The ultimate potty training by mariober4401

The ultimate

Potty Training

Q&A

s e g a s r p e sw + n a 0 d n 4 a 1 estions u q f o

2018Â Edition

Disclaimer of liability This handbook including the audiobook was created with only the best intentions in mind and is based on years of practical experience. However, I have to note that all the presented advice and methods only serve the provision of information. Any application and usage is always at oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own risk.

Table of Contents Potty Training Logistics ......................................................................................................................... 2 Potty Training Under 2 ............................................................................................................................ 4 Potty Training 2-3 Year Olds ............................................................................................................... 23 Potty Training 4 & 5 Year Olds ........................................................................................................... 52 Toilet Training with a Full-Time Job.................................................................................................. 56 Elimination Communication ................................................................................................................ 59 Sign Language for Toileting ................................................................................................................ 63 Good Potty Books & Videos................................................................................................................ 64 Potty Seats ............................................................................................................................................... 66 Potty Training Out and About ............................................................................................................. 74 Kids and Public Bathrooms ................................................................................................................ 78 Potty Training and School ................................................................................................................... 94 Child is Afraid of Toilets and Flushing ............................................................................................. 97 Night-time Potty Training ................................................................................................................... 103

Potty Training Logistics Question: My husband and I are finally ready to toilet-train our kid. No matter how we will go about it, our main concern is the wet floors in our house especially that we have wooden floors, and the urine will eat through it. Any suggestions on how we can save our floors from the damage in the learning process? Thanks.

Answer: Just wipe it before it stains. Answer: It’s funny we didn’t have that issue, even though we have hardwood floors as well! In fact I found urine to be the easiest to clean from floors, as long as you mop it up right off.

Question / Tips for Getting Started: I potty-trained my boy (age 2.3) and girl (age 2.5), and I give you my tips for potty training in 10 days. Don’t even attempt training kids before they turn 2 years old. They will rarely be developed enough to respond. Get yourself a seat reducer or potty chair. For the beginning, I got mine, called Bjorn, which was a one-piece seat that sits on the ground. It made going potty very simple, because it can be used on the go. They both started using the seat reducer quickly after. I didn't need to get any fancy shmancy potties. Keep it simple! Clear one week of all engagement, once you decide to start the toilet training, and make sure you are all healthy and well-rested o that you can focus on the matter at hand. Avoid getting pull-up for the daytime; you will not need them. For a short while, we only used a night diaper for our boy. Instead, get disposable cloth underwear. I recommend the ones made of terry cloth sold by Target; they are amazing. Don’t go back to using the disposable diapers after you take them off, because when your child pees the cloth gets wet and it is an uncomfortable feeling for your kid, who will find this sensation new and not pleasant, especially if they have been used to diapers. Have your kid sit on the potty for 20 minutes every day at least for a week, until they get the hang of it. Don’t ask them if they need to pee or poop, because naturally they will be too busy to play at that age to answer you. Make sure that you put your kid on the potty before going out and again when you are out. Kids’ bladders fill out quicker than adults’.

Drop their poop into the toilet. If they are too late and they poop their pants, scld them gently saying Oops! Hot and yucky. We will not miss next time. Or, oops, cold and wet! How uncomfy! Keep your kid naked for some time during the week to reduce the amount of laundry, and to make it easier on your sanity. Remember to make light of the whole toilet training period, because, despite its difficulty, it will be an important time for you and your kid. The idea is to encourage your kid that they are doing something important, and they really are. As or flushing, it depends on the kid! Ours did not like seeing the stuff being flushed. I suppose it scared him. Lastly, use the language used by Mr Rodgers when he talked about potty training in his show. Exclaim encouragingly to your kid, “Wow! Look what you did.” This always doe th trick, and it will make your kid feel very proud of himself. Good luck!

Answer: The most important factor in potty training is to do it according to your kid’s timing and not yours. For me, it was very easy to train my kids because I gave them enough that they asked to be trained themselves! I made them wear underwear, I had them sit on the potty every day and I gave them treats (stickers and M&Ms, etc.) when they used it right. Before we started training, they were allowed to use toilets when they wanted; their preference seemed to be the dirtiest public toilets. Personally, I don’t get the idea of using the potty. You would still end up with a pot full of poo that you must clean, so what would be the point of removing the diapers. I preferred using a comfortable seat that you can install atop the toilet, to make sure that they feel secure, and a stool, so that they get up themselves and their feet are not left dangling. My kids liked the book “Once Upon a Potty.” My friend’s son watched the Bear in the Big Blue House potty time video and was ready to go. Lastly, don’t worry too much about nighttime training, because as their body matures the issue is naturally taken care off. Good luck!

Potty Training Under 2 Question: My 13 months old has been connecting the word “poop” with the act itself, over the past couple of days. It happened several times with me at daycare. He has said poop, and he actually had poop in his diaper! Today, he actually squatted and pooped in his diaper while exclaiming: “Poop!” This is exciting as well as surprising. His father and I don’t know what the next move. Do we shower him with encouragement or do we keep it on the low side o that he doesn’t get a complex about pooping? Do we actually get the potty and start training him? But he barely even speaks, except for a few words and signs! How do we teach him without rushing him? I am aware that we have a long way ahead, but I would like to do the right thing now to make it easier later; I found no helpful info about this issue with such a young age. Thanks! Answer: Your boy just took the first step! What we did, which was very useful, was to take off his diaper and flush down the potty together while cheering and celebrating. You could go ahead and have him sit on the potty, but because of his young age I think it better to just keep flushing the diaper and cheering without any pressure on him. My son wanted to use the potty for a while when he was 18 months old, but then he stopped trying. Incidentally, both my kids automatically trained themselves and the age of three, withut any fear of poop issues. We simply flushed the poop together and that was that. Have fun with it! Monica Answer: I just want to say how clever your kid is for connecting the word with the action! However, I think it is too early to start toilet training now, It really shouldn’t take long, because once the kid wants to do it, he simply will! What you can do is to have the potty in the bathroom and ask him if he wants to use it, as an option nothing more. However, his successfulness should not be praised. Also, don’t be disappointed if he gets into his third year with no success, because being potty-trained is his prerogative not yours. Answer: This is your chance to start potty training your kid! Regardless of the fact that you might not have been ready for it, it is your opportunity to start training him while he is making the association. I potty-trained my girl at 2 and a half years old, but it could have been sooner had I paid her more attention. She started showing signs of being aware of peeing and pooing, but I didn’t train her because we were vacationing, so I missed my chance with her. I found out about EC (elimination communication), also known as early potty training, with my second girl. So many people out there don’t even put any diapers on their kids, including a growing community in the US. There are even some books on the subject, but I haven’t read them. The jest of the matter is that you start reading your kid’s signals or you rely on the timing so that you get your kids to the potty even before they need to go. You can do this by agreeing on a cue or a word like ''Psss'' or ''Do you want to go potty?'' At first, you will have to endure countless trips to the potty, but 4

gradually you will be able to cut down the number of trips as you learn to read your kid’s signals. I am able to figure out early all my 5 months old baby’s poops and pees when we are at home, not so much when we are out, and she still wears a diaper. I am not really bothered about it, though. I am simply glad that she will be trained earlier than her big sister, and hat I don’t have to clean as much diapers. Not to mention that she is already holding her pee until the morning, thus waking up with a dry diaper, which is unbelievable! The point is, if your son can already understand his peeing and pooping, then you are already ahead in the process. I think we in fact end up suppressing our kids’ natural elimination needs, by putting them in highly absorbent diapers to make them dry all the time, until we need to train them going through the pain of re-connecting them with what they already should know naturally! If you want to learn more about it, you can google EC and think about joining the Yahoo ''late starters'' EC group. Good luck with your little boy! Go for it! Answer: Our boy started when he was only 16 months old. He had this fascination of watching us do it, so we used a potty given to us by someone ad he started sitting on it while we did our business. The he somehow found a potty training book and I read it to him. He got the hang of it on his own. To my amazement, he went in and used the potty one night when he was diaperless. He used it properly without me asking him or teaching him how! I simply explained what we did once while we were doing it. Now, at 20 months old, he got the pooping part under control, and we are still working on is peeing; we keep him without his diaper at home to help him get used to it. So, even though the books tell you not to try until after he is 2 years old, I don’t get why we can’t push the kid along, if he already shows signs of understanding on his own. We simply cheer him on, but in an understated way. We have been warned not to show unduly amount of glee or disappointment, because these things have their own ups and downs. Another thing is that children who use cloth diapers see to learn much faster than kids who use disposable diapers. Which of them does your kid use? Philomena Answer: I read a book called ''Infant Potty Training'' and I started training my baby girl at four months old. She is now almost three. This may sound strange in Western culture, but basically most babies around the world are potty-trained by the time they walk or earlier, especially, in the developing world, where diapers are to expensive to buy. It’s not that hard, because keeping dry is the natural instinct. It only requires some special care. I think humans are built already knowing how to do this. For example, my girl had the hang of it until the age of six month, when she reverted back to pooping in her diapers until the age of 16 months. She wanted to use the potty, when she started walking, so we made her sit down on it again. Not 100% effort is required all the time! Simply make sure the diaper is dry or off most of the time. This was certainly before she spoke at all, but she could still gesture what she needed done. She surprised me when she wanted to complete a sticker chart on a book called ''Lift the Lid, Use the Potty,'' illustrated by Lisa McCue. It had 30 stickers. I was worried about how to keep the chart going after that, supposing it would take many months to complete the training. Surprisingly, she learned by the end of 30 stickers, and she didn't need any more! I was ecstatic, especially that my first-born wore 5

diapers until 4 and a half years old, and she still freaked out when took them off by force. I just followed the advice in most books, to wait until she was interested, which she never was! Well maybe she would have at some point, but you can't wear diapers to kindergarten! Happy Pottying!

Question: My boy (15 months), who loves being naked, has taken the habit of peeing on the floor after his naked bath time. He has a couple of fvourite places to pee in and he is able to stop midstream to make himself happier when he starts again! He has a fascination with me and his dad’s peeing and offers us toilet paper an likes to flush the toilet for us. We got him potty chair and he started using it right off! We made a big deal over it and clapped and so on. However, afterwards when I ask him after his bath time if he wants to use the potty he refuses adamantly, yet continues to pee on the floor quite happily! He stuffs the potty with diapers and sits for a minute but without peeing. I do understand that he is too young at 15 months to start training him, but I still want to pay attention to his cues, which suggest that he is at least aware of the potty. And I especially want to address the floor peeng! It doesn’t anger me; I simply tell him we pee in the potty not the floor, which makes him laugh even harder! Any ideas on how to potty train him? I have none! Answer: Kindly don’t worry about potty training too soon! Your kid seems to be enjoying the discovery of his control over the flow of his pee, which is a good sign. How about you give him a cloth and ask him to clean after himself? With time, he will grow tired of having to do it and he will automatically prefer to do it the right way. Be strict if he does it wrong, but also praise him if he does it right. Offer him a toy as a distraction if he must stay on the potty for a longer time. Potty training starts in numerous European countries before the kids turn one without giving the any complexes! In fact, I believe starting early offers more health benefits. Imagine the women having to wear sanitary pads during their periods, and how itch and sore their skin gets; the same goes for babies who have to wear similar materials for years! This new phenomenon of forcing babies in diapers is such a new concept, that we don’t even have any idea how it will affect our babies’ health! Go potty! Potty training believer Answer: What will be his motive to stop peeing on the floor if he thinks it’s so funny?! Saying no to him will not be of any use. You should reward him with a few minutes of naked time after peeing in the potty. Giving him free range on naked time, even without the issue of peeing on floors, is simply bad news. Answer: We successfully potty trained our 27 months old girl. She stopped wearing diapers except for at night. We have been using the EC method with her even since she was only 7 months old, and the best thing about starting was that she rarely pooped in her diapers, which meant less rashes and less mess. However, I don’t think the result would have been any different had we waited and ued the traditional method of potty training. I advise you to encourage your son the potty as long as it does not become a 6

sort of pressure on him. We tried reading for her while she was on the potty, to make sure she stays long enough to pee and poop; the drawback was convincing her to get off it! At the end we only started potty training her, when she asked to wear underwear by herself, a month ago Susi Answer: It is NOT too early to start potty training at 15 month old! That is not to say that it’s the right age for every kid, but, if your son likes to use his potty, then you simply make him use it! The key here is to be consistent during naked boy method; you have to rush him to the potty every time he pees on the floor, every time! He will definitely keep a look out for your reaction. So if he pees in the potty, you cheer. If he doesn’t pee right, you should look unimpressed and tell him, “What a shame! Maybe next time.” Your aim is to get him to pee in the potty and the potty alone in order to receive your praise and your reward. If he pees on the floor, he gets no reaction. Don’t forget to remind him to tell you when he needs to go. Good luck! Marco

Question: Suddenly, our 16 months old boy has taken a habit of announcing that he has pooped! We hav not been pressuring him at all! We simply point it out in the same way we might point out a flying plane. Since he started showing interest, we got him the Everybody Poops book and a potty chair. He enjoys the book and sitting on the chair; however we are taking his lead on this. We have sometimes offered him the potty chair after he pooped without much interest from him. I have read the books on the atter, but my concern is that he seems still very young to be trained! He is obviously aware of the act itself, and we would like to make use of the “window of opportunity,” while being sensitive to his cognitive development. Does anyone have any advice about how to proceed? We aim to encourage him in the right direction, but we are not concerned at all if we must wait until he is 2-3 years old. Answer: Our kid started showing interest and talking about it around the same age. Now, he is 2 and a half years old and he is showing the same interest. I think that your son could be read to train, but it could also indicate a passing interest with the need for more time before he is ready to take any steps. We followed the strategy of simply keeping the potty available and just allow him free rein to use it when he feels like it, while talking about it from time to time. Some of the bigger kids at the prescool he attends are using the potty, and he started showing interest in it there, but still not at home. Your kid could be one of the clever kids who start early; you never know! Liza Answer: I would certainly move on to potty training for your curious 16 months old boy. They are in control and you might be able to get him to express himself verbally if you are lucky. Grandmothers always tell their daughter that babies were already potty trained at that age, because they were usually with the kids all day and didn’t lead such busy lives. I believe we are just too busy these days to pay attention to the most obvious signs that our kids are ready to be potty trained. At the same time, potty training 7

can take a lot of time at first, and having more than one caregiver can cause conflicts. Personally, my girl was 2 years and a half when I started potty training her, and I had a six months old baby at the time. So I started putting him on the potty with her just to make her feel companionship. He got the hang of it more easily when he was out of the diaper compared to my girl who never peed out of a diaper, and the transition period was very difficult for her. He would simply start fidgeting when he wanted to pee, and we would go to the toilet. They all eventually learn. Simply free yourself for a whole weekend and give him plenty of fluids and rewards and it’ll be over before you know it. I put my son on pull ups at 12 months because I grew sick of changing diapers (we would need one or 2 a day), and I upgraded him to underpants at 19 months. Answer: I believe you should pay attention to your kid’s cues and disregard normal information about when children should or shouldn't be potty-trained. Peronally, I started calling my son's attention to peeing when he was around your son's age, by making a ''ssssss'' noise when I would use the toilet. He learned how to control the flow of his peeing by standing up in the bath and trying at 18 months. I had seen him peeing a few times and made the “sssss” noise to draw his attention to what was happening. Next, we got him a potty, which he started to use occasionally from that point on, although almost never for pooping. At about 2 years old, we started reading ''Everyone Poops'' and we got him underwear. He asked to start wearing it a 2 ¼, and potty trained himself throughout the course of a weekend. All these steps were at his lead. (He had a stressful first experiment with underpants, so he asked for diapers again, so we went back to diapers. Then he asked for underwear a couple months later when he felt ready). The toilet training happened without any stress and he a lot never has accidents. The period between his first awareness and his actual potty training was around 8 months, but it the end it happened at his own pace. Good luck with your son and if he wants to talk about pooping, be attentive!

Question: My girl (16 months) hates to wear diapers and always asks for a change of diaper as soon as she pees or poops in it. I had no desire to toilet train er until after she turned 2 years old, but she has started throwing fits whenever I have to put her diaper on, and I am not really into Elimination Communication. She knows the sign language for diaper change and toilet and she like to help us flush and is altogether familiar with the toile process. However I don’t think she is capable of pulling her own pants yet! Is she still too young for toilet training? If so, how do I gradually introduce her to it? Answer: It seems like you have a good chance, but only if you are willing to put in enough time and understanding, if you make your peace with the accidents bound to happen, and if you can go through it with no expectations of quick results, because potty training is a result of a combination of many factors pants and timing and not dependent on independent skills. It sure is doable, though not only through your efforts! Answer: Unfortunately, you are already EC (Elimination Communication)! You are allowing your kid’s needs and desires in elimination to rein free. Personally, I took up EC’ing my third kid at 7 months old and my four child stopped wearing diapers at 5 8

weeks old at home and at 4 months old in public! I believe I know everything there is to know on EC. I would simply remove his diaper; he already knows what he wants, so go with it. Answer: It looks like your girl is ready to at least give potty training a go, but maybe you want to keep it simple for now. She is too old now for EC (I have a feeling some would disagree on that!); however she is giving signals that she is ready to start potty training the old-fashioned way. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s letting you know when she needs to go, she is interested in the toilet and she is dislikes wearing a diaper. In regards to her inability to take off her pants, you will have to help her out for a while at first anyway, so you might as well go for it. You should get a book about potty training with clear instructions on what to do. Start changing her diapers in the bathroom, and talk to her about telling you when she wants to go so that you can help her get rid of her poop and pee in the potty. The minute you feel she needs the toilet, take her to the bathroom even if she will not sit on the potty so that she starts connecting the act of pooping with the room itself. Take her to the bathroom and make her sit on the potty several times a day just to make her get used to it. She will understand the process eventually. You can use that time to read her books about the potty and let her show her dolls how to potty. She will want to use it on her own. I made my baby watch a video of other kids going potty so that she get the idea on her own. Nowadays, we are trying to make her do what she learned. We started this process as 17 months and now she is 21 months old. She now talks about the potty, rushes to the bathroom to poop and pee on her own, and tells us before and after she is done. She is basically doing everything except for actually doing it in the potty! We are not in a hurry though, and we are not pressuring her. You might also consider allowing her to be naked so that she understands the consequences of going potty on her own body. I will do that myself outside in the summer, because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s daunting to do it inside the house. Good luck!

Question: I wish to get some advice on how to gradually get our 19 months old daughter out of disposable diapers. We started potty training at 17 months, because she started saying a couple of words and showed signs of understanding the idea of the potty. She hgs fun with it a lot! She likes to sit on it every day while she entertains herself with her toys or books. Over the last 2 months, she is been able to go in the potty several times a day; however she still poops in her diaper, and she seems not able to communicate her need for the potty consistently. So what I am really asking is: When and how should I make her wear big-girl panties? I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really been giving it a lot of thought because she started potty training so early, but I know she will eventually need to make the change. Do kids normally need to be able to tell when they need to use the potty and communicate it every time before they can dispose of diapers? Do we try pull-ups before we transition her to regular underwear? (Do they even have pull-ups in her size (21lbs)? My assumption is to work on daytime potty training first. I would appreciate any advice from experienced parents. Thanks in advance.

Answer: I successfully started potty training my boy (23 months) 4 months ago. We began first off by putting him in training pants straight away. We went through hundreds of soiled pants, but thankfully he has grown used to them and he no longer requests diapers. These days he always pees when we tell him to pee, and he does it in the toilet, happily. The key factor was to take him regularly to the bathroom, because he is not yet used to telling us before he is ready to go. He basically tells us 2 seconds before he pees. Pooping is a whole different thing; he has not been able to poop unless in his diaper until very recently. Now, he is pooping in his training pants instead, but hopefully he will do it in the toilet soon. I am not sure pull-ups are any different than diapers; in fact using them may take us back. He also still need diapers at night. I believe it would have taken us less time if we had started training him at 3 years old, but I still think it’s worth it. I have my fingers crossed that he will be fully potty-trained by the end of the year. God knows we’ve need through enough laundry at our house. At the beginning it was disastrous, because he didn’t know how to hold it, and he had to put on diapers when outside the house. But gradually it got better, and we merely take an extra outfit for him when we go out. Good Luck! Answer: Your next best course of action is to introduce ''nakey butt time.'' Avoid underwear for now, and most definitely disregard pull-ups. (They are almost the same as diapers and they give the kids the same feeling.) Let her be naked. In the summer this is much easier to go through, because you will not be concerned with the low tempratures and you can be outside more which elimantes the hassle of indoor cleansing. However, if you are hell bent on starting as soon as possible, you can go ahead and put her in dresses with legwarmers (like Babylegs) or warm knee socks. This works excellently for girls compared to boys. Girls are much easier to put in dresses and skirts without facing the issue of modesty. Accident are unavoidable at first! However if you read her cues correctly and if she is mentally ready, she will learn to use the potty every time by the end of the 1st week. Afterwards you can introduce “big girl panties.” You might consider pull-ups for long car rides or when trips to the toilet are inconvenient and accidents will result in messes. However, unfortunately the more you turn to them, the longer it will take her to become completely potty-trained. Nighttime is a different matter. You may need to have her put on pull-ups while asleep, because keeping dry at night may happen right after she is daytime trained or take several years long! My advice is not to stress out over it or pressure her. It’s not a big deal to have her rely on diapers if they make her more comfortable and give it another try next summer. You may use sticker charts and rewards, depending on your daughter’s character. Some kids find this sort of motivation very helpful, but others find it annoying and resort to being stubborn instead; I had both experiences. Start with one sticker each time she goes potty, then one for each day she has no accidents, and then increase the reward (maybe a toy or a book or a trip to her favorite place). Good luck! Answer: Go ahead and take off her diapers any time you want. In fact, diapers could be setting her back, because it’s easier to poop in the diaper than rush to the potty in time. If I were you, I would let my daughter go naked bare around the house, because then you would be able to tell for sure whether she is successfully being potty-trained. She is 10

correctly potty training, if she manages to put herself on the potty when she has to go. If you need to ask her when she has to go or always putting her on the potty yourself, fearing for your sofa, then it might be too soon to bring up the princess panties issue, and you should not discourage her from using the potty. I’ve experienced the 2 opposites; one of my daughters trained after the age of 3 years and was fully trained within a month, and another daughter started training at 18 months, but continued to have an accident a day one year later. In both cases I did not introduce the panty fairy until after I was sure that their muscles were under control, which is really an instinct rather than any manual instruction you could read anywhere. Pull-ups are exactly the same as diapers, in my opinion; the kids think of them as exactly the same. So, they can’t be relied upon as any form training tool. Pampers have your girls size, but you really shouldn’t stress if your kid is not ready yet! I remember many of my friends got really stressed out when my second kid was essentially potty-trained, while their kids continued to wear diapers! I kept telling them that being potty-trained earlier is not an accomplishment that will go on her application to Berkeley nor is it any indication of my super parenting! It is not a competition and there are no winners. So, let her do it at her own pace. Answer: My girl was in panties by the time she was 20 months old. We disregarded pull-ups altogether except on very long car trips, and even then we made her put them on over her panties, so that she could still feel it when she got wet. Once you transition to panties, be prepared to keep a modified schedule for a couple of weeks, and make trips to the bathroom every 1.5 to 2 hours. You may allow her to have pull-ups for napping or at night. However, once you decide to take them off, don’t make her wear them again, unless you are prepared to set back the progress for a long time and try again later. The key is to be consistent. By the way, my younger boy (20 months) uses the toilet sometimes, but I am not concerned about training him just yet. We will probably wait until he is closer to 2 years old. A mother who likes saving money by not buying diapers! Answer: Our daughter toilet-trained early, too! We went the traditional route. We sange her a song every time she successfully got on the potty, we cheered her efforts, and we ignored the accidents. We didn’t pay much attention to rewards beyond the song. The key factor was that we mixed potty training time with naked time, and we talked to her about ''listening to her body.'' She had difficulties pulling up and down her underwear at that age, but we were there for her as soon as possible to help her when needed, and we made it easy for her to understand her own bodily urges. She was nearly always successful. With time, she only failed when she had on her diaper, which we needed to use on occasions where using a toilet would have been inconvenient. At her daycare, her provider continued to let her wear dresses with no underwear so that she could build on her progress. When she managed a full day with no accidents, we made a big deal out of it and even shared with family, who in turn also celebrated her with hugs or stickers. I believe she got used to sharing these details with others, because she wanted to be able to ask us for help in front of them if she needed it. Afterwards she kept wearing diapers for bed for 2 or 3 weeks; we would give her a choice of either 11

diapers of panties and let her decide. Finally, one day, she asked to wear underwear only! The process was long but painless. She only had a few daytime accidents. Good luck! Answer: After my girl turn 2 years old, I attempted potty training her. It was easy to get her to poop in the potty, not so much pee. We didn’t get her completely out of diapers until after she turned 3! Thinking about it, I wish I had waited until she was ready, instead of doing it at my own pace, because I ended up stressing myself for no reason. So, I made a decision not to worry about nighttime training at all. When she turned 4 years old, she asked me why she had to wear pull-ups to bed, and we made a deal that she could forgo them if she stayed dry all night. She tried one night and said she didn’t want to wear them anymore. It’s better to wait. Answer: The same happened with my girl; she trained early too. I recommend using thick cotton training pants. We talked to her about them and she was glad to be in them, because they are more comfortable compared to diapers. Unfortunately, we ended up having a lot of accidents, and we had to concentrate on putting her on the potty every couple of hours, because she needed time to learn to tell us about her urges. I believe that was still easier than wearing diapers. She always popped at the same time every day, so we put her on the potty around that time and asked her to poop, and she did. She continues to wear diapers at night. Answer: I trained my second kid (daughter) when she was 21 month old and her little brother when he was 22 months old. The displayed signs most of clear of which was refusing to have anything to do with diapers a couple of months before I wanted to start the process. I am a SAHM so my plan was pretty easy for me. I had rubber sheets on sofas and traps on the floor. I had a little potty in the playroom and in the bathroom. I kept them bare around the house. And I was ready to go with towels a big bottle of stain and odor remover. It took them around a week before they were trained successfully 90% of the time. I trained them with no undies, because they regressed every time they had any underwear on. I believe it feels much like a diaper to them. With time we managed to get them to put on undies. You must be patient and consistent. For the first two weeks, I didn’t even get out of the house. My kids remained dry though the night and during naps, and I carried a potty wherever I went, which actually takes of the stress of trying to find a bathroom at short notice. Happy training! Answer: We also trained our girl around the same age and for similar reasons. It took about 6 months for her to be consistently able to toilet in the day time. I believe it would have been much easier if I had taken the plunge and immediately put her in cloth panties. Instead what I did was put her in training pants for 3 to 4 hours a day and then switched back to diaper, mainly, because I disliked having to clean poop! When we had her running around naked in an easily cleaned hardwood area of the house, this seemed to be of much help. It might be because she was then able to see the immediate consequences of her physical urges to either poop or pee. We sped up the process once we decided to keep her in cloth panties only all day long, except when napping and at night. The most influencing factor seemed to be that uncomfortable 12

feeling of having really wet clothes. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be tricked with pull-ups they are simply fancy and expensive variations of diapers. Having said that, pull-ups could still be useful in cases such as long plane trips and when she is not physically ready to control her own muscles at night. Kati

Answer: I successfully potty-trained my kid at 26 months (excluding nights), and that is for a boy is quite early. Here are a couple of tips: - Have the potty available in the living room where all the activity happen. Active kids would dislike having to go to the bathroom to potty and miss all the fun and action, like mine did, although he did get used to it after a couple of months. We had sit on the potty while watching his favorite videos. - Treats. I believe potty-training is one of the things that should be rewarded. Maybe something like stickers for pee and an M&M or one jelly bean for poo in the potty. Personally, my son never liked stickers, so I rewarded him with candies, and it was easy to get him to stop having any afterwards. You might consider those Trader Joe's cat cookies as a less sugary option. - Except for car rides, disregard pull-ups. Pull-ups are essentially diapers, the look and feel the same to kids. My son learned faster without pull-ups or even underwear. He seemed to be much more aware about the potty process, when he had nothing on underneath his pants. We took him to Target one day and offered him his choice of underwear (Spiderman and Thomas the Train, etc.), explaining that these are for big boys who do not pee in them. - Read books about potties. My favorite is ''My Potty Book for Boys/Girls'' series, because they have actual photos of real kids, which seemed more relatable to kid than the drawings. We stopped putting him in pull-ups at night when he turned 3 and a half, after he went longer periods without wetting them.

Question: Over the last month our girl (20 months) has been using the potty a lot. That is a surprise, because her brother was much older. She is a very independent girl. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all her! I suppose I do have some questions. It seems that she is able to control when she is going to poop and she is even able to hold it for a couple of minutes, to the extent that she has not pooped in her diaper for several weeks now! Peeing is a different story, because some days she pees 4 to 5 times a day. So, what I need to know is: are kids at that age not physically able to control their peeing urges? She usually sees someone going to the toilet and goes to the potty and pees in it, but at the same time her diaper is almost always wet, regardless of how many times she successfully used the potty. How many times a day does a 20-month-old pee?! Does anyone have any idea? I have been 13

advised to put her in pull-ups, but it seems I might be going too fast for her! Another question is: should it take younger kids longer to poop? She sometimes spends 20 minutes or more on the potty, before she poops! Unfortunately we have busy schedules and our bathroom is tiny that we can’t always wait for her that long, and at the same times she’s been getting ideas about cleaning herself and she is simply not ready for that yet. So, I can’t leave her alone! I guess I am looking for some advice and answers on making toileting with a less than two year old work more smoothly, and my daughter has great comprehension but not great expressive speech and language and can't really communicate much about the subject. I suppose I need advice on how to sail through toilet training a kid under 2 years old. My daughter is very smart and she understands us very well, though not quite verbal or communicative yet. Thanks so much. Claire Answer: It is quite possible to toilet train early. Worldwide, it’s actually done at 6 months. My 11 months old girl has been using the toilet regularly with only a few misses and has stopped pooping in her diapers, since she turned 3 months old, except very rarely. Sometimes she even controls the urge to pee until I take her to the bathroom. I advise you to read a book on Elimination Communication, even more so if your kid has communication issues. Taking more time to poop depends on the person, I believe. I recommend a little Bjorn potty that she can sit on by herself. Go ahead and place the potty wherever you are, or you may leave it in the bathroom if you wish, but away from any material that she might think to use. That way she will need to call you for help. Personally, I always have a potty in the back of out truck, so that she always finds a place to poop on the go. Answer: Training boys is harder than training girls. That’s a known fact. This way works wonders for both girls and boys, although boys may take a longer time to get the grip. Having a potty schedule is a must! Have them sit on the potty at the same times that a regular adult usually uses the toilet. That is 1st thing in the morning, after eating, before sleeping, and right after taking a nap. I had them sit for 10 minutes every time, while also making these 10 minutes as enjoyable as possible. Distract them with singing and playing to take their minds off of the actual pottying process. For boys, they seemed to enjoy ''making bubbles'' when it was time for them to stand at the toilet to pee, so you might get daddy involved to show them how. Answer: Some late advice to the 20-month old girl’s parent: she is definitely showing interest in the potty, so go for it! Each kid is aware of their own body at different times. So, if your kid understands that she must pee, then it is the right time to start training them. Simply, you have to think about what is in your power to push the process forward. My girl showed interest at 15 months old, and, the time she turned 18 months old, she was able to get to the potty on time when naked, with potties in several places around the house. However, I had this ingrained fear, typical of our generation, that I would be pushing her too fast, so I ended up missing all her signals and cues. I simply 14

didn’t know what to do next, for example, to get her out of the house. At last, I made up my mind that she was probably more confused for having to remember what to do at every different scenario, whether she was wearing a diaper, panties or pull ups, and what she should do in every case and make the transition. ''You're wearing panties today. Let's try not to pee in them. Let me know if you have a pee feeling and we'll go to the potty. If you forget, we'll change you.'' Take extra clothes with you no matter where you go, because accidents will happen! Check on her every now and then asking if they need to pee. (Don’t worry, you won’t need to keep nagging for long.) It’s not a big deal if she gets some pee on her clothes, might be a little inconvenient, so there is no need to show a strong reaction; they are feeling it and they will know naturally what it means. Looking back into it, I was disappointed that I couldn’t find any clear instructions on how to transition them. Our best incentive was taking her to Target and getting her to pick pretty new panties! It worked wonders. P.S. My daughter, at 28 months, still needs a diaper to poop. However, she understands when she must poop, and she gives us a heads up in time. She also still wears diapers for napping and nighttime. She puts on panties at daytime and playtime only.

Question: I have a 20 months old girl. I have a feeling she is ready to be toilet trained. When she turned 1 year old, I started training her for fun and she got the hang of it. However, I read so many books saying that she is still too young to train, so I stopped! I feel haunted by this mistake ever since! I think she is old and ready to be trained, but she now refuses to sit on the potty. She basically goes to a secluded area when she feels the urge to poop, and if I look at her, she refuses to let herself go! She keeps telling me, “Excuse me” until I look away! And if I take her to the potty she refuses to sit on it. I gave her 3 months and tried again, but the same problem persists. So I would appreciate any advice or help I can get on how to train a girl who refuses to sit on the potty and refuses to have me look at her while she is pooping. I tried the rewards system and it didn’t work. I am helpless. Also, how will I get her to go to a public toilet after she is potty trained, when I refuse to go to one myself!! Answer: I think 20 months old it too early for toilet training. My girl and boy did not train until they turned 2 years 9 months and 3 years, respectively. It was a smooth sailing too, because they were 100% ready! We had no fights and no accidents. You might want to consider not stressing over it. Answer: Kids usually will end up potty training themselves between 2 and a half and 3 and a half years. If your attempts fail continuously, then she is simply not ready, and you should it push her. Simply wait until she is ready. All you can do is ask her about it and remind her gently. She will use it when she feels like it. Good luck!

Answer: After turning 31 months old, my boy asked for underwear, so we went ''cold turkey'' on potty training, (omitting diapers completely). For 3 weeks, I was cleaning poop from every surface, because he would never poop in the potty! We switched to pull-ups with similar inconveniences, for a whole year! At the end, what they said about them doing it when they are ready was true! He potty trained himself in a month before he went to preschool, and has not had any pooping accidents for 6 months now! He needed to do it at his own pace and his own timing, and he needed me to back off him! I do regret all the stress and frustration I went through and pushing him to do it. I wish I listened to the experienced moms, who told me to let it go and who assured me that he will be trained my kindergarten. This is a human skill that they will need for life, and it’s their accomplishment, so they need to do it on their own. Cleaning poop is the worst, but stay positive. Answer: I tried potty training my girl when she was 20 months old too. In the beginning, she was very interested and she did very well. However, as she got used to it, she relapsed horribly. So I put her back in diapers until she turned 2 years a half. I tried again after that with disastrous results. She was very stubborn to the extent of having accidents on purpose! I felt that potty training her wasn’t worth it, so I decided to stop trying again. Surprisingly, a few months after that unpleasant try, I renewed my attempt, and it worked amazingly! She was listened to me, and she was able to do it with minor accidents and we were both happy and excited during. So, what I’m trying to say is to not stress over it if she doesn’t cooperate at first. She will be able to do it when she is absolutely ready, and it will be easy and obvious for you. Answer: Start by assigning a private pooping area for her in the bathroom, with that, you could also put her in training pants or even leave her naked. She will know for sure when she needs to do it, and she will dislike being wet and dirty, so doing it in the potty will be the better choice. I am not sure what you have against public restrooms, but you could also get her to use her own potty in there. My daughter even enjoyed going to different public restrooms! Question: My son is so big for his age that he doesn’t even fit in the largest diaper size anymore. He doesn’t seem to be ready for potty training yet. However the only diapers that fit him now are pull ups and I have been told that they have sensors that make them cold and uncomfortable for the kids when they get wet, in order to encourage them to use the potty. I think it’s unfair to put him through this discomfort especially that we are not training him yet. (I might be wrong about the pull ups.) He is not interested in using the potty whatsoever despite our attempts to make him do so. It would be awesome if we could start early on his training, since he will be starting preschool early and there will be extra fees for diaper changing. At the same time, I know that it simply cannot be forced if they are not ready for it! Does anyone have any advice on how to proceed? Did anyone out there have a similar experience? Where can I get diapers in bigger diapers? Are pull ups as good as diapers for kids? How do I start getting him interested in the potty?

Answer: Actually these options sound unappealing! We took the advice of our very smart Waldorf teacher in SF for my son and his friends, and they were trained before the hit 2 years old. These are most of the things she had us do, though I might miss a couple of details. Bearing in mind that you start when he is ready, which means that he knows what the potty is and understands when he is wet, and so on. REMOVE THEIR DIAPERS. Eliminate the diapers for 3 whole days while at home, and give your kid lots of drinks. Have potties all around the house. If you have an upper floor put one there and another in the bathroom. Allow him to go around naked, because that’s when he becomes the most aware of his bodily urges. The minute he starts to go, rush him to the potty. You might express your dislike for having to clean up. I am not sure if she had us also take them to the potty 1st thing in the morning and right after a nap or not, but I think that is what we did. Give positive feedback to your partner saying something along the lines, “Amazing you will pee in the potty!” She also says it is preferable not to go back to using diapers once they are taken off. The training pants will make them feel wet and uncomfortable, which will make them start using the potty faster. Also, she said that there is a window of time in which they will give the best response to this. Check out the posts about 3- to 4-year-old kids who still poop only in their dispers, if you miss that window of opportunity. Personally, I had my kid in diapers during naptime and bedtime. At naptimes the diapers were always dry, so I removed them. At 2 and a hald years, he asked to remove diapers at bedtime. He doesn’t wake up to pee, and now at 3 years, he has accidents on very rare occasions. All the parents who followed these steps in our group had their kids out of diapers by age 2. Some of them still have their kids wear diapers at night, not ours though. This has gotten to be the best advice I ever received. The process was so easy and fun for me; kids always refuse to sit on the potty on their own, but this way they already know when they’ve gone. (Email me if you are interested to find out more. I could find out if our teacher is doing more seminars so that you can learn more about it.) Again, all of this will be done very easily once your kid is ready and aware. I did not have to push my son at all. Good luck to you! Answer: I have a big son too; we’ve been using pull ups for a while now. He wears the 4T-5T size at 2 and a half years, which makes me worry if he will be potty trained before he is even bigger! I don’t believe he is ready to be trained yet! He is showing absolutely no interest. At any case, if you decide to wear pull ups, go ahead and buy the Learning Designs type (NOT Cool Alert), which were the ones you’ve been told about. These are made of a special material which changes when they get wet. My kid has been using them instead of diapers with the same effect, and we adore them. They are very practical and flexible because they can be pulled on and off and they have detachable sides as well, which is very useful with an active kid. Target have a variety of training pants, which also fit my son well and are reasonably useful too! Anyway, hope that helps! Answer: It is true that potty training is much easier when the kid is ready. Once my girl understood it, she was trained and completely out of diapers in one week. Be warned that pull ups don’t retain as much as diapers! I went through numerous brands and they all leaked poop and pee. Not all of them have the sensor thing; you need to look for 17

them. Good Nights are decent, they are bigger in size and they hold well. You might use a pull up with a diaper-doubler or maxi pad for extra coverage. However, pull ups are very expensive and they simple do not work as well as diapers do! Pampers have a size 7 that may be useful to you. Answer: My kid trained at 22 months old. Don’t worry too much about being cruel or unfair to him! The child feels the wetness every time, if you use a cloth diaper. It is not being harsh to your kid. It is simply how it is! If you poop or pee in your pants, you get wet. Understanding that is the first step in potty training. Why don’t you think about using a cloth diaper service and getting Gerber training pants delivered and then folding up a cloth diaper into thirds and putting it inside? The training pants go up to size 3T and 4T. Then you simply stash them away and they get washed and delivered back to you. This may seem expensive at 1st, but it is not as expensive as a year of disposable diapers. Start with books and movies about the potty; A lot of books are available and very helpful. Good luck, and just keep smiling through it all. You can do it! Answer: My son is too big for diapers but not yet ready for the potty, too! Currently, we are using Huggies pull-ups (size 3T-4T). They have small symbols, which fade when it’s time to change them, and they don’t feel as wet to him like some of the other brands. They work well for daytime, but for night I need to use the Huggies pull-ups 'overnights' because the other type does not hold the pee and poop as well as regular diapers. Costco has the regular daytime Huggies pull-ups pretty cheap and Target has sales. Long's also has their house brand 'training pants' (we use XL sometimes) and they don't feel wet either. Answer: Kids who wear cloth diapers train a year ahead of kids who wear disposable diapers, on average. (I bet more parents would use cloth diapers if they knew that!) Nearly, all the parents I know who used cloth diapers had their kids trained by the age of 2 or less. Personally, my daughter, in cloth diapers, asked to poop in the potty on her own by the age of 22 month! So, we started talking about it with her and seating her on the potty 1st thing in the morning and 45 minutes after she drank. We started at 20 months old. Many untraditional parents choose to start even earlier than that. The traditional concept of waiting until the kid shows interest evolved by T Berry Brazelton, who was on the payroll of disposable diaper companies when he advised doing so! Why would they be interested out of the blue?! Naturally it is not okay to force your kid to sit on the potty. However, if you do not tell them about it, they will not be interested. You need to show them others using it, cheer them if they use it correctly, and encourage them to spend more time on it. When my girl turned 2 years old, I realized that she would have never trained had I waited till that age! She does not want to listen to anything I say! Fortunately, because she was already used to it, we did not have to fight over it. I agree with the previous reply; it is much better to start early, and this is how it’s done in many diaper-free countries, in which they train their kids as early as one year old.

