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MAMA LIFE ISSUE 6
IF YOU WANT TO FLY, GIVE UP EVERYTHING THAT WEIGHS YOU DOWN Happy New Year to all our lovely readers. Welcome to our First Birthday Issue. An issue of celebration! With the start of a new year, we want to make changes in our lives, some changes may be simple like decorating our homes or changing our looks with a new hair style or a new wardrobe, losing weight or even making resolutions in order to better ourselves. Other changes can be big like changing your job, or career path, moving house, or deciding that a relationship no longer serves its purpose. It is a time to evaluate who we are, where we are in our lives and also where we want to be in the coming year. We have had lots of fun preparing our first birthday issue especially our wedding section. We had our own photoshoot at New Hall Hotel & Spa which was absolutley freezing and snowy but our brave models kept their smiles whilst facing the elements. Thank you to all the team that helped on the shoot. Also covered in this issue are some very important articles on Obesity & Sexual Abuse. We hope you enjoy the read and find it informative. Much Love.
Meral Mehmet & Natasha Inan Editors-In-Chief
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3 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
Content BARLOWS Book Reviews SEXUAL ABUSE
31
09
10 - 11
13
RESOLUTIONS
Beauty
HAIR
By Susan Leigh
By Rachelle Grimes
By Michaela Devlin
// Your guide to setting Goals & Resolutions
// The Best of Beauty 2018
// Spring is in the Hair
Saying ‘NO’
seasonal shades
By Wendy Capewell
33
37
38
39
CYBERBULLYING
FAMILY LAW
ASTROLOGY
By Jan Kiermasz
By Clare Wiseman
By The Secret Clairvoyant
// Cyberbullying - What is it?
// The Bank of Mum & Dad
// January - February Forecast
By Emma @ Stylissimo
19
Awareness 16-17
Mama Life Magazine is also online: www.mamalifemagazine.co.uk
23
40
51
55
wedding
wedding planning
Prenups
By Mama Life HQ
By Just Tickity Boo
By Andrew Robinson
// It’s all about the DRESS
// The Do’s & Don’t’s
// The essential thing to do before you say “I DO”
MAMA LIFE magazine
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contributors relationships : Wendy Capewell FITNESS: Dave Hughes MONEY : Jenny Bracelin SOCIAL MEDIA : Jan Kiermasz TRAVEL: Amanda Rudham ASTROLOGY : The Secret Clairvoyant WELLBEING : Susan Leigh FAMILY LAW : Clare Wiseman
GUEST contributors Dominica Jarkovska Matt Hales Donna Garratty Stephanie Howl
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Certain times of the year lend themselves to setting goals and resolutions; it might be the start of a new year, a particular birthday, Lent or simply a sense that it’s time for something to change. It can be a valuable exercise to reflect on the things that motivate us and then identify the positive results those achievements will bring into our lives. What ABC’s will help you to stay focused on reaching your goals and resolutions?
Your resolution A’s Ambition can generate enough energy to remain enthusiastic
and stay on track so that we stay focused on our goals. Whether we’ve decided to lose weight, stop smoking, learn another language or make significant plans for our future, the steppingstones to reach those goals need to be clear enough for us to follow. Ensure that your goals are your own, that you’re not implementing changes to placate, please or keep someone else happy. Doing things for others can work for a time, but it’s often difficult and unsatisfying to sustain.
Allies can help us maintain our resolve; if you’re starting a fit-
ness regime it can help to train with others, but those friends or family need to be equally committed. With business goals a coach or mentor can be a valuable asset, making you answerable for your progress whilst reflecting on the direction you’re aiming for. Occasional setbacks and slip-ups can be recovered from and treated as part of the ongoing learning experience, a temporary blip along the way. Be prepared to be adventurous at times. Sometimes detours and unexpected opportunities may take you off the straight and narrow, but they can also open up doors to a whole new set of experiences, introduce you to new contacts and enhance the scope of your success.
Your resolution B’s Believe you can or believe you can’t and you’re right! Trust
in yourself, that you’ll find a way or learn from the experience. Then you grow and add a better perspective to your expectations and way of thinking. Allow yourself to be inspired; my little book ‘101 Days of Inspiration’ might help you to keep the flame alight.
Balance is important in helping to alleviate stress and enable you to enjoy the many different areas of life; your work, family, friends and interests. When you enjoy the journey you’re able to appreciate each step you take and the benefits of each stage of your progress, without losing sight of what’s important in your life. Clear goals and resolutions should fit into the overall picture of your life, with measurable results to celebrate along the way. Breaks can require slowing down and sometimes being prepared to take a little longer. But this can be a benefit in disguise, helping you to achieve what’s important but equally allowing you to support your health and happiness along the way. Breaks often mean that upon your return you come back feeling refreshed, with better ideas and renewed energy and enthusiasm. Your resolution C’s Staying in your comfort zone and parking your goals can be fine in times of stress or upheaval but be aware of how that ‘zone’ can gradually become smaller and start to reduce your ability to say ‘yes’ to new challenges and adventures. When you do say ‘yes’ it’s often amazing how doors open, even for seemingly impossible goals. Try something new everyday and become more aware of ways to regularly stretch yourself a little. Be receptive to opportunities; travel another route to work, try a different sandwich for lunch, invite a colleague out for a coffee. Simple things can keep your thinking flexible and receptive. Watch how your goals and resolutions then start to become easier to implement.
Compromise. Yes, you can have your cake and eat it, but sometimes a negotiation or compromise is required. For a time you may need to see your friends less frequently, go to bed a little earlier or make a few sacrifices. Goals may need some planning or readjustment to your thinking, but stick with the stepping-stones and enjoy the benefits that start to materialise.
Communicate regularly and include the people in your life.
It’s often the case that they then become a supportive part of your team, encouraging you along the way. Your goals and resolutions may even become a part of their mindset too. Enjoy each opportunity to set goals and resolutions that improve the quality of your life. It’s never too late to determine what you want, think it through and get started. Remember, today’s not a dress rehearsal!
Susan Leigh is a long established counsellor, hypnotherapist, writer and media contributor who works with clients to help with relationship conflict, stress management, assertiveness and confidence issues. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support. She’s author of 3 books, ‘Dealing with Stress, Managing its Impact’, ‘101 Days of Inspiration #tipoftheday’ and ‘Dealing with Death, Coping with the Pain’, all with easy to read sections, tips and ideas to help you feel more positive about your life. 9 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
w e N Product Launches
Best of Beauty By Rachelle Grimes
www.rachellegrimesmakeup.com
Mauve obsessions pallet By Huda beauty
Take advantage of Huda beauty now available on our door steps. Warm up your day with Mauve eye colours which will pop your eye colour and pick up you mood.
2018
Extra glow lipstick
(Shade - O2 classic rose) BY Suqqu
Highly pigmented to enhance richness and create plumper appearance. Let this colour give you confidence. Includes 7 nourishing oils.
Price £25.00 www.selfridges.com
BY Haeckels
Moisture your hands in a super natural way. This beautiful balm is hand crafted in Haeckels cliff top Margate lab. The seaweed gently encourages skin to repair and provides essential vitamins for damaged cells.
Bobbi Brown – Long Wear Eyeliner, Violet £19.50
MAMA LIFE LOVES
Price
Seaweed/Geranium Hand balm
Laura Geller Baked Body Frosting £35.00
£25.00 www.selfridges.com
Super Greens nutrient boost serum
Estee Lauder – Protectionist Pro Rapid Firm + Lift Treatment Acetyl Hexapeptide-8 Launches March 2018
A quote from Dr Foster TV Star Suranne Jones “thankyou for introducing it to this sometimes-tired mama…it truly has been my skin brightening mother’s help. I love it”
Mac - single eye shadow, Antiqued £13.50
Price £42.00
£18.00
www.tropicskincare.com
www.cultbeauty.com
Illusion hyaluronic skin tint
Foot Peeling Pack
BY Kocostar
The perfect chance for anyone suffering with cracked heels. Get your feet ready for sandals and the beach with an intensive treatment to get rid of dry, flaking skin.
BY Hourglass cosmetics
A superior foundation employs advanced technology to promote the appearance of a youthful complexion by plumping fine lines and wrinkles. £50.00 www.johnlewis.com
£8.00 www.beautybay.com
Vine active overnight detox oil
BY Caudalie
Reverse the day’s damage with this rich all-natural night treatment. The hydrating and anti-aging formula works to detox the skin and increase collagen production to give your appearance “the bounce back”
Mister radiant bronzer
Nudes NYX - Retractable Eye Liner, Bronze £5.50
MAMA LIFE LOVES
Nars Cosmetics Photos Gloss Lip Lacquer Zambeze £22.00 Sleek Makeup 1 Divine Eye Shadow pallet, A new Day £8.99
BY Hourglass cosmetics
Warm up your winter complexion by dressing your skin with a liquid which will reveal an ultra-natural healthy glow.
Price
Price
£29.00
£30.00
www.beautyexpert.com
www.harrods.com
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 10
Dior – Nail colour, Jungle matte £20.00
M&S - Formula Time Capsules - Signature Skincare Collection Launches Jan 2018
Price
Price
Benefit “They`re Real” Mascara brown £20.50
Jo Malone – English Mint & Ginger Lip Care Launches Feb 2018
BY Kocostar
Price
Bobby Brown – Extra Glow Collection Illuminating Balm – Launches Jan 2018
Charlotte Tilbury Matte revolution Lipstick, Pillow Talk £20.00 11 / JAN 2018/ ISSUE 06
The Pixie Cut
For the textured pixie cut, spray Techni art PLI throughout the hair, then dry in to the hair to create texture and volume. Once dry finish with a small amount of hard to get throughout the hair, maybe using a comb to create separation in the fringe area.
For this sleek slicked back wet style, prep the hair using Techni art PLI and dry into the hair and then finish using Tigi bedhead up front rocking gel pomade, comb into the hair away from the face.
S l e e k & S l i c k
Spring is in the
The Beachy look
hair
To create this long textured/beachy look, spray the hair using bedhead queen for a day, twisting the hair as it dries then when its dry finish the style using Techni art sea salt spray.
By Michaela devlin
The Centre Parting
For our centre – parting look, apply a generous amount of TIGI bedhead rocking gel pomade and dry it into the hair, then finish using Bedhead shine spray. 13 / JAN 2018/ ISSUE 06
the one shoe that will not hurt your feet Birmingham lady hailed as “exceptional British talent” following innovative designs Birmingham woman who created the revolutionary 18-hour heel has been recognised nationally for being an emerging talent in the footwear industry.
