Aline Bouwman Dear Freshman (and also returning students, alumni, administration and whosoever’s hands this might pass through): welcome to the Mars’ Hill Freshman Issue. We at Mars’Hill student newspaper have devoted a formidable number of hours (read: the leadership orientation sessions we were supposed to attend) into the production of this Survival Guide. After all, what could be more important than helping you survive the Hawaiian-shirted tornado that is O-Week? We realize you have been given a lot of “relevant” information, but you have not been given the ready-to-hand tools you will need to survive this jungle of a campus. That’s right: before you received this guide you were left to the law of the jungle, but if you read on, your chances of survival will increase dramatically. In this guide, you will find the information you need on how to safely approach the wild animals on Trinity Western University campus, such as the rare but highly venomous species known as “the philosophy major,” or the friendly migratory species called “the commuter.” You will also learn the local tribes’ names for important landmarks in your new surroundings, such as “Sparta” and “The Vatican.” We have some tips & tricks you can use when stocking up on life-saving supplies, such as the little-known but potentially life-saving “textbooks.” Finally, we have compiled some trusty First Aid advice in case you fail to identify a hazard (like the highly aggressive campus geese) in time. So make sure, dear Freshman, that you keep this Survival Guide with you at all times and who knows—if you keep following Mars’ Hill’s advice, you might just survive TWU until graduation!
From the white t-shirt-khaki-short combo, to the three-piece suit, there still exists a surprising amount of aesthetic similarities amongst this polymorphic species. These aesthetic distinctions are often bridged by either a business-casual sweater vest or the lucrative “socks with sandals.” These slow, grunting creatures can be most easily identified by their monotonous mumbling, usually referencing something about a mysterious document known as the “syllabus.” Only dangerous when provoked, easily approachable otherwise.
Their migration pattern consists of long distances multiple times a year, comparable to the lifecycle of the salmon. There is speculation that this arduous journey is endured for the sake of returning to their annual mating grounds. As a result they have evolved to be accustomed to constant jet-lag.
Although somewhat reclusive, found primarily in Freedom Hall and Green Hall, Theatre Majors find no difficulty in making themselves known. They can occasionally be seen re-enacting imaginary scenarios which they typically call “scenes.” Many of them possibly suffer from multiple personality disorder. In order to befriend these quirky creatures, simply walk down the sidewalk while singing a showtune loud enough for one of them to hear and sing along.
See: Eastern Canadians
These athletic beasts are easily the most boisterous of the wildlife found at Trinity Western University. They are only aggressive when hungry. They are also always hungry. They will quickly offer their friendship if presented with a food offering. Rarely seen in the library, or doing homework in general.
Just normal people who happen to be from different countries.
Literally everywhere.
[Latin: Kidus Missionarius] “If you’re from Africa, Why are you white?”
The Mars’ Hill office is one of the only places where you will find this rare species in a group. Although they are consistently seen holding coffee, they are perpetually in a state of metaphysical angst. They are highly-evolved predatory species (or they like to think that they are) that lure their prey into existential arguments, including a sort of hypnotic state. The Philosophy Major then swallow its prey whole, and then assumes victory in the argument. Highly dangeruos, approach with extreme caution.
[Latin: Kidus Pastorius]
Imagine a normal goose, except that they’ve witnessed the brutal murder of both of their parents, and did not channel that trauma into fighting crime. If hatred could ever be found in a solid state, it would be harvested from these malevolent creatures. They are paranoid, hostile, and unpredictable, even when they are not in mating season. Whatever you do, do not make eye contact.
Seem to be divided into two rival tribes who refer to themselves as “The West Coast” and “The Marlie”. The former tribe is a particularly jovial and highly energetic group. They are identified by their superstitious rituals known as “Jungle Speed” and “Dutch Blitz.” The latter tribe, on the other hand, seems to be organized into a much more peaceful and intelligent society. Their discourses are often backed by pop music, but they prefer to work in silence.
OMG, you can’t just ask somebody why they’re white.”
