Finally, sleep for your baby by mariober4401

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Limits of liability & disclaimers of warranties This eBook or audiobook were created with only the best intentions in mind and are based on years of practical experience. However, it has to be noted that all the presented advice and methods only serve the provision of information. Any application and usage are always at one’s own risk. This eBook or audiobook are general educational information products. As an express condition to reading to this eBook or listening to this audiobook, you understand and agree to the following terms. The information provided within this eBook or audiobook is for general informational purposes only. While we try to keep the information up-to-date and correct, there are no representations or warranties, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the information, products, or services contained in this eBook or audiobook for any purpose. Any use of this information is at your own risk. Our products and services – which include this eBook or audiobook – are not a substitute for professional, direct, personal health and psychological diagnosis. None of the treatments, exercises or activities (including products and services) mentioned in our products and services should be performed or otherwise used without clearance from your pediatrician. There may be risks associated with participating in activities or using products or services mentioned in our products and services for children in poor health or with pre-existing mental or physical health conditions. Because these risks exist, you will not use our products and services with your child or have your child participate in such activities if it is in poor health or has a pre-existing mental or physical condition. If you choose to let your child participate in

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Before we begin: A word of warning about cosleeping The topic of co-sleeping (depending on who you ask, that can mean letting the baby sleep in the bed of the parents or simply in the same room) is very controversial. Some claim that bed-sharing puts your baby at risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), while others say that co-sleeping can actually decrease the risk of SIDS. Co-sleeping is briefly mentioned in this guide and the experiences of parents are shared. However, it is important for you to understand that it is always best to consult with an expert or your pediatrician before co-sleeping or in case you have any questions about the associated risks. Take the appropriate steps to guarantee a safe sleeping environment for your child.

The application of all the information in this guide is always on your own risk. The author and seller can never be held responsible for any damages to or the death of your child.

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to freak you out, but it is very important you understand this and do your own research on this topic.

For starters, I included some further information and opinions on this topic via the links below: http://www.parenting.com/article/ask-dr-sears-co-sleeping-a-sids-danger https://www.huffingtonpost.com/van-winkles/is-co-sleeping-with-myba_b_7672782.html https://www.theguardian.com/society/2003/jan/20/medicineandhealth.publichealth2 https://www.marchofdimes.org/baby/co-sleeping.aspx

Dear parents, Thank you very much for your trust and your purchase. Before we are getting started with the sleep program, I want to briefly introduce my other guide which you might find useful now or in the near future. Just click on the image below to find out more.

The 3 Day Potty Training

If you are also tired of spending money on diapers every single month and want your child to be quickly potty-trained then you should check out my new guide “The 3 Day Potty Training”. It works best with children 3 months or older. Don’t give away more money to the powerful diaper industry but give your child more freedom and an improved well-being with my 3 Day Potty Training program.

But now, I wish you and your little one the best of success with my sleeping guide!

Your Susanne

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Contents Preface .......................................................................................................................................... 4 Introduction .................................................................................................................................. 7 Finally, it’s time ....................................................................................................................................... 7 So, how do you sleep? ........................................................................................................................... 11 Chapter 1: Sleep for infants – the development stages ................................................................ 13 Problems falling asleep ......................................................................................................................... 14 The brain in full swing – newborns learn in their sleep ......................................................................... 15 Growth spurts in babies ........................................................................................................................ 16 Why is sleep so important? ................................................................................................................... 19 Naps ...................................................................................................................................................... 20 When and how long should my baby sleep? ......................................................................................... 22 Baby signals – Why is my baby always crying? ...................................................................................... 25 What to do when your baby is crying? .................................................................................................. 26 Crying and emotional state ................................................................................................................... 28 Infants aged 5 months and below – Can you change the sleep rhythm? .............................................. 30 Chapter 2: Sleep learning from the 6th month – 5 steps for ideal preparation ............................. 33 Fixed structures ..................................................................................................................................... 34 1st step: Structured daily routine ........................................................................................................... 34 Structured meals and intermediate meals ........................................................................................ 36 Regular rest periods .......................................................................................................................... 38 Signs of fatigue .................................................................................................................................. 39 What to do in case of grumbling and tantrums? ............................................................................... 41 Discussions about when to go to bed ................................................................................................ 42 Sleeping in the same bed as Mom and Dad ...................................................................................... 43 2nd step: Create a pleasant sleeping atmosphere ................................................................................. 44 Falling asleep in warm temperatures ................................................................................................ 49 Tips for sleeping better in warm temperatures ................................................................................ 49 Movement as security ....................................................................................................................... 51 Summary: .......................................................................................................................................... 51 3rd step: The right time .......................................................................................................................... 53

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Why is the right time important? ...................................................................................................... 54 4th step: The last one hour before going to bed .................................................................................... 55 You can only sleep well if you are really tired ................................................................................... 58 The last bottle before going to bed ................................................................................................... 59 The pacifier ........................................................................................................................................ 59 The cuddly toy as a companion ......................................................................................................... 60 th

5 step: Falling asleep ........................................................................................................................... 61 Sleeping aids ...................................................................................................................................... 62 Chapter 3: Sleep disorders and special circumstances .................................................................. 64 Sleep and reflux ..................................................................................................................................... 66 Sleep-‐related rhythmic motion disorder ............................................................................................... 70 Depression in small children ................................................................................................................. 71 Night owl or early bird? ......................................................................................................................... 72 Breathing interruptions – sleep apnea .................................................................................................. 72 Complicated infants .............................................................................................................................. 73 Changing beds ....................................................................................................................................... 75 Safety in the baby bed – What to watch out for ................................................................................... 75 Double happiness – twins ..................................................................................................................... 77 Older siblings and the baby ................................................................................................................... 79 How the older ones learn to sleep ........................................................................................................ 81 Hiccups .................................................................................................................................................. 83 Aids to help older children fall asleep ................................................................................................... 84 Chapter 4: Main exercises – Find the method that suits you best ................................................. 85 Controlled crying ................................................................................................................................... 91 The retreat method ............................................................................................................................... 94 Targeted awakening .............................................................................................................................. 96 The no-‐tears method ............................................................................................................................. 97 Removing and placing back method ................................................................................................. 97 Pantley’s no crying solution .............................................................................................................. 99 Careful withdrawal .......................................................................................................................... 101 The soothing method .......................................................................................................................... 102 The Tweddle method: Controlled soothing through relaxation techniques ....................................... 103

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Fostering sleep phases ........................................................................................................................ 104 Advantages and disadvantages of the different techniques ............................................................... 105

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Preface (Late night at 00:34 a.m.)

Beeehhhhh…Beeehhh!

(02:56 a.m.)

Weeehhh…Weeeehh!

(04:48 a.m.)

Bueeeehhhhhh…Bueeehhh!

Which of us is not familiar with this situation? You have just fallen asleep but are forced to wake up again because your little one is calling. Sleep is one of the main activities of babies and small children and is one of the most natural things in the world. However, this is also a common cause of great conflicts and dramas in many families. You try everything but nothing works. Your baby simply wouldn’t fall asleep. Fatigued parents often blame themselves and doubt their role as “good parents”. “What now? What should I do? Do “sleep learning” methods work? And most importantly: How can I do justice to my baby without flipping out?” And this is exactly what this book is all about! Babies and small children learning how to fall asleep in their own beds and sleep through the night. I hope to help all fatigued and stressed parents find a solution for their little ones, and for themselves as well. It is not easy. It requires patience and continuity, but certainly

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

pays off. You and your children will get to benefit from quiet, relaxed nights enabling you to start the next day full of energy. This guide provides answers to your questions and offers numerous ideas and suggestions on how to structure your days and nights. The first chapter describes exciting facts about a baby’s sleep and offer details on the different development phases. Why is sleep so important? Are there any differences between a baby’s and adult’s sleep? When and how long should my baby sleep? The first chapter offers direct answers to all these key questions. The 2nd chapter focuses on sleep preparation. Here, you will find useful tips on how to best structure your day, create a comfortable sleep environment, define the ideal time to go to bed, and ensure your baby falls asleep perfectly. Let yourself be inspired and find out what would be useful to you as a family. Chapter 3 informs you about the different sleep disorders and special situations that may prevent an infant from falling asleep. You will also find suggestions for difficulties e.g., due to “teething”, “reflux”, or “nightmares” – basically everything that can interfere with your child’s sleep. The last chapter deals with the main exercises of the different methods. “What suits us best?” Try it out!

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

All chapters feature anecdotes from lives of families who have taken up the sleep learning “struggle” and have set out on this journey with their children. It will be a tough time – no doubt! But the time you take to get your child to fall asleep and have them sleep through the night also fosters the relationship between you and your child. It gives your child a feeling of easiness, emotional security, and trust in you. Your child’s world will be unshaken. At the latest, all your struggle will pay off when you see your child wake up in the morning with bright, lovely eyes and you will realize why it was all worth it. So, do not give up! I am sure that this is also the right thing for you and that you will work diligently to achieve the much-desired success. Simply read the guide and you will be inspired!

Thank you for your confidence in the book!

INTRODUCTION

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Introduction

Finally, it’s time

The time has finally come! Your baby has arrived, healthy and strong. You are overjoyed, proud to be parents and energetically look forward to family life. Unfortunately, this energy gradually drains off as you realize that your little one just does not want to rest. Your baby is always crying all night long. Not even the amazing advice from your mother-in-law helps. Your baby just wouldn’t sleep.

Curly hair, misty and blurred eyes. The otherwise perfectly styled Hanna had to fight with her crying baby who was suffering from colic. It was 3 p.m. and she was trying everything to calm her down. Taking a shower or styling was not even conceivable and she had only eaten a few slices of bread. The otherwise tidy house was now a battle zone and the dishes were stacked almost to the ceiling. After about an hour, the crying came to an end. Exhausted and with her baby in her arms, Hanna collapsed on the sofa and closed her eyes.

Her baby was the best thing that could have happened to her, but it was a restless, wriggly creature. There was nothing that could have prepared Christina for the terrible 24 hours that had followed. When Christina’s husband came home to rest from work at 4 p.m., he only commented: “So nice to see you too taking a rest” and kissed her and little Tom on the forehead. He then disappeared into the kitchen as he was hungry.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Christina had to restrain herself from going for her husband’s throat. She handed baby Tom over to him and rushed straight for her bed.

Parenthood – the most beautiful but also the most challenging and most demanding job in the world. You do not need any special training or qualifications, but you must take on great responsibility. There are no specific instructions for a baby and no “probation period”. You are thrown into cold water overnight and must try to make the best out of it, even if you cannot swim.

Anyone who has ever looked after a baby knows that appearances can be deceptive when newborns sleep peacefully in their crib, even if the sight is extremely beautiful. New parents must often struggle with sleep deprivation since taking care of their baby is difficult, but definitely worth it. Your own well-being must be waived and you must keep “functioning”. If you do not get to sleep, the simplest of things like changing diapers and household chores become a living hell. I am not surprised that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in some countries!

would

experiences

mother

this

journey:

As a teacher and later a home manager, my journey was quite long. I have helped hundreds of families teach their babies to fall asleep on their own. Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared me for the time before me. Now the time had come! I was now one of these sleep-deprived mothers. Our loving God had blessed me with a

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

wonderful and loving son who was extremely cheerful during the day, but would turn into a troubled little monster at night. I read every book about sleep training that came my way, not to mention how difficult this was for me due to sleep deprivation. I also did not want to follow the advice from the slick guys in white gowns. And although doctors are quite smart, their expertise is in medicine, not the behavior of babies! It took two years before my son could finally sleep through the night. All along, all that flew through my mind were thoughts like “It’s very easy for you to say that…” I just wanted tips from mothers and fathers who had endured the same struggles and who had an appropriate solution. We developed structures and tried everything but nothing was working. The family circle was filled with presumptions that my little one was “spoilt” and I was to blame. That I should find a way to get us out of this mess. This inappropriate and unwanted advice would make me lose my cool. I would sometimes find myself yelling at them, “If you think you can better, take him with you and try your luck”. Inside me, my world was shuttered and I felt that I had failed as a mother. Fortunately, I had a very good husband. He was very loving and always supportive. He took over the nocturnal duties and was like a solid rock amidst the storms. Together, we discovered many techniques that I want to share with you in this book. We finally did it and you too certainly will! Infants need a lot of sleep – but most usually do not sleep when it suits us best. Hunger and uneasiness often force them to wake up at night, which in turn leads to constant interruption of our sleep. Alone due to the physical development, babies are not able to sleep through the night.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

However, you as a parent can do a lot to aid in your child’s healthy sleeping right from the beginning. Every child has its own personality and character. Similarly, your baby has its own sleeping habit. There are babies who learn to sleep almost automatically e.g., Benno, Marion’s son. Others remain restless for hours and need more motivation and help finding an appropriate structure, as is the case with Raphael, Elena’s son.

Marion’s son Benno, eight months old: You have probably heard about of dream babies. My little son Benno was one of them. He could sleep from 6 p.m. through to 6 a.m. since he was two months old and I had to wake him up so that he could feed. This had to be done quickly since he would often fall back to sleep after about 15 minutes. After his burps, I would just place him in his bed and he would fall asleep almost automatically. He is now seven months old and usually lays down twice a day for a short nap. I often have to wake him up after two hours to prevent him from sleeping throughout the entire day. In the evening, all it takes is a good bath and a good night story to get him bubbling and glowing happily in his bed, even if he is not really tired. His first teeth have just started popping out and he sometimes appears uneasy, mottled, and restless during the day. Luckily, this doesn’t seem to affect him at night. All my girlfriends are having a hard time with their little ones and I often prefer not telling them about my “dream baby”. However, I am quite terrified of having a second child since I can imagine that we will not be fortunate enough to be blessed with such a child the second time.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Elena’s son Raphael, six months old: Since Raphael was born, he’s always wanted to breastfeed for hours and remain as close to me as possible. He would often take a break of just 30 minutes before continuing with the breastfeeding marathon. He enjoyed the physical contact very much and just started to sleep for two to three hours at night. At some point, I started pumping off milk so that my partner could feed him. This helped to some extent, but Raphael would wake up almost every hour because he wanted to cuddle and be held. We finally developed a structure and routine, but even the slightest of deviations from this routine was enough to cause Raphael to wake up every hour to make his demands. Three hours of sleep sounds really short, but compared to what we were used to, this was a huge step and above all, a major improvement. Just over a month ago, we were still waking up every hour and this was obviously manifested in our physical condition. We were extremely fatigued. The only solution was taking night shifts. My mother-in-law came to visit on one weekend and looked after Raphael so that we could finally sleep. We were not feeling well, but it made it a little bit more bearable. Raphael is a very happy and healthy child. He only has difficulties calming himself down and is a bit restless. About a month ago, we decided to try out with sleep training. We had to put in a lot of time, but are hopeful that we will be successful as long as we remain committed. The path is the goal!

