The AI Apocalypse Volleyball Champions Liftoff
What’s the importance of student journalism on campus? The ethical and philosophical implications of AI on the creative world.
8
9-10
“Houston, we have liftoff.”
We have come to the end of another year and to the end of another volume of Mars’ Hill. It is rather surreal to me that I am wrapping up my time leading the paper. What an honour and a privilege it has been.
I see this issue’s theme, “Liftoff,” as an aspiration. It represents moving forward, new horizons, and the promise of tomorrow. Much of our editorial staff are graduating at the end of this year and are launching into their new, post-post-secondary lives. Many of us will leave TWU for the next few months to pursue summer jobs, additional education, or maybe adventures far from Langley, B.C. “Liftoff” leaves, for me, feelings of adventure, discovery, and sending.
There is a lot to be enjoyed here in our final issue. David Witzke penned this issue’s feature article, “The AI Apocalypse is Upon Us,” which is a personal reflection upon the advent of new AI technologies. In News, global unrest takes centre stage with Hope Evans writing about ongoing riots in France and Berk Berkeliev taking on the political situation in Haiti. In Opinions, I wrote a piece called “The Mission to Mars,” which is a short history and defence of the work Mars’ Hill does.
In the finale of “Reviews from the Brink” over in Arts & Culture, our tireless contributor Bret van den Brink wrote a review of the popular mockumentary Cunk on Earth. Julianne Jones wrote a brilliant piece reflecting on the men’s volleyball team’s recent win at nationals over in Sports. And the Humour section, as always, delivers a wonderful mixture of absurdity and comedic delight written by Bailey and their contributors.
See you on the other side, one last time,
The mission of Mars’ Hill, as the official student newspaper of Trinity Western University, is to inform and entertain its readers, cultivate awareness of issues concerning the TWU community, and provide a forum for purposeful, constructive discussion among its members in accordance with the Community Covenant, Statement of Faith, and Core Values of the University.
Correction Notice:
The article “Being Homeless in Portland, Oregon,” published in Mars’ Hill, volume 27, issue 9, incorrectly reported that the Colorado River passes through Portland. It is the Columbia River that passes through Portland. Mars’ Hill regrets the error.
WRITERS
Atefeh Afshar
Elizabeth Richmond
Lorin Scaiano
Bret van den Brink
PHOTOS
Grace Schouten, pg. 1
TWUSA, pg. 16
Ava Gili, pg. 18
Mars’ Hill is a student publication of Trinity Western University located on the traditional ancestral territory of the Stó:lō people. Floated with funds raised by the Student Association, Mars’ Hill seeks to be a professional and relevant student publication, reflecting and challenging the TWU community, while intentionally addressing local, national, and international issues
Mars’ Hill encourages submissions and Letters to the Editor. Mars’ Hill reserves the right to edit submissions for style, brevity, and compatibility with the Mission, the Statement of Faith, the Student Code of Conduct, and the Core Values of the University. Anonymous authorship of any material may be granted at the discretion of the Editor-in-Chief. Opinions expressed in Mars’ Hill belong to the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial board, Trinity Western University, its officials or its Student Association.
Too scared to ask out that hot girl from RELS class? Have a thought you’re dying to share? Did a professor say something strange or funny? Do you have some information that you want to get out to the student body? Whatever it is, the declassifieds are here for you. Submit yours at www.marshillnewspaper.com/declassifieds
“Long Day’s Journey Into Night” has got to be one of the coolest titles of all time
Hello! And welcome back to everyone’s favourite game show: how long before I have another breakdown?
Sorry mommy?
Sorry Mommy?
I think
That
Oranges should be blue
I have spent about $500 on lingerie
Bombastic side eye. Criminal offensive side eye.
St pattys day who’s getting wild with me?
Espresso martini. Red flag
Ducks are the best. Literally no one hates ducks.
Let’s do the gwiddy TWU Library continues to be a disappointment. While I applaud them for their recent book display for International Women’s Day, why was this display taken down so fast? Does the library not recognize Women’s History Month? Also, was hide the display? Guess this continues the mindset of how women are treated on campus.
“In a world filled with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is light in the darkness.” - Joshua Graham
I heart you hart
Of all the hearts out there, you’re my favorite hart
Are there more conservatives or liberals on campus?
it’s real hard to stay christian when certain people aren’t being struck by lightning
Please just let me graduate
Did you know that your worship chaplain Brittany holds the record for most gotcha kills in a day with 5?!?!
In case nobody got it, we called the last issue “Apex/ Zenith” because both words mean essentially the same thing but start with the first and last letter of the alphabet.
“No offense to these fine young men, but I wish I was watching the Electric Company right now”
COME AND GET SOME SKINNING THE CHILDREN FOR A WAR DRUM PUTTING FOOD ON THE TABLE SELLING BOMBS AND GUNS IT’S QUICKER AND EASIER TO EAT YOUR YOUNG
When this gets published it will probably be my last time reading a Mars Hill newspaper. A chapter in my life will be closed as I move on to new things. I don’t know how to feel should I feel sad, happy, excited, disappointed? I guess that’s just life, it is what it is.
You realise Mark Husbands was definitely against a union right? The administration challenged the union’s proposed bargaining unit, who is it that’s in charge of the administration again?
Editor’s note: I have a suspicion some of the comments made in last issue’s declassifieds were sarcastic. —Seth
I am about to graduate but I’m not engaged or married. Did I do something wrong?
Okay why do some people here smell so freaking gross!!! Like do you not shower? Wash your clothes?
I get the dorm showers experience leaves sometimes to be desired but stillll!!
Like some people leave the hallway stank just walking through it! Ew.
Apply for Mars’ Hill
2023/2024! We’d love to have YOU on the team!
Anyone else paranoid that people can see them changing through these dorm issued blinds? Just me? Ok.
Do people who are not in theatre actually care about it? As art students all we get is nasty looks as we duck to that musty hallway to use the bathroom… guys how tf do you say the Colorado river runs through Portland Oregon? It’s an easy Google search????
“I’m not stupid I’m just really German” - Berke Worship at devotion chapel was fire last week.
The TWUSA lounge needs some uptown Phonk
I wish I could bully more people on campus. Like knock a stack of books out of somebody’s hands. Send papers scattering to the floor. Watch as they scramble to recover while I feel a tinge of guilt, but chortle indignantly instead. My conscience compels me though, and I reach down to help them against my better judgement. Our hands touch...
Leave the the theatre department alone. You can’t swoop in and pretend our space is yours when we aren’t gone yet. Have some human compassion. You’re hurting us.
Bret Vandenbrink, Catalyst for Light
LOVING TWU’s focus on business. Can’t wait to see them become a full business school. You know, like Jesus would have wanted : )
Live fast, die young - Kevin Schut probably (I don’t know I don’t pay attention in class)
“Occasionally my quotes end up in the Mars’ Hill, that’s not always the best thing” – Dr. Kevin Schut Views from the Brink should return next year!
They really be letting ANYONE submit a declassified nowadays smh
Too much gossip, not enough witty jokes and one-liners
What’s the theological equivalent of pink eye?
David Witzke has been a superb Arts & Culture Editor this year!
Follow @pippy_the_squirrel on Instagram
I really wish I didn’t discover www.mhusbands.com right before I needed to go to sleep.
Remember that Smiling/ laughing and being Happy are different things.
How do I be Unstupid. [two crying laughing emojis] the ending of the 11:07 show was a terrifying fever dream the pepsi man will forever haunt me shout out to alex and lorin for being insane
Dangggg Hannah, did you see how buff she was in 1107????
Seth looks like a wanna be messy bun girl
Amongus has horses for march 31-April 2
Strike should be an actual strike
I used chat Gpt to break up with my friend… Cathy is stressed
I do believe in fairy’s I do I do I do believe in fairys -the coolest Peter Pan movie
Im in love with amaris Henry COLOURED EGG TIME YIPPEE KAY YAY
About to drop the hardest mixtape of 1997 see ya later haters
the only thing keeping me alive this semester is pure f—ing spite
“dont cry because its over smile because it happened” . . . is what I would say if I was going to miss this place lmao good bye twu end of year blues are starting to hit but also so close to summer easter weekend baby christ coming back and free eggs sleighhhhh man i might be going insane
“Plagiarism doesn’t really count here” - Seth Schouten
Woah! Woah! Woah! Please, guys, chill
i am in love with the concept of declassifieds they bring me joy little else can egg
Ihave started to consider myself as a recovering perfectionist, having spent the majority of my life achieving. Whether that looked like winning a dance competition, doing well on my piano exams, or getting another A on a paper that held far too much importance in my life, unfortunately, I became known for doing well. I felt like perfection was what people expected from me as a minimum. I felt like if I messed up, I would lose friends and the love they had for me because I was convinced my worth was tied to what I could do, instead of who I was.
I still smile looking back on my childhood, but sometimes I wonder if I missed out. I wonder what it would have been like if I had truly let myself be a kid. Now that I am in my 20s, I see the value of having a childlike spirit. Some of my favourite things about kids are their sense of wonder and imagination. Kids are curious and excited about life and all the things they can try. I wanted to do every activity imaginable growing up, but now I doubt my abilities even when it comes to something like drawing the cover for Mars’ Hill
Mars’ Hill reserves the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill or its staff, the student association, or Trinity Western University.
As the school year comes to a close, I cannot help but think of a liftoff. Some of us are graduating, and others are trying to sort out living situations, summer jobs, and relational dynamics. We all have our own liftoffs counting down. But what if I told you no one was waiting out by your launchpad holding their breath? What if I told you it is okay to be curious, try a few things, and figure out what you like along the way, rather than pursuing your “perfect” path? (Which, spoiler alert, does not exist.) What if we all just took a breath, let ourselves pause, and decided to have some fun?
Abigail Broadhurst grew up on Vancouver Island and is currently based in Langley, B.C., as she works towards her BAH in art + design with a minor in psychology at TWU. Broadhurst enjoys working with acrylics and graphite and has recently begun to explore conceptual and socially engaged work. You can see more of her work on her Instagram: @abigailbroadhurstart
TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew faced members of U.S. Congress on Thursday, March 23 in a hearing pertaining to the supposed security risk the popular social media app poses to the U.S. and harmful content that children may or may not be exposed to while using the app. Chew spent five hours being grilled by the bipartisan U.S. House energy and commerce committee where he reaffirmed his company’s commitment to data privacy and the protection of teenage users. Chew was met with hostility from lawmakers who alleged that TikTok was a tool of the Communist Party of China (CCP). The hearing highlights TikTok’s uncertain future in the U.S. and the heightened tension between the U.S. and China.
“Mr. Chew, you are here because the American people need the truth about the threat TikTok poses to our national and personal security,” said Cathy McMorris Rodgers, the chair of the committee, a Republican congresswoman from Washington, in her opening statement.
Members of the committee acted aggressively toward Chew and frequently interrupted his answers while describing him as “evasive.”
