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In Wonderland, I Mi sono chiesto spesso, pensando ai laboratori teatrali, se tutto ciò che si riesce a fare all’interno di un gruppo istruito e ben motivato di partecipanti sia più semplice da ottenere e fecondo rispetto a quello che si potrebbe realizzare all’interno di un gruppo occasionale e improvvisato, non avvertito del lavoro che si vuole svolgere. In occasione, poi, di questo laboratorio all’interno del carcere mi chiedo pure un’altra cosa, e cioè se tutto ciò che si riesce a realizzare con persone recluse (costrette oltre lo specchio che separa il mondo carcerario da quello libero) sia più forte, più spontaneo, più necessario di quanto si possa ottenere con persone libere, non soggette a costrizioni (viventi nel paese delle meraviglie, per così dire). Ogni giorno che passa mi avvicina al primo contatto con la realtà della prigione, e queste domande diventano sempre più insistenti. Un mantra spontaneo. Un suono ipnotico che si installa nella mente, soprattutto la sera, prima di dormire e oltrepassare il confine del mondo reale, coatto o libero che sia. Quando mi sveglio la mattina, però, mi confermo sempre nell’idea che il vero paese delle meraviglie non può appartenere a un mondo fisico senza costrizioni, a una mera condizione di libertà fisica; semplicemente e più propriamente appartiene a una liberazione dal mondo comune, dal modo comune di pensare la libertà, quella libertà di pensiero che fa parte naturalmente di ognuno di noi ma che è spesso seppellita nell’inconscio e che solo nel sogno o nell’immaginazione, a volte, torna alla luce.

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In Wonderland, III I supermercati, d’inverno, sembrano più pieni di gente, e all’ora di chiusura le interminabili file di paganti danno l’impressione di voler portare via tutto, come se ciascuno fosse a conoscenza di un’imminente e inevitabile catastrofe. Le corsie che portano alle casse assomigliano allora ad autostrade sovraccariche di uomini che si preparano a un esodo epocale con carretti di fortuna. Stasera come al solito sono arrivato in ritardo e la mia posizione in coda è tutt’altro che invidiabile: sono il penultimo di una fila che comincia all’inizio del settore latticini. In coda, sono varie le tecniche per non darsi cura del tempo che passa inutilmente: c’è chi si lascia andare alla voce ondivaga e ottimista che annuncia un mondo di fantastiche promozioni; chi approfitta per rivedersi a testa bassa il film della giornata appena trascorsa che gli scorre a pavimento; c’è chi scherza amabilmente, c’è chi litiga furiosamente e chi, eroso dal livore, se ne sta arcigno e vigile a guardia della propria posizione così faticosamente conquistata. Io, in questi casi, non riesco a fare altro che fissarmi su un prodotto della vasta gamma qui presente e partire per un viaggio ipnotico, inevitabile, ad ogni minuto che passa sempre più inevitabile. E sono lì che ormai vago per i miei pascoli interiori che, improvvisamente, quello dietro di me, un vecchio alto con una sciarpa lunga fino ai piedi, mi si avvicina all’orecchio e mi sussurra: “Castorama.” Io mi volto sorpreso, guardo la sua faccia bonaria e sorridente che ammicca e con un cenno indica la persona che mi precede in fila. Io lo riguardo un po’ interdetto e chiedo: “Castorama?” Lui rassicurante mi vocalizza senza suono la stessa parola, poi con la mano mi indica di inoltrarla avanti. Io mi avvicino alla coppia di ragazzi che mi precede e prima all’orecchio di lui, poi a quello di lei, sussurro: “Castorama.” Stranamente loro si voltano e per niente sorpresi mi sorridono e fanno un cenno di assenso, poi la ragazza si avvicina all’orecchio della donna che le sta davanti e sussurra. Vista dalla mia posizione che ora si avvicina alle casse velocemente, la fila dei paganti è un festone di teste che alternativamente si girano, sorridono e si avvicinano a quelle davanti. E questo fino a quando, a un certo punto vedo la cassiera alzarsi dal suo posto, cercare con lo sguardo l’ultimo della fila e dire: “Castrorana? giusto? Castrorana?” Tutti i presenti si girano verso il vecchio con la sciarpa con sguardo interrogativo e lui tradendo un po’ di soddisfazione, scandisce: “Castorama, ca-sto-ra-ma!” Tutta la fila si produce in un lungo mugugno di disappunto. Ma intanto ora alla cassa tocca a me. La cassiera fa passare la mia roba, poi mi guarda e dice: “Io lo sapevo che non poteva essere castrorana, ma sa, a volte, con questo gioco la gente vogliono fare gli stravaganti.”

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In Wonderland, IV Dopo chilometri e chilometri di zapping finalmente arrivo alla meta.

