj tells me the acts frequently fill the pub’s 500-person capacity. This year’s final pub is March 25 and DY will be performing. Entirely student-run and student-staffed, the pub knows its customers. Prices are very reasonable, with pints ringing in at $5 and mixed drinks from $4.20. They serve Rickard’s Red, Canadian, Stella, Keith’s, and Coors on tap. The pub also offers a delivery service for students living on campus at $2.50 on orders of $10 or more before tax. “I come here because it’s cheap,” said Mahmoud Fayed, pointing to his huge plateful of food. A drink-and-dinner combo costs just under $7. Fourth-year students Jessica Vallentin and Melanie Hrymak aren’t Blind Duck habitues, but have popped by a few times during the year. They both said they probably wouldn’t bother if the pub weren’t the only game in town (the nearest off-campus bar is about a 20 minute walk away). Each has her own grievances with the Blind Duck. Vallentin notes the dirty taps. “Every time I’ve got a pint, there have been flakes in it,” she said. Now, she only orders bottles. Hrymak said that the pub is underutilized and can feel impersonal. “UTM is very much a commuter campus, and nothing is being done to change that,” she explained. “The Blind Duck is not a social hub. The hours are limited, and unless there’s an event planned, people don’t come.” The Blind Duck is located at the The Student Centre, 3395 Mississauga Road North. Hours are Monday to Thursday, 11:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., Friday, 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Closed on weekends.

OUR BOOZE CREW TAKES YOU ON A TOUR OF THE U OF T WATERING HOLES WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE

SARAH D’ANGELO

gord brown

made to order, or prepackaged to go, and is a refreshing change from most of UofT’s oncampus eateries (sid’s café…im looking at you). In addition to a great meal, you can also catch some awesome music acts for free every Thursday and Friday night. The Arbor Room has hosted a variety of great Toronto-based bands such as Ohbijou, the super fun Henri Fabergé and his gang of Adorables and also punk bands such as Crookedhook and Permanent Bastards. There’s also their regular programming with Run with the Kittens playing the first Thursday of every month, a host of great jazz artists every Friday, and an open mic night the last Thursday of every month. And…there’s also a full service bar. For more info on menus Sammy’s Student exchange visit http://www.sammysstudentexchange.com/SSX/Home.html. For music listings, check out http://www.harthousemusic. com/.

SARAH D’ANGELO

GSU pub

campus pub crawl

AMY STUPAVSKY

the inside

March 25, 2010

the arts

March 25, 2010

Licence to serve, money to kill Not shaken, not stirred, the James Bond Club inspires would-be campus organizations devoted to drinking veenay sehdev How do you like your Martini, shaken or stirred? Perhaps with a little school funding? Self cited as a religious organization,

Trinity College’s James Bond Society club at U of T is primarily devoted to Bond, James Bond. A typical event is a black tie affair with tuxes, dresses, movies and of course, martinis.

Since the primary objective of the club is to celebrate Bond, and since martinis are an integral part of 007, the club can justify spending money on top notch drinks.

What other clubs would we like to see that justify alcohol use (and abuse)? 1. The Group Therapy Club – Nothing takes your cares away better than a glass of gin. 2. The John McEnroe Club – Alcohol is used to incite rage that would meet Angry John’s standards while playing on the court. Volley, smash, return, and if you aren’t yelling at someone, drink some more. 3. The Future Pilot’s Club – Practice drinking and flying at the same time. When you’re a real pilot, these skills will be priceless.

6. The St. Patrick’s DayEveryday Club – Honour St. Patty all year round. Wear green clothes, dye your hair green, pretend you’re Irish and drink green beer. 7. Alcohol Anonymous Club – Wear masks and get drunk. 8. The Say-No-To-Drugs Club – Students who protest drug abuse and present drinking as a viable alternative.

4. The Mel Gibson Club – Drink a couple of beers and be a racist.

9. Recycle Beer Club – Good environmentalists don’t let anything go to waste. Go around to parties and finish everyone’s leftovers, including the monkey piss.

5. The Depends’ Quality Control Club – Nothing tests the strength and durability of an adult diaper more than drinking lots of booze and pissing your pants.

10. The Seduction Club – Learn the psychologies of your propspective lovers so all you need is the beer and not the drug. Perfect for students on a low budget.