So, how do you sleep?

You hardly think of your own sleeping habits when looking after your child and therefore cannot sleep. In that moment, your child comes first as he/she continuously sends you signals.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

In order to enable your little one a pleasant night’s rest, you need to first consider your own basic sleep needs. Just reflect on your situation. Which points in this book apply to your life? Do you set a comfortable sleeping environment for yourself before going to bed? Do you have regular, fixed times to go to bed? Do you enjoy a peaceful and relaxed evening before going to sleep or are you constantly checking your mobile phone to check the many missed calls, messages, and emails? Nowadays, the society is not exactly attuned to our brain’s connection. It is assumed that one is always accessible from anywhere and must always be available to respond to emails and messages. The social media dependency further strengthens the expectations of the 24-hour availability. Adults thus suffer increasingly from sleep disorders and sleep deprivation since the large expectations lead to a deterioration and not an improvement of the sleep habits. For your little ones to sleep comfortably as they grow older, you must foster them through your own, healthy sleep habit. Here, it is important to make sure you do not lose sight of yourself. Children look at the behavior of adults. It is therefore your job to act as a role model so that your little ones can take up this behavior.

CHAPTER 1 Sleep for infants

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Chapter 1: Sleep development stages

for

infants

–

the

In the first months, an infant needs between 16 and 18 hours of sleep. This is evenly distributed between day and night. Between the 6th and 9th month, the number of sleep hours gradually reduces to between 12 and 15. You can control your baby’s sleep rhythm through a routine to have your baby learn to sleep more at night. This can then be rounded up perfectly by two to three naps during the day. The sleep periods of an infant are much shorter than those of an adult. Due to their small stomach (comparable to a walnut), they can only consume small amounts of fluids (milk or milk food) and therefore have to be fed more often. Since the desire for food occurs almost every 3 hours, it is not possible for a baby to sleep through the night.

It is advisable to start sleep learning methods starting from the 3rd month. However, this does not mean that the positive habits should not be supported right from the beginning. The most important thing is that newborns be fed as soon as they become hungry. One can react quickest if the babies are in the same room in the first months (e.g., in a basket or trolley).

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Problems falling asleep

Once your baby is 7 – 8 months old, the separation anxiety becomes noticeable. After the lullaby, your baby, who would previously fall asleep on their own, suddenly begins to cry as soon as Mama starts walking towards the door. Going to bed in the evening becomes a misery since nothing makes sense anymore. Your baby just doesn’t want to sleep. Babies need to first get used to the sleep-wake-rhythm of the parents. In their first year of life, problems with falling asleep are the normal expression of normal sleep development. It is totally normal for babies and small children to wake up shortly five – six times at night. Basically, sleep problems result from difficulties in falling back to sleep. The little ones must first learn to fall back to sleep calmly. If a 12-month old baby is unable to fall asleep without being lulled and if they cannot sleep for 8-12 hours per night, the situation will probably not get better in the second year. Anyone who has ever tried turning off a bad habit knows very well that it is often much easier to adopt a good habit rather than try to improve a bad one. Too little or even no sleep is a problem for both the parents and children, which makes sleep learning extremely crucial. From my own experience, I know that a solution must be found in such cases since sleep difficulties cannot just disappear on their own. Hopelessness forces us to do things that appear to be promising and at the same time leaves us doubting whether they are the right way to the desired goal. In her report

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

titled “Britain’s Baby Gurus at War”, Cassandra Jardine reported that the development of children is a sensitive task. There is only one appropriate approach for parents, which they must follow consistently every night. Regardless of their baby’s character, good sleep patterns can and should be supported as early as possible. Every child is capable of learning and can adopt the habits presented by the parents. This also includes sleeping through the night, whereby success is only possible if the parents continuously pursue their goal while still meeting the needs of their child. If you are a parent or have a baby on the way, this book should encourage you to take up a more relaxed, calm, and most importantly, composed approach.

The brain in full swing – newborns learn in their sleep A study by scientists from the USA revealed that babies also learn while sleeping. This is one of the most vital requirements for your little ones to adapt to this gigantic world outside their mother’s womb.

The scientists would play a sound to one or two-day old newborns and then gently push the babies’ eyelids. This would cause the newborns to wink. They repeated this several times and it did not take long before the babies started winking on their own as soon as they heard the sound.

While sleeping, the infants had learnt that an air surge and hence a wink usually followed that particular sound and therefore established this connection. Measurements

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

of the brain current enabled the scientists to establish that what the babies learnt during the study was still solidified in their minds after the study ended.

Since infants sleep a lot in the first few months, the ability to learn while sleeping is very helpful in getting used to the new life situation outside their mother’s body.

According to experts, the sleep patterns of infants are not yet structured and are rather chaotic. A real structure is developed within the first two years of life. New studies show that adults cannot learn a lot in their sleep. This ability seems to diminish with time as the sleep periods become more regularized.

Growth spurts in babies Every child experiences growth spurts in the first year of life. A strong emotional bond is established between the young parents and the infant. The newborn develops gradually into an independent little create. There are a total of 8 different growth spurts in a baby’s first year, and they can all appear differently. Some take just a few days, others up to 4 weeks. Similarly, the first spurt can take just 2 days and the next take up to 5 weeks. The important thing for each one of them is to pay attention to your baby and offer them closeness and security. Every child is unique, but one can still observe that most of them cry a lot and have sleep problems during a growth spurt. Some develop a strong feeling of anxiety e.g., in case of noises that were previously perceived with joy.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

However, after the spurt, you will certainly discover something new and exciting that your little one has learnt. This helps you forget every sleepless night very quickly.

A growth spurt does not always come alone and might also be accompanied by the first tooth announcing itself. Particularly in the first growth spurt, your little one will often be a bit discontented and might cry a lot. This will be their first encounter with pain and your baby will have to process it all. All these put together could cause your baby to cry a lot and be restless for up to 5 weeks. Of course, there are children who are almost unaffected by teething and the parents hardly notice it.

•

The first growth spurt starts from your baby’s 5th week. Here, you will notice that your baby will want to breastfeed a lot more, cry a lot, and always want to remain close to you. After the first spurt, your baby can see and hear much better.

•

The 2nd growth spurt takes place from the 8th week. This is when they begin to shy away from strangers. Mom and dad should now remain close for 24 hours. Every stranger is kept away through loud cries and skeptical glances. This stage also introduces the first pacifier since this is when babies develop the habit of sucking things.

•

The 3rd growth spurt begins when your baby is about 3 months old. This is the best time to introduce rituals. These include the midday nap. Babies must now be breastfed more frequently since the stomach is growing. This can test the

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

patience of any mother but must not necessarily be a reason to stop breastfeeding. •

The 4th growth spurt takes place when your baby is between 3 and 4 months old. This spurt converts your “helpless” baby to a “strengthened” child. And one thing is certain, new clothes will be needed. Your baby will have outgrown the sweet baby stroller. One of the many symptoms include sleepless nights and “constant” hunger. This is a good time to begin with supplementary food. This spurt can last up to 5 weeks and makes your child much more attentive. In addition, your child also learns a good number of new things.

•

The 5th growth spurt begins when your child in between 6 and 7 months old. In most cases, most parents do not even notice this spurt since the previous one was too exhausting. However, what you will certainly notice is that your child will make the first attempts at rolling around and crawling! In addition, this will also mark the beginning of the first clear sounds and cute babbling.

•

The 6th growth spurt begins when your child is 9 months old. This is when most children begin to crawl. The most important thing is to be a good example. Your child must learn the first rules and also understand what “No” means. At first, children laugh heartily about it since they still cannot picture it. As a parent, you should try to remain serious. The understanding of your child has increased significantly. This is when you start bringing up your child!

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

The 7th growth spurt starts from the 11th month. During this stage, your child starts getting tantrums. This is also the time when they utter their first word. And such a cutely spoken “mama” or “papa” has you quickly forget any tantrum. Your child sets out on a discovery trip and can now even play alone for a while. It is now your duty to store detergents and other things, such as medicine, out of your child’s reach.

•

The 8th growth spurt comes when your child is between 13 and 14 months old. It is the last one for the time being. You will realize that your child will become moody. Sudden transitions from hearty laughter to bitter crying and whining become a common occurrence. Strangers are also unwelcome in this phase. Most children begin to walk after this stage. For you, it is important that you secure all unsafe objects as well as stairs, cabinets, etc.

The growth spurts can be very exhausting but each one of them also brings something beautiful with it. Try to stay calm and take time to rest and “switch off”.

Why is sleep so important? Sleep is particularly important for infants and small children since this is when most of their physical and cognitive development takes place. The pituitary glands release growth hormones during the day.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

However, the hormone is mostly distributed when the child is sleeping, shortly after they are in the deep sleep phase. Sleep has a significant effect on the growth spurts and hence on your child’s development. The “Sleep” magazine (issue May 2011) reported that growth hormones tend to be most effective during long sleep durations. Similarly, a link is established between the growth hormones and sleep. This shows the importance of steady sleeping times and constant repetitions. Children who do not sleep enough face the risk of growth disorders in the long term. Here, the growth might be slower or the development impaired. Other areas may also be affected e.g., hormones that are responsible for the feeling of hunger. In such a case, the child does not develop any sense of satisfaction and might even develop the desire for unhealthy foods. Sleep deprivation can also have adverse effects on older children as well. It can impact their performance at school and lead to behavioral problems. However, the current focus is less on how your child’s sleep will be in two years and more on the current situation, whereby it is highly advisable to create pleasant sleeping habits at an early stage.

Naps The perfect time for midday naps is between 12:00 p.m. and 2:30 p.m., ideally immediately after eating. The brain can concentrate better on the events being

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

processed whereas the body is busy with the digestion. In order to develop a regular and constant sleep rhythm, the midday nap should always be at around the same time. Children who are more active require longer breaks than those who are less active. There are children who easily fall asleep at midday whereas for others, it is not even conceivable. If you set fixed times, the body gets used to it and at some point, the child automatically becomes accustomed to the routine. Similarly, there are also children who simply cannot sleep. For such children, rest breaks are very important. Children who are not motivated to sleep at midday can, for example, take on easy-going activities, read a book, or simply cuddle and rest. Newborns sleep for about 16 to 18 hours over a period of 24 hours. This is mostly distributed evenly between day and night. Extension of sleep hours at night usually begins from the 2nd month. At the age of 6 – 9 months, the sleeping time reduces to about 14 hours, including 2-3 short rest breaks that can be 20 minutes to 2 hours long. As the children grow older, they are able to stay awake longer through various incentives. Some children might also have problems falling asleep in this phase and it is therefore important to ensure continuity. Once the children are 2 years old, they only sleep for only 12 – 14 hours. This means that there should be constant resting phases and short naps to allow them to sleep enough. If this is not possible, an early “to-bed” time can help make sure that the children are in no way fatigued.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

When and how long should my baby sleep? The younger the child, they more sleep they need. However, this depends on the respective development stage. In some circumstances e.g., illnesses or growth spurts, the child might need more sleep. Recommendations from pediatricians or other institutions are made on the basis of what is average or considered normal. This is in turn founded on a large number of studies that are used to determine what is normal. On average, infants/newborns sleep for up to 16 hours. However, there are also newborns who sleep over 19 hours whereas others sleep less than 10 hours. This is not a reason to worry. In both cases, the children are simply getting the sleep they need. In addition, cultural differences and the lifestyle also play a key role. Infants growing up in the country side usually have more uninterrupted sleep compared to children in the city. These often suffer from sleep interruptions. It is also important to consider whether to breastfeed the baby or use milk food. Children who are not breastfed usually strive to sleep longer than those who are.

Difference between the sleep of infants and that of adults For adults, the sleep in divided into 5 phases. There is also the REM (rapid eye movement dream sleep) sleep phase, which is given this name because it is characterized by fast eye movements among other things. The phases are distributed evenly throughout the night. Adults spend about 50% of the sleep in the 2nd phase

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

(falling asleep and/or light sleep), about 20% in the REM sleep phase, and the rest of the time in the 1st phase (light sleep), 3rd phase, and 4th phase (deep sleep). On the other hand, half of the sleeping time in infants is usually in the REM sleep phase. The center of the brain of an adult recuperates as soon as one enters the deep sleep phase. The breathing slows down, blood pressure and circulation sink, the cortisol stress hormone mirror sinks, the muscles relax, and the energy restored. The brain “wakes” from the deep sleep after about 90 minutes and one goes into the light REM sleep mode whereby the eyes move under the eyelids. This is when most dreams take place. Even in the case of movements, such as “ceiling renovations”, one remains in this phase as this is what one learnt.

Babies and small children must find their way between the light sleep, reawakening, and falling asleep again. During this period, there is a high likelihood of waking up at night. Adults have already gotten used to switching between the different sleep phases and falling back to sleep. Babies have shorter sleep cycles compared to adults. These last between 50 and 60 minutes, which explains why babies often wake up after approximately one hour. A pleasant sleep environment without any touching or movements should be ensured during the light sleep phase. This phase is noticeable through grimaces or twitching of the muscles in the baby’s face. For many fatigued parents, this might sound unfair but

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

an infant cannot fall into deep sleep light an adult. For infants, the REM sleep phase is vital and as a parent, you should not encourage your newborn to fall into deep sleep, but rather help your little one find his/her way between the different sleep phases. Compelling an infant to fall into deep sleep would mean that your baby will not wake up regularly to demand its requirements. This means no feeding and also discomfort due to cold as your child will not be able to communicate this to you with the necessary effectiveness. Regular waking up and active sleep are a protective mechanism and infants do what they are supposed to – sending signals. According to sleep researchers, the light REM sleep phase promotes the development of an infant’s brain since they are not in the relaxing phase. The body produces more nerve proteins and the blood flow is enhanced. It is assumed that the learning processes occur during the active sleep phase.

Armin

watches

his

newborn

baby

Marie

she

sleeps:

“I just love watching my little princess Marie take a nap. She sometimes opens her eyes and moves her nose as if a butterfly was trying to sit on it. Once a while, she takes a deep breath and in the next moment, I’m worried because you can hardly hear her breathe. I know that this is the only time I have for myself or that I could be doing laundry and other household chores, but I simply don’t want to miss these unique moments. I am incredibly proud and cannot believe she is ours!”

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Baby signals – Why is my baby always crying?

