Issue 25 - April 2 2009

the newspaper

the boozepaper THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER

APRIL 2 - 8 2009

INDEPENDENT SINCE 1978

VOL. XXXI

NO. 25

write between the lines

24+ BOTTLES REVIEWED the newspaper judges sit down with 42 beers from Ontario’s best brewers to bring you our 2-4.

2 the newspaper

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

the newspaper

the inside

Publisher Matthew Pope

THE TABLE OF CONTENTS

News Editor

Arts Editor

Ashley Minuk

Helene Goderis

Associate Editor Daniel Craig, Ari Simha

the front page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 the inside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 the editorial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 the news . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4, 5 the arts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6, 7 the puzzles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 the end . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Administrative Assistant

Layout & Design

Caroline George

Helene Goderis, Ali Sunderji

Copy Editors Elisabeth Bennett, Michelle Ferreira, Arjun Lakkaraju

Contributors Daniel Craig, Michelle Ferreira, Noah Gataveckas, Helene Goderis, Peter Josselyn, Kevin McGahon, Elsbeth Moriarty, Tim Ryan

Ads & Marketing ads@thenewspaper.ca

the mission statement

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

the newspaper is proud to be University of Toronto’s ONLY independent community news source. We look to our readers and contributors to ensure we provide a consistently superior product. Our purpose is to provide a voice for university students, staff, faculty and U of T’s extended community.

This voice may at times be irreverent but it will never be irrelevant.

-Winston Churchill

CALL FOR EDITORS

write between the lines

the campus comment DANIEL PORTORARO

In this time of economic turbulence, the newspaper asks: what is the most costeffective beer for students?

the newspaper will be holding its annual editorial staff elections on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 @ 5pm

OPEN POSITIONS: News Editor Arts Editor

Arathana Bowes, 1st year Neuroscience

Craig Kim, 2nd year Commerce

“PBR? Or no, maybe Bavaria. Yeah.

Bavaria.”

“Coors Light; many of my friends drink it, we all like it, and it’s not too expensive” $9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol

$2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol

Vince Messina, 2nd year Urban and Economic Geography

“Coors Light; it’s good for its price.” $9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol

These are paid positions. Each requires a time commitment of approximately 20 hours per week.

Anyone is eligible to run.

A Statement of Intent and resume should be sent to thenewspaper@thenewpspaer.ca no later than April 9th.

Anyone who has contributed three pieces this year has a vote and should be present on voting day to elect next year’s editors.

We welcome all hopefuls and look forward to seeing you all on voting day.

Nikolaus Himmelman, 2nd year Geog raphy

“Bavaria tall cans; they’re just really cheap.” $2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol

Noah Bennett, 2nd year Political Science

William Schemmer, 2nd year Life Sciences

“Wildcat Force; it’s $5 for a forty, and it’s 10% and tastes like crap.”

“Pabst Blue Ribbon; it’s cheap and it’s not that terrible tasting”

$5.00/1140 mL bottle at 10% Alcohol

$8.25/6 x 355 mL cans at 5.0% Alcohol

the newspaper 3

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

42 bottles of beer on the wall

One year will get you life.

TIM RYAN Ah, the boozepaper. Highly regarded as one of the most anticipated issues of the year, the boozepaper is many things to many people. For some, it occupies the minutes preceding class with a few laughs, while for others it occupies the entire hour. Personally, it is an annual reminder of how pedestrian the vast majority of my beer consumption tends to be. It offers 43 new potential favourites, ranging in genre, taste and affordability.

For you, reading this article right now, it offers an introduction into the production and tasting characteristics of the main types of beer in this issue and at your local beer store.

Lager (Pilsner) – The most commonly brewed beer worldwide, the lager-style pilsner beer gained its popularity as it was designed to be easily drinkable.

