WMN on Sunday - West Magazine13 July

13.07.14

the youth of today Cornwall’s teenage Testino

+ WILDLIFE + SHOPPING + REAL ALE + FITNESS + TV GUIDE Cover_July_13.indd 1

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Award winning ‘Traditional Pub with Traditional Values’ Set in the centre of town and a short stroll from the edge of the estuary, we offer everything you want from a great Pub: Fantastic Ales, Wines & Champagne by the glass and staff who will go out of their way to ensure you have a great time. Justifiably proud of our Taste of the West Gold award this year for locally sourced food wherever possible, great service and ambience. There’s also a ‘hidden‘ huge garden with Sun Terraces, great children’s play area and chickens!

Bar A pub with various great spaces that you can sit and enjoy a pint and a packet of crisps or a have a fantastic meal and superb wines. You can choose to sit by the fire in Winter and while away the time reading the papers or playing with some of the numerous board games that they have or sit in the garden in the warmer months enjoying the sun Traditional, Quality and Value are key words in every aspect of our business, and we and our team believe in going the extra mile every time.

Food We are very proud that our food is sourced from within the wonderful larder of the West Country wherever possible. It's all cooked fresh to order and we even make our own Ice Cream!

We serve a fantastic Sunday lunch for £11 – it’s just like Mum used to make and you don’t even have to wash up!

A la Bark Menu Bring your furry friends with you and treat them to something from our A la Bark dog’s menu! All proceeds are going to the Hearing Dogs for Deaf People Charity and we’ve raised over £280 so far!

Pigs Ears Rawhide Chews Bonio

£1 50p 30p

As recommended in the Ebone Ronay guide.

Accommodation The ‘Hobbit House’, (so called because of its unique low front door) is set in the beautiful pub garden grounds the Hobbit House offers two rooms; one double and one twin – both en-suite with shower rooms. Both of these rooms offer you respite from today’s busy world, yet set in the middle of Salcombe and only twenty steps from our great bar and restaurant.

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Victoria Inn, Fore Street, Salcombe, TQ8 8BU 01548 842604 • www.victoriainn-salcombe.co.uk

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[contents[

westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk @wmnwest

Inside this week...

19

4 WEST IN PICTURES

22 WELLBEING & BEAUTY

Feasts, fishing and more

5 TALKING POINTS

From the editor

Beach fitness and beauty treats

24 WEAR IT TO WORK

Wedding shoes and new kings

6 THE WISH LIST

Say hi to high summer...

There’s been lots going on in West magazine this week and we hope you enjoy the results. Catherine Barnes has been putting beauty treats to the test on page 22, ably helped by daughter Tilly, 17. She has also found the time to take lessons in Cornwall’s newest academy - for bar staff. Turns out there is a lot more to pulling a pint of real ale than meets the eye (page 14).

Jade Berry is an up-and-coming young Westcountry photographer. Only 20 years old, she has been shooting on film, old-school since she was 13. Jade’s still at college but we predict a bright future. See some of the lovely photographs depicting the realities of life as a young girl on page 10.

Meanwhile, we’ve picked the best fashion for wearing to work on hot, hot days on page 24.

Turns out you can stay cool - and look it, too.

And if clothes are your thing, you can win a £50 gift card for all the lovely shops in Exeter’s Princesshay on page 9.

Anne Swithinbank has discovered some new ways to attract wildlife to your garden (page 18) and Gillian Molesworth is musing on royal matters on page 7. One final thought: our foodie expert Tim Maddams wants radishes to “do a beetroot” and become hip and cool. Find out why on page 28. Happy reading!

You really can!

26 RESTAURANT REVIEW

Ideas to do, see and buy this week

10 GIRL’S WORLD

Heavenly seafood in Mousehole

28 INGREDIENT OF THE WEEK

Real life, teenage-style

14 BAR MADE

Radical radishes

29 TODAY’S WORLD

Pints, flirting and more

18 GARDENING

Google glass - a reality

31

TV GUIDE

Wildlife friendly planting

21 MODERN MANORS

Seven day viewing

46

MAN & BOY

The art of making money

Mind your language

23

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COVER IMAGE: Jade Berry

MEET THE TEAM Becky Sheaves, Editor

Gillian Molesworth

Kathryn Clarke-McLeod

Catherine Barnes

Phil Goodwin 3

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09/07/2014 14:28:58

Meva man: Marcus Hunkin lead the parade at Mevagissey Feast Week

Sunny days: deckchairs at Goodrington, Torquay

in pictures Old salt: 80-year-old Bill Hocking is still fishing off Looe

At the crease: Luke Jury kept the wicket and his eye on the ball - when Plymouth played Bradninch

Love the hat: Lily-Sue and Aleisha had a picnic in Launceston

SNAP HAPPY? Send your westcountry pics to westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk 4

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talking points Family cycle

Cottage delights

1 L anhydrock Estate Cycling Club This National Trust site has 10km of woodland cycle trails, with more advance routes for experienced offroad cyclists.

2 Goss Moor cycle trail This 12km circular cycle trail takes in the Goss Moor National Nature Reserve where wildlife and rare plants thrive in abundance.

3 The Great Flat Lode In the historic Camborne –Redruth mining district, this 12km cycle trail forms part of the Cornish Mining World Heritage Site, peppered with remains of mining engine houses.

4 The Camel Trail Following a former railway line, there are no hills for the whole of this 18 mile stretch from Wenfordbridge near Bodmin to the foodie haven by the sea at Padstow.

5 Tamar Trails The Tamar Trails Centre on the Cornwall/West Devon border is the starting point for exploring 25km of trails through the Tamar Valley.

Shoe names

Ten properties let by Blue Chip Holidays in the Westcountry with the cutest names.

1 Cherries Cottage Teignmouth

2 Golden Sands Praa Sands

3 Inglenook Cottage Polperro

4 Driftwood Newquay 5 Thyme Cottage St Ives 6 Nutcombe Cottage Ilfracombe

7 Sand Dunes Westward Ho! 8 Sea Foam House Ilfracombe

9 Cove View Porthcurno 10 Lavender Cottage Sutton Poyntz, Weymouth

Be happy!

10 things to make you smile this week 1 Car booting cathartic clear out or bargain hunt

2 Dew on tents like waking in a diamond factory

3 Picnics lazing in a field What are yours called? The favourite wedding shoe names from Exeter occasion brand, Rainbow Club’s collection.

1 Apple Blossom 2 Serafina 3 Fizz 4 Starry Eyed 5 Mimosa 6 Cupcake 7 Tivoli 8 Elerine 9 Sugar Plum 10 Linda

Gillian Molesworth

Story of my life...

Five of the best cycle trails for families, according to VisitCornwall

of wild flowers grazing

4 Cherries pick them yourself and share with friends

5 Pony Club camp the kids can’t wait

6 Summer storms make us feel downright tropical

7 Sunkissed skin for that post beach glow

8 Summer sales gorgeous clothes, half price

9 Hellos from dogs tails-awag and tongues out

10 Long walks often ending at the pub

In praise of older kings hate going to the dentist, but there is one consolation: the magazines in the waiting room. I usually grab OK or Hello, ogling pictures of strangely tanned celebrities and the fawning coverage of the Royal Families of Europe: what they wore, where they went, mwah mwah.

This issue had a feature on the But after Franco died, his proabdication of King Juan Carlos of tégé almost immediately threw Spain, who has handed over the out most of his policies, and rereins to his son, Felipe VI. established the democracy. The When I saw the picture of Juan result was that the 1960s and 70s Carlos I felt that stab that you get pop culture, including the sexual when you see someone who suddenrevolution and the feminist movely looks old. It’s almost as if a person ment, hit Spain like a ton of bricks. who is strong and The “mamas” vivid in your mind of our host is parodied by this families were I hate going to frail and rheumy homey women in the dentist, but figure. I don’t know calf-length tweed Juan Carlos perskirts. there is one sonally, I hasten to They cleaned consolation: add. It’s not like I the house, went the magazines... go hang with him to market with a and Queen Sofía at basket on their the Palacio Real, or arm, and cooked ring up to chat about the fútbol. two multi-course meals for their But I did study Spanish lanfamilies every day. My svelte “sisguage and culture, and the crucial ters”, 17 and 19, dressed head to place in history that Juan Carlos toe in black, with leather jackets, held, that made such a difference spangly silver jewellery, and about to my generation. I spent a school an ounce of eye makeup each. One term in Valladolid in Northern was studying psychology and the Spain as a teen, in 1989. other, tourism.

Juan Carlos could have lived Our “mama” had never been his days in anonymity, given that to university, worked or been Spain had overwhelmingly voted inside a bar or pub. The girls to abolish the monarchy in 1931. went out to bars and discoBut Franco, the dictator who theques till the wee hours. No had ruled Spain’s police state one seemed uncomfortable with with an iron fist since its bloody this transition, extreme though civil war in the 1930s, was a Royalit was. “Tiempos cambian,” ist. Who better to succeed his 30the Mama would say, “times year reign than a prince of the old change,” her arm in its woolly bloodline? cardigan giving one of her biker Franco carefully groomed Juan chick daughters a squeeze.

Carlos to take on all his super-conI think Felipe VI has a pretty servative policies, and everyone tough act to follow. And Spain’s assumed he would just step into example is certainly food for the dictator’s shoes. thought for all us parents.

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Gillian Molesworth is a journalist and mum-of-two who grew up in the USA and moved to north Cornwall when she met her husband 5

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09/07/2014 11:57:49

Star jewel Perfect for the seaside.

Starfish earrings, £16, www.oliverbonas.com

Dinky luggage

Fill these backpacks with snacks and activities.

Mini backpacks, £9.95, www.dotcomgiftshop.com

BOING, BOING These are as much fun as we remember.

Retro Space Hopper, £12.99, John Lewis

Bangles Cute and jangly. Beaded bangle pack, £8.50, Dorothy Perkins

The wish List Top picks for spending your time and money this week

Weekender

Ditsy floral

We love the jungle print on this weekend bag. Safari print bag, £110, www.cathkidston.com

Daisy skater dress, £29, Apricot

Get Wild in the Westcountry The Chagstock charity festival has been described as “the most fun you can have with 5,000 people with a great rock band in a field in Devon in the entire world”. This year’s theme is Wild West – yee hah.

July 18-19, www.chagstock.info 6

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I do, I do...

They are forever, after all.

Platinum diamond ring.

Michael Spiers, £1,995, www.michaelspiers.co.uk

Downton chic Take this vintage cosmetic bag on holiday.

Marks & Spencer, £8.50

Retro This “upcycled” chest with laser-cut formica design is hand made by Penryn artist Lucy Turner. Prices from around £395. www.lucyturner.co

Cello-epic Catrina Davies is at the Penzance Literary Festival this Saturday – her story of self-help busking will tug your heartstrings. Summersdale, £8.99

YOU FISH WE COOK A great day out - The Dining Room in Weymouth will take you fishing then cook your catch of the day www.thediningroomweymouth.co.uk

Hot stepping Smokin’. Orange t-bar sandals, £28, Next

Neck candy This sweet charmer will match anything.

Teardrop statement necklace, £26, www. oliverbonas.com

Moisturise Organic, fragrant, and hand-made in Bodmin.£8.95, www. bskincare.co.uk

Boutique of the Week Sam Cox Bridalwear, Plymouth This Barbican boutique offers a very upscale experience. There’s a private French boudoir-style dressing area at the back where your mum or your girlfriends can give feedback and drink tea.

Gorgeous designer wedding wear from £1,200.

52 Southside Street, Plymouth www.samcoxbridalwear.co.uk 7

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09/07/2014 11:52:44

A Truly memorable day Truly memorable dayout! out!

AA Truly memorable day out!

Great all-weather family friendly attraction…

Great all-weather family friendly attraction…

Great all-weather family friendly attraction…

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• King King• King George III Prison built in 1779 George III Prison built 1779 George III Prison built in in 1779 • Gallows • Gallows Gallows – See– the only working execution pit ininthe UK – See only working execution pit inthe the UK See thethe only working execution pit UK • Cream • Relaxing • Cream • Relaxing • Cream Relaxing Courtyard teas Courtyard teas Courtyard teas • Licensed • Licensed Licensed BarsBars and Restaurant Bars and Restaurant and Restaurant • Homemade • Homemade Homemade MainMain Meals/Snack Menu Main Meals/Snack Menu Meals/Snack Menu • • • • Civil• Ceremonies Corporate Hire Ceremonies Corporate Corporate Hire CivilCivil Ceremonies Hire • Secure • Free • Secure • Secure Free• parking Cycle Park parking Cycle Park Free parking Cycle Park • Dogs • Dogs Dogs welcome in attraction and outside areas welcome in attraction and outside areas welcome in attraction and outside areas • New • Superb Superb Restaurant Menu Superb New Restaurant Menu New Restaurant Menu OpenOpen Evenings – Amazing Value, Great Steaks!

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Evenings – Amazing Value, Great Steaks!

Text Text JAIL to JAIL 60777 for prices andand opening times Text to 60777 prices and opening times JAIL to 60777 forfor prices opening times (texts (texts charged at your standard network rate) (texts charged at your standard network rate) charged at your standard network rate)

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Ads_tests.indd 4

09/07/2014 10:47:49

SPRINGSTEEN PLEAT NECK SILK SHIRT – ICICLE, Reiss,

HOW TO WEAR IT:

Pastels

Princesshay, £120

JOANNA FITTED TAILORED TROUSERS - GREY MIST, Reiss,

Princesshay, £95

Kathryn Clarke-McLeod tries the pale look and finds it is, indeed, very interesting

’m currently navigating the uncharted waters of turning 30. Unlike most of my friends, Indulge in all who greeted it in a haze of self pity, I’m pretty happy to head into my third the colours decade (I still had a haze though, courtesy of a French of Chateauneuf du Pape.) I associate this milestone birthday with the opportunity to be macaroon store, taken a bit more seriously. Donning pastels, and still ooze surely the domain of five-year-old girls at birthday parties, wasn’t part of the plan. power and Then I saw Parabel Gurung’s CEO Suit in sophistication candyfloss pink head down the catwalk. Cue swoon. This season, we ladies can now indulge in all the colours of a French macaroon store, and still ooze power and sophistication.

As I soon found out, confidence-boosting clothing is pretty essential when navigating the big three-oh. People feel suddenly at liberty to question your marital status (translation: why exactly hasn’t anyone asked you to get married, ever?) and to point out your impending barren-ness (tick-tock, waggling eyebrows). Luckily, there are a host of outfit options in a rainbow of pastels that answer these questions for you. Pale lemon tea dresses say, “I’m not married because I am too busy being fabulous and attending garden parties.” Or this minty Reiss blouse I tried this week in Exeter’s Princesshay asserts, “I’m not ready to accessorise tailored perfection with sticky little finger prints, but thanks for asking.” The best part? Pastels are a pure celebration of femininity, so nobody will doubt your maternal instincts.

That said, there’s no pressure to drape yourself head to toe in sugary sweets.

A statement ring in pale turquoise or some strappy dusky rose sandals will add high summer style even to your favourite denims. If you’re rosy-skinned like me, leave Barbie pinks to the evenly-toned among us and dive into a world of Caribbean blues and greens instead. Colour-blocking with pastels is fun, try using a darker hue on your lower half for skirts or trousers. As for hair and makeup, keep it simple. OTT efforts paired with syrupy colours can come dangerously close to Katie Price in a wedding dress. Instead, neutrals work a treat with these shades, such as these tailored Reiss trousers I am wearing. The fennel envelope bag in my hand, also from Reiss,is the final finishing flourish to a formidable bit of fashion (and it will come in handy if one more person asks me when the wedding is.)

MAIN PHOTO HAIR: SAKS, EXETER MAKEUP: CLARINS, DEBENHAMS (BOTH PRINCESSHAY) PHOTOGRAPHY: STEVE HAYWOOD STILL-LIFE PHOTOGRAPHS: PR SHOTS

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FENNEL CROSS BODY ENVELOPE BAG - LIME SORBET

Reiss, Princesshay £159 GOLD METAL NECKLACE

Oasis, Princesshay £14

East Stone harem trousers £49

WI N £50 Princess hay gift card

Matalan Blue blazer £20

We’ve teamed up with Princesshay, Exeter to offer one lucky reader the chance to win a £50 gift card to spend at any of the retailers in Princesshay.

If you’re looking for the perfect city style in the heart of the countryside, then Princesshay is the ideal shopping destination for you. Just answer the question:

Q

What fashion features in this week’s trend column?

A. Pastels B. Checks C. Brights

Please send your answer A, B or C to princesshay.marketing@landsecurities.com or send your postal entry to Princesshay, Centre Management, 2nd Floor, St Stephen’s House, 9 Catherine Street, Exeter, EX1 1EU. Mark your entry PRINCESSHAY GIFT CARD COMPETITION JULY 13.

Closing date for the competition midnight July 19 2014. Winners will be chosen at random and contacted via email or telephone. Normal conditions apply. Entrants will automatically be added to the Princesshay database. To opt out please quote ‘Do not add’ in correspondence.

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Next Signature fabric mix dress £110

Accessorize Lila mini winged handheld £25

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09/07/2014 11:51:04

Jade Berry shoots on film using charity shop cameras

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JADE BERRY

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Welcome to my world

By Becky Sheaves

“

n so many pictures of young women, we are the object of the picture.

So many times, the image is oversexualised. We’re just being used to sell something, or portray a male photographer’s fantasy idea of us, ” says up-andcoming young photographer Jade Berry, 20.

“I’m trying to convey what life is really like when you are adolescent. I take pictures of my friends, here in Cornwall. I want to capture what is like to be growing up, full of possibility but not sure where you are going.”

I

Jade is in the middle of a degree course in photography at Truro College. She admits to being “amazed” at the reaction to her work in recent months. Until this summer, she was a digital refusenik. She still shoots on film, with cameras bought in charity shops, and only a month ago she finally decided to join social media by uploading her arresting images onto Twitter, Instagram and the web.

“It’s been incredible, actually, the response,” she says. “People are following me, commenting

Jade Berry’s pictures document real life for herself and her friends on Cornwall’s North Coast

‘I want to capture what is like to be growing up, full of possibility but not sure where you are going’ on my work. It’s really exciting.”

Jade is Cornish born and bred, and says her first steps into photography were taken at the age of 13. “My grandfather gave me a film camera and I used it to set up pretend fashion shoots with my friends. It was just fun really.”

Today, she admits to being “obsessive” about

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recording her everyday life. “I take a camera with me wherever I go. I’m always taking pictures, sometimes informally as I go through my everyday life, sometimes as proper shoots that I set up and organise in advance.” But the lines can blur: “My shoots are not exactly serious,” she says. “It’s me and my friends, and my shoots last two hours at an absolute max, and are a lot of fun. We’ve just done one recently featuring fairies and unicorns.”

Jade confesses to finding the recent attention “overwhelming”. She was chosen to exhibit at this May’s Art8 – Newquay’s culture festival – and has just won a £1,000 award for her college work (see panel). But she is determined to stick to her Plan A – to stay in Cornwall.

“So many people are saying: Jade go off to London, they would love your work there. But Cornwall means so much to me. It’s so beautiful, the sea, the sky and the light. You can be free here.

I think the girls in my photographs reflect that sense of wildness and potential.”

She is equally adamant that she won’t be trading her old-school cameras for the easier-tohandle charms of modern digital photography.

“Film to me is more real, more of a creation,” she

Self portrait: Jade Berry

‘ I always take a camera’

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says. “Just looking at pictures on a screen seems so virtual, as if they are not really there. I love the challenge of getting the exposure right, then developing the pictures myself in the darkroom.

I spend hours in there. Like I said, I’m obsessive.”

Jade’s life will be about photography, of that she is certain. But, like the girls in her pictures, the future is far from clearly mapped - as yet.

“Cornwall is my home, my life. I love that cosy feeling of walking through Newquay saying hello to people you know. I guess I’m spoilt. The views here are just incredible every single day.

“The trouble is, the practical side of making money from photography in Cornwall is very limited. It’s either weddings, or family portraits, or surf shots. None of that is what I am about.

I’m planning some kind of creative platform for other artists here, perhaps crowd-funded.

“I haven’t travelled much but I have been to London. I didn’t like it, so dark and dingy. I can’t see me working there. I need to be in Cornwall, it is my inspiration.”

[[ ‘I love the challenge of getting the exposure right, then developing the pictures myself in the darkroom.

I’m obsessive.’

‘Our shoots are lots of fun’

Award-winning Jade Berry has just won a £1,000 award from the Cornwall-based Mercedes Curnow Foundation to work on a project encouraging young girls to raise their awareness of cervical cancer.

Mercedes Curnow, from Crowlas near Penzance, was just 23 when she died of the disease and her mother Sandra is convinced that if Mercedes had been given a smear test when she first began to experience symptoms, aged 20, she would still be alive. Instead, it took 12 months of visits to her GP before she was diagnosed in April 2010.

Sandra has set up the Mercedes Curnow Foundation to raise awareness of cervical cancer in young women. Every year the foundation will give grants to young people in the Cornish arts world, with the aim of promoting the cancer-awareness message.

“Mercedes’ mum said to me, that her daughter had the world at her feet and then it was taken away from her,” says Jade. “She says I remind her of Mercedes. I don’t know what exactly I’m to create for her, maybe pictures, or a film. But it has got to honour her memory and take her message to other young women. It’s a big project for me.”

For more details, visit www.mercedescurnowfoundation.com 13

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09/07/2014 11:49:21

Bar made A Cornish brewery has launched a training course to help bar staff pull the perfect pint.

Naturally, we wanted to find out more...

By Catherine Barnes

hite wine spritzer? Forget it. These days craft beers with local provenance are leading us to fall in love with a night down the local again.

Once upon a time, no self-respecting woman would sip a half-pint in the tap room unless accessorised by a wispy-bearded boyfriend and sporting matching Arran knitwear. Today, we’re in the midst of craft ale renaissance that’s seen increasing numbers of us develop a taste for artisan bevvies and menus matched with gourmet ales.

Times have changed and for the pub industry which has spent some time in the doldrums, it’s a golden opportunity to persuade us to swap our weekend wine on the sofa for a good night out.

And how to ensure we will? Well, that’s all down to the bar staff. As I’m about to find out on my crash course in being a barmaid. Pub landlord Iain MacPherson, (motto: Customers to regulars, regulars to friends) has one golden rule: Flirt like mad.

And here’s how he wins them: Customer: Gin and tonic Iain: Single?

Customer: Yes. Iain: Oh, good. Me too.

“There’s always a line and if they walk away, you know you crossed it... horribly,” he says with a charming confidence which suggests that doesn’t happen very often.