Babies cry to get our attention, to interact and communicate with us. Since they are not yet able to speak, this is their way of informing us about their needs. They could be hungry, needing a new diaper, feeling uncomfortable, feeling cold or too warm, or simply seeking proximity to their parents. Over time, you will develop a sense of what your baby needs in the different situations and your little one will not even have to cry because you will be changing the diapers, feeding, or holding them in time. Some babies cry a lot, others less. You can describe a “baby’s cry” as a protective or emergency precaution. Many babies, especially newborns, are used to being held all the time in some cultures to prevent them from crying. During the times of hunters and gatherers, babies were in danger if they screamed as it would alert the wild animals. Their mothers therefore had to hold them close to their bodies all the time. In our society, this is no longer possible but you can still learn to accurately interpret the signals sent by your baby. There are different types of crying and each means something different. You will unconsciously come to know when your child is feeling pain, when they are uncomfortable, or hungry. Many parents do not tolerate their baby’s cry, but you should be try remain calm when soothing your child. The important thing is to react to these signals and not let your child cry – which is usually the cause of emotional pain for most parents.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

In 1880, doctors came up with the idea of letting babies to “just cry” until they stop. They were concerned that germs would spread through physical contact and cause infections. The familial coexistence with each other developed in the 20th century. Mothers were on their own and had no form of support from the family members. In addition, male researchers got involved and stipulated how children should be brought up. But was this the right way?

What to do when your baby is crying?

Your baby crying can often drive you to the brink of despair. Is your baby crying for no apparent reason and are the numerous sleepless nights taking away all your energy? Never try to get your baby to rest by shaking him/her! This can cause serious injuries or even death. Try the following: •

Even if it is not easy – try to remain calm.

•

Try to soothe your baby by talking, singing, and physical contact.

•

Avoid hectic movements, this only upsets your baby more.

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If the child has been crying for a long time, try a change of location. You can simply move from the bedroom to the living room, or take a short walk. Fresh air can also soothe your baby.

•

If you are at the verge of a nervous breakdown, ask your partner for help. Give him the baby.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

If you are alone and feel like you really can’t take it anymore, place your child at a safe place e.g., a bassinet or crib. Leave the room before you do something rash.

•

Try to calm down. A cup of tea or listening to your favorite song can help at times.

•

If you feel like you do not have any strength left, call a relative or friends who can help you.

Friends and family can often also bring you the much-needed relief and enable you to take a time out. If you feel like you cannot interpret why your child is crying or if it is too much, you can also turn to a pediatrician. In most cases, excessive crying can be dealt with quickly through professional support. There are also ways to help prevent your baby from crying a lot. These include empathetic reaction. In the first few months, you should try and react and comfort your baby immediately. Such babies often cry less in the weeks that follow. But try not to hold and cradle your child immediately he/she starts crying. Instead, try calming him or her through eye contact, soothing talk, or gentle swings. It is also important to regularly hold and carry your child during the first weeks, but not every time he/she cries. Experience shows that babies who are “carried around” in this way cry less. Always offer your little one attention, especially in the quiet moments. Use the time when your little one is awake to play and talk. Let her/him kick around and don’t place your child in bouncers, etc. for hours. If your baby tends to cry a lot, avoid different and excessive stimuli. Accept when he/she has had enough and is turning away, otherwise insisting on continuing to play,

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

etc. will only agitate and make a child cry again. During the first months, the attention span of a baby is still very low and your baby could be fatigued after just a few minutes. It is also important that you bring routine into your everyday life and ensure your baby has a well-structured daily routine. Regularities provide security to your child. Look out for signs of fatigue and exhaustion. Bring your child to sleep regularly to prevent fatigue; this too can lead to unbearable bouts of crying. If your baby continues to cry a lot, it is advisable to ask a pediatrician for advice.

Crying and emotional state

We now know that simply “letting a baby cry” is unhealthy for infants. Researchers used saliva tests to prove that stressed children have a high cortisol level. These were simply left to cry without anyone paying attention to them. They were simply left alone. Neurobiologists warn that the high cortisol level leads to destruction of neurons as the brain is developing. Constant crying also leads to high blood pressure and interferes with the oxygen supply to the brain (oxygenation). Scientists from Harvard University ascertained that when infants are stressed in their first years, it is highly likely that they will be more susceptible to stress as adults thus increasing the likelihood for anxiety and depression.

If children are under constant stress, adrenaline is produced in excess. This in turn leads to aggression. Similarly, children who are left to cry over long periods of time are 10 times more susceptible to the neurobiologically induced “ADHD”. This leads to worsened performance at school and deterioration of their social behavior. In comparison, children who were given immediate attention whenever they cried

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

developed a solid, mental stress management system that helped them deal with stress situations more effectively as adults.

If children are simply left to cry, they cannot learn how to balance their feelings. The emotional development is therefore marred significantly. At some point, the baby eventually gets tired of crying and gives up. This is debilitating for the baby. The baby also learns to remain silent in stressful situations as a mechanism of coping with emotions. However, if the baby is attended to, he/she is able to build confidence in the surrounding environment and eventually develop expectations for his/her own reassurance and also learn to calm himself/herself. Leaving a baby to cry might make one fail to correctly interpret what the baby needs and therefore not notice when something is wrong. Penelope Leach, a parenting expert, explains this in her book titled “The Essential First Year. What babies need parents to know”: Babies who have a fixed daily structure cry less when they go to bed since they resign faster. “Since they are not answered by the world, their brain has already adapted to it.” This anxiety status also manifests itself later when they become adults. It has never been stated that crying is always bad, but failure to give a baby the much needed attention can have lasting effects on the baby’s emotional development. We are not talking about short time periods where the baby is crying and you are unable to attend to it immediately. This also does not refer to situations where, for

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

example, reflux results in increased crying thus causing immediate harm. We are talking about children who do not receive any attention whatsoever and are simply left alone. The book shows you ways to help your child and assist in creating a pleasant night while still observing the previously described approach. “Sleep learning” helps you reduce the tears of your little ones.

Infants aged 5 months and below – Can you change the sleep rhythm? It is almost impossible to influence the sleep phases of an infant who is 5 months old or less. Babies sleep when they want to sleep. The body falls asleep when it needs to collect and renew its energy. Babies wake up to satisfy the basic needs then sleep again once they are satisfied. Parents should be able to develop a routine once they recognize their baby’s nutritional pattern. You can start observing the sleep behavior of your child after about 6 weeks. If your child loves to sleep when being carried or while eating, you can try to always put him/her at the same place so that he/she can connect to a particular sleeping place. This could be a stroller, basket, crib, baby carriage, etc. The feeding situation at noon should be lively and entertaining. The baby should get acquainted with everyday sounds, such as household appliances or radio, from the very beginning. Babies are easily inspired by everyday activities e.g., a rotating washing machine!

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

In the evening, you should avoid distractions of any kind and ensure a calm, exhausting atmosphere. The TV should be switched off, lights dimmed, and playing quiet sleep music also helps. A good night story and a bath are also helpful. Place your baby in the crib when he/she is tired but still awake. Babies love physical contact and enjoy the proximity. If your goal is to ensure that your baby manages to fall asleep on their own, it is important to set the time for cuddling during the day. Nights are for relaxing, and this should be clear to you and your baby. Maybe your child loves being carried in a Manduca. This was the case with my son. He was always hanging in front of me while I was in the kitchen cooking. He enjoyed the physical contact a lot, until he became too heavy for me. Some baby slings are more comfortable since they distribute the weight of the child perfectly. For working parents, the time for cuddling can be set to early mornings or in the evenings. There are different alternatives that you should definitely make use of. Your baby should learn to calm themselves and relax on their own, so it is important to avoid swinging and soothing him/her to fall sleep. Many parents do not feel well ignoring this need. But in most cases, this is usually a need for the parents and is not harmful for the baby if you do not do it. If your child wakes up at night because of hunger, you must feed him/her immediately. Your child might not stop crying if you do not react immediately. Researchers have ascertained that this can prolong this phase. During this stage in life, it is not yet possible to spoil your baby. If feeding takes too long and your baby lingers on the breast or bottle for a long time, like my son Charlie used to, you should try

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

removing the diaper, even if it is up to the point where it becomes uncomfortable. This makes the feeding situation uninteresting and if the baby is tired, he/she can be put back to sleep. “Tobi, my little son always wanted to be fed as long as possible and he also knew, that this should happen while he was cuddled around my breast. He always enjoyed the physical contact. My Colombian friend always used to joke and tell me that I should let my son enjoy as long as he is young. For Tobi, this was an amazing time, but I needed my sleep at night. He would get hungry at about 4 a.m. and breastfeed for a few minutes then fall back to sleep. Shortly after, he would wake up again, demand to be fed and want to stay for hours on my breast. I followed the advice of a nurse who told me to pull him off while he was breastfeeding and after complaining for a while, he was awake enough to feed faster.”

From the age of 2 months, your baby begins to differentiate between day and night. This is now the right time to introduce the daily structure, which must be adapted to you and your family until your child is 4 months old. Since every family has a different routine, you will learn to interpret the needs of your child and therefore develop an individual structure. If you stick to this structure, your baby will be motivated to learn that nights are for sleeping.

CHAPTER 2 Sleep at 6 months and beyond

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Chapter 2: Sleep learning from the 6th month – 5 steps for ideal preparation I am a teacher and had to realize that sleep problems were a common thing among older children in the inner city social hotspots. I worked with several hundreds of families who suffered from sleep deprivation or sleep disorders. One thing that was quite noticeable was the performance deterioration at school, which was due to unhealthy diet and lack of sleep. In most cases, mothers of infants would come to my classroom crying because their third child was giving them much more problems than the first two did. The situation became virtually intolerable, mostly due to envy of the older siblings especially caused by changes in the family. Most of the mothers were only looking for advice, an “open ear”, or did not want to hear such statements as “enjoy the time with your baby as long as he/she is small”. We would sit together for a cup of tea (perfect English way whenever there is a problem and they would let their worries and tears free. Together, we used to create a plan containing individualized procedures that we would reflected on every week. The most effective method that we had worked out was a day-to-day structure with a fixed schedule and, most importantly, fixed sleeping times.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Fixed structures Experience and familiarity are the key to good child rearing. Anyone who has ever been on holiday with their little one, gotten unexpected visitors, or moved from one house to another will tell you that fixed structures and routines are the most important thing for children. Only so can children feel safe and be free to develop their full potential. If there are no fixed procedures, you will quickly notice a deterioration in the behavioral and sleep pattern. If you have set fixed times for eating, playing, and sleeping, you are a huge step towards reaching the goal of having your child sleep through the night. The growth of your child’s stomach means that more food is being absorbed and your child can sleep longer. Once your child starts feeding on solid foods, the sleeping time increases even further. However, this does not mean you should change the diet early for your child so that he/she can be full and sleep longer! This can have serious health consequences.

1st step: Structured daily routine A structured daily routine is very important in helping your baby sleep at night. Children who are already going to a day care center already have their daily routine. Try to use most of the time with your little one outdoors, especially if you are a “full-time” parent. Even if it is just a short walk in the park. The outside world offers your child exciting incentives and contacts. You could even visit friends or a parent-child course. Use the time to have fun with your baby instead of just taking care of the tedious household.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Once your child is all grown up, you will not think back to the household chores but rather the beautiful memories you made with your little one and the many friendships they made in the parent-child course, the park, or at the playground. This does not necessarily mean neglecting your household chores. But always keep in mind that your house will never be the same as it was before the baby, unless you can afford a house help to take care of the tedious chores. The important thing is to first lower your expectations. Of course, you will still need fresh and clean clothes, but these must not be ironed for hours. Another alternative would be to integrate the little one in the housework. You can do this when folding clothes as your child sits on the laundry pile or while cooking as your child drums on the pots using a spoon. Children love to help and simply want to be there as mom is doing something. Once the baby starts crawling, the necessary safety precautions must be taken. The living area should not pose any hazards and you can even get a play pen. In this stage as well, you can also involve your child in housework. For instance, if you are tied up to the living room, you can keep your child busy with various incentives. These could be toys, normal household material e.g., that produce noise when opening and closing (pots, cans, cooking spoons). Your child needs a discovery space for structures and communication, as well as interaction through reference persons. Use this time to cuddle, romp, and kiss your child. This should not be done at night.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

The daily routine of my 8-month old son, Max “The daily structure should be adapted to you and your child and is therefore individual. Max no longer took long midday naps and I, a “full-time” mum, was combining breastfeeding with milk food. Your days can be very long if you are all on your own with little help. Nevertheless, the utmost priority is not to give your child the feeling that you have to rush through the important tasks and that you are unwillingly doing what you need to do. This stress will be transferred to your child and your child will take up these negative behavioral patterns and will also be unable to sleep at night. You should try and take a break as soon as your child falls asleep!”

Structured meals and intermediate meals Regular and orderly meals are important structures that must be established in your child’s daily routine. Once you have recognized the signals sent by your child, you will be able to know when your child is hungry. The diet plays a huge role in your child’s sleep since it is directly connected to the feeling of fatigue. Parents have spoken of children who are hyperactive due to consumption of excessive sugar in cakes and sweets during birthday celebrations. Excessive carbohydrates cause fatigue. The diet has a direct influence on how well your child sleeps. “Heavy foods” e.g., cheese and fast foods, keep your child awake at night. Healthy and balanced diets are

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

therefore very important. Make it your goal to give your child small, nourishing meals throughout the day to keep their energy level high and perfectly balanced. The tryptophan amino acid is responsible for your child’s development and must be contained in the food you feed your child. In addition, the amino acid also helps the body produce serotine, which is responsible for fatigue as it reduces brain movements. The tryptophan amino acid is found in foods such as chicken, tofu, and nuts. Equally recommended are meals that are suitable for sleep e.g., muesli and yoghurt. The food industry always avails packaged foodstuff e.g., cereals, and term them healthy snacks and intermediate meals. But these “healthy” snacks are full of sugar. It is better if you take a banana, homemade crepes, or lunch leftovers. We had a rule at our home: The candy cabinet was only to be opened on weekends! And it was not long before he stopped whining for sweets every time he came home from school. Eric Carle also described this in his book, “Die kleine Raupe Nimmersatt” (the little caterpillar is never full). He uses child-friendly terms to explain how easy communicating healthy habits to children can be. Because too much unhealthy stuff causes severe stomachaches.

Drinking Right from the beginning, you must make sure your child gets used to drinking water or unsweetened teas instead of sugary drinks whenever he/she is thirsty. Sugar in different beverages and drinks is harmful for your child’s metabolism and teeth. It also leads to overweight problems. Similarly, fruits containing fructose are also

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

not always harmless as they can cause tooth decay. If the weather permits it, infants should only drink milk. Once solid food has been introduced, children should be motivated to drink water whenever they are thirsty, especially when they wake up at night.

Regular rest periods

Monique LeBourgeuis conducted a study at the University of Colorado showing the importance of regular rest periods for the emotional development of children. “Nowadays, many young children do not get enough sleep and for small children, rest periods are one way to ensure that their “sleep reservoirs are replenished every day”, LeBourgeuis explained in an interview on psychcentral.com. The study observed the emotional expressions of healthy children suffering from sleep deprivation an hour after their daily rest period. This was repeated the next day: Researchers found that positive emotional responses increased in children suffering from sleep deprivation as they participated in childfriendly activities such as puzzles. “This study shows that inadequate sleep, in the form of a missed resting phase, affects the way children express different emotions. And this can affect the long term emotional development and expose them to life-long, mood-related problems.”