The recent recognition will see the Birmingham business woman now take part in a series of mentoring opportunities to support the growth of the business and gain an insight into the industry from leading experts in their field. Malcolm Collins of Footwear Friends and organiser of this year’s awards said: “The annual Footwear Friends Awards are in their 11th year and recognised throughout the industry for their dedication to supporting emerging talent. “This year we had a very high standard of entries which is testament to the ever increasing British talent in the industry. “The judges were particularly impressed with Shaherazad’s innovation in design, dedication in maintaining a British product and unique concept.”
The concept behind the 18 hour heel was born from Shaherazad’s desire to find heels that would be comfortable for busy business women from the start of the working day taking them from boardroom to bar effortlessly. Shaherazad Umbreen, of Shoes by Shaherazad, will receive 12 months of mentoring from a panel of top experts to help her develop her innovative designs further as she is hailed an “exceptional British talent” at the industry awards. Part of the Footwear Friends Annual Awards, which is known for recognising and rewarding emerging talent in the footwear industry, Shaherazad of Kings Norton was selected for a top accolade designed to assist the development of exceptional British talent. “It is fantastic that Shoes by Shaherazad has been recognised in the industry in this way,” said Shaherazad who spent 10 years perfecting the ultimate in luxury and comfort heels with handcrafted shoellery designs made here in the Birmingham Jewellery Quarter.
Shaherazad personally designs the “shoellery” straps that are a completely new concept created by the Birmingham business woman to provide interchangeable looks. The embellishments are then created by specialist metal workers in the Jewellery Quarter who bring Shaherazad’s innovative creations to life using a unique mix of traditional metal bashing and also 3D printing. “The shoellery is a really exciting addition to the 18 Hour Heels,” says Shaherazad. They are a completely new concept and mean you can wear your heels in the day and then add a beautiful strap to make them look like a completely different pair of shoes.”
“It is amazing to have this opportunity to work with some of the top experts in the field and have your idea recognised.” Shaherazad researched the science behind how a flamingo stands on one leg while achieving a Masters degree in Cognitive Science at Birmingham University. This helped to provide the perfect weight distribution, and so the perfect balance, which inspired the design of 18 Hour Heels. Two years on and her heels, which also feature innovative shoellery clips to allow them to be accessorised for various occasions, are becoming firm favourites with women around the world as well as celebrity names including – supermodel Alexa Chung, actress Jane Danson and West End Star Verity Rushworth.
More information on Shaherazad and her innovative 18 hour heels is available at www.shaherazad.co.uk.
15 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
fashion By EMMA RUSSELL www.stylissimo.co.uk
Seasonal Shades
As Spring approaches, we can begin to look forward to the shades of the season, the fashion week runways were awash with gelato inspired shades as well as Crayola bright hues that will fill your wardrobe with the most delicious colours.
Hobbs Lydia Shirt £99, Suit Jacket and Trousers £199 each
Yellow is a recurring shade each Spring but is a bold and difficult colour to wear. To ensure the shade of yellow you choose suits you, hold the item underneath your chin and look at the impact the shade of yellow has on your skin tone. Does it make you look sallow? Or reflect like a buttercup? If so its not the right shade of yellow for you. Keep trying different shades to find one that harmonises with your skin and doesn’t reflect or bounce off your face. If yellow worn near to your face is too bold, but love the colour, why not look to wear it through accessories, shoes or even statement trousers.
E A LIF MAM VES LO
Sickly sweet these flavours are not; the soft shades are offset by structured pieces such as trouser suits and trench coats. For a Victoria Beckham inspired Parma violet trouser suit, look no further than Hobbs and Peacocks.
Hobbs Lydia Trench £269
Style Steal
Like the look but not the price tag why not indulge in this divine colour, and Victoria Beckham inspired suit with this version from Peacocks.
While the pieces are structured they should be styled with delicate floaty soft fabrics such as silk. To be true to the trend then take the shade head to toe.
River Island Mock Croc Mules .Price not available at time of print
Marks and Spencer Trench Coat. Price not available at time of print
Peacocks Lilac Formal Lilac Slim Leg Trousers Blazer £18 £16
Cherry Tomato is this season’s shade of red, like with yellow, ensure you wear a shade that truly enhances your skin tone and doesn’t emphasis pigments in your skin. A real ‘Look at me’ colour, cherry tomato will suit those with bold, bright colouring such as dark hair and jewel coloured eyes.
Diane Von Furstenberg Bag £340
London Fashion Week continued the ice cream inspired colour trend set by New York Fashion Week, but featured two shades of pink from the paler Pink Dahlia to Rapture Rose which is a bolder more striking shade.
Candy stripes will prove a popular trend too, worn with asymmetric hemlines or necklines this runway inspired skirt is a perfect way to embrace the trend.
Peacocks Blazer £25
New Look Blazer £34.99 and Trousers £19.99
Jacket and Bag from Primark. Price not available at time of print
Kin by John Lewis x Laura Slater shirt dress £89 Available in April
River Island Trousers. Price not available at time of print
Prefer a more monochrome look then all white is a recurring trend each season and one worth investing in. For a true catwalk inspired look, the All White trend for Spring 2018 is again a more structured look through suiting, but for a piece that will transfer into Summer this Principles shirt dress will serve you well. A shirt dress should be a staple piece in any capsule wardrobe, as it can be dressed up for an evening out, or down with flats or over jeans for a more casual vibe, a shirt dress is a truly versatile piece. Hugo Boss Dress £270
.
Principles at Debenhams Dress £55
Top and Trousers from House of Fraser Price not available at time of press
Marks and Spencer Jacket and Skirt Price not available at time of press
Stylist TIP
When wearing stripes always be aware of what impact they are having on your body. Vertical stripes will lengthen, slim and elongate the area of the body that it is worn on. Avoid horizontal stripes across your midriff and hips as they have the impact of widening that area.
Nine by Savannah Miller Dress £55 at Debenhams
Peacocks Striped Asymetric Dress £20
Personalised style advice is on hand whatever your budget or time constraints. Why not book in for a Personal Styling session or a Personal shop to get your wardrobe Autumn
Winter ready. Quote Mama Life and receive 10% off Courtesy of Stylissimo For details go to www.stylissimo.co.uk or call 07712 048652
.
V by Very Belted Jacket £55
Saying “NO” By wendy capewell
www.yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk Sometimes saying ‘No’ can feel the hardest word to utter.
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Saying ‘no’ to a friend who needs you, leaving you feeling completely drained, but who tugs at your heart strings with their sad story can feel hard. But the more you give in the more that friend will make demands on you. You feel resentful towards them, but they have a way of making you feel unreasonable, and you capitulate. Saying ‘no’ to your boss who makes unreasonable demands on you makes you angry but you get worried that if you refuse you won’t get that promotion or worse still you may lose your job. Everyone else in the team works long beyond their contracted hours, so how can you let the team down. Saying ‘no’ to a partner when they bully or abuse you verbally, emotionally of physically, accepting their apologies, excuses and promises that they won’t do it again. That was me several years ago. I got myself into a relationship that didn’t feel right from the start. He wheedled his way into my life, doing nice things for me, helping to renovate my house, which was kind, but I didn’t ask him to do it. I felt sorry for him, as he had had some bad experiences and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. At the same time I didn’t value myself. I lacked self-esteem and wasn’t able to stand up for myself. I felt no one would want me, as my marriage had previously ended in divorce and I hadn’t met anyone else. All too soon he started controlling my behaviour - where I went, who I saw and much more. He made veiled threats and I was too scared to end it. I was trapped and I became a nervous wreck. Saying ‘no’ takes courage that we don’t have as a result of being worn down. And so we allow others to take advantage of us, but their demands become greater, and then our self-esteem hits rock bottom. We become alienated as we can’t share our situation with others. We feel too ashamed to tell our friends
and family in case they judge us. Our boundaries are all over the place, if in fact we have any. The harsh truth is that bullies cannot bully unless they have a victim. So when we stop playing their damaging emotional game they will continue, which can have devastating effects on us. Until we value and respect ourselves no one else will. I took my courage in both hands and got myself out of that relationship. It wasn’t easy, but it was the best thing I ever did. I learned a lot from that experience and my confidence and self-worth , as well as boundaries in all areas of my life are much stronger. You can tell your demanding friend you are sorry but you have made other plans, but you could arrange another suitable time, on your terms. You can tell your boss that you have to leave on time as you have personal plans with the family. But you are prepared to stay a little later another evening to complete that important project. At the same time making it clear you are not going to make a habit of it. By taking small steps, you are beginning to value yourself, putting in important boundaries. You can stand up for yourself with your partner, who is bullying and abusing you. This situation can be so much harder to deal with. But take back your power and regain your confidence and self-worth. There is help out there. Confide in close friends and get their support. If they don’t, find friends who will be there for you. Contact the National Violence Helpline, who help women and their children who are suffering domestic abuse. Take back your power and live your life – your way.
wendy capewell is the author of:
From Surviving to Thriving in a Romantic Relationship
http://amzn.to/2jkxJ8D 19 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
5 Day Meal Plan
Cottage Pie Prep time: 15 mins Cook time: 30 mins Serves: 2 people
By LILLIE PRAGNELL
www.foodfituk.com
January is upon us again, the month where we detox, diet and stop drinking alcohol. Sound familiar? How long does it last before we revert back to our normal habits? Usually 2 weeks, if we are lucky. Why not try a different approach this year and ditch the diet. Instead, opt for a resolution to become a healthier, fitter, version of you! Here is a 5 day meal plan to help you get started.