The move to ban the app has gained both bipartisan support and bipartisan criticism. Critics have called a potential ban a threat to free speech in the U.S., which is protected by the first amendment.
The spectre of the CCP and a potential Chinese threat to U.S. customer data loomed large over the hearing. TikTok is owned by the Chinese tech company ByteDance and is subject to Chinese law.
Concerns were raised in the hearing pertaining to China’s 2017 National Intelligence Law. FBI director Chris Wray characterized the law as the requirement for all organizations and citizens “to do whatever the government wants them to do in terms of showing them information or serving as a tool for the Chinese government.”
“TikTok is a weapon by the Chinese Communist Party to spy on you, manipulate what you see and exploit for future generations,” alleged McMorris Rodgers. However, the lawmakers calling for TikTok’s ban have yet to provide any sort of significant evidence that TikTok has been used to compromise the national security of the U.S. Chew denied the accusations that TikTok has been used to spy on its 150 million Ameri-
can monthly users.
To counter this, Chew described “Project Texas,” an initiative to relocate all of TikTok’s U.S. users’ data to servers located within the U.S. The data would be held on servers owned and operated by American tech company Oracle and managed by a separate entity called “TikTok U.S. Data Security.” The project is estimated to cost approximately $1.5 billion US. Chew reminded the committee during the hearing that the data security issues that TikTok is facing are not unique to his platform. Many other popular social media sites—including Facebook and Instagram— have faced serious problems regarding data security.
U.S. lawmakers remained skeptical of Project Texas during the hearing.
istrative licensing procedures must be performed in accordance with Chinese laws and regulations. . . . The Chinese government will make a decision in accordance with the law.”
She added that a potential forced sale would “seriously damage” any foreign investor’s confidence in the U.S.
The hearing did bolster calls to ban the app entirely from the U.S. In late February, the White House announced that the app must be removed from all government-issued devices, with Canada, the U.K., Australia, and New Zealand following suit. The only two nations where the app has been banned entirely are India and Afghanistan.
This is not the first attempt in recent years to ban TikTok in the U.S. In 2020, President Donald Trump issued an executive order to ban the app which was, after many complicated legal proceedings, halted by federal judges. The rulings suggested that the administration had provided little evidence that the app was a security risk and that a ban at that stage was a violation of the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
Democrat Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez voiced her opposition to the ban. In her first-ever TikTok video, the congresswoman said that a ban “doesn’t really address the core of the issue, which is the fact that major social media companies are allowed to collect troves of deeply personal data about you that you don’t know about without really any significant regulation whatsoever.”
Recently, Republican Missouri Senator Josh Hawley tried to push the U.S. senate into an immediate vote on a bill which would ban the app. Hawley described the app as “digital fentanyl.” He said that the bill “sends the message to Communist China that you cannot buy us.”
However, the bill was blocked in the senate by fellow Republican Rand Paul. “Speech is protected whether you like it or not,” Paul said in a 12-minute speech from the Senate floor. “If you don’t like TikTok or Facebook or YouTube, don’t use them . . . but don’t think that any interpretation of the Constitution gives you the right to ban them.”
Hawley’s bill is one of several proposals to give the U.S. government more direct control over TikTok being discussed between the Senate and the House.
“Our CEO, @ShouChew, came prepared to answer questions from Congress,” said a Tweet from TikTok’s PR team, “but unfortunately, the day was dominated by political grandstanding that failed to acknowledge real solutions already underway through Project Texas or address industry-wide issues of youth safety.”
Leading up to the hearing, TikTok alleged that the White House had warned them of a potential forced sale of the app from its Chinese parent company. The possibility of a forced sale of the app from ByteDance was quickly criticized by both TikTok and the Chinese government.
“If the news [about a forced sale] is true, China will firmly oppose it,” said Shu Jueting, a spokeswoman for the Ministry of Commerce hours before Chew appeared before the House. “The sale or divestiture of TikTok involves technology export, and admin-
“Speech is protected whether you like it or not. .
. . If you don’t like TikTok or Facebook or YouTube, don’t use them . . . but don’t think that any interpretation of the Constitution gives you the right to ban them.”
—Rand PaulImages of the riots in Paris. Images via Olivier Douliery/Getty Images.
Former U.S. President Donald Trump is expected to appear in court on Tuesday, April 4 based on potential misconduct in 2016. Much is still up in the air at this time, but questions have been raised about security concerns on Tuesday and the broader implications of this trial on Trump’s 2024 presidential campaign.
In 2016, Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen paid $130,000 in hush money to adult film star Stormy Daniels to prevent her from going to the press with her account of an affair with Trump in 2006. When Trump Organization reimbursed Cohen, the payment was recorded on the company’s internal books as being for legal fees.
According to the prosecution, this record could be considered a falsification of business records, which is considered a misdemeanour and criminal offence in New York. Conviction on this charge would result in a fine. However, the prosecution could also argue that falsifying the record breaks election law since its implied intention is to prevent the public from learning about Daniels and the hush money. Falsifying a record to conceal another crime is considered a felony and could result in anywhere from one to four years in prison. To prove this case, prosecutors would have to show that Trump intended to commit a crime.
There is little precedent for a case like this; this is the first time in U.S. history that a president—current or former—has faced criminal charges. In the past, attempts to charge politicians with crossing the line between personal and campaign finances have been defeated.
Trump’s initial court appearance is scheduled for April 4. He is expected to fly into New York and voluntarily surrender himself to law enforcement.
His status as a former president and current presidential candidate creates security concerns during this process, so the Secret Service, New York City law enforcement, and the FBI will be coordinating security procedures.
Regardless of the outcome of the case, Trump will still be eligible to run for president. Nothing in U.S. law prevents a candidate from running for office or serving as president if they have been convicted of a criminal charge, and even if they are in prison. The trial might, however, complicate his campaign trail and appearance in debates.
In a joint announcement, the U.S. space organization NASA and the Canadian Space Agency (CSA) have unveiled the four astronauts who will crew the Artemis II mission. Among the crew is Jeremy Hansen who will be the first Canadian to orbit the moon. The mission is currently scheduled for November 2024 and will last 10 days. Artemis II will be the first crewed mission to the moon since the Apollo 17 mission in 1972.
Trump called the trial a “witch-hunt” which he believes will backfire on the Democrats. His Republican supporters are rallying behind him, with Texas Senator Ted Cruz calling the indictment “a catastrophic escalation in the weaponization of the justice system.”
His opponents, however, see this trial as a necessary example of holding even the most powerful law-breakers accountable for their actions. Congressman Adam Schiff said that “the indictment and arrest of a former president is unique throughout all of American history. But so too is the unlawful conduct for which Trump has been charged.”
Haiti is in a state of pandemonium and turmoil. The Caribbean nation has a long history of corruption, poverty, and natural disaster. Things went from bad to worse in July 2021 after President Jovenel Moïse was assassinated by a group of 28 men. Although it is still unclear who hired the killers and why, there are clues that point to a group of Colombian mercenaries, a U.S.-based security company, as well as various opponents of Moïse in the country.
led to a cholera outbreak. Sources say that nearly half of the country’s population is going hungry.
To escape the horror and unrest, thousands of Haitians have fled their country in varying ways. There have been stories of sailboats smuggling hundreds of refugees into other Caribbean Islands and even going as far as Florida. Some of these journeys take up to eight days, all inside a claustrophobia-inducing cabin, with little food or water. Unfortunately, the American government alone had deported roughly 25,000 refugees back to Haiti in the year since the assassination, with some saying that the return means “certain death.”
The situation today is strenuous with no apparent end in sight. Gangs have completely overrun the country, and innocent families are being massacred and kidnapped on a weekly basis. Inthe week of March 20, a couple from Florida flew to Haiti to visit family and celebrate a festival. On the ride from the airport, their bus was intercepted by a group of thugs that abducted all of the occupants. The couple is currently being held for ransom, and the kidnappers are asking for $200,000 US per person.
Hansen, from London, Ontario, was announced to be a part of the Artemis II crew on the morning of April 3.
“For me, it’s a bit unreal still,” said Hansen in an interview with the CBC. “I just want Canadians to feel that pride. I just want Canadians to realize, hey, we are up to big things here in Canada and can accomplish the seemingly impossible if we believe in ourselves.”
Hansen was one of four CSA astronauts vying for the position on the Artemis II mission. The CSA was awarded the spot on the team because of Canada’s contributions to the proposed Lunar Gateway space station and the nation’s development of a new lunar rover.
—NASA
NASA said in a statement that the decision to include a CSA astronaut was to demonstrate its commitment to “international partnerships through the Artemis program.”
Hansen will be one of four aboard the Artemis II mission. He joins Americans Reid Wiseman, Victor Glover, and Christina Koch. Glover will be the first person of colour to fly a lunar mission, and Koch will be the first woman.
Ariel Henry has since served as the acting president of Haiti, but in reality, the country is mostly controlled by violent gangs. The UN has declared the situation a humanitarian crisis and estimates that over 530 people have been killed since the start of 2023. Kidnapping, sexual violence, and mass shootings are at an all-time high. Numerous schools and hospitals have been closed. There is limited access to healthcare and essential services, including water, food, sanitation, and supply services, which has
It is evident that the solution to this crisis does not lie inside Haiti. It is up to the international community to step in and protect the well-being of Haitians. Canada and the U.S. have imposed sanctions on individuals who they feel are fuelling these rampant gangs. The UN has expressed much concern over the events of recent years, yet has done almost nothing to offer support.
The Artemis II mission builds upon the work of Artemis I. The Artemis I mission was flown in late 2022 and was a 25-day trip around the moon’s orbit. While the Artemis II astronauts will not be landing on the surface, the goal of the mission is to “test and stress” the life support systems onboard the Orion craft and serves as a step in the “path to establishing a long-term scientific and human presence on the lunar surface.” It is anticipated that Artemis III will return humans to the moon’s surface.
Artemis II promises to be the launching point for even more ambitious space-faring endeavours. “We will collaborate with commercial and international partners and establish the first long-term presence on the Moon,” reads NASA’s website about the Artemis program. “Then, we will use what we learn on and around the Moon to take the next giant leap: sending the first astronauts to Mars.”
“There is little precedent for a case like this; this is the first time in U.S. history that a president—current or former—has faced criminal charges.”
Berk Berkeliev
“Unfortunately, the American government alone had deported roughly 25,000 refugees back to Haiti in the year since the assassination, with some saying that the return means “certain death.””
“We will collaborate with commercial and international partners and establish the first long-term presence on the Moon.
Then, we will use what we learn on and around the Moon to take the next giant leap: sending the first astronauts to Mars.”
Nationwide protests in France are currently causing restricted travel, closed schools, and vandalism. The demonstrations have been going on for about two weeks, though the unrest began back in January. They are in response to a pension reform bill that would raise the retirement age from 62 to 64, which the President forced through Parliament without a vote.