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Everyone who has ever looked after a fatigued child is certainly familiar with how the mood can change. Correct interpretation of a child’s needs is therefore very essential in prevention of fatigue. Signs of fatigue

Apparent signs of fatigue among infants include:

•

rubbing eyes

•

being absent, staring at space

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twitching

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putting fingers in the mouth

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crying, whining, or restlessness

It is very advantageous if you recognize these signs at an early stage and lay the baby to sleep since in most cases, babies often start crying after fatigue has already set in.

Signs of fatigue among older babies and young children include:

•

desire for attention

•

attachability

•

reduced frustration tolerance

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crying and whining

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bored with toys

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Mama Karin briefly shares with us a glimpse of how it is when her little Laura becomes moody: “When Laura is tired, she is easily irritated and angry. Otherwise, she has a balanced, calm, and friendly sentimental mind. Once fatigue sets in, she usually gets angry over the smallest of issues e.g., “The milk is in the wrong cup” or “The bread is sliced wrongly”. This ends in tantrums since I obviously cannot glue the bread back together. When playing with friends, she starts pushing them or becomes attached because they are playing with her toys and no one else should touch her things. When in the bathtub, it often ends with loud whining because she is the one who was supposed to throw the toys in the bathtub and not me. And not to mention the shampoo burning all over her eyes”. Fixed rest periods help your child develop a more balanced mindset and get enough sleep. A pleasant sleeping atmosphere helps convince your child and the others will easily accept this as well. Children should learn to fall asleep on their own, whereby driving around in a baby carriage or car can also be helpful. You too will benefit from fixed rest periods since they allow you to take the muchneeded break. Sometimes you can do yourself a favor and take a nap if you are feeling weak and exhausted or do not feel like doing other things. Plus, you also need to replenish your energy reserve! When my mother was pregnant with my younger brother, she would place me in bed and lie next to me when I was 2 years old. We would talk quietly until we finally fell asleep.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

If your child loves sleeping for long periods during the day, you should have no inhibitions waking him/her up. Nobody wants a child who sleeps during the day and remains awake at night. Your baby might resist by crying but if you yourself are relaxed, you will be able to handle the situation better.

What to do in case of grumbling and tantrums? There are several strategies that can help you soothe your child in case of temper tantrums. These are normal for children as they learn to control their emotions. For children who are fatigued, rage outbursts are more frequent especially when it is “time to go to bed”.

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Calm down, take a deep breath, and relax otherwise you will never win the battle.

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Distract your child from the current situation.

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Do not give in! Respond to the groaning, show children that they can keep up with such behavior and they will never learn what self-control means.

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Be disciplined and stick to your “no”. Even if you are very busy, a “no” should be a “no”.

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“Think positive”. Praise your child and pay attention to them if they behave well. Give less attention in case of bad behavior, but do not go ranting for every little thing.

•

Keep your structures intact and spend lovely moments with your child

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Discussions about when to go to bed Some children simply refuse to sleep. For the young ones, this is often expressed through crying, strumming, or screaming whereas the older one look for all sorts of excuses that will keep them from going to bed. The important thing: Stay calm! If you get stressed, you will pass the stress and the negative emotions on to your child. The fight would have been lost. However, if you remain calm, collected and act in a loving but consistent manner, victory will be yours.

You should always remind your child of the routine. Changing this routine can cause insecurities for your child and might lead to evenings that are too exhausting before going to bed. Leave the room, but regularly check if everything is okay. Remind your child that you are there for him/her, but it is time for bed.

Young children learn to express their wishes in their first years through developing psychology. They test the borders and strive for independence. Even if these battles can be frustrating, you should never take them personally. It is mostly not your fault if your child does not fall asleep, it is typical at that age. Try positive motivation. If going to bed went well the previous night, make sure to praise your child the next morning. “Yesterday you went to bed like a big girl, that was great!” or “I am proud of you, yesterday you fell asleep so fast”. Good behavior at bedtime should be praised often, it will strengthen your child.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Sleeping in the same bed as Mom and Dad

Many parents let their baby sleep with them in the same bed. This can make feeding easier and therefore strengthen the well-being of both the baby and the parents. Being that close gives them security, but is also associated with lurking risks. There is an increased risk of a sudden infant death if, for instance, both parents smoke. The following must be observed if mum, dad, and baby share the family bed:

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The bed must be large enough. Waterbeds or sofas are not suitable for a baby’s night rest. Make sure that your baby is not clamped in the middle.

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None of the parents should be a smoker!

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The baby should never be left alone in the family bed!

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Blankets and pillows must be placed in way preventing the baby from covering itself with them. This could lead to suffocation.

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Strangers or older children should not sleep in the same bed as your little one.

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If you have consumed alcohol, are taking medication, or feeling extremely tired, you should avoid sleeping in the same bed as your baby. Your response capacity is limited and you cannot perceive hazards consciously.

The idea that your baby, who was so close to you, now has to sleep alone after birth appears to be wrong to many parents. You and your partner must decide what you think is right.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Also remember that: You also need time for yourself. If your child sleeps with you in the same bed, there wouldn’t be any togetherness with your partner and also no time off, which is extremely important for you as parents in order to replenish the much-needed energy for the following day.

2nd step: Create a pleasant sleeping atmosphere Keep in mind that babies in other cultures sleep while cuddled tightly by their parents. We have developed different ways in which our children should rest and sleep – ideas and transformations that would never be tolerated or understood by our forefathers. The modern society is partly the cause. There are fewer big families, many mothers must resume work and the maternity period is too short.

Tamara shares her story: “My baby and I have been sleeping in the same bed since she was born. The crib is perfectly ideal for our huge laundry piles. My first child did not sleep through a single night before he was 2 years old and often woke up very early. When the second one came, we all lay in the same bed. Although we exchanged the small double bed for a huge one, the baby still woke up just as often, but would fall back to sleep almost right after breastfeeding. Relocating her back to her own bed took several attempts. We finally managed when they were 4½ and 3 years old. Whenever they woke up at night, they would call for me and I would lay there with them for 10 minutes then leave and go back to my bed. For a long while, the change of beds had led to them waking up more often at night. But this was not a problem for me since they would easily go back to

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

sleep. My goal was to find the best solution for all. The first years flew by and I had waited until my children were ready to sleep alone.”

In many countries, there lacks the means or space to offer children their own sleeping space. Similarly, it is not always possible to buy all the necessary material and baby items. Back then when there were no central heating systems, it was simply warmer and more comfortable to sleep together in the same bed. Nowadays, it is almost selfexplanatory that children first spend the night in a bassinet or crib and later in their own room. Sleeping in the same bed was a standard practice centuries ago. Attachment parenting is merely an upbringing strategy that we have discredited since many believe that it smothers the baby. In the first few months, it is advantageous if your baby is close to you and sleeps next to you since this also helps reduce the sudden infant death syndrome.

Marlene shares her experiences: “My Korean husband and I sleep on futon mattresses that we lay on the floor. This is a tradition in Korea. Since our daughter did not want to sleep alone, we decided to sleep here together, which is common in Korea due to the shortage of living space. This was incomprehensible for my mother whereas my mother-in-law had done it herself. From the age of 6-7 months, my daughter no longer had problems sleeping through the night and I was therefore also able to sleep at night, which meant a lot to me.”

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

As mother, this also allows you to quickly recognize the signals sent by your child, mostly before he/she cries and you can therefore react and calm the situation much faster. However, you are advised to be cautious in case you are overweight, under medication, or under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, you should start thinking of how to move your child to their own bed at an early stage. This book contains helpful techniques. Of course, it is best when your child sleeps close to you. This can also be made possible with an additional, rollaway bed. Your baby must not necessarily sleep in the same bed. Different options are available on the market and offer you good alternatives.

Martin’s and Janik’s mother, Lisa, shares her experiences with a rollaway bed: “I had a so-called “bed nest” back then when my boys were little. I had delivered them by C-section and had to minimize the lifting and movements, which were pretty much the order of the day. The “bed nest” made it easier for me but I cannot say for sure, whether my boys slept better since they used to sleep very badly at first.

My little Martin suffered from reflux, whereby it was great to be able to tilt the “bed nest” to the side. On the other hand, Janik preferred sleeping on his stomach. This should be discouraged for young children but I gave in since he would only on his back for just one hour. The “bed nest” is also very popular among friends and acquaintances. Especially since you can breastfeed without affecting the baby or even your partner and yourself.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

If you decide to buy a rollaway bed, safety should always come first. You must ensure that there is no gap between the mattresses and that the clamp is firmly fixed. No matter where your baby sleeps, may it be a bassinet, its own room, or a rollaway bed, the important thing is to create a pleasant sleeping atmosphere. Here, the lighting, temperature, and noise play a huge role.”

Lighting Dimmed light sends significant signals to the body telling it that it is time to sleep. Bright light motivates one to wake up. A baby’s body produces melatonin, which helps regulate sleep phases. More melatonin is produced in a dark room than in a bright room. Dim night lights or lamps with a dimmer function are perfect for your child’s bedroom. “Full lighting” should remain switched off, even if your child wakes up at night, to make it easier to fall back to sleep. As your child grows older, they develop a fear of night, and in particular, of darkness. This can be reduced by using a small socket night light. However, light also radiates through closed eyes and when night lights are used in the long term, they can be disadvantageous since they promote production of serotonin. Try to leave as much darkness as possible in your child’s bedroom. Electrical appliances, such as tablets and TVs, do not belong to the sleeping area because they too lead to increased production of serotonin. You should start promoting good sleeping habits at an early stage and rather read a good-night story from the oldfashioned book instead of a tablet. I believe that no parent wants her child be secretly rummaged under the duvet at night playing with the smartphone.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

On dark winter days, it can be useful to use daylight lamps. Similarly, roller shutters can help on long summer evenings.

Temperature To ensure a comfortable sleeping temperature for your child, the room temperature should be between 16 – 20 0C. It is better to have an environment that is cooler than one that is too warm since the body cools down when sleeping and it therefore takes up too much energy to cool down if the environment is too warm. You can easily regulate the room temperature by using a simple room thermometer. The risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) also increases if it is too warm at night!

It is of great importance that the place where your baby sleeps be free of pillows, blankets, toys, and other things that could “cover” the child and lead to suffocation. It is better if you use more clothes than cover your child with a blanket. Special sleeping bags for different seasons can also be useful. The child’s head should not be covered and children aged below one year should not use quilts or down duvets. During summers when your child’s room is too warm, it is sometimes necessary to leave a window open. Here, it is very important to check the room temperature regularly.

We once went on vacation with my 6-month old son in Veracruz, a hot and humid city in Mexico. There was no air conditioner in the hotel room and we let him sleep in the diaper. I would regularly wash him with lukewarm water since he was very warm. I would touch his stomach to check how he was doing. If the stomach is sweaty, you can

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

remove some of the clothes. It is also not exceptional for a baby’s hands and feet to be a bit cold.

Falling asleep in warm temperatures

Many parents are often unsure of how to dress their children in warm temperatures at night. The child should not feel too warm, but should not freeze either. You can check the temperature sensitivity of your child by feeling the neck. The skin should be warm but not moist or sweaty. Cool hands and feet should never drive you to dress your child heavily. Babies are not yet able to control the blood floor in their hands and feet, which explains why they can have cold hands and feet even when they are feeling warm. All you need is a babygrow, ideally a onesie. If the temperatures are too high, a romper is usually enough. The clothing must be breathable, which is the case with cotton or silk. Try and avoid sleeping bags. If you really have to use a sleeping bag, opt for one that is very thin, ideally with a zipper stretching all the way to the feet.

Tips for sleeping better in warm temperatures

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Ventilation! But only in the morning! It is best to open the window in the morning and let cool, fresh air in. Over the day, the window should remain closed and the shutters rolled down. This keeps the heat outside. You can then open the window when it becomes dark again before going to bed.

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Leave the window open at night! Babies too can sleep with the window open. Just make sure that your baby is free from draughts e.g., not placed between the window and open room door.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

The heat can be made more bearable using moisture. Hang a damp cloth in front of the open window. Your baby will be able to sleep better since the humidity will become more comfortable due to cooling by evaporation.

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Make sure that your baby is protected against mosquitoes. You can use a mosquito net or fly screens on all doors and windows. You can dip a damp cloth in lavender or lemon oil to dry away the annoying beasts.

Noises Babies get used to loud noises even when they are in their mother’s womb since the womb is not that much of a quiet place. If you imitate these noises, your child will sleep better. It therefore did not surprise me that my 3-month old son did not mind sleeping throughout an 8-hour flight. If only I could just be flying around for the next six months. The sound generated by the service trolley and the noise in the airplane reminded him of home and gave him security making him comfortable.

One usually hears “white noise” when searching for TV stations or setting the radio frequency. This can be very annoying, but can also help eliminate distant noises such as barking dogs or loud traffic. The white noise level should be about 50 dB, which can be compared to the noise generated when you are showering. Studies show that most machines that are sold for generation of “white noise” produce too much noise (85 dB) and can therefore be harmful to the child. Alternatively, you can use a medium-wave transmitter on the radio or simply play water noises. The simplest way, however, is to play the enclosed mp3 on an iPod, etc.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Movement as security Many parents prefer moving their child around so that they can fall asleep. Whether it is in the car or stroller, it is simple and effective but does not help babies learn to fall asleep on their own. Marc Weissbluth (sleep expert) compared the sleep induced by movement with the sleep of an adult in a flight: it is not deep sleep! You should therefore remove the child from the child seat or stroller as soon as he/she falls asleep. The child seat is also not the most suitable place for a child to fall asleep, but an alternative is not always possible especially during long journeys by car. I understand how difficult it is for you. My son never even thought of sleeping during the day without being moved around.

Summary:

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Regular and well-structured meals are important.

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Right from the beginning, make sure your child gets used to drinking water or unsweetened tea instead of sugary drinks whenever he/she is thirsty.

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Rest periods, especially during the day, must be at fixed times. This ensures your child gets enough sleep.

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Stick to the bedtime routine. Deviations or compromises can lead to conflicts.

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Be sure to observe safety precautions when you share the family bed with your baby.

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Find the ideal time for your child to go to sleep. Your child will adapt and soon there will be no protests.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

Make sure the light is dimmed.

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There should be no electric appliances in the bedroom!

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The temperature in your child’s room should be 16 – 20 degrees Celsius.

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Babies are already familiar with a specific noise from their mother’s womb. Try to imitate this noise to make them feel safe.

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Many children want to be moved around to fall asleep. Try to always place your baby in the stroller or bed as soon as he/she falls asleep in the child seat or in your arms. This is more comfortable and gentle for your little one’s body.