Stampato sul video, la speranza di un mondo più saggio e sapiente, lo sguardo umano della sequenza logaritmica: il faccione sedativo di Piero Angela che comunica, con misura, i grandi passi dell’umanità, senza mai farli più lunghi della gamba. Purtroppo riesco a seguirlo solo pochi minuti perché la fatica della ricerca mi ha fatto venire una gran voglia di spegnermi. Ma è un attimo, appoggio la testa al bracciolo del divano e lo ritrovo subito nel sonno, ugualmente smunto e ragionevole, sempre lui, Piero. Nel mio sogno si è messo in testa di raccontarmi un suo sogno e non vuol sentire ragioni, deve raccontarmelo a tutti i costi. E nel sogno ci siamo io e lui, a un semaforo, sulle nostre rispettive auto, l’una di fianco all’altra in attesa della luce verde. Ci guardiamo un po’ tesi, ognuno tradendo un desiderio insopprimibile di competizione, ma il verde stranamente non arriva mai. A questo punto, io, mi riferisce Angela, comincio a mollare delle sgasate irresponsabili, a strombazzare e pure a imprecare contro i vigili urbani e gli elettricisti in generale. Lui, invece, Piero, è sempre composto, scocciato sì, ma sempre misurato e in fondo tollerante. Abbassa tutto il finestrino, appoggia il gomito fuori e distrattamente infila l’ossuto indice nel naso, tanto per fare di necessità virtù e dedicarsi finalmente un po’ alla cura personale.

Io, sempre a quanto dice Angela, ancora più escandescente, mi giro, lo vedo, e subito mi cimento, rabbioso, nella stessa disciplina, per batterlo almeno lì con l’evidenza di una pepita insuperabile, visto che sulla strada non è permesso. Ma quando, dopo ripetuti furiosi tentativi, il mio indice non riesce a concretizzare granché, mi volto e cosa mi tocca di vedere? L’indice del mio concorrente, incorniciato dal finestrino e sovrastato da un’enorme pignatta di muco delle dimensioni di un cono gelato da 5 euro. Il sorriso di Piero è il marchio della vittoria, il mio ringhio, quello della sconfitta. Ma è a questo punto che interviene il figlio di Angela, Alberto Angela, che, in mezzo alla strada vuole spiegare bene tutto l’accaduto agli spettatori. Tira fuori un grosso cartello con la formula desunta dall’esperienza fatta: M=C2/E, cioè la quantità di muco è direttamente proporzionale alla velocità della luce con cui si cerca, al quadrato, ma inversamente proporzionale all’energia di estrazione. E, come suo solito, Alberto ripercorre le fasi della nostra sfida mimando ogni parola come un insegnante di sostegno all’handicap.

Purtroppo è proprio quest’ultimo particolare che Piero non sopporta, e, dopo un ennesimo gesto del figlio che mima la macchina fingendo di girare il volante, perde completamente le staffe, parte col rosso sgommando, e lo stira sull’asfalto. Fa alcuni metri in avanti, ma poi ci ripensa e ci torna sopra in retromarcia, tanto per non lasciare niente al caso.

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In Wonderland, V La giornata non potrebbe essere peggiore: afosa e piovosa insieme.

Affacciato al mio misero balcone mi perdo nella violenza della periferia estrema. Assisto impotente allo strapotere di un’edilizia devastante; alla proliferazione incontrollata di un parco antenne rampicante e piastrellante; alla tortura di un fracasso automobilistico delirante; all’orrore di un paesaggio ributtante. E di colpo mi sento sprovvisto dei mezzi necessari per combattere. Indifeso. Totalmente nudo. Penso nervosamente a cosa potrei fare, come operare, cosa utilizzare, o al limite chi cercare e da chi farsi aiutare, ma nulla, sono nudo, solo e perdutamente nudo. Con un braccio schiaffeggio violentemente l’aria in un gesto di stizza disperata, poi porto la mano sulla faccia facendola scorrere con cattiveria dalla fronte al mento ad occhi chiusi. Ma quando li riapro è uno shock, o perlomeno una sorpresa infartuale. Richiudo gli occhi e li riapro di scatto e niente: è proprio vero; mi giro da una parte e dall’altra per accertarmi che non sia uno scherzo e poi ancora una volta, di soppiatto, per accertarmi che nessuno abbia visto che sono stato io. Davanti a me il disastro: col braccio ho abbattuto un condominio di quindici piani con una ventina di antenne paraboliche all’occhiello. Le macerie sono ancora fumanti, un nugolo di polvere si alza soave nell’aria attirato dalle parabole delle tangenziali. Mi aggrappo alla ringhiera e guardo giù, nel vuoto e poi davanti a me: ce ne sono ancora una decina, di falansteri schierati, una parata di birilli da bowling. Un gesto rapido e perentorio della mano e in un attimo finalmente vedo le colline in lontananza. Poi piazzo il pugno in mezzo allo svincolo della tangenziale e aspetto. Ogni auto che arriva a gran velocità non riesce a schivarlo e schizza a ruote all’aria nei prati circostanti. Uno snocciolare di tuffi di automobili fino a che il traffico cessa e il silenzio riprende ad accamparsi tutto intorno. Ora manca solo un po’ di addobbo: con la mano sego le tisiche piantine dei campi residui e mimo uno zampillo qua e là fino a far crescere un bosco di conifere. E ora respiro. Qualche uccello ogni tanto… e qualche grido, qualche grido da giù, mi pare. Apro gli occhi e guardo sotto: una signora che strilla come una scimmia isterica, mi indica col dito e urla: “Un uomo nudo, un uomo nudo!” Mi guardo e incredibilmente devo ammettere che ha ragione: sono un uomo, e pure nudo. Non so che pensare… che anche a lei basti un dito per realizzare i desideri?