“The rule is,” he stresses, “Maintain eye contact at all times. There’s nothing worse than being ignored at the bar.”

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Different hops are used in the same way chefs use spices

Iain should know. He has been landlord of The New Inn in the Cornish village of Goonhavern since it was bought and given an upmarket revamp by the owners of the nearby Oyster Bay Coastal and Country Retreat a year ago. He relocated from Bristol – where he ran an Italian eaterie – to take on the pub and experience a new side of the food and drink in-

dustry. Iain, along with his New Inn crew, are among the first graduates of the Skinner’s Brewery school for pub professionals. This recent project has seen the Truro-based brewery work with hospitality specialists Newquay for Excellence Training (NfTE) to train bar staff in roles that offer real career prospects.

“Proper training can open doors,” says NfTE’s Claire Evans, who established the training scheme, which has received European funding support via Cornwall’s Convergence scheme, along with Skinner’s sales rep James Pritchard.

My lesson begins at the training company’s headquarters, located in an old terraced building in Newquay’s Mount Wise, with tiny bar fitted in one of its back rooms. Also helping out is industry expert Stuart Douglas, who works as an adviser to a number of local breweries, with the aim of attracting a new generation of real ale aficionados to make a night of it down the pub. Part of his role is to ensure that what’s served is in tip-top condition. It’s all part of the reason why the pub is better than popping open a bottle at home.

“Today, people are fussy.

They don’t want their real ale flat and warm as it was years ago. Something that’s the right temperature, has been looked after correctly will taste spectacular,” he says.

There are, I learn, hundreds of types of beer, including chocolate stouts and ales made from honey, while different hops are used in the same way that chefs use spices. And what’s coming in is matching, in the same way you’d match food with wine. There’s a lot to learn.

But stage one of being a barmaid – bar person, Iain chides – is ‘tapping’ the cask conditioned ales which finish their fermentation process in the pub’s cellar. They have to be drunk fresh within days. Sounds easy-peasy. It’s just a small matter

of hammering in a little plastic peg, known as a spile, to break the seal on top of the cask, then removing another bung and hammering in a tap to let the beer out.

“Imagine it’s someone you don’t like and give it a massive whack” advises Stuart, handing me a rubber mallet and retreating to the other side of the room.

In the (merciful) absence of video footage, simply visualise five minutes of hesitant taps, thwacks, throbbing thumbs and pegs flying about the place. Like Carry on Camping only with firmer foundation garments. They don’t let you loose with real beer in the training room, which is just as well, as a puddle of water immediately begins to pool around my feet.

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Living We’re witnessing a cask ale revolution

Tasting notes Real ales to try from the South West

Jail Ale, Dartmoor Brewery

Betty Stogs, Skinner’s Brewery

A full-bodied, deep brown beer that is made near Dartmoor Prison, hence the name.

Otter Bright (Otter Brewery)

Brewed in Truro, this ale is citrussy, with a good balance of malt and hops, named after a Cornish folklore legend.

Made in East Devon, this light ale is a good intro to cask beer.

Served cold, it is a favourite with thirtysomethings.

Devon Dumpling, Bays Brewery

Tribute (St Austell Brewery)

A strong golden beer with a fresh hop character made in Torbay with a smooth taste and balanced sweetness throughout.

Made by one of the country’s oldest breweries, this popular and drinkable ale uses Cornish spring water and has become a national favourite.

“Well you’re definitely sacked,” chortles present the glass with the brewery logo facing James. “Bye bye! That’s 15 pints on the floor!” your customer.”

Indeed, in a pub with 20 taps, spills of just half According to Stuart, a good beer pulled in a pint a day could equate to £14,000 worth of beer this way will result in a perfect half inch head lost a year, according to Stuart. But when I move which will stay all the way to the bottom of the from the school to behind a real bar at the New glass, leaving those crucial tidemarks, known Inn, my new boss Iain is more forgiving. “So long as ‘lacing’. Following James’ instruction, it’s a as you’re learning from your mistakes – it all eureka moment, as I pull a textbook-perfect pint comes down to practice.” first go. Another for luck, and I now feel qualiNow this stage, I have to confess that I served fied to don leopardskin polyester and take on the my time as a barmaid – bar person, sorry – in a challenges of an actual pub. At the New Inn, I’m village local in told a ‘warm and the North East, confident’ perdonkey’s years sonality is the I pull my final pint without a hitch, ago. The main key to perfect touching it down on the bar with the reason I knew hospitality. It’s a career in the a learning curve reverence of a jeweller laying out a pub industry was but I feel I’m up fine diamond necklace on velvet never going to to the challenge. work for me was Back in my day, an issue with pulling on the pump, centre stage of the job was primarily all about wiping lipstick a lairy crowd. I’d always get a knot of fear in my marks off glasses with a mucky bar towel and stomach at the prospect. giving attitude.

Lager was easy but invariably when pulling a “I employ people with a smile, personality pint of ale, using the old-fashioned pumps, my and common sense,” says Iain. “I can teach face grew redder, then the pump would start them the rest.” making excruciating farting noises in protest. If Cheerful banter is a must for staff, but Iain my luck was in, the landlord would eventually draws the line at gossip: “There’s a reason we wade in (literally, through a small lake of Theakhave two ears and one mouth,” he says. “Listen to ston’s) to the rescue. everything, but say nothing. Discretion is key.”

“It’s all about the angle and how you hold Mum’s the word and Iain has also brought many the glass,” says James. “Always hold it at the a touch of metrosexuality to what was formerly a bottom. This is a quarter pull pump. So it takes traditional local pub. He addresses all customers as about four pulls. Stay calm, hold the glass at a ‘guys’ rather than ‘gents’ or ‘ladies’ and prefers to 45 degree angle and when you are about three offer table service rather than calling last orders, quarters full, hold the glass upright. And always to avoid a big rush to the bar just before 11 o’clock.

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09/07/2014 14:12:48

Living

Catherine learns the bar trade “Serving drinks to the tables also means you know who’s already had enough,” he points out.

He’s also done away with the classic row of stools at the serving counter. The reasoning is that trying to squeeze in between a row of bar-flies when you’re buying a round can be off-putting, especially for female customers.

True, that. This new house rule has led to the relocation of a local legend who comes in daily for a whisky and water. He used to prop up the bar, but now there is a VIP window seat with an embroidered cushion that has been officially designated as his.

Now ensconced behind the bar at the New Inn, it’s time for me to pull my first pint – Skinner’s Cornish Knocker. Following James’ instructions to the letter, I pull my pint – perfecto! – and only spill about half of it when I try to place it on the counter.

The next stage is to combine pint-pulling with a bit of light banter. I can do it, says Iain. “You’re still a little bit mechanical in the execution. You need to be more relaxed,” he says.

Ramping up the smile from the Anita Dobson to a full-on Bet Lynch, I pull my final pint without a hitch, touching it down on the bar with the reverence of a jeweller laying out a fine diamond necklace on velvet. Ta dah! So, after my crash course in the bar trade, have I got what it takes?

“Well, I definitely think so,” says Iain. “You’d be great behind the bar.”

He laughs. “Remember what I said about flirting?”

Practice makes for perfect pints

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09/07/2014 14:13:20

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At Bovisand you will not find a clubhouse or organised entertainment, instead the emphasis is on conservation of the natural environment, creating a haven for wildlife and peaceful surroundings. Although rural, Bovisand is easily accessible and is centrally located to explore Dartmoor; towns and the historic fishing villages of Cornwall.

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08/07/2014 15:01:33

Gardens

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ANNE SWITHINBANK

Wildlife friendly

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Anne Swithinbank, panellist on Radio 4’s Gardener’s Question Time, visits a Westcountry garden that provides a rich natural habitat hile emptying old plant pots around wildlife friendly garden competition. She and the back of the greenhouse, I was her husband Alby moved in twenty years ago surprised to hear a loud buzzing and the first thing they did was install a pond, coming from the old compost inside. later improved by adding more shallows and Next, several perfectly formed, a bog so frogs and birds could access the water lidded green cyclinders like miniature laundry safely. Now, it draws the eye with plenty of marbaskets fell out, followed by a small, cross bumble ginal plants including yellow flag and candelabra bee. The ‘baskets’ were constructed of leaves primulas, while a small meadow area containing chewed from plants like roses and I’d disturbed a moon pennies (oxe-eye daisies) and knapweeds leaf cutter bee at her work. I felt sorry, as forming provides cover for toads and grass snakes. just one basket takes about 10 hours and many The competition acted as a goal and catalyst visits. Food in the form of pollen and nectar for improvement, as the Pattersons already had is gathered and tamped down inside, an egg many of the entry requirements but began to add laid and finally a lid fastened what was missing. Snowdrops, in place. The larva hatches, crocus and hellebores supply feeds, pupates and hibernates crucial early nectar for bumble through winter before taking bee queens coming out of hiberThere are wing next spring. nation, cotoneasters are a-buzz in always some Our garden is semi-rural late spring and in summer, Geraand very relaxed, with areas of nium ‘Johnson’s Blue’ and single creatures, if meadow and thickets making it Rosa rugosa are a big hit, followed only wood lice ideal for wildlife of all kinds. I later by Kniphofia, rudbeckia, and spiders, but don’t take special steps to attract echinacea and heleniums. birds or insects but enjoy living Companion planting is used more will among them and appreciate their such as tagetes (marigolds) to arrive. pollination and pest control. keep insect pests away from crops Owners of smaller plots in and boundaries are tight and urban areas, those surroundthicket like, with elder and hazel ed by intensive agriculture wound about with Clematis monor where a neater approach is needed have to tana and a manageable level of brambles. This all work harder to provide ideal habitats. I rememprovides food, shelter and nesting sites. Yew and ber being asked whether a lone back yard in an bay add evergreen cover for winter. otherwise barren terrace could be turned into a The prize for winning the competition was a flourishing oasis of plant and animal life and my garden wildlife survey involving the installaanswer was a resounding yes. There are always tion of insect and small mammal traps and pond some creatures, if only wood lice and spiders, dipping. Back in April, 30 different moth species present but more will arrive and gardening is were recorded, the nymphs of 3 different dragcontagious, so neighbours are likely to join in onflies were found and a population of palmate and eventually, gardens would link into that allnewts. The garden is attractive, thoughtfully important wildlife corridor. well-managed and definitely not scruffy, proving Recently, I visited Angela Patterson in Uplyme that sparing a thought for wild life would bring near Lyme Regis, whose garden won a local all of us a more interesting and dynamic plot.

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This week’s to-do list Anne’s advice for your garden

Question time with Anne Q

Our viburnum hedge has been attacked by a pest. Leaves are lacy and full of holes and we’ve found one small grub.

This sounds like viburnum beetle. Have you noticed a rank smell when the foliage is wet, as this is a feature of this pest? Creamy yellow larvae with black markings up to 8mm long hatch from April to June and feed. They pupate in soil and in late summer hatch into adult greyish-coloured beetles up to 6mm long which also feed on the leaves (though they cause less damage than their larvae). These mate and lay eggs on the stems which then hatch the following spring. Try lily, viburnum beetle and raspberry beetle spray based on pyrethrum from Green Gardener (01493 750061 www.greengardener.co.uk).

Several applications to target both the larvae and beetles before they can mate and lay eggs should help reduce damage and break the life cycle.

Q

My lupins flowered well and have set furry green pods. How do I collect and sow their seed?

The pods need to go pale, dry and crisp and the seeds should go brown before they are ripe enough to collect. You can sow them immediately while fresh and end up with young plants to over winter in a cold frame or greenhouse. Alternatively, collect the seed and store it cool and dry until spring. Soak stored seed for 24 hours before sowing and they should germinate within four weeks. The offspring are likely to have different coloured flowers to their parents but sowing seed you’ve collected yourself is very satisfying. If you are not going to use the seeds, cut away the pods so the plant won’t waste energy in ripening them.

Send your questions to Anne at westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk

• Annuals such as larkspur, sweet peas and cornflowers grown for cutting need to be picked regularly.

This is like early dead heading and helps the plant keep producing yet more flower stems. If they seem tired, a liquid feed will help.

• There has been a lot of growth this season. If your borders are over-full, go along armed with loppers and secateurs to cut away shrubby stems leaning over

lawns and into other plants. Avoid chopping at the point where they start offending but go back almost to ground level or to a healthy side shoot lower down.

• Take 8-10cm (3-4in) long cuttings of favourite pelargoniums (geraniums) so they’ll be well rooted by winter.

Set several in a 9cm (3.5in) pot and don’t cover as this can cause rotting.

They need a bright, cool but frost free home for winter.

Top tips for a wildlife friendly garden Piles of rotting timber as homes and food for beetle larvae.

Water is a key element for a wide range of creatures to live in, breed in and drink from. Use a bird bath or pond-in-a-pot in a small garden.

Make a compost heap and don’t disturb it until April as these are the favourite hibernation sites of slow worms.

Leaf and twig piles encourage minibeasts (woodlice, centipedes and so forth) which in turn are food for other creatures.

Cut a path through dense shrubs to create damp, shady habitats.

Shear the old foliage from strawberry plants that have finished cropping. This seems brutal but it removes any diseased foliage, allows you access for weeding and lets light in to the crowns of the plants which after a good soaking (if the soil is dry) will grow back quickly.

Prune summer fruited raspberries as soon as they finish. The old, fruited stems are cut right to the ground and new ones tied in to flower and fruit next year. Keep them weeded.

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08/07/2014 17:35:54

Interiors

Orla Kiely plant pot £22.50, www. cuckooland.com

Betty Jackson vases £20, Debenhams

A new leaf Give your home a fresh new look by bringing the outdoors inside, choosing house plants large and small for every room in the house

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ur vision was to create a continual indoor planting, then try these ideas. For a big view of greenery and water,” says space like the Scotts’ home, try trees or big plants Rupert Scott. Rupert designed such as a kentia palm, a dracaena or a ficus to Woodpeckers, a stunning modern accent a window or soften hard lines. Add drama house in St Mawes near Truro, toby clustering them with other plants of different gether with Redruth-based SPS Architects. “You heights and shapes. can see right through the whole house, which is On a windowsill, cacti and succulents such as very open plan and has a lot of glass. What I like jade plants will tolerate full sun, and look sculpis that there’s no boundary of ownership – you tural grouped together. Try to find a group of can’t tell where our land starts, because everypots that look good together – you can put them thing is integrated with the view. on a tray for ease of watering.

“Inside, the plants soften some of the harder In shady spots, dangling philodendrons, lines, and also they help to define areas – this pointy sansevieria (snake plant), and oval-leaved was a good solution for empty spaces that didn’t aglaonema will flourish without direct sun. need furniture.”

A trio of herbs is both homey and useful in Woodpeckers is a stunning example of how foyour kitchen and it’s nice, too, to have a vase of liage can link the outside with the inside, creatflowers on the kitchen table. ing a harmonious whole.

Woodpeckers (£2.35 million) is for sale with The Scotts’ most dramatic indoor plant is a Savills (01872 243200, www.savills.co.uk) and H tree fern arching gracefully across the upstairs Tiddy (01326 270212, www.htiddy.co.uk). landing – but the stepped planters both inside and out look interesting and dynamic, too. Handmade from graphite and fibreglass, these were supplied with the The Scotts’ plants by Somerset firm Superplants (www.sumost dramatic perplants.co.uk), who indoor plant also created the planting scheme, with input is a tree fern from Caz Osbourne of arching gracethe Tresanton Hotel and fully across the Rupert’s wife Sian.

“The house is on a upstairs landing steep hill – we levelled around it so you could walk around the house, but the terracing helps set a structure around it,” says Rupert. “The shapes of the plants outside were echoed within, which draw the eye outwards.”

Houseplants can be marvellously decorative – they are also healthy, helping to purify the air inside. If you’ve reached a dead end with your

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Philodendron various prices, www. superplants.co.uk

Cream vase £25, House of Fraser

Orla Kiely herb pots £44.95, www.urbancuckoo.co.uk

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09/07/2014 12:13:22

My life

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MODERN MANORS

How to make money

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Kishanda Fulford’s children show an unexpected flair for business

was hosting a tour of the house and we had reached the dining room, which is the end of the trip and where we have tea laid out for everyone. As I was chatting to the assembled company and doling out cups of tea, I noticed through the window a rope being lowered, on the end of which was attached a wicker basket. I apologised to our guests and said I must go outside and see what was happening. I found the basket dangling about four feet from the ground. Inside the basket was a badly-written letter. ‘Hand over your valubulls or we will jump.’ I looked up and was horrified to see the rope was swinging from the battlements of the house.

Instead of being as cool as the cucumber in the sandwiches I had made for tea, I became hysterical. I grabbed the note and took it to my husband who was still merrily engaged in ‘tour talk’. My husband read it out loud and laughed. But the very dear elderly guests took the note at face value. They insisted I go back out, untie the basket, and bring it back into the dining room for them to fill with booty.

While the debate continued I hastily scribbled a note, ran outside, pulled on the rope, and the basket was duly hauled up to the top of the house. In this note, I wrote, in writing plain to see, (even to children between the ages of six and seven years old) that if they did not come off the roof at once I would spank them - when I could next catch them. The basket was lowered once more and swung menacingly outside the dining room window. In it was another statement from the plunderers: ‘We are srius’.

By then the horde in the dining room were opening their wallets; one lady even began to take off her engagement ring. It

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was then decided that we should put a ten pound note into the basket to see if that would do the trick. The assembled party went out of the dining room and onto the terrace and I popped the note in to the basket and gave it a pull. No one could see the perpetrators but I knew who they were.

Peals of laughter echoed over the lake. And then it was quiet. A few minutes later the boys walked

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Instead of being as cool as the cucumber in the sandwiches I had made for tea, I became hysterical into the dining room with their swag and handed it back to the gentleman who had proffered the money in the first place. He simply laughed and insisted, ‘No, my boys, you keep it.’

I went to bed with a very serious case of the vapours.

On another occasion we had a shooting party staying in the house. My son asked if any of the guests would like breakfast in bed. In an orderly way he began to make note of what everyone would like. The next morning he was up early and, with help from his mother, trays were laid with eggs on toast, crispy bacon and pots of hot coffee. Up they went, one by one. My son came back to the kitchen beaming with his own brilliance.

Only later that morning did I hear what he had been up to. He had politely knocked on the guests’ bedroom doors and on the tray was not only breakfast, but a neatly-written bill. ‘2 eggs £3.50, toast, £1, coffee, £3.20, bacon £1.50 TOTAL £8.20.’ To one of these guests my son suggested he might like to pay the bill before he ate the breakfast. The eggs congealed on the plate as the guest scrabbled through his change.

Another time one of my children was loading someone’s gun. He was apparently charming until half way through one drive he said loudly, “You are not very good shot, are you?” For some reason, which I still cannot understand, that comment landed him a £10 tip.

What have I done wrong? I don’t believe I brought the children up to blackmail and threaten visitors. I, of course, blame my husband entirely. What books were they read by him that instilled such behaviour in them?

Or could it be my fault? Some of my favourite children’s stories are those of ‘Just William’.

We had these stories on tapes in the car and listened to them until they wore thin. Well, imagine if, like me, you had not ‘Just’ one ‘William’ but three. Still, as long as they all know how to make money, it’s not all bad.

Kishanda Fulford lives in Great Fulford, Dunsford, Devon. The house dates back to Norman times and has been continuously occupied by the Fulford family for more than 800 years.

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09/07/2014 14:58:18

Wellbeing

Fit in your fitness Small changes in lifestyle can make all the difference to your calorie intake and your health, too f the cost of town (there’s 170 in a Cadbury’s Flake). centre parking hasn’t As part of their mission to get the convinced you of the nation fit, Virgin Active is also urging joys of park-and-riding us to butt-clench – squeezing those yet, then how about cheeks while you brush your teeth getting on a double-decker because could burn as many as 80 calories a it could earn you a doughnut? day. Even if the thought gives you the New research from giggles, a good laugh Virgin Active has can burn 25 calories – found that the daily provided you have commute can burn as 15 minutes worth Even if the many as 324 calories of LOLs. in two half-hour daily Dietician Hasina thought gives trips – the equivalent Aktar says: “Just you the giggles, of something rather doing a few extra a good laugh can naughty from the things like bum cake counter. clenches and standburn 25 calories An average coming on one leg, on top – provided you muter’s eleven and a of your regular comhalf minute walk to mute can expend over have 15 minutes the bus stop, 10 min500 calories a day. worth of LOLs utes spent standing “This could lead without a seat and the you to lose a pound walk up 16 stairs to of body weight every work means the daily travel to work week.” Sounds good to us. and back expends the same amount of Adds Virgin Active’s head of perenergy as 30 minutes on a treadmill. sonal training, Hugh Hanley: “It’s According to Virgin Active, com- not always easy to invest time in getmuters can burn a significant ting fit, which is why this research number of calories on their comis so uplifting. It shows that even mute (386) with a simple bus ride the small things we already do are a using up 167 on a one-way trip step in the right direction.”

CRUNCH

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LADIES THAT

THE KEEP FIT COLUMN WHERE YOU DO THE WORK:

this week: BEACH BOOT CAMP Andrea Smale lives in Woolacombe and works out at Andrew Blake’s Bay Fitness beach bootcamp in North Devon surf haven Croyde Bay (www.bayfitness.co.uk) I’ve been to dozens of classes, but working out on the beach with Bay Fitness is by far my favourite.

Nothing has ever been this effective or fun. If the many benefits of laughter are true, too, then I’ve also hit the jackpot.

Forget monotonous workouts in a cramped and sweaty studio; what better place to get that beach body than by the sea? You never really

know what each Monday evening session will bring. It could include yoga moves, games, or circuits involving kettle bells, medicine balls, sandbags and battle ropes, as well as running in and out of the sea and over dunes. Here. I’m crunching those abs in a rather different fashion.

Oh, and you may get to ‘wear’ a tyre, (don’t ask – but it works!).

HOW DO YOU GET FIT? We’d love to hear... Drop us a line with a selfie and daytime number to westmag@westernmorningnews.co.uk.

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09/07/2014 13:35:29

Tried

& tested We present the beauty treats and cheats of the week, all trialled by Catherine Barnes from West magazine, with help from daughter Tilly, 17.

Rose heaven Remember making rose ‘perfume’ with petals as a kid? Rose & Geranium Body Oil (handmade by Lola’s Apothecary in Chumleigh, Devon) has a lovely summery floral scent. On warm skin, the fragrant essential oils intensify. £32 for 100ml. www.lolasapothecary.com

Catherine: Beautifully packaged, Lola’s is also currently developing a ‘hug in a bottle’ massage oil for Okehampton’s Heavenly Spa.