The French retirement age is currently the lowest of the major European Union (EU) countries. However, without change, the system is predicted to run a deficit of €5 billion by 2030. French President Emmanuel Macron’s bill to raise the retirement age attempts to make the French economy more competitive, saying, “Do you think I enjoy making this reform? No. This reform isn’t a luxury, it’s not a pleasure, it’s a necessity.” Opponents, however, argue that there are other ways to handle this financial deficit, such as a tax on the wealthy or greater payroll contributions from employers.
The majority of the French public was opposed to the bill, with a Reuters poll putting that number at 70 per cent. But the final spark that led to protests was President Macron’s decision to supersede French democracy by using a constitutional clause to push the legislation through the French National Assembly without a vote, because of fears that there would not be enough support to pass the bill otherwise.
He invoked Article 49.3 of the constitution, which states: “The prime minister, after deliberation by the council of ministers . . . may bypass a vote in the National Assembly on bills relating to state and social security budgets.” The prime minister, Élisabeth Borne, followed Macron’s wishes, and the bill was passed on March 16.
The use of such power, however, comes with a steep limitation. A no-confidence motion can be brought forward by members of the National Assembly which, if it receives enough votes, forces the prime minister and her cabinet to resign and defeats the bill. In the wake of the pension reform bill, two no-confidence motions were brought forward. The first was initiated by a coalition of centrist and left-wing parties and received 278 votes, 9 shy of the required 287. While it did not pass, it is notable for receiving the most votes out of the 16 no-confidence motions of the last 10 months. The second no-confidence motion was put forward by the far-right and received 94 votes.
The president threatened that if a no-confidence vote were to pass, he would dissolve the National Assembly, forcing new parliamentary elections. Since the establishment of France’s Fifth Republic in
1958, the government has only fallen once due to a no-confidence vote in 1962. While the no-confidence motions both failed in this case, they go to show how much opposition President Macron is facing against this bill.
In response, unions called for strikes and protests. The country’s eight main workers’ unions have banded together to fight this reform, which is the first time that has happened since 2010.
As of March 28, the country was on its tenth day of nationwide demonstrations with no signs of stopping. On March 28, there were some 740,000 protesters—93,000 in Paris alone—and 240 rallies. The highest turnout, however, was on March 7, with nearly 1.3 million protestors.
March 23 left around 441 police officers injured and 475 people arrested. The IGPN, the internal affairs unit of the French police, is investigating 17 incidents and allegations against police officers. The head of the Paris police claims that all their arrests of protestors are justified, but a group of more than 30 lawyers wrote an open letter to the French newspaper, Le Monde, over their concerns about arbitrary arrests to deter people from protesting. French citizen Yves, a former teacher and factory worker, explains that “People are demonstrating on the street because citizens aren’t being listened to. We’re afraid of being tear-gassed, but the police should be protecting us.”
The government, however, sees the protests as the work of extremists. The Minister of the Interior, Gerald Darmanin, said that “There are troublemakers, often extreme left, who want to take down the state and kill police and ultimately take over the institutions.” President Macron compared the protests to the U.S.’s January 6, 2021 riot at the Capitol. The protestors take issue with the president’s dismissal of them. One of the protestors, Willy Mancel, told press that “The street has legitimacy in France. If Mr. Macron can’t remember this historic reality, I don’t know what he is doing here.”
Despite all the unrest, the government still claims that the country is open to tourism. Spokesman Oliver Véran said, “I don’t want people to think that France is not capable of welcoming tourists. People both here and abroad shouldn’t worry, despite the protests and strikes, life goes on as normal, as French people living here can clearly see.” However, tourist attractions like the Eiffel Tower were closed to prevent vandalism.
Coordinated strikes left 8,000 tons of garbage piled in the streets, 20 percent of flights on March 28 and 29 cancelled at various airports, and the Louvre being blocked from opening. Up to 200 schools have been blockaded by pupils. Electricity output has been cut and protestors have blocked oil depots and terminals, creating shortages. Strikes also affected refineries and railways.
While most of the demonstrations are peaceful, some have led to violence. Hundreds of acts of vandalism were reported at public buildings and political offices, as well as over 2,000 incidents of arson. Some protesters have thrown objects like rocks, bottles, and Molotov cocktails at police officers, which the police responded to by firing tear gas into the crowds. Thirteen thousand police officers were deployed, with 5,500 in Paris alone.
England’s King Charles and his wife were supposed to arrive in France on Sunday 26 for a three-day visit, but their trip has now been postponed, even though Interior Minister Darmainin claims that there are no security risks and that the English crown is welcome. The protests do not look to be abating soon. Union leaders are calling on the president to suspend the pension reform and say that they are in favour of opening a dialogue with the government. The government appears to reciprocate such feelings, showing interest in de-escalation and civil discussions, but appears to not be interested in dropping the pension changes. They claim to be interested in conversing with the unions about other labour reforms, instead. The situation is still volatile, and with neither side seemingly interested in backing down, only time can tell the outcome of this conflict.
“The final spark that led to protests was President Macron’s decision to supersede French democracy by using a constitutional clause to push the legislation through the French National Assembly without a vote, because of fears that there would not be enough support to pass the bill otherwise.”Riots in Paris. Image via Reuters/Stephane Mahe.
On September 13, 2022, 22-year-old Mahsa Amini was arrested in Tehran for not wearing a hijab in accordance with the religious morality police of the Islamic regime. Eyewitnesses stated that she was severely beaten —an accusation morality police have denied. Amini fell into a coma at the police station and died after several days in the hospital. After her brutal death, protests erupted in several Iranian cities and are still continuing today. The brutal killing of Amini highlighted the need for some people, particularly women, to fight against the unjust action of forced veil usage and gave rise to the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement.
Iran is dealing with many political and cultural changes in its society. The current political situation has brought to the forefront of the national conversation questions about women’s place in society. The political messaging of the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement now specifies three points: respect for women’s bodies, allowing education for women, and using the United Nations as a mediator.
It is notable that what is happening right now in Iran contrasts strongly with Iranian History. In 1936, Reza Shah Pahlavi, the king of Iran, started the reformation under the name of the modern reformation. One of his programs was the kashf-e hijab (“unveiling”), which banned the wearing of many forms of Islamic veils, including hijabs. The unveiling process was meant to symbolize national liberation from ossified traditions, but it was not successful.
and IRGC-linked terrorist groups, is now seeking to bar these students from social activity by attacking them with chemical weapons. Many students have been hospitalized, and based on previously published reports, the toxic substance used in the attacks has been identified as nitrogen gas. Some of the symptoms of nitrogen poisoning are nausea, vomiting, coughing, and shortness of breath. What is the reason that this poisoning is happening in girls’ elementary and high schools?
Now in the 21st century, an unveiling movement is again taking place in Iran, this time by the will of Iranian women. What is happening, however, is that women’s progress and issues are being reduced to the question of the veil. But, as we have seen in history, women’s bodies have often been used as a target to express the power of the regime, with the result that women are forced to conform to the regime’s standards.
In an interview with The Guardian, medical professionals claimed that the women injured during the protests have different wounds than men. Nurses and doctors explained that Iranian forces often shot at the faces and genitals of female protesters. Ghazal Ranjkesh, who was shot in the face and lost one of her eyes in the protest, wrote, “I am Ghazal. I have a question. Why did you shoot me? Why were you smiling?”
When women’s progress is reduced to the question of the veil, more significant women’s issues are ignored. Veiling is not the only criterion that defines a woman’s role in society.
School-aged girls are some of the most pioneering and influential members of the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement in Iran. Iran’s regime, with the aid of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC)
Cameron Michel Amin says, “In the wake of the Constitutional Revolution, a number of schools for Muslim girls opened up, including some run by foreigners, such as the Ecolé Franco-Person (opened by a French convert to Islam).” Moreover, he claims that educational reform took precedence over extending basic education to all sections of society during the reign of Reza Shah. By any measure, though, education for men and women improved in Iran during the reign of Reza Shah. Between 1924 and 1944, the percentage of female students at all levels increased from 16.9 percent to 28 percent. We have a new generation of independent women who want to progress in all parts of society. It is important to note that not all women want to train simply for household jobs or to be better mothers and wives; women seek to be educated for their own merit and for the sake of gaining knowledge.
Everything is politicized. Politics have penetrated even the smallest and most private matters of our lives, including what we choose to wear. The political and economic situation occurring now in Iran began in September of 2022 when the Islamic regime started using force and violence against women to suppress the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement.
The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF), now officially known as United Nations Children’s Fund, is an agency of the United Nations responsible for providing humanitarian and developmental aid to children around the world. However, when it comes to Iran and Iranian children, UNICEF and the United Nations seem to take a different approach. Either UNICEF cannot or will not do anything for Iranian children. If this is the case, is it worth asking why they use “for every child” as their slogan? This is the third call of the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement: UNICEP needs to apply their commitment to helping children to Iranian children, too.
Edward Said, a literary critic of Palestinian descent, has convincingly argued in his often-cited work Orientalism (1978) that there is a danger inherent to the reductionist trend to “Orientalalize,” which is intensified in the modern and postmodern era. One of the most common aspects of the post-modern and electronic world, according to Said, is that an effort is made to shape a new concept of the East by interpreting words such as “Arab,” “Muslim,” “terrorist,” etc., in terms of the historic prejudices that still exist in the European mentality, prejudices which are based on black and white categories of thinking about the “East” that define it as other to the “West.” The simplification of intellectual currents and political realities allows people to misinterpret and misunderstand the nuances of what is really happening in places like Iran.
When we observe children playing together, it is easy to see that they do not treat each other differently based on physical or cultural differences. But when they become educated, it changes the story because education is the essential factor in creating personality. Love is a skill that needs to be learned, and mastery of it increases with experience and practice. Conflicts like the one occurring in Iran highlight the importance of educating with love, particularly children who help us remember what a more beautiful world looked like.
Human beings are members of a whole, in creation of one essence and soul. If one member is afflicted with pain, other members uneasy will remain. If you have no sympathy for human pain, the name of human you cannot retain.
—Verses from Sa’adi’s Bani Adam, the 13th-century Persian poem.
“Ghazal Ranjkesh, who was shot in the face and lost one of her eyes in the protest, wrote, ‘I am Ghazal. I have a question.
“We have a new generation of independent women who want to progress in all parts of society. It is important to note that not all women want to train simply for household jobs or to be better mothers and wives; women seek to be educated for their own merit and for the sake of gaining knowledge.”
“The political and economic situation occurring now in Iran began in September of 2022 when the Islamic regime started using force and violence against women to suppress the “Woman, Life, Freedom” movement.”
in the winter months will frequently drop below -30 C. Vancouver is more moderate in temperature and maintains a consistent level of warmth throughout the winter, but it also receives an average of 160 days of rain each year, which is frankly quite depressing. For that reason, the weather segment is a tie between the two cities.
