Volume 26 Issue 1: Whiplash

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ISSUE 01

VOLUME 26

MAKENA WARDLE Editor-in-Chief

CARTER SAWATZKY Managing Editor

RACHEL WEGNER Visual Editor

GILLIAN SCOTT Copy Editor

Dear Reader,

MARITHA LOUW News Editor

KYLE PENNER Opinions Editor

SOPHIE HOLLAND Arts & Culture Editor

SCOTT BOWERS Sports Editor

BRAEDON GROVER SUNNES Humour Editor

LEX DIERSCH Staff Writer

DIEGO BASCUR Staff Writer

ZACHARY SIMONYI-GINDELE Illustrator

The theme “Whiplash” was born out of a conversation within our team at the beginning of the semester. Thrust back onto the Trinity Western University (TWU) grounds after a year of being off campus, we were all feeling a mix of emotions. Though there was anticipation in being able to meet with one another face-to-face, there was also a looming sense of worry that what had come to feel like a privilege could be taken from us at any moment. Not only that, but we continue to be surrounded by rules and regulations on campus in compliance with PHO (Provincial Health Officer) orders, which were not here when we last walked these halls. For some, this new TWU is the only one they have ever experienced. Being required over and over again to adapt, our academic careers have begun to feel like a rollercoaster ride.

MACKENNA WILSON Photographer & Social Media Manager

Mars’ Hill is a student publication of Trinity Western University located on the traditional ancestral territory of the Sto:lo people. Floated with funds raised by the Student Association, Mars’ Hill seeks to be a professional and relevant student publication, reflecting and challenging the TWU community, while intentionally addressing local, national, and international issues.

MISSION TO MARS

JARED KLASSEN Web Editor

The mission of Mars’ Hill, as the official student newspaper of Trinity Western University, is to inform and entertain its readers, cultivate awareness of issues concerning the TWU community, and provide a forum for purposeful, constructive discussion among its members in accordance with the Community Covenant, Statement of Faith, and Core Values of the University.

MEDIA ADVISOR: Loranne Brown

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As our TWU family continues to adapt together, I encourage you to find places on campus that feel safe for you. We are all feeling the effects of this whiplash to varying degrees, so it is my hope that we may heal and grow together.

Cheers,

These COVID-19 related changes are not the only ones students are faced with once back on campus. Over the summer, TWU announced the closure of multiple programs including the BFA in

MARS’ HILL

CATE TSO Layout Editor

acting, the BA in theatre, and the MA in TESOL. This news devastated the arts community at TWU, and has left many unsure of their place within its walls. In our feature article, we cover this story in more detail and explain the impact this has had––and will continue to have––on our community as the Theatre department and its supporters continue to fight for its place.

EDITORIAL POLICY

Mars’ Hill encourages submissions and Letters to the Editor. Mars’ Hill reserves the right to edit submissions for style, brevity, and compatibility with the Mission, the Statement of Faith, the Student Handbook, and the Core Values of the University. Anonymous authorship of any material may be granted at the discretion of the Editor-in-Chief. Opinions expressed in Mars’ Hill belong to the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial board, Trinity Western University, its officials or its Student Association.

CONTRIBUTORS

Sydney Dvorak Grace Giesbrecht Tyler Jones Annie Zander Alice Jun Dan Lybbert John Alexander

Erin Davies Jesse Garden Shelby Wyminga Emma Selle Lani Marie Carbonel Jonathan Semke Sacha Mugisha

DECLASSIFIEDS SUBMIT YOUR OWN AT MARSHILLNEWSPAPER.COM/DECLASSIFIEDS

we back and better than ever egg A Christian is a Christian no matter how Left!

Shout out to everyone who lived on campus this summer who had to listen to me yelling at my summer camp kids. Thanks for putting up with me y’all.

The ladies on the basketball team are super cute.

Sincerely, a fellow lady questioning her sexuality.

Darren Criss is overhyped If you don’t compose all your texts in the notes app before sending them, are you really alive?

There is nothing more vulnerable than making eye contact with someone while you’re in a massage chair. more masks = less of those smiles that white people do when they pass others in the halls I loved the fashion show in front of reimer on wednesday. its cool that textbooks were for sale too, that was a nice bonus Watchu know about uwu down in the yeet when your brain goes your brain goes sheesh you can call that mental reet Ben Meadows and Jacob Laubach are the same man in different fonts.

Just because you’re in political science doesn’t mean you can call a political leader an idiot :( the memepage stealing declassified content is a tribute to how good Mars’ Hill really is.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Sarah Creach is back on campus. God has blessed this campus.

Is it okay to ask maintenance to change my light bulb to a soft, golden, 1800-degrees-Kelvin lighting to replace the great evil that is white light??

I must cleanse my hands of this bean juice

The blossom of truth, to know the mystery of creation, colour erupts, breath lashes out, the quick unsettling movement of life, reality seeps in, to an eager heart, to know the mystery, this the blossom of truth, all flowers wilt, except for this Come on! It’s almost two years are we still believing in it?

sports bras work as tops. fight me

Can someone please fix the willow tree swing? Thx in advance :)

Friendly reminder: the back 40 exists. Go look at some trees.

I did not consent to listening to Spotify Christmas commercials in September

Submit anything :)

Dr. Holly Nelson: “I was very heterosexual”

Weekly 11:07 workshops at 10pm everynight in RNT 237! every TUESDAY night, my bad.

Richard Taylor: Redeemed White Man Anyone know who livia is? alex walker needs a haircut and a shave if you say “i just think it should be a choice” you’re antivax Berke Mutaf is kinda hot…

Jill and Jon are the best apartment reps. McMillan is so lucky There’s something about being a first year that just makes u wanna talk to every single girl you see, that first year energy is off the charts Can we please talk about the anxiety that comes with taking off your mask in class to sip your coffee? o week is summer camp on steroids

Does TWUSA still have free bread? Because im broke and really need it for my mental health Anyone else notice that all the first years seam like they actually know what they are doing this year?

I mean, I’m in my 4th year and still feel like a new kid sometimes Potential dissertation title: “Three fingers deep in everyone else’s a**: a history of colonialism” No, Christopher Taucar no longer works here. Thank the good lord People younger than me are getting married can u say yikes Psa: 90s twu yearbooks can’t be put online cause there are too many alumni in blackface :/ Someday, somebody is going to ask me who my fourth year roommate was and I’m going to say, by way of explanation, “she had six copies of of the communist manifesto”

Started a conversation about eco fashion, someone misheard me and we ended up talking about eco fascism. Only at a liberal arts school

Morality, in today’s highly influential interpretation, is not a field of contemplation, but a catechism of intellectual and social expression.

i wish the government would track me through the vaccine. i want to be on someone’s mind that much everyday.

I’m seeing a lot less patagucci on campus this year, is our trinity culture slowly dying?

Hey fam it’s cute and great that slo week was all diversity training but maybe keep in mind that retention of international students and their tuition is a financial lifeline for all post-secondary institutions in Canada right now and TWU is no different.

Violin Concerto, Opus 14: II. Andante. Samuel Barber I, for one, will not be getting married and having a baby within the year.

Normalize having no idea what is going on in upper-level philosophy classes disguised as political science.

It’s the little things in life, like having a toaster and no longer needing to cook you bread to make toast You know the whole “person with several crazy exes is probably the actual crazy ex” thing? SAME GOES FOR ROOMMATES. Doing homework with ur friend—thas called homiework : ) Taking intro to the Old Testament as a fourth year is quite the experience turns out i am the only woman in my business class. i now have no choice but to become a girlboss. i didn’t ask for this but i now have an integral role to take on.

“Good ponytails” -Dr. Mark Husbands Finally Caleb murdered all the commuters NOT A SPECTACULAR THEATRE PROF CALLING ADMIN OUT for TELLING THE THEATRE DEPARTMENT THEY DONT MATTER IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL AT SKITS while sitting DIRECTLY NEXT TO Dr HUSBANDS. At an event where EVERY RESIDENT comes out FOR DRAMA AND THEATRE to form community and laugh together no less!

If you are being physically bullied on campus, just call the police. We’re adults and are not in high school anymore. The bullies can have adult-like consequences.

Professor Strom reminds me of God - appreciates kindness of students, calm and gentle like a peaceful ocean.

Textbooks written by professors Mars’ Hill editors reserve the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not necessarily reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill staff, the student association, or that of the University.

SYDNEY DVORAK

CONTRIBUTOR OF THE ISSUE What is your major?

History, European studies.

Where are you from?

Oklahoma, but I’d consider “home” after my time there.

Europe

What is something you’re passionate about and want to share with the world?

I’m really passionate about cultural memory, preserving the past, and decolonizing museums. History doesn’t have to be—and shouldn’t be—pale, male, and stale! I want everyone to know that history is for you, no matter your nationality, religion, race, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Studying history can be an act of reclamation.

Why do you write for Mars’ Hill?

I started writing because my friend Grace needed content when she was news editor.

I continued writing because someone sent me hate mail and that really encouraged me.

What is your favourite article you’ve written for Mars’ Hill and why is it important?

I think my favourite article so far was my piece “Fashion and Fascism,” (ironically not part of my regular Feminist News column). I loved writing it because it is about aesthetics and politics, and as a history student I love seeing how what can often be overlooked as “low” culture intermingles with things we see as more important, like politics!

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THE WAR ON WOMEN SYDNEY DVORAK

TRIGGER WARNINGS: SEXUAL VIOLENCE, INCEST, ABORTION. *Note: I will not be using the terms pro-life or pro-choice in this article, as this is an emotionally-charged debate in which language is often used as a weapon. Unless I am quoting another source, I have decided to use “abortion rights advocates” or “abortion rights opponents.”