The domestic versions of these beers are generally produced using “noble” hops (the female flower cones of the hop plant), essentially the highest quality

of hop which imparts delicate tastes and aromas to the beer, making it inoffensive to the common consumer and ideal for keg-stands. To get your hands on a more flavourful and robust pilsner, you generally have to buy micro-brewery beer, as they use more generous amounts of these noble hops in addition to a variety of other flavours and spices individual to each producer.

Ale – Like lagers, hops are used to make ales; however, ales are distinguished by their yeast. Ale yeast ferments at higher temperatures; because of this, the yeast produces more esters and other secondary flavour and aroma products leading to a more fullbodied beer relative to lagers.

Ales also take a shorter time to produce because, at the higher fermentation temperatures, the yeast is more active and produces alcohol much more quickly.

Wheat Beer – There has been a recent resurgence of wheat beers into the mainstream with Rickard’s and Alexander Keith’s shoving major marketing campaigns down our throats in an effort to promote their new wheat or “white” beers.

These beers are produced using wheat in addition to barley. The resulting beer contains a mixture of wheat malt and barley malt in a 2:1 ratio giving the beers a soft and fruity taste to accompany their pale white colour. Often, fruits are actually added to the brewing process, further intensifying sweet undertones to these beers.

Now take this newfound information and explore the beer reviews, select a few of the favourites and try them this weekend.

...an exciting new life in the world of law as a Legal Assistant.

Post-secondary education or business experience is all you need to get into Humber’s unique Law Firm Profile program. You’ll get classes filled with practical, hands-on applications, and we’ll place you into one of several of Canada’s most prominent law firms for 7 weeks of paid on-site training. All this is accomplished in only two semesters, so you don’t have to do any unnecessary time. Call 416.675.6622 ext. 4371 and get a (new) life.

it’s the LAW

Apply now!

Program starts in September

Ontario College Application Service #0214L www.business.humber.ca

Tim Ryan is a former Associate Editor and esteemed boozepaper alum.

Our council of brew-guzzling judges sat down and rated 42 beers. They picked the most memorable to bring you the boozepaper 2-4. Their results are on the following pages...

the judges how our judges qualified for their position Daniel Craig

Almost 10 years of heavy drinking and a sensitive gag reflex that is particularly sensitive to bad beers.

Kevin McGahon

I’m overqualified. I showed up 10 minutes early, I’m Irish, I was a bartender and was conceived in a brewery. Beer me!

Because I’m Belgian.

Ari Simha

Noah Gataveckas

As a self-taught connoisseur of the malted hop, my expertise lies in the monumental exposure I've had to alcoholic beverages over the course of my 24 years. Over time, I developed a "sixth sense," if you will, for tasting brews through this rigorous history. Thus I stand as an exemplary example of good taste in beer, whose recommendations should be heeded at all costs.

Helene Goderis

Michelle Ferreira

My extensive, albeit unintentional, “pub tour” of the UK in the summer of ‘06 along with the subsequent consumption of copious amounts of weird, yet enticing, Scottish and British beers makes me more than qualified to sample and judge, for the benefit of all, the beverages herein.

I’m better qualified to write on the subject of alcohol than I would care to admit. Having bartended for many years in a variety of establishments from the lowly nightclub to the swankiest martini haunt, I know the difference between an ale and a lager as well as my subjunctive from my transitive. Though an accomplished all-around ‘alconaut’ the careful ‘conspicuous’ consumption of so many beers is for me a new endeavor.

4 the newspaper

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009 beer’

Steelback Light

3.5

”It looked like a mad scientist made it. Tastes surprisingly very good. I’d get drunk on it. Wouldn’t want 2 C it come back out tho.”

Kevin “I’m a fan of dark, flavourful beers, so this is something I would drink regularly.”

Michelle

beer’ beer’

Steelback Tiverton Dark 3.5

beer’

Steamwhistle Pilsner

“A nice, water-like beer in texture and colouring. A mouthful of freshness.”

Noah

“Mediocre at first, but the aftertaste is surprisingly redeeming. Hints of oak, acorn and pine.”

