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02/07/2014 11:13:41 01/07/2014 13:22

6

10 24

[contents[

westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk @wmnwest

Inside this week...

4 WEST IN PICTURES

22 WELLBEING & BEAUTY

Prince Harry, samosas and more

Paleo diet and lipstick

5 TALKING POINTS

24 PICNIC PERFECT

Crazy pasty fillings and (of course) football

From the editor

Fashion for al fresco days

26 RESTAURANT REVIEW

6 THE WISH LIST

Hotter than July...

River Cottage Canteen, Plymouth

What to do, see and buy this week

Hello and welcome to West magazine. We’re new and, we like to think, pretty fresh too, bringing you the very best of Westcountry lifestyle in one handy package.

This week, we’ve been super-busy here in the West office. Gillian Molesworth has been off to St Michael’s Mount to meet the family who actually live in the castle there, (page 10).

Meanwhile, Kathryn Clarke-McLeod has been trying on the latest trend - gingham and if you turn to the back page, intrepid dad Phil Goodwin attempted to light a barbecue, with ‘help’ from a four-year old.

On a more serious note, Anita Merritt has been talking to Charlotte Rose, the Exeter escort who recently starred in Rupert Everett’s Channel 4 eyebrow-raising documentary on the business of sex. Get the lowdown on the reality of her life on page 14.

Meanwhile, the weather’s been fabulous and we’re planning a picnic this weekend. Turn to page 24 for some lovely - and affordable fashion for outdoorsy days. Oh - and we’ve had a hardworking young man in the office on work experience. Read his (really rather clever) account of life as a teen in the digital age on page 29. One to watch, definitely.

28 INGREDIENT OF THE WEEK

10 FAMILY ALBUM

Tim Maddams cooks pigeon

Behind the scenes at St Michael’s Mount

14 LOVE FOR SALE Frank talk with Exeter’s escort

18 GARDENING Anne Swithinbank goes to Eden

21 MODERN MANORS

29 TODAY’S WORLD Teens and the internet

31

TV GUIDE Your seven days of what to watch

46

MAN & BOY It’s barbecue time

Kishanda Fulford tidies up

6 MEET THE TEAM Becky Sheaves, Editor

Gillian Molesworth

Kathryn Clarke-McLeod

Catherine Barnes

Phil Goodwin 3

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02/07/2014 14:38:14

Prince among men: Harry came to support the injured Marines taking part in a special triathlon at the Commando base near Exmouth, Devon

Plymouth’s pride: The Armed Forces celebrated in the city with parades, displays and lots of flags

in pictures Beach protest: Marchers on Whitsand Bay in Cornwall demanded an end to waste from Rame Head

Wings, wands and tutus: The Guinness world record attempt for the most fairies in one place took place in Mount Edgcumbe Park

Put em up: Masterchef finalist Saira Hamilton battled it out at Ottery St Mary’s food festival with Tina Chauhan, aka the somosa lady

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talking points Pasties

Teamwork Wacky sports team names:

1 Pengeon Prodigies Basketball, Cambrone

2 Plympston Platypuses Basketball, Plympston

3 Bude Bats Basketball Bude Crumbs! Matthew Hurry, managing director of Cornwall’s Crantock Bakery, reveals the ten quirkiest pasty recipes they’ve ever baked.

4 Wells Warriors

1 Brazilian-style

6 Blindology Bears

Primrose herd pork, turtle beans, sweet potato and St Austell Brewery Cloudy Yellow beer

2 Mackerel and beetroot Cornish mackerel, horseradish and beetroot

3 L ychee and banana 4 Steak and Henderson’s Relish 5 Bangers, mash and onion gravy 6 Apple crumble and custard 7 Bubble and squeak 8 Fish fingers and tartare sauce 9 Chocolate and raspberry Chocolate pastry filled with chocolate custard and raspberries

10 Bread and butter pudding

Fancy names Plymouth has branded itself ‘Britain’s Ocean City’. But would you recognise these other UK place from their sobriquets?

1 The Granite City Aberdeen

2 City of Discovery Dundee

3 T he World Capital City of Pop Liverpool 4 The Merry City Wakefield 5 The Faithful City Worcester

6 T he City of Dreaming Spires Oxford 7 The Great Wen London 8 Toffee-Town Halifax

Basketball, Wells

5 Lazy Boys Basketball, Bristol Basketball, Plymouth

7 Ottery Crickets actually play hockey, Ottery St Mary

8 West Hill Wasps Football, East Devon

9 Muskrats Basketball, Plymouth

10 The Bandits Basketball, Weymouth

Be happy!

10 things to make you smile this week 1 Sea temperatures From 9°C in April, to 16°C

2 #Suarezing Twitter pics of soccer fans air-biting go viral

3 Crabbing Grab some gloves and feel like Bear Grylls

4 The smell of suncream Close your eyes and you’re on an island

5 D andelion and burdock beer Thanks, River Cottage

6 Alfreso dining in the 10pm twilight

7 Sunset snaps Instant masterpieces, courtesy of Instagram

8 Iced coffee cold, refreshing and caffeinated

9 Air dried washing Bury your face in it

10 Flowers in bloom rewards for spring planting

Gillian Molesworth

Story of my life...

Football? I’m finally getting into it ’m getting into the World Cup. It was a slow burn. At first I was just irritated with the little toys in the kids’ cereal.

FIFA’s advertising budget must be more than most countries’ GDP, I’m thinking, as the fifth garishly coloured football toy drops out of the Shreddies.

Anyway, football to me is a work – he’s down, clutching his bunch of overpaid prima donnas knee! He’s up, gesticulating wildly around whom is built a culture at the referee! Thank God for Latiof hooliganism (stereotype sterenos – they remind us the expresotype), with whom I have no sive power of the arms. We should cultural sympathy because I’m all wave our arms around more.

American.

But not bite people, Suarez-style, I’m not much of a spectaobviously. tor anyway, even of American As spectator sports go, soccer is sports. Have you ever sat through actually pretty fun to watch. For an American football match? one thing, the ball keeps moving Brief spurts of activity followed the whole time, and there isn’t by yawning stretches of tedium endless hanging around. And and ads. This is a sport that unaeven if you’re not familiar with bashedly strucwho swapped who tures its timing with Real Madrid around commerfor £3 million or Thank God for cial breaks, where whatever, there’s Latinos – they a 30 second spot plenty to enjoy. during the SuperI enjoyed – how remind us the bowl costs $4 milgirly is this – the expressive power lion (£2.4 million). uniforms.

How of the arms. We Preposterous. about Ghana’s I had the further away outfits – the should all wave sour experience white shirts clevour arms around in my 20s of going erly cut away at the out an American neckline to reveal more. football fanatic, just a strap of Afhaving to plan rican pattern, with dates around the season schedule, gold zigzags and blocks of green and otherwise barter for quality and red. And who was that player time that didn’t involve nachos who was like, the Ghanian Mr T? and lager and shouting “Come That dude was terrifying. oooooon!” at the telly.

There’s characters all over the I stumbled upon the first game field – big, huge personalities of the World Cup: Italy versus from so many different cultures.

Uruguay. Uruguay? Where was We get so used to our own, but Uruguay? No literally – where how about that hot Italian captain was Uruguay? I had to get down with the beard, or the tubby Mexithe globe. Up they went down the can coach that joins the victory field. This way, then that way! The pile? I need to buy more Shreddies crowd surged behind them like – I want more toys for the collecan ocean. Look at that fancy foottion. Come oooooon!

I

Gillian Molesworth is a journalist and mum-of-two who grew up in the USA and moved to north Cornwall when she met her husband 5

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Ripple effect ‘Kinetic’ jewellery is so fun to play with, and pretty in silver and gold. Latham & Neve, Ripple multi ring, £170, www.lathamandneve.com

Vintage storage We love these painted wooden boxes from Oliver Bonas, made to look like old suitcases. Stacked up, they make a great side table.

From £30, www.oliverbonas.com

THIRST QUENCHER Nothing beats fresh lemonade in hot weather –this recipe from Devon’s Luscombe Drinks is bright and tangy.

Sicilian Lemonade, www.luscombe.co.uk

The wish List Top picks for spending your time and money this week

All the fun of the festival Somersault at Castle Hill near Barnstaple is THE new festival this summer. Pack your camper van for family fun, posh nosh, and music including Jack Johnson, Ben Howard, and a whole lot more. Friday 18 - Sunday 20 July, www.somersaultfestival.com

ALL EYE S ON YOU There’s a hint of Marilyn or Audrey about these, don’t you think? The last piece of the puzzle for your beach outfit this summer.

Revo Flat Top Sunglasses, Accessorize, £12

Daisy chain This charming enamel braclet can go anywhere.

Shona Carnegie Daisy T-bar bracelet, £150, www.victoria sewart.com 6

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My precious

KITTEN AND THE HIP Rock out to the super-funky beats of Kitten and the Hip at the Rock Oyster Festival in north Cornwall next weekend plus top-notch field food from local chefs Rick Stein and Nathan Outlaw Saturday July 12, www.rockoysterfestival.co.uk

This ring from Hannah Davies’ Cornish Beach collection is made with wave-smoothed beach glass. £120, www.hannahdjewellery.com

Hot stuff Nduja di Spilinga is a fiery spreadable salami from Calabria that’s all the rage at Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen Cornwall online shop. Try it on a crunchy bruschetta for an hors d’oeuvre or lunchtime treat.

Fifteen Cornwall, £7.95, www. fifteencornwall.co.uk/shop

Add a little zest

Blue lagoon This swimsuit is designed to make you look and feel slimmer thanks to all-over support and control. Throw in a flattering V-neck and an on-trend pattern and we’re sold. Leaf Print V-neck Slender Swimsuit, Lands End, £90

How much fun is this novelty bag? We could say more, but really, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Lemon cross-body bag, Accessorize, £22

Boutique of the Week Ocean Blue, Wadebridge and Polzeath

Jungle Fever Walk on the wild side with this palm-print scarf.

Printed scarf, Sainsbury’s, £8

There’s something for everyone at this funky little shop in North Cornnwall. It carries upmarket pieces with a boho/gypsy flair, both casual and occasionwear, with a soupcon of French maritime just to mix it up. Girls and women of all ages are sure to find something to pep up their summer wardrobe here, and it’s online too. Labels include Masai Clothing Company and Great Plains.

27-29 Molesworth Street, Wadebridge and The Parade, Polzeath, www.oceanblueclothing.com 7

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02/07/2014 13:20:57

HOW TO WEAR IT:

Checks

Kathryn Clarke-Mcleod navigates this season’s hottest geometry, and finds there’s nothing square about it ’ll confess, checks haven’t really ever had a look in when it comes to my wardrobe, no matter what the season is. I’ve contemplatively stroked the classic Burberry lines and squares on a few outings, who hasn’t? And once, I got so giddy on a trip to Scotland that I bought a tartan scarf in my family colours, wore it on Hogmanay , and then stuffed it deep in my guilt drawer (where I keep a collection of tres hideous handmade headgear and scarves made by wellmeaning relatives, which includes a hat designed to look like a frog is perched on your head, complete with two bulging eyes).

Needless to say, I was more than a little sceptical when The Check was declared to be one of the top trends to watch in SS14. Mental images of kilted women in sparkling sandals gave me two new frown lines at least.

How was this going to work? Turns out, summer checks are a much more relaxed version of their AW counterparts. Fashion’s finest have taken winter plaid to a picnic, plied it with fresh berry mojitos, and transformed into a fresher, flirtier and more cheerful version of itself.

Think A-line skirts of oversized geometric squares in the sweetest shades of baby and bubblegum pink. Gingham that is much more Paris than prairie in the form of tailored jackets and high-waisted pencil skirts.

Even die-hard minimalist monochromers can nod to the trend with flashes of black and white squares at hemlines or on statement collars as seen at Oscar de la Renta.

There were endless interpretations on the runways. Italy’s Stella Jean championed clashing prints and checks while Derek Lam’s tailored clean lines made me want to do some serious damage to my visa card. Beyond its apparent adaptability, the beauty of this particular geometric pattern is that it has the same endurance we usually think is reserved for the likes of the polka dot and nautical stripe. Year after year and season after season these blocks are back, so (without wanting to encourage you to splurge too much) spending that little bit more would really be an investment.

If your money is tied up in, er, other investments you’ll still have plenty of choice. Even a soft cotton scarf in candyfloss gingham will bring your white summer dress right up to date.

It was the moment I caught my reflection in the Princesshay shopfronts in Exeter wearing this Antibes multi check dress from Reiss that I realised the potential of this four-sided fun. Paired with the Serena Sandals (Reiss) and lace trim trilby (Oasis), this outfit was unbeatable summer chic. Checkmate.

MAIN PHOTO HAIR: SAKS, EXETER MAKEUP: CLARINS, DEBENHAMS (BOTH PRINCESSHAY) PHOTOGRAPHY: STEVE HAYWOOD STILL-LIFE PHOTOGRAPHS: PR SHOTS

I

ANITBES MULTI CHECK DRESS – BLACK/ CREAM, Reiss,

Princesshay, £159 SERENA DOUBLE STRAP FLAT SANDALS BLACK, Reiss,

Princesshay, £120 LACE TRIM TRILBY

Oasis, Princesshay £15

WI N £50 Princess hay gift card

Jaeger Boutique Gingham Check Knit £80

We’ve teamed up with Princesshay, Exeter to offer one lucky reader the chance to win a £50 gift card to spend at any of the retailers in Princesshay.

If you’re looking for the perfect city style in the heart of the countryside, then Princesshay is the ideal shopping destination for you. Just answer the question:

Q

What fashion features in this week’s trend column?

Accessorize Checked Tie Dye Silk Classic Scarf £12

A. Print B. Checks C. Jungle

Please send your answer A, B or C to princesshay.marketing@landsecurities.com or send your postal entry to Princesshay, Centre Management, 2nd Floor, St Stephen’s House, 9 Catherine Street, Exeter, EX1 1EU. Mark your entry PRINCESSHAY GIFT CARD COMPETITION JULY 6. Closing date for the competition midnight July 12 2014. Winners will be chosen at random and contacted via email or telephone. Normal conditions apply.

Debenhams Iris & Edie Lingerie set £16.50

Matalan Gingham Full Skirt £16 9

08_09_TREND_06_07.indd 9

01/07/2014 17:00:15

‘If the weather is bad it can be three days before we go ashore again’

Mary, Lady St Levan, in her family home on St Michael’s Mount 10

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01/07/2014 19:19:53

People LADY ST LEVAN’S FAMILY ALBUM

Castle life We go behind the scenes on St Michael’s Mount to meet the family who live in this most striking Cornish castle

By Gillian Molesworth

he best part about living at St Michael’s Mount is the sheer natural beauty of it, and the joy of the atmosphere,” says Mary, now Lady St Levan. “The worst part is that I’ve never found a place to put a washing line that isn’t overlooked.” She laughs. “I use the dryer far too much!” “

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The first lady of Cornwall’s most famous “Without the visitors, the Mount couldn’t castle has delicate good looks, under which brim exist,” says Mary. “We’re proud of it and we’re vivacity and humour. Today is hot, and she has really happy to share it. It can be exhausting chosen a blue cotton shirt, jeans, and flat shoes sometimes, though. At the start of the season –essential for the Mount’s tricky terrain. in March, you’re looking forward to the visitors “I’ve only worn heels once here, when I first coming. By the end of October you’re really lookcame here for supper, before James and I were ing forward to a bit of peace.” married,” she says. “I’ve never I’m lucky to get a glimpse into made that mistake again.” what the visitors don’t see: the Mary’s surname used to be St side of this former priory that is Aubyn, but in 2013 her husband still very much a family home, ‘The best part James inherited the St Levan where James and Mary and their about living at St title from his uncle, John. It was four children have lived for the James’ grandfather who, in 1954, past 11 years.

Michael’s Mount gave St Michael’s Mount to the The path begins its steep climb. is the sheer natuNational Trust with an endow“Probably the first question everal beauty of it, ment for its maintenance. The ryone asks is whether the family family have a 999 year lease to have a different way to get up and and the joy of the live in the castle, and now run the down,” says Mary. “The answer is atmosphere’ day to day visitor business – with no – we walk!”

300,000 visitors a year, it’s a major They also have to live by the endeavour. tide clock – in stormy weather, it Mary has drawn back a rope can be impossible for them to get leading to a grassy avenue of palm trees, a prihome, or to leave it. vate path. Behind us, a steady stream of tourists “When we first came here, the children were traverse the cobbled walkway that leads to the delighted with the larder, which was like a mini castle. It is only 9.30am and already it is shoulcorner shop – full of pasta and cereal and digesder to shoulder as the visitors arrive. tive biscuits. If the weather is really bad and the What is it like, I ask, to share your home with tide doesn’t open out, it can be three days before so many people? we get to the mainland again.”

The beautiful St Michael’s Mount, as seen from the Cornish mainland

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Clemency and her husband Anthony Matthews held their wedding on St Michael’s Mount

Clemency and her father on her wedding day

On the sweep of the path looking out to sea stands a concrete pillbox which was manned throughout the war. St Michael’s Mount was never bombed – legend has it that von Ribbentrop, the German Foreign Minister, had earmarked it as his own country residence.

Mary shows me the 18th Century walled gardens and the areas where the family and a team of gardeners have been working hard to beat back a tangle of bracken and bramble.

“The point is that it’s a gigantic rock garden,” says Mary, as we pass the sculptural succulents planted among the stone walls. “And you always have to think about how it will look from above.”

The path changes to zigzagging steps – lots of them – and finally, we arrive at the pointed archway of the Victorian wing of the castle, the family’s entrance. This is the doorway that John and his wife Sue would have used in the decades that they lived at the Mount. Growing older and with

The younger generation love to swim in the sea off the Mount

ssno children of their own, John and Sue decided to retire to the mainland and invited James and Mary take their place in 2003.

The handover was clouded by tragedy: Sue, just 69, died six months before they were due to move.

Lord St Levan had to retire to Penzance alone.

“It was a very sad time for us all,” said Mary.

She has always felt a special connection to elderly people. “I knew I wanted to study social work, so I did a masters in the subject.”

Mary has been involved with many institutions and charities dealing with vulnerable people. She was a volunteer social worker at St Lukes Hospice in Devon; in Cornwall, she was on the board of Cornwall Care for nine years. She describes this (slightly guardedly) as “a fantastic journey and quite a lively one”. She now supports Sand Rose, a Marazion-based charity providing free breaks for bereaved families.

She has also raised four children: Hugh, now 31, Clemency, 29, Louisa, 26, and Felix, 22. St Michael’s Mount is not the easiest place to bring up youngsters, I remark, as I look at the waves sloshing on the rocks below the dizzying drop.

“When we moved here my youngest was 11,” says Mary. “That was about the minimum age for it. It would be too nerve-wracking to have younger children here: there are the natural dangers of the stones and the sea, and of course there are so many people around.”

We go inside the house, and are faced with – guess what? More stairs. St Michael’s Mount is up, up, up. This part of the castle was built around 1887. Finally, I reach a surprisingly modern kitchen for a cup of tea. Cheerful maple-fronted units are offset by a boldly lavender kitchen island, a colour picked up in the curtains, decorated with large-print pansies.

It is amusing to see a modern kitchen in a castle.

Mary also shows us the other rooms the family use, including a grand dining room with ancestral oil paintings and two round turrets overlooking the sea, where she sometimes takes a laptop computer to work on a fine day.

“To begin with the children were hesitant, because we’d been living in St Erth, near St Ives, and it was quite a big leap for them. But of course it is a fun place for children and teenagers – so quirky and spectacular. They did take to it. They had so many friends to stay – I remember dragging mattresses from one end of the castle to the other, and endless barbecues. Everyone always asked whose was the skateboard by the door,” recalls Mary.

For one St Aubyn child, love struck at the castle door. “When Clem was 19, she met Anthony, who had a job here as a summer guide,” says Mary. “He managed to always get the position standing by the West exit door, where she used to come down in the mornings.

She would linger there and they would chat.

“The first I knew of it was my youngest came running up and said: ‘Mummy, they’re holding hands!’ I didn’t even know who he was talking about at first.” In 2012, Clemency was the first St Aubyn daughter to be married at the Mount in 100 years. Clemency and Anthony are now living in Marazion, with baby Isla.

Last year, the Queen and Prince Phillip visited the Mount for the first time. “We had 70 people for lunch,” says Mary. “It was the most wonderful day and a real honour for the Mount.”

Mary sees me back down to the quay. I pause for one last look up the sweeping greenery to the castle above, bright in the sunshine of Mounts Bay. But there is no time to linger – the tide is already creeping in.

‘I’ve only worn heels once, when I first came here for supper, before James and I were married, I’ve never made that mistake again.’

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WEDDING PHOTOS: TYRON CRAIG WWW.TCMPHOTOGRAPHY.CO.UK OTHER PHOTOGRAPHERS: EMILY WHITFIELD-WICKS (PG 10 & PG 13 – PHOTOS TOP LEFT & LOWER RIGHT )

People

The Queen and Prince Philip visit the family

Family snaps in the St Levan private rooms

Mary, Lady St Levan has raised four children on St Michael’s Mount

‘You do feel the responsibility that this amazing place is in your care, and you need to do the best you can’ 13

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Interview

charlotte rose

Love for sale Anita Merritt meets Charlotte Rose, the Exeter escort who is happy to speak honestly about her really rather different way of life

he South West’s sex industry was recently exposed by Exeter-based escort Charlotte Rose. Winner of Sex Worker of the Year 2013, she recently appeared on Channel 4’s Love For Sale, interviewed by actor Rupert Everett.

We’re going to meet up and I assume an escort would be easy to spot. But Charlotte walks straight past me and I don’t even bat an eyelid.