Following the passing of Senate Bill 8 (SB 8), the state of Texas has effectively banned abortions. SB 8 states that pregnancies in which a heartbeat is detected (which usually occurs around six weeks) cannot be aborted. The bill was signed by Texas Governor Greg Abbott in May, and it went into effect on September 1.

SB 8 flies in the face of the Supreme Court precedent created with Roe v. Wade almost 50 years ago, which protects a woman’s right to an abortion within the first half of the pregnancy. Since SB 8 was signed, abortion rights advocates have filed lawsuits to block the new law, but the majority conservative Supreme Court is allowing SB 8 to remain in effect while they argue the law.

Many women have stated this law feels like something out of The Handmaid’s Tale, while others argue this should have been expected after almost 600 abortion restrictions have been introduced across the U.S. in the last decade alone. Women protesting SB 8 who lived in the pre-Roe v. Wade era want younger people to know that this is a huge setback for women’s rights, health, and safety. One woman explained that before Roe v. Wade, “Everybody had a daughter or knew somebody who had had a bad outcome after an illegal abortion.”

Perhaps most alarmingly, SB 8 makes no exceptions for victims of rape, sexual abuse, or incest.

And, unlike other abortion bans, it allows anyone living in Texas to sue anyone suspected of “aiding and abetting” abortions after the six-week mark.

Nancy Pelosi, U.S. Speaker of the House, said the law “unleashes one of the most disturbing, unprecedented and far-reaching assaults on health care providers–– and on anyone who helps a woman, in any way, access an abortion––by creating a vigilante bounty system that will have a chilling effect.”

The vagueness of this clause in SB 8 could include anyone from the abortion provider to rape councellors to the taxi drivers who transport pregnant people to a clinic. On top of that, those who sue and successfully prevent an abortion will be rewarded with a payment of $10 000.

Meanwhile, places like the Dallas Area Rape Crisis Center (DARRC) has already received calls to its hotline with a very specific goal in mind: callers identifying as “pro-life advocates” are eager to sue DARCC for potentially referring rape victims who become pregnant to abortion clinics, violating the SB 8. DARCC Chief Executive Amy Jones told The Washington Post that she has never received calls like this before, stating, “I felt like they were already fishing for a defendant in a lawsuit.”

The question still stands: can we rely on the Supreme Court to protect our rights?

“This is a huge setback for women’s rights, health, and safety.”

THE DEATH OF CONSERVATISM MARITHA LOUW

By the time this article is published, the Canadian public will have already elected a new government––either a Liberal minority, a Liberal majority, or a Conservative minority. But, judging by CBC poll tracker, one thing is clear––the Conservatives will not win enough seats to form a majority government. (For our non-Canadian friends: a majority government allows a party to pass legislation without the need for collaboration from other parties).

The certainty of these results reflect a growing trend in politics worldwide, and that is that many voters, young and old alike, are moving towards more progressive and socially liberal policies. A study by the Pew Research Centre shows that most millennials and Gen Zers have “consistently liberal” or “mostly liberal” views when compared with the Generation X and baby boomer demographics.

Some of the left-wing trends in voting are in reaction to growing up with a right-wing government (such as Harper in Canada, Cameron in the U.K., or Bush in the U.S.). For better or for worse, the United States has been and still is a dominant force in changing public political opinion worldwide.

The rise (and consequential fall) of “Trumpism”

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and the far-right faction in the Republican party in 2016 has been a catalyst of polarization. Already right-wing Americans were emboldened in their stances and became absorbed into the Make America Great Again (MAGA) movement, cheering at Donald Trump’s rallies and spewing conspiracy theories about the deep state. Americans who had voted Republican in the past, but who did not identify with the xenophobic leanings of the party, were forced to either vote Democrat or not vote at all. Additionally, the emergence of social movements such as #MeToo, #BlackLivesMatter, and the Green New Deal have empowered scores of Americans across generations to take responsibility for what is going on in their country and vote for policies and politicians who are actively supportive of these movements as well.

The polarizing effect of Trump’s Republican era has created shockwaves worldwide, as right-leaning voters no longer want to be associated with the ultra-conservative base. Most conservative political parties believe in some form of the following values: small government, low taxes, strong military, and “traditional” social values. Their messaging is defined by keeping the status quo. However, vot-

ers are realising that when facing the big challenges such as climate change and economic inequality, the status quo will not do enough to make the world a better place. Thus, progressive policies come into play. Radical action, social reform, and a belief in the ability of ordinary people to enact extraordinary change––these are the drivers behind entire generations shifting public opinion towards left-wing or left-of-centre political parties.

“The status quo won’t do enough to make the world a better place.”

Perhaps Conservative leader Erin O’Toole will become Prime Minister on September 20. Perhaps Prime Minister Trudeau will cling onto power for another four years with a minority government.

The certainty remains, however, that conservatism as a whole is not attractive enough for young voters to cast their ballots in its favour.

2001-2021: A TIMELINE OF TERROR MARITHA LOUW

This month, twenty years ago, a group of operatives from terrorist organisation Al-Qaeda hijacked four commercial airplanes in the United States.

Two ploughed into the Twin Towers in New York City, one flew into the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, and one crash-landed in a field after passengers onboard regained control from the hijackers.

Close to three thousand innocent lives were lost in the 9/11 attacks. U.S. President George Bush vowed vengeance, declaring that America would “win the war against terrorism,” and as such, set his sights on Afghanistan––the base for Al-Qaeda.

The following is a simplified timeline of the events occurring in the ensuing war. The estimated death toll for the war is somewhere between 876,000 and 929,000: this includes military personnel, civilians, bystanders, and opposition fighters.

October 2001: Operation Enduring Freedom is launched. It is supported by the U.S.’ allies: the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, France, and Germany. At this point, air strikes are the primary means of engagement.

December 2001: Al-Qaeda leader and orchestrator of the 9/11 attacks Osama Bin-Laden escapes from Afghanistan and flees into Pakistan. Shortly thereafter, the Taliban regime in Afghanistan collapses. The Taliban worked with Al-Qaeda leaders to remain safely in hiding.

“The mission was never supposed to be nation-building” March 2002: The U.S. begins mentioning Iraq as an increasingly powerful threat in the “war on terror,” and shifts its military and intelligence resources towards toppling Saddam Hussein’s power there. Additionally, President Bush calls for the reconstruction of Afghanistan by means of humanitarian assistance. The U.S. would come to spend over $38 billion in aid between 2002 and 2009.

May 2003: Both President Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld declare that “major combat” in Iraq and Afghanistan has come to an end. Rumsfeld is quoted by reporters: “We are at a point where we clearly have moved from major combat activity to a period of stability and stabilisation and reconstruction and activities.”

August 2003: U.S. and her allies in the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation expand their presence in Afghanistan from an initial five thousand troops to around sixty-five thousand troops in 2006.

August 2017: President Trump outlines his Afghanistan policy, saying that he will press ahead with an open-ended military commitment to prevent the “emergence of a vacuum for terrorists.”

May 2005: President Bush issues a declaration that Washington will “help organise, train, equip, and sustain Afghan security forces,” and aid the nation in rebuilding its economy and political democracy.

January 2018: The Taliban launch major attacks in Kabul, as a response to the Trump administration deploying more troops and launching airstrikes against Afghan villages.

February 2019: U.S.-Taliban peace talks begin and progress. The Taliban requests that the U.S. halves its deployment of troops in exchange for a ceasefire.

September 2019: President Trump calls off the peace talks.

July 2006: Violence increases across Afghanistan.

Causes for the bloody resurgence include the government’s inability to set up adequate police forces and the lack of accessible basic services for many Afghans.

February 2009: Fresh into his tenure as President, Barack Obama reaffirms the U.S.’ dedication to Afghanistan. He says that they will draw down most combat forces from Iraq by the end of 2011. His new strategy for victory outlines plans to “dismantle” Al-Qaeda’s power in Pakistan in order to prevent its return to Afghanistan.

December 2009: President Obama commits an additional 30 000 forces to the war, on top of the 68 000 already in place. Obama’s deadline of withdrawing troops by 2011 remains.

May 2011: Osama Bin-Laden is killed by U.S. forces in Pakistan. One month later, Obama outlines a plan to withdraw troops as polls show that most Americans no longer support the continuation of the war.

October 2011: Ten years since war began.

September 2020: Direct negotiations take place between representatives of the Taliban and the Afghan government. Both sides express their eagerness for peace in Afghanistan after the U.S. troops are withdrawn in full.

“It is time to end America’s longest war” April 2021: President Biden decides that complete U.S. withdrawal will be achieved before the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. He says, “It is time to end America’s longest war.” He asserts that troops will be withdrawn from Afghanistan regardless of whether the Taliban reduces its attacks.

August 15, 2021: The Afghan government collapses, and the Taliban take control. Without the US forces, the Taliban faced little to no resistance.

August 16, 2021: President Biden defends the withdrawal of troops, saying that the goal was always to dismantle Al-Qaeda, and that the mission “was never supposed to be nation building.”

September 2021: The Taliban announces its new government in Afghanistan.

May 2014: Obama announces that most U.S. forces will be withdrawn by the end of 2016.

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INTERVIEW WITH TWUSA PRESIDENT, SARAH KATE MARITHA LOUW

Sarah Kate Davis is the first TWUSA president to be an Art + Design major. We have had students in international studies, political studies, and business in the top student leadership position, but I wanted to know how Sarah Kate would be informed by her area of discipline in her tenure as president.