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Your child should rest one hour before bedtime. You can encourage different activities during the day.

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When temperatures are high, your baby can sleep in a onesie or babygrow. Check the temperature by feeling your baby’s neck.

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You can make the room temperature more bearable by hanging a damp cloth on the window. Dipping it in lavender or lemon oil keeps away mosquitoes.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

3rd step: The right time

Many parents make the mistake of sending their children to bed late thinking that this will make the children sleep through the night. In most cases, the exact opposite happens. Children tend to wake up earlier when they go to bed late and usually have difficulty sleeping since they are already fatigued. An early-to-bed time will certainly help your child.

Nowadays, it has been observed that children sleep far less than their parents did. Kids have packed days filled with sports club appointments, practice at the music school, meetings with friends, etc. Children spend less time outside and basically have less time to play freely. In most cases, all these appointments force changes in the day structure and hence alter the evening course. Parents work longer and therefore allow their children to stay awake longer, just to soothe their own conscience in terms of spending enough time with their children. This might contain some spark of truth, but it is mostly just an excuse to send their children to bed late. Many parents are no longer able to dictate when and how long they want to work since they have to feed their families. However, children need their sleep and, in the long run, you will not have done yourself or your children any favors by letting these bad habits develop among your children.

“Correct timing” is also key when it comes to interpreting the signals conveyed by your child. Before falling asleep, your child must be fed and adjust into the sleep process. If you notice that your child is rubbing eyes or has become restless, there is a high

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

likelihood that he/she is fatigued. You should stick to the routine if you have set fixed times for bed. If your child sleeps for long periods during the day, wake him/her up. The time difference between a nap during the day and bedtime at night should be as long as possible for your child to get used to a comfortable bedtime routine. This will also help your child sleep better.

Why is the right time important?

The body builds up energy in sleep. Experiences and events are processed in dreams. Good sleep is extremely essential for the physical and mental well-being.

According to studies, chronic sleep deficiency in small children can lead to obesity, concentration disorders, learning problems, behavioral problems, lack of growth, and cognitive delays. The maturation of the brain, which mostly takes place at night, is not completed until 24 years! But I tend to think that the most arduous argument is the bad-tempered children.

A regular sleep rhythm is therefore indispensable. Children will adapt and fall asleep automatically with less protests and conflicts. Mom and Dad will thereafter have time for themselves and the evenings will be more relaxed.

Paul tells us about his 3-year-old son Noah:

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

“Our son Noah sticks to our daily rituals very closely. He knows very well that after dinner, teeth brushing follows, then I accompany him into his room, and he lays down in his bed. This is followed by our daily cuddling session and he is allowed to choose between us singing a song or I reading a goodnight story. With the structure and rituals, Noah is always tired and relaxed in the evening. Protests are very rare e.g., if he is unwell. The next morning, he is always fresh and in very good moods.”

Rituals and fixed structures give your child security and orientation. Going to bed at the right time has a positive effect on your child’s brain. Children with irregular bedtimes are often disadvantaged in terms of cognitive development, especially in speech and perception.

4th step: The last one hour before going to bed

The last hour before putting your child to bed is very important. You must create a sleeping atmosphere and establish routines that connect your baby to bedtime. At the beginning, this structure must be planned to the smallest detail and the process followed strictly. Once the process has been firmly established, you may deviate from it but only as exceptions. Eating and sleeping should be separated and there must be enough time in between for digestion to take place. Failure to observe this might lead to problems such as reflux. Spending time together e.g., during a relaxed bath or while telling a story show your child that it is soon time to sleep and promotes bonding, especially if you work a lot during the day and are unable to spend a lot of time together. It is important to remain

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

calm, but dinner should also not take too long to allow for enough bonding thereafter. You baby easily notices if you are stressed or in a hurry and causes him/her to “jump” over. Make sure you remain calm for your child to remain happy and relaxed.

Self-organization and anticipatory thinking, from the beginning of the day, can be helpful. It is best to have everything needed for bathing or for the night ready in advance so that you can have enough time with your little ones at night. If your child spends the day in a care facility, you can use this time e.g., to prepare the things needed for the next day. This helps avoid stress in the morning, especially when your child starts going to school. Unfortunately, this habit is not a thing for my husband. And he does not show any signs of ever taking it up.

Examples of ways to ensure the last one hour before going to bed is stress-free:

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Babies easily associate milk with sleeping – play relaxation music or lullabies.

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Dim the lights!

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Read a goodnight story or play a quiet game – “no over excitement” is the motto here.

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Do not let your smartphone or TV distract you – switch them off.

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Spend the hour with your child – do not clean or do other things! The goal is to give your baby the feeling that they have enough attention from you and can therefore fall asleep on their own, relaxed and without needing any physical contact.

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Bath your child to help him/her relax – preferably in a darkened room.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

Read something to your child.

Marco describes the evening routine with his son Toni: “I love spending time with my son, even when am very tired from work in the evening. Many of my colleagues have to work much longer, which is why I do not complain. I am lucky enough to share my time. When I was little, I rarely saw my father and before you even knew it, we were already teenagers. This is why I value and appreciate the time I spend with Toni. We mostly spend time with Toni’s cars or his books, which he finds great. This is often under dimmed light and have lullabies playing in the background to prepare him for bedtime. Marla and I share the evening duties. I usually bathe Toni and she puts him in his pajama. Sometimes I come up with stories, which he loves a lot, or we simply read him a book. If I cannot make it home on time, Marla is well structured and prepared. She manages to do everything at the same time e.g., cleaning and taking care of Toni. If I try to do the same, it always ends in chaos, but I still manage to spend a wonderful time with him and still take Toni to bed on time.”

It helps if you always tell your child what to expect next and what the plan is. Children only have a limited sense of time but they should always know what to expect next. Short instructions e.g., “You are going to take a bath after this one story” or “Just one more duck dive then you have to come out of the bathtub” help a lot. Even as an adult, you know how annoying it is when you are in the middle of something interesting and are suddenly forced to stop. It is the same with children: They do not like sudden and surprising changes. Continuously stating the plan helps children cope with the transition to the next phase.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Talk to your baby right from the start!

You can only sleep well if you are really tired

Romping, crawling, rolling, and climbing around during the day are very important for your baby and necessary for good sleep. However, this should be taboo in the last one hour before bedtime! The child must relax and come to rest peacefully in order to be able to adjust to bedtime. You need not wonder when your child does not want to sleep if he/she is not tired. However, it can also happen that the fatigue has already been overcome and you missed the right time. If your baby sleeps during the day, the nap time should not be too late. Ideally, there should a 4-hour difference from the time your child wakes up from the midday nap, and going to bed at night. If you have identified the right time, it could be that your child is still not tired at the usual sleep time. Also keep in mind that as your child grows older, he/she now needs less sleep and you can therefore push back the time set for your child to go to bed. Similarly, you can consider shortening or even doing away with the midday nap. This should be done individually depending on the age of the child.

The last one hour before going to bed plays a huge role. Perhaps you and your child could help tidy up and place back the toys, consciously turn off the TV and toys, pack away the books, or take out the “clothes for the next day”. This marks the transition. There is peace, the children are “tidied up” internally and adjusted for a night’s rest.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

The last bottle before going to bed Your baby getting used to the last bottle before going to bed can have a negative effect since the child will not learn to fall asleep on its own. He/she develops a connection between sleep and the bottle and will always need the bottle when going to bed. This can also lead to tooth decay if the milk tooth have already developed. You should put a stop to the bottle culture when your child is aged between 6th and 9th months old. With regular meal times where your child feeds on solid food, he/she will not need a bottle anymore. Here, an exception must be made for premature children or children with health problems. In such cases, this must be discussed with the pediatrician.

Breastfeeding mothers should feed their babies early and abundantly. However, this should not be a measure for getting the baby to sleep. You can also include cuddly toys or a blanket, which your child can associate with security before going to sleep.

Is there a favorite doll or special toy which your child cannot sleep without? Do everything to make sure that this does not get lost or buy a few duplicates. This can save you a lot of crying and distress.

The pacifier The pacifier can be used for weaning or as a transitional solution for sleeping since it has a soothing effect for your baby. This is usually a great comfort for your little one. But not all children love pacifiers, and many parents also reject it.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Discouragement of the pacifier should occur between the 6th and 12th month since it can affect the growth of teeth and later (from 2 years) affect the development of speech. Here, it is very important to make sure you never dip the pacifier in sweet products such as juice, honey, or the like since these could lead to tooth decay and dependency on sweetness. In addition, pacifiers must be sterilized and checked for holes regularly, the same with milk bottles.

The cuddly toy as a companion

A plushy represents security, warmth, and safety. Psychologists refer to these as “transitional objects”, a substitute of a missing parent. It can comfort the child, give them support, and help with falling asleep. Similarly, it also helps the child at night in case the parents are separated. From a developmental psychological point of view, giving your child a plushy is often helpful, but you should not worry if your child has no interest. There are also children who prefer an intimate relationship with their pacifier or a blanket that soothes and comforts them. At an early age, boys and girls handle plushies the same way. Only when they get older do boys tend to incline more to cars and dinos whereas girls prefer unicorns, kittens, etc. Plushies, teddy bears, cuddly toys, etc. eventually lose significance as children continue to grow. However, am sure you also know an adult who is still clung to their teddy bear from their childhood.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

5th step: Falling asleep The goal of this long journey is for your child to fall asleep on their own. You should therefore take your baby to bed when he/she is tired, but still awake. It is often enough to swing or breastfeed the child to sleep. However, this can have an undesired effect since your baby could wake up at night and get frightened because you are no longer there. Waking up is nothing unusual, but the feeling that nothing in the sleep environment has changed makes your child feel safe. If a child learns to fall asleep on their own, he/she will not have any difficulties falling back to sleep after waking up at night.

If you have already set a fixed “one hour before bedtime”, your baby falling asleep will be the “coronation” of everything and not the beginning of struggle between “David and Goliath”. If you stick to a set time before going to bed, your baby will no longer need you. Of course, he/she would rather be by your side and play with you, and may even protest, but this only means that your child has adapted well.

For children, going to sleep is initially interpreted as separation. During the day, children are accompanied by the parent(s) throughout. At night, they suddenly feel left alone and must go through the world of dreams alone. This is difficult for any child, whether older or younger, which is understandable.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Children must learn to deal with this daily “separation” from the parents. They must develop a form of security that they will see the parents again in the morning. Only so can they learn to relax and fall asleep after the “good night”. Lina, mother to the one-year-old Leon, tells us about her experience: Our son Leon has always slept well. The only problem was getting him to fall asleep. He simply could not get himself to rest. He would always wake up, giggle, and jump around. Every evening, one of us always had to lie next to him for hours to calm him down. This kept on getting worse and time together as partners became less and less. Every time Leon woke up at night, one of use had to lie next to him and try calming him. The midday nap was still in the baby carriage since that is where he would fall asleep best. I even considered this my perfect opportunity for sport and would go for a walk with him, but this was no long-term solution. Whenever we were outside, I always had to make sure that no excavator or crane was in sight since this would just have made him chirpy again.

Sleeping aids

Many children need “help” falling asleep. Plushies, cuddly toys, cuddly blankets, or musical clocks can hereby be of great help. Sometimes they need their pacifier or thumb that soothes them. Feel free to use these sleeping aids. They make your child feel safer and more secure since he/she is not alone in bed.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Especially in winter, your child might be unable to fall asleep due to the cold. In such a case, you could dress him/her in a thick sleeping bag to make him/her feel more comfortable. If the child still finds it difficult to fall asleep, your mere presence in the room can also help. Gently caress your child to sleep and hum a melody – it usually helps.

There are different methods how your little one can learn to sleep. Just read on and you will certainly discover one that suits you best!

CHAPTER 3 Sleep disorders and special circumstances

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Chapter 3: Sleep disorders and special circumstances

Many parents are often desperate because their children do not or cannot fall asleep. Sleep problems in young children can take very different forms depending on the age and development phase and must be solved accordingly depending on the age. Most sleep disorders are only temporary and are associated with specific events or development processes experienced by the child. However, studies by Kölner Kinderschlafklinik show that sleep disorders also become chronic in many cases. These disorders usually occur in combination with other diseases. According to studies, these are mostly mental disorders. The primary disease must be at the forefront in such cases. It is very easy to convince yourself that the sleep problems have been solved permanently once you are on the road to success. And this can easily lead to severe setbacks e.g., if your baby falls ill or begins teething. Never forget that setbacks are normal. If you have a continuous structure, you do not have to start from scratch again.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Reflux Many babies suffer from reflux (gastroesophageal reflux), where the stomach content comes up the esophagus again and causes some babies to vomit. Others have worse symptoms and suffer from “silent reflux”. This problem usually disappears at the age of 12 to 18 months once the digestive tract is more developed. However, there are acute cases where babies lose weight and do not receive enough nutrients forcing them to require medication. This should always be discussed with a doctor. The following tips help with reflux:

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Let the baby belch more often when eating

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It is better to feed the baby less and more often rather than overfeed him/her.

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Hold the baby upright for a while after eating.

Children who suffer from reflux often pull their legs towards the stomach after eating and curve their backs when crying. Most also vomit and experience pain. Others refuse to eat. Your child could be reacting to ready-to-use foods or cow milk, which is why you should visit a doctor or pediatrician.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Sleep and reflux Sleep training is not logical if your child is suffering from reflux or taking medication. This must be fixed first. But there are also helpful tips that can help your baby fall asleep better:

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Nighttime weaning should be held back for some time. Wake up at night severally and feed the baby more often in small amounts.

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The last meal before going to bed should be a bit early. Hold your child in an upright position and lay him/her down before he/she falls asleep in your arms.

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Raise your child’s mattress by about 15 cm for him/her to sleep in an inclined position. Reduce the inclination angle if your child rolls off and make sure he/she cannot fall off the bed!

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Do not use any method that causes your child to cry a lot as this worsens the reflux!

Individual experiences with reflux My son suffered a terrible, “silent reflux” when he was between 8th and 10th months old. At first, we did not know what he was suffering from since reflux usually comes at a much earlier stage and because it was silent in our son’s case. We did know that we should have it checked. The doctor prescribed to us a lot of drugs that did not help. He advised us to add some muesli in the milk, something that you should actually not do with babies. At the time, I was still breastfeeding and another doctor told us that it was because my son was swallowing air while breastfeeding. I therefore stopped and

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

started feeding him with milk food, which according to another doctor, probably contained too much nutrients. When my son was 1 year old, someone told me that I should discontinue the milk food and give him normal milk. This seemed to help. The milk contained enough nutrients and vitamins. The third doctor discontinued the whole medication and explained to me that the digestive tract of a child needs time to develop. Small children eventually grow out of it and it is normal. This was balm for my soul, though it did not help with my sleep deprivation. But in the end, the problem indeed solved itself.

