Copyright notice All rights reserved. No part of this eBook or audiobook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author. This eBook or audiobook are licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook or audiobook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook or audiobook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.
Limits of liability & disclaimers of warranties This eBook or audiobook were created with only the best intentions in mind and are based on years of practical experience. However, it has to be noted that all the presented advice and methods only serve the provision of information. Any application and usage are always at one’s own risk. This eBook or audiobook are general educational information products. As an express condition to reading to this eBook or listening to this audiobook, you understand and agree to the following terms. The information provided within this eBook or audiobook is for general informational purposes only. While we try to keep the information up-to-date and correct, there are no representations or warranties, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the information, products, or services contained in this eBook or audiobook for any purpose. Any use of this information is at your own risk. Our products and services – which include this eBook or audiobook – are not a substitute for professional, direct, personal health and psychological diagnosis. None of the treatments, exercises or activities (including products and services) mentioned in our products and services should be performed or otherwise used without clearance from your pediatrician. There may be risks associated with participating in activities or using products or services mentioned in our products and services for children in poor health or with pre-existing mental or physical health conditions. Because these risks exist, you will not use our products and services with your child or have your child participate in such activities if it is in poor health or has a pre-existing mental or physical condition. If you choose to let your child participate in
these risks, you do so of your own free will and accord, knowingly and voluntarily assuming all risks associated with such activities. The materials and information in our products and services are provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. We disclaim all warranties, express or implied, including, but not limited to, implied warranties or merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose. We do not warrant that defects will be corrected, or that the website or the server that makes our products and services available are free or viruses or other harmful components. We do not warrant or make any representations regarding the use or the results of the use of the materials in our products and services in terms of their correctness, reliability, accuracy, or otherwise. Under no circumstances, including, but not limited to, negligence, shall we be liable for any damages, special damages or consequential damages that result from the use of, or the inability to use our products or services, even if we or our authorized representative has been advised of the possibility of such damages. Applicable law may not allow the limitation or exclusion of liability or incidental or consequential damages, so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you. In no event shall our total liability to you for all damages, losses, and causes of action (whether in contract, tort, including but not limited to, negligence or otherwise) exceed the amount paid by you, if any, for our products or services. You agree to hold us, our owners, agents, affiliates, and employees harmless from any and all liability for all claims for damages due to injuries, including attorney fees and costs, incurred by you or caused to third parties by you, arising out of the products, services, information, and activities discussed in our products or services. Facts and information are believed to be accurate at the time they were placed in our products and services. All data and information provided in our products and services is to be used for information purposes only. The information contained within our products and services is not intended to provide specific health advice, or any other advice whatsoever, for any individual or company and should not be relied upon in that regard. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THESE TERMS AND EXPRESS CONDITIONS, DO NOT READ THIS EBOOK OR LISTEN TO THIS AUDIOBOOK. YOUR USE OF THIS EBOOK OR AUDIOBOOK, PRODUCTS, SERVICES, INFORMATION, AND ANY PARTICIPATION IN ACTIVITIES MENTIONED IN THIS EBOOK OR AUDIOBOOK, MEAN THAT YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE LEGALLY BOUND BY THESE TERMS.
Dear parents, Thank you very much for your trust and your purchase. Before we are getting started with the potty training, I want to briefly introduce my other guide which you might find useful now or in the near future. Just click on the image below to find out more.
Finally, Sleep for your Baby
If also your child has problems with falling asleep or staying asleep through the night, then have a look at my latest guide “Finally, Sleep for your Baby”. The guide shows you how – in only a few short days – you will get your little one to fall asleep and sleep through the night in a clam and healthy manner. That’s also the reason why YOU will get more sleep in no time, too! It works best for children aged 3 months or older, however you can also start right after birth, it only usually takes a little bit longer then. For more information simply click on the image above to go to the website of my new sleeping guide.
But now, I wish you and your little one the best of success with my potty training guide!
Your Susanne
Table of Contents Introduction ........................................................................................................................ 2 Chapter 1: Background ..................................................................................................... 4 Chapter 2: The ‘Perfect’ Age ........................................................................................... 11 Chapter 3: The ‘Right’ Time ............................................................................................ 12 Chapter 4: Preparation (For You) ................................................................................... 14 Chapter 5: Preparation (For Them)................................................................................. 17 Chapter 6: Choosing Your Three Days .......................................................................... 20 Chapter 7: Required Equipment ..................................................................................... 22 Chapter 8: Three-Day Potty Training Method ................................................................ 25 DAY 1 ................................................................................................................................ 27 DAY 1: NAP TIME ............................................................................................................. 32 DAY 1: NIGHT TIME ......................................................................................................... 32 DAY 2 ................................................................................................................................ 34 DAY 3 ................................................................................................................................ 35 AFTER DAY 3 ................................................................................................................... 36 Chapter 9: Bowel Movements and Urination ................................................................. 38 Chapter 10: Wiping the Bum ........................................................................................... 39 Chapter 11: Differences Between Genders and Multiple Children .............................. 43 POTTY TRAINING FOR GIRLS ........................................................................................ 43 POTTY TRAINING FOR BOYS ......................................................................................... 45 Chapter 12: Potty Training for Older Children .............................................................. 48 Older Adoptive Children.................................................................................................. 53 Twins or Multiple Children .............................................................................................. 54 Chapter 13: Potty Training for Children with Autism, Down’s Syndrome, or Asperger’s ........................................................................................................................ 56 Chapter 14: Encountering Bumps in the Road ............................................................. 63 Chapter 15: Navigating Health Issues ............................................................................ 65 Chapter 16: Exploring the World .................................................................................... 66 Chapter 17: Follow-Up Support ...................................................................................... 73 Chapter 18: Potty Training and Overall Wellbeing ........................................................ 75
1
Your 3-Day Potty Training Guide: Everything You Need to Know Introduction In my time as a parent, I’ve received so many booklets, websites, and leaflets, I don’t know what to do with them all. From dealing with diapers and knowing what to look for if there’s a problem to knowing when they’re ready to make the move onto solids, everything for the first year of their life was covered. With the resources we have online these days, it seems as though the information we need is just a click away. However, there’s one topic that seems to go under the radar and my husband and I struggled as a result; potty training. In fact, it’s something I didn't even think about because it’s not something our kids can just learn like everything else. Over the first couple of years, we watch our children naturally pick up cups, roll over, take their first steps, sleep through the night, and smile. For the most part, they don’t need teaching because it comes naturally to all of us. After seeing us walking around, they know to stand on both feet but we don’t have to physically teach them how to put one foot in front of the other. Could you imagine; that’s it, not too far though otherwise you’ll end up doing the splits and falling over. It just doesn’t happen like this. However, our children never see us go to the toilet; the natural thing to do here is to go into their diapers because they don’t know anything different. Like riding a bike for the first time, potty training is something that needs to be taught and learned. If children knew how to use the potty and toilet automatically, there wouldn't be any need for this book and you wouldn't be feeling stressful about the whole process. In recent times, I’ve noticed how children seem to be diapers for a lot longer these days. At first, I thought this was because parents just didn't have the time to teach potty training while trying to juggle everything else life was throwing their way. Soon enough, after speaking with fellow parents, I found that most didn't realize that potty training was something that could be done before nursery or daycare. As a parent yourself, you’re probably dreading the potty training process because the words alone normally generate a groan from most. As the laundry starts to pile up and the chores aren't magically doing themselves, many parents take the approach of ‘don’t worry about it, they’ll learn eventually’ but this can be dangerous. With this guide, I want to show you that the process doesn’t have to cause headaches; you don’t have to wake up in the morning dreading to see what happened overnight; you don’t have to have your heart broken when your little son or daughter is trying their hardest only to see no results. In this guide, you’re going to learn how to do it the easy way. Before I launch into it, I know that you have numerous questions because I’ve seen them all before; • Will it work with my stubborn child?
2
• Can a family member help with the process since I’m so busy? • What if my child has autism? • What if I’ve exhausted every avenue and still haven't seen any results? • What if my child is ‘x’ years old? • In all of these scenarios, can this guide still help? Yes, yes, a million times yes. In recent years, I’ve seen this potty training method with children of all ages, personalities, abilities, etc. So, without further ado, let’s jump into the guide and start with a couple of scenarios so you can identify your position. Under 2 Years - If your child is still at this stage, we praise you for learning early and getting a head-start to make sure the process is a success. Between 2 and 3 Years- If you’re child is at this stage, they might be showing the early signs of being ready and you’re now here for advice and to take the first steps. Nearly 4 Years - At this stage, they might be setting off for kindergarten, preschool, or daycare and you’re worried about getting rejected because they aren't fully-trained just yet. Furthermore, you probably don’t want the teachers to think your boy/girl is behind. Close to Giving Up - In this final group, you’ve exhausted every single avenue and your child still isn't potty trained. Despite showing signs of progress, they slip back into old habits and you’re minutes away from throwing in the towel. Regardless of which group you find yourself in, I urge you to keep reading and feel confident because the process is just about to begin for you. In this guide, I’m going to cover everything you need to know from top to bottom. This being said, this isn't a program that sets rules and restricts you as a parent because you’ll remain in control at every stage and you can mold the training to your own style and child. As I noticed with my children, we’re all unique and this needs to be remembered rather than trying a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach!
3
Chapter 1: Background To start, I’m going to provide a little history on potty training and why it’s one of the most important parts of parenthood and growing up. Also, we want to quash the rumor that more success is seen when children are exposed to the process earlier in their lives. If your child is four years of age and you’re worrying about the progress they’ve made, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Some children learn better when they’re old enough to understand, some children learn better when taught early on and this is one of the most important things you can remember.
Common Assumptions • All children train to use the potty eventually otherwise we would see adults who can’t use the toilet. • All children teach themselves once they hit four years of age so you don’t need to worry. • All attempts to potty train before the myelination of the sphincters are pointless because there won’t be a reaction. • Nobody ever graduates from high school in diapers. Of course, there will be children who end up training themselves and this comes in an environment where parents lead by example and have the facilities available from birth (without using the word ‘training’). For the vast majority of children though, they cannot learn themselves and they need the help from the role models around them and this includes godparents, grandparents, aunties/uncles, etc. For health in the long-term, potty training is essential and it becomes a normal part of life. Often, indoor sanitation and plumbing is seen as man’s greatest invention and it allows communities to stay health while not actively addressing what’s occurring. Despite being a natural process, it still needs honing like all muscular skills. For most parents, a smile is easy to bear with the first word, crawl, and step, but it’s the hardest thing in the world when thinking about messy bed sheets and helping children to learn this skill. In this guide, we want to show you that potty training can be one of the most effective times for bonding you’ll ever receive with your child. Rather than being something you’re forced to experience just to get to the point where your child is potty trained, it can be a time where your relationship grows stronger. Often, we blink and another year goes by so these times in life are precious. Soon enough, they’ll be off to school, soccer practice, college, first job, and you’ll be looking after their own children!
Potty Training Through the Years Many years ago, potty training would be necessary early because the diapers were cut from cotton flannel or linen. Often, the wet diapers would pile up but they were simply left to dry as opposed to being cleaned. As most mothers had chores to do and clothes to wash by hand, the debate as to when children should be potty trained didn't exist (as soon as possible!). As they learned in the 4
chamber pot, some parents would use suppositories and enemas in order to speed up the learning process and this became the ‘norm’ before the 1950s. As washing machines were introduced to the world around this time, the burden was eased a little but cloth was still the chosen material for diapers which left parents watching schedules very closely. Soon enough, the connection between needing the toilet and sitting on the chamber pot became clear. Over time, they learned how it felt to need the toilet and most children were actually trained by 18 months at this time. Thirty years later, we jump to the 1980s and a time where disposable diapers were not only available but now affordable too. Although some parents stuck with the cloth diapers for a while, the disposable options meant that there was less pressure to learn so quickly for those who were clearly struggling or not ready for the training. Looking back to an earlier time in the century, the suppositories and enemas were condemned by the American Academy of Pediatrics and a new dawn of potty training had begun. With Dr T Berry Brazelton at the helm, parents were encourages to wait until their child was ready before training. In today’s world, we live in a polar opposite environment to the 1930s (circa) and the children are the key determinants of when the potty training process begins. With technology continually progressing, disposable diapers are now the standard routine and more mothers are working away from home; this second source of income makes them more affordable. Nowadays, potty training isn't required to reduce the workload nor is it a top priority (it’s actually the opposite!). In the Western world (including the UK, Europe, and the US) and Australia, it took just one generation for the pendulum to swing from one opinion to the opposite and children regularly stay in diapers past three years of age. Impact on Development - Despite the many positives of this change, there is evidence to suggest that children develop slower with late potty training and this comes from the ‘wait until they’re ready’ mindset. Sadly, many parents don’t actually know when their children are ready which makes the process rather self-defeating. With some parents, I’ve also seen them enter negotiations with the child rather than actually taking control of the situation and teaching them outright and this can be another issue. Eventually, the child will learn all the right buttons to press and they end up taking control of the situation; they’ll know when to refuse and how to get around you like a game. Elsewhere, other parents simply guess when their child is ready and I completely understand. When you’re in the situation where society is pressuring you to potty train your child but you don’t know the signs, it turns into a guessing game but this just gets everybody confused because the training is half-hearted, you don’t know whether they’re ready, they don’t know whether you’re ready, and the whole process isn't taken seriously. Of course, there’s one party in all this who knows EXACTLY what’s going on; the manufacturers of diapers. By adding extra sizes to the market as well as ‘pull-ups’, these want to increase their profits and they know this can be achieved by having children in diapers for as long as possible. Now, children as old as 60 months can still be in diapers which, compared to the 18 months we saw previously, is a stark contrast. 5
Not only are there more products on the market, the products have also gotten better and they absorb the moisture now which means the child doesn’t need to feel when they’ve been to the toilet. When I first saw these advertised, I couldn't quite believe it because this is so harmful to potty training it’s hard to fathom.
Potty Training in Other Countries As we’ve seen, the story of potty training within the United States certainly makes for interesting reading but what happens around the world? For most parents away from the US and Canada, they’re often surprised to hear that there’s confusion regarding the potty training process. Why? Because they hold and carry their babies for significant periods of the day. Especially in Africa and Asia, women will carry their babies from morning to evening and this allows them to learn when to hold their infants away so they can go to the toilet. In the UK and Europe, they don’t write have this intimacy with their children but the parents believe their babies give cues that show they’re ready; this prevent diapers from having to be worn for the whole day. In France, children aren't allowed to wear diapers at school and and they can even be restricted at nursery after the age of two and a half years. In Germany, there is a potty available at facilities and children are expected to know when the feeling is coming. If we look towards India and China, the process is very early compared to the rest of the world. In fact, many parents believe in holding their baby over the potty after a meal from the age of just six months. Sometimes, they even make encouraging noises such as ‘shhh’ and ‘shee’. Although some babies will take some time to grow accustomed to this system, it soon becomes habitual. In China specifically, a popular option is to provide children with special pants boasting a split in the back which allows them to relieve themselves whenever ready. As you can see, these are some interesting differences and it can be quite surprising to see. Despite evolution and the fact we’re in 2017, cultures still have a very important impact on potty training and this is likely to remain in the years ahead. For example, the locations where babies are carried or held all day, it’s essentially the parent learning the cues of the child as opposed to the other way around. While the child learns, it’s the parent that does the most training. In Japan, bowel movements are included in the discussion of overall wellbeing for adults so the topic for children also arises. Today, they utilize special cartoons to encourage potty training for both the children and the adults. In Asia and Africa, many parents use birdseye cotton or terrycloth as diapers so this is why the common theme tends to be starting earlier as opposed to later. For the child, the discomfort is much higher with these materials that a simple disposable diaper.
What is the Magical Age? At this point, we know what happened throughout history and we know the role of culture with potty training but what is the magical answer to the question every parent asks at some point of adulthood; what age should potty training begin?
6
If we look at the statistics, we quickly see that half of all children in the world are potty training by the first birthday; a significant amount of these fall within six months too. When the second birthday comes, the majority of all children worldwide have been trained. For the US, the majority of children tend to be fully-trained by 36-39 months (a little over three years old). While the world governing bodies are happy for parents to allow their children to be ‘ready’, this is still a worrying trend and one that experts are working on reducing. As soon as the specialists and health industries begin to tackle the problem in major first-world countries, this takes the attention away from the emerging economies such as China and trends are changing here too. As mentioned previously, many parents in Asia still use cotton and cloth as diapers but the emerging economy has led to an increase in household income. As a result, more people are making the move across to diapers which could lead to a similar situation as we’ve seen in the US if not managed. Coming back to the US, it seems as though social opinions have changed. Many years ago, parents would have ‘failed’ if they let their children go to school while not potty trained. These days, it seems ‘harsh’ to begin training until at least two years of age. Not so long ago, I spoke with a parent who started potty training before her daughter turned two and her friends (and even strangers!) were very critical of what she was doing. In today’s society, it seems as though children are able to master how to use an iPhone before they can go to the toilet alone!
The Needs of Today In my opinion, potty training doesn’t have to fall to one extreme or the other. Instead, I believe the answer can be found as a balance between the two. By applying the best of both worlds and using everything we know from history and around the world, potty training can be effective and I believe this starts with love. When attempting to potty training, the best methods will always encourage the child as opposed to enforcing the issue. However, the message is also strong enough that muscle memory is activated. In the chapters ahead, and later in this guide, we’re going to use what the mothers in history and around the world have learned to create the very best training method for our children.
Why Start Early? Cleanliness and Hygiene - For parents who start potty training at the two-year mark, they tend to have a cleaner and more cost-effective experience than others. Rather than devising a complex plan, they simply get going as soon as the child was ready. Without even dreading the task or worrying about how difficult the process will be, they look to lead the process and guide their child through the experience from beginning to end. Considering they no longer have to clean up messy diapers, they’re happy to invest the time and make it happen. By having their child in diapers at three and four years of age, these early-starters tend to fight against the new Western society. At the same time, they also recognize the need for
7
communication and contact with their child so that there doesn’t have to be several accidents. Thanks to research, we know that starting early is cleaner and more comfortable for the child. Thinking of Others - As we saw in Japan, parents are encourages to start very early and this is to lessen the burden on others in society whether this comes from daycare providers, teachers, and even their playmates. With more children outside of diapers as school starts, education can be efficient and teachers can teach as opposed to changing diapers all day. Recently, I spoke to a teacher who came from a country where diapers weren’t allowed in preschool and they were shocked to see it happen in the US. Not only did they say it was like going backwards, they said it was ‘child abuse’ to make no effort to potty train in four years. Of course, we should also play devil’s advocate here because some experts suggest children learn best together which means having classmates learning at the same time can be highly beneficial. By seeing other children go through the same process, they see how normal it is and feel a sense of accomplishment when they all achieve the goal together. Cheaper - For people who aren't living on a budget, they don’t really mind when the potty training process begins. On the other hand, those who live from one pay check to the next are more likely to start the training earlier. As a parent myself, I know how expensive diapers can be and children go through them like nothing I’ve ever seen. With this money saved, it can go towards something that isn’t, quite literally, being thrown into the bin after a few days. If you compare disadvantaged areas to the more wealthy areas, I would suggest the disadvantaged areas has more potty trained children at the same age. Environmental Impact - For some, they start the potty training process early because of the environment impact diapers can have. In the US, the average baby needs their diaper changed between 6-8 times in a single day. If we use this, it means they go through 3,000 every single year…and this is just your baby. If you have a baby at a similar time to two of your friends, you’ll be throwing out nearly 10,000 diapers between you every year. With many people throwing diapers in with the regular trash, this often taints papers and other waste rendering it useless and impossible to recycle too so it has more than one impact on the environment. Not only does it impact at home, it also affects public bins and sanitation so this is something many parents consider and want to cut out as soon as possible. Time with Child - With our children, they’re only going to be young once and many parents of older children and teenagers wish they had spent more quality time with their babies when young aside from changing diapers constantly. With potty training, it gives a chance for the bond between the parent and child to grow. Especially after going back to work, it can be tough not being at home every day with them so potty training provides a goal for the time you spend together. Perhaps more importantly, it allows the communication channels to improve and this then becomes a cornerstone for growth as they get older. Sadly, I’ve seen the affects of family breakdowns as I’m sure you have and a lack of communication is often responsible for this. Prevent Future Health Issues - By going against the trend and starting your potty training early, you can actually help to reduce the likelihood of your child picking up illnesses such as a urinary tract infection, colon issues, dysfunctional bladder, and chronic constipation. 8
Encourage Independence - Finally, many parents believe intellectual development to be far more important than whether or not the child is going to the toiler in a diaper or on a potty. For many parents, they actually see a correlation between potty training and intellectual development so the two aren't mutually exclusive. As soon as your child can go to the toiler by themselves, it gives them independence and this provides the confidence they need to explore more by themselves. After potty training, you should see a positive upward trend in other areas of their development and this is something that just can’t happen when they’re still reliant on you. As strange is it sounds, they also feel more dignified going to the toilet and your children will love the freedom.
