Massive Magazine Albany Issue 12 2017

Issue 12

2017

Albany

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REFLECTION • 2017 a year in review •

• Issues with Massey Health Service • VSM six years on •

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PRESS COUNCIL Massive Magazine is registered under the New Zealand Press Council which allows you as our reader to reach out to an independent forum for resolving complaints you may have.

DISCLAIMER The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive Magazine do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, Albany Students’ Association (ASA), Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA), Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA), Extramural Students’ Society, or the Massive editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@massivemagazine.org.nz.

Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response from Massive, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz

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Features

News

10 Looking Back

08 Local News

13 Voluntary Student Membership 6 years on

09 World and National News

22 Six tips for meeting people in halls at uni

Regulars

23 Artist Feature: Samanatha Stokes 26 Money Matters 28 Do students want to engage with their Student Association at all?

06 Editorial 16 Giveaways 40 Culture with Paul Berrington 42 Booked In 45 Bitchin’ Kitchen

32 Do you make the cut?

Interviews

Opinion

10 Interview with the Vice Chancelor

17 A Pinch of Politics 20 Being a ‘white’ Ma¯ ori 34 The Yarns from Pitch Five 35 Mum’s the Word

Humour 30 Modern Miss Lonelyhearts 36 The Dilemma Doctor

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Editorial Hello Massive Readers, This is the last issue of Massive Magazine for 2017.

It has been an interesting year. When I took on the role as Managing Editor I never expected how much work would be involved. But it has been a pleasure and I am proud of what the Massive team has produced this year.

This year for me has been about re-connecting with students and building Massive’s brand back up. I believe with more hard work, the magazine can become a must read for students from all three Massey campuses. This is something I will continue to work on next year. It has been amazing to hear so much positive feedback this year from staff and students, and to have so many of you come forward hoping to share your work.

In particular a special thanks to Adam Pearse, Massive’s dedicated Manawatu reporter. I couldn’t have done my job without Adam’s hard work and enthusiasm. Adam always put in the extra hours and the extra work to see the magazine succeed.

Good luck to all our readers for your upcoming exams and projects, looking forward to being back next year.

Thanks, Nikki

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Read Massive Magazine online at www.massivemagazine.org.nz or download the Massive Magazine app at the app store.

6 | Local News

Doc Ferris following his powhiri. ¯

All campuses hosted early voting booths

A campus by campus breakdown of votes

By Nikki Papatsoumas Interesting statistics show the differences in voting at all three of Massey’s campuses as part of the 2017 General Election.

This year, polling booths were open in the two week lead up to the elections at Massey University’s Wellington, Manawatu¯ and Albany campuses.

According to the Electoral Commission, at Massey University in Albany 353 people cast their votes. Of these votes, National received 41.6 per cent of the party vote and Labour received 29.5 per cent of the party votes.

Meanwhile in Manawatu¯ , just 105 people voted, down from the 133 people who cast votes in 2014.

Of those who voted, National received 31.4 per cent of the party votes and Labour received 36.32 per cent of the party votes – this was up from 19.5 per cent in 2014.

In Wellington an impressive 986 people voted, and this year was the first time polling booths were open on campus.

The capital lived up to its reputation of being left leaning. Of the votes, National received just 14.1 per cent of party votes, and Labour received 43.6 per cent of the party votes.

Massey also encouraged young voters to take part in the general elections this year, through its online interactive tool – On The Fence.

First introduced in 2014 and created by the Design+Democracy Project at Massey, On The Fence is game-like questionnaire that guides people towards finding a values match for them among the political parties.

Massey welcomes ¯ Maori Advisor Doc Ferris, was welcomed with a pōwhiri at Te Pūtahia-Toi on Massey’s Manawatū campus on Monday, September 11.

In his new role as Senior Māori Advisor, Ferris will work from the office of the Assistant Vice Chancellor Māori and Pasifika. He says he is looking forward to his new role.

“I hope we can really draw to the fore Māoritanga and how Māoritanga can benefit places like Massey by opening up more,” Ferris says.

“Our people struggle to get into places like Massey and other educational institutes all around the country and I’m really looking forward to doing the work that makes it more accessible, more inviting, more comfortable and enables Māori development to accelerate.”

Ferris has a Master of Mātauranga Māori and Bachelor of Māori Art from Te Wānanga o Raukawa where he also lectured for 10 years before moving to his previous role at the Nelson Marlborough Institute of Technology.

He says Massey’s strategy to become a Tiriti led organisation was a great incentive to make the move north again and he’s looking forward to being involved in what he calls an awesome opportunity.

“In my experience with organisations, everyone understands there is an obligation under the Tiriti o Waitangi, and no one has a clue of what that should look like. So here’s an opportunity to really lead that conversation.”

Mr Ferris says building a strong tūāpapa or foundation is key, so people understand why things happen in a certain way.

“As long as you have a tūāpapa that you all know and understand as you go forward addressing new situations, you’ll be able to produce the answers.”

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homegrown giveaway me to do 3 double

Massive is the student magazine for all Massey University students. This year we need even more student contributors to fill our pages.

If you would like to contribute in any form, please do get in touch. We’re keen as. editor@mawsa.org.nz massive@mawsa.org.nz

8 | Local News

Wellington first city to implement a voluntary rental WOF for houses

By Nikki Papatsoumas The Wellington City Council has launched a voluntary ‘warrant of fitness’ scheme for rental properties in the capital.

Last month the Wellington City Council partnered with the University of Otago, Wellington, to launch the scheme in an effort to set minimum housing standards for rental properties in Wellington.

Landlords can now book a rental warrant of fitness inspection on the Wellington City Council’s website. From here, qualified building inspectors will carry out an assessment of the property and landlord’s properties will receive a pass or fail on the spot.

The assessment, which is made up of a number of different criteria, costs the landlord $250 and lasts for three years.

Mayor of Wellington, Justin Lester, says the council wants to lift rental standards in the capital and make better accommodation available for people.

He says it is something landlords can choose to be involved in to show they are responsible landlords to potential tenants.

“Every Wellingtonian deserves a warm, dry home,” he says.

“We’re partnering with the university and will be launching an app that will allow tenants and landlords to check their house against minimum health standards designed by experts, and allow landlords to request a full inspection by a professional to be certified as meeting the standard.

“This will give landlords the chance to promote their house as being warm and dry, and give prospective renters an assurance the home they are looking to live in meets the standard.

“All available analysis strongly indicates that improved quality of housing leads to improving health, social and financial outcomes.”

Deputy Mayor Paul Eagle says improving the quality of the housing stock was a key goal for the council.

“This is just the start – through our Long Term Plan we will

Wellington now has a rental property WOF procedure.

be introducing a Wellington Housing Quality Standard that will incorporate both personal health and earthquake resilience, and be tailored to Wellington’s needs,” Eagle says.

“Information from this voluntary scheme will help inform the permanent standard council introduces.”

National News | 9

By Jamie-Lee Bracken The fascination over the 2017 general election continues as the fate of New Zealand’s next government lies in the hands of Winston Peters.

Following the general election, which took place on September 23, no government was announced, after neither the National or Labour parties managed to secure enough seats in Parliament to govern under MMP. The electoral commission has since released the preliminary results for this year’s election.

On election night, National gained 46 per cent of votes giving them 58 seats in Parliament. Labour gained 35.8 per cent of votes, giving them 45 seats. Under MMP, a party needs 61 seats in Parliament to be able to take over as a Government.

At the time of print, the results of the special votes – around 15 per cent of the total vote – had not be returned.

But with those votes likely to see more seats snapped up by Labour and the Greens, Leader of the NZ First party, Winston Peters, has found himself as a key player in this election.

National leader, Bill English and Labour leader, Jacinda Ardern will have to cut a deal with Peters, to agin the number of seats necessary and ensure they are the one who ends up in power for the next three years.

To add to the shock of this year’s election, the Ma¯ ori Party is now out of parliament after the majority of the votes went to Labour not the Ma¯ ori Party in all seven Ma¯ ori electorates.

Meanwhile, Gareth Morgan’s, The Opportunities Party, failed to muster up the five per cent needed to make it into Government, securing just over two per cent of the country’s votes.

Voter turnout was up this year from 77.9 per cent in the 2014 election, to 78.8 per cent.

Pocket’s Picks: From around the Globe Is Kylie Jenner Pregnant Once again the Kardashian family is blowing up the internet, this time with news 20-year-old Kylie Jenner is pregnant. At the time of print, reports were yet to be confirmed, however rumours were rife the star was expecting her first child with her boyfriend of several months, rapper Travis Scott.

British actor turns Italian Colin Firth has applied to become an Italian citizen following the British referendum to quit the European Union. Firth’s wife is Italian and the pair currently live in Britain with their two sons.

Let’s get Quizzical

1. What is the most spoken language in Belgium?

2. Tamati Coffey ousted Te Ururoa Flavell from which electorate in the 2017 General Election?

3. Venezuela is named after Venice.

True or false?

4. Which city was the capital of Australia from 1901 to 1927?

5. What is the most fractured human bone?

6.In which European city is the oldest zoo in the world?

7. In what two previous elections has Winston Peters been ‘kingmaker’?

8. Ralph, Jack, Simon, Piggy, and Roger are all characters of which classic novel?

9. What is the act of growing and grooming one’s facial hair called?

10. Who is the founder of Instagram: Jack Dorsey, Kevin Systrom or Jan Koum?

1. Dutch 2. Waiaraki 3. True 4. Melbourne 5.

Clavicle 6. Vienna 7. 1996 (National) and 2005 (Labour) 8. Lord of the Flies 9. Pogonotrophy 10. Kevin Systrom

Country’s next Government is still undecided

Tweet of the Week t

twee tweet

10 | Feature

2017: A year in review

It might be a while to go until the end of the year is upon us, but this is the last issue of Massive Magazine for 2017.

In celebration of reaching the finish line after 12 long issues, Adam Pearse and Nikki Papatsoumas reflect on what has been an interesting 2017.

Trump and Political unrest Ironically, January saw what may be the beginning of the end as Donald J Trump was inaugurated as the 45th and possibly last President of the United States. Just when we believed that after Obama, Americans were finally going to let someone with fallopian tubes hold the steering wheel, our hope crashed and burned as we saw a man with the sexual appeal of a beached whale, take the responsibility of leading the most powerful nation in the world. As far as we can tell, results so far have been sub-optimal. The Don exists as one of the most disliked Presidents in modern history, his promises have fallen through to leave gaping holes in the fabric of American society, and I’d say it’d be the first time he’s regretted kicking a black family out of their home. What has ensued is chaos.