Go for it early and spare yourself and your child trauma! Jenny

Question: Over the past 3 to 4 months, we’ve been taking our 22-month-old girl’s lead on potty training. It appears that she is absolutely ready to be trained, but we reached a dead end, because she doesn’t actually poop in the potty! Currently, she is always taking off her diaper while she is playing around. She enjoys sitting on the potty for long periods of time, but she only does it when she doesn’t have to go. When she does have to go, she holds her pee and her poop demanding that we put on her diaper for her! The minute we do, she soils it and then asks for a change! I’ve tried coaxing her with stickers when she has to go so that she sits on the potty. She sometimes does, but releases a few drops and rushes for her diaper again! I don’t want to withhold the diapers for long, for fear that this may cause her long term issues with release. She seems very excited and proud but also agitated in the rare occasions when she was able to pee or poop in the potty. We have plenty of time to train her, I know. But she seems so ready for it now! She is very communicative with us, she knows when she needs to go, and she can hold pee and poop until she gets her diaper. Afterwards she dislikes the feeling of the soiled diaper! Thinking about it, I wish I had trained her on a weekend when she first showed interest in the matter. So, can anyone tell me what’s going on in her head? And how do I make her see that it’s okay to poop and pee inside the potty? I have reached a dead end and I don’t know what to do next. Answer: I had the same experience with both my daughters! My 28-month-old only recently accepted the potty. She also had control of her peeing and pooping and for 6 months she only wore it to relieve herself. My oldest had the same experience. My advice is to let it go and not to stress over it. Eventually, your girl will decide on her own that it’s okay to use the potty. I have no idea how their mind works, though I often wondered about it too. Having gone through the same experience I do know that it is best to let them be and not to push them, because it would be absolutely useless, long weekend or not! This method was stress-free for me and my kids so I have no regrets. Don’t worry about it for long, your daughter will be trained and ready on her own before kindergarten, maybe even before preschool. Mary Answer: It seems like your kid is already very well-trained for her age. She will get used to the potty in due course. After my daughter was trained for peeing, she continued to request diapers for pooping for a couple of months. I just dressed her in cloth training pants and gave her a diaper whenever she wanted. She let me know before she needed to poop, so she didn’t have any accidents. We had the potty lying around the house, and one day she simply started using it. I made no fuss about any part of this. I continued to put her in diapers for nighttime, because she couldn’t stay dry until after she weaned.

Answer: I think it is too early for your kid to be trained. I would stop talking about it and let her be for a month or so, since she already knows what to do, but doesn’t want to do it. Let her come to you for help on it and stop talking about it completely. At this age, they are starting to understand their body and how it functions, so give her time to figure it out without pressuring her. Continue supplying the diapers as long as you have no issue with changing them. Answer: Our household is processed-free %100 organic. However, when it was time for potty training, we brought out the Skittles! We had a jar of Skittles in the bathroom, and each time my girl went in the toilet, she would get one. Somedays she got as much as 5 or six a day! I think this might have worked marvelously because she doesn’t get any other candy and she never had before. After she was fully trained, the skittles were gone! We also made use of it as a coloring game, she could pick whatever color she wanted each time. Good luck! Elizabeth

Question: Help! We have been stuck on the final stage of potty training with my 22month-old boy. I have been going the route of elimination communication since he was a baby. He wore cloth diapers until a few months ago. He is very in tune with his bodily functions and very verbal with us about it. He even has an older brother to watch and learn from. The issue is that we don’t make it to the potty on time! We lead a busy life and we are always out and about, so I can seem to get to the 100% potty trained part. Another issue, is that he is short for his age, so he doesn’t reach the toilet standing up in public restrooms, which stressful for me too, because I don’t want him to touch anything there! I have one of those take along, fold up potty seats, but he doesn't like it. I know he is still very young. But he has expressed clear cut interest already. Due to my laziness, I missed the window of opportunity with my eldest son, and I had to endure diapers until after he was 3! So, should I simply go with underwear and disacard the diaper completely, while facing all the accidents bound to happen? Do you take your potty seat wherever you go? Any creative tips? Cannot stand diapers! Answer: We said goodbye to diapers when my daughter was 23 months old, literally. When it was apparent that she is ready to be trained, I told her that in 3 days she will stop wearing diapers and will only wear underwear. We stayed at home for the 1st 2 days. She was naked all the time so that she would feel the pee coming out of her. During that time, she spent a lot of time sitting on the potty, with me reading for her. She had six ''accidents'' the first day, three the next, and then about two or three every day for a week, then two or three times a week, then rarely. It’s better to go “cold turkey” on diapers. That is what I read in several places, which I can’t remember right now. Going back to them, will confuse your kid even more and learning the results of messing up is part of the process of potty training.I made my girl wipe out any urine that was on the floor, and if she dirtied the sheets we changed them together. The only exception was to put her in pull ups, whenever we were in the road for longer than half an hour. I found 20

training pants (Gerber's one brand that makes them) helpful because while they weren't all that absorbent, they stopped the urine from reaching beyond her own clothing, if she was standing, which was helpful when she peed in the grocery store on day three! I strongly encourage you to stick with it. Your son sounds really ready. Best of luck! Answer: My son was almost potty trained by the time he was 24 months old. Our only struggle was the timing. Basically, I carried an empty wide mouth plastic bottle wherever we went and I stopped immediately, nearly always in the most inconvenient place, to relive him. It takes some time to make him correlate the urge to pee with telling you beforehand to allow to find a suitable place. However, we did not go back to diapers. I simply carried an extra change of clothes. I had him stand on the rim of toilets in public restrooms, which helped with the aim, and reduced the icky factor to a minimum. He is fully trained now. Good luck. Answer: I used elimination communication on my last two babies and cloth diapers on my first two. You should pee him when he needs to. I allow my 2-year-old when she absolutely has to go, in parking lots or beside bushes. I make the other kids wait in the car, and we all pee before we get in the car to go anywhere. if my 2-year-old refuses to pee in the potty, I allow her to pee beside the car and I take a potty with me anywhere I go. If the issue with your kid is that he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to pee in public restrooms, you can take the potty with you or a pre-fold (cloth diaper) with you, place it on the ground and have him poop on it. Answer: Looks you are exactly where we were, when we trained our kid. I carried a Bjorn potty in a backpack, stroller basket, or trunk of my car for a few months, along with a change of clothes. We omitted the diapers and the pull ups because I thought that would be confusing for him. At 30 months, I still carry that spare pair of pants for the rare accident. It will be a great help if you can get him to pee outside. I am not sure when the right time for that is, though. Currently he still needs my help to pull off and on his pants. It seems there is always one more obstacle to tackle! Good luck. Answer: I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean to annoy you, but you should get over your issue of him touching the toilet seat. He will eventually need to do it himself for a while at least! You must have heard that encounters a thousand times more germs on the door handles of public restrooms than on the toilet seats. Using the public restroom will speed things up for you both. My son is in a similar place as yours is in terms of training. My problem with him, though, is that he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem to be able to tell me in enough time before the urge is truly there. He has no problem using the public restroom; he simply sits and I balance him with my hand on his back. He does not like the portable potty, because it is not used by adults, and he is very straightforward about that. I simply carry 2 spare pairs of pant in case of emergency accidents along with a plastic bag, and I ask him every now and then whether he needs to go or not. I know that he will eventually get the hang of it, but I also know that it will take some time and that it will not be accident-free. Maren

Answer: Based on my observations of my toddler’s class, it doesn’t make a difference whether the kid starts training before or after he hits 2. They don’t understand it properly until after 2 and a half years anyway. I suppose it is a physical thing that has nothing to do with the parents’ or the kid’s intention. To keep the accidents to the minimum until you get there, take a potty with you wherever you go, check out the restrooms ahead of time, and put your kid in diapers during long car rides. My girl was 100% potty trained by 2 and a half years old, after nearly being there for several months.

Potty Training 2-3 Year Olds Question: Training my 25 months old son is going great for the first part. As long as he has nothing on and as long as he sees the potty, he has no issues sitting on it and peeing or pooping. He has been doing wonderfully for the past couple of weeks and receiving the appropriate encouragement and positive motivation for it. Our main concern now is that he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seem to get it at all when he has anything on! He seems to think it is okay to smear his underpants same as a diaper, even though I explained several times that they are quite different. He thinks that he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to use the potty if he has any clothes on. He has no problems walking around in soaking wet pants! Please, tell me what do I do next? Thanks is advance. Answer: I received a piece of advice from my kidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s preschool teacher, when my son started doing the same thing, which is to go commando. It worked like magic! Basically I put him in loose-fitting, soft, elastic-waist pants or shorts. This method did the trick for all of my 3 kids. The oldest wore no undies for 2 years, the middle started wearing undies after about 4 months or so, and the youngest started after about a year. I also know of others who were successful the same way. Good luck! Answer: We faced the same problem with our son when he started training at 21 months. We gave up after a while; he was basically trained indoors but not when we were out. It made no difference what he had on (training pants, underwear, pants with no underpants). We tried again 4 months later, this time with clothes on with candy as bribes. And it worked! I would advise you to step back and let him do it at his own pace. I took some advice from here, none of which worked for my son. The advice included putting him in loose-fitting pants but not underwear and picking special underwear at the store. Kids who start training early take a longer time, it seems. Been there.

Question: I have a couple questions about training my almost 2-year-old son, which have not been tackled in the books: 1. I recently figured out that pull ups are not much of a replacement for diapers in terms of making the kid feel the wetness, so is there an alternative made of cloth for a bigger-sized kid? Previously, we have only used disposable diapers, so it seems ridiculous to use cloth pants temporarily during the learning process; are there training pants of cloth that will absorb enough during this time of learning? 2. We are in an apartment with wall-to-wall carpeting. Leaving our kid to run around naked seems very unpractical not to mention very expensive! Did anyone have walk around that issue? Many thanks. Answer: I am happy you went for early potty training. Everyone thought we were crazy for starting with our kid at 2 years, but it worked like a charm, and we would have never known how interested he was unless we tried. I recommend the Gerber padded cotton underwear, usually available in thrift stores, with a plastic training underwear over. 23

These are good at absorption, but still not 100% leak proof. We did it by giving our son a lot of juice and chocolate milk and then leading him to the potty every 15 minutes. We made him sit for 1 to 2 minutes every time, and at his third attempt, he peed inside the potty and finally figured out what it was all about. We applauded and cheered appropriately as a reward. We had accidents half the time for the 1st 3 days. Afterwards we discarded them altogether in the 4th day! You should definitely try again. Good Luck! Answer: I say you skip the pull-ups/training pants and go straight for the underwear. There will be a mess, naturally, at first, but layering sweatpants and thick clothing absorbed most of the mess. I successfully trained my 2-year-old in a week and a half! Answer: I had my twin girls and son trained before they were 2. This is a great time to start training them, before they start with their stubborn “no” phase. They actually enjoy your reactions to your accomplishments in that age. You have the child-oriented method, where you go at the kid’s pace, and there is the parent-oriented method where you point your kid in the right direction without any pressure, as simple as teaching them a new skill, using the potty. 85% of 2-year-old kids were fully trained between 1957 and 1971, but in the 2000s this percentage dropped to a mere 4%. The reason being the child-led approach recommended by the pediatrician Dr. Brazelton, who incidentally happened to be a paid consultant for a disposable diaper company! We let them see us use the toilet & talked to them about it. We used neither pull ups nor training pants, and that is what worked for us. Kids are just too active and busy playing to notice that they got wet wearing them. After one accident-free month, we started on underwear; otherwise they went commando. First, we would have them sit on the potty once a day. Then increased the times as weeks went by. We made them watch us while we did our own business, and we talked to them about it. We kept the instructions and our talk very simple. It is not practical to ask them to tell you when they need to go, because they aren’t ready, and they might refuse to tell you because they want to be independent. Whenever they had an accident, we would rush them to the toilet saying things like, “Pee goes in the potty not the floor.” we always kept a potty available in the living room and the bathroom. We kept our outing close to home for the 1st week, and then we increased our outings gradually. We took a a potty everywhere we went, and I would make them use it in the back of the car before we went anywhere. My son was trained at home, but he had to wear pull ups to school because we trained him while he was in daycare. It took us a couple of months before he would wear his underwear to school. Most importantly, you need to make it as fun as possible (sing songs, read books while they're on the potty, do a silly potty dance & song when they pee in it). Never let your frustration or impatience at their progress show. I attempted training my twin girls when they turned 20 months. But they showed no interest so I stopped and tried again after a couple of months. Then it just took one girl a week to get it, her sister maybe a week or so longer.

Answer: To answer your questions: 1. You can get some 'thick panties' from Gerber, which stop most of the pee from getting through; they are the thickness of a couple of cloth diapers. 24

2. You might want to wait until it is warmer out, and allow him to run outside the house naked, maybe in your backyard. This is all assuming that you are allowing your kid to do it at his own pace, otherwise you will be going nowhere with it.

Question: We will be having our second born by the time our first kid turns 2 and a half years old. He is very verbal with us, and he enjoys sitting on the potty several times a day and he even asks to use it himself, especially during his bath time, which is when he is able to pee in the potty. Should I attempt to train him before we have our second baby, or should I wait? It’s not a good idea to make a lot of changes with a new baby arriving, I know that. The idea of having 2 babies in diapers is daunting, but so is the idea of stressing my son over potty training at such a transitional period, as well as a newborn. Answer: We had great success with potty training our 2 and a half years old son. We simply gave him underpants for Christmas. He was very happy with them and started to wear his cherished gifts on the 1st of January. Seven weeks later, when his baby sister arrived, he was absolutely proud that he no longer needed any diapers. The nighttime diapers stopped soon after. We never pushed him, and he felt such a strong sense of accomplishment when he stopped wetting his bed. He felt very good about himself Good luck, and congratulations on your second! Answer: Why not give it a go? We are currently reading a book that’s proven very useful for our daughter’s early potty training, (she is 19 months old). The book is called ''Diaper free before 3'' I recommend that you get it and use it with him. Even kids who have been fully trained may encounter some setbacks when faced with life changing experiences like having a new born. So, you might as well give it a try. Good luck. Answer: Don’t push him over it! You can let him run around naked at home, which is helpful in a subtle way. Nearly all 2-year-olds love doing that. This will force him to use the potty. I have taken both routes on this matter. I have trained a kid early and I have allowed a kid to train at his own pace. They both ended up being fully trained around the same time. And allowing my second born to take the lead on this was far more enjoyable and less stressful. Answer: I actually trained both my almost 3-year-old and my five-month-old at the same time! I basically started using Elimination Communication with my infant with the help of East Bay Diaper Free Baby email community. My 1st born loved being the coach and teacher of her baby sister. So, basically if potty training your first son does not work before you give birth, don’t stress it out and simply do what I did. I announced that we will all start using the potty including the baby. This was very beneficial in taking of the focus and stress off my 1st born. She did not end up feeling pressured every time she needed to pee.

Question: Our girl started potty training 2 months ago; she is now 32 months old. We have been letting her do it at her own pace so far making sure not to push her at all. However, she is really doing wonderfully! She loved pooping in the potty to the point that she will even hold it when she is outside until she gets home. As for peeing, she pees a few drops in her panties then she rushes to the potty to continue. My main concern is that she seems to be stuck at this point! She seems to think this is how it is done; pee a little in the panties, continue in the potty and then get a new fresh pair of panties, even though we told her several times that panties must remain dry. We tried threatening of taking the panties away from her, but nothing seems to help. We are very proud of her and her ability to listen and control her body. And we are in no rush at all to train her, but I am scared that this will form into a habit that will be difficult to shake off later on. Has anyone been through a similar experience? Will she eventually learn to keep her panties dry on her own? Any help will be appreciated. Thanks! Answer: Why don’t you take off her panties altogether? This is what I did with my 3 kids. And it worked like a charm. I was advised by their preschool teacher that some kids dislike the feeling of closeness, because they associate it with diapers. So I just made my kids wear soft loose fabrics, and that did the trick. Good luck! Answer: I recommend that you take her bottoms off her when she is around the house. I am confident that she will not pee on the floors. The same thing happened with my daughter, and she was stuck on that habit too. Eventually she learned at 22 months old, and I am sure your daughter will learn even faster because she is older now.

Question: Our 2 years and 7 months old girl has not been able to start using the potty successfully. The whole family has been supporting her in every possible way including encouragement, videos, sitting the potty in her play room etc. We let her watch us use the toilet. We talk positively about the experience and have never scolded her or made her feel bad about not being able to use it on her own. She did manage to pee in the potty in 2 incidents: once without her panties, and another time with her panties on, which seemed to scare her a lot and, since then, she has not been able to pee in the potty again. She sometimes sits on the potty, but only if she has her diaper on. Whenever she feels like peeing she demands her diaper. It seems that she is not ready to be trained. However, I am feeling anxious because she will start school in September, and they require that she be trained. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thanks Answer: I know it’s frustrating when you want your kid to do something, but they simply can’t/won’t learn. Some kids are simply not ready to be potty trained at your daughter’s age! So despite your subtle and kind approach, I believe that she most probably feels that you want her to stop wearing diapers and start using the potty, and that is the exact reason why she is refusing to do so. Everything I read and watched about potty training stresses on the fact that you cannot control when your child sleeps or potty trains. So, my simple advice is to let it go and stop mentioning it for a while. She will train eventually. Kids have so many complicated processes going on inside their little minds, even if it’s hard for us to get it. Good luck! 26

Answer: Have you tried allowing her to be bottomless in the house all day? With my 2 years old son, it took him less than a week to understand how to potty train when we did this. He peed on his leg one time, and he never peed out of the potty after that! Then, another week of his getting used to wearing underwear (NOT trainers or pull ups, just plain underwear) in the house, and then the third week wearing underwear during outings all day long. Being naked seems to really help them understand how and when they pee and poop. Kids are clean in their hearts and they will automatically dislike making themselves dirty. Our kid still canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t poop when we tell him to, but he tells us when he feels it coming and we rush him to the toilet. We also use one of those small toilet seats that sit on top of the regular toilet, because the regular toilet seemed to scare him due to its size.

Question: Something strange is happening now that my 2 and a half years old girl is using the potty. When she sits down (usually on a potty ring over the toilet, but sometimes on the regular toilet seat), the pee comes out almost like a water fountain and lands either on the toilet seat between her legs or even as far as onto the stool or floor in front of the toilet! Is this sort of thing common? And how do we stop it from happening? Answer: We had a similar issue! You might try telling her to keep her legs closed (knees touching). This seems to help her. If we are in a public restroom and there is a crack where her knees should be, we put a wadded up piece of toilet paper both to help her put her legs together and to catch any splashing pee. Interestingly, my second daughter does not have that problem! Answer: Could it be that her labia are stuck, so they create a forward-directed channel? If that is the case, maybe you can tell her to â&#x20AC;&#x153;unstickâ&#x20AC;? before she pees. Answer: I recommend a visit to the pediatrician. Sometimes girls develop vaginal adhesions (skin growing across the opening). It is easily treated. Answer: I cracked up when I read your question. For six months, our daughter had the same problem. She was finally accident-free 2.5 and 3 or so, instead she would pee out of the toilet and into her underwear! Or all over the floor, or the toilet seat, or sometimes between the toilet seat and the bowl of the toilet. We got a little potty seat with the plastic cover, meant for boys, which helped a little at home but not when we were outside. Even at home she was sometimes too late to get over the shield. My husband started putting his hand in front of where she was peeing so that it would hit his hand and go into the bowl, especially in situations where he was out with her and there were no replacement undies or tights. (Of course he would then wash his hand.) She grew out of it on her own. I am not sure if it was how she was sitting or if it was a growing up moment. Just hang in there! Answer: As I recall, my daughter also peed like that, and I remember thinking that she would be able to pee standing up in the woods just like boys and she would never wet 27

herself because her pee went straight out! Anyway, she is all grown up now; it was just a phase I guess. Her sister did the same thing in a less dramatic way. The key is to make her lean forward when peeing (chest on knees), and it will go down. Our doctor didn’t think much of it. Answer: I was equally amazed when I found myself peeing the same way! I had a steady bead coming out like a fountain in front of me. I have been sitting rolled back on my butt recently which I think caused my stream to shoot forward. So, maybe your daughter is peeing forward as a result of her sitting back too much. Why not have her sitting forward with her elbows on knees rather than with back straight, and this should help her aim down. Answer: If your daughter is looking into the toilet while she is pees, this makes her back round up and her hips to move forward, which is the reason her stream shoots out. So, make sure she keeps her head up, arches her back and leans forward. Have her sit backwards straddling the toilet and leaning forward with her hands on the back part of the seat (this works great for boys, too.), when you are out and about with no spare clothes. You will need to take off her panties off one leg to be able to do that, but that is much better than dirty and wet clothes.

Question: I had no idea potty training was supposed to take so long! My 2 and a half years old did well a couple of times, but she is also having a lot of relapses. She sometimes pees in the potty when I seat her on it, and sometimes she uses it on her own, but she also pees in her pants! Pooping is still very confusing for her. I think it scares her to see the poop in the potty. Did anyone encounter long-term potty training? I confess that I am starting to feel very impatient with how long it’s taking her to learn. She had an accident on the couch, yesterday, and I didn’t handle it very well. I have been understanding until recently. I have rewarded her with stickers and ice cream and lots of compliments! Any advice will be appreciated. Answer: If your daughter is now 2 ½ and you started 8 months ago, maybe she wasn't ready when you started. You can't undo history now but have you considered going back to diapers for a while? If you do it without it being a humiliating experience for her, it might take the pressure of both of you. I just wonder if the timing just hasn't been right. If you started 8 months ago, and your daughter is 2 and a half years old now, maybe you started training her before she was ready for it! You can’t really go back in time now, but why not let her use diapers again for a while? It might take the stress off both of you, if you do it without making a big deal out of it. I guess the timing is just not right for both of you. It took my 3 years old daughter less than a week to fully train for peeing. She still asked for diapers to poop, and I gave her what she wanted with the promise that she will get a reward if she manages to poop in the potty. One month later she did it and became full potty trained. Good luck.

Question: For six months, my 2- and a half-year-old daughter has been attempting potty training. She might not have been ready for it; I am not sure. She goes in the potty 2 to 3 times a day, either on her own or when we put her there. But she seems to be stuck in this stage. I can’t get her to only use the potty, because she seems to think it’s okay to poop both in the potty and in her diapers. She resists using the potty more than a couple of times a day. So, does anyone know what I should do? Answer: I think you should just let it go. Bring the diapers back, telling her that she may not be ready, without any judgement or negativity. In six months maybe you can ask her if she wants to try again. Surprisingly, she may even come to you herself asking for grown up panties. I have witnessed the success of this method several times. If you let her think it’s her accomplishment and her success without pressuring her, she will feel motivated to succeed. Answer: Eliminate the diapers, and make her choose cute panties for herself. Take her to use the potty every half hour for a few days. You can use the diapers at night if you want, and wait for a year or so, before you take them off at night as well. Answer: You are giving your daughter very mixed signals if you are trying to train her, while also leaving her in diapers. If you want to train her now, take off the diapers and put her in panties or leave her bare bottomed for a few days. Set your mind to take her to the potty every 30 minutes and to clean several accidents. Or you can allow her to wear diapers for a couple more months until she is absolutely ready. We disliked cleaning accidents with our son, so opted to keep the diapers. And he suddenly announced that he wants the panties. It was a couple of months after his third birthday, so I suppose he developed physically before he acquired the motivation to train (both are equally important in this matter). Answer: Our kids (three) all trained on the same day, because we waited until they were absolutely ready for it. It is not the right method to train over 6 months! Allow her to be the one in control of the matter. Encourage her and explain to her that she will do it when she is ready. This will take off the stress from her. Let her relax about it. Avoid diaper or pull ups except at nighttime. She is still very young; she’ll get the hang of it eventually. Answer: I suppose you should just wait until she is ready. I know it is hard and inconvenient, but she really will do it when she feels like it. You have no power over it. Keep telling her, ''When you're ready, you can do it yourself.'' Stay positive. Answer: Do you keep her in diapers all the day? When there were bathrooms around and when we were indoors, I kept my son out of diapers, and that is what worked for us. I got hip underpants and I reminded him to tell me whenever he needed the potty. When he didn’t tell me I would take him anyway, seat him on the potty, and tell him to try emptying his bladder. We’ve had 3 mishaps while out and about, but now he usually tells me before he needs to go. On the other hand, since he is still not fully trained, I keep him in diapers at nighttime, and whenever I am too late to wake him in the 29

morning, he would still poop in his diaper. So I guess if you do not allow them a comfortable easy way out, they will make faster progress. Good luck! Answer: From what I know about it, potty training is all about being motivated. If your kid is not feeling the motivation, you might as well forget all about it. So, you can either work on giving her more motivation, through stickers, candy, and rewards, and so on, or let go of it completely until she decides on her own that she is ready to become a big girl. I tried the first method with my eldest, which worked for a month and then she lost interest and went back, so we went for the 2nd method. The most important thing, which is admittedly hard, is to accept in your heart that she will truly learn when she is absolutely ready for it. Only then, did she finally fully train herself.

Question: My 2 and a half years old girls was doing marvelously in her potty training, accepting rewards and everything. Then, two weeks ago, she decided that she will not use it again for anything. She even refuses to sit on it and keeps telling me that it scares her! I tried explaining to her that she must use it like her big sister does in order to get to grown-ups school, but that has been futile. Does anyone have any advice for me? Lauren Answer: I have four pieces of advice on these issues: 1) Eliminate the stress of how and when they do it. Simply stress on keeping them clean and dry. Give rewards every 15 minutes that they remain dry at 1st. Then increase the time periods as they get the hang of it; it helps if you choose a day where you are at home. Only act disapprovingly when they have accidents. You can read ''Toilet Training in Less Than a Day'' for more tips. 2) When kids are potty training, it is regular for them to hold their poop for 3 to 5 days. My doctor confirmed this to be very normal behavior. And that this goes away when they get used to the potty. Give them dried apricots, if you want to reduce constipation. They taste like candy but have a very strong laxative effect, so be careful how many you give them. 3) Do not have your kids wearing pull ups during the day, if you want your kids pottytrained, because wearing them eliminates the consequences of not using the potty. And it is a known fact that experiencing the results of peeing and pooping naturally is the best teacher. 4) Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remove the pull ups during bedtime until after you are sure they have been fully trained. If you take this step too early you have a whole bunch of laundry and they will be depressed with the setbacks. A lot of kids out there wear diapers well into their 4th and 5th birthdays; there is no shame in that. Good luck to all of you! Question: A few weeks ago, we started training my 2 years and 8 months old son. He is progressing excellently except for the fact that he refuses to pee standing up, especially outdoors. We tried to encourage him by showing him how dad does it and 30

having him aim at targets (cereal) in the toilet, to no avail. Most of the time it is not a big deal, but when we are outside and I need him to just pee against a tree or a rock, it is very frustrating when he refuses to do so and says that he will hold it, and he actually does. Until I can see that he is at his end, and that’s when I bring out the potty, which I always keep in my car now. I think he hates the drops that end up on his pants or shoes. His penis is still very short; he once tried peeing standing up and he ended up wetting his pants, and he hated it, because he had to change his clothes anyhow. Anyone with advice? Answer: My son did not pee standing up either; he is now 4 years old. We taught him to pee sitting, because that is how my husband also pees to eliminate seat left up issues with me. Anyway, once he grew taller and his penis got bigger, he started peeing standing up, especially after seeing his friends in preschool. It was hard at first, but he got the hang of it. Also, he still pees sitting when he is at home, which is my preference, because that way there are no messes to clean and the seat is always down. I say, give it time and carry spares. He’ll figure it out. Answer: I potty trained my son at 2 years old. He is a little over 3 now, and he still pees sitting down. This is better I think, because he is a little short for his age, so I suppose he will have a hard time aiming, and I am guessing that he will be tempted to aim at things other than the toilet if he was allowed to pee standing up. It is not an issue of not being able to pee standing if there is an emergency. In your case, why don’t you make him squat down and pee if it is outside and if he likes to pee sitting down? Believe it or not, a lot of parents need to carry around the potty in their cars until their kids are old enough to learn how to truly hold it. Answer: My 2 sons and daughter all learned to potty train in their own funny ways. My sons also could not pee standing up at first, but they ended up doing it later. Frankly, this is much easier for me, because I don’t have to clean any missed dribble. I think it scares them a bit to pee standing for fear of getting the pee on their legs, and because it is easier to relax while seated in order to pee. When we were out, I would have them squat or perch or even cradle them in my arms in a seated position to help them relax enough to do it. My advice to you is not to stress over it, and they will end up realizing how simple and easy it is for them to pee standing and then he'll get married and his wife will insist he pee sitting down - ha! Answer: It is too early for your son to learn to pee standing! My husband and I did not try teaching until he was close to 5. Before then, he simply sat on the potty tucking his penis in the plastic shield thingy. When he moved to the big toilet we encouraged him to physically hold down his penis to aim the stream down, which I guess was a step towards teaching him how to grab his penis when he is standing. Don’t rush him and don’t stress over it; simply keep the potty in the car and he will learn on his own when he continues to see daddy peeing standing. If you rush him too much, it will not be productive.

Answer: The same thing happened with my son. I liked that he peed sitting at home, but it was very frustrating when he had to go outside and I had to bring along these dirty potties. One day when he couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hold it, I made stand facing a wall with his hands on it, as if he is pushing it; his legs were angled backwards and his penis was pointing forwards. I told him relax and pee. He did OK and continued to do better every time. I think it scares them to pee standing for fear of losing their balance. So, be patient with him and it will happen naturally. Good luck. Answer: Seeing all the advice here about peeing against rocks, walls, trees. I wonder how the moms who are scared to allow their kids to use the public bathrooms feel about their kids leaning against w peed upon wall or rock or having their kids these dirty trees. Just a thought!

Question: Hello, I am almost sure that my daughter is now ready to be potty trained. She is 2 years and 9 months; she is displaying all the right signals. She is very comfortable on the potty; sometimes she is able to tell us beforehand when she needs the potty and she is very excited about getting her own panties. I have read a lot of advice, but I understand that I need more detailed advice. What I have in mind is to take her to choose her own panties and then take her out of daycare for 1 week. Make her sit on the potty every half an hour during that time. And put her in panties so that she feels the wetness and gets uncomfortable. I am confused about the about what to do at night, though. Do I make her wear pull ups at night? If so, how do I move her out of the pull ups later on? Any advice will be very useful to me, even if to modify the steps I suggested above. Thanks. Answer: We knew for sure that our daughter was ready around the same age as yours; she was giving very similar vibes. \we brought out the pantie fairy. We got her pretty cute little panties and we tied them to the bed post while she was sleeping in a pretty bow. She brought the over to u when she woke up and we explained that she must have been paid a visit by the pantie fairy because she is now ready to give up her diaper. Fortunately, my mother still kept Gerber training panties (not the plastic kind, but the 'thick' cotton kind) on hand, which we used on her for the 1st week. She did marvelously, only a couple of accidents here and there. We still keep her in diapers at night, and we plan to keep her in them at night for another year or two because we have our own reasons. Answer: Of course, keep the diapers at night! Most of the kids keep the on well after they are daytime trained. Mine still had them on at night until he was six. You will know it is time when her diapers consistently stay dry in the morning. Answer: Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a big deal! I think you are simply thinking about it too much. Most kids are trained for day and night by the age 2.5. Put her in panties. Be prepared for accidents to occur in the 1st year. Take her to use the potty at night for a couple of months and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go to parks that have no bathrooms. 32

Answer: My son, now 5 years old, was in Goodnight pull ups until he was 4, even though he full daytime trained at 3.4. It takes kids longer to get the hang of nighttime training. I guess the big sizes of pull ups gives you an idea of how long it takes some kids. Focus on daytime training for now so that she fully understands what it feels to be dry, and she will get the hang of it. Answer: Simply focus on the daytime training until her diapers remain dry in the morning for a couple of months. My daughter was still in nighttime diapers until she was 5 and a half even though she had been fully daytime trained for a couple of months before. My son, however, got out of the nighttime diapers when he was almost 3.

Question: My daughter (2 years 9 months) knows how to use the potty, and she knows how to pee when she is naked. A couple of months ago she was very excited about using the potty, now she not only lost interest, she refuses to go. She screams, “No NO I don’t want to go potty” every time I try to take off her diaper. She sometimes accepts to sit on it, but never to actually poop. She told me once that she doesn’t want to use the potty because she doesn’t want to wear panties and take off her panties. She had an accident once or twice and this seems to have scared her very much. She also told me another time that she is too busy for the potty, and she kind of is. She goes to preschool and she has a lot of activities to do. I have no problem to wait until she is 3 or 4 years old. This seems to be the age in which most kids train in. I just want to understand what I can do to push her in the right direction? And what direction is that? Gentle Mama Two steps forward one step back? Why don’t I just let her take the lead on this matter? I have heard so many stories about parents who pushed their kids with backwards results and stories about parents who allowed their kids to take the lead with much success. Wilma Answer: Just let her be for a while. Put her back in diapers until she lets you know she is ready. She is not even three yet, and you already know she has the ability. The more you push her the harder she will fight it. Take it easy on both of you. Question: My over 3-year-old girl is not fully trained yet, but really likes to dress herself. I am not sure she can even put on her own diapers. My other thinks pull ups are the way to go. But I have an idea that they will set her back on her progress. What do parents who tried pull ups during potty training think? Lucy Answer: I have the same experience with my over 3 years old daughter. Whenever she is in pull ups she doesn’t care whether she uses the potty or not, because there is no mess. However, when she is in panties, she makes an effort to use the potty to avoid having accidents. Putting her in pull up WILL hinder her training.

Question: We began toilet training my son who will be three in august. He has no problems sitting on the toilet or the potty chair, but he nearly always pees by accident. 33

Pooping is easier for us, because he squats when he needs to do that, so we almost always move him to the potty on time. We tried cheering for him, singing, dancing, giving him candies and graham crackers, but nothing seems to motivate him enough to get the grasp of it. He really hates the feeling of having the pee run down his leg but he has no reaction once he is done. Is this how potty training is supposed to go? Will he get it eventually on his own? We have no idea how to move forward on this and get him to feel motivated enough to use the potty. Should we go back to diapers and give it a rest for a while? Answer: Hi, I was in a similar situation as yours with my own son. Don’t stress over it; he will get the hang of it eventually. Don’t use diapers again. Keep him naked around the house, because kids seem to understand how it comes out when they have no diapers or clothes on. If he is in school, he will benefit very much from the potty schedule assigned by teachers and from seeing his friends use it. I am pro treats in this matter, even though we are an organic household. We allowed him to have chocolate peanuts when he successfully used the potty. And we had to change the treat after a while because he got bored with it. So we gave him jelly beans for a while. After he was potty trained he got over them very easily, Just to let you know that they did not affect him. We also created a Potty Chart like they had at his school and we put a photo of him sitting on the potty pasted to a big poster board. We got a bunch of stickers and he got to put one sticker on the poster board every time he went on the potty. When visitors came over, they would see the potty chart and tell him how great it was as a form of encouragement. Either way, forget the diapers and of course the pull ups are absolutely worthless. Answer: I will tell you a piece of advice that I read in a newspaper which worked very well for us. Choose a weekend and dedicate it completely to potty training. Summer is the best time because then you may allow him to run naked outdoors. Eliminate the diapers completely and put him in underwear. We might have went through 5, or 10, pairs before he started to learn. He has a few accidents, and we needed to clean a few spills here and there. But he learned quicker than we thought. Kids naturally dislike feeling unclean, so it’s really a matter of practicing until they get it. It was one weekend and then it was all over. Explain it to him in detail beforehand as well. Tell him that on that weekend he will no longer have the diapers. It's a huge relief. Good Luck! Answer: My two and a half years old son has been toilet trained for a couple of months now. It’s the same for your son, even though he is older, in that he needs to get used to sitting on the potty. It is not about peeing or pooping in the potty at first. It is simply about getting used to sitting there. My son and my niece both sat on the potty for 20 to 30 minutes for weeks before they started peeing at all. This can be very boring for kids. So, we allowed my son to watch videos while on the potty. A lot of the times the video we'd put on was ''Once Upon a Potty.'' ''My Potty Book for Boys'' is also great as is actually photos, not drawings. We'd read that and other books to our son while he was on the potty. We didn't make a big deal about having to go pee, we just asked him to sit for a while. This probably went on every day in the evening for 3 - 4 weeks. After a couple of weeks, we also started putting him on the toilet right before his bath as part of 34

the routine. Forget the diaper pull ups. We went to Target where they have all sorts of funny underwear with Thomas the Tank or Bob the Builder that boys like. I told my son that he could choose whatever he wants, but that they weren't for peeing or pooping. He was so excited about his Bob the Builder underwear that he held them on the way home in the car and we kept talking about how they weren't for pee or poo-poo. This worked like a charm. The first couple of times I put them on him, I reminded him again. Now every morning when I'm getting him dressed and put on the underwear, he declares ''not for pee or poo-poo!'' Answer: Bring back the diapers. There is no need to push him unnecessarily. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not your will versus his. You will both know when he is ready and the time is right. Our son was almost 4 before it suddenly happened. He trained in a breeze. He almost hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t has any accidents since then either, Almost a year now. Answer: In some cases being ready is almost all the work! And potty training is certainly one of those cases. Let him wear the diapers again, and offer the potty but donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t push him to use it. Your son is on the young side anyway. He will do it when he is ready for it, and it will not take any tie at all. Let him take the lead on this.

Question: My three years old son is very smart and academically developed, but very disinterested in potty training. I have explained it to him several times without any pressure several times. He is able to take off his pants and diapers when he soils them. And sometimes he sits on the potty but that is as far as it goes. Before he turned one, he was very interested in the potty and he even used it a couple of times, but that interest has faded away since then. We are afraid to push him on the matter for fear of causing any psychological damage. I should also mention that it is very hard for me to get him to sit down and eat most of the time; thus his bowl movements is very sporadic and unpredictable, which is probably why we find it hard to control his potty schedule. I need help on what I can do to help him train and some support from parents who have been through similar experiences is welcome as well. Answer: My son is 3.5 years old, also very smart; he read his first word today, he is starting to add and he spoke early. He is also not interested in the potty! So, I understand where you are at. He used it at one point when he turned 3 and then he stopped. He seems absolutely ready to use it, but he chooses not to, because he says it is scary! He does pee sometimes standing up at preschool. People keep telling me to give it a rest and that he will use it eventually when he is ready, so we simply talk to him about it without any form of pressure and we are trying to be as patient as possible. We made a joke that he will eventually learn before he goes to college. (We hope.) Answer: I once saw a 4 years old still in diapers and I was very scornful, but then I had my son and 4 years later he was still in them. His sisters both trained before they turned 3. But he simply did not get the hang of it. We went on a vacation once, and he saw his sisters sleeping without the diapers; a couple of weeks later he was trained. I suppose he needed the motivation of wanting to impress his sisters to finally be ready. 35

Answer: My son, who is 3, also fought against training. Before we moved he was doing very well, but after we moved to our new place he relapsed and refused to use the potty completely. Here is what we did. We did not push him at all on the matter. We brought him some thicker panties which feel like diapers and which very comfy with colorful patterns. And he got to choose whichever colors he wanted. 1 st we would put them on for 30-minute intervals and ask him to tell us if he wanted to pee. With time, we started putting him in regular underwear for half a day. We gave chocolate if he told us beforehand when he wanted to pee, and gradually he was trained. He still does not poop on the potty though nor does he poop in school. We give him a diaper when he wants to do that so that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make the training any more stressful that it needs to be. We still donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to cross that bridge. Answer: My son trained one month before he turned 3 years old; he had no interest in the potty; in fact, he hated its guts. However, he was interested in the adult-size toilet. It was not easy sailing. It took a lot of time to get it right. What really sealed the deal was a bribe. I bought 20 or so of those really cheap Tonka cars (my son is a typical boy and would do anything for a new car/train/airplane toy) and I started putting one toy at a time on top of our shower, so that he could see it but was not able to reach it. The deal was, every time he does #2, he gets a new toy. I think he stared at the first one for about a week. When he finally earned it, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. After three unsuccessful days he finally earned his second toy and the training was done, we never saw another diaper. Question: My very outgoing, 3.25-year old daughter is still not potty-trained. She peed on the potty several weeks ago for the first time, after sitting on it for at least 30 minutes! She now pees on the potty once every two days, but usually only after sitting on it for sometimes almost an hour. Sometimes we need to remove her from it in order to go outside. She asks to play with her toys and for us to keep her company while in there, but we do not oblige her. It is very inconvenient to keep an eye on her especially that I have an infant baby to look after as well. We tell her to only sit on the potty only when she can feel the pressure, to no avail. I ask her if she needs the potty when I see her pooping but she always says no. I think she is scared to lose control because sometimes I catch her holding her lady parts. Does anyone have any idea what I can do? I'm very upset and I don't want to make this harder than it has to be. Answer: I sympathize with you. I also had an infant of 4 months old by the time my girl was 3 years old, and the process was very agitating; in fact, it was so stressful that I promised myself I would do it differently with my second born. I joined East Bay Diaper Free Baby, which is the coolest, smartest most progressive group of mothers out there, and began toileting my 5 month old. I explained my 3 years old that we will all use the toilet even the baby! In this way, big sister was able to become a role model and diapering became less attractive for both of them. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a known fact that the three things we can't control are the three things our kids use to drive us most insane, which are eating, sleeping and eliminating. I found out about several methods and practices through Diaper Free Baby that have proven very helpful for both of my kids. Basically, 36

we celebrate any positive outcome and ignore any wrongdoing. You already sense that your daughter is trying to ''hook'' you and you have the instinct not to want to get hooked. Focus on training your baby; cheer her and sing for her when she uses it, and your 3-year-old will want to get the same attention by following suit. To help my eldest get more comfy, we also watched ''Once Upon A Potty'' for about 6 weeks. We kept potties all around the house so that I could keep an eye on the baby while also tracking my girl’s progress. I would give her M&Ms as rewards when she did well. Gradually, as she grew used to them, it was easy to phase her out, by replacing the M&Ms with positive feedback and encouragement. A very positive result to all of this was that my baby was trained too by 17 months old!