Mars’ Hill: How does your art major contribute to your leadership style in TWUSA? Sarah Kate: My art major contributes greatly to my leadership style on TWUSA in regard to how I communicate and connect with my team. My major has challenged me to develop critical thinking skills and has been a part of strengthening my empathy muscles by engaging, viewing, and understanding a diverse range of artworks. In conversation with art and culture, I am continually learning to find my voice and use it to inspire new ideas.

MH: Why should the arts matter to students who are not majoring in it?

SK: In the same way math, chemistry, environmental science, music, theology, movement, and business contribute richly to my own meaning and becoming as both an artist and a human being, these disciplines help me understand and experience my field of study through a lens of diversity.

The arts matter because we are all created in the “imago dei” and thus have creativity intrinsically in us: this creativity is far too often overlooked in our busy lives. The study of art helps us to become compassionate neighbours, empathetic friends, and intentional individuals because it causes us to take a step back and observe our lives, relationships, and surroundings in a light that society rarely allows us to see.

MH: What is the best lesson you have learned so far as president?

SK: The biggest lesson that I have learned as president so far is that I was not created to do all things nor was I meant to be able to do all things. I am blessed to be part of a team of dreamers, doers, analytical, logical and critical thinkers, feelers, and passionately-driven individuals who have been given strengths and gifts that I do not have, and that is why we work well as a team.

WHAT A MANDATE IS, AND WHAT IT IS NOT ANONYMOUS

A growing number of nations have begun implementing vaccine mandates regarding COVID-19, meaning, proof of vaccination will be required to attend certain social and recreational events, and to access non-essential services and businesses. COVID-19 is not the only instance in world history of vaccine mandates being enforced, but it is the first of such a global scale in the 21st century. As such, many are concerned with the emergence of these mandates, arguing that their rights and freedoms are being infringed upon.

As a preface for discernment: Section 7 of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms reads: “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of the person and the right not to be deprived thereof except in accordance with the principles of fundamental justice.”

What a vaccine mandate is:

- Vaccine mandates protect the “herd.” (Herd immunity: when a majority of a population is vaccinated against a contagious disease, it is unlikely that an outbreak of the disease will occur, so most members of the community will be protected).

- Vaccine mandates protect future generations.

- Vaccine mandates provide economic benefits for society––money is saved by preventing lost productivity due to disability, illness, and early death.

- Vaccine mandates offer a choice: to receive or decline the vaccine. Those who decline are presented with a different set of options, such as online classes, regular testing and social distancing, and wearing a mask or other protective equipment.

- These options may be inconvenient, but they are options.

- Vaccine mandates seek to protect the health and safety of the public. Vaccines have been proven to reduce the severity of an illness and to reduce transmission in cases where lockdowns, social distancing, and masking cannot.

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What a vaccine mandate is not:

- Vaccine mandates are not “forced vaccination”––every citizen still has the right and liberty to choose whether they will be vaccinated or not.

- Vaccine mandates do not unreasonably restrict a way of life. One of the pillars of a democratic and fair government is that it can limit people’s rights so long as it has a good reason and can demonstrate why: a pandemic, outbreak, or epidemic are all considered to be good reasons.

- For example, stopping entry of an unvaccinated person into a restaurant is a minimal infringement on rights, whereas the consequences of spreading a highly contagious virus are much more dire.

Vaccine mandates are not a return to Holo- caust, segregation, or Apartheid policies. Those systems were cruel, unjust, and based on the discrimnation of race. The vaccine mandate is not discriminatory. Again, it provides a choice.

And, in the interest of protecting the health and wellbeing of the society and community, the options for unvaccinated citizens are more restrictive than those for vaccinated citizens.

- To make it even more clear: the Holocaust, segregation, and Apartheid were a systemic means of limiting the rights of citizens. A vaccine mandate limits the privileges of citizens.

Vaccine mandates are not created to be perma- nent; they play a part in encouraging citizens to be vaccinated, so society can sooner return to the dream of “normal” life.

“COVID-19 is not the only instance in world history of vaccine mandates being enforced, but it is the first of such a global scale in the 21st century.”

“Vaccine mandates offer a choice, to receive or decline the vaccine.”

PANDEMICS, PURITANS, AND PERFORMING ARTS SOPHIE HOLLAND

Ah, the theatre. A place where people of all walks of life can gather to watch a production, packed together like sardines in squishy velvet seats. Well, perhaps not packed together, in the midst of a pandemic. Live theatre is yet another outlet that has been shut down for the past year and a half due to COVID-19.

“To take away the theatre was to take away an immense aspect of English culture.”

However, the COVID-19 pandemic is not the first time in history where a mass closure of theatres has been instituted. In London, England in 1642, the Puritans ordered that all theatres be shut down, including the Globe Theatre, where many of Shakespeare’s plays were performed. Many historical textbooks and other sources claim these mass theatre closures were due to the plague, but this is not the case.

The Stage writes that in 1642, the Puritan-led parliament demanded the closure of all theatres in the London area, stating that “stage-plays [are] representative of lascivious mirth and levity.” The counter-cultural, liberal environment of the theatre was one that clashed dramatically with the Puritans’ rigid, temperate worldview. To put it plainly, the theatre was too sexy for Puritans.

Keep in mind, 1642 was just after the Elizabethan Era (1558-1603) which was the height of theatre at the time. The most famous playwrights, including Shakespeare, were at the peak of their careers, and the community aspect of the theatre was crucial; attending a play was just as much about socializing as it was about watching a production.

To take away the theatre was to take away an immense aspect of English culture.

Theatre Database explains that actors would be physically punished and imprisoned for engaging in their art, and anybody who dared to view a theatrical production would be fined five shillings.

Since performers were left unemployed, many would enlist in the military, some would learn a new trade, and others would face the alternative of starving. It was not until the Restoration Period in the 1660s that theatres began to open up again, and plays were performed openly.

Trevor R. Griffiths from the Society for Theatre Research says the Puritans “were always trying to get the theatres closed on moral and economic grounds… It was a toxic anti-entertainment environment.”

So, what makes the decision to close the theatre institution as a whole so degrading to culture?

Every culture has some unique form of storytelling.

Theatre has existed since the beginning of time in early cultures and many Indigenous communities and continues to exist across the world, even if it is not presented as our traditional Western concept of a stage, a curtain, and an audience. Therefore, theatre is as much a staple of culture as food and clothing.

Theatre has always been an environment to challenge social norms. This is a major reason why the Puritans were so determined to close the theatres in London; in order to remain in power, they did not want citizens going against their strict beliefs.

There are countless times throughout history where theatre has pushed back against social constructs in powerful ways, such as how the Ancient Roman theatres were the first to include women in their performances (though, speaking roles for women were scarce), and how Western theatre has often been a place where the LGBTQ+ community has been able to express their own narratives. These instances have offered an outlet for historically marginalized communities, and have given underrepresented voices opportunities to be heard. By eliminating the theatre, the Puritans were exerting their own strict religious convictions in censorship of others’ expression.

Humanity yearns for aesthetic development and creativity, which we receive through the theatre’s vibrant methods of storytelling. The integration of various art forms such as acting, script-writing, music, visual art, and dance allows us as humans to connect with art and culture on a deeper level.

During current widespread theatre closures, many performers feel they have lost their motivation to do what they are passionate about.

from issues at large, it still offers political insight and educates audiences about different points of view. Theatre also integrates faith; the earliest theatrical performances honoured various deities from cultures and religious backgrounds all over the world. While these were predominantly polytheistic traditions in ancient cultures, recent plays like Jesus Christ Superstar have taken on the challenge of portraying Biblical figures and narratives.

Is there a chance, then, that taking away theatre also takes away a vital means of sharing the Gospel?

In COVID-19 times, we obviously know that closing theatres is an important safety measure to take.

While performers and audiences feel deeply sad about theatres closing, health and safety is a top priority, and thankfully, many theatre closures are only temporary.

“By eliminating the theatre, the Puritans were exerting their own strict religious convictions in censorship of others’ expression.”

Now that theatres have been closed for some time, those who deeply appreciate the art do not take it for granted. This is why it is so important to keep theatre available when it is physically safe to do so.

The Puritan practice of eliminating arts programs is detrimental to culture and humanity on several levels. Theatre was not created for the social elite, but for the general public to enjoy. When we have the theatre, doors open to so many social and cultural pathways––it is crucial that we keep those doors open for our own good.

Furthermore, political commentary thrives in theatre. In the 1930s, many musicals such as And Thousands Cheer (1933) and Pins and Needles (1937) were critical of their current political climate, which caused civilians to think critically and deeply about their current political circumstances, such as the Great Depression. While this may be seen as using humour to distract the population

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THE THEATRE DEPARTMENT: A LEGACY OF COMMUNITY LEX DIERSCH

The news of the Theatre Department closure has left many blindsided. In the wake of this recent announcement, many have turned towards their community for support. Theatre students and faculty alike have come together to lift each other up in this time of turmoil. In the bleakness of the decision made by the Trinity Western University (TWU) administration, I decided to seek out the positivity that the Theatre Department has spread in its many years of service to the community.

I reached out to the surrounding TWU community for encouragement and asked faculty members, current students, and alumni to make statements on what the Theatre Department means to them.

People from departments all across campus graciously offered their time and words to share what this department means to them.

“TWU Theatre brings life and culture to this beloved community; they make me think and reflect, laugh and cry. Throughout the years, it was a place my daughter and I were able to connect by way of having shared experiences around the stage. TWU Theatre encourages us to not conform to other people’s expectations, but to be authentic in who God made us to be. My classroom has never been the same since.” —Chad Friesen (Chadron M. Friesen,

Ph.D.), Professor and Department Chair of Chemistry

“Over my 30-odd years at TWU, I have thoroughly enjoyed having Theatre students in my classes.