Division between the political spheres has never been more evident and in a time where strong and consistent leadership is the only solution, we are seeing a rerun of Richard Nixon’s Saturday Night Massacre nearly every week. And if all of this wasn’t enough political turmoil for you, it seems Trump has decided to pick a fight with the unofficial fifth Teletubbie, Kim Jong Un. The North Korean dictator has apparently taken a strong dislike to Donald and threats of nuclear war are coming much too fast for my liking. So, if you’re dreading being alone on another New Year, don’t worry, at this rate getting to 2018 is looking like a rough bet anyway.

New Zealand Politics Swing back to New Zealand and our country saw its most interesting general election in decades. Take the resignation of Labour leader Andrew Little on the back of dismal poll results. Step in Jacinda Ardern, our generation’s answer to Helen Clark. Within weeks Labour was back in with a chance as Ardern’s popularity skyrocketed and the country got swept up in the “Jacinda-effect”.

Meanwhile Green’s co-leader Metiria Tuerei announced her resignation on the back foot of a benefit fraud scandal and good old Peter Dunne shocked with the news he would not be seeking

re-election in a seat he held for more than three decades. Fast forward two months and at the time of print – in what has to be one of the biggest anti-climaxes of the year – no government had been announced after both the National and Labour parties failed to secure the seats needed to govern alone. The future of New Zealand politics now seems to lie in the hands of everyone’s favourite politician, Winston Peters, who will be the one to ultimately decide who will form our government for the next three years.

Entertainment 2017 hasn’t been all doom and gloom and politics. It’s been another year filled with quality entertainment, none more so than the seventh season of Game of Thrones. In what is the most popular television show of the modern era, the latest season gave us the scenes fans have been dreaming about for decades, oddly enough, predominantly taking place in the form of incestuous sex.

Despite this, Game of Thrones continues to defy expectations and promises an eighth and final season that not even the Harry Potter haters and Star Wars skeptics of this world will be able to ignore.

In all their glitz and glamour, a myriad of celebrities gathered for the 89th Academy Awards in February. This year’s awards will be remembered for more than just Leo Dicaprio snagging his first Oscar and what Blake Lively wore down the red carpet. In what will have been the biggest blunder of Oscar history, presenters Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty incorrectly announced that La La Land had won the Best Picture gong, when in fact the award should have gone to Moonlight. It was the embarrassment that launched a thousand memes.

“...after Obama, Americans were finally going to let someone with fallopian tubes hold the steering wheel...”

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12 | Interview

Sport As with every year, 2017 has been one of many highs in the realm of sport. Multiple records tumbling across all codes, none more so than Tennis. It has been a resurgence for the faces of old in this great game where the year started off with one of the most spectacular games you will ever see from the Fed Express Roger Federer, and hungry ass, Rafael Nadal. Their form has been exemplary across the Grand Slams both picking up two apiece.

We also saw the most dominant force in Women’s Tennis, Serena Williams pass the great Steffi Graf with the highest number of Grand Slam singles titles and cement her position as the most successful player in the history of Tennis. Outside of ball sports, we saw the retirement of one of sport’s greatest characters in the form of Usain Bolt. The loping stride, the cheeky grin and of course the thunderbolt celebration. Running was always more than just a race when Bolt was in the blocks. Finally, we are currently seeing in America, the NFL become embroiled in scandal over players kneeling during the national anthem. Whether you think it’s right or wrong, it only goes to show how pivotal sport is and how much change it can effect. I have no doubt 2018 will bring with it similar controversy as political and sporting spheres collide.

MAWSA opted out of the organisation after a vote was put to the whole executive. Massive Magazine also had the opportunity to sit down with new Vice Chancellor Jan Thomas earlier this year and put the tough questions to her. In a candid interview Thomas admitted there would be job cuts across the board in an effort to improve the university’s poor financial position. She also admitted disappointment in regards to the shocking results of a recent survey which showed staff felt bullying wasn’t prevented at Massey.

So there you have it, our brief round-up of 2017.

“...It was the embarrassment that launched a thousand memes.”

Massey It has also been an interesting year right here at Massey. In Auckland the Student Executive came under fire when they voted themselves a huge pay rise for 2018. As it stands each ASA Executive receives an honoraria – which is paid in lieu of wages and in recognition for work – as opposed to an hourly wage.

This is funded through the student services levy as part of of the association’s service level agreement contract with the university.

At the AGM, changes were made to the constitution which will see honorariums go from $28,000 a year to $54,000 – a $26,000 increase. Some students labelled the increase as “dishonest” saying it was seeing money taken away from core student services to give to a few, however, the increase went ahead and will be implemented from next year. Meanwhile down in the capital the Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA) also hit a snag when President Adam Logan Cairns joined the New Zealand Union of Students’ Association without the backing of his executive. The alliance was short lived – just eight days later

What’s your most memorable moment from the year. Email editor@mawsa.org.nz

Feature | 13

So VSM shrugged:

Voluntary Student Membership 6 years on

In September 2011, the ACT Party’s Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment bill passed into law. The law changed student association membership to a voluntary model. While supporters of the bill claimed it was a human rights issue, opponents claimed it would gut students’ associations and that it was a cynical ideological move to undermine the student voice. Felix Desmarais asks, six years on, what has voluntary student membership changed and how does it affect students today?

At 34, MP for Epsom and Leader of the ACT Party David Seymour is only five years older than me. While sat in his office for half an hour, I compared myself to him. Why am I not a member of Cabinet yet?

Probably because I don’t want to be, which is a pretty good reason – but I do get the distinct impression that Seymour is an incredibly driven individual.

Behind his desk sits a relatively modest framed photo of a yellow car. His press secretary Louis paces the hallway outside on calls while I wait. Louis is insistent on referring to his boss as Mr Seymour, while I self-consciously refer to him as David. They’ve known each other for years. I’ve never met Seymour. I ask Louis about the photograph. It’s a Lotus Mr Seymour built himself when he was 14. Why didn’t I build a car when I was 14? I figure, again, because I didn’t want to.

I was the Vice President of Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA) when the ACT Party’s Education (Freedom of Association) bill was drawn from the ballot in 2009. It was a pretty long time ago now, almost a third of my life. It feels like a distant memory, a different me. I don’t mention my past to Seymour, which I makes me feel like I’m a spy, which is accurate, since that kind of is what a journalist is.

But back in a previous life, I was a student politician in the middle of one of the most turbulent times in the student movement – an historic moment as it turned out. The VSM bill passed into law, changing student association membership from a ‘compulsory’ / ‘universal’ (depending on who you’re talking to) model to a voluntary one – voluntary student membership, or VSM. A quick 101: pre-VSM, the tertiary institution you enrolled in would automatically take a students’ association levy right off your student loan tab. All students were automatically members of the students’ association and entitled to use of all services, representation, clubs, activities and advocacy on offer. Everyone was able to vote in elections for the executive and student president.

Student Association

The view from Seymour’s office sweeps across Pipitea, swooping down over the law school, across a glittering Wellington harbour and across to the Rimutaka ranges. A fresh white shirt drapes over a hotel style lounge suite, which itself is orientated toward a large television with Sky. There’s a bottle opener cast aside on the wall cabinet adjacent. I wonder if he comes here with mates to watch All Blacks games. I would – and I don’t even like rugby.

I’m browsing the bookshelf when David arrives. A dogeared Lecretia’s Wish, Tax and Fairness and, I’m mildly surprised, The Lorax.

He doesn’t have an easy smile, it’s hard earned, like his tax dollars.

I thanked him for seeing me so close to the election – he must be busy. He shrugs. “Servant of the people and all that.”

You could opt out, but it was a bit of a rigmarole because you had to claim conscientious objection and your levy wasn’t given back to you, but instead donated to a charity of your choice. After that, you could usually still receive all the benefits of being a member anyway. There were some variations in this across the students associations, but this is more or less how VUWSA worked in 2009, when I was on the Executive.

When the VSM bill was drawn from the ballot in 2009 a lot of people in student association circles thought that, if passed, the bill would mean the end of student services and representation on campuses. Opponents claimed that it was a cynical attack on grassroots student activism, which was often typified by left wing values – you know, the ones you can’t go shopping with.

Sophia Blair was Co-President of NZUSA (the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations) in 2009, along with Jordan King. NZUSA led the opposition campaign against the bill. She remembers a flustered NZUSA receptionist rushing her and Jordan as they exited the lift to the office.

14 | Feature

Acronym key: VSM - Voluntary Student Membership USM / CSM - Universal Student Membership / Compulsory Student Membership NZUSA - New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations.

Theoretically the umbrella organisation for all students’ associations in New Zealand, though not all students’ associations are members. Includes polytechnic students’ associations as well as universities.

MAWSA - Massey at Wellington Students’ Association VUWSA - Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association ACT - the ACT Party. Association of Consumers and Taxpayers.

Student Association

“[She] was like, “Oh my god guys, someone, a guy called Grant Robertson called, he’s just said VSM’s been pulled from the ballot,” and we were like “oh my god.” I remember Jordan slamming the door to his office…We were kind of like, right, we’re gonna set up a war room (laughs)”

He says that while voluntary student membership has, in his view, made students’ associations more accountable (“It’s made sure we are on the ball… it lights a fire underneath the associations’ arses,”) it has also had a significant effect on MAWSA’s ability to advocate for students at a national level.

Both Sophia and Jordan were members of Labour. She thinks it’s possible that an emphasis on ideology rather than the more apolitical ‘values’ probably made students associations a target.

Now that tertiary providers can no longer take a students’ association levy from students upon enrolling, Massey University contracts the students’ associations on each campus to continue to provide the services. There is a pool of funding from the student services levy for which each association has to bid.

“We were probably too overtly left wing when we didn’t need to be.”

Was the student movement a vehicle for the Labour Party?

“Yeah, it was, I mean, there was always a push on Princes Street [Central Auckland Labour branch] to get people onto the exec because I guess, Labour values were student values.”

Despite these weaknesses, Blair reckons a compromise between the awkward opt-out compulsory and voluntary opt-in models could have been achieved, but there was no political will. She says she recently found out that National had committed to supporting its coalition partner ACT to make VSM a reality, making NZUSA’s efforts to lobby the government futile.

“National were always going to vote for it. I always thought there was a good compromise that people should be able to opt out, but it should be automatic enrolment in… we never got to have an adult conversation about that. I think it was just to destroy the student voice. Basically to destroy NZUSA.” David Seymour agreed.

“We don’t want a student movement based on compulsion… if that’s disabling the student movement then yes, that was the purpose.”

Adam Logan Cairns is the 2017 President of Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA). He says “jeez louise” unironically three times in our half hour meeting. He doesn’t drink coffee (unfathomable to me) but he accepts the juice I foist on him as penance for being late.

So the university still takes money from you either way – but now they are the middlemen controlling the purse strings, and students’ associations are accountable to them. But is this a conflict of interest? How can students’ associations provide an independent advocacy for students when it is funded by the University?