MEAL FIRST THING (7am - 8am) BREAKFAST (8am - 9am)
SNACK (10am - 11am)
DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 4
DAY 5
Hot water with Hot water with Hot water with Hot water with Hot water with ½ a lemon ½ a lemon ½ a lemon ½ a lemon ½ a lemon 2 poached eggs with 1 slice of wholegrain toast
Spiced apple 2 egg omelette Spiced apple Happiness in a overnight oats with spinach & overnight oats glass smoothie tomatoes
A banana & apple Water
1 Handful of mixed nuts and fruit Water
LUNCH (12pm - 2pm)
Tuna Salad with homemade dressing Water
Leftover cottage pie with green salad Water
SNACK (3pm - 5pm)
2 Brownie Bites Water
2 kiwi fruits Water
Cottage Pie with peas
Creamy garlic chicken with brown rice and green beans
DINNER (6pm - 7.30pm)
DAY 3
2 Brownie Bites* Water
½ grapefruit Water
1 Rice cake with peanut butter Herbal tea
Baked potato Salmon salad Portion of (sweet if pos- with avocado, soup with a sible) with low mixed leaves, wholegrain roll fat cheese and tomatoes, cuWater salad cumber Water Water 2 kiwi fruits Water Chilli Tacos
2 Brownie Bites* Water
An avocado Water
FREE PASS – Grilled chicken this can be any with buckmeal of your wheat pasta choice, just be and grilled mindful peppers
Dried/Ambient Goods •Porridge oats •Corn tacos •Rice cakes •Peanut butter •Vanilla extract •Dates •Honey •Cacao/cocoa powder •Small loaf of whole meal/ seeded bread •Wholegrain roll •Buckwheat pasta
•Eggs •Mixed nuts & fruit •Pecan nuts •Herbal tea •Chicken Stock •Mixed herbs •Cinnamon •Nutmeg •Red lentils •Sunflower oil •Olive oil •White wine vinegar •Mustard •Taco powder mix
shopping list
Fruit & Veg •Lemons •Grapefruit •Bananas •Apples •Kiwi fruits •Cucumber •Cherry tomatoes •Celery sticks •Avocados •Bag of mixed leaves •Lettuce •Spring onions •Bag of spinach •Bag of potatoes •Bag of sweet potatoes
•Bag of mixed peppers •Onions •Carrots •Garlic Dairy/Fresh •Semi-skimmed milk •Almond milk •Natural yogurt •Low fat spread •Low fat cheddar cheese •Low fat parmesan cheese •Pot of quark •Soup
Meat & Fish •Chicken breasts •Turkey mince •Salmon Fillet •Beef mince Cans •Tuna •Chopped tomatoes Frozen •Peas
Method
1 tsp. sunflower oil 1 onion 300g turkey mince 200g red lentils 1 carrot (cubed) 2 tbsp. Frozen peas 1 can chopped tomatoes 1/2 pint chicken stock 1 tsp. Mixed herbs Seasoning Topping: 500g potatoes – mix normal and sweet potato (peeled and cut into chunks) 2 tbsp. milk 1 tsp. low fat spread
1.In a large frying pan or wok, warm the oil on a medium heat 2.Cook the chicken for 3-5 mins on each side until brown and no pink in the middle – remove chicken and 2 chicken breasts set aside 1 tbsp. Olive Oil 3. Add the soft cheese, stock, garlic, ¼ cup chicken stock 2 tbsp. Quark/Low fat soft cheese herbs and parmesan – whisk on the 1 garlic clove (peeled and minced) heat until it starts thicken 4.Add the spinach and tomatoes 1 tsp. Mixed herbs until the spinach starts to wilt then 2 tbsp. Low fat parmesan cheese add the chicken back in 2 Handfuls of spinach leaves 5.Serve over brown rice or pasta Handful of tomatoes
Method
•Cook potatoes in pan of boiling water for 10-15 mins •Drain and return to pan, mash with milk and low fat spread - set aside •Pre-heat oven to 200 degree C •Heat 1 tsp of sunflower oil in a large frying pan and add the onion and fry until soft – 2-3 mins •Add carrot and peas, cook for a further 5 mins •Add mince, lentils and mixed herbs – continue to stir until there is no pink mince •Add the chopped tomatoes and stock and allow to simmer for 10-15 min (if preferred this can then be put in a slow cooker now and cooked all day then topped with hot mash when ready to serve) •Pour into an ovenproof dish spoon on the mash and put in oven for 30mins or starts to go brown
Method
6 Corn tacos 250g Beef/Turkey mince 1 pack of mixed peppers (sliced into strips) 1 onion (sliced) 1 taco powder mix ½ lettuce (chopped) Quark Low fat cheese (grated)
Spiced apple overnight oats Prep Time: 10 mins Serves: 1
3 tbsp. Almond Milk 2 tbsp. Low fat plain Yogurt (can use dairy free) 3 tbsp. Oats 1 tsp. Cinnamon Pinch of salt 1/2 cup apple (diced) 1 tsp. nutmeg 1 Tbsp. chopped pecans
Method
EXTRAS ALLOWED (if you really need them) 2 cups of tea or coffee per day (no sugar, or aim to reduce your sugar over the next few weeks) 2 alcoholic drinks per week
Creamy, garlic chicken Prep Time: 10mins Cook Time: 15mins Serves: 2 PEOPLE
Mix all ingredients in a bowl and put in the fridge overnight – SIMPLE!
Happiness in a glass Prep Time: 10 mins 1 banana (sliced) 1 glass of milk (soy, cow, almond) 1 tbsp. nut butter 1 tbsp. cocoa powder 1 tsp. vanilla extract Pinch of salt Ice cubes
Method
Chilli Tacos Prep Time: 15 mins Serves: 2 PEOPLE
1.Put a little oil in a large frying pan or wok and on a medium heat cook the mince brown 2.Add the onions and cook for 3 mins 3.Add the peppers and cook for a further 3 mins 4.Add the taco powder and cook for another 3 mins 5.Meanwhile, warm the tacos in a cool oven for 5-10 mins 6.Layer the tacos as you please with taco meat, lettuce, quark (in place of sour cream) and top with some grated cheese.
Brownie Bites Prep Time: 10 mins Serve: 8 - 10 balls •
1 cup oats 3 tbsp. cacao powder (plus 1 tbsp extra for coating) 1 tsp vanilla extract 8 dates (pitted) 1 tsp honey 1/3 cup water
Method
1.Mix all together in food processor – form balls 2.Roll in 1 tbsp. cacao powder to coat the balls 3.Store in fridge in airtight container for up to 3 day
Homemade dressing Prep Time: 3 mins Serve: 1-2 Mix the following together: 2 tbsp. Olive Oil 1 tbsp. White Wine Vinegar 1 tsp mustard 1/3 Clove of garlic (finely chopped) Seasoning
•Put all ingredients in the blender and blitz. •Pour into a glass
21 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
Natasha’s Blog My Journey to Find Me
OBESITY AWARENESS •26% of Women are Obese in the UK •24 % of Men are Obese in the UK • 1 in 4 adults are obese •62% of adults are classed as overweight •3 in 10 boys and girls are classed as overweight or obese So as a nation we are getting bigger year on year and doing less activity year on year
2 years into my diet ................
What causes this ? Thankfully I got back on track with my diet. I had just been awarded my 8-stone certificate and was absolutely thrilled. My weight loss had really slowed down and I’d still got a good few stones to lose. It was so hard constantly having to plan meals so I didn’t get bored with the same simple meals that I knew were good on my diet. I needed to try a few different recipes…just looking at those cakes in the shop window would put a pound on me! I still felt like it wasn’t fair at times - why could so many of my friends eat what they wanted and stay the same weight? I knew I had to start exercising, but this was something I absolutely dreaded!!! What would all those fitties in the gym think of me? Where would I start? Would I know how to use the machines in there? I would often pass runners and think one day I would love to be able to run like them. Would I ever be able to run? I hadn’t exercised in years! I would probably have a heart attack. I remembered how I really enjoyed sport back in my younger years. I was a fantastic swimmer/netball player, team captain in my house at school - I loved to win. I needed to get back into sport, this was something I needed to look in to. The best thing about my weight loss was going shopping for some new clothes :) I had been invited to London to meet with a famous lady so I needed a new dress. I planned a shopping trip with my good friend Sam as I knew she would tell me what looked good on me. This was a very important day for me, and I needed to look my best. We headed out early on our hunt for the perfect dress. I found myself still looking at dresses that were a size 20/22 even knowing that they would be too big for me, but scared I would feel disappointed if a size 16/18 didn’t fit. Anything over a 16, you never have much of a choice in a shop. Online clothes shopping has more size options, but it’s not the same experience as trying on a dress. Sam picked up a few, I picked up a few and in to the changing rooms I headed. ‘Nope, I don’t like that one. This one is too big’. I shouted out to Sam. She kept saying, ‘Show me
In the next issue… My journey continues
them before you decide’. Then I glanced at the one Sam had chosen. It’s beautiful, I thought in my mind, but it’s fitted, and it has no straps. Oh my God I’m going to look horrendous! It won’t suit me, surely. I unzipped it, stepped inside, held my breath and slipped it over my hips. It’s coming up nicely. My heart was racing at this point. It’s a size 16, is this going to zip up? I loved the colour. It was black and red. ‘Sam,’ I shouted, ‘can you zip me up?’ Breathe in, I thought as she zipped it up. I turned to look in the mirror. I LOVED IT. I LOVED THE DRESS! But what I loved more was that it was a size 16. I looked good in the dress.... I was so excited.... Sam loved it on me. She said I looked so beautiful, and for the first time, I felt beautiful. I headed to the till and gladly paid for my gorgeous size 16 dress. I took it home and proudly hung it on my wardrobe door so I could see it every morning when I woke up. A few weeks later I headed to London in my gorgeous dress feeling amazing. Above is the photo of me in my size 16 dress. This is something two years ago I would never have done. I really did feel like people were looking at me for the right reason, because I looked good, not for the reason I was fat! Seeing my councillor Justin for the past six months had been so worth it. Not only was I dealing with how to live my life with being abused as a young child, it was also improving my confidence. I’d finally been able to speak to close family members about what I’d experienced. Of course, it was upsetting for them, but it was something that needed to be said, I needed them to understand me, and I’m so glad that I knocked on Justin’s door. I will always live with what happened; it’s my choice how I choose to live with it....... He will never win. But, this fight, I will!
1 Working longer hours 2 Cheaper foods 3 Time and Lack of exercise 4 Less Smoking - which is a suppressant 5 Less Sleep - Cortisol 6 Eating out more 7 Drinking 8 Food Being Linked to Celebra- tions - Birthdays, Anniversaries etc 1. Working longer hours to pay for our lifestyle We are all working longer hours as the cost of living is going through the roof. Mortgages are now going up, food prices are increasing. Taking kids to all their activities is so expensive now which means we are all working longer hours to pay for this. What does that mean? We have less time to exercise for ourselves as well as eating on the run. What can we do? Plan in time with your family Take them to the park and run around playing games with them which is exercise for you and your children, this way you are all benefiting. Take a packed healthy lunch rather than going to the nearest fast food outlet to keep the kids happy - this will save you money and unwanted calories. This will also stop emotional eating. 2. Cheaper foods Healthy food is seen to be expensive - so we have a tendency to go for cheaper less healthier options, such as processed foods and readymade meals. The trouble with these cheaper foods they are higher in calories, sugar and salt. Cheaper is not always better.