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY Studentsaver Discount Solicitors n Unio

ity

ers Univ

nts’ nts e d u de St COUNCIL G RADUATE EDUCATION o t f Stu o n n o Spring 2010Election r io of To Federat ian

ad is The Graduate Education anCouncil • Cfor primarily responsible establishing 8 9 l policies Locaand procedures concerning the administration and quality of graduate studies at the University of Toronto.

The Graduate Education Council considers: • Policies affecting graduate studies • new degree program proposals • changes in admission and major program requirements • other matters, as determined by the School of Graduate Studies (SGS) Constitution as appropriate

Vacant Seats (16): 7 Faculty Members of a graduate unit: 3 in Humanities 1 in Social Sciences 1 in Social Sciences (Chair/Director) 1 in Physical Sciences 1 in Physical Sciences (Chair/Director) 8 Graduate Students: 2 in Humanities 2 in Social Sciences 2 in Physical Sciences 2 in Life Sciences 1 Administrative Staff: 1 from any graduate unit

Compensation

You will be paid on a commission basis for the following: Nomination forms are available from: • SGS Website (address at bottom) • School of Graduate Studies

Terms of Office:

Terms begin July 1, 2010. The • $10 for each new contract first meeting of the academic Eligibility: year is usually held in October. Nominees must be full members (non(forEmeritus) theoffirst 20 contracts) Faculty members normally serve the graduate faculty or for three years. graduate students in thecontract SGS • $12registered for each new division in which they have been nominated. Students and Administrative Staff Administrative nominees must be continuing members may opt for a one- or (after 20 up to 40 contracts) two-year term of office, to a or Staff-Appointed members of the University administrative staff, as defined by maximum of three consecutive • $15theirfor each new contract years. constituency. (past 40 contracts) • $5 for each renewed contract For more information contact: Governance Officer, School of Graduate Studies 65 St. George Street, Toronto, ON, M5S 2Z9 • Tel: 416 946-3427 • Fax: 416 978-1649 www.sgs.utoronto.ca/governance/council/elections.htm • sgs.governanceofficer@utoronto.ca NOMINATIONS CLOSE AT 5:00 PM TUESDAY, MARCH 23, 2010

Studentsaver is a national student discount programme run by students, for students, on a non-profit basis. The purpose of the programme is to help students save money on everyday purchases like books, clothing, food, and entertainment. To access discounts, students simply present their Studentsaver card or International Student Identity Card (ISIC). Established in 1982, Studentsaver is Canada’s original student discount programme. As a Discount Solicitor, you would work to secure Studentsaver discounts from businesses in your community - especially within the vicinity of your campus - throughout the months of March, April, and May. We will require Discounts Solicitors at the St. George and Mississauga campuses. TO APPLY: send resume and covering letter to Terri Nikolaevsky at terri@utsu.ca or fax 416-978-2018.

DEADLINE: ASAP

the arts

March 25, 2010

Punch drunk films What to watch when wasted

jackie katz The best films to watch while drinking a beer, or perhaps even enjoying a 24 to yourself:

HOT-BIKRAM YOGA 720 Spadina Ave. $

for

right next to U of T

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1. The Big Lebowski – He is so cool and calm and suave, it will give you the lovely buzzing feeling atop your already buzzing liver. 2. The Original Young Frankenstein – Why not be fantastical and feel inspired by strangeness?

INTRODUCTORY OFFER

3. Airplane! – Peter Graves died last week at 83 and this is, and was the funniest, most clever, hilarious slapstick film ever made. I am currently giggling just thinking of how unbelievable bizarre and witty it is. 4. Get Rich or Die Trying – Because, the intensity can be farcical when you are drunk and it just is so fitting for the sweat on the actors' faces to be matching that on yours. Also, having a few beats dropped is very fun to stand up and shake it to while watching. Maybe grind up against the person beside you with a little extra groove.

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Pogue me, I’m Irish

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Shane MacGowan wins the boozepaper’s 2010 high-functioning alcoholic award CAILIN SMART

G RADUATE EDUCATION C OUNCIL Spring 2010Election

The Graduate Education Council is primarily responsible for establishing policies and procedures concerning the administration and quality of graduate studies at the University of Toronto.