We meet at an Exeter hotel and part of the reason I don’t recognise her is because, since appearing on Channel 4’s documentary Love for Sale, her blonde locks have been dyed back to brown, her natural colouring.

Her slim figure is covered up because she is casually dressed in a jumper and jeans, and the 33-year-old mother-of-two barely has a trace of visible make-up.

As we sit down in the bar to talk, Charlotte self-consciously tries to cover her eyebrows with her fringe - they are slightly red from a permanent ‘tattoo’ make-up procedure. I notice her nails are varnish free and natural. The only piece of bling on view is a gold watch. I have no idea whether it is expensive or not.

With her Charlotte carries a handbag which contains her trusty filofax and mobile phone which regularly bleeps with calls and texts during our chat.

The only obvious fake thing about her, apart from the new eyebrows, is her name, which she invented to protect her safety, as well as that of her children.

Charlotte excitedly reveals that since recently appearing on Channel 4, she is now hoping to move away from the escort side of the sex industry. She is focusing on creating a sexual training franchise offering up close and personal advice for individuals and couples.

“I’m looking to reinvent myself as a speaker for

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[

the sex industry,” she declares. “I would like to be the sex guru of the UK. I want to be the number one sexpert of the UK and take my business model to America.

“I would do a lot better out there as they are more open-minded when it comes to sex. The British are still quite prudish.”

And maybe we are: because since appearing on television, Charlotte has found herself at the centre of controversy after frankly admitting to Rupert Everett that she is an escort because she enjoys it.

I want to be the number one sexpert of the UK and take my business model to America

and now I’ve found the right audience with my sexual training courses.”

Since moving to Exeter in 2007, Charlotte claims to have become the most expensive escort in the South West. She charges £200 an hour, and an hour is her minimum visit.

“The difference between an escort and a prostitute is a prostitute sells sex and an escort sells time,” explains Charlotte. “How many escorts there are here I don’t know because it’s not like we network, but I’m probably at the top.

“I will never go over three clients a day. Sometimes I will see someone for three hours and that will be me done for the day. There are girls who will notch them up but I don’t like the conveyor belt system side of it because I do enjoy it.

“I often get asked by people, ‘what if you get someone who is not sexually attractive?’

All men are beautiful whether they are 10st or 30st. Everyone has a right to feel love and intimacy in their lives.

“I used to be so shallow before I did this job. It has opened my eyes to the beauty of men - and they are beautiful.”

Charlotte’s first glimpse into the world of erotica took place when she was approached to do some modelling at the age of 17. When she went to the shoot, Charlotte was presented with a huge suitcase which, to her surprise, contained leather outfits, whips and high heels.

Instead of making a hasty exit, Charlotte went with the theme and today she proudly shows me the pictures on her phone. “I’m open minded. So I thought fine, let’s do the shoot,” recalls Charlotte.

“I had to stand on a naked man’s bottom wearing heels and every time he said ‘ouch’ I said, ‘sorry’.

They had to pull me to one side and say you can’t apologise. Because they like it.

“Back then I was quite angry at the world so domination was quite easy, really. I do get asked

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“I absolutely love what I do,” says Charlotte, who says she has “always had a high sex drive”.

“I wake up in the morning with a smile. I never think, ‘Oh God, I’ve got to go to work’. How many other people can say that?

“There are women who do it because they have to and women who do it because they are forced to. Society does not like people like me who choose to do it. They can’t believe sex work can be fun. I do it because I enjoy it and because I get to help others. The money also helps me and my family.

“When I die, I would like thousands of people to come to my funeral who have benefited from my experience and knowledge. That’s worth more than gold to me. I want to make a difference.

“It’s why I trained to be a sex teacher. I wanted to share knowledge and help others

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Photography: Steve Haywood

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Charlotte lives and works in Exeter

Interview

for it now but I can’t do it because I’m a lot more happy these days. I’ve got too much of a nurturing, loving and giving nature so I’ve come away from that side of things.”

Charlotte’s foray in the domination world didn’t last long because she became pregnant when she was 18 by her childhood sweetheart.

Three weeks after giving birth she was pregnant again, this time planned.

But after seven years her relationship collapsed and she left her home in Nottingham to study at Plymouth University for a hospitality degree.

After jobs working in hotels, as a tutor at Exeter College and setting up a networking business, Charlotte decided her customer service and training skills could be used in ‘a different way’ and joined an escort agency.

Charlotte now works independently of an agency, and explains that she markets her services towards mature clients, describing herself as a “high class escort”.

Forget what you’ve seen in the film Pretty Woman because Charlotte is very much all about cuddles and kisses.

“There are two different variations of people who see me; the PSE – those looking for the Porn Star Experience, and the GFE – those looking for the Girlfriend Experience,” explains Charlotte.

“I have clients who see me and we do nothing other than hold hands, go out for lunch and he might treat me to a small gift. Then we go back to mine and we cuddle and kiss. For them it’s more about affection and intimacy. Clients can range from men who are unable to find a girlfriend or are inexperienced, to happily married guys who have turned into best friends with their wife over the years.”

One of Charlotte’s specialities is her service for disabled clients, and she speaks of these people with great fondness.

“I see a local man with muscular dystrophy which means his muscles are deteriorating and he will soon have locked in syndrome and will die. He was in a relationship for eight years but as soon as he was diagnosed she left him.

“I also have a client in north Devon who is a quadriplegic and can’t feel anything from his neck down. What he does feel is erotic sensations from gently stroking his finger tips and things like that.

Everyone has the right to feel passion in their life.”

But it’s not all sweetness and light in Charlotte’s world. Recalling some past incidents she

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says: “I had a guy bang his head during sex, I had a guy throw up on me because he had a stomach ulcer and a guy had an epileptic fit on me.”

Now, perhaps understandably, Charlotte has trained in first aid and makes sure to ask clients if there is anything they need to be aware of when they visit her “office” – a one-bedroom flat in Exeter. It is here that she proudly displays her British Erotic Award for Sex Worker of the Year 2013.

As you’d expect, it isn’t your usual-looking trophy.

Describing it, Charlotte says: “If penises could drink Red Bull that’s what it would look like! You have to be nominated by clients to win the award and I received 47 recommendations.

“The way I conduct business is I take my client’s coat when they come in and we sit down and have a tea or coffee and a quick chat. I like to get to know them and I ask if they have any health issues.

“Unfortunately there is a bad side to the sex industry and that’s the only aspect the media usually covers. If someone gets an award for being the UK’s best doctor it gets publicised, but you don’t get publicity for being Sex Worker of the Year.”

Another negative side of the industry is the unpredictability of clients. Charlotte admits she has been the victim of blackmail threats and abuse in the past.

“When I first started out I was conned and taken advantage of, but it has made me stronger and it doesn’t bother me now in the sense of emotional scarring,” says Charlotte, who runs a number of websites for sex workers and clients in her mission to standardise the sex industry and make it safer.

“Clients sometimes try to find out about your personal life to blackmail you for sex or money.

If that happens I call the police. Some men think that, because of what I do, I don’t have the right to police protection. People still live in the Stone Age and think what I do is illegal. It’s not.”

Charlotte’s family knows what she does for a living, even her children, now aged 15 and 14.

Telling them was never a moment she dreaded because of the close and open relationship she says she has with them.

“I told my daughter when she was about 12 because she had picked up on the hours I was working,” reveals Charlotte. “I told her about some of the people I helped, like my disabled clients, and she gave me a cuddle and said she was proud of me.

“My son has known for about a year and the first thing he said was, ‘are you safe?’. I said I was and he said it was fine then and is proud of me too.”

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I was conned and taken advantage of, but it has made me stronger and it doesn’t bother me now

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Being a single parent means Charlotte employs an au pair to help with her irregular working hours and is quick to point out that she is far from rich.

“People think I must be wealthy because of what I do but my outgoings are large,” she says.

“I pay my taxes like everyone else and I don’t get any money off my children’s dad. I don’t own any property and pay £1,600 a month in rent for our family home and my office.”

Charlotte has no romantic partner in her life and, for now, she’s happy to live that way, she says. “I did date a male escort in Exeter and the relationship was quite comical.

“We would sit in a restaurant and hear couples talk about their day and our conversation would be, ‘I saw a woman today and this happened...’, and ‘I did this to a guy today...’.

“I wouldn’t try to date now because it wouldn’t be fair. I detest the idea of picking up a guy in a bar and having a one night stand. I think it’s seedy and dirty.

“What I do as an escort is safe and there’s an understanding of what you will both get out of it.

They want it as much as I want it.”

Although it is clearly a job for Charlotte, it doesn’t stop some of her clients falling in love with her. Last year she had to redefine the boundaries with four clients.

“I can recognise the signs and will put distance between each booking and close it down gently,” says Charlotte, though she admits that one client last year from London did tempt her to blur the lines:“If he’d lived closer, it might have worked.”

“I do feel lonely but I have got plenty of time for that later. At the moment my work is more important. I’ve got so many things that I want to achieve still in my life.” Indeed she has.

“We start with a melting hug”

Couples training

Rupert Everett and Charlotte talk sex

When couples need help, the most obvious solution is relationship counselling. Now there is another option. In her role as a sex trainer, Charlotte Rose gets couples literally to bare all in a series of intimate sessions aimed at rekindling that spark.

“We start off with a melting hug,” explains Charlotte. “It’s so simple. They get undressed and hug for 10 or 15 minutes. It’s fantastic for intimacy.

“I don’t have sex with my training clients,” Charlotte states. “I advise on different techniques and methods. By the end of the weekend they say the sex they are having has never been so good.

“When they leave I watch them walk to the car and it’s beautiful because they can’t keep their hands off each other.”

Visit www.sexualtraining.co.uk for details 17

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Gardens

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ANNE SWITHINBANK

Heaven on earth

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Anne Swithinbank, panellist on Radio 4’s Gardener’s Question Time, explores Cornwall’s iconic biomes

ike many others, I’ve been visiting the Eden Project regularly since its building stages, watching in fascination as plants grow taller in the biomes and the slopes of the old china clay pit green up with plantings. There is always something new to see and the vast maw of the pit has a captivating other-worldliness about it.

For me, the joy of the visit starts with walking down from the car park, as the whole site is fascinating (transport is laid on if you don’t want to walk). I know the area well, as my great grandmother was born in Polkerris (between Par and Fowey) and we spent many a summer holiday staying with an aunt in St Blazey. Streams ran white with China clay and on the sea bed at Par you could feel the clay oozing between your toes!

The grassy slopes are full of wild flowers including, on my recent visit, early purple orchids and in the soakaway ditches by the roadside, yellow monkey musk. You can walk your dog

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in these outer areas and there’s a whole section called the Chilean Arboretum by the edge of the pit. Covering more than a hectare, the arboretum holds 800 plants of 60 different types, including more than 40 monkey puzzles now 10-12ft high, Fitzroya, cloud podocarp and gunnera. Beneath

In the Mediterranean biome was the Chilean bell flower (Lapageria rosea), a climber with large, waxy bell-shaped flowers.

are species of Chilean natives more familiar as garden plants, such as fuchsias, geum and lobelia. As well as providing some of us with as

close a glimpse of Chilean forest as we’re ever likely to see, it will be used for research, education and conservation.

Then there’s the visitor centre, the spectacle of the biomes and walking down into the pit. There have been moans that the ticket price is expensive at £23.50 for an adult and £13.50 for children of 5-16 (a family ticket for two adults and two children is £68) but you can reduce this by booking online, leaving the car behind (St.Austell station is 30 minutes by bus), taking advantage of cheaper admissions after 3.30pm during summer or very good deals for residents of Cornwall and Devon. There is a lot to see and it is well worth perusing the website for options before going. Take a look at Eden’s other areas of work too, covering education, environmental issues and more. From 21st July to 1st September, Dinosaurs Unleashed will celebrate primitive plants whose ancestors were around in the Cretaceous period.

Indeed, you could visit the Chilean Arboretum,

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visitor centre café and shop without paying at all. Or book an evening meal among the olives in the Mediterranean biome from 5.30-8.30pm and enjoy free admission as a bonus.

For most visitors, though, the focus is the spectacular tropical and Mediterranean biomes, but the outside areas are equally fascinating. Tree ferns enjoy the microclimate of the pit, umbrellatrained plane trees create a calm shady area and I enjoyed the rills in the Cornish Memory Garden, first exhibited at Chelsea and moved here in 2011.

Towards the Core (educational) building, there’s a living exhibit of plants for paper and a secret Japanese style woodland garden tucked around the side. Children like the barefoot walkway where during summer you take your shoes off, walk over different textures through wild flow-

ers, then wash your feet at a tap by the end.

Of course I did explore the biomes and reacquainted myself with glasshouse plants from all over the world. In the Mediterranean biome was the Chilean bell flower (Lapageria rosea), a climber with large, waxy bell-shaped flowers.

The giant citron was fruiting well and a good crop of almonds had set after being hand pollinated. In the Tropical biome, a group of shinyleaved coffee plants took me back to the blue mountains of Jamaica and everybody was stopping to take pictures of the amazing clusters of red fruits on sterculia (now brachychiton) splitting to reveal seeds.

Could I resist the shop on the way out? Of course not. A basket, a sensitive plant and a sea statice are my reminders of another good visit.

This week’s to-do list Anne’s advice for your garden

• Make a last sowing of French beans to crop before autumn sets in. I sow into modules to protect the seedlings from bean seed fly and slugs, then plant out in a formation that will ultimately fit under a cloche.

• Pinch out side shoots on melon plants after five leaves. Help pollination along by

tickling the pollen of male flowers into the centre of female flowers (they have discernible small fruits behind them) • Cut marjoram just before the flowers open. Spread to dry in a warm, airy place. Store when dry and brittle.

Shear off the finished flower heads of thyme to keep plants compact.

Question time with Anne Q

When dead-heading roses, how far back should I cut?

We used to be told to take spent flowers back to just above a plump, healthy bud, which often meant cutting two leaves off with the old flower. Current thinking has it that simply snapping the flowers off, taking as little stem as possible brings more flowers faster, so do this for repeat flowering hybrid tea (large-flowered) and floribunda (cluster-flowered) roses. I didn’t prune some of my shrub roses in spring and have been cutting long flowering stems for vases which is like early dead-heading and pruning all in one. But the rest are being snapped off.

Q

For the last two years, cherries have started to form on our tree ‘Sunburst’ on Gisela 5 semi-dwarfing rootstock but have dropped off when half grown, leaving nothing behind.

Cherry fruit drop or run off is a physiological problem (rather than a pest or disease) caused by adverse weather, soil condition or state of the tree. I have very few left on my trees either this year. ‘Sunburst’ is a self fertile variety, so pollination should not be an issue, though late frosts could have damaged the setting fruits. A wet, cold autumn, low light at blossom time and low temperatures while fruit are developing could all be to blame. Treat the plant to a slow release fertilizer suitable for fruit and add a mulch of well rotted compost. Birds take surprisingly green cherries when thirsty, so be prompt when covering plants or enclosing branches in mesh.

Prune early summer flowering shrubs like weigela, philadephus, deutzia and physocarpus by thinning out some older wood and shortening flowered stems. They then produce long stems which will bear better more and better quality blooms next year.

Soak and start back into growth tubers of indoor cyclamen which died back in spring and have been resting, dry, in their pots.

Pot on into fresh compost once they start growing. Individual tubers can be kept going for 40 years or more.

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Interiors

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Let in the light

Bring some summer sunshine into your home for a seasonal uplift with clever use of fabrics and accessories to brighten your decor

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arah Young adores the beautiful Grade 11 listed home she has shared with husband Bill Bill undertook and two young children for the past seven years. When they a course to learn bought the property, pictured above, in traditional limeCulm Davy on the Devon side of the Somwash plastering erset border, it had many original period features intact, but was sadly dated, dark skills to finish and dingy inside. the interiors.

The couple rewired, re-plumbed and It keeps the stripped back 1970s fittings to expose features including two inglenook fireplaces rooms soft and another with a bread oven.

Then they let in the light. Bill – who runs a piano restoration business from home – undertook a course to learn traditional lime-wash plastering skills to finish the interiors.“There’s lime-wash everywhere,” says Sarah. “It breathes and keeps the room soft.”

The house, called Luggs, has generously proportioned rooms for a property of its age, big windows and high ceilings. However, the original kitchen was dark, poky and “covered in brown surfaces,” says Sarah. So the Youngs built a brand new one, that’s linked to the main building by a glass atrium.“The kitchen’s an absolutely fantastic contemporary space that lets in even more light,” says Sarah.

Take some tips from Sarah and Bill this summer by adding lots of light fabrics, shiny surfaces and keeping walls and floors pale and interesting.

That way, your home will be bright and sunny, even on cloudy days.

Luggs is currently on the market for £1.3 million with Strutt & Parker.

Call 01392 215631 or visit www.struttandparker.com.

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White Eichholtz Gregory Chair £880, Occa Home (www. occa-home.co.uk)

Birdy glass tumblers £7.99 each, Magpie Line (www.magpieline. com)

Apsley floor lamp £119, Furniture Village (www. furniturevillage.co.uk)

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My life

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MODERN MANORS

Complete rubbish

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Kishanda Fulford tackles the tidying, with extreme results he worst rows I have had with my husband have been over ‘rubbish’.

Or ‘valuable collectables’, depending on your point of view.

This week I made a collection, outside the back door, of things that simply had to go.

What was in this particular pile? Paint tins with paint so old the linseed oil had risen to the top in a yellow gel, a buckled tennis racket, a huge glass bottle with an opening no larger than a milk bottle. This was discovered in an old farm barn and one of the children said they ‘had to have it’. It was easier to say yes than to argue over their definition of treasure.

It is hard work trying to decide what to throw away and what to keep. The boys’ efforts at ‘handiwork’? I have three magazine racks made from plywood which are brightly painted, one with what might (or might not) be a Union Jack. They are, in fact, too small for a magazine unless you fold the magazine in half and squish it in. Over the past few years I have struggled to think of a use for them. At the moment they are filled with general detritus. A scratched CD and unsharpened colouring pencils.

Even so, they had a reprieve.

Nonetheless, I looked rather triumphantly at the pile of rubbish I had collected until my husband arrived. He began to take some of the things back into the house and I was unable to contain my fury.

Why would we want to keep a rusted metal bucket?

Then a friend came for supper and, to my astonishment, fell in love with the horrible glass bottle. He virtually begged me to be allowed to have it. To make it appear even more attractive to him I said I could not possibly let it go. I got a fiver for it! What a result. Perhaps I should just have a permanent stall outside the house of things that do not please me …. after we have had a row about them.

Once, we were going on holiday to Cornwall with so many dogs, chil-

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dren and surf boards that we had to take two cars.

I gave instructions as to what should be packed in the second car, as I did not have room. This included two black bin liners filled with towels - one towel each for the beach and one for the house – times six people equals twelve towels. My husband cheerfully deposited these bags in the bin on his way to Cornwall. A kind neighbour retrieved them for me before the bin man came to take them away.

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To make it appear even more attractive to him I said I could not possibly let it go. I got a fiver for it! What a result.

However, there are things in the house that my husband would probably consider to be rubbish but I can’t bear to let go. In one drawer is a wooden box of knives and forks. They must, I presume, have been used over several generations.

The blades of the knives are so worn down some are just stubs yet are still sharp as razors. Heaven knows what ghastly injuries might have been sustained if anyone had been careless while eating with them. What to do with them? For now they just sit in the drawer. Occasionally I polish their wooden box. I also have quite a collection of keys which my husband thinks are utterly pointless.

These I rather like. Some are as big as a remote control, others have labels on them like the

potions in Alice in Wonderland: ‘Key to the lavender cupboard’, ‘Key to Constance’s box’.

There was, however, one time when I really did have to refrain from having a row over rubbish as it was a case of spilt milk. We were in London and I went to a charity shop in smart Chelsea to see if I could find something pretty to wear to a wedding.

There was the most beautiful pink chiffon dress which came with a leather coat, so soft it was like wearing silk. The lady in the shop told me not to pack the coat but to keep it folded loosely in tissue paper in a carrier bag. She handed me a lovely orange one which had ‘Hermes’ written on the front. We went to the wedding where my outfit was greatly admired and it became the very best thing I owned. We arrived home to Devon, rather tired, and had a cup of tea. Later on I went to the car to get our luggage. Where, I asked my husband, was the orange carrier bag?

‘I burnt it. I thought it was rubbish.’ I said nothing and walked to our bonfire place in the hopes that the bag may not have caught light. It had, the tissue paper ensuring the coat was no more.

Glinting in the ashes was the buckle. Oh well, I suppose I need to bear in mind that, some years ago, I threw away my husband’s beloved Second World War windproof camouflaged coat. The said garment was more gaffer tape than coat – but even so, I have never been allowed to forget it.

Kishanda Fulford lives in Great Fulford, Dunsford, Devon. The house dates back to Norman times and has been continuously occupied by the Fulford family for more than 800 years.

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Wellbeing

Paleo diet?

Exploding the caveman myth: is the writing on the wall for this latest food craze? ne of the most-talked about health trends of the year is the Paleo diet. The big idea is that our digestive systems have not evolved much beyond that of our caveman ancestors, so we should be eschewing farmed foods such as grains and legumes and chowing down on a hunter-gatherer type grub.

“This diet has become very popular with athletes as well as people attempting to lose weight,” says fitness fanatic and leading plastic surgeon James McDiarmid, who is currently developing a luxury medical spa at the beautiful Wood Estate in South Tawton, Dartmoor.

But James says that scientific findings suggest that Fred Flintstone was more likely to be a farmer than a forager and had more refined tastes. James says it is time to explode what he calls the ‘paleo-myth’.

He says: “It’s funny how the way we imagine our ancestors lived in the past. It can be totally at odds with the historical evidence.