Sweet indulgence Packed with brown sugar, Spiezia Organics Lemongrass & Marigold Body Scrub (200g, £23.95) is like a rub-down with a Christmas cake mix. Made in Cornwall www.spieziaorganics.com

The dark side US brand Nars has introduced a new palette of nail colours this month. We like Obscura (£14.50), a dusty aubergine shade with a high gloss finish. www. narscosmetics.co.uk

Gently does it Paul & Joe’s gentle eye makeup remover comes in a gorgeous vintage-style bottle – find it in store or online at www.roosbeach.co.uk.

Roo Cross, who runs the Newquay boutique says it’s the best she’s ever used. (£14, £100ml) Tilly: The bottle’s really retro – like something you’d find at grandma’s!

Catherine: Amazing results on my ‘plucked chicken’ legs after just one exfoliation. Love, love, love this.

Tilly: My legs felt smooth and smelled yummy after.

Catherine: Magic stuff. Waterproof liner and mascara did a disappearing act.

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09/07/2014 13:41:27

White Stuff Parrot print skirt £39.95

BHS skirt £18, top £20, heels £23, bag £26

Aisling Wallace Jewellery Silver bead necklace £270

Work chic Summer’s here but for many of us the holidays haven’t quite started yet. Here’s how to keep your cool when dressing for the workplace. y goodness, we’ve had some lovely weather lately. I know, let’s go to the beach tomorrow and make a day of it – swimming, surfing, strolling in the sunshine. All we’ll need is a pair of flip flops, some shades and a little sun dress. Sorted.

Well, yes. Except tomorrow’s Monday and we’ve got to go to work. And what to wear is altogether much more complicated than shorts and a t-shirt. The knotty question of how to look smart, professional and (we may as well go for the whole nine yards) attractive when the thermometer hits the heights is one that has been puzzling women in July for years.

So what’s the answer? We think that interesting prints in cool fabrics are your winning combination. You can still look the part without getting hot under the collar. It’s generally unwise to reveal too much in the way of bare skin, though we

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do think that in most offices these days, it’s fine to expose a (smooth, preferably tanned) and tights-free leg if the skirts are not too short. And there are so many lovely dresses with short sleeves these days, that you can go all Michelle Obama (queen of the no-sleeves look) and exercise your right to bare arms. Add a light jacket if bingo wings are an issue.

Likewise, unless you’re a High Court Judge, you can probably wear sandals, provided you’re not rocking the spangly flip flop look (best kept for weekends, we find). Just remember that all exposed toenails should be painted – and in something neutral, unless you are “creative” or a children’s play worker. In which case, have fun with blue or green varnish.

There is also a move in fashion land to big up summer culottes as acceptable workwear. Not 100% sure this is a good idea? Here’s a pair from Somerset’s own top designer Alice Temperley that might just do the trick to convince you.

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09/07/2014 15:01:11

Wear it with:

fave!

Phase Eight Marcie top £59

John Lewis Dress £89 Marks & Spencer Leather satchel £299

Phase Eight Poppy print skirt £65

Marks & Spencer Indigo dress £49.50

Somerset by Temperley Silk culottes £120

Eucalyptus Sprig pattern top £54

John Lewis Nude wedges £85 25

Fashion_July13.indd 25

08/07/2014 18:28:22

EATING OUT

The Old Coastguard

By Becky Sheaves

few years ago now, I had a lovely lunch at The Gurnard’s Head. It’s a big old Victorian roadside pub perched on the cliffs in the far west of Cornwall that had been given a groovy gastro make-over. I found it filled with wild-haired and very cool folk and their dogs, superb rustic-smart cooking and a pretty amazing wine list. Afterwards I went for a walk on the Zennor cliffs. It was a cracking day out and I really loved it.

So I’ve been meaning to check out the newer sister establishment to The Gurnard’s Head for quite some time. And this week I finally got my act together to eat at The Old Coastguard in Mousehole. I’ll cut to the punchline. It was fabulous. A really, really wonderful place.

The entrance to this large, rather imposing, building is straight off the street in cute little old Mousehole. But as you’d expect from the name, the view out the front is really something.

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Where once old coastguards – sorry, coastguards into the cooking and the presentation. It’s defi– would have scanned Mount’s Bay for vessels in nitely a restaurant, rather than a gastro-pub like difficulty, today lucky diners sip rose wine in a The Gurnard’s Head, and there are also rooms grassy shoreside garden. You just stroll and soak where you can stay the night. When we visited, up the seascape, framed by some judiciously the people eating there (including us, I may say) planted palm trees. tended more towards the older, more sedate end Once you come inside, the place is all light of the market. But this is in no way a criticism wood and pale walls, with plenty of nooks and and we had a great night out. corners for priTo start, we had some vacy and floornibbles. Pork crackling to-ceiling glass with apple and mustard When the dishes arrived, there was out front to sauce (£3) turned out to always a pleasant sense that your make the most be a jamjar packed full of the view. I of long slender shards of expectations had been exceeded went with my perfectly light, crunchy husband John crackling. The sauce – and we were given a table with such a glorious who knew apple and mustard would combine so outlook that we opted to sit side by side rather perfectly? – was fluffy and tasty. Really, as soon than opposite each other. as this arrived, I knew we were going to have a The menu is quite understated to read but good meal. when the dishes arrived, there was always a To start, I had mussels in cider with chorizo, pleasant sense that your expectations had been fennel and apple (£6.50). Superb. I also had a exceeded. It was all very pretty, very generous glass of barrel-aged white semillon-sauvignon portions and so much care and flair had gone Bordeaux from Chateau Beaumont, (£5.85)

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Food_July13.indd 26

09/07/2014 13:48:50

4 of the best

Restaurants with a sea view

1 River Exe Café, Exmouth Actually on the water, on a former barge, pictured above. Come by water taxi and have a magical visit.

Dish of the day: Whole baked Brixham crab with samphire, £15.95 Price: Mains around £16 Contact: 07761 116103

2 Gylly Beach Café Right on the pretty Gyllyngvase beach in Falmouth, hip and trendy with good food too.

Dish of the day: Cornish mussels in white wine and cream cheese sause with herbs, £12 Price: Mains around £11 Contact: 01326 312884

which was unusual, and subtle, and so good I had to have another. John had braised ham and aged cheddar croquettes with an apple and parsley salad (£6), both tasty and charmingly presented.

My main course was a piece of super-fresh hake on puy lentils, with pickled beetroot and salsa verde. The fish was cooked impeccably– crisp on the skin side, delicately tender right through. If you can’t eat good fish in Mousehole, right by the busy fishing port of Newlyn, then where can you? Which is what I said to John when he insisted on ordering steak. Oh well.

As it happened, he didn’t really go mad for his ribeye (£19.25) and I wonder whether this restaurant’s commitment to local sourcing might be the reason. I’m Cornish and I love the county, but might I – reluctantly – suggest that beef isn’t quite as good down here as we are used to nearer to our home in Devon? So shoot me. Or perhaps it just wasn’t aged quite enough. This steak was perfectly cooked, but not overflowing with flavour. It came with polenta chips, which were crisped up on the outside and really special. I tried the steak and liked it but I know what John meant – it was no showstopper. In any case, as I said in the first place, he should have ordered fish, like I did.

Puds were simply sensational, and beautifully presented. I had poached peach, raspberries, amaretti biscuits and curd ice cream (£6), which was summery and delicious. John said his set lemon cream with gooseberry, yoghurt sorbet and meringue was “one of the best desserts he’d ever eaten”.

We were staying the night a mile or two inland so we walked the steep hill home past hedges blooming with valerian and pink campion, feeling very happy and well-fed. This is a very good restaurant indeed. The Old Coastguard, Mousehole, Cornwall 01736 731222

How they scored...

Food



Atmosphere



Service



Price Three course dinner for two was £92.30

3 Scarlet Hotel, Mawgan Porth Glamorous grown-ups only hotel with smart eatery and Atlantic views, pictured below.

Dish of the day: Slow cooked spring lamb with lavander and rosemary Price: Three course dinner, £42.50 Contact: 01637 861800

4 Clock Tower Café, Sidmouth A good home-cooking café in an amazing 17th century tower, perched high on the cliff overlooking the sea.

Dish of the day: Cod in beer batter £9.65 Price: Mains £5 – £10 Contact: 01395 515319

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09/07/2014 14:56:52

Ingredient of the Week

Radishes with Tim Maddams

have a thing about radishes. You them through garlicky pasta with the round part won’t find me growing them, my of the radish thinly sliced and chucked in for wife Caroline is the one with the good measure. green fingers – but you will definiteThey make a great cooked veg too. Wash them ly find radishes in the kitchen here whole, cut them in half crossways and cook in for the next few weeks and then again once the shallow salted water up to the green bit for a second batch gets going. minute or two. Then drain and place back in the One of the things I like so much about these pan with a little butter and salt to wilt the leaves tasty treats is their simplicity, their honesty, down nicely, which are still attached to the now their “come on now, I’m only a radish” attitude soft and mellowed root. that leaves you in little doubt A radish pulled straight from about what you’re going to get the ground, washed and dipped in out of the deal. (ideally homemade) salad cream is But this humble veg But this humble veg needs little also a joy. Salad cream is a slightly needs little encourencouragement to shine on the odd and perhaps uncomfortable agement to shine on menu. They’ve got bags of rough move away from todays’ ubiquithe menu. They’ve and ready character and more tous mayo back to the 1970’s. But punch than you might expect. no matter how strange it may got bags of rough and They taste great, especially if you seem it works extremely well. ready character and don’t buy them enshrined in little I struggle to understand why more punch than you triangular plastic bags, washed, radishes aren’t more readily might expect. trimmed and devoid of any flaavailable in peak condition, and I vour whatsoever. think it must be just the ghost of If you can’t grow your own the dreaded packed ones and the (and it’s easy, even I have managed it once or fact that they, like me, are just terribly uncool. twice and I kill plants more effectively than a Beetroot has made an amazing comeback from dose of glyphosate) then buy good quality, localthe same fate but can radishes make the same ly-grown ones. Here’s why: if you don’t get radleap up the veg hierarchy? They can if you want ishes with the tops still on you are being robbed. them to. After all, it’s your kitchen.

The green part of the radish is actually tasty.

So, have a go with some good radishes whilst Simply dressed in oil and vinegar they make a they are around, be prepared to get a few odd great salad, but I quite like to chop them and stir looks and raised eyebrows from the family at

I

Radishes with butter and salt

It’s that simple, spread a little butter on your radish, season with a little salt.

EAT.

Dressed radish tops

Favourite vinaigrette, radish tops, bowl.

I will leave the rest to you!

Miso with radishes

Finely slice your radishes, and chop the tops. Heat a pan of water and stir in some miso paste off the heat. Add the radishes and serve, sprinkle the chopped leaves over the top. Add a few soaked noodles to beef it up a bit if you’re especially hungry.

supper time. Don’t worry, you can say I told you so and you’ll look smug later on as they worship your culinary talents. They won’t realise you see, that it’s the radishes that are great, not just your cookery. @TimGreenSauce Tim Maddams is a Devon chef and writer who often appears on the River Cottage TV series

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08/07/2014 18:43:12

Living

TODAY’S WORLD

Glass half full Google Glass has now been launched in the UK. Cue the inevitable concerns about how the futuristic frames might infringe on privacy laws.

Katie Wright reports oogle Glass launched in UK at the end of June, but already the wearable computer has generated as much controversy as it has hype.

Previously only available in the US, Glass is now on sale in the Google Play store (play.google.com) - but not to just anyone. You have to be over 18, a UK resident and able to stump up the £1000 asking price.

Even then, the product is still technically a prototype, as users are asked to join the Glass Explorer programme and feedback on their experience.

Once Explorers have got used to focusing on a display that hovers above their right eye (it can cause [actual] headaches at first) and hooked it up to their smartphone, they’ll be able to take photos and film video, get directions, read emails, send messages and more - all using voice commands. By uttering ‘OK Glass, record a video’ a wearer can film whatever they see in front of them.

And therein lies the problem.

The UK Information Commissioner’s Office (ICO) says that users of wearable technology could breach the Data Protection Act by filming secretly, but only if it’s for business purposes.

G

Go into a shop and use Glass to take a photo of a TV you want to buy and that’s not a problem, but if a mystery shopper films their retail experience and gets paid for it, that’s another matter.

Similarly, filming a cinema screen would be illegal for obvious reasons, and some cinemas have already announced they are banning Glass to deter movie pirates.

That could be a bit of an overreaction, though, as the battery runs out after just 45 minutes of filming.

The futuristic frames are also a no-no on the road, as it’s illegal to view a screen while driving.

Unless, that is, the screen displays driving info, and Google has reportedly been in talks with the Department for Transport about making Glass safe for drivers in the future.

Right now, it’s not clear how many Explorers the Glass makers have managed to entice as Google hasn’t released sales figures, but for some Brits the barriers to buying are more about shallowness than safety. Wearing a computer on your face, however small, may be standard in Silicon Valley, but how does it look in Sidmouth?

A blog dedicated to ‘People who look cool wearing Google Glass’ suggests the answer: it’s completely blank.

[[ It may be standard in Silicon Valley, but what about in Sidmouth?

BROWSING AROUND

MONTY PYTHON With the 1960s comedy team back now with new shows, here’s the pick of Python online •

The official Monty Python YouTube channel www.youtube.com/MontyPython

•

The Ministry of Silly Walks gets its own mobile game Download from iTunes or Google Play

•

The best Monty Python quotes www.quotesdaddy.com/author/ Monty+Python

•

Monty Python fan forum www.peoplearenotwearingenoughhats. com

•

Test your knowledge with the Monty Python quiz www.tiny.cc/pythonquiz

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People

Th e co as t ne ar

Ep p Have n

Paul’s pottery

The King Harry Ferry

My Secret Westcountry Paul Jackson Paul Jackson makes and fires his elegant modernist ceramics in a riverside studio next to a medieval bridge in Helland, North Cornwall. As chairman of the Cornwall Crafts Association, Paul knows everyone who’s doing amazing artistic stuff in the county – and, a thing or two about off-the-beaten-track beauty spots You can see Paul Jackson’s work at www.paul-jackson.co.uk.

Pub: In winter, I love the Blisland Inn on Bodmin Moor, because it’s so authentic. I also go to the St Mabyn Inn, whose new management have smartened it up, but not got so posh that it’s lost the locals. My wife Rosie and I were at a loss when they shut The Atlantic in New Polzeath, which has the most stunning view – we are hoping it will reopen some day.

Beach: I love Baby Bay near Polzeath, or Epp Haven between Lundy Bay and Port Quinn. At Epp Haven there are wild ponies grazing to the edge of the cliff. You do have to walk from the car but they’re more private, and great for swimming. I’m more of a swimmer than a surfer.

Event: I always enjoy the Rock Oyster Festival, which takes place this weekend at Dinham House near Wadebridge. It is such a great combination of entertainment and food. I think they’ve done a super job making it stylish and fun. We always see lots of our friends there.

Shop: If I were to say a clothing shop it would have to be a charity shop! I’m just not the dressy type, as you can probably tell from my picture.

Art: I can tell you a great place to buy local paintings and crafts though – Trelissick Gallery (Feock, near Truro) has a wonderful range of work and it’s a very chic operation. The grounds are

[[ I love Baby Bay near Polzeath, or Epp Haven between Lundy Bay and Port Quinn. At Epp Haven there are wild ponies

lovely as well, so it’s a day out, especially if you take the King Harry Ferry across the water.

It beats the high street if you’re looking for a special present or just something for yourself.

Picnic: Just keep it simple champagne and crisps.

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09/07/2014 10:01:13

Your 7 day guide to what’s on the box

TV guide 13.07 - 19.07

ITV, 9pm

THURSDAY Britain’s Poshest Nannies Mary Poppins is the quintessential nanny, but she had to learn her trade somewhere, and it was probably Norland College in Bath. Take a peek behind the scenes at Bath’s virtuous childcare training college, now turning out elite nannies for the 21 century.

The college was founded in 1892 by Emily Ward, and has always had snob appeal. Today, these

graduates are sought-after by the rich and famous - including, most recently, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

It’s a college well-known for its rigorous rules, traditional uniform and clean white gloves - and at £13,000 a year, the pressure is on for its students to succeed.

Liz Hunt, Principal of Norland College today says, “I’m carrying forward a great history and tradition from 1892 that this one Victorian woman started, and we often have conversations about what she would think if she could see it now.”

We think she’d be fascinated - as are we.

UTOPIA This gripping if violent tale of comic book prophecy returns to our screens as a treat for fans and newcomers alike. The opener takes us back to the 1970s, to see how the events of the 2013 series developed. We watch as scientific genius Philip Carvel meets Network boss Milner at a secret forum.

BBC 1 and ITV, 7pm

SUNDAY The world cup final: It’s been the best World Cup in recent memory, with some wild card team successes and nail-biting finishes. This final will be a fierce battle – not just between two teams but two TV channels.

Channel 4, 10pm

MONDAY 31

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Sunday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

MATCH OF THE DAY LIVE 7pm, BBC1

Coverage of the final at the Estadio do Maracana in Rio de Janeiro where the successors to 2010 champions Spain are crowned.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 Sunday Morning Live (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S).

1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Alan Hansen: Player and Pundit (R,S,HD). 2.15 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 5.00 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.35 Regional News (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE GREATEST FOOTIE ADS EVER 10.45pm, ITV

Comedian Paddy McGuinness presents this one-off programme guiding viewers through 30 years of incredible, bizarre, spectacular and much-loved football commercials, basking in their humour, imagination, scale and blockbuster entertainment.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.20 Film: Tender Comrade (S) (1943). ●●● 8.00 Monty Don’s French Gardens (R,S,HD).

9.00 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 9.30 The Beechgrove Garden (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD).

12.00 Rick Stein’s Spain (R,S,HD). 1.00 Live Golf: The Women’s British Open (S,HD). 5.20 Natural World: The Bat Man of Mexico (R,S,HD).

COUNTRYFILE 6pm, BBC1

In Swansea, Ellie Harrison visits the site of the old Vetch Field football pitch and tells the story of Vernon Watkins, Dylan Thomas’s confidant, who was a talented poet in his own right.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S). 9.25 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). 10.20 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.20 ITV News and Weather (S).

11.30 Love Your Garden (S,HD). 12.25 Long Lost Family (R,S,HD). 1.30 Film: Columbo: Strange Bedfellows (S,HD) (1995). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk and Rod Steiger. ●● 3.30 Midsomer Murders (R,S). 5.30 Regional News (S). 5.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

CRICKET ON 5 7pm, Channel 5

England v India. Mark Nicholas presents highlights of the fifth day of the First Test of the five-match series from Trent Bridge in Nottingham. England triumphed when the sides met here in the Second Test of the 2011 series, securing a 319-run victory inside four days.

Channel 4

6.05 Ironman 2014 (S). 7.00 Cholmondeley Pageant of Power (S).

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

8.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S).

12.30 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.45 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.50 Film: St Trinian’s (S,HD) (2007). Comedy, starring Rupert Everett. ●●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access (R). 10.05 World’s Scariest Near Misses (R,S,HD).

10.55 Big Brother (R,S,HD). Daily round-up of highlights. 11.55 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.55 Film: See No Evil, Hear No Evil (S) (1989). Comedy, starring Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder. ●● 2.45 Film: Stand By Me (S) (1986). Coming-of-age drama, starring River Phoenix. ●●●●● 4.20 Film: Click (S,HD) (2006). Comedy, starring Adam Sandler. ●●

after

12

Criminals: Caught … 6.30pm

▼

6.40 Channel 4 News (S).

6.30 Criminals: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). 4/5. The use of CCTV to fight crime.

7.00 Match of the Day Live (S,HD).

See Choices Above.

7.20 Shall We Dance? (S) (2004). A bored lawyer signs up for dancing classes, but has to keep the new hobby a secret from his suspicious wife. Romantic comedy, with Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon and Jennifer Lopez. ●●

7.00 FIFA World Cup Live 2014 (S,HD). Coverage of the final at the Estadio do Maracana in Rio de Janeiro (Kick-off 8.00pm), where the successors to 2010 champions Spain are crowned.

In the event of extra-time and penalties, subsequent programmes are subject to change.

7.00 Titanic (S,HD) (1997). See Choices Above. ●●●●●

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

▼

Deal or No Deal, 3.45pm

6.00 Catchphrase (R,S,HD). 1/12.

Guessing game, hosted by Stephen Mulhern.

8.00 The Boy They Call Fish (R,S).

The story of a Vietnamese teenager who has a rare condition that gives him scaly, fish-like skin, and his unlikely friendship with the Essex grandmother devoted to helping him.

9.00 Big Brother (S,HD). 40/72.

Daily round-up of highlights, featuring the latest tasks, games, arguments, laughs, diary room visits and bedroom chit-chat. Narrated by Marcus Bentley.

▼

9.00 The Night Watch (R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

11

Catchphrase, 6pm

6.20 Flog It! (S,HD). 12/75. David Barby and David Fletcher value heirlooms at Truro Cathedral.

10.30 Regional News (S,HD).

10.55 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD).

6/6. With Greg Davies, Hal Cruttenden and Simon Evans.

10.30 Mock the Week (R,S,HD). 5/14.

With Josh Widdicombe, Gary Delaney and Tiffany Stevenson.

10.30 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

10.45 The Greatest Footie Ads Ever (R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

▼

10

Flog It!, 6.20pm

6.00 Countryfile (S,HD). See Choices Above.

11.25 Man of the Year (S) (2006).

See Choices Above. ●●●

11.00 QI XL (R,S,HD). 12/16. Extended edition. With Victoria Coren Mitchell, Sue Perkins and the Rev Richard Coles.

11.45 Golf: Scottish Open (S,HD).

Action from the fourth and final round at Royal Aberdeen.

11.45 The Cube (R,S,HD). 5/9. A student and a Geordie mother take part.

▼

6 7 8 9

Songs of Praise, 5pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

1.15 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

1.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.45 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). John Craven visits the Peak District set of BBC drama The Village. 1.45 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). 2.45 Match of the Day: FIFA World Cup Replay (S,HD). Another chance to see the final at the Estadio do Maracana in Rio de Janeiro. 4.30 This Is BBC Two (S).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.40 The Store. Home shopping. 2.55 Motorsport UK (S,HD). Highlights from Oulton Park. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD).