They never fail to add a fresh perspective, and, whereas other students may be timid or tentative, Theatre students are not afraid to speak up and to enthusiastically pour themselves into whatever we’re doing in class. I remember my very first semester at Trinity in the Fall of 1990, when I was slated to teach RELS 430 Apocalyptic Literature, an advanced course that many students would tend to shy away from. The five Theatre students

who showed up in that course were undaunted and proceeded to use all their theatrical skills—wit, characterization, improvisation, dramatization—to make the semester a memorable one. Give me as many Theatre students as you can possibly spare.”

—Jim Scott (Dr. James M. Scott), Professor of Religious

Studies

“Theatre is my best teaching tool for philosophy.

I’m interested in human desire, which is mimetic.

Theatre fosters empathy by allowing us to understand patterns of mimesis in a uniquely profound way. No other medium achieves this so directly. Our desires are mostly delusions, and unless theatre awakens our empathetic understanding, then conflict, scapegoating, polarization, and mob mentality will control us—and we won’t even realize it.” —Chris Morrissey, Sessional Assistant Professor of Philosophy

“Freedom Hall and my classmates were my home while at Trinity, where I felt safe, accepted, and encouraged to grow, but the most important thing I learned was empathy. … Instead of facing the world with judgement, we were taught to face the world with curiosity and understanding, and what is more important than that?” —Joelle Wyminga, Theatre Alumnus

“The Theatre Department has allowed English students not only to encounter dramatic works on the page, but also on the stage, where they belong.

The Theatre faculty also play an invaluable role in the day-to-day operations of the Department of English and Creative Writing since they teach the vast majority of the drama courses we offer. We are interdependent sister disciplines.” —Dr. Holly

Faith Nelson, Professor of English

“The theatre department has always been important to me because it was something that I could enjoy with my dad. Every year my dad would buy us seasons tickets so that we could go see them throughout the year together.” —Katherine Friesen,

second-year Psychology major

“I did not major in Theatre Studies, but without question the most influential and empowering part of my education was my time spent in the Theatre Department. The compassion and insight, faith in my own abilities, and self confidence that program fostered within me have served me every single day since graduation. It was, and remains, the most valuable education I have ever received.”

—Cameron Hart, English Alumnus The Theatre Department has touched the lives of students and faculty across campus. From the sciences to the humanities, so many departments have been impacted by this rich community of creatives. It works hand-in-hand with the other disciplines in order to deliver an education that extends into the personal lives of its students; it teaches empathy and self-confidence, which are invaluable skills in university and the world beyond. The Theatre Department nurtures growth both spiritually and academically, not just for its students, but for the TWU Community as a whole.

As these statements suggest, theatre is a key component to education, and to life. It asks us to step into shoes we would have never put on, to look through the lens of another’s eyes to see the world from their point of view. It teaches us to be truly, unapologetically ourselves—to grow in compassion and love for the neighbour, and for the self.

As this new school year begins, let us remember the joy that the Theatre Department has brought to this university. Its legacy of community will not be forgotten.

ABBA’S ARRIVAL IN 2021: TIMELESSNESS AND TIKTOK GRACE GIESBRECHT

Four Swedish septuagenarian superstars joined TikTok earlier this month in anticipation of brandnew music to enormous fanfare. Ironically, the majority of the social network’s users were not yet born when the band broke up the first time.

After 40 years apart, Benny Andersson, Björn Ulvaeus, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, and Agnetha Fältskog, better known as ABBA, released two new songs and news of an upcoming album, Voyage. But this is not the first that the 21st century has heard of the notorious 70s group; ABBA’s music remained a popular force for decades—and, recently, exploded on social media.

There are few groups in history who can truly claim timeless music where each album retains the same relevance, brilliance, and beauty decades after its first release. ABBA, however, is nearing the top of that list. Since a dip in popularity after their original split, the band has remained constant for decades afterwards, inspired two popular musicals, and influenced generations of young people.

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and Andersson, but both pairs divorced before ABBA officially broke up.

When asked about their much-anticipated upcoming project, Andersson told Rolling Stone that “We wanted to do it before we were dead.” He explained in a separate interview that the process, since originally reconnecting in 2018, has been incredible.

“It’s hard to say what’s been the most joyful thing for me with this project,” Andersson said. “If it’s the involvement in creating the concert together with everyone or being back in the studio together again after 40 years.”

But it is unlikely the band would be back together and creating again if ABBA’s popularity had not remained constant and perhaps even grown in recent months and years.

But the question remains: after 40 years of near-constant popularity but no new music, why now?

The statistics from Spotify demonstrate this timelessness. ABBA’s largest demographic in their 21 million monthly listeners is still 18-24-year-olds.

And, according to Spotify UK’s head of music, Sulinna Ong, the group’s popularity on Spotify has increased by 50 per cent since 2014.

ABBA split up in 1982, and the members separately swore that they would never record together again. The group originally consisted of two married couples, Fältskog and Ulvaeus and Lyngstad

“It’s a testament to the enduring appeal of ABBA’s elite level songwriting that transcends generations,” Ong explains. Some young people first heard ABBA through their parents. Others were in-

troduced through the 1999 musical, Mamma Mia, or the 2008 movie of the same name. Either way, the majority of ABBA fans today are not nostalgic old-timers: they are enthusiastic teenagers and young adults.

Recently, social media played a major part in the group’s growth. The #DancingQueenChallenge on TikTok had 160 million views last year and introduced yet another audience of young people to one of the band’s greatest hits. These fans –– a little too young to have seen Mamma Mia in theatres in 2008 with parents who were a little too young to fall in love with the band in the 1970s –– are the band’s newest generation of super troupers.ABBA met this new audience personally with an acoustic clip of one of their new releases on their own TikTok account (@ABBA.) The account ballooned fast, gaining 1.8 million followers and 13.7 million likes in just over a week.

With longstanding popularity among young people—and a fresh new audience on TikTok—there are millions more people gearing up for the release of Voyage on November 6, 2021, and getting ready to say, once more, “Thank you for the music.”

DONDA AND CLB: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE TYLER JONES

Avid listeners of various genres need to stop overcomplicating things. The 21st century has turned people into overly eager “music freaks” who are forgetting what music simply is: a sound. With fans of Drake and Kanye West at odds as much as the two artists themselves, people who do not get caught up in the noise are quietly listening, enjoying, and criticizing these tracks for what they truly are.

It is important to stress that Drake’s Certified Lover Boy (CLB) and Kanye’s Donda are among their artists’ respective worst albums. This does not mean both artists or both albums are bad. It only speaks to the fact that both artists are moving towards their creative end. It is important to consider that when you make so many good albums, how does one keep it up? At the volume they both produce at? Impossible.

Regardless of where your allegiance lies with either artist, both albums are actually incredibly similar.

1. Both Donda and Certified Lover Boy (CLB) were way too long. If Drake and Kanye both cut out 5 to 10 of the fluffiest songs, their albums might stand in higher regard by die-hard fans and common listeners alike. Although they are likely this lengthy in order to gain more profit in the music streaming era, do either one of these artists truly need the extra revenue?

If you actually expected these albums to be as impressive as Drake’s Take Care and Kanye’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy then you should try making your own music. Good luck, but you will probably suck at it. It is not easy being at the top for long, so it might be time to realize that these albums only bring both artists closer to the end of their musical careers.

2. What happened to cool album covers? We all know Drake is a little bit corny in his album cover execution, but Kanye? I expected something remotely artistic. If you thought that the black box was fine––maybe even “influential”––then you probably need to see an optometrist. I am sorry I had to be the one to break it to you.

With all this being said, music is ultimately built to be grooved to, bringing people together while outlining different kinds of rhymes and styles and music. Sure, you can talk all about the lyrics applying to you more than anyone else; if that is your thing, go for it. It is not about telling you how to feel about either of these albums, but purely to provide you with a different way of approaching them without pinning the two pieces against one another. The bottom line is this: stop gatekeeping.

Let people enjoy what they want to without judging them for their taste.

3. To balance out the lack of creativity, each album also has quality songs and even better features.

Do not forget that some of these moments might create some of the biggest artists of the next generation.

What is your major, year at Trinity Western University (TWU), and hometown?

I’m doing a BFA in Acting with a History minor, 4th year, and I’m from Boulder, Colorado.

What made you decide to come up to TWU all the way from Colorado?

I knew I wanted a Christian theatre school, and it’s really hard to find a good theatre school and a good Christian school, where both are really good quality, or, I agree with both. I just happened to find one up here, and it was a really cool place!

How long have you been involved in theatre?

I actually didn’t do it when I was younger.

Since my dad also did theatre and acting, I didn’t want to copy him! When I was in high school, I was put in a Shakespeare summer camp, which I did all throughout high school. (I was homeschooled, so I didn’t have a school program). So, I did Shakespeare every single summer, which was what really got me into it, and I worked there two years ago, too. Shakespeare was definitely the beginning!

What have been your favourite shows you’ve ever performed in?

Henry V was my very first show, and I played Henry V. That was really fun because I got to discover a lot about it. I really liked Ruby Sunrise––which was my first show here at TWU––where I played a sexy movie star, who was very feminine. Last fall, we did Without Rule of Law (WROL)––which was the film one––and I played a girl scout in that, so, quite different, but it was very fun!

How do you prepare for a production, and how has your personal process changed over the years?

