Issue 2 - September 13 2007 by The Newspaper

the newspaper

www.thenewspaper.ca

toronto’s student community paper

Don’t Mess With My Chimps:

the inside:

Jane Goodall Comes to Toronto by Sean Liliani

Yesterday the newspaper managed to sneak its way into a small and intimate press conference hosted by world-renowned, chimp enthusiast, Jane Goodall. It was difficult to refrain from asking Dr. Goodall if she had ever dressed a chimpanzee up in a tuxedo, but the press conference being a serious event

we stuck to the serious questions. Besides, these days Dr. Goodall has left the fieldwork behind and spends most of her time lecturing around the world. It was fifty years ago that Dr. Goodall first arrived in Africa and since then she has seen chimp populations become increasingly threatened by hu-

Photo by Evan Jordan

13 september 2007 Vol. XXX No. II

man activity. While wild chimp populations thrived at approximately 2,000,000 at the turn of the 20th century, they now dwindle somewhere around 110,000. While the deforestation brought on by agricultural and logging industries remain a major threat, a lesser-known crisis is that of the bushmeat trade. The $68 million annually produced by the sale of ape meat means big business for areas like the Congo Basin, but it is estimated that this industry could entirely eliminate wild populations in the next fifteen years. The Jane Goodall Institute (JGI) was founded in 1977 as a measure to protect rapidly declining chimp populations. Today the work of the JDI is effective, because it takes grassroots measures to tackle problems at their origins. It is often the case that impoverished communities cannot protect the great apes from illegal or unsustainable industry; for this reason the JDI has worked just as much in the social realm as the scientific. Working closely with community leaders, Goodall has taken steps to engage and empower citizens. Micro-credit loans allow local farmers the financial resources to run successful businesses, and agricultural programs are designed to teach effective and sustainable methods that will result in competitive crops. See Jane Goodall this Saturday at Convocation Hall. Good luck getting tickets.

Photo by Stuart Murray

President Andrea Armborst caught STARgazing at the UTSU concert last Friday

the newspaper Profiles Dragonette

pg. 8 EXCLUSIVE Interview with Machine Head

pg. 5 TIFF Goodies

pg. 10 Sex Column 2 Sexy For This Paper

pg. 12 the science Timothy Ryan Gives You a Few STI’s (To Think About) They’re back, and they’re pretty pissed off. Obviously, sexually transmitted infections never went away, but the increasing lackadaisical attitude toward preventing their spread has resulted in the resurgence of many of the common STIs today. Here are three of the most common STIs coming to genitalia near you:

ovaries resulting in the scarring of these organs leading to infertility and abdominal pain. Initial symptoms include the frequent urinating of fire, a white genital discharge, painful sex and abdominal pain. The kicker, touch the Chlamydia and then your eye and you’ll need more than Visine to make that redness go away.

Chlamydia It’s like a frat party in your urethra. However, instead of frat boys ripping the place apart, it’s bacteria from the phylum Chlamydiae, which initially infect and tear apart the walls of the urethra. And, unlike most drunken patrons at frat parties, Chlamydia doesn’t know when to leave. This, in combination with the fact that half of infected women and men do not show symptoms, allows the bacteria to spread to the testicles in men causing epididymitis, the inflammation of the epididymis. The epididymis is part of the male reproductive system which connects the vas deferens allowing sperm to reach the cauda region where they are stored, allowing you to make babies. In women, the infection can spread to the

Gonorrhea This one has a cute little nickname, ‘The Clap’. Isn’t that attractive? The name has a number of origins, an old treatment where both sides of a male penis would be “clapped” simultaneously, the stinging feeling experienced during urination (like the sensation after clapping in applause), and the best one from the French word for brothel, “clapier”. Gonorrhea is good friends with Chlamydia; they infect many of the same areas of the reproductive system and present many of the same symptoms. In fact, since the symptoms are so similar, they are often treated simultaneously. Symptoms take 2-5 days to appear after infection; however some men only see symptoms after 30 days. A significant See STI’s cont. pg. 3

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campus comment

the editorial Weak Frosh Around this time of year the UofT campus is infested with a large jumble of conformist frosh leaders. Wait… you can hear them chanting right now. These sub-human pieces of putty are number one on the list of people to avoid at UofT. They are the frosh leaders who act like their college is some sort of sacred guild; they are the engineers who believe that they are better than the rest of us just because of the colour of their skin (purple). They are the first year students who have after one week of blatant brainwashing come under the impression that UofT is the greatest place on the face of the earth and that all other schools pale in comparison. For all you readers who know what we’re talking about –BEWARE. The inflammation of school spirit (know to some as small-cockitis) can strike anyone from any college. It is of course true that this skewed way of thinking is more contagious at say Trinity College than at New, but we must all keep ourselves in check against such divisive behavior. The moment we begin to fall into the habit of labeling Trinity students ‘Trinis’ is the moment that we become the object of our objections. It is only a matter of time after we start defining others until we start identifying ourselves with such empty meaning. It is time that we abandon the ethics of the playground, leave behind the cliquey-ness of the high school cafeteria, and enjoy our status as young adults living in the country’s most diverse city. U of T has a pompous reputation amongst the Toronto student community and it’s high time we made an effort reverse this trend. It is true that being the biggest school in the country gets us all the more spite from our neighboring institutions, but when it comes down to it, it’s all based on petty insecurities. There are many OCAD students who look at U of T as a monolithic factory producing pompous nine-to-fivers. For these struggling artist types who think that nobody likes them we say: get over yourselves, we like you just fine. Much of the university experience preaches an exclusive mentality to students. Artificial barriers are created between students who belong to different colleges, students who study varying disciplines, and people with different interests. What this separation overlooks is that, as students, we have more in common than could ever set us apart. We’re all here to do the same thing: pursue our interests and prepare for our careers. We can only benefit from recognizing that we’re all in the same boat and none of us benefit from hating on each other.

