Massive Magazine Albany Issue 06 2020

Massive Issue 06

The Work Issue

Albany

Work

1

Managing Editor: Laura Macdonald editor@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765 Designer: Harry Weise massive@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3765 Media Manager: Caitlin Barlow-Groome manager@mawsa.org.nz 04 979 3763 Staff Writers: Dani Molloy (Albany) Aryaman Parulkar (Manawatū) Tyler Hambleton (Wellington) Contributors: Elise Cacace, Renae Williams, Liam McGuire, Jack Crossland, Tessa Guest Illustrator: Casey Sheard Artist Feature: Safe Kasper Front Cover: Harry Weise Publisher: Massivemagazine.org.nz ISSN-2253-5918 (Print) ISSN-2253-5926 (Online). This publication is printed using environmentally friendly inks and paper, the paper which is FSC© certified and from responsible forests, is manufactured under ISO14001 Environmental Management Systems.

Massive Magazine is committed to reducing its environmental footprint.

DISCLAIMER: The views, beliefs and opinions reflected in the pages of Massive Magazine do not necessarily represent those of Massey University, its staff, Albany Students’ Association (ASA), Massey University Students’ Association (MUSA), Massey at Wellington Students’ Association (MAWSA), Extramural Students’ Association, or the Massive editor. MAWSA is an independent organisation that publishes Massive. Send any queries or complaints directly to Massive at editor@mawsa.org.nz. Massive is subject to the New Zealand Press Council. If a complainant is not satisfied with the response from Massive, the complaint may be referred to the Press Council: info@presscouncil.org.nz or online via presscouncil.org.nz.

Massive Magazine | Issue 06

Contents 6-9

10-21

NEWS

FEATURES

Massive’s got the scoop on what’s happening on (and off) Massey campuses nationwide.

Front and centre, our features investigate and probe at the issues or topics of the moment. Have a gander.

22-25

26-27 OPINION

ARTIST FEATURES In each issue we shine the spotlight on a talented student and their portfolio.

It could be you in the next issue!

This is the spot for all creative writing, thought pieces and anything else that makes you cock your head.

28-40 REGULARS The classics - The Unlonely Woman, Suffrage, Salivate, Blind Date and the rest all live on these back pages. We understand if you skip straight to them.

This Massive Magazine subject to NZ Media Council procedures. A complaint must first be directed in writing, within one month of publication, to the Massive Magazine email address. If not satisfied with the response, the complaint may be referred to the Media Council P O Box 10-879, The Terrace, Wellington 6143.

Or use the online complaint form at www. mediacouncil.org.nz

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Editorial

How fucked is it that nobody ever really talks about how, aged 17 and 18, you’re expected to commit to a single career path with a $40,000+ price tag?

Halfway through pre-vet in 2015, I realised that I was way too dumb to get into vet. My year 13 chemistry teacher had already told me that I’d never make a vet (thanks for entrenching a self-doubt complex into me that I still carry to this day, Miss!) and my favourite photography teacher told me I was far better suited to the arts. But as I sat in the spare room during mid semester break, scrolling through the prereqs for a Bachelor of Communication, I felt like it would be the biggest personal failure to switch degrees. Adding on an extra semester to my degree and graduating months after my peers seemed like social suicide. I went ahead and made the switch, which turned out to be the best decision because I loved it and was also allergic to the formalin they used in the dissection labs anyway. So why did I get so defensive whenever someone asked me why I wasn’t in the physics lectures anymore? At 18 I was still a virgin, so I don’t know why I thought I was perfectly able to decide on a single career for the rest of my life.

Even now, at 23, I’m still not entirely sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. But I am finally totally cool with that.

Working for twenty years in a single corporation like our parents did is an old ideology. It’s natural for our generation to try one thing, then another, take sabbaticals, fuck off to the other side of the globe, and return to study again. You’re not a failure for changing courses because you’ve all of a sudden discovered a passion for something else. You’re not a failure for dropping out of uni halfway through because you don’t want to be a nurse anymore. You’re not a failure if you’re at university over the age of 25. The smartest thing you can do is make changes and be proactive in creating the life you want for yourself.

I for one am glad I made the change from pre-vet to communications. Now I get to sit at a desk and write bullshit for a living instead of wading through bullshit in a paddock somewhere.

–Laura Macdonald

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News The F*cking News 4/5/2020 Massive Magazine

Engagement VP Liam Davies submitting evidence to the Social Services and Community Committee.

Wellington

MAWSA SUBMITS ON RESIDENTIAL TENANCIES AMENDMENT ACT

O

n Wednesday 25th April, MAWSA sent in a submission for the Residential Tenancies Amendment Act with the hope of improving living standards for renting students.

MAWSA Vice-President of Engagement, Liam Davies, believes that it is the association’s responsibility to ensure the welfare of Massey University students.

Many students’ wellbeing is dependent on having a healthy and safe living environment.

“We identified that many students live in conditions below standards, or are being ripped off by landlords,” Davies said.

“To create awareness of this on a national platform was an opportunity to have our voice heard and to hold those responsible to account.”

By Dani Molloy agree otherwise and ensuring that tenants can add fittings – such as baby proofings and fire alarms – to make properties safer and more liveable.

“Currently, if tenants lay a complaint, their details are then made available on the Tenancy Tribunal’s website,” he explained.

The changes will also prohibit the “This leaves tenants in a vulnerable solicitation of rental bids by landlords, position of being blacklisted and refused meaning that renters are able to feel more when looking for other flats. This is secure in their properties. particularly concerning for students who already struggle with finding places to “Prohibiting the solicitation of rental live.” bids is a biggie,” Davies said.

When putting together their submission, the MAWSA Executive team was separated “Currently, many students who are looking due to the Covid-19 Level 4 lockdown for a flat are competing with others with period. However, Davies believed that this more money. Those who are financially didn’t impede their submission. Instead, better-off will up their offer – like an this allowed more time and care to be put auction when buying a house.” into preparing a submission.

Another significant change is that “Joe (the MAWSA Secretary) and I met via landlords will only be allowed to increase Zoom often and compiled our ideas onto rent once every twelve months, when a Google Doc,” Liam explained. “And we previously this was once every six months. discussed the Bill with other Executive

The amendments to the Residential Tenancies Act 1986 aim to alter the regulations placed on both renters and “Currently, landlords can up rent every six landlords in order to better serve modern months. With the amendments, this will change to once every 12 months, relieving renting situations. a lot of stress that comes with the already Proposed changes include removing expensive living situations,” he added. the ability for landlords to end a period tenancy with no cause, requiring fixed- He also outlined the significance of the term tenancy agreements become periodic changes that will suppress the details of tenancy agreements unless both parties tenants that lay a complaint about their Massive Magazine | Issue 06

rental property or landlord.

members via Zoom in our weekly meetings.”

“The only hindrance the lockdown had on our submission would’ve been that we miss physically submitting at Parliament. Before lockdown, we were preparing an oral submission on the Urban Development Bill.”

The 2020 Budget, titled ‘Rebuilding Together’.

National

GOVERNMENT $20M HARDSHIP FUND A ‘GREAT FIRST STEP’, SAYS STUDENT ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT

By Laura Macdonald and Annabel McCarthy

M

AWSA President Jacob Paterson is confident the $20 million hardship fund announced in the Budget 2020 by the Government last week is a ‘great first step’ towards helping tertiary students.

it can be implemented easily, will be distributed by tertiary education providers and “gets money into the hands of students who need it quickly”.