Text-based information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Competition in which homeowners rate one another’s properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

Sunday 13

Television Guide

10.45 The Running Man (S,HD) (1987). A convict takes part in a brutal TV game show in which he is hunted by a series of gadget-wielding killers. Sci-fi action adventure, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Richard Dawson. ●●●

10.00 Webcam Girls: At Your Service (R,S,HD). Women who work in the online adult entertainment industry.

10.50 Step Brothers (S,HD) (2008).

Two 40-year-old men who have never left the family home are forced to share a room when their single parents marry each other. Comedy, starring Will Ferrell and John C Reilly. ●●●

12.40 The Million Pound Drop (R,S).

Stephen and Chris from Gogglebox play for charity. 1.35 Film: A Prophet (HD) (2009).

French prison drama, starring Tahar Rahim. ●●●● 4.05 Home Road Movies (R,S).

4.20 River Cottage Veg Heroes (R,S,HD).

4.50 Beat My Build (R,S,HD). Two crews compete to renovate flats for profit. 5.45 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.45 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours (S).

1.15 SuperCasino. 3.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

In your newspaper today Our exciting new WMN on Sunday is set to be part of your Westcountry weekend from here on in. Packed with news, opinions and features, it’s a great read for everyone who cares about the South West and the wonderful lifestyle on offer here. Look out, too, for your colour supplement West magazine, free every Sunday with the newspaper.

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FUTURAMA 8.30pm, Sky1

Bender spots a fox-hunting uniform during a shopping trip, and decides he likes it so much he signs up for the next hunt - much to Leela’s disapproval. However, while he has no scruples about slaughtering an innocent furry creature, he is furious to discover the prey is actually robotic.

One-off drama following the love affairs of four Londoners throughout three periods of the 1940s. Anna Maxwell Martin, Claire Foy, Jodie Whittaker and Harry Treadaway star.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).

6.45 Emmerdale (R,S,HD).

Omnibus. 10.05 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). Omnibus. 1.00 America’s Got Talent (S,HD).

3.40 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 4.10 Film: Beethoven’s 2nd (S,HD) (1993).

Comedy sequel, starring Charles Grodin. ●●●

E4

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.20 Charmed (R,S). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). Part one of two. The police suspect Susan and Felicia were poisoning Paul.

8.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.

12.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (S,HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Boyhood Special (S). 9.30 Transformers: Age of Extinction Special (S).

10.00 WWE Superstars (R,HD).

11.00 WWE: Experience. 12.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 1.00 Jersey Boys Special (R,S,HD). 1.30 Futurama (R,S). 2.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

FILM PICKS

THE NIGHT WATCH 9pm, BBC2

TITANIC 7pm, Channel 4

A society girl falls in love with a penniless artist during the liner’s ill-fated voyage.

Rromantic drama, starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.

GOLD

6.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 7.45 Bewitched. 8.45 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. A quirky review of Marbella Belles. 9.15 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

11.45 The Two Ronnies Spectacle (S). The double act’s musical numbers and serial sketches. 12.50 Steptoe and Son (S). 2.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 4.40 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S). 7.00 Premiership Years (S). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD).

10.00 World Cup Verdict (HD).

10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (S,HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD).

1.30 Hockey World Cup (HD). 2.30 Live Hockey (HD). The concluding day of the London Cup.

Jurassic Park III, 6pm

Hairspray, 8pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

Calendar Girls, 7.45pm

6.00 Jurassic Park III (S,HD) (2001). Action adventure sequel, starring Sam Neill. ●●●

6.00 The 100 (R,S,HD). 1/13.

Post-apocalyptic drama set 97 years after nuclear Armageddon decimated Earth.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

20/22. Lisa tries to become a dancer.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

4/22.

6.10 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 4/6. The Resistance steal a plane.

7.45 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (S,HD) (2005). An FBI public relations officer defies orders and goes back undercover to find her kidnapped friends.

Comedy sequel, starring Sandra Bullock, Regina King and William Shatner. Including FYI Daily. ●●

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 23/24.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24. Leonard is offered a job opportunity.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

3/22. Homer goes back to college.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

3/22. Blood-curdling tales of terror.

7.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the Netherlands team from 1974.

8.00 Hairspray (S,HD) (2007). An overweight teenager dreams of appearing on a TV dance show, while fighting racism in her town. Musical comedy, starring Nikki Blonsky, John Travolta and Michelle Pfeiffer. ●●●●

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6/22. A miracle tree appears in the Simpsons’ garden.

8.30 Futurama (S,HD). 12/13.

See Choices Above.

7.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

11/13. A quirky review of Marbella Belles.

7.45 Calendar Girls (2003).

Members of a Yorkshire branch of the Women’s Institute cause controversy when they pose nude for a charity calendar. Fact-based comedy drama, with Helen Mirren and Julie Walters. ●●●●

9.55 The Two Ronnies Spectacle (S). 3/3. The three-part documentary concludes with a look at the duo’s musical numbers and the ongoing serial sketches that became a hallmark of the series.

9.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

Former Manchester United players recall their time with the club under Tommy Docherty in the 1976/77 season.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.15 The Big Bang Theory (S,HD). 7/12. Reality (R,S,HD). 1/17. Pilot programme following a episode of the comedy, group of people in starring Jim Parsons.

Essex.

10.45 The Big Bang Theory 10.50 The Matrix (R,S,HD). 2/17. Sheldon Revolutions (S,HD) tries to do Penny a (2003). Freedom fighters favour by tidying her Neo and Trinity battle to room. bring the conflict between man and machine to an end.

11.20 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). A Conclusion of the sci-fi countdown of 50 online trilogy, starring Keanu video pranks with Alex Reeves and Carrie-Anne Zane.

Moss. Including FYI Daily. ●●●

RADIO

1.20 TV OD (R,S,HD). A humorous look at the most talked about shows on TV. 1.45 You’ve Been Framed and Famous! (R,S). A selection of celebrity lookalike clips. 2.35 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). Candid moments captured on camera. 3.00 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

12.25 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 12.50 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1.25 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.50 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 2.15 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).

2.45 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.10 The Ricky Gervais Show 3.35 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 5.00am Seani B. 7.00 Dev. 10.00 Matt Edmondson. 1.00pm Huw Stephens. 4.00 The Official Chart with Jameela Jamil. 7.00 Dan & Phil.

9.00 The Surgery. 10.00 Annie Mac. Midnight BBC Introducing. 2.00 Monki. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 6.00am The Sunday Hour.

7.00 Clare Balding with Good Morning Sunday. 9.00 Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs. 11.00 Madeley on Sunday.

1.00pm Elaine Paige on Sunday. 3.00 Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s.

5.00 Paul O’Grady. 7.00 Sunday Night with Michael Ball. 9.00 Clare Teal.

11.00 Don Black. Midnight Janice Long. 2.00 Alex Lester.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

4/23. The team takes to the water when a deepsea diver is found dead and faces the task of breaking the news to the victim’s mother, who has Alzheimer’s.

Football’s Greatest, 10pm

8.00 Sporting Heroes: Phil Tufnell Interviews Tony Adams (S,HD). The cricket pundit talks to the former England footballer about his career.

MAN OF THE YEAR 11.25pm, BBC1

A talk-show host is elected president, but faces a moral dilemma when he learns his victory was caused by a computer error. Comedy, with Robin Williams.

BBC3

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A groom-to-be plans a traditional wedding for his Greek Cypriot fiancee.

8.00 Bastille & Sam Smith @ T (S).

Performances by Bastille and Sam Smith.

9.00 Tinie Tempah & Jake Bugg @ T (S).

Performances by Tinie Tempah and Jake Bugg.

10.00 Arctic Monkeys & Example @ T (S). Sets by Arctic Monkeys and Example.

11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.55 Family Guy (R,S).

12.15 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.40 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 2.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (R,S,HD). 3.00 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 Natural World (R,HD). How animals cope with mountain life in the Himalayas.

8.00 Ford’s Dagenham Dream (R).

9.00 A Century in Film: From Scotland with Love (R,HD).

Documentary exploring themes of love, loss, resistance, migration, work and play.

10.15 The Sky at Night (HD).

10.45 Everlasting Moments (HD) (2008). Premiere.

Fact-based period drama, starring Maria Heiskanen. ●●●●● 12.30 Britain’s Most Dangerous Songs: Listen to the Banned (R,HD).

1.30 More Dangerous Songs: And the Banned Played On (R,HD). 2.30 Ford’s Dagenham Dream (R). 3.30 Decisive Weapons (R).

One to watch

10.55 Extras (S). 1/6. Guest 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Football’s Greatest starring Orlando Bloom.

(R,S,HD). 1/24. Callen has (S,HD). The career of been suspended after Dennis Bergkamp. going rogue and killing 10.30 Football’s Greatest the Chameleon, leaving International Teams the team shaken and (S,HD). A profile of the divided, while Hetty is Brazil side that starred at adjusting to life in the 1982 FIFA World Cup retirement. in Spain.

11.00 Cop Squad (R,S,HD).

6/10. The work of police officers in Cambridgeshire.

11.35 Men Behaving Badly (S). 6/7. Tony feels depressed.

11.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). The career of Luis Figo.

11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). A profile of the France team from 1984.

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). Thames Valley Police participate in Slough’s largest-ever drug raid. 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S).

4.00 Braniac: Best of Science Abuse (R,S). 5.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S,HD).

12.15 The Young Ones (S). The students hold a party. 12.55 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Minnie Driver guest stars. 1.25 Extras (S).

Guest starring Orlando Bloom. 1.55 Men Behaving Badly (S). Tony feels depressed. 2.25 The Young Ones (S). The students hold a party.

3.00 Close

12.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 12.30 Football Gold (S). 12.45 Football Gold (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League Years (S). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams (S,HD). 4.30 Football Gold (S). 4.45 Football Gold 5.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Sunday Morning with Rob Cowan. Noon Private Passions. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert.

2.00 The Early Music Show. 3.00 Choral Evensong. 4.00 The Choir. 5.30 Words and Music. 6.45 Sunday Feature: How Did Scotland’s Artists Turn Nationalist? 7.30 Radio 3 Live in Concert. 10.00 Drama on 3. 11.40 BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra.

12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Bells on Sunday. 5.45 Four Thought.

6.00 News Headlines. 6.05 Something Understood. 6.35 On Your Farm. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 News. 7.07 Sunday

Papers. 7.10 Sunday. 7.55 Radio 4 Appeal. 7.57 Weather. 8.00 News. 8.07 Sunday Papers. 8.10 Sunday Worship.

8.48 A Point of View. 8.58 Tweet of the Day. 9.00 Broadcasting House. 10.00 (LW) The Archers. 10.00 (FM) The Archers. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.15 (FM) Desert Island Discs. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special.

12.04 (FM) I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue.

12.30 (FM) The Food Programme.

12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World This Weekend. 1.30 (FM) AL Kennedy: Holding Hands. 2.00 (FM) Gardeners’ Question Time. 2.45 (FM) The Listening Project. 3.00 (FM) Classic

Serial: The Great Scott. 4.00 (FM) Open Book. 4.30 (FM) Derek Walcott: A Fortunate Traveller. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day

by Day. 5.00 (FM) File on 4. 5.40 (FM) Profile. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News.

6.15 (FM) Pick of the Week. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 John Shuttleworth’s Lounge Music. 7.45 Annika Stranded.

8.00 (LW) Feedback. 8.00 (FM) Feedback. 8.30 Last Word. 9.00 Face the Facts. 9.26 Radio 4 Appeal. 9.30 Analysis. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The Westminster Hour. 11.00 1914: Day by Day. 11.30 Something Understood.

Midnight News and Weather. 12.15

Thinking Allowed. 12.45 Bells on Sunday. 12.48 (LW) Shipping Forecast.

1.00 As BBC World Service.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live in Short.

6.00 Sunday Breakfast. 9.00 SportsWeek. 10.00 Pienaar’s Politics.

Noon 5 Live Sport. 6.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 7.00 World Cup: Brazil.

11.30 Stephen Nolan.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 Aled Jones. Noon Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. 3.00 Charlotte Green’s Culture Club. 5.00 The Classic FM Chart. 7.00 David Mellor.

9.00 Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Classical Music. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

THE WORLD CUP FINAL (Match of the Day Live, BBC One, 7pm, FIFA World Cup Live 2014, ITV, 7pm)

It’s a fierce battle, and one that will dominate the front pages of everyone’s newspaper in the morning. Who’s it between? Well, not the teams featuring in the World Cup final, but rather BBC v ITV. Both channels will be broadcasting the showpiece match, which takes place at the famous Estadio do Maracana in Rio de Janeiro and kicks off at 8pm.

The World Cup itself has been one of the best in recent memory. From the start, teams generally threw caution to the wind, opting to attack rather than sit back and defend, which led to some thrillingly open games.

The outcome of this game is too close to call - all we know for sure is that nobody from the British Isles will be lifting the trophy.

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Monday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

UTOPIA 10pm, Channel 4

New series. A scientific genius and the leader of The Network hatch a radical plan to save the human race. Tom Burke and Rose Leslie join the cast of the conspiracy thriller.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Animal SOS (S).

11.30 Operation Hospital Food with James Martin (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE SECRET LIFE OF YOUR CLOTHES 9pm, BBC2

The majority of unwanted clothes donated to Britain’s charity shops every year are exported to Africa, where a multimillion-pound industry has grown up around them.As part of the This World strand, Ade Adepitan follows the trail of the cast-offs to Ghana, meeting people who making a living from the discarded garments.

BBC2

6.10 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).

7.10 Brazil’s Soccer Cities (R,S,HD). 7.35 Match of the Day (S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: Call the Council (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: The Quest for Bannockburn (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Watchdog Test House (R,S). 10.35 Click (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Triathlon (S,HD). 3.00 Rowing World Cup (S,HD). 4.30 Coast (R,S).

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

RIO IN RIO 10.35pm, BBC1

Former England defender Rio Ferdinand gives a personal insight into the 2014 World Cup, as he travels around Rio de Janeiro to meet fans and locals, and makes his debut as a pundit.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S).

12.30 Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel (S,HD). New series. With guest Keith Lemon. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 The Speakmans (S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme. 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

BENEFITS BRITAIN: LIFE ON THE DOLE 9pm, Channel 5

The documentary examining the lives of individuals on the dole in the UK concludes with the stories of Roma people who moved to the UK and are now surviving on payments from the welfare state. Ion is from Romania and wants to make £40,000 from benefits to help him build a new house.

Channel 4

6.40 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.30 The King of Queens (R,S). 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 Four in a Bed (S,HD).

2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Beware! Cowboy Builders Abroad (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother (R,S,HD). Daily round-up of highlights. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Assumed Killer (S,HD) (2013). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

The Secret Life of Your … 9pm

Coronation Street, 7.30pm

Food Unwrapped, 8.30pm

Police Interceptors, 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

10/30. Tips on the best commemorative collectibles.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/22.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Grace tries to convince Trevor to give their love another go.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Mark gets the police to raid the Braxton home.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).

7.30 How Safe Is Your House?

(S,HD). Tracking down a gas fitter for carrying out work illegally. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 18/20. A luxurious black pudding sausage plait.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

4/6. Recipes for a large gathering of guests.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon asks Laurel to move their wedding day forward for Donna.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Super Skyscrapers: Shanghai Tower (S,HD). The creation and construction of China’s tallest building. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

John Bishop’s Australia, 9pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). The Carters worry about Lee changing his statement.

8.30 ISIS: Terror in Iraq – Panorama (S,HD). The threat caused by the new terror group.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD).

1/37. New series. The return of the student quiz.

8.30 Food & Drink (S,HD). 6/10. See Choices Above.

8.00 Countrywise (R,S,HD). 2/10.

Paul Heiney and Rachel de Thame explore central Scotland.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). The police ask Peter how his fingerprints came to be on the charm bracelet.

8.00 Faith Schools Undercover: No Clapping in Class – Channel 4 Dispatches (S). The role of faith communities in schools.

8.30 Food Unwrapped (S,HD). 1/6.

New series. Mozzarella, snails and Danish bacon.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). An officer gets lucky when a car thief crosses paths with him, there is a high-speed pursuit through Lincoln city centre, and a member of the public helps track down a drunk driver.

Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 John Bishop’s Australia (S,HD). 2/3. John Bishop continues his Aussie cycling trek, stopping off to try his hand at surfing and cattle herding, before visiting a rodeo – where he gets a little too close to the action.

9.00 The Secret Life of Your Clothes (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Long Lost Family (S,HD). 1/8.

New series. A woman hopes to be reunited with the son she gave up for adoption, while a nurse wants to meet her father for the first time. Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell present.

9.00 Royal Marines Commando School (S). 1/8. New series.

Behind the scenes at the Royal Marines’ Commando Training Centre in Devon. This edition follows 56 new recruits during their gruelling first two weeks at the facility.

9.00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (S,HD). 5/5. See Choices Above.

▼

11

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 1/18. With Sara Pascoe, Jack Whitehall and David Mitchell.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.40 You Cannot Be Serious!

(R,S,HD). 4/6. Sports-based comedy impressions and sketches, with Alistair McGowan.

10.00 Utopia (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

10.00 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day One (S,HD). 41/72. Marcus Bentley narrates a round-up of the highlights of the latest events as the housemates ruthlessly attempt to seize power, keep it and impose their will on the others.

▼

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S).

10.35 Rio in Rio (S,HD). See Choices Above.

11.25 Regional Programme (S,HD).

11.20 The Men Who Made Us Spend (R,S,HD). 1/3. The methods used to persuade people to buy consumer goods.

11.10 Ray Mears’ Close Encounters (R,S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two.

The survival expert learns about the Tasmanian devil.

11.10 The Secret Life of Students (R,S,HD). 2/4. The issue of longdistance relationships.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Rylan Clark discusses the nominations.

12.25 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.30 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: I Bought a Rainforest (R,S). Charlie Hamilton James embarks on a joint venture with Elias. Last in the series.

1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD). 4.00 Schools: Wonders of the Universe (R,S,HD). 5.00 Schools: 3, 2, 1 Go! – Key Stage 1 (R,S,HD).

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Four homeowners compete in Manchester. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.15 Embarrassing Bodies (R,S). A man who has been suffering from a rare penis problem for 10 years. 1.10 Britain’s Youngest Carers (R,S,HD). 2.05 The Secret Millions (R,S,HD). 3.00 Scandal (S,HD). 3.50 Revenge (S,HD). 4.35 River Cottage Veg Heroes (R,S,HD). 5.05 Beat My Build (R,S,HD).

12.00 Black Market Britain: Undercover Sting (R,S,HD). Paul Connolly investigates smugglers, forgers and con artists. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming.

3.10 Under the Dome (R,S,HD). Big Jim leads an armed assault on Ollie’s well. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

▼

after

12

Monday 14 Television Guide

In your newspaper today Read your Western Morning News every Monday for all the sport reports from the region’s top teams, plus insight into team tactics, performance and future matches. Whether you support Argyle or Albion, the Grecians or the Chiefs, this is the paper to read for all the Westcountry’s sporting news. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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Richard makes a serious error of judgement when he invites Leighton to a meeting with head office, and Andy is encouraged by Margaret and Katie to make a decision about his future. Meanwhile, Lisa, Neville and the rest of the shop assistants are told to up their game. Comedy, starring Chris Geere.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 Girlfri3nds (R,S,HD). 8.20 Dinner Date (R,S). 9.20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).

10.15 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.10 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD). 12.10 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.45 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.55 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Guest starring Lindsay Lohan. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer tackles a biker gang. 5.30 Futurama (R,S).

Fry and the gang take a doomed cruise.

FILM PICKS

TROLLIED 9pm, Sky1

FOOD & DRINK 8.30pm, BBC2

Michel Roux Jr is joined by Gregg Wallace to create a meal in which vegetables are the main focus and meat is just a garnish, and Kate Goodman selects white wines to suit the food.

ASSUMED KILLER 3.15pm, Channel 5

Premiere. A news reporter trying to prove a a series of recent murders were the work of a serial killer is involved in a car crash and loses her memory. She begins to suspect that her own husband may be the murderer, and tries to piece together the events of the crash that she has forgotten. Thriller, starring Barbie Castro.

GOLD 6.00 To the Manor Born (S). 6.30 Just a Minute. 7.00 Butterflies (S).

7.35 dinnerladies (S). 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days. 11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 To the Manor Born (S). 1.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 The Green Green Grass (S). 4.00 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 4.40 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD).

9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD).

10.00 The Monday View – World Cup Special (HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premiership Years (S). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD).

GoldenEye, 9pm

The 100, 9pm

Trollied, 9pm

dinnerladies, 8.50pm

Darts Gold, 9.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

24/30. Russell from Essex takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 11/13.

Fry enrols at Mars University.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

11/22.

6.00 Frankie Howerd: The Lost Tapes (S). Profile of the comedian.

6.00 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). The career of Bill Shankly.

6.30 World Cup Verdict (HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Camcorder calamities.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Equestrian antics and clumsy mums.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Maxine takes a tumble during an argument.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 19/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

11/21. Bart and Milhouse take over the comicbook shop.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

15/22.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4/8. Del is invited to a school reunion at the Nag’s Head.

7.00 Speedway Gold (HD).

Wolverhampton Wolves v Ipswich Witches from 2004.

7.15 Speedway Gold (HD).

7.30 Live Elite League

8.00 Totally You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Harry Hill narrates a comical selection of mishaps filmed by viewers.

8.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 5/24.

Nick inherits money from his late father.

8.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 4/22. Jake tries to get together with an attractive medical examiner.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 19/24. Claire tries to find a birthday present for Phil.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 20/24. Jay and Phil compete for the job of basketball coach.

8.50 dinnerladies (S). 6/10.

Twinkle and Stan spoil Petula’s Christmas plans.

9.00 The 100 (S,HD). 2/13.

Discovering that Jasper may still be alive, Clarke leads a rescue team to locate his friend – and is shocked at what they find.

9.00 Trollied (R,S,HD). 5/13.

See Choices Above.

9.30 Trollied (R,S,HD). 6/13.

Richard gets the staff to attend a performance workshop.

9.35 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 2/6. Patsy’s sister arrives.

9.30 Darts Gold (S,HD). Phil Taylor v John Part.

9.45 Darts Gold (S,HD). Phil Taylor v Raymond van Barneveld.

10.00 The Transporter (HD) (2002). An underworld courier ends up in a battle of wits with his powerful employers when he lets his conscience get the better of him. Action adventure, with Jason Statham. ●●●

10.15 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). 5/6. Tom throws a dinner party.

10.50 Extras (S). 2/6. With guest star David Bowie.

10.00 Darts (HD). A look ahead to the World Matchplay, which will take place at the Winter Gardens in Blackpool, where Phil Taylor took the honours last year.

11.45 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 22/24. Kensi and Deeks go undercover.

11.30 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 Time of Our Lives.