Teething Many children get their first teeth between the 6th and 12th month. However, some already have indications in the 3rd month: red cheeks, lack of appetite, increased flow of saliva, or even rubbing of ears and cheeks. The first teeth are not a reason for you to stop the sleep training, but you should consider several points:

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Teething hurts! Hold off the training until the tooth is out.

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Teething interrupts your baby’s sleep. Note if he/she fell asleep the night before and wait a moment to see if maybe he/she might fall asleep again.

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If he/she doesn’t, stroke the back gently, but do not hold him/her in your arms.

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Do not turn back to feeding at night!

Teething rings or ice-cold water can help with children from the age of 6 months. Get advice from your doctor before using pain relievers.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Nightmares Children aged between 18 months and 3 years might experience nightmares. However, this mostly happens when children are 5 – 8 years old as they develop a sense of danger awareness. Your child is just processing difficult feelings, which is not an emotional problem! Nightmares can be a reaction to stress or fear induced by the TV, etc. Calm your child down after a nightmare and stay for a short while. But do not pity him/her too much. A cuddly doll, etc. can give the security needed for your child to fall asleep peacefully on his/her own. If the child thinks about last night’s dream on the next day and wants to talk about it, hear him/her out and do not rush! Then use the next night to check and confirm that there is no monster hiding under the bed. Stay objective and do not promote your child’s fear: “Monsters are only found in stories”. Some children process dreams better in images and then forget or invent a “happy ending”. Offer your child security! Nightmares can be reduced through a set bedtime routine (funny stories, a hug, or even a warm bath). However, if your child is persistently tormented by nightmares, discuss it with a doctor. Psychological techniques, such as desensitization and relaxation, can be very helpful. The important thing is to ensure your child gets enough sleep.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Annika shares with us how she helped her 3-year old Caro deal with nightmares: Caro was never able to sleep well. All sorts of loud noises here in the city were often the reason she would wake up at night. One night, she came rushing into our room and told us about a huge hungry dog waiting in her room. Apparently, the dog was feeling cold. Caro always sees many dogs at the park, but we ourselves have none. She would wake every night because of this dog, and I would always tell her that there was no dog there. We tried structuring our bedtime routine with relaxed and funny stories and take her to bed earlier, but it didn’t help. One day, I invented a story about a small puppy who was standing outside in the rain and needed a cuddly towel to get dry again and a banana because he was starving. Likewise, I bought confetti, filled an empty bottle with it, and termed it “fairy dust”. Every evening, I would sprinkle it over Caro and her pillow and tell her that the fairy dust would drive away all nightmares. It worked and Caro never had more nightmares. I hope she doesn’t expect us to by her a puppy!

Nyctophobia There are differences between nightmares and Nyctophobia, which can be frightening for observers. For Nyctophobia, the child is unconscious and can therefore not be comforted or awakened. Your child might start hitting him-/herself, panic, or even bolt upright. Nyctophobic attacks can last between 10 to 15 minutes and the child does not remember them afterwards. He/she simply falls back to sleep. For nightmares, children

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

sometimes remember what the dream was about. Nyctophobic attacks happen in the subconscious mind and not in the REM sleep phase like nightmares. If your child suffers from nyctophobic attacks, do not try to wake him/her! Just makes sure that he/she has a safe environment without risk of injury and wait for it to pass. To prevent a repeat “attack”, you can try keeping your child awake for a while before he/she falls back to sleep. Just as with nightmares, a fixed bedtime routine can help prevent nyctophobic attacks. Such attacks increase as the danger awareness continue to develop in older children. You must try to help your child distinguish between real dangers (e.g., in road traffic) and, for example, things seen on TV (e.g., distant warfare). Make your child aware that although something bad can happen, there is a lot that one can do to prevent it e.g., being careful. If nyctophobic attacks happen more frequently, note down the times and wake your child the next day 15 minutes before. Afterwards, try and help him/her fall back to sleep. Sometimes it is advisable to contact a specialist and clarify whether or not there’s cause for concern.

Sleep-related rhythmic motion disorder Sometimes, one notices infants making rhythmic movements when they fall asleep. They shake their heads from one side to the other or move the entire body back and forth. Parents are often worried since the baby can hit something with the head. However, babies rarely injure themselves in the process. Nonetheless, you can place a

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

cushion or rolled blanket on the side of the bed for protection. This disorder is usually experienced in the 12th month and disappears after the 4th year. If this situation sets in within the first 2 years or if it is associated with development delays, you should consult a pediatrician and ask for advice.

Depression in small children Your child can also suffer from depression at a young age. Depressive symptoms develop e.g., due to loss of a significant person or emotional and physical neglect. Depression in children is manifested through indifference and a limited sensitivity to external stimuli. In addition, your child can also develop “psychological” disorders and hence suffer from weight loss. He/she may develop more slowly mentally, socially, and physically compared to children who feel a lot more secure and who receive a lot more attention and feel close to their parents.

Signs of depression in children can include: •

Delayed physical, mental, social, and motoric development.

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Increased irritability and a depressed/sad general mood.

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Indifference and disinclination to play.

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Deranged eating habit.

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Nyctophobic attacks.

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Significant increase in head swings and thumb sucking

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Always give your child the necessary security and attention. Give them enough attention to prevent any room for depressive symptoms to develop.

Night owl or early bird?

Every person has an internal clock that specialists refer to as circadian rhythm. If one has a long cycle, it is said he is one of the “night owls” whereas a short cycle means you are an “early bird”. Most young people belong to the night owls’ category whereas most children are early birds. Research by scientists has shown that a nutritious, balanced breakfast helps a child sleep better and wake up early. If you have children who sleep very long, rework their bedtime structure and make sure they have enough relaxation phases. The living environment (light sources for example) also plays a huge role. This explains why it is important to switch off the TV, computer, or smartphones. Scientists who freed night owls and early birds into the wilderness found out that most of them got up at sunrise and slept at sunset. They were quite far from the artificial light sources that could have most certainly influenced their experiment.

Breathing interruptions – sleep apnea Infants suffering from sleep apnea have breathing pauses of approximately 20 seconds while sleeping whereas the breathing pauses last about half that time in young children. When they get to breathe again, they choke and gasp for air, and sometimes turn blue. Sleep apnea usually occurs in premature infants and is a potentially serious condition in

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

which children fail to breathe for a while. If your doctor suspects that your child suffers from sleep apnea, your baby will most likely have to remain in the hospital for observation and will probably be transferred to a lung or sleep specialist. A pediatrician can advise you to use a stethoscope to control the pulse and breathing of your child. Medication can also be prescribed with which your child’s central nervous system can be stimulated. If you notice breathing stops in your child, poke him/her and note if he/she will react. If there is no reaction, immediately start the resuscitation measures for small children and call an emergency doctor! And although this sounds very frightening, it is important to remember that “cyclical breathing” (sometimes faster, sometimes slower) is common among many babies under the age of 6 months, which is completely normal and there is no need to worry.

Complicated infants Sometimes, you can try everything but your baby just wouldn’t sleep. This can be very strenuous and stressful for both the parents and the baby as well. In most cases, parents think that they are doing it wrong. This often made worse when other parents explain of how easy it is with their little ones and how good their babies sleep. However, you should not forget that many parents tend to exaggerate and rarely talk about their weaknesses.

If you and your baby are perfectly healthy but none of these methods work, you often lose faith and fall into a deep hole. Advice from the mother-in-law, the neighbor, etc.,

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

whereby all they say is “Have you tried this?” or “And that doesn’t work?” are simply out of place since you have already tried everything or just do not want to try some things. This situation is different for everyone and you should just listen to the advice then forget it. What works well with one child must not necessarily work with another. That’s how it is! Every child is different and that is a good thing too! In most cases, parents do not even remember how it was with their baby back then and the phases and advices changes with time as well. Always remember that it is not your fault. I have experienced it myself and some babies are complicated. Nevertheless, no one needs to be perfect. The child needs parents who are “okay”, loving, and caring. That’s what defines a good parent! Meet with people who are good to you, who listen to you. Note when it becomes too much and talk to a specialist, especially if you realize that this is making you depressive. Sometimes it takes up to 1 year after birth for everything to run as it should. And many new parents often suffer from postnatal depression. If you are advised to visit a sleep specialist of clinic for help, do that! Many of them also offer their services online. In many cases, one tries to apply a sleep training method particularly for complicated babies. This is meant to help the baby learn to sleep quickly and its sole goal is success, whereby little improvements are hardly noticed. Even the tiniest of details must be appreciated. For instance, if the baby now wakes up 10 times at night and not 12 times as it used to. This was the case for me before Pantley suggested that I should note everything down. For me, the training seemed hopeless and I never thought my little one would ever sleep through the night. The

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

documentation showed me that there was light at the end of the tunnel. After about 2 years, my son was able to sleep through the night.

Changing beds One important turning point in the life of a child is the relocation from a crib to its own bed. When your child starts climbing and crawling around, you should consider putting him/her into another bed. However, if this is not the case, the transition should be slow and comfortable. Every child gets to this phase at its own time, mostly between the age of 1 ½ and 3 ½ years. Some modern cribs can be transformed into a baby bed. Alternatively, you can place a mattress on the floor, add grids to a normal bed, or place it against a wall such that your child wouldn’t fall. It is important that you do not rush. Even with a well-structured process, you can still have stress with your child since he/she must first adapt to the relocation. Both you and your child will soon realize that your child can crawl out of the new bed. This can be a big challenge for the both of you.

Safety in the baby bed – What to watch out for There are things that you should consider when relocating your child to another bed. Every parent wants to be sure that nothing can happen to their little one when they are sleeping alone in their room. These tips will hereby help:

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

•

Make sure the baby bed meets all safety standards. Make sure it has the DIN EN 716 – ½ label.

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The bed should large enough to guarantee adequate air circulation.

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The mattress should be the right size. If two or more fingers can fit between the mattress and the frame shows that the gap is too big! Your child can roll in and get clamped at night.

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The bed sheet should be firmly pulled over the mattress such that it cannot be pulled out. Do not use a rubber mat or plastic bags around the bed. These could suffocate your child.

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You should not fix ribbons, cords, or braids on the bed! Only cover the bed with cushion around the grid. Make sure that this is well fixed and cut off excessive cords at the ends. These can strangle your child.

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If your baby is already crawling and climbing around, make sure the floor of the bed is at the lowest position to prevent your child from trying to climb out.

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Check the bed regularly. It should be fixed firmly without any protruding bolts or screws. These can easily injure your child’s small fingers.

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If you have removable grids, make sure your child doesn’t learn how to do it. Always fasten them properly.

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Shelves, lamps, or mobile appliances should never be fixed directly above the bed. These might fall off and land on your child.

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Make sure that the manufacturer’s size and weight specifications are right for your child.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

When children start climbing out of bed When your child climbs out of bed for the first time, try the “silent back to bed” or “stay in bed” method. Place your child back to bed immediately and just say “it is bedtime”. The third time, put him/her back but do not say anything. If your child tries to climb out again, repeat the process but do not say anything! It is advantageous if you do not pay attention otherwise you wouldn’t succeed. If he/she wants something to drink, pass it on without uttering a word and if they want to go to the toilet, take them without talking. This can be very cumbersome in the long term. I know a friend who had to place her daughter back to bed about 100 times. If you persevere and stand strong, you will realize that it works, trust me. Your child will realize that you are very serious and that he/she can only lose. Never let your child sleep on the sofa or in your bed. He/she must learn to fall back to sleep in his/her own bed.

Double happiness – twins Many parents struggling with getting their one child to sleep cannot imagine how they would cope if they had two or more babies. Henrike is a mother of twins, Andreas and Michael, and tells us her experiences: Taking care of two children at the same time is very difficult, which is something many people do not understand because they think that twins are just like having the same child twice. A lot must be organized differently and so many people offer you a lot of

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

help since many people tend to think that you will never manage it on your own. When I came back home from the hospital, I first had to persevere the side effects of the Csection. I could have used any help at first, even if my mother-in-law was driving me crazy. I had a good structure and everything went well, maybe because I was good at saying “No”. My grandmother had twins and she had simply told me that I should do everything just the same as others do, but I still created a table and documented what each of them had to eat. Of course, I was always worried that my babies will get too little food, especially since Andreas was very thin. When the two were still very young, I separated them while sleep since they would have kept each other awake. I would watch over one as my husband cared for the other one. In case he wasn’t able to come home on time, I would always get help. With 1 ½ months, Michael was already sleeping through the night, Andreas is 3 years old now and he still does not.

Regina is the mother of Calvin and Tamara. Below is her story of her twins: "For me, it was almost vital that I got help, especially at the beginning. Mostly when I tried to get acquainted with my babies, get along with the numerous new experiences, or simply take time to relax. Having a structure gives you this security and you still find the assistance offered to you to be important, but not so desperately. In the first 3 months, my mother helped me a lot since I felt more comfortable with her than with my mother-in-law. The advantage of it all is that you feel more secure if someone is there and can develop a routine, you grow into the new role, and also get the opportunity to relax. The

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

disadvantage is that you always have the feeling like you are being controlled or even get advice that you do not want to hear. In addition, you also get to enjoy less of the family life since you only have limited privacy. The sleep deprivation made it a hard time for me, but I tried to overcome through short naps during the day (power napping) once the twins fell asleep. After my mother left, we followed our routine to the letter. With the help of a lullaby CD, the twins always knew when it was bedtime.”

Older siblings and the baby Are you expectant and already have an older child? You are certainly asking yourself how this should work since the older one does not even sleep. Your children will surely be completely different and dealing with the second child will probably be more relaxed than with the first. If your first child is experiencing nyctophobic attacks or regular nightmares, it does not mean that your second one will suffer from the same. Many items on the first routine of the first child are probably no longer necessary. You can also integrate the older child in the new sleep routine of your baby e.g., have them help with bathing. First put your baby to sleep before taking the older one to bed. In most cases, a new family member causes envy among the siblings. Be supportive, spend a lot of time with the older child and give them a lot of attention. This is the time when your older child profits from the many changes thanks to a good sleep routine.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Of course, the infant should sleep with the Mom for the first 6 months, but older children can do so too as long as they do not keep each other awake. You should also ensure that e.g., the older child does not “feed” the baby with things from the floor, etc. at night. It can be inconceivable, but there are also children who help each other sleep.