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In Wonderland, VI Non dovevo venire alla riunione di condominio. Tutte le volte che cerco di disertare incrocio qualcuno su per le scale che mi chiede il suo appoggio per qualche ottusità da risolvere inderogabilmente nella riunione, e non riesco mai a declinare. Ci si ritrova a casa dell’inquilino del primo piano, in una minuscola sala arredata in stile baita di montagna che è anche inspiegabile come stile, visto che il proprietario è di Catanzaro. Comunque l’argomento di oggi è cruciale per la sopravvivenza del condominio intero, sembra che senza questo accessorio di cui ci si deve dotare e di cui stiamo, o meglio stanno, discutendo da tre ore, il palazzo così com’è non possa vivere, debba chiudere, debba essere evacuato, abbattuto, non so… nuovi regolamenti.

Siamo disposti in circolo con al centro del tavolaccio di legno una Fanta e una bottiglia di Unicum che ogni anno è sempre lì, sempre la stessa, e non finisce mai. L’idraulico dell’inquilina del secondo piano che nessuno ha mai visto, litiga furiosamente con l’amministratore: questioni assicurative, soldi in fin dei conti. E questo da quando si è iniziato. La lite ormai ha preso la via dell’insulto fisso: ognuno declina la sua parola in un’infinita varieta di toni e forme. “Ladro, d’un leder, di un ladro, altro che un ladro, che non è altro…!”

“Ignorante, gnorante, si può mica essere così gnorante d’un gran pezzo d’ignorante che è…!” Noi taciamo a testa bassa da tre ore, ogni tanto io la alzo e guardo la foto gigantesca sul muro davanti a me, ma poi l’abbasso: probabilmente è la spiaggia di Catanzaro Lido. E sembra proprio che non ci sia via d’uscita, a meno che qualcuno dei due non cominci a menar le mani, e tutti non aspettiamo altro, in fondo, come una liberazione l’aspettiamo… quando improvvisamente, tra le maglie degli insulti, s’insinua una voce sottilissima, a suo modo spirituale. Mi guardo intorno per capire da dove arriva, nessuno ha la bocca aperta, probabilmente uno degl’inquilini è ventriloquo. Ma no, è lei, la vedo, la signora del piano terra, segaligna e generalmente subissata di tic, ora mugola qualcosa mentre i due continuano a urlare. Ogni tanto emerge pure qualche parola: “Volare, mh mh… mmmm oh oh oh oh… felice… lassù…” E poi inspiegabilmente compare anche un’altra voce, più roca questa, da tabagista, eccolo, l’inquilino dell’attico con quell’aspetto patibolare, anche lui canta e sembra riempire i buchi della signorina del piano terra. “Cantare mh mh mh mh… di stare… nel blu mmmm…” E in un istante tutti, dico proprio tutti, gl’inquilini di tutte e cinque i piani, ognuno con la propria voce ben distinguibile comincia a cantare. Prima piano quasi sussurrando, poi sempre più forte fino a coprire i due che continuano a insultarsi urlando. E anch’io canto ed è bello, cantiamo tutti Volare a squarciagola e incredibilmente tutti ce la ricordiamo alla perfezione e anche l’amministratore canta adesso e anche l’idraulico e si abbracciano, sudati si abbracciano: “Nel blu dipinto di blu!” Tutti ci abbracciamo, ora, e cantiamo: “Più in alto del sole e ancora più su!”Guardo la foto di Catanzaro Lido e mi sembra meraviogliosa, adesso, e sento che è venuto il momento, quello che ognuno di noi aspettava da anni: prendo la bottiglia di Unicum e la scolo, fino all’ultima goccia, la scolo, felice, felice di stare quaggiù. !!"

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In Wonderland, VII È raro trovare un posto all’ombra in questo parco, e ancora più raro trovare una panchina libera. Alla mattina questo è il regno dei pensionati che si sono spartiti il territorio in maniera capillare e nessun normale cittadino potrebbe sovvertire le regole imposte dalla loro organizzazione. Di solito sono già qua alle 7 del mattino, loro, ma oggi probabilmente qualcuno aveva altro da fare.

Mi siedo e oziosamente mi metto a sfogliare il mio giornale. Lentamente, leggendo poco ma bene. Una manciata di minuti, e quasi si fosse sparsa la notizia che un estraneo ha occupato una panchina, subito uno dei loro mi si siede accanto. Lo guardo in tralice, fa finta di niente ma è un pensionato, certo che lo è, lo si capisce dallo sguardo ansioso e divagato insieme, probabilmente sempre in cerca di nuovi lavori stradali offerti dal centro città.