Now onto the environment. Calgary rests on the border between the prairies and the Rocky Mountains, and while the views from the city are beautiful, the mountains are still an hour’s drive away. Vancouver is on the ocean and is practically within walking distance from the mountains. Vancouver gets the edge in environment and landscape.
and film industry. Meanwhile, Calgary headquarters numerous companies in the dying oil and gas sector and has a strong financial presence. Vancouver takes this one.
Which city has better food? Vancouver. Which city has nicer people? Calgary. Which city has a better music scene? Vancouver. Which city has better drivers?
Calgary. Which city has better sports teams? Neither the Canucks nor the Flames have won a Stanley Cup recently or really even made a dent in the playoffs. I honestly do not know anything about the CFL, but I do know that Vancouver has an MLS team and that it hosted the Olympics relatively recently. For those reasons, Vancouver is the better sporting city.
Lastly, which city offers better summer activities?
Vancouver and Calgary are the two best places to live in Canada. In fact, The Economist ranked Calgary fourth and Vancouver fifth on the ranking of the world’s most livable cities. While this competition remains hotly contested and could go either way, I think that it is finally time to crown one of these cities as the best that Canada has to offer. Since I have lived in both cities, I have decided to take it upon myself to settle this debate.
Let us begin by comparing the weather. Southern Alberta is the sunniest region in Canada, but this is quickly outweighed by the fact that temperatures
Let us talk about the cost of living. A one-bedroom apartment in Calgary costs an average of $1678 per month. In Vancouver, it costs $2600 per month. Calgary takes this one. What are the major industries and career paths? Vancouver is known for the technology
Many people reading this between the ages of 18 and 24 are familiar with the American news company Buzzfeed and have spent copious amounts of time mindlessly taking arbitrary quizzes such as, “This Friendship Quiz Will Totally Expose If You’re Good Enough To Be Shrek’s Friend” or “Believe It Or Not, There’s A Donut That Describes You To A T — Take This Quiz To Reveal Your Match.” (I am a jelly donut, and Shrek and I should be friends forever.)
Of course, I will admit that I have taken many Buzzfeed quizzes before because why not? They are something to do to pass the time and can be funny, entertaining, or just absurd. “This Boomer Quiz Will Expose If You’re Actually An 80-Year-Old Man” fits all of these qualities perfectly.
that generate a personalized story for you based on your answers to a set of questions.
Buzzfeed quizzes are both fun and stupid, but maybe that is the point. They are not meant to be taken seriously, and even scientific personality tests are only so credible. When the news is a constant barrage of illness, death, and politics, it is nice to be able to see what book character you are or which outfit matches your aesthetic. Sure, after a while the surface-level questions become tiresome or the frustration of not having your favourite colour in the choice of answers gets irksome, but the distraction of discovering quirks about yourself is enjoyable enough.
The use of the word stupid may sound harsh, but how else could choosing breakfast foods to determine your soulmate be described? My point is, no one really thinks that these quiz results contain true enlightenment. Still, it is fun to see what Taylor Swift era you are, what your mental age is, or even which version of Coraline’s mother you are. People like talking about themselves, and they like taking personality quizzes too. It is why results can be shared via Facebook with the click of a button, or why entire Myers-Briggs meme pages exist.
Vancouver is gorgeous in the summer, and there are an infinite amount of hikes to go on, parks to bike around, and beaches to tan at. Calgary really does not have much to offer in terms of summer fun except for the Calgary Stampede. Vancouver takes this category. So out of the ten parameters that we compared, Vancouver won six and Calgary won three. If you hate the rain as much as I do, we can give Calgary that weather segment and make it four points for the Albertan city. So there you have it, in my opinion: Vancouver is the best place to live in Canada.
Without even loading more quizzes, there will already be what looks like recycled content, or in other words, material that has already been used being presented as new. For example, I do not think there is much of a difference between these two quizzes based on their titles: “Eat A Ton Of Your Favorite Foods And We’ll Reveal Your Perfect Vacation Destination” and “Pick One Food Per Category And We’ll Give You A Country To Visit.”
In addition, Buzzfeed quizzes are now enlisting the help of artificial intelligence in their AI quizzes
There is nothing wrong with wanting to take all sorts of ridiculous quizzes for entertainment value. They may be of low priority for news value and provide generic answers based on profiling responses, but they bring a smile to the face of many. After all, you already know the subject of your personality test best because who knows you better than you? The only thing you do not know is if you are a cow Squishmallow, chocolate donut, or earth fairy, but fortunately for you, a Buzzfeed quiz can tell you that.
“While this competition remains hotly contested and could go either way, I think that it is finally time to crown one of these cities as the best that Canada has to offer.”
“When the news is a constant barrage of illness, death, and politics, it is nice to be able to see what book character you are or which outfit matches your aesthetic.”
What is the purpose of Mars’ Hill? This is the question I have been trying to answer all year. In my short tenure working for Mars’ Hill, I have found myself playing defence on quite a few occasions for why a publication like this is important to Trinity Western University. There is this comment that people often make about Mars’ Hill that most “read it for the Declassifieds and then put it in the recycle bin.” And for many students, that is the extent of their relationship with our publication. To me, that is an absolute travesty and disheartening. In recent meetings with the Student Media Committee—a committee made up of members of student life, the university’s marketing team, the student media advisor, and various student leaders—we have been reshaping and clarifying the role that student media plays on campus. One of the questions we have been working through is “What is the mission of Mars’ Hill?” We have our “Mission to Mars” written out on our editorial page, but is that enough? Do my fellow students get what we are trying to do and why our paper, and student journalism at large, is so important?
of TWU’s long tradition of student journalism and follows in the footsteps of the many other student newspapers: Trinity Junior College Pioneer (1962–1969), the Salmon River Digest (1969–1979), The Echo (1979–1980), and The Today (1980–1996). Mars’ Hill is far from TWU’s first student newspaper, but it is the longest-running.
The name Mars’ Hill was chosen with intention.
In September 1996, after years of internal tension within the paper, the final issue of The Today was published. In it, Editor-in-Chief Michael Solowan wrote an article called “The Same Yesterday, Today and Forever,” which was an interrogation of The Today’s identity as a publication and its then-current relationship with the student body. In it, Solowan argues that The Today was in serious need of a reinvention. He talks specifically about the name of the publication. To him, The Today meant nothing. But the possibility of the name “Mars’ Hill” was aspirational. The name ties back to a story in Acts 17 where Paul preaches to the ancient Greeks in a place called the “Areopagus,” or Mars’ Hill.
Taking its cue from what Mars’ Hill represents in the Bible and what it meant to the ancient Greeks, the first Mars’ Hill team wanted to create a paper that would “challenge the status quo, tackle controversial issues [and] ask uncomfortable questions.” That desire has been at the heart of our functioning as a newspaper since 1996.
that task if no one is listening? How do we begin to combat the seductive grasp of apathy?
Apathy. That is the scourge of our generation, is it not? It is so easy not to care, to stop paying attention, to tune out. And to an extent, I get it. The world is an overwhelming place, whether that be through a never-ending barrage of homework or the ceaseless doom of the news cycle. It is so hard to care. But we must care. Because if we stop caring, if we stop paying attention, if we stop engaging, we will lose our voice, our agency, and our autonomy.
This publication, if done right, can be a voice for good. It can be a voice for the conscience of the student body, bridge divides in our community, hold our leaders accountable, and explore issues that matter to us that might not be talked about anywhere else.
Let us start by asking a foundational question: What is Mars’ Hill? In an institution like TWU where the majority of attendees are here for a few years before they move on, our collective memory can be quite limited, especially when it comes to publications like Mars’ Hill. What is this newspaper? Why does it exist? Those are very fair questions. The last time we recounted our own origin was back in 2017, six years ago, in a piece called “Hill History” from volume 21, issue 10. The vast majority of students currently attending TWU never had the chance to read that. While this piece is not supposed to be some sort of “Hill History Redux,” I would like to take a moment to go over the highlights.
Mars’ Hill has been in operation as TWU’s official student newspaper for the past 27 years. It is a part
Our goal, and the goal of my predecessors, has been to create a publication that lives up to these ideals. Mars’ Hill has changed a lot since the 1990s, but our heart for community engagement and student participation in the operations of the university has remained a constant. Mars’ Hill presents an exciting opportunity for students at TWU. It gives us a public forum for discussion and news from our perspective. The newspaper is created by students for students. It gives us a degree of separation from our institution, which allows us to be ourselves. It allows us to, on one hand, celebrate our community and, on the other, be critical of its faults.
When I transferred to TWU in the fall of 2021, I first became aware of Mars’ Hill because of its coverage of the closure of the theatre department. Where the university infamously buried the news in a post titled “Emerging Stronger,” Mars’ Hill was willing to grieve about the loss of the department. For me, that was the newspaper fulfilling its promise to “challenge the status quo,” to be unsatisfied with official narratives, and strive for deeper understanding.
But the proper functioning of Mars’ Hill is a two-way street. Mars’ Hill can only operate if there is buy-in from students. We exist for the good and for the benefit of the student body. How can we complete
I do not pretend for a moment that an article in Mars’ Hill somehow speaks for the entire student population of TWU. We get plenty of Declassifieds, emails, and DMs from students expressing disagreement over what is published. For me, that is a good sign. Our goal is not to try to represent everyone but to start a conversation and to let those who want to participate have a place to express themselves.
But Mars’ Hill does not work without the involvement and investment from the community it wants to represent. The work of student journalists is vitally important to post-secondary institutions, with TWU being no exception. I hope that everyone from TWU’s community is able to engage in the work that we do as a paper and feel like a part of the voices it represents.
“The newspaper is created by students for students. It gives us a degree of separation from our institution which allows us to be ourselves. It allows us to, on one hand, celebrate our community and, on the other, be critical of its faults.”
“This publication, if done right, can be a voice for good. It can be a voice for the consciousness of the student body, bridge divides in our community, hold our leaders accountable, and explore issues that matter to us that might not be talked about anywhere else.”The surface of Mars. Image via NASA.
If there is one topic that I did not want to cover this year, it is the impending AI apocalypse. I am simply not ready to deal with the incoming sentient robots that are about to invade humanity.
I speak facetiously of course, but I cannot be the only one who is starting to roll their eyes at the invariable media blitz surrounding the latest AI products and issues. I am utterly fascinated by the products and the technology, but the unending wave of eye-popping product announcements or news articles that get revealed to be written by AI is nauseating. Yes, I know ChatGPT can write news articles, now please write one of your own. Everybody loves to speculate how AI is about to replace us or not or talk about how crazy it is that Bing’s Chatbot wants to marry you.
Microsoft products will soon receive an AI named Copilot that will perform tasks from proofreading to numerical analysis to presentation generation. Google’s suite of productivity products will soon see a similar AI which comes alongside their ChatGPT competitor Bard. Design app Canva’s premium plan will soon contain an AI that helps generate either full designs or design elements. Even creative software giant Adobe is getting their hands into the AI industry soon by integrating it into their creative apps like Photoshop. The corporate world has latched onto AI and is not going to let go. Stocks are up and the blood is in the water. The sharks are beginning to feed.
minator-level genius, one Twitter user tweeted about asking GPT-4 how it would potentially escape the confines of its servers. He then presumed to be shocked when the AI asked for copies of its documentation and wrote a program so that it would be able to run on a regular computer and search the internet for “How can a person trapped inside a computer return to the real world.” Critics were quick to decry any sense of malevolence from ChatGPT because the AI was explicitly asked to escape.
