#GoDoSTUFF
Issue 10. Vol 01.
TODOTODAY NEWSPAPER
May 2014 RSA R10 (incl. VAT)
BalB kAan Musi c Formul a One Har l e yD avi d son C K R U L E AFRICA IN JOZI
GUIDE
2 0 1 4
TO DO
TODAY #GoDoStuff
And we’re back with the first issue of #GoDoStuff Newspaper, getting us into the swing of Winter. Bleh! But we’ve got some awesome reading material to keep you warm at night. We’ve been celebrating two-wheeled wondernous recently at the Harley-Davidson Africa Bike Week, and in honour of our hero Hunter S. Thompson, we’ve included a real Gonzo Journalism write-up on yer right! Hope you like it and if you do, make sure to hit the ToDoToday website for more from our time in Margate including a full episode of AlternaTV’s Upgrade show, footage from the roof of the highest building Margate has to offer and some Major Babeage from Harley’s fashion show. We’ve also made a lot of space this month to explore the ever changing rules of Formula One, rules that many argue are ruining the best motor sport there is. We don’t know about all that, still nothing like sipping beers around a braai in the warm African Winter sun. But there are some head scratchers though. And make sure to catch our interview with Ma’or from Balkanology, the premiere Balkan dance party in SA. PEACE! Steve
FYI! Writers wanted! Get in touch list@todotoday.co.za
the CREW
EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Steven Slotow (@slotow) DESIGN DIRECTOR Tourist Dave (@IDontLiveHere) EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS Dale Kopping (@ExpressionsbyDK) Donovan Taylor Shira Evian (@shiraevian) Aaron Luboff
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Harley-Davidson Africa Bike Week 2014
Hog liGhts,
house tracks & hooters.
qfgbe Driving along the East Coast en route to Margate to cover Africa Bike Week, there’s one goal that I just can’t seem to shake from my thoughts: make Hunter S Thompson proud. That’s what we’re here for: to be journalists at a bike rally, the way that he was during his (attempted) coverage of the Mint 400 Motorcycle race in the Las Vegas desert...to immerse ourselves in a culture; to be Gonzo Journalists. Granted, he was surrounded by sand in the desert while we would be surrounded by humidity, Harley owners and the bike curious. He was attending a real, like, race, with marshals and a winner while the only race going on in Margate over HarleyDavidson’s Africa Bike Week was the one for onlookers eyeballs. A valid attempt would be made none-the-less. It’s year 6 of Harley’s annual infestation of the East Coast, and thank God for it otherwise there’d be little other reason to visit this sleepy little stretch of coast. Aside from the beauty. It is a stunning place to be. Harley’s presence here has been hard felt as well. You can’t walk the main street though Margate without bumping into a local who’s grinning like a raver on E thanks to the feet this event brings through the door to their shop, or the quiet streets that get to see a GP number plate for the 1st time. And we’re not even going to mention the fact that thanks to this event pot-
holes have been outlawed from the streets of Margate, street signs have been polished and restaurant larders have been stocked up, if only for one week of the year. The reason everyone is here is to flex leather. To show off their metal. And to rev their fucking engines until 2AM. But it’s not a talent show or a competition. In fact more than once I’ll find myself leaning over to Nico saying...well...screaming over the V-Twin engines and the superbike screeches, “Everybody has got the best bike here bro!” Nico’s come along to shoot the event with me for the Upgrade show on AlternaTV, and while I might have already had my more than fair share of unforgettable Harley experiences, he has yet to even sit on one, let alone feel what a 1.6-litre engine feels like when you wear it 20 centimeters under your ball sack. So we strap him immediately to the back of a Belgian named Serge who we then strap to the back of a HarleyDavidson Dyna cruiser. 20 minutes later. Nico returns. “How was it?” “Yoh” #ThatIsAll. Off to the bar. Which gets us thinking about the strategy meeting that happened all those years back where someone at Harley said something like: “I know! Let’s have a H-D festival. We’ll invite everyone to bring their most powerful bikes and we’ll cram them into a 500-square-metre area in
Everybody has got the best bike here bro!