CRUNCH

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LADIES THAT

“Going paleo means consuming samples, says that, far from being a diet rich in unprocessed meats red-meat eaters that nibbled on and fish of the type you would the occasional piece of fruit, our Even if the paleo expect one of our paleolithic anpaleo ancestors had a varied diet diet did reflect cestors to eat. and would have cultivated plants “Yet the truth as borne out to keep their diet at plentiful and what caveman in archaelogical records is varied as possible. ate, why should that there was far more farm“Diversity is key,” she says. and it be a good ing going on at Bedrock than we James agrees: “Even if the paleo would imagine. diet did reflect what caveman ate, thing?

“In fact, the scarcity of meat why should it be a good thing?” and fish where many of our an“After all as far as we can tell cestors were living means they our ancestors weren’t terribly would not have enjoyed anything like the paleotall and didn’t live very long – and why would feast that the inventors of this diet craze would anyone want that? My personal views on optihave us believe.” mising diet for health and performance reflect Interestingly, Professor Christina Warinner of those of US-based nutritionist Matt Fitzgerald the University of Oklahoma has debunked the who takes a pragmatic view of modern day diet caveman diet myth in a fascinating lecture which fads in his latest book, Diet Cults. has had more than half a million YouTube hits.

“If you could distil the essence of his book Christina, who is an expert in ancient fooddown into one sentence it would be: Eat everystuffs through the study of old bones and DNA thing ... in moderation.”

THE KEEP FIT COLUMN WHERE YOU DO THE WORK:

this week: WALKIES Cathy Long, 25 is a telesales manager from Saltash, who lives with boyfriend Dave, 25. She hits the road daily with her two dogs and has walked her way to fitness I did hardly any exercise until I got Jack Russell/ Border Collie crosses Honey and Marley just over a year ago and now I love it. Now, we’re up and out when I get home from work - sun, rain or snow - and I vary the routes to keep it interesting.

A walk is a must every single day and we’ll usually do a couple of miles, although longer on winter weekends when it’s too dark to walk so far

after work in the evening.

Since I’ve had the dogs, I’ve noticed a change in my shape and I’ve toned up considerably. I’m able to go further faster and no longer get out of breath when we walk uphill.

We’ve all earned dinner by the time we get home – and roast chicken is a favourite with all three of us.

HOW DO YOU GET FIT? We’d love to hear... Drop us a line with a selfie and daytime number to westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk.

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Tried

& tested West Mag presents the beauty treats and cheats of the week, all trialled by Catherine Barnes from Tiverton, with help from daughter Tilly, 17.

MAIN PICTURE: STEVE HAYWOOD MAKEUP: ABI SCOTT MAKEUP ARTIST AND BEAUTY CONSULTANT

Skin SOS Fearing turkey neck from long summer days? Cellular Skin Recovery Bliss Capsules from Elemis are your SOS solution. The pearly beads contain Moringa oil - apply before you moisturise. A 30 day treatment costs £63.

Smooth!

Our hair turned to straw on a recent holiday. Richard Ward’s anti-Ageing Shampoo and Conditioner (both £5.99,Waitrose) has rejuvenating Argan Oil and Olea Leaf to restore lustre.

Catherine: Silky soft hair I can run a comb through again. Hallelujah!

Tilly: From frizz back to curls. Not just for amazing greys.

Get lippy Lippy + (Catherine’s) handbag = disaster. Lid off, crumbs/sand stick to lipstick, result: pebbledash lips. The solution: B.Rich lipsticks (£7.99, Superdrug) have specially secure lids.

SUNCARE SPECIALIST Hawaiian Tropic smells like you’re on some far-flung exotic beach, even if you’re only at the pool. Its Satin Protection lotion range (£13.99 for 200ml) goes up to from factor 15 to 50.

Tilly: Mine!

Catherine: Hit the beach smelling fab 23

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Apricot Vest top £19

Cath Kidston Safari check blanket £35

Picnic perfect Summer in July – and if you’re ever going to have a picnic outdoors in the beautiful Westcountry, now is absolutely the time to do so.

Pack up a few yummy treats and off you go to a beach, field or even (and it’s so much simpler) a back garden near you. Think home-made lemonade, warm Cornish pasties wrapped in tea towels and a big bowl of raspberries. Mmmm…

And if you want to look good on your al fresco excursion, take a peek at some of these lovely high-summer style ideas we’ve sourced for you. It’s a time for floral dresses, summery shoes and pretty jewellery. Very feminine, very flattering.

On a practical note, a roomy straw tote is just the thing for your picnic plates and pot of chutney, while you’ll need a shady hat and sunglasses for your day in the sun. Not planning an outdoor lunch any day soon?

Fear not - this look translates well into summer daywear for all sorts of occasions, from strolling round a farmers’ market to your local village fete. Some items can even be dressed up slightly more formally for work. Work? In the summertime? Perish the thought…

Marks & Spencer Alfresco range from £3

Ac

ce s

soriz

e S h o r t s £2 9

FitFlops Pistachio sandals £75

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Marisota Straw tote £35

Miss Selfridge Top £20 Shorts £35

Giftwrapped & Gorgeous Silver/rose gold earrings, £79 Crabtree & Evelyn Gardeners Moisturising Lip Balm with SPF 15 £6

Ac c

esso

rize T

r i l by £19

Apricot Palm leaf dress £39

Oliver Bonas Applique dress £55

One shoe, two ways

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+ Dune Black Lace espadrilles £110 25

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02/07/2014 13:29:02

EATING OUT

River Cottage Canteen

By Becky Sheaves

t is, of course, not Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall’s fault that I went deaf in one ear about five years ago. I had a nasty cold, which attacked my inner ear, and bingo I became overnight one of those grouchy folk who say “What?” a lot and accuse everyone of muttering.

No, it’s not Hugh’s fault at all. But it is the reason why, despite enjoying a meal there just after Plymouth’s River Cottage Canteen first opened in 2011, I vowed never to visit again.

The eatery has its home in a vast stone naval building, dating back to the days of the Napoleonic War. It’s a handsome place in a spectacular location, right on the waterfront in the Royal William Yard. But it is most certainly not deaffriendly. Those high ceilings, hard surfaces and acres of echoing space meant that, on a busy day, I was inundated with meaningless sound. I spent the meal nodding and smiling at my companions, saying “Really?” and “Mmm, yes”, in an I-have-

I

no-idea-what-you-are-on-about sort of way.

However, time marches on and I ended up here again on a sunny summer lunchtime just recently, to meet up with colleagues for lunch. Luckily (for me, perhaps not for Hugh, though), it was a quiet day – just a couple of tables of people dining. I started with a drink newly concocted by the folk at South Devon’s Heron Valley, who also make terrific apple juice and elderflower cordial.

This was sparkling nettle fizz and, though it sounds odd, won hands down in a taste test with my friend’s elderflower fizz from the same people. Botanical and interesting, well worth a try.

My starter was a plateful of grilled local asparagus, shaved Quickes cheddar (made in Devonthe local sourcing here is impressive) preserved lemon and mint plus a crispy hen’s egg (£7.75).

This is essentially a plateful of early summer and didn’t disappoint. To produce an egg that

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is crunchy with deep-fried breadcrumbs on the outside, yielding and unctuous on the inside, requires a good deal of timing and preparation.

This one was heavenly.

For my main course, I had battered Cornish whiting fillet, mushy kabuki peas and mint, chips and Hugh’s tartare sauce. Thank you, Hugh, good to see you’re managing to fit in chopping capers amid all the TV work. Only kidding, and it was a nice sauce so I’m not carping.

But what are kabuki peas? someone asked. “Expensive ones” joked another – I was actually glad to be able to hear this conversation, it was a fun crowd. Turns out they are dried peas, turned into a khaki (and rather stodgy) potful of mush. I think on such a hot day it would be nicer to have fresh peas, just roughly smashed up with some fresh mint.

Several of us went for this dish, on the grounds that the chips here are meant to be very good – and they were. However, the batter was a bit on

It’s a handsome place in a spectacular location, right on the waterfront

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How they scored...

Food

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Atmosphere

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Service

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4 of the best

Celebrity chef restaurants

Price Starters around, £7, mains around £13

1 Fifteen Cornwall, Newquay Jamie Oliver’s beachfront eatery overlooks the fabulous Watergate Bay. It’s pricey, but the food (modern Italian recipes meet local Cornish ingredients) is great.

DISH OF THE DAY: Starter of Cornish spider crab, zucchini and aioli £14 PRICE: Mains around the £25 mark CONTACT: 01637 861000

2 Rhodes @ The Dome, Plymouth Gary Rhodes has a 110-cover restaurant serving modern British classics with a twist, at surprisingly reasonable prices. It’s on The Hoe in Plymouth, with terrific sea views.

DISH OF THE DAY: Buttered salmon on sesame cabbage, £12 PRICE: Mains around £15 CONTACT: 01752 266600

3 Gidleigh Park The only two-star Michelin restaurant

the oily side and one of my colleagues, who just happened to be a bloke, and a hungry one at that, had a piece of fish about half the size of mine. Which didn’t seem fair, given that we’d all been charged the same (£12.75). Of the other dishes round the table, several people were raving about their Cornish line-caught Pollack with tagliatelle (£16.75) and a veggie dish of crunchy arancini (sort of cheesy croquettes) in basil oil (£12.75) was also hitting the spot.

A word here on the service. It was slo-o-ow, I’m sorry to say. And fairly perfunctory, too. “Here’s your lunch,” PLONK was about the extent of it.

Not good enough, is my verdict. We waited for so long between courses that two of us had to leave for work, missing dessert.

in the South West, this cosy Dartmoor hunting lodge is somewhere every foodie should eat at least once. Sensational menus from top chef Michael Caines.

DISH OF THE DAY: Cornish duck, cabbage, smoked bacon, roast garlic, turnips and spice jus PRICE: Lunch £44, tasting menu £140 CONTACT: 01647 432 367

4 The Seahorse, Dartmouth TV chef Mitch Tonks, pictured, has

Luckily, I wasn’t one of them, so I can report that the roasted rhubarb and lemon trifle with toasted almonds (£6.50) was worth all the hanging around. Afterwards, we spilled out into the sunshine and I thought to myself: it’s actually a pretty good restaurant. River Cottage Canteen, Royal William Yard, Plymouth 01752 252702

several eating places in the pretty town of Dartmouth, and this is his fine-dining restaurant. “Best dinner of the year,” said Giles Coren of The Sunday Times when he ate there.

DISH OF THE DAY: Hake cooked in the Basque style with garlic and sauce Romesco, £21.50 PRICE: Mains around £25 CONTACT: 01803 835147

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02/07/2014 13:01:24

Ingredient of the Week

Pigeon

with Tim Maddams here can be little doubt that most not talking feral pigeon from the city centre. As people in this country, myself inthe name suggests, the wood pigeon is a creature cluded, eat too much meat. This is of the woodlands and open countryside. It has a bad for the environment, bad for wide and varied diet and a nervous disposition. us and, in a lot of cases, bad for the They are also phenomenal breeders and it’s not animals. Part of my personal mission to make unknown for them to have as many as three sets better food choices is based around eating meat of chicks in good years. less often and only buying top-quality, local slowThe meat is seriously tasty, too. Generally grown and naturally-fed meat. It’s not cheap but speaking, the breasts are stripped from the rest to my mind it’s also not expensive enough to of the carcass as there really isn’t much meat on reflect the true value of such a pigeon leg. Watch out for whole meat and doesn’t really offer the pigeon imported form the conhard-working farmers of our tinent, these “squabs” are often This meat is tasty, region a good enough living. cage-reared birds fed on dairy bihealthy and But I am a greedy man and, I products. Not the same at all. You like to think, a little resourceful should be able to order pigeon ethical all rolled too. If you ask most people what breasts from the butcher if you into one. Pigeon meats they regularly eat you get don’t know anyone who shoots or is great on the the same three answers all day there isn’t a game dealer nearby. long. Chicken, beef and pork.

You could of course take matbarbecue or Most folk will add lamb and the ters into your own hands. A wellin the pan. occasional duck to that list but placed air rifle pellet will do the that’s where the list ends. job and if you’re a veg grower This July, by contrast, I will it is doubly satisfying to eat the be mostly eating pigeon. It’s true to say that these pigeon that’s been eating your peas. Just make birds are one of the biggest agricultural pests – sure you keep an eye on the law and stay safe. along with rooks and rabbits – and, as such, their Pigeon is great on the barbecue or in the pan. numbers are kept in check by shooting them with Roasted, smoked, minced, stir-fried or grilled shot guns. The happy by-product of this pest conit’s a winner every time, so long as you don’t trol is pigeon meat and it’s a treat like few others. overcook it. If you overcook it, the meat will not We’re talking wood pigeon here not rock doves, thank you at all, it goes a lot like school dinner stock doves or collared doves and we’re certainly liver, not good.

T

Cooking Pigeon

I love to cook pigeon on skewers over charcoal with a north African style marinade. Add fresh flat breads or cous cous, with a tasty salad and some natural yoghurt spiked with plenty of garlic.

Pigeon also works well given the burger treatment – either use whole breasts cooked then sliced or minced breasts formed into burgers with the addition of a little fat pork or smoked streaky bacon (make sure it’s free range and dry-cured).

Pigeon also tastes great in a Caesar salad, either seared or smoked. You can dress it up too, try a little Wellington of pigeon perhaps or a surf and turf with a nice bit of crab or black bream.

However you decide to cook pigeon, you can feel good about eating it. This meat is tasty, healthy and ethical all rolled into one. And, as the grain harvest gets under way this summer, weather permitting, it will also be cheap and plentiful. @TimGreenSauce Tim Maddams is a Devon chef and writer who often appears on the River Cottage TV series

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01/07/2014 19:07:43

Living

TODAY’S WORLD

Mum, Dad, don’t panic Max Warner-Housego of Tiverton, aged 16, responds to Gillian Molesworth’s recent article in West magazine on children and computers s a teenager, I must hold my hand up and admit to occasionally finding myself glued to my computer.

For instance when a new episode of The Big Bang Theory flies onto my screen or as I am locked in battle with horrific enemies on my Playstation, my parents’ attempts to drag me from the sitting room and blackmail me into engaging in some form of physical exercise become futile. Admittedly, on occasion I can turn into some form of computer addicted robot.

But on the whole I would say that, like most teenagers I know, I genuinely don’t spend too much time on computers.

The grim reality of life as a teenager is that most of our time is taken up by school and homework. There simply is not enough time in the day to go on our tablets or computers for hours on end. Anyway, what little spare time we do have is generally spent playing sport or hanging out with

A

friends. To be completely honest, I fail to undercan spend on their electronic gadgets. stand how teenagers can set aside enough time in A particular bugbear of mine – and something their busy schedule to become computer addicts. that I do wholeheartedly disagree with - is when There are many grumbling complaints from children and teenagers are only allowed to play adults that children should be doing more proa game or watch a video if it is ‘educational’. ductive activities like reading When you’re a child or teenager or going to the park. But I beg to it is really important to be able to ‘I must hold my differ. I know that many of my get some down time. We need the friends and other people of my chance to do something which hand up and age agree that having used comdoesn’t involve too much effort admit to occaputers, iPhones and tablets on a and can allow us to relax after a regular basis has improved our busy day at school. It can be a sionally finding ability to use modern technollifesaver in terms of de-stressing myself glued to ogy. This is a vital skill for life in and also gives us a way to bond my computer’ modern Britain. Obviously, I don’t with our friends after school think that children and teenagers when we would not normally be should be able to use this as an able to do so. excuse to spend endless hours online. But I do Clearly, parents do need to be aware that there think that parents should consider this before are some real dangers lurking in wait for their they limit the amount of time that their children children. Nowadays the internet acts as a hunt29

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01/07/2014 19:13:20

Living

[

[

‘We need the chance to do something which doesn’t involve too much effort and can allow us to relax’

‘We know not to talk to strangers or click on dodgy looking ads or web chat with weirdos’

ing ground for paedophiles and perverts where they can groom young and unexpecting victims.

Especially since it is so easy for people to hide their true identity online.

But what kid doesn’t already know this? As far as I can tell, kids are fairly streetwise to these sorts of things nowadays. I know that when my friends stumble onto some inappropriate site by accident they’ll quickly exit it. We know not to talk to strangers or click on dodgy looking ads or web chat with weirdos. And as long as your computers have the correct security settings they won’t be able to anyway.

Although many parents are haunted by stories of children being groomed online or cyberbullied I must say that I feel that these fears are mostly unfounded. Yes, I’ve been approached by strangers on sites such as Facebook trying to add me as friends. Although they could be completely harmless I know that it’s best not to take any chances so I don’t add them. I know parents fret over their children but, really, we are not that stupid. And as for cyber-bullying I’ve never been a victim of it or know of anyone who has been. Actual face-to-face bullying is still far more

commonplace and, in fact, harder to deal with, as there is no written evidence with which to confront the bullies or show to parents or teachers. Although cyber-bullying obviously does happen, I think that it is very rare.

Although at the end of the day it’s down to you parents to decide how to control how and how much your children use computers.

But I would give you three suggestions:

1

What do teenagers really think?

Always make sure that you set strict security settings on what your children can search on any device that can provide access to the internet! As well as this checking their internet history may not be a bad idea.

Sam, 17 I believe that what you do on computers is your own business so long as it’s safe and legal but I strongly agree that parents should control how long you are on a computer for.

2

Harry, 16 In my opinion children should be limited to two hours maximum time on a computer per day.

Make sure that your children know the dangers of the internet and how to avoid them . Explain what to do if something happens that they are not comfortable with such as a stranger approaches them online.

3

Bear in mind that your children need a break and don’t have to be constantly learning. Let them chill out and when they do work they will be less tired and more focused.

Alex, 16 What you do on your computer is your business,although more emphasis should be put on constructive activities such as learning programming. It’s up to you what you do, not your parents.

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Your 7 day guide to what’s on the box

TV guide 06.07 - 12.07

BBC1, 9pm

MONDAY John Bishop’s Australia

John Bishop is living his dream down under. He has returned to Australia to retrace his steps – quite literally – from an epic charity bike trek he took twenty two years ago. Ready to take on any challenge, John re-launches his adventure in a new three-part series on BBC1.

Common It’s pure courtroom drama when hapless teen Johnjo, caught up in a fight he didn’t start, finds himself charged with murder by the arcane Law of Common Purpose.

Screenwriter Jimmy McGovern shines the light on this rather bizarre piece of 300-year-old legislation and the people whose lives it changes.

BBC 1, 9pm

SUNDAY

Using his original diary from the 1992 road trip – when he raised £30,000 for the NSPCC – as a guidebook, the Liverpool funnyman will cycle routes from Sydney up the east coast of Australia towards far Northern Queensland. Along the way, he will meet an extraordinary range of vivid char-

acters, hear their fascinating stories and experience true natural wonders. All of these Aussie experiences will be framed with his trademark astute comedic observations. “Retracing the steps of a journey which holds such amazing memories has been an incredible experience,” he says.

Channel 4, 8pm

TUESDAY Kirstie’s Fill Your House For Free: She’s back…homes doyenne Kirstie Alsopp returns to Channel 4 with lots of new ideas for sprucing up our interiors without breaking the bank. In this episode, Kirstie sorts out Bedfordshire couple Hannah and Andy with clever space rearrangement, and sources the nation’s finest cast-offs for viewers’ inspiration.

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Sunday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

COMMON 9pm, BBC1

Jimmy McGovern’s oneoff drama about a teenager who is one of several youths charged with a murder, despite not being involved in the killing. Nico Mirallegro stars.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 Sunday Morning Live (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). Presented by Andrew Neil.

12.15 BBC News (S,HD). 12.30 Bargain Hunt (R,S). From Builth Wells, Powys. 1.00 Wimbledon 2014 (S,HD). Sue Barker and guests look ahead to this afternoon’s men’s singles final. 1.50 Wimbledon 2014 (S,HD).

Live coverage of the men’s singles final. 5.45 Regional News (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

A CABBIE ABROAD: FIJI 9pm, BBC2

London cabbie Mason McQueen heads to the South Pacific island of Fiji to ply his trade in the capital Suva, where he is shown the ropes by his host Dharmendra Kumar – a direct descendant of sugar plantation labourers brought from India by the British. Mason teams up with the doorman of a local hotel to sample the indigenous way of life.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.10 Film: East of Sudan (S) (1964). ●● 7.40 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 8.10 World Cup Films (S).

9.45 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Highlights (S,HD). 10.30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (R,S). 12.00 Live Formula 1: British Grand Prix (S,HD).

3.30 Racing Legends: Stirling Moss (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (R,S). 5.05 Songs of Praise: Big Sing – The UK’s Top 10 Hymns (S,HD). 5.45 Wimbledon 2014 (S,HD).

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW 7.10pm, BBC1

Fiona Bruce and the team pay a second visit to Wentworth Woodhouse, where items include a bible that belonged to one of the first black professional footballers. Last in the series.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S). 9.25 Love Your Garden (R,S,HD). A couple who founded a charity to support bereaved families. 10.30 Tour de France Live (S,HD). Gary Imlach presents coverage of the second stage, which takes the riders on a 201km journey from York to Sheffield, on the second of three days in England. 5.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Ben Shephard.

SEAN LOCK: PURPLE VAN MAN 10pm, Channel 4

The 8 Out of 10 Cats team captain’s stand-up show, recorded in front of a sell-out audience at London’s Hammersmith Apollo last year.

The comedian offers a uniquely skewed take on the world through gags, opinions, deft observations and silly voices as he gives the ‘purple van man’s’ perspective on life.

Channel 4

6.15 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.40 British F3 (S).

7.10 Snowdonia Slateman Triathlon (S).

7.35 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

9.00 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S).