Question: We are currently trying to train our three-year-old son. He goes to preschool and all his friends there are potty-trained already, so we are kind of pushed to it. We are making progress, because he has peed and pooped on it several times. He is very aware and in control of his bodily functions; we are sure of that because he holds or hits his penis whenever he feels the urge to pee, or he does a dance thingy. The thing is he often screams and cries too! When we try to get him to sit on the toilet and pee, he either continues screaming and doing the 'dance', but refuses to get on the potty, or he sits on it while still very upset and uncomfortable and keeps holding his pee until he eventually pees in the potty or he pees the minute he gets to stand up again. He even holds his penis with his shirt to keep holding his pee in. We have offered him the use of the potty and the regular toilet, and he is allowed to pee sitting or standing; he has observed all the variations in his daycare, so he is aware of all of them. We need all the advice we can get on his behavior; we have no idea how to proceed. It is very saddening to see him go through this. Thank you very much. Answer: I read somewhere that some kids are scared of letting go of their urine and feces, because they consider it parts of them. Our son never screamed about it though. Some kids are also afraid of where they pee and poop goes after it’s flushed away. What really helped us was asking him where he wanted to pee. The other day he asked to pee off a tree! That was fine by me, although I may think gain when he is old enough to climb the tree on his own. We also put out imaginary fires with his stream and chace around cheerios in the toilet. The bath was the first place he ever peed consistently. It’s gross to have your kid bathing in bath water with urine, but it's his urine and he was peeing in there already so I am okay with it. You could also allow him naked time around the house, because this seems to help them get the hang of it a lot faster. Accommodate him if he requests to pee in different places as long as they are feasible. Good luck! Answer: The same thing happened with my son. He refused to poop in the potty and he would run the house screaming and holding it in, which as not the case with pooping. I asked him straight out why he didn’t want to use the potty, and he surprisingly answered that he was scared! When I asked him why he was afraid of it, he said, “Don’t tough it.” I never realized that when we changed diapers, and he would go to grab his penis, and we would freak out and tell him ''No, don't touch your poop!'' very seriously. I had no 37

idea that I was sending a negative message different than what I perceived it to be. He's a pretty bold kid and doesn't get scared too often. When we poop now, we always take him with us, and we make a big deal of accentuating that pooping is a god thing and that we don’t touch it because it is unclean not because it is scary. We wave goodbye t it when we flush it away. He seems to be dealing with it much better now. However, I think the best advice in the matter is to let him train on his own. Allow him to learn at his own pace and never push him; this is how you will get the best results. My son trained fully at 2 and a half years old, but his cousin is 4 years old now, and he is only just expressing interest. His parents are allowing him to learn as he pleases even though all his peers are trained and they are under a lot of pressure to speed things up. Best of luck! Answer: I would turn back the time if I could and let my son use the potty when he felt like it. He was so scared of it, that he kept holding his poop and ended up having severe constipation, which had to be treated with an enema several times. My advice to you is to let it go completely, never compare him to other kids and never push him. He will learn eventually when the time is right for him. There are so much more important things to worry about and care for with your kid than this.

Question: My little son will be 3 in august and his preschool wants him to be on his way to being toilet trained by then. He is resisting all steps towards the potty. I got him the doll that pees when you press its stomach, panties, and thick pull ups, and I give him a lot chips and salty snack to make thirsty enough to drink a lot of liquids. I have created a potty chart with reusable stickers and I try giving him yummy rewards’ none of that is helping us! I can’t even get him to take off his pants! Does anyone have any advice for me? Answer: Our son is nearly full trained and he will also turn three in august, but he has an older brother. We tried a few months ago to force him to use the potty, but he was not interested. At school they pushed him a little more, and he started showing interest then, so we tried again at home. It seems like you have all the encouragement planned correctly, but you need to leave him be for a couple of weeks; all kids get the hang of it in their own time. Pee in front of him, and don’t stress yourself out about it. Good luck Answer: I am aware that girls are much easier to train than boys, so maybe some of the other mothers will be more helpful. I go the book ''The Everything Potty Training Book'' by Linda Sonna, for my daughter. It offers several different methods, and I chose the method that made the most sense to me in terms of my daughter’s needs and temperament. In short, we went cold turkey and accepted the fact that there would be some accidents. We did not use training pants, only panties, and we got her to use the potty every hour for the 1st weekend. We gave her lots of positive feedback and rewards like stickers when she did well. When she went to preschool, they also helped her follow the same schedule so she was trained within a couple of weeks, with only a couple of, admittedly messy, accidents. Good luck!

Answer: We accomplished a lot with our daughter by letting her be naked all day when she was at home. I know this advice was mentioned here several times a well. It is easier for kids to realize when and how they need to go when they can feel the pee running down their legs especially that they dislike that feeling very much. We kept a potty around all the time, and she basically learned very quickly. When we put her back in panties, it took her some time to understand not to pee in them, so for a while we kept her bottomless beneath longish dresses even when were outside. I am not sure how you may proceed with your son though. Answer: Here is what worked for both my kids: simply leave them naked most of the time when they are at home. Summer is the best time for this obviously. They got the hang of it pretty easily when they were bottomless, because they could feel it coming and the disliked the mess. Our girl was fully trained in 2 weeks. Our son took much longer than that; he would poop in the diapers when he had them on, but whenever he was naked, he would be hesitant and he would call us to help him or he would use the potty on his own. Most of the posts I read on BPN said to be patient. That was very hard, because I wanted him to be as fast as his sister and that just wasn't possible. However, I kept reminding myself of those wise words, and he is actually potty trained now. All it took is a couple of months of patience, not giving up and reminding him constantly. Good luck! Answer: The way I see it, all the salty foods, treats, rewards chart and training pants are mere distractions, because they don't seem to be working for your son! We potty trained our 2 and a half year old son in a couple of weeks bringing out the underwear straight away and taking him to use the potty every half hour for a week or so. The first week he naturally had several accident, which taught him what I felt like to create a mess. After a while he started leading us to the bathroom, because he disliked feeling so wet and it made him uncomfortable; he didn’t care for any rewards at all. We of course encouraged him and gave him positive feedback appropriately and expressed our pride in him for being such a big boy. So, I guess the rewards and treats you are giving your son, may be the reason why he is not motivated enough to find his way. to the potty.

Question: My son who will be turning three years old in October must be potty trained before he starts his preschool in September, although they are willing to offer some help there. These days, we can get him to sit on the potty, only if he gets to watch Sesame Street. This has gotten to be a big deal for him because we mostly never allow him to watch any television, so it’s a great motivation. Over the course of 3 weeks, he has managed to pee several times, and he pooped once as well. However, it’s been a while since we’ve been stuck in this stage. He will have nothing to do with being bottomless, he once peed on the floor making a mess and he rushed to clean it right away; now it’s like he is scared of making another mess. We had to wait for 2 weeks before getting him to use the potty again. He is not old enough to be able to take off and put on his own pants, and he refuses to use the potty except if he gets to watch TV. The adult toilet is a lost cause even with the promise of Alamo! I should also mention that he is a 39

perfectionist. He will not attempt anything unless it can be done perfectly. If he spills even a little bit of milk he throws the whole thing angrily, and if he makes any kind of mess he must clean it immediately and he always asks for napkins at the table. So, how do I get him to start using the potty regularly and understand his bodily urges? Paige Answer: I am training my soon to be 3 years old son too. He really enjoys the video 'potty power'. He asks to watch it all the time. Maybe you could give it a go! I have experience potty training my older child, so I know for a fact that you can’t really force it at all! You should try not to expect too much out of him. This process can take him up to 6 months, and you might need to back off for a couple of days during that time. My son is in preschool already and he is doing pretty well. I think seeing the other kids go through the same thing motivates him to do better. Don’t worry if your son still doesn’t learn before he starts the preschool, I doubt he will be the only one untrained. Several other boys are going through the same thing in my son’s preschool and they wear pull ups. Take care and good luck! Sarah Answer: It seems you are exactly where we were a month or 2 ago, with our 3 years old son. We just completed an extensive potty training marathon with him. It took us 2 months for him to get it, and he still has the occasional accident. Pooping was the hardest, because he was so scared to poop in the potty. I sympathized so much with your post. We also used the video watching trick, which totally backfired on us! Have you tried taking him shopping for adult underpants? This helped us very much. Make choose whichever he likes most! It was cars for us. We piled the remaining diapers, and we tracked down their disappearance day by day. When they were gone there was no more diapers anymore! Bribes had no effect on him, but using the sticker chart helped, because when he completed the tasks he got to have a Thomas train! We also incorporated other tasks to take away the stress of potty training, like making his own bed and brushing his teeth and so on. It was not an easy chart, but by the end of the month it was a big accomplishment for him to earn that train. You also say that your son cannot take off his own pants; don’t underestimate his ability! If you change his wardrobe, and put him in elastic sweatpants, you’ll be surprised how quickly he learns. Kids want to be able to dress themselves. Make him learn to depend on himself and you will witness plenty of progress in the potty training department. Answer: My advice is to let go of the diapers and the videos altogether! Put him in underpants all day except when he sleeps or when he needs to poop. Leave his potty in the bathroom and keep asking him all the time if he needs to go. We made a little game of listening to each other pee. It happened by accident when I needed him to go before going out, and I had an idea that listening to me do it would help him, and it did! He also enjoys it very much when he flushes his pee in the big toilet. Answer: I had a similar experience like yours 3 years ago with my now 6-month-old son. He still has accidents and he has strong issues with using the toilet. If I could, I would go back in time and take to a preschool which did NOT require any training! At least, I would have picked a school that actually helped with his training in a manner 40

similar to what we do at home. His school of course said that they would help train him and would handle the occasional accident. But the teachers there did not allow him to use a potty, only the adult toilet which was not comfortable for him, and the different teachers followed different schedules, which confused him and added stress to his experience. When you take him home at the end of the day you should be asking about his day rather than whether or not he had the accident. So, basically my advice is choose a different preschool; keep him on a waiting list if you must and eliminate the deadline. This will be so much better for all of you! Allow him to watch his favorite show during other times, and keep the potty in the bathroom away from the TV to break that association. You may allow him to play with a specific toy and keep that one for the potty. I wish you luck and hope that you won't be dealing with this three years from now like I am!

Question: We are getting new jobs in South Bay, so we will be relocating very soon. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been checking preschools for our almost 3 years old girl. However, most preschools seem to require that she be already potty trained, or else she will be put in with the 2-year-old kids, and I am afraid she will be very bored with them. My daughter has not shown any interest with using the potty. She would sometimes sit on it, but with absolutely no results. I thought to make her go naked around the house, but with all the carpeting in the flat we rent that would be a dilemma. The shopping for grown up panties had no effect either! We are trying not to force her so as not to stress her or ourselves on that matter. We are worried about how this move will affect her as well! We have been allowing her to take her own lead on this, so far. But now she really will need to be enrolled by the fall, and we are running out of time. Do I simply enroll her and hope she is smart enough to get it within a week? Do I enroll her in one of the schools that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like with the 2-year-olds? Has anyone here had an experience with crash course potty training their kid in a week? Any advice will be welcomed. Thank you! Answer: I would not advise you to push the matter on her, if she is not ready for it. It will become a tug of war, in which you will be the loser. Either way, with your moving to a new place, it will be difficult to make progress with the training. My advice, from experience, is to choose a preschool that accepts kids who are not potty trained. If she spends sometime with the younger kids, she may be motivated to try her best and learn so that she moves to the bigger class. However, if you put her with the bigger kids, she may have a setback when she is a failure in front of the other trained kids. Good luck! Answer: My mother always told me how I had to be rushed to train for preschool at 3 years old too. She said I had a couple of accidents, but got the hang of it watching the other kids. So I guess you could have her enrolled and push her a little. In my own experience, kids never learn to use the potty on their own; it need to be parent-oriented. Answer: It took my girl some time to successfully potty train. We tried putting her in thick pull ups to help her when she pees, and we told her to tell us before she felt like peeing. Sometimes she did tell us, and sometimes not. When she messed up, we would 41

not scold her or punish her at all; we would simply tell her, “it’s okay, you forgot to tell us, remember to tell us next time.” When she went to preschool, her teacher suggested we the pantie fairy. So we sat her down and told her that the pantie fairy wants to giver her grown up panties because she think she is ready to stop wearing diapers and that she will keep one pull up for when she sleeps at night only. It was successful for a while, until she started peeing in her panties again. Her teacher suggested taking her to the doctor to check her for any infections, so we did and it turned out to be the case. Sometimes girls have infections from using the potty because they are not used to properly clean themselves yet. She basically felt that she needed to pee all the time because of that infection, so she didn’t know what to tell us. We put her on antibiotics for a short while, and she was back on track. My girl was the last one to be trained in her class at 3 years and 2 months. She now wears only thin cotton panties and a pull up for nighttime which she keeps dry all night.

Question: Our girl showed us many times that she can use the potty very successfully. Of course, it’s all on her own terms, and we have not been pushing her to do it at all. A couple of days ago, she asked to wear underwear on her own, and she had no accidents all day including when we had to go out; she even managed to use the public restrooms very willingly! Afterwards she announced that she wanted to wear underwear for her 1st day to school. However, when it was Monday morning, she refused to go except in her diapers. She has already shown that she can use the potty very well, so we don’t understand when she is being very stubborn about it now. What can we do? Answer: We potty trained our girl 3 times before she finally got the hang of it. I guess it is all about being patient and allowing her to make her own choices. It did help when her daddy called her and told her that she will be diaperless for the new preschool she is going to after we move. That did the trick. It was her decision.

Question: I am searching for some potty aids that will assist my absolutely uninterested 3-year-old son to start potty training. I suppose answers unrelated to my question may be helpful to other parents too. Thanks! Answer: There are no bullet-proof aids out there to help your son, I am sorry to say. However, I wanted to offer you my support that you are not alone in this. My 3 years old so had difficulties training too. He still was not trained a couple of months before his 4th birthday, and we tried everything! Going around naked, tricks and rewards, reminding him to use the potty and having him use it at specific times, going shopping for underpants and so on. In the end he announced on his own that he will start using the potty on his own starting that day, and he has had only 3 nighttime accidents since then! I suppose what I am trying to tell you is that you should not stress over it at all! He will do it only he is well and truly ready. Answer: Your son will not train until he wants to. Boys are famous for hesitating over the potty. Both my son trained themselves overnight when they decided they wanted to. 42

It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t before they turned 3 and a half though. So my advice is to let it go and keep reminding yourself that they will train before high school. Answer: Our doctor advised against pushing the potty training matter on our son. So, we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, and eventually he did train himself over a couple of weeks before his 3 rd birthday. The only thing that seemed to help him was watching his friends using the potty at school, which made him want to do like them. Answer: When my son was 3 years old, he also showed no interest in using the potty. The only recurring advice I kept hearing all the time was to let him do it in his own time. That advice sounded so ridiculous for me at the time. But it was true! He did train himself in a couple of weeks when he turned 3 years and 4 months old. It only took him one week to fully train for peeing and pooping. (He still wets his bed sometimes now at 5 and a half.) What really seemed to push him was going to preschool when he turned 3 years and 1 month old, because he wanted to do like his friends.

Question: I have no idea how I can train my soon-to-be-3-year-old son. I feel like I must have tried every single trick out there. The details would probably take up an entire BPN advice page. We have the potty chair (never been used) and the seat that goes over the toilet, and books; we have bought an obscene amount of underwear, I have offered treats, he gets stickers for simply sitting on the toilet. He does not have any problems peeing and pooping in his diapers, in fact he dislikes changing them, and he is the only one in his class still not potty trained. Today morning, we attempted underpants, and he peed in them twice within an hour even though I repeatedly asked him if he wanted to use the potty. Everyone is telling me not to push it until he is ready, but then do we keep him going to school in pull ups until he is 4? Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t they the same as diapers? I have asked every mother out there who trained her kid, and I am still at a loss. So this community is my final source of help. Shauna Answer: Our 4 and a half years old son did not learn to potty train until after he turned 3; he too had no interest in using the potty despite the fact that he was very clever and outspoken for his age. He did not care that he was the only one not trained among his peers, and luckily his teachers at preschool had no issues changing his diapers for him. I asked him if he wanted to use the potty several times between ages 2 and 4 and even read him potty stories, but he consistently showed no interest and kept declining. In the end he did train himself before turning 4 years old in a couple of days. I suppose for my son it was purely a matter of doing it on his own terms when he had control in the matter. We motivated him by promising a special trip to a museum once he went a couple of weeks without accidents. Good luck! Answer: This one is hard to decide! Nowadays, parents are constantly pressured to make sure their kids are trained before a certain age. As a childcare provider, I have had marvelous opportunities to train kids without having that pressure on me. I believe that whenever I become a mother myself, I would allow my son to take the lead on this. 43

You are asking, “Should I wait until he is 4?” My answer is yes! The odds are that he will learn sooner than you expect. Kids, naturally reach their own potential when they are left to their own devices especially in the matter of potty training. They also tend to observe their peers when they start attending preschool, which sparks their interest. Parents may subtly mention how his friends are no longer in diapers, but never in a competitive manner. You may facilitate the use all toilet-related products and encourage them to use them when they are ready, but again never in a pressuring manner. Associating stress with the process of potty training will not have any long term results. It is, after all, a bodily function essentially related to the kid itself. I should also point out that I have observed many kids who are very mentally developed compared to their peers, who would still have nothing to do with the potty, as if their minds become too busy on learning other skills to focus on that process for the time being. So, I have explained that in much detail; now let me give you a few helpful tips. Allow your kid to take all his stuffed animals with him to the bathroom, where he will be the one teaching them how to sit on the potty. I would strongly recommend a children’s' book called ''Time to Pee'', by Mo Williams. The author is so talented that he’s written for Sesame Street, so read it for him even if you have other books. Answer: I have no doubt that you will get a lot of advice on this matter. I could not help replying to your message myself. I have a 9-year-old son and a 7-year-old daughter. I have no regrets about any parts of their childhood. But if I could turn back time I would change everything about how I potty trained my son. I believe all the threats, treats, bribes, encouraging, discussions and toys we used were all counterproductive. Not only were they useless, they might have caused damage! He still ended up learning when he was ready, and he continued to wet his bed until he was 7 and a half, which I am sure would not have happened had I shut up about it. My son not a fast developer, proof being that he is still losing his baby teeth. It’s just who he is! So my advice to you is to let it go completely and don’t even talk about it to him again. He will get it when his body feels it’s time. Ignore all the advice you read hear and trust your son’s natural instincts. Incidentally, my daughter learned on her own when she turned 3, which really proves that it is a matter bodily readiness not anything that can be forced or controlled.

Question: We are having problems potty training our 3-year-old son. He is showing signs of readiness. He can take off and put on his own pants; he tells us when he has pooped and he had dry pull ups for hours at a time. However, we are stuck at this stage. We tried forcing him to sit on the potty for certain times a day, and he does what we ask, but he almost never uses it. Sometimes he would poop in his pull up as soon as he gets off the potty. We tried bribes, awards, cheering him for having dry pull ups, complimenting his friends who are potty trained and talking about being a big boy, to no avail. Is there anything else we can do to help? Thanks! Answer: Never allow anyone to tell how to be a parent to your own kid. That was one of the best pieces of advice I ever got. My son was on the bottle way longer than he should have. My friend who had 3 kids of her own advised me to let it go and leave him to stop it on his own. The same goes for potty training. Boys are normally more hesitant 44

about using it. At the age 3, they feel independent and they want to do things on their own. You might try to put him in underpants and simply change them if he soils them, without making a fuss about it. Or, you may keep using the diapers until he is ready. Pull ups are simply expensive and a little hard to change; thus I advise against them. So, my advice is to let it go and allow him to use it on his own when he feels ready. Don’t listen to anyone telling you when or how it is meant to be done. Answer: I totally sympathize with you. I am going through the same thing with my yet to be fully trained 3 and a half years old son. We tried everything there is to try! The only thing which finally helped us make progress was to make him go around the house bottomless. This has helped him to make the association between wanting to pee and using the potty. He hates the feeling of being wet and having pee running down his legs. I have had to clean after him several times. But it is worth it if it helps him learn. Lose the pull ups too, because they are just like diapers in that they don’t help the kid feel the wetness when he poops or pees. Good luck! Answer: My son potty trained only when he was absolutely ready! He didn’t learn until after he turned 3 and a half, and he is no 4 and a half. He taught himself for day and night within one week and has not had accidents since then (maybe one or two). I did take him to Target to buy him Bob the Builder underpants, but he showed no interest even though he is a huge fan! I know it is very hard and frustrating, but stay strong and patient and it will happen before you know it! Answer: Give it a go at leaving him naked when at home. My son did not figure it out until after I completely took off his diapers and pull ups. This is when he truly understand the consequences of not making to the potty on time, which meant soiling his legs, his clothes and the floor, a feeling which he disliked. When he had accidents we never scolded him or made a fuss; we simply helped him clean up while explaining that next time he should do this at the potty. Cotton pants will help feel the wetness and learn as well, unlike pull ups which always feel dry to him. Answer: I had just watched an episode about potty training on Dr Phil when I decided to train y girl. We started with a doll that peed, and we had a potty in the front room; we sat the doll on the potty and every time it peed, we made a lot of nose, danced and sang her the birthday song. My daughter loves to celebrate and make noise, so this was a great motivation for her. We did it with the doll for a couple of hours; then we switched to her. I gave her a lot of fluid and whenever she peed in the potty I would also cheer for her and sing her the birthday song. We continued in this manner for a couple of days, maybe a week, and I worked marvelously! By the end of that week, she was successfully trained without any accidents. You can find the episode on the internet I believe. Try it, I had no idea it would work so well, but it did! Good Luck. Answer: It sounds like your kid isn’t even ready for the potty yet. Three is not that old to learn for boys!! My daughter learned when she was 3 and a half, and it was a piece of cake for her. She is still in pull ups at night, because she is such a sound sleeper. I believe some kids are simply not that interested about it. Unfortunately, you may also 45

encounter the dreaded “threes” stubbornness, where if you want something done, they try their best to do the opposite! So, I say you let it be. Follow his lead on this. He will really get it when he is truly ready and it will not take much time at all. After all, no kid goes to kindergarten in diapers. Good luck & hang in there! Answer: We tried several methods from here, but what really hit the mark with our 3year-old was setting up a date, where we will discard he diapers completely. We discussed it with him over the course of 2 months. We set up the date at the beginning of summer, and come the date, we went shopping for underpants. He put them on on the agreed day, and it worked! He naturally had some accidents for the 1 st week, but he successfully learned after that.

Question: My 3-year-old has no interest in peeing or pooping in the potty. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas or thoughts on how I can start him on the right track. Answer: It wasn’t until she turned 3 and a half that my daughter potty trained. I had tried everything I heard and read, even not forcing her for a year, until I gave up completely and realized she will do it when she feels like it. I believe physical and mental development is also a key factor. The more graphic books like Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel (there's a boy's version) and Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi were useful. Good luck.

Question: Dear parents, our son at 3.3 has not learned to potty yet. He needs to hide before he poops, and he has not transitioned for peeing in cloth diapers yet. Do any foreign moms out there have any strong advice for us on how to train kids within 20 to 30 months? Have you been following a strict schedule of putting him on the potty every hour? Do we really need to train him in a way that does not show how much we really need him to train? Help, we are desperate. Answer: I advise you to let it go completely. He will get the hang of it when he well and truly ready! You will never win over him on this one, no matter how hard you try. I do sympathize with you very much. My 4-year-old son only successfully trained 4 months ago. It took him 2 whole weeks to stop having accidents. But he was making progress after the 1st 4 days! I had tied several times before time, but he did not show interest until this last time. So I guess the only right thing to do is to drop it for a couple of months and try again later. Answer: Don’t think too much about it. For kids, it is a sign of control when they are able to hold their pee or poop. And some kids have issues letting go of their poop. We tried a sticker chart with my son, and he would get small rewards for using the potty (a sticker book or a small car). They all get over it eventually. You will feel much better if you don’t stress over it. Jane

Answer: My brother was very slow to learn the potty. That is what my mother, who trained 7 kids, used to tell us. She said that he understood the concept very well, but he was just too lazy to u eth potty. So, she took of the diapers one day. He ended up making messes a couple of times in that day, to his embarrassment. But it worked like a charm and he trained in that day. I suppose this approach is not recommended for a sensitive child, though. Answer: I am a mother with trained kids. My third kid used the toilet from 11 months, started EC at 7 months, and trained at 20 months. My 4th kid has been sitting on the toilet from 6 months or so, started EC at 5 weeks - diaper less. Elimination Communication simply skips the phase of ignoring the body's signals and using a diaper until we decide it is no longer socially acceptable to wear a diaper, which most kids go through. By 15 months or so, the babies generally prefer to use a toilet. I prefer the EC method, because it helped my babies understand their own bodily functions very well, and it always works the best when you start it early. I also never had diaper rashes unls I had to put on a diaper. I would take your son off diapers and expect him to mess up everywhere until he figures out his own patterns. However, after 3 years of having him in diapers, I suppose you may need to suck it up and let him be until he is ready to learn on his own. After all, you gave him the diapers, and he got used to them. Now allow him to give them up in comfort according to their own timetable. Janet Answer: I read the advice given to the ''potty training 3.3-year-old'' posting on Elimination communication (EC) by ''Kathy''. I visited the EC website and found it very useful and I would love to learn even more about it. I have a 3-year-old just coming out of diapers (thank goodness!), and a 4-month-old boy. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to see my second born still in diapers by 3! My mother, who is Asian, trained me by 12 months old. She says it is ridiculous to have a child old enough to chew not use the potty!

Question: My bright 3 and a half son can use the potty for pooping and peeing in school marvelously for 4 months now, with only the occasional accident. At home it is a different matter! He is absolutely clear on how to use the potty. We have the small potty in the bathroom next to the toilet, and he is offered both to use as he pleases. However, when I put him in pants at home, he nearly has accident in them every single time! I've tried asking him every 15 minutes; announcing, ''It's time to go potty,'' so that he goes and sits whether or not he ''needs'' to go; using a colored ''sticker chart'' so he can earn a star every time he even makes an attempt, and a dearly-desired new Thomas engine is the prize for earning enough stars. However, all y attempts have been fruitless. He had an accident in his underpants before we even left the house this morning! I even gave up on the whole thing, since I thought it was not worth the power struggle, and I thought, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Heck, he will not be going to college in diapers anyway.â&#x20AC;? I think the problem lies with me. I am not sure myself on which approach I should take with him, which is causing me to not be able to stand firm with him, like I am able to do in other areas. He is a very healthy boy, and I have no problem with the late success in training, but I really wish I could help him too. Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer: I used a method that worked with all 3 of my kids. I put them in cloth diapers, with pull ups on top, once I was sure they understood how to use the potty. I had a pile of the pull ups in the bathroom. And I explained to them that whenever they soiled their underpants, they had to take off the wet ones and put on one of the dry ones. This, coupled with a few stickers and rewards as incentives, did the trick, because they got sick of changing and it was easier to use the potty. Answer: I am sure you will be getting a lot of advice here. This is what I would do if I were you. I would start with picking him up from school and telling him how much his teachers are proud of him for using the potty so successfully, and that it is time to start using it at home too. Talk to his teachers about how exactly he is using the potty at school, the potty or the toilet? standing or sitting? and limit his options at home to these. Agree on a specific day with him where he will have to give up diapers completely and take him shopping for new underpants. Take off the diapers completely and be ready with wipes for accidents. Good luck, we will be doing the same things with our toddler very soon!

Question: My three and a half son will not use the potty. I tried all the regular methods: rewards, threats, books, sticker charts, talking about his peers who are using it, to no avail. I had thought that saying his classmates use the potty would spark his interest but he just doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even care that he is the only one in his class not trained yet! When we ask him why he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use the potty, even though he sits on it if asked to, he has no answer just that he will not use it. We have not had any recent changes in our lifestyle other than having him start preschool. So, do I stop trying all together? My son has some behavioral issues, hitting and scratching, and our doctor has advised that pushing him on the matter may turn into a power struggle! At school they tell me to seat him on the potty with the expectation that he must use it, which is what they are doing at school with no success! I have no problem having him in diapers. But I feel like a bad mom for not training him by now. Help! Answer: Your strong-willed 3.5-year-old is going to win most battles with you, especially considering that this is a very difficult and emotional stage (and also a stage when he/she really wants to do the opposite of what you want). I would suggest waiting until he's past this stage and then trying again. Once you feel comfortable trying again here are a few tips: 1) No more pull ups for son, tell your son that pull ups are for babies, and he is a grown boy now, so you will not buy him anymore pull ups, and he has to use the potty. 2) put large absorbent water-proof pads on his bed so that you don't have to worry about bedwetting staining the mattresses. Children are surprisingly able to hold their pe when not wearing pull-ups. Allow him to run around the house naked and place a potty in the room heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s usually at. Good luck. Answer: Our four-year-old had a similar experience with pooping! My husband was very frustrated with her behavior, but I thought to let her be. We offered the potty, and when she refused, we would drop it and tell her that she would use it when she was 48

ready. She would always tell us that she would never be ready! We would also add sometimes that when she was ready she would also get that doll she’d been dying to have. Her behavior made us believe that she would never learn! But then, one day, she started using it out of the blue! She never went back to diapers after that. We had a lot of advice about forcing her to use the potty, but leaving her to lern on her own worked te best. Good luck! Answer: My 2 3.5-year-old are very frustrating too! They have successfully used the potty a couple of times, and they enjoyed us cheering for them afterwards. But whenever I put them in underpants, they almost always pee in the, not even caring that they get wet! I ask them, and they tell me things like that they didn’t feel it coming or that they were too late. I simply give up on trying to push them. I think they are not ready either physically or emotionally! That should have no reflection on my parenting or yours! My advice to you is to just let it go, and trust that they will do it when they are ready. Waiting for her boys to use the toilet too. Answer: It is not too late at 3.5 to train a boy! You might be feeling so pressured because of his peers and teachers. Do you really feel it is time? I think you should take it easy on yourself and allow it to take its course. You might suggest that he goes naked in these summer days, and he might realize how nice it is to be diaperless. Good luck. Answer: My girl only trained 2 months before she turned 4. She had been trying for the past 2 years, but it was clear that she was not interested. We were advised by her teachers at preschool to let it go until she showed sign of being ready, and to not make a big deal of it when she did correctly so that she feels it was her own success. At the time, my mother had bought some pretty underwear, which she wore for several days. She had a few accidents for the 1st 4 days, and she wanted to go back to using pull ups because she made a mess, but I explained that no one was good at it without practice and that she was ready to try. She went for it, and this is how I realized she was truly ready. It was hard for her to get used to pooping, but we supported her until she got the hang of it. She is still has the occasional accident, but very rarely. I believe your pediatrician’s advice to let go until she is ready is very sound. My girl was capable of using the potty way before she actually did, but I suppose she really needed to be ready. Good luck! Answer: I have had a very similar experience with my 3 and a half girl. She also did nt want to use the potty, to the extent that she would end up crying if I forced her to sit on it! She is almost trained, and here is what finally worked for us. I put her back in diapers for 2 weeks, and I would ask her continuously if she needed the potty; she always answered negatively. I then started asking her if she wanted gown up panties. After a couple of days, she asked to put them on. I would tell her that she must use the potty if she wants the panties because she can’t mess them up and that it is ok to keep wearing diapers. She still asks for diapers every now and then, but we don’t have fights over it now, and we are both much less stressed.

Answer: I had the same problem with my son, and nothing we tried helped even a bit, not even batman underwear. Our pediatrician advised us to drop it, which was not what his preschool wanted us to do. The 1st 2 times we tried, we took off his diapers; he did not care that he got wet, and he peed vindictively on furniture and on the playground! He had no problems being the only child not trained for a whole year in his class. The 3rd time we tried we had more of the same behavior. But I felt that he was really ready at 3 and 89 months, so, against the pediatricianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s advice, I took off the diapers, and neer put them back on except at night. The 1st 4 days were hellish; I had to clean after him everywhere. However, this time, he really got it! It was music to my ears when I heard that tinkling sound of his pee hit the potty. He is now 4 and a half, and we are working on taking off his night pull ups. Answer: It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until my girl turned 4 that she started using the potty. It was very frustrating to me too that she showed no interest even after going to prechool. I tried a sticker chart on her, which worked with her cousin, but it was counterproductive because she felt pressured instead. Some people believe that you should put kids in underwear and they will become sick of having accidents and naturally learn to use the potty as an alternative. For me and my daughter, I realized that I simply needed to ait until she was ready. For some reason, using the potty was associated in her mind with turning 4! This taught me a lesson that all kids develop at their own pace and there is no point rushing them. We can simply encourage them to do the right thing, but we must have confidence that they will learn once they are ready to. Thankfully, once she started, it took her no time at all to fully train.

Question: My 3.4-year-old daughter absolutely refuses to use the potty. We have tried the usual gentle persuasion methods, but nothing has helped. We have been pretty laid back in this matter, not wanting to force her until she was ready. But we have no idea to spark her interest! She has watched the videos and read the books to no avail. She doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even care about the panties! We will be having another kid my July, and it would be nice to have he out of diapers by then. Has anyone heard of a 3-year-old still in diapers with no interest in the potty? She is very developed for her age in every other way. What can we do to train her? Answer: My daughter started using the potty 2 months ago; she is now 3 and a half years old. We also had a laid back approach of giving her the lead, but letting her watch the videos, read the books and see her peers using it at school. Whenever I asked her if she wanted to use it, he would say that she was not ready and that she soon will be! I remember thinking, if she knew how to communicate that, she must be able to use it! But, I kept my mouth shut and allowed her the space she needed, and hoped that she will do it soon. She did! One day, out of the blue, she went in the bathroom and used the adult toilet, not even the potty! For the 1st couple of weeks, I would remind her that she is wearing panties. And one day she screamed it back at me! I had not forgotten really, but her reminder was appreciated all the same.

Answer: Of course I’ve heard of another girl who refuses to use the potty; she is mine! She knows how to use it and has successfully done so several ties at school. One day she went the whole day without accidents. However most of the time she can’t be bothered to stop whatever she is doing to get up and pee. We’ve basically been doing the same thing you are doing, with no success. My neighbor says her son got up one day and started using it just like that! I try to keep that in mind when I feel especially frustrated with my girl. Incidentally, we are going on a 4-day camping trip in a couple of weeks, where she will be spending most of her time naked. I hope his will speed up her learning process, and she will finally understand when she has to go. I have been hesitant to allow her naked time at home, but let’s see how it goes when she is outside the house.

Potty Training 4 & 5 Year Olds Question: The problem is mine, not his. I have an almost 4-year-old son, who is very smart, communicative and very developed for his age in more ways than one, but not potty training! He fighting potty training with all his might! He will sit on the potty if I coax him, but he will neither pee not poop in it! I found a lot of advice for kids between 4 and 5 who resist pooping in the potty but will use it to pee and nothing about the kind of issue I am having. Sometimes he would sit on it for long periods and will pee the minute I put back his diaper on! He has a dry diaper overnight but refuses to use the potty in the morning. I am in despair about this issue, I feel like I have failed him somehow! I am trying very hard to allow him to take the lead in this matter and everyone keeps telling me that he will do it when he feels ready, but I am not convinced anymore. I hope I could find some advice from parent who went through the same thing I am going through and who successfully trained their kids at a later time. Or at least some assurance that it will happen before he goes to kindergarten. Answer: I feel your frustration! My 8-year-old son was the most stubborn potty trainer. We started training him around 3, when we thought he was ready, emphasis on we. We did everything in the book to make him think he was ready too. It was horrible to the point that we forced him to wear underpants to school on his 4th birthday, and he held his pee all day only to pee in his pants the minute he reached our driveway! It was catastrophic and so saddening. I think the thing is, we are so convinced that potty training at an early age is a reflection on successful parenting, but it really is not. This is an accomplishment that needs to be decided upon and processed purely by the kid himself. So, let him decide when he wants to use it. You might do what we did with our son. We had a chat with him, and we told him that we will not force the matter on him anymore and that he will be able to use it when he is ready. Follow through on your words. 5 days after our conversation with our son, he started using it on his own! And it was finally all behind us. Calm down! Answer: Here is a piece of advice from my babysitter. Drop the whole thing! If you are 100% sure they are able to do it, let it go for a couple of months. Then stage a visit from the Pantie Fairy, just like Santa Clause, who only brings underpants and takes away the diapers, because your kid is finally all grown up. My sister has 4 smart and fantastic kids. Her youngest trained as 3 and a half! I think their muscles werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t developed enough before then. Answer: I am not entirely sure this will have an effect on your son, who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t tell you before he needs to poop. But I recommend removing the underwear altogether! I read somewhere that you are not supposed to introduce them until the kid is fully potty trained. When we did that with our kid, he stopped peeing in his pants, but continued to poop in diapers only. I think the underwear feel a little like the diapers which makes them think it is okay to pee in them. A year after he trained for peeing, we got him a toy that he was dying to have (Buzz Lightyear) and we would allow him to play with it while 52

sitting on the potty. If he managed to poop, he got to play with it longer. It was all the incentive he needed to get the hang of it. First we got him to pull the diaper off one leg while he pooped, then we got him to poop in the diaper with it on the ground, and finally we got him to poop in the diaper while it was in the potty. And now, he is finally fully trained, thanks to Buzz.

Question: Did anyone out there have to deal with a half way trained 5-year-old? My son is very bright and quite developed, but he is only trained for peeing, and he refuses to use the adult’s toilet, only his little potty, and he nearly always poops in his pants. We removed the pull ups one month ago and we tried all kinds of tricks and bribes; nothing seems to be helping at all. He will be starting kindergarten next July, and we are running out of time! All his friends are girls, so he doesn’t have any boy role models to learn from by association. I am interested to know how parents have dealt with similar situations. And I need some advice as well on how to keep myself sane during this whole process. Answer: It is very terrifying for some kids to poop in the potty, from some ungodly reason. Incentives don’t always work either, because it is hard for kids to step out of their comfort zones to create new habits. From my experience working with kids, I realized it is much easier to gain progress once you break down the process into baby steps, which can obviously be personalized according to your son’s needs, although the general principles will stay the same. Start with one step at a time and give small rewards when successful. Do not move to the next step until the 1st one becomes second nature (I would say 2 weeks). First, make him go to the bathroom when he poops. Second, make him touch the toilet while he poops. Third, make him sit on the toilet with the lid down, either with his pull ups on or off. Fourth, if you previously had the lid down, move it up. Fifth, if you had him in pull ups, you could cut a hole in the bottom, of take them half way off his bottom, while still covering his thighs. You could also cut a piece of it and keep it against his skin; some kids like the feeling. He should be quite used to the concept of the toilet by now, and ready to start using it on his own. Don’t forget to give as much time as possible with each step, before moving to the next one. If your son does not adapt to a step within a week, you may need to create alternative detours before you move him on. This method has not yet failed a kid who has been ready to train. You just really need to be very patient. Good luck. Answer: We had a very similar experience to yours with pour son! He is now 6 years old, and he is also a very smart and lovable kid. He also did not accept pooping in the potty up until only 6 months ago, when he started making progress. It is a very long story. One that cannot be trimmed to fit a reply. Let me know if you would like to exchange emails and phone numbers to trade thoughts on this matter. I’d be glad to give all the support I never had going through this. I hated feeling like the only family around dealing with this. Let me know if you want to email/talk. Rachael

Question: Does anyone have any advice on how to train my 4-year-old son? He is challenged in terms of cognitive development. It is very frustrating, because sometimes he shows signs of getting it, then he would relapse and go back to pooping in his pull ups. He has no problem walking around with it! I have a 5 months old baby and the diaper changing on both boys is getting to me. Please help! Answer: My 6-year-old son still wears pull ups to bed. He is developmentally challenged as well. Our pediatrician recommended that we simply take him to the bathroom before, during, or right after he poops and telling him that this is where we poop. It took a long time and we needed to persevere it now seems endlessly. He also had the welcomed support if his Ed teacher at school, but he would usually wait to poop at home anyway. Good luck Answer: You might want to consider showing him lots of potty videos, if his the visual learned type. My son got the hang of it simply by watching kids going into the bathroom. Good luck.