Disadvantages of Training Later Ignorance Leads Ignorance - In the past, I’ve happened to come across parents who still clear up dirty diapers at the age of seven. That’s right, no need to adjust your monitors (or whatever technological device you happen to be using to join me), the child was wearing diapers at the age of seven. When this happens, it no longer become a joke because it has entered the stage of ignorance. When you see children of this age playing with their friends and soiling themselves as if it’s normal, it’s cruel to the child as well as affecting other children around them so it’s time to regain a little sense as far as this is concerned. Embarrassment - Following on from the previous point, this becomes embarrassing for the child because they don’t want to be wearing a diaper when all their friends are in grown-up underwear. Suddenly, they’re singled out as being difference and it leads to unnecessary humiliation. Unfortunately, children can also get bullied for something the parents didn't have the time or effort to do. In years gone by, the rules were changed to allow those with learning difficulties and disability to wear a diaper in school but this doesn’t extend to all children; this isn't an invitation or a free pass. Over the years, looking back to when children were trained within 18 months, the development of children hasn't changed in this time; it’s the attitude of parents and society that has changed. Health Issues - When we can’t empty the bladder fully, this leads to urinary dysfunction and the possibility of the residues becoming infected. Once diagnosed, this health problem requires a course of antibiotics to fix but it could all happen again if they still aren't trained once the infection has gone away. Why put children through this when we know the solution because it’s staring us right in the eyes? Decline in Parenting Skills - Often, we use the excuse of being ‘too busy’ to start training because of work commitments and other priorities. However, this simply means we’re putting material comforts ahead of health and the many benefits we’ve already discussed. Ultimately, it’s like trying to run before we can walk. Why go for all the extras when the basics aren't even in place? For children, potty training is a basic and this should take priority over everything else. While society teaches you that it’s impossible to potty train early, we’re here to dispel the myth. Training Problems - As your child ages, they begin to develop their own characters and they like to test you often to find the boundaries (and learn how far they can exceed them!). As great as this 9
can be, it means they can be more defiant as they get older which makes potty training even more difficult. At all times, we advise against getting into a battle of wills but this is the most likely situation when you leave training until they're older. Remember the day they learned the word ‘no’? This is going to come back to haunt you. Thanks to The Restraint Project Australia, we know that most maladaptive learning has been done by the age of two. Therefore, their state of readiness for potty training has been and gone. Now, they feel comfortable eliminating in a diaper because they’ve been doing it for too longer. Since it has become a habit, they won’t want anything to do with the solutions you’re offering.
Creating a Healthy Method With this guide, I wanted to create the healthiest potty training method possible. While considering the conditions required for training, I wanted to notice the child’s signs, train parents, respond to the needs of the child, and allow parents and children to work together rather than against each other. Furthermore, I also wanted to get across the message that training while in the ‘terrible twos’ stage can be much harder because this is a stage where the authority of your parenting is really questions. By potty training within the 18-24 month range, it should be much smoother and actually, with any luck, uneventful. Parent will have to learn the skills required but this is a campaign that’s necessary and they aren't tough skills to learn; awareness and observation are two of the most important ingredients.
Using the 3-Day Method When it comes to potty training within just a few days, this isn't exactly a new trend but the 3-Day Method presented to you here today is my own system which has worked for my children and I. Over time, I introduced the program to my friends and family members and they all saw the results too. Not only were the children post trained within a short time, parents were also noting how their relationship grew stronger at the same time and I never tire of hearing comments like this. Before I continue, I should state that this three-day method doesn’t mean that, in three days time, your child will be perfectly potty trained. However, it does mean that your child will be able to use the potty as opposed to wearing diapers all day. Of course, there could still be accidents after the three days but, as long as you stick to the plan, and reassure your child, these will soon disappear and you can be happy with how easy the process was. At first, you might think it too good to be true that your child could learn to use the potty in just three days. Yet, there’s no reason to suggest why your 18-24 month old can’t learn the basics in this timeframe. In truth, some children will learn even quicker than this and children who spend all day with a parent tend to grab the concept quicker. Thank you for allowing me to join you on this journey and I look forward to getting started!
10
Chapter 2: The ‘Perfect’ Age With everything we’ve learned so far, I recommend the ‘perfect’ potty training age to be between 18 and 24 months. For all children, potty training is a milestone and I believe the vast majority to be ready within this timeframe. If your child is younger and they’re already showing the signs, this can happen because all children are unique. In society today, there seems to be an opinion that children cannot control their waste and water until much later in their development but this simply isn't true. Yes, the sphincter muscles are important for bladder control and bowel movements but research suggests they develop in the second year of your child’s life with the average coming out at 18 months. In the past, you have heard that this is when the potty training should begin when, in fact, this is when the training should come to an end. If you start after full maturity of these muscles, they’ve now become limp from a lack of practice. With your child, if they’re within this age range, you’ve probably noticed they’ve started to pay some attention to the potty and the toilet. With the pediatricians I spoke to when doing research for my training guide, they believe there’s a window where the training is most easily completed. While this falls between two and two and a half for girls, it’s the six months after this for boys. As soon as these windows have closed, they believe children grow attached to the idea of having diapers, their attitude and behavior becomes an issue, or they just reject the notion entirely. If you’re thinking that it takes longer if you start earlier, this simply isn't the case but instead a misconception that has no grounding. According to many different studies, the most efficient to start potty training is at around 19-24 months and this is because it sees them leave diapers at the 25 month mark. If we look to those who leave the training until the third year of their life, the training was longer and this is mainly due to the behavioral changes that occur once they reach the ‘terrible twos’ stage. If you think the terrible twos problem is a myth, this is another myth I’m happy to bust for you. As with everything I’ve discussed, there will always be exceptions because all children are different but the majority go through a stage of questioning everything and pushing the limits. If your child has shown no interest in the process and they clearly aren't ready, there’s no need to force them into anything because this could yield terrible results. If they show emotional distress, I recommend leaving it for a month or so before then trying again with a different approach. Once the child is cooperative and you’re willing to give it everything to make it work, this guide will be successful. Each Child is Unique - Although I’ve said it before multiple times already, I’m going to say it again because every child really is unique. If you react to your child rather than focusing on making it happen because they’ve reached a specific age, you’re far more likely to find success because pressure leads to an emotional response. In turn, this leads to mental scarring and a link in their mind that potty training equals a terrible experience. Once this link has been created, it can be terrible news for all involved!
11
Chapter 3: The ‘Right’ Time Do you remember the first time you rode a bike? If so, the process of potty training is actually very similar because it starts off with a wobble and the goal seems out of reach for a number of weeks. Suddenly, your child will be showing the signs that they’re ready and you can start the training. Sure, there could still be a wobble every now and then and they could even fall off. With the right support, they keep going and will eventually see success. In truth, there are a number of factors that play a role in learning speed including whether they have siblings. Often, watching older siblings or even twins or triplets can help them to learn faster. As parents, the most important thing is to learn how to recognize the signs they’re ready. With many of the parents I spoke to, they simply aren't aware of these signs so the next section is dedicated to this question. General Skills - This includes an ability to stand up, walk, sit down, and be on their own while doing these things. After this, they should be able to rise from a potty and stay stable to push while eliminating. Interest - Next up, they could/should have shown some level of interest in the toilet or potty whether this is asking what it is, wanting to go into the bathroom, or wanting to be like ‘mummy and daddy’. Imitates Behavior - If they regularly show a will to please you and your partner, this is another key sign. Dry Diapers - Since the diapers will soon be gone, can your child store their bladder without automatically emptying for up to two hours? Independence and Autonomous - Knows that everything has a place within the home, likes to complete tasks alone, and likes to be autonomous. Bedtime - For your child to be ready, they should never go to bed with a bottle or cup. Regular Bowel Movements - You can predict their bowel movements (to some degree) rather than it being rather sporadic and unpredictable. Ultimately, these are the main signs that your child is ready but you may have mentioned there are two huge factors we haven’t yet discussed and this is because they deserve a section of their own. Communication - Even if not through words, your child should be able to communicate their needs whether this comes through facial expressions, gestures, movements, etc. Furthermore, they should understand the main words relating to elimination while also following simple hand gestures. Finally, they might start telling you every time they ‘go’ in their diaper. For parents, you need to know how your child communicates and it could be something simple like physical discomfort. Eventually, this will transform into sounds and communication before they learn words.
12
Physical Discomfort - Finally, complaining about dirty diapers is a positive step and it shows they don’t like the feeling physically as well psychologically. When this occurs, they might come to find you whenever they eliminate as well as asking to be changed at the right times. While showing they don’t like the feeling, they’re also showing they recognize the feeling of eliminating; this should soon lead to the learning of how it feels just before (if they haven't got this already). With some children, they look don when about to pee so this is a very positive sign. At this point, we should note that your child doesn’t have to display every single signal in order to take the jump into potty training. Instead, you should be looking for two or three of the signs with a particular attention paid to the two main ones at the end. However, we advise holding off on all training if they’re about to go through a large event whether this is moving house or even welcoming a sibling because this type of upheaval can be disruptive for the learning environment. When learning to use the toilet, you want as many variables to remain consistent as possible. Once again, I urge you to reconsider if you’re starting potty training just because your friends say you should or because you feel pressured to do so. Whether it’s the in-laws, the coworkers, or even other parents you’ve never met online, you need to assess your own child and see whether they’re showing the signs we’ve discussed above. If your child is not ready, you can wait and it’s a simple as this. When you achieve partial success, this only makes the process more challenging and more tiresome. If you think about your own waste for a second, it can vary with emotion and thought so it’s a big deal for children. Once the time comes and they show the signs, the three-day method will be ready for you and they’ll learn to use the potty in under 72 hours!
13
Chapter 4: Preparation (For You) Whenever the topic of potty training comes around, there always seems to be advice for preparing your child but what about yourself? Are you actually ready for the process? Before I had my children, I once watched a documentary on the importance of staying fit as well as how to exercise to keep the body is peak physical condition. Immediately, I was motivated and I knew I wanted to join the gym and get my body into peak physical condition just as they said on the TV. However, there was one thing I forgot; preparation. Without the right equipment, without planning my time, without setting goals, and without really thinking it through, I jumped into the process way too fast and I had given up and forgotten about the documentary less than a week after it aired. With potty training, it can feel similar because you look forward to the day the diapers are no more. Over time, we focus on this without actually assessing the task itself which means we aren't actually prepared when the day comes around. Before you start potty training, you need to lay down the foundations because your child might take several months before they finally master this art. Rather than just thinking about the end result, you need to think about the journey too because every goal worth achieving includes some difficult steps along the way. Instead of starting with the right way to prepare, perhaps we should start with the wrong way because this seems to be the one we choose most often. Often, do the whole equipment thing quite well and most of us actually overspend in terms of buying the latest potty along with CDs, DVDs, books, and various other resources. When the magical day arrives, we get everything ready only to find that they aren't as excited as they were for the surprises the last christmas. Instead, they just sit there and wonder what the fuss is about and you’re left feeling disappointed. After a couple of days, once we’re ready to look back and assess why it didn't go so well, we realize that we skipped perhaps the most important preparation of all; the readiness of our child. For some reason, potty training is now seen as a chore that needs to be marked onto the calendar like a trip to the in-laws or an MOT weekend with appointments at the doctor, dentist, and optician. Once the three days have been penciled in, we actually become the people learning because we’re constantly looking out for signs that they’re ready to commence. Although the process is just three days, the idea should be to prepare for significantly longer than this and the preparation can actually signify our promise to always do right by the child and this is something I always like to see in parents. If you actually treat potty training as an extension of good health and various other natural processes, you might actually learn to relax through it all. In fact, this is one of the best traits you can have when your child is learning to use the potty because it will keep your child calm and the whole process is free from expectation. However, this can only happen if you; • Recognize when your child is ‘ready’ • Can lose all sense of expectation and just go with the flow • Learn the body and mind of your child and how they work • Lose the comparisons with previous children or children of friends/relatives • Decide to start potty training with confidence 14
• Learn the challenges that will make your journey that little bit tougher • Learn how the conversations should go with your children • Consider your own potty training experience (good or bad) • Learn how the 3-day method can be adapted for your own child and their needs
Take an Active Role in Development If you want to see strong results, I find the very best ones come from parents who already have a strong relationship with their child. For example, having a routine is ideal because then adding the potty won’t seem like such a huge addition (so long as the rest of the routine stays normal). At all times, you also need to be the lead figure who provides the direction as well as the expectations; your child should be ware of what’s expected from them otherwise they’ll feel as though the game is a little unfair. If your child is genuinely ready to get started early, you don’t have to worry about those who say you’re ‘pushing’ your child too far. With children, the love to learn things their parents do so don’t resist the learning when they show the cues of being interested and ready. Assess Readiness - Sure, you could have all the best equipment from famous brands around the world but are you actually ready? When your child starts to show the main signs, you need to examine yourself too to ensure you can devote the three days necessary to have your child potty trained effectively. If you’ve just started a new job and you’re in the first week or perhaps you’ve just given birth to a sibling for your child, we recommend waiting until the dust settles until you start the three-day method. Dedicate Three Days - If you’re just about to go on vacation, you’re moving to a brand-new house, or you have a busy schedule, don’t start potty training because I want you to dedicate three days in a row with no interruption. Although I can have your child using the potty within three days, nobody said it would be easy even after the show the signs of readiness. Once you have the time to dedicate, you can deal with the surprises and setbacks as they come. If you normally complete housework or any other task, try to pay for a stand-in service so you don’t fall behind on your chores and you can focus on the most important task; potty training. If you have a family member stay with you for the three days, warn them you won’t be able to talk as normal because you’ll be concentrating on the task at hand. As long as you can dedicate these three days with no interruptions and no other priorities, your child stands the best chance at succeeding. For my friends and family members, they seemed to find the most success when attempting this over a long weekend. If you have other children, I highly recommend hiring a babysitter for this time as well as preparing meals in advance so your focus goes towards EVERY single pee and poo. Choose the Vocabulary - At all times, everyone, from your family members to the people at daycare, should use consistent vocabulary so there’s no confusion over the process. With the same words being used no matter where they go, this consistency allows them the best chance of making the habit stick.
15
Dedicate Your Energy - You’ve already dedicated three days of your time but are you ready for the three days of energy too? Depending on how you read the signals and movements, this process will be different to the one your other children went through and this is always important to remember. If you’ve already had a boy, don’t expect the process to be the same for your little girl because my experience tells me something very different. Compared to their siblings, they might learn faster or slower so remember that your child is unique. Lose the Diapers - When the three days get started, there will be times when you’re tempted to return to the diapers but this is one of the worst things you can do. If they have a messy start, this is just something they (and you) will have to get over. As long as they’re still showing the right interest in the process, they’re ready to make the step; allow them the chance to learn from their mistakes and progress over time. By returning to diapers, you cause confusion and your child won’t know what’s happening. Stick to a Handful of People - If you want to introduce a little help in the shape of their grandparent and perhaps an aunt/uncle who has already been through the process with one of their cousins, this can be very useful but I suggest limiting the process somewhere somewhere along the line. Otherwise, your child will get confused as to what’s expected of them moving forward. At this point, you might be wondering about the staff at nursery or daycare and you should keep them up-to-date as to the progress of your child. If you’re dedicating three days to make the potty training happen, why not pull them from nursery for three days because, this way, you have complete control over the process and every single time they need to go. Learn the Signals - Finally, the last tip in this section is to learn the signals your child provides when they need to pee or poo. Although every child is unique in what they do, they’re all the same in that they have a ‘give’ whether this comes through a certain facial expression or a natural instinct of covering the genitals with their hands. Over time, you can praise your child for giving the signal and follow this with some praise; positive reinforcement is very much a key role in the process. Additionally, I recommend allowing them to flush the toilet and wash their hands because this will develop the routine and slowly increase their responsibility. If you use the classic tactic of encouraging them to go even before the signal has been made, you need to be careful because it doesn’t work for all children. Elsewhere, parents that know the schedule of their child will put them on the potty at the ‘regular times’. From a personal opinion, I don’t recommend this method because the experience is all about getting your child to recognize how it feels to need the toilet. If you’r taking this away, it makes it harder for them to learn. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with placing them on the potty before a car journey or a quick trip somewhere because this can empty their bowels and prevent accidents BUT I would never recommend the technique for anything more than this. Summary - If you’ve recently given birth to another child, potty training doesn’t have to be abandoned completely if you’ve found a new routine with your baby. If there are particular moments that test your patience and push you close to the breaking point, remember the key reasons for going through the process, remember the reward, and remember that a few days of cleaning up is a small price to pay for months of smelly diapers.
16
Chapter 5: Preparation (For Them) If you’ve been following the guide up to this point, you should now be prepared for the process (or at least have the knowledge of how to be prepared for when the time comes). For the child, it requires more than a knowledge of the sensations because the sphincter muscles must also contract for full control. Luckily, children are more than happy to learn new skills and this is why progress should be ease to come by for potty training. For the most part, the same process of learning seems to be followed time and time again (according to my experience); • Bowel Regularity • Bowel Control • Daytime Bladder Control • Nighttime Bladder Control Potty Training Vocabulary - Once you decide the time is right to begin the training process, there are many tips I can provide that make the transition as smooth as possible but it starts with vocabulary. When training, have the same words and phrases used and have all adults learn these phrases for consistency. For example, ‘pee’ and ‘poo’ are the basics along with ‘I need to go now’ . Towards the beginning of the process, I like to create the message that we’re moving away from the diaper. By saying ‘oh no, how yucky is it to poop in the diaper’, you're telling them what you expect and what the aim should be. From here, you need to reaffirm the process from pulling down their pants to washing their hands. Eventually, you can make a simple routine of it and it becomes habitual. Diaper Changing - If you’ve started the potty training, make sure there are no more laughs when they soil a diaper. Of course, we aren't saying you should be annoyed when they dirty a diaper but make the changing process as tedious as possible so it isn't something they enjoy or get a laugh from. When this process becomes tedious, suddenly the potty will look far more appealing. At this stage, you should also be showing them what grown-up underwear looks and feels like. If kept in disposable diapers throughout the process, they won’t be able to learn the sensation of when the toilet is required because they won’t be able to feel when wet. As they test underwear, it will become immediately apparent when they’re wet and they start to dislike this feeling. From here, they consider the sensation of needing the toilet and let you know when it’s coming rather than just letting it happen. Take Them Into the Bathroom - Over the years, I’ve seen a startling amount of parents start potty training without actually showing their child the toilet. Especially if you have a separate toilet room to the bathroom, they aren't likely to know what goes on inside so show them and explain as much as possible. At first, you might need to introduce some of activity even if it’s a book. If they sit there and nothing happens, praise them for trying so they’re just as happy to let you know again next time.