12.30 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Film: A Knight’s Tale (S,HD) (2001). See Choices Above. ●●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.05 Meerkat Manor (R,S). 10.30 Big Brother (R,S,HD). 11.30 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies (R,S,HD). 12.30 Film: Sabrina the Teenage Witch (S) (1996). ●●● 2.15 Film: Space Jam (S,HD) (1996). ●●● 3.55 Film: A Goofy Movie (S) (1995). Animated comedy, with the voice of Bill Farmer. ●● 5.20 Film: The Fox and the Hound (S) (1981). Animated adventure, with the voices of Mickey Rooney and Kurt Russell. ●●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

▼ ▼

7.10 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

26/26. See Choices Above.

▼

12

7.00 Despicable Me (S,HD) (2010).

Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell and Jason Segel. ●●●●

Sean Lock: Purple Van Man, 10pm

8.10 Casualty (R,S,HD). 44/48.

Connie asserts her authority over the ED.

8.00 The Quest for Bannockburn (S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two.

Neil Oliver and Tony Pollard conclude their attempt to mark the 700th anniversary of Bannockburn by pinpointing the location of the battlefield.

▼

after

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

4/20. Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

9.00 Common (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 A Cabbie Abroad: Fiji (S,HD).

3/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Nation’s Favourite Motown Song (S,HD). Craig Charles counts down the legendary Detroit record company’s 20 greatest hits, as voted for by the British public, with contributions by those who made pop history.

▼

11

You’ve Been Framed!, 6pm

10.30 Regional News (S,HD).

10.55 Regional Programme (R,S).

10.00 Mock the Week (R,S,HD). 4/11.

With Rob Beckett, Susan Calman, Hal Cruttenden and Romesh Ranganathan.

10.35 Today at Wimbledon (S,HD).

John Inverdale presents highlights of the men’s singles final at the All England Club.

10.30 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

10.45 The Cube (R,S,HD). 4/9. A builder and a 24-year-old mother take part, aiming to complete tasks within the confines of the cube to win a jackpot of £250,000. Hosted by Phillip Schofield.

10.00 Sean Lock: Purple Van Man (S). See Choices Above.

▼

10

A Cabbie Abroad: Fiji, 9pm

6.10 Countryfile (S,HD). See Choices Above.

11.25 Sliding Doors (S,HD) (1998).

Comedy drama, starring Gwyneth Paltrow. ●●●

11.35 Heavenly Creatures (S,HD) (1994). Fact-based drama, starring Kate Winslet. ●●●●

11.45 The Unforgettable Russell Harty (R,S). Profile of the chatshow host.

11.00 Get Him to the Greek (S,HD) (2010). Comedy, starring Russell Brand. ●●●

▼

6 7 8 9

Wimbledon 2014, 1.50pm

1.00 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

1.05 BBC News (S,HD).

1.05 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). John Craven visits the Peak District set of BBC drama The Village. 2.05 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Raf demands that Amy take a paternity test. 3.05 This Is BBC Two (S).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.15 The Store. Home shopping. 2.15 Motorsport UK (S,HD). Renault UK Clio Cup and Ginetta Junior Championship action. 3.05 British Superbike Championship Highlights (S,HD). Round four from Knockhill. 3.55 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.55 Film: This Boy’s Life (S,HD) (1993).

Drama, starring Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio. ●●●● 2.50 Swimming (R,S). 3.05 A SuperScrimpers’ Merry Christmas (R,S,HD). Tips on having a frugal but fun festive holiday. 4.00 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). 4.55 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 5.00 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.55 Countdown (R,S,HD).

Sunday 6

Television Guide

Big Brother, 9pm 6.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

7.35 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Rush Hour (HD) (1998).

Comedy adventure, starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

Edited for language. ●●●●

8.00 Johnny English Reborn (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. A bumbling former secret agent returns to duty to foil an attempt to assassinate the premier of China. Spy comedy sequel, starring Rowan Atkinson. ●●● 9.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 33/72.

Daily round-up of highlights, featuring the latest tasks, games, arguments, laughs, diary room visits and bedroom chit-chat. Narrated by Marcus Bentley.

10.00 Lethal Weapon 4 (S,HD) (1998). See Choices Above. ●●●

12.25 World’s Scariest Plane Landings (S,HD). 1.10 SuperCasino. 3.10 One World Trade Centre: Rebuilt (R,S,HD).

4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S).

5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S).

5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

In your newspaper today Our exciting new WMN on Sunday is set to be part of your Westcountry weekend from here on in. Packed with news, opinions and features, it’s a great read for everyone who cares about the South West and the wonderful lifestyle on offer here. Look out, too, for your colour supplement West magazine, free every Sunday with the newspaper.

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02/07/2014 12:20:05

NCIS: LOS ANGELES 10pm, Sky1

The supposed suicide of a government employee leads Callen and Sam to unravel a devious plot involving a drug cartel, a missing submarine and a shipment of cocaine worth billions of dollars. Back at headquarters, Hetty leaves for Washington, DC, to attend a hearing about her actions.

John Craven visits the Peak District set of BBC drama The Village. Helen Skelton discovers the links between the area and the British Raj, and gets tips on capturing animal photos. Ahead.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).

6.45 The Hot Desk – Example (R,S,HD). 6.55 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 9.15 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 11.40 America’s Got Talent (S,HD). 2.30 You’ve Been Framed! Family Special (R,S).

3.15 Film: Beethoven (S,HD) (1991). ●●●● 5.00 Film: Valiant (S,HD) (2005). Computer-animated adventure. ●●●

E4

6.00 Make It or Break It (R,S,HD). 6.50 Charmed (R,S).

7.35 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 8.35 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 10.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD).

12.30 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 2.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

2.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (S,HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Transformers: Age of Extinction Special (S).

9.30 Jersey Boys Special (R).

10.00 WWE Superstars (R). 11.00 WWE: Experience. 12.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 1.00 Twin Towns (R,S,HD). 2.00 Futurama (R,S). 3.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

FILM PICKS

COUNTRYFILE 6.10pm, BBC1

A KNIGHT’S TALE 5pm, Channel 4

A poverty-stricken squire poses as a knight to compete in jousting tournaments, launching himself on the road to riches. Heath Ledger and Paul Bettany star.

GOLD

6.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 7.40 Bewitched. 8.40 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

10.50 Porridge (S). 12.50 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.50 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 4.50 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). Edith searches for a new husband and the British airmen are forced to return to Rene’s cafe following a bungled escape attempt. With the late Sam Kelly.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S). 7.00 Premiership Years (S). 9.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 2.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premiership Years (S). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

Pearl Harbor, 6.30pm

Night at the Museum, 8pm

NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

Porridge, 9pm

Soccer AM, 5pm

6.30 Pearl Harbor (S,HD) (2001). Romantic Second World War drama, with Ben Affleck and Kate Beckinsale. ●●

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

5/22. The family relocates to a farm.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

21/22.

6.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 4/7.

Rene and Captain Geering are ambushed.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.15 Football Gold (HD).

6.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24. Sheldon unwittingly makes a scientific breakthrough.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

22/22. With the voice of rapper Ludacris.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

1/22. Homer recalls his musical heyday.

7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

17/25. A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

18/25. A comic look at soaps and celebrities.

7.00 World Cup Report (HD).

Up-to-the-minute news.

7.15 Football Gold.

7.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

8.00 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (S,HD) (2009). Fantasy comedy sequel, starring Ben Stiller and Amy Adams. ●●●

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

4/22. Three Halloweenthemed tales.

8.30 Futurama (HD). 11/13.

Zoidberg gets on the wrong side of the Robot Mafia.

8.00 The Two Ronnies Spectacle (S). 2/3. The making of the double act’s TV series.

8.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the Netherlands team from 1974.

8.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

9.00 Porridge (S). 1/6. A 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). midday cuppa causes a 3/23. The team stir. reinvestigates the death of Navy Seal member 9.40 Porridge (S). 2/6.

Max Garcia after Joe Fletcher finds three is a White raises suspicions crowd. about the original verdict of suicide. Guest starring William Baldwin.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD). 24/24. See Choices Above.

10.20 Porridge (S). 3/6. The inmates stage a mock trial.

10.00 World Cup Report (HD). Up-to-the-minute news.

10.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams. A look at the West German national side in 1972 and 1974.

11.20 The Matrix Reloaded (S,HD) (2003). Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Keanu Reeves. ●●●

11.40 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 11/24.

The pals become addicted to cigarettes again.

11.00 Cop Squad (R,S,HD).

5/10. The work of police officers in Cambridgeshire.

11.00 The Office (S). 2/2. Part two of two. The Christmas party throws up a few surprises.

11.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams.

11.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD). A profile of former Chelsea forward Gianfranco Zola.

1.55 Best of You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Including a clip of a boy struggling with a heavy sandwich. 2.45 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.10 New Girl (R,S,HD). 12.40 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

1.10 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.40 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.10 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).

2.55 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.20 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD).

12.00 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK (R,S,HD). Police officers in west Wales deal with a dangerous domestic incident. 1.00 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK (R,S,HD). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S). 5.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S).

12.10 Bottom (S). Eddie hatches a get-rich-quick scheme. 12.50 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Emma Bunton comes to the house. 1.25 The Office (S). Part two of two. The Christmas party throws up a few surprises. 2.20 Bottom (S). 2.50 Rex the Runt. 3.00 Close

12.00 Football Gold (S). 12.15 Football Gold (S). 12.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premiership Years (S).

3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

4.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 5.00 Time of Our Lives.

RADIO

10.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24. Leonard and Penny celebrate Valentine’s Day. 10.40 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).

4/6. Alex Zane and his talking computer showcase 50 videos found online.

2.00 Alex Lester.

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Sunday Morning with James Jolly. Noon Private Passions.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 The Early Music Show.

3.00 Choral Evensong. 4.00 The Choir.

5.30 Words and Music in the Great War. 6.45 Sunday Feature: World War One – Cradle of Jazz. 7.30 Music in the Great War: Radio 3 Live in Concert.

10.00 Drama on 3: Life in the Tomb.

11.35 Music in the Great War. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Bells on Sunday. 5.45 Four Thought.

6.00 News Headlines. 6.05 Something

Understood. 6.35 On Your Farm. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 News. 7.07 Sunday Papers. 7.10 Sunday. 7.55 Radio 4 Appeal. 7.57 Weather. 8.00 News. 8.07 Sunday Papers. 8.10 Sunday Worship.

8.48 A Point of View. 8.58 Tweet of the Day. 9.00 Broadcasting House.

10.00 The Archers. 11.15 Desert Island Discs. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 12.30 The Food Programme.

12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World This Weekend. 1.30 Samuel Pepys’ Playlist.

2.00 Gardeners’ Question Time. 2.45 The Listening Project. 3.00 Classic Serial: The Great Scott. 4.00 Bookclub. 4.30 And You, Helen. 4.55 1914: Day by Day.

5.00 File on 4. 5.40 From Fact to Fiction. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.15 Pick of the Week. 7.00 The Archers.

7.15 Blofeld and Baxter: Memories of Test Match Special. Henry Blofeld and Peter Baxter share tales from the cricket commentary box 7.45 Annika Stranded.

8.00 Feedback. 8.30 Last Word. 9.00 Face the Facts. 9.26 Radio 4 Appeal.

9.30 Analysis. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The Westminster Hour. With Carolyn Quinn 11.00 1914: Day by Day. 11.30 Something Understood. Midnight News and Weather. 12.15 Thinking Allowed. 12.45 Bells on Sunday. 12.48 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC

BBC3

7.00 Formula 1: British Grand Prix Highlights (S,HD). Suzi Perry introduces action from Silverstone.

8.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). With actor Michael Fassbender.

9.00 Tron: Legacy (S,HD) (2010). A man searching for his father is sucked into a computergenerated world and must compete in gladiatorial combat. Sci-fi adventure, with Jeff Bridges. ●●● 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Murdered

By My Boyfriend (R,S,HD).

1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 2.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Giving Up My Baby (R,S,HD). 3.00 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 3.30 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 Sounds of the Sixties (R).

7.35 A Hard Day’s Night (HD) (1964). Musical comedy, starring the Beatles. ●●●●● 9.00 The Lance Armstrong Story – Stop at Nothing: Storyville (HD).

Documentary about the Lance Armstrong scandal, when the seven-time Tour de France winner was revealed to be one of the most notorious drug cheats in sporting history.

10.40 Storyville: Velorama (HD).

Documentary examining a century of cycling.

11.40 The Richest Songs in the World (R,HD).

1.10 Neil Sedaka: King of Song (R,HD). 2.10 The Lance Armstrong Story – Stop at Nothing: Storyville (R,HD).

One to watch

9.00 Sporting Rivalries (HD).

The intense rivalry between Argentina and Brazil.

9.30 Sporting Rivalries (HD).

The intense rivalry between the Netherlands and Germany.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex (S,HD). 5/12. Reality programme following a group of people in Essex.

10.50 TV OD (R,S,HD). 5/8. A humorous look at the most talked about shows on TV.

Radio 1 5.00am Seani B. 7.00 Dev. 10.00 Matt Edmondson. 1.00pm Huw Stephens. 4.00 The Official Chart with Jameela Jamil. 7.00 Dan & Phil. 9.00 The Surgery with Aled & Dr Radha.

10.00 Annie Mac. Midnight BBC Introducing with Jen and Ally. 2.00 Monki. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 6.00am The Sunday Hour.

7.00 Clare Balding with Good Morning Sunday. 9.00 Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs. 11.00 Madeley on Sunday.

1.00pm Elaine Paige on Sunday. 3.00 Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s.

5.00 Paul O’Grady. 7.00 Sunday Night with Michael Ball. 9.00 Clare Teal.

11.00 Don Black. Midnight OJ Borg.

LETHAL WEAPON 4 10pm, Channel 5

The mismatched LAPD detectives hunt down the head of a Chinese triad involved in forgery and slave trading.

Action adventure, starring Mel Gibson.

World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live in Short.

6.00 Sunday Breakfast. 9.00 SportsWeek. 10.00 Pienaar’s Politics.

11.00 5 Live Sport. 2.00pm Wimbledon. 7.00 5 Live’s Pedal Power Playlist. 8.00 Not Just Cricket. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night.

4.35 5 Live Formula 1.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 Aled Jones. Noon Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. 3.00 Charlotte Green’s Culture Club. 5.00 The Classic FM Chart. 7.00 David Mellor.

9.00 Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Classical Music. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

COMMON (BBC One, 9pm)

Acclaimed screenwriter Jimmy McGovern has penned a thought-provoking drama, based on a 300-year-old legal doctrine that allows several people to be charged with a crime where they are not the primary offenders.

Johnjo gives his cousin and some mates a lift, supposedly so they can get a pizza. They’re actually going to confront somebody they’ve had anargument with - but in the ensuing melee, an innocent bystander is killed.

Johnjo is horrified by what has happened, but it’s when the investigation into the murder begins that his nightmare really starts.

Actors fall over themselves to appear in McGovern’s work, probably because they’re assured of having a part they can really get their teeth into. Nico Mirallegro, Daniel Mays, Jodhi May, Robert Pugh, Michael Gambon and Michelle Fairley are among the lucky group here.

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Monday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

JOHN BISHOP’S AUSTRALIA 9pm, BBC1

John Bishop sets off on a bicycle journey along Australia’s east coast, meeting extraordinary characters and experiencing natural wonders along the way.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Fake Britain (R,S). 11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

JAMIE’S MONEY SAVING MEALS 8.30pm, Channel 4

Jamie Oliver prepares a thrifty curry using chicken drumsticks bought for half the price of breast, but full of flavour. He also makes a Mexican omelette with a guacamole-style slaw, a giant vegetable rosti with poached eggs and crispy Cajun fishcakes, and ‘snake in the hole’, a cross between a roasted meatloaf and meatballs with Yorkshire pudding.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Animal Park (R,S). 7.50 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 8.20 Sign Zone (R,S). 10.35 Click (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD).

12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Breakaway (R,S). 1.45 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 2.30 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain (R,S).

3.15 Natural World: Living with Baboons (R,S,HD). 4.15 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

SCOTLAND: FOR RICHER OR POORER? 9pm, BBC2

Robert Peston investigates the economic implications for Scotland if its citizens vote in favour of it becoming an independent nation in the referendum in September.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). With Emmerdale actor Kelvin Fletcher. 8.30 Lorraine (S). With Lucy Worsley. 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). Guests air their differences. 10.30 This Morning (S).

Celebrity chat and lifestyle features. 12.00 Tour de France Live (S,HD). Stage three from Cambridge to London. 4.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Comical clips, narrated

by Harry Hill. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

POLICE INTERCEPTORS 8pm, Channel 5

The return of the documentary following the work of a high-speed interception team from Lincolnshire’s Roads Policing Unit.

Members of the operational support unit smash through a bedroom window in a drugs raid and a speeding driver is clocked at over 140mph.

Channel 4

6.40 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.30 The King of Queens (R,S). 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S).

10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (R,S,HD).

2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD).

Daily round-up of highlights. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Amber’s Story (S) (2006). Fact-based drama, starring Elisabeth Rohm. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds, 7pm

The Cube: Celebrity Special, 9pm

The Great British Break-Up?, 8pm

Benefits Britain … 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

5/30. Items with connections to famous people.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 17/20.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sinead confesses to having feelings for Tony.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Phoebe’s dad offers Kyle money to break up with her.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted

by Alex Jones and Matt Baker.

7.30 How Safe Is Your House?

(S,HD). Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 14/20. A recipe for a bacon and egg pie.

7.30 University Challenge: Class of 2014 (S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Declan discovers Charity’s deceit.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Peter signs over his share of Underworld to Carla.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Skyscraper: London’s Cheesegrater (S,HD). The creation of the Leadenhall Building in the City of London’s financial district. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Mick’s birthday present for Linda arrives in the shape of soldier son Lee. 8.30 ISIS: Terror in Iraq – Panorama (S,HD). The threat caused by the new terror group.

8.30 RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 2014 (S,HD). 1/3.

See Choices Above.

8.00 Countrywise (R,S,HD). 1/10.

Paul Heiney explores the folklore of the Isle of Man. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Peter sees Luke leaving Carla’s.

8.00 The Great British Break-Up?: Channel 4 Dispatches (S,HD).

8.30 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD).

See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

9.00 John Bishop’s Australia (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Scotland: For Richer or Poorer? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 The Cube: Celebrity Special (S,HD). 9/9. Former EastEnders star Charlie Brooks and retired rugby player Ben Cohen tackle a series of fiendishly difficult challenges for charity. Phillip Schofield hosts. Last in the series.

9.00 The Armstrong Lie (S,HD) (2014). See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (S,HD). 4/5. The documentary examining the lives of unemployed people visits Hull, which has one of the highest unemployment rates and lowest average weekly wages in the UK.

▼

6 7 8 9

Guilty by Association, 10.35pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S).

10.35 Guilty by Association (S,HD).

The controversy surrounding the Joint Enterprise law, which critics argue is leading to wrongful convictions of people who were only on the periphery of a crime.

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 13/18. With Victoria Wood, Richard Osman and Jason Manford.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.35 Regional Programme (R,S,HD).

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.35 Regional Programme (S,HD).

11.20 A Cabbie Abroad: Fiji (R,S,HD). 3/3. Mason McQueen drives a taxi in the South Pacific island’s capital Suva. Last in the series.

11.05 Ray Mears’ Close Encounters (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two.

The survival expert studies the saltwater crocodile in Australia.

11.35 Random Acts: Big Dance 2014 (S,HD). 1/5. New series.

Short films celebrating the creative relationship between Brazil and the UK. 11.40 Embarrassing Bodies (R,S).

1/7.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Rylan Clark discusses the nominations.

12.35 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: I Bought a Rainforest (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners in Cambridgeshire and Suffolk vie for the £1,000 prize. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.35 The Secret Millions (R,S,HD). TV farmer Jimmy Doherty works with a charity helping disabled people. 1.30 Scandal (S,HD). 2.15 The Mill (R,S,HD). Robert arranges to relocate Susannah. 3.10 The Mill (R,S,HD). 4.05 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). 5.00 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD).

5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 She’s 78, He’s 39: Age Gap Love (R,S,HD). Six people with much younger partners. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Under the Dome (R,S,HD). Norrie and Joe go in search of the centre of the dome. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Divine Designs (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

10 11

▼

after

12

Monday 7

Television Guide

10.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 34/72.

Marcus Bentley narrates a round-up of the highlights of the latest events as the housemates ruthlessly attempt to seize power, keep it and impose their will on the others.

In your newspaper today Read your Western Morning News every Monday for all the sport reports from the region’s top teams, plus insight into team tactics, performance and future matches. Whether you support Argyle or Albion, the Grecians or the Chiefs, this is the paper to read for all the Westcountry’s sporting news. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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Monty Don, Rachel de Thame and Joe Swift present the first of three programmes from the event in south-west London, beginning with a preview of the show.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.35 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.35 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S). 10.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 5.05 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

More humorous clips narrated by Harry Hill, including monkey mayhem, a forestry faux pas and a Reliant Robin that does a 360-degree roll in a race before landing back on its wheels, plus another line-up of painful-looking accidents and calamities caught on camera.

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). The students perform songs by Whitney Houston. 4.00 Futurama (R,S).

5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). With the voice of Frances McDormand. 5.30 Futurama (R,S). Fry makes a deal with the Robot Devil.

FILM PICKS

YOU’VE BEEN FRAMED! 7.30pm, ITV2

RHS HAMPTON COURT PALACE FLOWER SHOW 2014 8.30pm, BBC2

THE ARMSTRONG LIE 9pm, Channel 4

Documentary following cycling champion Lance Armstrong’s fall from grace as he was exposed for using performanceenhancing drugs while planning his comeback.

GOLD 6.00 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S). 7.00 Butterflies (S). 7.40 dinnerladies (S).