What are your preconceptions and biases towards the students at the University of Toronto? “Can’t throw a decent party... and breed at The Madison.”

V. A. (alias), Fine Art: Drawing and Painting

“The main misconception of OCAD is that we are here to just doodle and screw around a lot, but in reality the work we do is really hard and time- consuming.”

Serving up a good time Every time since 9T6!

Weekly Events: Man vs. Martini MONDAYS Abe Garay, Design: Illustration

Toonie TUESDAYS “A mix of super-duper nerds and girls with ‘U of T’ pasted on the ass of their sweat pants.”

Business Manager Joe Zabukovec

News Editor Steven Borowiec

Arts Editor Niya Bajaj

Associate Editors Shannon Thorndyke, Andrew Mackay, Timothy Ryan Art Director Brendan Keen

Open Mike WEDNESDAYS NOW PODCASTING (from our website)

Thirsty THURSDAYS TGIF! (Thank Guinness it’s Friday)

Teresa, Fine Art: Criticism and Curational Practice

FRIDAYS Live Music SATURDAYS

the newspaper Editor-in-Chief Sean Liliani

BEER • WINGS • POOL • JAVA SPORTS • JUKEBOX • SPIRITS EVENTS • OPEN STAGE • GAMES

Free Pool & Comedy SUNDAYS

“U of T is just a different world.”

PODCASTING AS HOGTOWNCOMEDYRADIO (from our website)

All Day Breakfast and Canadian Tire Money at par every weekend! Game Room with plasma available for groups Rachel Tremaine, Fine Art: Drawing and Painting

FREE WIRELESS INTERNET PROVIDED BY:

Ad Manager Estee Fresco

Contributors Stephen Notley, Shannon Wheeler, Matthew Belll, Alan Osadetz, Nicole Frangos, , Aya Kiriliuk

229 COLLEGE STREET 1 Spadina Crescent, Suite 245 Toronto, Ontario, M5S 1A1

editorial:(416) 593-1552 fax: (416) 593-1552 www.thenewspaper.ca

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13 September 2007

the newspaper 3 STI’s cont. from pg. 1 percentage (30-60%) of infected women are asymptomatic, which can lead to fertility complications. It is not unusual for men to be asymptomatic, however the majority feel burning during urination and experience some serious discharge from the genitals. Women may have discharge as well as difficulty urinating. Like Chlamydia, this one can infect the eyes as well. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea

are, at times, undetectable yet easily treatable, so if you have unprotected intercourse with someone from the brothel (or anywhere else), get tested. Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) This is the most common STI and comes in many flavours. There are more than 50 strains of the virus, some responsible for simple plantar warts you may get on a finger or toe, al-

though I’m going to focus on the 8 strains that produce mostly painless, fleshy cauliflower like or raised dry warts on and inside the genitals. The warts are removed via cryotherapy (application of low temperatures to the wart, such as liquid nitrogen, -110oC, so cold it burns), laser surgery, or chemicals like Podophyllinor Trichloroacetic Acid. Generally, the infection is cleared, many times without

any symptoms, but the numbers are a touch scary, the Centre for Disease Control states that 80% of women will have a strain of HPV by the age of 50, enjoy. Next week, I’ll cover three of the less common, and more serious STIs.

The Dish on the Best Spots to Nosh on Campus Part II By Naya Bajaj Reznikoff’s Cafe @ UC (75 St. George Street) On the ground floor of Morrison Hall, Reznikoff’s sports artwork from students on its walls and an ice cream freezer stocked with Blue Bunny bars and tubs of dairy deliciousness. The servings are small, but satisfying enough to nip your frozen treat craving quite nicely. Along with the standard coffee, juice, and cereal bars on offer, the cafe also stocks fresh baked goods, soups, and sandwiches. Note: they will take University College Meal Plan dollars. The Innis Cafe (2 Sussex Avenue) If you are looking for something more than just a coffee and munchies, this little café, which is tucked away by Innis

Townhall, features a variety of healthy, reasonably priced, food options within the standard, salad/sandwich/wrap range. It also offers a variety of freshly made fruit juices. Bonus: 1001 Nights of Storytelling, an event that has been taking place every Friday night since 1978. For a $5 donation you can partake in a little preservation of oral history and culture. Sammy’s Student Exchange (7 Hart House Circle) Re-opening August 27th, Sammy’s, located in the Arbour Room at Hart House, boasts a variety of hot entree options, grab-and-go munchies, and coffee. For under $7, you can pick up a falafel plate, or choose from one of their breakfast options. They feature a “daily

chicken of the world” option, and there is a vegan selection as well. The Arbour Room will resume its regular program of musical performances, art exhibits, and big-screen TV programming. L’Espresso Bar Mercurio (321 Bloor Street West) On the corner of Bloor and St. George, L’Espresso is fancier than most of the places listed above, but the prices are reasonable and the food is stellar. Freshly ground specialty coffees, paninis, burgers are standards during the week. On the weekend they feature brunch classics and free range egg omlettes. Also, it is recommended that you save room for the variety of pastries that sit in their case by the frenetic bar.

Worthwhile Vegetarian Venture By Nicole Frangos

the jock talk

by Alan Osadetz

the introduction This is the first of many Jock Talk columns to come. Every week I will give invaluable insight into all aspects pertaining to student life. These include: health, studying, fitness, nightlife, sports, friendships, boning, bench press, boning while doing bench press, and of course, handstand pushups. There’s something for everyone, really. My extensive experience as a writer and columnist includes a couple things definitely worth mention. I have written two birthday cards to my grandparents, in which I included pictures of myself with no shirt on –they need to know everything that I’m accomplishing so I thought that the photos summed it up nicely. I’ve sent three emails to the editor of Men’s Health Magazine correcting advice that they have given about achieving the perfect body. Plus, one time at the bar I drew a picture on a napkin of me punching a guy in the stomach, which I then gave to his girlfriend. She almost came home with me too except she found out that I

didn’t actually own a detective agency. She wasn’t that hot anyway. Probably like a 4. As a true renaissance man I have numerous interests and hobbies. I spend most of my free time doing military press, preacher curls, wide grip chin-ups, and convincing girls that I’m in movies. On weekends you can find me bouncing from gym to gym. Occasionally I will head down to the beach and put the guns on display. So whether you’re male or female, bench press 180 pounds or 300 pounds, it’s easy to see that I have a broad range of expertise to offer. If I can make a difference in the life of just one reader I will have accomplished one of my three goals in life. Feel free to send me letters, and if I have time between sets I’ll have someone read them out loud to me.