Mi metto a leggere le pagine di cronaca, qua e là qualcosa è interessante, ma sento che l’uomo qui accanto a me freme, in qualche modo. Mi giro lentamente e quasi cozzo contro il suo naso che sporge come una gru verso di me. Stava aspettando questo momento perché appena incrocio il suo sguardo mi fa: “Scusi signore, lei conosce le lingue, vero?” “Be’, un po’…” faccio io. E non riesco neanche a finire la frase che lo sento e lo vedo sbracciarsi violentemente e contorcersi tutto. Sta chiamando qualcuno dietro di noi. Qualcuno che in un attimo è già seduta di fianco a me dall’altra parte rispetto a lui. La guardo e la saluto: una badante polacca, certo che lo è, la riconosco dall’acconciatura in puro stile Moira Orfei e dalle movenze ben poco frivole. Lei mi guarda rudemente e mi parla in un inglese rudimentale, poi con un cenno rude mi fa segno di tradurre la frase per il suo innamorato: “Tellim has so biuuutiful aiss.” Lui freme e come mi volto il suo naso è già lì che mi aspetta. Mi dà subito la sua risposta che io prontamente passo alla destinataria: “E lei c’ha dei capelli da star.” Ma nel giro di pochi secondi i due mi trasformano in un automa, un traduttore istantaneo a luce solare. Il caldo sta diventando insopportabile anche perché i due, nella foga e nell’inevitabile e crescente bufera ormonale, cominciano a comprimermi. E appena lei parte con la rude mano per accarezzare lui piantandomi il ruvido gomito sul labbro, decido che bisogna far qualcosa. Lei dice: “Tellim has na cool boot.” Io mi giro e dico: “Le ha detto che però lei è un po’… anacoluto.”

Lui mi guarda perplesso e chiede: “Ma che vorrebbe dire?” “Be’ probabilmente” faccio io, “che lei è un po’… come dire, non si offenda, un po’ senza collo, o che ha un collo molto basso, credo.” “Ma come?” fa lui, “stavamo andando così bene, che le ha preso? Ma guarda ‘ste polacche… be’ allora, se dobbiamo essere sinceri, dille che lei è un bel po’ chiattona.” Io riferisco e questa volta il rude gomito mi bypassa e arriva all’insinuante naso di lui. Faccio appena a tempo ad alzarmi che ormai lui e lei sono una cosa sola sulla panca e anche questo è amore. Mi allontano con la stessa assoluta convinzione di ogni grande seduttore: che in amore, in ogni caso, non è mai bene strafare con la lingua.

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In Wonderland, VIII Un’altra multa. La terza in dieci giorni. Spaventoso, disarmante, surreale. Mi accascio con il bollettino tra le mani incapace di reagire. Lavaggio strade: anche l’auto mi hanno portato via. Prima c’era stato un divieto di sosta per una manciata di secondi, poi un divieto di transito in una via dove il cartello era sepolto da una giungla di pubblicità e indicazioni inutili. Appena me ne ero accorto avevo subito deviato dentro un posteggio condominiale e fatto inversione, proprio sotto la telecamera, per far capire che era stata soltanto sbadataggine, che non ero pratico di quelle zone, io, e che ero zeppo di buone intenzioni, invece. Invece, grazie al filmato della telecamera, mi hanno aggiunto anche una multa per l’inversione a U in una strada con la linea di mezzeria doppia e continua. Appena ero tornato a casa, però, per la prima volta in due anni, avevo trovato parcheggio di fianco al portone, ed ero contento, lo avevo considerato come un buon segno, un arcobaleno nel mio destino di scalogna. La mattina dopo però tutto era tornato normale: appena uscito di casa mi ero accorto che lo specchietto retrovisore penzolava in basso contro la portiera come un tacchino a cui era appena stato tirato il collo. E ora sono qua, seduto sui gradini di questa piazza, sgomento e paralizzato dalla cattiva sorte. Guardo la gente che passa intorno, nessuno si ferma, tutti hanno da fare, tutti corrono felici. Anche i piccioni mi schivano come se si fossero accorti del nimbo di scalogna che mi si è disegnato irreparabilmente sulla testa. Guardo il bollettino e il referto giallo dell’asportazione dell’auto e non so che fare, comincia a piovere: gocce grosse che più che gocce sembrano sputi. E tutti scappano lasciando la piazza e questo angolo di città deserta. Il cielo è nero e non c’è anima viva né alla fermata del bus davanti a me, né nelle strade che portano al centro, solo qui di fianco, disturbato dalle raffiche di vento si avvicina qualcuno, è una sagoma blu, ma non riesco a fissare per molto lo sguardo in questo turbinare di polvere. Sì, è un uomo, si avvicina, si siede di fianco a me, non ha berretto e l’uniforme è tutta aperta e stropicciata, ma non c’è dubbio, impossibile confonderlo, è un vigile, un vigile urbano bellissimo. Si siede accanto a me senza parlare e mi guarda a lungo: ha due occhi buoni, sembra San Giuseppe. Poi mi prende la mano e dice: “Stai soffrendo, vero?” Non so cosa rispondere, sono come ipnotizzato, non riesco a parlare. “Lo so, il codice stradale genera molte sofferenze nel mondo, lo so, ma non devi darti pena perché io so che il tuo cuore è puro… dammi, dài a me.” Mi prende la multa dalle mani e lentamente, senza smettere di guardarmi, comincia a costruire una barchetta di carta, dice: “Vedi?, basta farne una bella barchetta, prova, prova anche tu.” E anch’io, con il resto della multa, mi metto a costruirne una guardando attentamente i suoi movimenti. Poi, quando ho finito, gliela do, lui mi accarezza la testa e dice: “Bravo, è perfetta, vedrai… vieni con me”.

Mi prende per mano e mi porta verso la fontana della piazza, ci sediamo sul bordo a guardare l’acqua punteggiata di pioggia poi lui abbandona le barchette sull’acqua, mi guarda e dice: “Non ti preoccupare, sii sereno, qualcuno le pagherà, vedrai, qualcuno le pagherà…” E guardiamo le due barchette solcare l’acqua della fontana e scomparire lontano, lentamente e !!"

lontano, mentre la pioggia cessa e cessa il vento e nel cielo spunta un timido sole.