NAVIGATING CAMPUS ATHLETICS By Madison Evans
Important Dates Bombers Hockey Tryout:
If you arrived on campus expecting to spend every moment of your spare September 7th, 9:30-11:30 pm (Sportsplex: time in the Norma Marion Alloway Library, think again. Welcome to your guide 91A ave) to all things sports at Trinity Western University. From the recently renovated Fitness Centre and the lush expanse of the South Field (see pages p. 6-7) to Titans Co-ed Volleyball Tryout: the glossy hardwood courts of the Langley Events Centre, TWU is the place September 8th, 9:00-10:30 pm (Gymnasium) to be for sports. Whether you are showing your school spirit at Spartans home games, or taking a study break at a drop in badminton game, there is Rec Services—CONNECT!: something for everyone at TWU. Competing at the BCIHL level, the Spartans September 8th, 9:00-10:00 pm (Atrium) hockey team is a force to be reckoned with. The TWU Spartans basketball, crosscountry, soccer, track and field, and volleyball teams are fierce competitors in Spartans Soccer home games: the Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS)—the highest level of university athletics September 16th and 17th in Canada. A memorable part of the TWU experience is cheering on the Spartan’s basketball, hockey, and volleyball home games at the Langley Events Centre—you won’t want to miss it. For the dates of home games be sure to check out gospartans.ca. TWU’s Rec Services provide many other sport and fitness options, where all skill levels and athletic backgrounds can get involved. During the week of Sept. 12-16th,free fitness classes (including Pilates, yoga, Zumba, kickboxing) are located in the fitness studio on the 2nd floor of the Fitness Centre. If you enjoy hockey or soccer and thrive in a competitive atmosphere, the Titans soccer and Bombers hockey teams are holding tryouts starting this week (see tryout schedule below). Intramural sports abound at TWU, where co-ed soccer and volleyball, basketball, and flag football teams welcome all experience levels. At the fitness centre, student trainers are available for spotting and general information. Be sure to check out ultimate Frisbee, dodge ball and badminton drop in games, as well as cycling, running, golf, shinny hockey and outdoor clubs. The dates and locations of tryouts, practice times and meetings can be found at www.recservices.twu.ca.
GET INVOLVED By Dayna Slusar As you enter this foreign and boisterous environment, with the goal of survival over the next four (or more) years, we suggest assessing your interests and need for involvement and learn the resources Trinity Western University has to assist in meeting those needs. In other words, these are some clubs you can join on campus to find your niche. Academic Clubs & Community Clubs Almost every major has a club made up of the fellow smarties in your field. Ask your classmates and/or professors for details about who, when, and where. Or explore the “Campus Life” page on the TWU website. Haven’t declared a major yet? You’ll find your people in more of the community clubs on campus. Student Ministries L.O.V.E.: stands for Local Outreach, Volunteering, Evangelism. It’s a multi-faceted program that hosts 14 weekly outreaches around the area for you to join. Curious? Contact outreach@twu.ca, but we’re confident you’ll hear more about this soon. D-groups- small group Bible studies that meet in the dorms, parks, and coffee shops of life. Sign up for one at the EXPO event coming up this semester. Global Projects: opportunities to go on trips with fellow students and leaders, both around BC and the world. Again, EXPO. Be there! Intercultural Programs The Globe: found in the McMillan apartment living rooms, this lounge is devoted to community and connection for international students.
8 STEPS YOU SHOULD TAKE BEFORE BUYING THAT EXPENSIVE TEXTBOOK By Aline Bouwman
Hold up, Freshman! Before you go to the bookstore to buy that brand new, multiple hundred-dollar textbook that will financially cripple you (if your tuition hasn’t already done so), there are a few things you should try first. Already bought your books? Keep your receipts safe, and make sure you return your book(s) within the return date.
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Ask your professor if you are actually going to need it. If they say “yes,” then try to find someone who has already taken the class to ask if you actually need it.
See if you can check out your textbook at the library. It looks like you’ll actually need that textbook. Bummer. Your next step is to head to the Norma Marion Alloway Library or go to the online catalogue to see if your textbook might be there. If you are having trouble finding it, the friendly staff are more than willing to help you. You can take out the book for 3 weeks at a time, with 4 renewals. Note: someone else in your course might have the same idea and put a hold on your book, so read Hit up The Cube. The Cube is a second-hand bookstore operated by the Trinity Western University Student Association (TWUSA), where students can buy used textbooks. You can also sell your old textbooks through this platform, with a 10% servicing fee. Location: across the hallway from the TWU Bookstore.
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Check out the sales section at the library. The library has a book sale on the main floor where textbooks will occasionally appear. $1 for a hardcover, $0.50 for a softcover. That’s a good deal.
Try the Textbook Exchange group on Facebook. This group is for all TWU students looking to sell and buy textbooks. If you are filling a core requirement this semester, chances are someone will be selling the book for a good price.
Find it on Amazon. Buy an earlier edition to save even more money (clear the version with your professor first)! You can also significantly save on shipping costs by shipping to an American address. I have actually asked a commuter I barely knew if I could ship it to their house across the border just to save $20. Totally worth it.
It’s short? Scan it! If your book is skinny, you can scan it to your e-mail at the library (or just take pictures of it with your phone), which you can then print 10 pages per day for free at the TWUSA office. Then return your unused book to the TWU Bookstore.
