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Let the Planning Begin! Family reunions are back on the calendar.
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lthough Omicron has been putting a damper on travel plans, as we go to press there is a glimmer of hope for group travel, get-togethers and family reunions. It makes me recall my own summers growing up, which always meant huge family get-togethers from two very different types of people. One year, we would gather with my grandfather’s side of the family, a boisterous clan called the Bohnetts who are mostly based in Santa Barbara, and the next year it would be with my grandmother’s side, the Nickoloffs, made up of unusually tall Slavs, also loud. Our family’s patriarch came to the United States as a 17-year-old stowaway and built a restaurant empire in Los Angeles. Exposure to these two different groups and their stories helped me and my cousins define our identity and place in the world. As an adult, I've found myself in the planning role, trying my best to honor my grandmother’s diligent efforts to organize reunions, despite flaky, noncommittal cousins, and the chorus of, “why aren’t we just meeting at [pick a spot]?” I’d love to go back and give her a huge hug for rising above the noise for all those years and making these events happen. It’s not easy. So, as a seasoned planner (and hypersensitive human), I thought I’d share a couple of tips to help you get through the process of planning a family reunion. Put your ego aside. The minute you accept the baton, you become the nag. No one will appreciate the time and anxiety that goes into figuring out the location, menu and agenda; negotiating group discounts; and deciding between personalized T-shirt, sweatshirt or hat. Delegate with flexibility. Everyone will at first thank you for taking on the task, followed up by, “How can I help?” Bask in their
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generosity, but unless you’re ready for a barrage of opinions, be ready to just do it yourself. A second cousin once offered to help with a slideshow when I was planning a reunion in Arizona, but she bailed at the last minute, so I took a deep dive into ancestry.com and found an old sepia photo of our 49er great, great, great grandfather (pictured) and a daguerreotype of his parents (no smiles back
One branch of the Bohnett family
Images collected from ancestry.com brought the family history to life in a memorable reunion slide show.
then). I also found deeds to property in Pennsylvania (pictured) and the golden egg of every family reunion slideshow: a witch! Margaret Mattson was accused in 1683, and I wish I could have been there to support her; I bet she was spicy. I grabbed screenshots, fumbled with PowerPoint, et voila — a slideshow. Assume group poverty. Set expectations for costs ahead of time. Our first big reunions started in the early 1980s and were all-expenses-paid Alisal Ranch getaways. Fast forward three decades, however, and cost had become a deterrent. Understanding that the Arizona reunion might be the last big one, I wanted to make it special. I negotiated a group rate, and for the dinner, somehow was able to
get a lunch item (taco bar), which cut the cost in half. Still, some said, “Oh thanks, but we’ll get pizza and just show up for the slide show.” [Insert head-exploding emoji.] “That is not how this works!” I screamed at my husband. “What don’t they understand about a minimum spend?” Stress aside, everyone showed up, ate tacos and the slide show went off perfectly. By the time I got to Margaret Mattson, the room went wild. My grandfather had the biggest smile on his face and, as if cued, said, “Well, that explains a lot.” Everyone laughed, glowing in the genetic net of being connected to our past and to each other. It was the last time we all got together. The stress of organizing was (mostly) overshadowed by the success of the weekend, which included watching my kids interact with their cousins, political views put to the side as we honored our shared history and genetics, and found humor in retelling stories of those who have passed. Now, in an ironic twist, besides my role at Marin Magazine, I co-own localgetaways. com, which helps people plan group getaways (everything except the slideshows — that’s on you). Mimi Towle, Editor at Large
WANT MORE? Learn how to create the perfect family reunion trip. For tips on everything from traveling with kids to dealing with extended family, visit better.net/family-vacation-guide, or check out marinmagazine.com/family-reunionresorts if you're looking for some great places to consider booking.
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