17
Often, I find one of the biggest problems to be the lack of discussion throughout the whole process. In my opinion, talking about potty training and what the toilet is used for is one of the best things we can do because it normalizes the process somewhat. To further extend this, have them scratch up the toilet paper and flush the toilet when they’re finished. After praising them for doing well and watching the smile on their face, they can flush away their progress and look forward to the next attempt. The Potty Chair - If you have a potty chair, I recommend introducing this as early as possible. Once the process has started, your child will know what the toilet is used for most commonly and how the potty chair can help you through the early stages of the process. If you want to teach your child some follow-up training, the potty training chair is also incredibly useful here. For me, I liked to keep the potty chair in the bathroom rather than keeping it else because it allowed my children to connect the chair to the process of going to the toilet almost instantly. While some will keep the chair elsewhere in the house, this can lead to a little too much freedom with the item where you probably want it to stay in the bathroom just like most other things toilet-related. If you haven't yet invested in a potty chair, investigate the market fully because you’ll find many with lids on the top and these can normally be placed directly onto the toilet seat when necessary. Rather than having them dangling in the air, we recommend using a stool so their feet rest comfortably and and their attention is on the task at hand. If they don’t seem to get how to use the potty chair at first, why not empty the content of a dirty diaper inside the chair and this will allow them to create the link. Make the Potty Fun and Welcoming - While making the process of changing a diaper tedious, the flip side to this is making the potty fun and this makes your child realize there’s only one real winner. Around a week before you’re set to start, put the potty in place within the bathroom so your child can feel comfortable with it as opposed to suddenly being there one morning threatening to change their enjoyable life. As they get familiar with the potty, you can encourage them to use it whenever they need to relieve themselves. Throughout, you need to make sure they know they can tell you whenever they feel the need to go. As long as you remove the inconvenience of making the trip to the balance, they won’t feel bad for interrupting a conversation or when you’re watching TV. With the shy children, they might show a little hesitancy towards the potty and this is because something new is threatening their lifestyle. Also, some children simply need to get comfortable with the idea of change before fully embracing it (just like adults!). If this happens, you shouldn't force the issue because you want them to feel relaxed about what’s to come. Since the 3-day training method is so flexible, you can reschedule it (even if it’s a week later) and allow them to get used to the change. Create a Schedule - If you place the potty in the bathroom for around two weeks before the threeday method, you have a period of time where you can sit them on the potty when you think they’re likely to pee or poop. For example, most parents come to know the schedule of their child and this could include shortly after breakfast as well as after dinner. If they aren't showing any signs at all, don’t have them sit on the potty for no reason because you don’t want it to lose its purpose.
18
Even when still in diapers, some children benefit from being shown where the bowel movements go. Regularly, explain how the potty chair is used and how much fun they’re going to have when trying it out soon. When they soil their diaper, take them into the bathroom and empty the contents of the diaper into the potty and this creates a connection as we saw earlier. After emptying the potty into the toilet, you can allow them to flush it down and watch as it goes. If they’re a little scared, there’s nothing wrong with his; trying holding their hand and flushing for them so they still see what happens but with your support. While some parents have their child sit on the potty chair fully-clothes, I think this can be very dangerous because children are very impressionable and will follow your lead with almost anything; you don’t want them creating this connection. If you have a boy, don’t fall into one of the most common traps which is to make them pee while standing up early on. To start, they should pee sitting down until their confidence grows and you ca teach them about standing up and peeing so they can imitate their older brother or father. To finish, we’d just like to return to the point about making children sit on the potty when they don’t have to go. According to research, this isn't really helpful in any way because they end up sitting there for quite some time and this makes it feel like a punishment as opposed to standard procedure. Finally, feel free to help them out with a low step or stool so they can reach the sink and wash their hands alone. As we do when clearing toys or doing anything else, there’s no reason why you can’t turn this into a game to make sure they wash their hands properly every time. If you ask them every single time ad talk them through the process, it won’t be long before they’re doing it automatically because this is just how the brain works!
19
Chapter 6: Choosing Your Three Days When looking to choose three days for potty training, you don’t have to make a huge deal of it but we do recommend putting a list mark on the calendar to be sure. If there are some big changes occurring in your life right now, such as a move or another pregnancy, we advise waiting until these are completed because these will require large attention you should be dedicating to the training process. In my personal experience, the time of year best suited for potty training is the three major holidays because you have a long weekend to get everything sorted without pressure or any other concerns. With no plans but to train your child to use the potty, you can be consistent and follow every single tip we’ve provided so far. If possible, plan ahead with your chores and reschedule daycare so potty training becomes the only thing you both have to focus on. Once you have this environment set up, we don’t see any reason why you can’t have them on the potty within three days. Complete Laundry - When preparing for the main event, have all your laundry completed and put away and this includes their baggy trousers and extra pajamas. If you have everything ready, this is much better than going into the process with no preparation and trying to wash clothes as you go (and I’m talking from experience here!). Try Activities - If it won’t be possible for your child to run inside and use the potty from the yard, we suggest making the yard an ‘out-of-bounds’ area for the three days. While inside, you can prepare a host of activities for them to complete including TV shows (educational, of course), coloring, cars, puzzles, blocks, etc. To keep them happy during these three days, you need to keep them busy so you’ll need plenty of activities to do for three days. Alter the Diet - As we saw earlier, mothers back towards the beginning of the twentieth century would use suppositories and enemas on the children and, although we would never suggest these two, you can make alterations to the diet to control constipation. If they consume large amounts of liquid as well as foods that are high in fiber, this should keep them regular and this is ideal for when teaching them the basics of potty training. Breakfast - Early in the morning, there are numerous methods of getting your children to eat fibre and O’s types are the most popular for both adults and children. Lunch - At lunchtime, high-fiber bread is ideal along with a filling of peanut butter and jam. With this sandwich, it will be packed with nutrients and your child’s stool will stay loose. In terms of bread, wheat bread will always be the winner but not all children eat this so whole grain white bread is much better for fibre that traditional white bread. Dinner - With dinner, we recommend high-fiber vegetables and this includes sweet potatoes, cabbage, spinach, broccoli, and others that are similar. Instantly, you’re worrying that your child won’t eat these types of food but you can spruce them up to make them seem more appealing. For example, sweet potatoes can be combined with brown sugar or butter to make them taste a little sweeter. With beans, tomatoes, and peas, these are also relatively high in fiber so be sure to read the levels of fiber on the back of all packaging and choose the best options when shopping. For the
20
most part, a sweet potato will cook in the microwave within eight minutes so it isn't too difficult to include during these three days. Dessert - When my children were toddlers, they adored yogurt so this is a great starting point. Once you find the brands with added fiber, you’re home and they taste just as great as regular yogurt which means that won’t notice the difference. Snacks - Finally, snacking can be an important time for boosting fiber consumption and I recommend high-fiber fruits including prunes, apples, and pears. However, don’t peel your fruits because much of the fiber is contained within the skin. Also, apricots and prunes are known to have a pro-laxative effect which is an added bonus alongside the high fiber content. Elsewhere, sliced cherry tomatoes or grapes make for a tasty treat when added to whole grain crackers. In addition to this, avocados are high in fiber and will be easy for your toddle to eat since they’re generally soft. To keep your child interested, why not combine several fruits and allow your child to enjoy the many colors, textures, and flavors on show? Alternatives - Nowadays, the best way to increase the fiber content within a diet is to look at the foods consumed and search for a better alternative. For example, whole grain pasta and brown rice will be much better options that regular pasta and white rice because they’re both highlyrefined. During potty training, many nutritionists believe you should avoid cheese to because this can actually cause constipation. At all times, you want your child to be drinking water as this will keep stool loose and give them a chance to get used to the training. With added fiber too, your child will be potty training in no time. At this point, we should note this is a great time to get your child (and yourself!) onto a health diet if they aren't already!
21
Chapter 7: Required Equipment In an earlier chapter, I discussed preparation for both you and your child and much of this comes with the equipment you need. Since I’ve already been through the mental aspect of potty training and what you need to know before getting started, it’s time to look at the other side and what you’ll need for the three-day potty training method. Healthy Diet - For starters, we recommend placing your child onto a health and high-fiber diet (with plenty of water) a few days before the three days begin. If you aren't sure why, go back and take a look over the previous chapter. Potty Chair - For many parents, they decide to take this shopping trip alone but I think it can be beneficial to let them choose because it gets them excited about the training. While you might be wondering whether to go for a trainer seat on the toilet, I highly recommend taking it one stage at a time because the potty chair can be taken anywhere which allows the child to get used to this method of reliving themselves. Over time, the transition to the training seat will be easier and the success will be more sustainable. When in the store, give your child some time to sit on the potties before then choosing the one they like. Of course, the majority of children will go for the color they like the most but it still gives them an opportunity to have a say in the decision. If possible, they should also carry the potty to the car and place it in the bathroom when you arrive home and this lets them take control of the process. Real Underwear - Again, this is another shopping trip that parents take alone even though children get super excited at the thought of buying their own grown up underwear. If you missed our discussion on padded underwear and ‘pull-up’ designed, we recommend avoiding these completely but instead going for real underwear; this is because the pull-up models encourage children to pee without even feeling the result and this is the opposite to what we need to achieve with potty training. Considering you’ll need 20-30 pairs, let them choose a few packs with cool designs and funky colors. On the market, you’ll also find training pants and disposable training pants but I’ve never seen them be as effective as real underwear. Although they can be helpful for reducing stains and preventing damage around the home, they confuse children and make the whole process that little bit slower. With these products, and especially pull-ups, they’re normally marketed to the older children in an attempt to make more money before they train but I prefer the natural learning method of underwear. In fact, I actually spoke with another parent recently about pull-ups and I was relieved to hear somebody feel the same way. As a mother, she was worried the pull-up pants were making children go backwards instead of forward because the child can’t feel moisture since the material absorbs it quickly after the elimination. Instead, your child needs to feel the wet sensation in order to know what it feels like before, during, and after. With potty training, knowing the sensation of needing to pee or poop is one of the most important details of all and pull-ups take way from this rather than contributing to it. Before we
22
continue on this list of important equipment, here’s a message I received not so long ago from another parent. ‘When I started my daughter on potty training, we decided to use pull-ups because we thought they made sense. Soon after, she was just using them as diapers so we were worried when she returned six years of age and we weren't really sure of what to do. Most nights, she was wetting the bed and didn't want to be awoken to visit the toilet. After deciding to see a specialist, we decided to lose the pull-ups as a test because her progress so far had been minimal. For a few weeks, she had an accident most night but then it suddenly stopped and we KNOW pull-ups were to blame for this.’ Nowadays, it seems as though this parent isn't alone and I recently saw a survey containing no parents speaking positively about the pull-up option for children when potty training. Overall, the parents had many different complaints from poor sanitation (less absorbent than diapers) to delayed toilet training and even confusing children. Bathroom Wipes (Moist) - With a pack of moist bathroom wipes in the bathroom, your child will see them as grown up wipes and they can be a little softer than toilet paper which makes the process a little easier for everyone involved. This being said, we should note that wipes cannot go down the toilet since they aren't biodegradable and will not decompose. Although there are some options that are flushable, they normally contain ingredients that cause irritation so bear this in mind. If you want to create your own solution rather than trusting the commercially-produced wipes, I recent spoke with a mother who converts a simple roll of paper towels into two moist wipes rolls; by using a mixture of water, baby oil, and baby wash, she lets the roll soak overnight before then storing them away in an air-tight container so they won’t dry out. Sometimes, she says they can last for eight weeks so this is a fantastic tip. Since you know exactly what’s going inside, you can trust the ingredients and even play around with the scent. For others, they like to make their own cloth baby wipes because these are reusable; if you’re accustomed to simple disposable wipes, this idea might seem a bit strange at first but it can certainly save money if you’re on a budget. For around $60, you could create a set of 24 that last all the way to potty training from birth so the investment is certainly worthwhile. When my children were growing up, I was paying $4 for 80 most weeks which leads to a cost of over $200 per year. Once again, the main reasoning behind this is that parents like to know exactly what’s inside a product rather than trusting a huge corporation. Instead of risking chlorine, alcohol, and perfume, you would be in control as to what touches your baby’s bottom if you made your own wipes and this prevent irritation both now and long into the future. Simple Clothing - Sure, dresses and jeans with 17 different buttons might look cute but they just aren't practical for potty training. During this three-day period, you aren't likely to leave the home because you’ve rearranged all your plans so make sure they’re wearing clothing that’s easy to remove. This way, the time it takes to reach the potty after they come to you will be reduced and the risk of accidents reduces.
23
Small Rewards - If you already have a reward system in place for your child, you’ll need to devise a completely separate system for potty training. For most parents, they buy a gift bag and fill it with prizes that can be won for each pee or poo. We aren't saying you have to go out and spend hundreds of dollars but small items like coloring books, sweets, chocolate bars, small toys, and the like will get them excited. For me, I liked the mini M&M’s because they can be separated and the reward given can be appropriate for what was achieved. For example, I gave three M&M’s for getting to the potty but an extra two could be earned for wiping themselves. Often, children are afraid of going to the potty to poo because they don’t like the clean up operation after but this rewards system works wonders. As well as tangible gifts, they also need to see their progress somewhere so this could be in the form of a reward sticker chart. Every time they walk past the chart, they feel proud at the amount of stickers piling up. Ultimately, it’s all about finding what works for your child because, as my special catchphrase says, every child is unique. While some will react better to toys and sweets, others will prefer a sticker chart where they work towards certain prizes because it allows them to see their results. Meanwhile, you need to remember to keep up the verbal praise even if they didn't complete every single step correctly. While praising the good parts, you can give advice on the bits they forget or didn't do properly. Cleaning Supplies - Although it sounds obvious, you don’t want to forget cleaning supplies because there may be some accidents; I suggest a plastic bucket, rags, cleaning solution, etc!
24
Chapter 8: Three-Day Potty Training Method Using the Three-Day Method Effectively - In order to make this method as effective as it can be, we need to realize that every single child is different. Even if this is the third time potty training, you can’t follow the exact same process nor can you create a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach with twins or triplets. How do I know? Because you’re reading this guide. If everybody was the same, we’d have found the optimum way to train toddlers years ago and it wouldn't be an issue. Furthermore, you have to stick with the method even if it doesn’t seem to be working. With this in mind, we recommend reading this guide through with your partner and on your own before you get started. This way, you can spend a few weeks allowing the information to simmer, observe your child, and then start the program from memory rather than referring back to the guide every few minutes for answers. When you know this guide and method inside-out, you can move forward with confidence because you’ll have all the answers. As long as you’re firm (sticking with underwear no matter what your child is saying), you can trust the information and this is what makes the method effective. Previously, we’ve spoken about materials and items you need to stock up on so you don’t run out. However, you’ll also need; Consistency - For me, I believe this is one of the key skills because it really allows the child to latch on to what you’re saying. Rather than changing your mind and your approach every day, your child needs consistency to learn this is what’s going to happen and this is how it’s going to happen. Every day, the steps should be the same and the whole toilet process should become habitual. As soon as the diapers have left the door and the underpants are on, you shouldn't even be tempted to return; in fact, you shouldn't have any in the house (unless you have a younger child, of course!). Even if they cry or refuse to go to the toilet without a diaper, they’ve reached a new stage in their development and there are no steps backwards allowed here. As soon as you give in, the child has their own way and they think the process isn't too serious. Whether you have a girl or boy, a child with learning difficulties, or a child with any diagnosed disorder, consistency is essential. As we know, your child is unique so sometimes girls learn faster and sometimes boys learn faster. With this method, we’re removing the ‘they’ll learn when they’re ready’ mindset and replacing it with a proactive mindset. In life, there are many things your child won’t know and, just like everything else, it’s our job to teach them how (and when!) to use the toilet. Persistence - At times, your child might seem distant from the whole process and they might even get frustrated when they can’t get it right but persistence is key. As soon as they see your persistence, they learn the skill themselves and you begin to work together. Also, I’ve seen many parents get a little complacent when their child seems to get used to the process but you need to be careful at all times because regression is possible until it has become a regimented system. Once the child’s muscles and mind are in unison, they’ll know when to relieve themselves and how to approach the situation (and you’ll be beaming from ear to ear!).
25
Patience - Let me assure you right now, potty training isn't going to be easy. For some parents, their child excels and learns within a short time but these parents are lucky in this regard. After the three days, your child will know the basics but there still may be accidents and other problems. With this, we urge you to be patient; not only for potty training but because it’s going to be a key skill for when they learn instruments, school work, and more. Even when you’ve forgotten about potty training and they seem happy there may be the odd wet bed and, along with persistence and consistency, patience is the only way to yield the results you desire. At all times, you need to remember the guide, trust the process, trust your child, and react in the right way. Love - How do you react with love when your child soils yet another pair of fresh underwear? Well, it could just be a little smile or a full laugh when their eyes bulge as soon as they realize their mistake. Remember, most children are really trying to get this right because they want to be like their friends and parents in grown-up underwear. If you rebound with a smile and appreciate their effort, it encourages them to do well. When you shout and make a big scene, all this does is create panic and suddenly they’re fearing the process rather than embracing it. Positivity - If we look at the big picture, the soiled underpants and accidents have no real negative side-effect on their life (or yours). Therefore, the whole experience should be a positive one. Over time, things will improve as long as you keep a good sense of humor and have encouragement high up on the list of important factors. No Negative Attitude or Reprimands - Finally, although we touched upon this just a moment ago, this method WILL NOT work if you have reprimands in place for negative behavior. As we’ve said, accidents are part and parcel of the process just like a missed chord when learning an instrument and the odd stumble when learning to dance. If you scold your child for each accident, it’ll add months to the process. Instead, praise them when they do well and keep telling your child that you’ll take them to the toilet as soon as they’re ready. Even when you feel frustrated (I know how frustrating and draining it can be), remember the positive reinforcement and resist the urge to turn to pull-ups. Even during the night, you’ve made the move to underwear so stick with it. If you’ve followed this guide correctly, the preparation phase, which lasts a few weeks, will set up the success for the three days. If you’re a disabled parent, there’s no reason why you need to be excluded from the process as you can help with non-physical and teaching aspects.
26
DAY 1 For many parents, they find the first day to be the hardest of all. Nowadays, working mothers aren't accustomed to spending all day at home which can make the process even more challenging. However, it’s important to remember the benefits of the process and how you’ll feel when your child is fully-trained. In the first day, you’ll need to be watching your child like a hawk so you notice the early signs they need the potty. At first, you might not spot the signs until it’s too late so it’s a learning process for you as much as them. Even if they start going, place them on the potty to finish so they get used to the feeling. After, you can ask whether they felt the need to pee and and explain that you’re always available to help them when needed. Always remain calm, reassuring, and give them praise if they did even a little bit in the potty. Place the Potty in the Bathroom - Sometimes, parents will be tempted to place the potty next to the TV because it’s easier but I recommend against this. During the first day, your child needs to learn to associate the potty with needing to pee or poo and that this is done in the bathroom as opposed to just anywhere (which is what they’re used to currently). At this point, you should have decided simple terms when talking about the bathroom and these can now be implemented. Eat Breakfast - In a previous chapter, we spoke about the importance of food during these three days so start the day with high-fiber food, healthy liquids, cereal, fruit, and juice (milk tends to tighten stools). Set the Tone - Right at the beginning of the day, take their final diaper off and talk them through what’s going to happen. If possible, create a story and make sure they know this is the final diaper. From here, make sure you choose clothes that are easy to take off. Rather than a full-body jumpsuit, loose trousers and elastic waistbands should be chosen. If the weather is warm, a t-shirt and underwear will be fine and this should allow you more leeway when looking for the moment they need to ‘go’. Although some parents might choose the barebottom approach, they need to get used to the feeling with clothes on otherwise you’re just extending the process. To set the tone, you can explain how they’re a big boy/girl now and will wear underpants. Create a Ceremony - For potty training to work, they need to know that losing the diaper is a good thing so why not create a little ceremony for it? With my second child, I even phoned my parents so we could celebrate the transition and they absolutely loved it. Of course, stay away from overalls, leotards, belts, and anything else that’ll make it hard to undress your child. For children, this is a big step because they’re moving away from something they've done all their life. If you learn to celebrate the move, the transition will be significantly easier so tell them how proud you are and put a balloon on the trash can. After allowing them to throw the diaper away, introduce the underwear they chose in the store; perhaps even wrap this up as a gift. For your sake, we also advise putting all diapers in the trash (or giving them to friends) so you aren’t even tempted to go back. As we’ve said before, we aren’t even entertaining the notion of taking a step back, using pull-ups, or using anything other than grown-up underwear.