What can we do? Plan your food in advance, do a weekly schedule of food for meals and put this on a fridge door so you do not fail. Cook in bulk at the weekend and then portion into plastic containers. Freeze these for later in the week or the following week. My wife cooks at least 3 meals at the weekend in bulk so when we get in later at night after my boot camps we have something healthy that is easy to warm up. 3. Time and Lack of Exercise We are all have 168 hours in the week which is 24 hours, 7 days a week!! We all have the same time to balance and a lot of people say they do not have time?? Sound familiar? We all struggle to fit in the exercise at times. What can we do? We have to plan time in our diary to exercise like it’s an appointment for your kid’s activities or your nails, hair, dentist etc . Without planning we plan to fail. Plan in your exercise 3-4 times per week. Set the alarm 30-45 minutes earlier to get some exercise in - guess what you will have more energy and you will be eating better because of this. Plan in 3 x 10 minutes of exercise through the day is sometimes easier to fit in than 30-40 minutes in one go. Get up early at the weekend to fit some exercise, try a park run or cycle. Maybe find a local Fit Camp or Boot Camp in your area. Exercise with a reliable friend that will not let you down. You will feel so much better an this will help you with your food choices for the rest of the day. 4. Less Smoking - which is a suppressant Even though smoking is really bad for you and I have lost both parents due to smoking related issues, it does suppress people’s appetites so they do
not eat as many calories, therefore look slimmer but they will not be healthier. Get some CBT - (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which helps change the thought pattern process associated with smoking. What can we do? I would go and see your GP to see if they can refer you to a stop smoking clinic as like any habit it’s routine and routines become addictive. Hypnotherapy is a great one and I had one friend who gave up smoking after 17 years with this. Or patches can wean you off the cigarettes. I am not so sure about vapouring as there is not enough research to let you know about long term benefits. 5. Less Sleep - Cortisol Yes sleeping is a big issue in our stressful lifestyles. I had a stint of 2 years with only sleeping 3 - 4 hours a night which is not nice - this raises your cortisol levels and then you put on weight and have low energy levels through the day. What can you do? Try going to bed by 10-10.30pm as this is the time your body naturally wants to go to sleep. Reduce your caffeine if you are struggling to stay asleep - maybe cut your intake out about 3 or 4pm. Reduce alcohol as this can effect quality sleep. Eating late at night can also keep you awake if the food has various additives in. We have a tendency to stay up late and then get up feeling tired and drowsy the next day. Also try meditation as this helps if people are anxious which can keep you awake. 6. Eating out more Restaurants and Pubs have cottoned onto this. Most pubs allow kids in now, with kids menus so adults come in and spend money. They also put on 2 or 3 course deals to get you spending on food as well as drinks which in most cases is partly processed food as they are bought in bags that are just warmed up or microwaved or even pre-cooked mak-
ing you think it’s been cooked from scratch. What can you do? Try just 2 course instead of 3 as when you consume 3 courses you will be over indulging and sending your insulin levels through the roof, which will make you put on body fat. Eat at home as you know what’s in it etc. 7. Drinking We are all drinking more than we used to. This can be Wines, Spirits, Beers or even fizzy soft drinks that give us so many sugared calories that play havoc with our insulin levels. When you’re body is producing insulin it stores fat. What can you do? Try and drink water as it’s a great way to detox the liver and great for your skin, hair and vitality of your body. Even if you go out try to alternate water with alcohol. Try asking for water with sliced lemon or orange as this will also alkaline your water to give you more energy and neutralise the acidity from your foods and drinks. 8. Food Being Linked to Celebrations Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Weddings and Christening; these are all occasions where we eat more than we would normally eat. When eating in a group and we have 2-6 courses spread over a 2-6 hour period we can consume around 4,000-5000 calories in that event especially with drinks included in this. We can get away with it once every few weeks but if we are doing this 2-3 times per week then you are going to put weight on week after week. This is impossible to out train a poor diet unless you are an athlete that needs lots of calories and even then you will not be up to your full potential .
by Dave Hughes www.fitcamp.co.uk
I’m Dave Hughes, and I help people to transform their lives, body-shape and fitness so that they can feel more confident in everything they do. I will be continuing this article and outlining another 6 factors in the next issue of Mama Life Magazine. If you are struggling with motivation or want help to achieve a healthy new you then get in touch. 23 / JAN 2018/ ISSUE 06
Top 3 UK Luxury Getaways
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A few days away? A special occasion? Here are my top 3 choices for a luxury UK break with a bit of a twist! The Perfect Treetop Hideaway If you want something really special, I can highly recommend Chewton Glen in the New Forest, Hampshire. You’ll find everything you’d expect from a luxury hotel – award winning service and dining, spa and beautiful grounds. If you want something a bit different, how about a stay in a Treehouse? These luxury suites are suspended 35 feet above ground with fabulous views of the forest canopy. Perfect for two they come with a terrace deck with outdoor hot tub, a log burner and luxury bathroom with free standing bath. Prices start from £850 per night
Italian Riviera in Rural Wales Portmeirion Village near Porthmadog holds a special place in my heart. I first visited as a child with my grandparents and have been back many times as a day visitor and to stay in the hotels and holiday cottages. Portmeirion truly is a unique place located on its own private peninsula with surprises around every corner! Although busy during the day in the summer months, once the day-trippers have gone home you’ll feel as though you have the place to yourself. Stay in one of the elegant, individually styled rooms of the Hotel Portmeirion or the more contemporary Deudraeth Castle. There are a variety of dining options, informal and formal and all fresh local produce. Make sure you find time to visit Caffi’r Angel for some fresh gelato! Rooms from£150 per night. Seasonal special offers also include dinner.
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Love & Laughter in The Lakes Situated just outside Bowness in the Lake District, The Gilpin is the perfect place to celebrate or simply unwind. I’ve been lucky to spend some special birthdays and anniversaries here myself! Although this is a luxury hotel it has a very relaxed feel and is not at all pretentious. It is family run and when you arrive you feel as though you’re being welcomed home. As well as the main house, which has rooms with private cedar hot tubs and spa lodges with hydrotherapy pools there is The Lake House just down the road with only 6 rooms. This can be booked for your exclusive use for a really special occasion. Classic Bedrooms from £225 per night.
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As a Premier Guns VIP you will spend two days in the stunning Gardone Valley, Italy’s gun making capital. This is where your journey for gun fit perfection begins. You will have the opportunity to visit the Beretta Factory as well as experience the superb engraving studios and the private collection of the Beretta family.
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By amanda rudham
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Values underpin the growth of Financial Advisory Firm
After winning the Express & Star Micro Business of 2017 Award, financial advice firm Wealth Design Ltd has continued to build on its commitment to growth and client satisfaction. Indeed, it was Wealth Design’s customer service that was highlight by the award judges back in June of this year. “An outstanding commitment to customer service was just one of the striking aspects at Wealth Design,” said the judging panel. “It was obvious the whole company was committed to ensuring the happiness of their clients by offering the best financial advice possible”.
The Accidental Entrepreneurs
thanks to dynamic leadership of David Philips and Steve Bennett. “We’ve always been confident that a strategy of managed growth and client satisfaction was the key to success,” said David, Director, and Financial Planner. “It’s even better when those strategies get the recognition through these business awards. Now the plan is to build on this and keep moving forwards.” And that is exactly what Wealth Design are doing. Since winning the award in June, they have since made two new additions to their team, which now stands at twelve. These additions are Ross Whittle (Head of Professional Connections) and Richard Clarke (Group Business Manager). Ross has worked in the Financial Services profession and has worked extensively with other Professional Intermediaries and developed practical solutions for clients with significant wealth and business interests. Richard worked for many years in his family business and, more recently, as a Maths Lecturer. Richard’s role is to ensure the delivery of customer excellence as the company grows.
Internal Growth As WDG has grown the requirements of the team have changed and members of the team have been given support in their changing roles. For example, Fiona Holt, who was the administrator for Hunter & Co is now the group’s paraplanner, handling cases that require a very speedy turnaround.
David Philips and Steve Bennett are not stereotypical entrepreneurs. Having founded Wealth Design later in life they brought their maturity, experience, and patience to grow a business based on a clear vision. They are thoughtful, mild mannered and exceptionally client focused. In fact, their main concern with growing the business is that they can continue to deliver excellent client service. They started running their business later in life with a shared motivation that was simply to be in control of their own destiny. What then followed has surprised both and is a testament to their hard work and adherence to their client-focused values.
Values Led Steve and David founded the business based on three cornerstones which have underpinned the business growth. 1.The mission of Wealth Design is a job well done and a satisfactory outcome for happy clients. 2.This is supported by an ethos of caring, and an understanding of the significance of the role of excellent financial planning in people’s lives. 3.Growth can only happen with the right team. They will ensure the mission and values will continue to be delivered and clients will be satisfied. In a typically sales focused industry Wealth Design has bucked the trend by being truly marketing led and have constantly challenged themselves on delivering the best quality customer experience.
New Additions Wealth Design was also highly commended for their growth,
Kiran Mann, who originally was Wealth Design Limited’s office manager, is a trainee adviser working alongside the advisers and doing the pre-and post-meeting work, presenting it to clients in the meetings. She gains on the job experience working alongside the advisers and the goal is that once she has passed her qualifications she will then work as an employed adviser. She will look after existing clients and ensure the recommendations are still suited to their needs. Other team members include Chris O’Meara who has worked extensively alongside solicitors, providing financial planning for serious /catastrophic injury cases and Court of Protection deputies. Gemma Oliver is a qualified financial adviser looking after both personal, business, and high net worth clients. Gemma is an avid reader of Mama Life, as she has two sets of twins under five. It has been a challenging time managing a period of high growth, and both Steve and David have been keen to ensure the right people and processes have been in place to ensure they have delivered WDG’s cornerstones of success for their clients.
TOP 10 TIPS TO GET THE BEST MORTGAGE DEAL A family’s largest monthly outgoing is usually their mortgage payment, so it’s important to try to get the best mortgage deal for your family to help keep your household finances healthy. Whether you’re purchasing your first home, moving home, re-mortgaging your existing home or purchasing an investment property, make sure you and your family get the best mortgage deal in 2018 with Ten Top Tips from the friendly guys at Integrity Mortgage Solutions in Sutton Coldfield.
1) Get the right advice
It helps to find a professional you can trust to help you with your mortgage decisions, as it’s a complicated area to try to navigate alone. Find someone who will take the time to find out about your family, your circumstances and what you want to achieve. You could ask family and friends for recommendations or review local company testimonials. Or call Scott and Matt at Integrity Mortgage Solutions as they’d love to help!