(S). 7/7. Deborah and Keith Deller’s 1983 World Dorothy take a weekend Professional Darts break.

Championship triumph.

12.45 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

1.40 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.35 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Children are kidnapped from their school bus. 3.35 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

12.10 The Young Ones (S). Mr Balowski becomes a mad axeman.

12.55 Absolutely Fabulous (S).

Patsy’s sister arrives. 1.25 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Linda’s old youth custody warden turns up.

1.55 Extras (S). 2.25 Big Train (S).

First episode of the comedy sketch show. 3.00 Close

9.00 GoldenEye (S,HD) (1995). See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.00 Friday the 13th (S,HD) (2009). A group of students and a man looking for his sister arrive at a disused campsite where a masked killer lurks.

Horror remake, starring Jared Padalecki. ●●● 11.40 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). 5/13. With team captains Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield.

RADIO

12.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.20 Dads (R,S,HD).

1.45 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). With Louis Smith, Kate Nash, Alex Brooker and Bobby Mair. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Bodyshockers: My Tattoo Hell (S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 2.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.20 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.40 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.25 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw.

10.00 Fearne Cotton. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 Radio 1’s Stories. 10.00 Phil Taggart. Midnight Rock Show with Daniel P Carter. 2.00 B.Traits. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Paul Jones. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Harold Bradley – The World’s Biggest Unknown Guitarist. 11.00 The Art of Artists. Midnight Janice Long. 2.00 Alex Lester.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.15 Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf. 7.15 Opera on 3. 10.45 The Essay: Homage to Caledonia. 11.00 Jazz on 3. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

9.00 Playing the Skyline. 9.30 World Agony. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Doing It

the Milton Keynes Way. 11.30 Bad Salsa. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 You and Yours. 12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 A Guide to Garden Wildlife. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Afternoon Drama: The Great Squanderland Roof. 3.00 Round Britain Quiz. 3.30 The Food Programme. 4.00 The Art of Home. 4.30 The Infinite Monkey Cage. 4.55 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast.

5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News.

6.30 I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue. 7.00 The Archers. Jill has some news 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Babycakes. By Armistead Maupin,

dramatised by Bryony Lavery 8.00 Who’s British Now? An insight into Asian attitudes to national identity 8.30 Analysis. Current affairs reports 9.00 Shared Planet. Challenges facing pronghorn and wildebeest migrations 9.30 Playing the Skyline. Musicians create pieces inspired by the UK’s skyline 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. By Fredrik Backman, abridged by Libby Spurrier 11.00 Short Cuts. Josie Long showcases short documentaries about exploration. Last in the series 11.30 Today in Parliament. Presented by Susan Hulme Midnight News and Weather.

Speedway (HD).

Leicester Lions v Eastbourne Eagles.

Coverage of the topflight meeting at the Jordan Road Surfacing Stadium.

12.00 Darts Gold (S,HD). 12.15 Darts Gold (S,HD). 12.30 Sporting Greats (S). 1.00 Darts (HD). 2.00 Time of Our Lives. 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football Gold (S,HD).

5.45 Football Gold (S).

12.30 Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 World Cup: Brazil 2014. 9.00 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan Cricket Show. 10.30 Phil Williams.

1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

GOLDENEYE 9pm, ITV2

James Bond heads for Russia to investigate the connection between the theft of an experimental helicopter and an orbital satellite weapon with the power to devastate entire cities. He discovers both have fallen into the hands of a mysterious criminal mastermind.

BBC3

7.00 Hotel of Mum and Dad (R,S,HD). A couple from Swansea sample life away from a doting mother. Last in the series.

8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A groom hopes to get married on the party island of Ibiza.

9.00 Slum Survivors (S,HD). Three trainee chefs work in Jakarta’s street-food stalls.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD).

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). 1.30 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (R,S,HD). 2.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 3.00 Slum Survivors (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 The Flying Archaeologist (R).

8.00 Wild Weather (R). The power of wind.

9.00 Chocolate Perfection with Michel Roux Jr (HD). The chef creates his own flavour of chocolate.

10.00 Edge of Darkness (R).

10.50 The Magic of Mushrooms (R,HD). Professor Richard Fortey explores the world of fungi.

11.50 The Story of Science – Power, Proof and Passion (R,HD).

12.50 Wild Weather (R).

1.50 The Flying Archaeologist (R). 2.20 Britain on Film: Road, Rail and Runways (R).

2.50 Chocolate Perfection with Michel Roux Jr (R).

One to watch

UTOPIA (Channel 4, 10pm)

If you didn’t see the first series of Utopia when it was aired in early 2013, then you really missed a treat.

It was a gripping tale told over six episodes, about a group of comic-book fans whose lives are thrown into turmoil after reading an unpublished graphic novel that is said to predict forthcoming devastating events.

This time, we’re getting another six episodes, but we trust creator/writer Dennis Kelly to come up with something spectacular, although it’s sure to leave us wanting more.

The first episode takes us back to the 1970s, to see how the events of the first series began and developed. It introduces us to Philip Carvel, a scientific genius who meets Milner, boss of shadowy organisation The Network, at a secret forum involving boffins from various walks of life.

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Tuesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

COAST 9pm, BBC2

Nick Crane and the team return to explore more locations on UK shores and far beyond, beginning by examining stories from both sides of the English Channel.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Animal SOS (S).

11.30 Street Patrol UK (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). From Lincolnshire Showground. 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

LOVE YOUR GARDEN 8pm, ITV

Alan Titchmarsh and the team are called to Runcorn, Cheshire, by Karan Waller, who wants to thank her family for all the support they have given her as she battles a brain tumour.

Her garden is the smallest the crew has ever tackled, so Alan is determined to make the best possible use of every inch of space.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.20 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.20 Animal SOS (R,S).

7.50 Animal Park (R,S). 8.20 Sign Zone: Call the Council (R,S). 9.05 Sign Zone: Hot Property: Business Boomers (R,S). 10.05 Sign Zone: Watchdog Test House (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD).

11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TV Gardening (R,S). 1.15 The Super League Show (S). 2.15 Golf: Scottish Open (S,HD). 4.15 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

NICK & MARGARET: TOO MANY IMMIGRANTS? 9pm, BBC1

UTOPIA 10pm, Channel 4

Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford explore the impact that immigrants are having on the UK by bringing both sides of the debate together.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel (S,HD). With Boyzone’s Keith Duffy. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 The Speakmans (S,HD). A woman suffering from severe OCD. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

In the present day, Jessica has been held captive by Milner, who has tortured her in an attempt to find out what adjustment Carvel made to Janus. As Ian and Grant desperately search for Becky, The Network plans ‘V Day’ – a strategy to vaccinate the world from Russian flu.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Celebrity Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S).

12.05 Celebrity Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 Four in a Bed (S,HD).

2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Beware! Cowboy Builders Abroad (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day One (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Escape from Polygamy (S,HD) (2013). ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds, 7pm

Love Your Garden, 8pm

Ramsay’s Kitchen … 12.05am

The Dog Rescuers … 8pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

11/30. The experts offer advice on small collectibles.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/22. Lisa is moved up a grade.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Maxine takes a tumble during an argument.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Kyle urges Phoebe to reconsider making her father leave town.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Dean’s behaviour makes Linda uncomfortable. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 19/20.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

5/6. Recipes for a weekday supper.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long episode. Bernice sees Andy kissing Katie, Priya discovers Jai already knows – and dislikes – Rakesh, and Ross is surprised to hear Donna’s true feelings.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! (R,S,HD). Paul Bohill and Steve Pinner are given the task of repossessing a house.

Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 40/52. Elliot faces the truth about his condition after freezing in theatre. Serena is forced to bring her mother in to work, and Digby tries to help Zosia get over Jesse.

8.00 Hive Alive (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

8.00 Love Your Garden (S,HD). 4/8.

See Choices Above.

8.00 Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (S). 2/5. In Essex, Kirstie Allsopp comes to the aid of a woman whose first-time flat purchase has proved a considerable financial drain, and a couple who need help furnishing their new home.

8.00 The Dog Rescuers with Alan Davies (S,HD). An elderly Staffie is involved in a fight with a pit bull. Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

9.00 Nick & Margaret: Too Many Immigrants? (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Coast (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 56 Up (R,S,HD). 1/3. Another chance to see the 2012 instalment of the landmark documentary series, featuring an update on a group of participants whose lives have been chronicled since 1964.

9.00 Undercover Boss (S). 1/6. New series. Brian Brick works undetected alongside his frontline staff at clothing retailer Moss Bros, discovering the consequences of his costcutting measures.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (S,HD). 7/22. See Choices Above.

▼

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 7.30pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

10.35 Summer’s Supermarket Secrets (R,S,HD). 1/4. Gregg Wallace finds out how supermarkets provide summer produce,.

10.00 The Sarah Millican Television Programme (R,S,HD). 1/6. With guests Chris Packham and Tracey Cox. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.40 Exposure: Don’t Take My Child (S,HD). An investigation into whether child protection following the 2007 death of Baby P is increasingly geared toward the permanent removal of youngsters through forced adoption.

10.00 Utopia (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

10.00 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Two (S,HD). 42/72.

Highlights of Monday’s action in the house, as the housemates continue their attempt to live harmoniously under the allseeing eye of Big Brother.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.35 John Bishop’s Australia (R,S,HD). 2/3. John Bishop tries surfing and goes cattle herding Down Under.

11.20 The Secret Life of Your Clothes (R,S,HD). Ade Adepitan examines what happens to the majority of clothes given to charity shops.

11.40 Tales from Northumberland with Robson Green (R,S,HD).

3/8. The actor follows the “Pilgrims’ Way” to Lindisfarne.

11.05 Royal Marines Commando School (R,S). 1/8. Behind the scenes at the Royal Marines’ Commando Training Centre in Devon.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). BB-related debates, features, insights and gossip.

12.40 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.45 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: A Cabbie Abroad: Cambodia (R,S). 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S).

4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD). 4.00 Schools – Coding: The Future Is Creative (R,S,HD). 4.25 Schools – Megabits (R,S,HD). 4.55 Schools – Cracking the Code (R,S,HD). 5.55 Schools – What Makes Me, Me: Why Should I Be Good? (R,S,HD).

12.10 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners in Leeds and Barnsley rate one another’s properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 1.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S).

1.25 Trans World Sport (R,S,HD). With Martin Kaymer and Neymar. 2.25 Ironman 2014 (R,S). 2.50 Ironman 2014 (R,S). 3.20 FIM World Superbike Championship (R,S). 3.45 Cholmondeley Pageant of Power (R,S). 4.10 River Cottage Veg (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 Wentworth Prison (R,S,HD). An incident at visiting time stirs up disturbing memories for Liz Birdsworth. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming.

3.10 The Hotel Inspector Returns (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

10 11

▼

after

12

Tuesday 15 Television Guide

In your newspaper today The Western Morning News on Tuesday is home to the superb Living Cornwall section, with news, features and events from all over this special county. Look out too for That Was the West That Was… a nostalgic round up of rare and historic South West photography from the archives. Visit www. westernmorningnews.co.uk for details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 Girlfri3nds (R,S,HD). 8.20 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

9.20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 10.15 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

11.10 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD). 12.10 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.45 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

5.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION 9pm, Channel 5

After torrential rain batters Las Vegas, Sara is called to a hospital to help identify a barely breathing man found in one of the city’s storm drains, and discovers a bomb in his bag. Meanwhile, Greg is accused of planting evidence to secure a murder conviction in an old case.

E4

Sky1

6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD).

10.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Graduation day arrives. 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Graduation day arrives.

4.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Maude Flanders is killed. 5.30 Futurama (R,S). Aliens threaten to destroy Earth.

FILM PICKS

HIVE ALIVE 8pm, BBC2

Naturalist and Springwatch presenter Chris Packham and beekeeping enthusiast Martha Kearney are joined

by Professor Adam Hart to explore the remarkable secrets of the lives and habits of bees.

THE PROPOSAL 8.15pm, BBC3

A Canadian publishing editor working in New York faces deportation to her own country. Desperate to stay in America, she offers her assistant a promotion if he will marry her, but an immigration official becomes suspicious and the pair are forced to go to desperate lengths to look like a happy couple. Romantic comedy, starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Mary Steenburgen, Craig T Nelson, Betty White, Denis O’Hare, Malin Akerman and Oscar Nunez.

GOLD 6.00 To the Manor Born (S). 6.30 Waiting for God (S). 7.00 As Time Goes By (S). 7.40 dinnerladies (S).

8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days. 11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.15 To the Manor Born (S). 1.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.05 The Green Green Grass (S). 5.00 Steptoe and Son (S).

5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD).

9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD).

1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD).

3.00 Premiership Years (S). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD).

Hell’s Kitchen USA, 9pm

New Girl, 9pm

An Idiot Abroad, 9pm

Porridge, 8.10pm

Football’s Greatest … 6pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

3/30. Londoner Midge chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 13/13.

Fry sets out to win a competition.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

12/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 6/12. Compo tries to find an old girlfriend.

6.00 Football’s Greatest Managers (S).

6.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 12/16.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 1/22. A clip of a singing cat.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Unlucky actors and deadly dancers.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Ste finds out about John Paul’s assault.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 21/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

12/21. With the voices of Venus and Serena Williams.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

11/22.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 5/8. Uncle Albert falls victim to muggers, so Del-Boy resolves to take the law into his own hands.

8.00 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (R,S,HD). 7/8.

Six would-be princesses are left in the competition, and five of them receive a nasty wake-up call.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 23/24.

Part one of two. Ted prepares for his new life in Chicago.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 21/24.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 22/24. Gloria plans a romantic getaway for Jay’s birthday.

8.10 Porridge (S). 7/8.

Christmas special from 1975. The inmates plan a Christmas escape.

7.00 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

The 1999 Showdown.

7.15 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

7.30 Live Greyhound Racing (HD). All the action from this evening’s Betfred Select Stakes at Nottingham Greyhound Stadium, where the six dogs selected by a press panel tackle the 500m track.

9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (S).

Gordon Ramsay challenges the 12 remaining chefs to impress guest judge Michael Cimarusti using a selection of surprise ingredients.

9.00 New Girl (S,HD). 6/24.

Jess decides to throw a Halloween party to reconnect with Cece.

9.30 The Mindy Project (S,HD). 6/22. Peter resists Mindy’s efforts to bond with him.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD). 2/8. Karl Pilkington boards the Trans-Siberian Express to China. During the journey, he is forced to fight Mongolian wrestlers and makes a detour to a village of dwarves.

9.05 dinnerladies (S). 7/10.

The crew prepares for the millennium dinner.

9.50 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 3/6. Patsy and Edina consider throwing an orgy.

RADIO

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw.

10.00 Fearne Cotton. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 The Review Show with Edith Bowman.

10.00 Phil Taggart and Alice Levine.

Midnight Punk Show with Mike Davies. 2.00 Nihal. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Jamie Cullum. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 David Rodigan. 11.00 They Write the Songs. Midnight Janice Long.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Homage to Caledonia. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today. 5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 The Life Scientific.

9.30 One to One. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week:

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Glasgow Girls (R,S,HD). 1.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). 2.00 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD).

3.00 Glasgow Girls (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 Pagans and Pilgrims: Britain’s Holiest Places (R,HD).

8.00 Jigs & Wigs: The Extreme World of Irish Dancing (R,HD).

8.30 Commonwealth on Film (HD).

9.00 Made in Dagenham (HD) (2010). Fact-based comedy drama, starring Sally Hawkins and Bob Hoskins. ●●●● 10.45 Ford’s Dagenham Dream (R). The changing fortunes of the car manufacturer.

11.45 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD).

12.45 A History of Britain

by Simon Schama (R).

1.45 Jigs & Wigs: The Extreme World of Irish Dancing (R,HD). 2.15 Commonwealth on Film (R,HD). 2.45 Hurricanes and Heatwaves: The Highs and Lows of British Weather (R).

9.30 Darts Gold (S,HD). Phil Taylor v Wayne Mardle.

9.45 Darts Gold (S,HD). Phil Taylor v Adrian Lewis.

10.00 Darts (HD). Action from the Gibraltar Darts Trophy, which saw 32 players compete at the Victoria Stadium.

11.00 Extras (S). 3/6. Guest 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 24: Live Another Day 11.40 Two and a Half Men 11.00 Sporting Heroes: Gary starring Daniel Radcliffe.

(R,S,HD). 11/24. Leonard (R,S,HD). 11/12. Time is (R,S,HD). 17/22. Charlie Newbon Interviews confronts a bully from running out as Jack leads 11.40 Men Behaving Badly and Chelsea have a onePhil Taylor (S,HD). The his past. a mission to locate the night stand.

(S). 1/6. Dorothy and presenter speaks to the target.

Gary decide to get darts great.

11.30 The Big Bang Theory married.

(R,S,HD). 12/24.

12.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 12.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 The 100 (R,S,HD). 2.00 First Dates (R,S,HD). 2.55 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.20 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 3.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.25 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S).

Memorable movie mishaps of 2011.

7.15 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A Bristol man organises a dream wedding for his fiancee.

8.15 The Proposal (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●● 10.00 Glasgow Girls (S,HD). Fact-based musical drama, starring Olivia Popica.

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Chris meets a puppeteer with a dark past.

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

Lois shows Meg how to have fun.

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). Roger tries to make Steve popular.

One to watch

10.30 Gimme Gimme 10.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10/22.

10.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (S). 10.00 First Dates (R,S,HD).

Gimme (S). 1/6. Linda’s The McKinley students The teams recreate 6/8. Ross returns to the old youth custody make plans for a dishes from Gordon restaurant with more warden turns up. dramatic goodbye as Ramsay’s gastropub jokes following his graduation day menu. disappointing date with approaches, while things Regan, and glamorous 10.55 Celebrity Juice go from bad to worse Rachel talks to old (R,S,HD). 6/13. With for feuding friends romantic Alan about her guests Craig Revel Rachel and Santana. experiences of living Horwood and Chris with OCD. Ramsey.

12.10 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). Charlie hooks up with Chelsea’s best friend. 12.35 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (R,S). With guest judge Michael Cimarusti. 1.50 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.15 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

BBC3

12.20 The Young Ones (S). Neil is forced to join the police. 1.00 Big Train (S). First episode of the comedy sketch show. 1.30 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Patsy and Edina consider throwing an orgy. 2.00 Extras (S). 2.30 Men Behaving Badly (S). 3.00 Close

Last Man Off. 10.00 Woman’s Hour.

11.00 Shared Planet. 11.30 Karaoke As Art? Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Call You and Yours. PHONE: 0370 010 0444 (Lines open from 10am) email: youandyours@ bbc.co.uk 12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. Presented by Martha Kearney 1.45 A Guide to Garden Wildlife. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Afternoon Drama: Come to Grief. By Hannah Vincent 3.00 Making History.

With Tom Holland, Helen Castor and Fiona Watson 3.30 The Human Zoo. 4.00 Word of Mouth. 4.30 A Good Read. 4.55 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 PM. Presented by Carolyn Quinn 5.54 (LW)

Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Life: An Idiot’s Guide. 7.00 The Archers. Ian is unhappy 7.15 Front Row. John Wilson presents 7.45 Babycakes. By Armistead Maupin 8.00 File on 4. Treatments for children with cancer. Last in the series 8.40 In Touch. Presented by Peter White 9.00 Inside Health. Dr Mark Porter separates medical fact from fiction 9.30 The Life Scientific. Jim Al-Khalili talks to Jeremy Farrar 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight.

News round-up 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. By Fredrik Backman, abridged by Libby Spurier 11.00 The Infinite Monkey Cage.

12.00 Speedway Gold (HD). 12.15 Speedway Gold (HD). 12.30 Sporting Greats (S). 1.00 Darts (HD). 2.00 Sporting Heroes: Gary Newbon Interviews Phil Taylor (S,HD). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

5.15 Football Gold (S).

Discussing whether humans are truly unique 11.30 Today in Parliament.

Political news, presented by Sean Curran Midnight News and Weather.

12.30 Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 12.48 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money.

6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 5 Live Sport. 10.30 Phil Williams.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive.

8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

COAST (BBC2, 9pm)

Following their recent Australian version, now the Coast team are back for a fresh run. They will be exploring more dramatic areas, telling stories, investigating notable landmarks and exploring mysteries that have played an important role in the coastal regions’ development.

In this first episode, the Coast crew explores the English Channel, beginning as Nick Crane experiences the secret life of Mont St Michel, a rocky outcrop which attracts over a million tourists a year.

Mark Horton reveals how French mapmakers accidentally gave birth to Britain’s Ordnance Survey some two centuries ago.

And a few weeks after the world remembered the fallen, the team discover a poignant memorial to those who lost their lives during the D-Day campaign seven decades ago.

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Wednesday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

THE MIMIC 10pm, Channel 4

New series. Return of the comedy about a talented impressionist who’s stuck in a rut.

Martin hires Neil as his agent, but his first gig is not what he had been hoping for.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Animal SOS (S).

11.30 Street Patrol UK (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). From Leominster, Herefordshire. 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

NICK & MARGARET: TOO MANY IMMIGRANTS? 9pm, BBC1

Conclusion of the two-part experiment, presented by Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford. The UK-born citizens challenge their immigrant pairings about their impact on the NHS and schooling, before deciding whether they are a ‘gain or drain’ for Britain.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.15 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.15 Animal SOS (R,S). 7.45 Animal Park (R,S). 8.15 Sign Zone (R,S). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD).

11.30 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 The A to Z of TV Gardening (R,S). 1.10 Film: North West Frontier (S,HD) (1959). Action adventure, starring Lauren Bacall and Kenneth More. ●●●● 3.15 Coast (R,S,HD).

4.15 Frozen Planet (R,S,HD). 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow (R,S,HD).

OPERATION CLOUD LAB: SECRETS OF THE SKIES 8pm, BBC2

A team takes to the skies in an airship to investigate the Earth’s atmosphere, beginning with an exploration of how clouds capture and store water.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel (S,HD). With actress Michelle Collins. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 The Speakmans (S,HD). A young woman who keeps pulling her hair out. 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

ALL STAR MR & MRS 8pm, ITV

Liam Fox and Nicole Barber-Lane, Vanessa Feltz and Ben Ofoedu, and Danny Jones and Georgia Horsley find out how much they know about their other halves by answering a series of questions. The pair who give the most correct answers receive the chance to win £30,000 for their chosen charity.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Beware! Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).

12.15 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Two (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Little Girl Lost: The Delimar Vera Story (S) (2008). Fact-based drama, starring Judy Reyes. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD).

5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Mary Berry Cooks, 7.30pm

All Star Mr & Mrs, 8pm

This Old Thing: The Vintage … 8pm

Big Brother’s Bit on the Side, 11pm

▼

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan.