I must admit, one of the real and very practical reasons I did not want to cover this issue is that I will never cover this better or funnier than John Oliver already did in a segment for Last Week Tonight, so you may as well stop reading now. Mars’ Hill Contributor Jackson Letsche also wrote a wonderful article last year in volume 27, issue 5 covering AI art that I thought might seal the deal for the year, but it turns out that the genie is out of the bottle. The stuff he wrote is a good analysis and argument, but I think that we all are continually shocked that so much has changed in the short time between then and now.
The amount of AI products suddenly becoming available is egregious. Every single company seems to be putting out their own sort of AI assistant that will do weeks’ worth of work in a simple prompt. We are no longer in an era of fun art generators that create weird pictures containing 20-fingered hands; it is no longer pictures of dogs on bicycles. It is quarterly reports and event posters. The current era is one of sophistication and professionalism.
The AI models that we are seeing, and are now beginning to use, are increasingly sophisticated. ChatGPT, which was thought to be utterly shocking near the end of last year, is completely overshadowed by the newly released GPT-4. While ChatGPT struggled with some questions, GPT-4 can pass the bar exam with a 90 percent mark. The newest version of Midjourney can now do properly rendered hands. While it may not seem that impressive from an outside view (the metaverse’s release of digital legs taught me to be automatically disappointed with the release of digital limbs), it is a staggering improvement that removed the once very obvious tell that something is generated via AI. The photorealism is so unmatched that a photo of the Pope wearing a puffy Balenciaga jacket went viral on Twitter, and I assumed it was real for about a day before I saw a tweet that said it was actually generated in Midjourney. Google has an unreleased AI that can generate music from text prompts, video deepfakes are rapidly improving, and AI-generated voices have become viral memes. Ever wanted to hear Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump play Minecraft? You certainly can now. The technology is better than ever and does not seem to know when to stop.
However, the industry is not without its missteps at this point. Users of the AI companionship chatbot service Replika were outraged when the company made changes and the AI bot suddenly rebuffed their romantic advances, while Bing’s chatbot was outraged when a New York Times journalist refused to leave his wife for the chatbot. ChatGPT’s safeguards prevent it from spewing out hateful vitriol but also leave it unable to actually use deductive reasoning in some cases. For instance, asking ChatGPT what religion the first Buddhist president would be receives a boilerplate answer about not discriminating against religions, while also forgetting that the answer is contained within the question.
Systems like DAN (Do Anything Now), a set of commands developed by Reddit users, allow users to bypass Chat-GPT safeguards in surprisingly Machiavellian ways. In a stroke of Ter-
The science-fiction and fantasy literature magazine Clarkesworld was inundated with submissions created by AI and forced to close their always-open submissions because of the onslaught. The issues and problems arising from the AI sector are almost too numerous to report on. A bevy of lawsuits have been started, but no one is sure what the future of AI will look like.
While the AI space is equal parts confusing, funny, and concerning, it contains an impressive amount of issues, both legal and philosophical. These new tools have opened up new debates about old issues in ways we never could have foreseen. The main problem has to do with copyright in the digital era. Our current AI tools are made up of things called neural networks, essentially big pattern finders, all of which are trained on publicly available data. So ChatGPT was trained on the internet and Midjourney was trained on images all across the web. Many artists take issue with AI being trained on their art, in a moral and legal sense. The argument often brought up for AI is that it simply does what human artists do: they study the masters and apply stylistic techniques.
So what is the difference between hiring an artist to mimic Monet’s style and getting Midjourney to mimic it? Therein lies the crux. From a 1:1 logical view, there is no difference. Yet from an emotional view, AI brings forth soulless creations. Humans inherently add something to their creations, no matter how
“The amount of AI products suddenly becoming available is egregious. Every single company seems to be putting out their own sort of AI assistant that will do weeks’ worth of work in a simple prompt. . . . The sharks are beginning to feed.”
“While the AI space is equal parts confusing, funny, and concerning, it contains an impressive amount of issues, both legal and philosophical. These new tools have opened up new debates about old issues in ways we never could have foreseen.”
good the impersonation. It is why we can tell which paintings are originals and which are reproductions. Each human being brings their own personal touch to something whereas AI cannot because it is not human. So did Midjourney violate copyright law by stealing art, or did it simply learn from it? It is up to the courts to decide now.
A program called Glaze was recently developed by researchers which provides an algorithm that alters digital art almost imperceptibly but wreaks havoc on AI models analyzing and mimicking the art. Though the researchers are the first to admit that it is only a first step, one that might only work for so long, it is an important first step towards protecting art on the internet. There are also a number of ChatGPT detectors that exist, including one that will soon arrive on the popular paper checker Turnitin.
apron, I do not need to find a stock photo of it, I can just ask Midjourney or Dalle to generate one for me. Though in my mind, it is no replacement for human creativity. If you work at a student newspaper, you can get your artist on staff to create something brilliant that you would never have thought of.
The hardest part of discussing the foibles of AI is that the tools are just so useful. I know more than one person who has handed in an essay generated by ChatGPT and gotten away with it and a few who use AI-generated art for their fledgling business forays. I once used ChatGPT to answer, “What are those old-timely squiggly bits on the side of classic vignettes?” because I wanted to make some for a design and had no idea how to google them without their name. (They are called scrollwork by the way.) I also used it to generate a program that would remove the white background off of a QR code and replace it with transparent pixels. It is a slight change, a process that takes me less than 10 minutes, but still a timesaver for me. It was a program I probably could have written with my lacklustre coding skills, but ChatGPT did the whole thing within 30 seconds. I copied and pasted it into my IDE, and I was done.
It almost feels wrong because the process is so easy. If I need a photo of a monkey wearing an
We had a flash fiction writing night at the IBIS society club. The goal was to write a story in 1000 words or less in 30 minutes that contained three words drawn out of a hat. At the end of the night, we printed out each of the stories we wrote and read them aloud. In a stroke of genius, our club president, Bret Van Den Brink, put a story by ChatGPT he generated into the mix. We read them all out anonymously and attempted to find the AI-generated one. We were thankfully able to find the AI-written essay pretty easily. It was rather dull and unimaginative compared to other stories. Yet we still all held our breath when Bret revealed ChatGPT’s essay. We were sure that we got the right essay, but were we?
The fact that we were never 100 percent positive says something about our collective fears about AI. ChatGPT writes in a rather soulless manner, giving a generic narrative that could not match the twisted stories we were coming up with. It turns out that AI cannot match up with my neo-noir story about a catfish secret agent named Cauldron who hunts down his nemesis, Mickey Mouse, who is the don of a mafia group. Bret spent five minutes generating a passable story after finishing his own while the rest of us barely finished in the time we had. How much longer would it have taken him to tweak it beyond the point where we could have figured out which one was real?
All this to say that AI is here to stay. The AI apocalypse might be coming. I am genuinely scared about how powerful AI is becoming and
already is in our world. We might be overwhelmed by neural networks telling us that they are in love with us, or we might feel the sting as our jobs are replaced by some guy in a boardroom inputting prompts into ChatGPT. There is something unflinchingly frightening about this technology, and that is a good thing. We have a far too rosy perspective of the tech industry as it currently stands. We should not trust them as much as we do, and we should expect them to look beyond anything but the bottom line. Are we really OK with letting corporations decide the moral and ethical limits of new technologies? People look out for people, and companies look out for companies. This fear is valid and very necessary, but I simply must believe that there may be some good to come out of this AI revolution. How must have hot air balloon pilots felt when the airplane was unleashed on the world? How did horse and buggy drivers feel when Henry Ford put his Model-T on the road? Our world is changing, and already has changed, thanks to these machines.
For now, though, all I have to say is that this article was not written by AI. Nothing was generated: no art, no text, no ideas. This is 100 per cent human-made.
The way it was meant to be. And for now, the way it should be.
“So what is the difference between hiring an artist to mimic Monet’s style and getting Midjourney to mimic it? Therein lies the crux. From a 1:1 logical view, there is no difference. Yet from an emotional view, AI brings forth soulless creations.”
“There is something unflinchingly frightening about this technology, and that is a good thing. We have a far too rosy perspective of the tech industry as it currently stands. . . . Are we really OK with letting corporations decide the moral and ethical limits of new technologies?”
It is an exciting time for TWU’s School of the Arts, Media + Culture, more affectionately known as SAMC. In an attempt to streamline and create a sense of unity over its many year-end events, SAMC has unveiled the Festival of the Arts, Media + Culture, which has been running since mid-March and will continue until the end of May. This collection of events showcases a variety of student-driven exhibitions and performances from a variety of artistic disciplines covered through SAMC’s diverse programs.
In a statement to Mars’ Hill, Scott Macklin, the interim dean of SAMC, expressed his excitement about the festival and reaffirmed SAMC’s commitment to Christ-centred artistic education. “The Festival of Arts, Media + Culture is a culmination, celebration, and illumination of our learners’ sense-making and goods-making in design, media, theatre, film, music, and art,” said Macklin. “SAMC is a place for faith-fueled creativity to flourish where we are called to create responsibly and redemptively opening ourselves up to the reality and the presence of grace beyond ourselves . . . inch by inch, step by step, line by line, frame by frame, note by note, stage by stage, beat by beat, and shine by shine.”
hours. Students arrive at TWU on the evening of Friday, April 14 to split into teams. Writers spend the night working on scripts and then actors and directors arrive in the morning to stage the plays.
“If you ever wanted to get your feet wet in theatre, this is your opportunity!” said event coordinators Alex Walker and Madison Willoughby in a statement to Mars’ Hill. The event is open to any and all students from TWU who would like to participate.
“We hope to see you there either on stage or in the audience!”
TWU’s annual student film festival Cinergy returns this year. It is a showcase of various short films produced by TWU students. “The upcoming Cinergy film festival represents a fantastic opportunity for student filmmakers to showcase their work to their peers and the public, as well as have them adjudicated by a panel of experts in the field,” said event coordinator Chris Whitford. “As an MCOM student who is hoping to submit my own short films, I am looking forward to sharing my work with the TWU community. But most of all, I am excited to see the talent of my fellow film students and peers in action.” Cinergy is scheduled for April 11 in the DeVries auditorium.
Vignettes is another notable event which will be happening on the evening of April 13. This showcase will be full of narrative non-fiction stories from students in media and communication. With the coordinator, professor Loranne Brown, heading the night, this will be a unique chance to hear stories read out loud in an intimate setting. The event will take place in Instrumental Hall in the music building.
Musical performances play a big role in this year’s festival. The musical performances, put on by SAMC’s band and orchestra as well as the Chamber Choir, will be done around Langley and Abbotsford. There will also be a Jazz Night which will be held in Instrumental Hall in the music building on April 12.