“[The fund will] help those students get through the next few months and The hardship fund is additional to the $20 keep them engaged in their studies.” million fund announced earlier this month to help tertiary students continue their “There’s no one-size fits all approach to online learning.

“We should celebrate the win. It’s a result meeting the financial needs of students of students across the nation coming who can’t access the general student forward and having their voices heard,” supports available,” Hipkins said. said Paterson.

“MAWSA along with 43 other student associations told the government this is the support our students need, and we’re finally getting some from the government.

“There’s still so much more we need from the government to support tertiary students - so we will celebrate this win, but keep pushing for more.”

Education Minister Chris Hipkins said a major advantage of the fund was that

The Work Issue

A Trades and Apprenticeships Package worth $1.6 billion has also been created to provide retraining opportunities to those who may have lost their jobs as a result of COVID-19.

There is also a specific $50 million fund for Māori apprentices and trades training.

The Government has not committed to restoring post-graduate students’ eligibility for the student allowance despite the Labour Party promising to do so if elected in 2017.

Additionally, the Fees-Free programme remains unchanged despite some commentators saying it will assist with the costs of retraining.

(This news story is a collaboration with ASPA reporter Annabel McCarthy. ASPA is the Aotearoa Student Press Association, whose membership includes all student magazines in New Zealand).

This will go towards courses linked to industry needs such as agriculture, manufacturing and building and construction as well as vocational courses like community health, counselling and care work.

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Bennett’s Books closed without any warning or consultation.

Wellington

BENNETT’S SILENT CLOSURE

By Jack Crossland

M

numbers were there, and the courses were there then that would warrant a need for a physical shop. But unfortunately, due to the current situation it’s just not possible.

Bennett’s Book store supplied the students To my knowledge, there was only one at Massey’s Wellington campus with course left at the Wellington campus that the stationery and material their course was requiring and using textbooks.” required. However demand fell far short Managing director of educational resource of supply and Bennett’s silently closed its distribution company BookendS, Michael doors with no explanation or warning Win said Massey might think it was future proofing, but it wasn’t a trend being seen given to the student body.

MAWSA president Jacob Paterson said elsewhere. assey students remain puzzled as Bennett’s Book store closes on the Wellington campus with no warning or consultation.

there was definitely still a place for an on-campus stationary/book store and students could have been better informed of Bennett’s closure.

“I do think students could’ve been better informed of the reasons for closure from the university. And that there is need for an on campus stationary store. I have had several questions from students, since Bennett’s closure, not knowing where to get books and stationery. It’s a service that either MAWSA or the colleges could pick up I believe.”

Major shareholder of the store John Chisholm said the Wellington franchise was no longer economically viable. “If the

Massive Magazine | Issue 06

occasions where Bennett’s saved myself and other students in the stationary department. I’ll admit I didn’t purchase many text books from them, but lectures and study sessions would have been a disaster without it.”

Bennett’s closure came shortly before Massey announced its Digital Plus initiative, which aims to move many of its courses online and remove face to face teaching.

The Digital Plus initiative has been illreceived from many of its students across the country. Win said when it came to an educational institution drastically changing its format, it needed to be what everyone wanted. “I think for a tertiary institute to go digital depends on the students willingness to buy into it.

Evolution rather than revolution.

“I have not seen a massive indicator that e-resources uptake has taken over. The statistics from overseas has shown that the e-book uptake has in fact plateaued and that physical books still hold the majority of the market share. The e-book revolution is stalled at a level well below everybody’s “They seem to want to reduce their cost expectation. Humans are tactile base but I cannot see how reducing facebeings and enjoy the feel of a book.” to-face teaching can be viable as education is a socially tactile experience and without Recent graduate Benji Clark said Bennett’s the interactive environment they are was essential to his studies while he limiting a student’s opportunity to learn.” was at Massey gaining his Bachelor of Communications. “There were countless

Naomi Barlow has been keeping busy with her knitting needles over lockdown.

National

HELPFUL HOBBIES FOR LOCKDOWN

By Tessa Guest

W

hile some folks have struggled to spend their time wisely in the restrictions of Covid-19, others have jumped at the chance to dedicate more time to their hobbies.

With limited supply of yarn, and limited opportunity to buy more during lockdown, Naomi sent a callout for help to local knitting groups. She was instantly inundated with offers of yarn, and soon after, had nearly a whole wardrobe to give to the family.

Having learned to knit before she can precisely remember, she’s usually seen sporting her latest creation, which regardless of the level of complexity usually doesn’t take more than a few days to complete.

Bristow’s role as an early childhood is excited to get back to work. But her relief teacher has been inessential for the knitting will come with her. duration of lockdown, so the chance to knit more has helped her fill the otherwise empty days.

Knitting is an almost mindless activity for Bristow. “I take knitting with me most places,” she said.

Bristow often knits while conversing with friends, or listening to podcasts. Being Naomi Bristow, 40, has a vibrant selection dyslexic, and a kinesthetic learner, doing of newly-knitted headbands, turbans, and something with her hands while she beanies to cover her newly-shaved head. As well as acquiring singlets, trousers, and listens helps her retain information twoShe’s a culprit of the lockdown haircut, a few hats, “the baby boy upstairs got a fold. but revels in the opportunity to wear her blanket, he got a bunch of spill cloths, and Recently, she was assigned to an early he got a jacket for when he’s bigger.” beloved creations. childhood centre to relieve teachers, and

She refuses to take on the title of ‘pro knitter’ though: “There’s still times where I have to call my mum and be like, ‘I don’t understand this!’”

“I feel really thankful that I have a skill like knitting, because if I didn’t, lockdown probably would’ve been way more grim,” she said.

Aside from the array of unique garments, Bristow has been clicking her needles to With a self-confessed “busy mind,” Bristow finds the process of knitting help her neighbours in need. useful in keeping her calm, and present The family living above Bristow had to each moment. “It does help stop my their baby three weeks early, and found mind going places that aren’t necessarily themselves in the middle of lockdown healthy.” with no clothes small enough to fit him.

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MULTI-LEVEL MELTDOWN

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Staff writer Dani Molloy busts the myths on multi-level marketing and how it usually ends in ruined friendships and financial disrepair.

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‘When you’re at university and young, money is a real issue and MLMs seem appealing because it looks like fast money and a quick fix.’

Crippled by student debt and desperate to make new friends, university students make the perfect targets for predatory multi-level marketing companies that feed off vulnerable people.

Multi-level marketing companies use a direct selling strategy that requires individual salespeople to take ownership of the company’s products, which can be anything from scented candles to multivitamins, and sell these products to the public.

While it’s possible to earn a bit of money from selling the products alone, the real aim of multilevel marketing is to start earning ‘residual income’. Residual income is earned by recruiting others to be a part of your ‘team’ because when you recruit other people into the company, you earn a percentage of what they make.

This pyramid-shaped business structure encourages employees to exploit their personal relationships for business. MLM participants are expected to use their friends and family to support their newfound business venture. This places strain on the participant’s personal relationships

Massive Magazine | Issue 06

and encourages them to view their friends as potential profit.