2) Get ahead
It’s never too early to start thinking about what information you might need for a mortgage application, if you know moving might be on the cards in 2018. At Integrity Mortgage Solutions we encourage customers to talk to us as early in the process as possible, so we can help in advance of any mortgage application. For example, we can offer an initial affordability check to see how much you’ll be able to borrow with what level of deposit, as well as provide helpful advice about the criteria lenders look at when considering new applications.
3) Get clear on what you need
There are various different types of mortgage available, including Fixed, Tracker, Discount and Standard Variable. Which type is right for you will depend completely on your individual circumstances, and a trained advisor will be able to help establish which mortgage will best suit your needs based on how much you’d like to borrow and your current financial commitments.
4) Get certain about charges
Unfortunately, plans to buy property don’t always go to plan. Check your mortgage advice/arrangement fees to find out whether you’ll incur any mortgage arrangement charges upfront or only on completion. Integrity Mortgage Solutions offers a free, no-obligation search and quotation, so you only pay on completion. That way, if your house sale falls through and you no longer need the mortgage, there’s no advice or arrangement fees to pay.
5) Get a good comparison
Different mortgage advisors operate in different ways, with some offering mortgages from a selection of lenders and others able to search the whole market. Integrity Mortgage Solutions is an Independent Mortgage Broker utilising sophisticated software to compare all available options to find the most competitive and suitable mortgage products for your family.
6) Get wise about incentives
Sometimes promotional incentives can give you a great deal, but other times they can be a distraction. Don’t be swayed by a free valuation or cash back offer. Make sure the basic numbers make sense first to ensure any incentive is a real bonus.
7) Get clued-up about fees
Take time to fully understand how fees work. Some of the lowest rates may attract the highest fees, so always calculate exactly how much it will cost overall. Some lenders will ask you to pay set-up fees up front, whilst others will add these fees onto the cost of your loan, meaning you’ll be paying interest on the fees for the life of the mortgage. Don’t be afraid to ask your advisor for help understanding what that means to you financially, so you can make the best decision.
8) Get ready for the future
You need to decide how much flexibility you want to have with your mortgage in the future. Might you like to pay it off early? May you need to take payment holidays or reduce your payments for a period? Might you want to swap lenders? Make sure you understand what’s possible, so you don’t find yourself incurring any unexpected charges or exit fees later.
9) Get acquainted with your credit file
Lenders will initially consult the applicant’s credit file when assessing a mortgage application, so it’s worth you reviewing your own file before applying for a mortgage to check all is well and there are no nasty surprises! There’s a range of credit-check companies who can help, sometimes at no cost, just search online.
10) Get smart and stay safe
Once you’ve purchased your property it’s important to ensure you can maintain the payments whatever unexpected events life throws at you. Get some peace of mind by talking to your mortgage advisor about any protection solutions you may wish to consider such as Accident, Sickness & Unemployment Cover
29 / JAN 2018/ ISSUE 06
BARLOW’S book reviewS
Firstly, Happy New Year to all the lovely readers of Mama Life Magazine! With the cold dark nights still upon us, this issue we are venturing over to the dark side … The trend for psychological thrillers has been growing stronger over the past two years and continue to remain on the best sellers list. With a deep emotional connection people remain fascinated by the sheer sensation of the voice of the unreliable narrator, leaving the reader wanting more. Featured in my column this issue in my opinion, are some of the best writers in this genre and whether you are a fan of detective crime, psychological thrillers or mysteries this is the perfect time to delve into the books below. Love Christie x Barlow’s Book Reviews @ChristieJBarlow
A successful businesswoman, Tamara enjoys her champagne lifestyle to the full. At least, that is the front she displays to the world. As well as being lonely, she’s running out of money. A promising new member of staff brings the injection of fresh blood needed to win the contract that will turn things around. Working for Tamara is a perfect ruse for Esther. But, along with fake references and qualifications, she also has a plan for revenge. Sensing Tamara’s vulnerability, Esther uses their acquaintance as a way of getting close to someone who hurt her in the past. Tamara is keeping things secret. Esther has a dark side she is trying to hide. For both of them, lying is a habit. But when mistakes begin to catch up with Esther, and people start dying, Tamara realises she’s chosen the wrong person to trust as a friend.
They placed me in here and threw away the key. I look down at the gown they’ve put on me. I want my own clothes. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. An elderly woman is found murdered in her own home, and Detective Lottie Parker and her partner Detective Boyd are called in to investigate. When they discover that the victim’s daughter is missing as well, they start to fear for the safety of the whole family…
Dear Carys, Zoe and Andrea Come and join me for my fortieth birthday adventure weekend, full of mysteries and surprises the like of which you can’t imagine. When Joanne’s friends reluctantly accept an invitation to her birthday party, it quickly becomes clear that there is more to this weekend than they are expecting. One of them is hiding a secret. And Joanne is planning to reveal it… A weekend away in a cottage in the woods sounds like fun – until no one can hear your cries for help. Four friends. A party to die for. Who will survive?
Two days later as a nearby house is set on fire and with the body count rising, Lottie and her team begin to unpick a web of secrets and lies, as the murders seem to link back to a case investigated by Lottie’s father before he took his own life. With little knowledge of what really happened to her father, Lottie knows this is a case that could give her some answers. But how much does she want to know? And how far is Lottie prepared to dig to uncover the truth?
A serial killer is playing a terrifying game of life or death with his victims. After he captures them, a countdown begins. He marks the time by sending clues to the whereabouts of the women he has taken in three disturbing images: alive, tortured, dead. In a race against the clock, East London Detective Ruby Preston must play the twisted killer’s terrifying murder game and decipher the clues before more women die… But this isn’t the first time the police have seen such a sickening crime. The notorious Lonely Hearts Killer, Mason Gatley, was put behind bars ten years ago for murdering six women in exactly the same chilling way. Desperate for more information, Ruby persuades her boyfriend, Nathan Crosby, to use his criminal connections to set up a dangerous meeting. Because to catch this killer, she needs to think like one… But the closer Ruby grows to the dark and charming Mason Gatley, the more worried her team become. Is Mason really helping her catch the killer? Or is he lining Ruby up to be his next victim? 31 / JAN 2018 / ISSUE 06
Sexual Abuse
By wendy capewell
www.yourrelationshipspecialist.co.uk
Cases of sexual abuse are in the headlines more frequently. We can’t switch on the TV or read a newspaper without something being mentioned.
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I have worked with survivors/victims of child sexual abuse and rape for quite a few years, and the stories I hear never cease to break my heart. Until recently it has been a subject of secrecy, shame and guilt, with victims/survivors holding that which should be fairly on the shoulders of the abuser. Contrary to my usual articles I have added a few references for further reading and resources for those who may need them, as there just isn’t enough space in this article to cover this important issue. So let’s start with the definition: Sexual abuse is any kind of unwanted sexual behaviour by one person on another, and includes touching. Where children are concerned it also includes sexualised language as well behaviour by and adult of older adolescent towards a child that stimulates them sexually. The law is quite complicated, and I am not a legal expert so for further definitions see the link at the end of the article (i) Too often women don’t admit the abuse to anyone and sadly when they do they are disbelieved or brushed aside. Excuses are made supporting the abuser’s action, telling the woman she is frigid, that it’s just a bit of fun, or it was their fault because of the way she dressed or her flirtatious behaviour. But she hasn’t given permission for someone to act inappropriately. Sexual abuse is not always just about sex, as there is often an attempt to gain power over the victim.
“Around one in twenty females (aged 16 to 59) reported being a victim of a most serious sexual offence since the age of 16. Extending this to include other sexual offences such as sexual threats, unwanted touching or indecent exposure, this increased to one in five females reporting being a victim since the age of 16” .(ii)
“1 in 20 children had been sexually abused in the UK” (iii) I am sure you will agree these are extremely upsetting figures. Emotional and physical effects can be distressing and long lasting.I have listed below some of the feelings and effects on the survivor/victim in the hope it helps those who have been affected either directly or someone close to them.
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Guilt They believe it’s their fault. Often finding it difficult to place the blame on the abuser, especially if it’s someone close that they want to protect. They think they should have done something to stop it. At other times the abuser makes threats to silence the victim. Denial Survivors say, “It wasn’t that bad.” “It only happened once.” “I am fine, I don’t need anything.” Minimizing
They often tell themselves “It wasn’t that bad.” “It only happened once.” “I am fine, I can deal with this”. Trust As a result of betrayal of trust - children especially – they baulk against authority. It can cause a complete lack of trust in others and in their own judgement, whilst at the same time putting far too much trust in people they shouldn’t. It’s as though their filtering system goes out of kilter, as well as experiencing issues with boundaries, struggling with what is ok and what isn’t. Isolation Feeling that they are the only one, or fear of being judged by friends and family. Dissociation It’s not uncommon for a victim to have an out of body sensation, that they are floating above their body during the incident(s). This is a way of the body protecting itself, as is the inability to being able to recall all the details of the assault. Nightmares, Flashbacks and Panic Attacks These are very distressing and the victim often feels they are going to die. Flashbacks can be triggered by a word, smell, taste. There are techniques that can be used to help minimise them. At times of danger or perceived danger our survival system kicks in. The Fight, Flight, Freeze responses which are reactions to the situation. Our body automatically prepares itself, heart rate increases as it pumps faster supplying oxygen to muscles. More adrenalin is produced making us more alert. It shuts down areas not immediately needed for survival, bladder, bowels, digestive system, and thus causing unpleasant sensations. We get sensations such as sweating palms, jelly legs, shaking. The problem is that primitive part of the brain doesn’t differentiate between real danger and perceived danger. It just reacts, causing all the unpleasant effects of panic attacks. By the time the cognitive part of our brain kicks in, it’s often too late and the person is already into a full blown panic attack. The victim has experienced a trauma and this can manifest itself in many ways. It’s impossible to separate the physical and emotional parts of us, and so both are affected. Survivors can experience : •Mental health disorders, depression, anxiety, anger, lack of selfconfidence. •Self harm, suicidal ideation •Eating disorders •A reliance on alcohol or drugs to block out the pain •Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks •Physical health conditions •The inability to form healthy relationships •Lack of boundaries •Promiscuity, in an attempt to be loved I would never press someone to report the abuse, but I would encourage anyone who has experienced sexual abuse to seek professional help with someone who has been specifically trained in trauma. (iv). GP’s often offer CBT, but many professionals including myself feel this is not the best treatment trauma. Ask your GP’s instead for a referral to an EMDR practitioner, which can be extremely effective (v)
Resources (i) Crown Prosecution Service website and search ‘Rape and Sexual Offences’, or copy this link - http://bit.ly/2Arr7vC (ii) Office of National Statistics https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/an-overview-of-sexual-offending-in-england-and-wales http://bit.ly/2khM6xa (iii) Source: Radford, L. et al (2011) Child abuse and neglect in the UK today (iv) Survivors Trust - http://thesurvivorstrust.org/ SOB - http://survivorsofabuse.org.uk/ Rape Crisis - https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ (v) EMDR association.- http://emdrassociation.org.uk/whatis-emdr/
Saying Goodbye
By Donna Garratty
http://www.animalsathome.co.uk/North-Warwickshire We all understand the joy of loving a pet and the loyalty, fun and companionship that they show us. But what happens when the time comes to say goodbye? Your pet may have passed away quietly at home. Maybe they’ve died as a result of accident or injury. Sometimes if they’re in pain or have no chance of recovery, you do the last act of kindness for them and have them put to sleep. It’s the most difficult of decisions but you make it because prolonging your pet’s suffering in order to prevent your own ultimately helps neither of you.