Tim Kendrew, MAWSA Clubs Development Coordinator, thinks the relationship is managed well.

“It sounds weird, but they have no control over us. I guess they could theoretically stop funding us if we did something that really upset them. From their end, I don’t know what their checks and balances are.”

So it seems despite that MAWSA bidding for its funding from the University, Massey doesn’t currently interfere with the students’ associations, though it could. Similarly, Massey funds Massive.

Massey exerts no editorial control, but it does bankroll Massive’s continued existence, so it could theoretically put an end to students voice on campus – though it doesn’t appear that Massey has any desire to do so.

Cairns reckons that, at least here at Massey Wellington, the students’ association is doing okay, but a return to the universal student membership would mean that MAWSA could do more for students. He is particularly ardent about MAWSA’s membership to NZUSA. He thinks being a member of NZUSA is vital to the continuation of student activism. In a flurry of controversy, the MAWSA Executive opted out of membership of NZUSA this year.

Cairns did not support that motion.

He says a lot of students tell him that they want a universal student allowance, but MAWSA not being a part of NZUSA means it’s difficult to lobby the government for those sorts of things.

“Were we just hysterical, loony lefties bent on keeping our access to... a “slush fund”?”

“I need to be in a position where I can actually go to the government in a general election year and be like, ‘this is what my students want, and this is what they need, so give it to them’. If I’m not in that position, then how am I going to do that?”

He reckons under universal student membership MAWSA would have been more likely to join NZUSA and have this lobbying power by proxy.

“In terms of VSM – if we had that money [from universal student membership] – I would be able to do that. I’d be able to do my job a lot better.”

“As a politician now, I don’t pay a huge amount of attention to student politicians, because in my day, being a student politician was the most effective type of contraception available on campus,” David Seymour’s face briefly creases into a smile.

“That’s a good line, that’s definitely going in.”

By this point I seem to have forgotten that I was once one of these human condoms. Perhaps I still am. I hate the smell of latex.

So – could a compromise have worked?

“I don’t really see how there could be a compromise,” So, no, then.

“But what I would say is that what we’ve got is that if you go to any university campus, there’s still a tramping club, there’s still a canoe club… etcetera. There’s still those clubs, they still exist, and people still have the option of campus life… We were told that this [VSM] would be the end of student life. I think student life got a bit duller, but it’s not because of the unions,”Seymour says.

Last month marked the six year anniversary of the law change.

As I moved further away from student politics physically and emotionally, I started to wonder if what we were fighting for was as righteous as we thought. I returned to study this year and noted that MAWSA still existed. I wondered, was VSM such a bad thing after all? Were we just hysterical, loony lefties bent on keeping our access to what David Seymour repeatedly called a “slush fund”?

The answer isn’t clear. A general view seems to be that students’ associations are definitely more accountable, perhaps because universities are more engaged stakeholders than students were.

This accountability is definitely a good thing.

On the other hand, our students’ associations can no longer genuinely be described as independent – and those are the lucky ones, where a contract relationship has been established with the provider (in MAWSA’s case, Massey University). This has not been the case across the board. With less money to hand, and even less student engagement than before, it can be harder to serve and represent students. But students associations do still exist. Mostly.

Albeit often in different forms than before the introduction of voluntary student membership.

It seems to me that it is still early days. Perhaps we will know the full effects of VSM in six more years’ time. Perhaps students’ associations will continue to hobble along like most nonprofits do.

Maybe I’ll return in six years to report back. Or not. Perhaps because I don’t want to. I guess that’s freedom of choice.

16 | Opinion

Giveaways

Schwarzkopf and Remington Want to look your very best? We have something special for the lads to giveaway. Thanks to our friends at Schwarzkopf and Remington, we have a personal grooming pack to giveaway, made up of hair products and a personal grooming kit. To enter, send your name and contact number through to win@mawsa.org.nz

Cookietime giveaway Me want cookies… you want cookies?

We have a Cookie Time prize pack full of Cookie Time products valued at $70 to giveaway. To enter, send your name and contact phone number along with your favourite flavor cookie to win@ mawsa.org.nz.

Win a feast from Pita Pit

Nab a Student Card

Feeling hungry? Our friends from Pita Pit in Manawatū are offering the mother of all giveaways. To go into the draw to win a free platter of Pita Pit pitas (a maximum of 10 pitas) for you and your flatties, simply send your name, and contact phone number to win@mawsa.org.nz. NOTE: Competition only available to students from Massey’s Manawatū campus.

Grab a deal. We have two student cards to giveaway. Normally worth $20 these gems will score you discounted food, booze, clothes, travel and even makeup. If you want to get your hot little hands on one of these cards email your name and contact phone number through to win@mawsa.org.nz

Student

ASB Auckland Marathon

We are giving away a free entry to the John West 12km Traverse! This is your chance to join in New Zealand’s biggest, most iconic, colourful, cultural running celebration, and the John West 12km Traverse is the quickest way across the bridge on two legs! To win, email your name and contact phone number to win@mawsa.org.nz. NOTE: Competition only available to students from Massey’s Albany campus.

Opinion | 17

A Pinch of Politics with Natasha Tziakis

Politics and positivity don’t normally go hand in hand, but for this election, it seems a lot of positives have come out of it.

Although there are still deeply rooted problems when it comes to politics, like poverty or environmental issues, there has been a huge social shift in the form of discussion and action.

This new wave of political action and discourse was proven as 1.2 million people cast an advanced vote in this year’s election.

In 2014, just 700,000 people cast an advanced vote.

Another 500,000 people voted in this year’s general election than the last. Not only that, some of those people will be talking to their friends and family about the election, policies and the rest. That fact alone should be seen as a national success as more people are actually getting actively involved with how New Zealand’s future is shaped.

Maybe it was Jacinda, maybe it was social media, or maybe people are just realising the power of their own voices. Growing up, I was so lucky to be raised in a family

who were, and still are, politically active and interested. This has helped shape my view and I have always been encouraged to participate in democracy. But I know from personal experience that other families and people do not share these views and choose not to vote.

Yes, this is a choice for every individual to make, but the country will more or less stay the same every election as the same people will be voting. Because of this election, the country is changing. Regardless of what party leads our Government, kiwi’s have changed in their attitude towards politics and are recognising their own voice.

These changes will both be positive and negative. As with any winning and governing party, mistakes can and will be made. The most important thing to take from this is that there has been a huge shift in what environment we used to think political discussion belonged in versus what it actually is now. Bars, flats, even the footpath can be a place for people to express their opinions about a New Zealand’s Government.

It’s incredibly hard to write about a Government that had not yet been decided by the time of going to print. But it’s

made me consider the wider changes the election has had and will continue to have, rather than just who the Prime Minister is.

These considerations have made me stop and look at how student culture around politics is growing and developing to be even stronger. The fact that this column exists is a huge indication of how hungry us students are for political change and discussion.

With this being the last issue of Pinch of Politics for 2017, I’d like to say that those political memes you tag your friends in, watching the 6pm news and staying up-to-date, are signs of a small scale revolution. You are helping steer future New Zealander’s from an apathetic view, to a country that is involved and informed. So, thank you.

“...mistakes can and will be made.”

homegrown giveaway me to do 3 double

Massive is the student magazine for all Massey University students. This year we need even more student contributors to fill our pages.

If you would like to contribute in any form, please do get in touch. We’re keen as. editor@mawsa.org.nz massive@mawsa.org.nz

National News | 19

Massey staff ‘Fear’ senior management

By Adam Pearse Massey staff members have come out against Massey’s leadership team saying that fear and frustration is rife amongst their colleagues.

Distinguished Professor, Peter Schwerdtfeger, says that staff are fearful of the repercussions should they speak out and criticize the university system.

“At the moment, academic staff are extremely afraid to raise concerns at a time when they might lose their jobs.”

He continues saying that negative feedback is discouraged and that threats have been made towards him in the past when he has raised objections.

“I have been threatened many times in my career when I openly criticised the university administration. Only positive comments are welcome, negative comments are not. This does not leave much room for improvement” Schwerdtfeger adds that this has caused immense frustration amongst staff and has been a great cause of concern for him as it limits academic freedom of speech.

“It is well-known that Academic Staff are frustrated despite the fact that they work extremely hard for their university. Personally, I try not to think about this because it gets you really depressed.”

Professor in Evolutionary Ecology, Steve Trewick, says that there is a distinct feeling at Massey that if you say the wrong thing, you might lose your job.

“There’s a lot of fear among academics. Many privately voice that speaking up could be misconstrued, or at least ignored.”

Trewick comments that there is a sense of disconnect between Senior Management and academics, but notes that the new VC has expressed a desire for collegiality.

“It sometimes seems like we don’t have any relationship with senior management and that is demoralising.”

In an interview with Massive, Vice Chancellor, Jan Thomas was not surprised by these views and thinks that this is normal in a University environment.

“I think when you speak to a lot of different people who have different views and strong views, you’ll get a whole range of things so none of that actually surprises me in a University.”

Thomas doesn’t like that staff have the impression that negative feedback is discouraged and stresses that she has campaigned against this.

“I don’t like that people feel scared to talk. I have been actively encouraging people to speak and to speak up and that’s why I’ve had such a big process and why people have been very honest and open in their feedback. I don’t like that individuals feel scared that they can’t speak up.”

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¯ Being a ‘white’ Maori

By Taryn Dryfhout Being paler than everyone else in my family, it’s been a longrunning joke that I am a ‘washed out Māori’. My sister, cousins and even my own children are all darker than I am, and it’s often been difficult for me to fit into Māori settings. The recent trend in ancestry DNA tests to tell us what ethnicity we are, and the curious case of Rachel Dolezal who claimed that she was ‘transracial’, identifying as black, has made me reflect on how I identify myself, and the way that I have been identified by others, as a biracial woman.

Not Māori enough I have struggled throughout my entire adult life to be brown enough to be considered Māori. Though my hair is a thick, frizzy mess of dark curls and I have dark, almond-shaped eyes, my skin is pale, and apparently, that’s all it takes to be pigeon-holed as ‘the white girl’.

My first year of university was particularly hard, as I attempted to be recognised as Māori. I was thrilled at the amount of Māori resources available at university, and had high hopes that in immersing myself in all things Māori, I would feel at home in my culture, and be accepted as such. This wasn’t the case. In my first class on Māori culture, a guest lecturer said that Māori is always about whakapapa (genealogy). “It doesn’t matter what you look like, where you were raised, or who you are – if you have the whakapapa, you’re in.” While this is what the Māori worldview subscribes to, it’s not necessarily the reality. During my first year at uni, while I was studying Māori, I was often the butt of jokes in my Māori classes for being the white one, in a sea of brown faces. And, it didn’t stop there. One day I decided to drop into the Māori centre to ask for help with something. When I walked in the door, a receptionist stood up, looked at me, and asked if I was lost. At the completion of my degree, at the Māori graduation ceremonies, I was the whitest one there, and received odd glances.