Question: We’ve been very patient and calm potty training our soon to be 4-year-old son. He has no problems using the toilet at home or outside, but only if we remember to ask him beforehand. If we forget to, he simply goes and only tells us after he is done. I don’t react to this negatively, except for telling him that maybe one day you will tell us before not after you are done. We have only gotten messes, even though we went through the books, the videos, asking other parents and pediatricians, taking off the pull ups and promising stickers. I know that he will eventually get it, but I would still like some help and assurance. Thanks. Answer: One evening, my almost 4 years old son just announced that he wants to bake a cake! So I explained that we will not have time for that, unless we didn’t have to go to Target to pick diapers, in which case he would have to wear underwear for school the next day. He thought about and decided to go for it. He ate his cake, and he said bye to diapers, just like that! We had had several failed attempts at training him prior to the day, and we were expecting a baby, so we stopped trying to train altogether and just left be, so as not to create any unnecessary stress. So maybe it’s a good idea to put him back in diapers for a while. Or if he wants to wear the underpants, but has trouble controlling his urges, maybe you could set a timer and force him to use the potty every half an hour. You might also consider giving him permission to use the bathroom on his own, since he could be embarrassed to announce that he needs the bathroom, which is the reason he fails. He is old enough to do the mechanical part of it, I suppose. Best of luck! Answer: I was 4 years old before I managed to successfully potty train. My mother says I was a very stubborn, strong-willed kid, who only cared about doing things my way. I 54

had been able to use the potty for a year, just never had the motivation to actually use it. It finally took my mother telling me that I could not go to preschool unless I was in underwear, which made train in 2 days. Maybe you could think of something to motivate your own son. Brenda W.

Question: We are absolutely lost on how to train our 4.2-year-old son. He is capable of using the potty at preschool and literally any other place outside home. However, in weekends and whenever he is at home, we need to change him to 3 times a day! Sometimes if I leave him bottomless he uses the potty, but nearly always he poops in his clothes without any regard for what he is wearing. I have tried almost every single trick out there, but nothing is helping. He has sometimes expressed happiness while being changed, saying that it is very relaxing! I am at the end of my tether especially that we have a new born that needs my attention too. What can we do to make him use the potty at home too?! Thanks! Answer: I am not sure if this will work, but maybe you could have him simple clean after himself every time he poops in his pants? It seems to me that he has too easy at home, which is making him take the easy route out. If he had to, for example, take a bath every time he pooped out of the potty, he might start using it more proactively. Good luck.

Toilet Training with a Full-Time Job Question: My partner and I have full-time jobs, and we are struggling on training our 31-month-old boy. He is able to use the potty when he wants to for peeing and pooping, especially when he is bottomless. But he has no problems soiling his pants either. I need to put him in diapers for his daycare despite the fact that they offer to clean him there. He is starting to poop in his bath water as well, which is scaring him. I understand that I should not rush him, but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think we know what to do! Answer: Maybe your son is simply not ready for the potty yet? From what I am seeing these days, it is quite normal for boys to train after they are 3 and a half. Our son had showed initial interest in using the potty at age 2 and a half. But that fizzed out very soon, and he wanted nothing to do with it. So we dropped completely, except for the gentle encouragement from us and his school teacher. We were a bit frustrated that he was almost the only one not trained compared to his classmates. In the end it was really his decision. At exactly 3 and a half, he announced that he is ready to stop wearing diapers, and he even wanted to stop wearing them at night as well, even though we did not rush him. From that day onward he only had a couple of nighttime accidents. So really my advice to you is to let it go and allow your son to take the lead on this matter. I really hope you find the best answer that works with your family. Good luck! Answer: Make use of the long weekend coming up. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make any plans and stay indoors together. Make your home warm and cozy, give him a lot of fluids, make him go around the house naked, and place him on the potty when he gets up in the morning, after naps, after meals and so on. Something really just clicks in their brains and they get it. We had our son in pull ups for nighttime for as long as 6 months, until he got used to getting up on time to relieve himself. Watch his expression while he is in the bath, and seat him on the potty as soon as you notice he wants to poop. We trained 3 kids with full-time jobs; hang in there. Good luck!

Question: Since the reference to the New York Times article, I have been considering potty training. What should I do? I have a full-time job for financial reasons, and I have a 16-month-old son. When should I start and how? Should my daycare person take care of this? Will I have to take leave to get started? I have not started reading about any of this, I admit. I apologize if I sound too naĂŻve. Advice from "seasoned" parents is welcome. Answer: Both my husband and me have full-time jobs and a 3 and a half boy. I recommend you let your daycare provider and the preschool train him for you. He will probably listen to them better than he listens to you anyway, depending on his age when you try. I also suggest putting it off altogether, unless there is an urgent need to train him. Basically our nanny had him go around the house naked starting 2 years and 56

9 months. And he progressed and learned with the passing weeks more easily. When it was time to go to school he refused to put on pants until his nanny convinced him. He also had some vindictive behavior, peeing on furniture and such after coming back from school, until his nanny talked him out of it. Petra Answer: We had been taking our son to a daycare since he was only 6 weeks old. And we had been thinking about how to potty train him. Both our doctor and his preschool teacher told us not to worry about it at all and that it would happen on its own. Our daycare provider was working with other kids who had training schedules. So, he was basically exposed to the concept starting age 2 and a half. That’s when we went and got him a potty, but we never mentioned that he had to use it. At age 3, he decided that if other kids can do it so can he. Within 2 weeks he has successfully trained himself for daytime. He had one accident at school the 1st week and a couple of accidents when he went to Christmas gatherings with our family, when he was 3.3, but I suppose that is to be expected of kids. Answer: I have full-time job too, and a willful, stubborn 3-year-old daughter. At school, because of the consistent potty schedule, she has been trained since she was 2 years old. At home, it has been hectic for us. I believe you should rely on your care provider’s help on this and stick to her their schedule. Answer: Don’t feel bad for not doing some reading yet. Your son, at 16 months is still too young to consider potty training. My husband and I, who also have full-time jobs, started thinking about potty training after our son turned 2 and a half. We were stressed about it too! Our nanny and many others told us that it will happen when he is ready, and we won’t have to fight it. Our son, Douglas, always expressed interest in the toilet, and he would watch me and his dad use all the time. Near his 3rd birthday, we explained that he is a big boy now, with big boy underpants, and we got him a pair of underwear which matched his daddy’s. He wore them all day for his 3rd birthday very proudly and had no accidents, but would not wear them again for another 2 months. Answer: Let me share my experience with you, having gone through essentially the same thing. It is usually easy for parents to read their kids’ signals of when they are ready to use the toilet. Kids love to copy what their parents do. You do need to allow your kid to take the lead on this issue, but you must also talk to them about it and make them explain that they are growing up and that they need to do like adults do. When I noticed my kid expressing interest in using the toilet. I went ahead and got them thick cotton underwear, which allows them to feel the wetness when they pee or poop. I coordinated with my care provider (you can’t really do it alone on a full-time job), and together we created a schedule that worked for us. Kids really dislike feeling wet, so this encourages to start learning more quickly. Best of luck! Answer: I’d like to direct my comments to parents who are dealing with stubborn kids. My daughter had a different personality, and so she had a different experience. Daycare providers don’t seem to understand that different kids need different approaches at potty training, and I think this has caused my daughter to take a year longer than 57

necessary to train. At daycare, they only work with kids who are already predisposed to train, which negatively affects kids who are not ready or who are stubborn and willful. In the end, I took 2 weeks off, when she was almost 4, before going back to preschool, and we vacationed with my kid, and that is when she felt relaxed enough to learn. We were both ready and we had an absolutely stress-free experience. Good luck!

Elimination Communication Question: We have been considering EC training with the near arrival of our new baby. I have checked out all the articles about it in the archive; many are singing its praises, but there is not much information about the logistics. Can someone take the time to explain to me the details of how it is done on a daily basis? How long does it take the kid to become accident-free? Can we do with 2 other kids? Can the baby wear diapers during the process too? Would we have to wake up at night? What are good books that I can read? Thanks. Answer: EC-ing does not have to be followed to the T. You can take up whatever suits you and your lifestyle. There is a very helpful Yahoo! group for EC-ing which offers a lot of support for new ECer parents; it's called elimination communication group, I believe. EC-ing is a lot of work at first, but it absolutely worth it. We use both the potty and the diapers with our baby. Best of luck and congratulations! Happy EC-ing parents! Answer: It is awesome that you are considering EC for your baby. I found it very rewarding to heed all my daughter’s needs not just the typical needs of hunger, tiredness and closeness, which most other parents are focused on. I relate with you mean about not fining loads of details on EC here. I guess it’s because mostly parents just need a general push in the right direction to start researching in other more specialized sources. Your next source is the EastBayDFB Yahoo! group and maybe the book “Infant Potty Basics” by Laurie Boucke. I found that book very useful, if a bit outdated. Another recommendation is “Diaper Free!” by Ingrid Bauer; I haven't read that one yet, but it’s getting amazing reviews from other ECers). Elimination Communication Yahoo! group is very useful as well in terms of finding huge variety of experience, because it is worldwide; the downside is that it is very high volume, so you won’t benefit from hands on experience at gatherings and meetings. At any case, EC is about understanding your baby’s needs and giving them alternative options to peeing or pooping in a diaper; this could be the bush, the potty or the sink. There are so many ways to do it; essentially there is no wrong way to do it. Some parents spend a full day with their baby diaperless to figure out their cues and signals. Other working parents do EC part-time, meaning they put them in diapers and only use the potty when they are changing them. Obviously, using diapers give the baby mixed signals, so you will probably witness faster progress the less diapers you use. The possibilities on how to EC are endless. I recommend that you read one of the books or websites or post your question on the EastBayDFB list. Good luck! Answer: First of all, congratulation on thinking of EC training. Let me share my experience with you. Basically, I had my 8-month-old baby in cloth diapers in the morning and in diapers at night. I say let him sleep for now and focus on daytime training. We used the potty and simply included it as part of our routine. We would have him use it in the morning, after naps and after meals, and it was pretty easy because he hadn’t started crawling yet. He started feeling when something was coming out, and we 59

showed happiness and applauded his behavior. It took less than a month of very consistent training and by 9 months, he was only using the potty for poop. We are starting pee training now that he is almost 2 years, and we are using Gerber pants. He wets them every time, but he is also starting to hold it because of that wet feeling. I suppose he might have several accidents now that he is engaged in playing. So I am not sure what timeframe to offer you, but he is very cooperative at sitting on the potty because he is so used to it now.

Question: Hello, I am planning on starting EC training with my 3-month-old baby. I do need some directions on where to begin. I have questions like how do I keep him warm around the house in the winter when he is naked? How have other ECers gone about it? Is there an EC class? I’d appreciate all the suggestions and advice I can get. Answer: Congratulations on trying EC. We have used EC on our now over 2 year-old; she is almost fully trained. There are a lot of useful EC groups which you can benefit very much from, such as local Yahoo! group, EastBayDFB, which is a wonderful place to meet other ECers and get directions. We basically covered her bottom half with a cover of put her in baby warmers which I made myself. You can get those online I suppose. Answer: We are training our 3-month-old too. We figured out that we don’t need to keep him naked all day. Basically we have him is a shirt and socks or baby leggings at home. Changing a ton of socks because they get wet is better than changing entire outfits. We also put him in diapers sometimes. There is a Yahoo! group for EC which can be useful, but be warned it is a very high-volume list. Answer: There are so many information out there on EC. I think the best thing to do is to read a book on it and then post any questions you might have afterwards on one of the groups. Mostly they have so many people going through similar situations and no question is too basic. The group is very friendly and they even arrange meetings so that EC moms can meet up. I personally met some of my best friends from that group. There is also a link for the ''eliminationcommunication'' Yahoo! group, on the main DFB site sometimes referred to as ''the big list'', which has thousands of subscribers from all over the world. It is very high volume, so I would recommend subscribing in digest mode or only checking for postings on the website. It’s a great idea to post your questions there too, because no matter how unusual your question, you will find an answer or two. You could also visit the EC Store for all kinds of gear that helps with EC while keeping your baby warm and comfortable. Good luck, and know that you are doing a wonderful thing for you and your baby! Answer: It tends to be a little confusing at first. I recommend that you join a local emailing group, where you could get a lot of tips and help step by step in your EC journey. They sometimes even arrange meetings of hands on experience on EC. I have using EC with my 21-month-old daughter since she was only 5 and a half months; I continue to post on this group all the time. You should also keep in mind that there are a 60

lot of friends, neighbors and family around you using EC, so you should reach out for them whenever you feel the need. Good luck! Debbie

Question: I came across EC and I am very intrigued even though my kids are older now. You simply notice when your kid needs to go and you place him over a potty! I am interested to hear your experiences. Thanks! Answer: Elimination Communication (EC), or Natural Infant Hygiene (NIH), along with breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping, is a fabulous way to bond with your baby. Babies are able to tell when they need to eliminate the same way they are able to tell their need to sleep and eat from birth. It is simply a matter of understanding what to do. We have been ECing our 16-month-old boy since he was 2 months. He has stopped pooping in his diaper when he turned 3 months. He is now nearly fully potty trained. The fact that he is able to stop playing and go to his potty and point to his pants to tell us that he needs to go is not a matter of intelligence; it is simply nature. Answer: I heard about the idea of Elimination Communication (EC) from our diaper service and I was very intrigued. Our 2nd daughter was 3 months old at the time, the perfect timing to start ECing her before she loses awareness if put in diapers. She peed right in the toilet the 1st time I held her over one and said, “pssss”. She has not pooped in her diaper for 6 months now since I realized that if I hear her grunting or smell her fart I could move her to the toilet, between my legs, and she was able to hold herself. She still has wet diapers, though. I am not concentrating very hard on timing her peeing or reading her cues, although I suspect I would make faster progress if I did. It has been all great fun for us. We now wash our own diapers, which saves money, and my 5-year-old daughter enjoys joining us in the bathroom during that time. But most of all, it was amazing to understand how much she knew about herself and could control even at 3 months. Question: I’ve seen the advice on ''potty training 3 year old'' posting on Elimination communication (EC), so I visited the EC website and found it very useful. I would love to learn even more about it! My 3-year-old has just been trained, thankfully. I also have a 4-month-old baby whom I don’t want to use diapers until he is 3! My Asian mother trained me by the time I was 12 months. She think it is silly to have a baby who can chew food nto able to use the potty! I am very inclined towards EC. I would love it if Kathy or anyone else who successfully used it could share their thoughts on the experience with me. Thanks! Maya Answer: I was very encouraged to try EC with my infant baby, but a few months into it I got very discouraged. It is very hard with a newborn, especially without the support. My baby is 7 months now, and I want to give it another go; I joined several EC groups, but I

would love to meet locals with which I can discuss the ups and downs of the experience.

Sign Language for Toileting Question: I can’t find the 2 signs I need the most in me “Signing Smart.” I am currently potty training my kid and I need the sign the means peeing or potty. Thanks. Answer: Why not make them up?! You can go back and correct them later. Answer: Make the letter “T.” Tuck your thumb between the index and middle finger, with the tip of the thumb showing, and shake the hand a bit to signify “potty.” Answer: I am sorry if your child has delayed listening or speaking, but I think if your child is not speaking, yet, it may be too early to potty train! Answer: I have a different opinion to the person who responded that if your kid is too young to speak then he is too young to potty train. In our country we tend to wait until the kid is 3 years old before we train him, but that is not the case in many other countries in which they start training much earlier! I trained my kid at 6 months and by 9 months he was pooping only in the potty. It is simply a matter of staying home and taking note of your baby’s cues. We have a fixed schedule for my son to use the potty and we play for a couple of minutes and there is nearly always some poop or pee coming out, after which he now even pushes to get off the potty! Some babies will handle this faster than others of course, and I am not saying that this is the only way to go, just that it is another option. Happy not to be changing poopy diapers! Answer: I figured out the sign for bathroom is the letter T with a little shake after spending time with my sister who signs. Answer: In response to teaching them potty being too early if they can’t talk yet, I disagree! Teaching kids to be aware of what it is and to learn the sign language for it does not necessarily mean toilet training and it’s never too early to do it. I learned the following for toilet: open hand turns into a fist with the thumb stuck through the first 2 fingers, like you are making a “T.” Happy Signing!

Good Potty Books & Videos Question: I have a question for those who successfully managed to fully train their kids. What was your favorite potty training aid (books, story, video) and why? I am searching for tools and aids that would help a 3-year-old who is absolutely not interested. Answer: I did read a couple of books with my kids. "No More Diapers" was written by a pediatrician and was probably the best. I also got them pretty underpants, as recommended by the above book. I remember having to buy whit trainers and drawing flowers on them for my daughter who would nothing else. Answer: We watched the video "Once Upon a Potty". They have one for girls and one for boys. It resembles Barney in that it is very cheerful and upbeat. What ended up really helped us the most was a sticker on our son’s hand everytime he pooped in the potty and a lot of hugs and verbal motivation. We also had him in cloth diapers, which ai believe really sped up the learning process because he was able to feel the wetness and associate the feeling with the potty compared to when only wearing disposable. Good Luck! Answer: I would not claim that watching the videos alone were the reason my daughter successfully train. However, we watched both these and found them helpful: Once Upon a Potty and Potty Time With Bear, and we found them very useful. Answer: Bear in the Big Blue House--Potty Time with Bear worked great for us. It covers many of the topics related to using the potty in a fun way that kids can enjoy. It did wonders in terms of relating their experiences with the characters and talking about various topics. I got it online. Good luck. Answer: You and all potty trainers may find a lot of insight watching an episode of "Bear in the Big Blue House" that was played on the Disney channel. My mother sent me an article saying that there couldn’t possibly be a better aid than that half an hour. It explained very well about the gentleness, humor and respect shown for every aspect of potty training. It could be a good idea to tape for our kids in diapers. (1999) Answer: I remember a book entitled "Everybody Poops," or maybe "Everyone Poops," when my son was around that age. I don't remember the writing, but it shows lots of different animals (including fish) pooping and ends with a small kid pooping. This evoked a lot of snickering among my son and his classmates, but it may have also helped a lot. Good luck. Answer: I agree with Dianna’s recommendation of "Everyone Poops." It was written by the Japanese author Taro Gomi in the 70's and finally translated into English a few years ago. The text and illustrations are to the point, funny, and very child-appealing. It

was my daughter’s most favorite out of all the books we read. She had that book with her for a long time whenever she wanted to poop. Answer: I only recently came across a children’s book for girls on using the “potty,” which I must recommend. It’s called “The Princess and the Potty” by Wendy Cheyette Lewison. It’s a lovely story with pretty drawings. My 2 and a half daughter and I enjoy it. It gently and humorously confirms our potty tries.

Potty Seats Question: My son is 18 months and I am considering potty training him, as he is showing some interest. However, I am wondering which type of potty would be best. Should I use the stand-alone potty or the type that fits on top of the toilet? I know each kind has its own advantages and disadvantages. I know a stand-alone would give him a sense of accomplishment when he is able to sit on it on his own, also we would be able to use the bathroom together me on the toilet and him on his potty which would be companionable. On the other hand the thought of just being able to flush his poop is appealing, and it sounds like training him on a stand-alone potty simply means adding an additional step of training him on the toilet later on. All the books Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve seen feature kids using potties. Are there any that feature kids using the toilet, if we decide to go that route? Also any idea on whether we should train him sitting or standing? I apologize if my questions seem too naĂŻve, but I want this to go as smoothly as possible for us. Answer: We went and got the small baby Bjorn potty that is all one piece and has no cup or pretend toilet tank, when we trained our year and a half girl. The cheap dollar store-bought are the same but I am not sure about their stability. We basically left it around for our girl to use when she wanted to. We read ''The potty book for girls'', which also has a boyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s version. It simply shows the story of a kid using a similar kind of potty to the one we got. The biggest advantage to using the potty is that the kid can use it himself, after all climbing a step to reach the toilet is a little too much for an 18 month. Also the potty can be used anywhere you go, and dispensing the poop or the pee in the toilet is still better than changing diapers. You can get a flip up seat for the toilet once your kid is used to the potty. You can find all the gear you need at Babies-r-Us or Rockridge Kids, Baby World, etc. Go potty!

Question: I am planning to train my interested 19-month-old girl within the next couple of weeks, and I am looking for recommendations on good potty seats. Thanks! Sabrina Answer: We tried 5 different kinds including the type that sits on the toilet, and our most favorite was the Baby Bjorn 2-pc, with back and sides. It was so easy to clean the inner part as well as the seat. Answer: I like the Baby Bjorn potty chairs the best. Nearly all the other potty chairs have a lot seams and nooks and crannies that get dirty after a while. Its design is very easy to clean because it is sleek and simple. Start with the Baby Bjorn Little Potty Chair with your younger kid, because he will be able to use it on his own, and the design encourages a natural squatting position. My son started using it when he was about 18 months. As he got older and started showing more interest we got him the Baby Bjorn Potty Chair. Like the 1st one it was easy to clean. Both boys and girls have used it at our house easily. 66

Question: Now that my son is starting to show interest in using the potty, I have been wondering how I am supposed to clean it. Pouring the pee or plopping the poop in the toilet seems very disgusting, and I can’t imagine rinsing it and putting it in the dishwasher. So, is rinsing it the way to go? Is it something we are just meant to get used to the way we got used to having a can full of dirty diapers? I tried using the toilet tissue before the kid uses it, but it doesn’t seem like it would do much good, or am I missing something? Just so you know, we have the Baby Bjorn potty with white insert as well as the regular-sized toilet seat that sits on top of the toilet. Thanks! Answer: It is something to just get used to. Fortunately for us, our son moved from the potty to the type that fits on top of the toilet in not time. We did in fact empty the potty in the toilet and just cleaned it with warm soapy water when it got dirty. You may keep an antibacterial hand soap near the sink to make your life easier. When he moved to the toilet ring, we simply cleaned it when we cleaned the toilet. Answer: If you think about it, the potty is exactly the same as the toilet except for the fact that it can be moved! It is just as dirty as your toilet bowl. The potty should be cleaned the same way as your toilet. Answer: We cleaned it in the tub! When it was pee, we emptied it out with warm soapy water in the tub; when it was poop, we used wipes to get rid of the poo, and then left it out to rinse in the tub for a bit before cleaning. We used antibacterial wipes for the top part, which thankfully didn’t get that dirty much once the kids understood how to potty. Cleaning the potty is the easiest part of potty training. Don’t sweat it. Good luck Answer: Don’t worry about the potty, you will get used to it. I personally that it was easy compared to changing the diapers. My routine was to empty the potty in the toilet, wipe out my kid’s bottom, wipe the potty with these new flushable wipes, which you can find at Huggies and which are very useful, and then wipe the potty again with disinfectant wipes if there was poop. It may seem like a lot of steps, but it got easier once I got the hang of it. Enjoy! Answer: We decided to not use the potty chair once we encountered similar situations. So we got the insert seat (white ring) for the regular toilet and got a little stool to help our son climb up. A great bonus was skipping the step where we needed to teach him to switch using the toilet. He was very cooperative when using the public bathrooms with my help for balance, and we didn’t have to carry the potty around in our car. Karen Answer: We have the Bjorn potty type. After he pees I simply rinse it out with water. If there is poop I use a wad of toilet paper to remove most of it, then wipe it out with Clorox easy wipe. The flushable wipes make things much easier too. I also let it dry then rinse away any cleansing residue if I think he might use it again. The poop usually slides out without much trouble for us. This is much easier than cleaning the poop from their bottoms. You might even consider skipping thins step if your son is a little older. Potty training is fun! 67

Answer: We simply empty the potty and rinse it out with water, if it’s pee. If it is poop, we tip it into the toilet, clean it with toilet paper, and then clean it again with disinfectant wipes, the kind that are remoistened and come in plastic containers. Answer: A couple of years ago, I had the same question. Cleaning the potty is disgusting, but not as disgusting as having to change diapers. We rinsed out the potty and emptied it in the toilet for pee. For the poop, we used the flushable wipes to clean both the potty and the top; simple wipe then flush. Answer: It’s not a big deal; have you ever washed cloth diapers? I suppose if you are used to disposables, then you won’t know how to throw away the poop before putting the diaper away. You simply empty out the potty in the toilet; then rinse it out with water and soap. You could also have a spray installed next to the toilet so that you can simply rinse it over the toilet. An alternative would be to have your kid learn on the toilet straight away instead of the Bjorn potty the way our son did. We didn’t have to worry about cleaning any potties.

Question: I am planning on training my son and I need some tips on to easily clean out the potty. Do we simply empty the potty in the toilet and wipe it? What if the poop is hard? How do we stop it from splashing in the loo and creating a mess? If the poop is soft, how do we slide it out of the potty? I should let you know that I am a clean freak, to the extent that I nearly always bathe my son’s bottom with soapy water after taking off his diapers. I even had to get a changing table for Ikea, because I hated when my son moved while I was changing him and created a mess on the table that was hard to deep clean. Answer: Get a stool and a seat the fits on top of the toilet and free yourself from all the worry of having to clean the potty. Your son will poop straight into the toilet. Judith Answer: The only thing I could think of for the hard poop is to make sure the potty is as close as possible to the toilet to eliminate mess and contact. I usually used wipes for the soft stool and then rinsed them with soapy water. Dr. Sears' book on raising children encourages parents make a big deal out of cleaning your kid’s poop. It highlights the important suggestion of taking care not to have a negative facial expression on your face while cleaning it, because kids focus on the parents’ faces the most and any disgust will make them think their own poop is icky and disgusting. Hope this helps. Answer: You can have a plastic ring inserted over the toilet to help your son balance himself if he is uncomfortable on the toilet. You could also insert a doubled up piece of toilet paper inside the potty, and most of the poop will end up on it and slide out easily. Answer: I kept a soft brush with bleach next to the sink. I emptied what I could into the toilet, using toilet paper to get most of it out. Be careful not to drop the wipes into the 68

toilet too, because they could clog your toilet. Afterwards I would wash both the potty and the sink with the brush and the bleach; it became routine for me and not such a big deal and it felt very clean afterwards. Gradually, my daughter started using the seat on top of the toilet after some initial intimidation. It took her around 3 weeks to get used to it. Simply tip the potty very close to the toilet and there won’t be any splashing problems. Good luck!

Question: Any recommendations on where to buy inexpensive simple one-piece potty chair, a travel potty and a simple padded toilet seat? We already have a $5 Europeanbought one-piece at home, but we may need additional ones for daycare and on the road. The online shops I found mostly offer intricate music/cartoon/multi-piece things over $20 or the simpler ones around $10+S&H. I would appreciate all you recommendations on which types to use and which stores that have them; maybe even someone may have a used, clean one which can be passed on. Hoping to be diaper-free soon Answer: We used the Graco soft seat, which is called Training Rewards because it comes with stickers; it does not have lights or music. Even though it is not a one-piece, I think it may be more practical for your three requests. You can lift off the padded seat and install it on top of a toilet at home or outside. The potty itself can be used as a step with the top down. Our son liked to use the toilet like his mommy and daddy instead of the little potty, so it was a good thing we never got the one-piece. He now only uses the potty as a step stool to wash his hands and brush his teeth. If you want to get them you can find them at Babies R Us, Amazon and Target. You may also visit Rockridge Kids, which carries a selection of potty products; they might not have the Graco one but they'll have what you need if you still want two or three separate products.

Question: I need your thoughts on potty seats. Is it better to get the kind that fits on top of the toilet or the stand-alone type? Should I get the fancy kind that plays music when they go in it like the Royale Throne? Or should I stick to the basic simple ones with a straightforward approach? I’d appreciate video and book recommendations as well. Thanks. Answer: I never really got the stand-alone types. I mean your kid goes in there and you still need to clean after them. How is that any different than diaper changing? We got a toilet sit for our son so that he doesn’t feel uncomfortable sitting on the toilet and a stool so that he step on it and doesn’t have his feet dangling. We read ''Once Upon a Potty''. And my friend’s son watched the Bear in the Big Blue House Potty Time video and he was ready to sit on the potty. One last thing, don’t stress over the nighttime training because it is more related to the kid’s own physical maturity than anything else. Good luck! Answer: We didn’t have time to read any books; as for potties I recommend a basic simple one from Target. The one we use has three parts, a seat with handles, a base, 69

and a cup, which the standard product. My son had no interest sitting on the cup, either the potty or the toilet. What I am trying to say is that you will never know what your kid will like until you try. So it’s better to get the cheap kind. You might need to look into it a bit more if you have a girl, because you will need a portable potty for when you are out and about, not so for boys who can pee standing up. Good Luck! Answer: The ''Once Upon a Potty'' video was very helpful with my now 4-year-old. We had the potty in the living room so that she can sit on it while watching the video over and over again. I got it used at Toy Go Round on Solano. My 2-year-old is intrigued with it too. There is one for girls and another for boys, I believe. Regarding potties, we used the stand-alone type at first; then we moved to the foam seat that sits on top of the toilet later on. We also had the Baby Bjorn in the car for the road, which turned out to be very useful. Have fun! Answer: When we had a cushioned kid-sized seat that fit on the toilet she simply played with it. The folding seat can pinch the kid’s bottom, so a great alternative was to let her squat on the toilet seat, which also fixed the issue of using public bathrooms. Not too long ago we were at the hardware store and we found something very useful. We went down the toilet seats aisle because our girl complained that the toilet seat was too cold, so she wanted to choose a new seat. She picked a cushioned seat which she starting using very quickly after. We also established a routine of using the potty 1st thing in the morning, before we go out and before we go to bed. Letting your kid see other kids using the potty is also a great way to motivate them. My girl always did better after seeing her cousins using the potty. We cheered for her every time she used it right but we did not show her any videos. Good luck Answer: We had a potty as a gift which did not suit my daughter, because it was so light that she would pick it up and play with it. So, we got a padded seat and she took to it immediately; she knew what to do as soon as she sat on it. It seemed natural to do just like mommy. There was no need for an explanation. She is 18 months and she has been sitting on it for a month now, although sometimes she doesn’t want to use it and other days she uses it several times for peeing and pooping. Some kids may prefer to use the stand-alone type but I recommend trying the seat on top of the toilet seat 1 st and only start using the potty if they are unable to use the toilet; this give you less cleaning to do too. You could also say, “Pssss” to encourage peeing and “Ungghhh” or some other grunting sound to encourage pooping. (Koreans out there will relate.) Good luck! A laid-back potty trainer

Question: I am looking for a small potty that is very close to the ground. My 12-monthold can’t reach the one we got at Target on her own; it’s too tall for her. She has been following me to the bathroom and she likes to watch me and flush the toilet. I’d like to encourage her interest. Sara Answer: IKEA offers very small potty seats. 70

Question: My 15-month-old son has shown a lot of interest in the potty, and I am going to be getting him his first potty soon. There are a lot of options out there. So some feedback on the best kinds out there from parents who are satisfied with their choices will be appreciated. Thanks much! Answer: We used the Graco Training Rewards Softseat Potty and Stepstool, with my older son. We like that it was easy to take the seat off and take out the bowl and dump it and it had a lid just like the potty so our son got to do everything we did. Our son could use it as a stepstool when he needed to wash at the sink. We did not like that the bowl was red, which meant we couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always tell whether it was water or urine inside it, the cushion part came unglued before we were done with the training, it took too much space in the bathroom and it became very hard to clean when our son started using it regularly. We went for the Royal Potty by FisherPrice with our second son as an alternative option. Initially we thought it would be more useful, but it turned to be troublesome in its own way. The hole is too small for our kid to center himself on, especially that he is still new to all this. Another very negative thing about it was that the bowl slides out which meant I needed to bend close to it and smell the nastiness. We will go for a different item this time. We found a padded seat that fits over the regular toilet which is this enough that we can close the lid over it and can be folded up so that we can use the regular toilet ourselves. We would still need a stepstool for our son to place his feet on, but that would still save us more space in the bathroom. We found it at Flip Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Flush from Right Start Store in Walmart. Answer: We have the Graco soft seat, which almost everyone else also recommends. It is very easy to clean, comfortable for the kid to sit on, and it is useful as a stepstool for brushing teeth and so on. Our son ended up using the regular toilet, as I think most kids end up preferring anyway, to be like their parents. A bonus in that potty was that the top part can be placed as a padded seat over the regular toilet.

Question: We are currently training our son. We are looking into getting the kind that fit directly over the regular toilet so that our son can sit comfortably on it and do his thing. Any suggestions on the best brands to get and where to get them? Answer: The Baby Bjorn potty seat is amazing. It's very easy to use and it comes off easily so that adults can still use the toilet without a lot of trouble. We Got the potty seat at The Nuture Center on Mt. Diablo Blvd. in Lafayette. Good luck! Heather

Question: I am looking for good or bad recommendations on potty seats to get or avoid for my 2-year-old son who is starting to show interest in using the potty. We need the kind that is very easy to clean and has the top that fits over the toilet. Are there any other features that we need to look for? Thanks.

Answer: There is no question that the GRACO Training Rewards Soft Seat Potty and Step Stool is the best item out there. We have been through 3 different types before this one which have all failed us because of problems with functionality. It costs around $20 and got it at Toys R' Us in Emeryville. It was the best for us because it was very easy to clean; we simply lift out the bowl and dump what’s inside from one of the pour spouts into your toilet, none of that complicated sliding mechanisms. It also has a padded seat with handles which can be placed atop of the regular toilet as an adapter seat; it is what my daughter uses now and it’s very comfortable for her. It can be used as a stepstool when the lid is closed which my daughter uses to support her feet when she is using the toilet so that they don’t dangle. I guess this necessary for kids in order to poop. The lid is also useful for when I don’t have the time to clean the potty immediately, in which case I make her close the lid until I have the time to clean it. This potty also came with stickers and some reward ideas, which wasn’t that helpful to us because we had already had a sticker chart made. We don’t recommend the Safety 1st and Cosco. We tried 2 potties from the, which were difficult to clean, did not have a padded seat, and, for some reason, even when using the deflector, had pee shooting out a seam in the front of the potty. My friend used the ''Musical Flush Potty'' for her girl, and it kept leaking from some unknown place. Anyway, our recommendation is the Graco potty all the way through. Happy shopping and ''pottying!'' Tiffany Aske Answer: We are using the Graco soft seat one, and it has all the features you may need. It is comfortable and easy to clean. It can be used as a separate potty or you can put the seat on top of the regular toilet; it also functions as a footstool when the lid is closed, and it is relatively inexpensive. We went to Babies R Us in Dublin to check out several potties with our kid and let him try several options, which really helped us figure out what was likely to be easier/harder to use. Holly Answer: We are using the white padded ring that sits on top of the toilet, and we do not recommend it at all, because it smells after a while. It seems the urine has somehow gotten into it, and it is very messy and difficult to clean properly. The padding has a lot of cervices underneath where the plastic wrap goes where the urine could hide. I am not sure about the alternative yet, but we will keep looking. Answer: We got the Playskool potty for my first son. It look like everything you are looking for. The seat can be removed and placed over a toilet and the bowl is very easy to remove and clean, bear in mind that the potty is considerably big, but it could be used a stepstool with the lid down, which was just the right height for my son to be able to brush his teeth on the sink. The only disadvantage was the the cushion came off before our son was fully trained and it would sometimes end up inside it. We got rid of it. But I think we will get it again for our second son. Answer: Our son liked the ''Children on the Go'' (ha ha) potty seat, available at Rockridge Kids. It can be used as a great step stool too, and the soft seat can be placed over the toilet. It was also very easy to clean. Overall it was a good product. 72

Question: My 2-year-old son is showing signs of being ready to use the potty. We are looking to get a potty for him but the amount of options out there is very confusing. We were hoping parents with experience could give us some pointers on which features to look for. Do we really need the portable potty at the car? Do kids rather have a potty of their own, or do they prefer to use the regular potty? How hard is it to clean? Do we need to look for something specific for boys? We would also appreciate book and video recommendations. Answer: I am interested in hearing the experience of others on types of baby potties, for a boy and a girl. Which styles were best and worst and why? My girl is still very young to train, so we are not in a hurry at all. But we would still like to have around for her to look at and get used to until she is ready. Thanks. Answer: We got one at Toys-R-Us, which came with a detachable splash cup for boys. But we didn’t use it for our son. An advantage is that its lid folds down to turn it into a step stool, which we my son uses to reach the mirror I use to sit on while he bathes. a disadvantage is that it is very hard to clean the part under the seat that holds the removable catch basin and it gets all the splashes. I'd consider how easy it is to clean the potty, before I get a new one. There are potties with built-in toilet paper holders and magazine racks, which seem pointless to me. Answer: I found a potty I like at my friend’s place, which was Graco; she got it at Sears in Hilltop. The cushioned seat is detachable and which is a plus, because it would be more comfortable for my son. My friend tells me that she takes the plastic part in her car when they go out to place on top of toilets. It is also easy to dump the waste from the pink bowel underneath into your toilet. Answer: We took back the 1st potty we bought because it was too wide for my 22month-old kid to position on and they had this non-detachable deflector which was very uncomfortable. I found the Gerry soft seat model, which had a seat shaped like that of an adult’s. It's worked wonderfully and a plus was that we could convert them into a stepstool, which my son could use to wash and brush his teeth at the sink. It was totally worth the extra bucks. I don’t think it is ever too early to train your kid if they show interest. Mine is not nearly fully trained, but she likes to sit on the potty every now and then. Who am I to discourage her interest? Good luck.

Potty Training Out and About Question: I have another potty training question. My daughter is doing very well for peeing at home or when we are at a friend’s house. But when we are on the road, in the park or running errands, I tend to put her back in pull ups when I am not sure we will have bathrooms available. I am worried that I might be setting back her progress. She does ask for pull ups when he is about to poop, and she dislikes using either her potty or mine and she says it feels funny. Any idea on what I can do to help her? Thank you for your time and help. Answer: I have a travel potty for the car. It's a plastic frame that you line with a plastic bag. There are refill bags that you can buy, but I prefer to use grocery bags with a folded paper towel on the bottom. We take note of the last time she used the potty and time her next use; then we ask her to use it. If she doesn’t use the one at home, we tell her that she will need to use then one in the car before we go. I believe it is important to keep track of her bowl movement so that you can keep reminding her around the time she will need the potty and plan your activities with facilities nearby. I can’t help you in regards to pooping because my girl was nearly pooping in the potty starting 3 months! She has been diaper free since she turned 2 years and 3 months. We also used dog pads under her bed sheets and in the car, when were very useful whenever there was an accident in terms of cleaning. Good luck. Answer: We kept a travel potty in the car with us all the time even to simple trips to Costco. We would put him on the potty before getting out of the car and ask him to use it. This really helped him not have any accidents and to keep his underpants dry. Passersby always laughed very hard at it! Answer: You need to know 2 things: first, you will learn to make a beeline for the bathroom in the places you go to a lot; second, you are able to use “employees only” toilets if you have a kid. We kept a spare potty with us in the car when we went to the park and such, but some other moms I know kept a potty in the park all the time. Answer: It is okay to use pull ups when you go out. It will not affect her training. It is also okay to let her take this lead in this experience; kids tend to take couple of steps forward and a couple of steps back on potty training because they have issues of attachment. Her stubbornness when using the potty is her way of taking control of a situation in which she feels helpless. My son was not fully trained until he was 3 years and 8 months. Answer: We have a wonderful little portable toilet that comes with disposable zip-lock plastic bags, which you could find at the Cool Gear Travel Potty. It’s adorable almost like a laptop! Answer: When I knew we will not be able to get to a bathroom in time, I used to put my daughter in diapers or pull ups. She was fine with it, because she understood the 74

difference between them. In fact, even after she was able to use the potty, I would offer her diapers on long drives and she would hold herself and only pee or poop inside it. I had read advice that we are meant to follow the kid’s lead on when they are ready to use the potty. But, after we got used to this routine and I was sure she had no control issues or any potty/flushing fears, I stopped giving her diapers and was adamant that she had to use the potty. She used it kicking and screaming the 1st 2 nights, but we were done after that.