27
To this point in their life, the diaper has been one of the few things that has remained constant. Therefore, it doesn’t just represent a change in outfit but instead a change of lifestyle for your child. Since it happens so early on, it can be tough for some children to let this go. With all the change that happens in the early years, the one comfort they have is the diaper so you need to remember this when going through the training process. In a way, this is why the consistency is so important; by taking the diaper away and then giving it back, you’re toying with their emotions and making it harder for them to quit. If I may, it all comes down to what I’ve said all the way through because every child is unique. Compared to your first child, a second might find it easier/harder to give up the diaper. With this first day, it’s all about observation and learning their patterns so you can make the right adjustments for day two. Dealing with Tears - At the best of times, dealing with our children’s tears is tough but it’s all about strength. At daycare, with family members, with a minder, or even a nanny, they all need to know the approach you’re using so all the role models in your child’s life have the same consistency, persistence, etc. Over time, your child will get used to life without a diaper and they’ll learn how to use the potty. While they haven't got the absorbent diapers to rely upon, they start to dislike being wet and the motivation to learn only gets stronger. Remember to Explain - After all this preparation and the ceremony throwing away the last diaper, you mustn't forget to visit the bathroom with them and explain what will happen. Rather than waiting for the first time and it becoming a huge panic, talk over how it’s used and how this is the new place to pee and poo. Furthermore, you should explain how this is the ONLY place to pee. For some parents, of boys especially, they allow them to pee in the garden but their little minds associate this with peeing in any open space from a local car park to somebody else’s garden. Instead, have one designated potty and allow this to become the hub of all toilet activity. At first, they might voice their displeasure at sitting on the potty so you should never force them. However, be ready to sit them back down when they start going again. Eventually, they’ll realize that the potty is actually a welcoming place and a place of relief. Have Cleaning Equipment Ready - In the first day, messes are inevitable so have all the appropriate cleaning materials ready and engaged. This being said, we highly recommend keeping them safe still so your children don’t play with them and cause harm. If you have a carpeted floor as opposed to hardwood, you might want to invest in a sheet of tarpaulin for their play area. Ask Regularly - In recent times, I’ve spoken with several parents who aren't sure how to ask whether they need the potty and this is actually a great question. When you ask them if they need to pee or use the potty, the ‘no’ eventually becomes an automatic response where they don’t think about the answer. Instead, I recommend asking if their underwear is dry. This way, they have to stop and check or at least give the matter some thought. Eventually, they might say ‘no, but I need the potty’. If you know their rough schedule, keep this in mind.
28
Show Your Availability - Since most children have short attention spans, repetition is often the key to success. However, you should always keep your reminders gentle so they don’t feel pressured at any point. If they haven't visited the potty in a while, a simple reminder might be the push they need to recognize the sensation. Especially when they’re playing or if their mind is taken elsewhere, sometimes they forget or simply don’t feel the need to go. If your child is a little older, repetition can actually be a bad thing because it leads to defiance. Keep Offering Liquid - As we’ve discussed previously, the key to success at this stage is fibrous foods and plenty of liquids. Of course, you should never force your child to drink water but make sure you offer liquids and always make them available throughout the day. If possible, offer some prunes too because these can prevent constipation; in the past, I’ve heard of kids holding their poop for days to avoid the potty so food and drink can prevent this. Don’t Force the Issue - If they don’t show the signs of needing to visit the potty, don’t take them there. While some parents sit their child on the potty around 30 minutes after every meal, others create a game but children soon get bored with the regularity of it all and this can be damaging for the whole process. In this three-day potty training method, we’re trying to promote the idea of your child learning how it feels to need the potty as opposed to relying on you to take them there every time. If you take them to the potty and they don’t need to go, it’s actually them who’s more disappointed. Catch the Signs - With most children, they give clear signs they need the toilet whether it’s a red face or even a squat. During the preparation phase, you will have noticed a pattern developing whether it’s after meals or certain times of day. If they have an accident in their underwear, stay calm and use positive language as opposed to ‘no’ and ‘bad’. Instead, you could say ‘oh no, your pants aren't clean anymore; yucky’. Play with Them - Through all three days, they’re going to be playing at home and they need to stay happy and relaxed so why not use this opportunity to read books together, watch TV, play games, etc? Since you’re going to be watching them like a hawk, you might as well strengthen the bond you have between you. Create an Efficient Cleaning System - In order to learn properly, accidents are necessary because there’s no other way to learn. Therefore, you’re going to need a ‘no-fuss’ clean-up system that you and your child can complete as a team. Once done, you can then resume the potty training as normal and continue as before. When changing the underwear, keep encouraging your child and make sure they’re in loose-fitting clothing. If ever your child feels as though they’re letting you down, they’ll close up and start asking for a diaper once again. The moment they start feeling any negativity towards the process, it’ll take longer and they’ll lose all confidence. Even for children who have shown signs of readiness, this can occur so positivity really is the key. Assuming you have a whole wardrobe of clothes, you have everything you need to deal with accidents so put on a new pair of underwear and KEEP GOING. Believe it or not, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes so allow them to learn and become stronger as a result. With every day that comes, they’re only going to get better.
29
If they think they need the potty only to find nothing happens, ask ‘where is the pee?’ and then ‘oh well, maybe next time’. This way, they won’t be afraid to ask you next time rather than closing up and closing all communication. Accidents are Important - Although it might not seem like it right now, accidents are an important part of the learning process. Remember, your child is only just getting used to the world and how their body feels on a daily basis. For us adults, it’s hard to remember a time where this happened but it did. When they have an accident, it makes them one step closer to knowing how the sensation feels. In the early days, vigilance is one of the most important factors because you can speed up their learning. If both parents and all adults are consistent and united on potty training, your child will want to learn faster. Not only are accidents useful for your child, it’s also useful for you too because you can assess which part of the process they’re getting wrong each time. At times, it might be that they missed the potty even though they felt the sensation. Later in the day, they may be caught up in their world of cars that they forget to tell you they need the toilet; each time, you learn where your focus should be. Unfortunately, we can’t just expect our children to master the process in an hour. Remember how excited we were when they took small steps before then stumbling? Well, potty training is the same and there will be tumbles along the way. Somedays they didn't walk at all while others they started putting it all together. Just take your time, stay positive, and remain consistent. Pleading or Panicking Faces - Although every child is different, the majority have either a pleading or panicked look when they’re about to release. If you spot the look, scoop them up and run like you’ve never run before. After these two, you need to find what else your child does whether it’s squatting or passing wind frequently. At times, it can be harder to feel the sensation when sitting down so bear this in mind and always remain consistent. Even if they thought they wanted to go and it was a false alarm just minutes ago, go through the process as normal EVERY single time. Even if they start to pee outside the bathroom, make sure it finishes inside the bathroom because then they make the link in their minds. At all times, your actions and words should lean to one goal; the potty is the only place for peeing and pooping. Today, going on the floor or in the underpants simply isn't an option. If they have an accident, take them to the bathroom and always focus on the positives rather than drawing attention to the accidents. Even if they miss, praise them for trying and tell them they did well despite it not quite working this time. With my first child, I learned it was all about making them feel better about the potty. With a lighthearted response and encouragement to get it right next time, they won’t fear the potty and they should actually start to take control of the process. Eventually, the potty will play a role within a consistent routine just like dinner and bedtime so it starts to become normal as opposed to being a separate event in the day. Three is the Magic Number - When my second child was learning, I had an older woman tell me three was the magic number. If they successfully make it to the potty three times in a row, they’ll 30
understand and it clicks in their mind. From that moment, I ran them to the bathroom even after starting and I understood that accidents were sometimes just to confirm what I wanted them to do. Make Them Feel Special - When they get it right and do everything perfectly, make sure they’re the champion of the world. While every child is different, everyone loves praise so make sure they know they did a great job going to the potty and eliminating here rather than in their underpants. Let’s face it, even us adults love praise so nothing changes in this regard. If they had a bad few hours and then got it right, I would treat my children to a film on the TV or perhaps an extra bedtime story. Of course, you need to be careful not to overdo it here because you don’t want your child to feel self-conscious or nervous about the potty and the attention they’re receiving. When sitting in the potty chair, stay with them to help them relax; you may even want to read a book. When they’re finished, I want to make a note here that praise is more valuable than sweets or chocolate. While praise will make them smile and be happy with what they’ve achieved, sweets will make them think they’re doing it just to please you. Rather than any potential reward, your child should be doing it to learn a new skill. By praising carefully, you can achieve this; for example ‘well done, you felt the urge and then came to see me’. If somebody else is in the house, make sure they’re praised in front of others so they get the highfives and realize it’s a big deal. Sweets as Treats? - Personally, I didn't like to use sweets as treats too much after going to the potty as discussed previously. However, some parents find success with it as long as it fits in with their diet and regular eating habits. If you’re trying to teach your child to only eat sweets after meals, it won’t help to suddenly give them lots of sweets for going to the potty. Soon enough, they’ll start expecting the treat and a denial will make them regress. For my children, they reacted well enough to praise so I didn't want to confuse the situation with sweets. When I say ‘praise’, I mean make it feel as though they’ve just done the best thing in the world. If your typical parenting repertoire includes an ability to make up a song and a funny dance to go with it, create a potty song and make them laugh. If it’s not your style, stick with what’s normal and praise them in a way they’ve come to understand. Although I tended to steer clear of sweets, I did use M&Ms for a short time since you only need to give a few each time. Elsewhere, I tried to introduce their favorite fruits such as watermelon and pineapple. If you do this, I recommend using a different treat for peeing than pooping. If you use rewards, such as a new toy car for each successful day, be sure to reduce the amount of rewards as time goes on otherwise you’ll have a trolley full of cars each shopping trip! Warning - Please note, some children will not react well to treats because they come to expect it and regress when the rewards become less frequent. If you’re going to use rewards, assess your child beforehand and plan a strategy.
31
DAY 1: NAP TIME When it comes to napping, I recommend taking them to pee just before and shortly after. At first, you can expect some accidents but they’ll soon stay dry through the nap and they could even wake up to come get you or go directly to the bathroom (this is one of the best surprises you’ll get!). As they start making progress in the day, you’ll see that the naps and nights also improve.
DAY 1: NIGHT TIME For some parents, they’re surprised by a successful night sooner than planned. For others, it doesn’t happen quite so quickly. Even after being dry for several weeks, your child still might have accidents in the night and this is to be expected. In particular, I’ve found boys to take longer to gain the physical ability to hold pee when sleeping. Use the following tips to help; • After dinner and in the lead up to bedtime, avoid giving them big drinks; I like to stop all liquids at least two hours before they go to bed. • Before going to bed, take them to the potty at least twice but remember to take them off whenever nothing happens. • After around an hour of being asleep, wake them up and sit them on the potty. Although it’ll disrupt their sleep briefly, it’ll allow them to get used to visiting the potty at night and they won’t have a problem going back to sleep. • Make sure they know you’ll help them in the middle of the night if they need the potty. Furthermore, they should know there’s nothing wrong with having an accident at night. • If you hear movement within the night, they could have awoken for a reason so gently tell them ‘let me know if you need to pee, okay’. • If the sheets are wet in the morning, this isn't ‘naughty’ because they really are trying (especially if they’ve already mastered using the potty during the day) so stay positive. • DO NOT use pull-ups no matter what your friends or the ‘internet’ might say. Once again, these conceal all moisture and don’t allow your child to learn efficiently. • Depending on the bed or crib they have, look into plastic mattress protectors since this allows you to replace the sheet alone as opposed to causing damage right through to the mattress. Sure, you might have to wash the sheets but this is worth it if they can get potty trained. • Leave the potty in an area easy to access so they can go alone if they don’t want to wake you. If possible, leave night lights guiding the path to the bathroom. If your child is afraid of the dark, this’ll be especially useful.
32
• If your child is over the age of two years, try a ‘Bedtime Routine’ chart where they can earn stars for each successful night. • Around an hour before the normal waking time, take them to the potty because a significant amount of accidents occur when they’re half-awake but not ready to get up.
33
DAY 2 So, you’re through the first day…but what now? Well, today you’re going to continue in a similar vein to yesterday but you should be in a better position to understand their patterns and signals. On the second day, you can remove some of the restrictions and allow them to go in the garden for an hour after each potty visit. Remember, this is only the second day so no frustration is required; there may be times where your child is testing you to see if this new change is permanent so the consistency is perhaps even more important at this stage than before. If you don’t give them a diaper, they realize it really has gone and that they better learn to use the potty otherwise they’ll keep peeing or pooping themselves. On the second day, the might start to get used to the process a little more so your encouragement can keep pushing them in the right direction. With any luck, the outright misses will turn into partial misses and you can celebrate the progress with your partner. While day one is about recognizing the sensation, day two is focused on getting to the potty at the earliest point rather than making it a big rush and potentially missing. As before, don’t be afraid to talk to them as they sit on the potty or continue reading a book if this is what you were doing before. If you can make the potty a normal part of life, they won’t have any concerns; soon enough, parents find their children singing and feeling happy on the potty. When they start to go, reassure them and say ‘Hey, that’s brilliant! You’re doing really well now’. Although it might seem hard, stay positive in front of your child even if they’re screaming and not giving you an easy ride. At all times, remain consistent (even if you need to lock yourself in the bedroom and scream into a pillow) and don’t allow your child to see you frustrated.
34
DAY 3 On the third day, I recommend leaving the house for the first time; one hour in the morning and the same in the afternoon. As long as it’s straight after a pee, your child will associate the idea of visiting the toilet just before going out. By leaving straight after, you should have enough time for a walk before they need to go again. Just because you’re leaving the house, this doesn’t give you free rein to use pull-ups! Remember, your child needs to be conscious of accidents rather than knowing something will catch the pee or poop. Also, remember to dress your child in loose-fitting clothes just in case you need to run back to the house or visit a nearby toilet quickly. If you entered the three-day method with no pressure and expectations, you may be surprised by the third day because many parents note a significant improvement compared to the first two days and I love to hear this. In fact, some parents even note a whole day without accidents. If it doesn’t happen this way, don’t worry because every child will have their own learning pace. By the end of the third day, at least they’ll know what the potty is for and they’ll be making progress. As long as you remain positive and consistent, their brain and muscles will continue working hard to get it right. As they make progress, give them reminders of the things they do well as opposed to focusing on the negatives. Between potty breaks, have fun and use the time to bond with your child through books, games, baking cookies, and eating ice cream. Once the potty is seen as a comforting place as opposed to a place they want to avoid, the resistance will soften and they’ll let you know when the potty is required. Even if they sit down and nothing happens, this is still progress and at least they’re starting to listen to their body a little more. If you have older children, get them to cheer the ‘little’un’ on and they’ll have added motivation. Of course, this isn't a perfect world and not every parent will experience an accident-free day three. Unfortunately, day three also seems to be the most common day for meltdowns too. As a parent, this will lead to frustration and it may also lead to tears so take the time to yourself; ask your partner to keep an eye on your child while you shed a tear outside. After taking a moment, come back inside and think of fresh ways to approach the process. At this time, we urge you to think about the things your child does that make you feel proud from drawing a cute little dinosaur to playing with their toys. With the positives in mind, you might be able to think of ways to ease the pressure; in some cases, parents actually overdo the fun and it becomes an alternate reality as opposed to the one they’re accustomed to. If you can tone it down a little, this could be the solution you need.
35
AFTER DAY 3 As you approach days three, four, five, six, etc., pleasant surprises will occur so you can look forward to these. After the three days, your child will understand the basics and this is the focus of the three-day method. On days when you’re losing all hope and starting to think they’ll head off to college with soiled underpants, they’ll surprise you and pee in the potty. As mentioned before, there will still be accidents every now and then just like they’ll fall off their bike every so often in the first few weeks and months of learning. Especially when you start taking adventures outside the home, they may struggle to poop despite not having a problem peeing (or even vice versa). Assuming you’re calm and consistent with your approach, everything will soon come together because the follow-up period is just as important as the three days. While you still need to be vigilant in this time, you can allow your child more freedom. Ultimately, some children actually start using the potty efficiently once they’re told they don’t have to come and get someone beforehand so try this. In the coming days, you can reduce their liquid intake back down to normal levels and keep providing the support they need to succeed. Soon enough, you’ll feel confident enough to take your child to a public place without the fear of embarrassment that normally comes with it. When you can finally say ‘the diapers aren't needed!’ and shout it for the world to hear, it’s one of the best feelings you’ll experience as a parent. In order to help this process, I thought it would be useful to note some observations from other parents!
• My child learned to use the potty within three days; in terms of practicing and perfecting the process, it took around three weeks. In total, we spent less than a month helping our little boy to become independent.
• Even for three-year-olds, this three-day method works a treat. • For us, our girl was between 18-24 months and she finished all training within three weeks. • After training took around one and a half days, it was just a few accidents to deal with for the next two weeks and we were done.
• For our boy, it took two weeks to lose the accidents. Four months later, they still happen but they’re now very rare.
• After the three days came to a close, our boy had around two accidents per week but mainly when he was playing and distracted; the added fiber in the first three days worked really well.
• Accidents were rife on day one so I was putting on new underwear every twenty minutes but she really didn't want to soil herself on day two. By day three, there were a couple of poop incidents but no peeing accidents which was great.
• After an accident-free day two, the next day was actually worse but we learned to stay positive and we stuck with it; soon after, he was confident every time.
36
• For my 20-month-old girl, it took around five days for her to really crack it. • I took a week off work to train my 30-month-old son and I let him pick superhero underwear which he LOVED. In the three-day period, he really made progress and we haven't had an accident since the end of week two.
• When my daughter was two and a half years of age, my wife gave birth to our son so potty training was on hold until there was a regular schedule with the baby. Initially, we were worried she would want to compete with her baby brother and regress but she worked hard and trained within three weeks.
• With my two eldest children, they trained within a week and went to the potty like clockwork. My youngest son, however, couldn't care less for the process. Although it took a little longer, he eventually knuckled down and got the job done.
• After a 20% bathroom success rate on the first day (the rest were done in the living room!), the ratio completely flipped by day three. We stayed positive and she started to catch herself early when peeing elsewhere.
• Just under two years of age, my son seemed to master the process very quickly. For the majority of accidents after the process, they actually came because I couldn't get him to a toilet in time because we were stuck in traffic or otherwise unable.
• I really appreciate coming across this guide because I probably wouldn't have started training by now if I hadn’t. I loved starting earlier since my daughter was showing the signs and I remained consistent and positive. Since it’s something we do every day, it should be seen as a natural part of life rather than making it a separate event.
• Since I gave birth around the time my son started showing the signs of being ready, I put it off at first because I’d heard lots of horror stories. When I started the three-day method, I wish I’d actually started earlier because it really wasn't a problem (even with a newborn!).
• We’ve actually trained three successive children now and it worked in three days for each. Each time, the process got easier and we found the biggest part to get right was the preparation. They were all just under two years of age and we stayed at home the whole time. Although they differed in speeds and the way in which they succeeded, they all had the basics down within three days.
37
Chapter 9: Bowel Movements and Urination Urination - Typically, children will learn to control their bladder first which means the daytime peeing is the most successful part of potty training. In comparison, bowel movements take a little longer. As we’ve said before, you’ll need to look out for the signs that your child needs the potty and this can come from facial expressions, hopping from one foot to the other, or holding their hands between the legs. With boys, we advise teaching them to pee sitting down to start because it’s easier to then transition to a standing position. For my son, he found it much easier to get used to peeing in the potty first because it allowed him to master the basics rather than trying to add standing and aiming to the mix. Once he managed to control his bowel movements, he felt more comfortable choosing to pee standing up because he knew he didn't need to do anything more. As men do as adults, teach them to shake after a pee and this removes droplets and prevents irritation after pulling the pants back up. If you want to teach them to pee standing up eventually, many parents like to put a ping pong ball in the potty or toilet and this can help with aiming and preventing a mess. At this point, I’d love to take the opportunity to tear your attention away from disposables because they hide moisture. To know they need to pee, they need to know when their underwear is wet and work backwards so allow them to learn this way. Bladder Function - In case you didn't know, wee is produced by the kidneys and the bladder is the storage tank. When it starts getting full, it sends signals to the brain to relieve as soon as possible. As the bladder squeezes, the sphincter opens, and the wee travels through and out. Encouraging Healthy Urination • Teach your child to visit the toilet as soon as they feel the need (games and toys can wait!) • Tell them not to push and that it comes out naturally when the body is relaxed • Make sure they know not to withhold wee • Add fruits and vegetables to their diet • Have them drink water with meals and other liquids when thirsty Bowel Movements - Do you know how bowel movements work on a biological level? After taking the nutrients from our food to help the body grow and stay healthy, the rest is taken as waste. With poo forming in the bowel (intestines), our brain receives a signal when it’s time to relieve. Once again, it should be a natural process with no need to force anything. Encouraging Healthy Bowel Movements • Take your child to the toilet/potty as soon as they show the signs rather than having them wait • Make sure there’s plenty of water, fruits, vegetables, and juice in their diet • Ask them to wait for a minute or two when they’re ‘finished’ just in case there’s any more • Explain that the potty is for sitting and pooping • Teach your child how to wipe efficiently and to keep wiping until the tissue is clean 38
Chapter 10: Wiping the Bum With potty training being one of the least-discussed topics in parenthood, wiping the bum is the least-discussed sub-topic despite raising some serious questions. Typically, girls will actually learn much faster when they’re responsible for wiping their own bum while boys have a parent wiping for them for longer. For quite some time, they yell your name or a magic word and then assume the position ready for wiping. For boys, it seems as though they can’t quite bend their bodies and get their hand in the right position to wipe effectively. Even with lots of tissue, they rarely get close to wiping anything of use. With my son, he was trying his little heart out but just couldn't reach all of it so I had to reassure him he would get there soon. Of course, whenever this topic arises, there’s a question of personal hygiene so this is an important learning point for all toddlers. With the habits they develop in the early days, these will stay in place for many years after the potty has disappeared so we recommend developing a system and then sticking to it. Starting with the potty, they need to know to flush the pee or poop down the toilet, wipe any splashes, wash the hands, etc. If your boy is standing up, make sure they know how to direct as opposed to giving the walls a new coat. When the bum isn't cleaned properly, it leads to a smell and it also causes an itch for your child. At all times, your child should know that not wiping properly and not washing their hands can make them ill. After this, they should know the ‘potty is the only place for poop’ rule and that a bath is required if poop ends up on their body. With some children, curiosity gets the better of them and they may delve their hand into the potty or into the toilet. Although unpleasant, they aren't doing it to annoy you so punishment isn't a good idea. This being said, you don’t need to act as if it’s normal either so a gentle but firm ‘you mustn't play with this as it could make you ill’ should do the trick. With plenty of bacteria and viruses in poop, make sure you soak their hands in warm soapy water while also getting right underneath the fingernails. If poop gets onto the walls, furniture, or anywhere else, hot water and a cleaning product should do just fine. Learning to Wipe - As soon as your son gets the flexibility to reach back far enough, they need to start wiping alone and I suggest a limit of three years of age. With daycare facilities and preschools in the US, most want children completely potty trained by four years; this includes knowing when to go and being able to clean up alone. Technique - Once again, this is something your child will not know so teach them to wipe to avoid infections. At first, you should start the process so they know how it feels and they understand when to stop. For girls, they need to be taught carefully to wipe from front to back without spreading germs. If they find this tricky, start with patting after a pee. For the first few times, you’ll need to check they’re clean and tell them to carry on if not clean. With toilet paper, make sure they know to fold the paper over or grab a new piece so they aren't smearing poop all over their bum. With children, it’s probably best to grab fresh pieces each time to prevent smearing and mess until the stains disappear.