These experiences weren’t limited to my time at university either.

In my mid-20s, I began actively researching my whakapapa, and found that nobody I approached, inside or outside of the family, was willing to give me any information, though I often knew they had some to share. I got the feeling that I wasn’t brown enough. I

was white, and therefore hadn’t paid my dues, or earned my right to hear about my whakapapa. Though I developed a pretty thick skin about this kind of encounter, it didn’t change the fact that I had to fight to be identified, on the outside, as the person I felt I was, on the inside.

This wasn’t my experience as a child. I was born into a mixedrace marriage, and had distinctly olive skin, making me a perfect mix of my Māori father and Pakeha mother. I was often bought darker skinned dolls as gifts (does anyone remember Manu from Playschool?), I joined the kapahaka group in school, and was taken onto the marae from a young age. I was accepted for who I was, and was never made to feel that I didn’t belong in the Māori world. But something happened, when I grew up. I became a vegetarian (no kai maona for me), married a Dutch man, taking on his foreign surname, and slowly started to drift away from the ethnic stereotypes that I was expected to live up to as a Māori woman. I don’t speak fluent Māori, and have been told I’m over-educated, no longer fitting the usual demographic of what people perceive to be Māori. I have gotten used to the shock of people discovering that I am Māori, and have even gotten used to having a ‘coming out’ moment, anytime I meet new people.

White privilege Despite my frustrations at not being recognised as Māori, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I have, at times, used my ‘whiteness’ to my advantage.

As a white Māori, I have the ability to manipulate my looks so much, that with only a small effort, I am able to cross right on over into the ‘Isle of White’. I get quickly bored with my hair colour, and every second-year bleach it down to a pale blonde, which curiously, makes my skin appear lighter also. Many friends and family members have commented on my ability to look so different, something which has come in handy more than once.

When we first moved to Auckland, I found this ability to look white became even more convenient. On a phone enquiry regarding a house we wanted to rent, the tenancy manager made no secret of the fact that the last tenants had been “dirty Māori’s” and that we sounded like exactly the kind of family she had been looking for.

Opinion | 21

Before we went to view the house, I took my European husband, cut my pounamu pendant off from around my neck, applied thick, pale makeup and touched up my dark roots. The house was perfect, but came with a long commentary about the previous tenant. We were offered the house on the spot – an offer I am confident would not have been made if she knew that I was Māori.

A few years ago, I also had a run-in with the law, in which I was accused of something I did not do. A witness alleged that a 20-something woman of Māori or Polynesian descent had broken the law, and I very quickly became the suspect. After many weeks and interviews, where I tried fruitlessly to prove that I was innocent, I decided to take action. I was desperate not to be implicated in this situation, and after much discussion about the physical description of the person, I decided the best way to convince of my guiltlessness was to change the way I looked. I cut off the long brown hair that hung down my back, once again coloured my hair blonde, cut off the taonga around my neck and went for another interview. Because I no longer fit the description for the suspect they were looking for, the whole situation was quickly dropped and I was free to get on with my life.

Being white means, I was not as suspicious a person in the encounter with the law, nor was I an undesirable tenant for the house we rented. Is this right? No, but it’s certainly been my experience. And, it’s an extremely difficult battle to win. As Māori, I am constantly faced with the pressure to stay true to my culture, while at the same time being expected to assimilate in order to fit into Pakeha culture. If I’m not being berated for my seemingly Māori privilege, then I am being berated for receiving white privilege.

So, who am I? One of the most common questions I get when I am ‘outed’ as Māori is, “how much?” The first thing people want to know about my Māori-ness, is what percentage of Māori I am. Apparently, my ethnicity comes down to a pie chart, and telling people that I am ‘quarter-Māori’ somehow satisfies people’s needs to make my Māori-ness quantifiable. What people fail to understand, is that, my lecturer was right: Māori is Māori. “It doesn’t matter what you

look like, where you were raised, or who you are – if you have the whakapapa, you’re in.” There is no such thing as being Māori enough. If you come from a Māori bloodline, then go forth and identify as Māori, without letting anyone make you feel different.

Twenty-first century Māori are diverse – some speak Māori fluently, and know their whakapapa inside out, while some of us are still trying to reclaim our roots. Some of us are dark skinned, with dark hair, while some are blonde with blue eyes. Being Māori is not a dichotomy – we cannot categorise Ma¯ ori into ‘black’ or ‘white’ because kiwi identities are complex, and being Māori is about more than a skin colour. For Māori like myself, we were not raised in te ao Māori or encouraged to speak te reo Māori. This made it difficult as an adult to be accepted into a culture in which I was not born, but this shouldn’t be the case. In my 30s, I find myself still searching for my place in this world. My cultural identity is not static – it is constantly being shaped by the people I meet, the things I learn, the places I live and the way in which I engage in society. We, as New Zealanders, need to create more opportunities and space in which people can reflect on their own racial and cultural identities and how these have shaped who they are. I hope that as more Māori share their experiences, it will prompt more conversations about how we perceive Māori, and how differently we all experience being Māori.

Heoi anō tāku mō nāianei

22 | Feature

Six tips for meeting people in halls at uni Massive’s Kaitlin Edmonds shares her top tips for finding friends at halls of residence.

1

Keep your door open Having an open door lets other know you are open to conversation and socialising, and that you are friendly and approachable.

It simply invites a simple hello as people walk past your door, which trust me, as the year goes on, can frequently turn into very long conversations. This is particularly important for when you first move into halls, as people are all over the place moving in, and might be lonely. I found my door was open all the time when I was in Moginie (Massey Hall) and people would always be dropping in. It is however, a good idea to close your door if you are having a sneaky nap or have left an assignment to the last minute. Especially make sure your door is closed if everyone is going out and you need to avoid them so you’re not swayed into another drunken night when you really should be doing that assignment you got an extension for because you were ‘sick’ (let’s admit it, you were hungover, or just lazy).

there are hall sporting competitions that can be great fun. They allow you to get to know your hall buddies and Residential Assistant’s better and then have fun with your established groups. Join in with other people and ask others if they want to join you and your friends in things you might be doing, especially if you notice someone struggling or exchange students who might be new.

3

2

Join in with activities and events

Say hi to everyone Sounds kind of strange, but is a great way of meeting people, remembering names and maintaining relationships with people you live with. You don’t have to stop and talk for a long time, or even hang out with them, but just saying hi really helps. And who knows, you might end up somewhere not knowing anyone and then see someone you kind of know from saying hi to when walking around campus and halls.

4

As cringy as the start-of-year meeting everyone games can be, they are worth going to. You meet everyone you are going to be spending the year with. So even if you don’t hang out with them throughout your times in halls, you will at least know their names. Hall trips are always fun and you should try to attend them if you can (they also usually come with food). Additionally,

Make use of communal areas Every hall has a common room and several have recreational rooms with table tennis and pool tables. Hang out in the common room and watch a bit of television, maybe while you have lunch, and you will find you meet lots of new people and have cool conversations. Sky Sport and Movies was always a pro in the common rooms, as my friends and I stayed up watching live Olympics and movies instead of study or sleeping. Using the recreational rooms are great fun. They are good for a laugh,

5

a break, and some friendly (and at times, some very serious) competition.

Join a club…and actually go to meetings and events How better to make friends than with those who share the same interests with you?

Massey has some awesome clubs with awesome people. Clubs Day is on at the start of every semester. It is easy to walk away having signed up for a bunch of clubs and then never go. Even if it is just one to two clubs, try and commit your time to attending meet-ups that they organise. It will give you a break from study, you will meet new people, maybe learn some new skills and you might find some of your hall friends are there too!

6

Go out and party!

You are students, partying is a rite of passage. And no, I am not advocating that you have to drink to have fun, but yeah it certainly helps sometimes… partying is great because you meet friends of friends, see randoms from your course who end up being friends (or just that random that you only talk to when you are drunk in town), learn lots about each other in drinking games, laugh at drunk people who do stupid things and at your friends following their early morning walk of shame. Partying is a good time to forget and is great for making life long memories.

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Artist Feature:

Samantha Stokes

Samantha Stokes’ work has often graced the pages of Massive Magazine. The talented artist sat down to chat with Nikki Papatsoumas for our last Artist Feature for 2017.

Tell us a little bit about yourself?

I often introduce myself as an adventurer who moonlights as a designer and artist. (I think my intro on dribbble is pretty much that). I love the experience of creating, and I get inspired and fill up my bank of creative energy by being outdoors and going on adventures. I enjoy lots of different creative outlets, which is great, because when I’m feeling stuck with water colour illustration, I can switch to digital illustration, or to photography or designing ’things’ with my art and design pieces. That’s something I’m excited about right now – making pieces of art that are more then just artwork on paper. I’ve got some screen printing ideas floating around in my head right now for tote bags and tea towels – useful things.

What inspires you?

Putting on great music is often my starting point for creating and working. Then, if I get to a point where I’m not sure how to progress, sometimes getting away or getting outside is the best thing I can do to keep feeling fresh on that project. And often I find initial seeds for work in little daily moments. I like creating work that is fun or funny, and that feels human.

eighty–something page employee handbook You Build A Better Us for a construction company in New Orleans, which was full of fun illustrations and pages of lettering and type. In future years getting to live somewhere where I can ride the snow multiple times a week, skip out for powder days, rock climb in the sunshine and get out on other adventures in-between working as a freelancer on wonderful projects would be living the dream. Currently though I’m looking for the perfect fitting in-house or studio position to take up for a time. I’d love to have the experience and learning that would come from working somewhere inspiring and challenging.

Who are five people you would invite to dinner, dead or alive?

Definitely Wendy McNaughton, her work as a designer and illustrator is so inspiring. And probably Michael Bierut as well, because he does amazing work and I’ve heard that he’s cool. And I might invite GR Martin, because he’s got to be an interesting guy. I think I’d also invite Tim Minchin, for some light humour and I think I’d also invite Jamie Oliver over–early, to help with the said dinner.

What three words would you use to describe your art?

Intricate. Beautiful. Quirky (I enjoy making people smile).

How did you become an artist?

As long as I can remember I’ve always loved creating. My parents have a great collection of my artworks from since I could smear paint on paper. It feels strange whenever I don’t have something on the go – I enjoy that feeling of industry and possibility when I am working on something!

Where would you like to see a career in art and design take you?

Freelancing full time for the last year has been an enjoyable learning curve. I’ve worked on some awesome projects, I recently had full creative control from start to finish on a quirky, unique

Find Samantha at: stokedsamantha.com

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26 | Feature

Money matters Student welfare has remained a talking point for most of 2017. With this in mind, Massive Magazine sat down with Doctor Pushpa Wood, director of the Financial Education and Research Centre on Massey’s Wellington campus. With her wealth of knowledge around money, Wood shared some insight into how students can best manage their money, especially with Christmas and summer break around the corner. “My philosophy is making money my slave rather than being a slave to money,” Wood says. “You need to learn how to make money work for you rather than letting money rule your life.”