Alan Osadetz will be contributing a weekly column to the newspaper. Get used to it

It was a vegan’s paradise at the 23rd Annual Vegetarian Food Fair, which was held this past weekend, from Sept. 7th to 9th. The Harbourfront Centre was filled with hundreds of vendors who offered everything from shiatsu massages to tofu-dogs. Walking into the fair, I was immediately greeted by the folksy twang of a group singing “This little light of mine”, and the unmistakable scent of spicy samosas. I tried one of these samosas and came to the conclusion that vegetarians are made of stuff much stronger than I; the spice was so bold, I couldn’t get to an iced tea fast enough! Nevertheless, thousands of people enjoyed the spicy offerings as well as a smorgasbord of other veg-

etarian delights, including organic cookies (I had some from the new moon bakery that were absolutely delicious!) tofu shish-kebobs, and

Tofutti

“ice-cream” treats. There were also quite a few vendors showcasing the latest in eco-fashion trends; I saw non-leather leather belts and shoes that were all vegetarian! The fair had a few interactive and educational booths, which celebrated famous vegetarians. I learned that Van Gogh, surprisingly, was a vegetarian (I guess ears don’t count). Even more surprisingly, Stephen Harper is not. Many of the vendors were very passionate about giving back to the community, and I believe this is what created the overwhelmingly positive experience. The volunteers dressed as peas in pods made me smile as well.

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A Constructive Take on “Preemption” By Steven Borowiec It’s ironic that the same people who “preemptively” go to war with scant evidence to support their invasion are the same ones who delay acting on a crisis that has reams of concrete proof to back it up. With billions of dollars and thousands of lives tied up in their efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, Canada and the U.S have failed to make real any progress in addressing climate change. But not everyone has their priorities so out of order. Last week, Singapore’s former leader Lee Kuan Yew announced plans to build barriers around the island’s perimeter to guard against rising sea levels that could be caused by climate change. Due to its low-laying position, the South East Asian island would be mostly submerged if glaciers were to melt as a result of higher temperatures. While the tropical nation-state faces uniquely acute disadvantages, it has since its inception been a source of ingenuity and shrewdness far out of proportion to its tiny size. Singapore is an incredibly organized and efficient place. It boasts literacy levels

and a per capita income that are both far ahead of any other country in its region. During his time in power, Lee Kuan Yew and his government took the uncommon approach of addressing issues before they became ‘problems’, instead of trying to clean up the mess after the fact. They built the current international airport while the island’s air traffic was still easily accommodated by the previous airport as one example. But for all its foresight and tropical greenery, Singapore is no paradise. The materialization of Singapore’s ideas has come with a price. To achieve that clean and orderly society, Singapore’s government has resorted to strict social and political repression. Freedom of the press is next to non-existent. Members of the political opposition are routinely harassed and intimidated. Harsh forms of capital punishment are often handed out for non-violent crimes. For all its blemishes, Singapore is setting a timely example by making real preparations ahead of time. So while Singapore has flaws,

Singapore is one crazy place! Read more to find out why. and they’re significant, credit should be given where it’s due. Non-Western countries are often ostracized and left out of international agreements on global issues. Problems like climate change are too big to ignore any useful contribution regardless of where it comes from. While the Harper government has recently made token pledges to international

agreements on the limiting the emission of green house gases. During the Conservative government’s time in power climate change has become a key election issue. Harper and his cabinet are now making ambiguous pledges like agreeing to support a G8 mandate to cut green-

house emissions in half by 2050. It’s time to move beyond the idle rhetoric that characterizes so much of Canadian politics and make tangible, preemptive preparations for the effects of climate change while that is still possible.

Things You Should Know Before Hitting the Polls By Aya Kiriliuk On Election Day this fall, the provincial government is calling upon voters to make two decisions: which MP will represent their riding in the legislature, and whether or not to change our current electoral system from FPP (first-pastthe-post, or plurality system) to the model proposed by the Ontario Citizen’s Assembly on Electoral Reform, MPP (mixed member proportionality). To make an informed decision, it is imperative that voters let go of the idea that either system is inherently more “fair” or “accurate,” an idea that rests on an ignorance of the mechanisms involved in electoral formulas translating the ballots into seats. All electoral systems represent mathematical tinkering designed to bring about certain objectives, so that no electoral model is more democratic than any other; they just produce different results, which must be adapted to the needs of the country. The question is which model, FPP or MPP, is best suited to dealing with the complexities of Canada’s federal system of government and notoriously volatile electorate. The traditional electoral system used in Canada, FPP, is often unfairly maligned as an outdated relic of our British colonial past, without any consideration for the reasons why it was implemented in the first place. While it does have

many disadvantages, these do not warrant an offhand dismissal of its many advantages. The basic principle behind FPP is that of “one person, one vote.” The voter votes for a single candidate, and the winner is the candidate with the most votes. The winner needs only to have more votes than any of the other candidates; a majority of votes is not required. The primary accusation against FPP is that it does not accurately reflect the true mandate of the electorate, and inflates the power of the winner by granting them more seats out of proportion to the actual number of people who voted for them. This creates numerous side effects, such as tactical voting to avoid “wasting” one’s vote by voting for a candidate who is unlikely to win; encouraging a twoparty system with a “natural” governing party and opposition party; and creating ideologically amorphous parties bent on pre-election deal brokering. However, the main function of FPP is to cobble together a majority where none exists in order to produce a strong, stable, united government. This is the greatest advantage of FPP and the reason why it has worked well for the Canadian federal system in the past. Out of the diverse range of regional, linguistic, ethnic, and economic interests reflected in