Question: In September, our son took initiative and trained himself; he thought the potty was pretty cool, and he uses it regularly at home and at school. We are very grateful for his early interest. However, he still wears diapers on errands as he is not fully trained yet, and I am having trouble coming up with a system that works. When we are at the mall and he poops in his diaper, I take him to the bathroom and take off his diaper and clean his bottom at the changing table and then rush him to the stall, hoping we won’t have to wait in line, then take him back to the changing table to put him back in his diaper. This is very time consuming especially that most of times there a line ahead of us at both the changing table and the stall. Also a lot of people seem to dislike seeing a bottomless baby and keep giving me critical looks! I tried to change his diaper at the stall once but it was a disaster! So can anyone help me with a system that works? I hope there is an easier way out there. Thanks! Answer: With my 5 and a half year-old and my 3 and a half year old, I would take them to the bathroom before we left the house and as soon as we arrived. It may sound too much, but it works perfectly. I always asked for the bathroom at any place I went and a beeline straight for it. I remember seeing a couple going out back a mall with a portable potty the other day and thinking how happy I am these days are over. Lana Answer: You should look for a device called On the Go Potty. I got mine from Babycenter for a couple of bucks. It has a pop-up seat and a plastic bag with an absorbent pad. You can use it anywhere and simply throw away the pad. I started using grocery styled bags from Target with maxi pads. Answer: I believe you are thinking too much about how others see you! Your life will be much easier once you stop caring what others think and just do what you have to do when you have to do it. Furthermore, having a minivan really made everything much easier for me. I got myself a 10-year-old minivan dirt-cheap and I would sit in it an nurse. I had a potty set up in the back with disposable bags. Whenever he (or i) peed we would tie the bag real tight and dispose of it in the garbage and it doesn’t even smell. The privacy is a big plus and you shouldn’t really have to miss anything for a diaper change! Do it on the spot and do not worry about anyone criticizing you.

Answer: My daughter also basically trained herself much like your son did, very early compared to her friends. She loved being naked most of the time and she hated having pee run down her leg. I recommend that you make it easier for yourself and your son by cutting the transition period of the training short. I thought there was not much sense putting my diapers during the day, since the objective was to get her out of them. So we only allowed her to wear them at night. She only had a couple of accidents. You can carry a change of clothing with you along with a plastic bag for the dirty ones. This will be less of a hassle than you are dealing with now! You could show him were the bathroom is as soon as you get to the mall for instance, and keep reminding him to tell you when he needs go. Answer: I had a similar experience with my now 3-year-old son, who seems to be fully trained outdoors now. The first thing which helped me was switching to pull ups. They are absorbent like diapers and easier to change in a bathroom than diaper. The second thing was following a suggestion given to me to let the kid sit on the stall backwards especially that my son never liked the travel potties we took with us on errands. Toilets are narrower at the front, so this way allows their little bottoms to feel more secure. You will have to remove one shoe and one side of his pants so that he is able to sit, but you will have to take them off anyway in order to change the pull ups. A bonus is that sitting backwards on the seat seems to be preparing him to pee standing. Answer: I strongly recommend that you eliminate the diapers. Kids will hold it when they are not wearing them but ten to let go when they have them on. If you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t discard them completely, I suggest using pull ups; they are much easier to put on in a bathroom stall. You might not need a toilet ring too; I basically held my son for balance. Admittedly, he was older when he learned, but he quickly learned to balance himself.

Question: We are currently in the process of potty training, and we realized that we could take our Baby Bjorn potty with us in the car for trips to the park and so on. However we are still not sure about weekdays when the nanny takes our kid out on walks in the stroller along College Ave., and other local routes, to which there are no close bathrooms at parks such as Bateman and Willard. It will be very hard and impractical to carry the potty around with her because it is too big, and even if she was able to take it, she will have no way to clean it properly. So, what are your potty recommendations when training out and about with a still unreliable trainee? Answer: I have my still-training-son pee wherever it is convenient be it a bush or a tree, if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have immediate access to a toilet or a potty. It is easier for a boy, but we also had to make him to squat and poop once, and we cleaned it afterwards with a plastic bag. Now I am very aware of where bathrooms are Rockridge kids, Frog Park, cactus etc. It may seem unsavory, but if he has to go, he has to go!

Answer: You can get the ''Little Potette,'' which is a foldable plastic potty you can get at Babyworld, Rockridge Kids and Long's Drugs. You can fit it in the bottom of the stroller or even in a bag. The kids even have fun setting up for themselves. It comes with disposable lined bags, but you can replace them with Tupperware if you prefer something reusable. One of the standard Rubbermaid round flat sizes fits perfectly. You can take care of everything back at home or empty it in a bathroom or into the canalization. Answer: Why donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you Google the 'Potette' to get an idea whether or not it fits your needs. I bought one when I was in NY area (in buybuyBaby store). There is no store other than NY/NJ area, and I could not find the product in its website, but if you search on Google you will find a few online stores in the USA selling it.

Kids and Public Bathrooms Question: I have been bringing my son with me to the women’s locker rooms for the past few summers at King’s pool before he get ready for his swimming classes. He is 7 years old this year, and there is a rule that boys above 7 must use separate rooms; we were even prohibited from a family swimming class because I would not allow him to go change in the men’s lockers alone. I thought they must be crazy! The employee said my son had to go in alone and that they weren’t required to keep an eye on him. So, I had the following concerns; Is this a rule at most public pools? Is this legal? Who is legally responsible for my minor child should he get hurt or victimized in the locker room? I remember signing a waiver at the start of the year that I am responsible for him in which case I should be allowed to keep an eye on him myself! Is there a way to get around this rule at King? Can I refuse to sign the waiver and still take him to swim? What could the legal basis for this possibly be? Don’t you think I am in the right? I believe my son would go on his own, but going to the public bathroom alone with me checking on him from outside is quite different than letting him go into the locker room with other kids, teens and adults changing and showering with him! Forget the sex offenders, what if he slips in the shower or gets into a brawl with one of the other kids? I don’t think I am being too much about this I am mostly a very laid-back parent, but this is one matter which I am not willing to allow. I suppose I will transfer him to a different swimming pool. It is very unfair. Answer: I changed in locker rooms without my parents starting age 5 and I was a competitive swimmer. I'm a girl, but boys did the same thing in their locker rooms. I know this was the 70s, but I think it’s a little naïve to think harassment was any more than is now, or that harassment now is any less than it was back then. You had much better talk to your son and explain everything to him. You must trust him and allow him to be more independent; it will help him take care of himself and grow stronger. Do you also tag along with him to school? I mean it is more likely for him to have altercations at school where he knows the other kids. You mentioned being worried that he might slip; this borders on the hysterical to me. He could very well slip with you right next to him too. I should also mention that for me as a woman, I would feel very uncomfortable having your son in the locker room staring at me while I am changing! At the risk of sounding rude, the world does not revolve around you and your son! Answer: I believe this is a regular requirement at pools. I am a female swimmer, and I have to tell you I feel uneasy with 7-year-old boys in the locker room with me, because they are old enough to get what they are seeing, but not old enough to know better than to stare! Their moms are usually not helping either because they are too busy cleaning them and themselves. I am not making light of your concern, and I know it is hard to trust and let go, but I do believe that your son is old enough to do this on his own. You can stay close by and make sure he knows you are available to help him whenever he needs it. You are worried that he might slip or get into fights, but that is inevitable going 78

to school, the park, or the street; most likely, he has already had several of those. As far as sexual predators, you can warn him about danger signs (but try not to make him paranoid about any man in the locker room). Usually the sexual predator tries to make friends first, so you will be able to notice that as it develops before it leads anywhere. I am not sure, but I suppose the locker room at King’s pool has one exit, so there is not need to worry about abductions. Answer: I think you should never allow him to go alone to the men’s locker room and just change his swimming lessons! I know of several adults who have experiences molestation and harassment when they were kids in men’s locker rooms. Personally, I would never allow my son anywhere near; 7 is just too young to be a good judge of situations especially in comfortable settings where kids tend to approach strangers openly. Slipping and hurting himself is also a good reason to no allow it. Answer: They have the same policy at downtown Berkeley YMCA, but it is applies to kids over 5, but they also have some ''family changing rooms'' where the entire family can go in together and change. Boys are not allowed in the women’s' locker room over a certain age. I suppose this is because most women and especially girls are just not comfortable taking their clothes off with boys around. My youngest out of 3 sons just turned 6, and he started feeling shy about changing in front of females around that age. It sounds like it is time to let him assume responsibilities of some aspects of his life. He is old enough to change on his own, and he will not get lost in the locker. You will be waiting for him, and if he is delayed you will check on him. Allow him to start facing the world on his own now; you won’t always be around to hold his hand. Answer: I totally relate with your problem, and I am doubly concerned because my son is shy as well. So I was thinking that this year we will use the towel cabana! Sometimes he has no issues using the locker room, other times he feels too shy. At those times, I simply dry him well and sort of hold the towel tent-like around him, and he changes his suit to his underpants and pants. He might not be showered, but we can always do that later at home, and at least he is dry and changed. Answer: This might not be the answer to all your worries, but did you consider having him change into and out of his suit at home? I relate with your concerns; we have a similar age limit at our pool as well. I suppose management believe having a kid of the opposite sex in the locker feels uncomfortable. Answer: I don’t like the idea of leaving my son alone in the men’s locker room either. We have a unisex changing room and a wheelchair which people are allowed to use either on their own or as a family. Answer: I think it is intriguing how different we are and how different things end up making us react. Personally, I consider myself to be a very anxious mom, but my son started going to the men’s locker on his own at Willard pool at age 5 or 6. The age limit at Willard Pool is younger than seven. Regardless of the age restriction, the teen girls feel uncomfortable with boys this age in their locker rooms. The place is always 79

crowded at summer time, full of parents and kids; it actually feels quite safe. There is nearly always a teacher around checking up on him; I might worry more if the locker room was more deserted. On another note, many parents bring their kids in their suits and take them home that way even if slightly wet. Answer: I do sympathize with your situation I would have the same concern if I had a son; in fact, I do go through a similar experience with my 6-yearo-old girl when her dad takes her swimming and can’t help her shower. At the same time, my 2 teenage girls basically refuse to change in front of young boys in lockers, and I can’t get them to shower properly because they feel so uncomfortable! Maybe it’s a good idea to get creative on this. Why not have your son put on his swim suit under his clothes so that he just takes them off and jumps straight into the water? An alternative could be to have dad take him instead so that he can help in the locker. At El Cerrito, the age limit is 6, but you don’t need to go through the locker room to get to the pool and there is an outside shower to rinse off. I understand where you are coming from, but I am relieved that boys above 7 are not allowed in the locker room. Answer: My son wasn't allowed in the women's locker room at that age, and I didn’t feel comfortable sending him alone into the men's locker room either. Even though I understood the reasons behind the rule, I still didn’t want my son going alone, and it wasn’t because I was obsessed about lurking molesters; it was more that I felt he was still too young to organize and deal with everything. There are ''family changing rooms'' at Berkeley YMCA downtown. We took swimming lessons there for several years. If we went to other places and if he had no one to keep an eye on him, I would him in his suit under his clothes, and dry him with a towel until we went home. It might seem too much now, but he will be old enough to take care of himself in no time. Good luck! Answer: The world is not full of molesters. I was very athletic and I spent years in locker rooms of various kinds from the infamous YMCAs to public pools to Catholic league basketball to junior and high schools sports every season, so you can take my word for it. I was also an altar boy and not once did a priest try to molest me. What I am trying to say is that your concerns are very exaggerated compared to the situation at hand. Your son will take 3 minutes to change at most, with you at the door having explained to him to shout out for you if anyone makes him feel even slightly uncomfortable. The fact is that the chances of anything bad happening to him are slight, but the chances of something good is very high. Your son needs to learn how to handle himself out in the world without your help. He needs to grow and he needs to realize that most of the strangers out there mean him no harm. You are supposed to protect him, but that does not mean to never allow him in a situation that may cause him harm! You are meant to teach how to protect himself, and then allow him to find his own way in the world. I believe it is better for the kid to under protect than to over protect him! At 7 years old, I would ride my back without a helmet 3 times a week to my swimming lessons all on my own! We would be away from home for hours climbing trees and having general fun. I personally give my daughter small tests to check how far they are 80

on their independence; things like have them go to a restaurant on their own, handle money transactions on their own, take the dog for a walk, ask a stranger for directions, take the bus ride on their own. True protection comes from teaching you kids how to be able to protect themselves rather than depriving them of that skill. Answer: Our daughters have their lessons at King’s too. I understand your concerns, but I believe your son will be just fine on his own. The men’s locker room is very busy most of the time. During lessons, the lockers are closed off to the general public so only other kids, dads and instructors are present. You could wait for your son outside and have someone check on him if he too late. You could also let him have the class with a friend so that they keep each other company or you could have him change at home before his class and shower at home after his lessons. You should note that it is very uncomfortable for some girls and women to change with school boys present. Your son may seem too young, but now is the best time to start teaching him how to handle himself in new situations. Answer: If you feel so strongly about it, just have him wear his suit underneath his clothes before the swimming lesson and put his clothes on after towel drying. He could shower at home later. Please allow him to use the bathroom on his own though, instead of peeing at the bushes! Of course, your son can and probably will have altercations without your direct supervision, but depriving him of his independence at 7 might be a bigger issue. Answer: Your 7-year-old son will be fine in the locker room by himself. During swimming lessons there will be other kids around. I apologize but you really being completely over the top. I would feel very uncomfortable changing with a 7-year-old boy around; I have issue with boys even going into the women bathrooms! If you are so hellbent on depriving your kid from having a normal locker room experience, you could have him wear his swimsuit at home underneath his clothes, and wear wet back home. It is what I usually do myself because I prefer my own shower. You said your son would prefer going alone, which is a clear sign that he is ready for some independence! He might be feeling embarrassed at your insistence to mother hen him like a small chick. He is growing, so cut him some slack. There wouldn’t be sex offenders waiting for 7year-olds at swimming pools! In fact most of them actually harass someone they are already friends with. Getting into arguments or brawls could happen anywhere anytime with or without your supervision, and if your son tends to run around in lockers and ends up slipping there will be a lot of people around to help him! You are coming off as a very uptight mother fixating on this issue. You could have your son change and shower at home. Otherwise, consider giving him space to grow! Answer: I have a 3 and a 6 ½ boys, so I can totally understand your concerns sending your son off to an unsupervised locker room. I’m sure a lot of fathers also want to take their daughters to the pool without having to worry about this. I agree that they should have a locker attendant as an alternative. For you and your son’s best interest, I think you should consider having him go to classes already dressed in his swim suit and ask 81

to use King’s side doors, if they are not accessible, and just handle being wet on the way home until he has shower there. Don’t allow this to put a damper on something you both clearly enjoy doing. Keep in mind that your son wants to be on his own, either because he wants his independence or because the fuss you are creating is too much for him. Talk to some higher ups at City of Berkeley Dept. of Rec chain of command; none of the teens working at the pool are listening to you, which is wrong, but you might get someone else to hear you out. You should always have your family’s safety and comfort come first, but it can get hard when everyone just wants to have fun and not worry too much. Answer: You are being too much, and it may be your problem rather than your son’s. You should start accepting the rules or look for a pool with family changing rooms. King’s age limit at 7, is actually very laid-back! Most pools have an age limit of 5. Your 7-year-old’s presence in the women’s locker room will soon, if it is not already, cause the girls a lot of discomfort. Is your irrational fear worth invading the girls’ privacy? And how does your son feel about changing with the girrrls? The lockers are really for men and boys. No man I know has reported any weirdos at the pool, and the floor at the men’s locker room is probably as slippery as the women’s locker room, and anyway how do you stop your son from slipping even if he is with you? I think your question on that matter is irrelevant. Even if your boy slips, any one at the locker room or you will be able to help him. It is within their rights to segregate the two sexes. Your son will be fine handling himself in the pool, and I think it’s really sweet that you are very protective of your son, but when where you thinking you will start letting him depend on himself? When my girls go swimming lessons with their dad, they go through the locker room on their room, and they never faced any issues. Mostly they just dawdle and waste time. Some parents ask a parent of the same sex as their son or daughter to go check on them. I recommend a Kidpower class for you and your kid. They are great at teaching kids and their parent hoe to stay safe, in a laid-back way. Basically they will teach him how to handle himself in situation that you seem to worry about. Doing that will ease your mind to allow him more independence and you will be confident in his ability to protect himself, which will do wonders at boosting his own self-confidence! Have faith. Answer: I totally agree with you on this one. You have every right to look after your own son in the locker if you want to; you are his mother and you know what’s best for him. You should not need to justify yourself to anyone. The policy seems too extreme to me. Answer: I understand your concern about your 7-year-old son using the boys' locker room, but you also need to think in the perspective of the women and the girls. I have a 10-year-old daughter and she dislikes having boys in the locker room very much. I understand your concern about your 7-year-old son using the boys' locker room, but you also need to think in the perspective of the women and the girls. I have a 10-year-old daughter and she dislikes having boys in the locker room very much. I know adults may say, “He’s only 7,” but it’s hard to make a girl, who is not much older herself, understand. At the same time, you are assuming that the men at the locker room are 82

more dangerous to your son than at the pool, which doesn’t make much sense to me! If you are not comfortable with the pool itself, you can look for a different pool that offers family changing room so that you can be with your son at all times. Answer: I would not call anyone crazy if I were you! Why don’t you look at it from my point of view? I am a 38-year-old mother with teen daughters. To be perfectly honest I feel totally creeped out if there is a 7-year-old (who probably giggles when he sees girl’s underpants) in the locker with me while my girls are naked. Imagine the embarrassment if they go to the same school! One other thing, all the pool we went to have an age limit of 3 to 4. I also think your concerns are nowhere near justified. Neither I nor my husband have ever slipped in the shower, and we have never witnessed altercations between school boys who have never met before and how just want to change their swimsuits in 5 mins max. You could always dress your son in his suit before he comes and let him ride home in his wet suit, then let him shower at home, or you could look for a pool that has a 'family' dressing room. Answer: To be frank, 7 years is a pretty lenient age limit. At Hills Club in Oakland, a fairly nice private pool, the age limit was 5. You could consider looking for another pool, although I doubt any pool out there would allow boys older than 7 inside women locker rooms! My 8-year-old girl, who would freak out if a boy her age saw her naked, deserves her privacy too! You could have him wear his suit at home and have him shower at home after he is done. You could have him change in the car while you are standing guard. If there are outside showers, you could have him rinse off in his trucks and have him wear a towel, drop his trunks and pull up his pants. You could simply allow him to go on his own, since you mentioned that he wants to! You could tell him to shower in his trunks and then go change in a bathroom stall. You could have him take up lessons with a friend so they look after each other. My son was nervous about using the locker on his own at 5, so we had to go through the above too. He soon got used to it and did just fine. At 7, your son is ready to face the world, and he will probably be very wary of strangers from the way you are talking. Answer: I think this rule is ridiculous and dangerous too; what could a 7 years old boy possibly do in a women’s locker room that deserves being banished to the men’s room without anyone looking after him? I am not sure about the legal aspect of it, but you could find a father who take his son swimming and ask him to watch your son too; you could return the favor if he has a daughter. Answer: I have a 7-year-old son as well and I don’t like letting him use the men’s locker alone, because the pool we use is in a park complex littered with homeless people. I mean them no offence, but what mother wants to leave her 1st grader with a homeless? Pools which have family changing rooms are a great solution. The pool that we go to now has an age limit of 6 years, but I made a fuss last fall and they allowed me to take my son with me as long as I didn’t waste time in there. My son wants to use the men’s locker room now and I don’t want to force him. What I do is make both my kids put on their suits at home and get them in the shower after we get back, which actually saves 83

around 20 minutes a day in which I can make dinner or whatever. As for the women who have concerns about boys staring, I don’t like it either. My son understands what he sees; he always bathes with his 8-year-old sister, and they enjoy it very much. He looks at women parts, only as a fascination that human bodies are different kind of way. However, I am relieved, if a little worried, that he now insists on going through it. I tell him not to waste unnecessary time in there, since he doesn’t shower or change in there. To answer the people saying that the chances of encountering sex offenders are very slim, I’d like to say that if I can avoid taking a chance with my kids, I will do it. Answer: I swim in pools regularly and I’d like to stress on the fact that, no, it is not acceptable for your 7-year-old son to be present in women locker rooms. The age limit is common practice in most pools and it is way less than 7 at most. You can you’re your son change and shower at home or look for an alternative pool that has family changing rooms, if you are so uncomfortable with it, but it is very unreasonable to expect the others to accommodate your personal issues! Just so you know, I have 2 sons, so I have been through all of this; I still don’t believe any boy above 4 belongs in a women’s locker room. I especially disapprove of the women who bring their sons with them, and then they go change in the privacy of the bathroom, leaving their sons to stare at the rest of us.

Question: I’ve read the women’s responses about sons in Women's restrooms; now I am thinking what to dad with daughters are supposed to do. I don’t want to take my daughter into the Men's restroom, and, until she's old enough, I don’t want her to go into the Women's restroom alone either! What do you guys do? Answer: Hello dad, don’t worry about it at all! My 7 and a half years old daughter has been coming to men’s restrooms with me since she was a baby, and I have heard no negative comments from any of the other men or boys; in fact, they are very friendly. To her, acting like it is her right to be there, and it is! She has recently started going to the women’s restroom with her friends, and I always keep an eye at the door when she does. When it is just the two of us, sometimes she wants to come with me, other times she prefers the women’s restroom, in which case I always wait at the door for her. Answer: I understand your situation because I have two daughters ages 5 3/4 and 3 3/4. I take them into the men's room with me. Admittedly, the men's restroom is often smellier than the ladies', as my daughters always tell me, but so what? No one seems to care about it; in fact, I see a lot of father doing the same. I even take my girls to the men’s locker room at YMCA. I am aware that girls over 6 are supposed to go to women locker rooms, but so what? I am not concerned about my girls seeing male parts. Having gone to men locker rooms for so long, I think they lost all fascination with it. I personally think there is nothing wrong with that, do you?

Answer: I have been taking care of our 3.5-year-old daughter (Sahd) for the past 3 years. I don't concern myself about taking her into a men's room with me if she needs to go. We get into one of the stalls and I wait for her until she's done. We don’t have an alternative (I don’t think I’ll be allowed to take her to the women’s restroom), so we ignore the odd looks we get every now and then, until she is old enough to go on her own. Good luck. Answer: I always went into the bathroom or the shower at the pool with one of my parents, up until I was 5. I learnt a valuable lesson spending time at both restrooms, which is that are bodies may look different but we both do essentially the same thing and that urinals can be disgusting! You should act confidently. If someone asks why you're bringing your daughter into the men's room, don’t answer defensively. You can simply say that your daughter always has one of her parents with her at the public bathrooms. Answer: If you accept the “conventional wisdom” that appears on BPN, regardless of your personal beliefs, basically states that all men in locker rooms are predators and perverts and all the women are motherly figures. So based on this ''conventional wisdom'', you can send your daughter (you didn't say how old) into the public women's restroom by herself and hope that some motherly nurturing woman/women will look out for her while she's in there.

Question: My three-year-old daughter loves swimming at the Hilltop Y, and her father takes her. She also loves to shower afterwards! We were wondering at what age is he supposed to stop taking her into the men’s locker room? They are both comfortable with it and have no issues about it. We just want to know when it starts being inappropriate. Answer: I see boys in the women's bathroom and showers until they are 6 years old, some more reluctant than others. So, if dad is keeping a close eye on her and not letting her out of his sight, maybe you could apply the same age limit for boys? Personally I think if she is comfortable with the situation, then there is no need to enforce any arbitrary rules on either of you. You should be able to tell once she shows any signs of discomfort. Maybe you could also ask someone professional about when it is that kids start remembering thing, and that’s when the showers should stop. My dad used to take me showering with him in the men’s locker room when I was very young, but he stopped on my 2nd birthday because he thought I will start remembering the details about his anatomy and such. I do in fact have some memories of these occasions but they are mostly of having fun with my daddy (he would dies of embarrassment if he realized I remember what his genitals looks like; he is shy like that). I think there is no need to change a comfortable situation unless it starts feeling uncomfortable.

Question: How can a Dad handle toileting with a toddler girl who still not fully pottytrained? They will both need to use the toilet at some point, if they spend the day out. So, how should he use the bathroom, when he needs to bring her in the stall with him? And how should he help her to use the toilet when they must go in a men's room? Answer: I had similar concerns, because my husband takes care of our 3-year-old daughter one day a week and using the potty is inevitable. Sometimes they stumble upon a ''family bathroom'' or a single unisex potty room. However, most of the time, he has to take her into the men's room. She worried about that at first until we reassured her and explained that an adult must be with her to use the potty. So, he tries to fin the quietest and cleanest bathroom and takes her straight into the stall; these are all the same anyway. Answer: I hope having to use the potty won’t get in the way of daddies and daughters hanging out together. Here are some ideas. Many cafes and diners have mixed bathrooms for parents and their kids to use the bathroom together. If she is not comfortable using the men’s restroom, you could get her the ''Potette'', which is a travel potty that you get at Baby World or at Longs. It comes with its own liners, but you could buy a matching Tupperware with a lid that can be emptied into the canalization or a bathroom. Traditionally, you help her take care of her business behind a bush; I am not sure this is okay for fathers to do though, neither am I sure about having her in the men’s bathroom offending the other men. I think it depends on how the men’s restroom is designed. Similarly, mothers bring their sons with them to women’s locker rooms until they are kindergarten age or so, and they can all see each other naked, which I think is fine, but others disagree.

Question: Last month, my son turned 5 years old. I always bring him with me to the women’s restroom when he needs to go. I don’t feel safe sending him to the men’s restroom on his own when he is still so young, even if I wait for him out the door. However, the criticizing looks we get from other mothers are too much! I want to know how mothers in similar situations behave, and am I being too overprotective? When should I start sending my son to the men’s restroom on his own? Answer: A lot of the public pools use 6 as an age limit. Frankly, I think, since there are always private stalls in restrooms, it shouldn’t be a big deal for women. Still some of those uptight department stores have stuck up ladies who scowl at moms who nurse in the ''ladies lounge.'' It would be more disconcerting for a dad having to bring his daughter into the men’s restroom. Answer: Personally, the rules which bar boys from women’s restrooms mystify me. I simply refuse to send him to the men’s room on his own! I just make sure he behaves appropriately and ignore anyone who looks our way. 86

Answer: You should definitely bring a 5-year-old into the women's restroom with you. Sending a child that age into a men's room is unimaginable, unless it’s with his dad. If Ignore the looks, and if someone says anything, simply reply with a weak smile ''I'm so sorry if you are not comfortable with my son using the stall in here. I'm sure you understand the need for safety precautions and how irresponsible I would feel putting my 5-year-old alone in a room full of adults whom I don't know and where I can't see him.'' Then go ahead and do what as you planned. Answer: A 5-year-old should go into the women's room with his mother. I can't see myself being comfortable sending my almost 4-year-old son into a public restroom alone, any time soon. I have no issues with seeing young boys in the restroom, but I am not sure when it starts being inappropriate. Answer: I still bring my 7-year-old son with me to the women’s restroom when I need to. He will sometimes go to the men’s bathroom, in which case I ask a parent to look after him and they usually do. He does prefer to go with me if he wants to poop, and I must say I haven’t noticed any weird looks, or maybe i am just too busy caring for my son to care. I have to say I won’t hesitate going into the men’s bathroom myself if I feel he is in any danger. We must make sure our kids are safe. Answer: I still often take my nearly 10-year-old son to the women’s restroom with me, because he comes in to get me anyway, when I don’t! I only very recently allowed him to go on his own. I don’t care what others think! The stalls have doors, and he is very respectful, so I don’t see what anyone’s problem could be. You might be thinking too much about it because you are feeling self- conscious. Personally, I never noticed anyone staring and no one has said anything to me about it. Either way, 5 years is definitely young enough for your son to go with you. You could take up the 48-inch height limit used at amusement parks as a guideline. Answer: My youngest son of 3 sons is 5 years old, and I won’t even think about sending him to the men’s room on his own. I kept bringing my older sons with me until they were 6 and 7, when they started to feel uncomfortable about it. I have never notices any weird looks from the other women at the restroom, except for once when a teen gave me a dirty look and I was actually surprised at her reaction! She will worry about it too when the time comes. Answer: If my husband is not around to take our soon to be 6-year-old son to them men’s room, I take him with me. I don’t care at all what others think or if they stare at us. It is a known fact that perverts lurk around restrooms waiting for victims; I will be damned if I let my son be the next one! I told him he can start going on his own when he is 7 or 8, and he accepts. We are supposed to protect our children, so trust your instincts. Answer: I often bring my 7 and a half years old son to the bathroom with me, and I never noticed any stares. I might not be considerate of what others think like you are though. Thing is, I am not comfortable sending my son to the men’s room on his own 87

where there are possible predators. He has asked to go on his own, and I have allowed it, giving him clear instructions on washing and coming out as soon as he is done. I do believe 5 is young enough to be supervised though; kids his age tend to dawdle and lose track of the time, so is not just about the sexual assaulters. Answer: I don’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks, and you should absolutely ignore the looks. Most the women I encountered in bathrooms understood the necessity of bringing your son with you to the bathroom; those who don’t see it can deal with it. You son will probably stop going once he starts feeling uncomfortable there; my son stopped going a year ago; he is now 6 and a half. I think he wanted his independence and started feeling uncomfortable with the women around. I waited for him out the door at first and I would call for him or ask someone to check on him if he took more time than usual, but I got used to it eventually, as will you. Answer: I’d like to know what people have to say. I take my 5-year-old son with me and I have no intention of letting him go to the men’s on his own. My husband wholeheartedly agrees. I have not experienced any weird looks so far, but I wouldn’t care even if I did! I’d rather be on the safe side, than risk any damage happening to my kid. Sometimes I would go with him to the men’s single-use bathrooms, not the multistall ones. Answer: I always bring my soon to be 6-year-old son into the women's restroom with me. An alternative has never even crossed my mind. I have not been aware of any weird looks from the other women, and frankly I wouldn’t care even if I did. I have no intention of sending my son to the men’s room alone any more than I plan to send him with strangers to pull down his pants! I suppose the women who disapprove of having boys in the women’s restrooms are the same who disapprove of a boy wearing anything slightly girly and who would listen to those kind?! My advice is to trust your gut instinct and disregard anyone else. Answer: I think you have every right to bring him with you to the women’s room. If anyone looks at you just ignore them, and if someone looks at your boy funny, just glare them away! Women’s room only have private stalls with doors. It would be different if it was a man bringing in his daughter. You are definitely not being overprotective; merely sensibly. Answer: I bring my 7-year-old son to women's restrooms in airports, sports stadiums, and museums, and so on. The stalls at toilets are pretty private, so I don't concern myself about it. My son is also well-mannered none of that staring under stalls or talking back. It is my job to protect my son, so I do what must be done. At women locker rooms our swim club, women change their outfits openly. And I have my son got the men’s room, because he does stare at the naked bodies and that’s disrespectful to the others’ privacy. This is bearing in mind that it’s a family club; I am not sure how I will feel about him being on his own in different scenarios. Bottom line, I think you should trust your gut

feelings and do whatever you think is right and safe for your young son, and just deal with the regulations when you have to. Answer: My 9-year-old started using the men’ room when he was 7. I will opt for the family bathroom if I can find him, if not just take him with you and disregard the looks! They will not be staring if they had kids of their own. Whenever my son uses the men’s room, I stand out the door and have him sing songs of tell jokes all the time, and I go inside if he stops for long. I also keep a mental description of everyone who goes in and out of the restroom and how long they take. I am sure I’d be arrested if I was a man doing that outside the women’s room! Answer: Ignore them. Only teenage little girls ever gave us looks; women and specifically mothers, understand the protective instinct. This is a personal preference that you get to decide with your son. As long as both you and your son are comfortable then that is how you should proceed. My son started going to the men’s room at age 7 or 8. Answer: I still bring my 7-year-old son in the restroom with me if my husband isn’t around and if we are in a place that is too public, with lots of people out and about or when I have to use the bathroom too and can’t wait at the door for him. When my son turned 6, I allowed him to go the men’s alone or with his 4-year-old brother only if I can wait for them outside. They end up wasting so much time when they go in together, because I think/hope they play with the water at the sink. I ask my son whether he need to pee or poo, and I allow enough time for that before I start worrying. I am not aware of any dirty looks that I’ve received, and I would not care if I did. After all my son is with me behind a closed door, and he behaves very well and he is always with me. The other women only see him at the sink, which should not cause any awkwardness to anyone. I suppose the age limit could be 8 and 9, but I would let it be until my sons start feeling uncomfortable and until I am sure they can handle themselves on their own! Answer: Your son at 5 years is still very young to go to the men’s room on his own, which is kind of sad at this age and time! But you have to do what’s right for your son, so ignore the looks altogether. Answer: I took my 10-year-old stepson to the women’s room with me when he was with me. Making sure he is safe and sound is more important than others and what they think. People should mind their own business and you should ignore any looks you get. Unfortunately, the world is not a safe place for children, and 5 years old is young enough to be taken to the ladies’; a few disapproving stares are better than a missing child! Answer: Maybe I am always too busy with my two boys to notice anyone looking, but I have never had any disapproving stares! I will never allow my sons in the men’s bathroom on their own, if their dad is not with them, not until they are 7 or 8. You should continue taking your son with you, if that’s what makes you feel safe for him and simply

ignore any looks you get. They others are not your son’s mother, so they have no say in the matter. Answer: This is not being overprotective. What you are is oversensitive to these ''inappropriate looks''. Just forget them! Everyone knows that a 5-year-old boy cannot go in the men's room by himself! If you must, or if someone actually says something to you, just tell them that. The women's room has private little stalls and there is no way your son would see anything untoward, which is not the same for men’s room, so I don’t see the reason for the fuss. You could also keep an eye out for those new-fangled ''family restrooms'' that are at the mall or the zoo, or places with ''one-seaters'' like some cafes and smaller businesses. Answer: We are going through the same thing; plus my 5-year-old son is tall and looks older than his age. Still he's really not ready to go to the men's bathroom on his own. Some places we know have strict age limits, like four or five; I've only rarely had to deal with other women who are upset at seeing my son in the bathroom. Perhaps it’s because we are very focused at getting in, finishing our business and getting out as soon as possible. A woman came up to me and basically cussed me out once, in front of my son, for bringing him into the bathroom, but I confirmed with the management and that we were within their age limit, so I tried not to make a fuss. If this happens to me again, I think I will just stand my ground and tell whoever is complaining that it’s unreasonable to leave a 5-year-old at a men’s room alone, and I am not sure when I will stop taking him with me. I suppose I will go on for another year or two, especially that my son is a little shy. I think this might be something that managements will end up having a solution for one day. Some places have co-ed bathrooms or ''family'' bathrooms for families with young kids, so I always look for them. Answer: Keep your child safe is the most important thing. The only case in which this may be an issue is when you take your son to a changing room like the one at pools. However, even places that enforce an age limit, should offer a single room alternative for you and your son. You could avoid the stare by asking for an alternative.

Question: We are starting potty training soon, and I am not sure how to tackle the public toilets. The product reviews we read are terrible, and disposables are out of the question for us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Answer: Reading too much about something could be a bad idea; only someone with a very negative experience would bother to write a review for a foldable 5-dolar potty! We would bring the Baby Bjorn with us in a shopping bag when our girl was first potty training at 2 years, but as she got used to the potty we traded it for the foldable potty. Later on, we skipped that as well and held her over the toilet seat with a seat cover. Best thing is to start helping your kid get used to the toilet as soon as possible, because 90

if you think transitioning from a small potty to a bigger one is an accomplishment, transitioning to the flushable toilet is the biggest one of them. Answer: I use the seat cover when they are available and hold her over the toilet; I fashion a seat cover out of toilet paper if I can’t find any seat covers. We use a doggy training pad under her on the seat for her to sit on top of in case of accidents in the car. Nowadays a lot of malls have family rooms with toddler-size toilets and seat covers. Answer: We have a small plastic Baby Bjorn potty in the back of our car for emergencies. If they need to pee, we just use any toilet or a bush and clean up afterwards, and because we have boys, if they need to pee, they don't actually touch anything and I don't usually break out the back-up potty. If they need to poop, we either dump in the toilet then wash out, or we wrap a plastic bag around the potty to poop into until we can discard the poop properly. Answer: I just have my kids use the toilet regularly. It it looks disgusting, I sort of hold them over it. In 39 years, I haven’t caught anything from a toilet, and my kids are doing okay so far! Answer: I kept a molded plastic Baby Bjorn potty with meat all times. You can find similar kinds at various Dollar stores. Using them was easier than dealing with the possible and potential disasters of public toilets. Question: We are about to start potty training now that my daughter is close to 2. I have some concerns about this, but I recently had a real scare. We were taking a walk along the Bay and I needed to use a toilet. We found a couple of those portable outhouses. Fortunately, there was one that was large (wheelchair) and very clean. I still didn’t want my girl toughing anything. There was a hole over a large vat of human waste, where we were supposed to poop and pee! So how should I handle public toilets whether indoors or outhouses? I can think of several options such as carrying a small toilet or even a seat along, but these aren’t always available. I could hold her over the hole, but what about her feet or pants? And this might work for peeing, but what about pooping which probably needs a more comfortable seating position? Even though I am ready to stop changing diapers, I am not looking forward to what’s ahead.

Answer: She will not go into the restroom on her own for a long time, you will be there with her. Because of the spills from other kids whose parents don’t clean up afterwards, you will nearly always wipe the seat first. Always keep wipes with you, you never know when you need them. Don’t worry about the germs and the potty learning curves; you will learn to relax with time. Kids tend to take a long time before they are able to wipe themselves properly, but it’s something to teach them to do on their own at some point, or else you’ll be stuck with a 5-years-old still asking for someone to wipe them. Try not to fixate on it very much because it is kind of icky; it’s enough to teach them as best you 91

can. A lesson you will learn, is to make sure your own toilet at home is clean before you use it; kids’ aim is terrible at first. Answer: I am a mother of 3-year-old and 4-year-old girls, so I have great experience dealing with it, and I am a clean freak too! You are thinking about all the right things, so you can calm down first. As long as you have toilet paper you will be fine. You should teach your girl not to touch anything in toilets because they have a lot of germs,; explain to her that germs are like bad bugs that we can’t see. If a seat cover is available, use it. If not, use toilet paper and seat her on top, holding her. Both my girls were okay with it for peeing and pooping, but they usually prefer to poop at home anyway. Their pants will touch the toilet, but you are going to wash them anyway. I strongly recommend Purell, which is a great waterless hand cleaner; you could use any generic form of it (Safeway, Albertsons, Longs & Walgreens have their own brands which are cheaper and exactly the same). We always keep a bottle of it lying around at home or the car and in the diaper bag, and I keep a tiny bottle in each stroller and in my purse, and fanny pack, and so on. We are never without the stuff. Using it on my girls’ hands after using the bathroom is very reassuring. You could also find out the locations of decent public restroom in town, and plan your trips around them. Answer: I had the same awful dread of using the public bathrooms, when we went through this. I suggest that you use the foldable potty; it has been a lifesaver when our son needed to go suddenly. If you don’t have it with you, you will have to hold your girl over the toilet somehow, none of my kids had a problem with that though. I had the same awful dread of using the public bathrooms, when we went through this. I suggest that you use the foldable potty; it has been a lifesaver when our son needed to go suddenly. If you don’t have it with you, you will have to hold your girl over the toilet somehow, none of my kids had a problem with that though. Our diaper bag is much bigger these days that it was when it only had diapers. We now carry the potty and a spare change of clothes, for accidents, and a pull up, for when our son is tired or has diarrhea or when we will end up travelling in the car for a long time. Answer: My girl trained for the toilet starting 22 months; she is 2 years old. We used a foldable travel potty, which you can find at Babies-R-us. She had difficulties using it for the 1st time, but afterwards it was easy and she really likes it. A bonus was that it was small enough to fit in my purse. My girl touched the most disgusting things in toilets, so I can help you there; we simply used a lot of soap.

Question: I wanted opinions on the acceptable and safe age for a kid to be alone in the bathroom. Is it 5? 8? 12? All the opinions here express that it is absolutely a bad and dangerous idea to send a 5-year-old son alone into the bathroom. I have a 3-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl, and often times I am forced into a very uncomfortable position. When we are at a restaurant and one of them needs the bathroom, we can't all go with 92

him, because the staff will think we left and will clear away our food. I can’t go with one child to the restroom and leave the other alone at the table; I think that would be even more risky; I don’t like the idea of sending a kid to the restroom alone either because even if they manage to find it on their own, anything untoward could take place on the way or inside. I have taken to compromise by taking one kid to the bathroom and sending them inside alone, and waiting for them at the door while keeping a lookout at the table? All the parents here seem to think it’s a horrible idea to send a kid in the bathroom alone, so any ideas what I can do? Answer: I am a single mother and I started allowing my son to get into the men’s room on his own when he hit 5 years. I stay at the door estimating how long it should take him to be done with his business and if he takes longer I go in to check on him, which is something I have had to do maybe twice in the past 4 years. I have no qualms about getting inside the men’s room if I am worried enough about my son. Having men inside women’s room and vice versa is a social taboo, but totally breakable in my opinion if the situation warrants it. I believe how you are handling your case is just fine.