I almost like rehearsals more than I like actually performing the shows! Performing is great, but I really love the rehearsal process because the group is fun, and a lot of

times it’s with friends, and that’s where you do all the fun acting of discovering, and learning things about yourself, and the character you play. That’s like the learning and then onstage is all the hard work you’ve prepared so much. For me, I’ve realized throughout the years, I’ve wanted to challenge the narratives of what we think is normal. For example, I’m really interested in stories where there’s no romantic interest because I feel like there’s pressure there. What I’ve come to realize is that I’ve had to learn to embrace all the parts of a character and figure out the parts that aren’t me, because I try to figure out how to play a character the way I really like them, but I don’t have to like everything about a character to play them. For example, I definitely played a dumb blonde in Ruby Sunrise, and just because I don’t like the idea of being a dumb blonde doesn’t mean I can’t fully lean into that character! So I think I’ve gotten a lot further in that. You don’t realize you have biases at first. It’s a lot of self-discovery.

Is this something you would like to pursue professionally? How are you hoping to use your talent after you graduate?

YES! God-willing, I want to stay here and work post-grad. My all-time goal is to be a full-time actor. Nothing crazy like “be famous” or “get an Oscar,” but I want to be fully supported by acting and not work other jobs (which is hard with just theatre).

I might do a mix of theatre and film, and I’ve taken a voice acting class that I really loved. I’m not closed off to any form of acting––you know you really like something when you like all aspects of it! I’ve really liked playwriting and directing, so I could find myself anywhere within that area.

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

ANNIE ZANDER

Who is your dream character to play?

Viola, the lead in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (my favourite play), or the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz.

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TWU COMMUNITY LEFT IN THE DARK, CONFIDENCE LOST, WITH ANNOUNCEMENT TO CLOSE THEATRE DEPARTMENT CARTER SAWATZKY A petition, started by Trinity Western University (TWU) students and alumni, to allow the Theatre department an opportunity to restructure and hold its place in the TWU community, has amassed over 800 signatures.

As it stands, TWU is the only faith-based university with a professional theatre-training program with a BA in Theatre and BFA in Acting in Canada. On June 29 of this summer, President Husbands issued a statement titled “Emerging Stronger” where he announced intent to “sunset” three academic programs: the BFA in Acting, BA in Theatre, and MA TESOL. These programs––through the University’s controversial Institutional Prioritization Process (IPP) (as covered in Mars’ Hill in November 2020)––were deemed to have “little demand” and posed a “significant challenge in helping [TWU] to remain financially viable.” Along with this devastating statement came the promise of “individual care and attention” for “every person impacted by the closure of these academic programs.”

Furthermore, the TWU Board of Directors and President Husbands have made these executive decisions without the support of their faculty. According to an anonymous faculty source, when the results of the IPP were released internally, faculty put forward a motion to give the programs slated for closure three years to turn themselves around, with specific benchmarks to reach along the way. That motion passed with a 95 percent approval on May 21. To this, on June 14, the Board and President offered no counter offer or invitation to talk things through: instead, they issued a flat no.

Even members of the IPP Taskforce registered that they were not in favour of the theatre program closures. This was documented in the IPP results faculty were given, says one faculty member. These results, as well as communications from the President, have also made it clear that there are many other programs slated for transformation, says another anonymous faculty source.

According to the Langley Advance Times and Aldergrove Star, on July 17, TWU’s faculty, based on its previous motion being ignored, approved a vote of non-confidence in President Husbands’ handling of the IPP. Its motion passed with 71 percent approval (20 percent abstaining). It calls out the President for the recent decision to dismantle several academic programs and lay off tenured faculty while TWU is under no financial threat. The faculty’s motion also alleged that he has failed to communicate pertinent financial data, was unwill-

ing to cooperate to find alternative solutions, and has failed to protect and promote core values of TWU, including servant leadership and shared governance.

Many questions still remain unanswered: TWU is a not-for-profit charitable organization, so why is profitability a make-or-break criteria for some of the smallest programs to continue?

Why was the Theatre department never given the opportunity to set goals and create action plans before the decision to close it? Why was the Theatre department not given an opportunity to independently fundraise, in the same way the Spartans do through the Spartan Foundation? Why was the majority faculty perspective ignored throughout the process? Is it only the most profitable academic programs which deserve proper care and resources to enhance their operation? What does TWU truly value?

We requested a statement from President Husbands on the following question: “What main factors led to the decision to shut down the following programs: the BFA in Acting, BA in Theatre, and MA TESOL?” This was his response: “Trinity Western University exists to equip every graduate for their lives beyond university.

Amidst a global pandemic, I commissioned Provost Wood and S.V.P. Aklilu Mulat to form an Institutional Program Prioritization Taskforce (IPPTF). The IPP Taskforce was comprised of faculty members, a vice provost, a dean, a graduate program director, the chair of Faculty Senate, the chair of the Faculty Association, as well as university staff and third-party consultants.

Factors, including limited opportunity for growth, insufficient external and internal demand, and significant operating and program expenditures relative to tuition fees, led the IPPTF to recommend the eventual closure of the MA TESOL and Theatre programs.

Program closures, when necessary, are painful decisions and we can’t underestimate the toll that such decisions have upon our community. I recognize that news of program closures will be a source of pain and uncertainty. I also deeply regret that these program decisions will impact faculty and staff positions. Each of the employees involved in the MA TESOL and Theatre programs are talented, dedicated, and godly individuals who have made positive and lasting contributions to the lives and formation of our students. We remain committed to bringing these programs to a close with the upmost respect and care for the faculty and staff affected by this decision.”

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Theatre Belongs was founded by alum of the TWU Theatre department with a mission to fight to keep the arts alive at TWU. As theatre artists, they are ambassadors of hope, healing and renewal. They are calling upon TWU to restore its commitment to the Theatre department in promoting, funding and celebrating the only BA and BFA theatre-training program at a faith-based university in Canada.

Responses by Theatre Belongs founders: Erin Davies, Jesse Garden, and Shelby Wyminga.

Mars’ Hill: What was TWU’s vision for dismantling the Theatre department? What does this decision mean for the state of TWU’s liberal arts identity?

Right now we are asking the same questions. TWU’s decision to dismantle the Theatre program carries with it a wide array of concerning implications for the school, campus culture, and the relationship between the arts and the Christian community in Canada and beyond. According to TWU’s own publicity, this is a time of financial prosperity allowing for expansion, growth and development. However “Emerging Stronger” does not seem to apply to Christian artists who wish to seek a BA or BFA in theatre at TWU or anywhere else in Canada. We believe that the Theatre department represents a set of diverse and progressive voices on campus, something that is deemed problematic to the increasingly more conservative leadership and donor body of the school. In making this unnecessary decision, TWU, and more specifically its administrative leadership, has sent an undeniable message to its disenfranchised collegiate: You are not welcome here.

MH: Is financial viability the main motivation behind this decision or are there other factors?

We have been given no information that would speak to the disconnect between TWU’s financial affluence and the administration’s profession that the Theatre department is an unaffordable and unnecessary expense––and therefore disposable. The only conclusion left for Theatre alumni to draw is that business myopia is now the guiding principle behind the administration’s decisions--rather than academic integrity and commitment to a liberal arts identity. TWU is thriving financially, amidst a pandemic, so why cut a program that has understandably been hit hardest by COVID-19 restrictions?

Theatre’s worth to the campus and the community cannot be measured in monetary gain. Theatre organizations are primarily non-profits. Regardless, the essential nature of theatre and performance art is understood and valued in the secular market. Should a Christian university, with a mandate to bring hope, healing, and renewal to the wider Greater Vancouver community, not value theatre all the more? Is money now the metric by which the administration determines the value of art?

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As an alumni organized council, we question why budgetary reasons would necessitate eradication of the department, with no transparent opportunity for a turnaround plan. Why would this ever be the case, within an industry that typically does not turn a profit in the wider market? Exactly what profit margin would be sufficient to retain the department and deem it worthy of protection for the next generation of Christian theatre artists?

MH: Many students, alumni, and those in the wider community have appreciated the hospitable nature of theatre and the department itself––what does eliminating this program mean for marginalized students? What kind of message does this send?

Many alumni will attest that their experience in the Theatre program was formative not only to their calling as artists, but also to their faith. The Theatre department strives to ensure every student who enters the program, every professional who lends their skills to productions, and every audience member experiences the sense of community, healing, and hope.

The department has been a welcoming haven for a broad spectrum of students who felt called to work in church ministry or missions, others who felt like their expressions of faith didn’t always fit the ‘mould’ of what church kids look like. It is a diverse meeting point for the quirky, the neurodivergent, the underprivileged, the spirituality-curious, and the LGBTQIA2S+ who want to study at a faith-based university. It is important we keep our communities open, exploring, and expressing diverse experiences so that we may act with empathy. Our fear is that TWU’s decision will have ripple effects on the very marketplace TWU hopes to build meaningful relationships with.

MH: What kind of precedent does this set for the relationship between spirituality and the arts at TWU? Is there any hope?

We, creators of art and graduates of the TWU Theatre department, are your school’s educators, your children’s ministers, your church directors, playwrights, publicists, and entrepreneurs. We passionately believe that it is our sacred calling to speak truth and healing into a broken world, sharing stories that aren’t always simple or easy, but allow us to understand the lives and experiences of those in need. Our hope lies in our conviction that TWU will be reminded that Theatre belongs, and our world is in greater need of it than ever before. We need to take a stand.

As word broke about TWU’s intent to close its Theatre department by the year 2024, many students, alumni, and faculty were left in the dark to pick up the pieces. This is one student’s experience: Written by Emma Selle.