6.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets (S,HD).

12/30. Advice on maritime collectibles.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/22.

Marge gets breast implants.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Ste finds out about John Paul’s assault.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Tamara leaves Summer Bay. 6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the live magazine show featuring topical reports from around the UK. Followed by Regional News.

7.00 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds (S,HD). 20/20. Last in the series.

7.30 Mary Berry Cooks (R,S,HD).

6/6. Recipes for a summer lunch. Last in the series.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Ross hires Adam as his getaway driver.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Andrea’s double life threatens to unravel.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Ultimate Police Interceptors (R,S). Highlights of the documentary following the work of pursuit teams in Sheffield and Essex. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

Pointless, 5.15pm

8.00 Talk to the Animals (S,HD).

1/2. Zoologist Lucy Cooke embarks on a two-part exploration into the way animals communicate, focusing on how they interact in their own social groups and attract mates. Concludes tomorrow.

8.00 Operation Cloud Lab: Secrets of the Skies (S,HD).

1/2. See Choices Above.

8.00 All Star Mr & Mrs (S,HD). 5/8.

See Choices Above.

8.00 This Old Thing: The Vintage Clothes Show (S,HD). 4/6.

Dawn O’Porter meets Alice from Brighton, who likes comfortable and casual clothes and is convinced vintage fashion is not for her.

8.00 Angry Brits: Caught on Camera (S). A self-confessed “angry white van man” consults an anger-management specialist. Last in the series.

Followed by 5 News at 9.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Nick & Margaret: Too Many Immigrants? (S,HD). 2/2. See Choices Above..

9.00 The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Testing Britain’s Worst Drivers: Crash Course (S,HD).

Two of the nation’s worst motorists come face to face with the consequences of their dangerous driving in a crashtest experiment. Jamie Theakston narrates.

9.00 One Born Every Minute (S,HD). 6/10. A father-to-be looks forward to creating a loving family with his partner, an expectant mother decides on a home birth and a couple prepare for the arrival of their sixth child.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector Returns (S,HD). 4/4. See Choices Above.

10.00 The Mimic (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

10.30 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (R,S,HD). Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show’s version of the famous quiz, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined

by Kevin Bridges and James Corden.

10.00 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Three (S,HD). 43/72. The pick of the previous day’s highlights, including the start of another two-day shopping task to determine how well the housemates will eat for the coming week.

11.35 The IT Crowd (R,S). 4/6. Jen’s dinner party preparations do not go as planned.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Emma Willis and her guests discuss how the housemates are getting on.

12.00 Music on 4: Superstar DJs: With Annie Mac (S,HD). 12.25 Heston’s Great British Food (R,S,HD). 1.20 Film: Alfie (S,HD) (1966). Comedy drama, starring Michael Caine. ●●●● 3.15 Revenge (S,HD). 3.55 River Cottage Veg (R,S,HD).

4.50 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.05 OAPs Behaving Badly (R,S,HD). British expat pensioners living the high life in Tenerife. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). A London flat with a supernatural presence. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). Highlights of the series. 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

▼

11

10.00 Backchat with Jack Whitehall and His Dad (S,HD).

1/6. New series. Comedy chat show, with guests Jeremy Paxman and Danny Dyer.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

▼

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

10.35 A Question of Sport: Super Saturday (R,S,HD). 4/5. With Rebecca Adlington, Anton Du Beke, Gethin Jones and Louise Minchin.

11.15 Surrogates (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●●

11.20 Golf: The Open Preview (S,HD). A look ahead to the tournament at the Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake.

11.50 Hot Property: Business Boomers (R,S,HD). 4/4. Last in the series.

12.40 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

12.45 BBC News (S,HD).

12.50 Sign Zone: A Very British Airline (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Birth of Empire: The East India Company (R,S,HD). 4.55 Schools – Deadly Dilemmas: Mission Madagascar (R,S,HD). 5.25 Schools – What Makes Me, Me (R,S,HD). 5.45 Schools – My Kite Is Flying (R,S,HD).

▼

after

12

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.40 American Pie (S,HD) (1999).

See Choices Above. ●●●●

12.25 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD). Homeowners in the London area rate one another’s properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

Wednesday 16 Television Guide

In your newspaper today Wednesday is farming day for The Western Morning News. Expect in-depth coverage of all the agricultural issues that matter. There’s also our usual everyday offering of insightful and up-to-date news and features from across the Westcountry and wider world. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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New series. Documentary following the work of more than 10,000 engineers and construction workers as they build Crossrail – a new train line linking east and west London.

ITV2 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

7.25 Girlfri3nds (R,S,HD). 8.20 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 10.15 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

11.10 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

12.10 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.15 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 5.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

Alex Polizzi returns to the White Hart in St Albans, Hertfordshire, a reputedly haunted 15th-century hotel run by husband-and-wife Ross and Jayne McBeath. Alex suggested that the proprietors drop the ghost tours and concentrate on the rich history of the building and surrounding area.

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Rachel enrols at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

Homer gets a new assistant. 5.30 Futurama (R,S). Bender flushes Nibbler down the toilet.

FILM PICKS

THE HOTEL INSPECTOR RETURNS 9pm, Channel 5

THE FIFTEEN BILLION POUND RAILWAY 9pm, BBC2

AMERICAN PIE 10.40pm, ITV

Four teenage boys make a pact to lose their virginity before the high-school prom, but cause embarrassment in the process. Comedy, starring Tara Reid.

GOLD 6.30 Waiting for God (S). 7.00 Butterflies (S). 7.40 Just a Minute. 8.20 Steptoe and Son (S).

9.00 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days. 11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 To the Manor Born (S). 1.00 Bewitched.

1.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.10 Porridge (S). 5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (HD).

9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 11.00 Premier League Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premier League Years (S). 5.00 Football Gold (S). 5.30 Football’s Greatest (HD).

Celebrity Juice, 10.50pm

The Golden Compass, 8pm

24: Live Another Day, 9pm

Gimme Gimme … 10.20pm

Darts, 8.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

28/30. Matt from Guildford chooses three blind dates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 13/24.

Leonard’s car is stolen.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 14/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 2/16.

Zapp Brannigan joins the team.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

13/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 8/12. The trio encounter a man with an inflatable doll.

6.00 Boots ’n’ All (HD).

Super League review.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S).

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Wedding-day disasters and perfect puppies.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Joe makes a brave admission to Freddie.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 22/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

13/21. Sideshow Bob hypnotises Bart.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

17/22. Bart sees into the future.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 6/8. Rodney and Albert worry the flat will get overcrowded once Raquel and Del’s baby arrives.

7.00 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

7.15 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

7.30 Sporting Heroes: Gary Newbon Interviews Phil Taylor (S,HD).

8.00 You’ve Been Framed: A-Z (R,S). Comedian Harry Hill narrates an alphabetical selection of camcorder calamities and viewers’ mobile phone footage.

8.00 The Golden Compass (S,HD) (2007). An orphan embarks on a perilous mission through a parallel universe to rescue her best friend. Fantasy adventure, starring Dakota Blue Richards, Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. ●●●

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 23/24.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 24/24. Claire’s plans for a family portrait do not go smoothly.

8.05 Steptoe and Son. Christmas special from 1974. Harold plans to spend Christmas abroad.

8.30 Darts (HD). A look ahead to the World Matchplay, which will take place at the Winter Gardens in Blackpool, where Phil Taylor took the honours last year.

9.00 24: Live Another Day (S,HD). 12/12. Jack concludes his battle to bring down a terrorist threat in London. Kiefer Sutherland, Mary Lynn Rajskub and Yvonne Strahovski star. Last in the series.

9.00 dinnerladies (S). 8/10.

Petula’s bizarre lifestyle catches up with her.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 4/6. Guest starring Naomi Campbell.

9.00 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (S,HD). 8/8. In the final episode, the winning lady is announced, but it remains to be seen whether she will want to know Matthew when he comes clean about his true identity.

10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.15 Rude Tube: WTF?!?

(S,HD). 8/12. Reality (R,S,HD). 2/6. Alex Zane programme following a presents 50 of the group of people in internet’s most Essex. extraordinary videos, from rodent 10.50 Celebrity Juice toothbrushes and a (R,S,HD). 7/13. With Swedish bear dance to Samantha Womack and an unusual method of Rita Simons (EastEnders’ unblocking a toilet.

Mitchell sisters).

10.20 Gimme Gimme 10.00 A League of Their Gimme (S). 2/6. Tom Own (R,S,HD). 2/10. gets his big break.

Radio 1 DJ Sara Cox and One Direction’s Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson and Niall Horan join host James Corden for the comedy sports quiz.

12.30 Dads (R,S,HD). 12.55 Hell’s Kitchen USA (R,S). The teams recreate dishes from Gordon Ramsay’s gastropub menu. 1.45 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

1.20 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).

2.25 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.45 Rude Tube: WTF?!?

(R,S,HD). Alex Zane presents 50 of the internet’s most extraordinary videos. 3.40 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.25 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

Susan discovers a new hobby.

12.20 The Young Ones (S). Rick finds a girl in his bed. 1.05 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Guest starring Naomi Campbell. 1.35 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Tom gets his big break. 2.05 Extras (S).

Guest starring Chris Martin and Ronnie Corbett. 2.35 Rex the Runt. 3.00 Close

RADIO

11.00 Extras (S). 4/6. Guest 11.00 Time of Our Lives (S). starring Chris Martin and Darts personalities Ronnie Corbett. reminisce.

11.40 Men Behaving Badly (S). 2/6. Gary’s wedding day arrives.

2.00 Alex Lester.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 3.30 Choral Evensong. 4.30 In Tune. 6.15 Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf. 7.15 Opera on 3: Strauss 150. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Homage to Caledonia. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 The Long View. 9.30 Publishing Lives.

9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Gone to Earth.

11.30 A Charles Paris Mystery: Corporate Bodies. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 You and Yours. 12.30 Face the Facts. 12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 1.45 A Guide to Garden Wildlife. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Afternoon Drama: Hatch, Match and Dispatch. 3.00 Money Box Live. 3.30 Inside Health. 4.00 Thinking Allowed. 4.30 The Media Show. 4.55 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 It’s a Fair Cop. 7.00 The Archers. Roy has got a

challenge for Elizabeth 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Babycakes. By Armistead Maupin, dramatised by Bryony Lavery 8.00 The Moral Maze.

Ethical issues 8.45 Four Thought. Philip North argues that the poor have been held back by the professional middle class 9.00 Into the Abyss. Part one of two. An exploration of the ocean’s deepest realm 9.30 The Long View.

Exploring current anxieties surrounding the teaching of history 9.59 Weather.

10.00 The World Tonight. News roundup 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 Before They Were Famous. 11.15 Tina C’s Global Depression Tour. 11.30 Today in

7.00 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD).

Makeover show, featuring a wannabe-Wag. 7.30 Snog, Marry, Avoid? (R,S,HD).

A man who applies fake tan to his back with a mop.

8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A care worker plans his wedding.

9.00 Shanghai Noon (S,HD) (2000).

Comedy Western, starring Jackie Chan. ●●● 10.45 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Meg offers to look after Joe. 11.10 Family Guy (R,S).

11.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

11.55 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.15 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra (R,S,HD). 1.00 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 1.30 Impractical Jokers (R,S,HD). 2.00 Glasgow Girls (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Homeless in Detroit (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 Pagans and Pilgrims: Britain’s Holiest Places (R,HD).

Why water has become an essential feature in many holy places.

8.00 Indian Hill Railways (R). The relationship between trains and people in the Himalayas.

9.00 Edward VII: Prince of Pleasure (R).

10.00 The Queen’s Castle (R). A tour of Windsor’s grounds with the Duke of Edinburgh. Last in the series.

11.00 Natural World (R,HD).

12.00 Wild Weather (R).

1.00 A Century in Film: From Scotland with Love (R,HD). 2.10 Parks and Recreation (R). 2.35 Parks and Recreation (R). 2.55 Edward VII: Prince of Pleasure (R).

One to watch

10.00 A Little Bit of Fry and Waddell (HD). Stephen Fry pays tribute to Sid Waddell, discussing their time together in the commentary box and interviewing Waddell’s son, Dan, and Phil Taylor.

11.20 Friday the 13th (S,HD) 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (2009). Horror remake, (R,S,HD). 2/24. A former starring Jared Padalecki. marine is killed during a ●●● drone strike on a terrorist target.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Fearne Cotton. 12.45pm Newsbeat.

1.00 Scott Mills. 3.30 The Official Chart Update. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 My Playlister. 10.00 Phil Taggart and Alice Levine. Midnight Huw Stephens. 2.00 Benji B. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 The Folk Show with Mark Radcliffe. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Kohli’s Caledonian Commonwealth. 11.00 Trevor Nelson’s Soul Show. Midnight Janice Long.

BBC3

9.30 Darts Gold (S,HD). Phil Taylor v James Wade.

9.45 Darts Gold (S,HD).

Michael van Gerwen v Raymond van Barneveld.

11.35 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 19/22. Jake’s new friend has a bad influence on him.

11.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 20/22.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

Four people are killed in an explosion at a diner. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S).

4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD).

5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

SURROGATES 11.15pm, BBC1

An FBI agent in a future where people only interact through robot doubles ventures into the real world to catch a killer. Sci-fi thriller, with Bruce Willis.

12.00 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

12.30 Sporting Greats (S). 1.00 A Little Bit of Fry and Waddell (HD). 2.00 Time of Our Lives (S).

3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).

5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.15 Football League Gold (S,HD).

Parliament. Presented by Susan Hulme Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 Victoria Derbyshire. Noon Shelagh Fogarty.

2.00 Richard Bacon. 4.00 5 Live Drive.

7.00 Golf – The Open: Preview. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Nick Bailey.

THE MIMIC (Channel 4, 10pm)

Does Terry Mynott have the best job in telly?

It’s very possible. You see, he’s managed to combine his two passions in life in the one programme - impersonations and acting - it’s not quite the usual nineto-five toil.

The first series of The Mimic, in which Mynott stars as Martin Hurdle, a maintenance man who’s got an uncanny ability to mimic voices, went down a treat last year, so it’s no surprise at all that it’s back for a second run.

This time around, Martin is struggling having ditched his job to become a professional mimic, however the job offers aren’t exactly rolling in.

Martin’s son, Steven, has also been acting as his agent, but struggling to get over the death of his mother, he decides to take himself off travelling. That leaves Martin in a bit of a predicament...

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Thursday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

BRITAIN’S POSHEST NANNIES 9pm, ITV

Documentary following second-year students at Norland College, a quintessentially British childcare training centre in Bath.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Animal SOS (S).

11.30 Street Patrol UK (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). From Anglesey in north Wales. 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

HORIZON: WHAT’S WRONG WITH OUR WEATHER? 8pm, BBC2

TALK TO THE ANIMALS 8pm, BBC1

Zoologist Lucy Cooke Physicist Helen Czerski and meteorologist John concludes her exploration Hammond investigate why the British weather into the way animals appears to have become more extreme and if it communicate, revealing has anything to do with climate change. They how they talk to friends examine the impact of the jet stream’s strange and enemies and what they behaviour. say to their neighbours.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). Properties in London, Northumberland and Dover. 7.00 Animal SOS (R,S). Inspector Clare Dew tries to save a sick kitten. 7.30 Sign Zone: Escape to the Continent (R,S). A Brighton couple hoping to move to the Abruzzo region of Italy. 8.30 Sign Zone: Gardeners’ World (R,S). 9.00 Golf: The Open Championship (S,HD). Live coverage from Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel (S,HD).

Afternoon chat show, hosted by Gino D’Acampo and Melanie Sykes. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 The Speakmans (S,HD).

3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

EMBARRASSING BODIES 9pm, Channel 4

Christian Jessen meets a patient with an extremely sore penis and a builder whose mystery allergy has left his skin weeping all over. Family man Alan, who was left paralysed from the waist down after a motorbike accident, visits Pixie McKenna to find out how it would feel to stand again.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Beware! Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Three (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD).

2.15 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: The Nightmare Nanny (S,HD) (2013). See Choives Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Priya decides whether to take the plunge with Rakesh.

7.30 Assisted Dying – For and Against: Tonight (S,HD).

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India. Mark Nicholas presents highlights of the opening day of the Second Test at Lord’s, as the five-match series continued.

Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Heath tells Bianca he thinks they should get a divorce.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

Gangs & Guns … 9pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/22. The family takes part in a reality TV show.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Joe makes a brave admission to Freddie.

▼

Embarrassing Bodies, 9pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Lee discovers Tina’s dodgy dealings in the cafe. Followed by Regional News.

8.00 Talk to the Animals (S,HD).

2/2. See Choices Above.

8.00 Horizon: What’s Wrong with Our Weather? (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). David is shocked to discover Priya’s plans.

8.30 Harbour Lives (S,HD). 1/8.

New series. Ben Fogle joins a former lawyer on an early morning hunt for lobsters.

8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (S,HD). 7/7. The architect completes the transformation of his back garden and meets a DIY perfectionist hoping to build the smallest-ever campervan.

Last in the series.

8.00 Black Market Britain: Undercover Sting (S,HD). Paul Connolly investigates the UK’s black market in tobacco and cigarettes. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Celebrity MasterChef (S,HD).

12/13. The four finalists prepare street food to celebrate the opening of the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park to the public and cook for a trio of leading restaurant critics.

9.00 The Honourable Woman (S,HD). 3/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Britain’s Poshest Nannies (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies (S). 3/7.

See Choices Above.

9.00 Gangs & Guns: Caught on Camera (S,HD). 1/8. Police officers use CCTV to monitor the activity of Soho’s 100,000 nightly visitors, while the air support unit is called in when an armed gang goes on the rampage through Lambeth.

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S).

10.35 The Great Big Romanian Invasion (S,HD). Tim Samuels follows Romanian immigrants who have moved to Britain.

10.00 Mock the Week (S,HD). 6/14.

With Ed Byrne, Milton Jones, Russell Kane and Zoe Lyons.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed

by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.40 Robbie Coltrane: B-Road Britain (R,S). 3/3. On the final leg of his road trip, the actor visits the Lake District and Northumbria, then continues on to Dumfries and Galloway, before reaching Glasgow. Last in the series.

10.00 The Secret Life of Students (S,HD). 3/4. Hassan tries to cope with his newly independent life away from home, Brenda faces cutting back on the shopping and Aiden misses the non-stop fun of freshers’ week.

10.00 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Four (S,HD). 44/72. Diaryroom confessionals, domestic dramas and off-kilter challenges, including the conclusion of this week’s shopping task.

▼

10 11

Emmerdale, 7pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

▼

6 7 8 9

The Great Big … 10.35pm

11.25 This Week (S). The past seven days in politics.

11.20 The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway (R,S,HD). 1/3.

Documentary about the construction of the Crossrail train line.

11.40 The Dentists (R,S,HD). Behind the scenes at the University Dental Hospital of Manchester.

11.05 Beauty Queen or Bust (S). 3/3.

Contestants compete to become Miss Fylde Coast. Last in the series.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Fans’ thoughts on the latest developments.

12.10 Holiday Weatherview (S). 12.15 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: ISIS: Terror in Iraq – Panorama (R,S). 12.50 Sign Zone: David Beckham into the Unknown (R,S). 2.20 This Is BBC Two (S). 3.55 BBC Learning Zone (R,S,HD).

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 Assisted Dying – For and Against: Tonight (R,S,HD). A panel discussion on end-of-life care. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 4.15 May the Best House Win (R,S,HD).

Homeowners in Blackpool rate one another’s properties. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

12.05 One Born Every Minute (R,S,HD).

1.00 The Auction House (R,S,HD). 1.55 This Old Thing: The Vintage Clothes Show (R,S,HD). 2.50 Born in the Wild: Elephant (R,S,HD). 3.45 Faith Schools Undercover: No Clapping in Class – Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S). 4.15 Food Unwrapped (R,S,HD). 4.40 River Cottage Veg 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 MH370: The Flight That Vanished (R,S,HD). The fate of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). A house that is making its inhabitants unhappy. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

▼

after

12

Thursday 17 Television Guide

In your newspaper today Serious about business? The Western Morning News includes an awardwinning business section in the paper on Thursdays, with insightful interviews and analysis of the region’s working world. Look out too for our usual array of news and features from across the South West and beyond. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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Mr Shue and the New Directions travel to Los Angeles to defend their title as national show choir champions, and hopes for success are high as they plan to dedicate their performance to Finn. However, they face stiff competition from the cutting-edge Throat Explosion and their enigmatic star Jean-Baptiste.

Nessa’s security adviser Nathaniel Bloom follows a lead as he hunts for Kasim’s kidnappers, while Ephra discovers the true identity of the abducted boy’s father.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 7.25 Girlfri3nds (R,S,HD). 8.20 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 10.15 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD). 11.10 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD). 12.10 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.45 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.15 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 5.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210 (R,S,HD). 7.10 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 7.55 Charmed (R,S). 8.55 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). The gang celebrates the songs of Britney Spears. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

Marge, Bart and Lisa taste success in the world of food blogging. 5.30 Futurama (R,S).

FILM PICKS

GLEE 9pm, Sky1

THE HONOURABLE WOMAN 9pm, BBC2

THE NIGHTMARE NANNY 3.15pm, Channel 5

A woman reluctantly hires a live-in nanny to look after her three-year-old daughter so she can return to work, but fears the child is growing closer to her minder than her mother. Her paranoia seems justified when the girl disappears without trace. Thriller, starring Ashley Scott and Mekenna Melvin.

GOLD 6.00 To the Manor Born (S). 6.30 Just a Minute. 7.00 As Time Goes By (S).

7.40 Ever Decreasing Circles (S).

8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 Bewitched. 9.30 I Dream of Jeannie.

10.00 Happy Days. 11.00 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 To the Manor Born (S). 1.00 Bewitched.

1.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.05 Steptoe and Son. 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD).

9.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 11.00 Premier League Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 2.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premier League Years (S,HD). 5.00 Football League Gold (HD). 5.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

Evan Almighty, 8pm

How I Met Your … 8.30pm

Glee, 9pm

One Foot in the … 8.10pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

22/30. Potential suitors woo a single man from London.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 16/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 4/16. A murderous Santa robot targets Fry and Leela.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

14/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 10/12. Compo finds he has a love rival.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Cute kittens and potty puppies.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Grace must decide whether she can forgive Trevor.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 1/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

14/21. With the voices of ’N Sync.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

18/22. Barney gives up alcohol.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 7/8. Part one of two.

Del and Rodney get the chance to leave Peckham behind for a holiday in the Florida sun.