8.20 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 9.00 Bewitched. 10.00 I Dream of Jeannie.

11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

12.20 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 1.00 Bewitched. 1.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Just a Minute. 3.40 As Time Goes By (S).

4.20 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 World Cup Report (HD). 7.15 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.00 World Cup Report (HD). 12.15 First Fast Now (HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 2.00 Premiership Years (S). 4.00 Afternoon Report (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

Celebrity Juice, 10.55pm

The Crazies, 10pm

Trollied, 9pm

Extras, 11pm

Football’s Greatest, 8pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).

12/30. Potential suitors woo Harriet from Manchester.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD).

1/13. First episode of the sci-fi animation series.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

5/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 3/9. A stranger gives the trio an old van.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.15 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Steven Gerrard.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 8/26.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 11/28. See Choices Above.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Sienna vows to do whatever it takes to avoid prison.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 14/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

6/21. Homer abuses the internet.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

7/22. Homer is promoted to accounts manager.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 5/6. Del’s beloved mum apparently makes contact during a seance at the Nag’s Head.

7.00 World Cup Report (HD).

Up-to-the-minute news.

7.15 Football Gold.

7.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

8.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Harry Hill narrates a selection of homevideo howlers on the theme of holidays.

8.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4/22. Morgan sues Mindy for sexual harassment.

8.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 3/22. Jake struggles to solve any of his numerous cases.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 9/24.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 10/24. Claire and Phil threaten to cancel their festive celebrations.

8.15 One Foot in the Grave (S). 1/6. Victor’s house is burgled.

8.55 dinnerladies (S). 3/10.

Bren gets excited about her holiday.

8.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). The career of Cristiano Ronaldo.

8.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the France team from 19982000.

9.00 Trollied (R,S,HD). 3/13.

Senior staff endorse Richard’s “ideas fort” idea.

9.30 Trollied (R,S,HD). 4/13.

Andy divulges too much information about his love life.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 5/6. Edina has a cash crisis.

9.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A look at the Hungary national side of the 1950s.

9.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A look at the Brazil national side in 1958 and 1962.

9.00 Happy Gilmore (S,HD) 9.00 The 100 (S,HD). 1/13.

(1996). A failed iceNew series. Posthockey player with a apocalyptic drama set 97 fiery temper discovers he years after nuclear has a gift for golf, and Armageddon decimated decides to enter a Earth, destroying all of prestigious tournament. civilisation apart from Comedy, with Adam the 400 inhabitants of Sandler and Christopher space stations.

McDonald. ●●●

10.00 Fantastic Four (HD) 10.55 Celebrity Juice (R).

10.00 The Crazies (S,HD) (2005). See Choices 3/14. With Verne Troyer, (2010). A sheriff Above. ●● Heidi Range and Dave investigating a series of Berry. killings discovers a toxic chemical is turning people into bloodthirsty maniacs. Horror remake, starring Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell. ●●●

10.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). 4/6. Linda plans Tom’s 30th birthday.

10.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). The career of Lionel Messi.

10.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the France team from 1984.

11.40 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 5/22. Jake moves into his mother’s house.

11.00 Extras (S). 1/6. Ben Stiller guest stars.

11.40 Men Behaving Badly (S). 7/7. Gary finds Dorothy in bed with Tony.

11.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Luis Figo.

11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

12.20 Bottom (S). The grubby duo steal a car. 1.00 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina has a cash crisis. 1.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Linda plans Tom’s 30th birthday. 2.00 Extras (S). Ben Stiller guest stars. 2.30 Men Behaving Badly (S). 3.00 Close

12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.30 Football Gold (S). 12.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premiership Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives.

4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (S). 5.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

RADIO

12.10 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.35 Dads (R,S,HD).

1.00 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). 1.35 You’ve Been Framed! Full Throttle (R,S). Clips featuring thrill-seekers and show-offs. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

1.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.25 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.15 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.40 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.20 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Annie Mac. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 Radio 1’s Stories. 10.00 Phil Taggart. Midnight Rock Show with Daniel P Carter. 2.00 B.Traits. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Paul Jones. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 London’s Tin Pan Alley: Danny Baker’s Musical History Tour. 11.00 The Art of Artists.

Midnight OJ Borg. 2.00 Alex Lester.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00

12.15 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

A vehicle transporting Jada Khaled is ambushed. 1.15 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.05 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 5.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.45 The Essay: Goodbye to All That. 11.00 Jazz on 3.

12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

9.00 Start the Week. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Zhivago Affair. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Cold Water California.

11.30 Bad Salsa. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 You and

Yours. Consumer affairs 12.57 Weather.

1.00 The World at One. Presented by Martha Kearney 1.45 Roger Law and the Chinese Curiosities. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Afternoon Drama: Here After. By William Ash and Andrew Knott 3.00 Round Britain Quiz. 3.30 The Food Programme. 4.00 The Hotel Suite. 4.30 The Infinite Monkey Cage. 4.55 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 PM. With Eddie Mair 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 7.00 The Archers. Alice looks after her father 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Further Tales of the City. By Armistead Maupin, dramatised by Bryony Lavery

8.00 Walking Round In Circles. The cultural significance of marches in Northern Ireland 8.30 Analysis.

Examining the future of the internet 9.00 Shared Planet. Monty Don investigates the endangered Hector’s dolphin 9.30 Start the Week. A discussion about the facades people present 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. By Fredrik Backman, abridged by Libby Spurrier 11.00 Short Cuts. Josie Long showcases short documentaries 11.30 Today in Parliament. Political news, presented by Sean Curran Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the

Week: The Zhivago Affair. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 9.00 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan Cricket Show. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

FANTASTIC FOUR 10pm, Sky1

Five astronauts develop superhuman powers during an energy storm in space, but one puts his abilities to evil use.

Ioan Gruffudd and Jessica Alba star.

BBC3

7.00 Hotel of Mum and Dad (R,S,HD). A couple sample city life.

8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A nurse from Derby plans his wedding.

9.00 Slum Survivors (S,HD). New series. Students are challenged to survive in one of the toughest slums in the world.

10.00 Badults (S,HD).

The boys consider embracing change in their lives. Last in the series.

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). 1.30 Badults (R,S,HD). 2.00 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD).

2.30 Live at the Electric (R,S,HD). 3.00 Slum Survivors (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 The Flying Archaeologist (R).

8.00 Jigs & Wigs: The Extreme World of Irish Dancing (R,HD).

8.30 Only Connect (HD).

9.00 Tales from the Royal Wardrobe with Lucy Worsley (HD).

The fashions of former Kings and Queens.

10.00 Edge of Darkness (R).

10.50 Majesty and Mortar: Britain’s Great Palaces (R,HD).

11.50 Britain by Bike (R).

12.20 Britain by Bike (R).

12.50 Only Connect (R,HD). 1.20 Jigs & Wigs: The Extreme World of Irish Dancing (R,HD). 1.50 The Story of Science – Power, Proof and Passion (R,HD). 2.50 Tales from the Royal Wardrobe with Lucy Worsley (R).

One to watch

JOHN BISHOP’S AUSTRALIA (BBC1, 9pm)

Back in 1992, an unknown 25-year-old Liverpudlian called John Bishop was working as a sales rep for a drugs company.

With a steady girlfriend, a good wage, a company car and a sideline as a skilled semi-professional footballer, he seemed to have it all. But he didn’t want to just get married and have kids like his mates.

The lure of Australia was too good to resist, so he decided to leave the girl of his dreams, and go Down Under in case he never got another chance.

During that personal journey, he rode a bike through Australia and back to his home town. However, having spent all day on the road, he always felt he missed out on so much of the country he rode through.

Using his original diary as a guidebook, Bishop retraces his journey; meets a range of extraordinary characters, and experiences true natural wonders.

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Tuesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

KIRSTIE’S FILL YOUR HOUSE FOR FREE 8pm, Channel 4

New series. Kirstie Allsopp transforms more homes with furniture sourced for free, creating a functioning family room.

BBC1

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

6.00 Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Fake Britain 11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).

2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape to the Country 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

ROOM 101 7.30pm, BBC1

Comedy panel show, with Strictly Come Dancing judge Craig Revel Horwood, actress Sheila Hancock and 8 Out of 10 Cats regular Jon Richardson arguing to have the things they hate consigned to the notorious room, while host Frank Skinner has the final say.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Animal Park (R,S). 7.50 Fake Britain (R,S). 8.20 Sign Zone: Helicopter Heroes: New Cases (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Watchdog (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Watchdog Test House (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD).

12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The Super League Show (S). 2.00 Cash in the Attic (S). 2.30 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain (R,S). 3.15 Natural World: Tiger Island (R,S,HD). 4.15 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

SHOPGIRLS: THE TRUE STORY OF LIFE BEHIND THE COUNTER 9pm, BBC2

Pamela Cox examines the development of the roles of female staff in the latter half of the 20th century and looks at the future of the retail sector.

ITV

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Nigel Havers.

1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover (R,S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION 9pm, Channel 5

A homeless man goes on a winning streak at a casino that nets him $350,000, but his luck runs out when he is later found apparently stabbed to death in an alley. After scouring the crime scene for clues, the team learns the victim recently visited a pawn shop, where the investigators discover his winnings.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD). 5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD).

12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD). Daily round-up of highlights. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).

1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). A marine’s teeth and fingertips are found in a pickpocket’s stolen purse. 3.15 Film: Shattered Silence (S) (2012). See Choices Above. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

Whale Adventure … 7pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 18/20. Lisa makes a documentary about her family.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Oscar tries to come clean about the accident to Sgt Emerson.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long episode. Andy lashes out at Adam, and Charity manipulates Declan.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Whale Adventure with Nigel Marven (R,S,HD). The grey whales’ migratory journey takes Nigel up the coast of California.

Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 University Challenge: Class of 2014 (S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. The students discover which teams have won places in the quiz, with the 28 successful quartets undergoing intense training before heading to the TV studio.

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

11/23. Featuring a cat that dislikes DVDs. 8.30 FIFA World Cup Live 2014 (S,HD). The first semi-final (Kick-off 9.00pm), which takes place at the Estadio Mineirao in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, and features the winning sides from the first and second quarter-finals. In the event of extra-time and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

8.00 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (S). 1/5. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies (S,HD). Birmingham RSPCA inspectors come to the aid of a young Staffie tethered to a makeshift kennel in a rubbish-strewn garden and a shockingly thin Labrador.

Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Beauty Queen or Bust (S).

2/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (S,HD). 6/22. See Choices Above.

▼

Ramsay’s Kitchen … 10pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

▼

The Chase, 5pm

6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

6/30. The experts discuss what makes a 20th-century design classic.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 15/20. Paul is joined by chef Rachel Allen to cook family favourites.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

1/6.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports.

7.30 Room 101 (R,S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by Regional News.

▼

The Best of The Sarah … 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Johnny introduces his boyfriend at Linda’s birthday party.

8.30 Match of the Day Live (S,HD).

The first semi-final (Kick-off 9.00pm), which takes place at the Estadio Mineirao in Belo Horizonte, Brazil, and features the winning sides from the first and second quarter-finals. In the event of extra-time and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

▼

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 8pm

10

10.00 The Best of The Sarah Millican Television Programme: Vol 2 (R,S,HD).

Second of two compilations of highlights from the comedy chat show’s three series.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

▼ ▼

11

▼

after

12

9.00 Shopgirls: The True Story of Life Behind the Counter (S,HD). 3/3. See Choices Above.

10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (S). 4/9. Part two of two. Gordon Ramsay tries to save Mangia Mangia from disaster.

10.55 The Secret Life of Students (R,S,HD). 1/4. Documentary following the fortunes of 12 first-year students at Leicester University.

11.10 BBC News (S,HD).

11.35 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

11.45 John Bishop’s Australia (R,S,HD). 1/3. The comedian sets off on a mammoth bicycle journey Down Under.

11.20 Scotland: For Richer or Poorer? (R,S,HD). The economic implications for Scotland if it becomes an independent nation.

11.15 ITV News and Weather (S).

11.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

11.50 Tales from Northumberland with Robson Green (R,S,HD).

2/8. The actor explores the sparsely populated Northumberland National Park.

12.45 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.50 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Seven Wonders of Brazil (R,S). Robert Beckford explores the spiritual diversity of Brazil. 1.20 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Replay (S,HD).

A re-run of the first semi-final. 3.05 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD). 4.00 Schools – True Stories (R,S,HD). 5.00 Schools: The Big Wheel (R,S,HD).

12.20 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 Loose Women (R,S). With guest Nigel Havers. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners in Merseyside vie for the £1,000 prize. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

Tuesday 8 Television Guide

10.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 35/72.

Highlights of Monday’s action in the house, as the housemates continue their attempt to live harmoniously under the allseeing eye of Big Brother.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). BB-related debates, features, insights and gossip.

12.00 Random Acts: Big Dance 2014 (S,HD). 12.05 Poker (S). 1.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 1.25 Trans World Sport (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Grid (R,S). 2.50 Snowdonia Slateman Triathlon (R,S).

3.20 British F3 (R,S). 3.45 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). 4.40 River Cottage Veg Heroes (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 Wentworth Prison (R,S,HD). Jacs asserts her authority in the laundry. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming.

3.10 Brand New House for 5K (R,S,HD). A north-east London home in dire need of renovation. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Divine Designs (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

In your newspaper today The Western Morning News on Tuesday is home to the superb Living Cornwall section, with news, features and events from all over this special county. Look out too for That Was the West That Was… a nostalgic round up of rare and historic South West photography from the archives. Visit www. westernmorningnews.co.uk for details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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Karl Pilkington visits destinations on his ‘bucket list’, trying new experiences including swimming with dolphins and driving along America’s renowned Route 66. In the first edition, he spends a night on a private island in Vanuatu in the South Pacific and attempts bungee jumping.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.35 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.35 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S). 10.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

5.05 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Guest starring Whoopi Goldberg. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Milhouse’s estranged parents consider a reconciliation. 5.30 Futurama (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

AN IDIOT ABROAD 2 9pm, Sky1

BEAUTY QUEEN OR BUST 9pm, Channel 4

The regional heats of the Miss England beauty pageant continue as three girls compete to become Miss Hull, including a fish factory worker who must overcome her insecurities.

SHATTERED SILENCE 3.15pm, Channel 5

A grieving mother wants to understand why her teenage daughter committed suicide, and is shocked to discover she had been subjected to a campaign of bullying.

However, as she goes in search of the culprits, she starts receiving anonymous threats. Drama, starring Liz Vassey.

GOLD 6.00 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S). 7.00 Butterflies (S). 7.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S).

9.00 Bewitched. 9.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days. 11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 1.00 Bewitched. 1.30 I Dream of Jeannie.

2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.20 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 World Cup Report (HD). 7.15 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.00 World Cup Report (HD). 12.15 First Fast Now (HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 2.00 Premiership Years (S).

4.00 Afternoon Report (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

Hell’s Kitchen, 9pm

The Mindy Project, 9.30pm

An Idiot Abroad 2, 9pm

Outnumbered, 8.10pm

Football’s Greatest, 8pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 1/30.

Londoner Charlie chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD).

3/13. Fry and Bender become room-mates.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 5/9. A motorcyclist scares the living daylights out of Compo.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.15 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Thierry Henry.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 10/26. A koala goes on the rampage.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 7/23.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Nancy tries to protect her family.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 15/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

7/21. Homer and Bart become con-artists.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6/22. Homer becomes a celebrity.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/6. Rodney ties the knot with Cassandra.

7.00 World Cup Report (HD).

Up-to-the-minute news.

7.15 Football Gold.

7.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

8.00 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (R,S,HD). 6/8.

The women compete in a military boot-camp obstacle course in a bid to win some exclusive time with “Sir”.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24. Penny gets fired from her movie.

8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 22/24.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 11/24. Manny’s biological father visits.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12/24. Mitchell and Cameron hire a Hispanic gardener.

8.10 Outnumbered (S). The family’s Christmas is marred by burglars – and a missing hamster.

8.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Clarence Seedorf.

8.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A look at the Hungary national side of the 1950s.

9.00 Hell’s Kitchen (S). The contestants pair up and create a unique pizza, which is then judged by Gordon Ramsay and guest critic Chef Wolfgang Puck.

9.00 New Girl (S,HD). 5/24.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 Nick inherits money from (R,S,HD). 1/8. See Choices Above. his late father.

9.30 The Mindy Project (S,HD). 5/22. Mindy begins dating an art journalist.

10.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9/22. The 10.00 Hell’s Kitchen (S). The 10.00 First Dates (R,S,HD). musical drama returns teams compete to win a 5/8. Corinne hopes it will after a six-month hiatus. trip to Las Vegas, as they be third time lucky, Rachel is unhappy when are challenged to Mostafa’s new date Santana sets her sights prepare a college Megan has a list of on becoming her sorority’s anniversary qualities she is looking understudy, while Artie party dinner. With for in a man and Tommy and Tina compete to be Gordon Ramsay. continues his search for top of the class.

Mr Right.

9.00 The Two Ronnies Spectacle (S). 3/3. The three-part documentary concludes with a look at the duo’s musical numbers and the ongoing serial sketches that became a hallmark of the series.

10.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

19/25. Featuring a tribute to Morrissey.

10.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

20/25. A quirky look at Snog, Marry, Avoid.

12.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Chelsea’s college roommate comes to stay. 12.45 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.10 Hell’s Kitchen (R,S).

The contestants pair up and create a unique pizza. 1.55 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 The 100 (R,S,HD). 1.00 Film: The Crazies (S,HD) (2010). See Choices Above. ●●● 2.50 First Dates (R,S,HD). 3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.25 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). Paul tries to make sure Susan does not receive Beth’s kidney.

12.20 Bottom (S). Richie and Eddie celebrate carnival time. 1.00 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina suffers nightmares. 1.30 Extras (S).

Ross Kemp and Vinnie Jones guest star. 2.00 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony develops an interest in astrology. 2.30 Bottom (S). 3.00 Close

RADIO

11.00 Extras (S). 2/6. Ross 11.00 Football’s Greatest Kemp and Vinnie Jones (S,HD). The career of guest star.

Alan Shearer.

11.40 Men Behaving Badly 11.30 Football’s Greatest (S). 2/7. Tony develops an International Teams interest in astrology.

(S,HD).

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune.

6.30 Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Goodbye to All That. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 The Life Scientific. 9.30 One to One. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book

of the Week: The Zhivago Affair. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Shared Planet.

11.30 Who Does John Hegley Think He Is? Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Call You and Yours.

12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 Roger Law and the Chinese Curiosities. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Afternoon Drama: Not Just for Christmas. 3.00 Making History. 3.30 The Human Zoo. 4.00 The Devil’s Rope.

4.30 A Good Read. 4.55 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 PM. With Eddie Mair 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather.

6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Life: An Idiot’s Guide. 7.00 The Archers. Jim speaks his mind 7.15 Front Row. Arts

programme 7.45 Further Tales of the City. By Armistead Maupin 8.00 File on 4. Government measures to help small companies that are owed money 8.40 In Touch. Presented by Peter White 9.00 Inside Health. Dr Mark Porter separates medical fact from fiction 9.30 The Life Scientific. Jim Al-Khalili talks to geologist Zoe Shipton 9.59 Weather.

10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. By Fredrik Backman, abridged by Libby Spurrier 11.00 The Infinite Monkey Cage. A discussion about numbers 11.30 Today in Parliament. With Susan Hulme Midnight News and Weather. 12.30

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A groom-to-be jumps at the chance to plan his wedding.

8.00 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). Students are challenged to survive in one of the toughest slums in the world.

9.00 My Murder (R,S,HD).

Documentary drama based on the 2008 murder of 16-year-old Shakilus Townsend.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD).

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents (R,S,HD). 1.30 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). 2.30 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Giving Up My Baby (R,S,HD). 3.30 Badults (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 The Flying Archaeologist (R).

8.00 Britain by Bike (R).

8.30 Commonwealth on Film. Films capturing the essence of childhood throughout the Commonwealth.

9.00 Rebels of Oz: Germaine, Clive, Barry and Bob. Part two of two. How the four Australians found fame and acclaim.

10.00 Strictly Ballroom (HD) (1992). Australian dance comedy, starring Paul Mercurio. ●●●● 11.30 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD).

12.30 A History of Britain

by Simon Schama (R).

1.30 Britain by Bike (R).

2.00 Commonwealth on Film (R). 2.30 Rebels of Oz: Germaine, Clive, Barry and Bob (R).

One to watch

10.00 Time of Our Lives.

Former Liverpool players reminisce about the years of Bob Paisley.

Presented by Jeff Stelling.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 24: Live Another Day (R,S,HD). 19/24. Sheldon (R,S,HD). 10/12. Kate discovers an unopened finally learns the truth. letter belonging to Howard.

11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 20/24.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Annie Mac. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 The Review Show with Edith Bowman. 10.00 Phil Taggart.

Midnight Punk Show with Mike Davies. 2.00 Nihal. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Jamie Cullum. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Gilles Peterson’s Musica Brasileira.

11.00 They Write the Songs. Midnight OJ Borg. 2.00 Alex Lester.

BBC3

9.00 Sporting Heroes: Steve Harmison Interviews Kevin Keegan: Part One (S,HD). The England cricketer and Newcastle United supporter talks to the man who served his favourite football team as a player and twice as a manager.

11.00 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 1/13.

11.50 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 7/22. Charlie and Chelsea set a date for their wedding.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

Two pharmaceutical executives are murdered. 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

THE CRAZIES 1am, E4

The sheriff of a quiet little town investigates a series of unexpected murders, trying to work out what could have driven seemingly normal, well-adjusted people to kill. He discovers that a toxic chemical has turned many of the townsfolk into bloodthirsty maniacs. Horror remake, with Timothy Olyphant.