the Canadian population, FPP aggregates these interests and produces a majority out of a plurality, enabling the effective functioning of the Parliamentary system of government. The single-member riding FPP system is also the simplest electoral system, the easiest to understand and administer, and has the least room for error. All candidates are equal in status and accountability. Because all MPs are directly voted in, there is greater responsibility of the representatives to their constituents, which can easily bring the opposition into power at the next election. In coalition governments, the unpredictable alliances forming between parties determine distribution of seats and are not accountable to voters, often making it difficult to dislodge a party from power. FPP affords the democratic advantage of stability and longevity of Parliamentary majorities. The new system proposed by the Citizen’s Assembly, MMP, is supposed to introduce a greater element of proportional representation to the current electoral system. In the MMP system, each person gets two votes: one for the local candidate, and one for the party. The MPs will continue to be elected in the FPP style, while party candidates are allocated seats proportional to the share See Polls cont. pg. 5

GRADUATE EDUCATION COUNCIL FA L L 2007- 08 BY- E L E C T I O N NOMINATIONS OPEN

The Graduate Education Council is primarily responsible for establishing policies and procedures concerning the administration and quality of graduate studies at the University of Toronto. The Graduate Education Council considers: • Policies affecting graduate studies • new degree program proposals • changes in admission and major program requirements • other matters, as determined by the SGS Constitution as appropriate Nomination forms are available from: SGS Website School of Graduate Studies Graduate departments Graduate centres/institutes Graduate Students’ Union Eligibility: Nominees must be full members (nonEmeritus) of the graduate faculty or registered graduate students in the SGS division in which they have been nominated.

Vacant Seats: 3

Chairs of a graduate unit 1 in Humanities 1 in Social Sciences 1 in Physical Sciences

Faculty Members of a graduate unit 1 in Humanities 2 in Social Sciences 1 in Physical Sciences

Graduate students 1 in Humanities 1 in Physical Sciences

Terms of office: Terms begin July 1, 2007. The first meeting of the academic year is usually held in October. Faculty members normally serve a threeyear term of office. Student members may opt for a one- or two-year term of office, to a maximum of three consecutive years.

For more information contact: 416-946-3427 Governance Officer, School of Graduate Studies, 65 St. George Street Nominations Close at 5:00 p.m. September 18, 2007

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Who Cares About Metal: the newspaper By Steven Borowiec It’s a predictable pattern for artists to come out with a ground breaking debut album, and then spend the rest of their careers trying unsuccessfully to match the power of their first work. Machine Head first made a splash in the metal world with 1994’s sublime Burn My Eyes. While their next few albums were solid, their relevance seemed to be in danger after the commercial and critical failure of their fourth album in 2001. The band was then dropped from their label and seemed on the verge of falling into obscurity. But instead of packing up and going home, Machine Head returned in 2004 with Through the Ashes of Empires, their heaviest and most complex album to that date. The overall quality of the album and the band’s consistently amazing live show quickly returned them to prominence. They’ve since rode the success of that album on to the release of this year’s The Blackening, another stunning effort that has been greeted with even greater sales and critical acclaim. Guitarist Phil Demmel took some time on a break from touring to talk to The Newspaper about the band’s turnaround and what it means to be metal in 2007. “Redemption is the big word in the Machine Head camp these days. I sometimes

have a hard time reading the reviews and taking them seriously, but course, it validates what you do. You put a lot of hard work into something, and anyone who works hard at something wants to be received well. Its human nature to want to be accepted, and we appreciate it.” Acceptance aside, metal has always been a style of music that reveled in rebellion and thrived on the notion of not being accepted by mainstream music. When I asked Phil how he felt about playing metal in such a commercialized era, he said he thinks that “Metal is kind of like the bastard child, the orphaned kid. You know, we all fight through a lot and we don’t sell million of records like other styles of music do, so we’re out here on the street. For the most part we stick together. If we don’t sort of bond together and look out for each other, no one will. Metal is such a dysfunctional family, but when someone’s in trouble everyone rallies around. You know, when I started playing metal when I got out of high school, people told me metal would never sell. Everyone had there ideas about ‘making it.’ But then I ended up being the guy that gets signed and starts touring nationally, and all the guys who told me that are all coming to our shows now.” In spite of the commer-

cial adversity, metal has been around for decades, albeit with fluctuating popularity. I asked Phil what he feels can account for metal’s inconsistency in North America compared to its relative stability in Europe. “The media abroad is more knowledgeable and just more in tune with what’s going on in music. They’re more likely to give something a chance that sounds a little different. The American media is still so cliquey and still so concerned with what Hot Topic or MTV thinks is cool. They seem to think that you’re

a fucking geek if you don’t like this or you do like that. Europe isn’t like that as much. Most of the media over there has really been behind the band and behind what we’re about.” I suggested to Phil that one of the reasons Machine Head and metal in general have survived is that they continue to evolve. “Yeah there’s been some changes over the years. This band chose to be on some high profile tours and do some different things, but that’s how we’ve always been. If you listen to each album, they’re all differPolls cont. from pg. 4 of the vote they received. If a party doesn’t capture enough ridings in proportion to its party vote, it gets a “top-up” of seats filled from the list of party candidates. Voters will be able to evaluate the list of party candidates in advance of the election, and the party representatives are elected in the order they appear on the list. Advantages of MMP include increased voter choice, fairer representation of the way that people actually voted, accurate reflection of social fragmentation, and greater regional representation in national parties. While MMP improves the standard of representation, it can also impair governmental effectiveness and accountability, effects which seem to be downplayed by the Citizen Assembly’s rhetoric. MMP electoral systems tend to produce coalition governments, a situation quite different from what Canadian voters are used to. Coalition governments are often rife with backroom brokering, factionalism, and political immobility should certain parties capture embedded seats in the coalition. Furthermore, the two categories of party and constituency MPs creates a hierarchy of elitism, where list

ent, no two sound alike. We’re always trying to push ourselves as artists and as musicians.” As for the band’s immediate plans, they plan to “tour the shit out of this record.” Along with that, they plan to keep waving the flag of metal and representing the resolve and the quality music that it stands for. Machine Head will be playing a sold out show with Arch Enemy, Throwdown and Sanctity at the Opera House in Toronto on September 28