Ways to be smart with money:

Knowing where your money is going

Have a plan

Wood says it is important to have a tool – whether it is paper based or an app – to track where your money is being spent.

She says by tracking your money you can really see where it is going. “You would be surprised how $2 here and $3 there can all add up.”

“Give every single dollar a job, whether it is to spend or save it, whatever it may be,” Wood says. She says budgeting is the key when trying to manage your money. Once you have made a plan, don’t feel like you’re locked into it. Every plan needs to be reviewed and readjusted.”

“Nothing comes for free”

Differentiate between a need and a want

Wood says it is extremely important to understand the pitfalls of borrowing money. “Be aware of who you’re borrowing from,” she says. “Are you able to repay it within the limit that is set by the lender?”

Often taking your time to pay back sums of money on your credit card for example paying only minimum each month, comes with hefty fees/interest, so it is always better to pay back in full.

“You may think you need to go out because all your friends are,” Wood says. “But is it really a need?” She says it is important to make smart decisions between things that are necessary and things that you want. Having food for the week is a need, but that new iPhone might not be…

Have something stashed away for a rainy day Wood says you don’t need to save hundreds of dollars to be good at saving.

“The key thing is getting into a habit,” she says. She says it is also a good idea to look at ways you can save. Instead of buying lunch, bring it from home, car pool with your friends or flatmates and if there is something you want to buy, make sure you save up for it if possible.

Feature | 27

28 | Feature

Do students want to engage with their students’ association at all?

Under 300 students in Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA) voted in their student election last year.

Emma Pearce investigates why voting turnout and student engagement with MAWSA is so low.

low in the past. “In my first year at MAWSA in 2015 I didn’t even know the student election was happening. This is something I have always wanted to try and improve on because I wanted to see the wider student body really engage with their student association.”

I walk into the MAWSA staff room and am immediately overwhelmed. Props, papers, colorful signs, fake foliage, and golden streamers don the room. It’s like a collation of Pinterest boards shoved into one space. Looking at the finer details, each employee has their own space decorated to their liking. Standing desks, wooden ornaments, and bikes are scattered around the place but it’s a fluorescent pink flamingo light that catches my eye.

The space around the flamingo is the definition of organised chaos.

Files shoved into every available space with papers spewing out everywhere. This is the desk of MAWSA manager Sarah GrantWang.

She says once the MAWSA offices were re-arranged to become a more collaborative space, she noticed more student engagement.

She bundles into the open office with a stack of paper in hand. “I’ll be with you in just a second my love,” she says. After some time, she takes me into a private room for her interview.

It’s the height of election season at MAWSA, where students campaign against one-another to secure a position on the Student Executive. But with voter turnout so low in previous years – just under 10 per cent of eligible students voted in 2016 – you’ve got to wonder if students care to engage with the students’ association at all.

Grant-Wang tells me how much has changed in the two years she’s been working within MAWSA. The office space once used by the association was closed off to students by walls and doors, and Sarah says this made the association harder to reach for every day students. She says this is why she thinks voter turnout has been so

“It’s fantastic to now see dozens of students working each day with the MAWSA and Massey teams on projects and initiatives designed for students.”

Checking her phone every now and again, I can see a long list of messages appear on the screen in the short time we’ve spent together. She’s one busy person that’s for sure. She’s proud of what she’s achieved in her short time as the MAWSA manager and for what’s to come. “Student engagement or participation can be improved all the time, I know for MAWSA, as a team, we are trying to improve our processes and systems and how we engage with students all the time.”

When asked about low voting in the MAWSA elections, she put it down to how much students have going on.

“Students are busy, they’re busy with their own lives”.

“Props, papers, colorful signs, fake foliage, and golden streamers don the room.”

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Felix Desmarais, a grad student currently studying at Massey’s Wellington campus, says it is also due to a lack of awareness on campus.

“I’m not an expert on why student stakeholder engagement is so low but I think it’s got a lot to do with students’ not being aware of students’ associations.”

I interview Desmarais on the red couch in the Massive Magazine office. Though he hasn’t spent a lot of time here, he seems at home amongst the chaos of papers and post-it notes that scour every inch of the magazine’s headquarters.

Having been a part of the Victoria University Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA) whilst studying at Victoria University, being both a campaign coordinator and the Vice President of Education; Desmarais has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to students’ associations.

“I probably know more so than the average student because of my past with associations, so I understand that students’ associations provide services and provide representation and clubs and societies as well, but I sort of see that as a service.”

When asked if he will vote in the upcoming MAWSA elections, Desmarais pauses for a moment to search for the right words.

“I was kind of thinking about voting but I hadn’t decided… I value the students’ association but just the way I see it now, it feels like the association is mostly a services sort of outlet so I feel like the services are going to be the same no matter who the executive is.”

I find it surprising that Desmarais is of that opinion when he was so involved with VUWSA in the past.

As Desmarais has been a Massey student for over a year, I set out to find someone who’s been at the Wellington campus for a little longer. I managed to find Alex Bartolome, a third year design student who’s life revolves around going to Massey and leaving as soon as class finishes. He sits cross-legged on his couch, fidgeting with a pen while we chat. He’s heard of MAWSA but has no idea what the association does.

“Personally, I’ve not had any interactions with them, I guess they do a lot of paperwork.”

It’s interesting that after three years on campus a student isn’t aware of the events and clubs put on by MAWSA. I then asked him if he knew about the upcoming MAWSA election.

“Now that, I’ve heard of. There’s an obscene amount of posters around.”

It seems like MAWSA’s communication with students is there, just not in the ways they’d like.

“I don’t know if I’ll vote though,” Alex took a pause, only to continue, “I mean, I don’t even know how to vote.”

With those elected to the executive holding a huge amount of power, responsibility, and decision making for the student body, you’d think more students would be invested in the elections and student politics.

Maybe students don’t care because it isn’t advertised to them enough. Or maybe they’re too busy to care.

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Humour | 31

Modern Miss Lonelyhearts: Regaining trust

Join Massive’s own agony aunt, as she dissects the peaks and pitfalls of dating in a millennial world.

I myself, like countless others before me, have pondered the question of ‘how to regain a partner’s trust’. More often than not, these questions arise in relationships as a result of infidelity. Admittedly, I am no exception.

Let’s say you do want to try to make things work. But, understandably, the trust in your relationship has taken some damage. If you honestly love this person, you have to change the way you think.

When asked about this by friends of mine, I’d usually say something along the lines of: “look, people mess up all the time”. That’s what people are good for, right? You can reliably count on just about any individual to find a way of messing things up at some point in their lives. That is what makes us human.

It’s perfectly human to have urges. In our day-to-day lives, we all come into contact with people we find attractive; whether it’s a mutual friend, a coworker, or a passing stranger. Those feelings are, for the most part, beyond our control.

However, there’s this unspoken threshold, that as we grow older (and hopefully a little wiser), allows for less and less mistakes of this nature. The idea being, that this forces people to learn their lesson.

People have a finite amount of trust. It doesn’t simply regenerate like the health bar in a video game. Every time you hurt someone, a little bit of that trust goes away forever. And rightfully so – that seems to be one of the core coping mechanisms we all use to keep ourselves from being emotionally trampled over and over again.

So, say you’ve hurt someone somehow. Perhaps you cheated, or were looking up an ex on Facebook (which, when we’re honest, is something we’re all secretly a little guilty of). But no matter what it is that you’ve done, you’ve got to figure out why you did it. Without understanding why we do the things we do, it is incredibly difficult to rectify that behaviour.

Now, most people I’ve spoken to about cheating have said something along the lines of, “I did it because I’m stupid”. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not going to disagree with that statement.

Cheating is stupid. But ultimately, being ‘stupid’ isn’t really a reason. Are you unhappy? Do you not feel like you’re getting what you want? Are you just bored? Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate some things. The best thing you can do, for now, is try to honestly examine whether you actually should be in a relationship at all.

Chances are, if you’re cheating, or actively contemplating it, you shouldn’t. In a happy, healthy relationship, the last thing you should want is to hurt the person that you’ve dedicated yourself to.

However, what you have to get rid of, is the ‘what if’. Banish those and any other thoughts of dangerously open ended, tangible opportunities. No doubt you’ve all heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’. There’s a reason why phrases like that stick around for so long. Show the person you’re with that they come first, that this is where your mind is. Apologise, and mean it.

If you’ve hurt your partner, you owe them a meaningful apology.

First and foremost: a from-the-heart, look-them-in-the-eyes acknowledgment of just how badly you’re fucked up, and how much you regret your selfish, or maybe just reckless, action or actions. But beyond that, you owe them an upturn in behaviour: long term-fidelity or ongoing care for their wellbeing, and maybe a bonus gesture or two in the meantime. This shouldn’t be too hard, because you want the best for them. That’s why we’re here. Don’t go throwing your money around when you mess up. That doesn’t last. Anything you buy that person is only going to stick around as a reminder of whatever it is that you did. Try your best to remember the little things. Text the person when you’re thinking about them. Offer to help that person somehow, even when it’s inconvenient to you, because it’s not just you who matters anymore. Relationships are about working together to make each other better and happier individuals.

Dating someone seriously is like practicing, to see if you two could actually be together for the rest of your lives. If you can’t, don’t: that’s okay. If you can, don’t let those little weak-minded moments get in the way of something you’re already so lucky to have found.

32 | Feature

Do you make the cut?

By Megan Campbell The digital age of dating is in full swing and Tinder is the new best way to meet people. The app is simple; people swipe left for no and right for yes. It’s an easy process that tends to fuel people’s procrastination. It’s something you can scroll aimlessly through when you can’t sleep, waiting for the bus or sitting through a boring lecture.

“It feels like a game, and each time you get a match it feels like you are winning,” says one user. But what are the real reasons people are on it? Is it for a relationship? Companionship? Or just for a laugh? And what is the best way to go about attracting the attention of a potential suitor.

In a search for answers I asked my three roommates, Issy, Hannah and Ashley. I got three different answers.

“It’s funny just chatting,” says 19-year-old Issy. Nineteen-year-old Hannah says she is on it to try and find someone while my third flatmate Ashley says it’s nice chatting to people. “I’m just scouting out if there is anyone on there for me.”

which pictures to add for my new roommate’s Tinder profile and she asked which one she “looked hotter” in. She even said she considered herself a catfish because she had gained weight since the photo was taken.

People put photos up that are years old, and this is where one of the deceptions of online dating stems from. The most recent photo my roommate used was about a month old.