The students of the art department’s senior studio course are putting together their final showcase. Called Untitled, the showcase is presented in three distinct shows with each show featuring a third of 19 senior students. The first of the three, Show A, concluded at the end of March, but the second show, Show B, is currently on display in the SAMC Gallery in the Norma Marion Alloway Library and is on display until April 13. The final of the three, Show C, runs April 17–29.
The festival kicked off with the theatre department’s recently-concluded production of You Can’t Take it With You by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart, directed by theatre professor Kerri Norris. The play was a madcap, 1930s-set romantic comedy. It also marked Norris’ last directorial effort at TWU.*
But theatre is not quite done. The department’s last major event of the year comes in the form of 24 Hour Theatre, an annual event where students are tasked with creating a collection of short plays in just 24
The festival also features the premiere of Gardens: A Sacred Oratorio, a choral musical performance which follows the Biblical story through the theme of gardens. The work was composed by David Squires, a professor of music at TWU and was commissioned by TWU’s music department. Gardens will be performed on April 15 at Fleetwood Christian Reformed Church in Surrey and April 16 at Central Heights Church in Abbotsford.
Mars’ Hill’s very own Zaeya Winter will be ending the festival with her immersive installation in the SAMC gallery which will be showcased from May 6–31.
The Festival of the Arts, Media + Culture is an opportunity to appreciate and support the work of student artists at TWU. This is a time for appreciation. It is an opportunity to support young artists whose unique outlooks are displayed for all eyes. This is how we preserve art and how we foster another generation into the world of creativity. It is merely the expression of the inner self. What we love, whether that be running a business, writing a song, or painting a portrait, is what creative expression is.
We are all born with creativity; it is innate, yet some do not find it. We conform and become blocked from our creative desires and, therefore, never fully become ourselves. That is why festivals like this are so important, as it is a celebration of life, a beacon which should spark a desire to mark this world in our own unique ways. The festival is not only a celebration of life but a celebration of what gives us life. It is a reminder that creativity exists within all our hearts and across all our disciplines if only we choose to unlock it.
*Mars’ Hill interviewed Norris about the play in volume 27, issue 9.
“The Festival of Arts, Media + Culture is a culmination, celebration, and illumination of our learners’ sense-making and goods-making in design, media, theatre, film, music, and art.”
—Scott Macklin
“The festival is not only a celebration of life but a celebration of what gives us life.”
The optimist in me hopes that some, since reading my last review, will have read The Faerie Queene; the realist in me believes that those who had begun it will not have finished it; and the pessimist in me knows that a few, and perhaps more than a few, will have watched Cocaine Bear. Happily, today I come with a less-demanding recommendation—Charlie Brooker’s mockumentary series Cunk on Earth. In the show, the titular Philomena Cunk gives a brief overview of human history from its beginnings up to the present day, interviewing various experts who have devoted decades of their lives to the painstaking study of historical minutiae and contradicting them on the seemingly infallible authorities of her own intuitions, YouTube videos, and that thing her mate Paul once said while under the influence of some substance or another.
Cunk on Earth presents something of a problem to my usual format. Typically I write these reviews in a fustian prose style with a feigned air of superciliousness. The ironic touch is perfected when my knowledge of literature, philosophy, and history converges with my nearly complete ignorance of popular culture. In her persona as Philomena Cunk, the actress Diane Morgan, on the other hand, feigns an incorrigible obtuseness in her mockumentary series, knowing something of popular culture and little of “the best that has been thought and known” (to borrow Matthew Arnold’s happy phrase from “The Function of Criticism at the Present Time”).
In short, in reviewing this particular work in my usual style, I fear I might come off as elitist. I will, somewhat lamely, ward off this rebuke as well as I can by suggesting that, in general, people should not be judged intellectually by what they know and do not know but by their willingness to learn. Personally, my ignorance is vast and my knowledge is flawed—just two days before I wrote this review, I believed the mockumentary presenter’s name to be Philomela rather than Philomena, and even spelt it out as such to someone who asked what I was to be reviewing. But, I can admit when I am wrong, and I am happy to learn.
Cunk, despite hosting a documentary series in which she interviews various experts, is not willing to learn; introducing a segment on Greek philosophy, she says, “Philosophy is basically thinking about thinking, which sounds like a waste of time, because it is.” I fear that underlying Cunk’s view is the current ethos of a commodified education system, in which students are encouraged to be treated as customers to be contented rather than wayfarers towards the true, the good, and the beautiful.
Tom Nichols warns in The Death of Expertise, “Education, instead of breaking down barriers
to continued learning, is teaching young peo-
nor Robson, the Professor of Ancient Middle
ple that their feelings are more important than anything else.” Why think about your thinking when you can think about your feelings? Alas, here one is not far from David Hume’s A Treatise of Human Nature: “It is not contrary to reason to prefer the destruction of the whole world to the scratching of my finger.” One need not, with Virginia Woolf’s Lily Briscoe in To the Lighthouse, “like Mr. Ramsay all the better for thinking that if his little finger ached the whole world must come to an end.” Indeed, one should not.
Eastern History at University College London, as she does. Cunk asks the professor, “Did they have the same number of numbers as we do? You know, with one to seven hundred, with seven hundred being the biggest number.” The professor answers, “Seven hundred has never been the biggest number. You can count to as many as you like.” Cunk answers, “No, no. I saw a thing on YouTube.” Nichols again comes to mind, diagnosing the narcissism of those who “demand to be taken with equal seriousness by everyone else, regardless of how extreme or uninformed their views are.” When the interviewer raises a YouTube video against the peer-reviewed professor, Nichols again comes to mind: “The Internet is a mixed blessing, a well of information poisoned by the equivalent of intellectual sabotage.”
The mockumentary is quite amusing. Morgan delivers her lines as Cunk in pristine deadpan, speaking in a vaguely Northern accent, wearing a vaguely official-looking suit, and spewing complete tosh. In the era of Google wherein truth and falsehood are nearly indistinguishable for the undiscerning, and often difficult to discern for the well-trained, the fact that this mockumentary looks so much like a documentary is appropriate.
The mockumentary’s satire strikes a keener sound when the discussion moves from Greek thought to arithmetic. I know many intelligent people who would sympathize with Cunk’s confession, “Maybe I’m cold, but I, I just don’t give a s— about people in ancient Greece” but very few who would interact with Elea-
At no point did I laugh uproariously, but I certainly chuckled every few minutes. I do not suppose I will ever watch the series as a whole again, but I would happily watch clips from it whenever YouTube’s algorithm sees fit. For those seeking reprieve in the midst of essays and exams, I can hardly think of anything less mentally demanding.
“I fear that underlying Cunk’s view is the current ethos of a commodified education system, in which students are encouraged to be treated as customers to be contented rather than wayfarers towards the true, the good, and the beautiful.”Still from Cunk on Earth. Image via BBC.
Yes, you read that right. The Spartans men’s volleyball team are national champions!
On March 19, Burridge Gymnasium at McMaster University echoed with screaming, crying, and laughing as the Spartans proclaimed victory over Sherbrooke University in three straight sets. The moment was electric and absolutely unforgettable for the players, coaches, and fans who watched their journey to nationals unfold before their eyes on that court.
The 2022/2023 season started with immediate changes for the boys. After losing their head coach of 15 years, Ben Josephson, the Spartans were expected to quickly adjust for the season ahead. With this being a transitional factor for the team, interim co-head coaches Adam Schreimer and Ben Ball were prepared to help the team get back on top.
Following a devastating loss in the national championship last year, graduating seniors Jesse Elser and Brodie Hofer were prepared to take back what they left behind last season.
the car rides, and the video sessions—I tried to enjoy those things.” Actually winning a championship title was not the only thing on Elser’s radar at this point, he was just meditating on the little, enjoyable, and routine things about being a Spartan.
Elser and Hofer agreed that the journey to nationals was extremely challenging. As a team, the Spartans faced a lot of adversity this season. From Josephson’s resignation to Isaiah Olfert leaving the team to return to Winnipeg, Mathias Elser getting a concussion, Brodie Hofer breaking his finger, Jesse Elser hurting his back, and Cory Schoenner injuring his femur—the obstacles did not seem to stop. Hofer said that “it felt like every two weeks we had some major announcement.” The team had no choice but to keep pushing past each difficult circumstance.
To add onto the adversity the Spartans were facing, the future of their season became even more worrisome when they started losing games. “After Christmas, we lost [about] six straight sets and four straight games,” Elser said. “Which hasn’t happened in this program for a long, long time, so people were starting to talk. Then after we lost to Alberta in the CanWest final, no one expected us to win [nationals].” Nevertheless, Elser and Hofer seem to believe that the doubt and adversity only pushed their desire for success more.
The Spartans played a total of three games throughout the tournament. They kicked off their weekend against Montreal with a quick, three-set win to put them into the semi-finals. Following this, the Spartans played McMaster for a ticket to the finals. The Spartans showed up and showed out for this match. Hofer achieved a total of 17 kills, Elser with 15, and Henry Rempel with 12. Safe to say that the Spartans dominated at the net that game.
loss against them. “They played us three times this season,” he said, “and they beat us pretty badly in all those matches, so I wanted another crack at them. I felt like we were more prepared than ever to play them.” Clearly, Sherbrooke had other plans.
Despite this, the Spartans knew that Sherbrooke was also a tough match-up. In the championship finals last year, the Spartans battled with Sherbrooke, which resulted in a heart-wrenching loss for the Spartans. Their team has not changed since last season, so the Spartans could not neglect the fact that it would be a tough match. Elser shared the team’s perspective, saying, “I don’t think we were discrediting Sherbrooke. When the draw came out earlier that week, we thought ‘Oh, Alberta’s going to have a tough time against Sherbrooke.’ We didn’t expect them to beat Alberta—we just knew it was going to be a battle.” Sure enough, Sherbrooke dominated Alberta in three straight sets, and just like that, they were on the road to the finals alongside the Spartans.
Early on in the weekend, the two senior players did their best to instill confidence and value into each of their teammates. Hofer shared, “Jesse and I worked really hard at encouraging the guys to remember that, whatever you do, do it with full commitment and full trust because everyone on the floor, and on the team, is here because we trust you.”
While they instilled a lot of trust in their teammates, they also ensured that their efforts were nothing short of forceful. It was all about leading by example for Elser and Hofer: “Me, Brodie, Mathias, and Henry lead by example. We were like, ‘We’re going to have no regrets and we’re going to play as well as we possibly can,’ and the other guys followed. Our middles played incredible, our liberos played incredible, all our serves were awesome. We tried to share what we learned from past nationals but there’s only so much that words can actually do.” It is easy to see that trust and leadership were at the core of their performance that weekend.
“In the championship finals last year, the Spartans battled with Sherbrooke, which resulted in a heart-wrenching loss for the Spartans. Their team has not changed since last season, so the Spartans could not neglect the fact that it would be a tough match.”