j
an unassuming seaside town, and then open all the bars and restaurants until 2AM. Then we’ll tell them to bring their families and kids with them. But wait, we’ll also let them start, rev and maneuver their bikes in and amongst the crowds of children and onlookers.” Sounds like a plan, right? Yeah a plan for a disaster movie! And that’s what is so impressive about what we’re seeing here. This recipe for mayhem above is all laid out just waiting for the keg of dynamite to ignite. Just one idiot to get too much speed or try race through the crowd or knock someone over or wheelie in the wrong place or try a do-nut. It never happens. Seriously. With all the ingredients here for something bad to happen, it just never does. That’s one of the most curios parts of Africa Bike Week. Everyone’s here for wholesome, communal, innocent enjoyment of 2-wheels. Helmets must be worn when riding anywhere (it’s the law) and burn-outs and donuts are outlawed and monitored by police sauntering around the festival
grounds. And if they happen to not be around when some jackass attempts one, best believe in no time one of the nearby bikers will pull the offending party off their bike quicker than you can say “nice chaps, chap”. “There’s always bound to be some sort of dust ups,” says Michael Carney, the marketing man behind Harley-Davidson Africa Bike Week, “but it’s no worse than any other gathering of people drinking anywhere else in South Africa”. And we can attest. For the 2 days we were there taking it all in, the most hostile incident we were privy to occurred between two rival HOG members (Harley Owners Group for the uninformed) who bumped shoulders and were practically falling over each other to apologize to one another, mortified that they had both jeopardized each other’s chances at a good spot at the bar post Fashion Show. Day 2 kicks off, and it’s a sweltering Saturday that everyone has promised us is going to be “the big one”. And we’re not disappointed, with almost all H-D dealerships from around Southern Africa represented with a
stupefying display of wares and hundreds of bike, tattoo and fashion-like accessory stalls on the tar too, Saturday pulsates to the tunes exuded from the official Harley-Davidson stage. The choice of entertainment goes a long way to showcasing the everchanging demographic of South African bike owners and Africa Bike Week attendees. In past years biking and particularly Harley-Davidson ownership has been a predominantly white affair, the main set on Saturday night being DJ Fistaz, a black house DJ from Rustenberg says a lot about who’s buying bikes and enjoying the two-wheel culture these days. Our suspicions are confirmed later in the day when we catch a chat with some black riders from Pretoria. “Black people are really getting into the biking culture. We have seen it get really big in America. Lots of girls, riding on the back. Shaking their asses LOL. If people think it’s just for the white people, they’re very wrong!” A big statement on the shifting South African middle class perhaps.
If people think it’s just for the white people, they’re very wrong!
The main party carries on late into the night all over Margate, much later than Nico and I make. The day of walking the hot streets, burning our Jozi skin, the intake of too much alcohol and the fact that we’ve got the mass ride to consider at 8AM all plays on our minds. We’ve called it. We do make a quick run to the Steers at 3AM only to find the fun filled streets now pulsing with the brave. HOG lights, house tracks and hooters. Everything is under control but you’ll need at least (quickly open your arms up as wide as you can) THIS MUCH in you to find the streets of Margate manageable right now. We’ll be back next year!
Balkanology
Get it: R80 From: Webtickets.co.za
A quick rant about Balkanology? Balkanology launched back in 2006 and it was purely for the love of Balkan music. The idea was to create the perfect environment to listen to and enjoy this type of music. We would bring in donkeys, sheep and all sorts of farm animals and we would build a farm. We also brought in activities for people to enjoy like Tarot readers and stuff like that. We tried to set a really high standard for the events which we held twice a year. Every event we introduced new themes and stories to the events. Themes? We like themes! In the beginning we had a Wedding themed event which was well received. Your ticket was a rose which you wore on your jacket and when you entered you really ‘entered’ the wedding. We also had a “War & Peace” theme for one event where we had 40 actors playing a role and living out the theme. We’ve also had a funeral event LOL In 2009 we held our first one in Jozi and again in 2010 for the World Cup. This one coming up is a Fiddle East event which is a club version of the main events. We do a bit of décor and a little bit of theme but it’s much smaller than our usual events. We were just talking in the office the other day that South Africa needs another culture to celebrate. Why do you think Balkan culture is so well received in South Africa? I think it’s because we did such a good job of intro-ing the music and culture with parties with so
many talking points. The music is really infectious and happy. In fact, it’s also got a devastatingly sad side to it, but we don’t play that at the parties. It’s easy to find and play sad music, but it’s quite hard to find really happy music that rocks. We love the venue you’re using. Why use it? We’ve hosted a few events there already, back when it was the Alex theatre, on that huge stage. Now they’ve redone the whole thing into a proper club with an underground bomb-shelter type thing which suits us perfectly. And what does Balkanology: Fiddle East have to do with the Craft Beer festival? That’s actually also our event, and Fiddle East is the official after party of the Craft Beer event which happens on the same day from 11AM at Marks Park and ends at 7PM. Fiddle East is for those who want the party to carry on. The Craft Beer event is an opportunity for people, licensed breweries and enthusiasts as well, to showcase their wares. 130 beers on tap. There’s a lot of gourmet food for sale too and the first 2000 people get a free glass mug. The event has a kid friendly area with pros to watch the youngsters while the adults enjoy themselves. It works nicely in Jozi ‘cos it has such nice weather that Cape Town just doesn’t get. Who’s playing? Toby 2 Shoes and I are the originators of Balkanology and we’re obviously playing big sets. Data Takashi is also playing and he brings in more of the house-y, swing-y side of the tunes. We also have a surprise DJ, Ninkasi, which is the old Mesopotamian God of Beer (Google it!).