!"#

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# In Wonderland, IX Tutte le volte che entro in tabaccheria, qua dietro casa, mi vien voglia di chiedere alla signora che sta dietro al banco se ha visto quel film in cui una sua sosia faceva la parte della tabaccaia. Mi sono anche chiesto se potesse essere stata veramente lei a interpretare quella parte, ma poi mi è venuto in mente che Amarcord è uscito all’inizio degli anni ’70 e l’attrice che faceva la tabaccaia, adesso sarebbe perlomeno un’ottuagenaria. Fatto sta che ogni volta che entro mi verrebbe voglia di fare due chiacchiere, e anche lei mi sorride sempre gentile e complice, quasi si fosse accorta di questa mia curiosità. In due anni che frequento la sua rivendita non ho mai visto altri che lei, dietro il banco, nessuno che le abbia dato il cambio una volta, sempre e solo lei, a tutte le ore, instancabile, insostituibile, e mai mi era capitato di vederla per strada, in qualche bottega, a fare spese... Ieri è stata la prima volta: mentre me ne stavo seduto in un baretto sotto il portico, felice di festeggiare da solo il tempo che passa senza distruggermi, l’ho vista uscire di fretta dall’angolo della via, come se avesse dimenticato qualcosa.

Casualmente ha girato la testa incrociando il mio sguardo intorpidito e quasi beatificato dalle ripetute frequentazioni alcoliche, e mi ha lanciato un sorriso strano, più frivolo del solito, poi è tornata indietro verso la tabaccheria e prima di girare l’angolo mi ha riguardato, alzando la testa e gonfiandosi un po’, credo. Sono rimasto subito un po’ stranito da quella visione e devo aver subito approfittato per ordinare un altro paio di bicchieri per brindare alla salute delle attrici del cinema. Poi devo essermi alzato incamminandomi da qualche parte senza precisione. E lì devo essermi ricordato che non avevo più sigarette e sono entrato in tabaccheria. Per la verità era già piuttosto tardi, alcuni dei negozi intorno stavano già tirando giù le saracinesche. Ma la sua era a metà e lei era ancora dritta dietro al bancone, come se mi stesse aspettando, con quelle sue labbra gonfie e il trucco un po’ colato per la lunga giornata calda e con quel petto incombente che passava a stento nel vano di una porta. Era lì e mi aspettava e le luci erano ormai tutte spente tranne una di servizio che la faceva ancora più matrona e imponente di quel che era. “Mi scusi, sta chiudendo? posso?” le ho chiesto entrando esitante. Lei non ha risposto ma si è gonfiata ancora di più e si è mossa verso di me. “Volevo un pacchetto di sigarette, se è possibile,” ho detto. Lei ha aggirato il bancone e mi è venuta davanti, florida e gigantesca come un monumento, sovrastandomi di tutta la testa, mi ha preso per le braccia e mi ha tirato violentemente contro il suo petto soffice come un canotto, dicendomi: “Impacchettami!” “No, mi scusi signora, lei è molto gentile, ma io vorrei solo da fumare, se è poss…” Ma con un braccio mi ha brancato sollevandomi da terra e con l’altro mi ha spinto la testa nel canyon che passa tra i suoi seni, mentre mi diceva: “Fumami! Fumami tutta!” A questo punto, riuscendo a stento a respirare, devo avere urlato cercando di divincolarmi: “Il naso, non resp…!” “Sì, annusami, sìììì…” diceva lei, comprimendomi come una pressa pneumatica. Per fortuna in quel momento le era partito uno starnuto lasciando per un attimo la presa, e mezzo soffocato mi ero divincolato !"#

lanciandomi verso la saracinesca abbassata e guadagnando finalmente la libertà. Credo di aver corso fino al centro senza guardarmi indietro, respirando a bocca aperta, coperto di sudore. Poi mi sono sdraiato sui gradini del duomo e ho chiuso gli occhi cercando di scacciare l’incubo… in fondo, mi sono detto, è questo che ci vuole, questo è l’unico metodo che funzionerebbe per farmi smettere di fumare.