Karen tells us about it: “My first son, Jacob, did everything that one would hope for. He was a perfect dream child and was already sleeping through the night by the time he was 9 weeks, but only if we continuously and strictly stuck to our structure. When I gave birth to Jacob, I read the book written by Gina Ford, “Content Little Baby”. This recommends the “controlled crying” method. 2 years later, I got Marcel and tried it too. For 4 years, I suffered from sleep deprivation and it did not work at all. However, having both sleep in the same room is what helped since this way, Marcel had company. Jacob only needed his thumb and favorite cuddly teddy. Today, 8 years later, they still sleep in the same room. But Marcel has never had any special attachment to a cuddly toy. He only used a pacifier for only 16 weeks when I stopped breastfeeding. But I was fast with the weaning to make it all less spectacular. Jacob could sleep at any place during the day, even in the circus where everything is all frenzy! Marcel only preferred his crib or the car. Marcel would demand attention and cuddling in the middle of the night and often drove us crazy. He is now 5 years old and sleeps from 7:30 p.m. – 7:00 a.m. The best thing we could have ever done is put him in a room with his brother Jacob!”

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

How the older ones learn to sleep

Some children remain tired throughout the day because of going to bed way too late. You should make sure that your child sleeps for at least 10 hours. This means going to bed not later than 30 minutes earlier to allow enough time for lullabies, etc., and the actual falling asleep process. Note down how long your child needs to fall asleep in order to keep a clear overview and know when you should best take him/her to bed. Older children can also be affected by “sleep interferers”. These include the TV, game console, or even bright light. All these influence your child’s dream world and often leads to nightmares and problems with falling asleep. Relaxation and rest therefore become almost impossible. Older children as well do not need a TV in their bedroom since bedtime should always be a place to rest. If older children do not want to go to bed, they tend to become real schemers. Here, it is important that you, and not your child, make the decisions, give instructions, and set boundaries. Always try to remain friendly but still strict. Even if fatigue can often get you out of this line, avoid shouting at your child. Adhere to the above while still paying attention to your child. Praise your child for good deeds e.g., “Great to see that you have already prepared your school stuff for tomorrow”, or “That was very nice of you to look after your brother when I answered the door”. Older children need security and stability in the course of the evening and in case it comes to disputes, always determine the course! During my time as a teacher, I always created “sleep books” with the children. These had pictures and photos of them and

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

their families at different ages and places. The “going to bed” process was therefore packed in a little story. “See, that’s me playing with my favorite cars. That’s us preparing bathing water. That’s me in my new pajama. Mom and Dad telling me another goodnight story…” You can make sleep books for any age or even ask the older children to make one for their younger sibling. The language can be adapted to any age group. Some children have also signed little “contracts” where they have promised to do something if the parents offer them something in return. Most of the time, the important thing for the children is spending more time with the parents before going to bed, may it be playing or cuddling. Just because your child has become bigger does not mean that you can no longer bond. They are probably doing most of the things independently e.g., dressing, reading a story, etc. A teacher once told us during a baby massage course that foot massages are very effective in promoting the relationship and bonding between parents and the older children, particularly adolescents. They are a good way to address and discuss difficult issues. If your child always tries to crawl out of bed, use the “silent back to bed” method that we already used on small children, it will work wonders. This is ideal for any age group. The first time you put them back to bed, only say “now is time for bed” and for the third time, do not say anything. If your child’s room is on an upper floor, it can be very strenuous having to carry your child up the stairs each time. Ask your partner for assistance. Make sure you do not start a conversation with your child as this will wake him/her up. Children are usually afraid of missing something and therefore wake up very easily. You could be in a party

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

where your child does not want to miss out on anything. Remain firm and do not let yourself carried away or give in, your little one will get bored and give up after some time and go to sleep. And even older children sometimes need help falling asleep. Allow the sleeping aids as long as they do not distract your child from sleep.

Hiccups

Almost all babies get hiccups, a phenomenon that is surprising to many mothers. This is simply a harmless reflex that accompanies you for a lifetime – we adults also struggle with hiccups at times. Hiccups result from convulsive contraction of the diaphragm. The diaphragm is a flicker muscle that sits between the stomach and chest cavity. The gap between the vocal chords, which serves as an “outlet” for respiratory air from the lungs, consequently closes as a reflex during hiccups. The compressed air meets the closed vocal chords with the resulting discharge pressure causing the hiccups. And you certainly know that these are quite harmless! Babies get hiccups more often since their diaphragm is still developing. In particular, regular hiccups can be observed when a child is going through a growth spurt. They are also common when a child wakes up or when falling asleep due to the changes in the breathing rhythm during these moments. Here, the hiccups serve as a natural protection from chocking and reduce with time. Most parents have problems watching or accepting when their babies hiccup. The typical mother-in-law tips e.g., the classic frightening, are not the most sensible way for

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

babies and small children. The following points usually help calm down your child’s breathing rhythm and stop the hiccups:

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A stomach massage can help your baby, also in combination with a feet massage. Apply light pressure to prevent any irritating tickling.

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Give your child a pacifier or offer him/her something to drink.

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A somewhat unconventional method is that of blowing. Parents say that it can help if you blow on gently on your child’s face. The surprising stimulus can cause the troubled breathing rhythm to return to normal.

Aids to help older children fall asleep •

Listening to a CD or audio play before sleeping (fixed times, duration, and no. of stories/songs)

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Looking at a picture book or reading a chapter of a book for older children

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Changing the sleeping environment: Is it too dark? Too bright? Are the siblings to noisy? Look for a trigger or change something

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Massage your child’s feet. It has a relaxing effect.

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Talk with your child about the day. This reduces stress.

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Place your child’s favorite cuddly toy on the bed.

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Assure your child that you will be there the next morning. This can help overcome the separation anxiety.

CHAPTER 4 The main exercises

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Chapter 4: Main exercises – Find the method that suits you best

The main goal of sleep training is for children to fall asleep on their own. Each of the exercises/methods requires continuity and you must determine what suits you best. Once you have managed to create a pleasant sleeping atmosphere and develop a suitable structure, you can now start with the main exercises. You can combine methods or simply use the one that best suits your needs. Please consider the following factors before you start the training:

Health condition of the baby It is advisable to first get confirmation from a pediatrician that your baby is perfectly healthy and not suffering from any physical or mental conditions. For example, if your child is suffering from reflux, he/she might be experiencing pain and you should not start the sleep training exercises!

Is a change of feeding necessary? Your baby should be full when going to bed. Make sure that he/she has eaten and does not wake up because of hunger.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Is your baby teething? The first teeth usually come at the age of 6 months. Since every child develops differently, the first signs might come as early as 3 months. This can be recognized through symptoms such as red cheeks, loss of appetite, or smelly diarrhea. In such a case, wait until the tooth is through before starting the sleep training exercises.

Is your child feeling well? Make sure that your child is feeling well and that the diaper and clothes are clean and dry. Your baby could be crying because he/she feels uncomfortable.

Growth spurts When children are going through a growth spurts, they often tend to cry a lot, become moody, and restless. This can significantly impair the sleep training exercises. During such periods, your baby requires closeness, security, and above all, your attention. Here, it is best if you carry the baby around. Using a baby carrying frame could make it quite comfortable for you.

Flatulence, colic, and other “sleep thieves” Flatulence or colic can make babies unable to sleep. Many babies have problems with this during the first months. The digestive system is very sensitive and reacts to any

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

small change. Psychological factors e.g., stress hormones of the mother that are passed on when breastfeeding, or family disputes can also be triggers.

Sniffing, which is quite “harmless” for us adults, can be a burden to small children. Babies are yet to learn how to breathe through their mouths. If babies are very hungry, there are unable to eat and lose their appetite, become whiny, and are unable to fall asleep or cannot sleep well. Should your children not be feeling well, it is not advisable to start with the sleep training.

How are you yourself doing? If you are having health problems – other than sleep deprivation, or if you are on medication or suffering from postnatal depressions, it is not advisable to perform the training. If you can do it without any additional pressure, everything is okay and you should get along just fine.

Is there continuity in your lives? Too many changes at once make your child afraid. If you are planning to move or go on vacation soon, or if your child is set to start going to the day care, hold off with the sleep training for a while! Your child needs time and patience and the sleep training should take place when nothing important is helping.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Are you and your partner going in the same direction? Both partners must continue to work together and agree with the chosen methods, otherwise reaching your goal will be impossible. Opt for a period when maybe there is less stress at work and strive towards the same goal. Babies always notice if the parents do not agree on something. The whole process will be filled with emotional ups and downs and mutual support will be vital if you are to pull through. Are you a single parent? Maybe you can get help from grandpa or granddad, or friends and acquaintances? Even if you do not want any advice, sometimes you just need a hug and to hear “You can do it!”.

Karina was a full-time mother and in her mid-thirties. Before she became a mom, she had a great career as an advertising manager. Now she wanted to devote her time to family. She was very worried and angry since her daughter slept badly despite the sleep training. She always wondered if she was doing it right. Her friends who were mothers did not have any problems and everything seemed to be easy for them, but not for her. Most of them applied the “controlled crying” method since this was the method that required the least amount of time. “Otherwise you have no life”, they always said. On the other hand, Karina wanted an approach that was individually tailored to her child since her baby is her life. She often even forgot her instincts since she was too worried. She had little support from her husband Alex. His job was too stressing and as far as he was concerned, he had to go to work the next morning and did not have time for such a two-month project. Karina researched alone on the Internet and developed a concept on baby sleep. She did not tell him about it,

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

since he was skeptical anyway. When Martha got restless at night, the situation escalated and there was an argument about what they should do, in the presence of little Marta. The stress of Mom and Dad was transferred to little Marta and the situation only got worse instead of better. “I told you that your plan was not working”, said Alex, which was of little help. It is not until his mother came and saw what had happened that Alex apologized. On that day, his mom is the one who looked after Marta so that Karina and Alex could go out and have time for themselves. When they returned, they developed a plan together.

It should be clear to you that sleep training requires team effort. If you can cross off items on the checklist together and if you have already created a good sleep structure, you are good to go. The training is a full-time job and your daily structure should be adapted accordingly to allow you enough time and energy. Even if you must make a lot of sacrifices, the path is the goal and it eventually pays off for all parties.

From my own experience and that of hundreds of families with whom I have worked, the sleep training methods in this book are among the most effective. There is no doubt that many people can also develop their own good methods, but there are also different opinions about what is acceptable and what not. There are families that do not mind waking up 4 or 5 times at night when their child cries. They believe that it will change sometime. Other families get a nervous breakdown if they are forced to wake up 1 or 2 times.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Whatever your opinion: Methods that have helped others and that are confirmed to work individually make you more self-assured and hence make your training more successful. No family has complained so far or would have rather searched for another solution.

There are numerous methods that can help if sleep causes a problem in your family. Your choice depends on you personally and on your family. The key is to do what you believe, and only so can it work. Sleep training does not have a defined standard duration. They are individual and last as long as a baby requires. Some methods are effective after just 3 – 4 days, others take a week or more. Consistency and perseverance are the key to success. Studies and research show that almost every method is successful if you are consistent. Families who speak badly of a certain method have hardly noticed any of the small changes or have taken too little time in making it work. Should you be worried that a method is not working for you, take a break from it and come back after a while, or try another method that has worked with a sibling. The different methods may also depend on the age. The next section describes several tested sleep training exercises. Choose the one that suits you best.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Controlled crying With this method, children are left to cry for a short while before being attended to. The goal of this method is not the crying but rather getting the child to sleep. This method is also called “testing and consoling”, “gradual monitoring”, or the “Ferber method” named after Richard Ferber, one of the many spear headers of “controlled crying”.

The pediatrician, Richard Ferber, founded a children’s clinic for sleep disorders in Boston. The “controlled crying” method became common in 1980 and is intended to help the baby establish a connection between lying in bed and sleeping, after waking up at night. The baby should be left to cry for a short while before the parents come and comfort him/her. The durations over which the baby is left to cry should then be prolonged in small steps over time.

This method can be implemented as follows:

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Place the baby in his/her own bed when it is bedtime. By then, the baby should be tired but not yet asleep. Then leave the room.

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If your baby cries, go in and let him/her know “you are there”. Gently stroke the back but try and avoid eye contact. Similarly, do not turn on the light or speak as this will cause your baby to wake up. Do not lift him/her out of bed. Once he/she is calm, leave the room again. Make sure he/she is not yet asleep when you leave. Your baby should learn to fall asleep on his/her own.

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Repeat the procedure if your baby cries again. But this time, wait a bit longer before going back. This helps give your baby the assurance that you are there, but

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

not to help him/her fall asleep every time he/she cries. Your baby should get used and learn to fall asleep alone. •

The process can be boring but your baby will eventually learn to fall asleep alone. He/she must forget the idea of having to fall asleep in your arms.

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Whenever your baby wakes up night. Try this out. Even if you are very tired. Be consistent and do not lift him/her out of bed.

The first signs of improvement are usually noticeable after just a few days, sometimes even immediately. The behavioral pattern must be broken, whereby every little change represents a huge step. The “controlled crying” method is emotionally hard for many parents but if you give in, you will notice that your child will always achieve what they want through crying and the method will never work. So, hang on! Exhaustion and tears are part of it since we are specialists in rushing to the needs of babies as soon as they start crying. No mother can bear letting her child cry. Always keep in mind that you are helping him/her learn to fall asleep and not just doing it out of malice. You are teaching your baby that learning something new is a long and difficult journey. It is very important to be able to distinguish between the different types of crying. Your instinct will quickly tell you what is wrong. A baby crying due to pain must be given attention immediately. “Protest crying” is usually noticeable through an angry, decisive nature. Your baby will often take short breaks while crying. This means that he/she is waiting for a response. If you do not respond, the crying quickly becomes louder and angrier. He/she will then calm down after a while.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

Of course, there are critical opinions to the “controlled crying” method. These argue that unintended emotional problems might result since your baby will feel unsafe. Most conflicts are however caused by misunderstandings. This method does not entail letting the baby cry until he/she cannot cry any more. In his book called “Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems”, Ferber shares his opinion in the preface saying that “letting a baby cry” for a long period of time without attending to it is simply cruel.

“Letting a child cry in its crib for long periods until it falls asleep, no matter how long it takes, is not the approach that I agree with. On the contrary, most of the approaches that I recommend are particularly aimed at avoiding unnecessary crying. Most sleep problems discussed in this book can be eliminated without a lot of crying. In a case where letting the children cry might be necessary – e.g., if they want something that’s wrong – the crying should be kept at a minimum.” In later editions, Ferber uses a “warmer tone” than in the first. Each of his methods can be adapted individually if it does not suit your needs directly. Ferber himself proposes extending the “controlled crying” method to two weeks instead of the suggested one week. He explains: “Doing the right thing is what you want, that which you find to be most appropriate, as long as it works”.