Eligibility: Nominees must be full members (nonEmeritus) of the graduate faculty or registered graduate students in the SGS division in which they have been nominated. Administrative nominees must be continuing or Staff-Appointed members of the University administrative staff, as defined by their constituency.

Terms of Office: Terms begin July 1, 2010. The first meeting of the academic year is usually held in October. Faculty members normally serve for three years. Students and Administrative Staff members may opt for a one- or two-year term of office, to a maximum of three consecutive years.

For more information contact: Governance Officer, School of Graduate Studies 65 St. George Street, Toronto, ON, M5S 2Z9 • Tel: 416 946-3427 • Fax: 416 978-1649 www.sgs.utoronto.ca/governance/council/elections.htm • sgs.governanceofficer@utoronto.ca NOMINATIONS CLOSE AT 5:00 PM TUESDAY, MARCH 23, 2010

Every activity has its icons, yet as our booze-themed issue approached, we realized it was surprisingly hard to catalogue a solid list of standout drunkards. It figures that truly cathartic figures of intoxication tend to opt for illegal substances. Drugs are cool. Alcoholism is for the uncle who picks those raging fights over the most Irish way to cook potatoes, arms flailing and eyes ablaze. Ah, Ireland: the drunken landscape of many a futile family dinner feud. The only imaginable place on Earth to birth a true-toform hero of getting (and being) drunk as hell. While you might consider the university to be its own Olympic city of alcoholism, no one can champion the sport of drinking like Shane MacGowan of The Pogues. Hardly ever seen—let alone photographed—without booze in hand, he functions as the drunken Irish uncle of the planet. With a mug more unsightly than the lowliest bum and a mouth full of jagged, misplaced teeth, he looks as if he has been drunk out

of his mind since the day he was born. But far from an alcoholic sideshow, MacGowan is kind of a genius. The Pogues were front-runners of the punk movement, fusing traditional Irish shanties with the edgy thrashing of archetypal Punk sound. Unlike the aimless rebellion of the Sex Pistols or Ramones, The Pogues’ lyrics featured an endearing Irish voice with heartbreaking stories of love, travel, and (of course) drunken escapades. (Invariably, MacGowan took it upon himself to reenact some of those adventures on stage.) MacGowan is the perfect icon for this issue of the boozepaper. Despite the hilarity of his relationship with alcohol, he has not frittered his life away. He recently recorded “I Put a Spell on You” with Nick Cave to benefit Haiti. With that, let us all raise a glass to Mr. MacGowan, as I leave you with this gem: “When the world is too dark, and I need the light inside of me, I’ll go into a bar and drink fifteen pints of beer. I am going, I am going, where streams of whiskey are flowing.”

Drinking Playlist “Tipsy” - Chingy: Demeaning to women and in full embrace of pretty much everything illegal, this track sets the intoxicated soul free of inhibitions (like self-respect, and, of course, treating women like people). Promoting underage drinking and fake IDs, this track caters to a vast audience, mostly under 19-year-olds “I’m a Bloke” - Chris Franklin: Not all songs that discuss drinking demean women. This, however, is not an exception. He doesn’t really sing; the lyrics are more like statements about how Franklin enjoys drinking and his girlfriend’s titties. It’s funny to listen to him, although a female response in the song would make it a lot more entertaining. “Friday on My Mind” - The Easybeats: This song is great for enhanced appreciation of a Friday night. The song discusses the emotions associated with each day of the week. It reminds me of the old song that Kiss92 use to play every Monday morning, “Monday Sucks,” which always fit my A.M. mood the first day of the week. “Right by Your Side” - Eurythmics: The whistle/cello combination really makes this song unique. Overall, it’s a happy, uplifting love song. I guess there really is nothing left to feel when love comes around, right? “Blame It” - Jamie Foxx and TPain: One of my personal favourites. It doesn’t matter where or at what point in the night it’s played, it lifts the crowd. It encourages those that are drunk to drink more and the scandalous ones to behave more scandalously, because, according to Foxx, it’s the alcohol, not the individual, that is to blame. “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On” - Neal McCoy: A wonderful story about a dude who gets used, abused, and left by by his girlfriend. He resorts to drink and rebound sex with anything in sight (masked by his beer goggles). “We Will Rock You” - Queen: Well, why not? The song is a hit at just about any place a Canadian sport is taking place. A staple song in any sports bar. With lyrics like this, it’s not hard for the crowd to catch onto the lyrics and have a great time. “Wild Wild Life” - Talking Heads: Who doesn’t like drinking beer to 80s rock and electric guitar? Perfect to keep the party groovin’ and maybe even instigate some hidden, improvisational talent. “I’m Gonna Be” - The Proclaimers: This song is great. It just is. Whether it’s because the instrumentals are repetitive beyond belief or the main objective of the singer is to get to the door of the chick he’s pursuing (no matter how intoxicated he is), it makes you think about love... or lust... and the effect it can have on your emotions. - Amina Stella