MLM companies habitually seek out vulnerable people. This includes stayat-home-parents or military spouses; people who would like to make a bit of extra income and interact with others their age but whose lifestyle could prevent them from doing so.

University students are another demographic that can fall prey to MLM scams because usually, students are financially unstable and may not have the time to work a part-time job. Some young students, particularly students that started university straight after high school, may struggle to make new friends in an unfamiliar environment.

MLM companies and their sales staff promise students financial freedom, flexible working hours and a ‘team’ to support you – provided you keep making them money.

“When you’re at university and young, money is a real issue and MLMs seem appealing because it looks like fast money and a quick fix,” said one student, who had witnessed various girls in her class signing on with the MLM company, Arbonne, during her

first-year at Massey.

“People also like the idea of working from the comfort of their homes and being able to fit their work around study.”

She explained how Arbonne salespeople would present the social side of the company in a favourable light yet would only display a particular type of person as their ideal consultant.

“There is always an ideal look or mould (when working for MLMs) and if you don’t fit it you’re never going to move anywhere,” she said. “With Arbonne, the successful people are all young, skinny, popular and attractive.”

When asked about the products themselves, most MLM sellers will focus on buzzwords without providing specifics and usually the products sold

by MLM companies are no better than what is already available in stores.

“The products were priced on the higher side and often they were products I already used, like shampoo, where I found that the other cheaper brands I used were good enough and more environmentally sustainable,” the 20-year-old explained.

Arbonne sellers would also try to rope potential participants into signing on with the company by using exclusive offers that usually didn’t create that much of a discount and would lock you into the company for an extended period of time.

“When they had their promotional nights, they would bring products to promote and sell what they felt best suits their audience. Then, they’d offer you ‘special one-off deals and discounts’ to try and trap you in. From there you’d be committed for another 12 months minimum!”

Arbonne’s social events often focus on presenting an unrealistic lifestyle that can be achieved by buying a surplus of Arbonne products or being an ‘Independent Consultant’ yourself.

“MLMs always show you the people at the top when they’re trying to get you to join; the few that are doing well and getting the company cars. They give the ideal facts and information that you want to hear about people doing great – they don’t tell you about the ones that are lower down.”

Another student explained her experiences with Arbonne, and how

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social media played a huge part in pulling her into the company.

figures are not yet released) earnt between $124-$525 in earnings and commissions, according to Arbonne’s Independent Consultants Earning Statement.

“One of the girls in my class posted on Instagram that she’d started her own business with Arbonne. I didn’t know what Arbonne was so I commented on Even for a ‘side hustle’ this isn’t a her post, congratulating her – I thought great profit, and it doesn’t take into she’d just started a new job.” account the cost of hosting parties and promoting your business which easily The student continued, “But then she reaches hundreds of dollars. started messaging me and saying that I would be perfect for her company because I was ‘so pretty’ and ‘very active and healthy’ and she told me I could do it while working from home.”

“It sounded legit, until I looked into it further and realised I had to pay just to sign up,” she said. “Of course, the friend kept saying it’s an investment and I’ll make the money back, but I hated having to sell things to all my friends and having them get annoyed at me because they didn’t have any money either.”

To become an Independent Distributor for Arbonne, individuals have to pay a registration fee of $30 and need to purchase their own products to sell.

The cheapest welcome pack is $75.

The New Zealand branch of Arbonne, which opened in 2016, offers a fresh market with more opportunity to move up. However, even if you get in early, your success relies on the exploitation of friends and family and even more people below them. There’s no security in MLM and, once you stop making money, any friendships made within the company can go sour.

Arbonne’s communication team could not be reached for comment, but the company has just recently updated their compensation plan. You can read further details of Arbonne’s earning potential here: https://earnings. arbonne.com/

In 2019, a typical Arbonne Consultant in Australia (the New Zealand

13

IAIN LEES-GALLOWAY Our staff writer Aryaman Parulkar sat down with the Zaddy of Manawatu politics to see what an average week looks like for the MP and Workplace Relations and Safety Minister.

Iain Lees-Galloway in Palmerston North on Waitangi Day.

What do politicians actually do? They have yell at each other from across a room behind desk which are way too high for the seats behind, but what else? I got to speak to Palmy legend Iain Lees-Galloway to finally get to the bottom of it.

and Saturday, he’s the Palmy North local MP, speaking at events, walking around town in cargo shorts and holding babies; normal politician stuff ya know. But even the silver fox of the Manawatu lives in fear of getting called into work on a Sunday, a feeling his kids share, telling me “my kids hate my phone.”

A zoom call with my local MP is closest The idea of a high-profile politician thing to a celebrity encounter I’m going having to apply for leave humoured to get in Palmerston me, so I asked how it North. However, it was surprisingly worked. Surely Aunty Cindy wouldn’t very easy to get in touch with his PA mind a weekend drinking wine in and schedule a time for us Martinborough? Apparently, to chat - not like he can really go she’s only concerned if he leaves the anywhere anyways. We scheduled a country, otherwise there are specific Zoom call for 11am on Friday ministers that have been and almost slept through my alarm assigned the role of “whip”. Not the for it. word I was expecting to come out the After my introduction, I asked the MP’s mouth, but it intrigued simple question of, ‘Take me through me nonetheless. Turns out it’s an old a typical day for you, pre Covid-19,’ to hunting term for the “whipper-in”, who which he laughed and responded with, would keep the hunting “It’s probably easier for me to take dogs in check. Make whatever your through a week.” Yes of course, connotations you’d like from that, but I how silly of me to think politicians will admit to being slightly let had regular work days like the rest of us peasants. Because Iain is both a minister and a local MP, his week gets unevenly split between two cities.

From Monday to Thursday night he’s down in Wellington, chauffeured to and from in a town car. From one air-conditioned room to another, with cabinet meetings, committee meetings, question answering, and ministerial duties keeping him occupied from upsettingly early in the morning to well into Netflix and Chill territory. I wasn’t expecting such long hours in all honesty; I knew being a politician wasn’t easy, but I didn’t think they were working the equivalent of retail hours during Christmas. Once he’s done on a Thursday night, he gets driven back up to Palmy where he takes off one hat and puts on another. On Friday The Work Issue

Down.

Then I asked the very stereotypical question ‘What is your favourite part about being a politician?’ and he replied with, “A very stereotypical answer because it’s true: affecting change; positive change and making a difference.”

I would have expected nothing less than the most diplomatic answer for this question and Iain did not disappoint.

Of course, it’s very cliché but there is only one right answer to it.

decent person is in the job description.

I asked the opposing question, about his least favourite part which was also an easy answer: the time spent away from home. Understandable when half the time you’re in another city, and when you are home you don’t really get to stop being a politician. We spoke about his involvement in mental health so I had to mention his push up challenge, congratulating him on now being able to do 25 in a row, a long way from his early days.

We had to talk about Covid-19 and quarantine and how life has changed, but essentially it was the same. He still had meetings and conference calls, which he probably takes in his pjs. He’s enjoyed being able to work from home where he can still be a minister and an MP, and being a big advocate of not cutting down trees, the paperless format made him happy too. He hoped that post-pandemic, people will keep using Zoom (which I wouldn’t be against either because group calls for Kahoot! are hella fun).

By the end of it we were talking about how great Jacinda is which I had plenty to agree with. He told me to come say hi next time I was out and then we parted ways.