Noah

“I taste summer!! And it not the girl I meet backpacking in Europe.”

Kevin

“Tastes like a beer WalMart would make. Cheap!!

I’d still get drunk on it the day before payday.”

Kevin

“It’s dark. Like the under lord.”

Helene

beer’

Red Leaf Lager

2.5

beer’ beer’

Devil’s Pale Ale 666

“Bold, smooth. A fine beer for both work and play. Ideal for drinking in absorbent quantities.”

Noah

beer’ beer’

2

“Crisp and delightful, like a fall day.”

Peter

“There’s a sharpness to it, but behind the scenes, this beer is just trying to hide its own shortcoming.”

Noah

beer’ beer’

Muskoka Cream Ale

2.5

“This beer has no sense of humour.”

Peter

“Penten. Pretech.

Pretenshus.”

Kevin

beer’

Green Tea Ale

“Pretty weak. Far too sweet, with too much inner-conflict. Only for the drunk and the lonely.”

Noah

“Bitter, but not complex.”

Ari

beer’

Curmudgeon

2

3

“Grainy, dandylion tea, slight honey undertone.

Could only drink one but I’d pair it as carefully as I would a wine.”

Ari

“Ideal for accompanying pretzels and sausages at a Blue Jay’s game.”

Noah

“It’ll keep the meat on your bones. A good marinade.

Seriously.”

Ari

Lug Treat Lagered Ale

3

2.5

King Pilsner

beer’

2.5

“At odds with itself. This beer needs to center its chi if it hopes to reach beerdrinkers nirvana.”

Noah

“Can I smoke this beer?

Cheech and Chong made this stuff.”

Kevin

“Coppery nose. Deeply bitter up front, but doesn’t linger.”

Ari

“Flavorful and wellcrafted. A fruity and hoppy ale.”

Peter

beer’ beer’

Muskoka Dark Ale

2

“Nice dark beer. Very crisp and smells smokey.”

Michelle

“Dark, smooth and ready. Hints of roast and summertime. Perhaps a tad too shadowy though.”

Noah

beer’ beer’

Black Oak Pale Ale

4

“Zeus himself would guzzle this from his diamond-encrusted chalice.”

Noah

“Makes me want to bang my girlfriend outside. But first, I’m gonna get her to drink this beer. ‘No hunny, I didn’t bring a lemon.’”

Kevin

the newspaper 5

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

Celtic Irish Ale beer’ beer’

2.5

Paddy’s Ale

beer’ beer’

1

beer’

Elora Irish Alebeer’

2 “Sweat and glue” Ari

“Q: Why did the chicken cross the road A: NOT to drink this beer.”

Noah

“Once you go dark, you never go back.”

Helene

Elora Specialbeer’ Bitter

2

“Piercing and shrewd.

With an enigmatic aftertaste, this beer is destined to haunt the tastebuds for days after imbibing.”

Noah

beer’ beer’

4

“Clean, fresh and consisting of meaningful flavours, this beer is enjoyable. It inspires the tongue to sing.”

Noah

“Frat

beer’

party in mouth.”

Ari

Mill Street Organic beer’

“This could help get you in the zone. The comfort zone.”

Helene

“Passive and easy. Like the last one, lacking utter presence and affecting nothing but the manufactured taste of inaptitude.”

Noah

beer’

Abbey Belgian beer’Ale

4

”Tasty at first, but not memorable in the long run. Like a shocking piece of art, this beer’s charm runs out after the second viewing.”

Noah

Buzz

“Bohemian and peaceful.

If it is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, then this beer deserves to be worshipped for the diety it is.”

Noah

your

2

“I’ve heard of this stuff.

I think it’s free range beer.

Like they used to make it back in the olden days.”

Kevin “Loose and light, this beer plays fast and easy with its flavour. It fumbles the ball right off the snap.”