Things Only Freshmen Do By Joey Schweitzer and Friends
“Use trays at the caf.”— Cam Thiessen “Buy their textbooks new from the bookstore.”— Andrew Richmond “Not go to church all year because they don’t have a car.”— Cam Thiessen “Send friend requests to everyone in their first class on FB.”— Ian Schleh “Read the syllabus.”— Joey Schweitzer “Celebrate finishing their first final exam.”— Tunji Taylor-Lewis “^until they realize it was just a midterm.”— Dan Squires “Go everywhere in packs of fellow first years.”— David Ellis “Have a huge crush on someone the whole year and never tell them.”— Tunji Taylor-Lewis “Meet someone in O-week, spend so much time together in a weird infatuation incubation known as being away from home for the first time, walk around all night holding hands and talking about totally useless topics, and then passionately kiss only once behind the lower caf and then once school starts kinda awkwardly forget about the whole thing and months later still be complaining about not being able to find a guy on campus.”— Dan Squires “Wear pants.”— Cam Thiessen
“Be excited when Cavalli announces that there are no due dates over the course of the semester and everything is due on the last day.”— Andrew Richmond “Write long Facebook statuses about how much they’ve grown spiritually in their first semester.”— Tunji Taylor-Lewis “Complain about a 1500 word paper.”— Matthew Peters “Wear their lanyards.”— Linda Burger “Come to TWU expecting dorm ‘initiation’ to be peaceful and low key like reading and meditating on bible verses but being horribly confused when initiation is actually putting A535 on one’s junk in a room full of other men doing the same thing.”— Alexander Gust “Go to chapel.”— Matthew Peters “Love 11:07 in first semester. All of a sudden become too good for it in second semester.”— Tunji Taylor-Lewis “Think 100 level classes are hard.”— Andrew Richmond “Leave wet laundry in the machine because they forget their mom isn’t there to switch it for them.”— Cheyanne Makelki “Gain 20 pounds because they don’t realize chicken strips and fries isn’t a good thing to eat 7 days a week.”— Dan Squires
ILLUSTRATION BY MADISON HIGGINBOTHAM
BASIC NEEDS: SURVIVING FEAR, HUNGER AND COLD By Chris Townsend The feelings of fear, hunger, and cold are not exclusive to isolation in the deep wilderness, but rather common symptoms of university life. Of course, stepping onto campus for the first time is met with a feeling of renewed energy and high hopes for the future of one’s life; however, behind these lofty spirits is an underlying feeling of anxiety and dread. Fortunately, the adrenaline rush of O-Week does a wonderful job to numb the reality of these distressing emotions at the back of one’s mind. Unfortunately, by the time one establishes themselves here at Trinity Western University and that initial surge of adrenaline dissipates, these inmost feelings slowly intensify and can become exceedingly difficult to manage. If ever stress and distress arise, TWU’s Health Services offers important avenues for professional help. For instance, the Wellness Centre is not just a place to pick up band-aids. In fact, it offers first-rate, professional counselling services to those in need. All jokes aside, getting help is as simple as heading online and filling out a counselling intake form. This system exists as an efficient way to seek help, as this form ensures that our counselling director can prescribe an appropriate counsellor for your mental health needs. Sometimes mental health issues are simply a result of unknown inadequacies in one’s diet, rest, and activity levels, or even undiagnosed mental disorders. Therefore, even if one is unsure of the help they require, or are unsure about counselling, it is encouraged to simply schedule an appointment with our Physician and Nursing Services staff. Here at TWU, one need not face fear, hunger, and the cold alone. For more information visit the WELLNESS CENTER in Douglas above the lower cafeteria.
LAUGHTER: THE BEST MEDICINE By Connor Thiessen One of the best ways to stay mentally and emotionally healthy is to find something that will consistently make you laugh. This could be a friend who always makes light of life, or a Netflix series that consistently delivers quality comedy. But if you’re looking for on-campus humour, there are few options better than the bi-weekly Improv Shows hosted by Trinity Western University’s own troupe “11:07.” Every other Friday night at 11:07 PM (as you may have guessed from the group’s title), a lively team of TWU students plays a variety of improv games which force them to act on their feet. Whether it’s describing a person, place, or thing without using real words, or working through a scene with a limited number of syllables, these performers provide wit and hilarity with ease and enthusiasm. As a regular participant and occasional audience member, I can confidently say that the comedy provided by the 11:07 improvisers is just the thing that will remedy the weekday doldrums. We take every opportunity to make fun of TWU culture, allowing the audience to take their daily endeavours a little less seriously. The fact that it all goes down on a Friday night ensures the best way to end a stressful week. If you’re interested in a little humour therapy, or if you simply want to stave off the dorm madness, be on the lookout for 11:07 posters announcing upcoming shows. You can also look for them on Facebook (11:07 - TWU Improv), Twitter and Instagram (@1107improv for either) to keep up with upcoming events. Bring $3 cash and grab seats early in our Freedom Hall theatre, located inside of RNT. We will provide the strongest comedic medicine possible, because trust me—you will need it.