I ended the call feeling pretty humbled; at the end of the day, being a politician is still just a job with all the same obstacles as us working minimum wage.

Although you’d hope that’s what all politicians want. They’ve all got their own ideas for that that change might be but I’m sure being a 15

THE MASSIVE OBSCURE CAREER PATH QUIZ Every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be a fertiliser rep or marketing coordinator nowadays.

You want your five year plan to include a company car and health insurance, but you still want interesting work stories to flex with at a class reunion BYO. This highly accredited quiz will direct you onto a path that you may never have considered before. Please be open-minded.

1. Your most treasured possession is:

5. At a house party, you can usually be found:

A) Your taxidermied childhood pet, Otis

A) Casing the place for silverware. You’re out of teaspoons

B) Your Himalayan salt lamp

at home

C) Your MacBook Air with its fifty tabs open

B) Taking Boomerangs so everyone knows you’re there

D) Your collection of empty alcohol bottles

C) Paralysed in the corner of the living room because you’ve

2. On the weekends, you’re most likely found:

D) Aggressively guarding the AUX cord. You’re adamant

just realised you forgot to submit that 2% quiz on Stream

A) Somewhere cold and dark

to anyone that will listen that Yung Lean ‘grows on you, honestly!’

B) Collecting rocks at the beach. Nobody is interested and your friend complains about the sand in their car C) Hyperventilating in the library toilets D) On the balcony at San Fran

6. Your friends would describe you as: A) Clammy B) Flakey

3. Your favourite part of university is:

C) Studious D) Alternative

A) Not going to class B) Seeing your student living costs appear in your bank account C) The spike of adrenaline that comes with talking to the hot tutor D) Cheating in exams

7. As a child, you wanted to be a _____ when you grew up: A) Doctor B) Astronaut C) Teacher

4. Your ‘five-year-plan’ includes:

D) Skater

A) A house deposit and a fertile partner

8. Your go to beverage is:

B) Being your own boss. Fuck the 9-5 grind!

C) My what?

A) Formaldehyde

D) Being able to afford rent in an apartment on Cuba St

B) Kombucha C) Coffee or anything remotely caffeinated D) Cloudy urine

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Mostly A’s

Mostly C’s

Funeral home director

Lecturer in some abstract degree that nobody has heard of

Your black sense of humour and poor circulation means you’re a natural choice for this job. Despite the anti-social nature of the industry, you’ll be able to compensate at house parties with the best work stories. Just save them until after everyone’s eaten.

Keep honing your craft for the next ten years, your peers are chomping at the bit to read your magnum opus - a research paper on whether the cat or dog flea can jump higher.

Mostly B’s

Natural wine connoisseur

Fortune teller Incense? Check. Tarot cards? Check. Weird rock from the beach that you insist is obsidian quartz? Check. You’ve always had a fascination for stars and shiny things, so capitalise on that and misname yourself as ‘an enigma.’

You’re so random, Virgo x

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Mostly D’s Everyone laughed at you when you said you were studying Food Science. Are you going to be a cook? They’d sneer.

Now who’s laughing? You’ll get to spend your days stomping grapes and commenting aggressively on blog posts about preservatives. You’ll develop liver cirrhosis down the track, but you’ll sure show the haters!

17

SWIMMING TIDE AGAINST THE

In an age where most of us are wondering if we’ll ever get out of the rat race, it’s uplifting to hear others breaking the mould and surging ahead with their own successful business ventures. Tyler Hambleton sat down with young cafe owner and pest trapping extraordinaire, Tait Burge.

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Tait Burge outside his cafe, Swimsuit. Credit: Ben Dath

In early 2019, Tait Burge birthed his first venture in the world of hospitality, Swimsuit Coffee, located at 38 Dixon Street in the heart of Wellington city.

In the same year, he also received the L’affare outstanding barista award at the Felix Awards.

Throughout lockdown Swimsuit was closed, but when Level Three was announced they implemented a delivery service.

The service offered their customers cold brew coffee, filter coffee, scones and more, although due to the Level Two announcement they decided to stop the deliveries.

is to see the staff growing and helping to create the Swimsuit vibe, staff wellbeing is a massive part in operating something like Swimsuit, where there is a large community vibe,” Burge said.

“If I show my enthusiasm for the business and my customers’ experience and encourage staff to be themselves at work, we then create a unique vibe where no one feels like an outcast.”

Whilst looking for a spot for the cafe, he was lucky enough to secure his first pick as the location for Swimsuit.

“I had come across three different locations, the old Memphis Belle site being one of them. This had been my When asked about how their week of deliveries went, Burge said, “It has gone dream site for a while, I would walk past and say, if only I owned that cafe. I a lot better than I initially thought, could do so much cool stuff in there.” although I didn’t really know what to expect. Releasing these drinks really He achieved the dream and has been helped boost our engagement. The living it for the past year. objective of the delivery service was not Swimsuit feels like more of a to make money but simply to remind community hub than a cafe to myself our customers that we are still here.” and many others - you can drink great He also expressed how amazing it was to see people enjoying Swimsuit in their own homes.

Since its opening, Swimsuit’s popularity has grown mammothly, mostly due to Burge’s passion for providing an authentic and enjoyable experience for all of the cafe’s customers.

While Burge is the driving force behind Swimsuit, he would not be able to do it without some help. He now employs four staff members and has managed to keep them employed throughout the lockdown.

Burge is not just a barista or a young business owner; he is also exploring other ventures outside of hospitality.

Growing up around Wellington’s South Coast, he built a special relationship with the area’s coastline.

When talking to a few mates about the deterioration of the coastline one day, they decided to set up ‘Traplordz’, which is an Environmental Conservation Organisation.

They aim to engage young people in trapping predators, with the ultimate goal to make Wellington the world’s first predator free city.

The organisation has most recently signed a contract with the Wellington City Council to make conservation accessible to urban residents. Keep an eye out for their traps whilst walking around town in the future and if you are keen to get involved with trapping coffee, eat great food and converse with you can contact them through their Instagram page @traplordznz. great people.

Burge believes that other cafes in town often have an intimidating feel to them; he wanted to rid Swimsuit of that reputation by constructing a cafe that serves quality and speciality products in a relaxed environment.

The Swimsuit team have also travelled to festivals around New Zealand and operated within them.

The first being one of the most popular festivals in the country, Rhythm & Vines where they took over the festival’s wellness area. This was a The Swimsuit staff all share his vision learning curve for Tait and Swimsuit for providing quality coffee, food and of and allowed for them to understand course, good yarns. what it takes to operate at a world class The small but insanely productive team event such as Rhythm & Vines. consists of William, Teng, Ayler and The second was at 121’s inaugural Missy. three day festival, the team provided breakfast for the festival goers and “A really rewarding thing for me

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- most importantly - class coffee to keep the attendees somewhat awake throughout the three days.

When asked about his goals for the future Burge said, “I think at the moment we are going to spend a bit of time improving the cafe, get it back to being stable, as it was pre-covid and then really fine tune the experience we provide.”

“The big thing that I have noticed is the opportunities that arise randomly as well, by opening this cafe it has made our opportunities larger and more rewarding, we had a blast at the 121 festival so we will try to focus on trying to improve that event side of Swimsuit as well.”

Swimsuit aims to open its doors at Level Two, so if you are in the area and feel like experiencing all that is highlighted above pop in and support a real local run Wellington business.