The announcement hit students’ inboxes on June 29, which happens to be my birthday, the poetic hilarity of which I cannot get over.

There is something fitting about the TWU Administration ruining my birthday; I think it was the Universe’s way of putting its two cents in about the situation. I cried all day, ate sushi, and then started researching.

Mind made up, I began the process of withdrawing from the university, but I was still haunted by the heartlessness and dishonesty that I, and all of us, are facing.

I believe that TWU is lying about something. I do not know about what, but I know that what they are saying does not add up. In the IPP, theatre did not rank lowest. There are three factors the University cites on its “Emerging Stronger” page as grounds for the elimination of a program: lack of either academic excellence, student interest, and/or financial viability.

Theatre is well received by the student body, within and outside of the department itself. This fall, SAMC was ready to welcome its largest incoming theatre class in a number of years, two data points that combat the possibility of the department being closed for either lack of student interest or academic excellence. The third factor, lack of financial viability, is the factor to which the university is attributing cutting the department.

We received no funding, outside of instructors’ wages, and were being evaluated in the 2020/21 academic year, a time of unprecedented challenges to both educators and live performers. We were evaluated during the only year our theatre program was not allowed live audiences.

Three programs eliminated out of more than seventy-seven. Two of them are theatre. I think that ratio is telling in itself.

Additionally, despite overwhelming faculty request, we were denied the opportunity to set and pursue departmental goals for improvement. We were condemned outright, a declaration of our unimportance and dispensability.

All throughout, TWU has displayed an exuberant and gleeful face to the world. It spared a line to the group of us it has hurt–– promising individual care and attention to every affected individual (which none of us have received) and claiming difficulty in the decision––but quickly moved forward to discuss the prosperity of the university, how bright the future is, the ever-increasing quality and Christ-centeredness.

This narrative cannot help but feel like a smack in the face: without theatre, the future is brighter, the university prospers, and the university is more Christian. Without theatre, the university is “Emerging Stronger.”

The Office of the Provost proclaimed that “[o]ur focus on academic quality, the integration of faith and learning, and the enduring value of the Christian liberal arts, ensures that we can effectively support the dreams and aspirations of our students” as they cut the arts and crush the dreams of students who have given them their lives, trust, and time.

TWU does not support all the dreams and aspirations of their students. If they were truly invested in the liberal arts, they would value the arts; if they truly value Christ-centeredness, they would not be so painfully conditional in their love.

I have been hurt deeply by this. I was forced into a decision: continue my degree at TWU, among people I love, but with the knowledge that the institution whose

name I will bear for the rest of my adult life scorns me and what I love, does not value or respect me, and wishes me gone. Alternatively, I leave and find a place that respects me, as an individual and artist, and does not lie through its teeth––at the expense of also leaving the people I love.

It was not much of a choice for me.

There was no question of my staying, so now I say goodbye. That does not change the pain of the farewell.

I am lucky to have a great family. I have multiple homes open to me to live while I plan my next steps, and people supportive of my decision to pause my education in order to find the right place to foster my learning. Not everyone has that. TWU did not give them time to find an alternative: two and a half months is not enough to research, find, apply to, be accepted to, and begin studying at a new school.

I am heartbroken, listless, and sad.

But I am also angry. This is a betrayal, and not just of me. Not just of my peers, not just of my professors.

Art is important. Theatre is important. This last year, if anything, has taught us that. It is essential, real, true, and vital. Though it is baffling to me that that can still be discounted, that does not change its truth. Art loves nothing more than to persevere.

We will be okay. I will be okay. We will grow and thrive in other places.

Choosing to remove us is choosing to make this campus quiet of laughter at improv shows, tears at a play, and soaring music as the SAMC departments come together to produce musicals. This place will not be the same. It will have less life, less depth, and less meaning. It will be missing an essential aspect of the human soul.

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CONTRADICTIONS AND COMMON GROUND KYLE PENNER

The dizzying array of contradictory opinions is a difficult space to navigate these days. It is not uncommon, I think, to experience a sort of “cognitive whiplash” as we move through the various social circles that make up our lives. The differences of opinion between our coworkers and families, those back home and at school, and between friend groups can be staggering. The danger here is a stiffening of the neck, symptomatic of whiplash of any sort. In order to reckon with an ever-diversifying field of differing views, we hunker down into our comfortably-held beliefs and shut out any extraneous noise. This insulation, though it brings with it a certain peace of mind, fails to reckon with societal issues and will only lead to greater discord. Rather, if meaningful solutions are to be found, they will only ever be attained along with an understanding of opposing views and those who hold them.

With such a broad variety of issues facing us—all of which we are apparently supposed to have an opinion on—it is all too easy to slip into sloppy belief-forming practices. That is, we accept hearsay, take a plausible-sounding article at its word, or toe the party line on a particular issue. For unimportant topics, this rarely matters. Increasingly though, the issues that we encounter in our day-to-day have the capacity to cause a good deal of social strife.

I am sure we have all encountered something like this: the uncomfortable feeling of sitting next to a coworker as they spew anti-mask sentiments, then they look over at you and you start because you realize they expect you to agree with them, so you stutter out some noncommittal assent that you hope will satisfy them. And then the shame washes over you, you should be better than this. You know that they are wrong and you should defend your position. The culmination of such experiences can easily induce a descent into anger and a vitriolic resentment of positions that arise “from the other side”.

When we think closely about our opinions, though, do we know that they are true? How sure are we?

How carefully did we research our position? Did we conduct experiments ourselves verifying our

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conclusions?—likely not. And even if we did, how sure are we really that our conclusions are the correct ones? It takes a great amount of hubris to go through one’s life expecting to never be wrong, particularly if one is aware of the fragility of the practices that form a good portion of our everyday beliefs.

“Vitriol aimed across the aisle does little good, serving only to further alienate those who disagree with us; anger at the people who have different opinions than ourselves only serves to distract us from the real reasons why they come to believe so differently than us.”

But suppose that you are at least somewhat careful in the way that you form your beliefs. This is for the best, and we should all strive to be more careful about the way that we dole out our assent. Yet one troubling fact still remains that makes that anger, which is slowly building within us, unjustified. The fact is that your opponents likely embarked on a project remarkably similar to yours in order to acquire their beliefs—and yet, they came up with something anathema to you. They, like you, paid attention to the news. They also opened their laptops and did a bit of reading. They also listened to their friend who told them about a study that they

needed to check out. They also listened to their favourite podcast while they drove to work. And they also scrolled through their social media feeds of choice after coming home and crashing on the couch. Barring a deeper connection to a particular issue, very few of us deploy any strategy more complex than this while we form the opinions that guide us through our day-to-day lives.

Given that this is the case, vitriol aimed across the aisle does little good, serving only to further alienate those who disagree with us; anger at the people who have different opinions than ourselves only serves to distract us from the real reasons why they come to believe so differently than us.

This distraction may well have real consequences, because, despite the fact that people may employ similar practices in order to acquire their beliefs, there are still right beliefs and wrong ones—and in some cases, wrong beliefs can have catastrophic consequences. So, for example, when it comes to topics such as the COVID-19 vaccination, I think that it is important to figure out how to convince people to get it, lest this pandemic continue on indefinitely.

If we are ever to convince anybody of anything, we have to cut through the distracting noise and get to the real causes behind the differences of opinion. These differences generally are not rooted in the individual; an anti-vaxxer does not forego the COVID-19 vaccine because they are stupid. Rather, the culprits behind differences in belief are generally rooted in wider social phenomena: misinformation, fake news, lying politicians, in/out-group mentality, extreme partisanship, the politicization of otherwise mundane issues, social media algorithms aimed at generating outrage, etc. These are the issues that need to be solved; they affect all of us, and they only ever serve to mislead us. Contradictory opinions will always exist, but in a climate that is increasingly characterized by polarization, no arguments will be won for either side so long as anger makes common ground difficult to find.

AN AUTOPSY OF #GIRLBOSS FEMINISM CARTER SAWATZKY

2020 was a lot of things, but in particular, it was the year #girlboss died and subsequently was memefied into a pseudo-slur thanks to “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss.”

“#Girlbosses were only there to command the power that came with being at the top of the privilege pecking order which had been denied them so long.”

In the early 2010s it was an earnest and admirable thing to be a #girlboss #bossbabe #SheEO. It was aspirational for a woman to #girlboss her way to the top of the corporate-career ladder by taking back the power with her unapologetic ambition. #Girlbosses were lauded as the glass-ceiling-breakers whose victories could supposedly be attributed to all of womankind. Female wealth seemed to be worthy of unproblematic applause in itself. The way of the #girlboss promised to transform the system into something more equitable. #Girlboss feminism was a deviously seductive ideal which posited that anyone could achieve wealth regardless of gender, race, ability, and so on––provided that you work hard, manifest your goals, think positive, and rise above all barriers tossed your way. So strap up those high heels and get #girlbossing, right?

2020 changed all that. As each of our fine-tuned, work-life balances went up in a pyre of smoke during the pandemic, many began to wake up to the capitalist trick hardwired into our brains, which told us we could never stop grinding for one minute lest all progress and growth be lost. We could not #girlboss our way out of the pandemic no matter our privilege. Thus, #girlboss died.