the end

Across 3. Da Vinci Code author Brown 4. Mark on a sundial 5. Era 8. Lubricate 9. Plastic alternative 12. Film 13. Tear 14. Burrow 15. 2000’s Best Picture 17. Increase, at McDonald’s 22. It might follow death

Down 1. Respects 2. Very old 6. “Hello,” in Spanish 7. Hint 9. Improve an auto, according to Xzibit 10. Lay concrete on 11. Clarinet, for example 15. Fortiﬁes 16. Zombify 18. “___, ands, or buts” 19. Ruby 20. Beer 21. Not on

March 25, 2010

the end

March 25, 2010

Hot shots

the fashion The cocktail dress! The phonetic provocativeness commands you, the cacaphony of the double explodent “cock”, and the hissing ease into the sibilant “dress,” and if you’re not yet seduced, it comes complete with a “tail.”

The Goodfella

The season of pretty garden parties is upon us, and we will no longer just ﬁnger, lustfully, the fabric of our preferred frocks of cocktail in the deserted “summer” sections of our closets but elate in actually wearing them. Of course, the garment comes with the lovely advantage of sipping on its namesake beverage--ﬁrst used in relation to the dress by master couturier Christian Dior.

Piña Colada The fruity Pina Colada is an earth-goddess moment waiting to blossom: go for wistful hippy silks in baggy silhouettes--I especially love the full-length trend-and decorate yourself with Hindu-infused shiny bangles.

CARA SABATINI Inspired by my recent viewing of Scorsese’s latest ﬁlm (Shutter Island), this shot is a cross between the 7 & 7 (Whiskey and 7-Up) that de Niro’s character drinks in the classic gangster picture, Goodfellas, and - in keeping with the theme – the Godfather (a scotch and amaretto cocktail). To make, pour a shot glass half-full with your favorite type of whiskey (de Niro drank Seagram’s); then add a splash of amaretto liqueur, some 7-Up, and a cherry (or in bar-lingo, “a bullet”). Demand that the bartender make it popper style for extra ﬁzz (a coaster is placed on top of the shot glass and shot is slammed on bar). Don’t forget to remove cherry with index and thumb before shooting . . . because a clean shot is a good shot. Then eat the cherry, of course.

The Deadline

The Mojito Coy and intellectual, the transparence of the drink is misleading: the trick is to play to the green splotches of mint leaves, as well. I suggest a pencil skirt and ﬁgure-conscious number.

Bloody Mary Only the daring will venture into this risque cocktail-frock combination. Go for a regal red, glimmering in the sunshine of ﬂower beds you will look like a lioness gripping your chalace full of blood.

Like all memorable fashion triumphs, the pairing of cocktails with cocktail dresses requires meticulous planning--to distract cute summer boys from midafternoon drunkenness with snappy colour and silhouette contrasts.

HELENE GODERIS This shot’s not about taste, it’s about function. If a quickly approaching deadline is paralyzing the writer within, and you need a little help to ﬁle the story on time, this is your shot. The Deadline is equal parts vodka, Red Bull, and Coke. Coke, for its inky color; vodka, to loosen you up (preferably Prince Igor, a vodka that ﬁts the writer’s bud-

get); and Red Bull, to keep you going. The ingredients are easy to ﬁnd, so you don’t waste time away from your article. Get the coke from the pop machine down the hall; always keep vodka in your desk drawer; and buy a Red Bull from the corner shop, the walk will clear your head. Splash your face as you clean the coffee pot; great for mixing and stealthy serving. File, baby, ﬁle!

March 25, 2010