39
Materials - To make this process successful, you’ll need the following materials; Toilet Paper - Nowadays, there are all sorts of toilet paper available from basic tissue to ecofriendly options. Although flushable wipes are available nowadays, we still recommend disposing of them into a lined trash bin to prevent clogging in the drain. In terms of preventing laundry, toilet paper is your friend as long as they’re taught properly. At first, soft tissue will do for your child and they’ll learn to use less as time goes on. • Grab 3/4 squares • Fold it down • Always wipe from front to back and never reuse paper • Keep pulling two more and wiping until the paper runs clear • Flush the toilet and wash the hands Wet Wipes - Since they’re moist, many children find these wet wipes to be significantly easier to use. However, ‘flushable wet wipes’ ARE NOT flushable regardless of what the manufacturer will say. Compared to toilet paper, it doesn’t break down in the same way so I advise a lined trash bin next to the potty; buying this will be cheaper than paying out for a plumber to unclog the drains. Learning to Flush - As we know, flushing the toilet is an important step in the process and some children have trouble with it. While some avoid the noise and dislike the process, other’s love pushing the magic button. At first, you might even pay more for your water bill with your child flushing for fun but they’ll soon get used to it. During the early stages, I recommend a toilet lid safety latch since this will prevent toys and other things from flushing; our kids like to learn and discover, right? Learning to Wash Hands - In our house, we developed a rule that said they can’t leave the bathroom without washing hands. Typically, fun soaps can be a great way to grab their attention while girls tend to like pretty and colorful towels and soaps. Furthermore, keep towels on a hand rail or bar to prevent it from falling on the floor in their rush to get back to the action. Although overlooked somewhat, hand washing is important for your children as well as the health of your whole family. Depending on your preference, regular soap should be just fine while alcoholbased cleansers also work. With the latter, they don’t require water and can have moisturizing properties to prevent dry hands. When you’re away from home, having a bottle in your bag can be a great idea because soap isn't always easily-accessible. If their hands have been in contact with pee or poop, this is where soap and warm water is preferred; this is also true for mucus and blood. Again, this is all down to preference because some parents will always choose soap and water when available and I probably fall into this category. For good hand-washing, there are five important steps; • Make sure hands are wet • Add the soap • Rub together and between the fingers (at least 15 seconds; sing a song to help)
40
• Rinse hands under the water • Use a clean towel to dry Since reaching can be a big problem at first, give them a stool or something to stand on so they don’t have to feel uncomfortable. With soap, towels, and everything they need within reach, they can get used to the process without skipping important steps. Also, water can end up all over the floor so have a mop-up towel ready. If they’ve handled poop or pee, sing a song together to keep them scrubbing for a whole minute. Additionally, pay attention to your faucet and run the tap yourself first (if necessary) to prevent scolding. Using a Visual Aid - If they seem to be struggling with the idea of wiping, feel free to use a visual aid such as yourself or a teddy bear. For the first few times, you might need to place your hand over theirs so they get the idea. If it goes well, you can reduce your involvement to checking underwear every so often. If your child needs motivation, why not introduce a sticker chart? Every time they wipe correctly, they get a special sticker. For some children, this gives them all the push they need to take their time and do it correctly. With one of my children, they were really struggling with this so I smeared some peanut butter on a plastic plate. Soon enough, they were getting the idea because they’ve spent their life smearing things without having to wipe them clean. Even if they lose motivation and don’t think they can do it, take their hand and show them they can. In truth, it follows the same process as all good teaching; • My turn • Our turn • Your turn After showing them the ropes, you go through the process together by holding their hand. Eventually, they’ll get the idea and do it for themselves and this process can be used when teaching children anything. Remember, you don’t need to put too much pressure on the first few days. Over time, they’ll only get stronger and they should be ready for kindergarten. Despite popular belief, teachers lack the time (and the pay!) to wipe noses and bums. When teaching your child, feel free to use this and tell them that teachers won’t clean up for them. Also, spend time with other parents you know because they’ll get encouragement from the other children using the potty successfully (even if it comes from a will to compete with the other children). Recently, I saw one child talking the other through the process and it was amazing to watch. Although this seems like a small step now, these skills alone will be the beginning of an independent lifestyle. Once they can clean their bum and wash their hands, they’re more likely to take other challenges by the horn and take care of themselves. That magic day when they walk
41
down the stairs rather than shouting ‘I’M READY’, you won’t quite believe the trees outside your window are quite so green. During the learning phase, I recommend bathing them every day so any excess is cleaned away. After this, trust your child and trust they’ll get better over time. Soon enough, they’ll notice the correlation between a sore bum and not wiping properly and you’ll have nothing to worry about. As before, I should note that girls tend to learn much quicker and have fewer problems; this leads nicely into the next chapter.
42
Chapter 11: Differences Between Genders and Multiple Children POTTY TRAINING FOR GIRLS In a recent piece of research, it showed that girls train fully around three months earlier than boys and this doesn’t surprise me from experience. Of course, there will be exceptions and siblings can affect this. For girls, they tend to be more interested in the shopping trip when searching for underwear with cartoon characters proving to be a favorite. Furthermore, girls typically dislike wet underwear (especially after picking them out themselves) and capture the sensation earlier in the process. With overnight dryness, the process is a little more hit-and-miss but she’ll get there eventually. As we’ve said before, girls should always wipe from front to back to prevent spreading germs to other areas. Regression with Younger Siblings - If there’s a time of change just around the corner, whether this is a new nursery or a younger sibling, I recommend holding off on potty training for a while. To stop them from becoming overwhelmed, this allows her to feel settled before going through another change to underwear. With many parents I’ve spoken to in recent years, girls who are fully-trained and love being on the ‘big girl potty’ can still regress when a younger sibling enters the frame. At times, she might even start up the baby talk again with the potty the last thing on her mind but you need to remain consistent at all times. With my own daughter, she felt a clear conflict between wanting to go to preschool and wanting to regress. Instead of panicking, I used this opportunity to tell her she wouldn't be able to go to preschool if she wanted to act like a baby and her behavior soon changed. Elsewhere, you could challenge her to pee before the baby because she’s a big girl. If she’s in the ‘say no to everything phase’, be patient and allow this phase to pass. As we know, all children are unique and I should say that you might not have any of these problems at all. In fact, many parents can use the three-day method as normal and their daughter gets it just as quickly with a smaller sibling in the picture. Healthy Urination - Although not common in children, girls are more likely to experience urinary tract infections (UTIs) so always visit the doctor if; • She complains of tummy/pelvic pain or discomfort when peeing • She needs to pee more often or if the need comes suddenly • She wets her pants frequently after previously mastering her bladder As long as you stay on top of their liquid intake, you know a pee is only around 20 minutes away. Eventually, she’ll start to notice the sensation herself and let you know whenever she needs to pee after drinking. As I’ve said before, nothing good can come from rushing them into something for which they aren't ready. If they aren't yet ready to pee, one of the most helpful things you can do is 43
to take their mind away from pee whether it comes through small talk, a book or magazine, or a silly song. Signals for Wanting to Pee - Even when your child is generally very good at telling you when they need to go, you still need to know the signals and this is because they often get distracted by toys and other things. When playing, they won’t realize they need the toilet until it’s too late. With potty training, it’s all about teaching them to visit the potty AS SOON AS they need to go. If your child is over the age of two and has more understanding of the world, simply tell them to visit the potty when they make the usual motions. If you provide them with a choice, they’re going to say ‘no’ and this is just a simple fact. Handy Innovations for Girls - For parents of girls, many find they continue having accidents after learning the basics in the three-day method. Therefore, I recommend taking a weekend away or even staying at a parents’ house for one evening. By breaking up the monotonous routine and having a change, she might just seal the knowledge and learn to understand her body a little better. If they really struggle, link the potty to their favorite book, film, or TV show. Nowadays, there are plenty of ways to bring the potty to life and involve it in their favorite story; you could even use their stuffed animal and dramatize the whole ‘pretend’ situation. NO MORE DIAPERS - Sadly, I haven't kept count of how any times I’ve said this but I’m assuming we’re in double figures now. After making the jump to underwear, never ever return to diapers. Sometimes, girls are happy enough peeing in a potty but would prefer to poop in a diaper but you aren't going to allow this. If necessary, it might take an accident for her to realize she’s a big girl who only goes in the big girl potty.
44
POTTY TRAINING FOR BOYS Although girls can master control sooner, boys are generally dry sooner than their same-age sisters. Just like girls, boys can struggle with bowel movement even after the age of three years. Just to cover the whole picture, there are some boys who master everything at once and can even perfect night-time potty training in a quick time. As long as the nature of the process remains relaxed, bladder and bowel functions can be recognized and acted upon sooner! Boys Take Longer, Right? - Well, not always. If you start before the age of six months, both boys and girls can take up to six months to get it right. When starting later (after two years), boys can take up to three months longer than girls. As an example, let’s say your boy shows interest at two and a half. To be completely trained with night-time and everything else, it might take a whole year. Elsewhere, a girl could be trained at 20 months while a boy doesn’t even show interest until after their second birthday. In the very early stages of this guide, I spoke about the signs of being ready and this is an important factor. Despite the difference in ages, you can still apply the three-day method along with a few innovations (depending on what motivates your child). Recently, a friend of mine started to potty train her boy/girl twins. After starting at 17 months, they were both trained at 21 months so there was no difference. As long as you do what’s right for YOUR child or children, you don’t need to compare to what’s ‘normal’. Actions and Visuals - To learn the sensations of needing the potty, disinterested boys need a little more of a push. With boys who like to explore and discover, they might get caught up in how their poop ends up in (and down) the toilet. Often, children actually have no idea what’s in their diaper and how it looks so showing them the process of emptying the diaper and it going down the toilet is a big learning step. From here, you can explain why the toilet is important. For different children, you’ll find there are different breakthrough points. While some find it comes with the flushing, others won’t want to pee on their favorite superhero underpants. In addition to this, some will need to have their dads show them. As long as you keep the process fun, you can be consistent and see results. Nowadays, there are some very good potty books on the market which could also improve the process. Since boys love to picture themselves in a story, this could be the way you get them on the potty regularly. Then, when the ‘target practice’ comes and they start peeing while standing up, you can use a simple ping pong ball or even a single piece of cereal so they can aim properly. Two Years of Age - With boys, it seems as though personality and readiness play more of a role. If you’re potty training your son around the two-year mark, most are ready to learn and ready to engage with this new activity. For this reason, I believe the three-day method to be most effective around this age. If your boy is a little over one year, there’s no reason why you can’t get the preparation done early. For example, you could start with a story of how big boys go to the toilet and they’ll soon want to be ‘like mommy and daddy’. If your home allows, some parents see an advantage to leaving the bathroom door open so they can freely walk in and investigate the potty; this allows them to feel
45
comfortable around it. In fact, one parent I spoke to walked upstairs to find their son sitting on the potty, fully-clothed, reading a book. At the age of 18 months, they can explore a little more and they’ll be super excited if it’s the kind that plays music. As you head towards two, they’ll probably ask you about using it or they’ll try pulling down their trousers when around the potty. By the time their second birthday comes and goes, interest should pique and he’ll show interest in wearing underpants. Strangely, it seems as though boys ignore things in life when they’re actually learning. Just when you think they’re showing no interest at all, you’ll be surprised by a question or a will to get started. For boys at the age of two, many parents are left surprised by their sons and their quick advancement. With some boys, they even ask to pee standing up from the very start. As long as you’re careful, this is an age that could still welcome rewards. With the reward as something they really want to earn, they’ll put in overtime just to get the process right even faster. Over Two Years of Age - If you wait until long after the second birthday, a new issue comes to the fore; their will. At this age, everything in the world is his idea so this is important to remember. If he thinks the potty is his idea and he seems to be progressing well, just allow him to continue in his own way. As long as he’s getting it right, it doesn’t matter how, right? On the flip side, the new stubbornness could lead to a flat refusal. For this, I recommend one of the most powerful and underused techniques in all parenting; ignoring them. Suddenly, they’ll soon decide they’re ready or they might ask for underpants when the diapers prove to be too much of an inconvenience. For stubborn boys, I’ve seen a lot of success after allowing them to see others in the same position. As soon as he sees his friends going to the toilet by themselves, it’ll become the most important task in the world. Even with night training, the motivation will be there to get it right; and sometimes motivation is all it takes. Even if your boy is making progress but seems to have a small bladder and can’t last the night, seeing other boys succeeding will get the competitive juices going. If this competitive nature is brought out early, your son might be able to join the list of ‘daytimetrained in just one day, fully-trained in one week’ boys. While girls like to learn as they go, boys are more likely to learn from a distance before showing exactly what they can do by putting it all into practice. With each boy proving to be a unique case, you need to spend some time assessing your child before then proceeding with the right approach. If you’re friends with people who have boys of a similar age, this could actually benefit all the boys because they’ll enter the journey together. In terms of rewards, you need to be careful at this age. While they can be effective, it can actually be more of a hindrance as they get older. Often, the ‘big boy’ feeling and experience is more appealing than a few M&Ms so know when to pull back if he isn't reacting to rewards. Soon enough, they’ll enjoy walking around the playground and daycare knowing he’s fully-trained. With night-time training, the situation is actually the same because they’ll get far more pleasure from a big boy bed than yet another toy car. Over Two and Still in Diapers - If you have a two-year-old boy who is still in diapers because they refuse to train on the potty, it might take an authoritative stance to make progress. Before you
46
panic, it will get better over time even if they hate the resistance at first. If there’s an authority figure, make sure they take control of the potty training process. Sadly, there are some parents who allow their child to stay in diapers until way past five years. Commonly, the excuse will be ‘I waited until he wanted to start’ but, in truth, not all boys are going to ‘want to start’. With some boys, they need the initial push, they need to release some tears, and then they can make progress. As I’ve said many times over, I would never advocate waiting this late because it can only cause harm for your child and their development. Before we head into the handy innovations for boys section, I want to show you a comment I received from a parent recently; ‘When my son was three years of age, we were having real trouble mastering potty training. However, we eventually found progress after taking a picture of his poop and making a card for his dad. After seeing success, we thought we’d try this with my daughter a couple of years later and she had none of it. From that moment on, I knew it was a pride thing!’. Handy Innovations for Boys - If you have a home with two or more floors, we recommend placing a potty in every bathroom because this allows them to choose and go wherever is convenient. In our home, we even had a ‘potty war cry’ for when they needed to go. As soon as I heard the noise, I knew we were ready for business and this really helped us all. Although you might not like this idea, you could add food coloring to the potty. For some reason, boys love to add their urine to a food coloring mixture. In addition to helping him, this technique will allow them to learn what colors need to be added to what in order to create a third color. As we’ve said before, some boys find it helpful to have a single piece of cereal in the potty so his aim is fixed. If you decide to go with rewards, choose something you know they’ll react to rather than something they’ll show no attention. For me, I chose an experience that we could both enjoy and bond over when he successfully completed a certain amount of time in training. For example, this could be a train ride, trip to the local aquarium, or perhaps a visit to the zoo. Of course, this is the ultimate prize with smaller rewards being available for dry days and weeks.
47
Chapter 12: Potty Training for Older Children In society today, there seems to be a huge divide. While older generations believe all children should be potty trained before the age of two, younger parents will suggest potty training well into the third year of the child’s life. Since they think older children have a better chance of understanding what’s going on, many young parents these days are simply waiting. Although this seems like a sensible idea on the outside, evidence suggests the former is better in the long-term. According to one specialist in the topic, we should never go past 30 months without even starting because this age is marked by resistance and defiance. At time goes on, children discover their own will and this makes potty training a chore and it can ruin the opportunity to bond through the process. If you compare potty training at 22 months to potty training at four years, the difference is remarkable. Adjusting the Three-Day Method - How can you adjust the three-day method for an older child? Below, we’ve laid out the key steps; Step #1: Keep the Basic Principles - With everything we’ve discussed so far, the principles are exactly the same in terms of incentives, clothing, underwear, diet, physical/emotional preparedness, equipment, and learning the body signals. However, the first difference comes in the time it takes and I recommend starting the program when you have a week to devote. When potty training older children, consistency becomes more important because they know how to work as hard as they can to get what they want. If you’ve got a vacation or long journey coming up, we recommend saving the training for your return. Step #2: Create a Routine - In the same way consistency is important, your child needs to know a routine so they can get comfortable with the idea of potty training. Step #3: Encourage Copying - As well as asking your child if they want to be like mommy and daddy, allow them to interact with other children. As your child gets older, you’ll learn how they love to copy other children and this starts at a young age. Once again, use any friends you have to your advantage if they have children. Soon enough, you’ll pique your child’s curiosity and they’ll learn from other children (without making them feel bad). With my second child, I also made sure to bring my eldest into the equation because younger siblings want to be like their brothers or sisters. If the younger of the two wants to watch (or at least visit the bathroom with their sibling so they see it isn't so scary), the motivation will soon come. To your surprise, the older sibling will probably love the responsibility and help you. If you only have one child, look around you because there’s no reason why the same benefit can’t come from a friend’s child, cousin, or any other relative. With children loving the copycat role, they’ll soon pick up on the same habits. Step 4: Transfer Responsibility - Since your child is older, they can handle a little more responsibility; you could tell him/her that they don't need your help. Instead of doing everything on their behalf, tell them it’s their pee and poop so they need to deal with it themselves.