Noah

beer’

Hoptical Illusion

3

“Not bad, not bad. I commend this beer’s inventor for knowing the general constitution of quality craftsmanship. A little more details, however, would be nice.”

Noah “Man, did that go down easy. Like my date on prom night.”

Kevin

beer’

beer’ House Mill Street Tank

3

“Aromatic, very strong, a serious beer drinker’s beer.

Not for chugging!”

Michelle “Full of sweet vigour, mixing the good vibrations of amber with the mellow substance of fine narley. An able candidate to become President of the United States of Beer.”

Noah

beer’ beer’

3

“Blank in its disposition and fortitude. Without defining continents, this beer lends itself to young and mumbles.”

Noah

“Like my penis: tastes great, less filling with no aftertaste.”

Kevin

“Smells like honey.

Tastes like dead bees.”

Ari

Cool Blonde Lager

“Popular amongst the glue-sniffing crowd.”

Helene

“Tastes like your mom.”

Helene

10W30

beer’

2.5

“Dark and rich with the full embodiment of flavour.

A fine selection to exhibit the virtues of almond and dark roast.”

Noah “Surprisingly watery taste for a dark beer. Dark beer should not be watery.

I know it, you know it, the American people know it.”

Dan

beer’

beer’ Cameron’s Lager

3.5

“This tastes like watered down Ein-stein’s lager. And that s*** is watered down to begin with.”

Dan

“Drinkable, in a good way.”

Ari

Photos: Zach Slootsky

6 the newspaper

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

the news

BEER • WINGS • POOL • JAVA SPORTS • JUKEBOX • SPIRITS EVENTS • OPEN STAGE • GAMES

In hot water over fire water Club Joe serves up controversy DANIEL CRAIG Newspaper Staff In many ways the future of serving alcohol in Ontario is being played out in a courtroom in Bracebridge, Ontario. The case at hand involves drinking and driving, but it also involves young, student-aged bartenders to be possibly convicted on very serious, though non-criminal, charges. Anyone who works, or is planning on working in a bar this summer, should pay close attention.

Last July, Tyler Mulcahy, Cory Mintz, and Kourosh Totonchian died in a fatal car accident in the Muskoka Lakes District. Mulcahy’s Audi became partially submerged in a nearby river after it broke through a guardrail at high speeds. The lone survivor, Nastasia Elzinga, managed to crawl to safety and get help, but her three friends were not so lucky.

Earlier that afternoon, the group was served what some would call copious amounts of alcohol

at the Water’s Edge restaurant, a part of the Lake Joseph Club.

The OPP, in conjunction with the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario, has pressed charges against an unprecedented 16 employees from multiple levels of the ClubLink corporation which owns the Lake Joseph golf club. The accused range from majority ClubLink shareholder Kuldip Sahi and bar manager Walter Moon, all the way down to the two bartenders who were working on the day of the crash.

Charges against two of the accused were dropped after it was revealed that they were no longer working for ClubLink at the time of the incident. The 14 remaining defendants face fines of up to $100,000 or up to 12 months in prison. Additionally, ClubLink could lose its liquor license at the Lake Joseph Club and faces a fine of up to $250,000.

Although there is little doubt that bars of all types in Ontario

will be paying close attention to this trial, Club Joe – the locals’ name for the golf club – is not your average watering hole. With professional hockey players like Darcy Tucker counted among the several millionaire members of Club Joe, it often can be difficult to ‘cut people off’ from the alcohol supply.

There has been an ongoing culture of irresponsible serving practices in part because of the status of some of their members, says a Water’s Edge employee of 3 years who has chosen to remain unnamed. Our source was not working at the time of the incident but said, “You don’t want to upset the members, because if they get pissed off you can lose your job.” Making it even more difficult for servers to draw the line, the idea of keeping the liquor flowing to keep the members happy was reinforced by management at the club.