PET CEMETERY Another consideration is burial in a pet cemetery. It’s dignified, secure and permanent and you’re able to visit where your pet is laid to rest and care for the grave as and when you want to. The cost of a pet burial can vary considerably depending upon the cemetery itself, the type of service you choose, as well as the type of pet you’re having buried but it’s a popular option.
So, what happens next?
CREMATION Cremation is a less expensive option that allows you to deal with your pet’s remains by either burying them, scattering them in a favourite location, place them in a columbarium, or keep them with you in an urn or casket. You can also have them made into beautiful jewellery or ornaments. Some people even have their pet’s ashes turned into ink and permanently tattooed into their skin, creating a unique and personal memorial to their pet.
When your pet dies, you must decide how to deal with their remains, something you don’t even want to contemplate thinking about whilst they’re alive. However, by planning ahead, you can alleviate at least some of the pain you will undoubtedly go through when the time comes. What are your options? If you’re having your pet put to sleep, sometimes when you’re in the midst of grief, it may seem the easiest thing to leave your pet at the vets for them to dispose of. So find out in advance what this involves and what they charge for it. HOME BURIAL If you prefer something more personal, several choices are available. You can opt for a home burial if you own your own home (not renting), and if you have the space in your garden. It’s cost effective and you can have your own funeral or goodbye ceremony for very little cost. A home burial for your pet is probably not the best option if you then plan to move house soon after. The only exception to UK home burial would be if your pet’s remains are considered to be hazardous waste.
When we have a pet, we know that it’s more than likely that we’re going to outlive them. Even though we know that, we’re never prepared for the depth of grief we feel when our beloved pet dies. So, whatever decision you make for your last goodbyes, remember to make your plans well in advance, rather than hurriedly and in the midst of grief.
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 35
Rachel Wright
The Necks best thing.! REW – a company carved out of simplicity and style. We launched our Tamworth based business in 2011, making our easy-wear scarves available to our consumers. Our simple designs eliminate the hassle of tying a standard scarf by fastening with a button, popper or buckle instead. These versatile pieces not only offer ease but are uniquely stylish and are a must for any fashion-conscious individual who appreciates effortless collections. The desire to find a solution to the classic tying scarf was conceived in Rachel’s mind after she witnessed her daughter’s friend receive a nasty neck burn whilst playing in the playground. This successful idea lay dormant for over 10 years until one day Rachel found herself facing redundancy. Challenging times meant that a big risk was needed to be taken despite just turning 40, raising two children, having a lack of funding and no business skills. REW was born from scratch and against all odds, that initial idea finally had a chance to shine as it came to fruition and there has been no stopping it since! Our REW collections pride themselves on each individually handmade design created from a range of fabrics that are updated with every season, each item is made to be worn and treasured. We strive to offer our consumers a unique variety of products that are inspired by them. Continually thinking outside of the box, we create luxurious pieces that offer fresh alternatives that innovate a classic. ‘Form’ and ‘Conciseness’ have inspired our exciting current trend where our scarves are able to mould and sculpt the neckline through utilising cutting edge technology developed fabric. We have come so far since launching the brand, gaining followers and receiving recognition through winning awards. We won the Theo Paphitis Small Business Sunday award after the first year of trading and alongside this we have won the Jacqueline Gold Women in Business award which inspires and celebrates women in business and social enterprise, both are fantastic awards to receive and we are very proud! One of our biggest achievements to date is being commissioned by Estée Lauder, creating a selection of men’s and women’s scarves to be given as gifts, this was an incredible accomplishment.
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 36
We have had many amazing opportunities up to now and there are many more fantastic things in store for REW in 2018! To complement our current range of scarves we are working on developing a range of small bags, a must-have accessory when wearing one of our pieces. We will also be releasing a child’s range, which is where it all began, so we are thrilled to be able to launch these new products! We are passionate about British manufacturing and now our individual designs manufactured in the Midlands will be available overseas as REW will be expanding internationally and will also be stocked in one of the largest online gift stores! The future is looking bright for REW and we are eager to continue growing, creating and evolving to ensure that we are able to offer only the best for our customers.
Cyberbullying Technology has changed our lives. In some ways things are much better for our children than they were for our parents as kids. In other ways I think technology is making our children’s lives much harder. Cyberbullying is one of the reasons advances in technology can be a bad thing. Once upon a time, back in your youth, you left the bullies in the playground. You escaped to the safety of your home and the name calling stopped. Sadly, with many young people owning mobile phones, the bullying is continuing long past the hometime bell. They can’t escape it. So let’s look at what ‘cyberbullying’ is and some of the statistics surrounding it. The dictionary definition is “the use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature”. So what is that in real life? It’s the name calling, the abusive remarks, the innuendo, anything to intimidate and torture a victim and it’s done via their mobile phone (80% of teens have one) with text messages, over Social Media (Facebook being the most common), via emails, forums and gaming consoles. Any technology where the kids can hang out and share/communicate can be a tool for cyberbullying. The statistics are scary too. 43% of kids
report being the victim of online bullying and over 70% report witnessing cyberbullying. Teens agree
that cyberbullying is a real problem and that it’s easier to get away with bullying online than in person. Just like in real life bullying, kids are reluctant to tell anyone they are being cyberbullied. It’s becoming a major reason kids don’t want to attend school and sadly can have a major impact on self-esteem to the point of suicide. My personal experience was my child being bullied in school and it being published on Facebook (where I found out) so her peers knew. She was being intimidated in school by one particular girl and one day that girl bit my daughter, photographed it and proudly put it on her Facebook feed. It wasn’t just my daughter, I found evidence
of other girls being bullied by the same girl, including a friend of my daughter who had been hit by this girl who again boasted on Facebook about what she had done. I had no choice but to present the school with the evidence and let them deal with these instances – they did immediately. The girl who did the bullying was actually crying out for help and attention (which she has now received) and so the reporting of the bullying benefitted her too. Not all bullies are bad people. It’s not uncommon for Social Media to be used to boast about one child hurting another – it’s a form of humiliation for it to be made public in this way. My daughter hasn’t suffered any long term effects fortunately but it could have been so different. Here are some examples for you of cyberbullying: •Cyber stalking is the obsessive sending of messages to a person. This eventually frightens and worries the person receiving these messages, as they begin to question their own safety and well-being. •Degradation/humiliation – bullies will use cyber bullying to spread rumours and hearsay with the purpose of damaging the victim’s reputation to ensure that they are shunned. •Harassing includes the persistent sending of insulting and threatening messages via the internet or mobile phone. •Impersonating is taking on a false identity for the purpose of tormenting a person and damaging their reputation. Impersonation can also be acted out by pretending to be the victim by creating a false identity or profile. •Flaming is a very hostile and rude type of cyberbullying where the bully uses vulgar and abusive language with the intention of starting a fight with the victim. •Text messaging is very common to torment another teenager or pre-teen. This is carried out by enlisting the help of other bullies and together they continue sending endless text messages to their victim’s phone. •Password theft. Some bullies will do everything possible to find the passwords of
a teenager. After gaining these passwords, the bully enters the victim’s sites and locks them out. In some cases, the bully will use these to bully others. •Website creation. Bullies can create websites and pages and fill them with insulting statements and remarks for the sole purpose of tormenting and humiliating a person. •Use of Photos and images – bullies will upload private or embarrassing images of their victims all over the internet to torment and humiliate them. In most cases, these images may be fake and are simply altered to portray the victim. Teenagers can sometimes be tricked into sending nude photos to a stranger they met online only to discover that the stranger posted them online just to humiliate the victim. •PC attacks where bullies send Trojan horses, viruses, worms, spyware and other malware to another person’s computer. With our youth becoming more knowledgeable on computer technology, pc attacks have become extremely easy to deploy. •Proxy attacks are attacks where the bully will install a proxy onto the computer of the victim with the help of someone else. By doing this, the bully will be able to access even the victim’s most confidential information through the proxy. The bully will then use this information to humiliate or threaten the victim. This list is not exhaustive; it’s to give you an idea of what your child may be subjected to if they are being cyberbullied. The advice from the http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/stop-cyber-bullying.html page includes what I always say: educate your children, talk to them about what cyberbullying is and encourage them to report it to you or another trusted adult if they see or experience it. We can only eradicate bullying if we raise our children to know it’s wrong and truly understand the devastating effect it has on the victims. Let’s raise a generation of caring and selfless adults! By JAN KIERMASZ
www.johnjelly.co.uk
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 37
The `Bank of Mum & Dad` a cautionary tale... By CLARE WISEMAN
www.irwinmitchell.com
Aries
ASTROLOGY
Your Ruling planet Mars goes into Scorpio until 26th January and you may be experiencing a frustrating time of late, hold your horses though as things are about to change…big time. What you put in now is what you are going to be getting back come February. Finances will have a way of sorting themselves out and you may be in for a change of career or a promotion. If you consider what you want from this year on a professional level then this is the time to do it.