MPs are less involved with the day-to-day work of helping the public, because they are not directly accountable to them in the next election. As for the promise that MMP will grant women and minorities better representation, there is no causative evidence to support this, and the use of the electoral system as a platform from affirmative action is dubious in itself. Finally, polls have shown that many voters often have difficulty understanding the implications and workings of the MMP system. The way we vote is the cornerstone of our democracy and the opportunity to choose it is not a privilege to be taken lightly. When voters go to the polls in October to choose our electoral system, they should focus on end objectives, not on the details of system mechanics. If the goal of elections is accurate representation, then choose MPP. If it is unity as reflected by a strong majority, choose FPP. Either way, the provincial government must not use this referendum as a panacea and should continue to work towards real solutions for ongoing civic engagement beyond Election Day.

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the newspaper vs. North America

13 September 2007

by Sean Lilliani

This summer editor Sean Liliani set off on a cross-continental roadtrip with three friends. These are their stories... In this week’s installment, part two of the newspaper vs. Vancouver. I found it ironic that lying facedown on the dirty hostel floor was a whole lot cleaner than standing up to face the naked, fully erect man in front of me. A flurry of thoughts, accompanied by general discomfort flew over me as I crawled to the safety of the dark corner. Having never encountered such a strange scene in my life, my mind scrambled to piece together a possible explanation for what I saw before me; after drawing a complete blank I stood up sharply against the wall and asked my friend (who from now on we will refer to as Mike) just what the hell was going on. In retrospect, it is funny to think that a third person walking into the room at that moment would have seen my friend and I whispering to each other from opposite sides of a naked man. Still trembling from the trauma, Mike began to explain to me and was just as confused as I. It all started when his sleeping mind was half awoken by the sound of a woman screaming for help from the alleyway. Like an earth born superman he jumped into some jeans, threw on a wife beater (an ironic gar-

ment for our chivalrous hero) and ran to the streets. After running a full circle around the building it seemed that the alleyway below our window was nowhere to be found; returning to the room out of breath and out of luck Mike began to think he had dreamt the whole thing. As a precaution he stuck his head out the window and yelled to any half beaten woman who might have been in need of assistance. Realizing that it was not an alleyway but instead some kind of maintenance causeway between the two buildings, he gave one last rescue effort. “Hello? Is anybody there?” He called out. If you’re wondering at this point where the naked guy fits into the equation I’ll be quick to tell you that there was no warning whatsoever for our friend Mike. There was not a moment where Mike could have thought to himself, ‘I might be seconds away from seeing a naked guy’. Looking up from the ground Mike’s eyes came face to cock with a hugely exposed penis. Without any

time to think Mike turned off the lights, stood in the cover of darkness, and wondered what the fuck to do. Just then, at the most awkward possible moment, I came walking in. Once my friend had brought me up to speed on the situation, this already surreal city reached new heights of absurdity. We closed the blind on our naked friend and decided on some further investigation. Stepping out into the streets like Sherlock and Watson I felt like we had been lifted from reality and thrown into some perverted murder mystery. The neon peep show signs became unclear in the cover of a thick fog and ever conspicuous character that passed us in the dark was a possible suspect. The first order of business was to explore the brothel of a building that lay behind our hostel. Expecting to find a dilapidated entrance into a world of pimps and drug dealers, we were surprised to find that the building was actually a high end hotel. The plot thickened. We ran into the lobby and alerted the receptionist about the distressed calls that

could have only been coming from their building. Our shock was starkly contrasted by the calm reaction of the receptionist as she said, “thank you, I’ll look into it”. The plot thickened again. Amazed at the seemingly routine dismissal we walk back toward the street. Just as we opened the door we overheard the very same receptionist softly ask someone “excuse me, were you calling for help upstairs?” My friend and I look at each other in disbelief- surely she was not going to try to solve this crime by asking every guest who gets off the elevator. Turning around we see that the receptionist is talking to two scantily clad young girls. One of them responds “No but one of girls is still up there”.

With all of our investigative efforts going in vain, we could only hope that this mysterious girl was not severely injured. Out of all the people we turned to no one wanted to help; while my friend Mike was prepared to play the superhero, none of these people wanted to be rescued. We never found out if the naked guy had anything to do with it and luckily we never had to see him again. When the time came to leave Vancouver, we were happy to say goodbye, but little did we know Vancouver island would bring on a whole different kind of danger.

Stay tuned next week when Sean fights a cougar in the wild..