8.00 Evan Almighty (S,HD) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●

8.00 Goodbye How I Met Your Mother (S).

8.30 How I Met Your Mother (S,HD). 24/24.

Part two of two. The gang reunites for Ted’s wedding. Last in the series.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 1/24. Phil agrees to sell the old station wagon.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2/24. Jay’s friends examine his approach to fatherhood.

8.10 One Foot in the Grave (S). 6/6. Victor falls victim to a hit-and-run driver.

7.00 Super League Superstars (HD). Weekly chat show featuring people from the world of rugby league.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Leeds Rhinos v Castleford Tigers (Kickoff 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage from Headingley.

9.00 2 Broke Girls (S,HD).

24/24. Caroline helps Max get a diploma. Last in the series.

9.30 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 5/6. The lads visit a Caravan Club meeting.

9.00 Glee (S,HD). 11/22. See Choices Above.

9.00 dinnerladies (S). 9/10. A new table-clearing system leaves Bren cold.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 5/6. Patsy moves in with Edina.

10.20 Gimme Gimme 10.15 Premier League 10.00 The IT Crowd (R,S). 5/6. 10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 1/10.

Gimme (S). 4/6. Linda Comedy drama, with Legends (S,HD). A Jen tries to escape Bill lands herself in hospital.

Ruth Jones.

Stella profile of Sol Campbell.

Crouse’s amorous decides to focus on work advances.

10.45 Darts Gold (S,HD). and family – although a Mervyn King v Michael 10.30 The IT Crowd (R,S). 6/6. handsome lawyer proves van Gerwen.

Moss and Roy display distracting. Aunty curious symptoms.

Brenda’s wayward daughter returns.

11.20 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 21/22. Alan and Jake go on a road trip.

11.45 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 22/22.

11.00 Extras (S). 5/6. With 11.05 New Girl (R,S,HD). 6/24. 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles guest star Ian McKellen.

Jess decides to throw a (R,S,HD). 4/24. A political Halloween party to campaign worker is 11.40 Men Behaving Badly reconnect with Cece. murdered.

(S). 3/6. Deborah gets passionate with Tony.

11.35 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 6/22.

11.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine.

12.10 Dads (R,S,HD). 12.40 Fake Reaction (R,S,HD). With guests Georgia May Foote, Jeff Brazier, Joe McElderry and Ben Shires. 1.20 Totally You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Comical clips, narrated by Harry Hill. 2.15 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 The Inbetweeners (R,S).

12.35 The IT Crowd (R,S). 1.10 The IT Crowd (R,S). 1.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).

2.15 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.40 Being Erica (R,S,HD). 3.25 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.05 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

12.00 Super League (HD). Leeds Rhinos v Castleford Tigers. 1.00 Ringside (HD). 2.00 Super League (HD). 3.00 Time of Our Lives. 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

5.00 Football League Gold (S,HD).

5.15 Football League Gold (S,HD).

5.30 Football League Gold (S,HD).

5.45 Football Gold (S,HD).

RADIO

10.00 TV OD (S,HD). 7/8. A humorous look at the most talked about shows on TV. 10.30 Celebrity Juice: X Factor Special (R,S,HD). 8/13.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw.

10.00 Fearne Cotton. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 Zane Lowe. 9.00 The Residency: SOHN. 10.00 Phil Taggart and Alice Levine. Midnight The Residency: James Blake. 2.00 Toddla T. 4.00 Gemma Cairney.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Chris Evans. 9.30 Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Bob Harris Country. 8.00 Jo Whiley.

10.00 Step Inside the Musical World of Cilla Black. 11.00 Nigel Ogden: The Organist Entertains. 11.30 Listen to the

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

Part one of two. Deeks and Kensi go undercover at a dog show. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

Band. Midnight Janice Long. 2.00 Alex Lester.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf. 7.30 Proms Preview. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 The Essay: Homage to Caledonia. 11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament.

12.20 The Young Ones (S). Neil falls ill. 1.05 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Patsy moves in with Edina. 1.35 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Linda lands herself in hospital. 2.05 Extras (S). With guest star Ian McKellen. 2.35 Rex the Runt. 2.45 Rex the Runt. 3.00 Close

9.00 Inside the Ethics Committee. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.00 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. 11.30 (FM) With Great Pleasure. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) You and Yours. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) A Guide to Garden Wildlife. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Afternoon Drama: Strangers in the Night. 3.00 (FM) Open Country. 3.27 (FM) Radio 4 Appeal.

3.30 (FM) Open Book. 4.00 (FM) The

Film Programme. 4.30 (FM) Inside Science. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special.

5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) Ed Reardon’s Week. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Babycakes.

8.00 The Report. Current affairs 8.30 The Bottom Line. A discussion on product recalls 9.00 Inside Science.

Presented by Adam Rutherford 9.30 Zeitgeisters. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. Presented by Philippa Thomas 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 Don’t Make Me Laugh. New series. Comedy panel show,

EVAN ALMIGHTY 8pm, ITV2

Politician Evan Baxter is recruited by God for a special mission. A great flood is coming, and like Noah before him, Evan has to build an ark to protect the wildlife of the world from the impending cataclysm.

Comedy sequel to Bruce Almighty, starring Steve Carell and Morgan Freeman.

BBC3

7.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). With Slash and Kimi Raikkonen.

8.00 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). Three trainee chefs work in Jakarta’s street-food stalls.

9.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Kids in the Crossfire (S,HD).

Investigating youth killings in Chicago. Last in the series.

10.00 Bad Education (R,S,HD). The school holds a swimming gala.

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

11.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.10 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.30 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Kids in the Crossfire (R,S,HD).

1.30 Bad Education (R,S,HD). 2.00 Slum Survivors (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Kids in the Crossfire (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 The Sky at Night (R,HD).

8.00 Chocolate Perfection with Michel Roux Jr (R,HD). The chef creates his own flavour of chocolate.

9.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama (R). Catholicism in England during the Reformation.

10.00 Rise of the Continents (R,HD). The formation of Eurasia, which consists of Europe and Asia. Last in the series.

11.00 Genghis Khan (R). Profile of the Asian conqueror.

12.00 Chocolate Perfection with Michel Roux Jr (R,HD). 1.00 The Sky at Night (R,HD). 1.30 Rise of the Continents (R,HD). 2.30 A History of Britain by Simon Schama (R).

One to watch

BRITAIN’S POSHEST NANNIES (ITV, 9pm)

hosted by David Baddiel 11.30 Today in Parliament. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 12.48 Shipping Forecast.

1.00 As BBC World Service.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 9.00 Golf – The Open.

4.00pm Golf – The Open. 7.30 5 Live Sport. 8.00 5 Live Sport: Get Set Glasgow. 9.00 5 Live Formula 1. 10.00 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Lucy Coward.

She has enchanted many a child over the decades with her whimsical tales and far-fetched habits, but Mary Poppins is just a fictional character.

Or is she?

You will have to make up your own mind because the ladies we’re about to spend an hour in the company of here are about as close we’re going to get to the practically perfect nanny.

This one-off programme checks in at Norland College, Bath’s quintessentially British 120-year-old childcare training college which purports to turn its pupils into elite 21st-century Mary Poppinsesque nannies.

We follow the second-years, including 19-year-old Laura Styles, who has always wanted to be a Norland nanny, in their quest for the ultimate childcare perfection.

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Friday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

FIRST NIGHT OF THE PROMS 8pm, BBC2

The festival gets under way at London’s Royal Albert Hall as Katie Derham introduces a performance of Elgar’s biblical oratorio The Kingdom.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Heir Hunters (R,S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Animal SOS (S).

11.30 Street Patrol UK (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). From London’s Portobello Road. 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 Wanted Down Under (R,S,HD). 4.30 Flog It! (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER 10pm, Channel 4

Dad has bought a piano, and the world’s most sarcastic piano tuner (Liam O’Carroll) comes round to get the instrument into tip-top condition. Meanwhile, the Goodmans spot Aunty Val (Tracy-Ann Oberman) having an affair. What should they do about it? Comedy, starring Simon Bird and Tamsin Greig.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD).

Properties in the Midlands and the North East. 7.00 Animal SOS (R,S). A cat is injured by its own collar. 7.30 Sign Zone: The Great British Sewing Bee Final (R,S). The three finalists take on their last set of challenges. Last in the series. 8.30 Sign Zone: First Time on the Front Line (R,S).

9.00 Golf: The Open Championship (S,HD). Live coverage from Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake.

THE VILLAGE THAT’S FALLING INTO THE SEA 7.30pm, BBC1

David Whiteley follows the residents of the Norfolk seaside resort of Hemsby, which lost three homes to last December’s tidal storm, as they campaign to build coastal defences.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Let’s Do Lunch with Gino & Mel (S,HD). Afternoon chat show, hosted by Gino D’Acampo and Melanie Sykes. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 The Speakmans (S,HD). 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

BIG BROTHER: LIVE EVICTION 9pm, Channel 5

The housemates gather on the sofas once more as Emma Willis hosts the latest eviction, revealing which of this week’s nominees the public have voted out, then chatting to them about their time on the show, who they think voted for them and why they feel it was their time to go.

Channel 4

6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 7.35 The King of Queens (R,S). 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 11.00 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S). 1.40 Four in a Bed (S,HD).

2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 Ultimate Dealer (S,HD).

5.00 Couples Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Beware! Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).

12.15 Big Brother: Armageddon – Day Four (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Burden of Evil (S,HD) (2012).

Premiere. Thriller, starring Natalie Zea. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

Doc Martin, 9pm

The Million Pound Drop, 8pm

Big Brother: Live Eviction, 9pm

▼

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/22.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Grace must decide whether she can forgive Trevor.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

Shots are fired through the window of Brax’s home.

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).

7.30 The Village That’s Falling Into the Sea (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Dan fears Daz may be a threat to his relationship.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Andrea tells Neil their marriage is over.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S).

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India. Mark Nicholas presents highlights of the second day of the Second Test at Lord’s, as the five-match series continued.

Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Patrick discovers a dark secret about Ian. 8.30 Celebrity MasterChef (S,HD).

13/13. The final sees the contestants preparing dishes for four masters of Italian cooking. Last in the series.

8.00 First Night of the Proms (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Cruise Ship (S,HD). 2/4.

Deputy Dan creates a new game show to outdo cruise director Sam. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Steve tells Lloyd that Andrea is married.

8.00 The Million Pound Drop (S).

2/8. Two singletons team up on a blind date for the quiz, trying to stop wads of cash falling through trapdoors by correctly answering a series of questions.

Davina McCall hosts.

8.00 On the Yorkshire Buses (S,HD). Staff in EYMS’s Hull control room struggle to cope when the air-conditioning unit breaks down during a heatwave. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.45 QI XL (R,S,HD). 11/16. Extended edition. With Janet StreetPorter, Sandi Toksvig and Johnny Vegas.

9.00 Doc Martin (R,S,HD). 2/8. The GP is left holding the baby after upsetting the new childminder, and hosts a disastrous dinner party with Louisa, while Ruth takes part in a radio phone-in programme.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (S,HD). 7/7. See Choices Above.

9.00 Big Brother: Live Eviction (S,HD). 45/72. See Choices Above.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).

10.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.40 The Kingdom (S,HD) (2007).

An FBI agent investigates the bombing of a US military facility in Saudi Arabia, but faces obstruction from local authorities. Thriller, starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner. ●●●

10.00 Friday Night Dinner (S,HD).

5/6. See Choices Above.

10.30 The Inbetweeners (R,S). 6/6.

Will organises the Christmas prom.

10.35 Big Brother’s Bit on the Side (HD). Rylan Clark and his guests discuss tonight’s eviction, debating whether the public made the right decision and chatting to the evictee.

11.05 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 1/8. A countdown of 50 internet video mash-ups.

11.35 Stand by Your Man (S,HD).

6/10. Four more contestants try to win the chance to date one of 40 women.

12.05 Film: What Happens in Vegas (S,HD) (2008). Romantic comedy, with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher. ●● 1.40 The Angelos Epithemiou Show (R,S,HD). 2.10 Derek (R,S,HD). 2.35 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 3.20 Revenge (S,HD). 4.00 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (S,HD). 4.15 River Cottage Veg (R,S,HD). 5.10 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.15 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 The Trial of Gillian Taylforth (R,S,HD). Dramatic reconstruction of the actress’s 1994 libel case against the Sun newspaper. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

4.20 HouseBusters (R,S). A family with erratic sleep patterns. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 House Doctor (R,S). 5.35 Great Artists (R,S).

▼

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.

10.35 New Tricks (R,S). 6/10. DCI Larson of the Met’s arts and antiques squad asks old flame Sandra to look into the murder of an antiques dealer, who was not quite as legitimate as everyone thought.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

▼

10 11

Golf: The Open Championship, 9am

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.

6.30 Regional Programme; Weather.

▼

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 8pm

11.35 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.

The Carters worry about Lee changing his statement.

11.00 Weather (S).

11.05 T in the Park 2014 (S,HD).

Highlights of last weekend’s festival.

1.35 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

1.40 BBC News (S,HD).

1.05 Sign Zone: Shopgirls: The True Story of Life Behind the Counter (R,S).

The role of female staff in British retail over the past 150 years. 2.05 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

▼

after

12

Friday 18

Television Guide

12.40 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).

The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

In your newspaper today Friday’s Western Morning News includes our insightful Westcountry Horses section, plus there’s extensive motoring coverage of road tests, news and more. Westcountry Live! is your essential round-up of the region’s forthcoming arts and culture events. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk for more details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

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EXTRAS 11pm, GOLD

Andy threatens to fire his long-time agent Darren unless he sets up a meeting with Robert De Niro (who makes a guest appearance), and Maggie is hurt when he starts to leave her behind in favour of spending more time with his new celebrity friend Jonathan Ross.

Jimmy Carr hosts the quiz, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by Bob Mortimer and Richard Osman. Matthew Crosby is in Dictionary Corner.

ITV2 7.25 Girlfri3nds (R,S,HD). 8.20 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 9.20 The Real Housewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD). 10.15 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

11.10 Big Rich Texas (R,S,HD).

12.10 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.15 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 5.00 The Real Housewives of Atlanta (R,S,HD).

E4

Sky1

8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 10.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 11.00 Charmed (R,S).

12.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.00 Suburgatory (R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

8 OUT OF 10 CATS DOES COUNTDOWN 9pm, Channel 4

GOLDENEYE 9pm, ITV2

James Bond goes in pursuit of a satellite weapon that has fallen into the hands of a mysterious criminal mastermind. Adventure, with Pierce Brosnan.

GOLD

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.00 Futurama (R,S). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Sarah Jessica Parker guest stars as Kurt lands a job at vogue.com. 4.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Bart and Lisa have families of their own. 5.30 Futurama (R,S).

8.20 Steptoe and Son (S). 9.00 Bewitched. 9.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 10.00 Happy Days.

11.05 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 12.20 To the Manor Born (S).

1.00 Bewitched. 1.30 I Dream of Jeannie. 2.00 Happy Days. 3.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.10 One Foot in the Grave (S). 5.00 Steptoe and Son (S). 5.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S).

9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 11.00 Premier League Years (S,HD). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (HD). 1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Premier League Years (S). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Football’s Greatest (S,HD).

Celebrity Juice, 11.40pm

8 Out of 10 Cats, 11.20pm

A League of Their Own, 10pm

Only Fools and Horses, 7pm

Live Super League, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S,HD).

2/30. A man from the West Midlands takes part in the dating show.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 17/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 18/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 6/16.

Fry’s head is grafted on to Amy’s body.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

15/22.

6.20 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 2/11. Foggy keeps an old tradition alive.

6.00 Football’s Greatest Managers (S).

6.30 Darts (HD). A look ahead to the World Matchplay.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Featuring troublesome toys.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). 16/24.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The latest developments in the investigation shock the Roscoes.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 23/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).

15/21. Homer goes on hunger strike.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

1/22.

8.00 The Very Best of You’ve Been Framed!

(R,S). Harry Hill presents a selection of memorable camcorder calamities and homevideo howlers from the clip show’s archives.

8.00 Goodbye How I Met Your Mother (R,S). Cast members reflect on the US sitcom.

8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 24/24.

Part two of two. Last in the series.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 3/24. Mitchell struggles to remain calm.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4/24. Claire and Mitchell agree to be brutally honest with each other’s partners.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses (S). 8/8. Part two of two.

The Trotters arrive in America and promptly suffer a setback when their camper van is burgled, and a Mafia gang targets Del. Feature-length episode of the comedy.

7.30 Live Super League (HD). Widnes Vikings v Warrington Wolves (Kick-off 8.00pm). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stevenson introduce the Super League fixture at the Stadium Halton.

9.00 GoldenEye (S,HD) (1995). See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 Coming to America (S,HD) (1988). See Choices Above. ●●●

9.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD). 3/8. Karl Pilkington travels to Australia to swim with dolphins, and along the way he takes part in a blindfolded kickboxing contest and encounters hundreds of snakes.

COMING TO AMERICA 9pm, E4

An African prince journeys to the USA to escape an arranged marriage and search for a worthy wife. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy.

BBC3

7.00 Live Athletics: Diamond League (S,HD).

Coverage from Monaco.

9.00 Glasgow Girls (R,S). Fact-based musical drama, starring Olivia Popica and Gary Lewis.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD).

An edition from April 2012.

10.30 EastEnders (R,S,HD). Patrick discovers a dark secret about Ian. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD). Lois’s reputation is tarnished by a TV show.

11.25 Family Guy (R,S).

11.45 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

12.10 Family Guy (R,S).

12.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S,HD). 1.00 Impractical Jokers (R,S).

1.30 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents (R,S,HD). 2.30 Badults (R,S,HD). 3.00 Badults (R,S,HD). 3.30 Badults (R,S,HD).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today (HD); Weather.

7.30 Symphony (R,HD). Classical music in the rapidly changing world of the 20th century. Last in the series.

8.30 Sounds of the Eighties (R).

9.00 The Joy of the Guitar Riff (HD). How the guitar riff has impacted the past 60 years of popular music.

10.00 Great Guitar Riffs at the BBC (HD). A compilation of clips and performances.

11.00 Sound City (HD) (2013).

Documentary about a famous Los Angeles recording studio. ●●●● 12.50 The Joy of the Guitar Riff (R,HD).

1.50 Great Guitar Riffs at the BBC (R,HD). 2.50 More Guitar Heroes at the BBC (R).

One to watch 9.00 dinnerladies (S). 10/10.

Stan hopes for a proposal.

9.40 Absolutely Fabulous (S). 6/6. Edina goes away to find herself.

10.20 Gimme Gimme 10.00 A League of Their 10.15 The F1 Show (HD).

Gimme (S). 6/6. Tom Own (R,S,HD). 2/10.

Natalie Pinkham and Ted auditions for Crossroads.

Radio 1 DJ Sara Cox and Kravitz present the latest One Direction’s Harry Formula One news, Styles, Louis Tomlinson highlights and previews. and Niall Horan join host James Corden for the comedy sports quiz.

11.40 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). Comedy quiz, hosted by Keith Lemon.

RADIO

12.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12.55 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.20 Dads (R,S,HD).

1.45 TV OD (R,S,HD). A humorous look at the most talked about shows on TV. 2.15 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

11.20 8 Out of 10 Cats 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 9/10. With Jack (R,S,HD). 6/24. Part two Dee, Claudia Winkleman of two. The agents and Josh Widdicombe. target a Russian arms dealer.

11.00 Extras (S). 6/6. See 11.15 Darts Gold (HD). Phil Choices Above.

Taylor v Michael van 11.40 Men Behaving Badly Gerwen.

(S). 4/6. Tony is forced to 11.30 Darts Gold (HD). Phil hide in a water tank.

Taylor v Raymond van Barneveld.

11.45 Darts Gold (HD).

12.25 Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2014 (S,HD). 1.15 Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy (R,S,HD). 1.50 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).

2.25 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.45 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S,HD). 3.40 Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2014 (R,S,HD). 4.20 Glee (R,S,HD).

12.20 The Young Ones (S). The boys resort to bank robbery. 1.05 Absolutely Fabulous (S). Edina goes away to find herself. 1.35 Gimme Gimme Gimme (S). Tom auditions for Crossroads. 2.05 Extras (S). Andy threatens to fire his agent. 3.00 Close

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw.

10.00 Fearne Cotton. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 6.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Greg James. 7.00 Annie Mac. 9.00 Pete Tong. 11.00 Skream.

1.00am Radio 1’s Essential Mix. 3.00 Monki.

Radio 2 9.30am Ken Bruce. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Simon Mayo. 7.00 Desmond Carrington: The Music Goes Round. 8.00 Friday Night Is Music Night. 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with Claudia Winkleman. Midnight Huey Morgan. 3.00 Richard Allinson.

12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

Deeks and Kensi go surfing – all in the line of work. 1.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). Guest starring James Caan. 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Stargate Atlantis (R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA (R,S,HD).

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf.

1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Carl Ditters von Dittersdorf. 7.30 BBC Proms 2014. 9.15 New Generation Artists.

10.00 The Verb. 10.45 The Essay: Homage to Caledonia. 11.00 World on 3. 1.00am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament.

9.00 Desert Island Discs. 9.45 (LW) Act of Worship. 9.45 (FM) Book of the

Week: Last Man Off. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.00 (FM) The Leadership Gap. 11.30 (FM) The Stanley Baxter Playhouse.

Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) You and Yours. 12.52 (FM) The Listening Project. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) A Guide to Garden Wildlife. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Afternoon Drama: Love Virtually. 3.00 (FM) Gardeners’ Question Time. 3.45 (FM) Stories from the Southern Cross. 4.00 (FM) Last Word. 4.30 (FM) Feedback.

4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News.

6.30 (FM) The News Quiz. 7.00 The Archers. Helen is on tenterhooks 7.15 Front Row. John Wilson presents 7.45 Babycakes. By Armistead Maupin 8.00 Any Questions? Political debate from Uppingham School in Rutland 8.50 A Point of View. 9.00 Friday Drama: Calum’s Road. 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. 10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Man Called Ove. 11.00 A Good Read. With Julian Rhind-Tutt and Steve Oram 11.30 Today in Parliament.

Mark D’Arcy presents 11.55 The

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00 Speedway Gold (S,HD). 1.15 Speedway Gold (S,HD). 1.30 Darts Gold (HD). 1.45 Darts Gold (S,HD).

2.00 Super League (HD). 3.00 Time of Our Lives (S). 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 5.15 Football Gold (S,HD).

Listening Project. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Last Man Off. 12.48 Shipping Forecast.

1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 9.00 Golf – The Open.

2.00pm Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review. 4.00 Golf – The Open. 7.30 5 Live Sport. 10.00 Stephen Nolan.