Taurus
By THE SECRET CLAIRVOYANT
www.secretclairvoyant.co.uk
Gemini
Venus in the side of Capricorn is making a Mercury has now stopped spinning and it’s harmonious link to your sun during these an even cycle to which you would have been next two months and we mindful to consider feeling during this last month. Communicathings that are going on underneath the sur- tions and connecting with others will prove face and in the background. to be extremely beneficial during the midNow is the time to lay certain foundations dle of January and first half of February. Get for your future the longer- term prospects things moving and anticipate what it is you are more beneficial for you in the early part want for the future. Do not let others push of 2018. Emotionally you will feel a lot more you into a corner and feel free to make the complete during this first half of the year and decisions that are right for you. You may exlet yourself experience them rather than hide perience some added pressure from loved away. Don’t become too stubborn in the last ones around you during the month of Febweek of January as it is not what you think. ruary. Others may prove to be a little defensive at this time. Instead embroil yourself into your Lots of challenges for Virgo during the start loving nature. of 2018 but try not to get lost in other people’s negativity-it will do you no good in Get ready for an extremely explosive first the long term. Give others plenty of space half of the year and make sure you concen- and consideration as those close you will be trate on the direction that you want to go. experiencing a lot of big emotional changes. Don’t concern yourself with what others The issue here is to pick yourself up from an are doing as it will all change again anyway. extended period of doubt and to go forward Give those you love the extra yard. Concerns with your feelings. The more you resist the around your professional life at this time more you will stagnate but most of all have may prove to be a challenge but you will find belief in what you can achieve. The practical unexpected openings in unexpected ways. side of your nature will shine through during Health issues throughout February and then the second and third week of February and leading on to later in the year needs to be you will find that you will be busy in many paid attention to at this moment which also different ways. Certain things that have been includes getting the right headspace for you. on your mind during the latter part of 2017 Allow your being to connect your mind and will eventually sort themselves out by the end of January 2018. Have faith have belief body as well as your spirit. and carry out things you need to do, don’t put them off as only you will be coming back Changes all around you that will prove to be to deal with them during the summer of very beneficial for any part of that you want 2018.
Virgo
Cancer
In this 3rd article I thought I would share my experiences of inter-generational lending or gifts in the family context. This is often a significant issue now in the event of divorce or separation. The so-called ‘Bank of Mum and Dad’ is now the 9th biggest lender in the UK ~ As house prices continue to outpace incomes, young homebuyers increasingly need parental or other family backing to get on the property ladder ~ be that by gift or loan. Parents are predicted to lend more than £6.5 billion to new home buyers by the end of this year, £1.5 billion more than 2016 ~ funding deposits for almost 300,000 mortgages. That amounts to more than a quarter of all property purchases in the market, and shows how tough it is for young adults in their 20s and 30s to buy their first property or upgrade a family home. While the Bank of Mum and Dad may be happy to help, many of my clients are understandably (and rightly) worried about gifting cash or assets to their children because of concerns about marriages and relationships breaking down. This helps to explain the growing preference for lending to soon to be newly-weds, rather than gifting to help them buy properties. There is also now a major disadvantage in parents taking a beneficial share in their child’s property. In April last year second home owners were hit with the new 3% stamp duty levy on any asset worth more than £40,000. So if the parents already own their own or another property, taking a share worth £40,000 or more renders the full value of new property subject to an extra 3% tax charge. Giving money away to the ex-spouse and/or the revenue are both as unattractive as each other! But there are also serious implications in lending to family members, especially if the intention is that those monies are to be protected and repaid at some stage in the future, perhaps in time for the parents’ retirement. The divorce rate may be at its lowest level ISSUE 06/ JAN 2018 / 38
in 40 years but at least one in 10 marriages still ends in divorce. In cases where monies are loaned to a couple, in the event of a divorce the court will often treat inter-family debt as what we call a ‘soft loan’ meaning it can be difficult to recover. The only way to try to avoid this is for both the donor(s) and the recipient(s) to take ~ separate ~ independent legal advice at the point the loan or gift is made if not before . This demonstrates that, as divorce lawyers, we are not only to be consulted at the end of or at the breakdown of a relationship ~ often seen somewhat as a “distressed purchase” you would be well advised to consult a family lawyer at the start of a cohabiting relationship ~ we have a number of tools to assist and protect you such as a living together or marital agreement (prenups or post-nups more commonly called). We can also help draft loan agreements to help try to protect parents’ contributions in the event of separation. Formal legal agreements, such as pre or post nuptial agreements are now key to safeguarding family assets. They are becoming increasingly persuasive in divorce cases. I deal with these on a regular basis along with sourcing tax advice and dealing with any consequences for wills and family trusts. If protected through an agreement, gifts have the great advantage over loans that they are effective for inheritance tax, becoming free of tax if the parent lives for seven years after making the gift. A final option is that parents can request that a trust deed is drawn up - although they need to check how this might impact upon any mortgage lender’s terms. Many lenders require parents to sign a document to state that the money is an absolute gift, before they will issue a formal mortgage offer, in order to be satisfied that they will have no claim against the property if it is
repossessed. In some cases lenders will relent, if it is a genuine loan that needs repaying, providing the lender has sufficient security. This can need perseverance, to get from the branch office to a more senior person in a regional office with the authority to make such a decision. Again, take advice to try to support you through this process. A trust deed might mean a gift by parents, making it effective for tax purposes, to meet the needs of one child now and potentially of other children later, with a share of the property kept separate for now. You need advice on all the tax aspects of this, how it might save any CGT problem, and the flexible options for the future, including the power to transfer value from the trust to the child concerned when the time is right. Many of the same issues will apply to you if you are making a significantly greater injection of cash to the purchase of a property than your partner ~ whilst everything in the garden might be rosy now ~ what if things go wrong? Marriage, particularly a long one (and that is quantified by adding the length of cohabitation to the length of the actual marriage) invokes the concept of sharing, which, on divorce can create all sorts of injustice where one party or their family has injected significant sums of cash and or supported the couple financially ~ early legal advice is key. As always please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions at: clare.wiseman@irwinmitchell.com. In the meantime I wish you all the best for 2018!!
2018 will kick off in an unusual way for you with an emphasis on family and those that you love. Difficulties and some emotional entanglement that have been bubbling away underneath the surface will write themselves during the second week of January. Time to make changes that are important to you especially within the home. During the end of February you will be more clear as to where your loyalties lie as lots of emotions coming to the surface during the middle of February, and by the 23rd you will start to see a lot of developments in others that will allow you to follow suit.
Libra
Now going into 2018 is the time to be certain decisions need to be made some of which may be difficult but if you tackle them could leave you with a pleasant surprise. Connect with many people as you can throughout January and you will find expected openings that will allow you to discover more about yourself, others through positive relationships. On a personal level you will be basking in the light as there will be plenty of attention. Start to ground yourself and you will find what it is you really want. Big decisions will call for your attention around the 18th to the 20th of February and don’t put them off as they will come back for your attention by the spring. Think and then act to achieve.
Capricorn
Forward planning and forward thinking are essential during the first two months of 2018 as by August you will be treading forward on your path. You will be reaping what you sow now. In recent months there’s been a lot of things that have tested your resolve, but keep faith and use that Capricorn determination because the things that you are going to achieve this year are paramount. Try not to over think things but place an emphasis on areas of your life that are not working. Focus on those areas as the month of February 2018 will give you a special perspective.
Leo
Scorpio
to take during 2018 and in the beginning half of the year you will instinctively find that you are clearing out the clutter. Relationships will take on a very interesting dynamic during the first half of 2018 but try not to over rationalise and try not to overthink things, instead go with your intuition and go with your understanding about your deepest self but do not leave any stone unturned. Time to clear out the deadwood and bring in the new. Changes in your social life predominates now and you will find some difficult relationships falling by the way-side with more interesting relationships that will develop.
Aquarius
Lots of directions open up for you now but there’s no need to worry as all of your hard work is about to pay off. Consistency is important for you now and this will bring about a new set of challenges but also open up to yourself as well as the others to gain a better understanding of you. You will see how things can be done in a different way. Old actions are now redundant and now there needs to be a change of emphasis on your long-term goals. The energy that you’re putting in especially in your professional life you will also find that in your emotional life things will start to develop and flower and blossom all throughout the first half of the year.
Sagittarius
Interesting times ahead for you Sagittarians and now is the time to carefully consider the future as to where you want to go. Do not leave things unattended and do not let things burden you in hidden compartments of your mind because at one time or another you’re going to have to face them. You may have found in recent months that your patience is being tested to the limits now but don’t worry. Keep belief in yourself and during the first week of February all will be revealed and understood.
Pisces
A great year is to be had in 2018. If you really focus keep hold of old values and make sure you are certain in any decisions that you make. Do not let others push you into a corner instead take time out during January and try to contemplate how you feel others feel around you. Special events around the 15th and 16 February will open your eyes and will instil a great deal of confidence. Emotions are flying everywhere but you do deserve more happiness than what you are letting yourself. Trust your instincts during the first half of the year for they will keep you safe and trus your friends to keep you moving.
It’s all about the Dress
Venue - New Hall Hotel Sutton Coldfield. Photography - Emily takes pictures. Hair - Michaela Devlin. Makeup - Rachelle Grimes. Dresses supplied by Fern & Foxglove Bridal www.fernandfoxglovebridal.com & Isaac Charles Bridal Birmingham www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk Hair Pieces - Isaac Charles. Venue styling - Just Tickity Boo. Models - Jo, Charlie, Becky, Wynta Dresses supplied by Fern & Foxglove Bridal www.fernandfoxglovebridal.com
Dress & Hair Piece - Isaac Charles Bridal www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk.
Dress & Hair Piece - Isaac Charles Bridal www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk.
Venue - New Hall Hotel Sutton Coldfield. Photography - Emily takes pictures. Hair - Michaela Devlin. Makeup - Rachelle Grimes. Dress & Hair Pieces - Isaac Charles Bridal www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk. Venue Styling - Just Tickity Boo. Model -Becky
Venue - New Hall Hotel Sutton Coldfield. Photography - Emily takes pictures. Hair - Michaela Devlin. Makeup - Rachelle Grimes. Dress & Hair Pieces - Isaac Charles Bridal www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk. Model -Charlie
Wedding TRADITIONS By DOMINIKA JARKOVSKA
We all know the different kinds of the wedding traditions; however, how many of us know their origin or meaning? Mama Life brings you the explanation of some of the most common traditions. Wedding dress - The white gown was first worn by Queen Victoria in 1840. Before this occasion brides usually wore blue or even a dark colour on their wedding day. The Green wasn’t very popular as it was supposed to be the unlucky colour. Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue – Do you know the real meaning behind it? Something old represents the bride’s family and her past. Something new is her future life with her husband. Something borrowed should be an item from a successful marriage to pass on good luck. And something blue represents purity, loyalty and faithfulness. Bride to the Left, Groom to the Right- Historically the groom stood to the right of the bride. In case anyone would attack the newlyweds he could push the bride aside with his left hand and draw his sword with the right one. Interestingly during a Jewish ceremony, the positions are often swapped. Engagement ring – Why the fourth finger of the left hand? Ancient Greeks believed that the “ring” finger contained a vein which leads straight to the heart. This vein was known as the ‘vena amoris’ or the vein of love. In ancient Egypt, the circle symbolised a never-ending cycle. Bride’s bouquet - Yes flowers are pretty but this tradition isn’t
just about the prettiness. In ancient times women carried aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs and spices in order to ward off evil spirits. Different herbs meant different things and later the flowers replaced the herbs. Bridesmaids- Talking about the evil spirits, it was Roman law that several people accompany the bride and groom to confuse the evil spirits trying to get at the couple. Bridesmaids usually had to dress similarly to the bride in order to protect the bride on her way to the groom’s village. So at least in the past the brides didn’t have to stress what to wear. Groomsmen - Similarly as the bridesmaids, groomsmen were supposed to help to distract the evil spirits from the couple. Their role was also associated with helping the groom to seek out and capture his future bride from another community. Then they stood as guards at the ceremony and often had to protect the groom from the bride’s angry family. Wedding cakes - Originally the cakes weren’t supposed to be eaten. The groom was supposed to throw the cake at the bride. This should bring her the fertility luck. Luckily as the cakes got better in taste this tradition was changed. Bride’s garter – Back in the 14th century it was a common tradition for guests to try to obtain a piece of the bride’s dress for good luck. Typically the bride didn’t wear a fancy dress so it was no big problem. However, as the dresses got more expensive it was changed to garter tossing or bouquet throwing.