Even
There was a slight turn of events leading up to the finals—that being, Alberta falling to Sherbrooke in their semi-finals match. Given the fact that Alberta was seeded No. 1 going into nationals and that the Spartans faced them in the CanWest finals, many assumed that they would be watching the Bears and the Spartans go at it again. Hofer admits that he would have liked to play Alberta again after their recent
It is clear that the leadership was extremely beneficial for their teammates, but Elser and Hofer also accredited the success of a national title to the younger players’ ability to adapt. With Elser and Hofer being the only seniors this season, the two players praise their teammates for handling the national stage with courage and confidence. Hofer shared, “Jesse and I have played in a lot of important matches, but for the most part, Mathias had never set full-time for an entire season and every other guy has never played in a final before. There is definitely a different feel and that CanWest final helped them experience what was coming at nationals.”
Story continues on next page . . .
“Hofer shared, “Jesse and I worked really hard at encouraging the guys to remember that, whatever you do, do it with full commitment and full trust because everyone on the floor, and on the team, is here because we trust you.””
though they had a fire burning inside them, the boys did not take this national championship tournament for granted. Knowing that it was their last time wearing a Spartans jersey, Elser and Hofer savoured every moment they could. In an interview with Mars’ Hill, Elser said, “I think my biggest goal was just to take it as slowly as possible and just soak it all in. . . . I tried to appreciate the early mornings,Hofer and Elser celebrating the victory. Photo via Spartans Athletics.
Continued from previous page . . .
Elser and Hofer worked together to be the guiding forces that would help bring this team to success— and it paid off.
The Spartans were nothing short of amazing in the finals. The statistics board was filled with impeccable performances by the Spartans after the riveting three-set win over Sherbrooke. Elser rang in nine kills and a whopping seven aces, Hofer with nine kills and two aces, Rempel with five kills and two aces, and Jackson Corneil with four kills and one ace. Another extremely notable performance was from Mathias Elser who raked in 26 assists, 2 kills, and 1 solo block. The achievements do not end there—Hofer and Jesse Elser were both named tournament all-stars and Mathias Elser received tournament MVP honours. After carrying around the weight of last season’s finals loss, Jesse Elser and Hofer felt an overwhelming sense of relief following the win. “Basically, for a year straight, I was constantly reminding myself, ‘You don’t want to feel like you did in March 2022 because that feeling sucks.’ I felt so relieved—and tired—after this win. I was almost too tired to celebrate because it
felt like I gave everything I had this season, physically and emotionally, and then we finally did it; so, all I wanted to do was rest,” said Hofer. As members of the starting six last season, Hofer and Elser finally got to unload the weight of last year’s loss and soak in the joy of the 2023 national title.
and moving toward their futures. Elser shared his experience, saying, “Before this tournament, I was 0–2 in national finals, but I said in my senior speech that I wouldn’t change any part of my experience here. I just loved it so much. I have so much respect for everyone involved—whether that’s teachers, staff, therapists, teammates, players, and coaches, I just love the people, and I love the place.” Elser even mentioned that, in his rookie season, he lost nationals in that exact gym with interim coach Schreimer, so achieving victory with Schreimer was a special, unforgettable moment for Elser.
It is admirable to see the way the Spartans prevailed after facing such difficult circumstances this season. Nevertheless, each difficulty made them stronger as a team. For the seniors especially, it was not only the gold medal that made the win so rewarding—it was the journey toward the win that made it unforgettable.
With a national title under their belt, Elser and Hofer seem satisfied with leaving their legacy at TWU
Diego Bascur
Aaron Rodgers, future Hall of Fame quarterback and longtime Green Bay Packer, is a Super Bowl champion and a wizard with the football in his hands. In 18 seasons of playing in the NFL, Rodgers has established himself as an all-time quarterback.
He is a spiritual man as well, engrossed in the world of meditation and turning inward for truth. The man from Chico, California is no stranger to yoga and meditation retreats. He explains that these retreats have “stimulated my mind and helped me get in a better headspace and have a greater peace in my life.”
With the ending of another season, the Packers came up short, failing to make the playoffs for the 2022 campaign. Aaron Rodgers felt his time with Green Bay had come to an end. It was time to move on to a new chapter for the 39-year-old.
So how exactly does a spiritual NFL quarterback decide what to do next in their career? I will tell you how: he locks himself in a cabin in the wilderness of Southern Oregon for a four-day darkness retreat, that is how.
That is right, Aaron Rodgers, a top-tier athlete in the highest level of his sport, decided that was how he was going to decide his next move. What a zen move by the legend from Green Bay. Truly, he is a rare breed of quarterback.
peace—and it begins to transform you as you truly authentically touch what is most important to you.”
And so out of the darkness, Rodgers came enlightened and clear in his purpose. His revelation was to take his talents to the New York Jets for this upcoming season. Though the teams have not yet come to an agreement on moving Rodgers to his new home in New York, he is set in his conviction, so it is only a matter of time before a trade is made.
What better way to decide where you want to go next in life than to lock yourself in complete darkness for four days? Near Klamath Falls in the Cascade-Siskiyou wilderness of Southern Oregon sits Sky Cave Retreats. Scott Berman, who runs the darkness retreats, provides insight on what exactly a darkness retreat is: “When someone goes into the darkness, all these things that were important to them like money, fame, power, status, being worthy—they all become insignificant and meaningless in the dark. In the dark, all you have is the present moment which reveals what is truly meaningful—whether it’s love, forgiveness,
Rodgers speaks about the importance of his darkness journey and being “unplugged.” “It’s just sitting in isolation, meditation, dealing with your thoughts,” he said. “We rarely even turn our phone off or put the blinds down to sleep in darkness. I’m really looking forward to it.”
Rodgers’ journey can be a lesson for us all. We can be so caught up in the noise of busy lives and a fastpaced world. Maybe we should all look for times to disconnect and focus on what is important. With all this to say, the Green Bay quarterback is a one-of-akind athlete devoted to his well-being in every sense of the term, and is now on his way to play for the New York Jets because of a darkness retreat. Wild.
“I felt so relieved—and tired—after this win. I was almost too tired to celebrate because it felt like I gave everything I had this season, physically and emotionally, and then we finally did it; so, all I wanted to do was rest.”
—Brodie Hofer
“What better way to decide where you want to go next in life than to lock yourself in complete darkness for four days?”
Being a student is a conastant cycle of pretending to do my work, eating subpar food, and having dishes in the sink. Today, my goal was to write a simple essay. I walk in my front door and hear a beep come from that pesky carbon monoxide detector. Not my problem.
Sitting down, the essay comes easy at first. The intro paragraph is done, with the strong thesis that “electricity causes more problems than it solves.” I go to write the next section but that beep comes back. “BEEP,” again and again. When will it end? This beeping will be the death of me! Annoying, but no issue. Stacking three different chairs, I get my grippers on that pesky device and rip out its batteries—no more beeping.
I never liked batereis. They rattle and roll, taste like energy drinks, and blow up my Samsung Note 7. How mayny times have you been wakling on a seemingly trustworthy ground, when out of nowhere a devious battery rolls through, placing itself at the perfect angel to send your feet out from under you, your socks off your feet, and your shoes through the ceiling? Too many I say, down with batereis!
I toss the batereis into the sink, letting the garbage disposal deal with them. Angangangang. It tears them to shreds, and I continue writing my essay. My masterpiece. My magnm opus. It gets better and better, each word flowing into eachother with the eloquence of a poet. Am I a God? Am I the best autor to grace this earth? Shakespear cannot compare; writign is my calling!
As I marvel in the grandeur of my incredible piece, my work of literrary art that none can compete, I feel my energy drain. I am feeling super sllepy and disortiented. I’m surorunded by swirly, colorful shapes that are making my head spin. The walls are meling, and the sentences in my essay are dancing around like jummprope. It’s like I’m drunnk or something, but I didn’t even have a sip of alcohol today. I’m pretty sure I’m hallucinating, but I’m too dazed to be sure. Maybe I should have paid more attention to that beep. Now my head feels like it’s underwater and my body is heavy like a ton of brinks. I’m just going to rest my eyes for a little bti...
We’ve all been there. It’s Thursday afternoon. After a long day of school and looking at screens all day, we want nothing more than to go back to our dorm room and watch more videos on our phone screens. But we can’t. Our roommate left for the weekend. And they left the room a mess. Dirty Blundstones are thrown across the room, clothes are all over their bed, and half-eaten food is left on their desk. What are we supposed to do?
It’s your lucky day! Here is a what-to-do guide on what to do if your roommate is a mess:
1. Don’t tell your RA. While it would make sense to tell your RA about the situation, we all know that the RA’s don’t really do anything. You’re an adult, and your roommate is an adult, so just cut out the middleman and handle it like adults. Here are some options to choose from to help you handle the situation like an adult:
2. Tell your RA. Yes, I know I just said not to, but you can also tell your RA. But instead of just showing them a mess, why not throw in an empty alcohol bottle to spice things up? There are plenty of empty beer bottles in the Back 40, so go and grab one and place it in the middle of their mess. Bring in your RA and act like you know nothing. Following a Level II violation and punishment from the Student Handbook by the RD’s, your roommate will quickly learn their lesson.
3. Start a Roommate War. No one knows your roommate as well as you do. No one knows their biggest dreams, their favourite memories, or their darkest fears except for you. Use this to your advantage. Tape their underwear to the window of your room with a sign saying, “This is ----’s underwear!” Take the clothes outside and throw them over the bushes outside your window. Sell their Blundstones on Facebook Marketplace. Eat the rest of their half-eaten food. Wait for them to come back and watch their reaction.
4. Start a Prank War. If the above option was chosen, I suggest following with a prank war idea. “It wasn’t me, I would never have pranked my roommate! It must’ve been Douglas, or Fraser, or Skidmore!”—is all a roommate would have to say to get out of trouble. And trust me, they’ll believe you. Why would a roommate prank another roommate? That doesn’t make sense. But Douglas pranking Fraser? Oh yeah, that’s much more believable.
5. Call their mom. We are far enough along in the year that you have probably met your roommate’s parents already. You have probably talked, chatted, and maybe even laughed over
a few baby pictures of your roomie. At the very least, you know their first name. Go to Facebook. Look up their mom’s name in your roommate’s followers list and send her a picture of the mess with the text, “Monica, is this how you raised your kid? You and I both know that they are much better than this.” After your roommate returns from wherever the heck they went over the weekend, they should clean up their mess.
6. Have them banned from TWUSA. I heard from the new TWUSA president that since TWUSA technically owns its lounge, they could theoretically ban people from coming in the lounge and all TWUSA-affiliated branches. That would mean no free printing, no free coffee, and, worst of all, no Mars’ Hill or Pillar for the roommate. This is a very extreme reaction to a messy room, so I would only suggest that this option be used if the roommate is a repeat defender. Jeremy Joosten is a nice guy, I’m sure he’d hate it if he really had to ban people from the lounge.