Advancing women to powerful positions was never going to disrupt the capitalist and patriarchal systems anyway: #girlbosses were only there to command the power that came with being at the top of the privilege pecking order that had been denied them so long. The lifespan of #girlboss feminism (and our faith in #girlbosses to buck the system) revealed our comfort levels in mixing capitalism and social justice as we increasingly look to corporations for social changes rather than public institutions. The attempts to #girlboss the system only proved Audre Lorde right: “[F]or the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change.” #Girlboss memes emerged with a vengeance on Tumblr in early January 2021, when the phrase “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” was born into the world, hitting its peak virality in mid-to-late February. Derived from the notoriously cheugy “live, laugh, love,” the mantra “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” found its funny by lumping together online phenomena the internet hates the most. Its male spinoff even garnered attention: “manipulate, mansplain, malewife.”

The #girlboss was mocked to the point of redefinition and unmasked for who it truly was––capitalism’s dream girl. By counter-meme parody, Gen Z branded the #girlboss to be officially cringe™ and, consequently, denounced workaholism as an aspirational lifestyle.

We laughed at the #girlboss memes because we too had once been played by its sparkly-yet-faulty feminism into thinking a group of women could fix an entire system. We laughed because we realized the #girlboss still haunts a part of our activist consciousness. We laughed because we once (or still?) fall for faux-motivational feminist graphics on Instagram. It was catharsis through collective memery.

“The #girlboss was mocked to the point of redefinition and unmasked for who it truly was––capitalism’s dream girl.”

The absurdist #girlboss memes continue to serve as reminders that grind culture never cared about your mental health, wellbeing, or anything other than your contribution to the company anyway–– so why not take a break from the hustle?

MENTAL HEALTH MADE AVAILABLE: “7 CUPS” ALICE JUN

The Canadian Mental Health Association states that one in five people in Canada experience “mental health problems or illness.” National online journalist Sean Boynton claims in Global News’ that “mental health issues continue to rise.”

Nevertheless, most people do not have enough access to the emotional support that they need. It could be for a variety of reasons: large counselling service fees, not wanting to burden others with emotional problems, or the isolation that comes with mental illness. Fortunately, there is an online service that can help people who are distressed.

7 Cups is a reputable 24/7 free online counselling service that has been featured in both The Wall Street Journal and The New Yorker. If you are in need of companionship, or someone to talk to, 7 Cups is always available to you.

Accessing 7 Cups starts by creating an anonymous account. When you log in, you start chatting with a friendly chat bot called Noni. Noni supports and guides you to receive appropriate help by asking you questions. 7 Cups then provides an opportunity to chat with a volunteer listener and gives access to group chats, all for free. The listeners at 7 Cups are trained by a program designed by the psychologist Glen Moriarty, a founder and CEO of 7 Cups. A trained volunteer listener can listen and give you advice that can help you practically. You can also choose from a listeners list by clicking the “browse listeners” button on the left sidebar when you log in. There is also an opportunity to pay to speak with a professionally licenced therapist. The paid counselling costs $150 a month with unlimited amounts of messages. The therapists respond once or twice a day on weekdays.

The pandemic has surely increased feelings of isolation and loneliness. Services like 7 Cups, and other online counselling services, are always available should you need them. So, if needed, make yourself cozy and have a cup of virtual tea with the caring listeners at 7 Cups.

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33: THE RISE AND FALL OF CAM NEWTON SCOTT BOWERS

Cam Newton has been, without a doubt, one of most polarizing figures in football over the last decade. Long before he was winning National Football League (NFL) most valuable player (MVP) awards or playing in Super Bowls, Cam was paving his own unique path through the college scene.

As a real can’t-miss prospect at the quarterback (QB) position coming out of high school in Atlanta, Georgia, the five-star recruit garnered real attention from many of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) football powerhouses.

“The league was on notice that not only was Newton one of the league’s up and coming young stars, he was also going to do it with his own unique style.”

Ultimately settling at the University of Florida, Cam played a back-up role to superstar QB Tim Tebow in his freshman year. In his limited time on the field that season, he looked very promising. Yet, after an injury-stricken sophomore season, along with a myriad of well-documented off-field issues, Newton transferred into the Junior College (JUCO) scene to get himself back on track.

After one of the most dominant seasons in JUCO football history, Cam was once again a five-star recruit, and this time took his talents to Auburn University. Under the tutelage of one of college football’s most creative offensive coaches Gus Malzahn, Newton led the sleeping giants of the Southeast Conference to a classic win over bitter rivals Alabama and a National Championship victory over the University of Oregon. This was just a glimpse of what was to come from the man known as Superman.

Entering the 2011 NFL draft, Cam was one of the most unique prospects to become available in years. Built like a running back at 6 feet 5 inches and 250 pounds, Cam could run the ball with such power and speed, always making him a matchup

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nightmare for defensive coordinators. Yet unlike many other running QBs, Cam could sling the football. There were no questions on his ability to push the ball downfield in a pro-style offence, despite running such an atypical system with Auburn.

This led Newton to become the first overall pick in the 2011 draft to the Carolina Panthers where he hit the ground running. Cam set many rookie QB records, winning Offensive Rookie of the Year and making the Pro-Bowl team as he led a much improved Panthers team to a 6-10 record. The league was on notice that not only was Newton one of the league’s up-and-coming young stars, he was also going to do it with his own unique style. NFL fans quickly became well-accustomed to Newton’s “Superman” persona which he popularized through his Clark Kent-esque celebration where he recreates the classic reveal of the Superman “S.”

Over the next three seasons we saw Cam and his great young core of Panthers teammates become one of the most dominant teams in the NFL. This culminated in a 2015 season where Cam and the Panthers dominated the NFL. Ending the regular season with a 15-1 record, Cam had his most efficient season to date as passer, while being dominant as ever in the running game. He was at the height of his powers and he knew it. And he was not afraid to let you know. This was around the time where he popularized the infamous dab celebration, and along with his Panthers teammates, they were a loud, confident, and physical group that was going to make sure you knew it. All signs of a great football team.

That season Cam was named NFL MVP for his efforts and the Panthers made it all the way to the Super Bowl where they lost to Peyton Manning’s Denver Broncos. After this season we never quite saw the same Panthers team or Cam again. The team started to age and lost a lot of its key pieces to free agency in the coming seasons, while Cam himself showed flashes of his abilities but could never put everything together in such dominant fashion like he had in 2015.

After an injury-riddled 2019 season where Newton missed all but two games, and with major structural changes happening with the coaching staff of the Panthers, the writing was seemingly on the wall for Cam’s career in Carolina. After initially being granted a trade, Newton was released when

no trade was found. He then signed with the New England Patriots for the 2020 season where he was set to fill the shoes of future Hall of Famer Tom Brady.

All signs pointed to this being another piece of shrewd business from the greatest NFL franchise of this century. Cam could bring a new dimension to an aging Patriots team, while Cam would benefit from the great coaching of Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels. Instead, we saw again a relatively average season from the Patriots who finished just 7-9. Cam’s play in the 2020 season could be described as sporadic at best. A far cry from the Cam Newton fans became so accustomed to.

After drafting Alabama QB Mac Jones in the 2021 NFL Draft and naming him starter for the upcoming season, the Patriots released Cam Newton from its roster. This leaves one of the most dominant offensive players of the last decade as a free agent, where the prospects for another contract elsewhere look more slim as the early weeks of the season go by.

“Cam’s play in the 2020 season could be described as sporadic at best. A far cry from the Cam Newton fans became so accustomed to.”

However, if you ask Newton, he has no plans to retire anytime soon. In an interview with the Boston Herald, he says in response to his release: “Hell no! I can’t go out like that. I hear all of that talk.

My pride won’t allow me to do it…there aren’t 32 guys better than me.” However, for now Cam finds himself as that unlucky 33rd guy, without a starting spot to call his own. Nonetheless, if there is one lesson we can take from looking at the trajectory of Newton’s career, it is that when you think he is down and out, that is when he might just get right back to his best.

MANCHESTER REVIVAL: THE RETURN OF CR7 DIEGO BASCUR

Folks, the premier league is underway, fans are filling stadiums, and we have the excitement of a new season, anticipation, shock, and the thrill that is the ebbs and flows for those clubs challenging for the league’s top prize. Not to mention one of the most historic returns the league has ever seen in Cristiano Ronaldo. The premier league landscape has certainly been flipped on its head with the highly-anticipated homecoming of the superstar aura that is CR7.

After last season with Manchester City being as dominant as it was, not many could believe their eyes to see that Ronaldo came moments away from joining Pep Guardiola’s steamrolling machine of destruction. Thankfully all was set right in the world, as within 24 hours, Manchester’s prodigal son decided it best come back to the place where it all started for him. The man is back, and who could have written a more surreal, insane storyline.

I think in order to fully appreciate the return of this superstar, some stats must be laid out from a time in the past where a young Ronaldo took the world by storm. With two Players of the Seasons, three League Titles, one Golden Boot, not to mention

a Ballon d’Or under his belt, it is fair to say Ronaldo became one of the world’s very best during his first stint at United. These contributions kickstarted the legendary career that Ronaldo has had so far; his position has certainly been cemented in history as one of the best to ever do it. In his return, the atmosphere of the locker room, the stadium, and the league itself has been shaken, and whether we want to admit it or not, this season will certainly be the story of Ronaldo’s return. Looking at the current United roster, players like Marcus Rashford and Edinson Cavani will see big changes in their involvements as far as touches on the ball and overall production, but this is the price to pay when you add one of the world’s best to your squad. For fans, seeing Ronaldo finally back in the red, will no doubt bring about ecstatic feelings of nostalgia and a new energy that will certainly change the ways teams approach their visits to Old Trafford. Ronaldo is back, United is back, things have changed, and there is a real excitement around the club for what is to come.

To draw a comparison for North American sports fans to see what this means in the world of soccer, we can compare it to the return of Lebron James to the Cleveland Cavaliers, which was nothing short

At what moment did you believe you could go somewhere with basketball?