Who will take the fall for all these charges is yet to be known, but chances are that bartenders

will take a hit. Being a bartender, our source has mixed feelings about fellow servers facing the chopping block. However, given their history of reluctance to ‘cut people off,’ Club Joe ought to be sent a message: “These are young people being charged, yes, but the culture there is messed up.

Club Joe needs to be shocked to prevent something like this from happening in the future.”

Serving booze for a summer job is great money. After wages, there is a potential to make notable sums of cash in tips, especially at high-rolling establishments like the Lake Joseph Club. However, students need to be sure they are protected. If you think that someone should be cut off but your manager successfully encourages you to keep serving, you could be on the hook – for $100,000 or a full year in jail, not to mention the guilt associated with a potential drunk driving scenario. No amount of tips can cover a cost like that.

Serving up a good time Every time since 9T6!

Weekly Events: Man vs. Martini MONDAYS Toonie TUESDAYS Open Mike WEDNESDAYS NOW PODCASTING (from our website)

Thirsty THURSDAYS

Day boozing

TGIF! (Thank Guinness it’s Friday)

Ode to a drunken afternoon

FRIDAYS

ELSBETH MORIARTY Newspaper Staff As the seal breaks on winter and bursts of hopeful, warm temperatures grace the less disillusioned Toronto masses, five o’clock can hit and you may not actually have the urge to run home and assume the fetal position.

With the newfound extension of daylight comes myriad options of what to do after school or work. Some opt for healthy, soulenriching activities like walking, running, or group sports. Others – and it is to you that I address this homage – say , ‘Fuck it. Let’s get drunk.’

Drinking during the day is a fun and exciting pastime that often gets overlooked, either due to indifference or shame.

While staggering on the subway may seem more socially acceptable on a Friday night than, say, mid-afternoon on a Tuesday, the simple pleasures of the afternoon bender can make looking like an alcoholic worth all the while.

Getting drunk during the day bears a number of advantages.

When you go out drinking at night, there is usually a considerable break between your busy day and your evening

debauchery. While some might argue that this provides a necessary decompression period, I for one enjoy the novel lack of transition between serious daytime self and silly wasted self. The stresses of the day are instantly drowned in a pint, and suddenly, nothing seems as consequential or worrying as it did only minutes before.

There is also a certain camaraderie that comes with daytime drinkers; if you happen to be in a lively, student pub where everyone is saying a communal ‘Fuck It’ to the constraints of responsibility, the mood is light and spontaneous, and you often experience a happier, more intense drunk than you would, had you spent an hour getting ready for an anticipated night out.

Another nice thing about daytime drinking, especially in a climate like ours, is that finding your way home can be that much easier. With spring upon us, the extra degrees of warmth that accompany daytime can inspire a long, stumbly drunk walk home through the pleasant sunshine, letting you spend your extra cash on drinks, rather than pesky cab fare.

Live Music SATURDAYS Free Pool & Comedy SUNDAYS PODCASTING AS HOGTOWNCOMEDYRADIO (from our website)

All Day Breakfast and Canadian Tire Money at par every weekend!

Game Room with plasma available for groups

Photo: Ashley Minuk

While getting yourself to your bed can seem complicated and pricey after a long night of boozing, the daylight provides a safe and cheap haven for those who would otherwise be wary of lurching home alone through dark and scary city streets.

Lastly, getting wasted during the day boasts the serious advantage of not having to worry about the dreaded morning after.

(Unless you brought someone random home; in that case, you’re on your own). Hangovers are easily avoided when you

have your last drink at dusk, rather than at, say, 2 a.m. As long as you get some greasy in you after leaving the bar, which is pretty much a given anyways, and pound back a glass or two of water, the likelihood of waking up ill is far reduced.

Falling asleep at five o’clock, which is again, highly probable after an afternoon of drinking, means that you get to wake up refreshed and cheerful – ready for another bright and sunny day of boozing. Enjoy!