Anita shares her story: "My son Karim did not know how he could fall asleep on his own and had to learn this. Our doctor recommended the “controlled crying” method. She told us that him “waking up at night” does not do him any good. He would wake up every night at 11:15 p.m., 2:00 a.m., and 4:00 a.m. It took me a long time to surpass my worries and try it out

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since there was always something preventing it. First the monthly teething, then the ear infection, and lastly the vaccination sensitivities (what we found out later). Not even the pacifier had helped. Since nothing we did was working, we decided to try out the “controlled crying” method. Karim was already 16 months old and it was very difficult. We had to endure 20 minutes of him crying and wait impatiently with the clock under the blanket. The minutes felt like hours and after some time, Karim grew tired and fell asleep. When he woke up again at 2:30 a.m., it was unbearable for us and we gave up. And then he woke up again two hours later. The next day, we tried again when he woke up for the first time. This time the crying was less and he quickly fell back to sleep. Nevertheless, he still woke up at 2:30 and 4:30 a.m. The next night the same but he only cried for a few minutes and this is when we realized that it was starting to work. The following two wake up phases did not bother us and he only whined a little or was simply restless for a short while. The following day was quiet but I still kept on waking up to check if everything was okay. From then on, Karim slept through all nights. It took us just 4 days for the method to be successful. He looked happier and more balanced. Since then, he has always slept through the night and waking him up for the “potty training” was a struggle for us – but that’s a story for another day!”

The retreat method This method is somewhat more cautious than the “controlled crying”, but also helps your child learn how to fall asleep alone. This too requires you to consider the factors mentioned above (hunger, diaper, sleep structure).

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Approach:

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The baby should be tired but not yet asleep. Place a chair or pillow next to your child’s sleeping place.

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Remain seated while your child falls asleep. If he/she starts crying, gently stroke the back. But no eye contact! And do not take him out of bed!

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Once your baby calms down, push the chair or pillow a bit further away from the bed. Repeat the process if he/she cries again.

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Push the chair or pillow further and further away until you get out of the room. Make sure to soothe your baby in the process.

This method is time-consuming and you should take something to read with you or a blanket if it is cold. Alternatively, you can leave the chair in the same place all night long and move it the next night. Both methods require a lot of patience and time.

Kasia tells of her experiences with this method: “The retreat method worked wonders with my daughter. I was her security and she would always get stressed whenever she noticed that I was suddenly gone. The “controlled crying” method did not work, which is why I turned to this method. The first night that I started with the routine: Say good night, put the baby to bed, and then sit at the end of the bed without looking at her or talking to her.

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

The next night I sat on the floor and moved further and further away towards the door. This did not interest her. However, when I finally left the room, she was very frightened and I had to go back severally to calm her down. I told her that I was standing at the door and closed it. She found this to be okay and fell asleep.”

Targeted awakening The “targeted awakening” method is ideal for babies who wake up at around the same time every night. Here, you should note down the times when your child wakes up for one week long to get an overview. If you now know the times, wake your child up 15 minutes before the regular wake up time. For example, if he/she usually wakes up every night at 3:30 a.m., wake him/her up at 3:15 a.m. Then soothe him/her until he/she is tired enough to fall asleep again and let him/her fall back to sleep. After one week, extend the time by another 15 minutes. The goal is for your child to stop waking up at “unplanned” times, and that he/she waits until you wake them up. Gradually reduce the number of times you wake him/her up and eventually stop for your child to learn to sleep through the night. Babies often wake up at different times making it difficult to perform this method. At the same time, you must also struggle with yourself to wake up your child. However, this could be the right method if your baby always wakes up at the same time.

Andrea shares her experiences: “My son used to wake up every night, you could set the alarm to 00:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. We therefore decided to try out this method when he was 13 months old. We

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

suspected that he had nightmares and had read that this method can help overcome this. Common sense told us that this would not work, but we still tried out and woke him up 15 minutes earlier. We took him out of his crib, cuddled a little until he was tired, and put him back to bed. The first attempt failed because he woke up completely and was angry. The second time, we were more gentle and tender, and this brought us to the desired goal. He slept through all the nights that followed.”

The no-tears method This method takes much longer than the others but is one of the gentlest. It is suitable for all parents who cannot stand their baby crying, not even for a short time. This method was championed by three specialists: William Sears, a pediatrician, Tracey Hoggs, a trained nurse, and Elizabeth Pantley, a parent teacher.

The term “attachment parenting” was coined by William Sears. This ideology focuses on the constant emotional and physical proximity to the child. Everything, including falling asleep, is done together. He describes this as a child-oriented approach as it creates beautiful connections with sleep.

Removing and placing back method

Positive associations with sleep are also recommended by nurse Tracey Hoggs, although she views the technique by William Sears as a thorn in the eye. Tracey Hoggs

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

is of the opinion that you cannot rely on the “mutual basis” for your baby to learn to fall asleep alone. Feeding or rocking is an “aid” for your child and he/she cannot sleep without it. You have to teach your baby to sleep without this aid. Hoggs is nicknamed “baby whisperer” since she has the gift to soothe children and build a bond with them.

Tracey Hogg’s aid for a pleasant way to get your baby to fall asleep:

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A well-structure E.A.S.Y daily routine must be ensured. “E” stands for eating, “A” for activity, “S” for sleeping, and “Y” for yourself – the time that you take for yourself. Only so will you be able to learn and build a pattern for your child’s signals.

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You must make a distinction between a routine and a fixed schedule. She believes that no child functions according to a fixed schedule. The EASY routine is based on continuity and accomplishment of certain things in a fixed order.

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Follow the procedure. Put your baby to bed when he/she is tired but not yet asleep. If he/she cries, follow the stop – wait – listen approach.

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If your baby is restless, lift him/her up and put him/her back to bed. Do this again and again until he/she calms down and falls asleep.

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Tracey Hogg recommends this technique for children aged between 4 – 8 months. Older children should not be lifted out bed but rather laid back gently when they sit down.

This method is very gentle and helps parents learn the needs of their child. However, it is often very challenging physically since it requires one to remain awake for long and

How the little ones learn to sleep – sleep training facts and methods

hold and lift their child severally. If you have enough energy and time, this can be the right method for you since it is very child-oriented.

Astrid tried this method: “It requires a lot of patience but it works. We did not want to let our son cry after putting him to bed, it did not feel right. The first night, I had to take him out of his crib and place him back for about 72 times, no joke! I used a hand count from work to keep track. We persevered and continued to take him out and put him back as soon as he began crying. At some point, he came to realize that it was bedtime and in the second night, we only had to do it 31 times. The following night only 12 times. And after a week, he was falling asleep all by himself! It paid off, even though it was the worst week of my life!”

Pantley’s no crying solution Pantley’s main point in her method is based on a functioning bedtime structure. This is your child’s sign to go to sleep. It is very individual and Pantley knows what will work on your child, and what not.

Harald, a full-time dad, shares his experiences: "For our three children, bath times are always a great splash feast which always leaves me wet from top to bottom and the bathroom looking like it had been struck by a bomb. My wife always gets mad why she comes home to the spectacle. She says it is not a

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good way to get children to relax before going to bed. Ideally, they should take a bath in the mornings or evenings before supper. If necessary, we would have had to bring forward the supper.”

Pantley’s “reduced” method is somewhere between “controlled crying” and the “full-time breastfeeding”. She herself is a mother of four and, like many mothers, could not stand watching her children cry. She advocates documenting the sleep times in order to work out a pattern and identify your child’s habit. If you have started the sleep training, this helps you identify problems and concentrate on improvements.

My experiences with Elizabeth Pantley’s “no crying” method: “After the controlled crying method failed due to my son’s strong will to cry, we decided to try out Pantley’s child-oriented approach, the “no crying” solution. This showed effects after a while. But we had to postpone all appointments and meetings, because nothing could stop us from our “get Tom to sleep” project. We documented all details about his sleep behavior and phases before and after the training. This helped us to also recognize and appreciate small improvements that were a source of hope for us. Tom was waking up 1 time less than before, something that we would have missed if we did not note it down. After some time, our perseverance paid off.”

Another important consideration in Pantley’s technique is the creation of an individual plan. This should describe in detail how the bedtime process is structured and what you do when your child wakes up at night. You basically create a protocol describing the bedtime structure.

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“Creating a plan made it more “official” and made it easier for us to stick to it. At the beginning, we had little sleep and it took patience, but the success was permanent and we did not mind the many tables we had to create and fill. Pantley suggests creating a “sleep book”, which we also did. Our son loved it. We stocked it with photos, from the time he was an infant to-date, and photographed him when playing before going to bed or bathing. Today, Tom is 4 years old and always loves the book. He says things like, “I never wanted to sleep alone as a baby and Dad always had to sit next to me, but I’m now big and can do it alone!”

Careful withdrawal It could be that your baby has developed a strong relationship between breastfeeding/feeding and sleeping. According to Pantley, this is not a problem. The only problem is our restless life. Pantley discusses methods of weaning methods, for both breastfeeding and the bottle, especially at night. This method is particularly suited for breastfeeding mothers and is called “careful withdrawal”.

Always feed your baby when he/she asks for it. If the child relaxes and only sucks lightly, remove him/her slowly from the breast to prevent him from falling asleep on the breast. Repeat the process if he/she starts crying. Depending on the baby, you should wait about 1 minute before trying it again. After a few days, it should become easier and your baby will wake up less and less. This method can also be used for pacifiers.

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The soothing method This is a gentle method that reminds your baby of the time in mama’s tummy. It is a 5point program which should be performed exactly in this order. Make sure you only use as many steps as is necessary to sooth your baby. Some children calm down after only the 2nd step, others after the 5th. Watch out to see the step at which you can stop.

This method is well-suited for babies who cry a lot, but any other baby and parent can also benefit from it.

1. Wrap your baby in a towel or thin blanket so that he/she can still move the arms and feet slightly. This gives the baby a “limit” just like it was in the womb. 2. Next, place the baby on the side (embryo position, which the baby is familiar with from the mother’s belly). You can use a pillow or rolled blanket at the back to make sure the baby does not roll back. 3. Background noise: Have noises (e.g., a tape) playing in the background. This can be “shshsh” or the noise made by a phone or vacuum cleaner. These are noises that are known to babies and can calm them down. 4. Gentle rocking: Gently rock your baby on the arm or lap. Match this to the rhythm of the baby’s crying. Do it faster if the crying becomes louder and more violent. You can also swing your newborn in a hammock or cradle.

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5. If steps 1 – 4 do not help, you are left with sucking as the last resort. Give your child a pacifier, bottle, breast, or simply its own (clean) finger until the baby calms down.

If you want to use this method, it is important to remain consistent every evening until your child manages to fall asleep alone. You will notice the first signs of success after the first few days.

The Tweddle method: Controlled soothing through relaxation techniques The Tweddle method is very similar to Ferber’s method of controlled crying. Here as well, you leave the room for a short while. It is suitable for parents who are very doubtful parents since it contains exact time specifications and modified plans. With controlled soothing, signs of success are usually noticed after 5 – 7 days. Hang on and do not give up. You will quickly be rewarded and the many sleepless nights will soon be a thing of the past.

How to go about it:

1. Put your baby to bed if you notice signs of fatigue or if your baby is full and has a fresh diaper.

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2. If the baby cries, apply one of the soothing methods from the previous method. Do not talk to the baby and avoid eye contact. 3. Apply the selected technique for 5 minutes. If you notice that it is not working, try another technique. Do not try out more than three techniques. 4. If your baby still does not calm down after 20 minutes, take him/her out of bed and play with him/her gently. A baby massage, relaxing bath, or baby sling can also help. 5. Once your little one shows signs of fatigue again, start again with point 1.

If you are consistent with this method, you will notice signs of success after 5 – 7 days.

Fostering sleep phases

In the book “Gesunder Schlaf, Glückliches Kind” (Healthy Sleep, Happy Child), Dr. Marc Weissbluth recommends the technique of fostering sleep phases. He explains that you should never awaken a sleeping child, even if the child sleeps very long during the day. Weissbluth’s main objective is to keep the child from becoming too tired but to identify the perfect time and signals of your child in order to shorten the time when your child is awake. He describes the natural starting point as “a kind of surfing – you must reach the drowsiness wave before becoming overfatigued”. This is a very timeconsuming method and its practical implementation is very difficult. You must foresee when the baby will be tired try to prevent it.

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Advantages and disadvantages of the different techniques

Keep in mind that each of the listed methods has its own advantages and disadvantages. In most cases, methods that are less child-oriented are faster but not always better. This always depends on your child. Many parents report that “controlled crying” quickly brought them the much-needed success, but also brought along a lot of guilt and stress. The gradual “retreat” method and the “removing and placing back technique are best for children who always wake up at the same time. Many professionals question the act of waking up a sleeping child. The “no crying” method by Pantley is the most child-oriented technique but takes a long time due to the documentation that requires a lot of patience. Every method requires time, patience, and energy. The key to success is a continuous bedtime structure and pleasant sleeping atmosphere. No matter what method you choose – it must suit you and you must endure!

CONCLUSION

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Conclusion Every child is different and this is especially true when it comes to sleeping. There are children who love to sleep whereas others simply do not or cannot. This has nothing to do with the parents, but they can watch out for certain things e.g., ensuring good sleeping habits and sleeping times. From a theoretical point of view, it is important to structure the sleep situation while considering the needs of your child. Here, the proximity and physical contact to the parents always play a vital role. But parents too have needs that should not be ignored to prevent stress and depression, which in turn reduces the parents’ sensitivity and can be transferred to the child.

The many examples and experiences shared in this book clearly show that not every sleep training method is suitable for every child or family. This is because every family is different and every child is unique. It is up to you do decide which method suits you or the methods that you would like to combine. Try find a method that is best suited for your family life. The most important point for all the listed methods is to create a pleasant sleep atmosphere and work out a structure that provides consistency and stability to your child as this promotes sleep. No one can expect a child to sleep well if the atmosphere and conditions are not appropriate. Children only develop through fixed processes. Continuity is vital for the success of the sleep training methods so that your baby can finally learn to sleep through the night. No matter what method you choose, hang on and be consistent. The “controlled crying” method is one that seems to work

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very quickly. It usually takes two to three nights, maximum a week. However, it is limited in time and not ideal for everyone. Other step-by-step methods can take up to 6 weeks. Research has shown that all these methods can work, you only need to be consistent.

Always keep in mind that no matter how difficult and hopeless the situation might appear, you are not alone! Millions of mothers and fathers around the world are going through the same thing as you are. Hope dies last and you must always keep your goal in mind, even if this is a huge challenge. The methods in this book will help you in the long run and your child will learn to fall asleep on his/her own and sleep through the night. This might be a very long journey for your, but you will soon realize that it will work and you will be able to sleep all night long without worrying. Enjoy this time! Your child is growing bigger and bigger and the sleepless nights that you will have to endure later will not be because your child will be crying at night, but due to your teenager traveling and roaming the streets at night. Learning to sleep is a long process, just like pretty much everything else in life. It is pretty much never about the goal, but the journey there and the many beautiful experiences that one collects on the way. Either way, the long journey is definitely worthwhile and you will soon realize that you will have many rewards waiting for you!