12.00 Football Gold (S). 12.15 Football Gold (S). 12.30 Football Gold (HD). 12.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premiership Years (S).

3.00 Time of Our Lives. 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). 5.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

Book of the Week: The Zhivago Affair.

12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 9.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 11.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

KIRSTIE’S FILL YOUR HOUSE FOR FREE (Channel 4, 8pm)

It’s hardly a surprise that Kirstie Alsopp has been snapped up for another run of this brilliant show. Once again she demonstrates that you don’t need to spend a fortune to do spruce up your house.

From bathrooms to back gardens and kitchens to that annoying space under the stairs, viewers are let in on the best tips on how to fill the house for free, and make it stylish while you’re we’re at it.

The Fill Your House for Free store is once again opening in Glasgow, where Kirstie will be sourcing the nation’s highest-quality cast-offs.

In the first instalment, Kirstie and her team come to the aid of Hannah and Andy from Bedfordshire. For them, cash is in very short supply but they need a functioning family room, a sewing studio and a man cave for Andy which would mean he can work from home.

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Wednesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

EPISODES 10pm, BBC2

Beverly struggles to keep Sean focused on returning to London, while Matt is irate when he learns NBC expects him to audition for the lead in its new drama.

BBC1

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

FILM RATINGS

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Fake Britain (R,S,HD). 11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S).

1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

COAST AUSTRALIA 9pm, BBC2

The team explores Western Australia’s Coral Coast, where Neil Oliver investigates why none of HMAS Sydney’s 645 crew members survived a battle with the German ship Kormora in November 1941.

Xanthe Mallett heads to the Houtman Abrolhos islands to unravel the gruesome tale of the Dutch Batavia murders of 1629.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Highlights (S,HD). 7.45 Fake Britain (R,S). 8.15 Sign Zone: Call the Council (R,S). 9.00 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow (R,S). 10.00 Sign Zone: Tigers About the House (R,S). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Animal Park (R,S). 1.30 Cash in the Attic (S). 2.00 Charley Hull – Teenage Tigress (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour of Britain (R,S). 3.15 Natural World – Sri Lanka: Elephant Island (R,S,HD). 4.15 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S).

ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE 9pm, Channel 4

CRICKET ON 5 7pm, Channel 5

A couple who went through years of fertility treatment to have their first son await a C-section for their second baby, and a pair look forward to the arrival of their fourth child.

ITV

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With Eddie Izzard and Holly Bell. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover (R,S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

England v India. Mark Nicholas introduces highlights of the opening day of the First Test of the five-match series from Trent Bridge in Nottingham. The tourists lost all four Test matches when they last visited in 2011, which included a humiliating 319-run defeat inside four days on this ground.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD).

3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD). 5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD).

12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD). Highlights of Monday’s action in the house. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD).

2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: A Woman Betrayed (S,HD) (2013). Premiere. Crime drama, starring Sarah Lancaster. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

Cricket on 5, 7pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 19/20.

Homer tries to fulfil his mother’s dying wish.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Nancy tries to protect her family.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Maddy pushes Alf’s patience to the limit.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Andy threatens to sue the Bartons for compensation.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Izzy and Gary announce they are splitting up.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 2014 (S,HD). 2/3.

Joe Swift explores the plight of Britain’s hedgehogs, Carol Klein examines plants that attract pollinators and Toby Buckland offers advice on everyday garden design problems.

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

15/23. Featuring a woman falling foul of a chipmunk.

8.30 FIFA World Cup Live 2014 (S,HD). The second semi-final (Kick-off 9.00pm). All the action from the clash at the Arena de Sao Paulo in Brazil, as the line-up for the biggest match in football is confirmed.

In the event of extra-time and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

8.00 This Old Thing: The Vintage Clothes Show (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Brand New House for 5K (S,HD). Linda Barker has a week and £5,000 to transform a three-bedroom semi-detached house in north-east London.

Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S,HD). 5/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector Returns (S,HD). 3/4. Alex Polizzi revisits the Godolphin Arms, a B&B in the Cornish seaside resort of Newquay that had been losing money because guests were being drastically undercharged.

▼

16 Kids and Counting, 10pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

▼

You’ve Been Framed!, 8pm

6.00 Eggheads (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

7/30. The team offers advice on what to look out for in the world of Victoriana.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 16/20. With Glynn Purnell.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

2/6. Recipes for dinner parties.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the live magazine show.

Followed by Regional News.

▼

Episodes, 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

8.00 Match of the Day Live (S,HD).

The second semi-final (Kick-off 9.00pm). All the action from the clash at the Arena de Sao Paulo in Brazil, as the line-up for the biggest match in football is confirmed. In the event of extra-time and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

▼

6 7 8 9

The One Show, 7pm

10

10.00 Episodes (S,HD). 9/9. See Choices Above.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

▼ ▼

11

▼

after

12

9.00 Coast Australia (S,HD). 8/8.

See Choices Above.

9.50 Coast (R,S,HD). 5/8. Neil Oliver has a flying lesson at RAF Valley, Anglesey.

10.00 16 Kids and Counting (R,S,HD). 4/6. In Bournemouth, father-of-13 Pete Lewis adapts to life as the only male left in the house, while in Ramsgate, Kent, Gary Freer gives up his job to help look after his nine children.

10.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 36/72. The pick of the previous day’s highlights, including the start of another two-day shopping task to determine how well the housemates will eat for the coming week.

11.10 BBC News (S,HD).

11.35 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

11.45 John Bishop’s Australia (R,S,HD). 1/3. The comedian sets off on a mammoth bicycle journey Down Under.

11.20 Shopgirls: The True Story of Life Behind the Counter (R,S,HD). 3/3. The development of the roles of female staff in the latter half of the 20th century. Last in the series.

11.15 ITV News and Weather (S).

11.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

11.50 Perspectives: Portillo on Picasso (R,S,HD). 4/7. Michael Portillo explores the life and work of Pablo Picasso.

11.00 Britain’s Youngest Carers (S,HD). Oritse Williams meets four young people looking after their parents.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis and her guests discuss how the housemates are getting on.

12.45 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.50 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: A Very British Airline (R,S). 1.20 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Replay (S,HD). 3.05 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD).

12.50 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 British Touring Car Championship (S,HD). Action from the fifth round of the season from Croft. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Four homeowners in north Wales show off their properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.00 Random Acts: Big Dance 2014 (S,HD). 12.05 Music on 4: Superstar DJs: With Annie Mac (S,HD). 12.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.55 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 1.50 Film: Lolita (S) (1997). See Choices Above. ●● 4.10 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 World’s Busiest Train Station (R,S,HD). Behind the scenes at Tokyo’s Shinjuku railway station. Last in the series. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Divine Designs (R,S). St Sophia’s Greek Orthodox Cathedral, London. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

Wednesday 9 Television Guide

In your newspaper today Wednesday is farming day for The Western Morning News. Expect in-depth coverage of all the agricultural issues that matter. There’s also our usual everyday offering of insightful and up-to-date news and features from across the Westcountry and wider world. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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In Doncaster, Dawn O’Porter faces tough opposition from vintage-hater Liza, who is not afraid of spending a small fortune on one-off, bold fashion statements to help her stand out.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S,HD). 7.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.35 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.35 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S). 10.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

5.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

Jack Bauer continues his battle to bring down embittered widow Margot Al-Harazi, with the help of CIA agent Kate Morgan and his trusty old sidekick, computer whizz Chloe O’Brian. Kiefer Sutherland stars, with Yvonne Strahovski, Mary Lynn Rajskub and Michelle Fairley.

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD).

Brittany organises the school prom.

4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer gets trapped in a cave. 5.30 Futurama (R,S,HD). A starship captain is attracted to Leela.

FILM PICKS

24: LIVE ANOTHER DAY 9pm, Sky1

THIS OLD THING: THE VINTAGE CLOTHES SHOW 8pm, Channel 4

LOLITA 1.50pm, Channel 4

A middle-aged academic marries a widow he hates so he can fulfil his fantasies about her teenage daughter. When his wife is killed in a tragic accident, the professor and his stepdaughter begin a tormented sexual relationship as they travel across America. Drama, based on Vladimir Nabokov’s controversial novel, starring Jeremy Irons, Dominique Swain, Melanie Griffith and Frank Langella.

GOLD 6.00 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S).

7.00 dinnerladies (S). 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 Bewitched. 9.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days.

11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

12.20 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 1.00 I Dream of Jeannie.

2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.10 Outnumbered (S).

5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 World Cup Report (HD). 7.15 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.00 World Cup Report (HD). 12.15 First Fast Now (HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 2.00 Premiership Years (S).

4.00 Afternoon Report (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

The Only Way Is … 10pm

Hairspray, 8pm

24: Live Another Day, 9pm

Gimme Gimme … 10.20pm

Football’s Greatest, 8pm

6.30 Dinner Date (R,S). 8/30.

Liverpudlian Mike chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24. Howard returns from space.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 5/13.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

7/22. Bart becomes Nelson’s best friend.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 7/9. Foggy demonstrates his hypnosis skills.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.15 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.30 Football’s Greatest (HD). The career of Lionel Messi.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 8/23. Featuring a Reliant Robin performing a spectacular skid.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The net closes in on Fraser’s murderer.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 16/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

8/21. The children are trapped in school.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

7/22. Apu’s wife has octuplets.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 1/8. Del grabs an opportunity to make a quick profit.

7.00 World Cup Report (HD).

Up-to-the-minute news.

7.15 Football Gold.

7.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

8.00 Ultimate You’ve Been Framed (R,S). More calamities caught on camera, narrated by Harry Hill.

8.00 Hairspray (S,HD) (2007). An overweight teenager dreams of appearing on a TV dance show, while fighting racism in her town. Musical comedy, starring Nikki Blonsky, John Travolta and Michelle Pfeiffer. ●●●●

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 13/24. Mitchell convinces Jay that one of his friends might be gay.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 14/24. Claire is made to feel inadequate when an old friend visits.

8.10 Outnumbered (S). The Brockmans’ plans for a festive holiday grind to a halt.

8.00 Football’s Greatest (HD).

8.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the Brazil side that won the 1970 FIFA World Cup in Mexico.

9.00 24: Live Another Day (S,HD). 11/12. See Choices Above.

9.00 dinnerladies (S). 4/10. A convict escapes near the factory.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 6/6. Patsy and Edina experience rebirth.

9.00 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (S,HD). 7/8. Six would-be princesses are left in the competition, and five of them receive a nasty wake-up call they neither appreciate nor expect.

11.00 Extras (S). 3/6. Kate 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Winslet guest stars.

(R,S,HD). 17/24. Part two of two. Kensi goes in 11.40 Men Behaving Badly search of her father’s (S). 1/7. Tony returns killer. from holiday.

11.00 Football’s Greatest (HD).

11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the Spain team from 20082012.

12.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.30 Dads (R,S,HD).

12.55 Hell’s Kitchen (R,S). The teams compete to win a trip to Las Vegas. 1.45 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.10 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.30 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

A man is gunned down outside the Vietnamese Consulate. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premiership Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives. 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (HD).

4.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

RADIO

11.20 The Big Bang Theory 11.35 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 21/24. One of (R,S,HD). 9/22. Alan tries Sheldon’s favourite TV to solve his hair-loss shows is cancelled. problem.

11.50 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/24.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 Afternoon on 3. 3.30 Choral Evensong. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Goodbye to All That. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 Midweek. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The Zhivago

12.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.35 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 1.05 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD). 1.35 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD).

2.05 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Giving Up My Baby (R,S,HD). 3.00 Blood, Smack & Tears: Afghanistan’s Heroin Hell (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 The Flying Archaeologist (R).

8.00 Horizon: Global Weirding (R,HD).

Scientists investigate why the world’s weather seems to be getting more extreme.

9.00 Ride of My Life: The Story of the Bicycle (R). The history of pedalpower.

10.00 The Queen’s Castle (R). The Knights of the Garter arrive for their annual lunch.

11.00 Tales from the Royal Wardrobe with Lucy Worsley (R,HD).

12.00 The Lance Armstrong Story – Stop at Nothing: Storyville (R,HD). 1.35 Britain by Bike (R). 2.05 Parks and Recreation (R). 2.30 Parks and Recreation (R). 2.50 Ride of My Life: The Story of the Bicycle (R).

One to watch

10.20 Gimme Gimme 10.00 Time of Our Lives.

Gimme (S). 5/6. Tom and Former Manchester Linda go clubbing.

United players recall their time with the club under Tommy Docherty in the 1976/77 season.

10.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). 1/10.

James Corden hosts the sports quiz, with guests Jimmy Carr, Olympic skeleton champion Amy Williams and Dutch footballer Edgar Davids.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Jameela Jamil. 12.45pm Newsbeat.

1.00 Scott Mills. 3.30 The Official Chart Update. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 My Playlister. 10.00 Phil Taggart. Midnight Huw Stephens. 2.00 Benji B. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 The Folk Show with Mark Radcliffe. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Walking with the Wind: America’s Civil Rights Struggle. 11.00 Trevor Nelson’s Soul Show. Midnight OJ Borg. 2.00 Alex Lester.

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A 28-year-old groom is left to plan a Disneythemed wedding.

8.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Giving Up My Baby (R,S,HD).

9.00 Top Gear Polar Special (R,S,HD).

A land race from Canada to the North Pole.

10.05 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD).

10.35 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD).

11.05 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.30 Family Guy (R,S).

11.50 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

9.00 Sporting Heroes: Steve Harmison Interviews Kevin Keegan: Part Two (S,HD). The fast bowler continues his interview with the former Newcastle United and England manager.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.20 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).

(S,HD). 6/12. Reality Alex Zane presents a programme following a countdown of 50 group of people in internet mash-ups, Essex. including clips of Darth Vader playing the 10.50 Celebrity Juice bagpipes and the (R,S,HD). 2/13. With youngest-ever thrash guests Alex Jones, Jason metal band.

Derulo, Rizzle Kicks and Brian McFadden.

12.20 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD).

12.50 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.20 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.50 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.45 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.45 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 4.05 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.50 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

BBC3

12.15 The Young Ones (S). First episode of the anarchic comedy.

1.00 Absolutely Fabulous (S).

Patsy and Edina experience rebirth.

1.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S).

Tom and Linda go clubbing. 2.00 Extras (S). Kate Winslet guest stars.

2.30 Men Behaving Badly (S).

3.00 Close

Affair. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.00 (FM) Gone to Earth. 11.30 (FM) A Charles Paris Mystery: Corporate Bodies. Noon News.

12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) You and Yours. 12.30 (FM) Face the Facts.

12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) Roger Law and the Chinese Curiosities. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Afternoon Drama: Hatch, Match and Dispatch. 3.00 (FM) Money Box Live. 3.30 (FM) Inside Health. 4.00 (FM) Thinking Allowed.

4.30 (FM) The Media Show. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54

(LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) It’s a Fair Cop. 7.00 The Archers. Adam is under pressure 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Further Tales of the City. 8.00 The Moral Maze. Ethical issues 8.45 Four Thought. 9.00 Frontiers. The debate surrounding the Big Bang. Last in the series 9.30 Midweek. Presented

by Libby Purves 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 Before They Were Famous.

11.15 Tina C’s Global Depression Tour.

11.30 Today in Parliament. Sean Curran presents Midnight News and Weather.

12.30 Book of the Week: The Zhivago Affair. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 9.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 11.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

EPISODES

(BBC2, 10pm)

Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig’s lovable writers the Lincolns continue to raise plenty of chuckles in LA. They saw their hit Britcom given a Stateside makeover, with Matt LeBlanc playing the hunkier version of his blustering UK counterpart.

Since then we’ve had affairs galore, as character A pairs off with character B, then spends the next episode either confessing their sins or coping with the fallout.

With the Lincolns’ US series Pucks dead, our beloved scribes are about to head home, but word has got out about their piping hot script, and big cheese Castor Soto wants to fast track a series into production... without even shooting a pilot.

Meanwhile, Matt gets a rude awakening when he goes for an interview at NBC, and the bidding war for Sean and Beverly’s script hots up.

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Thursday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

CHAMPNEYS 9pm, ITV

The luxury spa chain undergoes a challenging period of change as its owner, Stephen Purdew, refurbishes his flagship resort in Tring, Hertfordshire.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Fake Britain (R,S).

11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

EMMERDALE 7pm, ITV

A suspicious Marlon snoops around Donna’s room and the truth of her situation slowly sets in as he discovers her medication and a memory box for April. Adam’s problems escalate when he’s made homeless by Andy, and without the support of his family he quits his job.

BBC2

6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).

7.05 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Highlights (S,HD). 7.50 Fake Britain (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Call the Council (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Escape to the Continent (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Gardeners’ World (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Golf: The Women’s British Open (S,HD). 5.00 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD).

CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF 9pm, BBC1

OAPS BEHAVING BADLY 9pm, Channel 5

The eight remaining cooks enter the semi-finals, catering for the Shakespeare Society and cooking a classic British dish from a box of mystery ingredients.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Pamela Stephenson. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover (R,S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S).

4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Documentary following British expat pensioners living it up in Tenerife, blowing their pensions, nest eggs and winter fuel allowances on a party lifestyle. Grandfather Pete has already spent his savings and is now working as a bar promoter, but has received numerous warnings for drinking on the job.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.55 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 10.55 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 11.55 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD).

12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD). The housemates begin this week’s shopping task. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD).

3.15 Film: A Soldier’s Love Story (S) (2010). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Mary Berry Cooks, 7.30pm

Emmerdale, 8pm

The Secret Life of Students, 10pm

Black Market Britain … 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

8/30. Items that have been inspired by the natural world.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/20. Lisa gets her own TV show.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The net closes in on Fraser’s murderer.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Alf catches Maddy and Josh skipping school.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Lee makes a drunken revelation about Lucy. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 17/20. The baker creates delicate sugar flowers.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

3/6. The perfect Sunday lunch.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.30 How Safe Is Your Beach?: Tonight (S,HD). Fiona Foster investigates the quality of Britain’s beaches.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India. Mark Nicholas introduces highlights of the second day of the First Test of the five-match series. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 Motorway Cops (S,HD). A report of a crash leads to a manhunt, two officers arrest a drunk driver and a chase ensues when a man is spotted running away from a car left in a garage forecourt.

8.00 RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 2014 (S,HD). 3/3.

Monty Don and the team are joined by RHS ambassador Mary Berry, while Matthew Keightley meets the winner of The One Show’s garden design competition. Last in the series.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon is overcome by emotion as Donna explains she is dying.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Sean tells Marcus that Todd has had another man staying over.

8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (S,HD). 6/7. The architect meets two brothers planning to transform a firedamaged narrowboat into a bachelor pad, and a police officer who wants to open a mobile cream-tea business.

8.00 Black Market Britain: Undercover Sting (S,HD). New series. Paul Connolly investigates smugglers, forgers and con artists at work around the UK. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

9.00 Celebrity MasterChef (S,HD).

10/13. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Honourable Woman (S,HD). 2/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Champneys (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies (S). 2/7.

Exploring physiological concerns surrounding men and women’s more intimate areas.

9.00 OAPs Behaving Badly (S,HD).

See Choices Above.

▼

6 7 8 9

Question Time, 10.35pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S).

10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 38/38.

David Dimbleby chairs a topical debate from Inverness, with just over two months to go before the referendum on Scottish independence. Last in the series.

10.00 Mock the Week (S,HD). 5/11.

With Josh Widdicombe, Gary Delaney and Tiffany Stevenson.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.35 Robbie Coltrane: B-Road Britain (R,S). 1/3. The actor and comedian sets himself the challenge of driving the length and breadth of Britain in a classic 1950s car, using only the B-roads of that bygone age.

10.00 The Secret Life of Students (S,HD). 2/4. This edition explores how the Leicester freshers cope making new friends and finding love, and whether they can maintain long-distance relationships with partners back home.

10.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 37/72.

Diary-room confessionals, domestic dramas and off-kilter challenges, including the conclusion of this week’s shopping task.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.35 This Week (S). The past seven days in politics.

11.20 The Machine Gun and Skye’s Band of Brothers (R,S,HD).

Neil Oliver examines the development and legacy of the Maxim machine gun.

11.35 Regional Programme (S).

11.05 One Born Every Minute (R,S,HD). 5/10. A couple await the birth of their fourth child.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Fans’ thoughts on the latest developments.

12.20 Holiday Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: ISIS: Terror in Iraq – Panorama (R,S). 12.50 Sign Zone: Horizon: Where Is Flight MH370? (R,S).

1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 3.55 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 How Safe Is Your Beach?: Tonight (R,HD). 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners on the North Yorkshire coast rate one another’s properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Random Acts: Big Dance 2014 (S,HD). 12.10 Beauty Queen or Bust (R,S).

1.05 The Auction House (R,S,HD). 2.00 This Old Thing: The Vintage Clothes Show (R,S,HD). 2.55 Dinner at 11 (R,S,HD). 3.50 Mary’s Silver Service (R,S,HD). 4.45 The Great British Break-Up?: Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S,HD). 5.15 River Cottage Veg Heroes 5.45 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). Paul Bohill and Steve Pinner evict a couple who owe five months’ rent. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 Divine Designs (R,S). Hindu and Jain art. Last in the series. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

10 11

▼

after

12

Thursday 10 Television Guide

In your newspaper today Serious about business? The Western Morning News includes an awardwinning business section in the paper on Thursdays, with insightful interviews and analysis of the region’s working world. Look out too for our usual array of news and features from across the South West and beyond. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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Hayden-Hoyle begins an investigation into the death of Meshal, but is warned off it by his boss. Nessa receives a phone call from a man threatening to reveal secrets from her past.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.30 Coronation Street 7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 7.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.05 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.05 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S).

10.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).