FREE WIRELESS INTERNET PROVIDED BY:

229 COLLEGE STREET

416/59•STEIN WWW.EIN-STEIN.CA

the newspaper 7

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

the arts Bar reviews Where to pound it DANIEL CRAIG AND HELENE GODERIS Newspaper Staff BISTRO 422 The surly servers will test your social patience, but once the drinks arrive, the hassle is worth it. With $9 pitchers of beer and $12 mini-pitcher of a mixed drink, Bistro is easy on the wallet and good on the gut. Try the fries.

Located near the intersection of Bathurst and College, it’s close to campus and close to the Sneaky Dee’s late night kitchen.

It’s downstairs from the sidewalk, narrow inside, but it boasts a smoke-friendly, heated patio.

If you hit Bistro on Thursday, one drink will buy you a raffle ticket. If you’re lucky, you win more drinks. Chicken wings are half price on Wednesdays and their nachos are $4.50 on Mondays.

The Bistro has been dubbed ‘the Beast’ for its hole-in-the-wall reputation; but of all the dives in the city, it’s the cheapest, most accessible, most charming and most devoid of crack heads.

EIN-STEIN’S Located at 229 College across from the U of T Bookstore, Ein-stein’s has been serving U of T students and stragglers alike since 1996.

Not only is this bar in your ‘hood, it serves $10 pitchers of house beer and carries a solid menu, including fried pickles and a $3 basket of fries.

Show up on Sundays to shoot some free pool on their two tables (a good thing for those of us who are trying to improve

our break). The games room has a foosball table should you wish to take on your superior-skilled friends.

Ein-stein’s also boasts an array of colorful regulars, from Hoser to the Latvian triplets to engineers in blue coveralls.

Bar service is for the most part friendly.

GSU PUB For my first couple of years spent at U of T I was under the impression that the Grad Student’s Union Pub was exclusive to grad students. I have lately discovered that this is not the case and it actually is a very pleasant place to have a few pints.

Boasting one of the only free sources of popcorn on campus (everyday from 6 - 9) and a basketball court, this pub is open to undergrads and other pedestrians provided that you behave yourself. Specials include: free pool on Tues. and Thurs. from 6 - closing (usually around midnight), a rock band feature on the last Wed. of every month, and $12.25 for a sophisticated pitcher of GSU Lager.

money back

fast

RONNIE’S The din of the patio crowd at Ronnie’s can be heard while walking in Kensington Market as the weather gets warmer this time of year. Situated at Augusta and Nassau, Ronnie’s has a cozy interior and a sprawling patio.

Bartenders here are the best, because they’re super liberal with the amount of booze they put in your mixed drinks.

walk in with your taxes, walk out with your money and you could win $5,000 towards a road trip. visit refundroadtrip.ca

come in today or call 1-800-HRBLOCK (472-5625) Photo: Helene Goderis

the newspaper staff enjoy a cold one outside the GSU Pub after a hard day’s work

To qualify for student pricing, student must present either (i) a T2202a documenting 4 or more months of full-time attendance at a college or university during 2008 or (ii) a valid high school identification card. Expires July 31, 2009. Must also qualify for Instant Cash Back and Cash Back products. See office for details. Valid only at participating H&R Block locations in Canada. SPC Card offers valid from 08/01/08 to 07/31/09 at participating locations in Canada only.

For Cardholder only. Offers may vary, restrictions may apply. Usage may be restricted when used in conjunction with any other offer or retailer loyalty card discounts. Cannot be used towards the purchase of gift cards or certificates.

8 the newspaper

April 2nd - April 8th, 2009

the end

the jumbler SNOBI

the four-word

YERNT

BY: ANDREW GYORKOS

Place the 12 letters provided into the grid in order to create EIGHT common four-letter words; 4 horizontal & 4 vertical.

L D, E, E, G, I, N, O, R, S, S, T, U

T

E

Unscramble the letters to form common words.

BY: ASHLEY MINUK

ASNAVC

TEZALO

What you call the U of T football team the night after a tough loss

E

Use the letters in the highlighted boxes to answer the riddle!