!"#

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In Wonderland, X Non c’è nulla di più ipnotico che stare ad aspettare il proprio turno dal barbiere, sdraiati su un morbido divanetto, persi tra gli effluvi delle lacche e degli shampoo. Oggi poi sono arrivato zavorrato dalla sonnolenza del dopopranzo e mi lascio facilmente imbambolare dai sussurri dei fon e dal parlottio della gente. I miei barbieri sono tre: uno alto, uno magro e uno che sa cantare, e tutti e tre sono occupati, adesso. Di fianco a me, sul divanetto, c’è un altro cliente con la faccia da brutto cinese, anche se si capisce che non è cinese perché ha dei lineamenti appena appena orientaleggianti, e poi ce ne sono altri due, in cura presso le shampiste. Il tempo levita a mezz’aria, sospeso e visibile come una nebbia profumata. Appoggio la testa all’indietro come se fossi già sul lavabo del lavaggio in totale abbandono, ma là in fondo mi sembra di vedere del movimento strano. Quello che canta e quello basso hanno abbandonato il loro cliente sulla sedia e sono corsi in aiuto di quello alto che si affanna con uno specchio grande come uno scudo a girare intorno alla persona che sta pettinando. Anche gli altri due hanno in mano specchi e, chi in piedi, chi in ginocchio, cercano di mostrare al cliente del loro socio ogni più piccola parte della testa, ma con una solerzia che mi sembra innaturale. Poi all’improvviso anche le due shampiste accorrono, con piccoli specchietti da toilette, e anche loro si mettono a girare intorno a quella persona, intrecciandosi e alternandosi coi barbieri nel proiettare sugli specchi parti della nuca delle tempie o della fronte. E allora mi tiro su per bene e la cosa diventa sempre più strana perché ad aumentare la confusione intorno a quel cliente, adesso accorrono anche la donna e il ragazzo che si stavano facendo lavare i capelli, lui con uno specchio rubato a una postazione lì vicina, e lei tirandone fuori uno dalla borsetta. Intorno a quell’uomo distinto, in giacca e cravatta, ora ci sono sette persone che gli girano intorno con degli specchi, facendogli ammirare la sua stessa testa da ogni angolo contemporaneamente. Ed è in questo momento che il brutto cinese qua di fianco mi fa: “Scusi, lei ce l’ha uno specchio?” “Direi di no, anzi sono sicuro: no,” faccio io, “non sapevo che bisognasse portarselo da casa, venendo dal barbiere… ma cosa succede, cosa stanno guardando?” chiedo. “Sa chi è quello là seduto su quella poltrona?” “No, e chi sarebbe?” “È l’assessore all’urbanistica del comune.” “E allora, cosa c’entrano gli specchi?” dico. “È che si dovrebbe vedere che è l’assessore…” “E come si dovrebbe vedere, secondo lei?” “Be’, lui c’ha una voglia sulla testa, da qualche parte, c’era scritto anche sul giornale, una voglia color cioccolato a forma di cavalcavia, è per quello che...” “E ci vogliono sette specchi per vedere una voglia in testa?” dico. “No, è che non sempre si vede. Quando l’assessore lavora bene è molto evidente e anche l’assessore stesso riesce a vedersela da solo, ma quando lavora male… ci sono delle volte addirittura che scompare, e in questo periodo, a dir la verità…” dice il cinese. “Ah, capisco, ma lei che lavoro fa?” chiedo incuriosito. “Io ho un ristorante cinese, ma in questo periodo, per la verità, non è che vada molto bene.” “Eh, l’avevo capito dai suoi lineamenti.” “Ma vede, in fondo, tutti quelli che vanno dal barbiere ci vanno perché vorrebbero vedere qualcosa che non vedono più… !"#

e lei, che lavoro fa?” “Io… io sarei uno scrittore…” dico, cercando di pensare angosciosamente da cosa si possa vedere. “Ma… purtroppo non ho mai visto niente su di me che possa dimostrarlo, nemmeno se scrivo delle schifezze.”

“Dia retta a me, si faccia un bel tatuaggio, non c’è niente di meglio al giorno d’oggi, un bel tatuaggio…” fa il cinese mentre si alza per andare sotto al barbiere alto che ha finito con l’assessore. Intanto tutti sono rientrati ai loro posti e tutto sembra tornato nella norma. Io mi giro e mi guardo nello specchio a parete qui dietro, avvicino la faccia, mi aggiusto i capelli… uno scrittore… in fondo i capelli possono andare anche così… un tatuaggio, forse… e facendo finta di niente mi alzo e rapidamente imbuco la porta d’uscita.

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In Wonderland, XI È vecchio, ma potrebbe anche essere di mezza età. Spesso porta la barba ma a volte si rasa tutto e per un po’ resta così con la faccia e la testa nude. Gira con una piccola borsa e dicono che aspetti qualcosa ogni sera, da parecchio tempo. Da un mese circa si è piazzato all’inizio di un vicolo strettissimo occupato completamente da un cantiere. L’impresa ha lasciato un corridoio libero per far passare la gente che vi abita, ma è proprio lì che il vecchio si è piazzato con una sedia: all’imbocco del corridoio. Ieri mi sono fermato davanti alle transenne che delimitano il cantiere e l’ho visto con la faccia attaccata alla rete che guardava. C’erano un bel po’ di operai che si aggiravano intorno agli scavi della via; operai col casco giallo e l’abbigliamento classico degli edili, nessuno che avesse qualcosa di particolarmente distintivo rispetto agli altri. E lui guardava fisso, con la rete delle transenne schiacciata sulla faccia. Intorno c’erano altri vecchi, pensionati credo, interessati morbosamente all’avanzamento dei lavori. Uno di questi, con degli occhiali fumé, anche lui aggrappato alla rete, si è voltato verso di me e mi ha detto: “Di là non si passa,” facendo segno verso il vecchio della sedia, “là c’è l’oracolo.” “Che oracolo?” chiedo. “L’oracolo della via. Se vuoi passare devi risponderci alla sua domanda.” “E che domanda fa?” “Boh, fa una domanda che io non ci capisco niente… e mica solo io.” E si mette a ridere.

Oggi sono tornato ed è ancora là, fissa gli operai col naso inserito in un quadrato di rete metallica, a due spanne dalla sua sedia. Intorno ci sono i soliti vecchi che guardano più lui che gli operai e sbriciolano parole costruendo un tappeto sonoro alternativo alle ruspe. Non so cosa possa tenerli lì, col caldo che c’è oggi, sembrano dei piccioni su un cornicione. Mi attacco al branco e provo ad ascoltare. Parlano di lui, dell’oracolo, cercano di risolvere l’enigma. Uno con la coppola dice: “No, per me dice: ‘Guai ai sei.’”