1.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

5.05 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

Emotions run high at McKinley as graduation day approaches. Tina is worried about losing touch with her friends, while Blaine and Sam plot to say goodbye in a dramatic fashion – although party-pooper principal Sue has other ideas. Will and Emma, meanwhile, are trying to start a family.

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). A former marine is suspected of creating a chemical bomb. 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30 Futurama (R,S).

FILM PICKS

GLEE 9pm, Sky1

THE HONOURABLE WOMAN 9pm, BBC2

A SOLDIER’S LOVE STORY 3.15pm, Channel 5

A sergeant in the US Army serving in Afghanistan becomes a father figure to a lonely boy who writes to him from California.

When the soldier returns from his tour of duty, he visits the youngster and begins to develop a relationship with the lad’s divorced mother. Romantic drama, with Lori Loughlin.

GOLD 6.00 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S).

7.00 Butterflies (S). 7.40 dinnerladies (S). 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days.

11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

12.20 The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (S). 1.00 I Dream of Jeannie.

2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.10 Outnumbered (S). 5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 World Cup Report (HD). 7.15 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.00 World Cup Report (HD). 12.15 First Fast Now (HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 2.00 Premiership Years (S).

4.00 Afternoon Report (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

Jurassic Park III, 8.10pm

The Big Bang Theory, 6pm

Glee, 9pm

dinnerladies, 9pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).

25/30. Leeds bachelor David picks three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 7/13.

Fry finds himself the ruler of an alien world.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

8/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 9/9. The friends enjoy a day trip to the seaside.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 19/26.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

Family Special (R,S).

23/26.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sam closes in on Fraser’s murderer.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 17/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

9/21. Homer is transformed into a genius.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

9/22.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 2/8. An audition gives Raquel the chance of a lifetime.

8.10 Jurassic Park III (S,HD) (2001). See Choices Above. ●●●

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (S,HD). 24/24. Sheldon gets upset about his career. Last in the series.

8.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 23/24.

Part one of two.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 15/24. The families prepare for Valentine’s Day. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 16/24. Phil and Luke spend time together.

8.10 Outnumbered (S).

Christmas special from 2012. The Brockmans throw a party.

7.00 Super League Superstars (HD). Weekly chat show featuring people from the world of rugby league.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Wakefield Trinity Wildcats v Widnes Vikings (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson introduce the clash at Belle Vue.

9.00 2 Broke Girls (S,HD).

23/24. The girls are taken to the races.

9.30 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 4/6. Will finds a girlfriend.

9.00 Glee (S,HD). 10/22. See Choices Above.

9.00 dinnerladies (S). 5/10.

Bren’s past catches up with her.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 1/6. Edina redesigns her kitchen.

10.20 Gimme Gimme 10.00 The IT Crowd (R,S). 3/6. 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Gimme (S). 6/6. Linda (R,S,HD). 24/24. The Jen acquires an admirer. and Tom land new jobs. supposed suicide of a 10.35 The IT Crowd (R,S). 4/6. government employee The group wonders leads to a plot involving what lies behind the red a missing submarine and door. a shipment of cocaine.

Hetty is summoned to Washington, DC. Last in the series.

11.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/22. Jake cheats on his girlfriend.

11.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12/22. Jake tries to win Celeste back.

11.05 New Girl (R,S,HD). 5/24. 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Nick inherits money (R,S,HD). 19/24. A Navy from his late father. intelligence officer is murdered.

11.35 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 5/22. Mindy begins dating an art journalist.

11.00 Extras (S). 4/6. Les Dennis guest stars.

11.40 Men Behaving Badly (S). 3/7. A road-rage incident makes Gary look a coward.

11.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Dennis Bergkamp.

11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

12.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 12.40 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). With Charlotte Crosby, Gemma Cairney, Ivo Graham and Louie Spence. 1.25 You’ve Been Framed! Full Throttle (R,S). Clips featuring thrill-seekers and show-offs. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.00 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 1.35 The IT Crowd (R,S).

2.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.20 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.25 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

12.20 The Young Ones (S). The guys strike oil in their basement.

1.05 Absolutely Fabulous (S).

Edina redesigns her kitchen. 1.35 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Linda and Tom land new jobs. 2.05 Extras (S). Les Dennis guest stars.

2.45 Rex the Runt. Aliens abduct Rex. 3.00 Close

12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

1.00 Premiership Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (S). 4.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.00 Time of Our Lives.

RADIO

10.00 TV OD (S,HD). 6/8. A humorous look at the most talked about shows on TV. 10.30 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 3/13. With guests Example, Kevin McHale, Georgia May Foote and Richard Hammond.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Jameela Jamil. 12.45pm Newsbeat.

1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 The Residency: Brodinski. 10.00 Phil Taggart.

Midnight The Residency: Heidi. 2.00 Toddla T. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Bob Harris Country. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Step Inside the Musical World of Cilla Black. 11.00 Nigel Ogden: The Organist Entertains. 11.30 Listen to the Band.

Midnight OJ Borg. 2.00 Alex Lester.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

A former marine is suspected of creating a chemical bomb. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune.

6.30 Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Goodbye to All That. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 In Our Time. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service.

9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: The

Zhivago Affair. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.00 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. 11.30 (FM) With Great Pleasure. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast.

12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) You and Yours. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) Roger Law and the Chinese Curiosities. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Afternoon Drama: Farran at Bay. 3.00 (FM) Open Country. 3.27 (FM) Radio 4 Appeal. 3.30 (FM) Bookclub.

4.00 (FM) The Film Programme. 4.30 (FM) Inside Science. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW)

Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) Ed Reardon’s Week. 7.00 The Archers.

7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Further Tales of the City. 8.00 The Report. Current affairs 8.30 The Bottom Line. How companies make a profit from used goods 9.00 Inside Science.

9.30 In Our Time. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With David Eades 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 Trodd en Bratt Say “Well Done You”. 11.30 Today in Parliament.

Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Zhivago Affair.

12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC

JURASSIC PARK III 8.10pm, ITV2

Palaeontologist Dr Alan Grant is lured to a dinosaur-infested island by a divorced couple who offer to fund his research, unaware their real motive is to find their missing son – and that the creatures on the island are far more intelligent than anyone suspected. Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill.

BBC3

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD).

7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD).

8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A fisherman from the Pembrokeshire coast plans his wedding.

9.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (S,HD).

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD).

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (R,S,HD). 1.30 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). 2.30 Badults (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R).

8.00 Precision: The Measure of All Things (R,HD).

Quantifying the power of heat, light and electricity. Last in the series.

9.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama (R). The impact of the Black Death.

10.00 Rise of the Continents (R,HD). The formation of North and South America.

11.00 Storyville: A Sunday in Hell (R). Account of the Paris-Roubaix bike race.

12.20 Rebels of Oz: Germaine, Clive, Barry and Bob (R). 1.20 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 2.00 Precision: The Measure of All Things (R,HD). 3.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama (R).

One to watch

10.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). A profile of Crystal Palace and Arsenal striker Ian Wright.

10.30 Football Gold. Everton v Liverpool from the 2000/01 season.

10.45 Football Gold.

World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Tony Livesey. 2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014: World Cup Report. 8.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Golf.

9.00 5 Live Sport: Get Set Glasgow.

10.00 Question Time Extra Time.

1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Lucy Coward.

CHAMPNEYS (ITV, 9pm)

We all enjoy a little pampering every now and then, but few of us will ever get to enjoy the treats on offer at Britain’s premiere health spa - Champneys. Guests must pay top dollar to enjoy its luxurious surroundings but, according to this documentary, whether you’re royalty or somebody who’s saved up for years for the pleasure, you’ll be treated the same as soon as you walk through the establishment’s doors and quite right, too.

Now the establishment in Tring is throwing its doors open to ITV’s cameras where owner Stephen Purdew attempts to make sure that Champney’s high standards are maintained - something, as we soon find out, is easier said than done.

Look out for charming head waiter Charles, who treats female customers to a dance and flirts as he serves up their sumptuous lunches. In fact, he’s so camera-friendly, we wouldn’t put it past ITV to give him his own spin-off show.

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Friday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

THE MILLION POUND DROP 9pm, Channel 4

Davina McCall returns with the 13th series of the quiz, featuring themed editions and celebrity contestants.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Fake Britain (R,S,HD). 11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

EASTENDERS 8pm, BBC1

Mick and Linda worry when Lee is nowhere to be found following last night’s revelation, although he finally turns up and reveals what he knows about the night Lucy was murdered. Lauren visits Max at the car lot in the hope of building some bridges, unaware he is inside with Emma.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.05 Animal Park (S). 7.50 Fake Britain (R,S). 8.20 Sign Zone: Call the Council (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: The Great British Sewing Bee (R,S).

10.05 Sign Zone: First Time on the Front Line (R,S). 10.35 The Travel Show (S,HD).

11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Live Golf: The Women’s British Open (S,HD). 5.00 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD).

PIPERS OF THE TRENCHES 9.30pm, BBC2

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN 9pm, Channel 4

Descendants of pipers who died in the First World War visit the Somme and Gallipoli to learn more about the courage of these unarmed men.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With pop stars Pixie Lott and Nicole Scherzinger. Last in the series. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover (R,S,HD).

3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Jimmy Carr brings the third series to a riotous conclusion as team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson provide their irreverent take on the cosy afternoon puzzle game showing a little less regard for the rules.

Stand-up comedians Bill Bailey and Josh Widdicombe are tonight’s guests.

Channel 4

6.40 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.30 The King of Queens (R,S). 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.55 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 10.55 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 11.55 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD). 5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD).

12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD). The housemates discover if they have passed the shopping task. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD).

3.15 Film: Betrayed (S,HD) (2014).

Premiere. Thriller, starring Amanda Schull. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Live Athletics … 6.30pm

Doc Martin, 9pm

Friday Night Dinner, 10pm

Stand by Your Man, 11.30pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional Programme; Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S). Quiz show, hosted by Jeremy Vine.

6.30 Live Athletics: Glasgow Grand Prix (S,HD). Coverage of the Diamond League event.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 1/22.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sam closes in on Fraser’s murderer.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Marilyn helps John search for his lost wedding ring.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).

7.30 The Great Property Race (S).

First-time buyers and wealthy investors buying homes in London. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Donna asks Laurel to be April’s mother.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Rob realises Tracy’s new charm bracelet is the one he stole from Tina’s flat.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India. Mark Nicholas introduces highlights of the third day of the First Test of the five-match series. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Alan Hansen … 10.35pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.30 Celebrity MasterChef (S,HD).

11/13. The hopefuls split into two teams to create a chicken dish by relay, before making pastry treats for the Women’s Institute and a recipe inspired

8.00 The Cruise Ship (S,HD). 1/4.

New series. Life on board the Royal Princess cruise ship.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Million Pound Drop (S).

1/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 On the Yorkshire Buses (S,HD). New series.

Documentary following the staff of bus and coach company East Yorkshire Motor Services as they transport passengers in Hull, the East Riding and North Yorkshire. Followed by 5 News.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

by someone close to them.

9.00 Doc Martin (R,S,HD). 1/8. The locals are excited as the Doc and Louisa’s big day arrives.

However, when the bride is late, Martin worries this will be the second wedding he will have to cancel.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Big Brother: Live Eviction (S,HD). 38/72. Emma Willis makes the announcement as another housemate gets the boot, chatting to them about the whole Big Brother experience and why they think the others wanted them out.

▼

11

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

10.35 Alan Hansen: Player and Pundit (S,HD). A look at the respective careers of the ex-Liverpool star, who is soon to retire from his role at the BBC.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

▼

10

9.00 Gardeners’ World (S,HD).

17/31. .

9.30 Pipers of the Trenches (S,HD).

See Choices Above.

11.35 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.

11.00 Weather (S).

11.05 Hamlet 2 (S) (2008). See Choices Above. ●●●

1.30 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

1.35 BBC News (S,HD).

12.30 Film: Deadline (S) (2009). Horror, starring Brittany Murphy. ●●● 1.50 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). David Dimbleby chairs a topical debate from Inverness. Last in the series. 2.50 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

▼

after

12

Friday 11

Television Guide

10.00 ITV News and Weather (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.35 Senna (S,HD) (2010). See Choices Above.●●●●

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

10.00 Friday Night Dinner (S,HD).

4/6. Mum and Dad’s anniversary goes awry.

10.35 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 4/6.

The gang visits a university.

10.30 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Rylan Clark and his guests discuss tonight’s eviction, debating whether the public made the right decision and chatting to the evictee.

11.10 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 5/6.

Will is left home alone.

11.40 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 6/6.

The gang goes on a camping trip. Last in the series.

11.30 Stand by Your Man (S,HD).

5/10. Four more contestants try to win the chance to date one of 40 women.

12.15 Random Acts: Big Dance 2014 (S,HD). 12.20 Film: Goon (S,HD) (2011).

Sporting comedy, starring Seann William Scott. ●●● 1.55 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.20 The Angelos Epithemiou Show (R,S,HD).

2.45 I’m Spazticus (R,S,HD). 3.15 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 4.00 Revenge (S,HD). 4.45 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). 5.40 The Hoobs (R,S).

12.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 She’s 78, He’s 39: Age Gap Love (R,S,HD). Six people with much younger partners. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). A house that is making its inhabitants unhappy. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). A cottage with too many personal touches. 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

In your newspaper today Friday’s Western Morning News includes our insightful Westcountry Horses section, plus there’s extensive motoring coverage of road tests, news and more. Westcountry Live! is your essential round-up of the region’s forthcoming arts and culture events. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk for more details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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THE BIG BANG THEORY 8.30pm, E4

In the series finale, Sheldon gets upset about his career, the destruction of the comic-book store and Leonard and Penny’s future living arrangements. Elsewhere, Howard is unable to keep hold of a carer for his mother.

Comedy, staring Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons and Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting. Last in the series.

Rob is quizzed by the police about Tina’s bracelet, Marcus confides in Maria that perhaps the time has come for him to leave Weatherfield, and Gail and Michael enjoy a drink.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 7.00 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.35 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.35 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S). 10.30 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.30 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 5.05 Big Rich Texas (R,S).

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.50 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). An injury to Tina hampers New Directions’ preparations. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). The family reminisces about days gone by. 5.30 Futurama (R,S).

FILM PICKS

CORONATION STREET 8.30pm, ITV

SENNA 10.35pm, ITV

Documentary exploring the life of three-time Formula One world champion Ayrton Senna, examining his achievements on the track.

GOLD 6.05 To the Manor Born (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S). 7.00 Butterflies (S). 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days. 11.05 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 To the Manor Born (S). 1.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.10 Outnumbered (S).

5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 World Cup Report (HD). 7.15 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 12.00 World Cup Report (HD). 12.15 First Fast Now (HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 2.00 Premiership Years (S).

4.00 Afternoon Report (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

Happy Gilmore, 9pm

Sanctum, 9pm

A League of Their … 10pm

Frankie Howerd, 9pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).

16/30. A man from Essex takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 9/13.

Bender becomes addicted to electricity.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

10/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 2/12. Foggy decides to go trekking across the moors.

6.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.15 Football Gold (HD).

6.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Steven Gerrard.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 2/28. Including a treadmill spill and a dancing horse.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Grace tries to convince Trevor to give their love another go.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 18/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

10/21. Marge helps a former convict get a job at the school.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

10/22.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 3/8. Del becomes a showbiz entrepreneur after discovering a sensational Tom Jonesstyle singer.

8.00 Best of You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Harry Hill highlights some of the most hilarious clips submitted by viewers to the long-running home video show.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 23/24.

Part one of two. Ted prepares for his new life in Chicago.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24. See Choices Above.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 17/24. Phil meets his former highschool girlfriend.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 18/24. Mitchell and Manny enjoy an outing together.

8.10 One Foot in the Grave (S). Christmas special from 1994. A face from the past haunts the Meldrews.

7.00 World Cup Report (HD).

Up-to-the-minute news.

7.15 Super League Gold (HD). The 2012 Grand Final.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Castleford Tigers v Huddersfield Giants (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the topflight match at the Wish Communications Stadium.

9.00 Sanctum (S,HD) (2011).

9.00 Happy Gilmore (S,HD) 9.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 A team of divers (1996). A failed ice(R,S,HD). 2/8. Karl exploring undersea caves hockey player with a Pilkington boards the becomes trapped and fiery temper discovers he Trans-Siberian Express to must find a way through has a gift for golf, and China. During the the caverns to the decides to enter a journey, he is forced to surface. Thriller, starring prestigious tournament. fight Mongolian Richard Roxburgh and Comedy, with Adam wrestlers and makes a Ioan Gruffudd. ●●● Sandler. Including FYI detour to a village of Daily. ●●● dwarves.

11.40 Two and a Half Men 11.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 13/22. Charlie (R,S,HD). 1/17. Pilot tries to get out of seeing episode of the comedy, Chelsea’s parents. starring Jim Parsons.

11.40 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/17.

11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

21/23. Part one of two.

Crossover episode with NCIS: Los Angeles.

11.20 Men Behaving Badly (S). 4/7. Tony gets a tattoo.

12.05 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.35 Dads (R,S,HD).

1.00 TV OD (R,S,HD). 1.25 100% You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

Comical clips of holidays and stage performances. 2.15 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,HD).

Part two of two. Conclusion of the crossover episode with Hawaii Five0. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 About a Boy (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.00 The Young Ones (S). Guest starring Madness. 12.45 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina is torn between love and duty. 1.15 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Tom throws a dinner party. 1.45 Extras (S). 2.15 Men Behaving Badly (S).

Tony gets a tattoo. 3.00 Close

RADIO

10.40 Extras (S). 5/6. With 10.00 A League of Their guest star Samuel L Own (R,S,HD). 4/10.

Jackson.

Comedy sports quiz, with Olympic golden girl Jessica Ennis-Hill.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Jameela Jamil. 12.45pm Newsbeat.

1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 6.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 Pete Tong. 11.00 Skream. 1.00am Radio 1’s Essential Mix. 3.00 Annie Nightingale.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Desmond Carrington: The Music Goes Round. 8.00 Friday Night Is Music Night. 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with Claudia Winkleman. Midnight Huey Morgan. 3.00 Richard Allinson.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune.

6.30 Composer of the Week: Dietrich Buxtehude. 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 The Verb. 10.45 The Essay: Goodbye to All That. 11.00 World on 3. 1.00am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 Desert Island Discs. 9.45 (LW) Act of Worship. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week:

BBC3

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S).

8.00 Ellie Goulding & Haim @ T (S).

Performances by the singersongwriter and the American pop-rock band.

9.00 Ed Sheeran & Imagine Dragons @ T (S).

Performances by the singersongwriter and the American alternative rock band.

10.00 Biffy Clyro Live @ T (S). Jen Long and Greg James introduce a live set by the Scottish rock band, concluding the first night of performances from the music festival in Balado near Kinross.

12.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 12.45 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 1.10 Family Guy (R,S). 1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 2.00 Badults (R,S,HD). 2.30 Pramface (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 Symphony (R,HD). How the political climate of late 19th-century Europe inspired composers.

8.30 Sounds of the Eighties (R).

9.00 Britain’s Most Dangerous Songs: Listen to the Banned (HD).

10.00 More Dangerous Songs: And the Banned Played On (HD).

11.00 A Hard Day’s Night (HD) (1964). Musical comedy, starring the Beatles. ●●●●● 12.25 Britain’s Most Dangerous Songs: Listen to the Banned (R,HD).

1.25 More Dangerous Songs: And the Banned Played On (R,HD). 2.25 Sounds of the Eighties (R). 2.55 Even More Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R).

One to watch

9.00 Frankie Howerd: The Lost Tapes (S). Profile of the comedian, featuring TV pilots and home movies to material from a live stand-up show, plus interviews with famous fans.

10.50 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 4/13. With Carol Vorderman, Gino D’Acampo and Chris Ramsey.

12.10 Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2014 (S,HD). 1.00 Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy (R,S,HD). 1.35 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 2.10 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.30 Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2014 (R,S,HD). 3.10 Being Erica (R,S,HD). 3.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.50 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 5.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

HAMLET 2 11.05pm, BBC2

A failed actor-turneddrama teacher directs his students in a spectacular self-written musical sequel to Shakespeare’s tragedy.

Steve Coogan stars.

The Zhivago Affair. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.00 (FM) The Leadership Gap. 11.30 (FM) The Stanley Baxter Playhouse.

Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special.

12.04 (FM) You and Yours. 12.52 (FM) The Listening Project. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) Roger Law and the Chinese Curiosities. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Afternoon Drama: Pact. 3.00 (FM) Gardeners’ Question Time. 3.45 (FM) Food Chains. 4.00 (FM) Last Word. 4.30 (FM) Feedback. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping

Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special.

5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) The News Quiz. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Further Tales of the City. 8.00 Any Questions?

Jonathan Dimbleby presents political debate from Pollokshields in Glasgow 8.50 A Point of View. 9.00 Friday Drama: Love, etc. Drama sequel, by Julian Barnes 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With David Eades 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 A Good Read. 11.30 Today in Parliament. 11.55 The Listening Project.

Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: The Zhivago Affair.

10.00 Football’s Greatest.

The career of Cristiano Ronaldo.

10.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A look at the West German national side in 1972 and 1974.

11.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). The career of Cristiano Ronaldo.

11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD).

12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 4.45 Football Gold (S,HD).

5.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Tony Livesey. 2.00 Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014: World Cup Report. 7.30 5 Live Sport: Track and Field. 9.00 5 Live Sport. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Lucy Coward.

THE MILLION POUND DROP (Channel 4, 8pm)

Channel 4 celebrates the return of its phenomenally popular live interactive quiz show by inviting two of the stars of another of its biggest successes to take part. Stephen and Christopher, from the channel’s oddball reality show Gogglebox, trade a night in front of the telly for one spent on it, as they hope to raise an impressive sum of cash for charity.