19

Saving the Kaimanawas

Elise Cacace

Wild horses are the stuff of legends. They have an almost mystical presence, symbolising freedom, beauty and peace. .

They wander the ranges in herds, untamed and out of touch with every form of domestic civilization. It almost seems absurd that people would take these horses from their natural habitat, away from their home and family groups and attempt to break them in, saddle them up and go for a ride, but that’s exactly what I did.

The history of the Kaimanawa horses began in the late nineteenth century when a herd of domesticated horses were released into the wild. For just under 100 years they were left to grow in numbers until 1993 when the Department of Conservation started a population control programme in order to keep the herds at a practical level.

Population control is important for protecting and maintaining our native fauna, reducing the negative impact the horses have on the land and improving the general health of the horses. Up until 2003, this population control resulted in hundreds of Kaimanawa horses being slaughtered annually. In recent times though, Kaimanawas have started being rehomed as opposed to

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being culled, giving them a second chance at life.

In 2016, my family and I were lucky enough to adopt a wild stallion from the annual muster. We completed an application form at the end of 2015 and included some preferences as to what age or gender horse we wanted but of course, neither was guaranteed. When adopting a wild horse, you get what you’re given, so when the day finally arrived and the transport truck came rattling up our driveway, we had no clue what was about to walk off it.

So there we all were, waiting in eager anticipation and ready to meet our new wild horse, yet before it even walked off the truck we encountered a problem.

Despite the home and family checks that the Kaimanawa Trust carried out before approving our application to ensure we were suitable to rehome a wild horse, the yard we were to keep our horse in was apparently too low and we needed to raise it by just under a meter to ensure the horse wouldn’t jump out. So with all hands on deck,

Wild Kaimanawa stallion Marvel, slowly getting used to humans. Credit: Elise Cacace

lucky not only with the appearance, height and age of Marvel but with his super easy going temperament. Older Kaimanawa horses that have spent more time in the wild are typically Our pony, which we later named more nervous around humans, and Marvel, came off the truck quickly and take a lot more time and energy to ran a few laps around the yard before break in and train. Watching the retreating to a corner furthest from famous “Keeping up with Kaimanawas” where we were standing. We couldn’t television show and following other believe our luck. He was young, 14 Kaimanawa trainers stories had us hands (56 inches) and bay with four white socks and a star – pretty much the buckled in for a rollercoaster ride, and we expected to encounter far more cutest pony we could have hoped for. problems and challenges than we ever For the next few days we only worked did which made us really thankful. Of on getting him used to being around course, every trainer’s journey with humans, going from standing in the their Kaimanawa horse is completely same yard as him and slowly working different which I feel makes it all the our way up to being able to touch him. more exciting.

We found him trusting and quick to learn and within the week we were able We kept Marvel up until the beginning to put a blanket over him and have him of this year. We were able to crack stock whips whilst standing on his eat out of our hand. back, jump over logs, ride underneath Flash forward a few months, after diggers, gallop through the bush, walk a lot of time, patience, bonding and through obstacles and give little kids hard work, Marvel could be saddled pony rides. He was always the first up and ridden out over forestry and to greet somebody at the gate, loved down at the beach. We were really following people around the paddock we set to with our hammers, nails and some planks of wood we thankfully had spare, and in just over half an hour we had our yard ready to go.

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and would sell his soul for a slice of apple and a belly scratch. He has now gone on to an RDA where he is a therapy horse teaching children with disabilities how to ride. Kaimanawa horses are famous for their gentle, calm and inquisitive nature and Marvel was really a shining example of this.

2020’s Kaimanawa muster was meant to be carried out in May this year, but due to Covid-19 it was cancelled. The muster is always carried out at the same time each year to ensure the welfare of horses surrounding foaling season. This means that at next year’s muster, around 200 horses will need to find new homes which will be a great challenge for the Heritage horse team who work in conjunction with the Department of Conservation in managing and mustering Kaimanawa horses.

You can find out more about these beautiful animals - even sponsor one - here at https:// kaimanawaheritagehorses.org/.

21

SAFE KASPER Describe your work in an elevator pitch I work mainly on bright and imaginative character creation inspired by street art, nature and Wellington. Loosely aiming to create a vibrant and mysterious world one painting at a time.

What degree did you study at university?

Industrial Design

Do you have any advice for budding artists/designers?

Practice makes you less shit. Keep making stuff and reflect on each project, pick apart the positives and the negatives of both the process and the outcome.

What do you love most about art/design and why?

There is always stuff to learn or explore, which keeps your imagination alive.

Plus, there are no rules.

How can I follow you on social media?

Instagram - @safekasper Website - Safekasper.com (Probably haven't made this yet :) )

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Pineapple and Pigeon

Bills (Close up) Duder

Bills (left) The Work Issue

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25

WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE DONE FOR MONEY It’s expensive as hell out here so we asked students what extremes they’ve gone to in order to pay for a smashed avo x “I let a hillbilly kiss me on the cheek at Whangamomona Day for $50.”

“Studied for four years to take pictures in a cap and gown.”

“Sat in the lobby of an apartment block in Oriental Bay for 4 hours on Guy Fawkes.”

“I do drag and lemme tell you some of my paid performances have been mad weird.”

“Worked for the government.”

“Got chlamydia tested to be entered into a prize pool.

Won $200 and also learned I didn’t have chlamydia.”

“When I worked at Maccas I had to scrape chewing gum off the bottom of the tables.”

“Performed stand up comedy for my high school.

Knew it would be rough but the money was good.”

$

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“Worked for it.”

“Tried to eat an olive for $40 AUS and couldn’t do it.”

“Pet food company paid me to take photos of dogs at one of their promo galas. Best gig ever.”

“Topless waiter for hen’s parties.”

POETRY Composed Erosion People think I couldn’t care less about them Which is odd Considering love songs have been written About the way their mouths turn to portals When they remember what they’re going to say Eulogies have been preached to the insecurities of those held closest In hope the law of attraction will send keys to the shackles in the post And set them free Odes about taboo, lost love, and the number 3 have been scribbled Into the horoscope section of cafe magazines So mystical souls can find solace on Sunday afternoons Over almond cappuccinos And unexpected poetry Quietly We shove our shared experiences Onto pages And into our jacket pockets Like the pretty shells and stones we find on the beach And just have to take home How many times were they washed up by the waves For them to be held so safely in your hands?

– Renae Williams

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27

Eat, Pray, Fuck Tatted Twink

Condoms or gum?

Some people look back at their sex life and aim to forget it. Others find it boring and hardly speak of it. I however embrace discussing my sex life which could easily be described as A Series of Unfortunate Events. Here are the basics; I’m a queer guy and the family somehow doesn’t know despite all the mesh and jeans so tight you can taste the denim through your asshole. In this particular weekly series, we will cover my family trip around Europe. Most family trips entail ugly photos, tours and sightseeing. My family trip did include all of these, however it also doubled as a 2-week bender, an international sex-scapade and a toupee the size of a small hamster.

For some obscure reason, I managed to mainly hook up with people who found the encounter significant. I’m not saying I’m a virginity eater but rather, apparently, a transition into queerness or singledom.