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the profile of the week: Dragonette “You can get fish and chips on sandwich here,” Dan Kurtz, bass player for Dragonette and formerly of New Deal informed me. “On a sandwich?” I asked him, searching for some meaning behind this madness. “Yeah, it says right here that you can have battered halibut on a sandwich,” he verified pointing at his menu. Three quarters of this band already knew that, and that is because even though they’ve spent the past decade in London, England, they are originally from right here in Toronto. “Actually, this place used to be where you had the best chance to be served underage.” He ended up going for the Greek salad and “a half pint of very shitty beer”. Server: “Coors Light?” Dan: “Whoa! Not that caliber of shitty!” Having arrived just the day before, Dragonette had already played a show that night, which would serve as the appetizer to the Virgin Festival. They had also visited the area earlier in the summer, as Martina Sorbara, lead singer and frontwoman for the band explained. “We were here in July; we played a few shows and then just hung out with family.” Dragonette is playing a few shows across Ontario before returning to London. Dan told me that they’ve been playing in

the UK since January and now that they’ve ditched that tour, their looking forward to playing shows across Canada towards the end of October, and performing at a few venues in the States as well. I delved into their decision to move to London, acting a touch offended. “We [Dan and Martina] had always talked about moving to someplace… not here. And although the London crazy, intense, music scene was there, but it was mostly just somewhere new and exciting. Somewhere were you could just get lost”. Signing with the Mercury label also made it easier to obtain a Visa and gave them a source of income, which allowed them to survive in such an expensive city. The only uncertain factor that I couldn’t nail down is the release date of their album, Galore. Dragonette told me they finished recording it “awhile ago”, they have a video for their single ‘Take It Like a Man’, and you can purchase it from iTunes, so when does it hit stores? Dan: “It keeps getting moved around, but I think it’s supposed to be October 23rd” Martina: “It’s because they can’t make enough, so they have to keep correcting the order. If they don’t make enough there will be fights. Riots even! Joking!” Dan: “Honestly, I’ve heard about 70 dates.” He shrugged

The Religious Schools Debate By Andrew Mackay Until recently I was completely indifferent to the result of the upcoming provincial election. Dalton McGuinty and John Tory seemed to be running on fairly similar platforms, so I felt that despite the outcome Ontario would remain pretty much the same. It was when the promise of funding religious schools came into the equation that I became passionate about the race. Such a drastic change to the school system in Ontario seems potentially devastating for many reasons. Despite what some may argue, Canada is in its second generation of individuals judging people completely by their character, and thus, omitting one’s race or religious beliefs from their judgment. Funding private schools of different religions would create a divide in the population. It would prevent strong friendships from being made between people of diverse faiths and create segregation within the many religions celebrated in this country. Worst of all, it could bring back a sense of racism that we as a society have fought so hard to change. Yes, the government funds Catholic schools; however, that was set in place by our constitution, which is something that every Canadian should respect. Also, Catholic schools are opened to students of all beliefs,

setting them apart from other religious schools in this province. The second major issue is what the $400 million going to religious schools would leave the existing school systems with. Inevitably our current publicly funded schools would suffer budget cuts, which would hurt children of all backgrounds. Our schools have endured enough setbacks over the past decade; at this point, to impose legislation that might cripple them all over again would be outright reckless. Since the news of this Conservative promise it has seemed to receive a predominately negative response from the public. So, why would John Tory have introduced this issue? To answer that question one does not have to look any further than Mr. Tory’s base. He enjoys a great deal of support and financial backing from the Jewish community, and it is entirely conceivable that he has introduced this promise to appease his biggest supporters. Mr. Tory is certainly not the first person to focus his campaign agenda off of the interests of his financial backers, nor will he be the last. Premier McGuinty is enjoying a great deal of support from Ontario public school teachers for his stance on See Religion cont. pg. 11

by Joe Zabukovec his shoulders, “we like playing live anyway, being a band and getting played on the radio. It’s okay with us for now”. It’s not so great for those who want to have their album in their hands, but you can go to dragonette. com and listen to the streaming version of the complete album. Joel Stouffer, the drummer for the band was the only member missing, and wouldn’t show until the very end of the interview. Apparently, he was doing some banking. “He’s probably just counting hundred dollar bills, it’s one of his biggest problems as the drummer for Dragonette, too much money” Dan joked. One of the most striking features of the Dan and Martina Dragonette duo is their sense of humour. Almost every question was answered in jest, and then after a laugh, they would go back and give me the straight answer. It was fun, and from what I heard, their performance was at Vfest was pretty awesome as well.

Martina Sorbara, lead singer of Dragonette

TIFF PAGES

10 the newspaper Joe Zabukovec and Steven Borowiec had the chance to see a few of the many flicks at this year’s Toronto International Film Festival. These are their reviews.

And he’d make it look easy. You or I would walk away dumbfounded, convinced that this Clooney man had all the answers and could probably solve global warming. He’s like Batman, but with no costume or cave (he may have a cave and I just don’t know about it).

13 September 2007 It’s a good movie; it’s top-notch acting and wonderful script writing. You won’t walk away disappointed, but I think it’s time for Clooney to raise the bar. -J.Z.

A+

Sleuth Directed by Kenneth Branagh Sleuth, which is remake of Anthony Shaffer stage production stars Michael Caine and Jude Law. There is only one set, which is the house, and it can be viewed as the third character since it plays as important a role as any actor could. The impressive manor sits in remote estate and the interior design is inferior to none in terms of modernity. Everything within it is operated by Caine, who played the character that Law plays in the 1972 production opposite Laurence Olivier, is a famous author who is scheduled to meet the Law, who is the man that took away his Caine’s wife. After a quick drink the movie turns into an intense sequence of uncertain events; with

nowhere to run or hide, the two men engage in a battle of wits to the death, using their intellect and the talents they possess. Academy award winner Harold Pinter has written a razor sharp script with no room for half-ass acting and lucky for him, and us, Law and Caine are the perfect ingredients, both completely capable of the roles. This officially the best film I saw at this year’s festival and I definitely recommend it when it comes out in theatres. The film always has you on your toes and there is no way of knowing what dagger the next line is holding nor whether the next bullet fired will be blank or real. -J.Z.