Question: My son who is 2 and a half is still potty training. He is doing great at home; he sometimes even stops a video to tell me he has to poop, but he refuses to use any other potty than the one at home, which means he will sometimes hold it for up to 6 hours at a time! I am not rushed to train him, but I feel like we are not moving forward! And the fact that he is holding it is worrying me. Any ideas? Answer: A 2 and a 1/2-year-old can hold it for up to 6 hours without using the potty. Ask them if they need to go before you leave the house, and then if they refuses to use a public toilet while you're out but have no accidents, I wouldn't worry about it. My child can hold it much longer than I can. Sometimes he wants to use a public toilet and lots of times he doesn't. I don't fight him on this one. Answer: I am not sure if your son explained to you why he doesn’t want to use the other potties. My daughter thought the big industrial toilets at many public places to be quite scary. So, I would always bring a Baby Bjorn potty (about $10) and a Ziploc of Clorox wipes with me. I usually just got smiles in public as we went from place to place with the potty. My husband found it to be a little too vulgar for his comfort, so he'd stick it in a plastic bag. When she'd have to go, we'd stop in the nearest restroom and do our thing. Now, she doesn't mind going on the public toilets. She asks to leave the room before I flush though, as she finds that noise to be too scary.

Potty Training and School Question: I am wondering if anyone else has had this issue and what they did to help their little one to get over it. My son turned five and started kindergarten in September. For about 2 years he had a history of holding his poop and we've been working on that and things have gotten a lot better. He also always held his pee at preschool, but it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a big deal because he only spent 4 hours there. Now he still holds in his pee at kindergarten, even though he is there for 7 hours! He has no accidents; he just holds it all day long. To cut a long story short, he has difficulties using the toilet if I am not there with him. He seems to have formed an attachment to me as I has been by his side while working with his pooping anxiety, holding his hand and so on. He is able to use the toilet at school when I am with him and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how I know itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a matter of being scared of the toilet. He is better about it when we are at home or outside, but he will still hold it in sometimes if I am not the one looking after him. So, we have gone to see Meg Zwieback about this, and she has been helpful in making us see that it's an anxiety/attachment issue, but my son's behavior has not changed, so far. The doctor has voiced concern over the fact that he is holding it for so long though, and she thinks I should go to school to help him pee once a day to avoid physical damage. His teacher and me think it this will only enforce his behavior, and we would like him to start using the toilet on his own at any cost. The teacher assistant takes him to the toilets twice a day with his stuffed animal for security, but it is not working, and I will find a way to go to school once a day, if this really will end up causing him physical damage. The whole experience has been very stressful to us and my question is has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Did your child hold it all day at school? And if so, what did you do? Answer: Maybe I shouldn't reply since I don't have any proper advice, but my kindergartner has some similar problems. She has always been able to hold her pee for alarming amounts of time. Shortly after she was potty trained, we travelled and she held it in for 22 hours! I was very frustrated hoping she would just pee in her pants or something. She just held it until she finally relaxed at the hotel. I asked her now, and she says she never uses the bathroom at the kindergarten where she spends half a day. She holds it in at home and on weekends for long stretches of time as well! We we discussed it with our pediatrician about it almost a year ago. She reassured us that it was normal for kids. Our experience is different in that our daughter hasn't had any other bathroom issues and, most importantly, that our pediatrician is not at this point concerned, but I thought it might help you feel a little better to know that there's another kindergartner out there holding her pee for long stretches of time! Answer: I am sad to tell you that I used to hold it at school myself. It was because my mother had drilled it into me that public bathrooms are so disgusting, so I was simply afraid to use them. I would hold it in everyday and run 8 block home to be able to use my toilet. I was not able to hold it for long enough one unfortunate day and I had a very 94

embarrassing accident, which prompted me to use the bathrooms at school despite my fear. Surprisingly, my daughter hold her pee at school too, although not for the same reason because I was so adamant not to repeat my mother’s mistake so I always reinforced that public bathrooms are a positive thing. She simply doesn’t want to interrupt her day. She had a couple of accidents too and decided it was easier to let it go. I am not sure how you can convince your son to go when he has to go. Try to encourage him to go all by himself at home and then at school when you drop him off in the morning. At any case, just to reassure you, I did not suffer any long-term ill effects from my pee-holding days. Answer: One of my friends had a work around by going to the nursery everyday so that she can be with her son while he used the potty in the privacy of the teacher’s office. She kept at it for months or so, until her son accepted the nursery teacher and started going to the potty with her.

Question: My son will be 4 soon and we are struggling with potty training. He is able to hold his pee and poop all day at school, so they consider him trained. We continued to put him in pull ups, until we noticed he would soil them 2 to 3 times at night after he got home. They recommended we eliminate the pull ups completely, so we did. He continued to hold it in, until he finally managed to pee in the toilet last night. But, I am still very worried about the side effects of holding his poop for so long. The potty training doesn’t seem to be helping at all. Any idea on how to help him or me? Answer: Kids are clever, and you’ve been teaching your kid to pee and poop in a diaper for 3 years now, so he is following the rules. Watch him closely, if he you notice starting to go make a ''psst'' or grunt depending on what he's doing. Do it for a couple of days with him in his diaper; then start doing it when he's on the toilet. It will take him some time to get the hang of it, so help by picking a comfy potty that he can relax on. If that doesn’t work, put him back in pull ups and when you see him start take him straight to the toilet and make the grunt or psst sounds. Most kids have a tell, which is something they do before they go, so just watch for that in your child. It is a process, but if he can hold it, then he has the tough part managed, and the rest should be easy.

Question: Hello, my son refuses to use the potty at school and instead soils his clothes 2 to 3 times a day. He is very able to control his bodily functions, and he is even proud of being able to use the potty anywhere, which is why I think it has turned into some kind of game of control in his head. We are desperately in need of ideas for how to get beyond this phase! Thank you very much. 95

Answer: Make him put on a pull up and explain that he must wear them until he starts using the toilet at school. This worked very well with a friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s son. He wore them for a week and became totally fed up with them afterwards that he started using the toilet. Answer: I feel you; we went through the same thing with our son, and it can be nervewracking for the parents. I do believe it is a matter of control, not just of his own body, but also of the adults in his life; this became a big part of his character as he grew up. At his preschool, they did not change diapers, so at 4 years old I had to put him in pull ups in the morning and clean them when he got back. It was very hard and frustrating to all the adults involved; however, right before he started kindergarten he let go of the pull ups. I suppose he recognized the authority of the teachers there. He still continues this type of stubborn behavior with his college applications. He refuses to listen to us in all matters that relate to him, and we are worried that he is foolishly stubborn. No forms of discipline have been successful, alas. Good luck. Answer: We had the same experience with our daughter when she started preschool at age 3. So her father, teacher and I decided not to make a fuss and agreed that it was ok to bring her potty to school, which was a smallish Bjorn potty that she requested. After a couple of accidents, she started taking a 'potty buddy' with her and eventually started going on her own after 4 months or so. With the passing time, we stopped talking about it unless she brought it up and then I remained neutral and encouraging). The year after, the potty wasn't there, and she was fine. Last week, she pooped for the first time after being at this school for 1 1/2 years. I knew she was holding it for months, as the first thing she'd do when she returned home was poop. It is important to have a flexible preschool and not to make a big deal out of it. I didn't blame her for not wanting to go potty in that bathroom; it sure didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like home. Answer: My son refused to use the potty at school, too, which is very common, although he was using the ''big toilet'' at home. We asked the school if he could bring his own potty chair with him at school. They said it was fine, and we decorated it with his name. This took care of the issue; he was comfortable using it, and the teachers had to help him empty it, which is easier than changing wet and dirty clothes. He got over it after a while and he got used to using the toilet. Good luck!

Child is Afraid of Toilets and Flushing Question: This may seem trivial, but my 5-year-old is scared of the automatic flush! Did anyone’s kid have the same fear? How did you help them get over it and when? I thought it was nothing to worry about until we were shopping at Bay St. and it hit me how really scared he is. I felt bad for forcing her to use the automatic flush toilet. Previously we have waited until she is home; this time we narrowly missed and an accident by going to a bookstore that had non-auto-flush toilets. My daughter explained to me that she may still be scared of them even when she is older! It’s not just the loud noise; it’s also the water splashing against her bottom! I just found out that her new kindergarten has newly installed auto-flush toilets, so I told her I we will need to practice using it; she went very pale and changed the subject. She is very stubborn; it took her 2 years to go to the dentist. What should I do? Answer: My son was scared of auto-flush toilets for several years too. He got over it eventually. Now, he is 11 and over his fear of the dentist, as well. Be patient. Answer: I hear you! My 4-year-old daughter also fears auto-flush toilets, even though she has a brave personality. Whenever we go to any public bathroom it is the first thing she asks about. It’s hard work convincing her to use one. I have no idea whether this will help you, but my daughter has taken to covering her ears before going inside the toilet stall and keep them there until she is done. Answer: My daughter used to be deathly afraid of the auto-flush (or magic potty, as we call it) and is still a little wary at 4 and 1/2. She would only use them if I used them first. She started getting used to the magic potty, but still fears the ones in new stores, and I still need to use them first. You could try talking to the school or one of the teachers to allow you both to go check out the toilets before the start of the year so that she gets used to them and not be so frightened. I think you should address the issue before she starts kindergarten, because my kid did not use the potty for 4 months at her preschool and it was a very stressful time for us. Good luck! Answer: I totally sympathize with you; my son had a similar fear for years only managing to get over it very recently, and he is now 6 and a half! He once used it, and the automatic flush was set before he was done, which freaked him out. I worked around the issue by going in ahead of him and covering the red sensor until he was done; this took care of the fear until he was over it. Good luck! Answer: My kid was also scared of auto-flush, but he is starting to get over it, and it started nearly 2 years. You can keep a pack of post-it notes with you and stick them over the sensor to turn it off, or you can cover it with your hand or a piece of toilet paper. My son didn’t really get that I will not let the toilet flush until he gets out for a long time, but it got better with time. I heard of a school teacher who taped all the sensors on a school’s newly installed auto-flush toilets because most of the kids would not use them due to similar fears. So, it’s very common. 97

Answer: Tell her to drape toilet paper over the sensor so that it does not go off until she is ready, this will solve the problem. Answer: My daughter is also very scared of the auto-flush toilets, and she is 5 and a half. I realized that if I cover the sensor with my hand, it will not go off until after I remove it, which is taking care of her fear for the time being. Answer: I don’t want to disappoint you, but my daughter went through this too and it took her almost 3 years to get over her fear. I realized that the sensor thing gets confused with kids because their bodies are so little. What I did was cover it completely with my hand and waiting until after she was done and dressed before I would remove it. This helped her understand that it was something mechanical that we control and nothing to be afraid of. As he grew taller it stopped happening and she uses them just fine now. Answer: I don’t think it’s a trivial matter at all! My 4-year-old son has the same fear. Whenever we are heading to a new place he always asks whether it has the toilets that go on their own. I never push him to use them if he doesn’t want to; I only point out that he might pee in his pants otherwise. I cover his ears while he is on and make sure he gets out as soon as he is done before it goes off. I am not fussy about it and I am trying not to make in a big deal as long as he is getting exposed to it with my support. Answer: My girl as scared of auto-flush toilets too. I didn’t overreact. And she eventually got over it. I would straddle the toilet behind her t block the sensor, and soon she realized it’s only a different flushing mechanism than the one we have at home. Answer: Your daughter is not alone! My 8-year-old has the same fear; in favt, all three of my kids dislike using the auto-flush toilets. We even considered cancelling our trip to Disney world when we realized all the toilets there were the auto-flush type. Our solution was to put a strip of toilet paper over the sensor camera thingy so that is doesn’t flush prematurely and just to take it off once they are done. You could also discuss this fear with her school teachers. If I were them I would walk the kids through the toilets on their first day and show them the TP trick, because I think a lot of the kids will have the same fear. Best of luck! Answer: My five-year-old has auto-flush phobia too, which started a year ago and is still the same way to this day. My advice is to manually flush the toilet; there is usually a button somewhere which gives them 30 seconds to finish their business; e haven’t been able to use it successfully though. I sort of just accepted the inevitable. Now I even know every gas station with regular toilets all the way to Tahoe and back. Answer: Your daughter is not the only 5-year-old out there with this fear of the auto flush! My daughter 1st kindergarten was a brand new one, and everything in the bathroom was automatic! Ultimately they had to switch the toilets back to the regular old-fashioned flush ones because too many of the Kindergarteners were refusing to go near the potties and having accidents as a result! To be honest, they can be scary, 98

especially when their little bodies don’t help the sensor decide whether to flush or not. They end up getting soaked through. You can’t blame her for finding it scary and unpleasant. What you can do I try to not make a fuss over it, and when she has to go and it is an auto flush, I would go in with her and give her some sort of heads up when the sensor starts to flash so that she assumes control of the situation. Answer: My six-year-old also fears the auto flush. I think it is not knowing when exactly it will go that scars them. Sometimes it will go off while she is still on it or getting the toilet paper. I have taken to going into the stall with her and taking not of the sensor or hiding it with my body, which seems to delay the automatic response. I am sure they will get over it with time and continuous use. Answer: I’m not sure how to help you, but my 3-year-old is scared of auto-flush toilets, which started when the thing flushed suddenly, like they normally do, making big, startling scary noise with water sucking down and flying everywhere. What I’ve done when we had no alternative is to stand in front of the sensor, straddling the back of the toilet, then hope he doesn’t' pee all over my jeans. It works sometimes. Answer: My 4-year-old once peed on herself to avoid using the auto-flush toilet. That’s how much she was scared of them! We found a trick though. Tell him that you can turn it off, and you can do that by covering the sensor. Answer: My daughter was deathly scared of them too. She's also five, and it's now advanced to intense dislike of the flushers. You can hold your hand over the little blinking light when she's on the toilet, and it won't flush till you remove your hand, and your daughter will see that you are respecting her fear rather than dismissing it. I actually think they are scary and predictable too not to mention disgusting. You could also ask her to cover her ears before your flush, if she dislikes the news. Bring post-it notes and put the post-it notes over the light till she's done. You could also tell her to do the same thing at the preschool. If you show how to control her fear and avoid facing it, you will give her power to recognize and learn to handle her own fears. Answer: Please don’t tell me they're putting auto-flush toilets in elementary schools! My 4 1/2-year-old daughter only used public toilets if I promised it will not flush until she left the stall. She would rather hold it in for up to 12 hours rather than use them for such a long time! I think the flushing happening under her bottom is scaring her off. The post-its suggestion seems to be a practical solution to control it. Answer: The answer is sticky notes. Carry a pack of them in your bag wherever you go, and use them to cover the sensor. This way the flusher will not work while your kid is on. I haven’t used this solution myself, but it was highly recommended by a friend. I am not sure if it will work the second you take off the sticky note, or if you will need to manually push the button, either way it is worth a try. Your daughter could also take a pack of them to school and use them in the same way. Good luck.

Answer: The kindergarten where my daughter went also had auto-flush toilets and she was terrified of them. So much so, that she once wet herself because she would rather hold it in than use the toilet. Nothing we said or explained was of any use with her. Her father finally gave her a pack of post-it notes to use to cover the sensor and then take off once she was ready for the toilet to flush. She loved that idea and she ended up passing the sticky notes to a lot of her friends, who also had the same fear. She got over it by the time she went to 1st grade. Good luck! Answer: The fear of the auto-flushing toilet started with my daughter since she was only 2. It seems to be a very common thing with kids. You could teach him to drape toilet paper on the sensor so that it doesn’t work until he is ready, or use one of those stickers to cover it. It is a practical idea as a first step in treating your son’s fear. Answer: My daughter is 2 years and 9 months and she has been potty trained for about 6 months now. Recently she has developed a fear of unfamiliar public toilets. When we are out and about, she would tell me that she needs to go, but then when she sees the toilet she says she doesn’t want to go anymore. During weekdays, her nanny takes care of her and she says that she is okay with the toilets in the park where they have their walks. I tried using the toilet first to assure her that it is fine and I tried holding her over the toilet to make her feel more secure. The other day she was desperate to go that I ended up holding her over the sink, which was disgusting! My husband found her sitting on the sink the next day and we have no desire to turn it into a habit. We figured that the auto-flush toilets and the ones that have a gap at the front are a definite no, but sometimes she would refuse the ones that are similar to the ones at home too! Answer: You could use one of those little seats that make the hole smaller. They make folding ones that have Sesame Street characters on them. Maybe a special trip to the store and then using it on the potty at home would help. They are available at Babies R Us, but not at Target. Some parents bring post its to put over the sensor of the automatic flush toilets so they don't go off before they are ready.

Question: My 3.5-year-old son has been potty trained for nearly 3 months. He was very afraid of the potty chair at first, and it took him a long time to finally get over his fear, but now he is afraid of any public bathroom or any potty that isn’t his! He starts screaming and shouting if we try to take him into any public bathroom. We were out for the day the other day, and he held his pee for 12 hours; he was very uncomfortable, yet refused to pee in his diaper. We tried talking to him about it and explaining things, but it was useless. We have a number f trip planned for the summer, and cancelling them I not an option because we have 2 other kids. So, I am starting to feel very stressful about it. Any ideas what I can do?

100

Answer: This is not the answer to your worries. However, my nephew, who also fears the sounds of flushing the toilet, likes to pee outside standing up like a man! Of course this is a solution better suited for road trips and such; it might even be fun! Answer: Our three-year-old trained daughter doesn't like public toilets either. When we are outside and I notice that she has to go, I tell her that I need the potty and take her with me; I use the toilet in front of her and she hands me the toilet paper, and then I ask her if she needs to go. I make I more of a game than anything else, because I realized that forcing her to do it doesn’t help. She is very stubborn and she will only do it when he wants to. I simply try to stay near a restroom so that we are as close as possible when she is ready. You could also get a portable potty seat that fits right on top of the toilet. It was a great idea, because we used it at home first, and then took it with us, which made her feel that we brought her seat with us for her. Good luck! Answer: Buy a potty chair and keep it in the car, with a plastic bag as a liner. He will get over his fear of toilets very soon. Answer: I can only reinforce the basics. Explain the details of the process step by step, and give him the option of stepping out before you flush so that the voice does not scare him. I wouldn’t go out with him for full-day outings, until you are sure he is ready. It is not healthy for him to hold his pee for over 12 hours a day. Answer: Public bathrooms are scary! My boy is nearly 3 and can't reach the regular potty because he is short for his age and wouldn't even if he could. We worked around this by letting him go pee outside, in a private area, if we were out and about. I questioned this approach at first, but then I talked with a couple friends of mine who had boys and they did the same thing. It depends on what you and your son are comfortable with. Answer: I think this is pretty common. I had a potty in the car for a while, with my son, who recently potty trained, and I also carried around a large purse with one of those cushy toilet seats you get for little ones in a plastic bag and whenever he needed to go I’d whip it out and I just needed to clean it every night or so. Now, we don’t need to take t along with us; we also allowed him to pee on the side of the street or on bushes because he enjoyed seeing where he pee was going. Good luck, make sure you get a potty with a ring lined all the way around the potty for stability. Answer: Why don’t you discuss it with your son? I am taking care of a little girl who told her parents that the loud flushing sounds on some of the newer toilet models scare her. Maybe your son is scared of the same thing. Answer: My son also had the same fear for a short time; I remember he would finish his business and wait for me outside before I could flush the toilet. He got over it as he got older though. Answer: My 3.5-year-old is 100% potty trained. We will be taking a lot of road trips this summer, so I searched for a portable toilet. I really like the On the Go Potty by Pottette. 101

We keep one in the car, and one in the stroller for long outings. So, he can still keep dry, if we are not near a toilet. He has no trouble peeing in public, and he even once sat on the toilet. I like the Potette because it is very small, has absorbent liners, unlike the mini Bjorn potty with which you would have to dispose of the pee yourself, and is inexpensive. You may even use it inside the bathroom, if your son takes a liking to it. It has been a very convenient and practical option for us, and you can fashion liners from grocery bags and cheap maxi pads. Answer: Why donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you go on the vacations as scheduled? Our daughter refused to use public toilets too and we had to go home every time she needed the bathroom. However, we went on a vacation for a while and she had no choice but to use the public toilets then. It might work for you, too.

Question: My 3-year-old daughter is almost fully trained except for one thing; she is really scared of the adult toilet. She is able to use her potty at home perfectly well, but refuses to use any toilets in public bathrooms. I tell her that it is okay not to use the toilets at the bathroom, but she will have to wear pull ups instead; she refuses to wear them as well! So, we end up fighting over her putting them on, or hoping that she is able to hold herself until we go home, which makes any outing very stressful. She is very strong-willed and stubborn. I have tried getting her to use the toilet by telling her to be like her older 5-year-old sister whom she idolizes, to no avail. Answer: Why not try the potty inserts that make the opening smaller? Your daughter could pick out the character she likes as a form of motivation! They also make one for traveling, not as nice though. You could also have her pick her own stool step to get on and reach the tall toilet. Introduce her to the toilet, and show her how it is flushed, help her empty her little potty into the bigger potty and ask her why he is afraid of the toilet so that you can address her concerns. You may also need to hold her until she is able to hold herself. Some of the toilets that have automatic flush, can start while the kid is still sitting, which scared my son very much. So you can cover the sensor and assure her that you will only flush when she is ready.

102

Night-time Potty Training Question: My son has been daytime potty-trained for six months and nighttime pottytrained for two months, with one potty sit at midnight; he is now 25 months of age. For the past three weeks, he has been peeing in his bed, despite using the potty at midnight, and sometimes he would be dry in the morning, but would pee by the time I finish nursing him. I have asked him very casually if he wants to wear diapers to bed again, and he refused adamantly. The problem is the washing is starting to get to me, because he uses a family bed and the sheets hog the laundry. I have been thinking to wake him agaif after midnight at around 3.30 to use the potty; I wouldn’t waking in the middle of the night. I am curious how other parents have gone through this, and more importantly if waking him up twice in the middle of the night will create a lasting pattern that he won’t be able to get rid of. Many thanks! Answer: I suggest you allow him to sleep without the diapers if he wants to, and resort to using absorbent sheets. If you force the diapers back on him you will risk having him in them until he is 3 or 4, because he will have lost his initial motivation. At 22 months, my son was very enthusiastic, unlike me, but we followed his lead and he did figure it out. Answer: I believe it is unrealistic to expect a 25-month-old to be potty-trained at night. My son was potty-trained for the daytime at a young age too, but he didn’t manage to stay dry during the night until after he turned 4. There is no need to push it. Why don’t you get some information on boys and bedwetting from the National Kidney Association? When my stepson was still wetting his bed at least 2 times a week at age 8, we got information from them, which was helpful in terms of setting realistic expectations. It is very common for boys to take a longer time to potty train at night. The NKA even said that for some boys it may take up to age 12, which was the case for my stepson. We also attempted waking up my stepson in the middle of the night, but it did not work, and it is unhealthy to wake them up in the middle of their sleeping cycle. You are the parent, not him. Force the diapers on him and reward him if he listens to you. Answer: Make him decide between wet with a diaper or dry and without a diaper. Don’t create a fuss over it, but be firm in stating that if he has dry diapers for one week at night, then he can switch to underpants. I guess he is going through a developmental stage, so you should be patient. At the same time, you should make a habit of waking up several times a night or being forced to do massive laundry; these are not conducive long-term solutions. Withhold the nursing in the morning until he goes potty; if he sits on it but pees on your lap later, let it go. It is a matter of getting him used to the routine.

103

Question: My 2.5-year-old daughter is potty-trained except at night. We’ve been putting her in pull ups when she sleeps, but lately she has been refusing to put them on. I guess this might be because only the younger kids wear them at night at her Montessori. Her stubbornness is creating a lot of laundry loads and I am worried that she might get a cold if she wets herself and doesn’t wake up. Can anyone tell me how to handle this? Thanks in advance. Answer: My advice is aimed at helping you eliminate the need for pull ups in the first place. I speak from experience as a mother and as someone who wet her bed until she was 12. With me, the problem was that I slept too soundly to wake up in the middle of the night. So, my parents set up an alarm for me and I would wake up and relieve myself. After a while I was able to get up on my own. In order to avoid the laundry and the embarrassment with my daughter, I picked her up every time I woke up in the middle of the night or before I slept and sat her on the potty; I provided support if she was too sleepy to sit straight. I kept this routine, and I would complement her if she had a dry night. I stepped back after sometime and she never wet her bed again, so I suppose she either learned to wake up at night or her bladder just grew stronger. Casey Answer: I have a lot of experience handling nighttime bedwetting, unfortunately. The only advice I can give you is to make your girl handle the consequences of her bedwetting. It will become more personal to her, thus motivate her to stop, if you make her responsible for changing her own sheets. You could also have her any kind of related work like folding the clean linen and so on. Be careful not to inadvertently change it into a fun activity where you end up playing with her, and don’t turn it into a punishment either. Just consider it a regular chore that she needs to complete. Colds are caused by viruses not by being wet and cold, so you don’t need to worry. Answer: When our twins were fully trained for daytime, we started taking them to the bathroom before we went to bed, which was 2 to 3 hours after they went to bed. We followed that routine for years. We would simply pick them up and seat them over the potty. They got used to it and started doing it automatically after a while. They never woke up during that short time, and the almost always peed, unless they didn’t have enough to drink during the day. We thought of it as a way of helping them sleep more soundly and a way of avoiding wet sheets; a bonus was that they didn’t to wake up so early in the morning because they didn’t urgently need to pee. We stopped doing it when they turned 6 years old, and they never wet their beds in 4 years.

Question: My daughter (2 years and 7 months) has been trained for daytime for a couple of months now. She very competent at using her potty without our help. We put her in diapers during her naps and leave the potty near her and tell he to use it if she needs to; she has woken up from her nap to use it several times. We keep her in diapers at night, and they are always wet in the morning. Some mothers are telling me 104

that I shouldn’t keep her in diapers because she will end up being confused. Others are telling me that it is okay for kids to sleep in diapers until they are 3 or 4. What I need to know is when do I know when she is ready to stop wearing diapers? Will I have to train her by waking her in the middle of the night? Can I have her use the potty at her own room? Please let me know how you’ve helped your kids say goodbye to diapers at night. Answer: I think you should keep her in diapers and pull ups or overnights if she gets bigger. It’s pretty common for kids to continue wearing them at night up until 4 or 5 years. You will know she is ready to take them off when they consistently stay dry overnight. It is not a big deal, so let it go. Answer: I have been advised to keep my daughter in diapers during the night until they stayed dry. I didn’t listen to that advice; and I am glad I didn’t. I just decided to have her sleep in her underwear one night, and she woke up dry. She went through a short phase of wetting her bed, but we handled it by waking her up to pee in the middle of the night. We continued this for 6 weeks, and then we stopped, to see what she will do. She actually started waking herself up to pee during the night. That said, 2 and a half years is too young to be fully trained. So I suggest you give it a try, and if it doesn’t work, put her back in diapers for a couple of months. Answer: My 2 boys potty-trained very differently from each other. I think you should let it go. My older boy was a very deep sleeper that he wasn’t able to wake himself up during the night to relieve himself. It is really a matter of physical maturity rather than any controllable behavior. She will stop wetting her bed when she is able to. Answer: 2 and a half is very young to remain dry during the night. Kids are usually able to control their urges at night when they are physically developed. If, at 3 years, she is still having wet diapers, then I guess you should eliminate them. Diapers these days have very strong absorbing technology that they confuse the kids into believing that they are dry when they are not, and they can’t really feel when they are wetting. The older they get, the better they are at controlling their muscles or waking up to use the bathroom when they feel the urge to pee. Cleaning sheets can be an overwhelming chore, but you could use absorbent pads on top of the sheets with a towel on top. By 2 years old, both my kids were fully trained for the day, but continued to wet their beds until later. My boy managed to get over this by age 6, but my daughter at 6 years doesn’t even wake up when she wets her bed. I am currently reading a book called "Getting to Dry," which talks about solving this problem and the different physical conditions that can cause it. They do recommend building this habit for your kid, by physically taking him/her to the toilet in the middle of the night. I know for a fact that a child may remain asleep during the whole trip to the toilet. Megan

105

Question: We need help from other parents. Right after his 2nd birthday, we pottytrained our son, because he hated wearing diapers and it was a hassle to change him. He has been doing excellently for daytime training. However, for nighttime it seems to be going by luck. There are so many contradictory pieces of advice out there! Some say never put them in diapers; others say that if they wet their bed they will become chronic bed-wetters. Some say to wake them in the middle of the night to use the toilet; others say that they will never be independent if they learn that way. Some say to stop the drinks a couple of hours before bed; others say to give them as much as they want to drink. Right now, we are simply washing a lot of sheets and talking with our son normally regardless. What did other parents do? How did you handle this? What’s the most absorbent sheets out there that really absorb as much pee as possible? Any help, advice, or even a funny story will be highly appreciated. Answer: I think he is still very young. Controlling this is not something they can learn; it’s just something they will naturally do as they grow older and become physically capable. I was fortunate because my daughter was able to wake up at night to use the potty around the same age that she potty trained for the day. If your son is not able to wake up during the night anyway, you might as well keep him in diapers. It will save you all that laundry and he won’t really learn from a wet bed any more than he would from a wet diaper. Answer: I thought you were making a joke at first. What’s the rush in making a 2 and a half-year-old dry at night? He is still very young and you will only make him feel the failure of having wet sheets every night! My daughter wanted to sleep without the diapers when she was 2, and, in order to take off the pressure from her, we told her that she can’t until she turns 4. By that time, it wasn’t a big deal because she had already been used to having dry diaper at night. Answer: Hello. I also potty-trained my son at two, and it’s been going very well. Now he is three, and I am only needed when wants to wipe afterwards. I kept him in diapers at night after he was fully trained for the day. Then I simply exchanged them for training pants one night, and that was the end of it. He did have a couple of accidents when he drank too much before he slept, but sometimes he would wake up and tell me that he needed to go, or wake up after wetting his bed because he hated the feeling. We did not talk about it or make a big deal out of it, and it stopped happening on its own. Good luck. He’ll be dry in a couple of months. Answer: I am sure you will hear this a lot, but 2 is too young for a boy to be fully trained during daytime; however, he wasn’t fully trained for night until he was 6. During that learning period, it didn’t make any difference how much he drank or what time he went to bed. He simply learned on his own without our assistance. He was a very deep sleeper and I think his bladder simply grew big enough to hold the urine overnight. I simply decided to put him in overnights after considering all the options. This allowed both him and us to sleep soundly and to avoid the extra laundry. We told him that his

106

body should be able to stop peeing at night when it’s ready. He accepted, and it did not affect his daytime training. It just saved us a lot of unnecessary stress and hassle.

Question: Our 2.5-year-old son has been potty-trained for daytime and only wearing a diaper for bedtime, for several of months. However, in the past few weeks, he has been waking up at night and shouting for someone to take him to use the potty. He can’t do this on his own, because he still sleeps in a crib. Not to mention that, at his age, it’s not physically possible for him to use the potty even if it’s in his room and go back to bed. It may seem counter-productive, but we have given him the green light to pee in his diaper during the night, we stopped giving him water before he slept and we tried to let him scream hoping that he will have no choice but to let go and pee in his diaper, without any success. He can’t hold his pee for more than 30 seconds during the day, but he can scream his lungs out for over half an hour, while holding it, at night. Any ideas? Answer: Make him to the potty before you go to bed. I am fairly sure that he will not wake up, but he will still be able to pee, and he won’t have to go again. Answer: Save him and yourself the trouble and just take him to the potty. He's doing excellently in letting you know that he needs to go and waiting. Please continue to support him in communicating his needs and help him. He seems to be waking up only once at night, and the need is urgent; don’t you think it’s harsh not to assist him? You could have a fairy light in the bathroom so that the waking up is not that harsh for anyone in your family. Bear in mind that this is only a temporary phase; he will soon be able to either hold it overnight, or go to the potty by himself. Please help him use the potty and don’t revert back to the diapers. Answer: You should be ecstatic that your 2.5-year-old is so advanced in his potty training! He is doing amazingly. If you tell your kid that it’s okay to pee in his diaper sometimes but not others, you are giving him missed signals. You need to be consistent in behavioral expectations. You should wake up at night and help your son use the potty when he asked for it and praise him for being so aware of his body. We had our 2 year old sleep on a mattress, which made it easier for him to reach the potty on his own, although it might be too much of a physical challenge for him to take off his pants use the potty and wash afterwards. Answer: It’s quite clear that your son is ready to be moved to a bed so that he can start using the potty on his own. You could also use a nightlight in the bathroom and allow him to do his thing. I really don’t understand why you would want your son pee in a diaper if he wants to use the potty! Some boys end up still in pull ups up until age 5! So, do you really want to prolong this learning curve that long just to avoid waking up at night? This is not a problem it’s a success story. 107

Answer: This may seem like an unusual suggestion, but maybe you should move him into a bed and put him in comfy pants that are easy to take off so that he can start using the potty by himself. Waking up in the middle of the night can be such a hassle, I know. But, your son is doing really great being able to hold it so well at night. My son wasn’t able to hold it at night until he hit 4! Answer: Don’t miss this chance! If you do, you may have to wait a couple of years. I personally nearly had no sleep when my daughter was 2.5 to 3, but it was worth it, because she eventually stopped wearing diapers completely. Just move him to a bed and put him in two-piece PJs so he can start using the potty on his own. Answer: It’s time to put your son in a bed and in PJs with pants that are easy to pull up and down. Have a nightlight in the bathroom and leave him to it. Our son was able to wake up, go to the bathroom, use the potty, and get himself back in bed all in the dark before we even had the nightlight. We were completely astonished. It’s clear your son wants to be trained for nights, why not just train him? Answer: You must take him to the potty! How had could it possibly be for you? If you go to him before he screams for a long time, you should be able to put him back to bed without a big fuss. You pee in a toilet and so does he; how would you feel if someone forced a diaper at you at night?! It may be a temporary phase for him to experience the potty at night. You could also limit the drinks at night and make him use the potty at night. Answer: Have him sleep in a bed so that he can use the potty on his own. You are so fortunate that he wants to use the potty during the night instead of the diaper. This is what potty training is all about and you are setting him back by keeping him in the crib. He is certainly old enough to learn how to use the potty on his own at night and go back to bed, so teach him. Leslie Answer: Make your 2.5-year-old sleep in a regular bed. Get those rails that attach to the side of the bed, if you're worried about him falling out of bed. buy him comfy sweat that are easy to take off, without zippers. It is already hard for a 2.5-year-old to understand when to pee, and you are confusing him even more by forcing the diaper on him. Be grateful that your son is already potty-trained. Also get some gate railways if you have stairs. Answer: It’s awesome that he is potty-trained and asking pee even at night. I would simply take him at night. I suppose he senses that sleeping on his pee is uncomfortable and he will feel relaxed once he empties his bladder in the potty and will get a good dry night’s sleep. Many parents have trouble getting their kids waking up at night to pee, so you should definitely go with it while he is ready. Some parents can’t get their 4-yearolds to give up pull ups at night because they’ve grown too attached to them at night. We trained our son by the time he was 2 and 10 months, and, at 3 years, he was able to wake up and use the toilet by himself. We went with him a few times, and then it was him all on his own. Some kids can hold it all night and some kids need to get up every 108

night to pee. Is it that you don’t want to get up or that you are worried he might not go to bed? If it’s the later just keep the lights low, a nightlight is a good option, and don’t talk very much, while acting sleepy yourself. He will soon realize that it is bedtime and he will be in and out before he is fully awake.

Question: Our daughter is two and a half and nearly toilet trained. She has stopped wearing diapers during the day for about five months and at night for the past month. She tells us when she needs to go, and we take her to the toilet, no potty, help her get on it and wipe her afterwards. We also got her a toddler recently so she has learned that she can use the potty on her own. She used to be able to sleep through the night before she was trained, now she wakes 2 to 4 times every night and yells at us to use the potty. Sometimes when we take her she doesn’t even have any pee left. We want her to start going by herself, and everything is set up for her to be able to; we have a nightlight in the bathroom and a footstool by the toilet. But she is so used to us taking her that she refuses to go on her own now. We tell her before putting her to bed that she will use the potty on her own if she wakes up, but we end ups taking her anyway. My wife thinks we should stop helping her at night and just let her learn that she can go on her own at the cost of a few accidents, but I am concerned that she will hold it in instead and end up hurting herself or that this will be counter-productive in terms of the toilet training. I think we should just help her less with time until she learns that it is okay to do it on her own or will this perpetuate the problem? Thanks in advance for everyone's help. Answer: I would do as your wife suggested and go cold turkey. You might also get a small potty and put it in her room. She is still very young and the bathroom at night might be scaring her. Buy her a little Baby Bjorn potty, which is one-piece, very easy to use and costs around $10, and leave it in her room. Tell her that she can use the little potty at night alone because it is “her” potty. She might end up loving it. You could also have absorption pads on her bed in case she has any accidents. It will be enough of a distraction for her to stop needing to go with her every night.

Question: Our almost 2-year-old daughter has been potty-trained during the day for 6 months. She has started training during the night and refuses to wear pull ups and diapers, and this has caused her to wake up during the night crying and shouting because she wants to use the potty. We tried starting a stickers system, where we give her a sticker every time she uses the potty on her own, and when she collects a certain number she gets to have a toy of her choice. This worked for one time, but she went back to waking up and crying in the middle of the night, sometimes once a night and 109

other nights 3 times! I tried moving the portable potty into her room, because I thought maybe the bathroom was too far for her, even though it is only one room away, but that still didn’t work. I believe she is just too tired in the night to remember what she should do on her own. Before she started training herself at night, she always slept through the night. Now, this continuous sleep interruption is starting to make me a crancky mom, especially that I have another 8-month-old infant. She usually has no problems during her nap time. I try to limit her drinks before sleep, but she usually gets very thirsty around that time. Has anyone been successful with other methods? Or is this just something that time will work out? Answer: It will be worked out with time. I think you should get up and help her at night rather that give her a complex about not having you there when she needs you. You and your husband could take turns helping her; that way she will know who is in charge for that day, and she will let the other sleep. Answer: It’s very had to start nighttime training at this age, especially for the parents. Like your daughter, our son trained for daytime and took off nighttime pull ups at 2.5. Now, 2 years later, he still wakes up in the middle of the night and asks for help to use the potty once or twice a week. No rewards have been of any help to us, because I think he just wakes up too unfocused in the haze of sleep to understand what he needs to do to empty his bladder. The few times that he has peed on his own, he ended up messing the vessel or peeing in the tub. We limited his drinks, had him use the potty before bed and took him to the potty again before we went to bed, which all seemed to work a bit. Your daughter’s bladder will get bigger as she ages and she will learn how to hold her pee. Sorry you're so sleepy. Answer: Kids have different needs at daytime than they do at nighttime. I think it’s too much to ask of a kid her age to use the potty on her own at night, even though it’s great that she is learning so quickly. I would put her back in pull ups or diapers for the night. Most importantly, you should wake up and help her when she needs you; it seems your presence is more important than any reward to her. I am sure she will be over it very soon.

Question: Hello all, I need some suggestions on how to stop my 3-year-old wetting her bed at night. I am aware that she is kind of young for this, but she has been daytime trained for over a day now, and she has expressed the desire to stop wearing diapers at night. She is always wet in the morning, but, at the same time, she pees a very good amount as soon as she wakes up, which means that she is able to hold it. Also, we have always been putting her in cloth diapers, but these are hard for her to untie. Does anyone have recommendations for alternative clothing? It’s not that I am trying to avoid washing the diapers; it’s that she really seems ready to move on.

110

Answer: My boy also asked to stop wearing diapers because they were for babies! We did as he asked and protected the mattress. He did pee in bed a couple of times, but he got the hang of it in no time at all. He would wake up at night to use the potty for a while and then he started sleeping through the night. You should also consider the possibility that your girl is not dry in the morning because she knows it’s okay to pee in her diaper! She seems ready, so follow her lead on this.

Question: My almost 3-year-old has been waking up at night to go pee, for the past few weeks. Because he still sleeps in a crib, we need to get up and take him. He usually always goes back to sleep straight away, but sometimes he wakes his brother who sleeps in the same room, and I always have trouble falling back asleep myself. We have considered moving him into a regular bed, but we think he will still wake us up to help him. He has been waking up dry recently unlike before he started waking up at night, and he like to get water before he sleeps. Any advice? Answer: I really feel your frustration at not being able to sleep. I think it’s clear what you should do. Get him a regular bed and make sure he pees right before going to bed. My 3-year-old girl sleeps in a regular bed in her pull ups. Also stop drinks 30 mins before bedtime. You will find that making him use the potty before bed helps them empty their bladder! You must be forceful and consistent. Answer: I totally understand that’s it’s a hassle to get up at night and lose sleep. However, what he is doing is praiseworthy, going by the books. It’s great that he is waking you up to use the potty instead of wetting himself or going back to diapers. You should get him a regular bed, and limit his drinks before bedtime. Get him a potty by his bed, if he is scared to go to the bathroom on his own. Help him if he still needs your assistance and shower him with praise and words of encouragement to build his confidence. Answer: At 3 years, it’s might be too much for him to get up on his own without your assistance. If he is consistent in needing the potty every night and if you are worried about waking his brother, you could wake him up yourself around the time he usually needs to go. Kids are different; my younger son stopped needing our help at 4 years, and my older son still needs us to help him at 10 years! Ashley Answer: It doesn’t seem to be a problem at all! In fact it’s amazing that your son is so good at using the potty that he wakes you up to use it instead of wetting his bed. I wish my own kid did so well; she still need pull ups at night because she sleeps sp soundly and wets her bed otherwise. The best thing to do is wake your son up and get him to use the potty before your go to bed and restrict the liquids before bedtime. Maybe you could also get him a regular bed and he will learn to use the potty on his own from you. If I were you I would actually encourage the nighttime bathroom visits, and I would not 111

consider putting him back in diapers. Kids who go back to them tend to take a longer time than other to stop them. Answer: This is a brilliant window of opportunity for 100% potty training! Get him a bed, let him sleep in underwear. He will probably need your help for a couple of more months, and then he will be on his own.