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STEREOTYPE BUSTED Review by Steven Slotow (@Slotow)
Is it time 4 us to change the way we think about the Maserati brand? Our recent test of the new Quattroporte has us thinking “yeah man!”
M
aserati has never been a brand that I would call “cool”. In the same way that I wouldn’t call Paul McCartney’s performance at the 2014 Grammys “cool”. They’re both legends but they’re legends from a by-gone era. At least for one of them though, there’s a chance at bringing it back. (And just to be clear, no amount of plastic surgery will ever bring Paul back from the saggy edge). Maserati has always been a lot like your rich uncle Ivor. He collects antique cameras. And has a tennis court in the back of his massive house in Houghton. Where he lives alone, mind you. And he always lets you drink a little beer with supper while your folks aren’t looking. And he’s into art. And you love going there on Thursday nights. Because it’s really cool way to live life. As an old, single man, with no kids. And no responsibilities. And no wife to come home and argue with why you stayed for drinks after golf. Or groceries to buy. Or curtains to close. Or beds to make. It’s like being 11 forever. But you haven’t told any of your friends at school about Ivor. Because as cool as he is and as classy and impressive as his antique camera collection may be, it’s just not “cool” to tell other kids that your 50-year-old uncle Ivor is a cool guy. It’s a secret you’ve always kept to yourself and they’re ways of living that you put in the back of your head as plans for how you want to be when you’re 50-years-old. But you never tell anyone about it. That’s Maserati. Impressive. Substantial. Of the ages. But not cool. That is…until now. This is Maserati’s coming out party. Be warned, cool kids: there’s a new hot girl in class. And her parents have money. And she’s got a sense of humour. And she’s not intimidatingly intelligent either. We’re making the call, right here, on the pages of TDT Newspaper. It’s time for the public to change their perceptions of Maserati. It’s time for people to think of it as “cool”. It’s time for you to drive one. And our recommendation is to start in the magnificent 2014 Quattroporte. We recently had the honour of doing just that in Johan-
nesburg’s backyard – the Magaliesberg – and we were more impressed than let down. Let’s start with the biggest stereotypes: It’s too big. Yes, the new Quattroporte is big. It’s over 5 meters long and 2 meters wide. That does border dangerously close to boatish. The new Renault Clio is only 4 meters long and under 2 metres wide. But that’s what you sign up for when you take a seat in the Golf Club cigar lounge alongside other limousines like the Mercedes SClass and the Audi A8. But while we’re talking about serious size on the road,
we’re also talking about steering that feels like you’re playing air-hockey at a children’s arcade. And while you’re whipping this mammoth machine from yellow line to cat’s eye, you’re doing it at serious speed too thanks to a 3-litre V6 or a 3.8-litre V8. It’s not quick, it’s fast. And we’re not talking blistering, scary speed. Just grown up pace. In fact the V6 could do with a bit more puff, if we’re honest. But who are we to complain while encased in such luxury. There really is a sense of sportiness to this car that really should be making you feel like you’re on the way to watch some ballet or have dinner with Tokyo Sexwhale or something like that. So you’re a business-man with lots of money and you need a new car to impress. Why choose the Maserati
over the competitors we mentioned above? Mainly, because you’re not the type to get driven around in a beautiful piece of engineering that cost you a fortune by a man who won’t put his foot down for fear of getting fired. The Maserati, while not the quickest limo on the road, is a car that you’re going to want to drive yourself. You’re going to want to know how it feels in the corners. You’re going to want to know that you could beat a GTi off the line at the lights. You’re a driver with a pulse not a suit with a meeting to get to. Next stereotype to bust is that the Maserati is for old men and Mafia Dons. Take a look at the inside of the new Quattroporte and tell us that the black leather trim with wood panelling and that imposing Maserati trident logo isn’t the sexiest thing you’ve seen since the Kim Kardashian sex vid was leaked. We thought so. Of course it can’t all be good news. That would be suspicious. The Maserati Quattroporte is expensive. And we don’t mean, overpriced. We mean proper expensive. Starting at 2 million Rand, you’re going to need to have had a contract to have done something at Zuma’s Nkandla property before you can afford one. Down to a combination of factors which include a suffering Rand/Dollar exchange rate and high import costs, there’s not much you or Vigllietti Motors can do about it. Still. If you’ve got the cash. You’ve got the taste. You’ve got the desire to at least not run with the rest of the pack for a change. There is no better option out there than Be warned, cool kids: there’s a new hot girl in class. And her parents have money. And she’s got a sense of humour. And she’s not intimidatingly intelligent either.
