Why you need to be slightly mad to build By Deb Smalley
We are building a new home and people say “That must be exciting”. Actually, it’s more like trying to complete an enormous jig saw puzzle – with a chimpanzee assisting and the dog that has eaten several key pieces. Oh well, it’s only the biggest investment most of us will ever make, no pressure then. I have noticed since the build started that the recycling bin is much fuller these days if you get my drift. It all started with the barn when the timber poles somehow got lost in a transport yard and took months to replace. When the metal cladding finally arrived, it was all scratched and then the roller door got damaged when it was installed. The company was foolish enough to later email a satisfaction questionnaire. The bloke used some interesting words to provide the requested feedback; ‘blundering maladroit baboons’ were some. So, the house started and first came the concrete placers – a sturdy breed noted more for strength and stamina than brain power. On the cold and very early morning that the floor was poured, I offered to make coffee for the lads. One requested “Seven sugars thanks darl,” and I paused wondering if I had heard him correctly, and he quickly offered “Yep seven - I’ve cut down”. During mid-winter the scaffolders got their Page 38
truck buried to the rear axle when they parked on the grass after being expressly told to stay on the shingle driveway by the bloke. It was freezing cold, raining and I was very grumpy. I told the driver off using words (swearing), that a scaffolder (see concrete placer), would clearly understand and they all avoided eye contact with me for some time afterward. The dog enjoys all of the visitors and tries to steal or beg tradie lunches daily. The roofers have chased him around the paddock with a pie bag in his mouth. He was also caught sneaking off with a bag of potato chips and has developed a shocking Gingernut habit. I think that he can hear the lid coming off the biscuit jar from at least one hundred metres. He also stole and took a number of electrical switches into the paddock because they were plastic wrapped; he thought they were food. Current issues are the plumber can’t figure out how the hot water heater will fit under the kitchen bench, the timber ceiling was designed incorrectly, and my expensive brass front door handle is missing. At least the bloke has not had any trips to hospital yet after another saw accident. It is early days however, and there are lots of nice cutting tools about. The goal is to have a lovely home to enjoy and be proud of - but what does that look like? We have posh sounding rooms like a scullery and powder and mud rooms.