48
By effectively ‘not bothering’, you’re telling them they don’t need to go to the potty. For the first hour or so, they think they’ve won and they’ll wear a cheeky smile. However, the need to visit the potty will soon come and they’re likely to make the visit on their own. Out of spite, they might just do it quietly but…you’ll know. In addition to having them responsible for pee and poop, they should also take some responsibility for cleaning up accidents and changing their clothes. When you do everything for them, they don’t see the full effect of what’s just happened. After wiping their own pee from the floor, they’ll soon knuckle down because this isn't an enjoyable job for anyone. More than anything, it’s about creating the link between their pee/poop and the consequences of not getting to the potty. If your boy/girl has been making good progress and a slight accident happens, don’t make a big deal out of it because, in most situations, they’re more embarrassed than you. If you stay positive and reaffirm your faith in them, they’ll make it next time. Step 5: Pull Back - With younger children, the constant reminders that they might need the potty actually help them to remember; with older children, it really isn’t necessary. In fact, you should be able to explain more while expecting a little more from them in return. When training an older child, you’re likely to get hit with a barrage of excuses and negotiating. For example, ‘I forgot’ is the most common excuse you’ll hear when you ask why they didn't go to the potty. After success, they could even state their case for higher rewards. As I’ve mentioned before, I find the very best tactic for this is to ignore them. The longer you engage, the longer the problem will continue; every child loves a good discussion so refuse to participate and they won’t enjoy the silence. As soon as you lose the reminders, not just promising to lose them, then your older child will have more responsibility as discussed previously. Step 6: Consider a Rewards System - Throughout this guide, I’ve blown hot and cold on rewards systems and this is because they always need to be used with care. If used incorrectly, your child will go to the potty for a sweet rather than doing it because they want to. When used correctly, it can be successful but most parents are left struggling with the same issue; which rewards are best? If they’ve already got a huge box full of toys, a new toy isn't going to do much because it needs to be something they desire. What better way to find out than to ask them directly? With older children, this is one of the easier parts because they can choose their own reward. As long as it isn't expensive, you can put the wheels in motion. If it isn't working, feel free to warn about taking the reward away or simply switch it out for something else. At all times, you need to be in control of the rewards and they need to have time limits. Whenever they play with video games, toys, paints, costumes, and bikes, their time is limited so why should these rewards be any different? Remember, the reward is a privilege rather than a possession. For as long as you limit their access, the incentive remains valuable. If you choose to go with rewards, don’t forget the praise because this should ALWAYS come first! 49
Step 7: Keep Communicating - Often, children need to talk the whole process through a few times to fully understand it so be sure to have these conversations with them. As well as praising past performance, advise them on where to improve and they’ll enter a phase of continual progression. After speaking with one mom not so long ago, she said how she told her son that she was tired of constantly changing pull-ups. After replying ‘Ok, mommy’, he didn't wear one again. Although there were a couple of accidents afterwards, they kept communicating and it made the whole process easier. This may sound obvious, but you should never shame your child into using the potty because this can have a detrimental impact moving forward. If you need to start taking things away in order for your older child to get the message, so be it. Instead of arguing, show them who makes the rules and take away a bedtime story if they don’t visit the bathroom before settling for the night. When they visit the bathroom, a big hug and a gold star will work wonders. If they’ve recently shown a desire to learn new words and learn more about the world, take this opportunity to talk about the body and how great they’ll feel once the diapers are gone. When in the preschool years, we tend to make one fundamental mistake; we get in the way. With older children, you simply don’t need to hold their hand through the process. Sometimes, all they need is some space to direct themselves. Rather than magnifying accidents and making them a big deal, your child will learn how to avoid them and control their body more efficiently! Step 8: Record All Progress - Whether it’s losing weight, going along a journey to a new career, or playing sport, we all like to record our progress. Well, children do too so allow them to place a gold sticker on a chart for every successful pee and poop (keep them separated). When they stay dry for a whole day, they can earn a special sticker. Step 9: Take the Chart Seriously - Finally, what’s the point in having a chart if you aren't going to praise and talk to your child about improvement? At all times, you need to read their behavior and effort. If they aren't taking the potty training seriously, you have every right to be a little more forceful (while remaining positive). If they’re trying but aren't quite getting it right, be a little more sympathetic; reading the situation is a great way to make progress because they’ll react to your own reaction. Common Issues - Over the years, I’ve learned there are some common issues that seem to arise when training older children so let me address them below. • Your child decides to pee or poop right after leaving the potty. When in the early stages of potty training, this can be a big issue but it just means they need time to relax the muscles when on the potty and this will come with practice. • During times of great stress, a child who has been through training regresses and struggles with the process. For example, a new sibling is the most common cause but it could also be a new home, new state, or perhaps even bullying in preschool so you need to be aware of the situation.
50
• As school work gets a little heavier, accidents might start to occur and this is why it can be dangerous having them learn when older. In this scenario, remind them that everything can wait for three minutes while they relieve themselves. • If your child has never had issues before but now seems to be struggling, it might be worth a short trip to your doctor to rule out infection or any other physical issues. • If your child is above the age of three and they really seem to be trying, the doctor could help here too because there could be something preventing your child from getting it right. • With some children, they learn the basics at the age of two before then not having it followed-up by parents. As a result, they know parts of the process but they won’t be able to do it on a consistent basis. If you’ve been through this, we advise starting from scratch to ensure there are no gaps in their learning; the three-day method allows you to do it efficiently. • With older children, they often have a conflict between wanting to grow up and wanting to be the baby still. For example, they might demand a diaper and have a tantrum when they’re rejected. As soon as they start to reason and manipulate rewards, the whole process gets that much harder. • If your child is being a little difficult, don’t be afraid to bend the rules and think outside the box. For example, I recently spoke with a mother who’s son wouldn't poop in the potty. Despite peeing in the potty regularly, they didn't feel secure pooping. Therefore, she sat him on the potty with the diaper and reassured him the diaper would catch it. After around a week, she sat him down without him realizing he didn't have a diaper and they didn't look back. • For younger children, those who are trained bare-bottom forget how they trained by the time they reach school. For older children, they get used to being naked on the potty and refuse to go to the toilet while clothed. As you may have noticed throughout this three-day method, this is why I suggest loose-fitted clothing when potty training. • As we saw before, some children pee in the potty without a problem but then refuse to poop in the potty without reason. For some, they even hold it in and become constipated. In this situation, DO NOT reach for the diaper because this will cause regression. Often, it takes just one poop on the potty to make a breakthrough so be patient; they’ll need to relieve themselves eventually. Common Fears - With these common questions, there are also some common fears so let’s take a look! Fearing the Toilet - While some view the toilet as a noisy monster, others fear being sucked down so allow them to flush some paper down first to get an idea for how it works. Once they’ve heard the flush once, it won’t be linked with fear and you can move forward with confidence. Fearing the Release of Waste - In older children, I seem to see a fear of releasing solids and bodily fluids quite often. Although it feels frustrating at the time, they just require some coaxing and
51
perseverance. As long as you’re supportive and you really praise success, they’ll soon have no problem with the process. On a similar note, some children fear the sensation of needing to go to the toilet or the feeling of peeing so they stop themselves. Since they’ve been in a diaper for so long, this is to be expected so they need to adjust to the change. What if they get upset when their poop is flushed away? When children don’t understand how the body works, flushing away a poop is like losing an arm. Therefore, you need to explain that pooping is positive and that they need to keep eliminating to get ‘big and strong’. Finally, you might find they fear being alone so feel free to stand outside the door and keep them company. As you talk to them, they’ll be distracted and won’t even think about eliminating as it happens. After, you can encourage them to flush the toilet while also allowing them to accompany other family members to the toilet. Over time, they’ll learn it’s just a part of life and something everyone does. Common Risks/Problems - If you’re starting late and have an older child, there are some common issues that arise and I’ve listed them below. Health Issues - After being in a diaper for so long, there’s a risk of some common health problems and the biggest seems to be not fully emptying their bladder. When urine is left behind, it becomes a real problem because it can cause infection. With the other side of potty training, constipation can cause an issue and chronic constipation is linked with numerous conditions including bowel cancer. If you train after 30 months, the likelihood of your child experiencing urinary tract infections (UTIs) is greatly increased as well as having to experience bed-wetting for longer. Although there are many reasons why this is the case, many doctors believe it comes from the techniques we use with older children. For example, we tell them to push harder when trying to relieve themselves. In the years ahead, there needs to be some form of regulation on the diaper industry because they’re also contributing to bladder abnormalities and chronic infections. By keeping children in diapers for longer, as well as pull-ups, this is causing all sorts of issues with infections in schools being a big one. In a recent study, the link between diapers in schools and hepatitis was investigated. In addition to this, outbreaks of stomach infections and diarrhea have also been linked with dirty diapers. Power Struggle - Moving away from the health problems, I know for a fact there was a power struggle between me and my children as they got older (and this was without potty training!). As soon as they reach an age of intelligence, they explore the world and push the boundaries to see what is and isn't acceptable. With potty training, they might resist and it can end up being a stressful experience for all involved which is one of the main reasons why I advocate starting before the ‘terrible twos’. Lack of Support - When researching for this guide, I felt appalled at the distinct lack of information and support for new parents and the potty training process. Despite the general trend seeing potty training occur later, nurseries and preschools aren't happy helping parents making the move away 52
from diapers either. As a result, children train later and later and this negative spiral of events has been spinning for decades. On the flip side, those who start earlier are judged and undermined so parents just can’t win. In the past, I spoke to a parent whose child came home in tears because the playgroup leader didn't accompany them to the toilet; instead, they assumed they had a pull-up on. With society in limbo, parents and children alike don’t know whether they’re coming or going. Compared to half a century ago, the amount of older children incontinent is significantly higher (and it’s still rising). More and more, teachers are becoming carers and diaper-changers as opposed to setting the children up for an enjoyable education. With schools overstretched as it is, this problem is making it impossible for children to learn in a clean and efficient environment. In some families, they have up to three children all in pull-ups with the oldest at seven! This is something that needs to change. With an early start, it sets a strong precedent for a strong relationship between parent and child. With this guide, I want to spread the message, allow teachers to go back to what they do best, and allow a more relaxed upbringing free from health issues, power struggles, and endless tears.
Older Adoptive Children If you’ve adopted a child from birth and there’s no immediate evidence of trauma, the three-day potty training method can be applied as normal. Just as we've seen before, some parents will experience emotional outbursts and resistance; this only becomes more prominent after three years. Even if there are no health problems in the child, tantrums can occur. If you’re adopting a child at an older age and they haven't been potty trained, you need to consider the circumstances carefully because it’ll directly impact the difficulty of potty training. For the most part, children want to learn and this is something that comes naturally. This being said, they can feel embarrassed when they don’t know something. At first, children can be quite defensive about the whole process and they might even declare they wanted to poop in their pants even when they didn’t. Therefore, you need to keep encouraging them while keeping a routine in place. Eventually, one small breakthrough will make a world of difference in their confidence.
53
Twins or Multiple Children If you’ve never done it before, the idea of potty training twins can be horrific. However, much like anything in life, the thought is generally worse than the actual training. For some parents, they actually have great fun watching as the two kids race to use the potty first. As you introduce potty training, the same principles can be applied with the three-day method. After this, you might want to consider some additional factors! Competition - When shopping for potties, don’t think buying one will end well because..well, all the evidence suggests otherwise. Not only do you want to prevent queues, you want each child to have their own potty rather than having a shared one. Of course, this will lead to ‘my potty is better than yours!’. Different is OK - Currently, parents of twins are leaving potty training later because they believe the ability to reason with one another will help. For me, I think it makes it worse because, the older your twins get, the more likely they are to play up. As they pass their second birthday, they start to realize how they can push your buttons as a team and this can cause havoc with potty training. With this, don’t be afraid to be a little different and start your potty training earlier. Positive Peer Pressure - In case you haven't noticed, children like to copy each other and this happens from a very early age. Since they spend all their time together, this is somewhat multiplied with twins so you need to ensure this happens in a positive way rather than a negative way with your twins (or triplets (or more!)). Is Together Best? - Personally, I believe it’s always best to train twins and multiples together in the long-term. Despite this, you know your children better than anyone else in the world. If there’s a distinct difference in learning speed and you’re worried it might have a negative impact on one child, feel free to start a one-on-one approach and wait for their sibling to show the signs of readiness. Be Ready for Mess - With one child, there will be challenges, there will be accidents, and there will be tears (maybe even some from the child too!). With twins and multiples, you just have to be ready for what’s to come otherwise it’ll hit you like a frying pan around the head. Often, success/failure is determined in the preparation stages so spend time preparing and stocking up on supplies. If you don’t want damaged carpets and mats, feel free to invest in protective covers and tarpaulin (as well as bed covers). If needed, place gates in areas you want to protect and this makes cleaning easier because you can also get your children involved. In years to come, this will create stories for future boyfriends and girlfriends (sorry if this scares you!). Using Rewards - If you think your kids will benefit from rewards, you need to consider how it will work to prevent chaos. Will the other react poorly when their sibling is rewarded? Will they react positively and use it as motivation? Are sweets best? Are sticker charts best? Do they have different motivations? When planning a rewards system, allow yourself a few minutes to really think about how they’re motivated and whether you can implement the system in way that benefits everyone.
54
Universal Doesn’t Work - Much like you can’t use the same approach with two siblings of different ages, you probably can’t use the same techniques with twins and multiples. Although there will be occasions where it works, most parents have to adapt their approach from one twin to the next. While some like praise, others just want to get on with their day. Furthermore, children can differ in their privacy and need for constant reminders. Once you’ve mastered daytimes, you’ll need to adjust again for outings, nights, and naps. As long as you remain flexible and let their character control the techniques you use rather than employing techniques that won’t work, there’s no reason why you can’t see success. Loose-Fitting Clothes - When your child says the magic words and you’re in a blind panic to get them to a potty, the last thing you need is thousands of buttons, zips, velcro, and whatever else they use on clothing nowadays. Instead, make sure they’re in loose-fitting clothing; this will also allow your child to take some authority over the process rather than relying on you to undress them. If you have special, dry-cleaning-only clothing, save them for a more appropriate time. Similar Schedules - In the past, I’ve worked with and helped parents of twins and multiples and it seems to be best to have them on similar schedules. When the children have lunch at the same time and are enjoying juice at the same time, it’s actually not that hard to have them on very similar schedules. With potty training as a simple addition to this schedule, it might be easier than trying to squeeze it into varying schedules and a hectic lifestyle. Success WILL Come - Whether it’s learning to ride a bike, learning to walk, or learning to use the potty, success will come as long as you follow the advice I’ve provided here today and you keep believing. With consistency and a positive mental attitude, the accidents will slow and soon they’ll be walking to the bathroom without any issues. When it’s all said and done, you’ll look back and think ‘I can’t believe I was so worried!’.
55
Chapter 13: Potty Training for Children with Autism, Down’s Syndrome, or Asperger’s If your child has a certain learning disorder or disability, it’s important to remember that these are actually just learning delays. With this in mind, training might take that little bit longer but there’s no reason to stop the training nor should you give up at any point. Although there might be a different pace compared to any other children you might have, they will learn soon enough.
Important Considerations Communication Problems - First things first, children with autism and other similar disorders might have problems with communication. In addition to the words themselves, they have trouble associating the words with actions so they need time to process what you’re saying. Up until this point, use your knowledge of their character and use words they’ll understand to help them feel comfortable. Just as we’ve seen throughout this guide, the way they show their readiness might lead to one or to messy situations but it’s always best to clean it up and explain why the potty is important. For children on the autistic spectrum, expressive language can be an issue so you need to read their cues and teach them how to express themselves when they feel the need to pee or poop. Sensory Issues - With both Asperger’s and autism, there can be unusual reactions when the senses are stimulated and this includes textures, smells, colors, temperature, sound, tastes, etc. When your child is in the bathroom, keep an eye out for unusual reactions because the smells here are different to the smells to which they’ve grown accustomed. If there are noxious smells, or even perfumes, they may suddenly fear the room or throw a tantrum. Following on from this, try to make the bathroom feel similar to the rest of the home because, as a room, it tends to be either hotter or colder than everywhere else depending on the time of year. Also, pay attention to your child’s likes and dislikes whether this comes from colors, tiles, fluffy rugs, or anything else. Ultimately, we recommend keeping a close eye on how they’re reacting because some children don’t like the sensation of when they need to visit the toilet while others are unaware of how to release their bowels. Even with the flush of the toilet, the noise may be a little scary and this comes back down to the senses. Rather than making excuses or telling lies, there’s nothing wrong with explaining everything so they understand. Soon enough, you’ll start to anticipate changes while they begin to understand why things happen along the way. For these reasons, I believe the switch to underwear can be done for children with autism and other disorders without going back to diapers at any time. Agree on Words - For children with autism, they tend to associate one word to one specific item and they struggle when a second or third word is introduced for the same item. Therefore, agree some terms with your child before they get started. Are you going to call it a bathroom, restroom, toilet, or even the ‘john’?
56
While on this note, I also see no need to use childish terms here because this is a mistake that many parents seem to make. Since they associate just one word with each item while finding it hard to comprehend another name, any term you introduce now is likely to stick. With the words for parts of the body, this is also true because some children with autism will struggle to differentiate between words that are fine to use in public and others that should be avoided. For me, I advise using words at home that could be used in social situations and this avoids confusion. Appreciate the Stress - For children with autism, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed so adding a potty to their already-hectic schedule can be quite distressing. For your child, repetitiveness and a routine is very much what makes them feel comfortable on a day-to-day basis. At first, the idea that this new disruption is going to become normal will worry them. However, as long as you’re consistent, they’ll start to trust in this addition and it’ll become just another part of the routine. Suddenly, their insistence on repetitiveness will work in your favor. If your child has a medical issue that would interfere with their bodily responses, I highly advise talking to a doctor before starting potty raining. In the early stages, play close attention and report to the doctor if there’s too much or too little urine each time. Also, contact a physician if they experience any pain during the process; too loose or too hard stool should also be reported. For autistic children, they generally experience more bowel problems than most and this could be loose stools or constipation. During the early stages of the process, make sure they’re consuming plenty of fluids along with a healthy dose of fiber. With this diet in place, you prevent hard stools; this is something that could set them back somewhat. For any advice or if you have any questions, feel free to get in touch with your physician. Appreciate Privacy - Finally, you might be used to changing their diaper but the transition to underpants is where privacy starts to become important for all children. Even if they aren't embarrassed about talk regarding their diaper, you need to start talking with them quietly in public and they’ll soon get the message that this is a discreet activity.
Aids for Potty Training Generally speaking, children with autism find it easier to lean with verbal and visual learning materials so keep this in mind. Furthermore, take a look at the following advice! • With a few parents I’ve interacted with, they like to draw stick figures on paper and this allows them to explain the process of going to the potty. While there are several books and stories you can buy, they don’t necessarily consider the learning needs of children with learning difficulties and you can adapt your own story to a way they’ll recognize and respond to in the coming days and weeks. Even with play-dough and other learning tools, you can create your own story. • With social stories (as described above), it’s best to keep them short with only one goal; to explain the process of potty training. If you have a printer, feel free to print some images associated with the toilet and arrange them in a sequence. In the preparation phase, read the story multiple times a week so the idea settles in their head. Then, when they need to do it themselves, they’ll know how it all works; this prevents them for becoming overwhelmed.
57
• If they need other visual and tactile aids, consider linking the potty to their favorite items in life. If your son/daughter likes to blow bubbles, why not ask them to blow bubbles (pee) in the potty? • Often, children with learning difficulties need something to concentrate on when on the potty so how about a five-minute hourglass? As they watch the sands moving through the bottleneck, they can concentrate and really persevere. • If you manage to find an illustrated book and your child reacts positively, you could hang it on the doorknob as a reminder of how it all works. From pulling down their pants to washing their hands, everything will be remembered. • When they make progress, feel free to make up a silly song to celebrate. If your child responds well to music, keep going with this one and they’ll feel rewarded when they get it right; you could also reserve special books which are only available for the potty. • If they have a favorite soft toy, this can be a great way to grab their attention when teaching them the steps. With all other distractions eliminated, put the toy in big boy/girl pants and they’ll find it hilarious. During the role-playing, you can talk the toy through the potty process (have them drinking juice and eating fruit as you provide the show). When the toy goes in the potty, give high-fives, give the toy a treat, and have your child take the potty and dump it in the toilet before then flushing. • If you choose the previous tip, you could even make the toy have an ‘accident’ so you can show the solution and how to deal with it without panicking. Together, you’ll be telling the story, walking all over the house, having fun, and, of course, learning. Soon enough, your child will take control of the story and they’ll feel as though they need to use the potty themselves. Even if they don’t make it in time, they now know how to deal with it and they’ll be one step closer to perfection next time. • With a video camera or mobile phone, record the last diaper and your child as they flush the poop down the toilet. After flushing, explain where it goes and this video can be shown to your partner and they can watch it back as a celebration of the moment they became a big boy/girl. Eventually, you can make the switch and they’ll recognize the fact that poop doesn’t belong in diapers but the toilet instead.
General Guidelines Stay Calm and Relaxed - For all parents, potty training is hard work but you don't need to worry about comments from others. Whether it’s your family or strangers on the internet (apart from me, of course!) don’t pay any attention to what they’re saying if it isn't useful. Instead, stick to your guns and do what’s best for your child. For children with autism, they show all the same signs of being ready. Once you think they’re there, get the preparation right and apply the three-day method just as we’ve discussed previously. As you stay positive and relaxed, they’ll eventually get it right and you’ll be the proudest parent on the planet.