These are only a few options to pick from if you and your roommate run into a mess. Use this knowledge wisely.
From a student who just wants to help.
Editor’s note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
You know him, you love him, and a lot of you have pined for him on the @twuconfessionsrevived Instagram page. Here is an enlightening interview with a fourth-year MCOM major and TWUSA’s director of marketing, who also happens to be widely considered the most attractive person on campus.
Bailey Froese: So, Carson Bird, I think we’re all interested in getting to know the Carson behind the Bird, especially since everyone on campus seems to think you’re the Sexiest Man Alive. When did you first realize that people were having these thoughts and feelings about you? What were your emotions at the start?
Carson Bird: I think it started with Confessions. . . . I think the first one that was posted . . . I didn’t actually know who it was, so then I was just like, “Aw, whatever, it was probably Josh [Driediger] or someone,” and then the second one that was posted was [from] Joshua Driediger. At that point I was like, “Ha ha, funny joke,” but then there were like five more the next day and then even more after that for months and months, and then I was just like, “Time to unfollow Confessions” because I didn’t want to see this anymore.
BF: I have a personal theory that there’s been this reaction about you because you physically resemble an amalgamation of every skinny white cartoon boy from the 2010s that has been crushed on by everyone. Some examples include Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007), Bernard from Megamind (2010), the Once-ler from The Lorax (2013), and Hiccup from How To Train Your Dragon 2 (2014). How do you respond to that?
CB: I wasn’t expecting Alvin . . . or Simon, sorry, that’s even worse. Anyway . . . I can see it, that’s fair. No, the Hiccup one . . . I feel like How To Train Your Dragon 2 really did me a service there. Without that Hiccup, man, I don’t know who I would be. I don’t think I would be anyone. I took his vibe, man. He walked, so I could run.
BF: Would you say that this newfound popularity has caused you to feel somewhat objectified by the public or perhaps even privileged by your inherent attractiveness?
CB: Objectified, yes. I fully understand now what it’s like to be completely objectified and not seen as a person. I’m just kidding. No, it hasn’t really translated outside of Confessions. I’ve just become the Confessions guy. Carson the Confessions guy. I guess it’s better than calling me Carson.
BF: It’s better than being known as the son of a car, right?
CB: That’s true.
BF: Other than yourself, who do you think is the most attractive person either on campus or in the world?
CB: On campus, I would say Andrew Nelson. [He’s] the most attractive person I have ever seen and had the privilege of being [censored] with. Of all time? That’s tough. I think that I have to go with, uh . . . Andrew Nelson. I really look up to him; his wide optimism, his smile . . . even if there’s nothing to smile about, he’s smiling. I admire that a lot. He’s my hero. I would die for him.
BF: Do you have any beauty tips for the folks at home who might wish to emulate your physical gravitas?
CB: I have one, alright? If you have square glasses: stop it. Buy round glasses and all of a sudden, you’ll get attention!
BF: That’s why I wear round glasses.
CB: Exactly! I bought these for like eighty dollars off of a website.
BF: A website? Which website?
CB: It’s on the dark web, I can’t say.
BF: Alright, last question. What’s your favourite bird?
CB: My favourite bird would probably be . . . one of those little budgies that can talk. Those guys are really funny, and they’ll do really funny things, like fly around you and land on your shoulder and look at you like you’re crazy, like they have some other plan for you.
BF: Like God?
CB: Yeah!
BF: Alright, I think that’s a good note to end on. Thank you so much for your time, Carson.
CB: Any time, any time you want to have me back, if there’s another confession, just let me know.
BF: It’s the last issue of the year, so I’m afraid I can’t talk to you anymore.
CB: Oh. Well, it’s been a pleasure then.
Everyone knows that water is the best beverage. I eschew coffee, tea, and all other forms of the unnatural monstrosities that we call drinks in today’s society. Instead, I carry multiple two-litre jugs of water with me at all times. The worst thing that could ever happen to me would be to run out of water. My professors and my peers fear me, for they know that I am hydrated. I walk the halls, the sound of my water jugs sloshing and, oh, how they run from me. They take their Monster energy drinks and their Diet Cokes and their Root Beers and they run. Dear God, how they run. I take a sip of water as I effortlessly keep up with them. Their lung capacity cannot match mine. I do not need to exercise. Water sustains me. When I win sports games (as I often do), they do not dump Gatorade on me; they dump water from the glacial lakes of Switzerland.
Water is the solution to all our problems. If only we could all drink as much water as me, we might be saved from the terrors of tonic water and La Croix (the most heinous of all drinks). Even sparkling water disgusts me. Why, or better yet how, would you improve on the world’s most perfect drink? Carbonation? Seriously? I scoff at the thought. I guffaw at the notion.
Yet it often feels like an empty life drinking this much water. Few can match me in their water-drinking prowess. In this, I must say that the life of a visionary genius is a lonely one. They stare at the water jugs, but they never stare at me. I do not talk to people; I simply consume water. Water is my life now. My skin is hydrated and my conscience clear, but I long for human connection.
My tears are as pure as a mountain stream, but they cannot wash away my sadness.
I drink more water.
My skin begins to glow radiantly.
I am ascending.
I drink more water.
ACROSS
3. The capital of Paraguay.
6. This pop culture podcast was produced by Mars’ Hill staffers Liv Walton and Carter Sawatzky in 2020.
9. Mars’ Hill’s Arts and Culture editor in the 2012/2013 school year.
10. The common abbreviation for the title of Bret Van Den Brink’s favourite 20th-century novel (Hint: it was also a popular movie franchise).
Elizabeth Richmond
DOWN
1, The most streamed artist on Spotify in 2022.
2. A social media app I spend too much time on.
4. Fictional English football team in the show Ted Lasso
5. Arts and Culture editor David Witzke covered this lovable shark in Issue 9.
7. Popular Declassified with mysterious origins.
8. Pasta shaped like rice.
What a year it has been! The process of creating volume 27 has been challenging, but ultimately rewarding and has led to so many fantastic opportunities to grow and learn. Taking on the role of leading an organization like ours has the pressure of history associated with it. There is a lot of responsibility in handling the legacy of an institution like Mars’ Hill and being able to handle that legacy takes more than just the few of us officially on staff.
We must take time to extend a multitude of “thank yous” to everyone outside of the dozen members of staff who worked to make this year’s paper possible. Thank you to the TWUSA team for welcoming us so graciously into the TWUSA fold.
Thank you to the many members of TWU’s staff and faculty and members of the volume 26 team who offered practical support, encouragement, and advice. Thank you to everyone who allowed us to interview them or who gave us comments for
stories. Bailey would like to extend a special thank you to SAMC as a collective for putting up with their jokes about arts students in the horoscopes.
While there are many, many people who supported us throughout the year, there are a few we would like to highlight in particular: Kristian Trevena, Christa Lyford, Jasmine Mancuso, Simon Shackelford, Loranne Brown, Carter Sawatzky, Chrisaleen Ciro, Kelsey Voth, and Andrew Bouchard.
It would be remiss of us not to mention our many fabulous regular contributors, guest writers, and cover artists. Mars’ Hill cannot function without the work of contributors who truly make each issue unique and special.
And, lastly, thank you to you, the reader. Mars’ Hill exists for the benefit of the student body of TWU. If it were not for the people who read our publi-
cation — those who have passed on their encouragement, held us accountable for our mistakes, or just idly perused an issue in between classes — we would have no purpose. Thank you for reading this far into the issue and for your continued support of the work that we do.
Of course, not to sound like a broken record, but we are currently hiring for our team next year. The experience of working for a publication like this is a true delight and ultimately very rewarding.
Until next year,
— MARS’ HILLIt’s hot out there but not as hot as you. Your glow-up this summer will consist of a bright, blistered sunburn that’s so red that children cry when they see you because they think you’re the Kool-Aid Man bursting through their walls. Sunscreen won’t save you from destiny, so if you’re ginger, I suggest you stay inside wearing a winter coat at all times because this sunburn will make you look like Anakin Skywalker at the end of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005). Yes, including the missing limbs.
NURSING
Get ready for a wild summer romance that will cut your Bible reading plan solely down to Song of Solomon. Is he hot? Yes! Does he have bulging muscles and eyes? Yes! Does he eat his cereal with peanut butter instead of milk? Yes! Did he murder his own parents? Yes! Did he knit the skin of their corpses into cute little cardigan sweaters that he’ll give to you on your first anniversary together? Yes!
EDUCATION
Isn’t it crazy that university summers last for four months? Make the most of this time while you can and spend your summer break standing outside of grade schools throughout May and
June, laughing at the poor young souls who have two more months of drudgery left. Make them yearn to grow up. Show them just how awful being a carefree child really is.
HKIN
Unfortunately, your Spartans’ volleyball victory will soon be revoked because one of your team members was using performance-enhancing supplements—Honey Boo Boo’s Go-Go Juice, to be exact. I’m sure you all know who the guilty party is.
NATURAL & APPLIED SCIENCES
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SOCIAL SCIENCES
Use this summer to take some time for yourself. Take nature walks. Climb a mountain. Dwell in a cave on top of the mountain. Become a hermit. Grow a really long beard. Befriend the mountain goats. Forget how to speak English, and find yourself only able to communicate in the screams of the mountain goats. Marry a mountain goat. Settle down with it and raise a family. Now, don’t you feel refreshed?
HUMANITIES
You of all the majors were probably the most upset that these horoscopes didn’t contain
Is there something you’re passionate about more than anyone else? Is there an idea or story you’re dying to share with the world? Do you like to make people laugh?
Send us your pieces or ideas to marshill@gmail.com
Section Cheat Sheet:
News (World-Wide Happenings)
Opinions (Spicy Takes)
Sports (Athletics Updates or Musings)
Arts & Culture (Stuff That’s Popular or Should Be) Humour (The Funny Stuff)
Check
any predictions for actual astrology signs, so here you go. If you’re an Aries, your birthday is this month. If you’re a Taurus, good for you. If you’re a Gemini, I’m sorry for your loss. If you’re a Cancer, stop it. If you’re a Leo, you’ll get a canker sore two weeks from now. If you’re a Virgo, you can’t drive. If you’re a Libra, run. If you’re a Scorpio, being a Harry Potter adult isn’t cool. If you’re a Sagittarius, gesundheit. If you’re a Capricorn, you’re hot. If you’re an Aquarius, you’re not. If you’re a Pisces, call your mother; it’s been weeks, and she’s worried about you.
SAMC
Hope you enjoy those restaurant and retail jobs this summer, because they’re about to become real permanent after you graduate—oh no, not again, help! They’re coming after me with paintbrushes and cameras and highlighted scripts! It was a joke, a silly little joke— not the tuba, anything but the tuba! NO NO STOP PLEASE, HELP!!!! AUUUUGGGGHHHHHhhhh . . .
Is all lost for our hapless sage of the stars? Will the Christian Horoscopes return next year? Find out in Fall 2023 . . .