Question: Our three-year-old twins are almost fully daytime potty-trained, but bedtime is becoming a fiasco. When it’s their bedtime, they ask to use the potty several times, especially on days when the have had naps. This means that I need to bring them back and forth to the potty which drags their bedtime up to 10 pm! They do seem to need that nap on somedays, so I can’t stop them. We always make them use the potty before bed, but when they ask to use it again after dark, I feel that I must accommodate their needs, and they nearly always do need it. We don’t turn on the lights or read them any books if the need to get up at night. Also, they are still in diapers at night, so I end up having to change diapers of 10 times in 30 minutes when they are being cranky, which is ruining my back! I am trying not make them feel like a load for wanting to use the potty, but I am done for. Will they get over this phase anytime soon? Answer: Why not use pull ups instead of diapers? They are much easier to take off, and if your sons are able to use the potty on their own, they will stop playing around with you.

Question: My 3-year-old son has stopped wearing diapers since he was 2.5 years old. He is a very heavy sleeper, and he becomes very irritated if we wake him mid-slumber. How do I know he is ready to stop wearing diapers at night? He is able to sleep in wet clothes and sheets, so I don’t think eliminating them will help him learn the difference. We have restricted drinks before bedtime and we make him use the potty before bed. How can we train him without waking him in the middle of the night? He does wake up with dry diapers sometimes, but mostly they are still wet. Any tips would be helpful. Thanks. Answer: My son is almost the same age as yours, and he went through a similar phase as your son. He would remain dry during daytime, and he would have dry pull ups occasionally in the morning. A couple of months afterwards, he started waking up in the middle of the night crying that he needed to pee. We didn’t do anything special; we simply followed his lead. He then told me one day, that he will stop wearing pull ups, and he had a week or 2 of dry underwear in the morning. However, he asked for his pull up after he wet his bed one night. These days he has been having dry pull ups every 112

morning. What I am trying to tell you is that you simply need to let it go and follow his lead on this one. He will ultimately train himself for nighttime very soon. I know I’ll be happy when he is able to use the potty on his own. Answer: Your son is not trained if he is still in diapers at 3 years old. But no need to worry. I think you should simply remove the diapers all together and just deal with it. He will wet his beds for 6 months to one year, but he really needs to learn to hold his pee or wake up and use the potty. Don’t use diapers or any other variation of absorbent material; use the cotton diapers instead. Layer towels and shower curtains with the sheets underneath him to protect his bed and so that you want have to change the whole bed at night. Set an alarm every 3 hours and check on him. Wake him if he wets his bed, even if he cries or gets cranky; he needs to learn this. He will start getting better with time, and he will have the occasional accident; all kids do. Try to keep positive and just keep saying, ''We need to keep you clean and dry.” Answer: I think you should just leave it be, especially at night. You probably won’t be able to get a three-year-old boy to wake up when he has to go, and his bladder, at this age, is too small to hold his urine overnight. You will just have to wait until he grows out of it. Most kids, specifically boys, can take up till 6 years before they are able to hold their pee overnight. My son, who is nearly 5, is a very heavy sleeper and he still wears the good-night diapers. He has only been having dry diapers in the morning for the last month. I’ll think about removing them when his diapers are more than 50% dry in the mornings. Karen Answer: We have potty trained our son since he was 2.5 years; he is now 3. He doesn’t request pull ups at naptime if he pees beforehand, but he still wears them at night. I plan on making him wear them until he is 5 at least. Our older son continued to wet his bed until he was 12 at least every night, and even waking him up at night did not help; plus we heard it was bad for their health to interrupt their sleeping cycle. According to the National Kidney Foundation, that's very common in boys. Small bladders and other conditions in boys are also common. As for older kids, there are bladder stretching exercises that your doctor should be able to teach him. Answer: My son wets his bed every night and he is nearly 6, because he is a very heavy sleeper and can’t control his bladder yet. Even our pediatrician is not giving any advice on keeping him dry at night, and he wants us to wait until he is 8. Your son is potty trained, despite what someone said here, if he is able to hold his pee during the day. At night, his body is just not ready to wake him up when it needs to or to hold the urine, and it is not something he can control in his sleep yet. He will be dry when his body is ready, so let it go. Good luck!

113

Question: We need your recommendations on good disposable diapers for a boy who pees so much that his diapers end up leaking so that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to change wet clothes at 4 and 5 am. He does use the potty before bed and he has milk half an hour before he sleeps.. Answer: I used to use diaper doublers but the drug stores near my house don't sell them anymore. Currently I am using a nighttime maxi pad and it does the trick. I usually fold under the top inch or so just to give extra coverage at the very top of the diaper. Answer: Get the GoodNites brand of night time pull-ups. At this point diapers and regular pull-ups won't work. Also, make sure his penis is pointing down!

Question: Our 3 year-old daughter is potty-trained for daytime, but she still uses a pull up or diaper for nap and nighttime. We simply followed some of our friends who did this. Recently, though, we had friends over with a 3.5 years old son, and they said we should have gone cold turkey on her and eliminated the diapers all together. How do we transition our girl to no diapers at nap and bedtimes? Answer: We potty trained our daughter in phases, which is working great for us.She was first trained for the daytime. Now, she stays dry during her naps, but we still keep her in diapers at nighttime, because she wakes up with very wet diapers. Her doctor explained that this is quite common, and that some kids are not able to hold their pee overnight. I would be very frustrated if we had to deal with the wet sheets every morning, should we go cold turkey on her. Not to mention, that it might affect her confidence and self-esteem. So, you could start with training her for naps and then take it from there. We also tell her to drink a lot during the day, due to the heat and her level of activity, but we know that this will have to be controlled going forward. This might be something that works for you. Answer: My daughter was fully potty trained for daytime by the time she was 3. We continued to keep her in panties during the night, assuming that it would be months before she was able to hold it at night. However, she had dry pull ups for over a week every night, so she switched to sleeping in panties, with only a rare accident once or twice since (it's been 6 months). It all happened on its own without our interference and it was fast and easy. There really isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t much we can do about it; their brains and their muscles need to connect. Once it happens they stay dry all the night through. Best of luck! Answer: I followed a very laid-back approach on this one. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think there is much we can do to train a kid while asleep. My kids stopped wetting their beds on their own at an age later than the other kids. When they have had dry pull ups during the night or during nap times for several nights in a row, I took them off, limited their drinks, and made them use the toilet before bed. There is nothing much we can do. 114

Answer: My friend lent us her absorbent bed pads, which absorb without leaking and that were similar to lap pads but much larger, and they were life savers. We had one on her bed and one on ours, and we took off the pull ups for good. She had around 7 accidents before I realized that her last drink had to be one hour before bedtime, and then the few accidents stopped altogether. It's been wonderful! Good luck. Answer: Whatever worked for their kid doesn’t necessarily have to work for yours. 2 3/4 is too young to be dry at night. My boy trained for the daytime around 22 months old, which is very early. He stopped the naptime diapers around 2 ¾. He's now 3 1/2 and just recently stopped nighttime diapers. It’s challenging and we still have a few accidents. We stopped using the diapers at naptime when we noticed he would always wake up dry. For bedtime, there was a miscommunication, and we forgot to put him diapers for that night. He woke up dry, so we used a reward system.

Question: My 3.5-year-old son wets his bed couple of nights a week. I understand that at his age it’s quite common. The problem is that the urine leaks through the diaper and soils the sheet and blanket! We use Huggies Goodnights (pull-up types of diaper), which is the only brand that I have found in his size; he is 42 lbs. Are there any inserts out there to help absorb the urine? I've resorted to using maxi pads; are there any alternatives?. Answer: I have 2 tips for you. Use a crib protector on his bed over the bottom sheet. It’s one of those diaper pad things that you use in a crib in order to protect the crib mattress, which are absorbent and leak proof. Cover the pad with a big towel. The towel and the pad will absorb the urine, keeping everything else relatively clean. You will just have to wash the towel and leave the pad to dry out, unless it gets very wet, in which time you’ll have to wash it too. The pads are very cold, so don’t forget to cover it. When my daughter wore diapers at night, they gave her skin rashes, so we stopped putting them on after she was potty trained for daytime. For about a year, I would take her to the potty before she slept, and again before I went to bed. I would pick her up and seat her on the potty and tell her to pee. She would usually wake up barely enough to pee then go back to sleep. You need to wait 2 hours after she goes to bed before trying this; otherwise he will be to sleepy to manage it. I would skip this routine once every now and then to see if she got it. After a year she didn’t need it anymore. Answer: There are disposable diaper liners/doublers available. I can find them mostly at the Albertsons in Montclair, in a yellow package (it may be an Albertsons brand) and they look a lot like maxipads. I am sure this will solve the situation. Answer: We had the same problem with our daughter aged 3. She would insist on drinking a cup of milk and a cup of water before bed. Here is what we did. My husband would change her diaper before he turned in. That way she had two diaper changes: 115

one at 8.30 and another at around 11. We have been doing it for a long time now; she just sleeps through the diaper change. She almost never wets the bed, because most of the pee goes into the 1st one. Hope this helps. Answer: My son who is nearly 5 also wets his bed a lot, and we have forgone the pull ups. I suggest that you get the saddle pads from One Step Ahead or Target. It is a waterproof sheet a couple of feet wide, which can be tucked in across the bed above the bottom sheet. All you have to do when the bed gets wet is remove that sheet and the bed is dry again. Get 2 of these so that you have a replacement when one is being washed. Once you’ve taken off the pull ups, which I think will speed up his training, be sure to get a spare blanket too. Answer: I'm curious to see all your answers on this! I have an almost 6-year-old son, who is still in a nighttime pull up. He is 42 lbs , and we wear the goodnites as well. I must add 2 adult pads, like depends or assure etc., which can do the trick. I hope someone has a better idea. It would be great if they made diaper sizes that fit bigger kids. Answer: Try to put him on the potty around the time that he usually wets himself. I would put my 1-year-old daughter on the potty, if she woke up during the night. Usually she would have a dry night afterwards. After a while, she was dry the whole night through and I would to put her on the potty in the morning as early as possible. She was almost fully trained at daytime by then. You could also keep the potty in his room so that you don’t end up disturbing his sleep very much. Answer: With our son, we realized that the problem was that he would play with himself during the night and end up taking his penis out of the diaper of very close to the edge. To stop it from happening, we would wait until he was fast asleep, then pull the diapers all the way up again.

Question: My son (4 years) has stopped wearing night pull ups and has been using the potty at night on his own with a dry bed for 2 weeks. Suddenly, he started wetting his bed or our, when he sleeps with us, every single night. We make sure he uses the potty before bed, and we don’t limit him milk. Nothing extreme has been going on in his life to warrant such a change. Is this normal? Should we go back to those expensive pull-ups? Answer: The same happened with my 4 years old daughter, who went back to wetting her bed after a couple of dry nights. So, stopped giving her anything to drink around 2 hours before her bedtime, including any fruits high in water content, and I make sure she uses the potty before bed every night. I told her to drink as much as she can during the day, since water is important for our bodies.

116

Question: My 4 years old daughter is nearly fully potty trained for daytime for a year now. But she is having trouble staying dry at night. Her bedwetting pattern is very irregular. She will go as long as one month with a dry bed every morning, and then wet her bed 2 to 3 times a week. We have noticed that it seems very hard for her to wake up at night to get up and use the potty. Whenever she is able to wake up to use it, she would cry for one of us to help her go. We try to wake her up in order to use the potty, even going as far as using cold wash cloths to wake her, but it still doesn’t work, and she ends up wandering in the hallway away from the bathroom. We are thinking of making her wear pull ups to bed again, to try and keep the bed dry, but we are worried this might shame he or make her feel disgraced since she hasn’t put them on for over a year now. I thought of taking her to see a pediatrician, but she disliked the idea. I am out of ideas on how to go forward, so any recommendations or advice would be highly appreciated. Thanks so much!! P.S. Just so you know, she has a younger brother aged 2.5, and she potty trained 9 months after his arrival. He is potty trained for daytime now and only wears diapers for nighttime. Also, her bedwetting is not a recent occurrence; she has been wetting her bed ever since she put on underwear. Answer: Our girl is nearly always wet at night and she is 4 years and 5 months old. We consider her not to be nighttime trained rather than a bed wetter. Her pull ups are sometimes dry and sometimes not. It doesn’t make any difference whether she goes to bed first or limits her drinking. The doctor advised us that some kids’ bladders are just too small to hold their urine and that age and told us to leave it until she is 5. I am not sure we are doing the right thing, but I hope she will get the hang of it soon. We attempted promising her new panties if she stays dry, but they nearly always get wet too. We did get a vinyl mattress cover for her futon at Sears, which made it easier when she wanted to put on panties. You might want to consult your doctor by phone first, before taking her to him, because he might advise you to simply give it time, which will save her the embarrassment. Answer: This sounds familiar on several aspects. Our kids both took their time with the night training, and they are both deep sleepers. It seems that you a daughter is doing very well and is enthusiastic, but maybe night control is affected by her irregular sleeping pattern, which can’t be helped. I think you should tell her doctor about it ( not that I think it’s anything serious) and the doctor should examine her if there is a need. You might need to take her anyway with the cold season upon us. We used an alarm; Sleep-Dry is one brand name, and it took care on the problem straight away when our kids were around 7. I should highlight that the alarm method only works if it is their choice and they feel that it is a rather personal project. You could also use "chucks"-absorbent disposable sheets, about 2 x 3 feet, with waterproof backing, which are used a lot in hospitals, and which you can get at most drugstores. They protect the bedding but aren't as intrusive (or embarrassing) as a diaper. You could put her back in pull ups, but explain first that it is not a punishment or anything bad, just something to help keep the bed dry." Good luck. Learning to keep the bed dry is a bit of childhood learning that

117

is consistently underrated, when you think of what we ask the brain/mind to do: relax, lose consciousness, dream.

Question: My kid missed the window of opportunity for nighttime potty training. How do I proceed? At age 2, my daughter was nearly fully potty trained during the day, and she consistently had dry pull ups during the night as well. However she seemed very young to bother about that at the time, and we were daunted by the thought of changing covers, that we simply kept her in them. Now, 2 and a half years later, she has wet pull ups every night and she has stopped feeling the difference. Even when we take them off she simply sleeps on in soaked pants and sheets. I wake her to use the potty at night, and she wets her bed anyway and sleeps through it. She started wanting to have sleep overs, and I am finally aware that we need to get her through this as fast as possible. How do we train a kid who has grown desensitized? Do we have get the alarm? Answer: You will have to wake her in the middle of the night to use the potty, stop the drinks after 5 to 6, have her use the potty before bed, in the middle of the night and 1st thing in the morning. There is no avoiding the hard work now. Answer: We’ve been going through the same thing with our son. He is 4 and a half and has been trained for the day since he was 2, yet he continues to wet his pull ups every night. We realized at last that he is just being lazy. Last week I simply decided, “No ore pull ups,” and resigned myself to deal with morning cleaning up ritual. We went through it until he was fed up with the hassle of waking up and having to change his clothes and clean his pants at 2 am. I didn’t make him change his sheets and I tried not to show my agitation at him. I took it at face value. Each night he wet himself, I would tell him not to worry that he could try again later. To protect the mattress, I got a lining sheet from CVS and inserted it between the mattress and the bed sheets, that way I only had to clean the sheets. It was very frustrating for the 1st 3 nights, but at the 4th night he was dry and has been so for 5 nights now. It seems that when it comes to parenting, the simpler the solution the more effective. My doctor did highly recommend the alarm as well. Answer: If you allow your kid to drink after 6.30 to 7 pm, it might be the reason for your problem. My 3-year-old girl has been trained for 2 weeks, and we took off the diapers at night this week. I stopped giving her drinks after 7. Once she gets into her PJs she may get one sip and then she pees in the potty and goes to bed. It has been working wonderfully for us. You could also explain to her that she may not go to sleepovers until she successfully stays dry for a whole week. Answer: Don’t beat yourself about it; you did not miss any window. It is perfectly common for a 4 to 5 years old kid to wet their bed at night. There is not deadline either because you could have her put on overnight pull ups, like GoodNights, which are 118

designed for overnight, not the toddler-diaper type pull-up, and a small plastic trash bag for disposal in the morning. She probably won’t be embarrassed about it at 4 years old. By all means, use the alarm if you want to go the dry at night route; it will require some effort on your part, but it does work if your child is ready. We are going to use it on our 5-year-old girl in the summer, when there is no need to wake up early for school. It has worked well with his older brother who trained with it in only a couple of weeks. Answer: I went through the same thing with my girl. I would make her use the potty before she went to bed around 7.30, and I would pick her up or walk her to the potty to use it again before I went to bed myself around midnight. Then I would he back in bed. She was usually half asleep during the whole thing, but she was able to sleep through the night and wake up dry. After a while she would wake up and do it on her own. We did have some accidents, especially when she was too late to make it to the bathroom, but we never made a big deal out of it. I seemed like a hassle back then, but, now that she is all grown up, I wish could pick her in my arms again! Answer: I am worried about the posts in here about nighttime training. Most kids are just not physically developed enough to control their bladders during the night, even they are successfully trained during the day! Some kids don’t develop the necessary control until after they are 6 or 7. Please don’t shame or embarrass you kid if that is the case with him, because he is perfectly normal! Answer: We got a bedwetting alarm, because making your kid pee before bed and in the middle of the night after you wake them is not the right way to do it. The kid needs to learn to wake up on their own, and the alarm helps them do that. Basically the alarm wakes them up right after they pee and after a while they learn to get up before the need to pee. We used the kind that is attached in their underpants, which is more effective than the kind that is put under the sheet. We had a waterproof pad between 2 sheets so that we could just remove one sheet, put it in the washer, change the kid and get back to bed. One of the kids was trained using the alarm in one week, and the other took a bit longer. Continue to use the alarm for two weeks after they stay dry. Good Luck. The alarm really does work.

Question: Our son (4.5) is a heavy sleeper and has started wetting his bed at night, all of a sudden, even though he wakes during the night to use the bathroom. It seems very strange to us, because he has already been trained for a year for daytime and half a year for nighttime. The only change in our lives is the birth of his baby sister (6 months now), but we don’t think it’s a cry for attention because he loved his brothers. We stopped giving him drinks after dinner, and we make him use the potty before bed. \we are also going to waking him up before we go to bed ourselves. Any other ideas?

119

Answer: My little over 4 y/o son would always pee in bed if his last of the potty was at 8 pm. He is a heave sleeper as well, be we wake him up to pee around midnight and then again around 5 am if we wake up. He has been diaperless since he was 3 and a half, but when we wake him up like this he almost never has any accidents. You should also know that it’s logical for a diaper not to hold his pee, because a 4 and half can hold a big amount of pee. Do make him use the potty at night once or twice even if he puts on pull ups, and try to lighten up about it; he will definitely be trained by college at least. boys do tend to not be able to control their bladders at night more than girls.

Question: I am aware that my question was previously discussed, and I read the posts on it, but I would still appreciate new ideas. My 4 and a half years old son potty trained when he was around 3, but he would let go as soon as he wore pull ups, even at daytime. We kind of let it go and kept him in pull ups at night. He wanted to stop wearing pull ups on his own around a month ago. He had accidents for about 2 weeks; the next 2 weeks he would wake up in the middle of the night and use the potty on his own, so we thought he finally trained. However, for a week now, he has been wetting his bed again every night. We do make sure he doesn’t drink after dinner and that he pees before bed, to no avail. My husband, who works late, used to wake him up when he got home to pee at night, and he would wake up very cranky because he is such a deep sleeper. Do we need to follow that method again? Answer: Remember staying dry during the night is not something he can control at his age. His body needs to develop enough physically so that his bladder recognizes that it is full, when it is, and his brain wakes up enough to get him to use the bathroom. Answer: This is very common among kids, so don’t worry. Children’s bodies develop differently. My daughter continued to wear a pull up to bed until she was 6, and only gave them up at around 7. Your son will get the hang of it with time too; his bladder is still too small to hold the urine overnight; that’s all. Answer: My two sons, (9 and 11 years) continued to wet their bed until they turned 6, maybe 7. They were trained at 3 and kept the pull ups for years, and they had no issues with them, because I didn’t make a big deal about them. I guess if you were laidback about it, he won’t object to them either. He may continue to wet himself for years; can you imagine the amount of washing you’ll have to go through otherwise? I recommend that you let it go and relax about. It will happen when he is ready, and then he will start worrying you in bigger ways. Answer: Your 4-year-old is wetting his bed simply because his body and bladder aren’t big enough to control his urine. He probably dislikes the pull ups, because of the way you present them to him. And if you give him rewards for staying dry without them, then it’s understandable that he will view them as a failure. I suggest you explain to him that 120

he needs the pull ups because he is still too young, and as he get older he will be able to drop them as his bladder grows bigger, without and shame or embarrassment. My own son was a bed wetter until he was 5, with occasional accidents until he was 8. I have also heard that boys can take up to 10 years to finally be able to control their nighttime urges. Answer: Our girl is almost 5, and we are not thinking about training her for night, yet. Why stress over it and go through the hassle, if she is not able to stay dry at night? Kids’ bodies can’t control their bladders by that age, sometimes even later. I suggest you put him back in pull ups without inflicting any blame on him or embarrassing. And wait until he grows enough to be able to stay dry on his own. Answer: My daughter needed the pull ups at night until she was 6; she is now 10. I know it is overwhelming, especially having to deal with the washing. Her acceptance to wear pull ups at night did make it easier for me. Once we decided to remove the pull ups, I would wake her up around 11.30 pm and get her to pee; this guaranteed a dry bed though the night. I also restricted the drinking 30 mins before her bedtime. In 3 months, she was trained fully. Answer: I was a bed wetter until I turned 12 years. It was because a very deep sleeper not because of any lack of desire to wake up at night. My parents did bring an expert to diagnose and analyze my problem, and they had to work with my sleeping cycles and so on. Basically you need to make sure he wakes up in the middle of the night to empty his bladder until he gets used to getting up on his own. You might also look up sleeping cycles on the internet which might help you understand when to wake him up. I do wish my parents brought in that expert sooner in my life than later, it would’ve saved me a lot of embarrassment. Good luck! Answer: 12% of kids continue to wet their beds until the age of 6 or 7, my pediatrician says. They do so because they are deep sleepers and can’t get up during the night. Discuss this with your doctor and have you son checked for diabetes, if he drinks a lot and pees a lot; these are the symptoms for diabetes. Answer: Both my sister and I wet our beds until we were 8. It was because we slept too deeply to be able to wake up in the middle of the night. My parents made up a song, “I woke up in a dry bed,” as a way of trying to fix me and it was humiliating. It may have something to do with stress too, either way I really think it’s something some kids have to outgrow rather than something they can control. Answer: It’s pretty common for a 4.5-year-old to wet his bed. My son toilet trained when he was 2, but started having dry night at around 6; he is now 16. It’s mostly to do with the soundness of the kid’s sleep, which effects his ability to wake up at night. My boy wore diapers for years; his 3 years old brother actually trained before him. Understanding that his situation was very normal for his age encouraged me to relax about it and to let it go. I stopped considering it a problem. The alarm, the kind that is

121

pinned to his underwear worked in terms of waking me up so that I can wake him; he slept right through it. Answer: My kid is a 2-year-old, so I am sure I am not the most experienced parent out there, but I wanted to give you my two cents on this. From what I read on this matter, 15-25% of kids this age, especially boys, wet their beds. It’s mostly because of the kid’s deep sleep making them sleep through the urge to get up and pee, and it’s not a problem until it continues past ages 7 or 8. Several methods are available to work on this issue, like having a routine where you wake the kid at night 3 times to pee, limiting drinks before bed, and hypnotherapy and other more intrusive measures involving electronic moisture sensors and buzzers. You could discuss this matter with your doctor, to also make sure there is no physical condition causing it. Most of all, always be sure not to punish or humiliate your son for his accidents; make sure you keep your tone light and nonjudgmental. You could also make up his bed in layers of bedsheets and waterproof sheets so that, when wets the top layer, you can just strip it, and the one underneath will still be clean and dry. You could also have him sleep without underpants. Best of luck to you in coping with this--it will surely pass. Answer: My friend’s two sons wet their beds for a long time. She tried a lot of methods, but the one that did work was the alarm method, previously mentioned. The alarm went off if their pants got even slightly dry so that they would wake up and use the potty. Answer: I agree with all the answers that say he is perfectly normal, and I also recommend the alarm method, but not for his age. I say wait until he is 7 or 8 and really enthusiastic about trying, because if it fails him of if he is too irritated to wake up, he might not want to try it again later. I have a much longer piece about this in Parents' Press in the next month or so. Pick up the paper, since they hold copyright on my columns. Answer: My daughter stopped wearing pull ups at night when she turned 3, even though she continued to wet her bed after that for years, sometimes every other night. When we discussed this with her doctor, he explained that some kids don’t develop the hormone necessary to hold the pee overnight until later. Another explanation was that my girl always held her pee during the day so as not to miss any play time, which trained her bladder to hold her pee overnight until it was too late. The doctor suggested that we make out girl pee every 2 hours during daytime so that she get accustomed to peeing before getting full, and that is what finally worked for us. By all means, talk with your doctor about; he will reassure you and have suggestions on how to work with your son on this. Hope this helps. Answer: Some of the parents here are advising to limit their kids’ drinking after dinner to stop the bedwetting. This may work, but my 4 and a half boy is always too distracted during the day to remember to drink, and care providers won’t keep tabs on his fluid intake, so I prefer putting him pull ups than risk having him dehydrated. Drinks like coke and such are out of the question of course. A friend’s daughter was a deep sleeper and 122

wet her bed until she was 7; their doctor suggested stopping milk, because she might be having a slight allergic reaction which caused her to sleep too deeply. It worked! I have no idea how! Answer: His body needs to recognize the need to pee and wake up on its own, so you waking him up is the opposite of what you need to do. Maybe you couls wait until he gets older. Answer: My daughter wet her bed several times a night, so did other kids in our family. Apparently the problem was that their bodies shouldn’t produce a lot of pee during sleep, and that they are sleeping too soundly to wake up when the urge to pee hits. I was advised by my doctor to use a nasal hormone to solve this problem, but I didn’t prefer that option. In order to keep the bed wet, I started taking her to the potty in her sleep, but that didn’t work either. Finally, my nurse sister, advised that I actually need to wake her up and have her pee. I did that for 2 weeks and afterwards she was trained. When my son started bedwetting too, I started this method with him, and he was trained in a couple of days.

Question: My 4.5 years old son is wetting his bed every other night! They are happening too often for me to refer to them as accidents anymore! We tries a reward system with him, giving him toys when he stays dry; we even took him to Disney land, when he went dry for a long time in the summer. But, sadly he continued to wet his bed again after that. He refuses to put on pull ups at night, and I am worried that wearing them wet might give him a cold. It’s also very frustrating having to deal with the washing up. We discussed this with him many times; je just seems not able to control it. I am very concerned because I never heard of a kid over 4 still wetting his bed. Answer: Your son is perfectly normal; my daughter still wet her bed until she was 6, and it gradually got better until it stopped completely by age 8. I believe it was that her muscles were underdeveloped and that she too much of a deep sleeper to get up at night. A lot of kids also have this issue until they are at least 6 or 6 and a half. Making sure she peed before bed helped sometimes, but we mostly just kept her in pull ups or got an absorbent pad for the bed. We did have concerns that it was a psychological issue or that she was being stubborn on purpose, but I guess it really was that she needed to grow physically. Answer: I have a few tips on bedwetting. Around 10% of kids wet their beds at night, which is very common. It really doesn’t have much to do with motivation; children are sometimes not able to control their bodies up to age 7, 8, or 9. A good method to work on this is to help stretch your kid’s bladder by giving him more to drink during the day; you can limit his drinks at night. A different method that works well with older kids (around 6 and older) is the alarm. Sometimes kids sleep through the alarm and are not 123

able to wake up because they are such deep sleepers, in which case I would advise that you discuss the issue at hand rationally, explaining that you want to help them stop the bed wetting. Have a mattress in your room, and alternate with your partner to wake up at night. After your child has gone to the bathroom, put the special Enurisis alarm (different types, cost approx. $40-60) in place. Wake your kid up and take him to the bathroom every time you hear the alarm go off, until they get used to waking up on their own, and continue to give them more fluids during the day so that their bladder’s capacity increases. I wish you luck on this. Make sure you are extra careful about your facial expressions when your kid wets his bed. This part of a child’s life can be very shameful and humiliating, so try to address the cleaning up in as casually as possible. You could always through away a smelly mattress, but no your child’s self-respect. Answer: My son also had a similar issue, with family history. We consulted his pediatrician about it when he was 5, and he explained that it is perfectly normal up until age 7. When he turned 7 and the problem persisted, we went back to the doctor to be told of two options. A nasal spray that fixes a certain hormone to accelerate the cure, or an alarm pad that is laid under the kid and fires up at the hint of wetness. We went for the alarm pad, because the spray sounded like a drug. It worked within only 2 weeks and we said goodbye to the bedwetting days completely. Please remember it is not a matter of laziness, but insufficient control of their bodies, which is perfectly common at that age. Answer: When we discussed this with our son’s doctor, he explained that kids aren’t considered bed-wetters until they hit age 6 and to just keep our son in pull ups until he was able to stay dry most of the time on his own. He also said that we shouldn’t make a big deal out of it and just treat it in a matter-of-fact way. If your son is resisting pull ups, try to explain that he must put them on until he is ready. Answer: We are currently working with our 4 years old son on his daytime accidents; we haven’t tackled nighttime training yet. We created a reward system, where he would get a sticker every time he peed or pooped in the potty. If he collected 5, he would get a special treat (which we came up with together). This also helped me become more laidback with my approach; if he had an accident, it was just one less sticker away from his treat, and it helped him become more motivated to succeed. Answer: My husband said he wet his bed until he was 5, and got over it when his parents got him an alarm type of thing, which taught how to read his body while asleep.

Question: My son will be 4 very soon. He is fully potty-trained for daytime and naptime, but continues to wear pull ups at night. I have limited his drinks after dinner, but it’s not working; he is such a deep sleeper! I am not rushed to train him, but I have offered bribes as an incentive to make him try. What should I do? 124

Answer: It took my son 4 months to become completely accident free on his own at the age of 5 and a half. If your son is a deep sleeper, nothing you do will work. I suggest you do nothing for the time being, embrace the pull ups and stop with the bribes and trust that it will happen on its own. Answer: It usually takes boys more time to fully be nighttime potty-trained. My son was able to stay dry at daytime years before he was able to at nighttime. I completely backed off when I discussed the matter with him one time, and he cried thinking that there was something wrong with his body! (I still feel horrible about this even though he is now in college.) I told him, at the time, that his body is perfectly normal, and that it will learn when it’s ready, which turned out to be the day before he started kindergarten. Please let him be and go back to the pull ups. Answer: Some kids just can’t control their bladders during the night because they are such deep sleepers. My son had the same problem, and he is only now, at 7 and a half, starting to get up at night to pee. I think 4 years old is just too young to expect your son to be dry! We did work around the issue by taking our son to pee one last time before we slept, which helped us avoid changing sheets. It might be worth a try! Good luck! Answer: This is a very normal occurrence, especially with boys. My son trained for nighttime one year after his sister did. He was a very deep sleeper as well and simply couldn’t wake up before he needed to pee. He got over this one his own when he body was ready. So, my advice is to not worry about nighttime training at all. Answer: Our boy was fully trained for daytime by age 2, but continued to wear pull ups to bed until age 5. The doctor assured us that this perfectly normal and that some kids sleep so soundly that they aren’t able to wake up during the night to pee. He finally managed to stay dry and move to underwear on his own, even though he never gets up to pee at night. So, I guess his bladder grew bigger and he doesn’t have much liquid in him before he sleeps.

Question: Our 4-year-old daughter is fully trained except for wearing pull ups at night; she wets them 90% of the time, although I have a feeling that she wets them in the morning, because one day she took of her dry diaper during the night and was dry when I came in to change her brother, and then she peed as soon as she woke up; she also doesn’t have any pee in her first thing in the morning. She will be moving from her crib and into a regular bed after Christmas. So, my question is do I just put a waterproof sheet under her and let her realize that getting up and peeing is better than sleeping on a wet bed? Or do I keep her in diapers until she is dry more often? She did ask for the potty in the night once before, but never again. I don’t want to be too hasty in this and end up making a wrong move, so what so experienced parents think I should do?

125

Answer: I am pretty certain that it’s too early to eliminate the diapers for your 4-year-old at night. She is still fairly young, and some kids don’t manage to stay dry at night until very later, examples include my mother, older brother and me! Forcing her to do this might only pressure her and make everyone miserable. When her body is ready to stay dry, it will do it on its own; no one likes a wet bed after all! The deciding factor on whether or not she is ready is having a dry diaper every day for a week. So, wait until this takes place on its own before you try anything, and, remember, you don’t train her; she trains herself when she is ready. Answer: In England, they use a method called “lifting,” which is virtually unheard of around here. I learned about it while living there with my husband’s family. We are currently using it with our 3.5-year-old daughter with excellent results. In a nutshell, I pick her up before i go to bed at around 11 or 12, or if i wake up in the middle of the night to drink or pee, and put her on the potty, where she pees in her sleep. Then I put her back in bed, and she ends up having a peaceful night. Full bladders tend to cause nightmares for kids. Having less fluids in her bladder means that she is able to hold it longer. It’s not for everyone though. Some kids just will not wake up, and we forget to do it some nights too, thankfully with no accidents so far. But, do give it a go if your circumstances allow it. It is a wonderful method and I think more Americans should do it. Answer: My daughter continued to wear pull ups for bed until she turned 4.5, and that’s when I started making her use the potty every night before bed. I would suggest it before, but she is very stubborn and never really did it until I started making her. If she sat on the potty and didn’t pee, I would run the water. It that also didn’t work, I would wake her during the night every hour or so until she peed. She is a very deep sleeper, so I think that’s why she took a longer time to train. I did receive a lot of advice about limiting her drinks, but she rarely drank during the day and she grew very thirsty at night. I think you should go with your feeling that she pees very early in the morning, and try to wake up before that time and make her use the potty. Answer: Nearly 40% of 4-year-olds wet their beds and grow out of it on their own as they get older. Those who don’t are usually very deep sleepers with smaller bladders. I think you should keep her in pull ups for the time being until she successfully stays dry all the time. Save yourself the hassle of cleaning sheets and save her the embarrassment and discomfort of sleeping on a wet bed. It is not something she can control during the night yet! My daughter trained when she was 2 and started becoming dry at night at 5.5. After she went dry for over a week, we took off the pull ups and haven’t looked back since. Answer: Continue using the pull ups at night until she is dry more regularly. You might get sick and tired of changing sheets at 3 in the morning and be forced to go back to diapers, in which case you girl will inadvertently feel like she failed. It is okay for her to not be able to control her bladder at this age. A lot of the kids are such sound sleepers

126

that they sleep through the urge to pee until it’s too late. So, wait until she is able to stay dry more often; then start taking her to pee before bedtime.

Question: My daughter is 5 and still wetting her bed every two or three nights. I am almost certain that it’s not something she can control, because she sleeps so soundly. I was looking for a non-disposable diaper that will absorb pee, because I dislike using disposables like “Goodnights” every night, and I still don’t want to waste energy and time on a lot of washing. I was thinking in terms of something like the Gerber training pants, but I can’t find her size. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Answer: My 5-year-old son wets his bed a couple of nights and stays dry a couple of night, so we did put him in Gerber pants for a while, but they don’t really absorb much. For 3 months, we would wake him up at night and walk him to the bathroom thinking it might get him used to wake up on his own. It did not work because he sleeps so deeply that he didn’t remember waking up in the 1st place. When we grew sick of changing sheets every night, and because he doesn’t care what he wears to bed, we put him back in pull ups. Answer: I also wet my bed around that age, and now that I am expecting, I discussed the best course of action with my husband in this aspect, which made me realize that my parents handled my problem the best way. They simply had an alarm set up on my room at a volume high enough to wake only me, and I would get up and use the bathroom. My father woke up with me on the 1st week to make sure I went; afterwards I just closed the alarm, got up and used the bathroom without even remembering. Later, they took away the alarm, and I continued to wake up around the same time, the same way I often do before my work alarm goes off. Answer: You didn’t mention your reason for avoiding the overnight disposables. Is it because of the environment? Are they too expensive? The Gerber pants are not designed to absorb the wetness; they are made to make the kid feel the wetness and make the association with being dry, thus learning to use the potty in time. I actually reused the Goodnight diapers that stayed dry until they did get wet, with all my kids. Some kids are not able to get the hang of overnight training until they are 8 or 9, so I say continue to use the diapers and save everyone the misery. Answer: Between 4 and 4.5, we used cloth diapers for my son, as a workaround constantly washing sheets. We got 10 large-sized pre-folds and 3 large covers, which we washed & line-dried each week. The size could fit a 5+-year-old comfortably. We used them in cycles. He would wet his bed and lose sleep because of changing the bed at night for a couple of nights. Then we would use diapers for 3-4 nights, to make up for lost sleep, and on and on until he just stopped wetting after 6 months. My son was never able to have dry diapers when they were on, but at least they gave us a chance to 127

sleep, and he was always motivated to try again harder after a couple of uncomfortable nights in wet diapers. Answer: We got a waterproof pad for my son, who also had a similar problem several years back. It is very like a lab-pad but in a much bigger size. We laid it on top of the sheets so that we only needed to wash that one and not the whole bed. Google it, because I forgot where I got it. My son was a very deep sleeper. Waking him up to pee at night was no good, neither was limiting his drinks after dinner. We also got him the alarm but he slept right through it. Answer: I also disliked the nightly disposables, but could find nothing absorbent enough for my daughter’s pee. Eventually, we used those blue disposable bed sheet squares that the hospital sends you home with after delivery. We laid one under the sheet and a spare one handy to change it with. This to me was better than disposing of diapers every night whether or not they were used. You can find these pads in medical supply stores. An alternative is dog pads, which would keep your mattress dry at the very least. Answer: My daughter continues to wet her bed at 6, even though she refused to wear pull ups to bed since she was 4. We resigned ourselves to dealing with more laundry. We have been staying at a friend’s cabin with no washing available, so we went back to diapers to avoid a wet bed; she hated them very much, and now we are back to washing. Incidentally she always peed more with them on! I must say that she is making some progress these day, if a little too slow.