58
As soon as you’re calm and relaxed, you can devote your time to helping your child. For your child, the skill of learning to use the potty and toilet can be tricky but it opens them up to confidence and independence. Until it happens, you don’t realize how beneficial potty training can be for such a small and young person. When they’re still pooping in diapers, they’re limited in preschool and with their friends. For the early stages, you need to devote a good amount of time to the potty training process. For example, three days is really a minimum and I would probably advise closer to a week if this is possible. With this time, they can really get to grips with the process and feel confident moving forward. Readiness Signs - In truth, there are various readiness signs for children with autism and they can differ to those without. For example, you can look for; • Consistently pulling or pushing you towards the bathroom • Imitation of some key actions • Awareness of a soiled diaper and wanting to change as soon as possible (they could tell you or constantly pull at it) • Ability to stay dry most nights • Enjoys positive reinforcement (behavior always improves after) • Holding their bladder all day before relieving themselves at home Chart the Routine - Before potty training even starts, why not write down their routine on a daily basis? Over time, you’ll gain a list of when they eat, drink, poop, pee, and sleep. If you write it out like a diary, this is one of the best tools you’ll have by your side when training because you’ll have a rough idea of when things are going to happen. Even if you do this for a week, you can create ‘average times’ or a twenty minute window of when things are most likely to happen. If they soil around half an hour after eating, this is useful when potty training. Since consistency is key, you can use this research when setting up the schedule and you can both benefit from the result. Remove All Punishments - Since we’ve told you this before, you might be wondering why we’re bringing it up again but you also need to make sure your family members aren't punishing your child or making them feel bad. Even if they disagree, they should appreciate your decision and respect the techniques you’ve chosen for potty training. If they have an accident, tell them they’re wet and use the language you’ve already decided upon; ‘big boys/girls do that on the potty, don’t they’. As you sit them on the potty, you can call them a ‘big boy/girl’ and congratulate them for sitting on the potty. As soon as punishments are involved, your child will fear the potty and worry so much it could set them back months. Find Important Reinforcers - Whether it comes in the form of special drinks, food treats, or even toys, make sure you have reinforcers your child wants. Assuming everyone knows these are only to be used in this way, it can be consistent across the board and they’ll work hard to earn the reward. 59
Positive Reinforcement - With everybody aware of your chosen method of reinforcement, potty training generally starts with your schedule (created during the research phase). By using this, you should find opportunities to use the reinforcers and get them to sit on the potty. Every time they even attempt to use the potty, use positive reinforcement through bouncy balls, balloons, time with their toy of choice, food/drink, etc. If your child has shown a genuine dislike for the potty, there are several steps you can take but, overall, you can actually mold their behavior and shape it in a way that’s beneficial for training. By creating the link between the potty and positive reinforcement, they’ll move closer and closer to the ultimate goal. As they make small steps, give them rewards starting with walking into the bathroom. From here, it can be sitting on the closed potty, sitting on the open potty, wetting on the potty, and then eventually having a bowel movement on the potty. If you’re going to do this, make sure the reward for the first step is never as good as the first time. Suddenly, they’ll get bored as the reward grows smaller and they’ll want the next step. If it’s been a long time since any progression has occurred, or perhaps they’ve regressed, try the reinforcer as a big reward and this might trigger a positive journey to success. Remember, whether you choose to give rewards or not, verbal praise will always be the most important factor. With singing, cheering, hugs, high-fives, and clapping, you’re complementing the treat. Also, the treat will eventually disappear so this verbal praise becomes pivotal. Once your child has mastered every step in the process, you can be proud of their progression and your own hard work. Training Habits - Much like anything else in life, a significant part of potty training is creating a habit. If they haven't shown the signs of wanting to go, there’s no need to put them on the potty. In the first few days, they need to associate the sensation with the actual trip to the bathroom. Every so often, you can remind them you’re there to help whenever required; this is especially useful if they’re engrossed in a film or their toys. Once again, your schedule should come in handy here so pay attention to the time and make sure they’re in loose-fitting clothes. If your child can’t undo belts, leave these in the wardrobe until they can. If they sit on the potty for a long time, read a book to them or play a verbal game to take their mind away from what they’re trying to do. Eventually, if we do anything in life enough times, it becomes a habit and potty training is no different. Will It Take Long? - In truth, we can’t answer this with an exact time because all children are different and it’s a difficult journey you’re about to travel. For most parents of children with a learning difficulty, they believe they can complete training by the age of five years. Of course, many parents have their child trained much earlier while others need professional help to get over the line. Unfortunately, this isn't going to be easy but you should never let anybody convince you ‘it’s impossible’. As we noted previously, autism and Asperger’s only delay learning as opposed to stopping it altogether.
60
Important Considerations - Below, I’ve listed some considerations and observations from my own experience with behavioral disorders and from conversations with parents! • Although it seems a long time to wait between two and five years of age, most parents see periods of accidents before they then suddenly show interest in the potty, the language you’ve chosen, and becoming a big boy/girl. Once they want to get your attention to use the potty and they take an active role in learning, the accidents should become rare. • For some with limited speech, when they begin training at the age of two, they show resistance at first but they can be trained before the age of five. • Even with non-conversational children, they soon find out that being wet or soiled isn't a pleasant experience and this can lead to a need to visit the potty. • In truth, the distance between daytime and night-time dryness is quite large in these cases as you might see them master daytime dryness well before they make progress through the night. Strangely enough, some rare occasions might see them master night-time dryness first. • As I always say, never ever revert to diapers or pull-ups because your child needs consistency and they need to associate the sensation or being wet or soiled with visiting the bathroom. Once the ceremony to underpants has taken place, you can’t go back. • If your child goes to preschool during the week, make sure they have extra clothes and underwear. Furthermore, hand over a copy of the schedule to their teachers so they take them to the toilet. If they’re taken regularly, they’ll learn to hold all bowel movements and urine until the next trip. • As part of the process, they need to learn how to wipe their own bum and this takes some of the pressure away from preschool teachers. Although they might use more wipes than normal, they will be able to clean. • If the potty training started later than I recommend or they moved onto pull-ups, you might need to be a little more patient because full mastery is likely to come after the age of five. • For children with autism, they like having friendships and trusting in people so seeing their friends use the toilet in kindergarten is a huge bonus. Elsewhere, an older sibling can be helpful too so allow them to learn from others as much as yourself. • For children with Down’s syndrome, it might be a long journey to have them trained but it sure is fulfilling and worthwhile. As long as you keep your eyes on the prize and appreciate their efforts, you’ll get there as a team soon enough. • When training any children with behavioral disorders, the need for patience, support, and a positive outlook is incredibly high. At all times, you need to be the spearhead pushing for results and they’ll soon take a leaf out of your book.
61
• If an older child takes a step backwards, explain what they’ve done wrong and how they’ve learned to use the potty now. In some cases, a small ‘consequence’ can be useful so long as it isn't a reprimand and won’t yield a negative result. For example, you could have them rinse their underwear or wipe the floor. Since this is an inconvenient chunk taken from their playing time, this is something they won’t appreciate yet it doesn’t fall along the same lines as a punishment. Using Public Restrooms - What about when you’re out in public? Here’s some advice for using public restrooms; • If you’re out and about, get into the habit of taking a trip to the toilet after a refreshment. • Always make sure they try to go before leaving the house; they’ll normally go even if they promise you they don’t need it! • If you’re on a long road trip, limit liquids; especially if you don’t know when the next stop will be. • Recently, I actually worked with a parent who printed business cards with a little message. Since mothers will have to take them into the ladies room, the card could be handed to others if your child has a meltdown; the message could say ‘Thank you for understanding my child who is diagnosed with ‘x’. He is a fine gentleman (she is a fine young lady) normally but can sometimes have trouble communicating or adjusting to changes in their routine.’ • When it comes to taking older children into restrooms, the majority of people will understand and appreciate your efforts. Despite popular belief, they won’t judge you and it really won’t affect their day so don’t be afraid. If anybody complains, just smile and remain polite. If you feel it necessary, you can explain they’re diagnosed with autism and that you need to help. • If you know a public trip is upcoming, plan ahead and make sure you’re always close to a restroom. For example, a trip to a maze might be lots of fun but it isn't exactly practical. • Rather than always accepting the public restroom, why not talk to the manager of the cinema, store, restaurant, park, church, or wherever you go and ask if they have a designated family restroom? If so, this’ll afford you more space and a lockable door. • If you’re a dad with a daughter, this process becomes even more difficult because most restrooms don’t offer doors on the stalls. Therefore, planning your trips ahead and talking to managers can be a fine solution.
62
Chapter 14: Encountering Bumps in the Road Once the basics have been learned, they’ll be in a great position and the household will change in its dynamic. Compared to the early stages in the book, you should feel confident and even relieved because we’ve broken the back of this process. As they progress, continue with the same principles because it’s only a matter of time before they master it all for good. At times, there may be some small bumps in the road so keep reading! Accidents - With near-misses and accidents, stay light and don’t get frustrated. If the training method has worked and they have the basics, it’s very rare you’ll feel frustrated anyway because you know they’re trying. For the most part, you can deal with the accident quickly and they’ll be working hard to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Boys Sitting Down - At first, I always recommend letting them sit down to pee because it moves all the focus onto the feeling of wanting to go and then peeing in the potty. If they’ve now mastered their bladder, you can explain how daddy stands up; he may have even picked this up after watching family members go to the toilet. Bladder Control - For children, and even for adults, it’s much easier to feel a bowel movement coming than a pee. If your child is struggling with recognising the need to urinate, don’t panic but instead keep going with the potty training support. For some children, the bowel movement control comes before the bladder control. Pooping Regression - At times, your child might go four weeks without a single accident (you could even have a vacation in this time with no accidents) before then regressing. Whether they poop in their underwear or ask for diapers, remember these are just temporary bursts and sometimes a final attempt to go back to something they’ve had all their lives. Assuming you remain supportive and consistent, this phase will disappear in a few days’ time. If it continues, be aware of any stressful events that may be causing this regression. Wetting Underwear (or Bed) - Just like a child falls off their bike after learning the basics, they sometimes wet their underwear or bed too. Sometimes, they get so absorbed in what they’re doing they don’t pay attention to their bladder. Using your schedule and after eating/drinking, ask them if they need help and explain the signs they're giving to suggest they need to visit the toilet; promise you won’t touch their toys and they should be good to go. Remember, a child will never have an accident just to irritate you. By disciplining them, it only adds to the embarrassment and they’ll start to hate the potty training process. If they visit preschool or daycare, make sure their bag has a change of clothing and underwear. If they go for a nap or to bed for the evening, make sure they go to the toilet before and after. Also, explain how they can visit the toilet in the middle of the night even if they have to come and get you first. Won’t Go Alone - If they only feel comfortable going to the toilet with you, a partner, or possibly even another family member, this is completely normal. To resolve this, gradually edge yourself away. For example, you could start by letting them undress themselves before then waiting outside, waiting on the stairs (if the bathroom is upstairs), and then waiting downstairs.
63
Tantrums - If they have a tantrum or suddenly refuse to go to the potty after training really well, don’t buy into it. Normally, this is a sign of nerves, anger, embarrassment, or loneliness. When this happens, keep giving praise, encourage progression, and remain consistent. Just when you feel like caving in, they’ll suddenly surprise you with a smile and a request to visit the bathroom. Any Form of Regression - Finally, regression can occur for a whole manner of reasons whether it’s attending preschool, a death in the family, welcoming (or not welcoming) a new sibling, moving to a different home, or a long vacation. Once they’ve gotten used to the change and feel normal again, the regression will pass and everything will return to how it was before. If the basics have been learned, don’t undo this by taking a step backwards. Instead, reaffirm what they know and keep encouraging them to do well. With my children, I also liked to get them interested in leading a healthy lifestyle. From here, I could create the association between overall wellbeing and their ability to use the potty. As a child myself, I remember my father telling my siblings and I to ‘go potty’ after waking up and this allowed us to play, move freely, and study with greater focus in school without having to worry about headaches or tummy aches.
64
Chapter 15: Navigating Health Issues If your child has been diagnosed with a chronic health issue, potty training is still possible as long as they can still go to the toilet as normal. At all times, you need to remember that it can take longer. Seeking Help - With the occasional accident, this isn't necessarily an issue. However, it can lead to teasing and a little embarrassment for your child. If your child shows great progress before then regressing severely after the age of four, or perhaps you’re concerned about the accidents they’re having, contact your doctor. Sometimes, accidents after being fully-trained can be a signal or an underlying issue such as an overactive bladder or a urinary tract infection. With the right treatment, your doctor should help to remove the accidents. Visiting the Doctor - The more time goes on, the more you’ll get used to the patterns and how they go on a daily basis. Therefore, you should find it easier to spot irregularities whether this comes through runny poop, unformed poop, a drastic increase/decrease in poops/pees, blood in the pee or poop, or even if they’re having trouble passing poop. If you pay close attention to their habits and you keep an eye on things, you’ll instantly see when your child is having trouble. If you aren't happy, a doctor might look for bladder problems with a urodynamics test; this could reveal specific problems. Often, the solution is actually a change in the approach as opposed to medication. Nutrition - As always, I recommend keeping your child on a healthy diet and this includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grain foods. Also, look towards juice and water as opposed to milk because these are always stronger options.
65
Chapter 16: Exploring the World After the first few days, it’s easy to feel confident at home before then panicking about leaving the house. At home, accidents can be cleared up with ease and you know the toilet is always within a few seconds if they come to find you. When dealing with leaving the house, this is a whole new kettle of fish. What happens when they need the toilet but there just isn't one in sight? When away from the comforts of home, there are so many scenarios that it would be impossible to cover them all in this guide. However, it’s important not to feel overwhelmed by the whole process because this isn't going to help anyone. Rather than giving up and deciding never to leave the house again, you can take your child out in public as long as you plan ahead. Firstly, expect an accident somewhere along the line. There, I’ve done it, I’ve shattered the dream because it will happen. Now this pressure has been taken away, pack some extra clothes, underwear, cleaning supplies, and perhaps even socks and shoes just in case. If you have everything packed, accidents can be cleaned within a quick time and you can move on with your day. The first few times you leave the house while potty training, it pays to be proactive so remember this. If you don’t know when the next break will be, take your child to the toilet and explain the situation. Preschool and Daycare - Remember, by starting potty training early you’re actually helping the preschool and daycare by taking the responsibility (which shouldn't be on them in the first place) away from them. As soon as they’ve completed the three-day potty training method, communicate with the teachers at preschool and keep them informed on your child’s progress. For the very best teachers, they’ll listen to what you say to be as consistent as possible with your child. With this, you also have the positive impact of the other children. As they provide positive peer pressure, every environment is positive for your child and they’ll be in the best position for success. After having conversations with the teacher, make sure they’re using the same approach as you so your child doesn’t get confused. From start to finish, they should be following the same steps to ensure bathroom safety and efficiency. If they visit the daycare facilities regularly, make sure they have enough clothes for your child to deal with accidents. If your child is surrounded by other children who are already trained or are currently training, this can be a great motivator. If the teachers line everybody up for a potty break, your child will be happy to follow their friends and relieve themselves rather than holding it in. Travelling by Land - If you’re travelling by land, I have some considerations and tips that could help make the journey much easier! • In the car, bring a potty and one your child feels comfortable with; of course, you also need to be able to set it up without fuss. If you’re stuck in traffic or your child desperately needs to go, you can have a free-standing or foldable potty waiting to be used on the back seat. With travel potties, they come with bags underneath so the bag can be removed and thrown in the bin so you don’t have to worry about cleaning up. If your child isn't yet comfortable with public toilets,
66
you can pull over into a parking lot or to the side of the road and set it up on the back seat. To prevent this, ask if they need to pee whenever you stop. • If you travel regularly, keep a potty travel kit in the car including hand cleansers, wipes, and anything else you need for the road. With this, you can also have some spare clothes and shoes just in case the worst happens. • With potty liners, cleaning takes just seconds when you’re on-the-go. If you don’t want peeing accidents to soak through, I also recommend a protective car seat cover. • Before you leave and as soon as you arrive at your destination, take a trip to the toilet and reduce the risk of accidents. After arriving, this is a good time to show them where they need to come to relieve themselves. If you don’t show them, they won’t feel comfortable and might not ask. • If you’ve only just completed the three-day potty training method, it helps to keep all road trips short so they don’t have to sit in the car for extended periods of time. Once they get used to sitting in the car, they’ll grow more comfortable. Also, limit the drink before they leave the house because this will speed up the bladder-filling process. • Just because you’re leaving the house and going on a road trip, this is no excuse to revert to diapers or pull-ups. Now the underwear has been installed, this is the way it’s going to stay. • In the market these days, you’ll come across some fantastic potty chairs as well as inflatable potties utilizing trash bags. If you aren't close to a gas station, these portable potties are ideal for when they suddenly need to go ‘right now’. Since they’re affordable, you can keep it in the car for all road trips and dispose of the liner bag at the next stopping point. Just in case, I recommend also carrying spare clothing and wipes to clean. Visiting Family and Friends If you plan on making the trip to see family and friends, flexibility is one of the most important factors to remember. With a potty chair at your side, remember to also bring books and dolls that can help them take their mind off going to the toilet while in unusual surroundings. If your friend doesn’t like the thought of accidents on their floor (who would?), try using a plastic covering over the underwear. Furthermore, remember to talk with your friend and discuss the positivity required when accidents occur. This way, they’ll be happy to help with the consistency and ensure they continue learning. When you arrive, take your child to the bathroom and make a point of putting the potty in their chosen position. If there’s any unfamiliar sounds or if the layout is different, talk them through it and make it as easy as possible. With grandparents, appreciate the encouragement they provide but feel free to point it out if they’re asking your child too frequently. Often, fun uncles and aunties can also go into teasing mode which makes them feel a little nervous and self-conscious. If the atmosphere is right, visiting your family can be beneficial and a big step forward in the process. 67
If you’re taking the trip shortly after the three-day potty training takes place, adjust the itinerary of your trip because short trips helps them ease into holding their bladder in the car. If you start them off with a journey across multiple states, this could damage their confidence because they feel as though they’re taking a step backwards. Public Restrooms When you’re out shopping or in any other public location, it’s normal for your child to have nerves about visiting the toilet. With lots of noise, people, and a loud flusher, some parents find it best to start with a potty seat on the toilet. If you don’t want to carry this around, crouch down next to your child and hold their hand as they sit so they aren't as scared about falling in. For a little bottom, the first time on a big toilet seat can be daunting. This being said, I often see parents making a bigger deal out of the process than the children. Of course, you’re going to be a little anxious but they might just surprise you when they’ve got little choice. Remember, they’re going to flail their hands a little looking for somewhere to hold on so line the seat with toilet paper or make sure you hold onto their hand. If you have a son and they’ve been learning to pee standing up, you’re welcome to give this a shot if you think they can manage it. If you have a stool or you can find something for them to stand on, they’ll be in their element. At this point, I should note you need to be careful with angles here because the last thing you want is for the liquid to splash right back at them (or you!). With most situations, sitting them on the regular seat and getting them accustomed to this is actually much easier than messing around with a special seat. If they need that moral support, crouch down so you’re looking eye-to-eye and hold their hand. With this, they’re more likely to talk to you and forget about the nerves completely. Depending on where you are, I also advise being careful of the automatic flushing systems that seem to be common these days. Even if you set it off by accident, this can cause drama and it’ll frighten your child. If it’s a sensor that doesn’t go off when somebody is standing or sitting, children are often too small to register so place a little post-it note over the sensor. With flushes already going off in the stalls around them, the last thing your child needs is for their own toilet to betray them too! Finally, children are often surprising in a public restroom because they want to act just like all the adults whether this comes through falling in life outside the restroom or grabbing the toilet paper for themselves. If they’re showing signs of independence they don’t show at home, just let them continue. Visiting a Swimming Pool - Even after the potty training is over, there are some situations that get the nerves jangling and a trip to the swimming pool is certainly on this list. Normally, swimming pools will ask parents of children under a certain age to bring a washable swim diaper so be aware of this. To avoid confusion, make sure the child knows this is a special diaper that can only be used for swimming. Although experts say chlorine can handle pee, nobody wants to see it happen in the pool. In truth, it’s rare for young children to feel comfortable pooping in a pool but swim diapers will attempt to prevent bacteria from spreading. 68
What About Cruise Ships? - When it comes to cruise ships, the majority aren't actually from the US but they still abide by the guidelines set out by the United States Public Health Service. Therefore, children won’t be allowed in the pools if they’re in diapers or even swim diapers. Although manufacturers suggest their products can hold in body waste, many studies have suggested otherwise and some even show that bacteria can still enter the water. With infant swimwear, this will normally have some form of built-in diaper while regular swimsuits will work for toddlers. Nowadays, cruise ship operators recognize the need for family-friendly facilities which is why they set up wading areas for children. If you’re going on a cruise ship with your family, the most important thing you can do is be honest. If your child really isn't advanced enough to go into the main pool, there’s plenty of other activities they can do alongside the wading pool. Not only could you make the whole cruise ship ill by lying to yourself, you could set your child back a few months too so it simply isn't worth it. Ultimately, I recommend making a decision around three/four weeks before you set off. If they haven't mastered it within three weeks of your cruise, having them in the pool with older children and adults could be risking it a little too much. Visiting a Restaurant or Mall Wherever you are, always keep an eye out for toilet signs so you’re ready to act whenever your child says the magic words. If they announce their need for the potty and you have to scramble to find a toilet, this is going to put stress and pressure on everybody. If you’re at a restaurant, there’s nothing wrong with asking the server for a table near the restrooms as this will keep things simple. As I’ve said previously, your child might actually surprise you in a public setting because it’s something I’ve seen before. After being a little hit-and-miss at home, a child can take control and really show their skill when out and about. Not so long ago, I spoke with a parent who had the following to say; ‘When we first started potty training, my daughter would hold all bowel movements for days and hate visiting the restroom in public. One day, we took a trip to a toy store and I knew she had been holding it in for quite some time. Since all kids like toys, I hoped she would relax and we ended up walking around that toy store (and many other shops like it) for hours on end. Eventually, she asked for a diaper so I told her I didn't have any. At first, she went back to looking at the toys but then realized she really must go and this was the first step towards success for her.’ Fairs, Concerts, and Similar Events Sometimes, you’ll be at a fair or a similar type of event where you’re walking around with no quick route back to the car. For some, an inflatable potty can work as can the foldable chairs that they can carry around themselves. However, this can be inconvenient and it doesn’t always work as it should which is a problem. In truth, it all comes down to your child and it might be a case of trialand-error. With one of my children, we had a foldable chair but they actually felt more comfortable on the toilet without it.