Venue - New Hall Hotel Sutton Coldfield. Photography - Emily takes pictures. Hair - Michaela Devlin. Makeup - Rachelle Grimes. Dress - Fern & Foxglove Bridal www.fernandfoxglovebridal.com Hair Pieces - Isaac Charles www.isaaccharlesbridal.co.uk. Venue styling - Just Tickity Boo. Model - Wynta
Wedding Planning
P
By STEPHANIE HOWL
lanning a wedding can be one of the most stressful occasions on the road to marriage, however with a bit of planning it will be one of the most exciting journeys . You should always take time out as a couple to talk about & imagine your perfect day, taking ideas from weddings that you have attended as a guest, what did you like about their special day & of course take on board what aspects of the day you didn’t like or didn’t enjoy. There are so many do’s & don’t’s to think about as you begin your planning, take some of these top tips into consideration.
Don’t
Do
Impulse book suppliers at wedding fayres just because they may have an offer on , think: do you really need them ? If the answer is still yes, then research them read reviews, then contact them afterwards i.e explain where you met them & more often than not they will honour the price you were offered.
Put your personalities into your day, so that it will be unique to the two of you.
Do
Speak to your suppliers i.e let your photographer know the style of photographs you prefer & some definite shots that you want included, prepare a play list for your d.j or band including a do & don’t play list/songs. So that everything is exactly as you envisioned it.
Do
Allocate a budget. Make this a top priority & try & stick to it.Its so easy to get carried away.
Do
Consider wedding insurance, there are many packages to choose from that will cover everything from the venue, decor, cars, flowers, photography etc. If you choose to use a planner you will usually be covered under their insurance.
Do
Choose your wedding party wisely, bridesmaids, groomsmen/ ushers,bestman, remember to delegate jobs to them, so you don’t become overwhelmed by the amount of details that need to be organised. Do also talk to each other to make sure you are both completely happy with who you have chosen.
Don’t
Make decisions without the other agreeing. Make sure you choose together as it will make planning more enjoyable.
Feel that you have to stick to traditional customs if they are not what you like. Nowadays for example you don’t have to do a receiving line or wait till the end of your wedding breakfast to do the speeches, they can be done at the beginning so you can then relax & enjoy your meal or even between courses. Bridesmaids can walk in front of the bride if that’s what you prefer.You can make your day about your preferences.
Don’t
Don’t
Forget to send your invitations out in plenty of time to all your guests to book days off should they need to, also include all relevant information such as reply cards, directions & menus, this will make your life so much easier. The list of do’s & don’t’s are endless. One in 5 couples in the UK now choose to use a wedding planner, as most couples nowadays are so busy with work, their own homes & lead very busy lives, so to know the only stress you have is to choose the venue decor , the style of dress/suits you like, then let’s you enjoy the build up to your special day. However should you wish to be a D.I.Y Bride & feel you are organised & creative enough, then you will enjoy seeing your hard work become a reality, but be mindful to always have a back up plan i.e a list of suppliers you can call on should something not go according to plan on the day. Whichever way you choose to plan your wedding,embrace the whole process & look forward to making the most amazing memories to cherish for the rest of your life. Should you have any questions regarding any aspect of weddings feel free to contact us at info@just-ticketyboo.co.uk or ring to make an appointment.
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 51
Seasonal BLOOMS
Flowers are a key component of any wedding; they add extra colour, texture, and feeling to your special day. They are an important part of creating the mood for your wedding with their beauty, colour, elegance, and style. The use of flowers at a wedding is a form of expression and is often used as a key element of design. Mama Life brings you a short list of some of the most popular flowers for each season of the year.
Spring
Apple or Cherry blossoms, Daffodils, Hyacinths, Lilacs, Lilies, Lily of the Valley, Mini Calla Lily, Peonies, Roses, Tulips Lily of the Valley symbolizes sweetness and purity of heart
Lily symbolizes purity and refined beauty. White lily symbolizes modesty and virginity, orange lily symbolizes passion, yellow lily symbolizes gaiety while
Apple or Cherry Blossom symbolizes good fortune, and is an emblem of love and affection
Peony symbolizes bashfulness and compassion. It also symbolizes a happy life, happy marriage, good health and prosperity.
Tulip signifies a declaration of perfect love
Hyacinth symbolizes playfulness
Calla Lilly, a traditional symbol of divinity, marital bliss and true devotion
Summer
Chrysanthemums, Calla lilies, Cymbidium Orchid, Daisies, Freesia, Iris, Queen Anne’s lace, Roses, , Stock, Sunflower, Viburnum, Zinnias Rose the flower of Daisy symbolizes innocence and purity. It conveys loyal love
love
Freesia symbolizes innocence and thoughtfulness. The Stock flower is a symbol of a happy life and contented existence
Orchid is a symbol of the exotic beauty. It symbolizes refinement, thoughtfulness and mature charm. It also symbolizes proud and glorious femininity
Autumn
Asiatic Lily, Anthurium, Calla Lilies, Chrysanthemums, Dahlias, Gerbera daisies, Gladioli, Roses, Sunflowers, Zinnias Gladiolus symbolizes strength of character, faithfulness and honor
Chrysanthemums generally symbolize longevity, fidelity, joy and optimism Gerbera specifically conveys cheerfulness.
Sunflower signifies pure thoughts. It symbolizes adoration and dedication. It is symbolicly dedicated to love
Anthurium symbolizes hospitality. It is also used to indicate happiness and abundance.
Winter
Amaryllis, Anemone, Camellias, Casablanca Lilies, Forget-me-nots, French Tulips, Gardenias, Holly, Jasmine, Orchids, Mini Gerberas, Roses
Gardenia symbolizes purity and sweetness. They indicate secret love. They convey joy. They tell the receiver you are lovely
Forget-me-nots, representation of true and undying love Amaryllis This flower is symbolic of splendid beauty. It is also used to indicate worth beyond beauty
The jasmine flower is associated with love. Jasmine also symbolizes beauty and sensuality
By DOMINIKA JARKOVSKA
Prenuptial Agreements
W
The essential thing to do before you say I do...
ith over 1 in 3 marriages now ending in a divorce, more and more couples are thinking of entering into a pre-nuptial agreement than ever before. These agreements are usually associated with America or Europe but are becoming more common in the UK too. Now that couples are getting married later in life than before, they are now into marriage with their own established assets and are looking for a way to protect them. Even though it might not be the most glamourous item to add on your wedding ‘to do’ list, it might just be the most crucial thing to get done before saying “I do.” Unlike normal legal contracts, pre-nuptial agreements are not legally binding in the UK. However, UK courts are starting to take a lot more notice of them. In a high profile 2010 divorce case, the Court had to decide whether a prenuptial agreement which said the couple would only have limited claims against each other in the event of a divorce, could be upheld. They decided that they should hold people to agreements that they sign as long as they understand what they are gaining/losing by signing, and providing that they sign up voluntarily. However, this is only true if the agreement still looks fair!
In simple terms, when entering into a prenuptial agreement you should have entered into the agreement willingly and have not been put under any pressure to sign. The couple should be very clear about what they may potentially be giving up and exactly what the prenup means for them. Whilst it’s not a requirement that legal advice is taken before the prenup or that the couple have complete knowledge of the other’s financial position it’s important that you can show you have a clear understanding of the agreement and its consequences. We would always recommend that where possible, you seek legal advice from an expert in prenuptial agreements before signing one. In the unhappy event that you need to use the agreement in a divorce then the Court will be more likely to accept a prenup that has been backed up with financial disclosure. Perhaps the most important thing for a Court to consider is whether the prenuptial agreement is fair or not. The difficulty is predicting whether the agreement which seemed fair at the time, is going to look unfair in the event of a divorce which could be many years in to the future! Your financial position and that of
your partner can change greatly over time. Here are some steps that can help you alleviate that risk:a) If the Prenup seems unfair when it was signed then it is more likely that the court will allow the person that was unfairly treated to get out of the agreement in the event of a divorce. b) As far as possible, get the Prenuptial agreement in place as far ahead of your wedding as you can. The closer it’s signed to the marriage day, the more likely the Court will consider that one of you may have been under pressure to sign and that the agreement hasn’t been thought carefully through. c) Take care when you draft the prenup. Put in regular dates to review the agreement and make provision for children should you have them or plan to have them. This will all help to make the prenup a more attractive proposition for the courts. d) As I said above, couples should think about getting expert legal advice, otherwise, the agreement could be ignored entirely by the court on divorce. But what if you are already married? It is still possible to enter into an agreement. This is called a post-nuptial agreement. As above, it can be used to regulate financial arrangements during the marriage as well as after separation. This type of agreement is mainly entered into upon separation when a divorce has not yet taken place. It enables both parties to agree on periodical payments, financial and property division and child arrangements. In conclusion, even though these types of agreements are not automatically legally binding by law they are still taken into account by courts if properly prepared. Whether it is a pre-nuptial agreement or a post-nuptial agreement it is definitely worth the cost, not only for the wealthy but for anybody who is wishing to either protect their assets or to create some level of certainty in how those assets would be disposed of upon divorce. If you would like more information on this or you have any questions, do not hesitate to email me at: Andrew.robinson@fishers-dewes.co.uk
Andrew Robinson is a Director and Head of Family Law at Fishers Dewes. He deals with all aspects of family work including divorce, prenuptial agreements, financial and property disputes on separation, and disputes regarding children.
ISSUE 06 / JAN 2018 / 55