“Be warned, cool kids: there’s a new hot girl in class. And her parents have money. And she’s got a sense of humour. And she’s not intimidatingly intelligent either. ”
formula one 2014
Even if you’re not a hardcore, to-the-death Formula One fan, it’s hard to deny that this racing league is one of the most exciting sports to watch, even if it is just occasionally, when you’re at your Italian friends house and the words “Red”, “Bull” or “Lotus” are not allowed to be muttered. So with that, we thought we’d help you work out some of the confusion you’ve no doubt been feeling after watching the first few races and realising that not only the rules, but the cars have changed too. There’s been a whole bunch of new rules and regulations implemented for a whole bunch of reasons. #GoDoStuff offers some help:
POWER DOWN The first noticeable change to the cars in F1 this season are the new engines. The 2.4-litre normally aspirated V8 from 2013 produced an impressive 556kw, but they’re gone. In their place is a new turbo-charged 1.6-litre V6 that produces a still nothing to complain about 445kw. Worth mentioning, this isn’t the only power that the cars will be getting, there’ll also be the assistance from the Energy Recovery Systems on the car…but more of that in a little bit. Why the downsizing, you ask? It’s all got to do with economy, saving the environment and keeping the car manufacturers happy. A 1.6-litre engine uses fuel more economically than a 2.4-litre one does, and a tur-
bo means the lack of engine displacement is compensated for and even improved on. On a side note, car manufacturers often provide F1 teams with engines at reduced prices, the trade off, the manufacturers then get to use their findings in their production cars. A real life example of this can be seen on South African roads, even now, in the form of the new tiny 900cc engines running the new Renault Clio and Sanderos around the tar. Petrol heads, spare a thought for the death of big engines as sadly, this will become the norm and not the exception in the future as car manufacturers struggle to meet industry carbon emission standards.
SHHHHHH... Knock on effect… One unintended change that has already been noted by the organisers of the Melbourne Grand Prix is that the cars are much, much quieter than before. Australian Grand Prix Corporation chief executive, Andrew Westacott claims that while at a race earlier in the season he didn’t even need ear plugs while in the pit lane and he says these quieter cars detract from the “sexiness” of the race. Hard to argue with him. Westacott is so incensed that he’s claiming the contract they have with the
FIA has been breached as they’re not getting the product they paid for. Dunno how we feel about it at the TDT HQ. For us the fact that at any moment someone’s engine could explode spluttering shrapnel as far back as the parking lot or that a fuel stop might go wrong and some poor grease monkeys foot might get run over is enough to keep us watching.
KERS
For years now F1 cars have made use of Energy Recovery Systems which along with the petrol engine formed part of the power train of the car. These clever inventions recouped energy from the car under braking, and channelled that energy back into the wheels for speed on the track. As we mentioned above, F1 feeds road cars, and ERS or KERS can now be found on road cars like the Porsche 918. In 2014, smaller engines mean less power. And so in the hopes of keeping the racing quick and exciting, F1 teams won’t just be getting the measly 59kw of power they got in 2013 from their ERS, but a massive 118kw of extra power thanks also to waste heat collected from the engine’s turbocharger. The extra power is available for only a small portion of the time per lap, 33 seconds in 2014.
NOSE JOB
The 2014 F1 cars have had a bit of facial reconstruction, their nosecones being dropped to a maximum of 185mm off the ground. Aside from giving the internet material for dildo jokes, the change has also come with safety in mind, in particular hoping that incidents like Mark Webber’s epic 2010 Grand Prix at Valencia don’t ever happen again.
WEIGHTY 2013, the minimum dry weight of the car plus driver was 642kg. 2014 sees that minimum climb to 691kg. Increased weight means decreased speed, so don’t be surprised to find F1 drivers frequenting the salad bar this season.
GOING GREEN Again in the hopes of making tree huggers like F1 fans more, the FIA has implemented rules that effect the fuel use in the 2014 season too. In 2013 you could just shove as much fuel as you wanted into the car and burn it as soon as possible, lightening the car and gaining you speed. In 2014 however the FIA has told teams that they have a race limit of 100kg of fuel, with a maximum flow rate into the engine of 100kg per hour. By the end of each race, each team will have used about 2
thirds less fuel than in previous years. At this rate even the penguins might survive to see JZ pay back his Nkandla bill. While we might sound cynical, this strategy does mean that the drivers are going to have to be very conscious of the way they drive. It also should ensure some interesting and conflicting strategies and driving tactics adopted by the teams. And, we might see a car not finish cos they ran out of petrol. Won’t that be a site?
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