Heavy Metal in Baghdad

A+

Directed by Eddy Moretti, Suroosh Alvi You often hear about documentaries putting a ‘human face’ on conflicts. This film does that like few others I have ever seen. This Vice Films production is the story of Acrassicauda, the only heavy metal band in Iraq. It follows the lives of the band members and their struggle to make music in Baghdad, which, even at the best of times, wasn’t an easy place to make Western style art. After the American led invasion, when everyone expected the lives of ordinary Iraqis to improve, they got immeasurably worse. The volatile economy and security situation made it impossible for the members of the band to lead anything

resembling a normal life, yet alone launch a music career. The filmmakers take a compassionate look into the suffering and dislocation that will continue in Iraq long after the embedded correspondents have gone home. The film ends in Damascus, Syria where the band members, along with 1.2 million other Iraqis, now live as refugees. Unable to work legally, they live in poverty and look back fondly on the days where they lived in their home country among family. The pain and frustration of an entire generation of Iraqis can be heard in Acrassicauda’s music. -S.B.

Michael Clayton Directed by Tony Gilroy (the one with George Clooney) That’s right, George Clooney is in this movie, and he’s invested his own money. Is there a way to calculate how many tickets that will sell? I’m sure Joanne from marketing has it figured out. Anyway… Michael Clayton is the character played by George Clooney; he works for a large law firm and he is their “fixer”. Whenever scandal occurs, Clayton shows up to grease the wheels and ensure that the firms’ client slips through anything necessary. However, problems arise when he finds himself faced against a debt that he can’t compensate for, and an out-of-control lawyer that must be stopped before the reputation of the entire firm is

destroyed. What makes it worse is that the lawyer, Arthur Edens (Academy Award-nominee Tom Wilkinson), is Clayton’s long-time friend and mentor. When Edens is murdered and Clayton finds himself becoming too involved, someone attempts to kill him via car bomb. I think that George Clooney stopped acting a while ago, and he now just plays himself. I truly believe that if you or I met George Clooney we would find ourselves in some sort of confusing situation that left us in such peril that we would be certain there was no way out. Then, we’d shake his hand and he would do or say something to solve the situation within thirty seconds.

Déficit

Directed by Gael Garcia Bernal Making his directing debut at this year’s Toronto Film Festival is Gael Garcia Bernal with his movie, Deficit, which he also stars in. The film takes place in Mexico where two different social classes spend time together at a family gathering, where nothing really happens. A brief synopsis is this: a spoiled rich kid goes to his family’s manor, which is taken care of by lower class people who have worked the estate for a very long time. However, even though the kids of both families grew

up together, the line dividing social classes remains rigid. It was not a horrible movie, and it definitely had moments that were funny, but in general I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Even if I was angry at them and was looking for a way to get revenge, I still wouldn’t. When the movie finished, former newspaper writer, Sameer Vasta, looked at me and said, “well, Gael Garcia Bernal can only get better from here”. That summed it up pretty nicely. -J.Z

No Country for Old Men

A Film by Joel and Ethan Coen The last film that I saw by the Coen Bros. was O Brother Where Art Thou, but I have seen their earlier blockbusters, so I am aware that they have a tendency to lean towards a dark graphically violent side, while maintaining a sense of humour. No Country for Old Men is a film about a man taking a chance and trying to better his life. And then being killed for it. Llewelyn Moss (James Brolin) stumbles upon dead bodies, one dying Mexican begging for water, an excessive amount of drugs, and a briefcase containing upwards of two million dollars. He does what I would have done and takes the money. But, unlike what I would have done, he returns to the scene to bring water to the Mexican who is now dead and finds that he is not alone. The briefcase of money is being searched for by the owner, who has hired a sociopathic serial killer Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem) to return his money… which is what I would have done. Tommy Lee Jones plays the local sheriff who has an idea of what is going on, but chooses not to be involved until it is too late. Woody Harrelson appears as a bounty hunter sent to kill Anton, who is suspected to have taken the money and run. His role in the movie is unfortunately small, which is a damn shame. It is a great movie and was a pleasure to watch. My only criticism is this: we follow Moss through the majority of the film and he is our main character; he is whom we cheer for; he is whom we place our hopes upon. The Coen Bros. show you bloodstains, protruding bones, and bullet holes through bodies, but they do not show you the sequence of events moments before Moss’ demise. That is not what I would have done. -J.Z

TIFF PAGES

13 September 2007 Religion cont. from pg. 8 this issue. This means that both leaders stand to gain from this potential election-deciding issue. No matter which side people align with, it is clearly capturing the public’s attention. Canadian politics have been experiencing a gradual decline in voter turnouts. Maybe through Mr. Tory and Mr. McGuinty being so intensely divided on the key issues, this campaign will reenergize individuals to take part in the democratic process.

Love Songs (Les Chansons D’Amour)

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C+

A Film by Chirstophe Honoré

4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days

A Film by Cristian Mungiu This film is about a female student trying to have an illegal abortion in the final days of the Ceauscescu communist regime in Romania. Anamaria Marinca plays Otilia, best friend to the girl having an abortion, Gabita (Laura Vasiliu). The entire film is shot within a 24 hour span of time, and with no musical accompaniment, the graphic nature, and the shaky camera, this film is about as real as it gets. A dozen people got up and left moments before the abortion was about to take place. I don’t wish that I had, because it’s obvious why this film won the Palme D’Or at the Cannes Festival, but there are scenes in the movie that stuck with me longer than I would have liked them to. The girls must deal with finding someone to perform the illegal operation, gaining a room in a hotel, raising the money for the whole procedure, and, once they can’t raise the money, realizing the total cost. The total cost would involve money, pain, guilt, and sexual favours. This is not a family film. In fact, keeping in mind the theme, it is the very opposite of a family flick. The film is based on a story told to director Cristian Mungiu, who was as shocked as anyone hearing such a tale, and was even more horrified to discover how common such a tale was. Between 1966 and 1989 abortion was illegal in Romania, and it has been estimated that over 500,000 women have died as a result of the procedure. -J.Z.