The next guy was from a small village in Germany. By small I mean probably larger than Wellington. The situation was not ideal. He couldn’t host and nor could I due to my sister sleeping in the same room as me. Therefore, we concluded walking around to find a vaguely secluded spot fit for our delusional, slightly exhibitionist antics.

Now I’m not saying I’m a little bitch but when it comes to sex, I’m a bottom out of laziness if nothing else. That being said, I have the capacity to relax as much as a white woman on public transport next to someone who gets anything but lemon and herb at Nandos. By that I mean I’m not at all a relaxed person. But I’m a trooper.

On the stormy night atop this playground platform, I rummaged through my bag for one of my condoms (available in small, which looks like a pack of gum, regular and XL). I grabbed out a regular and put it on him. Christ on a cum cracker was it a squeeze. This We walked around the parks which did make me nervous. But my penis in all honesty were quite stunning.

Meanwhile he explained to me he’s only doing all the thinking said ‘go for it’. had sex with his long-term boyfriend After lying there, legs in the air like a who he had just broken up with. And dead sex roach, easing into it we got that I am the first individual he’d talked to ‘jamming the clam’. A bit painful to or planned to hook up with since but enjoyable. If you don’t border on then. Like, what the fuck? I just wanted prolapse at least once, did you really go some meaningless, somewhat decent through Europe? rooting.

We finished up and threw the condom Satisfactory to what clearly seemed like childhood trauma, we settled on fucking on top of a pirate themed playground.

Which morally probably crossed a few lines and most definitely in a legal sense. Cue pirate puns. After a quick bit of pashing we started “swabbing each other’s decks” and suddenly I was confronted with what I can only refer to as a Kraken in his pants.

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in a bin like respectable individuals.

However, the wrapper was left for some poor parent to find when little Timmy played captain on the ship and found the lost treasure of Durex.

He walked me back to the hotel, talking more about life, escaping his small town, etc. I got home to be greeted with a bit of bleeding, expected after taking such a rudder, and I went to

replace the regular condom in my bag.

To my absolute horror, I had in fact used the XL condom. The panic was due to the XL condom being tight on his dick and that said dick was inside my small frame. Suddenly the interior damage made a lot more sense. That day of sitting on a bus was extra uncomfortable as my body was more in need of rebuilding than the Notre Dame after it burnt down.

Until next time, this has been upsettingly comedic.

Yours truly, The Tatted Twink

Climate

Corner Connie Sellers

‘Greenwashing’ has nothing to do with changing water-usage settings on your washing machine.

It’s a marketing tactic that brands adopt to attract more environmentally conscious shoppers. It’s increasingly common amongst companies to exaggerate how environmentallyfriendly their products are to inflate an appealingly ethical image.

There are two related reasons why greenwashing is so goddamn pesky; it camouflages exploiters amongst brands that actually invest effort into environmentally friendly products, and thus increases scepticism among consumers about the credibility of products from those truly eco-friendly producers.

According to the Consumer New Zealand Survey, a study conducted every two years which looks at the buying habits and shopping priorities of more than 1,000 consumers, 72% of people struggle to work out which products are better for the environment. Further befogging the issue are misleading messages and claims all attempting to extract some extra profit from climate-weary buyers. So the question is, how do we spot it?

First and foremost, look beyond the packaging. That spring waterfall on your body wash might disguise a party of non-biodegradable siloxanes and parabens lurking inside. Be aware of packaging with environmental

The Work Issue

imagery - remember, looks can be deceiving! What that bottle and its contents is actually made of is more important than pretty pictures.

Recyclable bottles are easy, but lids are usually exempt. Avoid virgin plastic, opt for recycled plastics or better, other alternatives like plant-based plastics.

Although any effort at sustainability is good, some companies ostensibly make bold moves while barely lifting a finger. Many make irrelevant claims, or advertise the bare minimum. For instance, ‘CFC-free’ is a pointless claim. Chloro-fluorocarbons were banned worldwide over 30 years ago. This is basically the corporate equivalent of claiming plastic bag avoidance as your biggest environmental contribution… it’s literally the law.

Know the lingo. Companies will happily feed off our naivety to make sales. Products frequently purport wishy washy claims like ‘natural’, ‘organic’ and ‘biodegradable’. These terms are vague and undefined. A company can chuck these statements around freely—there is no legal definition of ‘natural’. In fact, given all chemicals have some basis in natural resources, in the eyes of the law, it’s a perfectly legitimate claim.

eye out for verified certifications.

‘Environmental Choice New Zealand’ is government-operated and follows meticulous life-cycle assessments.

The Green Tick focuses on both the business practices and the product qualities. Recently, the New Zealand Vegetarian Society created a Vegan Certified logo to help make buying vegan products easier.

Greenwashing reaches beyond the realms of just products. Food producers and other industries like airlines have cottoned on to this new form of marketing. If you are still sceptical, do a quick Google. A company’s dirty laundry is always online, so it’s relatively easy to see if their actions substantiate their claims.

If you are new to environmentalism, this may seem all a bit nugatory.

‘Greenwashing’ may seem micro-level in the grand scheme of things but it holds more significance than its face value. Macro-problems don’t always require macro-solutions. As in all things, every bit counts.

What to look out for then? Keep an

29

Suffrage Tess Patrick

Forgive me if I sound a dead ringer for Karl Marx this week, but there’s something I’ve got to get off my chest.

Perhaps it’s ingrained in my house truck upbringing, but I remember coming home from Year 11 History one day and asking mum what was so bad about communism, and she replied, “Sweetie, maybe socialism is a nice middle ground.” I guess this tale sets the tone for what’s to come.

So as I sit here and write this ahead of the big budget reveal (printing schedule), as we make our way out of a global lockdown, I have a lot of questions about the way our government works - and what’s going to change in the future.

It’s not questions like who’s my local member, or who would be the best to replace Simon Bridges (valid and maybe not far off), but fundamental questions about the system that governs us. About why we’re so damn thirsty to get back to normal. Because our normal was failing us.

The gender wage gap is closing, but on average women are still earning $2.50 an hour less than men. Our indigenous people are still suffering the systemic effects of institutionalised racism. I’m not going to go into details but you can debate me on this if you care to. I don’t need to reiterate where we rank in the world for domestic violence, poverty, and childhood obesity. We have a kind, caring government who is finally getting shit done for the working class - the ones that are struggling the most - but our system is still failing so many.

So what are our leaders going to do about it? And what are we going to

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demand that they do about it?

I have high hopes for this budget, but I hope these cheques are more than just numbers with a socialist bow on it. I hope that policies and packages for the future are made with the best interest of everyone in our country in mind. We’ve had a shit time, but we have a truly unique opportunity to start anew.

It will take more than a single Labourled term to undo the disparities caused by a decade of right-wing government.

It will take a more progressive coalition to bring about the change that will bring equality to Aotearoa. It will take the people to hold our leaders to account, even if they are an absolute queen who has no problem schooling Duncan Garner on a live-cross. But if this pandemic has made me realise anything, it’s that I’m not afraid of an unimaginable change. Let’s be bold and fearless. Because we will always make it through.

Salivate Tess Patrick

Salivate is here to help you get the most out of your measly student meals, while still making the most of your weekend.