There’s not one specific moment, but definitely a period in high school when things really started to come together for me.

I started out at a big public school, the same one that NBA player Nico Mannion went to, but then my parents switched me to a smaller private school called Scottsdale Prep to help me focus on my academics. That ended up being a blessing to my basketball as well as I was getting lots of experience on a team that was back to back state runners up in 2014/2015 and 2015/16. That opportunity really helped me grow in confidence and set me up well for my summer season before my senior year where I really started to ball out.

There was one game that I dropped 32 points, where I made a lot of tough shots I had never really been able to try in games before. That coupled with the times in my junior year when I broke two Arizona state records for three point shooting is what really solidified it for me.

What brought your path to TWU? It was pretty simply just God. I was looking to transfer from my last school, Lethbridge College, and get back to the USports level where I had been previously. In the process of looking for new opportunities I had a visit to the area with Douglas College, yet the situation just didn’t seem right to me. The man who was driving me around while I was here asked if I had heard of

TWU. I had already heard that it was in the process of switching coaches, and that he was going to bring in all his own guys. That turned out not to be the case and they were seriously looking for guys to recruit.

So it was a case of right place, right time where I came here so disappointed in the visit I had with Douglas, and then ended up fitting in so well with TWU and what the coaches were looking for.

What excites you most about your team this season?

I’m super excited to finally get back on to the court. I really think we’ve taken great advantage of the time we had last year to set this culture of putting in the extra work.

Really grinding when there was nothing to look forward to. We had to work really hard at times to find that extra motivation with everything that happened last year. Now, finally, we are going to have a chance to show all that hard work off, and that’s really exciting for our group.

How has playing in Canada differed from playing in the United States?

The biggest difference I’ve noticed is that it’s a lot more team-oriented basketball up here, whereas in the States it’s a lot more ISO ball, where guys are looking to add to their highlight tape more than anything.

However, I actually don’t think there’s too much of a difference between the two competition wise. USports is really comparable to a lot of lower level Division-1 schools in the States, and it’s probably slept on a lot more than it should be in my opinion.

If you had to compare your game to one pro player, who would it be and why?

Gary Trent Jr. My game is obviously centred around my shooting ability first and foremost, but I can score in multiple other ways as well. That coupled with my playmaking ability and other effort areas of the game makes me more versatile than a guy you just stick in the corner to spot up. Just because my shooting is the biggest part of my game that sticks out, doesn’t mean it’s the only way I can help the team win.

SPARTAN SPOTLIGHT

DAN LYBBERT How did you first get involved with basketball?

My pops played when he was young––he was pretty good in high school, and I always remember going to his men’s league games when I was younger. That really inspired me to have a love for basketball! He never forced anything on me, but the love for the game was just naturally instilled in me through that relationship. From then on it was all about just having fun and playing with my friends. Playing rec ball or at the YMCA or street basketball, all things like that. We were always just looking to get a ball in our hands and play.

of historic and which gave life to a truly dying fan base--a Cleveland Revival. This revival, this return, eventually led to the city’s first championship in 50 years. Ladies and gentleman, the same revival among the red nation of Manchester United may very well be on the horizon. These fans who have gone through much heartbreak, after so much dominance, are about to experience something great, not only in the play of Ronaldo, but in the presence of this Lebron James of soccer. The hero has returned, and we all await expectantly.

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TENNIS MAJORS RISE UP BRAEDON GROVER SUNNES While the addition of a new business building is exciting, there has been a great stir among current majors and alumni of Trinity Western University’s (TWU) tennis program.

Since 1973, TWU students have been able to enjoy the luxury of not being able to park to play tennis on the North side of campus. Over the decades, some students even majored in the sport, bringing fame and fortune to the small, yet inexplicably expensive, British Columbian private university. In their hayday, TWU tennis courts had the privilege of hosting such players as Roger Federer, Serena Williams, and even Johnathan Tennisball. But horror struck with the Ball Boy Incident of 2010...

On a completely non-suspicious summer day in 2010, a completely unsuspecting ball boy met his doom when distracted by a goose eating a corndog: tennis program senior, Samuel Corbett, entered a fit of rage, throwing his shoe at tennis record-breaking speeds, instantly exploding the ball boy on impact. In light of this event, TWU president at the time, Jonathan S. Raymond (not affiliated with Johnathan Tennisball) decided to end all professional pursuit at TWU, turning the tennis major into a mere repeatable elective.

Just when the backlash was seeming to die down over the removal of this degree, TWU decided to poke the bear. Just two school years ago, this prestigious university decided to put the final nail in the coffin of the tennis program by replacing the legendary and memory-filled tennis courts with the Bob G. Kuhn Building, dedicated to the School of Business and this miniscule major’s footprint on the TWU paycheck. But the institution was not prepared for the backlash this would bring.

Refusing to be silenced in the face of intimidation, the alumni of the tennis program have formed a coalition under the banner “Tennis Belongs.” From protests to petitions, this prolific group has been seeking fairness for the hushed closing of the tennis program so long ago, and now the destruction of the beloved and free tennis courts. Tennis Belongs will not be stopped until justice is served.

THE DEATH OF ALEX WALKER

JOHN ALEXANDER

Friday. 9:45 p.m. I finally pause to recline in my armchair and suckle on my pipe for a brief moment before I return to the eulogy. I take a deep breath. Exhale.

When Trinity Western University (TWU) announced it would be shutting down its theatre department, many people were disheartened and dismayed, Alex among them. A piece of him had been taken, it seemed, like the ear off a chocolate bunny. Nevertheless, Alex stayed resolute and optimistic. “If we have three years left,” he would say, “let’s make them the best three years this department has ever seen!”

But then, TWU made another announcement: it would stop offering Religious Studies as a major. Blam! It was like someone unplugged the Wii before they had completely logged out.

“It doesn’t matter!” I’d protest. “Nobody’s losing their jobs and no classes are getting discontinued.” But it mattered to Alex.

To him, it seemed like someone in upper management had put every student’s face on a Price-Is-Right-type wheel and spun it with the zeal of a tradesman who couldn’t pay his car loans. The face that the wheel had landed on was Alex’s, and both of his majors were cut.

“I’m having an existential crisis,” he’d lament. “I’m the last of my kind, and I don’t know what I should do...

I have to put myself away, like winter boots after the snow has melted.”

“You’re not making any sense,” I’d argue.

“Your mom’s not making any sense,” he’d reply.

After the announcement, Alex traveled to the Grand Canyon to fake his death. Not by jumping into it, but by placing a dummy of himself amongst a family of mountain goats. He wrote to me, and me only, after that, describing his theatrical production of John on Patmos in the Australian outback.

His last update: “Kangaroos don’t like Dunkaroos as much as I’d hoped.”

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THREE EASY STEPS TO SURVIVING UNIVERSITY JONATHAN SEMKE

So you made it through your first two weeks of classes. So now the question is how will you survive this first year? Well lucky for you I am here to tell you how.

Section One: How to Survive Dorms.

1. Befriend your RA. This can normally be achieved by leaving offerings of Tide Pods and food on their desk.

2. Next, you should get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so you can actually get some studying done while your dormmates shout that spamming UP + B in Smash is unfair.

3. The final tip for dorms is when the dorm games begin, such as Dorm Tag, you need to have a strategy. For me, it meant attending 11:07 workshops in RNT; you can use the crowds of theatre kids and multiple exits to escape your roommate bearing down on you at Mach 2.

Section Two: How to Survive Sodexo.

1. Avoid the shellfish and the chicken; do not question this!

2. Never skip on the perogies or the butter chicken. I know I just said don’t eat the chicken, but this is the exception since it will be the best thing you get all year.

3. Breakfast can only be stomached two ways: with lots of ketchup or not at all.

4. Bonus tip: always talk with Sodexo employees. They have some of the best stories.

Section Three: How to Survive Class.

1. Dress like James Bond, not Gold Bond (that is for the dorm boys). Also, as comfy as pajama bottoms are, at least put on the good sweat pants.

2. If you want to play video games, remember to turn off the sound. Unless you want everyone to know you died again.

3. Now, this is the most difficult step of all: you will have to overcome your deep-seated fear of tweed and actually talk with your professor. Talking to them after class and during office hours will help get mom and dad off your back about your grades.

And that’s all, folks––three easy steps to surviving university. For the two of you that actually read this far: congratulations, you are ready for freshman year. For any of you Hagrids out there, who have sensitive information (the kind you should not share but will anyway), please submit them to the declassifieds. These freshmen need all the help they can get.

DEAR MORAL KOALA...

Dear Moral Koala,

SACHA MUGISHA

My dorm-mates recently invited me to a party. I was expecting the usual: munchie mix, root beer, and maybe a game of Apples to Apples if we were feeling crazy.

However, when I arrived, it turned out to be a real party.

People were drinking alcohol and dancing––there were even girls there! One of my friends handed me an alcoholic beverage and I took a sip, but only because I didn’t want to be rude. Have I sinned and fallen short of the glory of God? Sincerely, Douglas Hall Drunkie

Dear Douglas Hall Drunkie, Romans 14:21 reads: “It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” So there you have it! As Fergie says in her song about trippin’ and stumblin’, one should avoid alcohol so that their drunkenness does not woo. If one is to drink, they must do it alone! You know what they say: what one does in the dark, well, it doesn’t count!

With equivocal virtue, Moral Koala

THE POP CULT PLAYLIST

Consider this your Discover (Bi)Weekly from the Mars’ Hill Exec team.

LANI MARIE CARBONEL

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