A bizarre love triangle, between a man and two women is rudely disrupted and destroyed as the original female in the trio dies suddenly outside a Parisian club. While the remaining couple, Ismael and Alice (Louis Garrel and Clotide Hesme) seem to immediately drift apart, Ismael struggles to get past the loss of Julie (Ludivine Sagnier), his initial love. To make it harder, the deceased’s family members still very much want to be a part of his life. To make it more interesting, this movie is a musical. With fourteen songs composed by Alez Beaupain, Love Songs is divided into three parts: “the departure”, “the absence”, and “return”. The theme of love is what departs, is absent from, and returns to the life of Ismael. However,

The Dictator Hunter

after losing Julie, a one night stand with an anonymous waitress, he is reborn a homosexual and begins a relationship with a young college boy. It’s humorous, it’s touching, and it’s pretty fucked up. I do not appreciate musicals, but the quirkiness and constant revelations of this film entertained me and I’m not sure that I have ever seen anything quite like it. On top of that, I completely understand why Ismael was so devastated in the beginning. If I was involved in a three-way relationship with two attractive French girls and one of them died, I would be crushed, chaotic, and crying as well. Chances like that come but once in a lifetime. -J.Z.

Iron Ladies of Liberia

A Film by Daniel Junge, Siatta Scott Johnson Few countries are more emblematic of this new direction than Liberia, a tiny country founded on the Atlantic coast by freed American slaves. Liberia has been the site of some of the continent’s most horrific crimes and now some its most vibrant hope. The person trusted to lead peacetime Liberia is Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf; Africa’s first elected female head of state. One of Ms. Johnson’s first acts as President was to install women to many leading government positions to try and bring integrity to this chronically corrupt and unstable country. Any informed analyst of African affairs will tell you that women

have been excluded from positions of influence for far too long. This film chronicles the Iron Ladies’ first year in office. It was a successful year, when one considers the size of the task they were facing. The new government managed to restore electricity to the capital city for the first time in years and solve a long-standing dispute with former soldiers. The best outcome that can come from this film is the hope that elsewhere in Africa Ms. Johnson’s example of bold and visionary leadership will be followed. -S.B.

C+

A Film by Klaartje Quirijns The Dictator Hunter revolves around the parched and landlocked country of Chad, which was once ruled by Hissan Habre. The former leader who earned his dictator stripes with typically brutal campaigns against his political opposition and pretty much anyone else he decided he didn’t like. Chad is one of those unfortunate countries that doesn’t have an abundance of marketable natural resources or any strategic interests. This all means that whatever happens in Chad, pretty much no one with the power to help out will care enough to do so. But one guy does care enough. The story follows human rights lawyer Reed

Brody as he traverses the Kilimanjaro-sized mountain of red tape involved in getting a former African dictator brought to trial. He says his grand ambition is to change the custom that allows mass murderers to live in luxury after being granted political asylum by another country. While well intentioned, as a film The Dictator Hunter comes across as profoundly boring. Though it tells a good story, the filmmakers present their findings in a pretty bland way. It ends without a real conclusion in the Habre case. The analysis seems to all stay at a surface level without ever really delving deeper into the issues. -S.B.

Lifeline Ben Harper Recorded after a nine-month stint of touring, Lifeline feels like coming home to something familiar. I feel that this familiarity is a conscious choice on Harper’s part. The first thing you notice when you open the cd is the proud declaration of the analog recording process. Most of the album feels steeped in the tradition of another band or genre. The backing harmony on ‘Say you will’ give the track a particularly soulful Motown vibe that’s not at all unwelcome. However, there are moments of genuine intimacy, such as the title track, which features

B just Harper and his guitar. The stripped-down nature of it makes it the most touching and strongest track on the album. Harper and the Criminals are clearly very talented musicians, and those who are already acquainted with Harper’s work will find this a welcome addition. Of the legion of singer songwriters making music now, Harper deserves a special place as his music harnesses the accessibility of pop with intelligence and skill.

-Matthew Bell

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12 the newspaper

the sticky stuff

13 September 2007

by Shannon Thorndyke

Sex, Love, and the Stuff that comes between… I’ve been with my girl for about 2 years and we have great hot sex together! The one thing we haven’t had is a threesome, which of course is my ultimate fantasy. Whenever I bring it up to her she acts disgusted and gets mad at me. I really love her but I am still a guy. My question is how do I convince her that this is something we could both enjoy? N.A.T Needs a Threesome Well Nat, unfortunately based on your adjective selection (disgusted) I would say that a romp with your lady and another looks grim. Don’t give up all hope though; maybe you should reevaluate your approach. Bringing up a threesome to your partner (male or female) can be nerve racking; I do applaud you for being upfront about your interests

and desires, you are half way there. Speaking from a female perspective I can only assume that it was not what you said but maybe how you said it. “ So hun, your roommate has a hot bod, what do you say you hook it up?” will almost definitely put you on a sexual no fly list for the foreseeable future. Success will come in the form of an honest discussion about what you want and why you want it. The anger may be a product of misunderstanding; you need to be clear that a desire for someone to join you in your playtime does not translate into dissatisfaction with her in the bedroom. The thought of a threesome may evoke visions of pornographic double-headed dildos and theatrical contortionist stunts. Maybe she is more of candlelight, soft kisses, and R&B kind of lady. There is a wide range

the comics

Bob the Angry Flower

of “engagement” options, from voyeur to hard core. Maybe she is not into women, which just means that you have two ladies to please. Maybe she is but doesn’t want to share you, in that case sit back and just watch. Discuss the degree of engagement that you are both comfortable with and go from there. This will hopefully open up communication and you can move on to the more exciting points of the planning. Believe it or not there is threesome etiquette, stay tuned for next weeks installment for more info…

I heard that Bram used to skim-a-rink-a-dinky-dink Sharon and Lois on a daily basis.

I like to study it with my mouth.

By Stephen Notley