This is The Million Pound Drop’s 13th series, so by now we should all know what to expect: contestants are given £1million in bundles of cash, and must hold on to as much of it as possible through a series of questions.

This time around, each edition of the eight-part run will feature a different theme for the game, such as a blind-date drop, a generation-gap edition, and a workplace special.

Host Davina McCall says: “I can’t wait to see if anyone can win big this season!”

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TV PICKS

Saturday’s Television Guide THE NATIONAL LOTTERY: BREAK THE SAFE 7.40pm, BBC1

Nick Knowles hosts the game show in which three pairs compete to play for a cash prize.

Includes the National Lottery results.

BBC1

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (R,S,HD). 12.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.15 Bargain Hunt (S). 2.00 Live Athletics: Glasgow Grand Prix (S). Coverage of the Diamond League event. 5.20 Celebrity Mastermind (R,S). 5.50 Pointless Celebrities (R,S).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

LIVE GOLF: THE WOMEN’S BRITISH OPEN 1pm, BBC2

Hazel Irvine presents coverage of the third day at Royal Birkdale Golf Club, as the tournament won last year by American Stacy Lewis continues. The weather on day three in 2013 played havoc with the scheduling, as the leaders failed to even make it out on to the course due to high winds.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.35 Film: Blood on the Moon (S) (1948). Western. ●●● 8.00 MOTD Kickabout (S,HD). 8.30 World Cup Films (S). 9.45 TBA. 10.05 The Living Planet (R,S). 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Industrial Age (R,S). 11.30 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S,HD). 12.00 Rick Stein’s Spain (R,S). 1.00 Live Golf: The Women’s British Open (S,HD). See Choices Above. 5.00 Escape to the Country (R,S).

5.30 Flog It! (R,S,HD).

TIPPING POINT: LUCKY STARS 7.30pm, ITV

Chat show host Jonathan Ross, champion boxer Carl Froch and Samantha Womack (EastEnders’ Ronnie Mitchell) take turns on the token-pushing machine for charity.

ITV

Due to World Cup fixtures, schedules are subject to change.

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S). 9.25 The Hungry Sailors (R,S,HD). 10.25 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.20 ITV News (S). 11.25 Storage Hoarders (R,S,HD).

12.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 1.30 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Nation’s Favourite Motown Song (R,S,HD). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 Film: Scooby-Doo (S,HD) (2002). ●●

GRAND DESIGNS 8pm, Channel 4

Kevin McCloud meets artists Indi and Rebecca, who are planning to construct a modern, larchclad home on the Isle of Skye, with a second hand-crafted building alongside to use as their studio, all on a tight budget of £150,000. They have been saving for years, but making it happen will mean taking on the weather.

Channel 4

6.05 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.30 Trans World Sport (S,HD). 7.30 World Superbikes (S).

7.55 The Morning Line (S,HD). Racing preview. 9.00 Weekend Kitchen (S). 10.00 Frasier (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11.55 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.30 The Tomorrow People (S,HD). Stephen breaks Ultra protocol during a training exercise. 1.20 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD).

Live coverage. 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. Showbiz news and gossip. 10.05 Meerkat Manor.

The struggles faced by a family of the animals. 10.30 The Dog Rescuers. The work of RSPCA officers. 11.30 Big Brother: Eviction (R,S,HD). Another housemate gets the boot. 12.30 NCIS (R,S). 5.15 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 5.35 Film: Fighter Attack (1953). Second World War drama, starring Sterling Hayden. ●●●

BIG BROTH 9pm, Cha

Catching up Brother con react to Frid eviction, re another de affected th house.

ITV2

6.00 Emmerd Coronation S Wanna Marry 1.10 The Only (R,S,HD). 2.40 (S,HD) (1991). C starring Charle 4.25 You’ve B 5.25 You’ve B Famous! (R,S) celebrity looka

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India.

7.55 5 News.

8.30 FIFA World Cup Live 2014 (S,HD). Coverage of the thirdplace play-off (Kick-off 9.00pm), which is staged at the Estadio Nacional in Brasilia, Brazil. In the event of extratime and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 7/12.

See Choices Above.

8.00 Flight MH370: 118 Days & Counting (R,S). The fate of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, which was lost during its scheduled journey from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing on March 8.

9.00 The Women (S,HD) (2008). A clothes designer learns of her husband’s affair but her friends’ well-meaning advice only serves to confuse matters.

Comedy drama remake, starring Meg Ryan and Annette Bening. ●●

9.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 39/72. See Choices Above.

9.20 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

Followed by National Lottery Update.

9.40 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (S) (2003). A rogue captain and a blacksmith set sail to rescue a governor’s daughter from feared supernatural pirates.

Swashbuckling fantasy adventure, starring Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. ●●●●●

9.00 The Men Who Made Us Spend (S). 1/3. New series.

Jacques Peretti investigates the methods used to persuade people to buy consumer goods and confronts the men behind bestselling products and successful sales strategies.

▼ 12.00 Film: Highlander: Endgame (S) (2000). Fantasy sequel, with Christopher Lambert and Adrian Paul. ●● 1.30 Weather for the Week Ahead (S). 1.35 BBC News (S,HD).

10.00 Film TBA.

6.30 Pearl (2001) Above

10.00 The Trial of Gillian Taylforth (S,HD). Dramatic reconstruction based on transcripts and media coverage of the 1994 court case in which the former EastEnders star and her partner sued the Sun newspaper for libel.

11.20 Golf: Scottish Open (S,HD).

Action from the third round at Royal Aberdeen.

11.15 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

11.30 Balls of Fury (S,HD) (2007).

Spy comedy, starring Dan Fogler. ●●

11.15 The IT Crowd (R,S). 1/6. First episode of the comedy, starring Chris O’Dowd.

11.50 The IT Crowd (R,S). 2/6. The office is set alight.

11.00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (R,S,HD). 4/5. People living on state welfare in Hull.

12.20 TBA. 2.00 This Is BBC Two (S).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

1.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside.

3.30 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.25 The IT Crowd (R,S). Jen acquires an admirer. 12.55 Film: Film TBA. 3.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus. 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.

12.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side. 1.00 SuperCasino. 3.10 Skyscraper: London’s Cheesegrater. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S).

4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

5.20 Angels of Jarm 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

Saturday 12 Television Guide

The Matrix

Benefits Britain, 11pm

10.00 The M (S,HD) machin last ref a party fighte the vir Matrix Sci-fi s Reeves

12.40 The Ma (R,S,HD). A gro in Norfolk chec Beaches (R,S,H Beaches (R,S,H Been Framed Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nig

In your newspaper today Saturday’s paper contains a wealth of features, as well as extended news coverage from the region. Our bumper Westcountry Life section is packed with stories from all over the South West. Westcountry Homes, our property round-up of the best homes for sale across the region. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk for more details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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RADIO

▼

7.05 The Restoration Man (R,S,HD). 6/11. Revisiting a medieval hall conversion project in Cardiff.

▼

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R).

Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill.

7.30 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars (S,HD). 2/8. See Choices Above.

▼

6.15 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

25/140. Jilly Pollock hosts the fifth and final party in Liverpool.

6.45 Channel 4 News (S).

8.30 Dad’s Army (R,S). Classic comedy.

▼

12

The Restoration Man, 7.05pm

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

8.30 Casualty (S,HD). 45/48. Two people end up in the ED after a carjacking.

▼

after

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

6.30 Catch Me If You Can (S) (2002).See Choices Above. ●●●●

7.00 A Question of Sport: Super Saturday (S,HD). 4/5.

7.40 The National Lottery: Break the Safe (S,HD). 3/7. See Choices Above.

10 11

Flog It!, 5.30pm

6.50 Regional News (S,HD).

▼

6 7 8 9

Casualty, 8.30pm

HAWAII FIVE-0 9pm, Sky1

Catching up with the Big Brother contestants as they react to Friday night’s live eviction, revealing how another departure has affected the rest of the house.

ITV2

E4

cess. Showbiz rkat Manor. ily of the scuers. The 0 Big Another 2.30 NCIS d (S,HD). 5.35 . Second terling

6.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). 9.10 Coronation Street (S,HD). 12.10 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (R,S,HD).

1.10 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 2.40 Film: Beethoven (S,HD) (1991). Canine comedy, starring Charles Grodin. ●●●● 4.25 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

5.25 You’ve Been Framed and Famous! (R,S). A selection of celebrity lookalike clips.

6.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 6.50 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.35 Charmed (R,S). 8.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 10.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

11.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.30 New Girl (R,S,HD). 2.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 2.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

The team reinvestigates the death of Navy Seal member Max Garcia after Joe White raises suspicions about the original verdict of suicide. Meanwhile, Chin Ho grows concerned about the company Kono has been keeping since being kicked off the force. Guest starring William Baldwin.

Sky1 6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 9.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD).

10.00 Twin Towns (R,S,HD). 11.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (R,S,HD). 11.30 What’s Up (S,HD). 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). 1.00 Making David Attenborough’s Natural History Museum Alive (R,S). 2.00 Transformers: Age of Extinction Special (R,S,HD). 2.30 Jersey Boys Special (R,S,HD). 3.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

BIG BROTHER 9pm, Channel 5

d Rebecca, dern, larcha second use as their ,000. They ing it ather.

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN 6.30pm, BBC2

A conman lies his way across America, posing as a pilot, a doctor and a lawyer, while outwitting the FBI at every turn.

GOLD

6.00 Bewitched. The Stephenses travel back in time. 6.25 Steptoe and Son (S). 8.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

10.25 The Thin Blue Line (S).

12.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.20 Only Fools and Horses (S). Del becomes a showbiz manager. 3.25 The Two Ronnies Spectacle (S).

The double act’s musical numbers and serial sketches. 4.30 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Football Gold (S). 7.00 Premiership Years (S). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD). 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 2.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premiership Years (S).

5.00 Football’s Greatest (HD).

The Matrix Reloaded, 10pm

The Big Bang Theory, 7pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

The Thin Blue Line, 8pm

Fight Night – Live, 7pm

6.30 Pearl Harbor (S,HD) (2001). See Choices Above. ●●

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

8/22. With the guest voice of Joan Rivers.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6/22.

6.40 The Thin Blue Line (S).

4/7. A plumbing crisis hits the station.

6.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). The career of Andres Iniesta.

6.30 Football’s Greatest (HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24. Sheldon unwittingly makes a scientific breakthrough.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

7.00 Futurama (S,HD). 12/13.

Bender signs up for a foxhunt.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

2/22. Bart goes on the run.

7.20 The Thin Blue Line (S).

5/7. Football fever takes over the station.

8 Days & e fate of ight 370, ng its from Kuala on March 8.

8.00 TBA.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S). 7/10. Racing driver Mark Webber and comedian Jimmy Carr take part.

. 39/72. See

9.00 TBA.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

3/23. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Thin Blue Line (S).

6/7. Patricia protests against a proposed bypass.

8.40 Calendar Girls (2003).

Members of a Yorkshire branch of the Women’s Institute cause controversy when they pose nude for a charity calendar. Fact-based comedy drama, with Helen Mirren and Julie Walters. ●●●●

7.00 Fight Night – Live (HD).

Tony Bellew v Julio Cesar Dos Santos and Nathan Cleverly v Alejandro Emilio Valori. Coverage of the cruiserweight bouts at the Echo Arena in Liverpool.

). England v

n Taylforth construction s and media 94 court case r EastEnders r sued the libel.

RADIO

12.40 The Magaluf Weekender (R,S,HD). A group from King’s Lynn in Norfolk checks in. 1.40 Crazy Beaches (R,S,HD). 2.05 Crazy Beaches (R,S,HD). 2.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.50 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.50 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.20 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.15 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 3.10 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.35 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 4.05 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.45 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 5.00am Rob da Bank. 7.00 Dev. 10.00 Matt Edmondson. 1.00pm Huw Stephens. 4.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Danny Howard. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 Charlie Sloth. 11.00 DJ Target. 1.00am Diplo and Friends. 3.00 Rockwell.

Radio 2 6.00am Anneka Rice. 8.00 Sounds of the 60s. 10.00 John Bishop.

1.00pm Pick of the Pops. 3.00 Dermot O’Leary. 6.00 Liza Tarbuck. 8.00 West Coast Johnnie Walker. 9.00 The Craig Charles Funk & Soul Show. 10.00 Sounds of the 80s. Midnight Bob Harris Sunday. 3.00 Richard Allinson.

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News.

9.03 CD Review. 12.15pm Music

12.00 Cop Squad (R,S,HD). The work of police officers in Cambridgeshire. 1.00 A League of Their Own (R,S). With Mark Webber and Jimmy Carr. 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S).

4.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S). 5.00 Braniac: Best of Science Abuse (R,S).

Matters. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Saturday Classics. 4.00 Sound of Cinema. 5.00 Jazz Record Requests. 6.00 Jazz LineUp. 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 Hear and Now. Midnight Geoffrey Smith’s Jazz. 1.00 Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 iPM. 6.00 News and Papers. 6.07 Open Country.

6.30 Farming Today This Week. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 Today. 9.00 Saturday Live. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

10.30 (FM) Punt PI. 11.00 (FM) The Week in Westminster. 11.30 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast.

Two friends fall for the same woman during the Second World War just as the Japanese launch an attack on a US naval base. Drama, starring Ben Affleck.

BBC3

7.00 Top Gear (R,S).

With Blur bassist Alex James.

8.00 John Newman & Katy B @ T (S).

With performances by John Newman and Katy B. 9.00 Pharrell Williams & Rudimental @ T (S). With main stage performances

by Pharrell Williams and Rudimental.

10.00 Paolo Nutini @ T (S). The headlining set from Paolo Nutini.

11.30 Family Guy (R,S).

Lois displays unexpected skill as a boxer.

11.50 Family Guy (R,S).

12.10 Family Guy (R,S).

12.35 Family Guy (R,S).

12.55 Family Guy (R,S).

1.20 Family Guy (R,S).

1.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 2.05 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 2.30 Pramface (R,S,HD). 3.00 Pramface (R,S,HD). 3.30 Pramface (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD).

8.00 The Story of Science – Power, Proof and Passion (R,HD).

Studies of the human brain’s anatomy and psychology. Last in the series.

9.00 Inspector Montalbano (R).

The detective finds himself under pressure from ecclesiastical and political dignitaries after a renowned local resident is found dead at a notorious hotbed of prostitution.

10.55 Imagine – Jimi Hendrix: Hear My Train a Comin’ (R).

12.25 Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R). 1.25 Top of the Pops: 1979 (R). 1.55 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD). 2.55 The Story of Science – Power, Proof and Passion (R,HD).

One to watch

10.50 Extras (S). 6/6. Patrick Stewart guest stars.

11.30 Men Behaving Badly (S). 5/7. Tony and Gary go to a rave.

11.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 22/24. Leonard and Sheldon hire a former TV host to entertain them.

11.50 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 20/24.

Life on the People living Hull.

he Side. 1.00 per: London’s Doctor (R,S).

The Funky els of Jarm Car (R,S). he Funky ry the Racing cing Car (R,S).

10.00 The Transporter (HD) (2002). An underworld courier ends up in a battle of wits with his powerful employers when he lets his conscience get the better of him. Action adventure, with Jason Statham. ●●●

10.00 The Matrix Reloaded (S,HD) (2003). As the machines threaten the last refuge of humanity, a party of freedom fighters journeys into the virtual world of the Matrix to end the war.

Sci-fi sequel, with Keanu Reeves. ●●●

PEARL HARBOR 6.30pm, ITV2

12.10 The Young Ones (S). Mike gets hold of an atom bomb. 12.55 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Patsy and Eddie babysit. 1.25 Extras (S).

Patrick Stewart guest stars. 1.55 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony and Gary go to a rave. 2.25 The Young Ones (S). Mike gets hold of an atom bomb. 3.00 Close

12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. England v India 12.04 (FM) Money Box. 12.30 (FM) The News Quiz. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) News. 1.10 (FM) Any Questions? 2.00 (FM) Any Answers? 2.30 (FM) Saturday Drama: Publish and Be Damn’d: The Memoirs of Harriette Wilson. Conclusion.

Adapted by Ellen Dryden 3.30 (FM) Who Does John Hegley Think He Is? 4.00 (FM) Weekend Woman’s Hour.

Highlights, with by Jane Garvey 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) Saturday PM. 5.30 (FM) The Bottom Line. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. England v India 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six

Catch me if you can (BBC2, 6.30pm) 12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (S). 4.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.00 Time of Our Lives.

O’Clock News. 6.15 (FM) Loose Ends.

7.00 Profile. New series. The personality and motivation of a person making the headlines 7.15 Saturday Review. Presented by Tom Sutcliffe 8.00 Archive on 4: Meeting Myself Coming Back. Philosopher Mary Warnock reflects on her life 9.00 Classic Serial: The Great Scott. Ivanhoe.

By Walter Scott. Dramatised by Scott Cherry 10.00 News and Weather. 10.15 The Moral Maze. Ethical issues 11.00 Round Britain Quiz. Contestants from the North of England and the Midlands compete 11.30 And You, Helen. The life of writer Helen Thomas Midnight News and Weather. 12.30

Fairy Tales Retold by Sara Maitland.

12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Science.

6.00 Saturday Breakfast. 9.00 The Danny Baker Show. 11.00 Freddie Flintoff’s Summer Special. Noon 5 Live Sport. 6.00 Saturday Edition. 9.00 Men’s Hour. 10.00 Stephen Nolan.

1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 Alan Titchmarsh. Noon Nicholas Owen. 3.00 Jamie Crick. 5.00 Saturday Night at the Movies. 7.00 Alex James’s Date Night. 9.00 The New Releases Show. 10.00 Smooth Classics.

1.00am Lucy Coward.

This 2002 American biographical crime drama film is based on the life of Frank Abagnale, who, before his 19th birthday, successfully performed cons worth millions of dollars by posing as a Pan American World Airways pilot, a Georgia doctor, and a Louisiana parish prosecutor.

The film is directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks, with Christopher Walken, Amy Adams, Martin Sheen, and Nathalie Baye in supporting roles.

The film was a financial and critical success, and the real Abagnale reacted positively to it. The action starts in 1963, when teenaged Frank Abagnale (Leonardo DiCaprio, above) lives in New Rochelle, New York and learns how to perform scams to get by.

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My life

[

man and boy

Losing my cool

[

Phil Goodwin, father of James, four, lights the barbecue he unpredictability of the British climate can make the barbecue party seem like a thing to be endured rather than enjoyed. But along with rakish gentlemen in open-top sports cars and humiliating exits from the World Cup, it stubbornly remains a mainstay of our seasonal cultural landscape.

So, despite the absence of any firm guidance from our learned friends at Met Office (barbecue summer, anyone?) I decided to dig out the tongs and organise a get-together. What better time than during the festival of football, I thought, as cries of anguish punctuate the balmy night air. I will fill the neighbourhood with an aroma to stir the heart: fresh meat charring on the grill – al fresco dining, the very height of style.

Now, my own little patch of the Westcountry is a modest affair: mostly paved and decked out with a corner plot set aside for a random collection of vegetables (tall beans, strawberries, blueberry bush) and a rickety garden shed full of tools and spiders. But it is blessed with one vital piece of kit: a brick-built, outdoor grill.

You can keep your flimsy, tin-can cookers on wheels and those cheap foil affairs piled up at the garage. My backyard is equipped. And it is all thanks to my Russian father-in-law Valera Gyorgevich, who built it for us on his last visit.

It’s constructed, shall we say, to last. The thing could, I am sure, withstand nuclear attack.

Valera created it for us last winter so I feel a certain duty to make use of it now that summer’s here.

‘A barbecue?’ my wife inquires, suspiciously. She harbours long memories of a stomach upset following an earlier grill-fest - a condition I put down to too much wine. ‘A barbecue!’

James (aged four) exclaims excitedly, unsure exactly what it means but brimming with delight at the prospect of fire.

T

The deal was done, the arrangements were made and, come the day, the weather was kind.

But then reality sets in and you realise you have left the cosy world of light lunches and entered the highly-charged arena of mass catering. Let me tell you, when it comes to the culinary de-

[

[

He is piling up the coals, dropping them brutally from as high as he can reach.

I am sweating

partment, I am no slouch. Not given to culinary flights of fancy, mind. But I have mastered a handful of signature dishes: a menu of blokish staples gathered from my travels: Spanish meatballs, Thai green curry, tortilla and such like.

Of course, it must be said, I rarely make more than one at a time. And with an hour to go, I am behind schedule. As a treat, for a seafood-loving mate, I have foolishly opted to make paella. Naturally, I have one of those huge pans, complete with the ring burner and gas bottle – but as I get to it, my good lady remembers something and disappears to the shop, leaving me in charge of James, the sizzling pan of this labour-intensive rice dish – and the firelighting duties.

‘Let me help,’ James implores, as I waft the embers of the barbecue. He is piling up the coals, dropping them brutally from as high as he can reach. I am sweating. I realise I have been outside for an hour with no sun protection. I smear a handful of cream over my face and reach for an old cricket hat. Mad dogs?

Englishmen? The paella is beginning to burn, the coals are refusing to do any such thing. I am kneeling down now, a human bellows, ferociously blowing the kindling and sucking in the smoky equivalent of a box of Montecristo cigars. James decides to assist, but instead of igniting the pyre he just blows as hard as he can and kicks up a thick cloud of dust, which covers my face.

I stand up, dizzy from the exertion, my eyes watering, stinking of smoke. As I turn around I see guests arriving. Fragrant ladies in summer dresses, men in pressed shirts and cute children emerge from the veranda. I look like I have just stepped out of the business end of a vintage steam locomotive after a long shift. I smile, trying hard to look cool and in charge and failing to be either.

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02/07/2014 13:01:28

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02/07/2014 13:18:29