69
No matter where you are, potty training is all about being prepared at all times. Before you leave the house, try to get them on the potty and, as they do this, make sure you have everything you’re likely to need. When mine were potty training, I had a saying ‘more is better than less’; I would rather have complained about packing too much than be left needing something desperately. Even if they’ve been fine over the past few days, there could suddenly be a time where they have a terrible case of diarrhea. Playgrounds and Parks Once again, make sure they sit on the potty before leaving the house but don’t force it if they really don’t want to go. Even if they know how to use the potty and have been doing well, parks and playgrounds are synonymous for accidents because they’re having too much fun to ask for the toilet or they simply ignore the sensation of needing to go. If you’re at the park with friends and their children, having a set break time every now and then could prevent this because it means all the kids have a break and your child won’t feel as though they’re missing out on the fun. Travelling by Air Even though they’re going to be excited about getting onto a plane for the first time (or maybe not the first time), your child will probably be cooperative when on a journey. For some children, they actually want to know what it’s like to go to the potty on a plane because it’s something new so this could make everything a little easier. When people see you’re making an effort, they’re likely to be more accommodating. Recently, I spoke with a development psychologist at Brown University, Richard Rende, and he says training isn't normally sabotaged by travelling even if accidents occur. If you’re worried about ruining the whole training process just because you take your eye off the ball once, Rende believes this isn't going to be a huge issue so long as the consistency is in place for the majority of the time. If you have a plane journey coming up, don’t be afraid to talk with your child and communicate about what’s going to happen. Just like swimming, there’s an opportunity to put on absorbent underwear pads but ONLY IF NECESSARY. If you’re doing it just because it’s easier for you, you’ll actually be letting your child down. If you honestly believe they can make it through by letting you know when they need the toilet, go for it. Remember, if you do allow this to become a special situation, make sure they know you still want them to tell you when they need the toilet and that the big boy/girl underwear is going back on when you reach the destination. In the past, I’ve actually spoken with parents who have had success using a car seat on an airplane because this allows them to nap without sitting at an awkward position. As long as you’re in a window seat or in the middle section, this shouldn't be an issue. What Type of Underwear? - If you’re forced into a long-haul flight not long after completing the three-day training method, there is an argument for using pull-ups if you honestly don’t think they have a chance of making it through. As long as the child knows this is a one-off (apart from the return flight, of course), they can treat it like normal underwear and have the safety net if required. Why is this ok? Throughout this guide, I’ve been adamant about not reverting back to diapers and pull-ups and this remains true for normal everyday training. However, the safety net can be 70
extremely useful just in case there’s turbulence and they can’t leave the seat or perhaps even just as consideration for other passengers nearby. If they’re making progress and they aren't restricted to their seat for long periods, they’ll probably continue asking you just as they would at home. Often, parents are worried about reverting but you’ll be amazed at how they understand the ‘special situation’ and that it isn't for good. Using the Airplane Toilet - The first time we flew with our youngest child, we invested in all sorts of accessories and portable seats to go over the toilet but, as many parents have found out before us, this actually wasn't necessary at all. Considering they spent such a short time on the potty each time, they were happy enough to sit on the toilet with no accessories. As it turned out, the things we bought were frustratingly inconvenient and, sadly, in the way the whole time. For my child, this was actually highly beneficial as it turned out because they got used to using different toilets in different locations. As long as you’re there to hold them and make them feel secure, they won’t have an issue. Even if they’re well-trained and have been for some time, I recommend going into the toilet with them or at least having the door unlocked and waiting outside. If they read books and take their time at home, the last thing you want is them locking themselves in singing out loud while a queue forms outside! While on the note of using the toilet, you might need to discuss the way the flush works because the suction operation might scare them a little. If you use the word ‘funny’ as opposed to ‘loud’, they can laugh at how the flush works rather than being scared by it. Changing on an Airplane - At the age of two, you should be aiming for a standing-up change. Rather than lying down as they were as a baby, make sure they’re used to being changed while standing up a little while before your flight. As you take off the clothes, have some paper towels on the floor just in case and you could even have them clean themselves up as they do at home. With boys, this is slightly easier and don’t forget to double-check before you open the door and walk back to your seat. If needed, you might decide to change their underwear so have them standing up on the lid of the toilet or wherever you can find the right space to do it properly. Although it can be awkward, you should find a way of doing it eventually. If there’s a handicapped toilet and the stewardess doesn’t mind you using it, this will give you more room than even the baby-changing facility since this isn't designed for toddlers. Depending on where you’re located, you might need to walk a little because these are generally found where four lavatories are together. If you can’t find it, ask for help. Reaching Your Destination After a Flight Depending on the length of your stay, make sure you have enough outfits to go the distance. If your child is under the age of two, cloth diapers might come in handy when starting potty training. Nowadays, there are more parents moving over to cloth diapers and you could even bring a suitcase just for the diapers (with washable waterproof bags for all soiled diapers). If you’re already worried about the prospect of lugging another suitcase across two airports plus the stuff you already have, another solution is to send a package to your destination with the cloth diapers inside. As long as the hotel or your friend or family member knows it’s coming, this is a 71
great way to send your items in advance and it saves the stress of worrying about an extra suitcase (and the charges that come with it!). Make the Process Fun - If you happen to travel a good amount, why not make a list of all the different toilets your child has visited? Sure, this doesn’t sound like anything special to us but your child is likely to love it. If you can pick up a cheap polaroid camera, you could even take pictures and create a scrapbook. Since all kids are competitive, you could also create races when they’re a little hesitant; ‘I’m going to win’ as you race to the toilet. After a split-second of making up their mind, instinct will take over and you’ll be in a race (remember to let them win!). Always Check for Restrooms - When in a location far away from home, the biggest cause of accidents is actually a lack of knowledge about the toilets nearby as opposed to anything else. Whenever you’re in unfamiliar surroundings, make sure you know where the restrooms are at all times. As long as you’re calm and not panicking while looking for toilets, your child will stay calm and everything can continue as normal. If you’re at a zoo or any other tourist destination, make sure you pick up a map (with the toilets labeled) or ask somebody before you enter. If you’re in Europe especially, many of the older attractions seem to have intricate floor plans so you need to be aware at all times. If you plan ahead, you can be ready when they whisper ‘right now, mommy’ or ‘right now, daddy’ in your ear. Carry a Travel Bag - Finally, I always recommend carrying a travel bag wherever you go because it allows you to carry cleaning supplies, liquid sanitizer, and other goodies. Ultimately, this means you don’t need to rely on the facilities in the public toilets. Also, it helps with consistency if they use the same sanitizer as the one at home.
72
Chapter 17: Follow-Up Support That’s it! At this point, you’ve broken the back of the training and you’ll probably now have tales to tell after the three-day method. Was it easier than you expected? Did you find a magical technique that turned them from learner into master? How was the experience different to previous children? Now the three days are over and you’re still applying the principles we’ve seen all the way through, communication is likely to have improved and it’s now more important than ever. As you may have noticed, I tried to set up healthy habits and lifestyle changes all the way through this guide and it should help you as a parent as well as your child as a potty-trained boy or girl. With healthy eating and proper waste elimination routines, you’ll provide your child with the building blocks for positive wellbeing. Unfortunately, this is actually where a large amount of failures occur. Whether we’re too busy celebrating we forget to keep the consistency, or we’re gutted it isn't working as expected that we drop the ball, you always need to keep going with the same principles. Just as practice and reassurance is important with learning to ride a bike and preventing accidents, the follow-up support with potty training is critical. If your child is now trained, this is fantastic but it doesn’t mean they don’t need your support. While your toddler is now intelligent, they aren't mature. If we left them to their own devices, they might suddenly decide that accidents are fun when they’re having fun watching TV, or simply don’t want to leave their bed. When the follow-through process is neglected, it can be more damaging than the setbacks experienced through stressful events. As you continue, keep reminding them they may need to poop or wee because even the slightest reminder can help them to realize they need to go. Until they have the judgement for themselves, there’s nothing wrong with you calling the shots and using your schedule to nudge them in the right direction when it’s required. If you think back to the beginning of the process, your child has already been through so much including recognizing signals, relieving themselves on the potty, and wearing big boy/girl underwear. Through tantrums and tears, you’ve made it to this point so why go back on this hard work by forgetting the follow-up process? If your child still has accidents at this stage, you can alter your approach a little compared to the three-day method because this was a more intense time. Instead of everything we’ve discussed, tell them they know what to do and that they can do it because they’ve done it several times before. Whether it’s sooner or later, every single child in the world will understand eventually. After recognizing the signals, they’ll use the help we provide to make trips to the potty become a habit. Eventually, our help will become redundant and we can draw back from the process. If you’re struggling at any point, one of the best pieces of advice I was given, and I still use it today, is to look at the situation from the perspective of the child. Once we do this, we’re more likely to be congratulatory when they succeed and reasonable when accidents occur.
73
Often, the process starts with what we want but potty training has nothing to do with what we want. Instead, we need to consider our children, how we can help them to push forward, and investing in the resources that are really going to work. How do you push them forward? For one thing, feel free to forget this guide. As strange as it sounds, feel free to give it one more read through but then put it down, use the information as a foundation, and mold your approach around your child. If you can do this, you don't need to rely on me or anyone else in the industry.
74
Chapter 18: Potty Training and Overall Wellbeing As parents, we need to take the right steps to ensure our children have the best hygiene habits possible and this comes from our own actions and how we teach during the potty training process. If your child learns positive habits early in life, this will remain into adulthood and it sets them up for a successful adulthood (without having to worry about illness and disease). Healthy Bowel Habits - First things first, regular bowel movements are the priority for the health of your child. Not only how often they go, pay attention to how much poop is in each one because this will make it easier to spot issues. If your child doesn’t relieve themselves in this way one day, remember that children can sometimes go two or three days without a bowel movement so don’t get nervous and start forcing them. In the early stages of the three-day method, your child will be eating and drinking healthily. While increasing their water intake, getting them onto healthy, fibrous foods will also be an important step. Then, once this healthy step has been taken, you don’t need to revert just because the potty training process is over; instead, allow it to be the first step into a new positive lifestyle. Stay Active - In order to keep the bowels working as they should, staying active can be a great way to go about it. Sometimes, children will hold their bowel movement or pee because they’re having too much fun but this should never happen. In the early stages, it’s important to teach your child that anything and everything can wait while they go to the toilet. Of course, we would never suggest using negative words because this has a negative impact; this list includes stinky and dirty. If you use these words, your child will feel self-conscious and this will lead to constipation in the coming days. With other children, the problem is the opposite with diarrhea so be ready to deal with all situations. As experts say these days, even for adults, bowel movements are like a crystal ball because they show you just how healthy your body may be. Being Irregular v Being Constipated - Throughout this guide, we’ve used the terms regular/irregular but how does this compare to constipation? Ultimately, we’re all unique so it depends what’s normal for your child. While ‘experts’ say people should have bowel movements twice a day to remain healthy, others will go twice a week and be healthier than most. If there’s a normal pattern, the interesting thing to note will be when this pattern changes dramatically. If they go twice a day and then have nothing for four days, this suggests a problem. Obtaining Medical Attention - In some occasions, you’re going to need medical attention and this includes the following; Bad Smell - When humans have a healthy digestive system, there’s less strain on the body and therefore a reduced smell. With a high-fibre diet (and little sugar too!), this should allow stools to be free from bad smells. Sometimes, fruit can cause issues so I recommend sticking with the fruits that are low in sugar including apples, berries, and pears. Furthermore, some people find red meats to cause problems with smell.
75
Pale in Color - If your child’s stools are light and somewhat pale, this could be a sign of a gallbladder issue, liver damage, or it could be a side effect of medication. Also, bile, a digestive fluid that stores in the gallbladder, can make its way out which can be problematic. With the natural brown color we associate with stools, this actually comes from bile which is secreted in multiple locations within the body including the small intestines and liver. As an adult, if you experience this issue, see your doctor and start cutting back on the amount of alcohol you consume. Mucus - If poop has mucus in it, this is normally a sign for thrush or candida. If so, you should be looking to rebalance your gut and its bacterial levels. By reducing the sugar in your diet, you should aim to increase the probiotic content whether this comes from kefir, sauerkraut, yogurt, or miso. If you don’t like any of these foods, why not try a simple supplement? Blood or Streaked Poop - If you spot even the smallest bit of blood in the stool of your child or your own, you should consult a medical professional immediately. While it could be something like a hemorrhoid, it could also be Chrohn’s disease, bowel cancer, or stomach ulcers so diagnosis is very important. Remember, iron supplements can add hints of red to your stool as can beetroot so make sure it’s definitely blood before demanding to see the doctor. Sinking Stools - With stools, the consistency is actually a little strange because we expect them to half sink and half float when completely healthy. If you notice poop sinking as soon as it hits the water, it suggests it’s staying too long in your body and this could mean the colon is to blame. As we saw previously, good hydration will help with this along with foods that are high in fiber. Travel and Bowel Movement - Whenever you change timezone or environment, you might see an adjustment to your bowel movement but this is completely normal. Since we’re upsetting the general pattern and schedule, it may take some time for the body to realign itself. Skinny Bowel Movements - Finally, thinner stools can be a sign of rectal cancer if you’ve only noticed the change recently. Therefore, a trip to your doctor is ALWAYS advised. When it comes to bowel movements, there’s a common question regarding exercise and it’s a good one. With exercise leading to an increased metabolism, food can pass through the large intestine at a faster rate. Also, the natural contraction of intestinal muscles allows stools to pass quickly. Healthy Toilet Practices - With all the news surrounding the sheer amount of toilet paper we use in society these days, the focus is very quickly moving towards better toilet practices. Over the years, there has been a squeamishness with talking about anything related to the toilet but this is slowly changing. Considering human waste is a large issue, and it’s something we all contribute to, it won’t be long before we start seeing one study after another assessing our habits and what can be done to improve. Water or Paper? - With this, it brings up the age-old debate of whether water or paper is better for cleaning up. Well, the toilet paper niche has made huge strides to become environmentally-friendly in recent years and this has led to recycled paper and paper free from chlorine and chemicals. With the profits of the manufacturers, a certain percentage is also going towards more efficient toilets and sanitation improvements in the developing world.
76
With regards to the great debate, opinions are actually changing quite quickly and Japan was a key leader in this. For many years, they’ve been people who prefer paper but they now stand on the side of water. With water, there are some compelling arguments to choosing this side after it was revealed the countries least efficient in cleaning the dirtiest areas of the body all use toilet paper. Does this mean we still use paper just because it has become habit? Surely we wouldn't still be washing our cars with paper towels if numerous studies suggested water as the more efficient solution (as they would)? Also, it raises the question of how clean we actually are and how large a part this plays in the diseases within our society. As time goes on, more people are asking these same questions while also trying to provide an alternative solution. Other Countries - According to a recent report, four in every ten people DO NOT have access to a toilet. Whether they go in the slums, train tracks, or in forests, this occurs before then returning to their community with large amounts of bacteria. With 4,000 children under the age of five years dying every single day, this is one of the largest problems the developing world still has. For women, they’re expected or perhaps prefer to protect their modesty and this means they have to wake up at the crack of dawn and relieve themselves in the darkness. If we look towards India as an example, open defecation is still a worrying problem and it’s not rare to see large amounts of human feces just left next to public toilets or on street corners. Improved Facilities - Of all the inventions in the past 200 years, many still say indoor plumbing is one of the best because it saved millions of lives in one simple idea. For child mortality, this dropped by 20% because sewers were introduced in London alongside public toilets and proper hand-washing techniques. With the developing world, diarrhea can be reduced by almost 40% with the proper disposal of human excrement but the facilities just aren't in place yet. Although HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis, and malaria are huge problems in developing countries, none of them compare to diarrhea because this still leads the way for deaths in under fives; this is nothing short of heartbreaking. In many villages in the developing world, water contaminated with feces is still being consumed on a daily basis because they have no other option. Over time, this causes terrible damage to the skin, intestines, and it can cause gynaecological disorders. Whenever poor health comes from excrement, development is hindered and the world’s poorest communities sink deeper into their position. This being said, research now shows that even the poorest communities would be willing to spend on toilets if they’re persuaded that sanitation will clean up the community, reduce the diseases and conditions in the area, and ultimately save money in the long-term. Even with revolutionary leaders at the helm, they appreciate the need for basic sanitation before even going after independence or anything of this nature. If we look at waste disposal, this is actually a very good way of assessing how well the country treats all inhabitants. With people having to collect clean water or remove their waste with bare hands or tin pans, this is an atrocious state of affairs considering the way we live in the Western world. For those who carry the family’s waste to a nearby dump site, they regularly suffer with parasitic infections, brain fever, and dysentery. 77
Elsewhere in the world, we could look at the story of Chinese farmers. In over 15 million rural households, human excrement is now used to produce fuel. As micro-organisms use a ‘digester’ to break down the water, a carbon dioxide/methane gas can be produced and this is commonly used when cooking food (as fuel). With the remains and whatever is left, this becomes fertilizer so every last drop is utilized. With efficiency and depleting resources capturing the attention all around the world in recent years, this is a superb story and the Chinese farmers deserve praise. All over the world, we’re taking steps to make toilets available to everybody and World Toilet Day goes a long way to making this happen. Among the many campaigns, one is to upgrade all restroom cleaner’s and attendant’s skills so their work can be respected. For the longest time, the world’s smartest minds have battled with the dilemma of making sanitation more attractive to businesses and wider society. Now, a number of key figures are starting to show their support. For all national governments, there seems to be a lesson for them as well because $1 billion was spent by Peru in 1991 after a huge cholera epidemic. In fact, this amount is before you even consider the damage to tourism and agriculture. Considering the alternative was a $100 million spend on sanitation, this should be seen as a lesson to all. Heading back to Asia briefly, Korea recently opened a toilet museum in order to bring everybody’s attention to the toilet and to make it a standard part of life. As a result, South Korea has seen a considerable increase in living standards and they’ve managed to become prominent on the global scale in one generation alone. Not only do they benefit from toilets themselves, they’re now funding toilet-building schemes in developing countries. Just as important as eating and drinking, going to the toilet needs to be a normal part of life for ten out of ten; not just six out of ten. For governments and nations around the world, they should want to provide this simple tool to everybody. Thank you for reading, I wish you the best of luck with your child, and I know you can do it!
78