1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Jamie Crick. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Lucy Coward.

BBC PROMS 2014 (BBC2, 8.05pm)

The Henry Wood Promenade Concerts, the largest classical music festival in the world, open this week with Edward Elgar’s biblical oratorio The Kingdom, a 90-minute performance which should wow the masses.

It kicks off eight weeks of diverse and glorious music, welcoming more international ensembles than ever. Look out for orchestras from China, Lapland, Singapore, South Korea and Turkey.

Over the course of the festival, the National Theatre’s War Horse Prom will commemorate the centenary of the outbreak of the First World War. Gabby Logan is presenting the first BBC Sport Prom; and the 80th birthdays of Sir Harrison Birtwistle and Sir Peter Maxwell Davies are marked across 10 Proms performances. On September 13, Proms in the Park promises to be a show-stopper, fronted by Terry Wogan.

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Saturday’s Television Guide TV PICKS

LIVE AT EDINBURGH CASTLE 8.20pm, BBC1

Alex Jones presents this concert to celebrate the Commonwealth Games, featuring Kaiser Chiefs, Jessie J and OneRepublic.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Golf: The Open Championship (S,HD). Live coverage from Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake. 12.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 12.15 Golf: The Open Championship (S,HD). Live coverage from Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Hoylake. 5.15 Formula 1: German Grand Prix – Qualifying (S,HD). The battle for pole position in the 10th round of the season at the Hockenheimring.

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

DAD’S ARMY 8.30pm, BBC2

Captain Mainwaring and his platoon are challenged to a cricket match by Warden Hodges, who has signed up a professional for his side. Featuring a guest appearance by former England and Yorkshire fast bowler Fred Trueman. Vintage comedy first shown in 1970, starring Bill Pertwee, who died last month.

BBC2

6.05 Film: The Falcon Takes Over (S) (1942). ●●● 7.05 Film: The Falcon’s Brother (S) (1942). ●● 8.10 The Living Planet (R,S).

9.05 Fred Dibnah’s Industrial Age (R,S).

9.35 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S).

10.05 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (R,S).

11.35 Food & Drink (R,S,HD). 12.05 Rick Stein’s Spain (R,S). 1.05 Talking Pictures (S). 1.50 Film: Becket (S) (1964). ●●●● 4.15 Hive Alive (R,S,HD). 5.15 Golf: The Open Championship (S,HD).

TIPPING POINT: LUCKY STARS 7.30pm, ITV

Ben Shephard presents a celebrity edition of the quiz, in which contestants answer questions to win turns on an arcade-style machine.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S). 9.25 The Hungry Sailors (R,S,HD). 10.30 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.20 ITV News and Weather (S).

11.30 Storage Hoarders (R,S,HD). 12.30 All Star Mr & Mrs (R,S,HD). 1.30 Dinner Date (R,S,HD). 2.30 All Star Family Fortunes (R,S,HD). 3.30 Film: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (S,HD) (1989). ●●●● 4.55 Film: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (S,HD) (2004). ●●

HOLIDAY LOVE RATS EXPOSED 8.05pm, Channel 5

Documentary telling the stories of Brits who have been conned out of tens of thousands of pounds and left broken-hearted by people preying on single holiday-makers looking for love. Jeannette was swept off her feet by Rudiger in Sorrento, Italy, and over the next nine months spent £20,000 on him.

Channel 4

6.05 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.30 Trans World Sport (S,HD). 7.30 The Grid (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 10.00 Frasier (R,S).

11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

12.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Compilation, introduced by Troy McClure. 12.35 The Tomorrow People (S,HD). The distance between John and Cara grows. 1.35 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Live coverage.

4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.05 The Hotel Inspector Returns (R,S,HD). 11.00 Big Brother: Eviction (R,S,HD). Another housemate gets the boot. 12.30 Criminals: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). The use of CCTV to fight crime. 1.00 NCIS: The Portto-Port Killer (R,S,HD). 3.00 Film: Hell Boats (1970). Second World War drama, starring James Franciscus. ●● 4.50 Film: Operation Pacific (1951). Second World War adventure, starring John Wayne. ●●

GRAND D 8pm, Cha

Kevin McCl progress of d’Costa, wh Kent to brin children an house that landscape.

ITV2

6.00 Emmerd Coronation S Take Me Out ( Wanna Marry 1.55 The Only (R,S,HD). 3.20 Australia (R,S Framed! (R,S). comical selectio by viewers, fea from cute kids

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

The Restoration Man, 7.05pm

▼

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.15 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

30/140. Russell Stubbs hosts the final party in Crewe and Nantwich, Cheshire.

6.40 Channel 4 News (S).

▼

7.30 The National Lottery: Break the Safe (S,HD). 4/7. Game show, hosted by Nick Knowles.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

7/20. Comedy with Harry Hill, inspired by viewers’ home videos.

7.30 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.05 The Restoration Man (R,S,HD). 2/6. Transforming a listed church on the Outer Hebridean island of Berneray.

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S,HD). England v India. Mark Nicholas presents highlights of the third day of the Second Test at Lord’s, as the five-match series continued.

▼

8.20 Live at Edinburgh Castle (S).

See Choices Above.

8.30 Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (S,HD) (1999). Sci-fi prequel, with Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor. ●●●

8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 7/8.

See Choices Above.

8.00 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

8.05 Holiday Love Rats Exposed (R). See Choices Above.

9.00 Rise of the Planet of the Apes (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 Big Brother (S,HD). Catching up with the Big Brother contestants as they react to Friday night’s live eviction, revealing how another departure has affected the rest of the house.

9.00 The Men Who Made Us Spend (S,HD). Jacques Peretti investigates the methods used to persuade people to buy consumer goods and confronts the men behind bestselling products and successful sales strategies.

10.20 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

Followed by National Lottery Update.

10.35 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (S) (2006).

See Choices Above. ●●●

10.00 Zodiac: The Director’s Cut (S) (2007). Fact-based crime thriller following the hunt for a serial killer who terrorised San Francisco in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey Jr. ●●●●●

12.55 Weather for the Week Ahead (S).

1.00 BBC News (S,HD).

12.40 Film: Keeping Up with the Steins (S) (2006). Comedy drama, starring Daryl Sabara. ●● 2.00 This Is BBC Two (S).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

Saturday 19 Television Guide

10.55 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

Cricket on 5, 7pm

6.25 Beeth (S,HD) sequel Grodin

10.00 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (R,S,HD). 5/5. The stories of Roma people who moved to the UK and are now surviving on benefits, including a man who lost both legs in an accident when he was seven.

Last in the series.

11.10 Ocean’s Eleven (S,HD) (2001).

Crime comedy, starring George Clooney. ●●●●

11.00 Predator 2 (S,HD) (1990). Sci-fi thriller sequel, starring Danny Glover. ●●●

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit on the Psych (HD). Psychological analysis of the housemates’ behaviour.

1.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside.

3.30 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

1.05 Utopia (R,S,HD). 1 002698 42d the leader of The Network hatch a plan to save the human race. 2.05 Utopia (R,S,HD). 100 269 909nt desperately search for Becky.

3.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 100110638. 5.15 TBA. 5.45 TBA.

12.00 SuperCasino. 3.10 Webcam Girls: At Your Service (R). 4.00 Great Scientists (R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

8.10 Miss C Arme (S,HD) public defies back u her kid Comed Sandra King a Shatne Daily. ●

10.30 The M Revol (2003) Neo an bring t betwe machin Conclu trilogy Reeves

1.00 The Mag (R,S,HD). 2.00 (R,S,HD). 2.20 (R,S,HD). 2.40 Framed! (R,S).

Teleshopping Nightscreen (

In your newspaper today Saturday’s paper contains a wealth of features, as well as extended news coverage from the region. Our bumper Westcountry Life section is packed with stories from all over the South West. Westcountry Homes, our property round-up of the best homes for sale across the region. Visit www.westernmorningnews.co.uk for more details or join us on Twitter @WMNNews

44

TV_13_07.indd 44

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RADIO

8.30 Dad’s Army (R,S). 10/14. See Choices Above.

▼

▼

12

▼

after

Beethoven

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

10 11

The Men Who Made Us … 9pm

6.30 Regional News (S,HD).

6.50 A Question of Sport: Super Saturday (S,HD). 5/5. Jason Manford presents sports-based challenges. Last in the series.

▼

6 7 8 9

A Question of Sport … 6.50pm

ess. 10.05 The S,HD). 11.00 D). Another 30 Criminals: . The use of S: The PortFilm: Hell War drama, 4.50 Film: cond World Wayne. ●●

GRAND DESIGNS 8pm, Channel 4

ITV2

E4

Sky1

6.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD). 6.45 Glee (R,S,HD). 7.30 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 8.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

11.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). Raj is upset when Lucy runs away in the middle of their date. 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). Firstever episode of the sitcom, starring Josh Radnor.

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD).

9.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 10.00 Twin Towns (R,S,HD). 11.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (R,S,HD).

11.30 What’s Up (S,HD). 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). 1.00 Isle of Wight Festival 2014 (R,S,HD).

3.00 Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

GOLD

6.00 Bewitched. 6.25 As Time Goes By (S). 6.55 Just Good Friends (S). 7.30 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).

9.40 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 10.10 As Time Goes By (S). 10.45 Keeping Up Appearances (S).

11.50 Ripping Yarns (S). 12.25 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 2.35 Only Fools and Horses (S). 4.40 Last of the Summer Wine (S). 5.15 One Foot in the Grave (S).

The 100, 8pm

Transporter 2, 9pm

The Vicar of Dibley, 7.45pm

6.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 10/22.

Barney gets Ted drunk.

6.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 9/22.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

13/22.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

14/22.

6.30 Ripping Yarns (S). 1/6.

A public school pupil rises in status.

7.00 Goodbye How I Met Your Mother (R,S). Cast members reflect on the US sitcom.

7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 24/24.

7.00 Futurama (R,S,HD).

12/13. Bender signs up for a foxhunt.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6/22. Marge goes on a girls’ night out.

8.00 The 100 (R,S,HD). 2/13.

Discovering that Jasper may still be alive, Clarke leads a rescue team to locate his friend – and is shocked at what they find.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S). 1/13. With Lily Allen and Jimmy Carr.

8.30 A League of Their Own (R,S). 2/13. See Choices Above.

7.10 Ripping Yarns (S). 2/6.

The story of the world’s most boring man.

7.45 The Vicar of Dibley (S).

1/2. Part one of two. The vicar is swept off her feet by a handsome new arrival to the village.

Christmas special from 2006, guest starring Richard Armitage and Keeley Hawes.

9.00 TBA.

9.00 Transporter 2 (HD) (2005). A politician’s chauffeur sets out to rescue his employer’s kidnapped son from Russian criminals. Action thriller sequel, with Jason Statham, Alessandro Gassman and Amber Valletta. ●●●

on the logical semates’

1.00 The Magaluf Weekender (R,S,HD). 2.00 Crazy Beaches (R,S,HD). 2.20 Crazy Beaches (R,S,HD). 2.40 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 2.45 Teleshopping. 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

RADIO

ebcam Girls: eat Scientists 4.50 The 00 Angels of acing Car R,S). 5.30 The 40 Roary the the Racing

A genetically engineered chimpanzee develops superior intelligence and leads other apes against the human race.

6.25 Beethoven’s 2nd (S,HD) (1993). Comedy sequel, starring Charles Grodin. ●●●

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 6.30 Sporting Heroes (S,HD). 7.30 Darts (HD). 8.30 Live Super Rugby (HD). 10.30 Super Rugby Extra Time (HD). 11.00 Premiership Years (S). 1.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 1.30 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 2.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Football’s Greatest Managers (S). 3.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 4.00 Football’s Greatest (S,HD). 4.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 5.00 Live Super League (HD).

Live Darts, 7pm

7.00 Live Darts (HD). The World Matchplay.

Coverage of the opening day of the 21st staging of the tournament at the Winter Gardens in Blackpool, featuring four first-round matches.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST 10.35pm, BBC1

Swashbuckling adventure sequel, starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley.

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S).

Blunders in Hollywood films.

7.15 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A man arranges a cabaret-themed civil partnership ceremony.

8.15 The Proposal (S) (2009). Romantic comedy, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. ●●● 10.00 Family Guy (S,HD).

10.25 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

10.55 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.15 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.35 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

11.55 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

12.20 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 12.45 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.05 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

1.25 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.45 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). 2.15 Badults (R,S,HD). 3.45 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD).

Footage of a snow leopard cub at high altitude in Bhutan. Last in the series.

8.00 Treasures of Ancient Egypt (R). The story of Ancient Egyptian art through 30 masterpieces.

9.00 Inspector Montalbano (R).

The detective investigates rumours of a cache of arms hidden in a cave outside Vigata, but also discovers a secret chamber containing the remains of two lovers killed in the 1940s.

10.45 Nat King Cole: Afraid of the Dark.

12.15 The Sky at Night (R,HD). 12.45 The Final Frontier? A Horizon Guide to the Universe (R).

1.45 Lost Land of the Tiger (R,HD). 2.45 Treasures of Ancient Egypt (R).

One to watch

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley (S).

2/2. Part two of two.

Dawn French stars in the last-ever episode, which sees the vicar preparing for her wedding. But there are hitches even before the big day arrives.

10.15 The Young Ones (S).

3/6. The lads borrow a video recorder.

10.30 The Matrix Revolutions (S,HD) (2003). Freedom fighters Neo and Trinity battle to bring the conflict between man and machine to an end.

Conclusion of the sci-fi trilogy, starring Keanu Reeves. ●●●

Life on the The stories ho moved to w surviving ng a man n an was seven.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES 9pm, Channel 4

Beethoven’s 2nd, 6.25pm

8.10 Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (S,HD) (2005). An FBI public relations officer defies orders and goes back undercover to find her kidnapped friends.

Comedy sequel, starring Sandra Bullock, Regina King and William Shatner. Including FYI Daily. ●●

. Catching ther react to viction, ther ted the rest

Jamie Redknapp and John Bishop’s team is joined by former British number-one tennis player Tim Henman, and Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff and Georgie Thompson are supported by radio presenter Chris Evans, who is given a rock-climbing challenge. Sport-based comedy quiz show, hosted by James Corden.

6.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). 9.10 Coronation Street (S,HD). 11.40 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 12.55 I Wanna Marry “Harry” (R,S,HD).

1.55 The Only Way Is Essex (R,S,HD). 3.20 Dinner Date: Australia (R,S). 4.20 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). Harry Hill narrates a comical selection of mishaps filmed by viewers, featuring everything from cute kids to pranks.

). England v as presents ird day of Lord’s, as the ontinued.

(S,HD). s Exposed ove.

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN 8.30pm, Sky1

Kevin McCloud follows the progress of Mimi and Andre d’Costa, who have moved to Kent to bring up their two children and hope to build a house that blends in with the landscape.

FILM PICKS

D

f Brits who thousands d by people looking for feet by er the next m.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11/24. Leonard confronts a bully from his past.

11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12/24.

11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

4/23. A deep-sea diver is found dead.

12.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 1.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

2.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 4.00 Glee (R,S,HD).

5.00 Desperate Housewives (R,S,HD).

12.00 Cop Squad (R,S,HD). 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S,HD).

5.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 5.00am Toddla T. 7.00 Dev. 10.00 Matt Edmondson. 1.00pm Alice Levine. 4.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Danny Howard. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 Charlie Sloth. 11.00 DJ Target.

1.00am Diplo and Friends. 3.00 Friction.

Radio 2 6.00am Anneka Rice. 8.00 Sounds of the 60s. 10.00 John Bishop.

1.00pm Pick of the Pops. 3.00 Dermot O’Leary. 6.00 Liza Tarbuck. 8.00 West Coast Johnnie Walker. 9.00 The Craig Charles Funk & Soul Show. The actor and comedian turns DJ to present the best in funk and soul, featuring classic tracks, new releases, sessions and interviews. 10.00 Sounds of the 80s.

Record producer Trevor Horn joins Sara Cox to look back at the many acts he worked with during the 1980s.

Plus, the top 5 from this week in 1982 and a classic album by U2. Midnight Bob Harris Sunday. 3.00 Richard Allinson.

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Summer CD Review.

12.15pm Music Matters. 1.00 News.

1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Saturday Classics. 4.00 Sound of Cinema. 5.00 Jazz Record Requests.

6.00 Jazz Line-Up. 7.30 BBC Proms 2014. 10.30 Hear and Now. Midnight Geoffrey Smith’s Jazz. 1.00 Through the Night.

11.05 Extras (S). Last ever episode of Ricky Gervais’s comedy.

12.55 The Young Ones (S). 1.35 Extras (S). 3.00 Close

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 iPM. 6.00 News and Papers. 6.07 Open Country.

6.30 Farming Today This Week. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 Today. 8.51 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament. 9.00 Saturday Live. 10.25 (LW) Test Match Special.

10.30 (FM) Punt PI. 11.00 (FM) The Week in Westminster. 11.30 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) Money Box. 12.30 (FM) The News Quiz. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) News. 1.10 (FM) Any Questions? 2.00 (FM) Any Answers? 2.30 (FM) Saturday Drama:

11.00 Darts Gold (HD). Dennis Priestley v Shayne Burgess.

11.15 Darts Gold (S,HD).

11.30 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

11.45 Speedway Gold (S,HD).

12.00 Super League (HD). 1.00 Darts (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S).

5.15 Football Gold (S). 5.30 Football Gold (S). 5.45 Football League Gold (S,HD).

Red Velvet. 4.00 (FM) Weekend Woman’s Hour. 4.55 (FM) 1914: Day by Day. 5.00 (FM) Saturday PM. 5.30 (FM) The Bottom Line. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special.

5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.15 (FM) Loose Ends.

7.00 Profile. 7.15 Saturday Review.

8.00 Archive on 4: Meeting Myself Coming Back. 9.00 Classic Serial: The Great Scott. 10.00 News and Weather.

10.15 Inside the Ethics Committee.

11.00 Round Britain Quiz. 11.30 Derek Walcott: A Fortunate Traveller.

Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 The Food of Love. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service.

5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Science.

6.00 Saturday Breakfast. 9.00 Christian O’Connell. 11.00 Golf – The Open.

John Inverdale introduces coverage of the third day at Royal Liverpool Golf Club in Hoylake, where the 143rd staging of the tournament takes place. 7.30pm Saturday Edition. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 Alan Titchmarsh. Noon Nicholas Owen. 3.00 Jamie Crick. 5.00 Saturday Night at the Movies. 7.00 Alex James’s Date Night. 9.00 The New Releases Show. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Lucy Coward.

LIVE AT EDINBURGH CASTLE (BBC1 8.20 PM)

This spectacular concert hosts a glittering array of big names, ahead of the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow.

Scotland’s capital city welcomes a wide range of international musical acts, including Jessie J, Kaiser Chiefs, Culture Club, Smokey Robinson, Rizzle Kicks, Paloma Faith, Katherine Jenkins, Il Divo and OneRepublic.

Bill Bailey will perform his unique brand of musical humour with the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra and Fred MacAulay makes a special guest appearance. Presenter Alex Jones says: “It is going to be a fantastic night for those coming along or watching at home.”

45

TV_13_07.indd 45

09/07/2014 15:12:27

My life

[

man and boy

Mind your language

[

Phil Goodwin, father of James, four, sets a bad example otty mouths of the world watch out. Vladimir Putin has recently signed a new law in Russia outlawing swearing in the arts. This latest edict has provoked much amusement in our cross-cultural house, as well as more serious concern at this new form of censorship.

After all, any move to roll out the ban to public places in Russia (not that far-fetched on Putin’s current form) could seriously curb the prolific output of my father-in-law Valera. He is a Russian builder who swears like, well… a Russian builder.

I know his fondness for the profane better than anyone, having served an informal, miniapprenticeship in Concreting and Bad Language when we built a garden house together on his allotment in Sochi.

Back home in Exeter, I too have been known to ‘slip into the vernacular’, as an old teacher of mine so politely once put it. Unfortunately, it now seems my son is also quite adept at spicing up his language with a bit of the old AngloSaxon. Like any responsible parent I am keen to stamp this out. But to tell the truth, it can be hard to keep a straight face on the rare occasions young James pipes up.

Just recently, we were late for an appointment and driving through heavy traffic in Exeter when a dithering driver left me stuck at a red light. In the split second in between thought and reaction, a small voice cussed our bad luck from the back seat. And, I might add, with eloquence and perfect diction, for one so young. Good manners prevent me from pronouncing the phrase in print here, but let’s say it sounded like a reference to some distant waterway, in three clear syllables, something like ‘far canal’. Not funny to hear this, I know.

Hands up. My fault. But, to be honest, I was almost biting my hand as I choked

P

back the laughter. Even I knew that would only encourage him to do it again.

My wife, as I could clearly see, also saw the funny side of this unfortunate outburst, coming as it did from such an innocent and angelic source. But she soon snapped out of it and into

[

[

My son is also quite adept at spicing up his language with a bit of the old Anglo-Saxon

serious mum mode. “You know where he gets it from, don’t you?” she snapped.

“It’s not just me,” I protested. “I have heard you swear and him repeat your words before.”

“But not in Russian. He doesn’t know any bad words in Russian,” she protested.

This, I have to admit is true. Wonderful though his bi-lingual abilities are, they do not stretch to naughty words in his mother’s native tongue. The only even halfway cheeky phrase he knows is Yolki-Polki – a fairly tame expression referring to fir tree branches and can broadly be said to mean “nonsense”.

But overall, the subject is a tricky one. You tell your children not to use language only to use it yourself, albeit in moments of stress. So far, there has been no repeat of the “far canal” incident and no public examples at all. But how do you eradicate the practice?

Shamed by my son’s reflection of my own limited and rather basic vocabulary, I have tried to modify my behaviour, in the spirit of Mr Putin’s crusade to rid TV, books, film and theatre from unsavoury words and rude references. The Kremlin has yet to issue a list of prohibited phrases, but I have been forced to draw up my own mental version.

So now, when faced with stressful scenarios, such as stubbed toes, unexpected computer shutdowns, bad drivers and poor defending from Liverpool’s back four, I endeavour, in the rare occasions I succumb to the frustration, to utter slightly more socially acceptable phrases.

They don’t adequately express my emotions, but the change is for the boy’s sake. And lo and behold, his most recent tantrum was spiced up with him saying, in the Devon accent he has picked up in pre-school, Oh bleddy hell, Daddy!

Even that is a bit much really, so from now on, it’s probably going to have to be boiled down to “Oh sugar” or perhaps “blimey”. Flippin’ kids!

46

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09/07/2014 14:36:53

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