“Ma va’” fa un altro, “ti sembra un professore che dà i voti? Secondo me dice: ‘Guai ai sémi.’ Che in effetti poi ce ne sono tanti, in giro.” “Ma cos’è, l’enigma dell’oracolo?” chiedo timidamente. “Sì,” mi fa quello con la coppola, “ci provi anche lei a capire cosa dice, ci vada sotto, ci vada sotto: lo ripete in continuazione.” Allora lentamente mi avvicino alla sedia e alla testa rasata dell’oracolo e provo a origliare. È strano, ma sembra una cantilena, non una domanda: uai em siei, oppure: ua iem siei. Lo ripete continuamente, come un mantra. Allora provo ad avvicinarmi alla sedia per passare attraverso il corridoio, ma come sono lì che sto per imboccarlo, lui si volta inferocito e mi urla addosso: “UAIEMSIEI!!!!” Io mi blocco terrorizzato, mentre i vecchi, da lontano, sghignazzano in coro. E me ne resto lì paralizzato, con le mani arpionate alla rete fino a sera. I vecchi se ne sono andati e siamo rimasti solo noi due. Non ci guardiamo, ma entrambi guardiamo il direttore dei lavori, l’unico rimasto nel cantiere. Poi l’oracolo si stacca e trafuga per un attimo nella sua borsa. E il calore mi trafigge la testa, adesso, mi stordisce come una droga per animali. Ma all’improvviso sento che il vecchio ha smesso di snocciolare mantra e lieve sale una musichetta dalla sua borsa, un motivo noto, qualcosa che conosco ma non riesco bene a !"#

focalizzare… il vecchio mi guarda e mi sorride, è un attimo e li vedo arrivare tutti e sei: sfilano nel cantiere gesticolando a tempo di musica, i gesti che li hanno resi famosi in tutto il mondo. L’edile, il poliziotto, l’indiano, il soldato, il cowboy e il motociclista, sfilano e incrociano le braccia: compongono una Y, una M, una C e una A: uai em si ei. Loro, come non averlo capito! Stordito giro la testa verso il vecchio, che adesso sembra più giovane e sta ballando e mi guarda felice. Poi si avvicina, libera il passaggio dalla sua sedia e cantando mi fa: “Young man take a walk up the street, there's a place there called the Y. M. C. A. they can start you back on your way.”

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In Wonderland, XII Siamo in otto e tutti in piedi ad aspettare: la corriera dovrebbe arrivare a momenti, ci ha detto l’uomo della biglietteria guardandoci beffardo. Il cortile è grande e le aree di parcheggio sono tante, ma non si vede neanche un mezzo. E in più, sembra tutto chiuso: gli sportelli informativi, i negozi e le biglietterie hanno tutti la saracinesca abbassata, tranne quella dell’uomo che prima ha fatto l’annuncio. Alcuni di noi hanno borse pesanti e valigie che sembrano trasportare interi appartamenti; io no, ho solo un piccolo zaino con me: un cambio di vestiario, due banane e le foto che mi ha dato mia madre. Il primo che mi parla è un ragazzo biondo vestito un po’ da scout un po’ da guardiacaccia, solleva il berretto militare e mi fa: “Anche lei torna a casa?” “Sì,” faccio io. “Ha mai preso questa corriera?” “No, e penso che sarà l’ultima volta, visto i ritardi che fa,” dico. “Eh, penso anch’io, penso anch’io… Be’, l’importante è attrezzarsi, ma c’è tempo… c’è tempo,” dice.

Due vecchi, marito e moglie, credo, si affannano avanti e indietro nel parcheggio trasportando cose. Hanno uno sguardo scocciato e affaticato che poco alla volta sta cedendo allo sgomento. Poi c’è una signora che si è praticamente incollata allo sportello dell’uomo della biglietteria. Prima l’ho vista pettinarsi e specchiarsi per ravvivare il trucco, si è pure tolta il reggiseno da sotto la camicetta, ho visto, e si è cambiata: è rimasta con un top piuttosto succinto e si è attaccata alla biglietteria civettando con l’uomo che ci ha annunciato il ritardo. Mi siedo con la schiena appoggiata a un pilastro del parcheggio e mi fisso a guardare l’orologio che è l’unica cosa che funziona, nel tabellone elettronico delle partenze. Poco dopo mi accorgo che sono già passate alcune ore, sembra impossibile. Stizzito mi alzo per andare a protestare alla biglietteria, quando sento il solito uomo che dice al microfono: “La corriera della sera, come ci si poteva aspettare, anche oggi non arriverà. Ognuno prenda le proprie misure, buona notte. A domani.”

