Basic Witch

By Tui Lou Christie (she/they)

A humble review brought to you by a local Witchabout-Wellington. Reviewing the places and things that will help you develop your pagan practices, revel in your arcane knowledge, and ascend to your highest self.

Welcome back for another semester of learning, dear witches. I’ve read the tea leaves, laid my tarot deck, watched the skies for dark omens and birds of prey, and it’s conclusive: this is going to be a good semester. There is no escaping it. Good learning, good grades, good skin, all of that. Good times are coming; it is inevitable. I hope your semester break was as restful as mine. I did some relaxing Winter activities like divining underground rivers in Happy Valley, knitting socks for kittens, driveway skiing, and witch-dipping in Balaena Bay. If you’re planning your potential Winter to-do list, here’s some recommendations of what (and what not) to do.

Roast Canteen Johnsonville

4 stars ★ ★ ★ ★

Good place for a Winter warmer. I go here with a small coven every other week for a pork roast before we hit up the cemetery (we call it cackling and crackling night), and the food never disappoints. They won’t give you the bones and carcasses (even if you ask nicely) which I understand, but it was a tad annoying to have to go rummage through the bins.

Resturant: Place:

The Magpie Lawn

1 stars ★

This space is rented out by the hour, and not for cheap. Unfortunately, it turns out that your money doesn’t provide you exclusive access to the lawn. This means your local primary school’s handball team can still turn up and practice while you’re attempting to guerrilla garden council property. $105 can’t buy you an hour of peace and quiet to surreptitiously sow hemlock seeds without some handball coach or another getting you escorted off property by a member of staff. Do not recommend!

Place:

Kmart Petone

5 stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The curse upon this place lies thick and heavy. Just on the other side of the veil, dark shapes shuffle through the aisles, formless and unknowable. They move like restless cattle; I am thankful we can’t see the herder.

They had such a good discount on an oil heater and bulk buying pillar candles, I will be shopping here again!