During my undergrad degree, I worked at Fidel’s. If you’re not from this neck of the woods, it’s kind of a Wellington institution - or at least it was in its heyday. Despite my less-than-savoury antics of the weekend, each day the 6 am alarm would go off and I would spend my hangover ferrying eggs benny from kitchen to table. Most of us waitstaff were harbouring varying degrees of hangovers, so we reasoned we might as well get paid and ride them out together, and the Buena Vista Social Club on repeat helped to soothe our sorry souls.

We’ve been on a tangent, but I’m back. The real star of Fidel’s, an often underrated dish, was the Baked Spanish Eggs. You mightn’t have had them, but you’ve seen them. Cast iron dishes sizzling away, plonked on chopping boards so they can slide around, burning skin freely and giving you carpal tunnel all at once. But once they arrive on the table, they’re just so mouthwateringly divine. Tomato base with perfectly cooked eggs and crunchy fresh bread… It makes it all worth it.

two things remain - it covers all your nutritional bases, and it’s bullshit good.

When it’s my turn for hosting Sunday brunch with the gals I’ve always got my take on the go. Sometimes I’ve even got it semi-meal-prepped in my fridge for the week ahead - it seems fiddly and complicated but I can’t stress how damn cheap and simple it really is. My take is more of a traditional Shakshuka, and it’s best served with crunchy pita and a round of espresso martinis.

The origins of the dish are debated, but

Ingredients

Method to the Madness:

3 tablespoons olive oil

1. Preheat your oven to 190 degrees and blister the capsicum while you do so.

1 large onion, thinly sliced 1 large red capsicum, seeded and thinly sliced (if you have time, blister it in the grill first for that smoky flavour 3 garlic cloves, thinly sliced 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon sweet paprika ⅛ teaspoon ground cayenne, or more if you can handle the heat 1 can crushed tomatoes Salt and pepper to taste 6 large eggs Fresh coriander leaves to garnish

2. Heat the oil in a large pan (preferably oven-proof) over medium-low and add onion and bell pepper. Cook gently until very soft, about 20 minutes - you want your onions to be the texture of ones you find at a Bunning’s sizzle.

3. Add your garlic and cook until tender, about 1 to 2 minutes, then stir in cumin, paprika and cayenne, and cook another minute.

4. Pour in the tomatoes, season with salt and pepper and simmer until tomatoes have thickened, about 10 minutes.

5. Make 6 little wells in the sauce with the back of your spoon and gently crack the eggs into your pan. Season eggs with salt and pepper, slide your eggs into the oven and bake until they are just set and not wobbling. If you’re using an oven tray, please pour your tomato mixture into the tray first then carry out his step from here. Please.

6. Sprinkle with coriander and serve with toasted pita to mop up all the flavours.

7. Cry about how bloody good it is and how crook your hangover is. The perfect remedy for your Level 2 Sunday mornings.

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31

The cost of living off

Living Costs Liam McGuire

It was Tuesday, March 24th I made the call. I chucked my shit (and my cat) in a car and drove 520kms to Hamilton to spend the lockdown with family.

While the last few weeks have been a wholesome compilation of baking and binging Netflix, it’s still bittersweet.

The home I abandoned was filled with black mould, no heating, a whole lotta draughts and three poor as fuck students. I couldn’t stay there. Not only because 93.6% of my only income went towards keeping a roof over my head, but because we all dreaded what a few months inside with our unspoken (and unpaying) flatmate, the mould, would do to our health.

Each week my rent, bills and car insurance sum up to a grand total of $240. When you’re getting $235 from Studylink and still want to afford food - or god forbid, a coffee - things don’t quite add up. You do the math.

When the oh-so generous Education Minister, Chris Hipkins, announced a big hearty 1K of debt to be gifted to students this April, the reactions were mixed. While all of us are grateful for instant bucks, especially now, most of us dreaded yet another excuse to hike up our debt. On top of that, the extra course costs announced are “not supposed to be used for living costs”, but then again, it’s not supposed to be used for a gram of gear and a few boxes, but that doesn’t stop us does it?

I’d be preaching to the choir if I spent this time rambling about house prices or greedy landlords, this is Wellington.

You’ve all heard the same complaints a million times over from flatties, mates,

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and students alike. But of all the times to ask - no, demand - for change, it’s now or never.

Student debt in New Zealand hit $16 billion this year. $16 billion. Hell, mine has passed $35k, and my stomach is going to be churning for the next 20 years while I pay it off. With house ownership and a financially stable future off the table, we’re a bit fucked, but it doesn’t have to be like that for the next generation of students, and the next. We just have to make it happen.

The government has demonstrated that change can happen in a fraction of the time it otherwise would when there is enough call for it; so we need to make that call. We need to band together, to get politically involved and demand a Universal Student Allowance. Demand living costs that actually cover the costs of living.

Demand recognition that full-time study is a full-time job. The problem is we just aren’t asking loud enough, or in the right places.

While we students love to complain about our situation, we don’t do much but the odd Facebook comment or protest. Getting involved with politics is the only way we can make these changes happen. From signing the Young Green’s Youth Income Plan (proposing a Universal Student Allowance), to getting involved with NZUSA (New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations). There is so much you can do. Phone your representatives, contact the media, email Chris Hipkins, or better yet, send

a real-life letter. Get your voice and your struggles out there.

They won’t help us if we don’t make them, so flood their inboxes, raise awareness, sign that petition and force the government to recognise that we, students, need more support than we get. And besides, right now we’ve got nothing better to do…

Speak up now, or forever hold your peace.

The Unlonely Woman Dick blind, dicksand, to wrap or not to wrap, peer pressure and sex… How do they go together?

I’m a pretty strong minded, don’t take no shit kind of person but even I break from time to time. I find with sex we place an immense amount of pressure on not only ourselves but also others.

From trying to make our mans go down on us, nagging a chick to give us head, “I can’t fuck with a condom so I have to go in raw” - basically just pressuring someone to do something they don’t want to. I myself from my memory have never pressured anyone to do anything, if anything I’ve been in sexual relationships with dominant men who tell me what to do. Boss in the boardroom not bedroom hun. Fav position is CEO ;) The most popular thing I’ve come across with peer pressure is the whole “I can’t fuck with a condom on, I have to go raw”. Like oh my gosh hun I’m so sorry that you can’t wear protection, sure go on in and risk my sexual health and also risk me getting pregnant. Ok so no, fuckwit. I don’t fuck with people who have this excuse because here’s the thing if you can fuck me unprotected how many others are there? Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my weak moments like with the last guy I seriously dated. He HATED condoms with a passion, so I gave in to his demands and let him go raw.

Sure, enough turns out he was fucking others even after he met my fam. But ya know, cool. But it’s like we fall into a guy’s dicksand and you guessed it we get dick blind. What is dick blind?

Where you want the dick and will do anything for it so turn your own morals off. It’s like we so badly want to get someone or make them like us that

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we turn off our own morals because we have this infatuation that stems from thinking we need to meet the one ASAP. Lil tip…you don’t, there’s no timeline to when you are meant to meet your forever.

People will tell you what they think you want to hear so they can get what they want. I don’t fall for it anymore.

If I’m dating you and you won’t try wearing a condom…LEAVE. I don’t think people think of the bigger picture when it comes to sex, it’s a joint venture. There are two of ya’s so both opinions matter. BUT sexual health always comes first. Whether you are in a casual fuck buddy relationship, seriously dating someone or just off fucking a different person every week.