Non so cosa fare, resto basito con addosso un misto di stupore e rabbia, comincia a far freddo ed è già quasi buio. Improvvisamente mi guardo intorno. I due vecchi, stanchissimi, sono riusciti a stendere un bel po’ di cartoni e ne hanno fatto una specie di casetta, addobbata pure con tre piantine che avevano tra il loro bagaglio. E lo scout ha fissato un’amaca a due piloni del parcheggio: ci sta ià dormendo dentro. La signora, invece, è entrata nella biglietteria, dalla porta sul retro, pochi secondi per vederla ridere vicino all’uomo degli annunci, poi si avvicina alla finestra… è strano, solo adesso mi accorgo che la biglietteria non è una biglietteria, non ha la saracinesca, ma due persiane comuni, come in una casa, che la signora rapidamente, sporgendo le braccia, chiude e serra dall’interno. E io? che faccio, adesso? Mi guardo intorno, tutti hanno preso le loro misure, resto solo io, solo… Mi sembra di vedere l’insegna delle toilettes, là in fondo dove finiscono gli uffici. Mi alzo e mi ci infilo di corsa, prima che non si riesca più a vedere nulla: non ci sono luci funzionanti, qua. All’entrata manca la porta, c’è una grande stanza con dei lavandini e in fondo, l’uscio di un bagno che funziona per entrambi i sessi. Entro perché nell’atrio il freddo comincia a farsi sentire. Il gabinetto è inaspettatamente pulito, anche se completamente !"#$

spoglio, sembra più una camera, o una cella, a dire il vero, ma è pulita, solo un po’ d’acqua a terra. Asciugo tutto bene e mi faccio un cuscino con la carta, poi m’infilo il cambio di vestiti sopra quelli che ho già indosso. In fondo non è male qua, almeno non morirò assiderato, stanotte. Frugo nello zaino ormai vuoto, prendo le foto di mia madre e le appendo a due chiodi infissi nella porta. Le guardo mentre mangio una banana in silenzio. Chissà se domani arriverà…

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In Wonderland, XIII Un uomo azzimato sulla sessantina entra, alla guida della sua auto sportiva, in una piazza rigorosamente riservata al transito pedonale. Dopo pochi metri è fermato dalla paletta di un vigile che lo invita ad accostare. Il vigile non ha un’età definibile, si muove meccanicamente e ha uno sguardo rivolto altrove.

Dice: “Lo sa che qua non può entrare! Mi dia i documenti, prego.”

L’uomo: “Lo sa, lei, che qua io ci sono sempre entrato?”

“No, non lo so. Documenti,” dice, il vigile.

“Lasci perdere, guardi, vada a fare il suo lavoro dove ce n’è bisogno!” dice l’uomo.

“Dove c’è gente come lei c’è bisogno che io faccia questo lavoro. Documenti, prego.”

“Lei non sa chi sono io!”

“No, non lo so, ma neanche lei sa chi sono io.”

“E chi sarebbe lei? Un vigile.”

“Sì, un vigile.”

“E allora? Io invece sono uno che può farle perdere il posto, quindi le conviene…”

Il vigile si guarda un ginocchio dove la divisa, del resto piuttosto malconcia, presenta un vistoso strappo che lascia intravedere una ferita sporca di sangue rappreso. Piegandosi in avanti perde il cappello e lascia cadere la paletta.

Dice: “Anch’io posso farle perdere il posto, basta che dica in giro cosa mi ha fatto.”

“Cosa le ho fatto?”

“Sissignore lei è manesco, lei sistematicamente mette le mani addosso, e non lo dico solo io.”

“Ma cosa sta dicendo? è fuori di senno? Io non la conosco, è la prima volta che la vedo in vita mia…”

“Eh no, la gente deve saperlo: tutte le volte che mi fa chiamare nel suo ufficio lei non perde occasione per battermi, tutti devono saperlo, guardi! guardi qua!” indicando la ferita. Ma mentre fa vedere lo strappo all’uomo, si tira su i pantaloni della divisa mostrando sotto le braghe di un pigiama.

“Ma lei non è un vigile!”

“Un vigile? e chi le ha detto che io sono un vigile? Ma guarda un po’ che faccia tosta! Lei non sa chi sono io!… ma al contrario io so benissimo chi è lei e quelli come lei: siete gente che si crede al di sopra della legge e che invece, quando incappa in gente come me, paga le sue colpe inesorabilmente.”

“Sì sì, e dove crede di vivere, nel paese delle meraviglie?”

“No, in una meraviglia di paese.”

“Ah, lei crede veramen… ahahahahaha, lei crede veramente di vivere nel miglio… ahahaha, nel migliore dei paesi?”

Intanto nella piazza, dietro i due, l’urlo di una sirena annuncia l’arrivo di un’autoambulanza. Uno stridore di gomme sull’asfalto e due porte che sbattono: tre infermieri scendono di corsa e si lanciano verso l’uomo vestito da vigile. !!"#

Questi, senza guardarsi alle spalle né accorgersi di ciò che sta accadendo, tace un attimo ragionando su quello che l’uomo gli ha appena chiesto. Ma ormai gli infermieri lo raggiungono e si rivolgono all’uomo dell’auto: “Lo scusi, signore, non è pericoloso, è solo che ha perso completamente la memoria: ogni cosa che vede diventa il pretesto per inventarsi una vita che non ricorda più.” E mentre lo afferrano per portarlo via, lui, sorridendo, risponde alla domanda di prima: “Sì certo, nel migliore dei paesi, signore, un paese che si può portare sempre con sé, sempre nuovo e sconfinato, anche se occupa un piccolo spazio: sta tutto qui,” dice, indicandosi la testa, “tutto qui. E questo paese nessuno può mai portarmelo via…”

!!"#

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