Hannah says she has definitely felt ‘catfished’ after matching with a guy on Tinder. She explains the first time they met she quickly realised his pictures were at least two years old – he had different hair, weight, and even his facial features looked different. Despite this, Hannah says she gave him a chance and now she’s interested in pursuing a relationship with him. In this case she was lucky, but many people aren’t.

As part of a study, LendEDU, collected information about Tinder from 3,852 university aged students.

The very first and most important thing about Tinder is the profile pictures and bio. Some ‘turn-offs’ the girls mentioned were topless mirror pics, cars, or no face in the photos at all. All my flatmates agreed this was an instant swipe left.

As part of the survey, students were asked if they had ever met anyone off Tinder? Just 29.2 per cent of students said yes. Only one of my three roommates who are on Tinder have actually met someone off it. So if people aren’t intending on meeting the people they talk to, then why be on the app?

“In a group photo, you can always rely on the guy being the unattractive one,” says Issy.

“I am not really looking for anything serious or going to meet up with these guys, but it’s fun just chatting to them,” says Issy.

In an app that is based on photos, looks are obviously a huge part of Tinder. If you don’t show your best ‘self’ to potential suitors, will you be swiped left?

“…the app is what you make of it, you can determine whether people are on it just for a hook up or not,” she says. “You can’t rely on every chat to become something romantic.”

I asked my friend Hugo, who’s a past user of Tinder. Hugo explains the way he chose his photos was to scroll through his Facebook profile pictures and select those with the most likes. He says this was successful for him, but agrees other guys have poor judgement, or lack of experience, when it comes to understanding the most effective ways to go about choosing the best photo.

Hannah agrees with Issy saying she chatted to a guy for two weeks before they both friend zoned each other. Now they are just online friends. Tinder is unpredictable.

From what I have experienced, the girls in my flat put a lot effort into picture selection and bio writing. Ashley had a particular order of her photos – it went natural face, flirty makeup shot, friends and body photo. I sat for 20 minutes while my roommates discussed

Tinder is testing the dating game. It’s a confidence boost and buster. You may meet the love of your life or a quick hook up on the weekend. The app is what you make of it – many have had success from the app and many have had nightmares, but it still all comes down to new experiences and finding that one fish in the sea.

| 33

34 | Opinion

Sport: An unlimited potential The Yarns from Pitch Five

Seeing as it’s the last yarn for 2017, I felt we should tackle something a little meatier, something with a bit of heat to it.

Throughout the year, these pieces have been about asking and answering a question within a particular sport, looking fairly introspectively at what makes that sport tick. However, with this piece, I want to look at how sport can be the fanciful theatre in which we exercise societal issues.

It is near impossible for those interested in sport to be unaware of the situation going on in the USA and the NFL. For those who aren’t aware, the National Football League of the United States is in a state of flux at the moment over a number of players and teams kneeling as the national anthem is sung prior to a game. Scenes of players, linked arm in arm, can be seen with one patella to the ground as they hear ‘the land of the free and the home of the brave’ ring around stadiums of confused fans. Some owners have even joined this campaign in what is the worst Where’s Wally game you will ever see. Interpretations of this action are as diverse as they are complicated but to summarise, players are kneeling in solidarity for the extreme racial inequality that exists in the US and has done for centuries.

The man the media deem as the instigator for the movement is named Colin Kaepernick, who was a player of the San Francisco 49ers up until 2016, when he became a free agent. At the time when he took that first knee, it was said he was protesting police brutality and racial inequality. It has since snowballed and turned into a cultural catastrophe with no help coming from the commander in chief, Donald Trump. His rhetoric over the past weeks, condemning players that take a knee and requesting their resignation, have inflamed the situation causing many businesses and corporations to come out against the President’s point of view.

This is just another example of how divided the US is at the moment, but its manifestation in sport is what intrigues me. The attention sport gets is un-rivalled, none more so than American

Football. While there have been brutal police shootings and acts of violence towards people of colour in that part of the world, none have caught the public eye such as this. What we are witnessing here is that unlimited potential sport has in terms of the impact it can have on society and culture. While many may think of sport as a trivial excuse for middle-aged men to advance their alcohol addiction, the sporting industry has always been one for change, especially when it comes to racial minorities. We have so many success stories of people with different backgrounds having the ability to succeed in a range of sports. It is a medium which the key questions for a society can be introduced and discussed because sport is so integral to society itself.

I’m not saying the American racial divide will be solved after a few tosses of the pigskin but what the sport can act as is a forum for discussion where people who might not have otherwise known of the issue, can be enlightened in what will be a racial healing in that part of the world. Sport will always be a part of culture because it is at the very heart of what it means to be human; the desire to succeed. And it is that desire that can be recognised by all people no matter their race.

“...players are kneeling in solidarity for the extreme racial inequality that exists...”

Opinion | 35

Mum’s the Word: Reflecting on another year of parenting

The past fortnight in this study mummy’s house has brought about a new experience. While we are used to dealing with my health issues and overwhelming workload, this time it’s my husband – he is broken. No, I don’t mean melancholic, I mean physically broken. In a bizarre series of events at work, he fell from a roof, bounced off some scaffolding and cracked his ribs in the process.

Having a husband home with broken bones is a little akin to caring for someone with man flu. Apparently, having broken ribs is more painful than childbirth (though I’ve experienced both and I disagree), and though it may appear, to the untrained eye, that he is just laying around watching Netflix, apparently it is a recognised medical fact that watching sci-fi movies will help him to heal faster.

I am also told that he does not ‘moan’, but rather emits involuntary groans of distress which are proportional only to the amount of excruciating pain that he is experiencing. All jokes aside, he has been in a lot of pain and he’s taken it like a trooper. Because he’s injured and we have been staying home a lot, it’s given me a lot of time to reflect on everything that has happened this year so far, and all of the things that we have survived during this year on the parenting roller coaster.

The past few months have certainly dealt us more than our fair share – there’s been multiple injuries and broken bones, colds, flus, and chicken pox, moving houses, jobs that fell through, as well as grief and loss. We’ve had periods of time where days blended into nights and sleep deprivation took over. There’s been struggles with physical and mental health at times, hospitalisations and medical procedures, and times where I felt I might crumble under the overwhelming circumstances. But there’s also been lots of good stuff – we celebrated 13 years married, birthdays with the kids, had visits from family, bought and renovated a retro camper for holidays, shipped the last of our belongings up from the South Island and found ourselves a new car, and a house that we can call home. I also finished a certificate and got through the last of

my post-graduate course work and will be moving onto research.

We’ve had ups and downs, but it’s a year we won’t forget, and a year where our children got older. With our oldest now ten, I’m starting to realise how quickly they grow up, and am learning to appreciate every day – even if things aren’t going as planned.

Over the course of the year, and this column, I’ve also been able to explore a lot of the ways that I juggle this ‘study mummy’ life, while I work, raise my kids and try to steer away from a strait jacket. I’ve looked at how we mothers can have it all, explored what it means to be identified as ‘just a mum’, wrestled with our household’s notso-environmental habits, tried to break our ten-year-old away from his device addiction, broke my foot, become more disorganised than ever, threw in the towel on supermarket shopping and whinged about not being able to drink when the going gets tough.

It’s been one hell of a year, and heading into my thesis I don’t see things getting any less crazy for next year, but I wouldn’t change a thing, and am loving going on this crazy ride more than ever.

So, here’s to another year of imperfect parenting, to juggling, and to maintaining sanity (where possible). I applaud all of the working mummies, study mummies, and juggling mummies on another year well done, and encourage you all to enjoy the summer, and enjoy your babies. Don’t forget to be kind to yourselves and to lock yourself in the closet every now and then to eat that Pinky bar in peace. You’ll be better off for it, and nobody will know. Remember: Mum’s the Word.

36 | Humour

Dilemma Doctor Since real life doctors are expensive, sometimes it pays to take the advice of more ‘alternative’ practices. Bring your problems, not your apples, and the Dilemma Doctor will prescribe you some terrible advice. Whether you take it or not is up to you, but always know the Doctor has your best interests at heart, even if he does hold a questionable MD.

Dear Doctor, I bought a hair dryer off a girl on Facebook. I paid for it, then waited a month for its arrival, even though she said it would arrive in a week. It didn’t come, I asked her for a refund, but she had already spent it. Her older sister then started abusing me online, calling me a bully and a fuckwit, and said she’d send the hairdryer herself, even though I had already bought a new one out of necessity. How do I get my money back without things escalating?

-Irate Irene We’ve had some epic showdowns this year. Mayweather vs McGregor, Jacinda vs Bill, students vs not being able to afford food, but none of them will come close to Irate Irene vs The girl from Facebook who ripped you off, featuring her older sister. There is only one approach to this situation, and it is head on, guns blazing.

You find that little shit and her fuckwit of a sister and totally give it to them by politely explaining the values of trade to them and the positive effect that transparency, reliability, and efficiency on their part as well as yours will have on our economy, culture, and communication prowess, and how their refusal to cooperate with these standards causes our community to digress from being able to reap the benefits of social advances. Hopefully they’ll fall asleep and you can nick their wallets.

Dear Doctor, The store I work at has experienced some serial shoplifting as of late. Us staff are the ones being investigated, which seems unfair.

However, I was scrolling through TradeMe, and I noticed my flatmate Nedward is selling products that match the ones taken from our store. I don’t want to assist someone doing illegal shit, but he’s my mate and I don’t want to rat him out. The whole scenario is stressing me out, what should I do?

Dear Doctor, Last week when there was a tremble in Wellington I made a joke to my friends about Jacinda Ardern’s teeth. Ever since then I’ve been having strange problems. I’ve been repeatedly biting my cheek, my dentist won’t return my calls, and all toothpaste tastes worse than Tussock coffee. Have I been cursed, and if so, how do I remove it?

-Smiley Sione You fucking knob, of course you don’t do shit during an earthquake (unless you’re feeling up for a kinky evening, then by all means).

They’re renowned for bringing bad luck. Why, I had a similar problem from last years quake. I was on the phone with my aunt’s lawyer when the shakes started. Instead of politely informing him of the situation and hanging up, I called him a mouth breather, and just like that, my framed picture of Patty Gower fell off the wall and shattered. It was extremely strange, and I spent a few months researching it. Turns out other people had had stuff like this happen to them during the quake, so I came to the conclusion that during a quake you should never, ever do anything to upset someone or karma will bend you over its knee and smack you like you’re Winston Peters’ kid.

However, you’ve done what you’ve done, so let’s look for a solution. You can’t apologize to Jacinda, because if she finds out and decides to stop her beaming smile then none of us will be able to see a damn thing. Of course that means these ailments might not go away, so you’ll have to find ways to manage them instead.