Always put your sexual health first. If someone is pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to do then LEAVE. Because you can bet your ass there’s a Sam or Sarah out there who will value your opinion.

33

Review Tyler Hambleton

The Horrors of Hospo The majority of us living and studying in Wellington have most likely for a short or long period of time worked for a shit hospitality business.

When I was 18 I moved back from Melbourne and started working for a cafe at Victoria University. To be honest it was a great business to work for and the food was ten times better than Tussock.

I moved around the company for a few years whilst I was studying and learnt how to make a pretty banging flat white.

This business gave me an insight into what a well run cafe should look like, so when I left and started working elsewhere for a change I got to see how absolutely shit most other hospitality businesses were run.

We have all heard of the horrors of these businesses but I have lived it within a few cafes and so have many of my friends.

For a period of time I worked at a cafe on Lambton Quay, where the business was somehow stuck in the 1990’s and so was the head chef.

I was lucky enough to wash the dishes for him and take his shit for a few months, this involved constant abuse and one time he even smashed the dish tray down, broke a plate then made me clean it up. Legend!

I’m a pretty good worker, but the constant fuck up with shifts, pay and horrible workers made me pretty keen to leave.

One week I was rostered on for a Sunday shift and got offered a new job making double the amount starting on Monday; so I blocked my manager’s numbers and never went back.

This made it pretty awkward when I went bowling with some friends and all of my old colleagues were in the lane next to me, needless to say I chucked my hoodie up and drank a bit more to calm my nerves.

Thankfully they did not notice me, which was pretty surprising and I guess highlights how average they were.

Another notable shit experience was working within a kitchen where the chef had just separated from her husband, for some reason she thought it was a good idea to take this out on me and the other kitchen slaves.

I would arrive at 7am and leave at 7pm, often not seeing the light of day.

I would then have to stay late because she would cry and make me feel bad about her situation; this was not very fair considering I was on minimum wage and getting yelled at because my pizza dough wasn’t perfect.

The front of house manager also had it out for me and most days would yell at me about having no clean coffee cups. “Yeah love they are in the dishwasher and I cannot make it go any faster,” I would think to myself.

After a while I learnt how to stand up for myself and cut the shit; this ultimately led to me being asked to leave because I would talk back to my superiors, funnily enough. I told the chef to fuck off under my breath once which also led to my demise within the business.

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I am no saint but as I said I’m a hard worker so it was pretty shit to be treated like a punching bag.

I now have a fantastic part-time job for a Wellington grown local business that treats me like family.

I guess if I could give someone who is working for a hospitality business like a slave it would be to read your contract, know your rights and finally stand up for yourself.

You don’t work 12 hours a day to be treated like shit and be in a bad state of mental health, you work 12 hours a day to be respected and valued.

If you work hard it will be recognised by another business; it took me six times of applying to get the job I have now and I don’t regret working elsewhere to get to where I am now.

As Gordan Ramsay said, “You donkey.”

Don’t be a donkey, you will be sweet.

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35

Workplace Crossword

Down

Across

• 1. The work hours that will kill your social life

• 2. Another version of unpaid work experience lol

• 3. A good excuse to piss up at a work related event, all in the name of ‘up-skilling’ and ‘representing the company’

• 3. Arrive five minutes late with this served in a keep cup for the ultimate yo-pro experience

• 4. A leg up into the professional world or an excuse for businesses to exploit free student labour, depending on where you get placed

• 5. Something you apply for at work that feels illegal, but isn’t

• 6. The professional term for brown nosing

• 9. A person who sets up a successful business (this term is often heavily misused by Instagram influencers)

• 7. Reward for slaving your ass off all year

• 10. A mentor or a tyrant, depending on their personality

• 8. Something undertaken by those who aren’t quite ready for real world responsibilities

• 11. A staple wardrobe item for the corporate yo-pro

• 12. Business communication platform with a fun ‘squirrel react’

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• 13. If you haven’t got an account, are you even a yo-pro?

• 14. The chop often reserved for the ‘last on first off’ professionals in order for a business to save itself

37 Down 1. Nightshift 3. Conference 4. Internship 6. Networking 7. Promotion 8. Postgrad 12. Slack

The Work Issue Across 2. Placement 3. Coffee 5. Leave 9. Entrepxreneur 10. Boss 11. Culottes 13. Linkedin 14. Redundancy

Answers

Horoscopes AQUARIUS

LEO

Your temperament is your downfall, so be sure to harness it before you send that passive aggressive Slack message to your boss.

If you needed a sign to quit your degree and circumnavigate the North Island on horseback, this is it.

PISCES

VIRGO

As a naturally artistic and musical sign, take advantage of Level 2 and start busking on Cuba St again (don’t quote me, idk if it’s fully legal).

Mother’s Day was hard for you, so make sure you make some time for yourself this week.

ARIES

LIBRA

Honesty is the best policy, except for when your flatmate is asking you if they look good in those flares. Ssshh.

Your diplomatic nature will get you far in politics, starting with creating a cleaning roster for your disgruntled flatmates.

TAURUS

SCORPIO

You’re responsible and stable, making you an oasis for friends in their time of need but don’t forget your own self-care too.

Last week’s moon in Scorpio creates the need to delve into your feelings as deep as possible. Just don’t do it with a bottle of spirits and your ex on speed dial.

GEMINI

SAGITTARIUS

People with Mercury in Gemini have young minds and they are full of energy. Channel this into your budding Soundcloud career.

Be grateful for the feeling of washed hair and unfollowing toxic accounts on social media - it’s time for new beginnings.

CANCER

CAPRICORN

Mercury in Cancer gives people good memory, great imagination, and a talent for writing. Revisit your One Direction fanfic on Wattpad and start a new chapter.

Massive Magazine | Issue 06

One of your friends is struggling this week. Reach out to them instead of waiting for them to reach out to you.

President’s Address

Kia ora, Woo, we’re in Level 2! As you or as you may have not heard parts of the campus will be re-opening up for Monday, the gym, library, cafes and some of the facilities will be reopening for limited use. There will be no face-to-face lectures at this point and we are still very much online for the time being. Last week MAWSA hosted Zoom feedback sessions with students from each college at our campus. The feedback we got from you was so appreciated and will help shape Massey’s response to this going forward.Some of the main issues we will be reporting is that students want access to the equipment on campus as soon as possible. And for Massey to streamline their comms to students, as there have been so many emails and information flooding in it’s hard for students to keep track.

On the whole, Massey’s response to COVID so far has been one of the best of all the universities across the country and I want to applaud them for that. Compared to some of the stuff other uni’s have been pulling, Massey’s done pretty good. Students not in the halls haven’t had to pay during Level 3 and 4 and Massey has decisively put money into student hardship and student support during this time.

From everything I’ve seen they have acted swiftly and with students’ interest at heart. This doesn’t mean everything will be perfect, I have had quite a few students come forward with issues around the new online teaching and workload in a high stress time. Massey has stated across the university they will act leniently and with understanding of the circumstances.

So, ask for extensions if you need them, ask for compassionate consideration if you can’t keep up with the workload. These are still extenuating circumstances, we didn’t sign up to do online learning, your study deserves to be treated accordingly.

And it will. If you still have issues, come see me. I got you.

Kia kaha,

-Jacob Paterson MAWSA Student President

The Work Issue

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Massive Magazine | Issue 06