Question: My son is 5 years old, and he has been trained for the day, with minor accidents, since a little past 2 years old! However, he continues to wet his bed every night. How do we break up that cycle and train him for nighttime too? I am looking for all the advice I can get. Answer: Our boy still wears nighttime pull ups at 6. We did have a couple of lucky dry nights, but there mostly due to the fact that he was dehydrated. I would just forget about it and put him back in pull ups to have a dry bed. People always look at bedwetting with such shame, as if it is something either you or him can control! You should know that not all deep sleepers are bedwetters, but all bedwetters are deep sleepers. Your son, like ours, seems to be a deep sleeper, with an immature bladder and insufficient pee controlling hormone. He might have also inherited this from his parents or their families. Having discussed the matter with 2 pediatricians, I was assured that it is not considered an issue until after the kid hits 7, in which case we can start to address it. I am not going to limit my son’s fluid intake, and I am unlikely to go with the lifting option because I sleep too soundly myself. I would just advise you to let it go and allow him some time without feeling any pressure or shame, and he could grow out of it on his own. 128

Answer: We actually followed an unconventional method, but it worked so well so I had to share. I should tell you first that our doctor also confirmed that it is normal for boys to wet their beds until they were 7, and also that your son may have a bladder condition, especially that he also wets himself during the day, in which case this method may not be for you. Anyway, our son was daytime trained when we started with him. We did all the usual of limiting his drinks, getting him to pee more regularly, changing his diet and so on. Nothing worked until we opted for the alarm. It is very safe and comfortable, even though it may seem cruel to you, and you may be wondering why anyone would put their kid though this. Your kid really needs to learn to wake up when the urge to pee hits. The alarm works by doing just that; it sounds when the kid pees, and after a while he learns to associate the pee with waking up. We woke up with our son the 1 st couple of times only to find that he had already peed, in which case we would change the sheets together. He got better every day until he was completely dry the whole night through 2 weeks later. I suppose it did also help that he was motivated to get the hang of it so that he can start going to sleepovers. Answer: Our son night trained later as well. We started last year when he was 6; and we would wake him up at 11 before we went to bed, and making him pee. We had tried that method when he was 4 and again when he was 5 unsuccessfully. I think he was just not ready at the time. 2 months after we started the lifting method, he woke up with a dry pull up and was very encouraged at switching to underpants. We continued the lifting through the night for 6 more months, and then we stopped to see how he would do. He had 2 incidents, and then he was dry and remained dry ever since. We had considered the alarm, but gave it up because his sister sleeps in the same room and it would have disrupted her sleep. I do believe any method you end up choosing will only work if the kid itself is developmentally ready. Otherwise you will all be frustrated. Stay positive! Answer: Bedwetting is also a symptom of Sleep Apnea. You should check whether your son has any of the following symptoms: snoring, sleeping in strange positions, daytime crankiness or hyperactivity or sleepiness, excessive sweating at night, or mouth breathing. With sleep apnea, the bedwetting happens because the lack of oxygen and overabundance of carbon dioxide causes their hormones to get out of whack and this causes them to produce too much urine. Do take him to a doctor, if he presents any of these symptoms because sleep apnea could cause damage on the long term. With children it's usually the tonsils and/or adenoids which are too large and the child doesn't get enough oxygen when they sleep, which is critical for a developing brain and body. You should also ask for a second opinion, if the doctor just recommends waiting and seeing, because some of them are not aware of the most recent studies on the matter. Answer: I think you should leave him in pull ups for another year or so, because it is common for 5-year-olds to be wet at night. My own son was fully trained for daytime, yet never dry at night since he was 2.5. Suddenly, before his 6 th birthday he started waking up with dry pull ups more often. I had been putting him in pull ups every night and telling 129

him that his body will be dry when it’s ready. When he started having dry pull ups very regularly, we took them off and laid a waterproof sheet on his bed. He would have an accident once a week for about 4 months. He is almost 7 now and accident-free for the past 6 months. I do think it was just that his bladder needed to grow bigger. It’s really time consuming to start any method if your son just isn’t ready; it would only make everyone miserable.

Question: Our son, now 5, pees 4 times a night! We are at a loss of what to do. We basically limit drinks after 6.30 with one glass of milk at dinner. Then we have him pee before bed and again after we read for him. We wake him up to pee at 11 pm and at 4 am, and he wakes up at 7 and pees one more time. If we miss out on waking him, he pees in his bed. He peed in his bed 3 times and was soaking wet head to toe! Does anyone know how we can make him hold his pee for longer, or at least wake up to pee on his own? His sister is doing great at night even if she drinks right before bed. Answer: Why don’t you put him in pull ups at night? They are available as ''Good Nights'' at Safeway and are meant for school aged children. He might just need some time to be ready to wake on his own. He could also not be peeing as much as you think. Nevertheless, you should also consult with his doctor. Answer: This seems like an overwhelming schedule for all parties concerned, and he is still 5 years old, which is pretty young for a kid to be night trained. He might not be physically ready to hold his pee. So, please consider putting him back in diapers until he is ready and save all of you having to wake 5 times a night, and just let him sleep without worrying about the wettings! Answer: How many times is your son peeing during the day? And is he always thirsty? These are signs of diabetes and you should get that checked. On the other hand, do consider the nighttime pull ups. He is only 5 after all, which is still too young to interrupt his sleep and lose so much sleep over yourself. Answer: Incidentally, I have recently completed a research on this matter. It is very natural for a kid to wet his bed. In fact, doctors don’t think of it as a problem until the kid is at least 6. It has all to do with their physical development. Some are able to hold it in faster than others. The alarm is an option, but mostly it ends up waking the parents rather than the kid itself, and it may take months to work. I really think you should just put him back in pull ups until they become dry on their own, which will happen rather naturally, so please be patient and know your son is not alone in this. Answer: I need to say that this sounds slightly unusual. A kid that is not getting a lot to drink should not pee 4 times a night. I think you should consult with his pediatrician.

130

Question: My daughter (age 5) continues to wear pull ups at night and I just have no idea how get her to wake up at night to pee. She does wake up for bowl movements but very rarely because she usually poops during the day. She is a deep sleeper because I would vacuum her room and she would sleep right through that. In the morning her pull ups are always wet, even though she would pee right before bed. Lately, I have taken to waking her up to pee at 11, and she does pee, but also has wet pull ups in the morning. I believe she drinks a normal amount every day. Could it be that she simply has a weak bladder like I do? Does anybody have an idea how to potty train a five-year-old at night? Answer: I am not sure why you feel the need to get your daughter trained so urgently. It is normal at this age to continue to wear pull ups. My daughter at 5.3 still puts them on at night. I talked about this with her pediatrician and she said her daughters took off pull ups at 4, 5 and 7, and she said my daughter does not develop enough of the hormone that is supposed to wake her up at night in order to pee. Having said that, I still think peeing 3 times a day is a bit too much, and you should have her checked for diabetes. Answer: You shouldn’t worry about your daughter; mine was trained very quickly at 2.5 years, but was such a deep sleeper that she couldn’t wake up during the night to pee. I simply let her stay in pull ups because I was also daunted by the idea of changing sheets at night. He pediatrician also assured us that it was perfectly normal and not a big deal at all. She said she wanted to sleep without the pull ups one night, and she has been dry that night onwards! I do believe it was a matter of developing a bigger bladder capacity in order to be able to hold her pee overnight. Answer: Your daughter might not be ready to be taken off the pull ups if they are still always wet in the morning. My daughter would have very wet diapers every night, and sometimes they even leaked on the sheets, up until she turned 4 and a half. That’s when the dry pull ups appeared. When she was dry for several nights, I gave her a Barbie. I think the bladder brain connections takes a longer time to develop in some kids. We make sure she pees before and after her stories, and if she misses one of them she tends to have an accident very early in the morning, or if she sleeps in. But she has been able to wake up even if she does, with minimal wetting. In order to take off any pressure, we have a flannel padding laid down under her sheets. Answer: My daughter continued to put on pull ups until she was nearly 6. Her father and I argued a lot about this situation and my mother-in-law was frustrated with me for letting her stay on pull ups until this age. I just really thought that the humiliation of waking up in a wet bed, the frustration of changing soiled sheets and having to wake her up in the middle of the night just wasn’t worth it, coupled with the fact that she was unable to wake herself up because she was such a deep sleeper. It all turned around when her cousin came for a sleepover, and she was very embarrassed to see that her cousin had already taken off the pull ups. She was now motivated to start working on herself. That along with the needed physical development made her train herself in just over 2 weeks.

131

Answer: I think you should just allow her to grow out of them at her own pace. My older son didn’t stop pull ups until he was 9, and my younger son still sleeps in them. I don’t think much of it. He did request a sleeping bag instead of a pull up because he said his friends teased him. However, he still seems to need them at home. Some kids just develop in this area faster than other. At our family we have all been bedwetters and deep sleepers. It all goes away in due time. Answer: Just let it go. My son is still in pull ups at night too and they are always very wet in the morning. So many have advised me that this is perfectly normal and acceptable. My son is the type of kid who might have daytime accidents if he is too distracted. So I think it would be pretty hard for him to be able to wake up from a deep sleep and remember what needs to be done! You should be happy that she sleeps through the night and that you don’t have to change sheets! Answer: She seems just like my daughter. I really think you shouldn’t stress over it. I was simply thankful that they had a nighttime pull up, because the regular ones leaked. I did some reading and I found out that the hormone necessary for regulating urine at nighttime develops at such a variable age in kids. There was really nothing she or I could do about it. You should take it off your mind if her doctor is not worried. It will happen before college, I can assure you! Just allow nature to take its course. My kid was out of pull ups at 9, and I think boys can take up until they are 12. Good luck, don't stress and don't let her stress either. Answer: Do you want to train a heavy-sleeper, bed-wetter 5-year-old? The answer is simple. Wait a couple of years and be thankful that there such a variety of ultraabsorbent night pull ups to take off the stress of daily washing. Some kids do not develop physically and neurologically until they are 9, mostly boys and some girls too. So, any hasty steps now will only make you and her frustrated and miserable. Answer: Controlling you bladder enough to be able to wake at night is a physical development that has nothing to do with conscious control. Kids can take up to 7 years to develop that ability. I really think you should let it go and wait until she is ready. If she desperately wants to go to sleepovers, you might give her a discreet pull up, or talk to the other parents. I had a friend of my daughter’s pee in her bed once on a sleepover (she was 6.5) and it was not a big deal. Answer: We actually explained to our kids that in order to stay dry at night, they needed to stop drinking after 5. We also made it clear that they need to drink plenty of eater in the morning to stay healthy. They had been having very wet diapers for a while, until we went cold turkey on them. We would basically get them to pee at around 11 to 12 before we slept, and they almost always stayed dry from then on. We did also keep a water proof sheet to minimize the cleaning and catch any emergency accidents. Answer: My daughter is having a similar situation to your girl. She continues to wear pull ups at night and she is 6 now. I asked her doctor about it and she explained that there is nothing to be concerned about or do until she turned 7. After that age there are 132

options that we could try. I decided to let it go as long as she is okay with it. I keep the mattress covered with a waterproof sheet and a towel to absorb the wetness. Funnily enough, her brother was out of pull ups and completely dry by the age of 4! Answer: We went through the exact same situation with our daughter and got the same advice, plus using the alarm. We did end up using it and it has worked with fabulous results. She was able to be dry on her 3rd night with the alarm. We kept it on for 2 dry weeks, and then she was able to wake up on her own. The alarm helps your kid associate the sensation of wanting to pee with the necessity to wake up. The type we used was Wet-Stop, and you could find other kinds online and in pharmacies.

Question: We casually mentioned the idea of trying to stay dry to our 5-year-old daughter and since then she is very adamant on trying, even though we now think she might not be ready. However, she has set her mind to sleeping in panties, and she ends up wet almost half the week because she is a very deep sleeper. Her pediatrician explained to us that the alarm is a good idea for kids who are motivated to stay dry, but are unable to because they are deep sleepers. I was wondering if anyone has experience with this method, and whether or not it would be effective for a very deep sleeper who sleeps right through her brother screaming and the clock alarm and so on. Answer: Our son was nearing his 7th birthday and still wetting his bed. He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care if he wet his underwear and he would sleep until the morning anyway. I found an alarm called Wet-Stop at a pedâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s office one day, while I was there for something else. You attach one part of the alarm to the underwear and the speaker part attaches to the shoulder of the pajamas. (All the pouches and Velco come in the kit.) The alarm goes off when the sensor feels wetness. Then the parents help the kid with peeing and changing the underwear and so on. We needed to wake him up for a week, and then he started waking on his own for a week. After a while he just learned to stay dry through the night. Answer: The bedwetting alarms was phenomenal. After using it my son, who was a very deep sleeper and who wet his bed every single night, was able to be dry in only 9 nights, and we never looked back. My daughter was trained with it in two weeks by age 4, but she was not as sound a sleeper as her brother. It is a drag having to wake up every night to change their pants, which is a must, and my son loathed the alarm by day 5, but we persevered with excellent results. You might need to have a baby monitor if your room is away from theirs. It was very interesting though, how differently they learned to manage their bladders. My son goes once before bed and another in the morning and stay dry all night. My daughter wakes up several times a night to pee. Answer: We were unsuccessful with the alarm method. They might be effective with some kids, but their success rate is not 100%. If the bedwetting is caused by a 133

psychological issue, the alarm will not work, We found out that our daughter was traumatized due to a divorce, and it was only time that ended up curing it.

Question: Does anyone else have a 5 years old daughter with irregular bedwetting? we have done all the necessary blood and urine tests and everything is normal. The doctor says to wait it out, but what do we do for now? Answer: If all the test results are normal, then your 5 years old daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bedwetting is perfectly normal. Some kids take a longer time to learn to wake up at night. My kid was not out of pull ups until she was 5.5. I do recommend them for you as well. They will save you and her a lot of the stress. You really donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need to make a big deal out of it. Nothing out there says a wet bed teaches a kid faster. And having a deep sleep and a small bladder are perfectly normal. Answer: My daughter wet their beds at night until they were 6. It actually stops on its own. My older daughter stopped wetting her bed around her 6th birthday, and my younger daughter went further than her birthday which prompted me to use the bedwetting alarm with her. She just always slept through the pee, and need to be taught to get up. She was trained within a couple of weeks, and I kept a waterproof pad under her sheet with a couple of towels to absorb any wetness. They both stayed dry afterwards and so on. Answer: Sometimes a diet too high in sugars can cause bedwetting to recur. Even 10 year olds can have recurrences, much to their dismay and social embarrassment. Sugars mean all things sweet including fruit juices, dried fruit, sweeteners (even natural ones like honey, although stevia appears to be safe), juice squeezes and sodas. You could also try a Jin Shin Juytsu practitioner who can address the underlying cause, be it emotional (very common in illnesses), digestive or other physical stress. Self-help is freely given to parents and the children accept this bodywork as they know it is helping them.

Question: How can we help our kid stop wearing pull ups? He is trained except for nighttime, and his pull ups are often very full in the morning. We are not in a hurry to train him, but he seems to be feeling very embarrassed about it, now that other kids his age are able to sleep without them. He is a deep sleeper and fears the dark, so we are not sure how best to proceed. We appreciate any suggestions we can get. Answer: I am just going to continue letting my 5-year-old son wear pull ups to bed, even though he has mentioned that sometimes he wakes up at night before he pees, 134

but decides to pee in his pull ups rather than get up. I am not ready to start getting up at night to take him to the potty, and I wet my bed till I was 7, so did my husband; we both just stopped doing it on our own. My sister also outgrew it when she turned 11, and she simply slept in a sleeping bag on sleepovers and brought it back. Answer: Our daughter gave up pull ups at 9 years old and we thought she might never do it. We were very laidback about it and decided to take her lead. She was very uncomfortable with it before she was able to do anything about! We did try every couple of months for 2 weeks, but stopped when it didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t show signs of success, especially when the lack of sleep caused by nightly changing of sheets and Pjs would get to us. I would log into a website sponsored by Huggies, which showed that a lot of the kids have that problem until that age, and some boys continue until age 12. It may seem like a long time, but it is true that it happens when they are physically ready. My daughter was such a deep sleeper that she once slept through throwing up! There is certain hormone which causes the bedwetting when it is insufficient in the body, and there is a drug designed to stop it but the bedwetting recurs after the kid stops taking it. What happened with my daughter is that she started waking up at night 2 to 3 times to relieve herself, so I am not sure whether she trained herself despite of the drug anyway. In short, I really think there are many kids out there going through the same at that age; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just that not many talk about it.

Question: My son (age 5) has stopped wearing diapers since the age of 2, but he still sleeps in pull ups at night. I avoided the nighttime training, because he hs been going through the transition of attending kindergarten. Now he is all settled and I have no idea what to do or were to start. He also sleeps on a top bunk. Would that affect his ability to train at this point? Does anybody have suggestions for me?? Answer: I think you should give him more time; he is still too young at 5. You are doing great by putting him in pull ups to avoid the washing, so continue until he himself is read. Some kids are not motivated enough to even try until they are on their way to grad school. The bunk bed could set him back, but not if he is ready to learn. And if you take him down because he wets his bed he will feel very ashamed and frustrated. So, just wait it out.

Question: I am not sure whether or not I should worry. My 5 year-old wets her bed maybe 1 to 4 times a month. She is an easily agitated kid who worries about a lot of things. Should I consider the bedwetting as a symptom of her anxiety? Is this occurrence normal for a girl of this age? When should I start being concerned? What is the cut off age for her to be out of the pull ups? 135

Answer: It seems like we have similar situations. My 5-year-old son alternates between wet and dry nights. We put him in Gerber pants for a while, but they are not absorbent enough. We also followed a pattern for 3 months, hoping he will start to follow it on his own; we stopping his drinks 1 hour before bed, we had pee before sleeping, and we woke him up a couple of times a night to help him pee. It did not work, mostly, because he slept so soundly that he didn’t even remember waking in the middle of the night. I am going to do more research and I hope you and I get better advice from the other posts.

Question: I have a 5.5-year-old daughter who is healthy, but still wears pull ups to bed every night. She is not embarrassed by it and doesn’t want to take the off at all. She even refuses to pee before bed in order to start becoming dry at night and her pull ups are usually very wet in the morning. I have tried to make this a very laidback endeavor but she still seems to be very afraid of having an accident. Will she get over this attitude with time? Answer: My son (4.5) continues to wet his bed some nights too. I do believe this is normal especially for boys his age. We put him on the potty before we go to bed at around 11 and run the sink water, and he usually pes even though he is still half asleep. We continued doing that for a month, and he successfully stayed dry for 15 nights, feeling very accomplished that he makes sure to pee before bed on his own. Once he even woke up at 3 am to relieve himself. Answer: My daughter has the same problem, and her doctor explained that she is very normal and that 12% of 7-year-olds continue to wear diapers to bed. He also said that some kids just tend to sleep too soundly to be able to wake up at night to relieve themselves. Best of luck - Amy Answer: I commend you for not shaming your daughter. I believe that hypnotherapy could be a method of finding out why this is happening and also fixing it. You may be absolutely true about her being scared to take off the diapers, but I sensed that it was more a matter of being happy with the status quo. She seems to think it’s easier to pee in her diaper than to get up at night and she understands that without them the bed will be wet. You might need to find a good reason to motivate her into wanting to accept the change; growing out of the Goodnights size is a possibility. At any case, hypnotherapy works by finding appealing ways to attract the mind to the desired direction, so it could help find a fun (i.e. motivating) reason for or approach to dry sleeping. Answer: My girl kept the diapers until she was 8, but after she was successfully dry on her own for several nights she decided to take them off and never wet her bed again. A couple of years back her pediatrician explained to me that some children did not have light sleeping cycles, which meant they were unable to wake up during the night. He also said that some kids don’t develop bigger bladders until later. It is possible you’re 136

your girl will give up the diapers when she is ready even though she only feels secure with them on right now. Please don’t make a fuss about it. I don’t understand why she refuses to pee before bed, but maybe if you allow her to keep the diapers even she pees, she will not be as opposed to doing it. Answer: We managed to get our daughter out of pull ups, 6 months ago as she was nearing her 6th birthday. When she was around 3 to .5, she was able to get up at night and use the toilet, but later, around Christmas, we started travelling and she relapsed. We tried stopping drinks before bed time and getting her to pee during the night and before she slept, but when she continued to wet her pants for over 3 months, we went back to Goodnights. She continued to wear them without any issues for 2 year later. We had her checked for infections, but she was healthy, just unable to wake up due to her deep sleep. Some friends recommended the Potty Pager, pager-sized device that has a moisture sensor and vibrates when it gets wet. So, I sewed a little pocket into her underwear to hold it in place. She didn’t like it because it woke her up and she always cried and screamed, but a couple of weeks later she was able to stay dry throughout the night. She did tell me later that she preferred the diapers so that she didn’t have to get up. I loved that the pager made her responsible for her actions; we explained that if she took it off at night, she had to clean her accidents herself. When she asks for a drink before bed, I tell her that she will ether use the bathroom at night or clean after herself. Answer: I have a 5-year-old daughter still in diapers and showing in no interest in taking them off; she doesn’t even take them off in the morning when they are soaking quickly enough. She was able to stay dry for a while last August, but relapsed when she started kindergarten. I thought it was understandable giving the stress of a new change in her life, but she is not improving! Her pediatrician says not even to worry until she is 6, and that if this continues then she can use the alarm pad thing. My girl is such a sound sleeper that she sleeps through her son’s cries. Did anyone’s daughter train herself at age 6 on her own? I admit I am taking an overly layback attitude with her, but I don’t want to push her if she is simply not read and end up traumatizing her in anyway. Answer: This may sound unusual, but why don’t you check the adult diapers such as Depends? They might be too big, but they will be easier to handle. Answer: I have 2 questions; How come there is still so much pee at night? Are liquids consumed past dinner time? If yes, only serve water after dinner and work on gradually cutting it to 3 ounces. Back in the day, we would use two diapers at night, making a hole in the first one so that the pee goes through to the second. And we gradually changed them to one, as the kid’s nights became drier. This way ensured we never had to change sheets. Answer: I think I've seen size six diapers at Toys R Us. If not there, then definitely a big store (like Target) which has a lot of diaper inventory.

137

Answer: I would also like to say that it's most likely that your child just needs a larger size diaper. I do urge you to check for diabetes, if your kid is peeing so excessively. My daughter had the same symptom and she was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. Sharon

Question: How silly is it that my 5-year-old daughter is still in diapers? It this normal? How do I help he take off the diapers at night and stay dry? So far they are pretty soaked in the morning. The pull ups seem to be a different variation or is there a way in which I could use them to help? I'd appreciate any ideas and suggestions! Answer: My 6-year-old is still in pull-ups. Pull ups are advantageous only in their social acceptability. Answer: We had to put our 6 years old girl back in pull ups, because she would wet her bed almost every night, which was a hassle to clean up, and she was not learning anything. She would drink water before bed behind our back, and would pee in her pants, even if we woke up early to take her to the bathroom. Her behavior deteriorated with the birth of her younger sister a year ago. 2 weeks after putting her in pull ups, they are pretty dry in the morning, so does this mean it is helping? Answer: Some kids wet their beds until they are 11 to 13, and this is especially common in boys. It is largely due to a hormonal issue (the hormone that alerts the body of a full bladder is not sufficiently developed. The kid can be such a deep sleeper that he isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t able to wake up in time and might sleep through the bedwetting. Limit your daughterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s evening fluids, make sure that your daughter goes to the bathroom right before bed or set an alarm or wake up your child at night. All of this may help a little. There is also a prescription nasal hormonal spray which can be applied each night and which will take care of the problem. I prefer that a child outgrows his phase on their own, but I also understand the frustration of dealing with a bedwetter that old. It is no consolation to any kid that many are going through the same thing, but it is truly a common problem, not discussed enough. Answer: We realized that wearing the diapers at night was the reason for her late nighttime training. Our daughter was still in diapers during the night long after she had been trained for daytime, and the diapers are so absorbent that they don\t feel sufficiently uncomfortable for the kid to learn. When we eliminated the diapers at night, she was fully trained in a very short time. Answer: My 5-year-old son still wears diapers to bed and we have no problem with it. He is able to stay dry some nights but is wet on other night. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think about it as long as he is comfortable with it.

138

Question: My daughter (age 6) still wets her bed at night, and it started a year ago. I took of her pull ups at first, but changing the sheets was a hassle, so now she wears a pull up every night. When we discussed this, she said that she prefers to wear the pull ups than wake up at night. My husband tried waking her at midnight to pee, which worked for a while, but it was not consistent enough. I am trying not to make fuss about it so as not to pressure her, but I am worried that she is getting too old for this. Answer: I think that with kids there are things that cannot be accomplished unless they are ready for them. My kid also wet her bed until she was 6 almost 7, but you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really negotiate with a sleeping child. I tried to bribe her with treats if she stayed dry for 3 & 4 and 5 nights in a row. She went as far as 5 days, and then she was not motivated enough. I do believe she later got quite embarrassed with it, which motivated her into trying harder; however I also remember her going to slumber parties with pull ups without any sense of shame. Answer: I was a bedwetter myself until I was 8 or so. I remember that I had to deal with changing my bed sheets whenever I wet y bed, without any help from either parent, and I remember not wearing any diapers so that I had to be fully responsible for the consequences of y action. This was very uncomfortable, that I simply decided that I will not pee anymore. It took a couple of night, and I eventually did stop. It is all about motivation. Answer: My 7-year-old took off the pull ups only recently. I think it was more to do with her will than anything else. I bought her a specially designed sheet that covers her bed with inserted pads, so that she can easily clean up after herself in case of an accident; we also got wool waterproof mattress cover. You could leave her in pull ups for the time being, or you could remove them if you want to inflict a change. Answer: I was a bedwetter too until 3rd grade, and I was very embarrassed to have friends spend the night or to sleep at their house and it really affected my self-esteem. Eventually my doctor (Kaiser in the 70's) gave my parents an alarm, which was attached in my underwear and which was activated when I'd start to urinate. While I did have a small bladder, it really grew into pure laziness. Answer: Our son was a five-year-old bedwetter, and I had to change the sheets 3 to 5 nights a week. I tried diet alterations, restricting liquids, and waking him and sleep walking him to the toilet in the middle of the night and everything failed. It was exhausting for me and so unpleasant for him. After some research, we discovered that he had serious obstructive sleep apnea. There is a documented link between sleep apnea in children and bed wetting at these later ages. (See Stanford Sleep Centers articles). After having his tonsils and adenoids removed by Dr. Wesman at Children's Hospital, our child can now get into the proper sleep cycles which apparently allow the proper chemicals to reach the brain signaling a full bladder and his bedwetting disappeared! He has only wet his bed once since then. There are a lot of articles with signs to look for in your child. It may seem farfetched, but it was really true in our case. 139

Our child's life is so much simpler, now that he is getting enough sleep and I am able to catch up on my beauty rest!

Question: My nearly 6y/o son is using Goodnites to bed. But he has been waking up with leaks that reach the bed sheets. We have a feeling that he puts his hands down his pull ups during his sleep which cause the urine to come out, sometimes waking him up. Then he is unable to go back to sleep. This is taking a toll on me especially that I have a new born to care for as well. What do we do now, until he outgrows it on his own? Answer: Our 3-year-old pull-ups also leaked, even though they fit just fine. We first used the diaper pads we found at Albertsons for extra absorbency, which usually worked well. When on holiday, we couldn't find anything similar so we started using Depend Boost Liners, which are much better because they absorb more, have a sticky strip and are easier to find. Make sure you get the one without the plastic lining so the urine can flow through.

Question: Our nearly 7-year-old girl still sleeps in pull ups at night. We recently ran out of them, so we thought we would try not having her sleep in them. She was dry for 3 nights and started wetting every night thereafter. We do make sure that she pees before bed, but she pees again anyway. She had been a late potty trainer, and she still has problems with pooping, unlike her brother who trained himself at 3 years for daytime and nighttime. I was wondering whether I should I take her to see someone about. What should I do about it? My husband and I are perplexed. Answer: We successfully eliminated the pull ups with my 8-year-old boy by waking him up at least once during the night, because he is still unable to wake himself up to the sensation of needing to pee and won't even wake up after he wets himself. We still wash bedclothes about twice a week, but it's a lot better than it was. He still needs our assistance to make it through the night, and he is now 9. A lot of the doctors I talked to explained that some boys can take up until they are 12 before they mature enough for their bladders to hold enough pee and for their minds to be able to wake them up before they need to pee, so unless your girl is displaying additional symptoms, I suggest that be more patient with her and give her more time. Answer: You shouldn’t take her to see anyone about it, and 4 is not too old for potty training. You should continue to buy her the Goodnites until she is ready to take them off. Having a wet bed frustrates the whole family, which makes her feel guilty and humiliated over something she can’t even control yet and doesn’t know how to go about doing it. She needs your support now more than ever so that she moves past this phase 140

at her own pace. Remember that it can be a big blow to the self-esteem when a younger sibling masters something as big as nighttime training before the older one. Try not to her or embarrass her in anyway, and you could discuss possible options for her for when she goes camping and to sleepovers. Answer: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to remain anonymous. I was a bedwetter until I was 6 or 7, and I also had to wear diapers to bed. I am normal and healthy now, but I believe there certain conditions that kids tend to grow out of. You should consult this with his pediatrician. No one ever took me to see someone about it. The most important advice is to never let this shame or embarrass your kid. I wish someone had told me that it would go away on its own; I was so ashamed of myself at the time. Answer: Let it go for a few more weeks, my 5-year-old slept in pull ups, until she was staying with my European mother-in-law who was adamant that we remove the diapers completely. She was correct! It did work. She had several wet nights until she figured it out and has stayed dry ever since. You can buy one of those waterproof sheets and keep it underneath her, and just allow her to learn, resigning yourself to extra laundry.

Question: Does anyone have some real-life experience with a girl not being potty trained by age 7? This girl is not even embarrassed about having to sleep in pull ups, and has learned to bring spare underwear with her to school, and so on. Answer: My son was potty trained at around 3 and a half years but continues to wear the pull ups to bed. We are not concerned about it at all. His mother and I were both bedwetters until our teen years, and we only make him wear the pull ups to save us a lot of laundry. He does get embarrassed about it and tends to hide them in sleepovers. He is a very deep sleeper; he once slept right through a fire alarm. So, we stopped trying to wake him up at night, because he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even remember it. Answer: Our 12-year-old still has accidents if he drinks too close to bed time or fails to pee before falling asleep. You should take it easy. Don't let him drink in the last hour before bed, and make sure he "goes" just before climbing into bed. Answer: A colleague of mine suffered from this. It caused him a great deal of shame during his childhood and made him a bit of an outcast. He believed it was due to the malevolent influence of his grandmother when he was starting potty training. As an adult he's a bit of a clown, likes to make people laugh, is a very serious martial arts practitioner, and likes somewhat dangerous sports, and shies vigorously away from intimacy. I am sorry I have no success story, I only know that he stooped at around 11 or 12.

141

Answer: My sister had wetting problems as well both t daytime and nighttime. She turned out to be slightly allergic to ilk, which caused an infection. The problem stopped as soon as she stopped drinking milk. Answer: My seven years old daughter is a very heavy sleeper and almost never wakes up. She was in and out of diapers for the past year. Her doctor explained that some kids don’t experience a light sleeping cycle, which is the reason my kid was unable to wake up. When I noticed she consistently started having dry pull ups, I took them off, and she was able to stay dry mostly because she is now able to hold her pee a bit longer. However, she still has the occasional accident when she has had too much to drink, or when she has been traveling and very tired. Here is what I do: I don't allow drinks after dinner and no warm milk before bed. She must wear a pull up, if she insists on the milk. When I wake up to go to the bathroom, I get her up too. It's still not easy to get her up, but she's used to the routine now. She still hardly wakes up. This routine may seem like a drag, but it beats cleaning soiled sheets. She was never embarrassed about the pull ups because I never made a big deal out of them. In your case, I do suggest a consultation with your kid’s pediatrician. But most, please understand that it is not something she can control, and that as she grows up her sleeping cycles will become will change and she will be able to wake up at night.

Question: My son has turned 8 and still wets his bed. He is a very deep sleeper and he pees huge amounts of pee every night. We do have examples of bedwetters in the family who wet their beds until their early teens. His doctor is not worried about it and thinks he should be able to stop just by telling him to. Did anyone hear about the drug that simulates the missing hormone which regulates urine production in kids? The doctor is very adamant not to use it. Does anyone have thoughts on how to deal with older bedwetters? Answer: My son (8.5) wets his bed as well. We have been assured by his pediatrician that it is perfectly normal and that he will get over it. We are not concerned as were bedwetters ourselves. We don’t make a big deal out of it at home so as not to affect his self-esteem. He continues to wear pull ups at home and at sleepovers. And I have explained to him that it is only a matter of his bladder growing up. If he continues to wet his bed as he grows older I might consider some of the options on this website, but for now we are planning to let it take its course. Answer: This is why Walgreen's and the bigger grocery stores stock night pants large enough to fit most 8-9 year olds, but not teens or adults! My son is nearly 10, and has thankfully just about grown out of the bedwetting habit, with no medication and as little fuss as possible. We used to hide drynites at the end of his sleeping bag for sleepovers and overnight camp, but most sleeping bags are washable and camp staff are generally

142

used to this fairly common problem. Amazingly, the other little boys never seemed to notice anything!

Question: My nine-year-old son still wets his bed. We are not overly worried, because we were bedwetters too, but I am worried because he wets his bed every night in huge amounts, it makes no difference if or how many times I get him up at night, and he's too scared of the nighttime noise of most recommended alarm systems. So, what do you recommend?? Just be patient and wait it out? He is not beating himself about it, but I guess he will gain more confidence once he is over this. His six-year-old sister who has similar issues is terrifically motivated to stop, while he is not. Interested in the experiences of parents in a similar quandary. Thanks in advance. Answer: I was informed by a pediatrician that bedwetters have insufficient amounts of the antidiuretic hormone at night, which can be supplemented by DDAVP nasal spray. It is also available now as a pill. It sounds as if this could be the case, given your family history. Answer: We chose to wait it out, and despite restricting fluids and waking him at night, it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until he was 1 that he was able to stop peeing 2 to 4 times a week. It was a very embarrassing time to him and a blow to his self-esteem, but we included him in all the conversations, and he was aware of the options. He chose not to take the hormonal medication, especially that his pediatrician did not prescribe it to his own son who had a similar age and problem. We talked about his bed wetting as an illness that he had to accept and deal with, that he would eventually outgrow, and which he had to take responsibility for, by cleaning after himself, limiting drinks in the evening and setting alarms for by himself. He also came up with the idea of earing swim trunks to bed to limit the wetting. He did have a few supportive and nonjudgmental friends, which helped him feel accepted. Even though we have been as laidback as we could, I do know that it has caused him deep-rooted self-esteem issues. As a whole I think he would also admit we have dealt with this in the best way that we could. Answer: Chiropractic care has had a great track record with treating children with bedwetting problems. There can be many different reasons for this problem. I would be happy to talk to you about helping your son. I have a family practice in Albany and I see children regularly for a variety of health problems including bedwetting. Chiropractic care for children is gentle, safe and extremely effective. Answer: I am a mother of 3 kids, with only one of them as a bedwetter. I think you should talk to his pediatrician and consider DDAVP. My son continued to wet his bed until his early teens, and I was devastating to him. He had to avoid sleepovers, and he was very scared that anyone at school would find out. It was nerve-wrecking. My only regret is not giving it to him sooner. It is a nasal spray with absolutely no side effects. It 143

is simply a hormone that the body produces naturally, but in my son’s case not enough to stop his kidneys from producing pee at night. He used up until he was 14 and it worked brilliantly. After a while, he was able to hold his pee or get up in the middle of the night to do it. Answer: My son wet his bed every night too, and my neighbor recommended a buzzing belt alarm. I decided to try it with my son and it really worked very well. I believe it worked at teaching him to recognize his bodily needs and rise up for sleep to address the. Several of my friends have used it with positive results as well. Email you if you would like to know more about it. I should mention that the instructions state a cut off age of 8 for the device to work, but my son was so proud of himself; I think it’s worth a try. Question: For a couple of months now, my son who is 9 years old has been wetting his bed and waking up very embarrassed about it. He says he can’t control it. I am trying not to make him feel bad about it, and fortunately he is thin enough to fit into pull ups. So he sleeps in them now and we stop the drinks before 6. How do we stop this from happening? Did any of the other parents deal with a similar problem before? Thank you. Answer: We had the problem with our son, so we bought the alarm, which cost us around $80. But, it’s worth every penny, because it trained our son from day one, and he loved it too! Best of luck to you. Answer: If your son started wetting his bed all of a sudden, check if he has also lost eight recently and if he feel thirsty all the time; these are symptoms of type 1 diabetes. Our daughter who had been full trained started wetting her bed at age 4, and she turned out to be diabetic. Fortunately we were able to have an early diagnosing, because undiagnosed diabetes can lead to diabetic ketoacidosis, which can death if blood levels keep going up. If you can explain what’s happening to him otherwise, I recommend a visit to the doctor; it’s a simple urine test. Answer: It’s not something to worry about. I think he is simply sleeping too deeply to wake up when he feels his bladder getting full. I suggest training him with th alarm, which is admittedly not fun to wake up to in the middle of the night. But it worked very well with our daughter, who was younger than your son. She hasn’t wet her bed in over a year now. Answer: I think it’s very common for boys to have trouble controlling thir urine during sleep. You might discuss it with his doctor, but I believe it is something that goes away on its own as their kidneys develop. My own grandson still wets his bed occasionally and he is almost 12. Answer: I wish I could sleep like kids; they are very deep sleepers, so they are not always able to wake up when their bladders tells them to and they end up wetting their beds. This is very common with kids up until age 12 to 13. I think you should keep what

144

you are doing now and make sure you do not make a bigger deal out of it than it really is. Answer: Was he able to control his pee at nighttime before? Is it a recent occurrence? If yes, then you should discuss it with a psychiatrist because it may have been caused by a psychological or emotional incident. If he has always has this problem, then I suggest the bedwetting alarm, which has worked great with my 8-year-old son. Answer: To cut it short, his nervous system forgot, or hasn’t learned, how to control his pee; the answer is a bedwetting alarm, which you can buy. One type is a pair of flexible metallic pads with holes in them that go under the sheets, with a paper insulator in between. They might have created more advanced versions these days. Low voltage goes into one of the pads and when urine moistens the insulator the circuit closes and the alarm sounds. It is safe and fast. Heard of Pavlov's dogs? Or how you associate the ''ding'' with the ''dong'' that usually follows in a doorbell. It works the same way; your son's brain will quickly learn to associate the alarm sound with a full bladder feeling and wakes up expecting to hear the alarm. When he is awake the felling of a full bladder will be associated with being roused up. It is basic behavior conditioning, which works like magic for bedwetting. The scientific approach is interesting and he, at 9, should be able to track his own progress thus feeling proud of himself at mastering it little by little. If I were you, I would apologize for all the negative approaches I had and suggest a new one together of me and him against the world.

Question: My son who is in third grade has been a heavy bed-wetter for years now and he wants to stop. We have tried the alarms, unsuccessfully because they wake me instead of him, and then when I do wake him up the sound scares him, which put a damper on the whole process, and is not much help in terms of teaching him to be independent. Does anyone have advice other than the alarm? Despite its popularity, it doesn’t seem to be much good to us. Answer: My son, now 10 years old, was a bed wetter for years. So was I and my brother. I suppose there is a genetic factor that contributes to it, something to do with the size of the bladder and the development of the internal “notification system.” With my son, we tried the alarm and the no drinking before bed rule; they were both unsuccessful. They just need to outgrow it on their own, and we need to not make a big deal out of it. I am agitated that a 3rd grader needs to be subjected to acupuncture only for bed-wetting. Answer: My son is the same age and has been doing much better in this department for the last 6 months; they have been smooth sailing for us. We discussed the matter with his doctor on his 6-year-annual-check, and the doctor explained that this genetic behavior and that it run in the family, so we basically have nothing we can do about it. 145

We accepted that and just asked him to do his best, resigning ourselves to a lot of laundry. Now he has been doing much better on his own; I guess it was a matter of physical development.

Question: I am aware that bed-wetting is a normal occurrence among kids at different ages. However, my son at 9 years old continues to wet his bed as well as have accidents during the day every now and then in unexplainable patterns. We have tried every method to help him, but how do we do it without putting him under additional stress over it? We tried withholding drinks before bed, waking him in the middle of the night, and consulting with MDs and PhDs. None of that has done us any good. The smell and the amount of laundry are growing at a frightening rate. At what age does it start to not be normal anymore? When should he be able to control himself? Answer: I was exactly in your shoes a couple of years ago. My son also had the same issue, and it did help knowing that we were not the only one going through it. We had him on meds for a while to see if we could get him to go to camp, against my husbandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wishes, but it did not work. His behavioral doctor said that he might respond better to the alarm method at 11 than he did at 8 or 9, but it did not make any real difference. He simply stopped at 12 years on his own and started going to sleepovers to make ups for lost time. Thankfully, he was not that affected emotionally by it. Answer: It sounds very irritating. You havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mentioned using one of those new mattresses that sound an alarm if they get wet. I saw an article about it recently in the NY magazine in the science section, I think. It was getting great reviews of really helping. I suppose they could also be a pain because they would wake the whole house not just the bed wetter. Answer: I found the GAPS diet book by Natasha Campbell-Mcbride very useful, though I am not sure if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d go for it, but it solved our problem. Basically the bladder is more likely to dispose of the urine much faster if it has a high percentage of toxins in it. You will need to change some big aspects of his diet for it to work, but I have seen it do wonders for at least one of my acquaintances. Answer: We had a problem with our 7-year-old son too, and we tried something untraditional. During his last doctor appointment, the doctor casually mentioned that his bladder needed to learn how to control the urine, which finally made me figure out that we had been doing, taking off the pull ups at night so that he feels the wetness, stopping all liquids after a certain time before bed and waking him up at midnight to empty his bladder, was not allowing his bladder to control his urges. We stopped this and consequently he stopped wetting his bed in 2 months! He has not had any accidents in 8 months now. It might be unconventional, but totally wort a try!

146

Answer: We were successful using the Malem bedwetting alarm with our son and daughter. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need it anymore, so let me know if you're interested in buying the alarm. Answer: Just to help you look at it another way, in case youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gone through everything like we did, my son was still wetting his bed by age 7. When we asked his pediatrician, she said it will not be much longer until his stopped; however, some boys donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t physically develop until age 12. No matter what we did, nothing was able to solve his problem. And then when he turned 12 and a half, he stopped on his own! We simply had to accept it and teach him to change his own sheets.

147