I suggest a liquid diet to reduce chewing and therefore cheekbiting. You can get many different forms of liquid sustenance from around Wellington, I would suggest the spit buckets at The Tasting Room. They’ve usually got a little bit of everything and can be an excellent source of protein.

For the dentist I’d recommend just flossing. He’s probably just busy making little kids scream louder than your grandma did when she saw ‘IT’. Don’t make his life any harder than it has to be.

As for the toothpaste, I’ve found that a fifty-fifty mix of bleach and ammonia does the trick nicely. It’s quite nasty at first, but after about a week it doesn’t taste like anything. I know, science is incredible.

-Frantic Fatima Well this is news to me. You should definitely rat him out, rat his lying ass out to the cops, and get the investigation off your back.

You don’t need to be liable for his crimes, and contrary to stigma, it doesn’t make you a snitch. It makes you an honest citizen who’s just trying to get by in this cruel world. Unlike shitty old Nedward.

Take his ass to jail, oh and tell him he’s a backstabber and a terrible business partner, and if he’s going to disregard four weeks of planning and botch the entire operation in favour of a few dollars profit on TradeMe, then he deserves to be busted.

DISCLAIMER: Although the Dilemma Doctor has your very best interests in heart please keep in mind he is no expert. If you are after serious advice, please consult a professional.

| 37

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Creative Writing | 39

Creative Writing

Bluey Green Fuss – Kat Frankhauser Every morning, I find, lots of feathers on my cane and glass bookcase.

Some blue, the others green belong to my budgies, who sit in cages on the top shelf.

Their chirping wakes me every day as they fly and tweet, around their birdy home.

As I clean their cages,

Never to meet again – Alex Davis On a train through Paris I met a French boy.

He was eighteen, in university. As for me, I was sixteen and in year 12. He asked me where I was from and how old I was, upon this; he then asked if I had gone to prom. I explained to him we did not have prom at my school, he continued on to laugh and joke with me, filling me with explanations of what I was missing out on. “Seriously the best experience of my life,” he exclaimed!

The train pulled to his stop, sadly he bid adieu. Thus beginning our shared memory that should never be forgotten. Not once did we give names or numbers, just the fond memory of each other forever.

they flap their wings, squawking frantically making a bluey green commotion.

“It’s alright,” I tell them in a whispery voice.

“Don’t make a fuss.”

My finger caresses their tiny chests, “I’m just cleaning your trays.”

They calm down drawn to the promise of bird treats, clean water and seed.

They nibble their food as I walk away.

40 | Culture with Paul Berrington

At the Movies: Our Picks Blade Runner: 2049 (2017) Thirty years after the events in the first film, a new Blade Runner named K (Ryan Gosling), unearths a long held secret that has ramifications for a weakening society. Early reports are good, this is a must see.

The Changeover (2017) Blending reality and fantasy to equal effect, Miranda Harcourt and Stuart Townsend’s adaptation of Margaret Mahy’s 1984 novel updates the setting to post-earthquakes Christchurch.

Young actor Erana James also looks a star in the making.

Wind River (2017) Director:Taylor Sheridan

Starring: Elizabeth Olsen, Jeremy Renner, Graham Greene

4/5 From bit part actor to one of America’s premier screenwriters, it’s been a meteoric rise for Taylor Sheridan, whose award-winning scripts for Sicario and Hell or High Water have showcased a penchant for gritty character driven crime thrillers set in desolate hinterlands, and here, under his own direction, he delivers another exemplary example of the genre, as a rookie FBI agent investigates the death of a 18-year old girl on a Indian Reservation in Wyoming.

After US Fish and Wildlife Service agent Cory Lambert (Jeremy Renner) finds the corpse of a young girl in the Wind River Indian Reservation he patrols, FBI special agent Jane Banner (Elizabeth Olsen) is called in to determine whether it can be deemed a murder. Complications surrounding the death mean Banner’s unable to call in additional federal help, and she’s forced to investigate with only the help of Tribal Police Chief Ben (Graham Greene) and Lambert, whose knowledge of the terrain and the customs of both the Indian residents and those working on the local oil rig proves invaluable. With locals as cold to Banner’s questioning as the icy Wyoming winter that surrounds them, the mystery slowly unravels to reveal an ugly truth about a world mostly unseen, and one only exposed by tenacity of her investigation.

It’s a brutal reality that many cases of missing Native American girls go unreported, and Sheridan’s film exposes an environment as harsh as the Wild West, a place few people are aware of, resource rich but overwhelmed by poverty, the laws of society reduced to something frighteningly primitive.

Both Olsen and Renner make the most of their impeccably detailed characters, giving performances that slowly reveal a moral compass that simply won’t let this despicable act pass. Connected by their strength in the face personal adversity, here are two people whose determination breaks down barriers where others might stall, possessed with a shared responsibility to do this innocent girl justice.

As in Sicario and Hell or High Water, the setting plays a big role in Wind River, the wintry landscapes important to the plot and chilling atmosphere. And while the pacing is a little slower than either of those films, this is still a suspenseful, intelligent and poignant story, from a phenomenally talented filmmaker.

No Ordinary Sheila (2017) Great to see this heartwarming documentary get a wider release after some immensely popular screenings at NZIFF2017. Blending a truly inspirational character with footage sourced from the film archives, this is wonderfully told slice of NZ history.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Whether Taika Waititi’s unique sense of humour is reflected in this latest offering from Marvel remains to be seen, but here’s hoping he can reinvigorate this often underwhelming character.

Classic Film:

The Big Lebowski (1998) LA slacker and enthusiastic ten-pin bowler, Jeffrey ‘The Dude’ Lebowski’s (Jeff Bridges) life unravels after a strange case of mistaken identity. Drawn into a ransom deal alongside dodgy friend Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), easy going Lebowski becomes the centre point for a plethora of crooks, losers, seductresses and rich people.

The Coen brother’s brilliant cult comedy was surprisingly a failure at the box office upon its release, yet over the years has built up a legendary reputation. Bridges is incredible as The Dude, and the ensemble cast is hilarious. This is one of the films you’ll be quoting all day after watching.

Slapstick at its very best.

Culture with Paul Berrington | 41

TV Streaming: The Deuce – HBO David Simon’s The Wire has become legendary television, the Baltimore set series offering a humanistic portrayal of the gang members, drug addicts, cops and politicians that populate the streets and offices of that city’s shadier dealings. Here he brings the same format to early 70s New York, and predominately Times Square, where we meet bar managers working for the mob, sex workers entering the emerging porn industry, cops on the take, and violent drug dealers.

Twin brothers Frankie and Vinnie Martino (James Franco) work the bars of Times Square, where they’re slowly being drawn into money laundering operations by the mob. Candy (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is a sex worker who manages without a pimp, her entrepreneurial ways ignited by the possibilities of an emerging sex film industry. Larry Brown (Gbenga Akinnagbe) is a charismatic pimp whose suave exterior hides a dark soul. And Abby (Margarita Levieva), has just dropped out of college, her spirit care free and naïve.

Simon and his collaborators paint a wide canvas using these characters and more, recreating the trashy streets of New York, and filling them with everyday stories that showcase the changing times and social rules of American culture. Here we witness taboos being

broken, as we also sense not only desperation, but also inspiration and innovation. This New York reminds of the film Taxi Driver, a city that comes alive at night, with the freaks and perverts coming out to play.

As in The Wire, Simon never judges their actions, he simply shows us their motivations, their helplessness, and occasional glimmers of hope. These are people just like anybody else, trying to make a buck in the face of hustlers, middle men, and the government.

Music: Our Recommendations

Jordan Rakei – Wallflower (Ninja Tune) At just 25, New Zealand born London based Jordan Rakei is a supremely talented multiinstrumentalist, vocalist, and producer, with the world seemingly at his feet. Wallflower is a big step-up from his previous releases, at times introspective, at other times boldly expressive, this is neo-soul delivered with real passion and considerable skill. The jazz tinged arrangements often allow the musicians to completely express themselves, yet when needed, Rakei capably brings things back to simple and catchy heartfelt soul music.

Mount Kimbie – Love what Survives (Warp) UK duo Mount Kimbie have been around a while, part of the post-dubstep scene, their early work comparable with friend and collaborator, James Blake. With their third LP, they’ve moved away from that sound – as have most of their contemporaries – and offer up a far livelier outing. Love What Survives blends punchy Krautrock with postpunk rhythms, coming across as a mix of Can and UK bands like A Certain Ratio and Magazine. It’s a fantastic new direction, that while never eschewing the past completely, sound like a band excited by these new possibilities.

Ariel Pink – Dedicated to Bobby Jameson (Atlantic) LA’s Ariel Marcus Rosenberg has always been prolific, since the early 00s he’s produced a number of fascinating albums that blended a gift for songwriting with a kitschy sense of humour. Ariel Pink’s output has often been best approached as slightly tongue in cheek, a musician whose immense talent was sometimes obscured by an ongoing wish to be odd.

Dedicated to Bobby Jameson shows an artist maturing a little bit, and delivering a far more laid back personal offering. This isn’t a bad thing when you’ve had a dab at so much on previous releases, it’s actually a rewarding new avenue, and throughout this excellent LP, we get playful pop songs with melodies that linger in the mind long after listening.

42 | Column

Booked In: Chapter Twelve: The eye of the beholder (in this case, me) When someone asks me, “Peri, what’s your favourite book?” I reply, “Uhh…” I can’t pick favourites. Perhaps I don’t want to make other books feel bad. Or maybe, because I enjoy most books I read, it’s tricky deciding which I like better than others, especially when I like them for different reasons.

There are and always will be, of course, certain stand-outs.

Books that contain lessons, characters, or feelings which take permanent residence in my mind; which resurface in my thoughts weeks, months, years after first having read the book.

So in one last fit of sentimentality, allow me to share some books I have yet to stop thinking about.

Unwind, Neal Shusterman I discussed Unwind way back in issue two, but I recently reread the first book, and came across something interesting. Previously I mentioned how the main concept of the book—a law that allows parents to ‘retroactively abort’ their teenagers—might seem extreme or unrealistic. At one point in the novel, however, a character acknowledges that the in-universe bill had at first seemed ridiculous and unlikely—right up until it was passed.

Sound familiar? As little as a year ago, the idea of a reality show host becoming the US President seemed ridiculous—to me, and to plenty others. It still seems ridiculous, but it happened. It’s some interesting food for thought.

East of Eden, John Steinbeck Another one I’ve discussed previously. It would be strange for me to have been writing this column all this time without having once mentioned any personal favourites. However, it’s been almost four years since I first read East of Eden, and it’s quite the undertaking to re-read. It’s a favourite on strength of the memory of how it affected me on that first reading.

The most significant aspect of it is one I can’t actually talk about because spoilers, but I guess I can say this: it concerns the power of the individual human mind, specifically the power of choice.

Charmed Life, Diana Wynne Jones Oh? Another book I’ve previously discussed? This neat little novel holds all the tropes of books I loved in my childhood: magic, orphans, castles, magic. I can pretty safely say conclude Charmed Life is a life-long favourite by reason of unrelinquishable nostalgia.

Hamlet, William Shakespeare Is it pretentious to claim a Shakespeare play as a favourite book? Maybe. On my most recent revisitation I found something

unexpected: an almost-relatable Shakespearean character. Hamlet just thinks too much, and as a serial overthinker myself, some of the sentiments he expresses feel like they were taken straight out of my head and translated into Shakespearean English. Four centuries ago.

Nausea, Jean-Paul Sartre Speaking of thinking too much, what’s your stance on existence?

Like, what are we even doing here? We exist, but why? What does it even mean, ‘to exist’? How can we be sure that we do, in fact, exist—that anything exists—if we don’t know what ‘existing’ even is?

To explore these questions and other such soul-destroying notions, read Nausea. In other words… not a book I’d necessarily recommend to everyone. It’s not completely bleak, though. The eventual conclusion Sartre’s protagonist comes to is strangely and satisfyingly hopeful, actually.

The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger Now for the most divisive book on this list, which, since rereading it a few months ago, has become surprisingly prominent in my mind.

Salinger writes a protagonist who is stuck in a similar existential rut as Sartre’s Antoine Roquentin, entertaining similar thoughts of life and death as Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Yet Holden Caulfield is just a sixteen-year-old, caught up, as most sixteen-year-olds are, in his own pretensions and angsts.

I have a weak spot for character studies, and Salinger’s writing is incredible. I can’t help but love this book.

Harry Potter, JK Rowling Guess I can’t very well leave it out. Regardless of how overexposure and tireless unnecessary additions to the ‘Potterverse’ have coloured my opinions towards the series, I can’t deny the impact it had on my childhood, pre-teen, and teen years. It’s sad, actually, that I can’t view the books with the same sense of wonderment and excitement as I once did, because I am, have been, and always will be a part of the so-called ‘Potter Generation’.

Keep reading, Massive readers. We never know where books can take us. I, for one, always look forward to finding out.

“Perhaps I don’t want to make other books feel bad.”

| 43

Chimmy the Tulip Loving Leopard’s Huge Day

By Jack Mayo Chimmy loved tulips, he loved to eat them, sniff them and also squash them up and make feathers out of them. Chimmy actually loved tulips so much that he fell in love with them. Now here is the catch..

Chimmy is one of the most beast leopards in the Saharan Chungle. He can bench more than Choseph, and Choseph is quite strong, to say the least. The thing to remember is that Tulips actually have the power of increasing strength within a leopard's neuro system, therefore every sniff, every munch and every feather made, gives Chimmy a huge advantage over Choseph and the other competitive leopards in the leap (group of leopards).

Now Chimmy’s mum Charon was absolutely disgraced with Chimmy’s fixation with tulips, she constantly told him that tulips were very bad for him and that he really needed to stop fucking around with them.

Chimmy on the other hand did not listen to his mother’s advice, he stormed out of the door listening to Lil Pump, with an absolutely huge bunch of tulips just awaiting to be sniffed. Charon was not pleased, she knew that Chimmy had gone beyond to far with his tulips.

It was the April 2, an absolutely huge day for the leopard community, it was the annual powerlifting competition.

Chimmy was a shoe in to win, therefore he did not put in the work, he simply took

it all for granted. Chimmy knew that his neuro system was so powerful due to all of the tulips he had been eating. Chimmy completed the first round of squats, he squatted a whopping 305kg, more than 200kg higher than his rival Choseph.

Chimmy was feeling absolutely chuffed with himself and was absolutely frothing for the next round of lifts. The next round was the deadlifts, this was one of Chimmy’s weakest areas, due to his absolutely huge chest.

Chimmy quickly wove up a feather from some tulips and wove it about, generating its performing enhancing abilities.

Choseph lifted 397kg. This was beyond what Chimmy could of even dreamed of doing, but he stepped up to the platform and prepared. His coach American Chonny opted to go for the gold medal on his first attempt. They loaded the bar to 400 kg.

This would take out the medal. Chimmy lent down and whoop de doo, it was an absolutely huge lift! American Chonny came over and hugged him, he was so proud, but Chimmy knew the bench was yet to come and he had a big reputation to maintain.

Meanwhile Charon came over and absolutely kicked Chimmy’s ass. “I told you to not fuck with the tulips, I am absolutely furiously appalled by your behaviour!”

Chimmy started to cry, he was upset with how he had let down not only his mum,

but also American Chonny. “Pull out of the comp right now,” Charon exclaimed.

Chimmy said he was about to win, he had the biggest bench around. Charon said fuck it and let him finish the competition, he absolutely killed the bench and won the entire competition, Choseph was so rarked up that he threw a lawn chair at American Chonny’s head. Choseph was arrested.

Charon was having a yarn but then she headed over to see her son.

She exclaims, the moral of the story is to never take things for granted and to always put the work in, even when you don’t think you need to. You cannot live your life through the blind eye of tulips and sometimes cheating is acceptable. Chimmy was chuffed with Charon saying these things but Chimmy decided to hand back his medals, he felt he did not deserve them.

American Chonny lost his shit and had to go to Nando’s urgently. This would’ve been Chonny’s first ever champion. But hey the day ended positive and fair, Chimmy is still the king of the Chungle and lunatic Chosep was in chail.

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9 6 1 Easy

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Medium

Sudoku

Puzzles 44 | Puzzles

Puzzles | 45

Target

R R B T N O H A E Make as many words as you can using as few or as many letters as you can.

Each word must use the letter in the centre, but you can't use a letter/square more than once.

Riddles 1. Which is faster, hot or cold?

2. I’m long when I’m young, I’m short when I’m old, when there is no light, people think I am gold. What am I? 3. Mrs Smith has nine children and half of them are girls, how can this be true?

4. What man cannot live inside a house?

5. The more you take away, the bigger I become. What am I? 6. I am found in the sea and on land but I do not walk or swim. I travel by foot but I am toeless. No matter where I go I am never far from home. Who am I? 7. I don’t have lungs or a chest but I need air, I am not alive but I grow; I don’t have a mouth and I don’t like water. What am I? 8. My name is something that’s used in an instrument that determines how hot you are. I’m also the name of a planet. Who am I?

Good: 15 words

Great: 40 words

Impressive: 68 words

with Hannah Colenbrander

Creamy basil pesto chicken with roasted vegetable toss

Answers: 1. Hot, a cold is easy to catch 2. Candle 3. All of her children are girls 4. Snowman 5. A hole 6. A snail 7. Fire 8. Mercury

Bitchin’ Kitchen

A complicated name for a simple dish. This meal only takes about 30 minutes to make and is gluten free (when gluten free vegetable stock is used). Meal cred goes to the geniuses who compiled the ‘My Food Bag’ recipes.

Method: Preheat oven to 220 degrees. Toss kumara and carrot on prepared tray with a drizzle of olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper.

Roast for 15 mins. Cut broccoli into small florets and add to tray. Toss. Turn oven to 230 degrees and roast for six to seven minutes until tender. Cut each chicken breast into four length ways pieces. Place in a bowl with mustard, olive, oil and salt. Mix to coat.

Heat a drizzle of oil in frying pan on high heat. Cook chicken until browned. Add red onion, cook until softened. Pour in stock.

Once most of the liquid has evaporated, add cream and bring to boil. Reduce heat to medium and cook until sauce has thickened and chicken is cooked through. Remove from heat and allow to cool slightly before mixing in the basil pesto. Season to taste. Place roasted vegetables

Ingredients: 600g Kumara, scrubbed and diced 1 carrot, cut into 1cm thick rounds 1 head of broccoli ½ bag of baby spinach leaves 2 tablespoons of sweet chilli sauce 600g Chicken breasts 1 teaspoon Dijon Mustard 1 teaspoon olive oil ½ teaspoon salt ½ red onion, finely diced ½ cup white wine (or vegetable stock) ½ cup of cream 50g basil pesto

46 | Events

Albany Events

October 9 – October 23

Saturday, October 8

Saturday, October 14

Night Market

Night Frights

Glenfield Mall, Cnr Glenfield Road & Downing Street, Glenfield, Auckland, 5:30-11pm

Rainbow’s End, 2 Clist Crescent, Manukau CBD, 6pm

When the sun goes down, things get a little interesting in the city of Auckland. For example, the Glenfield night market… You get to see, buy, and taste interesting things that makes this event lit (fire emoji). There are a lot of different things to buy and see and taste, so why not do them all! There’s something for everyone!

Online Superpass: $40 Gate Superpass: $45 A fright night at a theme park, I repeat, a fright night at a theme park. You get unlimited access to all rides and go through Terror Paradise walk with ZOMBIES! Meet your end at rainbows end. Go as a group and see who’s the bravest one and who’s the scared cat.

You won’t regret it, I promise. Please take me.

Friday, October 13 Cat Yoga

Wednesday, October 18

The Cat Lounge, 173A Archers Road, 10-11.30am, $25

Andy Grammer Concert

Exams are around the corner and you’re stressed out because you think it will be a cat-astroph. Get it? Anyways, go and treat yo’ self to some yoga and coffee with some cats. It will help you de-stress before the exams and you’ll feel pur-fect after the session. Do some yoga, drink some coffee, cuddle a cat.

Skycity Breakers vs. Sydney Kings

Powerstation 33-35 Mt Eden Road, 7pm, $49 Gotta keep your head up, oooh oooh, and you can let your hair down, eyy eyy. Andy Grammer is one of the best live performers of music and he’s got a couple of bops that you can jam long too. His song was featured in Pitch Perfect and he’s has quite a few songs that I know you know the words too. Don’t miss out on this great opportunity! I wish I could go. I can’t. I live in Wellington.

Spark Arena, CBD, $10 Get your head in the game! It’s basketball season so it’s your chance scope out a boyfriend that’s over 6 foot… I mean, it’s time to see out boys dominate the ANBL! Take a friend along to see some dunks and some threes. WHAT TEAM?! BREAKERS! WHAT TEAM?! BREAKERS! WHAT TEAM?! BREAKERS! BREAKERS! GET YOUR HEAD IN HEAD IN THE GAME!

Sunday, October 22 Friday Night Jams Spark Arena CBD, 5pm, $99-$139 This is the throwbacks of all throwbacks. This is the concert you want to go to. You will know every word of every song. And you will reminisce about how dramatic you were when you broke up with your boyfriend and blasted Craig David’s I’m Walking Away in your bedroom. Also, you could bust out your old school choreography to Christina Milian’s Dip It Low with your besties. Either way it’s gonna be snazzy.

ADVERTISE YOUR EVENTS HERE! Email the details to editor@massivemagazine.org.nz

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